Fly on the Wall with Dana Carvey and David Spade - SUPERFLY #12 - Margot Robbie to Play Spade in Biopic??

Episode Date: April 19, 2024

The guys get into UFC 300, the Farley biopic, Coachella, divorces, Clinton, Gen Z scrabble, and more! Submit advice questions to [e-mail] To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hi, can I take your order please? Can I get a Big Mac McWrap, McFlurry and a McDouble? Keep it real, I need a Happy Meal McCrispy and 10 McNuggets Tasty Golden Fries, a cold drink with extra ice Junior Chicken will be fire and a Sweet Hot Apple Bar Is that it? Let me get a Quarter Pounder with cheese, a Flair of Fish, oh please McGriddles, a McMuffin and a large coffee

A hamburger, cheeseburger, hot brown, hotcakes Vanilla Comche and she goes, what do you need? And I go, there's a lot of people around. I can't talk, but I'll just say this boy yo yo yo yo yo and then she goes you need that again do I oh she goes yeah oh I see I go by only only only one David before we get started today on today's very special edition of Superfly, if I might say, we have got a show for you. I'm telling you, that's when the show's like, anyway, in other news, George Soros, the billionaire, bought Odyssey, our parent company. So I wanted to just send him a little note and read it here for George Soros.

OK. And I'll do it a little bit as a character just because. Sure. George Soros, I am honored and grateful that you are now the proud owner of our parent company, Odyssey Incorporated. That's nice. I hope you will find our podcast, Fly on the Wall and Superfly amusing. And may they always be a masculine podcast. George Soros, I'm going to leave you now

because I know you are a busy man. That's it. I'm going to leave you now because I know you are a busy man. Do you know where that's from? I think it's from Godfather. Is it from Godfather? Yeah. Yeah. And I wasn't my best Luca Brasi. It should be more, I'm honored.

I'm honored and grateful that you, you are now the proud owner of our pen company, Odyssey Incorporated. I hope you will find our podcast a masculine podcast. George Soros, I'm gonna leave you now because I know you're a busy man. Use either tag, Greg. That was because masculine is where I got it. That was because masculine is where I got it.

Yes. And that's just kind of interesting. That's great. We got a new boss. We got a new boss. We'll get him to call in soon. Okay. So I lit the candle. Now I understand.

I understand. You had quite a weekend. Let's just, we call this segment Catching Up with David. Yeah. We save all of our, we walkie talkie, but in-person stuff is this. Yeah. So. David had a couple things going on.

I'm going to do another day on that movie I'm doing and I'm going to tell you about next week because I'll have more done under my belt. I didn't know you were doing a movie. Did I tell you that? Doing a couple days on a movie. I can't keep you were doing a movie. Did I tell you that? Doing a couple days on a movie. I can't keep track of your. No, it's not the lead, so I don't care about it at all.

But it is, it's something to do with the band. It's time killer. To say I was proud would be an understatement. You better be proud of me. And then I went to Houston to do a show for a charity. And the funny thing, it was, you know, obviously a couple days after the eclipse, And then I went to Houston to do a show for a charity. And the funny thing it was, you know, obviously a couple days after the eclipse, we had talked to Sarah Sherman about the eclipse

and learned everything you could learn. And so when I go to Houston, I get a Uber, you know, he's gonna take me to Chili's or wherever. So I get in and just to be, I have nothing to talk about. So I go, hey, did the eclipse make it down here? You know, whatever, I don't know what I'm saying. And he goes, oh yeah, the eclipse, it got dark, you know? And I go, oh, guess that's how he sounded.

I have to always say that. And he goes, so- I like it, it's a nondescript accent. It just separates my voice from his, you know who's talking. It's a foreign guy. And so he goes, you know, the sun goes here, and the moon is here.

I'm like, is he explaining an eclipse to me? I went to second grade. So I go, oh yeah, yeah, yeah. So far he's completely correct. So far he's fucking nailing it. And he's like, that's it. Now also, now he's going like, and the sun kind of goes like this.

And I don't know which one's forward for him, but he goes, and so now he's going like this, and the sun kinda goes like this, and I don't know which one's forward for him, but he goes, and so now he's getting a little wrong. He's like, it's going kinda like this, and the sun jumps around, and I go, okay, by the way, where are your hands? There's also a steering wheel, because now they're both off.

Now he's just like, and then there's the stars, and I'm back here, and he's like, oh, no, no. I'm like, just, let's do the clips like this where I just just talk. And so that was that story. That's all. That was that story. Yeah, I gotta keep. I have a story. Go ahead. I have a story about I gotta learn Rosetta Stone. I know it's our sponsor. I'm not, I have to learn better Spanish.

I'm doing some work on my house and I have a lot of brilliant, incredibly great Spanish workers or probably from Mexico. So last week, the guys who were painting my house are so much fun. They laughed so hard that I had to go outside and go, I had to explain it to them. So I'm kind of like, but they didn't speak any English.

I'm like, guys, because I didn't want to, I didn't want to suppress them because they're laughing. I go, Hey guys, could you like when you're laughing, I can't hear. And so could you just be quiet for like 20 more minutes and then you can really laugh. And the guy was looking at me literally like this, like Biden basically. And I didn't, I think he thought he was in trouble. So I go just 10 more minutes and then you can be really loud. I'm doing a podcast over Zoom.

And then they're like, what are you guys doing? He doesn't know anything. They don't know Zoom. They don't know. I'm going to learn. I'm going to learn. No, you know, I have, you're telling him a hard thing. If you know broken English or broken Spanish, if he tried to tell you he was on a zoom, you wouldn't get it.

I mean, it's just too complicated. Yeah. Mucho trabajo. Uh, muy bien. You know, como esta? I mean, I have all the basics. Um, more than I do. There's a, let me tell you, do you ever call a doctor to refill a prescription? Yeah.

Okay. Is this a different bit? Well, I call, this is another bit. I call in every month for the same prescription. I won't say what it is. And the nurse who's so sweet always acts like it's the first time I've called. Remember, it's every 30 days. And I'd like to order this.

And she's like, oh, you want to do what? Well, I want to order this prescription. I'm going to have to talk to the doctor. 30 days later, I call again. Hi, I'd like to order this prescription. Oh, you want to do what? You want to order a Christmas? Yeah, the same one, same address, same number.

Oh, I don't know where to send it. I'm going to have to talk to the doctor. That's it. I do it. I call in every three days and she goes, what do you need? And I go, there's a lot of people around. I can't talk, but I'll just say this, boy, and she goes, oh, you need that again. I go, do I?

She goes, yeah. Oh, I see. I go. I said one time, I go, bwa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa. Ha-r-r-r-r. I said one time, I go, could I get some scratch? She goes, oh, you want scratch? No, no problem. Sorry.

It's all right. Well, what does bwa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-ing mean? Like you have a neck problem? No, I need boner pills. Oh. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. She got it. I gotta pay more attention.

Yeah, I was going, ha-r-r-r-r. Bwa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-oyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoy No, it's funny. I know. The last thing I'll tell you as I went to the UFC fight, it was a busy weekend. Oh yeah. It sounds like a lie. I was really jumping around. So I go to UFC, which I do like. It was UFC 300. It was kind of a big one. So this is the one.

It was kind of a hassle after Houston. Oh yeah, you saw. So I go there. Dana White always like takes care, which if you ever wanted to come he said come whenever you want. So we got a we have a fun row we got Iron Mike Tyson in our row we have um and it's good because you got a little space it sounds name-droppy I'm just going to read the list of who's there just because it makes it more fun. I'll try to do it I'll try to impression of everyone was there yeah we we got better seats and be right up front because up here we can see all

this stuff you know. I almost told him to come on to promote that fight with Jake Paul because I want to say you better beat this shit up. No offense to Jake Paul, but Mike Tyson is a national hero and he better do not even punch back. Just let him beat the shit out of you. Those are my thoughts. Right. I think Tyson, if Tyson is anywhere near Tyson, if he's 1%, he wins easily. If he's a half percent, might be close. The only thing I think about 57 and combat sports, but I'm sure they got Mike all right, is just you go in the first punch and then you throw out your back. Right. And also I think Jake will try to tire him out, you know, run around, make him get tired because he's older.

That is probably what he'll do. But if he, if he's, if he quote stands and trades in the center, oh yeah, alpha, alpha style, he might, he might go nighty night before he gets back to the hotel. Night hall. You know, when I, that happened in this fight, I won't bore you with the whole fight, but it was very fun because our boy, Dennis Miller, is right here.

Dennis is at the fight with his kid, hold him. I saw him on camera, he looked great. He looked totally relaxed. He was in a great mood, and when Dennis is in a good mood, which is all the time when I see him on camera, he looked great. He looked totally relaxed. He was in a great mood, and when Dennis is in a good mood, which is all the time when I see him, he's doing Dennis jokes, which are priceless. So Theo's here, and Jared Leto, and then Chris Pratt was there.

You know who else is there? Vivek Ramzawha. Wah, wah, wah. I like the bio-all. Oh, so you guys are all in the same row, the guy who ran for president? Yeah, he was there on the end of the row, and I'm like, Vivek?

I don't see him everywhere. So, it's a rogues gallery. Yeah, and Miles Teller, I'm just trying to remember this row, just the row, because people are peppered all over. So we have this, and then there's the ring, and then right in front of me is Ted Serranos, his kid Tony, so of course I just make fun of him the whole time because he's funny.

And then Ari Emanuel and Dana. So Jared Leto who's super cool, he wanted super cool duties with his brother and we all grew from. But between Theo here, Dennis here and Spudly in the middle and now we're doing it's fight then we have intermission jokes, fight, jokes. And we're all doing jokes. I couldn't have laughed harder. You would have loved it.

It was so funny. Can I hear, what would Theo's joke be? Because it's a joke guy. I was trying to remember going, I'm gonna tell Dana about this, but like Dennis just keeps mumbling things like, for Christ sakes, but if it gets any, it's almost the last fight and this fucking Chris Pratt has already made three new raccoon movies.

Between the first and last fight. I go Guardians of the Galaxy, got it. And then, and then Theo, And then Theo, Theo, there was an Asian fight. There was two Asian girls, which to see women fight is not my favorite thing. It's so unnatural in the real world and I don't wanna see that. It's hard. Yeah, it's tough. That was a tough fight.

So that was tough. And they're beating the shit out of each other. They're both great. So they're doing it. And then they got her in a hole. I think she's about to choke out. And Theo goes, give her the password. Like, I don't even know what he's talking about.

So and then when these two guys are fighting, he goes, I think these guys go to law school together. That was one. And then when they were still fighting, he goes, is this about an HOA problem? Oh, it's just all weird, all funny. Cause it's just all stupid. Yeah. I could see Dennis would be like, okay, we're up in row six.

You know, you got the first class down there in row two or three, but that's puts you back about 75 K. Dennis gets comped. Dennis did look, he got a nice single shot. The great Dennis Miller. Oh, he did. I love it. I love it because sometimes they show you inside and you don't know if it's outside, but they're popular. If I was Dana White, I would just show everyone there

because I saw Hoice Gracie, who's the first big Brazilian UFC fighter, like a legend walking on, just walks by. We all say hi to him, he doesn't really know us, but he's like, oh man, you're the best. And then there's people over here, I remember. And then there's football players. There's just ton of people that they should just keep showing. It's just fun, because in the downtime,

there's nothing to do. So they cut to fighters in the audience, blah blah. Overall, do you have a look, if the camera comes on you, do you kind of look up, do a little, what's up? You know, I go like this. You do that? Okay, ready? Camera on. Boom. And then I go like this. Like as if you're gonna fight. I look at the camera, what? What is it? And I go, deesh, deesh, deesh, deesh. Now that's one of them. That's one. So it's like you're a fighter. I guess. Here's the one. It's the octopus through the screen. So if they show you to fight like this.

And what is that? That's an octopus goes through the screen. Like you're like you're an aquarium. It's something. It's different. Josh to Hamilton do that. Could I get a couple tickets to the UFC? Yes! Yes! It's great. I've become a fan of the sport. I get the sport now. It's not just brutal things going on.

There's so much strategy and athleticism. Yes, and it's all, and you hear the grunting and groaning and coming. So, you know, when you're, but like, so Gachey fight, you know, in hindsight, maybe should have been last, don't be bored if you didn't see the fight. This, these two bad asses get in there. And at the end of the first round, the guy does a backwards kick and kicks Gachey

and breaks his nose, right? It's hard enough to be right there to hear that cracking. Then he gets up and he comes back and he's like, birds, you know, you go, he's out of it. But he has to keep fighting because he's a monster and they don't and he's one of the hardest hitters out there. So four more rounds of this. Yeah, he's tough.

And he just, everything he gets hit in the nose, we're like, oh my God, because you know it's hanging on by a thread and he just keeps fighting. He won't go down, but he's getting beat up pretty bad. So the last 10 seconds, it's over. Obviously, Holloway won the other guy. And then Holloway, you saw, did what you said about Tyson. He points to the middle of the ring and goes, like, let's hammer it out.

So they go. And he had won the fight. He had won the fight on the card. He won the fight. It's 10 seconds ago. You just run around and wave to the audience. Instead, he points at the thing, meet me in the middle of the ring and we'll see who's the badass. With 10 seconds to go, they're swinging all out. You were there. Just full windmills. And everyone freaked out and stood up like, oh my God, this is crazy.

Because you know the guy with the broken nose is like, what are we doing? Do we need to do this? I mean, I would have been like, you won, we're all good, but he has to be tough and go, you're really going to do this to me. So windmill and he gets cracked again. And he goes straight on his face with one second left

in the whole fight. One second, he got a knockout and he fell where folks? And then he's completely still. He's completely still on his nose. On his nose. Yes. And I mean, they what they say it's a figure of speech, but Gathe was bleeding so much they said he's wearing a crimson mask. It's a little cryptic. Dennis Miller said- Wearing a crimson mask. After this round, he's going to look like Lucille Ball. Like her face is full of blood or that's his hair is red. His hair was red by that. Oh, I see. He goes Christ after this round, he's coming

out looking like Lucy Ball. That joke only works if you think that she's got blood red follicles coming out of her skull. I hope Dennis is listening. Yeah, he's funny. So, customarily when someone wins it's that good of a fight. You throw a Vicodin at the ring. So we did that and then the guy's like, I would. And then he went out and we saw him later now.

And then we saw him later and he was in a wheelchair there pushing around, but he did get up to do the, you know, the winner, the respectful thing, but dude, I would have said, fuck it, I'm out. I gotta go lay down. So that's it. Yeah. All right, let's get to the headlines, the real headlines.

Let's get ready to rumble. They don't say that anymore, they used to. Okay. And I heard he got $10,000 every time he said it. Now he says, it's time. You have tons of businesses, you're an entrepreneur. And when you're hiring in your small businesses, you want to find quality

professionals that are right for the role. This is a big problem because sometimes you need someone right then someone quits or you just can't have any more or you need a hold of Phil. Yeah. You got to check out LinkedIn jobs. LinkedIn. Everyone has heard of. I know LinkedIn, LinkedIn jobs has the tools to help you find the right

professionals for your team faster and for free. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Slow down. On LinkedIn, David, 86% of small businesses get a qualified candidate. Within 24 hours, they hire professionals like a professional on LinkedIn. Hire professionals like a professional. That's very fast. And you know, it's not just a job board. LinkedIn helps you hire professionals that you can't find anywhere else. Even those who aren't actively searching for a new job, but might be open to the perfect role. In a given month, over 70% of LinkedIn users don't visit other leading job sites. So if you're not looking at LinkedIn, you're probably looking in the wrong place.

On LinkedIn, 86% of small businesses get a qualified candidate within 24 hours. Hire professionals like a professional on LinkedIn. They know that small businesses are wearing so many hats, might not have the time or resources to hire. LinkedIn's constantly finding ways to make the process easier. They even launched, what was it? Oh, a feature that helps you write job descriptions, making the process even easier and quicker.

Get this, 2.5 million small businesses use LinkedIn for hiring. You heard me. Yeah, I believe it. Don't be jealous. I'm a little jealous. That's a lot. Do you have a call to action? I do. Post your job for free at LinkedIn.com slash fly23. That's LinkedIn.com slash fly23. Post your job for free. Terms and conditions apply.

This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. The social battery for me is a little drained. Social batteries, mine is usually pretty high. I have pretty decent life. I try to take it easy, get my eight hours, but you know what? A lot of flying around, a lot of gigs, a lot of this and that, not enough boundaries. It can be easy to ignore our social battery and spread ourselves thin, especially with social gatherings. You know, they pick up after winter, it's getting to be nice out. Yeah, you know, you could up after winter, it's getting to be nice out.

Yeah, you know, you could be with people, even if they're in some people, they just drain you. Maybe they just talk about their problems or whatever. With better help, you can kind of identify these toxic relationships and sort of manage them so you're not just exhausted all the time. Yeah, you get around those energy vampires, they take all your good energy and they blab and blab. And you know, you're an upbeat guy. I think my resting disposition is up. I love when you proclaim what I am. You're a happy-go-lucky dude.

You're over there clicking your heels. Yeah, I mean, you have one of those things you blow at a birthday party every night. You run around with a kazoo. So that's a better one. I think we both benefited from therapy. I think it helped me. I think you've said before it's helped you. I think there's a lot of benefit to that. I think you've got to address it and try to get through some stuff. If you're thinking of starting therapy, I think BetterHelp would be the place. It's entirely online. It's designed to be convenient, flexible, suited to your schedule. What you do is you fill out a brief questionnaire. You get matched with a licensed therapist. Switch therapist if you don't like it, no reason, no charge.

And that's it. Find your social sweet spot with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash superfly today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp, that's H-E-L-P dot com slash superfly. Let's read it for the people driving. This is an article says, Chris Farley biopic in the works

with Paul Walter Hauser in lead role. David, comment? I'd heard some whispers about this for a long time. I've run into this guy, Paul, he's a very nice guy. I think he's been wanting to do this for a while. I don't know how I'm a little ambivalent about it. I don't know. I just know that if Margot Robbie passes on playing me in the movie, we're going to wind up with Jojo Siwa. She plays you. Every role you lose, she's played. You would have been Barbie.

I could have easily been Barbie. You could have been Barbie. You've got those Carrie under grass, underwood legs. Carrie under wood legs. Here's all right in all seriousness, I wish him the best. I think it's great. I think one offs and charisma. It's very hard to get used to it in a film. Like even the last Elvis movie, the guy did incredible, but you never reach Elvis.

It's impossible, the charisma of it, you know, but it was the best I'd seen and you know, but the same thing with Will Smith when he played Muhammad Ali. He was absolutely fantastic. But the whole time you're going, but that you can't do Muhammad Ali. So I wish this guy the best to do Chris Farley. There's so much stuff there. I don't know. I'll be curious. I don't know how you do that. You know, I don't know where you focus either. They approached me to play you, David Spade story. Well, I'm a little older and they go, you know, so I mean, we've done some makeup tests, all we can do it, can I capture you?

I don't know. They can have you play me in this, and then someone will have to play you. And so the car broke down. That's me. And then they just cut away. Octopus. Anyway, what are your thoughts on this?

Cause you're Chris's right-hand man or he was your right-hand man. Yes, I somehow turned into this. You guys are partners. De facto widow. You knew him best. I wish and well, it's very, like you said, it's very hard to capture the highs and lows and the

greatness and the just pure likeability and the innocence and everything that was great about him. You know it's the stuff between the lines it's the way he would look at you when he was gonna do a joke or the way he would go he'd laugh laugh insanely hard, like coming from someplace else. And I know he's laughing. Comedians will sometimes laugh at a comedian's joke just because the idea of someone trying to be funny is funny. And they're doing it for you. Yeah, kind of like, and then I don't know, Chris had so many subrhythms

and so many little, like when he would do the honking one, when he'd laugh so hard. I don't know, I can't do it, but you know that one where he'd go to, like he's almost choking, he's laughing so hard? And he would give it up. So anyway, there's a meal to be had there. He would give it up as a comedian and laugh.

If you said something funny, he would laugh so hard. And it was, that's one of the nicest things when comedians give it up as a comedian and laugh. If you said something funny, he would laugh so hard. And it was, that's one of the nicest things when comedians give it up and they don't just wait and then do their joke and laugh. So that I would like, I would hope it doesn't just turn into about drugs. I just want it to be the whole thing because you could focus like this SNL movies focus

on the first SNL ever done and I'd say that's that's enough for one movie so with how much he did I would want it to be more upbeat hopefully. If they did a biopic on me it would be partly anything about Saturday Night Live and focus on the movie Trapped in Paradise or something or Clean Slate. I don't have much of a resume in the film department. But to your point, I think Chris, the timeline of the last year or two on SNL into Tommy Boy is this period of time where Chris was full Chris and it's all there and I would focus on that. Yeah that's our two cents. Yeah I think so. I agree. Call me

call me crazy that's what I would focus on. This is a story I pulled because I just thought it's not that much to talk about but this pitcher who passed away I didn't know he he traded wives with his teammates when he was like, you know, 30 or something. So I read a little bit about this, if you don't know. So he has a teammate with a cute wife and they all hang out a lot and they realized they liked the other guy's wife. So they said, let's switch. And so they decided to switch whole families. So they switched kids and the animals. They switched kids and why I switched the house.

Everything, everything that was that's that that why isn't this a movie? This is so interesting. Well, they had a, I mean, is this a real story? I have to go. This might be the one is like, there's no way. Write us on YouTube and tell us if this is real. I think it's real, but sometimes I fib for attention. Well, it's like, I have a new husband.

Everything is new for about three months. And then, get you outta here. You're nothing. I never should have swapped for you. I was attracted for about six weeks, but you got a gas problem. So get the fuck out of here. That's the wife. That's the wife who swapped.

I don't know. It was just a voice and a character. And then the kids are, you're my daddy. And then a week later, I hate you. I'm sure there's a whole- You're not my real dad. Let's do the movie. I would think we could do the movie.

We switch and then they don't know we switch because we look the same. Well, yes, actually, but to that, I went to the movies and the, yes, actually. But to that, I went to the movies and the woman taking my ticket, I go to these 10 a.m. matinees. She goes, hey, and I had a baseball cap on. She goes, has anyone ever told

you you look like David Spade? Yeah. And I here was my adlib. I don't know if it's very good. I said only David Spade. Yeah, that's a good one. And she went she went she, ha ha ha ha ha. I know they don't know if it's you or me or we don't know. This is this whole movie theater in the middle of nowhere.

So they thought it was impossible that I could be David Spade. So they just thought it was a funny rejoiner. I got the exact same thing going into the elevators at the airport. The guy behind me goes, "'Carvey!' And I just go, "'Uhh...' And then I go,

"'Hey man.' So they don't think that you're a dick. I said, hi. I said, oh, hey man, what's up?' Well, let's do it. Let's do a litmus test. You know, you come over to my house and you just go, you come in and you go,

"'Honey, I'm home.' Hey Paula. And see if Paula goes, "'Hi, Dana.'" She goes, hi, Dana. She goes, you look older. And I go, no, I don't look older. I look younger. Older.

She's like, no. You are much younger. In real life, you're really rough. Okay, next story. Soccer player, Kaka. I like his name. Oh, did you go Kaka in your diapers? Is that how you say his name, Kaka?

Get out of here! You're filling up your diaper and get the fuck out! You got a guest problem. I wish I switched with Kaka. Okay, so. I don't want doing this voice, go ahead. Kaka's just got divorced. She said he was too perfect.

So this is an interesting story. Not riveting, but interesting. Oh, here she says, Kaka never betrayed me. He treated me well. He gave me a wonderful family, but I was not happy. Something was missing.

The problem was he was too perfect. Okay, now this is just a marriage didn't work out, but yeah, if I were her, I wouldn't volunteer, volunteer this statement. I just would leave it at we had, it just didn't work out. He's a great guy. It didn't work out. To say this makes her look bad. I think. Dana? Well, there's two. Okay. Let's unpack. Unpack it. We got all the time in the world.

Is she saying this because she broke his heart? And this was a way to bolster his ego. I'm leaving you and the guy said, well, but my name is Kaka. How can you leave me? Because you're too perfect. Oh, I'm happy now. I gave you two little tiny Kakas. She goes, the kids? because you're too perfect. Oh, I'm happy now. Oh, you're right.

I gave you two little tiny cacas. She goes, the kids? Well, I didn't... Well, I don't know what a guy with a name caca would sound like, so I did a nondescript accent again. Just sort of like, mm-hmm. I just, this just in, I just Googled it. It's Spanish for poo poo.

I was gonna say that. His brother's name is poo poo and his sister's name is Fee Fee's and he's named Kaka. Hi, our kids are Kaka, Feces and poo poo. Her name is Pee Pee. She should have mentioned that. No, so we've turned this story into a mess. Are we losing listeners?

Yes, I just saw the live charts and it's shooting down, but I don't know. I mean, I think she's, listen, there's sometimes it doesn't work out and you don't know what to say, but she's probably saying, it's not you, it's me. I just want something. I think that's basically, it's like to protect the ego. That's my thing. Yeah, it's me. I've just one. I think that's basically it's like to protect the ego. That's my thing. Yeah. That's a nice thing to say. Next. Okay. Next. Next. Scrabble makes a story,

change the game with less competitive, inclusive version to appeal to Jen's Z. Ah, so I don't really get this. Does it, do they change the way you can spell a word? I guess, you know, if you play Scrabble, like during the pandemic, I played Scrabble with my wife and she, she beat me like 78 out of 79 games. She'd come up with a 54 point triple word score. So it can hurt your feelings. It can ding your ego a little bit, your self-esteem, when you're dominated that much.

So I'm assuming less competitive inclusive means, you're just not gonna get your feelings as hurt. So it's a perfect Scrabble for today. I'm a grumpy old man. Kids are weak today. Maybe you can spell words pretty close or you can spell them phonetically. Yeah. So if it's an F sound, you don't have to put pH, you can put out. Right. If it was foreclosure, you could spell it F-O-C-A-L-S-A-A-K-R. Foreclosure. Yeah that's close enough, Brian. You got it. I know what you mean. That's a triple

word score. Yeah, that's a thousand points. You can also decide what your points are. Okay, next story. And Monopoly, the new Monopoly game, you get Boardwalk free before you start playing. Is that true? You inherit it. It's called Netbo Monopoly. It's called Nanopoly. And I go, I wanna pick to play Judd Apatow's kid, whatever one that is in the game.

Judd Apatow. That's Apatow? Mr. Soros. All right. I'm Judd Apatow. It's a little Bernie Burlstein, God rest his soul, creeping in. It's just a lazily thing we do. Oh, Dana, I wanted to put you through this because, and then we'll get to more

important issues. Coachella was last week and Dana, you've heard about Coachella every week. I don't know that much. I haven't been there. They have all the bands. People just go there to hang out and do drugs, basically. A hundred thousand stinky people with lines of outhouses and I, yeah, no, I don't like big crowds. Right. And, and, and there's, yeah, there's,

there's porta potties and there's bands and there's everyone basically goes, they're just to have fun and take pictures for Instagram. So here's a sketch I did. We're going to play it. And if you're watching at home and it doesn't play, that means someone pulled it off of YouTube because it's not mine. It'll be edited. You'll hear this part, but you won't see it. Yeah. But here we go. Let's play the whole thing. Charlotte McKinney's in it. Oh, Jesus. Wow. We can talk over it. Hey. Hi, heading into Coachella? Yes, sir.

Okay, just a couple quick questions. How long are you gonna be in here? Just three days. Okay, how many outfit changes do you have? About 32. Feels a little light, but that's up to you. Do you have a job you can't get back to Monday? Absolutely not.

Bit of a loser? Okay. Quick question, is wind going to be blowing like all the time? Because you know, I'd rather it not be so windy. I'll mark down your preference. Okay, back to what you're not doing. Do you have any special skills? Yeah, you know, I know how to Instagram pretty well.

Is that it? Yeah, well isn't that kind of like a JED? Yeah, it's sort of like a year of derived, I would guess. What's the worst thing that's ever happened to you, Coachella? Well, one time I had to wear my backup sunglasses, because I forgot my cool ones. And my backup sunglasses are so shitty. Oh, and then I got molested one time by a bouncer. Okay, so which one was the worst?

My backup sunglasses. I hear you. I've had that happen. It's horrible. Okay, well this is a bit personal, but what's the highest number of followers of someone you've had sex with at Coachella? I had sex with a guy who had like 28K. That is a lot of Ks. Okay, and what did he do? I think he was a DJ and a personal trainer and a rapper. Oh, and William Morris agent. Sounds focused. And where did you have sex? A porta potty? I mean where else would you do it? His hotel was like six miles away or something. I got it. I get it. What bands you looking forward to seeing? There's bands here? Yeah there's gonna be like 70. That's great. When did they have that? Oh probably like 14 years ago. Oh so if we get

bored we can just go watch the bands or something. I think that's the idea. If you run out of everything to do, maybe see a band. Also, that guy from Guns N' Roses, can you like tell him in between sets to like stop talking because, you know, I'd just rather not. Les Blab from Axel. Hey, before you go in, would you want to buy some coupons for the Molly stand? It's gluten free this year, which is great.

And if you buy a coupon, it's sort of a bonus. You get half off of all moon rocks until 5 PM. It's a lot cheaper if you buy it here. I'm just giving you a tip between us girls. And there's an IV stand about 30 feet in. You hook it up and it just pumps a lot of self-esteem back into your body for when you're driving home and you're so embarrassed and it's three hours and you're like, what the fuck am I doing my life? Obviously nothing. I've been in Coachella for four days. No one's missed me at all. I haven't missed work. I haven't missed shit.

My dog's probably dead and I want to blow my brains out. But let's go to In-N-Out. You know what I mean? Uh, In-N-Out's not really my thing. Oh, why? Kind of on a diet. How long you been on a diet? Since I was born. On a side note, they want me to ask who would you vote for for president if the elections were right now? I think the Biebs. Biebs? Okay. If he somehow isn't running, who would it be? I think that old guy Colonel Sanders. He says Coachella is going to be free next year. Oh yeah, I'm sure he did. That

was Bernie Sanders back then. Can you promise that when you do see bans that you hold up your phone to block anyone near you and then over film the fuck out of it and Snapchat it and no one will ever fucking care and they'll hit your guts for it? Well yeah, because I have to have a story. Yeah, that's right.

Lastly, how many times have you Snapchated that filter of you with like a dog sticking your tongue out? That, that one, I don't know, maybe like a thousand. Well, keep it up. It does not get old. That was probably like, not Heather. How long ago was that? Nine years. No, what do you think? Roughly off top your head. We'll get back to you. That's why some of the jokes are a little stale, but that's kind of funny, right? It's funny. I mean, she played great.

She played straight and then consistent funny jokes. And then when you started swearing and you're fucking, you lose your life and all that shit, it's a thing you could watch more than once. There's a lot of, a lot of pattern in there. Yeah. A lot of back and forth. Okay. Thank you.

That's it. That's it. And a lot of kind of roasting sort of that personality. Yeah. She was good sport. The shallowness of whatever. That's Charlotte McKinney. But yeah, okay. Stuff it. Alex. 2018? What's his name? 2016. So according to my calculations, that's 28 years ago. Seven, eight years. Okay, what's this? What am I watching? This year's Dana? I don't know. Hi guys, my name's Kendall.

Huge fan, David, growing up, my brother and I used to fight like crazy and we'd have to go to work with our parents and fight there and just embarrassing for them and for us. And when Diggy Roberts came out, that movie brought us together. We enjoyed that movie so much and for us. And when Diggy Roberts came out, that movie brought us together. Like we enjoyed that movie so much and still do. Dana, you're so genuine and so funny and I love your guys' take on things.

My question advice is how do you guys keep your creativity going? How do you not stay stagnant and keep so with it. Yeah. I I'm going to nominate that as the nicest message we've got. Yeah. The advice is smart. She pads it up front with nice things and then, uh, asked, that was an advice, our advice column, but I didn't see it coming, but I figured it out. Okay. So you go first. I mean, as, as far as me being sincere, I remember a lot of the time people would ask me that kind of thing. And then would they take a creative

writing class or a creative seminar or some kind of self-help thing to unlock your inner creativity? self-help thing to unlock your inner creativity. To me, it was a fat joint and a bunch of stone high school kids. No, I don't know. I think just being playful and goofy, I would say stay up 36 hours, get really punchy, and then have your friends throw topics at you and see if you can come up with an interesting take. David? That's all I got. Yeah, I think, you know, we're lucky because most people have regular jobs, not in the

comedy world. So we're sort of always either out to do stand-up. So we have to sort of think of things. We have to look at the news and see if there's something to joke about. And then there's just the fact that I hang out with people like you or people that I think are amusing and then we make each other laugh. So that does help it. I think keeping everything light and keeping that, I don't know, day to day, I mean, it's hard. It's hard because a lot of it's hard out there in the real world and busting your hump at work all day. So she seems like a very light person. Was she saying that she wants to be a comedian or just be creative? No, I think she's saying how do you keep it light and creative and keep the creativity going.

I would say that, you know, there is a little bit of the 10,000 hour thing. Like once you're committed to comedy and like you said, hanging out with comedians, you kind of know that there's something funny in almost everything, you know? Like like this is even something I would put in my act, but it just made me laugh. You've been in an elevator with a guy, a stranger, and he gets off on his floor and he turns and says, see you later. Should I be worried? Yeah, well, that's a good example. Ever had a guy say, see you later?

Of someone taking a very mundane situation. It's not a killer. It's not a killer. It's not a killer. Will that be, yeah. But here's an example. I just wrote down, this is going to go on for weeks. We should cover it almost like, do do do do do, channel superfly action news.

Yeah, we do a lot of breaking news. Because Trump is going to trial. Yep. Yeah, Trump is going to trial in New York. This is different than the other ones. They're picking a jury for the Stormy Daniels. He had sex with her in a hotel room in 2006, 2011. In Touch Magazine was going gonna give her 15K

to spill the beans. Then they, Trump's fixer, Cohen, his lawyer, put the kibosh on that. Then she came out later. Then allegedly Trump's fixer lawyer took out a mortgage on his home, paid her 130K to be quiet. She did an NDA, non-disclosure agreement. And now there's a trial about Trump paying back his lawyer

and not saying, you know, on the check. What it was for? This is for playing off the ex porn star, Stoney Daniel, for the night in the hotel room, so she'll keep a trap shut. That's what this, so he didn't do that. In the memo. So he has to become president at this point

because no one can keep track of the trials in the affidavit. I can't. He has to become president and his inaugural address will just be pardoning himself. For the charge of inflating my assets in New York City, I thereby pardon Donald J. Trump.

I pardon all of it. It's like three hours long, 729 affidavits. The charges are in the thousands. I pardon every single one of them. That's all. What do you think about that? Give yourself a new start. Shit nine again.

Yeah, I mean, there's so many, the news is pretty confusing because there's so much going on everywhere. There's a trial, there's a war, there's a border crisis. There's a million things going on, so I'm trying to figure out which one to be worried about the most at all times.

So I'm just constantly in a state of tight shoulders. But I don't know what to do. That's true and how to make fun of it. Yeah, how to spin it all and joke about it all because it's my only way to survive it. It's all scary. And it's never been a time in my young years, I'm very young, but it's never been a time

where I haven't been worried about so many things and so many things I have no control over. It's hard to separate it all. It's a little unsettling. I don't know if it's social media or just the times we're in, but I think a lot of people thought that Trump was so exhausting. We're going to do this and there and he's calling people names and Nancy Pelosi, not a nice person. So then when Biden came in, everything's going to calm down. You know, what? She's got a mouth on us. She swears like a sailor, this woman. And now it is. It's like, it's a little, it's a little twisted. I mean, as far as Trump and this particular charge, I just thought that we kind of settled the idea that sex with a politician is a different lane.

Cause almost everybody, FDR and a girlfriend, JFK harvested basically Eastern Washington. And then Clinton, that whole thing, you know, where he goes, he goes, I did not have sex with that woman. And if you play back the tape in slow motion, his finger is spelling, I am lying my ass off. So, and then he lied to the grand jury, but everyone understood.

He's just trying to protect his family. So with this one night stand in a hotel room 20 years ago, we're going to reorientate the American society. But I don't know. That's harder. When there's a war and listen, he probably did do something wrong. That's, that's hard. That's a hot thing. When there's a war and listen, he probably did do something wrong. That's, it's more like if you look at the crime in the news every day and people are getting set free, you're like, this is what we focus on?

Like, let's just, how about we get the people that are beating people with baseball bats? Like that's, I'd rather start with that or do it all, but do it all, but. Yeah, this is a white collar crime. If he did, if he didn't earmark the ledger properly, it's more, uh, there's no real victim victim, but as far as, uh, Rob, someone putting a gun in a guy's head and robbing his store, I'd focus on the violence first, but that's just me.

I'm a nut. Right. I'm crazy like that too. When they, when I saw that video of the guy kicked the woman backwards down the stairs, I was like, good God, what are we doing? That's terrifying to me. But is there any sadder news? What else you got going? I just have by popular demand. Biden itching his nose. People seem to like it. So I thought I'd do a part two. Sure.

Let me back myself up a little bit. This is, this isn't earthquake Biden is it? No, it could be. Hey, there's one over here too. Joe, it's a, it's an earthquake. Oh, it's hot. That's the way the world seems all the time. This is him itching his nose and Barack Obama watching on television and kind of yelling

at him to go faster. So this is when President Biden, who is just, he's older and they're working him hard. Some days they had like 10 speeches. And at the end of the day, you could tell he's so tired and he kind of wanders off and he sits down and he itches his nose very slowly. This is a sequel. Too slow for Obama. Popular demand. Yeah. Yeah. So anyway, so the people, where is everybody? Come on. I said, I said what I was going to say. And then he goes and he sits. All right. Let's see. And then he goes and he sits. All right.

Let's see. Here it comes. He feels an itch. Now he's gotta make a move. Faster, Joe. Joe, faster. It's Obama. Joe, faster, come on.

Joe, itch your nose. Joe, get to your nose. You got it, Joe. Joe. Hey. Joe, drop, drop your index finger from your left nostril. Do it now. Drop your.

Joe, that was slower than the moon landing. Joe, drop it fast. Joe. Let gravity take over. He's happy. He got the itch. Well, he's like, look, I'm not in a, let's just, let's just unpack this. I'm not in a television studio.

I love it. I'm trying to think on my zoom shot, what looks funniest. So I brought the finger up slowly from here. Out of frame, right? I liked it. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Obama's getting farther away. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I actually thought of doing Biden as Bob Ross, the painter. OK, yeah. Yeah, we're going to do some cheese over here. Yeah. Oh, and Ukraine. Let's give him a tank. A tank over here? Just a little tank. A couple of bullets over here.

Don't give him too, not too many, just a little tank. That's good. You can keep going with that one. That one's good. Well, yeah, that one you can kind of do. We'll do a longer version next week. I like that one. Yeah. All right. What else? Because I got some. So by the way, I did see, this is all I got left for today. King Kong. I did see the movie with Godzilla, because you mentioned it. Yeah.

And the funniest thing to me that there's like five monsters in the movie. There's a frozen one, there's Godzilla, there's King Kong, there's a flying one. Every single one, when it would announce itself, would open its mouth and scream. And there must have been a hundred screams in that movie. It's like, here comes Buckwell, the monster.

But echo way out. After the hundredth time, it didn't scare me. I know. And all the other monsters can hear it. And then they know it's it's like hearing it's time. They know they have to fight. And I love that Godzilla on planet Earth is looking for a cozy lair, a place to just rest his head. You know where he sleeps?

And he goes, Roman Colosseum. Yeah. No, he sleeps, I think he sleeps in like Dodger stadium. No, giant stadium he sleeps in, right? Oh, I thought it was Roman Colosseum. Oh, you know, it might've been. It is similar. Plus I didn't go to the tape. I wasn't really paying attention. He was sleeping in something was Roman Colosseum. Oh, you know, it might have been. It is similar. Plus, let's go to the tape.

I wasn't really paying attention. He was sleeping in something. Roman Colosseum. Roman Colosseum. Roman Colosseum. Yeah. All right. Let's put a little missile in Ukraine.

Just a couple. Yeah. There you go. Just gentle. Get some green tanks. Yeah. So green tanks. The problem with Zoom is that your hand is always a superstar. Just jello. Get some green tanks. Yeah, some green tanks.

The problem with Zoom is that your hand is always a superstar. No, you're doing good. No, you go back here. Yeah. Get some green tanks. Okay, so I will tell you. I could do the guru better with these glasses because you can see my eyes more. You want to save the guru for next week?

Everyone loved the guru. Yes, I just want to. Just here's a preview. That's why I got this. Do you want to save the guru for next week? Everyone loved the guru. Yes, I just wanna. Just here's a preview. That's the face. Just the eyes are real. Coming soon. Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, guess if I'm talking. Do, de, do, de, do, de, do.

You're giving away too much. Do, de. Oh, I like that song. Do, de, do, de, do, de. You know, Biden could just let his hand. Now I've gotten officially punchy. No, you got punchy. Okay. So I'm on Kill Tony this week, that podcast, uh, with David Tell, which is fun. Where, where is it? That's wherever a YouTube is sold. Uh, YouTube, Kill Tony. Okay. Watch Kill Tony for free. watch ours for free. And I'm on the road. This comes out Friday.

What are your dates? You wanna- Oh yeah, I'm coming up. I got Florida, Clearwater. You can go to davidspade.com. I got Orlando, I've got some Vegas. So check it out. That's it. Thank you guys.

Thank you, Dana. See you, David Spade. All right. Miss you, Dana. We'll talk in five, we'll talk in two minutes. Okay. Yeah, I'll call you right back. Okay, bye. This has been a presentation of Odyssey Superfly as executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Charlie Finan of Brill's Entertainment, Jenna Weiss Berman of Odyssey, Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman.