Fly on the Wall with Dana Carvey and David Spade - Shrinkage for David and Diet Coke

Episode Date: October 12, 2026

Dana and David discuss the Sebastian Maniscalco controversy,  the disappearance of Diet Coke from New York City, and Dana’s new car. Also, David experiences shrinkage in the cold waters of Italy, they both make cases for how they’d like to be executed, and Buzzing Around.

Back it up, shrinkage. Going in. Why am I here? It's too early to hear you. It's a backup fever. Here comes the Brill cream. Scrape the hair back. Bill cream.

Cookie from Sun the Sun, Sun, Sun, Sun, 77 wants his sponsor back. Dude, are you any of the latest? Yes, I do. So Sebastian. A lot thickening. It's thickening again. very thin for a second. Look at my lighting isn't too bad in this dump, huh?

Jeez, extreme close up. Yeah, what happened? I just pushed in. I combed my hair for... Excuse me? Is that closer than normal? Well, it's just... It's somebody's...

I like that. Yeah, that just... Because Dana, he is a good-looking guy. He can't be that close to. Well, look, I spend a lot of time on this crow's nest. Usually you're the hair guy fussing. But then you always have hats. I didn't fuss it. Yeah, I have to because sometimes it's so sweaty and horrible here.

Is it? Really? It's not horrible. Dude, I was just busting me hump all week. I am. What were you doing again just for the audience? What are you doing again? Working on Grunovs 3.

and Chris Rock Chris Rock's doing David. David Spade. You know what? I'm hearing good things about you. He has all these little phrases he says every day. But we were talking about Misty Green

because he had to do this press junket for the movie that I think you'll like. I think you'll like. His movie and she's the star and she's kind of new to the scene. She's not new to the scene. She's a, He's cut off by your sugar daddy.

Oh, that story. Yeah, go ahead. Yeah. But he's in it also, and he directed it. But he was gone. It might not be the housemaid, but it'll, it's good. One can I see a screen here and give it a few notes? Or is it locked?

It should be coming to your local Bijou in the next month. It's opening. Is it locked? It's locked. It's in selected screens this weekend already. I got, you know, when I was. was a little kid, you'd have all the candies and stuff. You go to a two-hour matinee. And I had a sugar daddy and I was halfway through it. I got up to use the bathroom when I came back and someone

had put it between the seat. So I couldn't get back to my seat. They stretched it out. Whoa. And made like a barricade. So I was cut off by my sugar daddy. That was a long way to go. No, it feels like a victimless crime, but it's not my sugar daddy. I'm just saying, I would, like Misty Green, I was cut off by my sugar daddy. I couldn't get back to my seat. That was a lot of work you just did in your head. I know, but yeah, we're taping this at 3.30 in the morning, Pacific time. So it's night for me, really early for Dana, and we appreciate everyone in the audience appreciates that we bust our ass.

Well, you can just tell the effort. I mean, when I'm up this early, getting this thing ready, I walk by the front door and it's glass, right? there's little checkaboard glass. And this is frog season. So the first thing I saw was like a little alien frog. And they just jump right up in their little web hands and go, they stick for the glass? They stick.

And sometimes there's dozens of them. And across the farm buried, we have a septic tank with like 800 pounds of goo and whatever he want to think about is in there. And that's where they live and thrive and breed. Then they come up the pipes. Yeah, I'm not finished. They live in Threat. No, I'm saying, that's like the mall for Frog.

They love it. Oh, yeah, and they get up all the pipes, and all of a sudden they're in the shower. Anyway, it's just farm light, David. You're a city guy. Green Acres is the place for me. Green Anchors was such a good premise, and it was such a great song. Eddie Albert and... Ja, Zajajajajabor.

Yeah. One of them. We have a winner, I think, is Jajajajabor. Green Acres is the place to be farm living is the life for me. Land spreading out so far and wide. Keep Manhattan. Just give me that countryside. And then what's the city slicker side?

New York, I don't think it had as many. New York is where I'd rather stay. I get allergic smelling hay. And even back in the 60s and Lauren Michaels is the one I want to see. Isn't that weird that his name was part of that? Yeah, Donnell and I love you, like Jimi Park Avenue. I love that show. No, but I will say Chris was laughing that we're going to call this one, Grownups 3.

This time we're trying. Because every day there's so many stunts and so much going on and so many shots were like, was it this much going on? Those other ones, we're like busting our ass. Well, when you got the money, you can get, well, let's get another. angle. You know, let's get a really tight on, David, then a medium, medium tight, then then let's go back to his hands, close up on his hands, just his mouth, one eye, two ears, lunch. I did a hand close up today. Well, I'd like to be in Sardinia doing a cool movie

with my friends. I didn't get the memo. We did have some weather this week, though, so a lot of, like, stay in your trailer, lightning, don't leave. Really? Yeah. Here it was 110. I know. Are you someone who's, what category are you? Yeah, lightning, shmightening. I don't care. A little bit thinking or, you know, just hanging on to your bedpost. No, we did get one day that felt like vacay, which was start out stormy, got nice, took a little boat out to jump in the water. because whatever ocean is here or lake that we're on is pretty nice. So probably a lake. And the funny part was it was pretty much all the people like Salma, Schneider, Adam and Jackie and KJ.

We were all out there. Anyway, we're jumping around and everyone's, well, people are slowly going in the water. And I was like, it's actually pretty nice. And I go, is it cold? You know, once you're inside, it's not bad. And so I get a lot of this horse hockey. And then finally, Jackie comes out. And I go, what's it like?

And then she was freezing. I go, thank you. Finally, right between the eyes. Freezing. Wait a minute. Were you in a bathing suit, bare chested? You were? I had a rash guard.

Who was? What do you mean a rash guard? Were you bare chested or not? No, like a long sleep thing. I'm going to wear in the movie when we go in the water, but it blocks the sun. but conveniently blocks anyone from seeing my physique. Right.

You have like what they call a water shirt. And you don't share your physicality in a casual way, not in a seductive way, with the local female. Right. These are business colleagues. So they don't need to see me basically naked. Now, by the way, freezing, freezing. And my wiener, just because I have my legs in,

my wiener is like, I got to hear this. back it up shrinkage going in I'm not even here it's too early to hear you it's a backup beeper well okay but give me a louder beep or something yeah my wiener's like back in everybody back in there's just cold on the legs we know it's heading this way because guys they're always walking with their legs in the water the second it gets above your way is you hit that wane it's a game change you like so that's the barometer I agree go below for a while, but if I go all the way past there, might as well get my head wet,

because this is where it's tough. So, it's like the Poseidon adventure. It really is. Dana, you get it. So here I am. There's a famous actor that will relate to this, and I won't say his name.

This crew guy told me that before a shot, which might show above his knees and so forth, in that general area, he said he was always had both hands in his pockets and he always wondered what is he doing in there he's moving around and justing justine and trying to play in pocket pool

kind of you can figure it out i know you're halfway there were you ever accused of playing pocket pool first of all um i have no idea what you're talking about is that what that guy was doing why you like the guys like rubbing their wiener grabbing their balls Some guys are doing this. Is it the actual guy ownership of those genitals or is it another man?

Yeah, yeah. No, it's the actual owner. Oh, okay. I'm just trying to set the scene. I don't want to get us canceled in year 19. No, it's just something to do. You're like, fuck the pool. Also on the boat, they go like this while my wiener is backing up and hibernating.

And it's like, see you later, guys. Hey, guys, I'll see you. I'll be back out normal size. Maybe December. It won't be right away. And they say thank you because a lot of us were spending the afternoon focused on your crotch. So we appreciate your help.

I'm like, please tip your waitress. So, don't look for too many lumps and bumps because it's, so it goes in. When I went to the restroom to do whatever, change, whatever,

there's a sign that says, do not put anything in toilet. What does that mean, Dana? Anything? Do I carry my poops out? Hey, everybody,

is this going in the ocean? Really? Is it in Italian or English? It says it in English for us dummies. Because usually they say no foreign objects. Right. No foreign objects. Like you would take a clock radio and show it down there if you didn't have that sign. Rob Schneider would have a baton that people use in the circus and he'd throw it down there. Chris Rock would put a small FM radio down there. The sign will stop you guys. Yeah. You know, Schneider really was. works out and he's I won't say he's ripped but Heather would agree he's actually looks in good shape well don't you think he looked he looks better than he was kind of naked today on the set but he I don't want to give everything well it usually what happens um if someone is newly

single yeah after not being single for a long time forget Rob's story that a lot of times people get really fit. And the women, too, get in the best shape. So when they're married, they're kind of slovenly and phoning it in. They get divorced. All of a sudden, it's like, whew, wow. Here comes the Brill cream. Scrape the hair back.

Bill cream. Cookie from Sun, Sun, Sun, Sunset, 77 wants his sponsor back. American graffiti. Anyway, look good. We did some stuff today. What was this thing? Is it going to be a hit? Let's get to the chase.

I think it's got a good shot because so far, you know, we're toward the end. So we're going to be back rocking this pod from my living room again. Like, it's going to be great. So you picked up days because you guys didn't torture? We actually might have picked up a few days. So because some of the rain didn't knock us out as much as we thought. And well, whatever. But it's been really fun, and I think it's got a chance of being good.

I don't know when it's coming out, though. It comes out when Ted Sarando says it comes out. He and Adam go to dinner and go, May, June. But I love that it's different. It used to be box office opening and, you know, what did it rake in globally and this and that? And you're just looking for a billion minutes of total watching. Right. That's the way they'll judge the film. And I think you can hit a billion. What did the wrong missy hit? I don't, that was a good way you said it right. I don't know. Finally said it right.

I said world missy for a decade for two years. But I, I don't mind that, but I will say that I don't know about minutes, but it was number one for about three weeks. That's two weeks. But worldwide is number one. It's good because people were sending me a picture. number one Italy on their TV, you know, Netflix. And so that's really fun. This one, I mean, happy Gilmore did well. I don't know. I can't compare it to this, that like you can in weekly box office.

Like, that did better. That did better, you know. So I don't know. Well, it's in 70 countries. It will be seen in America a lot because it's grown-ups, you know. But most of its audience is overseas in all these different countries. Moving from knowing you need. support to actually receiving effective mental health treatment can feel like an uphill battle.

If therapy alone hasn't been the full answer for your anxiety depression or ADHD, tachiatry provides the psychiatric expertise you need to move forward. Talkiatry is a 100% online psychiatric practice where you work one-on-one with licensed medical providers. They offer through evaluations, clear diagnoses. and dedicated medication management, delivering a complete treatment plan designed specifically around your life.

Rather than paying expensive monthly subscriptions, tachiatry accepts major insurers making expert psychiatric care far more affordable and accessible. You'll keep working with the same psychiatrist over time, ensuring your care remains consistent and evidence-based as you work towards your goals. Join over 300,000 people

who have transformed their mental health journey. head to talkkiatry.com slash fly to complete the short assessment and get matched with an in-network psychiatrist in just a few minutes. That's t-a-l-k-I-A-T-R-Y dot com slash fly to get matched in minutes. Talk-I-A-Try.com slash fly. Do you ever wish you could ask nosy questions about people's money? I have $729.71 in my bank account. We bought, you know, a $1.3 million house on a few. $350,000 income.

On the podcast, What We Spend, we ask those questions. It's a show about money and all the feelings that come with spending it. I want to be the kind of person who can just take care of the people in my life. Listen to what we spend, an Odyssey Original, available now wherever you get your podcasts. All right, football season's heating up. I'm in the midst of it. You know all the games in the middle of the night here. It is going to Italy.

I've been spending a lot of time on prize picks, getting the daily fan lineups ready for game time. I don't know how I waited so long to hop on the tab because it makes watching every single game more exciting. Obviously, you've got something riding on it. Prize picks is clean. It's simple. You got build a lineup, which I'm getting to be a pro at. That's right.

I know all about this. Right now, Mahomes, I threw in there. Of course, he did well. Yeah. projections look great this year. Yeah. What about my Brock Purdy? Could you get in there somewhere?

And Brock Purdy is actually doing well. You're 49ers. He's doing well and he looks like such a sleeper because he looks like Oswald. And the app just packed with updates like a live box score. So you can track all your picks in real time without leaving. That's right. What else? What can I tell you?

They even have a brand new social feature where you can see your popular picks from other fans. Okay. And then copy their lineups, which is one single click. That's clever. Price picks is a skilled base. fantasy game available nationwide and it's easily the best place to test your sports knowledge so if you want to lock in with me for game time there's no better moment to get started download the app today and use code fly to get $150 instantly in lineups if you win your first $5 lineup yeah that's

right fly code fly you get $150 instantly in lineups if you win your first $5 lineup prize picks run your game i'll tell you dana people People come out to watch in Italy. I just sent a picture of our hotel. This is Schneider coming home after work. Ready? Greg will throw it up there. This is just a video from,

I think even Heather, did you take this? Yeah. So this is just standing by the front door in the hotel and they come to the set and watch the shooting. And then they come to the hotel. So, wow. There's Schneider on the lower, behind the plant.

He's trying to walk through. But they can't even see him. So they line that there's a couple hundred people out there and they're at the movie all day and they just surround everywhere everyone is watching all day, not even moving, just staring.

And then they know where the hotel is. So then they all come there when they know we're rapping and come on. So even go, if you go for a walk, they figure out you're in the back door, whatever. So we just stayed in there for a little bit. And then we're now... When the movie finishes, you should all do an Italian stand-up tour, just like seven dates or

something. I don't know if those kind of crowds just to look at you. We're probably going on the road because Adam wants to stand-up again and get back into it. And K.J. does stand-up, and we didn't do it last time with K.J. and Dion Cole is in it. He's a stand-up. I think he's going to come on here. He's got a lot of good stories. and that's it. Maya Rudolph is very funny lately. I mean, she's on the movie and she's always home run. My sweet Maya, oh yeah.

Yeah, I'm just saying lately, I just never see her. Lately, my Kamala Harris. By the way, for some housekeeping, I booked a date, so don't ever do this. So Humphreys has, it's like a thousand seat in San Diego. It's on the water.

It's great. And it's out, it's outdoor. Yeah. So our mutual manager is like, oh, that's kind of a fun place. He goes, well, they got November 12 available. So, so, no, November 7th. November 7th, I go, isn't that a little late for an outdoor arena? What if the winter is kind of started, you know?

No, they love it there. They get the jackets and they watch you. They get the jackets. They get a jacket on. Stop the bombing. So anyway, I'll be there, November. 7th wearing a woolly coat and doing the church late. I've done it.

It's great. It's a great one, San Diego. It is a great room. It's just late in the season. You know what I mean? Right. I've done outdoor gigs and you're like, are we still outdoors?

Are you sure? Yeah. So November 7th. Can you do a 7 o'clock or 7 8 o'clocker? That might help. I don't know. I love the early ones. But I plan on bringing it.

I'm not going to quiet, quit the show. I'm going to bring it. it. Good job. There's some, there's some kerfuffle about serious XM

and Sebastian, but I don't, obviously I don't know what do you mean kerfuffle? You can't tease me without telling me I'll tease you,

but I just don't know enough in my investigative journal. Well, what is the possible problem with Sebastian, really nice guy, comedian? Right.

And XM Rio, seriously? Well, sometimes serious XM, they go, we're going to do a John Mayer channel.

They got Andy Cohen channel. They have 100 channels. Yeah. So they want to beef it up, beef up their slate. But they also have like a raw dog or something comedy channel. I think this is true so far. So Sebastian comes out, hey, I'm going to do a channel on Sirius. Everyone's like great.

I mean, it's probably a lot of upkeep because how do you, I would wonder how those mechanisms work. Is it your act? Is it specials broken up? How do you keep a channel for going? And maybe him showing people he likes. That's the best way to Phil. That would be the best way. So what happened was instead of apparently just they gave him channel 44 or whatever,

they took a channel for newer comics and mid-sized comics and just got rid of it and put Sebastian on. And the problem with that was people get a little taste when they run clips. They wet the beak a little bit. So you get a check. Well, mailbox money. Yeah, they love those. So everyone loves it. I mean, I probably get it.

People get it if they run your clips. No, I know comedians who get checks that kind of help them survive. Of course. So you go like that channel. I mean, even on Facebook, I'm doing videos. They do a certain amount. You'll get 300 bucks. And it's like, hey, great.

You know? So at first when I saw it was a female comic saying, hey, I'm not super famous. But that's like a third of my year. And I'm like, oh, that's when I first got interest was piqued with a cue. The plot is thickening. I'm not saying I'm sure it's a great story, but the plot is thickening. Go ahead. It's starting to thin.

So, because this is where it gets murky. It's like a thin soup. I think it's getting to stewage. The consummate. So then I saw like Swartson talking about it. Then Burke Kreischer. Then like, now my feed is just comics going, Sebastian, do the, right thing. Don't do this. You're a great guy. Everyone likes Sebastian. So it's really, I thought,

well, he probably got caught without knowing. I don't know if these serious deals are huge money. He's so rich. So it might not be worth, the juice might not be worth the squeeze, as they say, on the streets. Well, what is, so the idea is that somehow Sebastian elbowed out this showcase XM can press a button, Serious XM, could press a button. How many channels we got? 144.

All right, let's make a 145. You really? Yeah, okay, now we have 145 channels. It's not finite. This story stinks.

And the story teller is a fraud. So then I saw Sebastian is not going to do that. Dude, are you any of the latest? Yes, I do. So Sebastian. Plot thickening.

It's thickening again. It was very thin for a second. It's so exciting. I'm getting chill. He says, Hey, guys, I heard you. I'm talking to Sirius. We're going to figure this out.

We're going to find a way to showcase comics. He didn't just say, hey, I'm not doing it. It's right back to normal. Because maybe he can't say that. Maybe he has a contract now. So I think he's saying, we'll find a way

get comics paid now it's kind of brought to the surface which is sort of a happy accident comics and then Bert was like we should unionize the comics then everyone will get a basic pay rate of this and that you know whatever whatever so there's a lot of chatter and I'm going to have to

have you investigate and then next week tell me what's actually happening because I don't understand well I know that I'll bet this big pin that Sebastian had no intend or anything to do with this. I found out after the fact because if you check top 10 box, you know, there's your,

there's your Nate Bergotsis and your Jerry's and you look at what they're gross stand up. So you would feel like there'd be so much warmth financially around that why would you get a big old hell, take them out of here while they have to be on serious XM doing that I'm got a channel in my own. I'm on channel. Look for me on channel 24,000, 800.

Seinfeld weighed in. Make another channel. Seinfeld weighs in. Make another channel for the comedy. Channel of people. Everyone's weighing in. Arnold to wait in. Yeah.

You know what? You just push the other channels away and make your own. Yeah. all you do is get the magician, you go abracadabra. We have a channel, 145. It was 144. Now we push it to 145. Make way for Sebastian.

But they still got the own channel. It does seem from the outside like an easy fix. Sebastian has a channel. Yeah. The comics have a channel. Yeah. Everyone's happy. I'm happy, but they're content.

Yeah, I don't know. my brain wants to kind of weasel in there a little bit. I'm just going to get it. Get in there. Figure it out. Try to get. It's just called Dana Talk. Channel 198 on Sunday morning.

Oh, you want to have a channel. Why just I just put it out there? Don't you want a channel? From 8 to 12, we talk about the farm. From 12 to 4. Yeah, I mean, SNL and corporate days. Let me ask you a question. Who gets more?

stuff, just generic question. Is podcasting get more audience or is XM serious radio or do they cross pollen it? Because Conan has a channel and he has a podcast. Yeah. Is it different or is it air on there? I think they'll air reruns. Conan has like 29,000 hours of content that he owns from all of his late night stuff and shows. And Andy Richter, I think, has a show on the channel. So it's called the Conan Channel, I think. We're coming a cocoa. For us, we can use negative three.

Yeah, we come in, you know, twice a month and peel a garlic and, you know, make pithy comments about how we're crying unintentional. Why do we peel garlic? Feel garlic, because, you know, it's very tasty until you, you know, your retina explodes with moisture. You guys. 23 minutes in you're not exactly lighten up

the chat rooms today folks. If we don't have a chat room. We're doing great. This is one of my favorite comments as they scroll up on our live feed. Everyone loves it. I got a new car.

Okay, now we're talking. You love cars. A lot of engagement now. I really thought about it. Here's the hint for you. I needed something that could work in the country and work in Hollywood. Country and Hollywood and we have to work in, but what an F2.50 work in Hollywood? Something that will work in the country.

I'll say it one more time. The country. Okay. El Camino. You're not even the ballpark. You don't even know where the ballpark is. Well, the country and the city. I don't understand.

A Subaru. Okay. Think of Colorado and think of some of the cool towns in Colorado. What are some of the cities in Colorado? You're a brainiac. Aspen. Nope. A Dodge Aspen.

A Tacoma. It's in Washington. That's not it. That's not it. Colorado. That's in Colorado. Okay. The first letter is a T.

Now we're playing Jeopardy or something. Tell you. It's a T. It's a Colorado. Yeah. Boom. It is? The Kia Tell your ride.

Yes. Boom. So it's, um, cool. Yeah, it's the 2027 prestige hybrids. It has a hybrid. I go, hybrid. They go, you never have to plug it in. Self-charging.

Whoops. Oh, wait. So you have gas also, I hope. Yeah, and a little electrical engine. So you get 35 miles a gallon. But it, every time you break or speed up, it has a thing. It's charging. So anyway, I like it.

Are you scared? It's like a medium-sized SUV. No, I think they're very cool. Do you, if you don't pay your tickets, can they just turn your car off from headquarters? What do you mean tickets? That's what I get scared of. Like if you get a lot of tickets or a lot of flock camera trouble, they just go when your car to stop. Well, I don't know.

I'm not saying I'm, you know, Frank Sinatra or something. But the last time I was speeding up the hill, my BMWX-5 got away from me and then whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop. You know, and the guy comes around. I'm like, okay. And then he looks at me through the window and he goes, yeah. Can we get a picture, dude?

All right. Once in a while, phase ticket works. I mean, he says, don't get me wrong. You look a little older, but I still know it's you. Fuck, you got that one in there? What old, dish, dish, dish. No, I made that part up. But the police officer was Chris Rock, and he was just studying for a ball-thump game.

He goes, listen, your jokes are a little creakier, but you're a good guy. He ain't what you used to be, but I know who you are. I don't think these people know who you are. I know who you are. I get that sometimes. Yeah, they don't know who you are, but I know who you are. One of those. No, they throw a parade when you go on a public plane.

Dude, you love this. My chair is backed up against the wall. You live in your lap of luxury over there. Their chair to swivel around. There's a picture we can put up. I don't know what it is. It's a mystery picture. Oh, here it is.

That's my, that's my chair backed against. Oh, wait a minute. And look at the balancing of the five-hour energy. It looks a little. distortive, but your posture, oh, it's balanced out there? Okay. Look, David, this is, we should share this with the audience. This is how I, I have all those.

Oh, you're showing a little BTS yourself. And you kind of look away and you pick one. You don't know what it is, okay? Oh, it's one of your favorites. Billy Bob Thornton. Oh, is this how you're doing your Fiverr energy today? Yeah, I'm just picking. Oh, wow.

I already picked two. I'm going to set you up. Buzzing around. And you say stop. Stop. You're rubbing two of them like this. This is real. We do them a lot.

Oh, my God. All right. I think I have enough and I already took out. Is that Judge Judy on top? I can see. Don't feed me rabbit poop and call it chocolate. Okay. No, that was church.

It's time for buzzing around. Sponsored by Five Hour Energy's new Carmel Apple, Pumpkin Spice Flavors. Dive into Carmel Apple straight from the orchard or fall's most iconic flavor and get into the seasonal spirit. Find caramel apple and pumpkin spice shots for a limited time online at 5Rernergy.com or Amazon today. Now, buzzing around is a fun segment. Dana makes up the fake. scenario. It's sometimes hilarious, sometimes. We're going to see how it goes. It's better when it implodes. Yeah. I like it too because I try to chime in and will chime in as much as you can.

Oh, Jeff Bridges is here. Well, I'm the dude man. I just had a apple pie for breakfast. I heard the dude was written for Nicholson. Did you hear that, Jeff Bridges? I don't know about that, but Jack and I, we made peace about who got the roll. We went to one of them there, yogurt shops, laid down some coffee cream, yogurt, put on some peanut in them and them, you know, squiggly little things and sugarclusters. I'm the dude, man. Good job. Okay. Okay, two aeriodites talking about S&O.

So, this is Pierssmogam. I'm doing Michael Cain. Fuck me with a spoon. It's pretty close. I'll just do Michael Cain. So, Lon Michael's, how do you think the current change going? She's in.

Season 59. No, 51 or 2 or something? No, but 52. It's that thing of like, you just wait to the end of the season and then you see how you've done. Right, Arnold? Yeah.

And by the way, I'm available. I'm available any time you want to do. Sketches are update. Sketches are funny because they're short and the people are laughing. You don't have to do takes. You don't have to jump off a tank. It's just a comedy sketcher. That's all it is.

It's not, it's no big deal. This is Billy Bob Thornton. All I got to know is why are you wearing a goddamn chef's hat? Yeah. I don't know. Dan Garney decided to make me chef. I don't write the rules here. I live in puppet land.

Yeah. Well, get your shit together, man. All right, Billy Bob Thornton. I loved you in Slingblade. That was a long time ago. That was a long time. Mm-hmm. I'll have the slingbag guy talk to you.

Okay. I reckon you, you know, I'm doing good show. Mm-hmm. Taters. Yes. Tater. What you got behind there? Yeah, he tis.

I reckon I'll take a big end. Mm-hmm. David Spade going to, going to Italy, shrinkage in the Netherlands in the lake. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. A lot of shrinkage guy. Yeah, I reckon some people think I'm funny. Knock, knock.

Who's there? Spaghetti. Spaghetti, who? Spaghetti out of here, you. That's pretty good. Is that a new one? Billy Bobby's right that? I don't know if Slingblade understands jokes.

I feel sorry for him. No one does Slingblade anymore. I'll just do a review. viewers, Pierce Morgan. Not your best, not yours, but that you find funny, talking about nether regions. He always wonders if that's what you find funny. That's it. Is that what you find amusing, doing this banter and hoping that the audience finds it amusing

as well? Is that your plan? Is that what you're doing? Hoping something lands. Makes me want to sink slowly. That was buzzing around. Did it. Five Irony energy

buzz around. And pumpkin spice flavors. I could let you read this sometimes. Whether you want apple hits with a smooth, buttery caramel toasted, whether you want apple hits with a smooth, buttery, caramel-coated finish,

or that iconic pumpkin spice. Five-I energy has you covered. Treat yourself to these tastes of fall today, only available online for limited time at five-inerge.com or Amazon. Bada. Pop-up-pup. Oh boy. One thing you got to know about me, David, is that I absolutely love fall. Oh, I know that. Did you know that? My favorite part of the season has always been taking a weekend trip to the local orchard for a delicious, freshly made caramel dipped apple. That's Dana. But honestly, I really do not love all that sugar. So you can imagine how thrilled I was when I found out about.

caramel apple five-hour energy shot yeah what do you think it captures that exact classic autumn flavor profile delivering a crisp sweet and tart apple wrapped in a smooth buttery caramel coated finish it gives you all the warm comforting orchard vibes that you dana crave but in a convenient sugar-free shot that you can take anywhere whenever i'm powering through a busy afternoon this portable little treat brings the ultimate taste of the season right to my routine without any hassle. How about you? Yeah, it's quickly become my go-to fall favorite. I know you're going to love it just as much as I do.

Treat yourself to a crisp apple bite and smooth caramel delight with a caramel apple, five-hour energy shot, only available online for a limited time at five-energy.com or Amazon. Let's do a few stories and really shake this town up. Yeah, someone's got a dinner to go to. Did I tell you this story? You can read it. Zookeeper fired after being caught licking the guerrillas testicles every morning. I don't even, I have no comment.

What do you think? I don't think you should fire. That's like a warning. But look at the photo is even more sickening. This can't be true, but it might be. Fort Wayne, Indiana. right if someone just made it up that's funny and if it's true it's funny so there's i like it's odd no matter what everyone has their little kinks and what they like so you know i don't

i don't think it's shocking leave impossible hey man i don't judge i don't judge i judge people but i don't who am i to judge i secretly if you want to have popsicle look a popsicle what am i to do or do a citizen's arrest if you want to have a monkey nut is that you like a popsicle we're like beavis and butt-h yeah he said weiner that story might have had nuts but it didn't have legs so let's keep going let's keep going

it's what you call on show business is showstop but ladies and gentlemen okay this is a big story New York City Diet Coke diehards declare emergency as beloved soda disappears from grocery deliveries. You know this story caught my eye. There's no Diet Coke in Italy.

There's Coke Zero, which is not Diet Coke. We all know. It should be a crime to think it is and then hit me with it when they know it's not. And they go, oh, yes, here you go. And I go, wrong, wrong. People that like Diet Coke are really into it. I'm one of them. Why is Diet Coke such a big deal?

I don't know. I just don't like when people don't have it. Because the calories? Well, what, does Trump? Trump can't go there. He brings them with him, I guess. I just like it. It tastes good.

Yeah. I'm sure he just brings them, but I just think it tastes good and I'm hooked. But there's some shortages and people are hoarding. That was another big story, I guess. If I'm going to have a Coke, I'm going to have a Coke. I'm not going to have a Coke. You probably can. I don't need a cherry Coke.

That's my problem. Well, I don't, I only eat a Coke when I'm traveling. And if I am driving and I go to McDonald's, I have a cheeseburger, fries, and a Coke because I need that. I did eat McDonald's here. We found one and it was so goddamn good. I will say I look pale with this white background, so I don't want to do it again. We'll figure it out. I wasn't thinking that.

Dana, quit doing my color wheel in your head. Okay, next story. It's the most relaxed. Oh, here we go. walking 10,000 steps a day has now become a six-figure competition what people are trying to get to a hundred thousand okay so if 10,000 is maybe two miles they have a prize pool and then people enter it and go you got to i mean i don't know it's getting out of control i never get 10,000 so it's like 20 miles i mean that's called waking up and walking until you drop at night there's no way

getting 20 our PAs get 20 and they are nonstop on their feet and nonstop running around but I mean the step don't even do that much as you said I just I don't even get 6,000 when I'm rotting on the set you can't leave well anytime you're not sitting and you're walking at any speed it's good for you it's something your back your back compresses when you sit and it decompresses when you stand. So there's a lot of positive benefits. As far as your engine, your V-O-2 max, you want to work it, get your heart elevated,

and then it gets stronger, and then your resting pulse is like 45. Instead of someone like you, it's probably 130. I have a solid BP, dude. I get my blood pressure when I go in, and he's like, dude, this is so hot. Really? Mine's like, yeah, mine's getting pretty hot.

I was no one's low. Well, mean too low? No, he likes it. He says, you're fucking killing it,

dude. He's excited. Well, look, I do it in the doctor's office. Yeah. And it's like, you know, because they're just rushing there.

That's what they say. People get nervous. White coat. You don't even think you're nervous. Then I'm at home. I have a kit. I have a thing. And I'm relaxing.

It's like 112. over 60, 65. Holy shit. Holy shit, it's Jason Bourne. Sometimes 1-10 over, you know. And so then I saw maybe the one at home is fake. So I brought it with me the next time. Whoa.

They got it. It's astronomical. Put my home one on and it was the same. So I knew it was accurate and I knew it was the white coat effect. And I walked on. You still get white coat fever when you go in? I don't realize it, you know. You know, you look, you don't see.

I don't think I'm nervous, but I'm just a little amped up, you know. All right. Let's do another story. You're amped up right now. Let's do that because that's just, you know, in the weeds. Hmm. A man robbed a bank for $1 just so he could be sent to prison and received medical care. He handed a teller a note demanding $1, then calmly waited in the bank for the police to come and arrest him.

59-year-old James Verone walked to a bank in North Carolina Okay, so he wanted to go Martin Sheen look-alike is arrested He's going to play this guy in the movie But it is tough about health care So this guy went in and he goes You know people, prisoners

When they get out of jail sometimes It's too hard to assimilate And they go back in because they get three hots and a cot And so there's something to that Well, by the way, the story of the week And maybe it's a little morose So, and I'll just tell you my take, can you tell your take? So it's kind of interesting that this woman was supposed to be executed with lethal injections.

Yeah, I heard about that. So they gave her one. She's like, is that all you got? Shook it off. Is that all you got? They gave her two. I guess she fell asleep, but nothing happened. So they took her to the hospital.

And then she was in the hospital with a doctor or a nurse. So it was kind of interesting that doctor came in and go, you know, looking good. Your blood pressure is pretty normal. And we can have you back in the lethal ejection room in probably 25 minutes. Oh, shit. What seems to the problem? I mean, what is the irony of that? What brings you in you? I'm trying to. Oh, I'm being killed. Oh, I'm being killed, but they didn't quite kill me. All right. Well, let's get, let's take your vitals and let's sell your sodium's a little low. Let's get you an IV. Get you healthy and ready. So we can get you back to where you want to go.

I mean, what, what to what? This gentleman will ask you. I've never heard of anything like that. Was it a, the chair or was it injection? Did they do the chair? No, they're talking of bringing back the old-fashioned electric chair. I think it was Alabama or something. Do they have a, what's it called me get shot?

Well, she requested a firing squad. firing squad never met they rarely you know what they do with those they give one guy no bullets so you always can say maybe i didn't kill it maybe wasn't me is that right interesting that's really true i've heard that i think it's okay for people to pick it like i'd like to be kind of put out in a field and just exploded you know just have a bomb around just kind of how to is that too to dark. I want to be... I'd like to go on a really gnarly slide.

Yeah. And just go as many times I could till I'd break my neck or something. You want to be shot up someone's butt with a coconut. Maybe not. I'm just brainstorming. I like to go up on SpaceX and then have me release me into space in a space suit. And I just go as long as I can go out and... to space.

I want to go to, maybe I would try to go over the Niagara Falls on a skateboard. Without the barrel? Yeah. Skateboard, just skateboard. Anyway, I thought that was interesting. Maybe it was a showstopper, but they, they said, yeah, everything we're doing is a showstopper. Okay, no, one more. We'll keep one more.

Let's see what we got. Let's see we got. Okay. Shark captured, swimming. This is old, but this is, and floodwater. And this is when I was in Jersey. and Hoboken, all those places got, we had a huge storm. Right.

And they caught the shark. Look at that. It made it into the city. Dunham. Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun you know the shark's lost. He's like, is that Jersey mics right there? It's not in the ocean.

Yeah, I don't know. I don't know how sharks process thoughts. Sharks like, is that a czarro? where am I? Did it get a Mike's sandwich is floating in the Jersey Mike's sandwich floating in the water? Five a long one is a cheesecake factory?

I think I'm not in the ocean anymore. What they don't show is right behind that they cut it too early was a killer whale right behind the shark. He's going to kill the shark. Yeah. They don't get along. There was a blue whale behind that whale

trying to scoop them both up. They try to get a lot. long where they don't always get along. They say it's a big ocean. Just do your thing, but sometimes they scrap. Okay, one more. That was a dud. Let's go on one more.

You call them like you see him. Yeah. We have a running cemetery on the side chat. A prank creator. Okay, look at this. This, I have to say, I'll tell you who I agree with after. Okay, let's hear the story. Mm-hmm.

Okay. Whoa. A viral prank ended in tragedy, leaving a social media influencer critically injured, while the man who struck back was later found not guilty, sparking fierce debate online. What would you do? What would you do? What would you do? What did?

19-year-old prank influencer Tyler Brooks approached 34-year-old Alex Mercer from behind and suddenly sprayed an unidentified liquid toward his head while filming the moment. Startled and unable to identify what had been sprayed on him, Mercer reacted instantly and punched Brooks. Brooks collapsed immediately, suffering a severe head injury and losing consciousness. Doctors later confirmed significant brain damage, warning that he could remain in a prolonged coma or suffer long-term disability. As footage of the incident spread rapidly on life. What are you doing? You want this kind of trouble you're going to get it.

Constiters charged Mercer with felony assault, arguing that his response was severe and lasting harm. However, the jury ultimately found out. Now, if the guy hits it and he didn't spray whatever, he didn't know what he was spraying. Could be anthrax. Yeah. He could be trying to kill him. or some poison, blind him, and it was just someone's playing, and he just reflex.

He happened to be incredibly strong, I guess it didn't hit him in the wrong way. Hopefully the guy wouldn't have gone in a coma, but if you got backhand, it makes sense. But people just say, come up with an air horn and do that to you. I would hit anybody that did that because what are you doing? Why do you want to help? We could lose hearing. Yeah.

Yeah, it's called the instigator. So just don't be an instigator. Don't be an instigator. I hope he recovers because it's. they do this and then sometimes you get the shit kicked out. I'm like, what? It's just a camera. Look, I'm doing prank.

I don't care. You're trying to ruin my life for your stupid YouTube channel. Get fog. Yeah. I mean, you just can't suddenly go up to someone randomly and spray something in their eyes without expecting some. He could have pushed him and it hit his head. Could have thrown him off. It would have been worse, but it just went.

Yeah. Anyway, I think we all learned a lesson there. Dana, this is top ten. We learned a lesson. constant. I'm going to say number eight out of 400, yeah? If we had an audience of like

700 watching us and we could hear them, then we kind of know. We're already getting feedback that this is one of the best ever, so that's good. All right, we'll jump off, but everyone excited. We have, Marcello is replaying on the channel. We have,

have who is this week oh andrew what music producer of all the big uh stars on their talking and yeah who's next week oh apatow we talked to hilarious um he's got a norm about about no no biography documentary documentary didn't you like check that one out yeah what is interesting if you're into music and i told juddy had two documentaries coming out i go it's doc tober on netflix i've everyone skimmed over it i loved it it's good pun there's truth behind it so it does make sense

as a casual funny rejoinder you know yeah all right well dan i just want to get a documentary

i want one oh you'll get one you'll get one if you want uh judd's quietly working on it as you quiet quit this i'm not going to quite quit

i'm going to bring it all right thanks everybody thanks everybody Thanks, everybody. Thanks. All right, listen, if you're enjoying the fly on the wall, of course, hopefully you are. Click follow. We don't want to be desperate, but obviously smash that god dang button on your favorite podcast app. Smash it.

Leave a review, a good one. Leave a five-star rating, nothing else. And maybe even share an episode with a friend. If you're watching this episode on YouTube, please subscribe, Dana. What do you think? I'm going to tell you this right now. Hear me now and I'll believe me later. Fly in the Wall, believe it or not, is presented by Odyssey. And executive produced by Hold For It, Dana Carvey and David Spade. Or David Spade and Dana Carvey, we don't write this stuff.

Heather Santoro, Greg Holtzman, and Leah Reese Dennis. The show is edited by Evan Cox, with production support from Phil Sweet Tech. Talent Production and Booking by Sophia Lepore.