Fly on the Wall with Dana Carvey and David Spade - Summer Cuts & Slop

Episode Date: June 1, 2026

David and Dana cover Dana’s Summer cut, David’s Vegas show with Nikki Glaser, and soft rock podcasting. Plus, Dana doesn’t know where the original Garth wig is, Scooby News, and Don Jr’s wedding. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

It was Caesars with Nikki Glazer. We had such a blast. She's good, right? You know what? She's, um, is she good? She's good. Yeah. I don't watch any shows, but I happen to be home usually on Sundays.

I flip around. I hit it. And then you can do Rewine on DirecTV where it starts in the beginning. Sidney Sweeney is quite, as my mom would say, she got huge boobs. Well, Scoob. the street of Hormoz is still closed. If it doesn't open up soon, gas prices are going to stay high, and that'll be tough on the midterms for the Republicans.

Is guitar, Matt? You're supposed to say Rout row. Rout row. The sailor shirt is, yeah, you can explain it. Well, first of all, yesterday I got a summer cut, and I suggest you get a summer cut. A summer cut out of it. You can tell it's shorter.

It's a summer cut. And this is sort of a summer shirt. Oh, well, oh. So I'm ready for summer. Are you ready for summer? I'm just going to say, probably not ready. I didn't know you're going to flip this back on me so quickly like this. Well, I mean, I said summer cuts, summer shirt, summer's coming.

And then I see you and I go with all empathy and compassion, this guy is not ready for summer. I'm not. I have a black shirt and a black sweater on. in a black cave. I'm in a cave. I don't know. It's so black, but my hair's still lit up from the back. That was a happy accident. You look nice. Every single one. Yeah, I do. I agree. You wore stripes some recently and someone told me you looked nice in him. And then I just said, oh, great. Then I deleted the comment. Any praise you get. I love the honesty. I remember some of the boy, that Dave's big guy's really funny.

And I said, really? You think so? And then I walked away. Right. And they go, Dana's good. I go, Dana Plato from different strokes? Or do you mean Dana Carvey? They say to me, Spade's good.

And I go, at what? And then I walk away. They go, Spade's good. And you go, the cards? What do you talk about? What are you talking about? Good. They say Spade's funny.

I know. But is it in a good way or a bad? bad way. You know, it's all in how you answer because my friend was married and he talked to these girls and they go, are you married? And he goes, yeah. I go, this is not how your wife wants you to answer that. You should be like, of course I am and I'm crazy about her. But he would go like this. First, he'd buy time and go, am I married? Am I married? Am I married? Are you married? Are you married? Sure. Sure.

I mean, I guess. You guess? Technically. If you go by the laws and if you go by the justice, oh, the peace. But yeah, and that was a good wave. I go, how much time are you buying by repeating the question? Are you married? She's like flirting and he goes, am I married?

And I'm like, there's one, two, three seconds. Ultimately, you're going to get to yes. Are you married? Who wants to know? Yeah. Yes, but it's not serious. Yeah, we're taking a little break, and so I have a hall pass. The break is always. Yeah.

By the way, something happened in Vegas. I was in Las Vegas this weekend. I do not want to talk about it. Was it, was it, was it Cesar's or? Yeah. Okay. I understand. It was Cesar's with Nikki Glazer.

We had such a blast. She's good, right? you know what she's um is she good she's good yeah i can't even jokingly do it about her she's great the hardest part is i usually follow her because you know we flip flop but we flip the coin you're the senior in the class she's a freshman right and she i will safely say she's hard to follow um so anyway wait wait a wait a minute wait a minute say that again she's hard to follow really oh I didn't even see that one coming

sorry just just coming back okay so continue there you go why oh the act oh okay I know she wears these heels and if you follow her you might fall over is that what you mean

is that what you're talking about by the way she is lightly taller than me already and then she has heels that can only be less used on the Kiss Destroyer album cover where they're on seven-inch heels

and, I know. I know what everyone's done, people have done bits about this, but you go to security, your suitcases up there and you take your shoes off, and all of a sudden the women go,

you know, I've never felt taller than when the women take their shoes off at security. Yeah, you know, that is where you hang out. But to even the playing field, just for like an hour before my flight. But my buddy Bobby Miyamoto says he asks a girl out and she goes, but I'm taller than you and I want to date a guy that I can wear heels around.

And she goes, he goes, I think it's, you shouldn't assume I'm going to take you somewhere you're going to have to wear heels. That was his way out of it. That's pretty good. He says it better. Thank you. I got into that joke and I'm like, I don't remember how it this pays off.

But it actually is kind of a smart. Kind of a smart rejoiner. Well, why are you going to have heels on when you're in my bedroom? Right. When you're at Taco Bell. Bobby's a, he's got some sneaky bits.

He's got some game too, that guy. He's a women. Yeah. Yeah. All right. He does a good job. If you say so. By the way, speaking of Las Vegas.

Bobby. back at Caesars in September, but that aside, get your tickets now, but that aside. Okay, just give us the real. What else they did this weekend there was, I just saw this in the paper, the enhancement games, what are they then? That's where it's the athletes can juice any way they want, HGH, TRT, whatever they want to do. They can be guinea pigs, yeah, peptides, uttides, out of bites. And then they compete and they smash world records. HBO.

And TBS. Yeah. Yeah. Family and friends on HBO Max. It's all there, right. So there's a guy. I just saw one clip. It's kind of a funny idea.

Well, is it on? Can I watch it today? I don't know. I only saw a picture, but it was all I heard was 25 million in prizes. That's a lot. Yeah, there's only two guys competing. I think people could get into it if it gets some traction because one guy did 100 pushups. Now, it's not a lot for me and you, but for most people, that's doable.

But he did the kind, which you know and I know because we're athletes. Yeah. But two guys standing there like this and he does him on their hands. So it's kind of wiggly. Oh. And that's harder. Definitely. It's really hard.

I did 77 pushups in seventh grade. Dana James Carvey. Look, you know, I like to say strong in the upper body. You know, they'd call me my nickname in eighth grade was PD pushup. But actually, I did 40 pull-ups when I was 12. Lie one. No. Here's the explanation.

My dad used to say to me. They allowed you, you didn't have to go like this. You could do this swinging gymnastics motion. And a guy, I held the record in the school for like an hour. this guy was like, had a beard, he's like 12. For an hour. Let me try it. And he did like 52.

Buy it. Go ahead. So what else happened? So that hurt your ticket draw or what? No, I'm just saying it was all so interesting. I played golf in the boiling heat, but it wasn't that boiling this weekend. Overall, it was super fun and nothing huge to report. Well, what's the vibe?

What time is your social? Okay, inside baseball alert. What time does the show start? start eight starts eight thank god not bad do you have a case i ever need you dana it starts at eight because dana carvey did me a favor one's and covered for me with ray romano at the mirage great wonderful guy hilarious guy i love ray i don't give dana one tiny bit of information the show starts at 10 which is an eternity eat dinner around 637 you're dying on the vine and then the show starts and at 10 they always go, we're going to hold it a little bit until it fills up.

Okay. Now we're at 10.15. Then someone goes up first. Now we're at 1030. Cue Dana and he gets off. That's late. But I went back for more punishment. We've talked about this.

I booked it in July without thinking. So it was 120 flights were canceled. Half the hotel was empty. And they held and held and held. And the crew guys were so nice. So nice, but as I was playing it, I just said to them, well, I'll never do this again. Because I have farmers hours. So I can be, you know, I can do an 8 o'clock show, fine.

But for me to get up at 7, waits 19 hours in my room and then get on stage kind of at 11. I mean, it's not, I can't even. I know I can't do the math. But the guys were like, really, you're never coming back. But I don't know why, but they closed the whole hotel after that, turned into something else. That was. I'm not saying I shut it down. That was a tiny bit of it.

Yeah. I saw them rebuilding the Mirage. It's now the hard rock and they have a huge guitar. They ripped out that beautiful volcano. I thought that was so cool. Well, I thought they, go ahead. They just put a huge guitar and the guitar bottom of it is rooms. And the neck is going to be like laser beams for strings.

Well, I like that. I mean, I just think it's kind of weird that what the actual name when it opens, because they had a hard rock. and now this, they're calling this harder rock. And I thought that was an awkward thing to do. But it actually, the final name will be the harder rock. Yeah, I stayed at the soft rock. Can you even smile.

Oh, no, you're already thinking of the next. Yeah, I know. I was like harder rock. Okay, what can I do with that? Soft rock. Yeah, soft rock. Hey. We got the soft hits.

You're on FOTW flying the wall. It's 1021 and fly on the wall. 1027 on the Dane Rock. Do you consider us soft rock podcasting? No, I love, I love Metallica. I like heavy metal a lot. But just our vibe is more softer rock than like a, I guess, rog.

And I don't know what shows we could compare it to. Well, it's, you know, I mean, I just answer that for a second. David, are we soft rock? We could be. We could be. Yeah. I'm not, yeah. Come on.

I'm not getting around here. Let's get serious. This gets out. This is the folks. Right. And here's Linda Ronstadt with Midnight Blue. It's not hard rock. Here's cooling the gang with gangy cool.

I'm trying to say 70s. I use this in my act. Cool in the gang, I go, here's one for the virgins. What was it? Celebration. Now I said, celibate. Salabot, I'll never lose it. That was not cool in the game.

That was a different one. I love really bad puns. I love the song parodies that are fucking rock. Yeah, I'm working on, I may debut it, because I just for fun was working on some guitar stuff. For our gig in Saratoga, June 14th. Tickets are going fast. Low ticket warning.

I just thought, Neil Young has this song. cinnamon girl so I might do a thing it'll give away the joke sinabund girl the premises that he sold his catalog and now they're making commercials I want to live with a sinne girl I mean that's gonna be the audience gonna stand up and then at the end of voiceover goes sinabon at your local mall strip mall next to Pan Express then I've got Neil Young from McDonald's well I dreamed I saw the golden arches in the yellow haze of the sun there were burgers frying and i ain't lying in the pickle hit the buns

that's good ending i know yeah uh i can't believe i finish that now i can't do it at saratoga no you can they want to hear the guitar d too they want to hear the hits give them the shit they like isn't that special don't be a gully man gotta do it no they like this one because they just heard it and they go i hope he does one with pickle And I hope Spade comes out and does the tomato popping out of hamburger. Well, you better bring it. When you do Saratoga, you better bring it. Are you going to bring it?

No, I got a new one. I'll bring it. Okay, good. But I'm working on the pickle because he's a little greasy, and he slides out like this. He slides out because he acts like nothing's going on. Oh, this is a follow-up to your tomato flying out of the sandwich. The pickle coming out of the cheeseburger. He slides out like this, but he acts like he's not leaving,

but he's just like slowly inching back. Then he goes onto your car seat. Here's a pickle because they have a gun. They shoot the pickle into the bun. This is a pickle coming out of the gun, just sitting there. How you doing, man? What's that? Brup.

I, okay. We've reached new heights. No, we are going to get this story sooner than later because we have so many of these news stories. But I don't have much to report on my weekend and my life. Nikki was great. So we'll say that. She stayed for the AMA Awards and no doubt.

And I, I cruised. Oh, that's right. That was on last night. Oh, who won? The AMAs aren't quite as. Well, I'm not against them. I just, I was watching Doc, you know,

Doctor Show. Oh, I was watching Euphoria. I don't watch any shows, but I happen to be home usually on Sundays. I flip around. I hit it, and then you can do Rewine on DirecTV, where it starts from the beginning. Sidney Sweeney is quite, as my mom would say, she got huge boobs. Now, my mom says very busty. And she busted them out last night.

But I do like Zendaya's story better. I think I've said this. It's very controversial that I picked that side. But they really, the old euphoria, it's not like that. It's really just following these two megastars. Oh, okay. And they're just going. And Jacob Allority.

They're two separate stories, but Jacob Allorty is a. Oh, J.E. is in it? Yeah. Oh, okay. And a girl that plays Maddie, I don't know her name, but she's actually the sleeper of the whole thing. She's great. Really cute girl, and she's really good in it.

So I get, it's a little rougher on the edge, a little uncut gemsy because there's way more going on than the old Alexa Demi. Yeah. Well, I tried to get my wife to watch it. So I read the byline. Hey, honey, it's a show. I don't know, Sydney Sweeney. Here it is. Sydney Sweeney on all fours wearing a dog collar, finds out her true love is actually, I couldn't read the rest of it online on this show.

But, no, we went to a housing show, people searching for homes in Venice. You're like, we took a walk to the pumpkin patch on our farm to clear our heads. Now we go out and feed the horses. We're really connecting to the horses. And they jump around with joy. And we give them carrots and little horse cookies. You could do an Instagram about your horses and people like it. They like to calm down and like it.

Well, horses calm you down. I mean, they're not the sharpest knife in the drawer. They're not the crispiest chip in the bag, but they're adorable. And one is going to have a baby in July and I'll be out there and my Instagram's going to blow up. You wanted action. Is it a Fourth of July, baby? They're not the brightest bulb on the strip. What's the best way to say someone's not very smart?

I like brightest bulb on the strip because there's so many light bulbs in Las Vegas. I like this one because it doesn't totally make sense. They're not the crispiest chip in the bag. I like it. Like what would we say about Heather? She's super crispy, yeah. Good comeback. Heather's got game today.

I can tell she's a little. Speaking of chips, when I went to get my $32 chips out of the mini bar, I noticed that they said they were healthy. I already tell you this. What kind were they? Were they baked? Well, first of all, it only has three ingredients. And I was like, that's good because mine have 75,000.

So I said three is healthier. And the only ingredients, you tell me, potatoes, salt, cancer. So I'm like most of the ingredients. I don't like the third one. I'm just going to go out. It's a hard take. I'm going to go out on a limb. I don't like the third one.

I like the first two. It has potatoes, salt, Lou Gehrig disease. I'm like, most of them are good for you. Potato, salt, facial paralysis. Yeah. I don't like it. Yeah, potatoes are a vegetable. Salt, you can have some salt.

But let me ask you a question. Jerry Seinfeld hated when I'd say that. Don't ask me a question. Just ask, that's why I'm here. Love Jerry. So you're kind of like, you're going to the hotel. I'm not going to harvest them any bar. I'm not going to harvest the mini bar.

I'm going to leave it alone. Sometimes I try to get it clean. out, but a lot of times it's there, it's waiting. So you have a 13-hour travel day, a delayed flight. We're going to light-chop all that. By the time you get there, all that promise to yourself goes out the window. You're in the corner with just your underwear on with a Snickers bar, a Heineken, and some lace potato chips crying.

Is that ever happened to you? Yeah. I'm literally just chewing it out of the mini bar because I don't have time to grab it. I know. Well, they line up all the, it's really, it's every kind of hedonistic thing you could have. Yeah, they have everything. Soda, booze, just vodka. I don't touch any of that, but like you do. They've got also, it's mostly where my friends just say, oh, there's some free candy. And then they just load up like a Halloween. They put it in a pillowcase. And I go, I think I pay for this. They go, well, you do. Yeah.

free for me. I know. But then I go, I go, let's go out in the hallway to the maid cart, or as I call it, the gift shop. And then I go, I'll take a little shampoo, a water, a towel. Well, I ordered a large bottle of sparkling water. Guess what it was? $47. No.

What? It was over 30. No. I love it. I wanted to under a guest to make your story really pop. Visit BetMGM Casino and check out the newest exclusive. The Price is Right Fortune Pick. BetMDM and GameSense remind you to play responsibly.

19 plus to wager. Ontario only. Please play responsibly. If you have questions or concerns about your gambling or someone close to you, please contact connects Ontario at 1-866-531-2,600 to speak to an advisor. Free of charge. BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with Eye Gaming Ontario. I want to do something right now because I just thought it would be fun to do it as more of a reacoon.

This is Scooby-Doo. Scooby-Doo News and I'll start. And David's going to play Scooby-Doo and I'll play, what's this guy's name? Shaggy. Shaggy. Well, Scoob, the Strait of Hormoze is still closed. If it doesn't open up soon, gas prices are going to stay high. And that'll be tough on the midterms for the Republicans.

Is guitar, man? You're supposed to say Rout row. Rutro. Scooby's getting smarter. He's really thinking things through. He's wondering one of the other countries. How are they feel? Heather, give us another news story.

And you're going to do Scooby News? Yeah. Oh, boy. Any story. Oh, I couldn't turn off the AC in my hotel. Well, geez. G, Scoob, comedian David Spade isn't allowed to turn the air conditioning off in his hotel rooms. Rut, right.

There you go. I got it. I'm like 76. No, just that's your punchline. Oh, it is? Yeah. I will tell you now that we're getting into this,

I did not want to get into this. Oh, boy. These are big problems. When I went to bed, have you ever had a light you couldn't turn off when you're on the road and you can't figure it out so you go to sleep by light on in your room? Yes.

Or curse. You can't close. You're right. Sure. Sure. So I had all those things plus, I usually get it wired by the second night, but I'm usually gone by the second night. So my AC, for some reason, I can't find the off switch.

And Nikki has the same kind of room like Nikki, Nikki, Nikki helped me. She said, mine has an off switch. I was like, it doesn't have an off switch? Right. Or I can't find it. Well, where, did she tell you where to look for it? No. It was too embarrassed to.

go back for a second. She's like, she probably got off the phone and goes, this moron doesn't know how to find off on the, you know, A-C. So I left it at that. She looks up to me like I'm some tough guy, you know, so I got to keep that rep. I know. Everyone does. Yeah. So part of your brand. I called down the maintenance guy comes up. And he goes, oh yeah, we can turn this off. We do it from an iPad. Why is that peculiar to me? Hmm. Yeah, I'm loving. in Nazi Germany. That's the problem in those big fancy sweets. Yeah,

because you can't just open the curtain. There's all kinds of code and everything. Yeah, so it's like opening a safe. Anyway, God forbid I even remember to bring my key to my goddamn room. It's a 22,000 step trek to the front desk. If you've done a two-mile track and you get your key,

you're done to the gig, you're exhausted. Yeah, yeah, it doesn't go and you got to go down. nor you do you find a phone in the hallway excuse me excuse me that's just room seven have you tried we'll have security up there tried opening the door they never believe you

have you tried turning the knob we'll have security up there in 44 minutes I'm always like laying on the carpet when they come in and that's been road stories I'm trying to brand our segments but I want to bring up the subject

because it's been I think you might have a hot take on it. The the increasing use in the media of the word slop. Slop is always been around, but if you notice

in the last 10 weeks, it's just that's slop, this is slop. What do you think slop means? You know, this is a good question and I wasn't ready for it, but I have to say

I have caught myself seeing that word and going, I didn't think it was catching on, but I think it is. Oh, I see it. If you use the sentence, just tell the viewers like a weird, that's when I go, is this something people are saying now? If you see some kind of live streaming show or something, oh, that's just slop, you know, that's just slop. Yeah, you see a comedian.

Not put together well? Yeah, just his new. materials just slap. There's nothing to do with you though. Lazy? Yeah. Nothing to do with you. Because everyone at the show this weekend said my act was slop and I thought it was flattering.

But this, this offends me because actually in olden days and cowboy times, you know, you'd have like, they'd put all this, whatever they had left and just serve like beans and rice and corn and a carrot or two. And they would call it slop. Now they're applying it to media And we loved it And we loved it

In my day We didn't have flame retardant sleep wear If you went to bed smoking You woke up engulfed in flames Whopty do I'm a burning corpse And I love it In my day we didn't have flaming hot Cheetos We swallowed red ants

Just so people know This is the grumpy old man An old guy who just loves the past. And I'm working on one where he's going to talk about, you know, social media and Bluetooth and stuff. But there was a time when David, this guy, David Spade, wrote for me a little bit. And you wrote a grumpy old man joke that still works. Mm.

Yeah. It was something about, in my day, we didn't have latex condoms. You took a rabbit skimmed and tied it off with a bungee cord, and you used the same one over and over again. And we loved it. I think that was your joke. That's right. Bungee cord is a funny term.

Bungy cord and a rabbit skin over a bungee. Rabbit pelt. Well, I like flaming hot Cheetos. We chewed up fire ants. And we loved it. Then we were helicoptered out. That was the turn. That was Bob Ode-Kirk's turn with that.

Because we were all sitting around riffing it, you know, coming up with it. And the turn was that the guy talks about how bad it was, but they loved it. Yeah. Oh, yeah. That's why it was when we loved it. Yeah, the turn is that we love it. We don't complain. We're complaining, but then we say, not we love it.

But, you know, I'm going to do stuff like, oh. You're going to go, we didn't have AI. We didn't have cell phones. Look at me. I've got friends. I had one friend. I wrote him a letter once a year. And I never met him. He lived three miles away. But that's the way it was. We liked it. We liked it or we loved it. I could go either way. I'm not. But you know, you should like, like, like it on your clothes or we loved it. Yeah. And it's all about the show. We didn't have comedians on stage struggling to love. a joke before they get off. We petered out to silence and random booze. And that was the way it was and we liked it.

Wait, we loved it. Yeah, we didn't have comedians. We had one random guy would light himself on fire. We laughed and laugh. Yeah. We didn't have a comedian in town. We had a guy we called Smartass. His name was Smartyass.

And he was the funniest guy around. We're done with that one. No, I just run out of jokes. Yeah, I know. Should we go to stories? Let's go to stories. We got it in you. We got a big day ahead of us.

Oh, by the way, would you on the beach, would you rather have David Spade shows his jaw-dropping physique or David Spade flaunts his incredible abs? If you were up the beach and got on Daily Mail. Oh. It's better than Busty display. I'm taking seriously. I don't want any picks my shirt off. I'll never take my shirt off at the beach again. Do you ever notice how guys who lived in the gym,

no matter what, their shirt's coming off? Hey, look, the cloud went away. Look, it came back. It comes off anyway. You know, they touch the sand. Yeah, we'll never know what's beneath that. I don't know. I'm too scared.

I've gotten bad pictures on the beach. I don't like it. Okay. Here we go. Sam Elliott. This is one of your favorite, Sam Elliott. Love him. Did something I didn't know he did.

Okay. I'll know you were Smokey the Bear. Well, apparently you do. Laughs too far. Only you can prevent wildfires. You know what was interesting is I've been doing that voice for a long time. Not the commercials that they're doing now. Now he's very talkative.

he's like everybody he's got something to say i'm just amazed by his voice but we were born i was born on the same day and year that that campaign began wow on the exact same day on the exact same day when was that august night wow alien intervention wow unbelievable yeah 1944 um 44 so he's 28 years old

I like, you know what you used to say, only you can prevent forest fires. Right. Now it's wildfire. Oh, wildfires. And now it's like, only you can prevent climate change. Oh, yeah. What about this one? Ace is a place with the helpful hardware, man.

That's a non-sacquitur. we're moving on from Smokey the Bear to a hardware store. Ace is a place with the helpful hardware folks. Ace is a place with the careful hard on man. Ace is a place where the helpful hardware people that are employees, but we don't want to offend you. I gave you a sex joke and you didn't even go for it. I know.

I don't like wiener jokes anymore and I don't like when you do them all the time. Okay, let me make a note. Because I won't remember. No, I switched it around on you. No, I do a lot of ways. your jokes. I almost said that the mini bars have like blue chew, Viagra, and boner pills. They have a lot of stuff in there that you.

Oh, they have an intimacy kid, some of these hotels, a little box with just intimacy toys. I know, intimacy is from the gross word. Can you tell me what's in it? I like when the hooker says, is there anything for intimacy when we make love in a minute? Is there anything in here for not gagging when we make? club. Is there any intimacy gags and whips? Yeah, they have a whip, but it's only this long. It doesn't really do much. Can you grab me one of those intimacy butt plugs? Okay, that's far. Too far.

Okay. Oh, weiner and butt plugs. We have now, ding, ding, ding, ding. You started it. And then I went back. I said, oh, open season. I just won $300,000 on Polymar. I bet that you would say, we know. Why don't we get sponsored by them? We could think of the dumbest, Betz. That you would say weiner or butt plugs during this exact episode within three seconds of each other. So for that, I say thank you.

I say thank you. Where's Garth would say, thank you. My name's God. Do you stop? Where's the Garth wig? I was just saying that. Where's the Garth wig?

I have a Joe Dirt wig. Where is it? Where is it? Where is it? You know what? The original original? I don't know where it is. is, but.

You know, funny, funnily enough, Garth would never get a summer cut, by the way. No, Garth is like Batman or Superman. He's got a uniform. It's the flannel, the t-shirt, that hair, and those glasses. Look at his face. I know. Look how buffanti that is.

I know. Buffante-ism. I like it. That's a terrible buffonty. Heather, what would you like Garth to say to you? Hey, Heather. Hope you don't mind me saying. this, but you're looking good.

Sexual harassment. Swing. Swing. Swing is harassment for sure. All the life. Yeah. This is, fellas, this podcast is so funny. I love it.

I love it. That's a new one. I like that he's mid laugh in that photo. Yeah. It's a very happy. Yeah. Hey, David Spade. Nice to see you again.

How many presumes can you do? That guy did 100 because he's a baby man. Yeah. And back when I was in my prime, I do six million push jobs. And my pectorals would be like garbage can size. You just see my rhomboids. Now all I do is wear a tuxedo. Every day I put on my tuxedo and ask them to wear David Speed.

In case you guys need me for the podcast. David Speed, I get very easily take your little chicken arms and make a little chicken stew out of them. Chicken stew. It doesn't even make sense. I like it. You too? Yeah, I do like that. All right.

All right. We're talking one. All right. Next story. Next one. Now I'll come back with a puppet. Oh, hang on. Okay.

Good girl, Kiki. Oh, cute. Oh, it's a dog and a little lambs and a little cart. Mary had a little lamb, and he had a... Oh, and he can stir. Is Kiki doing it? Is he steering the cart? It's a little like a Kiki, yeah.

Jeez, it's... Let's see if she can parallel park. Solid hype man, too. I think it's a lamb on a platform. Oh, Kiki. I'm jealous people with all that land. Just the fuck around. Then you would be jealous of me.

I am jealous. Whoops. Turn Kiki, you're going to kill a rabbit. What if she flipped and exploded? Hey girl. Kiki, get away from the gas truck. Kiki, Kiki, fly like you did yesterday when I dropped acid. Kiki, please fly.

What was I going to say something on the new house? That's when people have a lot of spare time. What do you think we should do today? I don't know. Let me put Kiki on some kind of put some wheels under there, a little electric thing we control it with. Just have her go around the whole place. Kiki can't walk?

Is that the problem? Or Kiki's just having some fun? What do we think? Kiki. Legs don't work probably. No, I think Kiki was just napping up there and they could remove it around. I don't think Kiki was steering it.

I don't think Kiki knows what was going on. Kiki don't lose that number. All right, let's try another one. Okay, come on. We did good. Kiki was interesting. I don't believe that that goat, Duke, anything's going on.

Goodbye. Tell me if you would do this, beers, hold on, let's see. Is that what you like? Stuff about a goat on a cart. I like, I like different things. Go ahead. Okay, sorry.

This is Bungy. Would you do this, Heather? All right, so keep you nice and tucked in. Keep your legs nice and relaxed. Hmm. All right, you ready? Three, two, five. Would you do?

Trust it, though? Well, wait a minute. It's supposed to go down and then come back. No, there's no bungee. Oh, there's no bungee? Let me see it again. I'm hoping they hit that fucking mini tramp. Not a chance.

It's all dingy and worn. A little bit of wind. Because everyone's got diarrhea when they hit. All right. You ready? Three, two, five. Heather, Heather takes her yes back. Now it's a no.

She's done, have you ever jumped out of plane, Dana or no? Jumped out of a plane? No. You're scared? I'm nervous in the plane. Why would I add to it? Jump out of the plane. Yeah, you're right.

Would you go on that ride at Six Flags where they bring you up and then they, you know, and then you just free drop? No. I went there with Harper once. And she's like, let's go in the car crash. It's like, you go 90 miles an hour. and hit like a telephone pole. I'm like, what?

People are calling lawyers. And you're like on this, they put, pick you up off the wheel. That's what I want to do. I went to a go-car place in Montana, and it was kind of these rednecks. Okay, here's you got to get in your go-kart.

And then they joined us in the go-car, me and my friends. So suddenly they're challenging us. Those burnouts? They were just running the cash raters. Suddenly they're going, racing us. So I got real competitive.

I had a friend next me, so it was a two thing. And I went around, I swooped him, and I go, the hunter becomes the hunted. Now the teachers become the pupil. Whoops. The students become the principal, and then maybe we'll become the county controller. Now the city comptroller becomes the comptroller. I couldn't make of another stupid one. I know.

By the way, the city of Newport, my blood is. No, city of a... What is it this time? In Orange County, there's a, not a reactor, but there's something that was so full this weekend and hot, they said,

we're just going to casually evacuate 40,000 people. And that's probably, here's the trick, though. It's 10 miles away. Well, from L.A., it's probably 30, 40 miles, right? Mm-hmm.

They said in a 10-mile radius, you have to get out. you know what they didn't clear out Disneyland what? What? What? So 40,000 citizens taxpayers has to be shepherded out and shitty buses

go wherever you want. We don't give a fuck. Just leave. But if you're in a teacup and there's a wall of toxic mud coming out you just spin around. It smells funny. I know when it happened though, because, and I'm not making this up, but they changed the theme song to that little cave ride. They go, it's a stinky world after all.

It's a chemical world that you're breathing. I didn't get the rhythm. I can't think about it. It's a poison world in this radius. It's a poisonous world after all. Please exit to the right and get out of your floor and don't wake up. Yeah. the sewage hut will be waiting for you.

And after that, the plastic punishment room. That's good. It's something chemical. And they said over there's three of these. Did you hear about this or not? There's three. No, I did. But not in detail.

I didn't see. The biggest one that was going to blow up, they sent a fireman in over the weekend or a couple. And they found it. The thermometer I'm hearing only goes to 100. If it goes over 100 or how much it goes as bad, it stopped, but it hit 100. But they don't know much higher.

So that's shady. Is it might explode at that point? Yeah. Oh. And then they found good news, Danny. You wouldn't think it because you're dumb, but there's a crack. And so they said, that's actually letting some of the air out of the balloon. Oh, okay.

Now, poison air, but it's also saving it from going fly back. So they said it might still. break and spill over the parking lot and be chemical poison, but they're trying to tone it down. These are the things you just never think about. And then you're like, why isn't? Well, did you kind of work at a chemical plan or something? You seem to have comprehensive knowledge about this.

I've seen Silkwood. Yeah. You've seen Silkwood and you've met Cher. I've seen Silkwood and I've taken a naked shower and scrub myself with a steel wool brush like Merrill Street. Oh, yeah. Remember that scene? Oh, yeah.

they're like this, because she got nuclear waste. Or as Trump would call it, dust. We got to get the dust. We need the dust. It's going to blow up. Straight a whome is. Straight a whome is. He didn't go to that wedding this week.

Did he have better things to do than go to the wedding? Yeah. I mean, I think optically you can't go to a wedding. Right? I think so. looks bad and they moved the wedding from the white house to somewhere else but oh that was his his son getting married right and um baron didn't didn't go to the wedding and what was he too tall yeah i do there's some i don't know and i don't know if it's true but i love the gossip no one gives

a gut oh no this i'm i'm still a billy bob for where what are you doing you've lost your moment No one gives a goddain. No one gives fuck about sewage. God damn it, lady, you can either suck my dick or step on my dick, but make up your fucking mind.

Is that what he says in Landman? Landman, he says some stuff like, no, but yeah, I love it when sewage, you know, belongs in a container

when it gets out. You know, I get nauseous, you know, because, no, you're a wonderful chemical alchemy. My poison is not my favorite activity.

I'd rather be dryly humping in the next room. I like the stooage belongs in a container. Yeah, okay. It's very true. Yeah. Next one, next one. Sewage on the loose is not a good thing. Sewage talk.

All right. Oh, an older rhino. Oh, wandered into a town. I like rhino. It's an older rhino who loves to wander into town. In my day, we didn't. have food trucks. We didn't have wandering 5,000 pound beast.

They decided. You know, I'd probably stay out of his way. Let him roam. Yeah. Oh, he picked up the pace. Yeah. Well. Oh, is another rhino? Oh, they're mating. That's

flirtation. That's how I flirt. Yeah. Yeah, that's you. Nikki Glazer, finding who's going to go on first. Yeah, exactly. I'm going on for you close. Someone just go on.

Enough. They're just plain, daddy. Oh, the dog is going crazy. I'm used to rhinos just spinning their tail up. We got a squirter. I hope they're making. This is about a woman. They're fighting to.

see who got the mate with the female shit it's always about a woman I thought it was just about a rhino roaming around at first but I would have just said I don't think I'd bother me I don't mind that the love game you're playing but maybe you could

you know quiet it down just a wee tab because you know my hearing aids just exploded why is it so funny I love it oh some of that you know I do like the way the dirt kind of builds up in the

cracks in your skin. I guess it's because he was one of the, I guess the first that kind of claim that sort of complaining the way he would leap at it. Like, no, I'm, no, you're great, but, you know, I'm allergic to Pablam. I just, my, my analyst doesn't think I should have a bowl of Pabnum in the morning. Please, let's not drive straight into the oncoming traffic. Price six, you got, you got 300 cardboard cutouts in that closet of yours. I go up, Dennis sees a show.

He goes, what the fuck happened to these two? Yeah, it's just, I guess they used to call it jumping the shark, but it's a little past that, I think. It's arm wrestling, a blue whale. I think we're getting to that level. Even the shark took off. Not for me. All right, another story, and then we'll get out of here.

Yeah, let's get, I got a big day. We always have to get out of here. Yeah, let's make it nice and sweet for the people. Okay, this is, I don't know what. That's funny. So he's playing that and on a ski lift. He just waits till people fall. So people fall and he plays that.

That's kind of funny. That's, you know, it's kind of like, what are you going to do today? I don't know. Well, maybe I'll do that wamp, wamp, wamp. Did you bring your trombone? Yes. Yeah.

Can you do the negative like someone just fucked up or fell down? You mean, wom, wom, wom, wamp. Here's dead. Dana, this is easier to just carry on the lift. This is Dave, this is my audio representation of your set at Caesar. Ladies and gentlemen, David Spade. Then you hear my theme song come out?

What is what are you using? What song do you come out to? I do different ones. For a while I got on suspicious minds. I don't know why. Oh, that's right. Because it makes me laugh. You come on to.

Where was a big screw up where we had suspicious minds and it wasn't coming out for Dainer's? Oh, is that the live podcast? They brought it out for Chris Rock instead, I think. Right. I just came out. We were already out there. It was some, yeah. But, you know, they're trying to do the right thing, but we have,

hell, here's a song. They'll get mad if they don't play when they come out. We're just like, pick some dopey song. I have in Vegas live, my home in all, my home in over, we did a doubt, 204. It's Elvis singing, Promise Land. Oh, really Elvis, too? We're both doing Elvis.

There, near, near. Well, sometimes if the music is too cool, like I would do Inter Sandman by Metallica, don't, don't, don't. And it was so intense. And then it would cut off and be like, I felt like I was a squeaky little freak up there. Hey, everybody. And the second before that, you just want that to keep going. Yeah, it's like, enter nine.

And then you go, I'm Dana. Yeah, great heavy metal band, you know, decibels of 12. and now I'll do my soft shenanigans for an hour and a half to silence. Left my hearing in the room. No, it's a perfectly good song. It's just that, you know, I'd like something I can follow. But yeah, you don't want to be too much. Louis C.K. just walks out, I think.

Does Nikki have a theme? Nikki Glazer? She does, but I can't remember it. She introses me. Oh, she does Good Girl by her. Well, that's her. Isn't that name of her special? Yeah, and then she has a song, she wrote for it.

She wrote a song and they put music to it and everything. That's kind of... She wrote a song, yeah. She's actually a good guitar playing a musician. Really? I got to write a song. Oh, it's always Taylor Swift. And you know what happened?

One of the nights they mixed up and put Taylor Swift's good girl because... She loves... Oh, was it Carrie Underwoods? Yeah, she's. Oh, they put the wrong one because... Oh. Oh, I just got it. there's 1,238 songs recorded and released with the title, Good Girl.

Well, Nicky's is great. I'm going to start working out to it. She gives me good intro, though. I have to say, Nikki gives a good intro. Well, I try to do the whole, you know, sort of UFC thing. David Spitz. Oh, yeah. You know, that thing.

I try to sabotage you. I go, this next guy, whatever, Dane, I don't know. Yeah. Some guys think he's funny. It'll be over in 45. I'll be back in. I go, just be nice. You guys, be nice.

Yeah, he's a beginner. Do you ever find this, like, you're in the hotel room. You got the gig that night. You're looking at your notes. And all of a sudden, you start going, God, this needs a tag. This needs like this. And you start writing a lot of jokes right before you go on. Scary, but yeah.

Yeah. I did something new at Vegas that night. because the crowd is so good the first night. When they're good, you can think more. And you go, you know, I bet I could squeak this one in. And they wouldn't punish me because they're really on the vibe. And sometimes, like at the comedy store last week, I was going to try three things.

And after the first one, I go, nope, they were not buying. I know. It's the energy rides it. Like, I have these two tags or one tag that I like. It's the bit about Tenaltra. Does your tongue seem smaller than it used to be? I do like this. Yeah.

Side effects include elongated torso, thick, matted stomach hair, and sudden anal closure. And then I wanted to do one. Do your hands spun? It's diseases that they feel like they're making up. You see the commercial. Do your hands contort spontaneously into offensive positions? You may be suffering from Flip Bafia. Hey, honey, want to go to the beach?

Sure. It's like Tourette's. Right, honey. Do you do the raspberry thumb-down sign spontaneously in embarrassing moments? Hey, honey, want to go to the beach? No, you go. It's hard to explain. Honey, guess what today is our anniversary?

Better. It should be something sentimental. But it's like you're trying to stop. Oh, yeah. It's our anniversary. Oh, that's great, honey. You might be suffering from raspberry thumb down. But it's like it's a disease, you know.

I used to do this. What was that about? You hit the button. Want to go to a concert? Oh, that's okay. But these are things you don't want to happen. No, I know. This is different.

Okay, one more. than I have to go do nothing. I'm going to go hike up a mountain. Okay. Here we go. I'm going to say, I'm rich. I can do what I want. Masterclass in state one.

A couple days ago, this 37-year-old man was throwing rocks in danger. The 37-year-old was throwing rocks by the community. A local recorded it confronted him. Now, this is in Hawaii where you don't try. And why he's throwing rocks at us. Is a large part of the reason he went by him. So some internet detects said, okay, if a fine won't hurt you, we'll just broadcast your name, phone number, address, and the name of the business.

I know. Don't do something they talk. Which I can imagine has been quite the headache for him. But the local has also started a manhunt for him and served them a bit of street justice before his vacation ended. He's now also under a federal and state investigation and is looking at a fine of up to $50,000. And he's being hung by his nut sack in Times Square.

for throwing a rock at a sea lion was that what he did well he changed his story a little bit he said he was trying to scare it off or something he thought it was a shark but anyway i think the beating was enough but then they go we went and beat up his wife and kids also but in hawaii they don't play around with that if you're we kidnapped him and flew him to Cambodia. Yeah. And we strung them up under a hula tree where the local natives through rocks at him for seven hours.

We covered his newborn baby with fire ants. He'll learn his lesson. We had that we called the seal and the seal was waiting for him and hit him with a rock. Seeline, you know the difference thing is sea lion and a shark because those things are, once they get out of water, they're just like a thousand pounds of water. What's interesting to the seal?

Go. Five, four, three. Sealines are larger. and they sometimes that lion see lines in the circus because they're lying

through their teeth oh they're lying through their teeth yeah sea lion hey the best I could do on short notice

yeah I don't want to hear in the comments how many times I interrupted Dana I already know is that is that what they say

that you interrupt Dane a coffee is that what the comments say well why do you keep reading the comments if they just make you feel bad

I'm pissed Morgan people would say well why don't you stop interrupting and there won't be comments. I'd be like, ooh, you got me.

Now, our Chris Rock episode did really well. That was really fun one. Chris was great. His stuff was good. That's just fun. Who's coming up?

We got Nealans coming up. We got Hannah Burner. We got it. Who else we've done that we haven't had that's on on yet? I don't know. Who was that thinking of kidding? I saw an ad, a TV ad for pressure with our friend.

Oh, Brendan. That's right. I'm going to go see pressure. I think it's going to do well. I want to see it. You know what's killing it is obsession. Would you see obsession? This is our last subject.

Would you see obsession? Give me the byline. What is it again? It's a horror film. A girl and a guy, I didn't see it, but he's in friend jail with this girl and he says, I just wish she would. He gets a wish from like a fortune. I like that.

Twilight Zone. That's a good hook. Yeah. She would love me more than anyone. And then she loves him too much. I think the poster, she loves him too much. Well, that's very much a Twilight Zone. Be careful what you wish for.

Irony. Wishing is good. I like that. It's a good hook. Yeah. Should have been called wishing. Should have been called wishy-washy. And she also works at the laundromat.

Yeah. So it would have been called, I Dream of Jeannie Part 2. Yeah. What the fuck? They would have cleaned up. I'm just saying titles mean something, Hollywood. Except, yeah, I dream of Jeannie. We talked about Last Faith Dice.

Oh, oh. But Major Healy wanted nothing to do with Jeannie. Major Healy. I have Sidney in a bottle. And you're like, she's like, hey, want to act out and he's seen some euphoria. And he's like, oh, no, Gene. I have so much paperwork. Yeah, we need a remake of I Dream a Jeannie starring Sidney.

That would be good, actually. A hard R. Yeah. You know I'm a huge fan after that movie. What's called, Heather, Housemates, Housekeeper? Handmaids, Townmates. Handmates. No.

It's definitely the something. The housemaid, I think. Because it's a term I don't use every day. The housemaid. Whoops, I guess I predicted it. I, whoops, I think it's past 300 million. It's good to have a sequel coming. And we were good because we also had Paul Feig, the director.

I would love to have Amanda on, but I don't know if she hasn't been on, right? Amanda Pete. Amanda Siegfried. Oh. Yeah, she's. crazy brilliant in that. She's good and a lot of stuff. She's all the way back to Mean Girls.

She's great. Let's get her on. We should read the ones we want to get on, and then we'll see if they'll come on. Yeah. That'd be awesome. And Paul Feig, be fun to have him on this

and just talk about the success of that movie for 10 minutes. He did. He came on and talked about it. Oh, you know what? It wasn't out of now. Yeah, you're right. Yeah.

Okay, Dana. It's been more of the last. having you. Thanks for coming on. I hope you'll come on next week. I will. If you're available, this has been the Dana Carver podcast with David Spate. And I'll see you next week. See you next week. Sign on the wall. Sucker.

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