Fly on the Wall with Dana Carvey and David Spade - SUPERFLY #14 - Jon Lovitz Crashes the Party

Episode Date: May 3, 2024

David and Dana are joined by close friend Jon Lovitz to get his thoughts on the important stuff and exchange old memories. Submit advice questions to [e-mail] To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Knowing how to speak and understand a new language can be an invaluable tool when traveling, meeting new friends, or just even to master a new skill. But it's not always simple when you're bogged down by textbooks and structure classes. That's why so many people trust Rosetta Stone. Rosetta Stone is the most trusted language learning program, available on desktop or as an app. It truly immerses you in the language you want to learn, like Spanish, French, Italian, Chinese, and more. You won't just be studying English translations.

The Rosetta Stone intuitive process helps you pick up a language naturally, first with words, then phrases, then sentences. Don't put off learning that language. There's no better time than right now to get started. For a very limited time, listeners can get Rosetta Stone's lifetime membership for 50% off. Visit rosettastone.com slash rs10. That's 50% off unlimited access to 25 language courses for the rest of your life.

Redeem your 50% off at rosettastone.com slash rs10 today. Get ready for puck drop at BetMGM, an official sports betting partner of the National Hockey League. From game-winning goals to spectacular saves, BetMGM gives you the chance to take those highlight reel NHL plays to a whole new level. BetMGM has something for every hockey fan, so you're sure to find a way to get off the bench and onto the ice all season long. Take your shot to light the lamp this season with BetMGM.

Download the app today and find out why BetMGM is not only an official sports betting partner of the NHL in Canada, but they're also the king of sportsbooks. BetMGM.com for terms and conditions must be 19 years of age or older to wager. Ontario only. Please play responsibly. If you have any questions or concerns about your gambling or someone close to you, please contact Connects Ontario at 1-866-531-2600 to speak to an advisor free of charge. BetMGM operates pursuant to any operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. By the way, I just want to say, I can't tell you, many, many people come up to me and they

go, no, Dana and Spade, they're always talking about you on their podcast. It's called homage. It's an homage to the Omo. Why do you talk about me so much? I don't know why you think we do you. That's ridiculous. No, it isn't. Everyone says it.

I like to be sort of real, but I don't want to be totally real. So I want I'll definitely I'll definitely be getting a if we ever take a week off, I got a full face left from head to toe. And I'm just I'm covered in a body bruise. Just my whole body's bruised. Aren't we just puffy clowns? I mean, did red buttons ever get a face lift? I don't know.

Well, I know, we're supposed to be gross, I think. I think we're just little clowns. I mean, did Sid Caesar ever get a lip done? I know, everyone's supposed to be good looking. Everyone. There's no, I mean, you know, my dry cleaner has a head shot. It's like, you never know. They discover me.

Your hair's really like, Jodie Foster. I'm talking about good work. That would say who had good work, Jodie Foster. She looks great. No, I don't think she did. In the end, she does look great. I have a question for you because we have a guest.

We don't ever have a guest. We're going to, we don't ever have a guest. We're going to have it. So we're teasing it, but let's first get to, I know we talked about something before we came on and I want to see, and then we'll talk to this idiot. This, um, I read it. I think it's true. I talked to other people that if Trump, I talked to people, if I talked to other people to go, was that talked to people. If I talked to other people

to go, was that a fake snooze? That's a good source. Yeah. I talked to other people that if Trump goes to prison, the secret service is going with them because every ex-president has 24 around the clock secret service guys. So Trump going to prison with the Secret Service. This is my take on it. Oh, look, man. We got ourselves a new bitch. What's your name, eh? My name is Donald J. Trump, President of the United States. He thinks he's the president.

Sorry, I didn't switch. He thinks he's the president, man. Hey, look at you. You're fat, man, and orange. What do you eat all the time, man? How do you get big and fat and orange like that? I eat cheeseburgers, I eat salads very rarely, and I eat a lot of snow cones.

Snow cone? I don't know. I like he's proud of being fat so far. Yeah. Okay, go ahead. Snow cones is a funny word. Yeah, it is funny. I eat snow cones, chicken, cheeseburgers, and snow cones.

Anyway, hey, what's with the guys in the suits? It's a secret service. They're sworn to protect me, they're sworn to protect me. And they got weapons like you wouldn't believe. They're coming to prison with me and they're bringing the guns, they're bringing their Uzis, they got rocket launchers on their back,

they got dynamite in their pants. If you touch me, you're done. Oh, oh, it looks like I'm the bitch now. Don't worry, I love the Hispanics. I've always loved the Hispanics and they love me. Da-da-da-da-da-da. Hey, little sloppy. Hey, can I borrow a dilly bar?

Now, if I can't do it with a Latino accent, I'd have to do kind of, hey, look, man, we got a little bitch here. Hey, what's up with you? You're fat, boring, what the fuck you eat? You know, I'd have to do kind of, hey, look, man, we got a little bitch here. Hey, what's up with you? You're fat, boring. What the fuck you eat? I think Latino works. I was going to do the twist at the end, like, I don't really talk like this. I'm actually from Ireland and I came here and I committed a crime.

I sent into prison. So I took out a persona to protect myself. So sometimes I talk like this, but really this is how I actually talk. Hey, Trump. Hey, Trump. Hey, Trump. You got a big rump. Hey, Trump, you got a big rump and you stunk.

Trump, you're fattening around in orange. What's going on, homie? I like they let you bring a machete in here. That's the secret service will bring all kinds of weapons like you guys have chains, machetes and iron fists, whatever they call them, knuckles and all those things. Brass knuckles, they'll hit you so hard you'll be crying all the way down. Let me tell you, you'll be like a girlie man, a little tiny girlie man from Hanson, France.

You might want to sit next to me in the cafeteria. Yeah. Yeah. If you tip over my mashed potatoes, the Secret Service will be like, why don't you just take it out? Hey, man, why is your voice so rough all the time? I don't know. Be nice. I might give you my fudgical.

That's if Trump goes to prison. Now, Biden goes to prison. Hey, who says we're in prison? It's all just subjective. Okay. But he would be, he would be shadowed by corn pop, or at least he could say corn pops in here with me. And so you don't want to mess with me because corn pop.

Yeah, I wanted to do a little, little Trump this week, next week, next week it's going to be back to Biden. And then maybe I'll do, I don't know, Bobby Kennedy Jr. people ask me, but I don't, it's very difficult. Well, we've got a guest, a buddy of ours wants to jump on with us and we can read the headlines and others read them with us and we'll just talk about a nice and name stupid shit. Is this a mystery gas? Let's pretend it's a, you have to gas them. Oh, whoops. Well, that was a mystery. Tower,'s pretend it's a- You have to gas him. Oh, whoops. Well, I guess that wasn't a mystery.

Tower, tower one. Come in. We need to make a landing. He's asleep and his eyes are open. No, he has like, he looks at air force controller. I mean, with those headphones. I mean, what? He told me to wear headphones for God's sake.

Wait a minute. Is this John Lovitz? John, are you in the Incredible Shrimp? You're welcome. You want me to play Bill Burr and you play John Lovett? Hey, John, your head's like a tomato can. You know, that thing was hysterical. What's the deal with pickles?

We text each other like that. And I said, we should do that as like a on your podcast. So we did. Right. That's just say anything. I went, OK. And you gave it to him with both barrels. He's not worried about getting canceled. Ed, Jerry the dog.

Hello, Jerry. Jerry and I are sort of on a hot and cold with each other. Jerry, does Jerry remember me or is he playing hard to get? He remembers you. Wait, let me see. Jerry's not so thirsty to be on camera. Dana, remember this is what we do when we were on stage at SNL.

We'd see each other in the monitor, remember? Uh-huh. Oh, just go chin up kind of thing. Is that it? Yeah. Well, we were only in our 30s then. We didn't have to keep our chin up looking at each other like we're in Yeah, this overhead light. It looks like i'm completely bald That's why i'm wearing a hat. No, that's good. That has arizona on it. Yeah, because you have arizona

Sorry, yeah the wind when I was there with you. Oh, oh, that's nevada Okay, and you got like flying saucer teacups over your ears and a blue cap. So at first I was like, I don't have to wear them. No, no, they look you do. Just they go wear them. No, he just cut out. Why aren't you wearing them? The pot? I've got these little ones that fit in, you know, this like this like, you know, yeah, I have ones like that except minor expensive. They're great. John, you probably better you have great sound. Are you I have a shirt like that except mine are expensive. Great John, you probably better, you have great sound. Are you? I have a shirt like that except mine's expensive. I had a shirt like that once, but then my mom got a job.

What a fucking bird. Oh, you are wearing a head. I was doing a Wayne's World line. John, we're gonna throw up a few stories and you just chime in with this. We're gonna make fun of whatever's going on in the world, okay? Okay.

Hit it fellas. Oh, it's on my screen. Yes. Okay. This is a new one. Oh, come on. Read it, David. Heather, my birthday's coming up. Pea stained jeans, leaky style, come with a big price tag and it's already sold out. So you can buy jeans that look like you pee-pee'd in them. Is this from the Billy Madison collection? Look at how funny this is.

Are you going to wear these? That guy looks super cool. He's a DJ, I think, at Coachella. I would buy him for a friend, for Dana and you as a joke. Right. Well, they have another one. I think it's called the John Lowe's connection in the back. I was going to say fudgesicle motif.

I wanted to make you happy, John. It's a melted fudgesicle motif. I wanted to make you happy. It's a melted fudgesicle in your pocket. It's called poo pants. And they just sort of have a brown stain in the back. And apparently they're going off the charts. They got their Nordstroms. Well, mine has a little airbag in it. So when you kick the guy.

What happens? Oh, it farts. Yeah. No, I like these. You got to be kind of skinny to wear pee pants. Is this even real? I think it's real. I'm calling, I'm calling, I'm calling bullshit on that. I don't think it's real. Go to our YouTube and give us facts and figures because I like to look at the comments.

They're actually very nice sometimes. Some of our fans are nice. Actually, actually I'm shocked how many- Why would you want to wear jeans where it looks like you can't? No, okay. They were on the runway in Milan, Heather said. Well, it's kind of like the first time- Who else is crazy?

John Lovitz, where were you when you first saw someone with torn jeans? You go, oh yeah, this is just the, what do we do now? We've torn them up. Yeah, I've never seen that. I go, I'd throw them out. And then you'd throw up. I do. And then you'd grow up. I like shirts that are a little beat up. I like old sweatshirts. And then when you started selling them looking old, I thought it was ridiculous, but I kinda like it. It saves me a hundred washes, you know?

Yeah. I'm always in my, I'm always down to the laundromat. But you're trying to save water and conserve on water? You know, John, when we were all three at SNL at the same time, the hardest day was, the day off was Sunday and I would go in, you'd have to go to the basement of my boiling hot apartment building. And then I'd have to go to the basement of my boiling hot

apartment building and then I'd have to buy like a hundred dollars in quarters and go down there and do that. I paid John on the side to take my laundry and do it and bring it back and I was very grateful and I was generous with my payments. Remember John you do my laundry? Yeah I remember that. That was cool of you. By the way I just want to say I can't tell you, many, many people come up to me and they go, you know, Dana and John, I mean, Dana is a spade. They're always talking about you on their podcast. Yeah, it's called homage. It's an homage to the Omo. Why do you talk about me so much? Well, you come up because you're funny and interesting voice. Yeah

Dennis Miller comes up because you think of his take you know, right? Matt, okay, you got the love man on with the Dixie cup phone things and the Mariners hat Okay, I don't have the inside the ear headphones back love headphones. What was that on the five dollar rack? What am I, Glico? What's my insurance, Geico? I don't know why you think we do you. That's ridiculous. No, it isn't.

Everyone says it. You're doing Mae West. No, I'm not. Mae West. Mae West is, why don'm not. Mae West. Mae West says, why don't you come up and see me sometime? Come up and see me sometime.

Come up and see me sometime. God, it is. Geez, I just put that together, Mae. Why don't you come up and see me? No, you know who I really sound like is Wimpy from Popeye. Oh yeah. It really interests me.

I'd gladly pay you Tuesday. Tuesday. For a hamburger to pay. You're better than Wimpy. That was good. No, I love Wimpy. What's the next story? And then we'll talk more about Wimpy. It's about underwear, then. And then my hair.

Let's see if we can elevate the podcast. Okay, here we go. Oh, Sophia Bush says she's in a relationship. Now, I just thought, in my opinion, this is not important, but when an actress, if an actress is gay, it's okay to keep that to yourself. I think the idea is we're all equal, and being gay is nothing different from anyone else,

which it isn't, and it's not wrong. But it always feels like a press release is necessary, And I don't know how to react to it. Like, oh, good. Or, oh, okay. Or it's the shoulder shrugger. But they seem to always have to come out and say, look who we did. John came out with an article saying he was heterosexual. I mean, would that be news? Well, that was because there were so many whispers. news or? Well that was because there were so many whispers. John, what is USWNT? United States Women's? Women's? Soccer? No. Retired soccer player. Oh wait. US Women's National Team? Oh. I don't know. I look at this picture and then I'm like, well, why are they showing the photo? Why don't they show some video? Okay. That's enough of the two of them together.

That's what I want to see because I'm just picturing it in my head. I thought it was her with a haircut on them. I'm not even joking. I thought it was her. But here's my, is Sophia Bush is she related to George Bush? I think she is. Or is it a different Bush? Dana? Why doesn't it just say Bush likes Bush? I like the Peace Dayne article a lot and this one too. I think we're two for two. Okay.

I'm just throwing things out there. You're right. It's just like, it's a, what do you call it? A nothing burger. It's very normal. So it's his own you call it, a nothing burger. It's very normal. So it's his own. So it shouldn't be press releases. Why doesn't it just say Bush is into Bush?

OK, well, we stumbled into that. John is really being full time. I love it. I like it. OK, I'll be like Gilbert. Don't hold back. Oh, she's no relation to George Bush. OK, I didn't think so. This is gonna bother John. Would you pay 44% capital gains, John?

No, it would kill the economy. It completely defeats the idea of why people wanna buy a house and hang on to it for a long time. Their house goes up in value. And now he's taking almost half of the gains away. And then that do 13 percent if you live in California. So you would get up to like 57 percent. Come on. It's time for the people of America to pay fair share.

The shares share share share in stone. So simple pilots was Flintstones. Party rubble, rubble, Dresden. I think it would make the housing market crash, wouldn't it? Well, I think it, when it does indirectly, it is more money on the surface that would come into the country and immediately go out. But also it's, it lessens your drive to invest

because investing is already a gamble. So let's say you lose money, you lose. Let's say you actually do well and you make money, then you have to give halfway. What happens is people stop investing as much. Someone like me, like they put tax on houses in California and LA County, so I won't buy another house. Well, I was going to say, with the property taxes, when you buy a house, so less people buy homes, that's less property tax. So it's... Well, historically, in the late 90s, it happens, is Clinton got together with the Republicans and lowered the capital gains tax. And the government actually took in more revenue. Clinton got together with the Republicans and lowered the capital gains tax and the government actually took in more revenue.

So yeah, there's a lot of inputs to this, this tax. Property tax probably. And through motivation to get in the stock market and in the end, you get in because if you win, you might make money. Yeah. More people pay tax. I wasn't even thinking of it as you're saying about the stock market. Yeah, you kill it.

Animal spirits unless we want to be what you know some kind of social welfare state. I don't know. It's a problem John. You don't think. Okay, next one. How dare. I eat John. Who's gonna listen to three comedians about tech? Nobody. That's why. Nobody. That's why we're moving on. This is I thought was interesting.

Now without knowing there was music. Dana. Is that you? What do we without knowing this? This was just sort of interesting that just how fast animals are and I had no idea which ones are fast and slow. So just talk along with it. If one of them seem fast and surprised, you said,

okay, here we go. Is that Dana or? Okay, turn that down a little bit. Okay, that's a cat. A cat? Goes 48. That's Sophia Bush and her girlfriend. A fox.

What's that, an ostrich? Ostriches are really fast. Well, that's a wolf. Look at their little legs. Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr What's that an elk antelope and a what? Buffalo goes 56 miles an hour. Oh, they get fucking holiday. That's as fast as I go. That would be tough to mm-hmm Okay, okay I understand. Oh you can go 85. No, look at the wolf Who the fuck had their money on the wolf? No, the cheetah's faster. Oh, and who are these guys?

I don't even think these are real animals. I think this is animated. Is this Jurassic Park? It's animated. Hi, you know what? Where are they going? That's the big question. They're coming back, how dumb.

How long can they exist? Who's throwing this? Oh, a giraffe. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, not a giraffe. Tiger camel camel. 65 miles an hour. Yeah, fuck, no way. Look at their homes. Look at the zebra. Life insurance is a big deal, Dana. I know you think ahead. I think I tend to think ahead, but you got to get your ducks in a row at some point. Great thing that you can do for your family is create this important safety net, you know, with life insurance.

And it is kind of like, what policy do I get? You got to spend all this time. It can be overwhelming. Of course. Policy genius is the country's leading online insurance marketplace. That's right. That means it saves you time and money. So you can provide your family with a financial safety net starting right now today. Wow. With Policy Genius you can find life insurance policies that start at just $292 per year. For a year? One year for $1 million of coverage. Some options offer same-day approval and avoid unnecessary medical exams. I like that. I do have life insurance Dana and I'm glad I do.

Am I the one who would benefit? Beneficiary? Yeah, if anything happens to you do I. It's split between Sandler gets the most because he needs it. Ha ha ha ha. Oh thob-a-thoo. Oh thank you so much.

Thank you David. They're gonna love this. I give it to Rob Schneider too. Hey thanks, Dyroth. They're going to love this. I give it to Rob Schneider too. Hey, thanks. Give me more. What? No, this is what Policy Genius does. It helps you compare your options with top companies and their team of licensed experts

is on hand to help walk you through it. Talk to a team. Talk you through it. Whatever you need. Talk you through it. Talk to a team of award-winning agents who will walk you through the process step by step. Compare quotes easily with America's top insurers, you know, just a few clicks, you find the lowest price. Because you know, if you look at your insurance, you might not be as covered as you

think, Dana. You probably are, you're pretty good at this, but some people just do a skim job, but you need them to vet this stuff. Yes, that's why, yeah, this is a great product. This is a great thing to have. Policy Genius gives you an unbiased advice from a licensed expert support team, which is nice. Yeah, they have no incentive to recommend one insurer over another, so you can trust

what they're gonna say, they don't play favorites, which I like that. A lot of five-star reviews. In fact, thousands of five-star reviews, Dana. Thousands. Do you get it? On Google and TrustPilot, from customers who found the best fit for their needs.

Check life insurance off your to-do list in no time with Policy Genius. Head to policygenius.com or click the link in the description to get your free life insurance quotes and see how much you get saved. That's policygenius.com. Get ready for Las Vegas style action at Bet MGM, the king of online casinos. Enjoy casino games at your fingertips with the same Vegas strip excitement MGM is famous for when you play classics like MGM Grand Millions or popular games like Blackjack, Baccarat

and Roulette with our ever-growing library of digital slot games, a large selection of online table games and signature Bet MGM service, there is no better way to bring the excitement and ambiance of Las Vegas home to you than with Bet MGM Casino. Download the Bet MGM Casino app today. BetMGM and GameSense remind you to play responsibly. BetMGM.com for Ts and Cs, 19 plus to wager, ON only. Please play responsibly. If you have any questions or concerns about your gambling

or someone close to you, please contact Connects Ontario at 1-866-531-2600 to speak to an advisor free of charge. Bet MGM operates pursuant to any operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. Dana, running like a little pussy cat. Mm-hmm. When they used to say you run like a puss, is that what they meant?

Yep. Okay. Here's a newsflash though. What animal can run the longest? What does that mean? Oh, like a marathon? A human being, a human being. We'd go with our spears. We'd hit the animal. The animal would only be hurt and start to get away.

And we could chase them for 12, 14 hours just run. That's true. Yep. Human beings are really great at long distance running compared to other mammals. How fast do you think you can run, Dana? 41 miles an hour. No, in my prime. Yeah, what'd you do the mile in? The mile, about 425. Really? Okay. Okay. Well, we trained a lot and there's a lot of people faster than that. I could train for my lifetime. I'll train. I'll train your head in it a minute. What about how fast you go? Do you go 20 miles an hour? I'm not sure how it equivocates. I think human beings top out at like 28. If you're like, you know,

who's saying bolt John's John's big bragging. I heard him the other day bragging to the waitress at a dinner that he got. 640 steps that day. And then he showed her. I'm through this screen to rip your head off. I'll clap to this goddamn screen. All right. We'll watch this.

Faster now tennis. I played way, way'll watch this. Faster now tennis. I played. Wait, wait, wait. The master. That's true. You are quick side to side. This is an old commercial, right? From the nineties.

Okay. This is a nineties Instagram. This is that Dana in the middle. Let me see. Flirt squirt. Where did this go? Jesus. And a song. Oh my god, she's spitting her mouth.

So fucking loud. Flirt squirt. Flirt squirt. They're awfully young to be flirting and squirting. Oh, that's, Heather says that leads to first base, but I think that's fourth base when you squirt on a guy. He just checks me.

John, say this. Oh, he did? Yeah. Why are you focusing on flirt squirt? Awfully young to be flirting and squirting. Oh, he did? Yeah. I said, why are you focusing on flirting squirt? Offly young to be flirting and squirting. No, thank you. Okay. That's a comment.

Offly young to be flirting and squirting. Offly young to be wearing a bowler hat, that idiot in the middle, but fine. I think that one kid was Ryan Gosling as a kid, wasn't it? I think it was. Really? One of them was Reese Witherspoon at the end with the glasses. The thing they don't tell you is this is a precursor because if you aim low, you get pee pants.

Oh, yeah, it's true. That's good. You tied it up because flirt squirt is basically you pee in the other guy's mouth. And it's a little bit beyond flirting. It's like, hey, I think Jenny likes me. She just peed in my face. I'm not going to compare you a little bit. No, I wouldn't even...

Don't try to church me. You and your fantasies. Flirt squirt. Jerry, come here. You know, I'm so old, I didn't know any girls that squirted in my life. And now there's too many. Isn't that funny? Do they learn it along the way?

Do they watch it tutorial? I've never been with a girl that squirted. You have one? No, I've never been with one. Let's look at a clip. That squirted. You have one? No, I've never been with one. Let's look at a clip. That squirted. Oh really? Well maybe you're not Mr. Romeo.

Or maybe I'm picky. No, if you push right here and also squeeze their big toe, it didn't work. It's hard to do that. You get one, deesh, right in the grill. And where do they squirt? It can go up to six to eight feet. Flirt squirt.

All right, read what Dana's saying. I'm sliding back on that one. Dana, don't jump out on flirt squirt. No, no, I have no problem. We got a young audience that wants to hear about it. Dana told me he would flirt squirt with Nora Dunn. Where? Between the scenes on SNL? I don't know when. He just wouldn't do it.

Flirt squirt. They were arguing in the hallway one day on SNL. And I thought it was about sketches. No, it was about. And then you heard the flirt squirt song? No, then they were like, yes, squirt, you promised to squirt me in the middle of the sketch. I tried, I tried.

The truth of it is funnier. John and I were in a sketch of William Shatner and we were playing Star Trek nerds. It's kind of a famous sketch. Famous sketch, oh yeah. William Shatner goes, get a life, you know. So, and then Nora and I just had an argument, whatever, but I had like, it was just like the nerd and I had glasses with tape in the middle.

Was that what it was? And John came out and we're nose to nose kind of yelling. You know, I was stressed out. I was dying laughing. Yeah. It's hard to get in a real argument when you're dressed as a church lady. Now you get the fuck out. Take a swing at someone.

Could you tell that that was a really funny sketch all week? Because it's lived throughout history is a really good one. Oh yeah, everything about William Shatner was just funny that week. And he just killed it. He's so funny. We were the most excited about him hosting than anybody. Because like Dennis would always say, why aren't I in sketches? And he complained. I go, Dennis, you don't hang out Tuesday night. Right. So then he'd be around the table and

he'd always be like, because no, there was nothing for him to do. But when it was, I remember this distinctly, and there's William Shatner. And Lawrence in the middle, and then the host, and then the table goes this way. So I always sat next to the host and Dana was on my right. And I remember looking at saying to Dan, I go, it's Kirk. We were so excited. And I looked at Dennis. He's like this.

Yeah. He was so upset. Well, we all were excited. It was Kirk, the captain Kirk. When they walked down to lunch or they walked down to Huxleys or something, but they were like, let's say outside of 30 Rock, they're just walking down the street to go to dinner or whatever. And he said, so many people yell Captain Kurt.

And while he's talking, he just throws this up. Yeah. Anyway, Dennis, so we golf last week. Hey. Oh, you can do that? And he would throw it out like, cause that's all they want to see is say, but then we asked William Shatner and he said, I don't remember that. He said, I can't remember what you're doing.

You remember doing this to people? Well, Dennis said he's just throwing it around just while he's talking. Cause he does so much. It's like fluid, which is funny. And, um, remember the episode where Spock got mad and did this to a Klingon? No, he did not. Did he? Remember they made Spock cause he didn't have any emotions. They made him wear pee pants around.

I knew you were going for that. I knew it. I had to around the station cause he has no emotion. He goes, why is this humorous? They're fucking pee pants, dude. It's funny. And then he fell in love with somebody that he didn't understand the motion. He goes, why is this humorous? They're fucking pee pants, dude. It's funny. Remember he fell in love with somebody, he didn't understand the motion, and then he did a flirt squirt. I don't get it.

That's you. And then he did a flirt squirt? Mm-hmm. Like some Klingon? Trouble with the triples. It was a James Ipso. Where no man has gone before. Okay.

Dana was in the middle of a curtain. I was in a squirting spongebob. Squirt and flirt like the woman I've ever seen. Squirt in my face. John, what couch are you in? Are you in La Scala? What are you doing right now? It's my house. It is?

You didn't do that design on purpose, did you? I did it back then. I know a great lawyer. You look like you're at did it back then. I know a great lawyer. I'm not like a court lawyer. It looks like you're at a Persian I went with a Southwestern theme and it was like 30 years ago. There you go. I have to say John is a big mansion.

Good luck with your mansion tax. He has a mansion up on me. Your house is twice as big as mine. It's twice as Southwestern. You want to talk about personal stuff like our home? No, John, I don't. I don't want to do this. And yet you brought it up.

No, John, when are you going to the road next? And do you like the road? And if you travel past Texas, do you go the day before? Go. I go normally about once or twice a month. And yeah, I do like it, but I always go to fly the day before the show. Because you never know what if you miss it. So I'd rather have peace of mind and get a good days.

Even if it's Vegas, before the show, even if it's Vegas, even if it's Phoenix, even if it's Phoenix, I don't care where I go the day before. And I get all. Because I don't want to. I don't care where I go the day before. And I get all sick. I don't want something to happen and then I miss the job. So you go to the Hollywood Improv the day before? The Hollywood Improv. You hang out at the Hollywood Improv the day before? No, I don't play L.A. anymore because...

Oh yeah, I hear this theorem. Well comics steal jokes for one. Yeah, my jokes are that good. And secondly, you never know. They film me and go, oh, you said this, you said this. It was a joke. Yeah, but you meant it. Even though it was a joke.

I go, well, I meant it, yeah, but it was a joke. Who are these people? Yeah, who are these people? Who are these people? They're looking to end your career and it's not worth the chance. Well, I think you could go on. It might laugh and it might be offended.

And if it are offended, you go, so what? But what can you do? You're saying Hollywood audiences are a little more offended. Some of your offensive stuff. There's always somebody. Well, guess what? Steve Martin, guess what? In his book, he stayed out of LA completely.

He went on the road, he opened for people, he did Vegas, he did a lot of things and he became great. So there's more than one way to skin a Steve. Yeah. Why did he stay out of Los Angeles? Well, I think he saw that the sitcom way and that wasn't his way. So then he started opening and just working on the road.

Two weeks before he made it he bombed so bad he considered just forget it. What was his make it moment? I can't remember. You know I don't know I just remember in his book he was playing some Miami gig and it just if the audience didn't hook he wasn't famous if they didn't hook his character it got really grim in there you know. Well he was making fun of it. I know, he was deconstructing. If you didn't get that, it was bad. But if you did, I mean, he was hysterical. Hysterical. I saw him at peak at the boarding house,

and also saw him at the Berkeley Community Center. Yeah, it was pretty something to watch that. What about when he had the Blues Brothers open for him at the Universal Amphitheater? That's probably the coolest show I've ever missed. I even, Steve, I, it's hard, man, that'd be one of the toughest things to follow probably. Oh, the Blues Brothers when they're killing it? With the full dancing and all the singing. Yeah, that's a tough one.

Follow Belushi and Acro doing anything and then you're even better. Yeah, but he was on SNL then too. So it was like two SNLs. He was on a lot. Yeah, he was on a lot. Right, right, Steve Martin was a rock star as well. I got to work with him in a movie, Three Amigos. Phil Hartman and I, right? And Joe Montanio were in the scene.

And so they was doing coverage on Steve Martin. It was with Chevy Chase and then Martin Cheney. So anyway, they're on Steve. So he would do a take and they go, let's do it again. And each time he was a little funnier and I've never seen anything like it. He had such control and it was like he had a knob on his chest. They go, where do you want to hear? And like, let me turn it up one.

Let me turn it up to love funnier. OK, we'll go to three. It was like that precise. I've never seen anything like it. It was incredible. I believe it. You lie a lot, but that one I believe. I mean, he's not, he's no Dana Carvey.

Well, I remember working in, it was trapped in paradise and I would watch it and everyone was like, this is John's closeup. And it would just, it would be exactly the same every time. I mean, I don't know. I have a knob on me that says 11 and it's broken off there. So it doesn't go below. I've done movies with both of you guys and I have to say between the two of you, I'm

the funniest. Okay. Thank you. Thank you for that audience poll. I mean, wait. No, you are funny. I didn't mean to say I'm the funniest. No, it does. I'm sorry. Between the two of you, I'm funny.

It drives you crazy. I know it came out of wrong again. People go, well, you're just naturally funny. That's what they say to you. Yeah, they say that to me. I go, naturally. I work my ass off on it. No, it's not that.

I act like I don't know I'm being funny, but I do know. And I know how I'm funny. No, no one can just be a natural and not work the system of funny. I mean, I'm not funny. I'm not funny. I'm not funny. I'm not funny. I'm not funny.

I'm not funny. I'm not funny. I'm not funny. I'm not funny. I'm being funny, but I do know. And I know how I'm funny. No, no one can just be a natural and not work the system of how to be funny on command with a camera in your face. No, this guy named Ralph Levy, who used to produce and direct the Jack Benny show and the Vern Zanato, he came to my acting class, Tony Bart's acting for the camera.

He goes, Ralph's gonna teach you comedy. But anyway, Ralph said, you do all the things you do in drama, then you add the comedy on top, and then you the actor, you know you're being funny, but your character should be oblivious. As a result, people think, oh, you're just naturally funny. You're funny just standing there.

I said, if I'm just standing there, it's because I'm making that choice to just stand there with the blank face because I know it'll be funny. Because that's the funny way to do it. Yeah. Did I get a master thespian, A-C-T-I-N-G with full commitment? Acting. I said, thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. That's good, okay. That was a good laugh. No, on SNL though, they break so much now. I go, what happened to the sketch? And so, you know, remember, we weren't allowed to break character.

We'd have been fired. We thought we'd be fired, yeah. This isn't the Carol Burnett show. We don't do that. Ryan Gosling though, was having so much fun. It was infectious. That was the most breaking show ever. But you couldn't help but laugh. Well, he's the host.

He's not going to get fired. Yeah, but it was it was. I guess I have to go back to my giant movie career. I guess I gotta go back. Go look up the Beavis and Butt-Head sketch. It's kind of a sort of a classic. You saw it in. I saw it.

I saw it. I get Twitter. Very funny. I mean, it would have been funnier if they hadn't broke. I mean, that's how I feel. Oh. I wish we could have broke. I think breaking some time. I agree with you.

When I was doing the Pepper Boy, I thought we were going to break for a minute, and I didn't want to break on that because it was killing so hard without it. But it does make you laugh when people break. But anyway, here's my impression of Farley in that. Why? Thank you. I would like more. You really made him be like that. Down by the river, it was you and Christina and you guys were trying not to laugh. And it was he was doing everything he could to make you laugh. to laugh and it was he was doing everything he could to make him laugh. Right.

Which was funny. But did you ever laugh your whole time? It doesn't or did anyone ever laugh? No, I did one time because it was a it was it was Tarzan, Tonto and Frankenstein. Right. Pat Stevens show with Nora. So she's interviewing the three of us. And we're doing the sketch and then all of a sudden Phil out of nowhere started laughing.

Oh yeah. That's very odd for Phil. And then five seconds later he just lost it. That was it. Yeah. And laughing on and on and I'm like, we're all like, what is he laughing? And then we couldn't not laugh. And I'm like covering my face.

We were like, and I couldn't stop. And I mean, afterward I said, Phil, what happened? Nothing had happened. He just started laughing. And he was, so he said, no, I tell you what he said. He goes, well, I just thought how ridiculous I'd look. And I started laughing and then I stopped. And he goes, and then I thought,

what that must have looked like to the people watching the sketch and at home, seeing Frankenstein laugh like that. And he goes, and then I just lost it. For no reason. Yeah, and then Lauren on Monday, well, you know, that happens, it's all right. And I'm like, oh man, I don't know.

The other thing, John, is the sketch continued, even though I lost it, if I remember him as Frankenstein crashing through the set, because that's what he did. Didn't he do that? He kept going and he was laughing his ass off the whole time. He's still doing the character. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think we tried.

Yeah, we tried to finish, but we couldn't stop. But that's the only time I remember doing that. I remember doing that. Listen, Dana, I just wanted to tell you that the eclipse not really coming to LA when everyone was so excited about it, like it was Coachella, was funny. You know what's not funny? Getting ripped off.

Harry's Razors agrees. Harry's Razors is something my brother Andy told me about years ago. What they did, they saw customers getting screwed over by questionable overpriced shaving products and they decided to do something better. Yeah. I hear David that instead of charging the same stupid high prices, Harry's found their own way to make really honestly beautifully designed razors for a fraction. Do you know what that means? A fraction of the price. It's like less than the brands. Less, exactly. Exceptional products, honest prices. That's Harry's, David.

Oh yeah. Listen, they're heavy. They have a weighted handle. So Dana, and I know you like to get pumped up. You count on them as barbells because you go, oh, I do two razors in the morning, do curls, you know? Yes, I take the razor and they pump up the bicep. But you used to do 300 pounds. Yeah, but you know, you just do more reps. Yeah, it's all about the reps. That's what I said, more reps.

So it's great to have a real, this is like stuff in movies, you'd see a guy with a really a handle and a weighted heavy shaver. And then these other companies came out with these plastic ones. Garbage. That just after one shave,

you know, I'm sort of an alpha male in a way. So it just, I can hear it say, ow, when I go down my stomach. You look at how wide they are between blades blades you're like this is gonna rip my face So after one shave Just get the blood off it throw it away But but the ones are the heavy ones look cooler. You look like you're in a movie. I like it. Yeah, it's quality Makes you feel good

Better than the rest listen, it's got the highest customer satisfaction in the shave industry. Yeah, no risk trial You don't like it for some weird reason. No worries. It's on the convenient subscription option that you can cancel at Any time this is a great great shaving experience getting ripped off isn't funny switch Harry's. Get started with a $13 trial set for just $3 at harrys.com slash fly. That's harrys.com slash fly for a $3 trial set. Spring is here and you can now get almost anything you need for your sunny days delivered with Uber Eats. What do we mean by almost?

Well, you can't get a WellGroom lawn delivered, but you can get a chicken Parmesan delivered. A cabana? That's a no. But a banana? That's a yes. A nice tan? Sorry, nope. But a box fan? Happily yes. A day of sunshine? No. A box of fine wines? Yes. Uber Eats can definitely get you that. Get almost, almost anything delivered with Uber Eats. Order now. Alcohol in select markets. Product availability may vary by Regency. App for details. Uv rays don't skip a day. Neither should your SPF.

Introducing Daily UV Moisturizer from Umbrell. Broad spectrum protection and all day hydration in one lightweight formula from the number one recommended brand by pharmacists and physicians. It's the unskippable SPF for your unstoppable day. New Umbrella Daily UP Moisturizer, now available online or at your local retailer.

All right, anything else for John before we let him go walk Jerry? What do you have your own show now? Suddenly it's your podcast. No, I'm just saying because we have a screen. I'm John Lovitz. We'll be right back with Dana. We are here with John Lovitz. David State right after this.

We are here with the one and only John Lovitz. With a word from Snapple. Thanks, fellas. John, do you want to promote it? Yeah, where are your gigs? Your next one. I'll be at the Grove Comedy Club in May in Arkansas. I have a new singing show where I sing with a great band.

Randy Baldwin who played with Frank Sinatra. Four piece band at the Jazz Club Vibrato. Where is that? It's in Los Angeles. Top of Beverly Glenn Center. Oh up in there. Yeah, I went there. They have two shows and they want to bring me back now every couple of months. It was a there. Oh up in there though. Yeah, I went there. I went to two shows and they want to bring me back now every couple of months.

It was a blast. I saw it then. Well you do have pipes. What are you singing? Sinatra, Tiger, all that? You wouldn't like it. Stuff like that. Different standards and fun songs and songs like the Monkey and the Baboon that my grandfather

taught me. Singing in the rain. No, it's still funny. Well, he does comedy. Yeah, and I do comedy. It's still a funny show. He does have a good voice. It's not Dana Carden who gave it to you. No, it's still funny. Well, he does comedy. Yeah, I do comedy. Yeah, it's still a funny show. He doesn't have a good voice.

It's not Dana Carden. I'll give. It's Spade funny, but it's funny. It's not me and my pogo stick. No. It's not Dana, George Bush, Dennis Miller. I'm doing a tour of the South, by the way. Funny.

Love. It's funny. I'm doing it. It's a great question, love. I'm doing. I of the South by the way. Funny. I'm doing, it's a great question, love. I'm doing... I thought you went already. Well, it's on davidspade.com. But I'm doing like, I think I'm doing Arkansas, Kentucky, North Carolina, Orlando. I'm doing Arkansas. Mew, mew, mew. Mew, mew, mew.

Did you guys ever talk about when Dana Carvey brought me to a club? He goes, there's this guy there, David Spade. He's really influenced by Dennis and I. That's the first time I saw David. And then I was like, oh my God, he's like a clone of the two. If Dana and David, Dennis Miller and Dana Carvey had a baby, it would be Spade. I think he's outstripped that, Monica. Well, that was years ago.

You have your own style now, but back then it was like, but you were funny, but that's the first time I ever saw you. Dana introduced me to you. When I first saw Dennis, he said, "'This guy, John, is a cross between me and a snuffle-up, I guess.'" When I first saw David,

I said, I watched him and I said, he's like a cross between Dennis Miller and a flirt squirt. When I first saw John Lovitz, I thought he was a cross between Moe Howard and Ulysses S. Grant. When I first saw Dana Carvey, I thought he was Alan DeGeneres. I first saw Dana, he was across from Tinkerbell. Just Tinkerbell.

I can't think of another one. This is a true story. Dana, we'd always tease each other and he would do characters. And oh, the story when William Shatner hosted the show and he would, John, I mean three sketches, three, three, right? And he always goes, what can't I do? So one time he's behind me dressed and makeup as Johnny Carson and he's imitating Johnny Carson. It was so spookily good. Dana was gone and you were in the room with Johnny Carson.

And I remember in my head looking at it and I literally thought, yeah, he's right, what can't he do? That's how good he was, how great he was. I actually thought that I go, he's right. It was so spooky. It was so spooky. It was so weird. I remember seeing him run around in his car.

So it looked great. But he sounded exactly like him and he was gone. It was pretty amazing. That's very nice, John. John is one of the most talented people I know. John can really sing. He said I can really sing. He would tell me I can really sing.

I go to myself. Sure. For a comedian. Then I saw can really sing he said I can really sing he would tell me I can really sing I go to myself Sure for a comedian then I saw him really sing and he got a tan So it's the same kind of compliment. Yeah, that guy can really see. Yeah, he can really say probably the best Well, I like to mean the show is called from the shower to the stage I like to sing in the shower. It sounds amazing. Everyone thinks they sound great in the shower. Yeah. I told him that should be a TV show. Like I'm going to put it out there and try. Frank Sinatra though. Frank Sinatra, everyone knows, he's the greatest. He wrote a book on singing, if anyone's listening, called

Tips on Popular Singing by Frank Sinatra. And he tells you how to sing. And it's fantastic. Does it work? Cause the other day you were telling me? Oh, it worked. Yeah, it worked. It really works. Oh, because it didn't. Yeah, you told me you're like take your upper soft palate. I'm like, let me just know like every every singing teacher It's your diet fam pull your stomach in pull it out to support the air Frank Sinatra says breathe in through your nose Frank Sinatra says, breathe in through your nose. And then because if you breathe in through your mouth, the air goes in and dries your

vocal cords. The summer wind. And then your lungs filled air and you feel your rib cage go out. He goes, don't let your rib cage go back in. He's the only one that says, not your stomach, your diaphragm, your rib cage. And if you do that, that's what you focus on. You automatically support it correctly with your abdominal muscles. Correctly? I'm gonna take a shower right after this podcast

and sing. I'm gonna take a long, long shower after this podcast and sing. Everybody loves somebody sometime. Well, what's more fun than singing with a band? Comedy is hard. You're up there singing with a four. He's like the character.

It's like, don't make me sing. These guys, Randy Walden is the musical conductor in the range of, he's played with Frank Sinatra, George Benson, Ray Charles. He's the top guy. He's Barbra Streitstein's personal pianist and now musical conductor. He's been a personal accompanist pianist for 36 years.

Jesus Christ, never heard more boring credits. Pianist. Guitar player. He's the best studio musician, guitar player. He's known for Michael J. Fox. What are we getting at? Stolo. So he's good.

Now what? I want to see his show. Back to the future. Oh, is he on your show? The cello player is one of the best cello players in the world. This is his band. The drummer's one of the best drummers. Dave Tull had a, had to call a professor, teaches everything.

They're so great. So you have to try to play with these guys. It's not easy. David Spade likes it up the bone. I thought we were doing VH1 behind the music. I'm like, what's going on? That's his band. That's your band. It's good stuff. I'm saying it's fun, but it's not easy your band. It's good stuff. It's not it's fun but it's not easy.

Yeah it's not like amateur hour. Well they're not. I'm trying to keep up with them. No you are. You do good. I've seen it. It's good. Okay so Dana nice to meet you. John nice to see you. I'll see you out front because you live in my yard and Jerry Jerry the dog. Nice to Jerry. Oh, boy. Jerry, don't show the overbite. You have a good angle underbite, right? Jerry, quit fighting. Don't let him do that stuff, too.

He's like, hey, I just found out. Jerry's sweet. I's like, hey, I just found this turd in the driveway. I have to chew on. Anyway, John, great to see you. Let's do it again sometime. This will never air. Okay, bye. Bye, John. Bye, everybody. Goodbye.

This has been a presentation of Odyssey Superfly, as executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Charlie Finan of Brillsta Entertainment, Jenna Weiss Berman of Odyssey, Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman. Hope you liked it.