Fly on the Wall with Dana Carvey and David Spade - SUPERFLY #16 - Tabasco-Gate

Episode Date: May 17, 2024

David and Dana have some gripes, ideas, and observations. They also get into Seinfeld/Stern, the princess's new jam, R-rated Scooby Doo, the NYC/Dublin portal, a gas pump fetish, and more. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/SUPERFLY and get on your way to being your best self. Submit advice questions to [e-mail] Watch the full episodes here: https://www.youtube.com/@flyonthewallpod To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. What did I want to get off my chest recently? Well, it's probably something you got to get off your chest because we all carry around different stressors, big and small. We just keep things bottled up and then it starts to affect us negatively, David. Negatively. Yeah, it was something about when I was merging

and the people weren't waving back to me, it bothered me. But, you know, that that's a small stress, but it can be bottled up and get bigger. Therapy is a safe space to get things off your chest and how to figure out, you know, you got to work through whatever's weighing you down. Uh, yes. And I've, I was in therapy, I'm there here and there now, but for five years. And you know, it does challenge your thoughts because I'm gonna, this is kind of, I don't know if this is profound, but you are your thoughts in some ways.

So if you're thinking redundant negative things or sad things or whatever, a therapist can kind of get you out of that kind of negative pattern. So. Be the best version of yourself. You know, and sometimes it can be small things, it can be major trauma. I think either way, it's good to talk to someone. If you're thinking of

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Aside from this hotel possibly 100% being haunted, I don't wanna hear children singing when I go to bed. Is that weird, Dan? In a falsetto with little night counts on it. La la la la la la. And they're just in a tricycle going around your bed. La la la la la. Would you get scared?

I said, I didn't want to say anything, but the kids upstairs were noisy, and they go, there's no upstairs. Hey, man. Hey, man. That really, that really boils my blood. I was going to ask you when you get mad, what do you say? You say it steams my beans? Oh, no oh, steams beans. No, I really got a B in my bonnet. Really? My dad used to say, oh Jesus Christ, it gripes my ass. And it was always about nothing, like a parking garage that charges more or something. No, I like, uh, there's grind my gears. Uh, Farley was, uh, burn my onion. Is that one?

He used to say that. I want to burn my onion. Is that one? I used to say that. Burn my onion! It really burns my onion. I don't know. I think that was it. I look fucking great. But you know what, Dana? I am out of, on the road, so I... The hair looks pretty good.

Wow. What did you, how did you, is Heather there with you? Yeah. Oh, of course. I can't literally anything. Well, it looks good. So you, let's break it down for people who try to do this. Have you got a ring light? It's not a ring light, Dana. Well, you're just facing the window. This is just me with no light. There's no light. All the lights are off. It's pitch black. It's just your inner lights coming out. It's my glow.

It's a good. I have an aura here. Yeah. And that outer aura, which is like a ring light. All aura your head is like a ring light. I'll aura your head in, in a minute. Did your dad ever use that on you when he was around? Yeah, he wasn't that clever. I, you know what my dad did do, which is funny is, cause he was a deadbeat dad, but when he would walk by me in our little crummy apartment,

we shared a room when I was 18, and I would be in the bathroom, I'd walk by and be like this. And he, and he poked his head around the corner and go, see anybody you like? Anytime I'm looking at myself and see anybody you like. And I go, get out of here, dude. What are you doing? Well, we had five, five kids, one bathroom. It was hard to get in the bathroom.

We had a piece of a mirror this big. We didn't have a bathroom. We had an outhouse. We had to look at our hair in the back of a spoon. So yeah, we, oh, my dad would cut our hair and shave our heads. Oh, that's child abuse. In the 60s, mid 60s, you want to look like George Harrison? There's a UFO in the background. Oh, that's child abuse. In the mid-60s, you want to look like George Harrison?

There's a UFO in the background. Yeah, they're just supposed to be. Oh, okay. So I'll tell you a quick thing. This, Dana, I ordered room circus yesterday. This is Tabasco, right? Seems harmless enough. I'll fucking kill you. Is that a large?

Is that a big jar of- This is a large. Who are the dwarfs that make that shit? When women come over, I put this next to my wiener. I go, this is a full bottle. But you know, I get stupider. But this one, first of all, I still don't have it open. I gave this 18 minutes to open and I could not open it. Yeah. I finally sawed this part off with a knife.

You can't tell on the white part. Yes. And that didn't help. Wacked it. I went on Instagram, people were like saying, put it in your teeth and go, no, no, I go to my people. And no one was right. Someone said, soak it in the tub. Someone said soak it in the tub. Someone said get a bigger bottle.

I don't have it. I have this. This is all I have. And it's sort of like a hexagon. So I need probably a socket wrench. Heather, finally got one laugh from her. Now I'll tell you, Dana, today, cause I'm such a colossal pussy. I had them open it first.

Um, this, this one, the green part, I got the green part off the top. That was 12 minutes. Now this came also ketchup. And guess what? I knew how to open that. Uh, that one, I've never gotten a plastic ketchup thing apart, man. That thing is good. You got to really, it's got some grooves.

So Tabasco Gate is fixed. Also, I am the drama of you on the road. The road. I know these are just stories in the road. It doesn't mean they're particularly hysterical, but that. And then have you ever had this? Aside from this hotel, possibly 100% being haunted, I don't wanna hear children singing when I go to bed.

Is that weird, Dan? In a falsetto with little night counts on it. La la la la la. And they're just in a tricycle going around your bed. La la la la. Would you, you get scared? I said, I didn't wanna say anything, but the kids upstairs were noisy and they go, there's no upstairs.

We know what you're on the top floor. Well, that's when you sit up in bed and just as you're loud as you can go. I am Satan. Oh my God. I'm too scared to say anything. Oh, really loud. You just sit up. Oh, I can't, I, I'm not going to get into the haunted part with him because I'll scare him.

No, no, no. I've been, I'm haunted every night. I mean, I'm, I will tell you what does grind my gears. Is when you, and this, this is road problems. These are fake problems. We're doing fine. We understand that David's on the road, headlighting and headlighting and amphitheater, but hotels are just interesting. So I get, this is what I don't realize when I hear the creaks and squeaks is the, you have your room near the elevator and I'm backed up to the elevator shaft.

So one of them went, I'mzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz Room service. It's literally 4 a.m. Well, first of all, we'll get you a new travel agent because the first thing you do is, could I get a room not near the elevator? I don't even think of that. You've only been on the road for 40 years and you're finally discovering. My list of demands is, I can't add to it. Well, let's add it up. Elevator kept you up all night. Tabasco sauce flummoxed you. You actually have a sprained thumb

and you can't feel your right hand trying to open it. My clavicle is out and also, I don't have a 316th socket wrench. You broke your rib on the Heinz ketchup opening that thing up. No, this thing I really had, I was okay with, so I was kind of bragging, but also, okay, when I went to Canada last week, this is a stupid one, but I didn't have my passport. We couldn't find it.

What's that a boot? And what it's a boot is, and I did say Suri, but they were like, there's not a chance you're getting on this plane. And I thought, not to be, but there's definitely people coming into the country with nothing and they just waltz in. I'm like, you're not gonna stop me. I'm okay. I pay my tax, I do everything right, just let me in. If no one's doing it anymore, and I had a banana,

that banana's not gonna make it. I could go across a border with a gun and I would be fine. I can't walk, cause you can see my banana. That's what she said. No, nobody did. All right, I'm keeping track. Two references to your ding dong. I'm holding my banana, not like the guy at the gas pumps.

To be continued later in the show. Guy's a friend of mine. You got a lot of friends. Yeah. So anyway, I was very flummoxed, as you would say, because I was frustrated that it's not fair to crack down on one side of the border and not crack down the other. Like, let me either walk in or, and then they go,

you're going to need that real ID pretty soon. You got to go to the DMV. I'm like, I me either walk in or, and then they go, you're gonna need that real ID pretty soon. You gotta go to the DMV. I'm like, I'm not doing jack shit. How about that? God, you're like a little rebel. Yeah, fucking crazy. I had that, they wouldn't let me through. And they had me sign autographs.

We're big fans, I took pictures. Now can I go through? No passport, going to Mexico, no. No. No. But we'd like a church lady pick if we could. We love you, but I don't know. And they said, not only can't you get on a plane,

we want you to get the fuck out of this airport. I go, what? I like it. What? They go, what would happen if you got into Mexico or Canada? It would be fucking pandemonium. You would ruin this. You'd ruin it. And you're like, yeah, I guess.

I was coming out of Al Capulco and I didn't have the ticket stuff or something. So they took me to a special room to interrogate me and I thought, they can do anything. What am I in an episode of Narcos all of a sudden just trying to get back to San Diego if I could, all right? But they were like, hey. They go, what's this hot water balloon

filled with Coke, Guyana? And you're like, oh, that's not mine. What's this hot water balloon filled with cocaine? I'm like, oh, that's not mine. Why you want to go on this flight, man? What the fuck what do you find? Why you want to go on this flight? Well, I just want to get back home You don't gotta you go. You don't got a certificate man. You got to pick up that certificate Where do I get it in the certificate hut? Yeah, I'll sell you one right now Also this Yeah. I'll sell you one right now. Also, this Seinfeld situation kind of got blown out of proportion this week. It was shootout at Seinfeld. Corral.

Well, first to preface, just to keep the story going in a full circle back to our... This story will never die. It's just one of those stories. Everyone's got an opinion. It's just one of those stories. Everyone's got an opinion. It's trending. So set it up. It's not a big deal. I think the problem was, Jerry, me and you are friends.

We're all friends with Howard. Howard and Jerry are friends. So we're all in the same biz and you don't want to rub someone wrong. Obviously Jerry was being fun with us. He was being complimentary to us. There was a little shrapnel just because maybe he worded it not perfectly, but we all know Jerry loves Howard. Howard's got a great show. Howard's doing just fine. And this made me, it was sort of, it got a little out of control, but it was, I think the whole thing

was just a smoldering Amber, nothing too horrible. If I had to close the book on it because we can't, I understood where Jerry was coming from, but you go on a podcast for 90 minutes. We don't have a script folks. I mean, I've had people send me letters going, how do you and David, do you have a teleprompter? This can't, so perfect. It can't be improvised. So then you're saying stuff for like 90 minutes to not have some regrets, podcast regret. But I think that Jerry, in the end of the day, he's very protective and proprietary about what he considers pure standups, especially standups and comedy.

And I remember I told him on the, on that, and now we're repeating other podcasts, but I said, Lauren, Lauren Michaels, Lauren Michaels, things, he has these things he says, and I'm moving here. He goes, will there be funny people there? Because there's like only 900 of us on the planet. And Jerry didn't, I don't think so. So that's just him being protective of us,

said the wrong things, now they're friends. Yeah, I think he's saying just a pure actual touring standup comedian, that's all. But Howard is very funny. I have listened to Howard forever and always makes me laugh. He's hysterical, he's the king of whatever he's. Even when I did that Netflix golf tournament, whatever stupid thing, it was fun.

Bill Burr was there and we joked about Bill Burr because he was, you know, he just rolled in and what he was wearing. And so I called Bill Burr, I said, now that got, Jerry got me thinking. So I said, Bill, we did some dumb thing about you. We won't put it on, we, whatever you want. He goes, I don't give a fuck.

He's like, just don't go after my act, which is true. That's the sore spot. If you go after some comedians act, that's like very mean. I'm just goofing around because we were all golfing and wearing stupid stuff. Does any comedian ever go after someone's act, like takes a line? Yeah, no, or they say their act is soft or they say it's bullshit. I, that one, that one stings more. Well, what happens with comedians is because we're all helpless little child and

we were the class clown in fourth grade. And so when there's a new kid in town, like toy story, you know, this reflexive thing is, is like, you want to bring them down. I would do it sometimes with, uh, like if Paula and I are watching TV and Brad Pitt comes on I'll just say something like he's gross I don't I don't get it what's that all about I don't get it you know he goes I do she goes I do and that's all that matters I've had people say that Rob

Williams in his prime just kind of jealous comedians. I don't get it, man. What's that all about? What's he really doing? Destroying the room comedically for an hour and a half? I think. Raping and pillaging every audience. So to close this subject, I'd say that watch your inner child

and remember in the end of the day, just be kind. Oh boy, that's heavier than I thought. We're gonna have a music cue put in on that. At the end of the day, just be kind. Oh boy, that's heavier than I thought. We're gonna have a music cue put in on that. At the end of the day, be kind, rewind. ["Rocket Money"] Nearly 75% of people have subscriptions they've forgotten about. I don't know if you knew that.

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All right. I have a new reality show idea, Dana. Okay. You can get in on it now or you can wait to hear the idea. Well, I want to hear the title because 99% is the title. I don't need to hear what this reality shows about. Okay. It's called America's Next Protester. I'm in. We go across the world with Simon Cowell and Heidi Klum and we find the best protesters and we can give them any subject.

Or they can audition with anything they want to say. There's too many glass tiles on this building and they sit and they don't do anything. All day they commit. Man on the street going to where people are protesting? No, just different people auditioning and they, they wear what they're going to wear and they give us a picture what they're going to put right. Well, what would you protest? That's the hard part. I don't have anything great. I mean, forget it.

I'm not going to bring this up again, but this is a problem. I just don't know if I want to dedicate 15 hours a day and go on a hunger strike. There's, there's wars and famine and all kinds of stuff around the world, but you not being able to get into that tiny Tabasco plastic thing is big. Let's not downplay it. It's big in my world. And it's also, it's a bit of a shoulder shrugger to most people, but I have problems and I also have solutions.

I heard that you went down and took a steam shower with it and your towel fell off. And I stuck this up my butt, like the guy at the gas station. You know what? I would, I'd be on your protestor show and I would protest too many protesters. There's just, we got too many. That's a good idea. Yeah. All right. Well, so you're going to be an EP. All right. Next thing is, uh, Yeah. All right. Well, so you're going to be an EP.

All right. Next thing is, uh, what is the name if we can pull up the Meghan Markle and, and Prince Hank Prince Harry Styles, Prince Harry have a new company and it's called something very not ostentatious. Oh yeah, it is American Riviera Orchard Jelly. It's just jelly? Wow. I'm getting jelly just talking about this.

That's a mouthful, and I'm not talking about the jelly. Yeah. American Riviera Orchard Jelly, huh? You know what I think is an easier one? That's my jam. That's my, that's my jam. That's not bad, right? That's that's all right. That's my jam. It's quicker. This has to sound so affluent and heavy and ostentatious. I would have named it.

They hate me because I'm mixed race jelly. Oh, that's true. Yeah, they hate me because I'm kind of a princess jelly. They wouldn't give me a therapist when I needed it. Jelly. You know, I was on suits. Then I was a princess. I could be on suits reboot right now, which is my idea.

I think she should go on suits and make a killing. She should call already a number one show. And she should go on. And before that or during that, she should go on. Hey, Howie, I'm ready to do deal or no deal. So she if she did a goddamn I'm on dealer, no deal again. The one on the island jelly. I think that would be a good job.

Yeah, I'm on New Deal, dealer, no deal again on the Island jelly. I think that would be a good job. I'm on New Deal or no deal again on the Island jelly. It's not how he Mandel jelly, but it is a good show. You got a trend. You got to, if it's outrageous, it's contagious. If it's boring, no one's going. What about mine? I'm going to pitch to a Prince Hank and I'm going to walk in like it's Shark Tank and I'm going to go, Hey sharks, Megan and Harry, what if you're driving down the 405 and you're starving and you've got a bagel?

Would you like to pull out some traffic jam? And then I just wait. I get 100% of the money, you get zeroed, you want in. Okay, so I'll be Mark Cuban. So what do you, what do you, I've never tried to do one. To Prince Harry. To Prince Harry. So you actually have real jam in your car? Yeah, he gets it.

Megan, are you in? He, it's in the glove compartment. You take it out and you go, oh, I'm glad I brought my traffic jam. I don't like it. I love it. Makes me clap my head. Thanks, that's more like it, yeah. Let's give him a million pounds.

And he goes, Meghan, we don't talk in pounds. And you don't either. You were never, you were only there three weeks. Hey, listen, Meghan, this is not gonna, I like the whisper guy. This is not gonna work, Megan. That's Harry, because when he whispers, he's not even English anymore. That's the nurse thing. If she saw that, my nurse character, she'd go, oh.

Ah, yeah. He has jam in his car and there's a traffic jam. I gotta tell the doctor. You have to tell the doctor? She has to tell the doctor everything. That's right. The doctor's gotta know. Can I introduce a new character? Not a nice guy with a catch in his throat.

I hate it already, go ahead. Yeah, so we went and saw we went to David Spade. Like he's really kicking it, man. His cat is active, is really funny. And we're really laughing all the time. What's your name? Catch. Nice guy with the catch my throat. My nice guy with the catch in my throat.

It's a new character. It's not bad. It sounds a little like Shaggy. They sounds a little like Shaggy goes to Scoob. Oh, Scoob. I can't believe it's Scoob. Scoob, I can't believe they neutered you. Little Scooby. All right. And now for the Beetle news. Wait, Scooby, I can't believe they neutered you. I can't believe they neutered you. Hi, I'm Scooby Doo. That was Kasey Kasey's greatest character. And he sounded nothing like him. He sounded nothing like actual KC Case.

What was the dog that went, I don't know, that didn't talk, basically. Roar. That was Scooby, right? And then he could talk as well. It's been a while for me. Yeah, he goes Scooby.

He goes Scoobs. Why don't you try humping Velma's leg? He's like, have you seen her? What are we gonna do about this Scoobs Velma's leg. He's like, have you seen her? What are we going to do about this scoops? She's hot. Oh, I see. For us, for our generation, our rated Scooby-Doo cartoon with the exact same animation.

Well, come on, Scoob. You got to wear a condom. I wouldn't say that. Of course. We're ruining our childhoods by bringing this up. Scoob, have you noticed Velma's hot? I like Daphne. I met Casey Case in watch. Oh, he also had... Okay, keep going. You do your Beatles news. Let's hear it.

Beatles news today. Hello. Hello. here we are with the Beatles news. It's all over everywhere. There's a Donald Trump is in trial, you know. So apparently the whole story is he shaked a bird about 16 years ago, you know. And it was all over the telly because she wanted to see if she could get a shakedown on him. She said, hold on, I'd like some money. I'd like some pounds a quid. It's very complicated.

He hired a guy named Cohen the Fixer to give us some pounds to keep it quiet. it, you know. And then the election came, because Trump was on a bus, a bus with Billy Bush, and he said he could grab ladies' private parts, lovely ladies, whatever he felt like it. So that was like a no-no. People go, hold on, don't know if we want him for president. So then Stormy Daniels, who performs on the telly to get money, anyway, she said, I'd like some more, please. So they paid her some money. They said, did Trump do it or did the fixer do it? So I don't really know, but he's keeping it from his wife or doing it to not get elected.

Sorry. That was way too long. No, it's good because I like how you watered down Stormy Daniels is just on the telly doing some entertainment. You mean porn? Yeah, she gets on the telly and they have cameras. She takes off a blouse or whatever and she's shagged by this gentleman coming in and then they cut away and that's her job. Shagged by a gentleman.

Calling. That is a nice way to put everything. I like that. That's all the Beatles or is that Paul? I just call it the Beatle News. Let's try something just off the cuff. You or Heather give me a news story and I'll try to beatle size. Anything doesn't matter.

Okay. The portal to Dublin in Times Square. What? The portal to, I don't know what that is. Okay. Well, explain it. Is it like a little ride you go in? They put a huge eight foot circle

that you can walk up to and you can see people in Dublin. It's kind of crazy. Oh, that's- That's live. I love that. You can now look from New York all the way to Dublin. This is the Portal, a new public art installation that connects the two cities by letting you peek right into the streets of Dublin. It's happening live so you can even interact with people on the other side.

The Portal is located on the Flatiron South Plaza, directly next to the Flatiron building. It runs 24-7 and will be here for six months. In New York, be mindful of the 5 hour time difference. I would avoid going late at night as it will be in the middle of the night in Ireland, but I guess it could also be interesting. Either way, be sure to stop by and say hi when you're in the area. Already closed, Dana. Already closed.

Because it is like a flashers dream. You know, some guy, oh, look, I had a bunch of Guinnesses. That's exactly what happened. So they made a portal, you wave, they wave back, you know, and you go, are they really there? Are they really there? And you try to punch through, but they can't really, you can't... Is it a mirror? What is it? Yeah, it's like what they did was they put a monkey and a dog next to it and they started barking and they thought they got really disorientated because it wasn't real people. They could smell. Oh, and the monkey and the dog. Yeah, animals probably wouldn't like that.

Oh, the monkey and the dog. Okay. This girl's flash your boobs to it. Because she and she told Dr. Phil she'd rather die hot than live ugly. I don't know what that has to do with this. and she told Dr. Phil she'd rather die hot than live ugly. I don't know what that has to do with this. I didn't know this story was coming up about someone using it to flash. Yeah, that's why you said. You said that's something they're gonna ruin.

I'm like, that's what happened. Some girl did this, showed her boobs just to get to boost up her OnlyFans. And then some other guy held his phone up right to the camera and it was either September 11th. It was, it was trades. I don't even know what his point was, but it was like offensive.

And of course, well, here's what I would do. I'd find a bad ass AI and I'd show the AI the Dublin portal. I say AI, I'll give you five days to make it so that people can walk through the portal and go from Dublin into New York and New York to Dublin. Farewell United Airlines. Yeah, that's a great one. So long Qantas Airways. So long Southwest.

We're stepping through a portal. No tightening in your seat belt because there's light chop. All you do is step through the portal. Bye bye British Airlines. So long the bar is closed. Bye bye barf bag. Bye bye David Spade bit. No, bye bye you can still say before you go in the portal.

Oh, you can still do that. Yeah, we'll put you on SNL. Thank God. Keep that bit alive, Dan. Keep bye bye. We'll put David Spade. Oh, David's coming in next week. He's going to do the bye bye bit, but with a portal.

I feel like it's time. This is the week. Okay. So what about the portal? Oh yeah, that's good. I like the portal. And yeah, get AI off its ass. I mean, I don't care if they can make little memes. Fix that. Transport. No, if it's going to scare the shit out of us, let it do something crazy great. Let's go big.

Tired. It can process the entire information in the history of the world in a billionth of a second. So let's get busy. It can process the entire information in the history of the world in a billionth of a second. So let's get busy. All right. When you're hiring for your small business, you want to find quality professionals that are right for the role. That's why you have to check out LinkedIn jobs. Everyone's heard of it.

LinkedIn jobs has the tools to help you find the right professionals for your team faster and that's for free. That's right. LinkedIn isn't just a job board. LinkedIn helps you hire professionals you can't find anywhere else. Even those who aren't actively searching for a new job but might be open to the perfect role. In a given month, over 70% of LinkedIn users don't visit other leading job sites. So if you're not looking on LinkedIn, you're looking in the wrong place. Oh yeah. And LinkedIn, 86% of small businesses get qualified candidate within 24 hours. Hire professionals like a professional on LinkedIn.

Yeah, that's right. LinkedIn knows that small businesses are wearing so many hats and might not have time. LinkedIn knows that small businesses are wearing so many hats and might not have the time or resources to hire, David. Mm-hmm, 2.5 million small businesses use LinkedIn for hiring. Post your job for free at LinkedIn.com slash fly23.

What is it? That's LinkedIn.com slash fly23 to post your job for free. Terms and conditions apply. Okay, this show is sponsored by BetterHelp. I gotta get it off my chest, Dana. Traffic. I know. Traffic. I can sense it.

You're carrying stressors around big and small. You keep them bottled up and it can start to affect you negatively, sir. People cutting me off. Drives me nuts. We've talked about it. I follow them for a hundred miles until I get a wave. Yes. Therapy is a safe space, David, to get things off your chest and to figure out

how to work through whatever's weighing you down. Whether or not you've been to therapy personally, um, it's got a lot your chest and to figure out how to work through whatever's weighing you down. F-Y-I. Whether or not you've been to therapy personally, it's got a lot of benefits. If you're thinking of starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try, it's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, suited to your schedule.

You fill out a brief questionnaire, you get matched with a licensed therapist, switch therapist anytime for no additional charge. I've been in therapy and I found it very useful. You get a lot of good information, they question you on your thinking. Negative thinking can lead to depression. You know, we're all like a can of fruits or vegetables or whatever, David, and we need someone else to read the label. And that's where BetterHelp comes in we need someone else to read the label. And that's where BetterHelp comes in.

They're gonna read the label. So get it off your chest with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash superfly today to get 10% off on your first month. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P.com slash superfly. The most important part. This is not AI, but you wish it was. This is a video going around this week of a guy.

I don't think it's John Goodman, but this is a guy at a gas station. And he's just kind of. Doing his own thing. OK. I don't know. Because I find he's got so the guy, the guy sees him. Okay. I don't even know. He's got, so the guy, the guy sees him. He's putting the, he's putting the gas pump up his butt. Yeah, it's all bad, Dana. But this is, I infected my feet.

Now you have to see it. So that guy. I can't unsee it. I know, obviously the most surprising thing is his butt takes diesel. I didn't know that. Can we just. Obviously, the most surprising thing is his butt takes diesel. I didn't know that. Can we just, well, let's just in a hard PG-13 describe it to our drivers who were listening. Oh yeah, okay.

What did we just see, David? There's a gentleman. Really? I'll just say it up front, seemed like a very nice guy. Yeah, a gentleman in a trucker hat, a little portly with his pants on his ankles at a gas station and he is rubbing his privates with his left hand and with his right hand, surprisingly, he takes the diesel gas pump out and sticks it up his behind. And then someone yells from across the street, is behind. And then someone yells from across the street,

which we couldn't hear, but they yell and he turns around and goes up, funds over and then he puts it back on the tank. Doesn't even give it a, you know, once over with a paper towel. All I can say is if I had a dollar for every time I've seen this scenario, this is filming up by your house. How many people have dropped their drawers, touched their privates, and stuck the pump up their ass. It happens all over. No, I don't know that guy.

I just am really surprised that, uh, Bill Burr would do that. I'm just want to be supportive of this because I'm a perv, but that one doesn't do anything for me. The truth is that he did look a little like John Lovitz, right? Could have been. Oh, that was Lovitz. Or no way. Way. I've got a new way.

I just got a text from Lovitz. He heard what we just said and he said, Balderdash. Balder who? Let's see if we have any other videos. What else I want to say to you? I have a couple of things. Oh, yeah, let's hear. We got lots.

We got lots. Someone wrote me a super glasses on a red red necky joke from from a nice, a nice person. Charbel Allen. He wrote me a red red necky joke. See what you think. I'm red red necky, the Redneck comedian. The other day, my cousin Earl was showing off his brand new mobile phone.

I said, that's nothing. My whole home is mobile. Come on, get some. Okay. Not bad, it was clear. We got Red Red Necky up the sidelines. He kind of laid low for a couple weeks. Yeah.

Red Red Necky. Like, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, Red Red Neck red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, I like this idea with a it's just different people from around the world, you know, like we are the world How they would react to earthquakes. I want you to give me one when I think I know yeah Yeah, you think I want okay. No, I'm thinking I think of your one you were about to do but go ahead you do Yours first and then I'll tell you what I okay and then you're gonna do no. All right. Good. All right This is a this is I'll just go back to my well, maybe I should do a new one. Okay. Here's an Indian man. Um, talking to someone and then an earthquake hits in India.

No, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, It's nothing. Oh, it's something. It's the same. He's okay. Wait. I apologize. Nobody gets hurt in these, right?

No one really gets hurt. They survive. Wait. He said, hey though. I apologize to people. Nobody gets hurt in these, right? No one really gets hurt. Now here's the- They survive, they survive at the end. I'll do Japan, that'll just be mine. Okay. Oh, you see. God damn. God, he calms down quickly. That was like a nine nine. Oh

God he calms down quickly. I felt the was like a nine nine I broke my laptop Broke my laptop. Okay. Here's a Anglo British British guy Yes, well, I don't believe you're gonna have dinner tomorrow night. I can't wait for it. I really can't. Oh shit, it's an earthquake. Oh Mother I'm British, but I'm in Oh, you're in Japan I Want to hear you do one? I'll do the one I'm stealing from you.

Please do. This is a press junket. This is gotta get the whole thing settled. I'm gonna see how you do this technically. Okay, Mr. Walken, can you tell us a little about your character? Wow. Whoa. Whoa, no. Yes. Smart.

Is it, is it over? Continue. I thought he would be perfect as a quick one. That funny like I know you're doing them longer and I go no I don't know he has one word yeah so I couldn't think of anything plus I can't do them now now now louder is better god now now now there you go that's's over. Yeah. Mine needs fixing. Greg can trim it down. I like it. It's silly.

I couldn't think fast enough. Well yours was great because you did it kind of soft. No, I like yours. Because. No. Because my. That was good. It start out slow and build.

I started mine at a 10 and that's why they probably won't make the final cut. I want that Japanese one that long so we can't cut it. It's well, that's I probably will at this point just for you fans out there. Retire the Japanese earthquake guy. I just wanted to blow it out one time. Well, I don't know why you're talking crazy like that. That's so good. Well, why on a count would I talk crazy like that?

All right, give me another one. Give me another thing, subjects. What do you got? Anything? Or do we have just videos to play? You got stuff. What about Trump versus Biden? Oh, if you got stuff, we should talk about that.

Cause that just came out an hour ago. That Biden came on, come on. An hour ago, that was last Wednesday an hour ago? Oh, yeah. Hey on. An hour ago. That was last Wednesday. An hour ago. Oh, hey man. We're getting closer to our release release date. You know, it's too bright. But Biden came out. Well, come on. I'll debate you anywhere in his time. Come on, make my day. That was his direct quote. I like how he's tougher now. You know, he's got some confidence.

He's walking the helicopter. They're like, Hey, here at Trump said, he's like, fuck that guy. You know what I mean? He's like, anytime, anywhere. I know he was pretty loud and aggressive. I guess they read the tealies. People think he's too old or whatever. So I think if he stayed in the union, Biden, he'd be pretty strong, you know, I'll beat the hell out of you. Take him behind a woodshed. Trump's like, I'll go with you anytime.

Let's go many rounds. Let's go many rounds. I can't wait. I'll take you down. So hard to be crying all the way for your mama. He doesn't. Trump doesn't sleep and Biden sleeps all the time. That's what I picture. Trump's like at 3 a.m. texting, thinking of Twitter's. He literally is a three hour a night guy, but, um,

I don't know. I mean, I think that Biden will probably, I don't, I bet they don't debate. I think it's a, Oh really? Biden's got to get that go-go juice. Whatever. It's, you know, maybe it's just a good nap because sometimes they forget he's 82. Hey, Mr. President, you have 45 events today. We're going to fly to seven states, you know, and buying so stubborn. He's like, I can do it.

I'll fly all over. Anybody give a speech all day long. And by the end of the day, you know what happens. Where's everybody? Oh, what's going on? Yeah, I don't know. I'm going to Vegas this weekend. Where's everybody gone? What's going on? Yeah. I don't know. I'm going to Vegas this weekend,

even that one hour trip, I'll be like, you know, the time change. I'm tired, even though they go, at the same time I go, I know, but I was born in Michigan and it's two hours later and I just haven't adjusted. And you have your magic juice right before you go on stage, right?

Oh yeah. You're a little whatever you do. You get it. I'm going like this now. Folks, I'm going, this is what you used to do. I'm holding the mic in my hand, people in your cars. Took me two years to buy this. I took the mic off the stand.

I wanna lean back in my cool shirt. Fuck, my hair looks cool today cause I had it did yesterday for this thing. We shot something yesterday up here in Kansas. Well, what's with the hat then, if it looks cool? The hat's stupid, but I have such a headache because of all the rigmarole I was doing yesterday and I slept like dog shit.

I feel like fuck pie. So I'm just, I just had to rally myself to do this. And I can't believe I'm still a 10 out of 10. I put you at a 12. Oh, you know what? We should tell people we're trying to get Dr. Steven Greer on the show next week or the week after. Whoa, talk about UFOs.

I would love to talk about UFOs. Pew, pew, pew, pew, pew. Where's Spade? It's like, where's Waldo? Oh, this is funny. Let me explain this picture because it always comes up on my Instagram. Okay. Okay, this caught me off guard, but I did want to talk about this.

The shy guy on the right is not Guy Fieri. It's Mark McGrath, Sugar Ray. Yes, know him well. There's Spade looking crazy. There's Eminem and there's Kid Rock. Now this is, this is the, um, Joe Dirt premiere. And what happened was there's a little bit of a kerfuffle and confusion because

I invited all these people to the premiere. So my PR play said, anybody you want. So the cast of Just Shoot Me and these people and all my friends and family and blah, blah, blah. Those never went out. So for some reason, this screw up, horrible screw up. I get to the premiere and the only reason these people are here is because we all drove together.

And so in a limo, old school limo, not a Hummer, like a low one, like pick up Kid Rock, pick up Eminem, Eminem's nephew, Nate, I think was his name. And we all went and it was a fucking blast. But I go, where's everybody else? And Sean Penn came with his kid because I told him, anyone I didn't see in person and tell, didn't know about it. So you know, 40 people that were like show busy, celeb types didn't come. So it's really just us, which looks bad, but it was definitely fun people. And then I look crazy. I wore like this flannel shirt.

Are you wearing sunglasses at night? I'm wearing sunglasses in the day. I think that, no. Oh, it's inside. We got there when it was sunny. Yeah, everything's not great. I think it looks cool, I just love that. Were there M&Ms in the limo?

Did he bring any M&Ms? Yeah. Kid Rock normally, it's required you have small rocks in the car, M&Ms, M&Ms. Yes. And you need dirt. I think they're on moon rocks, which is like Molly. Every time people do moon rocks, I'm like, what are those again?

They used to be a candy, Dana, that's how old I am. But now moon rocks, so we did the movie and then we were going to the after party here. But I wore these old glasses that I thought were like Kurt Cobain-y. I just thought they were cool. I think they're women's. Yeah. But anyway, I see this show up and it really just sums up the old days, but it was super

fun. What does that make you feel? I'll be your therapist for a second. Regret, shame, joy? Scared child. No, I didn't know Joe Dirt, if it would work, whatever, we just saw it, and it works, of course, in a premiere because it's like a paid audience basically.

Wasn't Joe Dirt, I'm just gonna call it, isn't it sort of a classic? Because people refer to it, to me all the time. Yeah, I mean, I think it didn't make $100 million in the theater, but it made it on video. Yeah, that's back when you could do a movie and then it comes out in video and can make $100 million just because

every time someone goes to Walmart. The people that wanted to make the sequel, the first offer we had was from Walmart, not a studio. They said, we will sell this in two seconds. Give us a sequel, we'll put it up right by everyone. They said, the DVD sells the same every month. It doesn't go down. So everyone just grabs it, grabs it.

They go, we need another one. They'll grab two. And so we almost made a movie with Walmart, which is crazy, especially back then. A collab. And now we're working on a Jodhar cartoon. But I think- Haven't you already done a Jodhar?

I can't believe you haven't done one by now. A cartoon, I know, it feels like a good idea. We started to do it and then everything fell apart. I think it was COVID related. Could I play kind of a red, red necky character on your adventures, you run into him? Yeah, that's a good idea. I would like that. Red-necked comedian.

You can't go wrong with the Dana Carnegie voice. When you're name... Carnegie? I'm a catchphrase machine, come and get some. Yep. You could take any ratty little catchphrase that you left in the fucking gutter that you couldn't get on and bring it on. Repeat it, repeat it, mix it up. I'm repeated guy.

that you couldn't get on and bring it on. Repeat it, repeat it, mix it up. I'm repeated guy. All I exist to do is say a catchphrase. Come and get some, come and get some, come and get some. How about SNL when people would put a sketch in and it was a repeating character and if it didn't work on page one, it was 18 pages of blibbity-flobbity. I'm blibbity-flobbity. I'm blibbity-flobbity. I'm blibbity-flobbity.

I'm a grumpy old man, and I don't like things now compared to the way they used to be. That was actually funny, but when you hear a guy go, and I got caught in a mousetrap, and then he says it 50 times, and everyone's like, we didn't buy it the first time, and now we hate it. I know.

At the end, Lauren's like, mmm, Wayne's like, all hat. Wayne's world code open. All hat, no cattle. What is it? All hat, no cattle. That's a Montana phrase of a showboater guy trying to be bigger than he is.

It's all hat, no cattle. Oh, like a guy wears a cowboy hat but he doesn't have a ranch. Well, there's no there there. It's just a showboater. I do like those terms, showbiz terms. When you do joke on a joke, people call it a hat on a hat.

You pitch a joke and you go, it's kind of a hat on a hat. Like we already have a funny joke, we don't need another one. Are you leaving savings behind at the gas pump? Get up to 7 cents per liter in value every time you fill up at Petro Canada gas station. When you link an eligible RBC card to your Petro points account, you instantly save 3 cents per liter at the pump and you earn 20% bonus Petro points. That's like 1.2 cents per liter plus 20% bonus Avion reward points. That's

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Watch free on CBC Gem. Oh, the graduation names. Let's play this. Okay. And then you, this is a real graduation and they mess up the names. Victoria Lee Zubat-Bross. Jessica Lynn Bower. Alessina Cole Bishop, Allison Care Camp Bull, Tom Moldmay.

For people in their cars, they are getting it really wrong. That's Thomas Michael Cannavari Jr. Was that real? That's real Michael Cannavari Jr. Was that real? That's real from New York. Wow. But they said somebody was in the prompter and they gave them wrong pronunciation. So someone's just not looking at the name, they're just reading pronunciations.

They should look at the name too. Davad Spadai. I've had worse. That'd be you. I mean, when they bring you up, Dan Garnie, that's not really your name. I got a lot of Dana Garnie, Dana Garnie, in the early days of standup.

And Dana, are you a girl? Are you a girl? Dana, Dana Carvey, Dana Garneau, and yours is always David Spada? They'd really mess it up and call me Flip Wilson. Who called you Spudly first? Dennis. Dennis Spudly, okay.

Spudly and Spadoodle. Oh, Kevin Neal I think calls me Spadoodle. And Spudly, Spudnik. What's up, kids? Having fun on that little video clip thing you're putting out? Sounds good. How's it still called that named after an insect of some time? What's the sequel on Arthropod?

Come on now, do the Caterpillar podcast. Okay. Spud, Spud, the Just Shoot Me got canceled. They mowed down your money tree. Somebody cut down a money tree in the backyard? Can we have Dennis on Superfly? We gotta have Dennis again. Just to be a, just for five minutes

and have him just talk about stuff, you know? But I did just see on my phone that Biden wants, can't, they can't believe it's not butter company to sponsor the, uh, that's nice. Yeah. This is, this debate between me and Donald Trump has brought to you by can't believe it's not butter. There you go. He should have, they should have an, a collab. I can't believe it's not Biden. Or I can't believe that's Biden. I can't believe that's Biden.

He comes out, every time he comes out looking different, they're like, is this the guy? I want the degradation of manners and politeness in American society to devolve even further. I want them literally grappling. I want I'm going to hit you now, Joe. I'm going to hit you hard. You're going to be crying all the way down. I got strong hands. I used to work on a Mustang in 1942.

I'll strike you. I think it should just be a Dana White should produce the I know. Put them in the ring. Put them in. I got to take down. I got moves like you wouldn't believe. I can strike on top and I can take you to the floor. What about sumo diapers?

They wear those things and they just rustle each other. And Biden already has a diaper on so he wouldn't even have to do it. Ah, what a burn. Ha ha. Who's gonna do better? Sorry, I apologize for that joke. Is Trump Biden gonna out score Mike Tyson, Jake Paul?

What's, who's going to watch more? Boy, that, yeah. We have to get Tyson on here. Yeah. You know, the thing about Tyson, I remember this, he always was, uh, he'd act tough before the fight, then he beat the hell out of the guy. And then he was so sweet afterwards. I liked that about Tyson because before the fight, he's beat the hell out of the guy. And then he was so sweet afterwards. I like that about Tyson because before the fight, he's like,

yeah, I'm going to kill your whole family. I hit you so hard, your whole family is going to be hurt. I'll kill your whole family with my fist. And then he beats the hell out of the guy and goes, yeah, I really like you. I saw you get a great fight. I'd like to knit a sweater for you. Maybe a vest sweater. I'll make a sweater for you.

That's after the fight. come on, Spade. I'm laughing at it, I'm trying to add to it. Oh, I know what you're doing, I didn't do that too. Come on, let me, come over to the park, let me push you on the swing. Yeah, before the fight, my fists are gonna kill you, I'm gonna break your brain, break everything. After the fight, it's like, do you wanna go to the park

and do the see-saw? Let's do the to go to the park and do the see-saw? I think we let's do a see-saw. Let's do a see-saw Come I know Reese Witherspoon come with my book club You always want to be a good loser You know good loser gang well All right, what else you got you got a bee in your bonnet. Is that it? What else we got loaded up? Let's play something if we have anything left People like God dang.

Well, some of this stuff's evergreen. What is this guy? Let me see. Oh, I thought these two guys were funny. These guys committed the ultimate crime and they confessed 30 years later. Okay. Hey, how y'all doing?

Well, I can't say our names, but this is me, me and Robert. And if you had your locker stacked in the 80, maybe 79 to 81. At the Sulfur High School, you're looking at the culprits. We did it. It was us. And y'all never knew. If you see this video and you're from Sulfur, we stacked your lockers. And it was funny to watch y'all if you you see this video and you're from Safford we stacked your lockers and it was

funny to watch y'all kick all your typing papers down the hallway yeah but we did that and we never got caught remember when the principal threatened us we gonna catch you yeah well he did catch us the statute of limitations run out so you can't do nothing now. Yeah, that's funny wasn't it though? Bye y'all. They didn't change at all. They're the exact same guys who were at 17. What does it mean stacked? Is that steel?

Oh, that means when you poop diarrhea through the vents of their locker. Is that right? You're like, oh, this story just got unfunny. No, that's not. I think it, I don't know what it means. What does it mean, Heather? You think maybe they were shoving things in? Oh, they shove like papers in the vents it's so dumb I don't know I guess you can do you got us we got it nuts that you were limitations is all

gone so we can do this all night long I also put a straw in your hamburger. I know you have a, you have a, a 24 hour fitness locker and I snuck in there last Wednesday, come two week Tuesday and I stacked that up with ball bells. Ain't a thing you can do about it. That's a catchphrase. That's so funny. I took your Otter popsops out of the freezer and let him melt. Remember when I got you in a headlock and gave you a newgie for like 45 minutes in the parking lot in Winston, Mississippi? You can't do a thing about it. Statue of limitations.

Remember we blew up the principal's car and six people died from the shrapnel? Yeah, that was us. Oh, that one's actually bad. Remember when I had a toy gun and I held the whole school hostage for four hours and the SWAT team and the narcs were even afraid of me? You remember that?

Statue of limitations,itation? Nothing you do. Go fuck yourself. We're still buddies, too. I just love all kind of craziness. They're so happy that many. Remember when I dropped the pencil third grade? Looked up your skirt. Ain't a thing you can do about statue of Livitation. Go on.

I'm a man. I live, they should go on. Oh, hey, man. I snung snapped your browsier. Take that me to move when you go state. You can take this is where we need Chris Farley to just blow it out. Bigger than God. Remember the time we were at the drive inin movie and I got the second base? Ain't a thing you can do about it. All right.

That's a good, that was a lot of energy. No, I like those guys because they were really like crafty. They were like, we got up to some shenanigans. Yeah, we got this. It's almost Bill Cosby. We did the better shenanigans at the school. I just love that they're so happy saying it. We gotcha. I mean, like they seem like their chests, they're cheerful people.

If you can celebrate the shit show that's called high school with that much aplomb, I that wasn't living. They let, they're living with guilt for how long and now they're finally free. You know what someone would say to me? Hey, Dana Garneau, remember when I jacked you up against the locker and then my friend, we held you upside down and shook you to get you lunch money? Remember that?

Ain't a darn thing you can do about it. The guy goes, that was me and you go, I know it was you, dick. And he's like, you figured it out? Yeah, you're right in front of me No, yeah, I knew you well. I have to say I knew you're gonna shave me down so I have monopoly money in my pockets All right, that's it I got a million things. That's it. It's been two and a half hours

Spun I don't want to, I don't want to. You don't want it to end? I had no place else to go. I still got to fly back. You did a tremendous job. Look at this hair though. I can't get over it. I like it. You want it to look like it's not, it just happens on its own organic time. I look a little fucking blanched out from this. I look like one of not, it just happens on its own organic time. Not all the fucking blanched out.

I look like one of the golden gals. Well, now that now you can do this from the road, any hotel in America, you can do super fly. Oh, yeah. Super fly still flies. Oh, I realize I do make sounds, but Dana, this is where we're similar. You make sounds that sound like people and I make sounds that sound like inanimate objects. So it is similar. Whatever makes whatever's funny, doesn't matter.

Give me an accent. What was that? I was in the middle of that guy, but he had something, he had a tongue, yeah, a lisp or something. He had a speech impediment. British up across, I'm one of the most powerful people in Great Britain, but I do have this speech impediment. There's not a damn thing I can do about it. Is that Prince Charles? No, it's just, holy shit, another...

Oh, and there's an earthquake? Oh, they happen once in a while. No harm. Don't worry. It's nothing. Nothing. What about it's fine. Motherfucker. God damn it.

Cause someone stopped this incessant trembling. I don't know. Trembling. Who would have thought that shaking the laptop. I love it. I can't almost get enough of it. I like that it came back at the end. All right, we'll see you next week and I'll be in Vegas this weekend at the Venetian and

then I go to Atlanta, Savannah and Charleston. Wow. All right. Thanks everybody. And Dana, I will see you soon, buddy. This has been a presentation of Odyssey Superfly as executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Jenna Weiss Berman of Odyssey, Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman. Hope you liked it!