Fly on the Wall with Dana Carvey and David Spade - Shane Gillis Sets a Record + Birthday Flowers from Lorne

Episode Date: July 27, 2026

This week, Dana and David are talking about Andrew Dice Clay, the LA sinkhole, and Shane Gillis’ record breaking show in Philadelphia. Also, Dana’s review of The Odyssey, AI scams, and getting birthday flowers from Lorne.

I think this is the time which you should pick up the pace of the podcast. I know. You'll pick up the pace. You're going too slow. Too slow. So Zill will be like, hey, do you like this house? I go, that's my own house. I already sold.

I know. Do you miss it? But I will tell you that. What kind of Zillow are you on? Zill was very, they're getting smart. No, I knew that Lorne was meant to send you a cake. And I had done a Zoom. I took a picture of the Zoom.

Okay. Well, what was weird is I went to see The Odyssey, and I thought it was going to be a documentary about our production company. Ah, was it? Yeah, Greg was great in it. Greg was in sandals and attacking a serpent. A serpent. Is the Odyssey like Jason and the Argonauts?

Why don't I know anything? No, I saw it. What's the story of the Argonauts? Odyssey because I don't for for dumb people not me but for dumb people. Let me make my fake plant with more prominent. People are just watching our BTS show of us. We're really making this super pro. By the way, don't you love my shirt?

I know you'd like it. You know what? I've been trying to get a white T-shirt for a while. So I took a chance. I took a chance because I order stuff on Amazon, which is like the Borg, if you know the palsiest thing you've ever done. It's just Amazon and like three days. they take them,

here comes the truck. It's early. Kadoonks, as you don't say. Kedinks. So, with no editorial, I just decided to order from Gap. Whoa. So I'll let you know how it goes.

But I'm trying to get a white T-shirt for the last year. If you go to a Gap store, they go, we don't. I can tell you off the air a couple of decent places, but this is you'd like that says track and field.

Oh, I love it. Yeah. I would wear that in a second, but I don't have one, so I can't wear it. I have a piece of trivia about Santa Monica, which we all love. Santa Monica, even Heather would understand us, this is brutal. There's medians all the way to the beach going both ways, you know, right in the middle. So from the last like 40 streets. And there's the coolest trees. Yeah. I forgot what they're called, but they go everywhere. Palm trees. and you just stare at them. They're not palm trees. They're like wider, bigger.

Anyway, they're suffering from some sort of tree clemenia or whatever. Anyway, they're digging out 30. And I don't even know if there is 30. And it's the most spectacular drive because of them and only because of them. And they're like, they haven't watered them in years. I'm like, where's our budget? Honestly, Santa Monica is so cool. If you just said, hey, can any reference?

Can any residents, when you have time, water these trees? There'll be a line around the block. They'd be like, oh, to save it, of course. Yeah, Santa Monica. We're here to help. That was, it's like when I first was coming to L.A. And you'd see the Ferris wheel on the beach. I mean, it was like Bahala, you know.

And now it's like stink a hala. Now it's, give me your wallet. Give me your walla. No, I don't know if it's that bad. I haven't been there. It's rough. Let's get some trees. It looks like a fucking scene from Westworld.

Sees in the good, the bad, and the ugly. It's just like crickets down there. I know. It's tough. It's tough to watch. We have a sinkhole, too. This is the local news here. Where is the sinkhole?

This plays all over the world, and no one gives a fat fuck. A sinkhole is interesting because on Sunset Boulevard, world famous, arguably world famous. And it's sort of by my house. a sinkhole water main brakes to good douche it goes in about size about four cars so the way you don't want to go dana there's a lot of ways to go is a sink call a sinkhole we've talked about this yeah i know what you want to do disappear into the earth yes but kind of slowly first there's the hey honey let's go to a white castle burger well wait a minute it looks like the road is sinking Uh-oh, we're in the middle.

Let's put on the XM radio. A sinkhole was developing rapidly. Also, they have the sinkholes where the, right when you're the car, we showed us in the other pot. Like, it just falls like that as you just drive into a hole in the earth, magnet level, and you're swallowed up, and then you're in your car not dead going, there's nothing, what can we do?

Well, are they going to fix it, or is there our tax dollars going someplace else? No, but you know, they said if you're in saying Cocoa like this, beep, beep, beep, just to let people know you're down there. Or do it in Morse code. You don't know it. I do. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. Well, you don't understand that I'm a James Bond fanatic. It's called an ejection seat.

And it has a little parachute, Bon James Bond. That's when you go, hey, honey, did we pay extra for that ejecture, injector seat? we didn't because you know when it could really come on hand. Yeah. Yeah, we're looking for an apartment. Oh, there's a sinkhole 10 feet away from where we're going to rent it. It might ding our truck. You might get a better deal.

Actually, you say to your wife, we only got one ejector seat. And you're like, I'll do it. And then I'll bring help right back to you. You wait. Right. And I'll be back. I'll be R. I'll be back.

Yeah. Yeah. What would you rather have? go and you go no i'll go well go are you tape recording secretly my wife and i's conversations because you're like word for word argument who gets the would you rather drive into a twister or a sinkhole you have five seconds fuck twist twist twist twistr i have a chance sink hole would you rather drive into a sinkhole with a cardassian or a twister with glen pal oh my god five seconds depends on which one

Could it be a general or widening that a little bit? Oh, I love my scenarios are taking so seriously. I know they're very weird. Should we finish the Odyssey though for a second? Yeah, yeah, I'm sorry. Go ahead. No, I don't know. There's nothing pithy about it, but I went to a theater that was kind of slanted,

and they had the speakers on louder than I've ever heard it. Like, I literally, my whole seat was shaking most of the time. So it is a, it is spectacular. killer. Yeah, it's vibrating. You are the king. So, it's a spectacle. It's cool. What happens in the middle act,

you know, the lingo? I play dumb. I'm the audience. Well, the middle of the movie. So you establish the movie and the Odyssey and the guy and the boring part. Right, the middle. And then in the middle part, they're trying to get back. We've got to get back. And so they're on the show, row, row. But they go to an island.

Land, land. Land ho. So they get on the island. All right, let's go up on the island. Get what we got. Yeah. So then a shit storm happens. I won't give it away.

Do not. The worst thing ever. And then literally, it's worse. No. A cyclone. a hundred feet tall with diarrhea. So then Matt Damon and the other guys go, get back to the boat.

Of course. Get back to the boat. And they're being chased by these crazy ghouls. So then they're sailing. Okay, all right, we lost a few guys. Land. I'm not kidding. They land.

Come on, everybody. They meet a monster or multiple monsters. God, dang. And then literally, get back. Get back. they're on the shore rowing like, hey, you go the boat. This happens for an hour. Island visiting.

Shitstorm. Land. Back to the boat. Lose a few men. Rowe off sad. Excited about land. Problem, less excited about land, but do it again. They're not learning.

But it got right to the edge of a Monty Python self-parity. Run away. Get back to the boat. You know, I mean. Also, you know, one of the rowers was like, Cordial and going, you know, we had a bit of a situation the last five lands. So maybe we'd take one step back and maybe everybody ate lunch and we're, you know, maybe I'm being palathing.

But maybe we just kind of keep going and where the water is, you know, maybe go to the land because the last. No, it's a wonderful island. I love the island of Lagoon. The weather, it's just the Cyclops is the thing that's getting me. Stay for less problems in the boat. That's, that was good. Monsters. Less monsters and more coconuts, bitch.

Land. They're all excited. Land. I'm like, why are you still excited about land? It hasn't been proving to be actually. So the beginning they're on the tour, they're like, let's go. Now they're going somewhere. Right.

Yeah. Well, they're, you know, spoiler alert. Matt Damon is just lost on an island eventually. and Charlize Theron is feeding him flowers, so he has no memory. So he's on the island with Charlize Throne for seven years. And he finds that out, and he's none too pleased. Oh, because he's hallucinating and shit.

How long have I been here? A week. She's like, oh, I don't have a sundial on me, but I feel like it hasn't been that long. I want to say seven years, but I don't know. What's a year again? I thought it was a day. He's like seven years.

He's trying to get back to Athena, Padena, Padena. But it's an entertainment. Is the King of England played by Webster? Well, coincidentally, when I came out, Nancy Pelosi was at my screening. And this is literally the look on her face. Who did she play? I don't know. But she did say to her husband.

Her husband, it was slightly buzzed. She said, let's get back to the. the car. Get back to the car. There you go. She wants to go to land too. But I thought it was, I thought it was a really good movie. All kidding aside, I would just say prepare yourself for an extremely dark hour skillfully executed, but it's like, you know. Oh, perfectly cinematic. Boring, but cinematic. I wouldn't call it a strong word. That's a strong word. It's too much.

no not not for a 700 million dollar global phenom i still my still recommend pressure i don't know i want to pressure you but with brand and fraser yeah with brent yeah with b bf uh best friend friend but bhraser uh it's a tidy little movie it's on amazon for you know 10 bucks or something i saw the trailer goes d d d d d in d pressure good good reference okay I think this is the time which you should pick up the pace of the podcast I know you'll pick up the pace you're going too slow too slow the Democratic Socialist Party is A number one

Can you fucker believe it? A number one Shit okay so I here's me I did a good great guy syndrome Oh Woody in the honesty And I go fund me, right? My friend calls me, hey, can you? Oh, okay. A friend of mine had some problems.

It would really cheer them up if you would donate something to help. They had some family situation. Great. I understand. So great guys in a, I donate. Not a huge amount, but enough to rattle a bit, you know. Interesting. Get the ball rolling.

And then the funny part is about go fund me emails you, you know, because you have to put in some info. Then they're like, hey, the person would like to thank you. Would you like to read that message? I'm like, okay, click. Okay, fill out this form. And by the way, before we get to that, do you want to donate to another go fund? Here's a list of some, you know, kids with some fucked up problems and you can help out.

And I'm like, well, I kind of just want to get to my message. I just want to. And then they go, well, fill out this paperwork and, you know, basically your social security and there's that. And I'm like, it's not enough for just to hear a thank you. So I didn't even finish. I go, I can't get into it. And then a couple days later, they're like, hey, more people with problems. What are you thinking?

Come on. Come on. You were such a big shot a couple days ago. Want to get a crowbar on that wallet again? Oh, you're not such a tough guy. Oh, great guy syndrome. I guess that got cured. Oh, something got cured.

Well, this doesn't sound like much fun. I know. They really get. It's really. The point is GoFund me is like a little business also. because there's also you give your money and then it says

oh here's the extra money for no they hook you fees and shit for go fun I'm like oh okay it's not just a straight like

there's no real straight charity boom boom right across here's your money take all the money it's here's your this to maybe the red cross

one of these places and then people go oh don't do that because they take it and there's administrative fees and four percent goes you know so I don't know what it all is

I just know everyone's different, but there's never just out of our grace and goodness, we are just helping you hand the money to something. I know. You think it'd make it nice and streamlined. Thank you very much. Rather than beating the shit out of it. I say this day, you and me and anybody. Don't get up and walk to your computer, kind of groggy, no coffee yet, and then click on it. And then it's an invite from a doctor that I know, call aosophy doctor. great guy and I thought oh maybe his daughter's getting married so I start they start clicking to see what the invite invite invite I'm not even thinking it give us this give us that give us your email

give us your password what and then I kind of went wait this doesn't feel right drop a pin of where you live yeah yeah what was it and then at the end it said we're outside now no it's What was it? It was an AI scam. My son looked it up. He goes, no, it's not an actual real paper invited. It's QA7 set of QA4. So then I had to change my password.

No. What is it again? You can tell me. But anyway, this AI thing and the scamming is really getting boring. Yeah. Is your password still don't proceed.com? What? God damn, you think you need my...

David Spain, you might be a funny man, but I don't know about getting my password. And everybody on this podcast, you can go fuck yourself. By the way, I would love to come on the podcast, but they sent me an invite, and it was bullshit. It was a bullshit scams. We would love to have him on. I would love to have him on.

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now I get emails from Zillow. Hey, how about that house you looked at about six months ago? You like that? You were so fucking horny for it. And I'm like, actually I only clicked on the house once and I didn't even go see it. I didn't look at it.

No. Don't fuck around, man. There was some butterflies in your stomach. You want that? Actually, it's sold. They sent me another one. That house sold. Do you want to know more about it?

I go, what else do I need to know? You know anything about the family? Any reason for Zillow to keep fucking nailing you with emails? The machines are studying us more than we're studying them. They constantly, they have our data. They read our emails. I mean, they answer my email. And it's pretty good.

Today I clicked it on. because I'm doing an email and then it comes up in more faint font I think I've mentioned this and it says suggested reply and they're doing me hey Brian why do and they're getting better and better at us I'm just like fucking gervous

fuck it man and they're polite so I know it's not really gervous hey I'm on the phone right now but I appreciate your call I'll call you back soon I go it's not you you'd be like go fuck yourself hey oh also by the way so Zill will be like hey do you like this house I go that's

my own house. I already sold. I know. Do you miss it? But I will tell you that, uh, Zillow are you on. They're bad, but they're getting smart. They're getting, they're getting, uh, pithy and they're getting kind of charming, right? Like when they go, you were so horny for this one. You went three times. But when I moved, we have a quick shot of Heather's, uh, sort of dinged up from the move because, listen, the work was obviously split 50-50, but Heather did a lot. And, uh, we're going to show, I think, I think we have a few photos. Just so you know, it wasn't.

Well, I would love to see this new house. She had to put my kettlebells in the attic. You know, I'm like all the important things. 35 pounders and she's on a ladder. Heather, get a raise. Yeah, everything is about like, I'm in the new place, but it's still not quite settled totally in.

Are you scared at night or are comfortable? I'm not that scared. That's not really the problem. It's just like, You know, it's like whack-a-mole or just some problem comes up because you had your other place so dialed in. And now this one, I'm like, oh, this and then I got this. Anyway, all fixable problems. Because I head out to grown-ups pretty soon.

So we do thrown-ups pretty soon. So it'll start looking, it'll start looking different in the background of the podcast because I'll be doing it from, you know, the back of the island. From all these different locations. Yeah. Like in hotels, back of a van, a bus, airplane. By the way, it's going to be interesting. I'm very excited about it. I did see another thing I saw Lovitz's birthday the other day, and Dice came.

Dice is so long. That's nice. I have to say we got to have monsoon because everything he said was funny. Because he's talking, he's telling me how he got from club comic to arena comic. He was the first one to arenas. bigger than Steve Martin, you know. Yeah. Because even Eddie Murphy capped it like 6,000 cedars.

That's like the biggest. And I remember back then, you wouldn't even think of anything bigger. That's not a band. They're not Boston. There's not play Madison Square Garden. That's where Muhammad Ali fights. Right. Or Zeppelin plays.

Yeah. Not Billy Flicknock for it has a cute hand. Yeah, it's got a cute fucking loose 15. Kind of loose 15. He's got that gap bit that he rides for. about a half hour and that one. Yeah, so he has so many, anyway, we had a great time and,

and, and a ridiculous doc. I didn't even do all the bits because he's more subdued now, but he can also whip that out. But just hearing like when he hosted SNL, I'd love to hear him tell you about that. Because his side, because we were there,

and his side coming in was so different. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I remember that. And I've said this before, but he wasn't doing those kind of arena. is I go, what do you, what do you make a night? Like 500,000.

Oh, you hit him up for that. Yeah, I did. I said, what are you making about? You know, I got 500,000. So his way of saying more, he goes, what am I going to do with 500,000? I go, and it did it repeat. I go, are you making a million a 90? He pauses.

What am I going to do with a million dollars? It can't be. So how high is it? But Dice was huge, you know, our friend, friend, friend, Shane just sold out. Oh yeah, we didn't talk about that. Shane sold out. I know the Philadelphia's football stadium. Cartoon number. It's like 73,000. Oh, okay, got it off. I didn't even know we had a clip of it. Look at these gumbas. Yeah. 76,000. I mean, it's something different. I mean, to be just a lone guy with a mic. I mean, he, don't believe me wrong. In a t-shirt,

You have no expenses. No expenses. They estimated a pretty good amount. But the thing about playing to 73,000 is you could literally have 20,000 people disappointed, not laughing and they hate you and still kill. Because you got 53 laughing their asses off. You could have 20,000 no shows and you still have 56,000 people. Yeah. You could have four.

I won't go there. Sorry. I was thinking of something. I think some other people went on like Chappelle and other people, but he obviously has some heavy hitter friends go on, which would be tough. I wouldn't want to follow Chappelle. I wouldn't want to follow a lot of guys, really anyone. But also, but Shane's a heavyweight hitter and he's got great stuff.

Very likable. I think he's great. And so it's just, it's good for comedy business in general. It's like, Caitlin Clark, don't hate it. It's like,

this is great. No, I think it's great. And I think it's awesome that Shane, because as you know, we had them on our podcast, loved to have him back. And he was trying to figure out

what his next move was, you know, and at the end of the podcast, it goes, they're talking about maybe playing a few theaters. He was still in clubs. And then,

and then Houston. It works. So, I will tell you, not to make you feel bad because you're not a great friend, but for my birthday yesterday, Lorne sent me flowers. The only flowers I got,

you better give me applause. Are you getting that little machine out? No, I knew that Lorne was meant to send you a cake. And I had done a Zoom. I took a picture of the Zoom. Okay. It's a chef boy, R.D. Chef Lauren, R.D.

I'm going to bake a cake for David, if it doesn't, if it falls or it's not good enough, I'll probably just send him flowers. Yes, chef. I said Chevy a cake. He likes the strawberry cream and things like that. It's that thing of like you've got to preheat the oven and all that. Yes. Your birthdays are kind of quiet, aren't they?

Yeah. You don't want to. I mean, to be 49 is to be 49. To be 49 again. Yeah, it was, I just had dinner and went to the conference. to the set and just uh and no one was a wiser yeah i literally do nothing literally i know i would have driven up there driven by your house i drive by your house and beep now i want to go see the horse and the baby horse and see what's going on the real they were so awesome yesterday because

we've been feeding them alfalfa we got and it was giving them so much energy we're supposed to tap it down we're getting all this information about how to take care of horses this is alfalfa there's oh you're gonna you're gonna be so buzzing after this podcast gallop gallop gallop but the little one they put a bridle on and the big horse big stallion put a bridle on her and then they just started running around the front yard just sprinting and the little one is three weeks old it was keeping up just like so it's gonna be a race horse guess what the mom who just had the baby is going to get pregnant again no a couple weeks easy. What do I have something to say? She's on welfare. What's going on? Why, you're going to bring that fucking whore stud farm guy over again?

There's 3,000 horses. Johnny Sins. And there's one husband. It's kind of weird, but yeah, it works. Yeah. That porn star horse coming over going. What's up? I don't got tons of time.

Let's get this done. Yeah. And he literally, with his hoof, has kind of a sort of a horse-like cigarette. He literally can lift one. Where's the goddamn romance, Dana? Well, you know what I do? And I know this sounds probably weird. I'll show you.

Yes, very weird. Whatever you're about to say. So if I'm up in the mountains, hiking by myself. Because one time I saw a deer that had just got an attack by some coyotes. And it was just lying there. And it just was, the throat was cut open. Okay, okay, okay. So when I'm way up in the mountains by myself, what I do is.

is I don't want to surprise an animal of mountain lions. So I start to do this. This just to make noise like a horse. It feels like a horse is coming. And then every once in a while I just go, and fake them out. Fake them out.

You don't want to come in there real, you don't want to be there real quiet. There's a baby cougar and the mama cougar. What? You did you, were you going to surprise? Yeah. Yeah. Just a fun fact.

That's a good idea. Yeah, thanks. I like that. Yeah, thanks. It seems ridiculous. When you're way out there, it's dead quiet, you just don't want to surprise some kind of mama animal. I always read about, like, there was a, on Channel 5 this morning, there was like another story. Well, up in Big Bear, which is like our little mountainous area.

The name says it all. A bear walked into a dentist office. You know, they always show a bear, comes in, looks around, no food. and he walked right out, but the people were shaken, of course. How about shitting? Like a bear, they walk in, they look around,

they're so cute. They just want food. They go into stores. They walk into town, la, la, la, la. They're so cute until they mall you, but up until that mall. You get your attention.

In Montana, once we were at this place, and it had little tiny cabins for rent, and it had a little mercantile, that kind of thing. And then I noticed we got there, it had like a 24, steel cylinder cage, like big and around with the, it's open on that one side it's open.

And the other end of the big cylinder cage on a hook is a giant piece of meat. I think it was ham. Oh, to catch them. So the grizzly goes in to get the meat and then the thing closes behind them. But so far, the grizzly hadn't gone in there. So at night you got a flashlight, Marco, Folo. You want to get to the cabin. pretty quick, you know, to talk.

Yeah. I'm not, I'm not around bears a lot because in Arizona, we had more different animals, but bears look, cuttly. Yeah, we've got a few here. Should we do some news story? I guess so, unless you got some banger in your back pocket. I got nothing, dude. This is, we're killing with this stuff.

Okay, this interview got out of hand quickly. What could it be? Okay. Sorry. They're superseding my expectations. Oh, these are funny. And they interviewers, athletes, and the other ones talk with them. Last question.

Did anyone on your team have a conversation before this regional kicked off? Obviously, last year, you weren't a part of it. You know how they do this thing? You know, it's an outbreaker here in L.A. for you guys. Was there any conversation or just leave a beat? We're all just super focused on this year. That's a good one. We couldn't wait to start playing this week.

So we were just super excited and focused on that. She's like the hero of the game. for each other's success. And we were naming things yesterday that we were ready to see. That's funny. Look at the book. On the mound and all the brands. They're the most focused person I've ever seen.

I don't know what's happening. How is she keeping a straight face? Congratulations on the wind. Take that Thor's hammer. You rocked it. We'll see you on Saturday. Thank you so much. So, well, her teammates are having fun with her.

Yeah, that's a good, feel good story. Then they're playing it straight. The announcer is not laughing. The announcer was good and she was good answering. Yeah. She was like, you guys. Because they really do that and like they totally exaggerated. Guess who really laughed at that?

It just called me. He's got a phone. These are getting better when they have something. She had a book on her head. Yeah, you understood it. All right. Good job. Trump stepped in a do-do.

Is that a Nokia? I don't know. I had that. That's Mark Hirshano makes these puppets. I like that he's adding stuff to him. I like Chef Lorne R.D. All right. Yeah, that was athletes.

That was a coordinated attack because usually they just put a bat or something. Okay. What's the next one? That was a cute one. That was adorable. Oh, this is, okay. this is what one of my big fears is and I got in this god dang algo on my

Instagram it's going caving and splunking so these people are training to cave this is not a big deal but it just shows you I would already be scared they have to prove they can get through this during their cloud that was going to be my recommended technique usually people with broader shoulders they go in kind of diagonal like that

just picture that sninder block never end Good job. She's fine. Yeah, so this is a little longer this way. The actual hole is like. Don't arch your butt in the way. So. All right.

We're going to have a great while. No, but I will say that they show real caves. And have you seen the animation of when it's like where they get stuck? It's like just, it looks like a colon or intestine where these caves and it's this much. They got a little light in the helmet. They're trying to pull them backward. I go, not a. not a chance in the world I would do that.

Yeah, they had, you know, for families like parents and the kids, this place where you go and you're crawling in your thing, you can't see anything. And then you get to a certain segment in it. And then it's pitch black and you're trying to find the way out. And you can tap out at that point. So a lot of the parents are like, give me out, give me out. I mean, it was absolutely ridiculous, not fun at all.

and shit you don't think odysseus could get there what was matt damon's name in that movie i'm not sure steve scary yeah um i i don't think caves are a good idea generally in life i mean unless it's really like your thing marcy if you found yourself in a cave i mean i feel like maybe things are going wrong well what's your phobia i've never asked you this well caves i do caves number one It's not even like a breakthrough phobia. It's like I don't want to be in some nine inch cave like with water dripping on me. No, almost no one does.

Who gets high in there? They do it. They all go. How about scary? The underwater cave. And they had that problem with these people that were all pro divers. And they all croaked in a cave in like hours. And they could not figure out.

Oh, yeah. That's right. Once you get disorientated in there and you up down, it's pitch black. First, my first order business, when I'm super scared like that, poo my pants. Once that is evacuated, then I can think clearly. My first, if I'm down there and I see some like you who's confused, probably going to drown anyway, it's like I go, what? And then I take your auction thing. Yeah, I go like this.

I go, hang on, this will fix everything. And I take theirs. I go, shh. And I go, okay. Yeah, I go, I go, yeah, hey, a buddy breeze, right? Buddy, Bree. And then I'm like, push off.

Push off them. We're not very nice people. No, that's really shit. What was the movie that Ron Howard directed? It was brilliant, actually. No, about the cave where the kids got. It wasn't the 13 home miners. Something like that.

Heather said it's goonies. Goonies. But they couldn't get the, it was so scary they had to, the only way to get the kids. out was to drug them and put an auction thing on and then guide them. Because they're so fucking scared, right? It was just so claustrophobic and tight.

It's just hard not. Dude, that's a hero. The guy that goes in there where it's terrified. Absolutely. And they didn't think they could rescue him. It was impossible. I'm a hero for driving around the sinkhole yesterday. It took me 32 minutes to get to dinner.

That's a different kind of hero. Well, you're a hero when you follow Bill Burr at the comedy store in my mind. Now I follow anyone. These fucking guys that you come out. The WMBA, it's empty. That's your fault, feminist. Don't blame me. I like to go out and kind of look sometimes.

He's kind of nervous. Bill was up there having a long argument with a woman. What a woman ever, what did they invent? What did they ever do? What did you ever do? You ever did you have it for like 20 minutes? He goes, what's Michelle Obama squawking about? You don't hear from the first lady.

When I grew up, I didn't know who she was. George Bush, what was his wife's name? Maggie? I don't know. I didn't know their name. Maggie. Maggie. Was there was a Maggie?

Maybe that was President McKinley. There was a Nancy Reagan. Okay. There was Mamie Truman or something. Mamie. Hello, my baby. Mamie. He's the president.

Had a couple heart attacks. I don't care. I'll be back. Bram, bram. Okay, next story. What are we got? This is the best we've ever done. I'm going to call it right now.

I'm calling it. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Okay. Lionel Messi versus baby. This is the story of Messi was the biggest. I don't know if Heather knows this. Oh, because he got emotional after his team lost.

No, no, no. This is more interesting than that. Okay. So this is the final of the two players that are the biggest stars on each team. I didn't know this fact. I can't get over this. This is the cutest thing that has ever happened before. So there was a raffle in this Barcelona neighborhood.

It was basically like your kid can get a photo with a soccer player. So this is Lionel Messi who plays for Argentina. And he's like having this photo shoot 20 years ago with this baby in a bathtub. That baby grew up. Oh, he was always. The star of the team he's playing. Lamia Jamal, who is representing. representing Spain in the World Cup.

And that's not all. This Sunday, July 19th, they play each other in the World Cup. Yes. This is the story in human history. My heart exploded. You have got to be joking me. A little baby. I play you one day.

The Times Earth is a cool place to be. What they don't talk about, even though the guy's a grown man and a world-class soccer player, Messeg gave him a bath after the... He did again. Yeah, in the locker. They had a big tub and it was whatever. You have the towel. They redid it.

Yeah, they re and then they took a photo. She goes, take up all your clothes. It's online for $300. You know what? Also, is he got mad at him during and that Mike picked up where he goes, I liked you better when you were a baby. That's actually, Hey, a spade did a pretty good messy.

Usually it makes a messy of it. I was trying to find. my impression. Well, it's like an Argentine. A little bit Spanish. I wouldn't really know. I don't hear him talk. But I do kind of, Peggy Noon and the Wall Street Journal wrote kind of a nice thing about

how popular America is getting. Oh, because of the World Cup. Yeah, which I like hearing some positive news about America. It was nice to hear people going, oh, we came there and we all hated. We were told to hate it and it wasn't bad and everyone was nice to us and it was fun. that's good here we don't realize i know we have problems in the i got it but like a lot of foreigners saw costco look at this falkin place look at this you can get anything here they love they went

crazy for that they went crazy for uh our podcast they go i like Costco i feel skinny anything you want well first time i went to dublin in the 90s i went to a grocery store. And they go, if you got any bread, yeah, there's a loaf of bread. One kind. And then there's the milk right at there. It was just one, one kind for it. You don't need a lot of choices. Who needs all the fuss? And then my wife's relatives came to L.A. and we took them to a supermarket. And they just blew their minds. They saw the yoghers. They go, my God, the yogurt. And then one of them said, why do you have to have so many choices in America? You know, it's, it's, Free market capitalism gone amok, but there you have it.

Don't be mad at us because we're number one. We're number one. Don't hate us because of our G- grocery stores. Well, we are and Ferris wheels. For sure. Listen, you guys know how much I love multitasking. That's what everyone's always stopping me and asking me about.

Lately, my secret weapon's been Amazon music. I used to jump in between three different apps to get through my day. because I'm weird. But now Amazon Music is my one app for music, podcasts, and audiobooks. Yes, you heard it right. Your Amazon Music Unlimited subscription now includes access to audiobooks, meaning it does so much more for you without any extra hassle, Dana.

I've been listening while walking the dog, tackling that endless mountain of laundry. And it just fits perfect. I do loads and loads of it all day. Sundays. Yeah, Sunday's Laundry Day. Boo, I got 55 of these. And it just fits perfectly into my routine.

I recently queued up Project Hail Mary, which was a great movie, but great to listen to, hearing this story come to live in the narrator's voice, completely transformed my afternoon chores into an epic space adventure. Jealous? Yeah, it's amazing how a great voice performance makes the story feel so special and immersive. And the best part is that you don't need a separate app to dive into your next favorite story. It's all seamlessly integrated

right where you already listen. Amazon music is definitely my favorite part of my routine. Music, podcast, audiobooks, it's all in one app. Okay, another one. Okay, clip it up. Clip it, ship it. Mm-hmm. Clip it and ship it.

Hold on. New prison that allows inmates to serve years. Oh, serve years of their prison sentence. is in a matter of minutes. Oh, what? Let's hear it. Let's hear it. So they're coming up with a new prison that allows inmates to serve years of their

sentence in just a matter of minutes. So the criminals is going to have a choice to spend tens of years behind bars or they can make the choice to get the artificial memory. Wow. It's coming. So this process is called Cognify. And the intent of it is to treat the criminal like a patient. They're going to try to try to try.

I love her accent. This is out of a movement. When they reenter society, they will be new and reformed. And they won't even be capable of committing any other crime. The chip can make the patient feel empathetic. Depending on the severity of the crime, the chip can also make you feel the emotional and physical pain of the victim. Wow.

You can feel what they felt. So the process only takes about seven minutes. Easy. But to the patient, it's. It seemed like it had been years. Wow. So they do that? Last year, the U.S. government spent $8.7 billion taxpayers' dollars on the prison.

They say with this new prism, they can save money for health care. All right. That's good. She should run for mayor. I don't know. I shouldn't have done this and I shouldn't even say this, but I did order you one of those chips. A chip by to make me nicer? Yeah, you don't have to use it or whatever.

It's just, it's just. You just have it? I just have it if I need it. Now, why is she the human being? Nothing to deliver this global change. Well, because all of these stupid things aren't from the news of people that look stuff up and they talk about it. And it's hard to go back behind that wall and just get the real story that she's reporting on because we're all lazy. Everything that's been in science fiction movies, put a chip in your head, control you, all that stuff, it's coming.

I mean, I think when they're saying neurolink and all this. stuff is very real. And they're saying, okay, you can get out of jail. We just have to program you so you don't, there's a set of rules in your head now that you can't break. Sounds interesting, but really far out there. Well, you'd want to make super sure that some son of Sam dude couldn't just hack it. Like Charlie Manson probably could have just hacked it.

Yeah, give me the chip. I'm sure there's a few glitches. They got a few bugs in it. Yeah, and that's a problem. Remember the joke about the guy that said, son of Sam, his dog told him to kill 13 people. Remember that story? Yeah. And he said, you know, he got arrested, but the dog is still out there.

I'm pretty good joke. That's funny. You don't have a lot of really good son of Sam. He's just going to tell someone else. I know one guy who loved that bit. That's a good laugh and it matches it. What are we doing? Where are we going?

Where are we going? So what does that mean? That's, I wish I had his name. The Young Man who does it on S&L. I love calling Young Men. Who does Tucker? Is it Dismukes? No.

It's one of the new cast members. Could you look that up? We should have Chloe on. Chloe just left. I know. Chloe, seven years is a good. That's a good chunk. Because it's not just like when we're there,

you movie star or sitcom. Now it's like there's 13,000 streaming shows. I mean, Chloe, if she wants to work, will just constantly. Well, the eighth year is when they put the chip in to make you behave. Marcello got his chip earlier. What they don't know is the chip goes into the cake. I send the cake. It's like really a good cake, but that's beside the point.

Did you like the souffle? The sponge holds the chip. the ingestion process happens and then they stay forever. I like that chef Lauren is talking about this. Oh, he's sinking down. I ruin that. I never think I'm exiting until I actually exit, David. It's a very obvious thing.

By the way, grownups, what's the prognosis? Prognosis is it looks like it's moving forward. So it's the same guys. and they're like just run around. Don't say it like that. Like, no. People beat them up. Do young people come a gang and beat them up?

I think so. Have you read it? It sounds like really, really fun. Not. Every time I do a movie and agree to do a movie, I wait until about the third day of shooting to read the script. Well, if it's that segmented, it's like you're in it a lot, let's be honest. But there's, you know, there's times you're not.

I will say there's a lot going on, and the script's gotten better and better, and it really comes together. So I think it's a very nice, it's always a good family movie, but it's hard to keep up with the other two. Because I do honestly believe the other two were really good. I like, they're good family movies. They have jokes in them. They're not super offensive. You can watch with their kids. They're funny, and the cast is super likable.

The other ones did in real. movie time, not today, like hundreds of millions. I mean, they were smashes at the time. Yeah, they're keeping the lights on it, TBS. They run them all the time. So they're all over the place and you almost have to see them because they're somewhere in front of you. But anyway, I was excited and it's looking, it's really shaping up. So a lot of fun people in it, a lot of surprise people in it so far. And I guess this is a grown-ups update. It's turning into. But yeah, so I'll be shipping off. I mean, it's all right. We talk about bus boys now. That did its thing, fantastic.

And now we talk about grownups and we walk the audience through the process. Right now, you're about to get on an airplane and go make a cellular adventure. Go do it up. And I'm very excited about it. Okay, let's do one more story. Well, by the way, the cast member who does the Tucker Carlson update is Jeremy Kulane. Oh, I'm sorry. Okay, good.

Let me see if this is a good one to end with. It's not really. But I was just think it's very interesting. I'm in a bee algal. And so I'm interested in bees. So they always show people like catching bees. Oh, yeah. How they do it.

How big the bees are or hornets are crazily huge. And how people, some of them don't wear protection. And I don't know why or what's going on. They must have some sort of sense with the bees vibe. Let's see what this guy does. This job, this has got CTA program written all over it. That was Dennis's joke. This is a...

I don't like his scared breathing. But he's got to go... He's way high. It's in the jungle, Heather. Well, do the legs look like they're real? They always like smoke them out or something. Do the feet look real as they're walking? They look tiny.

But I mean, it looks like so... Are you saying way I? Well, he's not really being extra careful. Look at it. Well, that's the thing is they got it wired. Okay. I don't like his disgusting It's weird

What's going to happen I know That's what intriguing So there's the beehive He starts knocking him down And they don't go after him Oh this is even scarier He's got to get me

This is this What is this part Trummy job? You got to get the honey I think Oh he's getting the honey The honeycombs Don't mind me

Don't mind me I'm sorry I don't know this But what will the bees Do with the honeycomb If he doesn't take it, feed it to the queen. I don't know the elves. It's all about the queen. It's all about the queen.

So, dude, all this shit that cut this. Not a, I don't know how big honey comes to me. That doesn't look big enough to go up that food. The guy sounds a little bit stressed, and I don't blame him, doesn't he? Are you kidding? The heavy breathing? Well, I've seen him, I've never seen him capture the honey comb like that, but I've seen him, like, move the bees off.

because they're on someone's front porch. Yeah. But I've never seen a tree like that. They move it to somewhere else because bees are important so they don't get rid of them. But they can tell these bees are mad. There's some they go in. They don't have a lot of stuff on. And they just go quietly.

And the bees somehow do not sting them. They fly around. And some have the protection. And they go, oh, my God, these bees are louder and madder. And they really are trying to get them. And it's to be in that little suit. And one guy goes, oh, I got in my suit. one got in my suit.

And it's just like wailing on him. We have a whole thing up here with ants and, uh, summertime. And they want to come in for any kind of moisture. Meister. So my wife found it was through the bookcase and then into the kitchen, into a thing. I didn't even see it.

It was like 30,000 ants. And so what these ant traps do is you put it down and then the little ants and then they get some of it and they bring it back to the poison. Ah, it's so rude. And then they poison the queen and it ends that whole hive. Once a queen's gone, they're all like, so what do we do to just go to the mall? They don't know what to do. Every character has a cigarette today.

They disperse. Hey, you know, I mean, we thought it was going to be delicious, but she broke, so we'll find another queen. What do you want from me? Did you give the queen a poison cake? No, I, what happened? Hey, what happened was? there was this cake and I said, I should not eat this.

This is for the queen, fit for queen. And then the queen ate and croaked. And then they're like, you're not trying to, uh-oh, here comes Lauren. I've nothing to say.

I've just really enjoying the podcast. Oh. The queen will get the poison. She dies. And then shortly thereafter, all the soldier ants find a new queen. It's like the way nature works on a farm. Like SNL,

you're the queen. in my case I'd be the king right goodbye David that's a good way to end like goodbye sometimes you do Lauren puppet with a hat on I don't know

I just picked them out okay well that's good so we did a great job again thank you Dana incredible my hair looks really what am I doing today hair looks good I'm going to start my

I'm going to be soft packing before I start the reel hard launch packing. What is the one thing that you could potentially forget? I mean, it's very weird because I don't know all the temperatures of everywhere, and it's going to be really long.

It's definitely way longer than the first one. It's a huge chunk of time. So there's no way to plan and pack that much, so I have to sort of figure out how to get cold weather stuff out there after a while. Well, the thing is, is that Probably out of how isolated you're going to be. I mean, of course, I can fly in with equipment and stuff.

It's like that. Thank you. That's what I was getting at. Well, if there's a pharmacy nearby, you can get the, that, that, or, you know, CVS. If there's sort of a REI, you can get a jacket if you need it. That's if we're in the U.S. Oh, whoops.

More to come. But I will say, tax advantage. I want you to film yourself when you come to my new house and FaceTime me going, do you like this shirt? I'll pack it. You like this sweater? I'll pack it. Yeah.

And why Heather gave me the code and the key to be in your house? I'm not going to go to your house, but I will keep an eye on it. You can come use the pool. Again? Yeah. Just take some selfies like last time. I'll bring Lovitz and dice. I'm already here.

I'm an new movie called The House Sitter. Dice is the cinematographer. Oh! Yeah. Okay, thank you. Bye, guys. Thanks for coming, guys. Thanks for coming.

All right, listen, if you're enjoying the fly on the wall, of course, hopefully you are. Click follow. We don't want to be desperate, but obviously smash that goddamn button on your favorite podcast app. Smash it. Leave a review, a good one. Leave a five-star rating, nothing else. Whoops. And maybe even share an episode.

with a friend. If you're watching this episode on YouTube, please. Subscribe, Dana. What do you think? I'm going to tell you this right now. Him and I'll believe me later. Fly in the Wall, believe it or not, is presented by Odyssey. And executive produced by Hold For It, Dana Carvey and David Spade.

Or David Spade and Dana Carvey. We don't write those stuff. Heather Santoro, Greg Holtzman, and Leah Reese Dennis. The show is edited by Evan Codagh. with production support from Phil Sweet Tech. Talent production and booking by Sophia Lippor.