Fly on the Wall with Dana Carvey and David Spade - Sean Hayes

Episode Date: April 10, 2024

Interviewing McCartney, Will & Grace, and the world of podcasting with Sean Hayes. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Dana, we got Sean Hayes today who is, you know him from a lot of things. He's also one fifth of the three guys on Smartless. And I should have given him that joke when he was here. Sean Hayes is the, I think he's right up there with the guy you'd want to sit next to at an award show or something, or he will go into a restaurant and he's there.

Like he is like, effusively fun, up and positive and funny. Yeah, it's true. I've seen him at Koi and that's where I saw him and we talked about it on SmartList. But I've seen him and he's always fun. I'll go to his table, look on my table, just two bits. And he's always a laugh, upbeat, great on SmartList. I was kidding. You know, he's one, like when we were doing just shoot me, oh, a few people remember.

Thank you. And he was doing one with grace. I think he was there when we were all up. He was always like smoking me and like the Emmys like we'd all be up for supporting. But I think one time he and I got up for a golden globe and it was, I should have asked him this because it was back when that supporting actor was just actor on TV, which was way harder. So you're up against everything. So I think it was me and him and then two people from ER, which is a drama.

And then Gregory Peck, wow, from Moby Dick, a movie on TV. And so I'm like, just give it to, why are we even having a contest? Cause like a legend. And then he got up to give his speech because he smoked all of us. And then he said, I can't believe I'm getting an award for a 90 second cameo. I was like, that's all you did? I'm in assault mines for 22 episodes a week, mumbling my jokes. I can't believe that I'm getting an award for 90 seconds of wars.

I'm Gregory Peck. Sorry. Best I could do in a pinch. Yeah, that's how he was. And he killed it. Oh, yeah. And exactly, he goes, Moby Dick, I'm going to throw a spear at you. Well, when I was on the Share Night Live, the category for getting an Emmy was variety.

So you'd be up against jugglers, you know, people swallowing fish and just a pogo stick star. I mean, someone from AGT. Other award shows, the, you know, the inaugural address of the president. I mean, it was the most eclectic, but after- Unicyclists.

I find, you know, so, but back to our guest, Sean Hayes. I would listen to this one if you want to be in a good mood and hear a lot about Sean Hayes and all the stuff he's done, you know, from Will and Grace forward, he just keeps working and, and Smartless, we are a little, they are like the Borg, if you know the references, the Smartless guys are doing very well on their podcasts. Let's put it that way. And Sean's a big part of that. He's done Broadway.

We talk about that. Yep. We talk about everything and without further ado. Oh, bless you. Here's Sean Hayes. Let's just get through this one. Let's get through it. We are finally talking to a pro.

We're talking to a pro. I'm a little nervous. No, no, no. This is wonderful to see you both. David, good morning. Looks like you just woke up. He's stretching. The beauty of Zoom.

He's been up for six hours. No one knows. No one knows watching. Yes. Dane, are you at home? Is everybody at home? I'm at home, yeah. Yeah, all right.

Which is, where are you? Where are you? I'm at an old folks home. Where are you, Sean? My room's next to David's in the old folks home. I didn't. We have a knock system. One knock means come over,

two means no, come over to me three knocks means What are you having for dinner that whole thing on the wall through the wall? I did that with my sister when I was a kid. Oh That was your system. Yeah Yeah, that was my system. My sister used to pay me her allowance to make her laugh Really? Yeah, the younger sister and I would get a racket, pretend I was playing it. I don't know. It was, what did you do with your? My stepdad used to knock three times.

That meant I'm gonna do something and you're not gonna tell anyone. Oh, geez. Anyway, so what else is going on, guys? So what else is going on? Sean, how's your life? How's your, let's not go down that rabbit hole. That's a miracle.

My life is good. Everything's really, really good. I mean, I love your podcast. It's too good. It's too good, Tanshawn. That's what we're here about. It's just as good as yours. I mean, it's just that.

Do you listen to, I refer to your podcasts a lot. I've called you the smartless guys and you're kind of like the Borg, if you watch Star Trek, Nine Generation. You're like the seniors at Chimney Corner and David and I are with lunch pails in the bleachers. It's like, you can never beat the smartless guys. No, my husband is obsessed with Star Trek.

I don't really know Star Trek, but I know Borgs, but I was with you guys for the lunch pails. I'm with you guys at the corner pails. I'm with you guys. Yeah. I I'm like, you know, I'm sci-fi nerd geek, but I, but just not Star Trek. I just never got into it. Well, what, what's your cause I I'm a little in that area. What's, what's your, uh, what's your area? I love star Wars.

I love like X Machina. Uh, like, like single standalone arrival. The rival. Oh yeah. I see. Did you see it, David? Ex Machina, like single standalone, Arrival. Did you see Arrival? Oh yeah. Did you see it, David? I saw Ex Machina, and that's what I was saying. That was a hot robot.

But Arrival, I liked it so much, I brought my wife back the next day, who's not a real science fiction fan, was mesmerized by it. Yeah, and it's like a very sixth sense, like if you don't know that all of her flashbacks are really flash forwards. Like I had to watch again

because I thought it was so clever. Is that Amy Adams? Amy Adams and Jeremy Renner, thank God. Great, great. Yeah. That was a great one. I love all that stuff. You do?

I'm into UFOs. On my algo, it's all about UFOs. Yeah. And did you like how they rebranded it to UAPs, right? And I did. Why does that help? But because I'm, well, are we going to get into it? We're going to get into it.

Let's do it. I love it. UFO to UAP. That's right. So because, because you have, it's almost like we need to, when politicians rebrand things or like people in this country branding it's because they're onto you or something that so UFOs have been identified flying out just how is that different than unidentified aerial phenomenon phenomenon it's the same thing why did you understand it which

listen JLo is Jennifer Lopez she switched it but I know what was going on yeah who's the same person. Yeah. Yeah. And you can identify her like that. It's very similar situation. We asked David told William Shatner, one of our guests, that he believed in UFOs. William Shatner, he was 92 at the time. He did a 10 minute thing about mirages in the desert. Very clever, very articulate.

And I'll never forget that. So when you say, you hear about. What is mirages in the desert? That they exist or don't exist? Well, just that of course you're gonna see things you can't explain. I think it was not pro little Martians. I can't believe there's not one.

Do you like Star Trek? I like the Star Trek movies, by the way. I like the movies that JJ did. Yeah. But I just did. I don't know the history, so I couldn't. I don't know, like the relationship. Anyway, anyway, UFOs. Yes. I want to know what you believe in.

Do you believe there's aliens are here? I totally believe. No, I don't know that they're here, but I believe all the stuff that we've seen, like the footage and stuff that the military has, they have to have come here. It just did you see Prometheus? Of course. Yeah. Did you, David? What's, can you use it in a sentence? David Lee Prometheus. No, I thought there was a spelling bee. No, I, is that with ex-Machina's boyfriend, Fassbender? Yes. Oh yeah. Are they really dating in real life?

Oh yeah. Oh no, he's married to somebody else. Yeah, Alicia Viclander, am I correct? Yeah, Viclander, good one, David. Wow. That's terrific. I looked down. You're typing.

So that's the idea that aliens have visited and maybe seeded us a la 2001. Well, were you, Dana, are you a big fan of Prometheus? Cause I have a little scoop. Well, I am a big fan and I don't think they're gonna make another one unless you've got a scoop.

No, I think they're, what? No, but I have a scoop about, I don't think they're gonna make another one unless you've got a scoop. No, I think they're what? No, but I have a about I don't know if it's true, but I heard that the reason why people had they cut out a big section of that movie is what I heard. I don't know if it's okay, where they explain why the engineer the big alien at the end can't stop. So they explained it through the Bible that Jesus was gone. You know, the Bible, they don't talk about Jesus for like 30 years or whatever it is. During that time that that engineer plucked him from earth, took him back to their planet,

teached him how to humanity should go, and then plucked him back down. That's why in the Bible he pre-appears in his 30s. And then they get it wrong because people are still treating each other like shit So the engineers come back and want to swipe at the whole earth away and start over again So it's like a little Bible thing that they cut out there, right? Right? Yeah And that and it was it was really Scott's explanation for why Jesus was missing in the Bible for so many years

Which I think is really a great idea. I didn't get any of that. I did see it I was gonna say is it really Scott? I watched The Passion of the Christ two nights ago. And? Can't beat it. That was a pun. No, it's a... It's a... It's a...

Is that a joke from the movie? Yeah. That was a tagline. I don't know. It was on the posters. Anyway, Catholicism is very, very interesting. So. Yeah, I grew up Catholic. Did you guys grow up Catholic?

I'm a lapsed Lutheran, but now I go to Catholic church with my wife. Lapsed Lutheran. Well, I go like that, cause I see the friars there and I go, L, I go like that. They go, you could get a, I don't do the wafer.

He says you could go up and cross your arms and get a blessing. I never, even as a kid, I could say something, but we'd have to cut it. We'll cut it. We'll say we'll cut it. And that's, and I can't, I can't take the risk. Um, no, no, I was a horny gay kid and I was, you can say that. Yeah, I can say that.

Yes. And I know where you're going. At 13 or 14 years old. So I was, and then that's when all the news came out about the horrible molestation in the Catholic church. But for me, I would have killed to date anybody at the time. And so that's all I'll say about that. I thought you were saying, why is Jesus always like in a loincloth with a 12 pack? I mean, right, right.

You were going to say, why aren't these priests eyeballing me? Were you changing your outfits? I didn't say it. Okay. I'm just saying that's a normal scenario. If you're a kid, you don't know. No, no, you're just a kid. It's all most stations horrible.

I wasn't saying like, anyway, you're like, I'm just a kid. I'm't say it. No, no, you were just a kid. It's all, most stations, horrible. I wasn't saying like, anyway. You're like, I'm just a kid. I'm just a kid that's not sexy. I'm going on record of hating all child abuse. I'm just, you guys- Yeah, of course. Oh yeah, I'm anti child abuse, I have to say. I am anti child abuse as well.

Yeah. That's something you have to proclaim. And I'm anti podcasts that wander into child abuse and make jokes. Same, same. No, I hate it all. Okay, we're all in sync. But I grew up Catholic and so we were forced to go to church

and CCD classes like we're Bible classes as kids. Yeah. But yeah, I never really got into it. I would always, there was two chapels and me and my oldest brother would always be like, bye, mom, we're going to go to the other chapel. We were just playing in the backyard of the church. Oh, you didn't go to the chapel. Well, there were five of us,

and if our parents slept past 9 a.m., we knew we didn't have to go. So we would be like, we may not have to go, because we have to put our church pants on, which my brother Scott, we shared a bedroom, we had to put church pants on, and we didn't wanna be seen in the neighborhood with our church pants, so we would be completely flat

in the back of the station where they're hiding. I think the outfit for everybody that works at Home Depot our church pants. So we would be completely flat in the back of the station where they get hiding. I think the outfit for everybody that works at Home Depot is church pants. I think that's what you have to buy to work there. And also Best Buy. Yeah, Best Buy, yeah. Those brown pants.

Oh, you know. That's that Dennis Miller line that I think was a little class warfare. You know, Christ sakes, if you're 40 years of age and you still wear a name tag at your employment area, you may be thinking of another career, another vocation, another vocation, you know. I mean, anytime you do that, David is just like, I've seen it all. I like it.

I jump in. I piggyback. I could listen to you do 8000 impressions every single day of my life. I do Dennis now with more of a clenched jaw because he's incredibly successful. He's very relaxed. He's very good with money. Yeah. And he's kind of like this very soft.

Okay. You know, might go shoot nine holes with Mikey Douglas. That sounds very much like him. Got a couple shackles in my pocket. You got them with it all? Oh yeah. Yeah. I tell anyone who would, you're kind of in the army,

not literally folks, but when you go through the gauntlet of SNL with a cadre of people, you're forever kind of bonded just because it's the most intense experience you can have in show business, apparently. Right. You did 2001? You hosted. Oh, Saturday Night Live? Yeah.

You hosted Saturday Night Live. That's the theme of our show. No, did you host Prometheus? What do you think we're talking about? No, we hosted 2001. That was released in 1968. That's what I thought. I was like, wait, Space Odyssey? Oh, you're right.

No, yeah, 2001, it was like the... I think Shaggy was the musical guest and it was... Shaggy? Yeah. Shaggy? I can't believe Sean Hayes is on Saturday night. Zonks. Here he comes out for his monologue.

Oh, hello. Oh, that's right, He did that. Gotta love kids. Did Scooby-Doo? Why do the kids like it? And I say it's the first time they're watching kind of something that scares them, that's still very playful. It's kind of a horror show to a two-year-old. But as a kid, did you watch it as a kid? Yeah. I did, I think I, it was, I don't know when it first hit.

I think maybe I watched, when did it first come on? I don't know, I don't know, but I couldn't get into it. What? We just had this conversation the other day. What cartoons did you watch? I watched Tom and Jerry because there were no words, so I didn't have to concentrate and that's it. I go back to Felix the Cat, you can look it up.

But that was the first cartoon. I used, Popeye was around in the 60s. Johnny Quest was sort of considered cool. I'm not doing that. El Cabong, there were some very silly, Hon-o-Bub-er. What? El Cabong, wasn't it? Some donkey with a guitar would beat people up.

I don't know. I don't know. Really? Yeah. I don't know. Look it up. El Cabong. That's milk. Well, let me ask you, TV shows as a kid. Because you're a little down the ladder for me.

So it'd be like the same 70s. No, I got the same ladder just further. You're you'll climb up to my at some point. I bet you watch Brady Bunch. Yeah, I watched Brady Bunch. I watch. I remember. Well, I remember watching a lot of sitcoms like Breeze Company and then Sheers when it first started. But my mom used to make me record the Cosby show for her

every Thursday night because she would go bowling. And so, you know, I was raised by, my mom raised five kids by herself. Dad left when I was super, super young. Five. Sounds like your mom left too. God, I wish my dad had left. I'm sorry for your loss, Sean,

but that would have been terrific with five in our family too, but daddy stayed. Couldn't get daddy out the door. There's worse things than daddy leaving and that's daddy staying. That's probably true. That's another podcast. Can I ask you a question?

How many viewers did the Cosby show have at its peak? I have no idea. What is this, a trivia show all of a sudden? Just answer it. Find the world trivia. 50 million. I don't know. Yeah, it had to be a ton.

I'm still laughing at David's, it sounded like mom left too. Yeah, she went bowling while you guys fucking fought for tater tots. Mom didn't leave, mom just made me her surrogate husband. Yeah, yeah. Which she told me that when she was 50, I went to therapy, you were my surrogate husband.

Wait, Tommy, that's so interesting. My mom, when she passed away from Alzheimer's like three, four years ago, she, I kind of took on that role too because she would, I think she would think of me as her husband or something. It was really interesting. And then funny, because Alzheimer's,

you know you go through all the crying and the crying and the crying for years and years. And then to get out of it, you can only make funny. Like it can only be funny in order to smile. Anything can be funny, even though it's horrifying. That is a horrifying situation. Was your mom kind of happy? There are certain people with Alzheimer's get very angry and mean and nasty,

and some are kind of silly and happy. Yeah, she was paranoid and angry. And then once you got on the other side of that, then she was pretty pleasant. My mom was funny, because she would point to a little plant next to her table and she'd say, have you met my friend? Yeah, my mom, one time I walked into her bedroom and she left the crap in the toilet.

And I go, mom, you gotta flush the toilet. And she goes, she pointed out, she goes, that's not mine. I don't know whose that is. They come in here, they do that and they leave it. That's her Alzheimer's talking? Yes, and of course, and then I start laughing and then she starts laughing. And you don't know if she's clowning you or not?

Well, no, she wasn't, she was full on. Hey guys, Newsflash came out yesterday. They had an AI study, seven million, 7 million blah blah blah. They found out that men, it happens to be Viagra, that take Viagra on any kind of regular basis have a 70% less chance of getting Alzheimer's. Oh, like it's a preventable drug? Because it's all about blood vessels and getting rid of plaques in the brain and yeah, it's just, I don't know. David's looking up his either his bank account. No, I'm listening intently. Yes.

David's interested. What about Viagra? That's interesting. I don't need it. Do you guys need it? Only if I go to court. What are you talking about? Only at dinner. You don't need it? Sean, that's so silly.

What a funny question. I get them at the gas station when they go, they're right by there and they're like, hey, grab a boner for the road. And I'm like, why are they right here? Someone's just like, oh, I might need that. I'll get that one, some Twizzlers. And it's like, it's not real.

Who has an original Viagra erectile dysfunction joke? Anybody? David must have one. I don't think so. There's a billion of them. No, but I have to take other stuff. I don't take that. I have to take a thyroid thing.

It's the first thing I do every single morning. Sexy, go ahead. What happened to your thyroid? I don't know. Yeah, low. Low, so you're tired, then you get the pill. I was like, why am I exhausted? And then went to the doctor. He's like, oh am I exhausted? And then I went to the doctor.

He's like, oh, it's just normal. You just get an age. Number two. And then I take a bunch of supplements and a little baby aspirin because I get AFib. I love talking about medical stuff. So if you guys want to talk about medical stuff. Dana loves it.

All day long. Me too. We like science fiction and medical stuff. Yeah, David. You might be my new best friend. Yeah, David, take a five. No, I look 40. I'm actually 46.

Oh, who's self-declared? You look 46. You're 46, but you read at a 48-year-old level. I identify as a lower number than what I am. The guy's got a noggin on him. Medicine, yeah, I'm good with cardiovascular disease, anything with bypasses or stents or my- Did you read about this new thing

that you could put into your heart? Oh man, I forgot what it's called. Love. It's brand new. I guess you wouldn't know about that. You have to have a doctor do it? No, I actually had to take it out. Oh, you did? Now you want it back?

Oh, no. And they're all out of it. They're like backlog. I signed up for that. Anyway, there's this new thing you can put inside your heart that makes it like it's a blood, it stops. It makes it so you don't ever have to have blood centers. Oh. Yeah.

I don't know about that. I was on them for, first I was on niacin for 10 years, 3000 milligrams a day. And then, and then my- Why, cause of bad heart or why? Just to help with the, the, uh, bring your HDL, the good cholesterol. But after 10 years, my cardiologist,

who's a friend of mine, I'll do the accent for him. He's Hindu. He goes, you don't really have to take it anymore. It doesn't do any good. So it was like 3000 a day for a decade. Then I was on Plavix, a blood thinner for 20 years. And then he said, you don't really need it that long. Does niacin make you orange?

I've heard that. Is that a lie? My wife took one of my niacins, which is a B something thing out of the blue. She took a thousand explosive diarrhea drenched in sweat. I mean, I acclimated slowly, but that stuff is nasty. I'd kill for some diarrhea just to lose some weight. Yeah, here and there. What about Ozempic? Oprah had a special on it.

I know, I just saw that she had a special. I watched it for like two seconds, I was like, oh, I got it. Is it why Ozempic's just diarrhea? Well, we have another disclaimer. We are pro, we are anti body shaming. We are? Yes. Yes. And pro modern science that can reorientate the brain.

What an edgy show. Yeah. I have questions. You can, we could do a quiz like which one do you want to tackle? Yeah, yeah, yeah, please. Okay. Well, I guess the first one, because I assume you're a fanatic. So I did listen to you, you guys. I don't know. What is it? Bill Flaarnett and, and Jister Bopp-Fluk. I listen to you guys with McCartney. Oh, wow. That was a long time ago. I listen to you guys with McCartney.

Oh, that was a long time ago. You did him before us, but I listened to you talk to McCartney before David and I. So then I didn't know at the time, like you're like a really great classical pianist. Oh, I play, yeah. I studied with jazz as classical pianist. I started when I was five years old, there was a piano teacher across the street and I came home from, you know, pre-school and my mom said, do you want to take piano lessons? I was like, I literally said, quote, I'm not doing anything else. So I walked across the street, started taking lessons and stuck with it. And then I did yard work because we couldn't afford anything. We couldn't afford heat

one winter. We couldn't afford food a lot of the time. So to pay for my piano lessons, I would do yard work from my piano teacher's house for her and her husband. And her husband was a conductor in the Chicagoland area. And so I was doing all this landscaping and yard. I was, it was horrible. And people in high school thought I lived there. It was this big mansion like in where I lived.

And I was like, yeah, I lived there. Like the movie Lucas, anybody? And so I- Lucas. Yeah, I remember that. Shot in my high school. And so, and so I- That side story is already more interesting,

but keep going. I was Lucas, I went out for football, so I love Lucas. Well, that's such a good movie. Oh, fuck, I love it. Winona Ryder's first film. Oh, that's right. Charlie Sheen was great. Perry Green.

Chuck Sheen. Go ahead, so you played the piano in Modes of Lawns. Yeah, that's right. Charlie Sheen was great. Harry Green. Chuck Sheen. Go ahead. So you played the piano and mowed some lawns. Yeah, that's it. And you wrote a song about mowing lawns, right? There was like a local pop hit. Turns out I was better at mowing lawns. I went into gardening. I understand that you learned to tinkle the ivory. Oh, Dana's good question about McCartney though. Well, I was just noticing...

Aren't the piano and mow some lawns? So you're interviewing Paul McCartney, and Right? Well, I was just noticing how- Aren't the piano and the most simple. So you're interviewing Paul McCartney and I didn't know you were a classical pianist. So you did ask him, you were dissecting one of his songs and you got very into the language of signatures and the quarter fifth, all that. Oh yeah, yeah, about what's the song? What's the song?

What's that song from the 1990s? Long and Winding Road? No, no. Oh, the 90s, Flowers from the 1990s? Long and winding road? No, no. Oh, the 90s, Flowers in the Dirt? Say, say, say. No, that was 80s. Cut out this air. Let me just think of it. It was.

My Brave Face. No more lonely nights. That was 80s. That was 80s, but yeah. Yeah, great. So it's a great song. So I asked him about- Could you sing a little more of that? That's good.

Okay. Yeah, so he, yeah, I was talking to him because I'm a music nerd, like I'm sure he is, but I didn't know that he never studied music or anything. But so I don't know if I made him aware. I mean, he was into, like, he wrote like a three, four bar, then a five, four bar, and then a four, four bar, then a three, four bar again.

So it wasn't in the four that we know, like pick any most, you know, 99% of pop songs are in four, four time, which is common time, which is just four beats. Five, six, seven, eight, you know? And, but he would write all the Beatle stuff and his stuff. He would write different time signatures all the time. But if you're not used to music theory, you probably don't, you know, pick it up like I did. Yeah, but that's interesting.

He probably likes to hear that kind of stuff more than... And that, well, I went into this long explanation, as you know, to Paul McCartney, and then long explanation, he says, oh, I didn't know that I don't read music. I was like, okay, yeah. He goes, I don't know what you're talking about. Yeah. Which I always find fascinating that people who don't study it are prolific in it. I don't know if George Martin kind of, you know, by osmosis sort of influenced him, but if you look at Penning Lane and then it goes to all the different timing, even maybe I'm amazed I've talked to real musicians, uh, time signature changes, the beat and also, you know, uh, key changes, all this stuff that makes all the magic. So can't beat, can't beat talent.

Yeah, we had them on Sean. Or can you? Our first three things we told him, I think were compliments. And he goes, well, these aren't really questions. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we were like, oh. We didn't know what to do.

Oh, we went into a rabbit hole. I was terrified. I was in Wyoming. David was in New York and I was on vacation. Paul McCartney can talk to you tomorrow. Tomorrow. I was in a shithole with my family. We didn't have Wi-Fi.

I was on the road. I had to go up to the Four Seasons. It was $9,000 for the room. Well worth it. What? Well worth it. Oh my God. So then we had mentioned meeting Paul at Lorne Michaels' house in 1986 when I got SNL.

Yeah. And he scrunched up his face. I don't know what you're talking about. Oh my God, he doesn't remember. Pull up, pull up, pull up. So then what happened was you might find an interesting. Get Back had come out between you guys interview. Oh, go ahead.

I was going to say, did you ever listen to that automated cockpit voice? It's like 300, 200, 100. You're like, oh my God, we're gonna crash. I have a friend who sends me airline disasters on YouTube. So it's happy guys in a cockpit. We'll proceed to run by four or five civil, you know, and then we're going down and go,

and then you hear them go, runway is kind of dark and then, oh my God. Yeah, it's worse! Who wants to live? I hate to fly, but I fly, I will fly. But anyway, Get Back came out. So we did ask him about Get Back. So then we were good about that. Did you do the documentary?

Yeah, the eight hour documentary had come out. I don't know if he commented on it, but at one point I said, did John ever thank you for your baselines? And that kind of opened up a lot of stuff. Can I ask you a question being a podcaster? Do you guys, do you guys, any of you three ever have podcasts regret? Like you have someone that's kind of like a Paul McCartney or someone you admire and really want to, and then later you go, Oh, I wish I'd asked him that.

I wish I'd said that. Yeah, that's the part that tortures me. Yeah, but yeah, I know, me too. And let me know when you get a guest on that doesn't torture you. You're pretty good so far, cause you know the game. You know, you know. We gotta keep it moving.

I'm like, I gotta pick subjects because there's no questions yet. There's really only been two questions. I have a question. Here's the exact question. No, but I'm you're the only actor in human history, as far as I know, who played Larry of the Three Stooges and played Jerry Lewis. Yeah. So what was the difference comedically between a three stooge and a Jerry Lewis? Did you learn anything? Same character.

He is. Same character. He does it the same way. No notices. You play the same. Hello, I'm Larry. I'm Jerry Lewis. That's fantastic.

Oh, then David, you're up next. You've answered my question. I quit watching around you two. You're disturbing my coffee break. That's pretty good. That's my Larry. Now do Larry. That's my Larry.

Ah, ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-ba-da-wow. Meow. Yeah, no, yeah, and then I just played Oscar Levant on Broadway last year. So I only play Jewish guys, I guess. The Broadway was a big deal. That was a big one, right? Yeah, that was pretty good.

Yeah. Did you win, you've won Tony's, right? That's the one for that. Yeah. Damn. But yeah, no, Larry Fine was super fun. That was with Sofia Vergara. Wait, what did Sofia Vergara play? She played Moe and then who played Curly?

She played when Curly- Chris Tumentopoulos, Will Sasso, Sofia Varaga, tons of people, tons of great, great people. Okay. And it was really, really fun. I was in Atlanta. It was so effing hot. Have you ever shot in Atlanta?

I did stand up in Atlanta and walked around town That's inside. In August. Yeah, this is outside at 14 hours a day for three months in 110 degrees wearing a wool skirt. That's better than Ozempic to lose weight. Get a movie in August outside in Atlanta and put down your freaking pills. All right, go ahead.

No, no, it was, I bet it was definitely worth it. It was so fun. I mean, it was, we laughed so hard, but it was, it was a lot of work. Yeah. But I had to shave my head twice a day, every day, because by lunchtime, it would start growing back. I would have five o'clock shadow on my bald head.

Oh, really? Yeah, cause I glued the wig to my head. And so the glue while you're sweating and... That's when I, when I first met you, I had glue on my head and I was sweating. That's right. You remember that? Yeah.

So I'm at lights out David show and I had just done Al Pacino, a scar face. And then you get the wig off and the bald cap and the thing, and you're just, it's always fascinating once he got going on up there, where does his hairline actually start, but you were incredibly pleasant. And I love life. Same, same. It was so fun to meet you, David. I've known for years. David was doing just shoot me when I was doing the grace at the stage right next to us. And I was walking. We were both walking together and I just, I left him to walk up to my stage and I just opened the stage door and David said, how do you smell? It smells so bad and a lot. And I to my stage and I just opened the stage door and David said, how do you smell?

It smells so bad in the lot. And I opened my stage door and I go, all I smell is a hit. Oh my God. Fuckin', this real story. I used to say to people, go ahead. You go down. I said to David, fee five for farm. I smell an Oscar nomination.

That's what he did. Well, when I did, I didn't just shoot me. It was going along fine. Then these assholes came along from Will and Grace. And they were, we like, I think Megan was right next to my dressing room. We'd have to walk, you know, a hundred yards to the stages. Well, yours is closer.

I think it was, it was, we'd like, I think Megan was right next to my dressing room. We'd have to walk, you know, a hundred yards to the stages. Well yours is closer, but walk over. So we see each other all the time. And then we were doing pretty good. We were by no means like a monster hit. It was very tough. That was a great show and you did great.

I have to say when we're up, when we're on the same lot as Seinfeld, you know, there was a real heyday right then. There was a lot of shows, Frazier and ER and Will and Grace. So I think what happened, the humiliating, there was two humiliating things. One, we were, I think the eight o'clock and then friends is maybe the night or whatever show. And then the hammock ones, the degrading name for the eight 30, nine 30 shows were the ones that needed

some help. So you go, Will and Grace will follow us because they're new. They don't know anything yet. I think that's what happened. You can tell me if I'm wrong. All right, thanks. And then something follows like Frasier at 930. And then after about a year, they went and switched us because Will and Grace came out

of the gate pretty hard. Hot. We were on for a few years. So they switched us. So we flip flopped where we were 830, I think. So Will and Grace is off and running. And then the other part that was infuriating was when I had to walk by all four of your Porsches on the way to set, because you fuckers got Porsches. We were gifted Porsches. We were sharing a moped at that point. Well, wait a minute. How many episodes before you got the car? So the same thing happened to us as happened to Friends,

which was Friends wasn't, I mean, people watched it, but after the first season of Friends, over the summer when they used to play reruns, Friends became huge. And then it started out the same way where nobody really kind of, they were just checking us out. And then over the summer, it just exploded. And so the network, the head of network, Scott Sassa,

I was called in, I got him mixed up with Sammy Sosa. I know Sassa, yeah. And Scott Sassa, he brought us to lunch. And then when we were done eating lunch, we walked out and there was four portions there. He's like, congratulations on the boat. I was like, oh my God. And immediately I thought of selling it

because I needed the money. So I waited like, you know, cause why do I want to pay insurance on it? I don't have money to pay my rent. So I sold it like two months later. But you got a decent chunk. You get decent at the beginning. I know you guys already renegotiated,

but at the beginning, you did pretty good, right? Yeah, not, I mean, sure. Not in the beginning, but probably by, when did it really like, okay, this is a hit. Was it your three or what? Season two. Two? Yeah, for sure.

So the summer jacked it up and then you came back hard. And then maybe they flipped us after that. But just shooting was doing fine. It was all, it was really like a great, fun time. It was, all of that was fun. I remember, I was wondering if we ever were up for the same award. Cause I only got, I got, I didn't get that many. I didn't win anything, but I.

Put it on your trivia list, trivia questions. How many awards? Yeah. Oh, mine's zero, but I'll just, that's a spoiler. But, but I thought maybe Golden Globe. Cause we were both supporting actors on comedies and I was looking at all your, you got awards and stuff. Well, I would have loved to have lost to you.

I think you're brilliant. It says Jack McFarland. Jack had a last name. I didn't even know that. Yes. Okay. Yeah. That should be a trivia question.

Yeah. Well, Finch did. Didn't Finch? I don't know if he did. Aren't you impressed that I know? No, it was Dennis Finch. Finch was my last name. Oh, Dennis Finch. Yeah. But they called, Finch didn't Finch. I don't know if he did. Aren't you impressed that I was Dennis Finch? Finch was my last name. Oh, Dennis Finch. Yeah.

But they called me Finch. And I mean, no one would know Dennis because, oh, George Segal called me Dennis in the show. They always say that you were the Fonz of Just Shoot Me. Yeah. Yeah. And and Sean, were you the Fonz of Will and Grace? I was the Fonz, hey. You were the funny, overtly funny. Hey, hey, hey.

Hey, hey. Remember, hey, hey, hey, remember what's happening? Fuck yeah. That was the only show I ever wrote into TV Guide because I thought Dee was so funny. Remember Dee, Raj's sister? Oh, is she younger? And she's a little smart, healthy comment.

It's so funny. I thought she was hysterical. So I wrote her the TV guide as a kid and I was like, Lord D. Where's D, you know, what does she do? By the way, she's a veterinarian now in the Valley. Oh. Yeah.

Perfect. Cat's out of the bag. Womp, womp, womp, womp, womp, womp. Here's me on. Cat's out of the bag. Womp womp womp. Here's me on. Cat Hive Challenge. I've got a good way to get Dana to do an impression. Ready? Okay good. Get ready.

I did Sean's other show later, Hot in Cleveland. Yes, you did. Brilliant. And with Wendy Malek, who's so good. It's not even worth talking about. She's so good. Everyone knows it. And I was playing- Was that a Hazy Mills production or no? Yeah. And Hot in Cleveland was great. Yep. And I played a hair cutter. And who was my nemesis? Was it Regis Philbin?

I don't remember. You asshole. Yes, it was. I knew it. Well then why did you ask me? I was sort of setting, because I was waiting for Dana to go, anyway, you ready for this?

Anyway, are you ready for this? Who doesn't love Sean Hayes? Here he is, you know? He's been active all these years. He's got so many shows. He's got timing like a watch. You can't believe it. He makes an entrance like nobody's business.

Now he's got a podcast empire. It's called Smart Who, Smart Less, whatever it is, but The King and whatever a Broadway or wherever else it goes. Chud is. It's all vague. I could listen to that. All day, all day.

I've turned William Shatner Chinese because I think I signed him off as Regis. Who doesn't love Captain Kirk? He's done all these things. He's good to the moon. He goes everywhere. He's always in outer space. If he's not in outer space, he's at Chili's having a bullet.

I goes, whatever, just on and on and on. The Emmys and the, oh, well, I love Reed. I love, I get to visit people there. I've already gone to the stars when I do. Really? Just, I, you know, and you know, do you know Mike sure then right of SNL or yeah, well, and he created parks and rack and Mike sure he's great. He's married to reach his daughter.

Oh, could you believe that Mike sure, but the old hilly doll you could ever have. There he is. I hope he's a good manis' daughter. Could you believe that Mike? Sure, buddy, the old hilly dolly you could ever have. There he is, I hope he's a good man. You know what? The way I learned Trump was by doing, it was a bit of Regis and then adding in Marlon Brando kind of made me go to Trump. Now the people, everybody does Trump. But it's like,

one, and then better, and then you get, you get, you know. You know, inside baseball. No, no, it's good. and then you get, you know, you know, inside baseball. No, no, it's good. I love that. You know how to, like, I'm fat like you, Frank Caliendo, right? It's amazing impression.

Well, his, his Morgan Friedman is one of those that's gone to this other almost scary level, you know, like it's not, it's just a magic trick. But it blows my mind, the science behind your brain, Dana, and the ability to do that. Like how, the ability to listen and then know where to place it in your throat to mimic something like that.

It's terrible when you've, when I, it is terrible when you just say, oh, I want to try to learn this person or someone's asking you to learn this person and you can't do it at all. It's very painful. All I do is listen a lot, you know? And just pray.

Because a lot of it's like singing too. If you sing, you know where to place a note and stuff. I suppose it's similar, right? Yeah, and for me, I just get bored or I don't feel like I'm at the level of Frank Caliendo as a pure impressionist. So then I just try to abstract it and not, I don't feel like I'm at the level of Frank Kelly endo as a pure impressionist. So then I just try to abstract it and make a character out of it. But it's enough of the true source that it makes sense.

I don't know. I know it's so great. Anyway, whatever I can do my friends when you do your friends, you know, it's funny, but you can't use that anywhere except with your stupid friend group. And then if your friend became famous, it would be your impression. God, but it'll never happen. We have a question for you. Already?

Yeah, already? 48 minutes in. Look at these notes. Ready? I'm getting this. How, what's, because you have three people. I had the right note. On Smart List, you have three people interviewing.

That's not the question. Okay. But what's the least amount you've talked and who is the guest? Oh gosh, the least amount. Well, it's usually a sports figure. Oh, you hang back. Yeah, but I'm more because more than their life and their, you know, everyday life rather than the sport itself. But even though I like sports, I love football and Will's getting me into soccer. So I find that. Get into soccer with me. And then, but no, it was Clayton Crenshaw or what's his name? The baseball player for

the Dodgers. Kirk Cameron? No. Clayton Crenshaw. He's like, who's that guy? Kirk Cameron. I think it was, uh, Clayton Kershaw. He's super, super great guy. So he was on and I didn't, you know, and he was an early guest. So I was like, I didn't know what to ask. Cause it was baseball and I, I know how to, I played baseball as a kid, blah, blah, blah.

Like I know the ins and outs, but I didn't really have anything off the top of my head. I could ask him. So I Googled while we were talking. I said, I don't know. I don't, but I didn't really have anything off the top of my head I could ask him. So I Googled while we were talking. I said, so I read somewhere that you were left handed. Tell us about that. What an idiot.

That was one question. Good job. You're like, I heard you bought a Jeep once. Walk us through. Why not lease? If you had to stand somewhere, would you rather stand on the mound or home plate while you were having lunch? That's exactly.

I turned into Chris Marley. Oh, you did? You were like, oh, oh, oh. Remember when you were left handed? Yeah. Stupid dumb. Why did I ask that? By the way, speaking of Paul McCartney, that was one of the great Chris Farley

um, questions of all time. What was the Chris Farley show on Saturday night? Yeah. Chris Farley show. Remember when you were in the Beatles? Yeah, that was cool. You know, the best laugh was remember when you said the love you take is equal to the love you make. And Paul goes, yeah.

And he goes, is that true? It's the biggest laugh. And Paul goes, well, I mean, I like the thing. So he goes, yeah. That was awesome. Wait, tell me now, now let me tell, tell me your, since you asked me what's yours. What's the one you talked the least there,

besides this one. Well, the guest has never talked the most. So we, Dane and I talk the whole time. Yeah, that's kind of like us. I mean- But with three people, how do you do that? It's hard enough with two. With three, with three hosts? Yeah.

There's a rhythm we've been friends for over 20 years, 25. Who drives it? It's all, I don't know. It's always different. It depends who's guest it is. So like you feel the responsibility of driving it if it's your guest, which is a fun response because you did the research

and you look at all the stuff. And so I enjoy it. I also enjoy getting the shit beat out of me. Like I love it. Is that one of the hooks that people like is that you guys all give each other shit? I guess so. I mean, why do they like it?

That's what I'm asking. Well, by the way, we wonder the same thing. It's because they know you're really good friends. I guess so, but okay. That's what it says, but sometimes Jason Bateman will come up with such interesting questions. I almost don't really need anything else to be said because his questions are really sophisticated.

Yeah, yeah. And then you're like more, you come from the just the. I'm a fan. You're a fan. You're spontaneous. You're like the wallpaper. Yeah, you're a good laugher. You're you're so. I don't like the wallpaper. We don't know what their pain is, Sean, but we'd like to try to see if we could sort of

tease you over to fly on the wall. We'll match it. Yeah. I enjoy, it turns out, this is the dumbest thing I've ever said in my life. I enjoy comedy. Yeah. I mean, I really do. But it is true.

I mean- I like funny, fast people, you know? Like people who are fast. Will is fun. I saw Jason the other night and I saw you across the room, but you were literally like 10 feet away and there's no way to get to you. Well, no, no.

Couldn't you take a new one? I saw Jason, he's skinnier and he's got a beard now. He looks cool as shit, yeah. He's the best, because he's doing a show that he's about to film, yeah. Yeah, he looked cool. I think you were over there with maybe Justin Theroux, is that possible? Oh yeah, at the Bounty Fair party? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, he looked cool. I think you're over there with maybe Justin Theroux. Is that possible?

Oh yeah, at the Bounty Fair party? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I didn't see you there. Yeah, you saw me and looked through me, but that's fine. So what happened was- That's what wallpaper does. No. No.

You were, I'm like, who is that? Is that new wallpaper? And then they go- And I walked through you and you were a ghost, which was bespoke. Were you with Arnett? Yeah, we all went together, me, Jason, and we went together.

Oh, gross. You guys all travel together? Can't you hang out together? I mean, it'll blow your mind when the trio- The press tour isn't ending. Is three of a kind. Let me ask you a question about, because it's pretty, like Jason, does Ozarks and yeah well it's one

that's singular Ozark and he's done with it but he did the Ozarks which is gonna be the sequel sorry we talk it doesn't matter anyway I there was a cat it was in a bag now it's out of the bag newsflash but he may I mean it's kind of interesting like so you guys all have production companies which just one observation yeah so you all started to take show business by the reins well you can start one too um people advise us not to they just they don't think they said we feel like the fun ends here Yeah, and the creativity and she's like the tram ride at Universal. Yeah, they go everybody off Dana and spade off We always say it's like it's it's as surprising to us as it is to you that like people even listen because we're just

Loser doing like exactly what we're just loser doing like exactly what we're doing right now with you guys. It's like, we just can't believe people find it interesting enough to hang in there. And we're so grateful for that too. And it is kind of fun. It is fun to do. Oh my God.

And as to your questions in about like schedules and stuff and lining the three of us up, we've been hanging out already for decades. So it's like, it's easy. And we used it as an excuse to see each other, to start the podcast. Like, why don't we just start one just cause, cause it's an excuse to see each other

while we're in lockdown. And we did like two episodes, then we did six, then we did 10, then we did 20, and then here we are. You know? But it was fun. It continues to be the time of our lives. You're smart because you know how to do that. I did a lot of Zooms with friends,

like the exact same thing, but it never crossed anyone's mind. How would we beam this out? That's just somebody has to know something. Yeah, I mean, how did you start this one? I mean, right? Same like, hey, let's do it. But we knew that they were out there. Like you were doing it,

which was smart when there weren't that many. And so you were just like, Hey, how does that work? Someone figures it out and there's not, it's not bogged. Right. It's like, Hey, how does this work? This is kind of fun. You know, that's all. Yeah. Yeah. It worked. And there's a lot that don't work. So it's great that you got one that works. Well, thank you. The only thing I can think is that it's sort of art form with a small a,

where the consumer of the art form with a small a is doing something else while they're consuming what we're doing. Predominantly, a lot of people are driving or gardening or at the gym. But don't people watch shows like that now? And not on their tablet? Totally.

Everybody's doing something, multitasking. Two things, yeah. Yeah. Isn't that, it's interesting. That's why I saw Dune in a movie theater, a stadium theater, and it was incredible. And it's just all this big sound. And I had to turn my phone off.

It's only there and in church. Phone goes off and that was revolutionary because you could be watching a really cool movie and then someone bring bring and it's like, what? If you watch it at home. I found if I watch a movie at home I will look at my phone and it's horrible. Yeah same. Same. Because you're not at the movie theater where it's not like this is your one thing. Yeah. So at home you're kind of like well I can always, I'm gonna get some meat. What did you think of Dune and what did you think of Dune 2? How you doing?

Well, Dune- How you doing? I'll do it as Garth. With Dune, because that's a good word for Garth, I said Dune. They would make it sexual or something. The first Dune was a little convoluted for me. I went to Dune 2 and it was in the genre of science fiction fantasy.

It's one of the best movies ever made. I 100% agree. But by the way, same director as Arrival. Oh, really? So it just works on so many levels, and it's fantastical. The effects, the sound, I don't know. I've already, I've already seen it twice. It's already good.

Then Josh Brolin comes in like halfway through and he's great. Yeah. Such a stud. And then Zendaya is great. Like the kid was great. I mean, for such a big movie. The kid, Hey, Timothy, he's showing me. What's up?

How is he? Scotty is younger than me. Hey man. Listen, man. The director's like, the director's like, Hey, can youalamet, what's up? He is, he's younger than me. Hey man, listen man. Is he older than me? The director's like, hey, can you bring the kid around? I mean, knock on his trailer. Did they put an effect on Timothy's voice when he would get mad? Shasma, wabadoi! He's speaking whatever language.

Wabdachamawah! How about when they would like, him and his mom would have that kind of power where they can Jedi master somebody's mind, you know, and they open the door and be like, what? And she's like, don't touch his arm, kill him. And you're like, wait, what's happening? It was crazy. Yeah, it's just well done. David, that'd be a great movie for you to watch. In a theater, go to the Grove.

I saw it. That's what I'm saying. You can chime in. I like, they're so scared of the sand snakes, then at the end it's like HR Puff and stuff, and they're like, hey, we're all flying around on sand snakes. Well, I love they're two miles long two miles long and you've got two, two ice picks.

And then you stand on this thing that's two miles long and commanded. That's a really low IQ centerpiece. The brain capacity of this thing. It's as big as an aircraft character. But it's pretty, pretty cool. Didn't it come up and you want to ride one? Didn't it kind of pop on? Yeah.

I'm getting one. Universal Studios has already got them made. They just haven't got all the electronics figured out, but you'll get on it and- I'm getting- Were you around for the first Dune, Sean? We're gonna let you go, but were you around for the first Dune, which was Sting was in it?

I never saw it, Scotty saw it. He liked it for nostalgic reasons, but he said these are far too far. Dana, you must have seen it. I saw it. Sting wore basically a diaper and Dune in 1982. I remember that image though, yeah. Just a white diaper and then-

Yes, you do. Gay jokes. Incredibly tan. That's the only one so far. Gay jokes, are you offended by gay jokes? No, I encourage them. I had one, I had two that I stopped doing. Should I turn them behind? I stopped doing them because I just thought...

No, I think if you make them, like to me, we're all friends and well, and Jason and I are two of my closest friends. It means you're just close. Like, I can make fun of your hair, your car, whatever. Off limits. Well, it also, I, a little bit, and we, yeah, when someone is comfortable with certain types of jokes, whether they be racial or whatever, and usually it means they're the opposite of someone who's racist.

They're just like, because it's so ridiculous. They don't, or gay jokes are so ridiculous, is a stereotype, that if they're easy with it, because it's ridiculous, we hope this is coming off right, or we could, the screen could go to, yeah. No, because you're talking to a gay person. I just think it's, all it depends on is the messenger.

Who's telling the joke and how is it intended? That's all. Right. Also, who's not turned on by staying in a diaper? I am. I mean, that's the funny thing is that's what I think you'd like. I go, we'd like that. Right, but I don't know if this is Hollywood folklore,

but he made a doo-doo in the diaper and they said we gotta change it. And he goes, a doo-doon? That's not my, that is not my diaper. I'm going full circle back to it. I guess that's not my diaper. Somebody, somebody comes in here. Somebody comes in here, poops in my diaper.

I don't know who it is, but that's what they've been doing for years. Yes. I'll be watching you every breath you take. Hey, you could do a song with that. Thank you. I'll try. You are lonely nights, never be another. Wow, get that guy on Broadway. Anyway, he could sing, he could dance,

he could do comedy, what can he do? He could do a sub-assault, he could play. How about this a question for you? You've done it all. Is there a movie fantasy for you, a role? Would you like to put prosthetics on and be like Gary Oldman? Yes.

Oh, yeah. I mean, it's kind of like sketch comedy. It's kind of like character actors like Philip Seymour Hoffman, Meryl Streep, those kind of people who can kind of transform into people. I love that stuff. I love trying. I may fail miserably,

but I like trying at least. I think it's fun, right? You're doing good. Thanks you guys. I love you both very, very much. Thank you Sean. Sean Hayes has been our guest. And let me tell you, nobody's funnier than this guy.

He's the top of the box, smotless everywhere you find your podcasts, but they don't need my help. They're up in shots. Nobody beats Joe Rogan, but they give him a run for his money. Call your daddy. Anyway, I wish I could.

OK, thank you, Sean. Thanks, you guys. Good to see you. Very much. I love you. That was great. Love you. This has been a presentation of Odyssey.

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