Fly on the Wall with Dana Carvey and David Spade - SUPERFLY #25 - Monsters and Shooters

Episode Date: July 19, 2024

David and Dana are back in studio! They talk wet vs. dry monsters, sweaty shirts, Indian weddings, poop rivers, Jeff Bezos, and of course the Trump assassination attempt. Please check out our sponsor... http://awaytravel.com/fly To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Get ready for Las Vegas style action at BetMGM, the king of online casinos. Enjoy casino games at your fingertips with the same Vegas strip excitement MGM is famous for when you play the classics like MGM Grand Millions or popular games like Blackjack, Baccarat and Roulette. With our ever-growing library of digital slot games, a large selection of online table games and signature BetMGM service, there is no better way to bring the excitement and ambiance of Las Vegas home to you than with BetMGM Casino. Download the BetMGM Casino app today.
Starting point is 00:00:34 BetMGM and GameSense remind you to please play responsibly. BetMGM.com for Ts and Cs, 19 plus to wager. Ontario only. Please play responsibly. If you have questions or concerns about your gambling or someone close to you, please contact Connex Ontario at 1-866-531-2600 to speak to an advisor free of charge. Bet MGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. Get ready for Las Vegas style action at BetMGM, the king of online casinos?
Starting point is 00:01:05 Enjoy casino games at your fingertips with the same Vegas strip excitement MGM is famous for when you play the classics, like MGM Grand Millions or popular games like Blackjack, Baccarat and Roulette. With our ever-growing library of digital slot games, a large selection of online table games and signature BetMGM service, there is no better way to bring the excitement and ambiance of Las Vegas home to you than with BetMGM Casino. Download the BetMGM Casino app today.
Starting point is 00:01:34 BetMGM and GameSense remind you to please play responsibly. BetMGM.com for Ts and Cs, 19 plus to wager. Ontario only. Please play responsibly. If you have questions or concerns about your gambling or someone close to you, please contact Connex Ontario at 1-866-531-2600 to speak to an advisor free of charge. That MGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. What is the moral of that story?
Starting point is 00:02:05 What is the give money to everyone? Have a really aggressively successful relative. Be a billionaire is a moral of the story. Then everyone will still like you. And then be a multi-billionaire. Yeah. No, and then get gacked. He's like this, he looks like one of those kangaroos.
Starting point is 00:02:21 You guys, we're back in the old sweatshop. Here we are. There's a first right now though. What is that? I think it's the first time on Superfly that I've had a shirt with a collar. Oh yeah. I know it's important for fans out there
Starting point is 00:02:39 that wanna make it really important. I keep you updated. I just wanted to look more like you, David. No, you know what? We look so much the same, apparently, but then I had a green shirt on, I just changed, and I come down and me and Dana both have gray on, huh? Is that fucking, what a burn.
Starting point is 00:02:57 I mean, the phones are gonna light up. You're like my little brother. You don't look like me. We don't really look the same. If I had a little brother, like a kid brother, hey buddy, that kind of would get you in a headlock for no reason. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:03:10 Yeah, that'd be me. But we, people wouldn't know, I mean whatever, it's just too general. We don't look the same. Is this too low? Okay, here's what I'm gonna tell Dana about before we get started, which we'll be getting started. I went to movies over the weekend.
Starting point is 00:03:25 Last night, I went to a quiet place. I went to Cheesecake Factory first and ate. I love Cheesecake Factory. And some people call it the Cheesecake Fucktary, but that's sort of been played out. I don't- Yeah, a lot of people do. Yeah, a lot of people do.
Starting point is 00:03:43 I hear that a lot. Some of the employees do. So then I went there and it's connected at the Grove to the movies. So I. God how can I ask you a question? How recognizable. I mean you're pretty recognizable out there. You got a big hat on or something? I have a hat and shades and then I burrow under. Even though it's only 20 feet to the movie theaters, I go underground. I come up. Yeah. So I go in there and when you go to the movies, I've seen the other Quiet Places. And then I thought this one, the poster should have been, let's hear it for the Quiet Place.
Starting point is 00:04:18 Wouldn't that be a good review? Let's hear it. Yes. Okay. Would you like me to insert something? No, I'll just keep going. And then- Because I have a quiet place idea.
Starting point is 00:04:28 You do? Well, I just thought the sequel should be the loud place. Like if you don't scream, you die. Let's get somebody! You have to keep talking. Yeah, keep yelling or you'll die! The loud place, where when you're quiet, you die. That should be the monster's decide.
Starting point is 00:04:43 We like it loud now. Yeah, that's true. Well, the sequel is louder. Hey! Yeah, it's so hard. It would be hard to keep up the noise. Yeah, the whole fucking place just shut down. Stay loud.
Starting point is 00:04:55 One bit in and we're fucking collapsing. Stay loud and stay alive. So here's the thing. So go away. They play AMC, you know, first of all, it's a good 30 to 40 minutes of horse shit. It's like commercials.
Starting point is 00:05:10 Oh my God. And then there's previews, give away every movie you're about to see. I left once and came back. That's why you don't have to go for the first half hour, because a lot of my excitement is the first half hour and it's wasted on this shit. So the movie comes, I'm already plummeting.
Starting point is 00:05:27 I'm trending down. So then when the whole movie's, all you see Nicole Kidman, and then they go, hi, welcome to the, it's a star of the Quiet Place. I'm like, I'm already in, you got me. And why are you telling me, they're sitting there like, this is a great movie about New York. I go, I don't wanna to see the press junket.
Starting point is 00:05:45 I made it, you sold me, I'm here, start this shit. So, because before Top Gun, it got through all that stuff and then he goes, hi, I'm Tom Cruise. You came to the movie, we're very excited. Come on, get the fuck out of here. Now believe I'm another guy in 30 seconds. Hi, I'm Tom Cruise, but now watch Sergeant McGillie.
Starting point is 00:06:03 I'm not gonna make that leap of faith, bitch. So Quiet Place, I forget, we'll be quiet, I forget. It sounds easy, it's a silent movie, right? Pretty much. At the beginning, they don't know what to do with it, because I just picture the pitch meetings like, we did this or the other one, this is all New York. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:06:22 And another big part of it is the aliens. They have to be cool, they have to be is the aliens. They have to be cool. They have to be good-looking. They have to be interesting, scary, which they were. Were they the same as the other movies? Yeah. Oh. But they all kind of turn into alien.
Starting point is 00:06:36 When they get close to you, jowls open, like a boa eating at. Multiple sets of teeth. Yeah, yeah. But wait, there's more teeth. Then there's another little head, and then the head has a little baby head with two tubes going, mama!
Starting point is 00:06:51 There's like seven layers of teeth coming at you. And they're all sharper, and they breathe. And they're always dripping with something. Anyway, yeah, it's sicker. Can I just say this? When I was watching scary movies as a kid, the monsters were dry, except Creature of the Black Lagoon. They were just dry.
Starting point is 00:07:11 And then when Alien came out, goo was put on the thing. Wet and goo is bad. And they got wet and gooey and a lot more scary. It is scarier to be gooier. I like a dry monster. It's true. I do like my monsters dry. I agree with you.
Starting point is 00:07:23 With a twist? Yeah. I like a monster I can light a match up on. You said that about E.T. Oh, he's so fucking dry. Yeah, yeah, E.T.'s too dry. Frankenstein was dry, the original Frankenstein, all those old monsters were dry, and then they got gooey and wet,
Starting point is 00:07:38 and then I stopped going to the movies. So, okay, so we're still in the fireplace. So she has a cat. And the thing about the cat, you know the cat's gonna fuck everything up because cats are already troublemakers. And you know cat, why would you have it in the Quiet Place? They're up there and he's like this pushing fucking cans off. Meow.
Starting point is 00:07:57 And they're like, and the cat's like, what if I, you know what I mean? They did that in the first day when the cats are like meow. They want, you can't do shit. You take a kit cat and go, and the monster goes. So you can't do anything in this movie. And the cat, I think has a bell around his neck, which is another huge fuck up. Isn't it funny though, the moment you just did
Starting point is 00:08:18 when the monsters are like, and then they're here. Meow, meow. Yeah. And then the music comes in. Yeah, cause they're like this, walking down the street in Manhattan. It's of course Armageddon. And they're like this, and then a bird goes, tweet, meow.
Starting point is 00:08:30 The bird goes, the fuck, I don't even know what's going on. Like I'm just being a bird. And then the alien comes and eats him. The monster. Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, It's not an alien, it's a monster. It's a monzimmerman or something.
Starting point is 00:08:40 But they are from space. Am I giving too much away? So the aliens are from- I did not know that. Yes- I did not know that. Yes, I did not know that. Ed? Not from this planet. Ha ha ha!
Starting point is 00:08:54 Extra to us, you're a great one. Martian-like. So they all go to the noise, obviously, bring on the noise. Bring on the noise. Anything else that happened? Let me see. I wrote a few things down.
Starting point is 00:09:10 Geez, can't you just watch a movie? You're always working. No, the cat is white. Everyone's covered in filth. The cat is clean as a whistle for some reason. And also the cat doesn't give a fat fuck. Walking over dead bodies, la la, cause you know cats don't know what's going on.
Starting point is 00:09:27 So that's like the fun part is the cat, cat never gets lost. And then at the end I walked out, but I tiptoed out. Well, they always, people get so attached to cats and dogs. We remember if you had a heart attack in the laundry room and no one was around, which one would eat your face first, the cat or the dog? Let the viewers send us.
Starting point is 00:09:47 Let's go to the phones. Evan? I feel like the cats would, because they wouldn't even let your body get cold. First they would sniff a little bit, but within a week or two, meow, ah, ah. First they'll go through your pockets,
Starting point is 00:09:58 get your iPhone. I wanna see you mime that out with effects, the cat eating your face. Meow. Meow. That's the cat getting hit with milk when you go, milk a joke and you give some of the kitty. And then the people going, aren't you guilty frisky for eating your master's face?
Starting point is 00:10:15 No memory. Okay, so now let's get to the other news. What was the other news this weekend? There is nothing really going on. This concludes, this is a short one. They don't have to be any length. We do have to acknowledge the assassination attempt because we won't try to do it in the super darkest way.
Starting point is 00:10:37 We just have to say this happened this week. We are on Monday, this is on Friday. So if we say anything wrong, it must have happened. Sometimes we do our episodes two months in advance and they're all about current events, so they don't wear well. Yeah, that Quiet Place review was about the first one. I'm not even kidding about the Loud Place.
Starting point is 00:10:53 This was filmed in eight. I think the Loud Place would crush. That's a good idea. Because you'd wear jangles and things in pots and pans every second, like someone says to you. Hey, hey, hey, hey. Choo, choo, choo. You couldn't keep it out.
Starting point is 00:11:04 Stay loud and stay alive. Oh, also, I don't want hi. Choo, choo, choo. You couldn't keep it up. Stay loud and stay alive. Oh, also, I don't wanna go back to the quiet place, but everyone's filthy, but now and then the leads, they look like they took a shower. And you know what? They look too good. And I'm like, you didn't get a shower in because you can't go psh. Continuity. Too loud.
Starting point is 00:11:21 Like they think they look too bad, so they clean them up a bit. I couldn't agree more. Couldn't agree more. A Western, like I saw when I did see a Western recently, 310 to Yuma. I love that one. And all the cowboys had shitty teeth, yellow, brown teeth.
Starting point is 00:11:40 I hate it when you see a Western, it's all filth everywhere and then fucking white veneers. Hello everybody. I mean, it's like, come on, everything is filthy. But giant white teeth throws me out of the movie, David. Do you know how much veneers were back then? They were to cost three veneers. That's an Italian currency.
Starting point is 00:11:59 Three veneers to get actual veneers. Yeah, they were like 10 cents, but that was a lot. But anyway, I'm agree with you. I like dirty teeth in Westerns. So the shooting I saw as it happened on TV and- You were watching it? They always say it sounds like firecrackers, which is true when I heard it back,
Starting point is 00:12:19 because if it's a mountain range, you think it's gonna be- Very good. Get tight on that mic and do that. I like that. That is really... That's my new favorite sound effect. That's a great one.
Starting point is 00:12:31 Because of the echo. Yeah, that's in the mountains. Damn, girl. Echoo! Echoo! I feel like I... Let's get on out of here. Echoo!
Starting point is 00:12:39 Echoo! So there's a lot of questions about it because luckily the candidate for president didn't get shot. But that, the scariest thing is that thing where it's he looks this way and if he didn't look that way, he would have gotten, it would have been like a JFK thing. And for America to see that for kids,
Starting point is 00:13:04 I was actually very thrown by it all. It scared me. Cause when it was real, you thought, oh my God, what if he's shot in the back? I don't know. When he went down, I go, he could have one that I couldn't feel. And then they take him away.
Starting point is 00:13:15 And then he goes, oh wait, you know, cause you, I don't know, shock. It's adrenal. I mean, I saw it was so age me a bit, but I saw Lee Harvey Oswald got, he got shot by Jack Ruby during a prison transfer. Funny, that's not funny, but it makes you think of Dennis Miller.
Starting point is 00:13:31 It's Dennis Miller had a bit. He does it so funny. I haven't seen choreography like that since the Lee Harvey Oswald prison transfer. Hey boss, I got the guy that owns the local strip club. He's got a handgun. Should we let him through? Who the fuck are they turning away?
Starting point is 00:13:50 If they're letting in the strip club owner with a handgun. Yeah, strip club owner with a gun. Should we let him through? Yeah, let him in. Yeah, that's what we're thinking because when you say, I look at all the evidence, TikTok, I mean evidence. TikTok, I go on Twitter. that's where all the truth is. Twitter, TikTok, I mean, just picture if this was JFK.
Starting point is 00:14:10 I mean, the amount of analyzation, all we had was like crummies of Prudertape. But now, of course, everyone has something going on and you're going to a place that's getting filmed anyway. So everyone has questions. I don't know, I don't know. It all sounds, you can question everything about this. Everybody has questions.
Starting point is 00:14:29 And this is gonna go on for quite a while. And the questions are from everybody, New York Times, Wall Street Journal, TikTok, Twitter, more traditional sites, CNN, Fox News. And then everybody has questions. How in the fuck did that shooter get on that roof from that distance with that clear shot when we know, because of Evie, the Secret Service agent,
Starting point is 00:14:57 that we interviewed ironically two weeks ago or something for a half hour about how the Secret Service works. And she really breaks down, I think we have a YouTube video of Trump is an ex-president. So the amount of security is massive. So I said, how many are guarding in a big rally? She goes, I go 50, 60, 100 more. So they couldn't spare one person
Starting point is 00:15:23 to be on the- To look at the highest building. The roof that's closest to it. So you're kind of like, well, please explain this. Yeah. I thought that was a little fishy. I don't know. I mean, I don't know. We just need an explanation.
Starting point is 00:15:34 Oh, okay. Here's my explanation that I want. Is the sniper, secret service, whoever is watching and guarding, looks like he sees the guy and he's got him, looks up, Trump gets shot, goes back down and pulls the trigger. Don't you think it would be cool if you see a guy with a gun, just shoot him? I don't know the procedure,
Starting point is 00:15:53 but if a guy's laying down, prone position with a rifle, in camo or whatever, just shoot him and worry about it later. Well, you assume from people I've talked to, I talked to someone who's in military. They don't have different frequencies. They are all matched. So this whole thing you see in the movies,
Starting point is 00:16:11 kill one, section seven, clear, fine. I mean, you know in a second. Eagle. We have, so it's completely mysterious. You could only say that it was like the Challenger explosion, like 10 coincidental things went wrong. They say locally they give certain jobs to local police. So local police is like apparently Barney Fife
Starting point is 00:16:32 or something because they didn't have someone on that rooftop. I can't understand why they didn't have someone on that rooftop based on the scenario I'm seeing. I'm not a conspiratorialist. I like to get answers, but I have a lot of questions. And I have to say, just out of sensitivity and respect,
Starting point is 00:16:52 the gentleman who did get killed, saving his wife and daughter apparently, you know, my heart goes out to them. And that is tremendously sad. There's so many aspects to this story. And there's so many, did you story and there's so many. Did you send me the video behind the scenes? I sent you something that I know.
Starting point is 00:17:09 So behind the actual podium where Trump was speaking, there was a person hushing people away from the- Right before it happened. Yeah. It looked like Secret Service. Took people out from behind Trump. And then he holds him there. And then when everything happens right then,
Starting point is 00:17:27 when he gets there, blam, blam, blam, he doesn't run on stage. They all run on stage. When they're getting Trump off, he's still crouched over there. Yeah. That was a weird one. But again, weird. I don't even know if he works there.
Starting point is 00:17:38 I don't know why. You just don't know. Again, you just have questions. What was that? We have no answers, but who, why, they're making a big deal. Who's that Vincent guy, the hat? That was apparently someone online saying it was some guy who was actually in Italy.
Starting point is 00:17:51 Is that the story? Is he spending, it sounds like there's a lot of videos of him behind Trump at every single. Oh, there's a guy that was behind Trump? He hasn't, they've named him. Oh, okay. I don't know if that's anything. Everyone behind is like a subject because the woman,
Starting point is 00:18:03 she went down, then she immediately took her phone up and started filming. I know. You're like, what are you doing? All I know is, oh sorry, just the secret service bun. There was three women involved in it and they were all bad ass, but the one with the bun, she really took it all in control. Just wanted to let everybody know.
Starting point is 00:18:18 The secret service. The one that Trump was leaning on is, yeah. Yeah, and then she, even when he got in the car, she still stayed and kept moving, like she. Is that her on the screen right here? Everybody dropped the ball. She's the one with the head back to us. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:18:32 Oh, okay. What about this one? She's a star. You knew who's playing her in the movie? Greg Show. I don't wanna say, okay. Okay. See, we can still smile as we talk about this.
Starting point is 00:18:45 I'm not doing all my jokes because at first someone said, it was Alec Baldwin. I was like, oh, no days off for this guy. We're not putting that in. No, no, that's just, we can cut anything. I mean, no days off is funny. Trimity trim, trim, trim. He just got acquitted.
Starting point is 00:19:02 And he's like. What about him leaving for coffee? What, who? Do you see? Alec Baldwin's been on trial for the. But he's acquitted. And he's like. What about him leaving for coffee? What did who? Do you see? Alec Baldwin's been on trial for the. Huh, but he's acquitted. And he just, no, but he got up in the middle of the trial and just walked while they were questioning
Starting point is 00:19:12 and he got up and he just went. Oh, I didn't know that. And all the slurs were like, literally visibly like, what, like, like shaken that he just got up. Look who's watching the trial. I didn't know that. You didn't see this? I like when they said,
Starting point is 00:19:22 someone goes, did you call him a cocksucker? And the girl goes, me? I don't know that. You didn't see this? I like when they said, someone goes, did you call him a cocksucker? And the girl goes, me? I don't know, I don't think, I got some witness. That one, dad, I don't, you know, you've handled guns in movies, right? I mean, you count on other people, and also protocol is broken,
Starting point is 00:19:39 because I've done a few, I'm not saying, but every single time the guy says, here's your firearm. They usually go like this. He makes you, he opens all the bullets. He turns it, he turns it. He looks down and he makes you look down the thing. You look in the chamber. I mean, it's all, once that's not happening,
Starting point is 00:19:57 then anything can happen and the tragedy happened. And there's low budgets, you don't know. But you know, when I see Rust, when I run to see it at the little theater, the Grove, it's four people. I I see Rust, when I run to see it at the little theater of the Grove with four people, I'm going to, every time he points the gun at the screen, everyone's gonna go, hey, come on, is that the real one? Come on, it just makes me nervous.
Starting point is 00:20:13 He's not done. Yeah. Got more? Alec Baldwin might be watching this show. We don't mean any disrespect. I'm glad he's gotta quit it. That was just a tragedy and a freaky thing, and we loveaky thing. And we love Alex. Okay, Dana, this, we're going to talk about away luggage for a second.
Starting point is 00:20:36 And as you know, I go away a lot because international stupid star. So I'm still on tour. I just did six days. And look at this away luggage I have. Oh yes, I have one too. Oh, you went for the kind of green gray. I went for sort of- It's a little bit, what color do we call that? Heather, what would you say?
Starting point is 00:20:56 Light. It's a dark peacock blue. Dark pink. Okay, I have kind of the very light sort of whitish gray. Look at how light it is because Heather could lift it up and she's just spinning it around. So this is good to buzz around. This one you can bring on with you. I think that's the right size. Yeah, you can bring with you on the plane. And then I have one I checked. Thank you, Heather. That was great. She's still up there with my smashing my head with it. So it looks great.
Starting point is 00:21:25 It's, it's, anyway, it's easy. Now when I'm traveling, I used to have one that was just like pulling teeth. It was like pulling bricks around, you know, I didn't know there was lighter, easier ones because I've been, it's been a while. So I finally get a new one. It kicks around. It's, it looks better than any of these soft side suitcase. That's a term soft side. Right. They're not clams. They're not like hard
Starting point is 00:21:50 clams. Yes. And that's what they've done with this one. And it's extremely light and maneuverable as were the other ones that they gave us. Thank you. Thank you, Away. Yeah, Away. Soft side comes in four of their best selling sizes and they're good colors. The two carry on sizes, two check sizes. Uh, there's four colors. This is blue, Heather. It's not as tricky blue. Mine was gray, technically gray. And then there's a pink and a black. Yeah. It's high strength nylon.
Starting point is 00:22:25 You always wondered what these are made of. High strength nylon because it doesn't get smashed. It's tear resistant, water resistant. And I've spilled because there's so much stuff here. It doesn't even matter. Oh yeah, you could throw anything on the one. I have the gray one and just take a little cloth, boom, and it's clean.
Starting point is 00:22:42 Like if you miss your flight and you cry and your tears hit it, it's fine. Doesn't matter. Yeah, and it's clean. Like if you miss your flight and you cry and your tears hit it. It's fine. Doesn't matter. Yeah, it's totally fine. It's soft, but not sensitive, durable, flexible, and expandable. Everything you want in a carry-on piece of luggage, maximum. Anti-tipping stabilizer.
Starting point is 00:23:00 Yes. The thing about these are, they are kind of fun. I'm not saying it's fun to snake through a crowded airport But you can get one of these in front of you and it's almost like you're doing a dance You're going left you're right. You're dragging me. You can spin it around get it past people I mean, yeah, it is it's very very compact but holds a lot You put another one on top of it. I've got a smaller one Just a like walk on with like lunches.
Starting point is 00:23:25 Just put right on there. Yeah. You got to check out the new soft side luggage from Away if you can. Head over to awaytravel.com slash fly. That's awaytravel.com slash fly to see the new soft side luggage from Away. I already showed you one. awaytravel.com slash fly. Wherever you're going, you better believe American Express will be right there with you. Heading for adventure? We'll help you breeze through security. Meeting friends a world away? You can use your travel credit. Squeezing every drop out of the last day? How about a 4pm late checkout? Just need a nice place to settle in? Enjoy your room upgrade.
Starting point is 00:24:03 Wherever you go, we'll go together. That's the powerful backing of American Express. Visit amex.ca slash yamx. Benefits vary by card, terms apply. All right, should we do some headlines you wanna talk more about? Well, I just have one more thought that's not funny, but I do find it interesting.
Starting point is 00:24:19 Yeah. If you took all the cell phone activity we can find, all the police walkie talkie find, all the activity when they're setting up before the audience comes in, interview all the people, mix and match with other arenas. How did the killer get in there? How did he get on the roof?
Starting point is 00:24:43 Put it all and put it into an AI. Beep boop bop boop beep bop bop. Only one AI might go, David Spade, David Spade. Me? He could be. I'm just saying he could. I don't think you had anything, you didn't.
Starting point is 00:24:55 I don't think that's true. I just say the AI could. We don't know the answers yet. We don't know yet. I have actually no idea. But I'm not even kidding in the sense that it's, that we could get some sense of answers. Everything's left untouched still, I heard.
Starting point is 00:25:07 I don't know if that's true, but that they are doing those things. It's a crime scene. And all the people with phones and little bits all have to be put together and everything. AI right now is going, just let me know when you want to know what's going on. Just let me know when you know another killer and everything. What about that one, I can't stop either.
Starting point is 00:25:21 It'll take me three seconds. The one interview, the guy saying, he saw him bear crawling up the, I don't know. I don't know anything. I don't know if anything is true in the world. This dude has got a gun, he's on the roof and everyone's like, oh my God. They were standing and saw a guy bear crawling on the roof.
Starting point is 00:25:33 How about you be a hero then and you go up and grab him? Yeah. Well, and again, they say now that a cop went up and kind of looked and the guy pointed his gun at him and said, see ya. I'd be like, that guy does not want his name released. I'm afraid of heights, actually. No, do whatever you want to do because I'm going down. But whenever you do Woody Allen, I'm going to do Woody Allen. You trigger me. You trigger me.
Starting point is 00:26:00 Of course. It's funny. So anyway, all we know is what we don't know. And I think in terms of the macro, remember that at Arizona State? Yeah. The temperature of Biden and his apparent mental difficulties and all the stuff about him stepping down, waiting for that speech to the nation. I'm not, will not, I won't even do him.
Starting point is 00:26:28 And then this assassination attempt on Trump, it's rotating in such a way that's so heated up, I'm just gonna say it, I've never seen anything this crazy. And I was there for JFK and Martin Luther King, and this is just on all levels with social media, it is crazy. It's crazy. I'm going out on them. Everyone in here, it was three people in here,
Starting point is 00:26:50 nodding, two of them nodding. Greg went to state school. Where did you go to school? Where'd you go to high school? At Temple, so that figure. Drop out of high school? He's not reacting, he went to Temple. No, I have no idea what Temple is.
Starting point is 00:27:02 Oh really, I went to church. Anyway. Yeah. I went to church. Anyway. Yeah. I went to synagogue you. Let's look at the hot headlines before we get, oh yeah, this is a feel good story. I love seeing Princess Kate at Wimbledon because she's gone through the wringer
Starting point is 00:27:19 and her kid was there, I think that's Charlotte and she's smiling and Kate looks gorgeous out the whole day, rotting in the sun. I couldn't do it that long. She's tougher than me. She's there and she meets the winner and she has a great time and everyone is excited to see her. So really nothing, no jokes here,
Starting point is 00:27:38 just really fun to see Kate from England. Getting the insight through Meghan Markle and Trent Hattie about how difficult that job is, what they do, the Royals have to do. You go, oh, poor baby, they live in her pals, but it's a fishbowl life. It's a lot of just ceremonial stuff. So from afar, you find yourself liking her.
Starting point is 00:28:04 She has a likability factor. She's very likable. There's an empathetic vibe to her. And you know, as someone who's been married for sure, it feels like to me, because I mostly watch tabloids, that her and Prince William have a very strong marriage. Yeah, they seem like a good couple
Starting point is 00:28:23 and the kids seem all cute. And I like this story. We'll move on because it's not funny, they seem like a good couple and the kids seem all cute and I like this story. We'll move on because it's not funny, but I like it. I liked it. We wondered where she was for a long time, so it is nice to see her and help doing something that you have fun. We can be sincere and real and then funny. That's how we are in real life, right?
Starting point is 00:28:37 It's hard for me, yeah. No, I've seen you. I've seen you tear up. No, I tear up. I cry commercials. All right. Holy matrimony. I've seen you, I've seen you. I tear up. No, I tear up. I cry commercials. All right, holy matrimony.
Starting point is 00:28:47 This is just a story of another super rich guy that invites just famous people. I think he pays them to come to his wedding and it's hilarious. I'm not really hating on it. I probably would have gone. You know what my wedding fee is. It's pretty high actually.
Starting point is 00:29:01 But I go and I go, hey, good job. I would go. I do everything. Do we know who went and how much they got? Piranha Chopra went because she's sort of the queen over there. Piranha Chopra? Yeah, the one, she was in Quantico.
Starting point is 00:29:16 And she's with Joe Jonas. No, one of the Jonas. Is that a good, hello? One of the Jonas, Nick Jonas. Hello. So, no. I would like to think,? Hello? One of the Jonas. Nick Jonas. Hello? So, no. I would like to think,
Starting point is 00:29:26 I would like to talk to Nick Jonas, please. I will hold. Hello, Nick? I wanted to come to my wedding and give you a lot of money. You get one million shrewbles. And they go, oh, and that's only $9. You don't know it.
Starting point is 00:29:43 I'm doing it in the United States now. Well, it's India. Well, my best friend is from India. Who else? Who else went? Oh, who else went? I heard Kim K. Yeah, when you can get these people
Starting point is 00:29:54 that come to your wedding, it's so fake, you're just buying them, but they walk around, great stuff, oh my God, you guys are so cute. Like, what do you say, because you don't know them at all. Thanks for hiring me. What do I gotta do?
Starting point is 00:30:05 Shake your hand, get a photo, let's knock one out. Well, it is kind of interesting that you got all the planes, you got the mansions, you got all this money. And then what else don't we got? We need celebrities. How about Dan Carvey and David Spade? They'll come in for a cool half-mill in each. We do the podcast there.
Starting point is 00:30:24 Or we do the podcast and then we mix and mingle because they're gonna want that for what they're gonna pay us. Then you do a few impressions. I get up there and whatever I do. I'll do Biden, Trump, David will crush with a story about. I'll talk, I'll redo Quiet Place. A Pizza Hut chunk that's extraordinary.
Starting point is 00:30:40 Yeah, I got good stuff. Oh, this lady says, another solo egg get in the first. Oh, she's freaking out because she said, people over 50 don't use filler words. And that's not true because I do and I'm 48. Well, I'm almost 40. Okay, I need more information. So she says, it's very clear that if you're older, you're smarter because you don't go like, like, like this. All those words. You don't fill your sentence, you just smarter because you don't go like, um, like, like, like, like, you don't fill your sentence.
Starting point is 00:31:06 You just say what you want to say. And also people over 50 don't have vocal fry, which they have on the bachelor. You know what that is? Where they go, yeah. Where it kind of fades out. Yeah, Scott. Yeah. They just kind of growl it out.
Starting point is 00:31:21 Everyone on bachelor has it. Everyone on bachelor in Paradise has it. And- It was always interesting to me, did you observe this, that the, where the Valley girl rhythm came from, apparently was the San Fernando Valley, that was the apparent, in the seventies.
Starting point is 00:31:35 Okay. So it's like, but now you can meet predominantly young women, I don't know if this is sexist, in different states, Montana, everywhere, they do it all over the country. Oh, they sound like that. So like, this guy was so cool, but I was like so scared. And I liked him, but my friends, Susan really liked him more than I did. So we were like, you know, and it's everywhere.
Starting point is 00:31:54 And it's just an observation. I don't have a punchline. It's just sometimes you realize that people are dumb everywhere. It doesn't have to be just here in LA. It's like the dude, did you ever talk like a surfer dude? Cause you were kind of a skateboarder. I was a skater.
Starting point is 00:32:07 I would just adapt anything that helped me or made me more appealing. Like in school they say you should try to stand out and be yourself. I was like, nope. I want to be exactly a carbon copy of everyone else. I just want to not stand out at all. And I just want to be whatever's working for people.
Starting point is 00:32:23 You eat there in the cafeteria. I do this. You act like that. I wear that. I wear that. And I just wanna be whatever's working for people. You eat there in the cafeteria, I do this. You act like that, I wear that, I wear that. So I wasn't really a unique individual. Can I ask you a question? Yeah, please. Remember how Jerry Seinfeld got so mad. I just thought-
Starting point is 00:32:34 Don't say whatever. Just ask. Just ask a question. I don't need you to say, can I ask you a question? That counts as the question. Have you ever gone to any of your high school reunions? I did. Which year?
Starting point is 00:32:47 I went to the 10th and I think I was seeing Julie Bowen and so I said, do you want to go? No. You weren't seeing her at 28. That'd be your 10th, you'd be 28. I'm 100 now. No, but it's SNL. You're 100, count backwards.
Starting point is 00:33:02 I think it was. You're 80 now. Could it be 20? No. No, but it's SNL. You're 100, count backwards. I think it was. You're 80 now. It can't be, could it be 20? No, it was a long time ago. It was probably 10th, anyway. My observation is that you, early Saturday Night Live, we have pictures, and then you, by the time you got,
Starting point is 00:33:18 just shoot me in SNL. Famous enough to date, Julie, go ahead. You had cool hair, you had a cool goatee, you had cool clothes. I mean, we did dub video, or audio, picture montage of you. But so by the time you were there, if thinking of how you must've been at 17 in high school,
Starting point is 00:33:37 hi everybody, I'm David Spade. And then there you were 20 years later, you would've been a badass. Hello, I'm David Spade. Hi, Julie Vaughn, I'm David Spade. No, I- You didn't do David Spade from the, just shoot me, what's up, what's up. Exactly.
Starting point is 00:33:52 Let's do this shit. It's part of being kids. We went to the Punch Drunk Love from years and whenever that was. So anyway, we go to it, crazily enough, she was all go for fucking shits and giggles. So we go, and then stupidly, this is like a time warp, Ben and J.Lo were dating. So when they said sign in,
Starting point is 00:34:12 we wrote Ben and J.Lo to be stupid. And this fucking first guy that walks up to me goes, think you're Ben Affleck? I go, oh boy. He like wanted to fight me immediately. I was like, oh. Of course, they want to kill me. Because you had all the power. I, yeah. You didn't ask for it, oh boy. He like wanted to fight me immediately. I was like, oh. Of course, they want to kill me. Because you had all the power.
Starting point is 00:34:26 I am. You didn't ask for it, you just. Yeah, one guy goes, all my friends think you're funny. I go, he's really not. And I go, all right, cool guy at down and out. It's like, we get it. Did he get you in the proverbial headlock and give you a noogie?
Starting point is 00:34:37 Yeah, he was like, fuck you. Did he go like that? I told him I could beat the shit out of you. I go, literally everyone here can, including Julie. So it's not a big victory. Most of the guys who dominated me in high school, by 28 they were completely bald and they were putting gas in a tank at a full serve.
Starting point is 00:34:50 And they'd just wave as I went by. You think you're so great. You don't wanna peak in high school just for any young people watching. Oh, I did not. Just look at us. I'm almost 80, still having fun. Don't worry, just relax. Here's this next story, which is,
Starting point is 00:35:04 I thought this was kind of funny. This is interesting. I think this is an Uber driver's thing. How is my son's drawing? He puts his son's drawing in his window, and he goes, good enough for art classes, or just send him to trade school. So any driver can vote.
Starting point is 00:35:18 You go help the family decide if the kid's a good artist. I think he's pretty good. Well, is that a rock hitting that guy's head? That's the other part. Is the moon behind him? That's the only part where I think he should go to trade school because I don't know, I like the right side of the picture.
Starting point is 00:35:38 Well, it's a perfectly fine drawing. Does he have a man bun? Is that a stop sign? A rock is hitting Perfectly fine drawing. Does he have a man bun? Is that a stop sign? It looks like a rock is hitting him. Hitting him in the head. But he's not reacting. No, it's probably right before, it's right when the rock hits his head.
Starting point is 00:35:54 Well, okay, here's where I need more information. Yeah. How old is the kid? How old is the bald guy? He says enough for art classes, he's talking about private art classes. Yeah, the kid wants to go to art school. Well, let him be a plumber during the day
Starting point is 00:36:08 and go to art school at night. Problem solved. Jesus, I don't know if that's one of the picks you can vote on. What do you have to vote? Dana's like, they go, if you'd like to put an essay, and he's like. Why was a bus boy?
Starting point is 00:36:19 And then I'd say, look, there are other shows in San Francisco tonight. This is the holiday. And I was 30 miles from San Francisco, the Holy City Zoo. Could I leave early to go do a show? So then I'd go and do a set there. Robin Williams would come in, hurr, hurr, hurr. Robin's here tonight.
Starting point is 00:36:35 And then he, sweet Robin, he would do two hours. He would, I can't believe it. It's a crazy night. I'm gonna toast to total dimension. But love him. But anyway, do both, do it all. Here we are, here David. Shirts with printed on sweat stains
Starting point is 00:36:52 are being sold for 350. We had the pee stains on the jeans, right? And now you can do a shirt with sweat stains? Mm-hmm. What's next? Drop on a load and your Levi's in the back. What's the final mic drop on? Oh, thank you. Cumin. What's next? Socks a load and your Levi's in the back. What's the final mic drop on? Cuman.
Starting point is 00:37:07 What's next? Socks with jizz all over them? Cause I got a couple up in the fucking room. At least we have a nice byline for today's Superfly. Listen, actually I would do this shirt if it was a button down. I just don't like these pullovers. Well, let's ask Heather.
Starting point is 00:37:22 Heather, look at this picture. That's funny. Why, how did, did you get, did John know he's Heather, look at this picture. That's funny. Why, how did, did you get, did John know you're using his picture? We know him and I think he just swept. That's a real shirt. No, that's he just swept. You didn't see the other one.
Starting point is 00:37:35 I made a joke and put the real sweat guy on. He might sweat a little bit. It's probably a very hot day. Heather, let me ask you a question. Do you find it sexy at all, a man kind of sweating? Yeah. From a distance, but I don't know. From a distance.
Starting point is 00:37:51 David, do you find it sexy at all? I've had two requests. With a man or a woman sweating. No, I do think, guys are super hot, but I do think that I've had a- He's for you, keep that a secret. I've had requested to be sweaty. Not like, that's 90 day fiance guy, right?
Starting point is 00:38:08 Yes. Yeah. I've had two say, you better get all hot and sweaty because that's what I like. Honestly. So- Do they like what it looks like or the smell? Smell.
Starting point is 00:38:18 They want it to be a little randier. Yeah, I can see people liking that, not me. Oh, well. I like the looks, don't I? Sorry, Heather, because that's me 24 hours a day. Yeah, but what is your choice of Manly Deodorant? I mean, what's the brand? Raw Dog.
Starting point is 00:38:36 Raw Dog, isn't that just driving and not listening to the radio? You can't apply it to everything in life. It's everything, Dana, now it's everything. That's when you don't know what you're talking about. I make it. It was going to the fucking movies and not eating popcorn. It was really... You're fucking raw-dogging the whole movie.
Starting point is 00:38:52 I know. You should have saw The Loud Place. It is out at the same time. Oh, I thought this was a... This is a cute story. And we won't talk about my raw-dogging B.O. Okay. Ready? Mm-hmm. Okay, this guy takes his girlfriend out to dinner. Let's play it Nope, where's the cake?
Starting point is 00:39:10 Come on Heather My fork fuck face Yeah. Marry me? Me? Will you marry me? Oh my god, are you serious? Are you serious? I can't believe it. Isn't that sweet? Whoa! And look at this part.
Starting point is 00:39:37 Oh. That's a ring. That's a ring. Oh. Yes. Diamond feels small. Ha ha ha! I can still feel.
Starting point is 00:39:49 Okay, that's it. That's our producer, Greg Holtzman. Way better than last week's proposal. Isn't that a good one? Yeah. This was in the Kidnap Smash Car proposal? No. So, David, what?
Starting point is 00:40:00 What the? Is that you blind? Right now, a little bit. Am I making fun of a disability? No, I thought it was very cute. See, what a softie. I cry at most Instagrams. There's so many bad ones that I was waiting
Starting point is 00:40:13 for something to happen. No, that was a nice one. Yeah, if I gave myself into that, I would be a puddle of tears, but that is very, very sweet because it didn't feel staged, you know, when you see stuff all the time. I don't think that was staged.
Starting point is 00:40:24 That looked real. Yeah, if it wasn't, give that woman know, when you see stuff all the time. I don't think that was staged. That looked real. Yeah. If it wasn't, give that woman an Oscar, if she can see. Mm-hmm. Okay, what are we doing here? Is this Biden? So although I wish I were here with better news, the fact is that you and I are sitting here today
Starting point is 00:40:37 because this will be your last week of employment. Oh, funny. This is not an assessment of your productivity. Try not to take this personally. It's Clooney Pyer you. Well, I just had a bad night. Wow, that is clever. They put in that movie in the air.
Starting point is 00:40:56 Yep. That's funny. Yeah, that was just funny. Okay, what is this dog doing? I'm sure I'll laugh. Okay, stop it. Okay, what is this dog doing? I'm sure I'll laugh. Okay, stop it. Freeze, freeze. Okay, this guy wipes out in his chair.
Starting point is 00:41:11 All right. Does the dog help him up or go get the bottle he threw? Boy, should we don't get a playback. So I don't know how violent the, I say goes gets the bottle. Okay, let's see. He eats the cake. He eats the cake?
Starting point is 00:41:36 There's a cake sitting there. Why didn't he know the cake was there? I know, I fucked you over. Train A leaves the station. You got it wrong. To Chicago going 40 miles an hour. Dude, take a cognitive test, this guy failed. I take cognitive tests every day.
Starting point is 00:41:49 Here it comes, glasses off. I take a cognitive test every day. Just have a dozen eggs, drop them, six break. How many I got? I got six, come on. What doesn't belong here? Alligator, ice cream, bazooka, none of the above. I take a cognitive test every day. Oh, none of the above. I take a cognitive test every day.
Starting point is 00:42:06 Every moment I take a cognitive test. David Spade. Have another peanut butter sandwich cookie. All right. That's a whole nother thing. You know what happened this week, which will still be when this is aired, is they're not talking as much about Biden.
Starting point is 00:42:24 And now we're like three weeks out. It's gotten wiped out by the Trump assassination attempt. I mean, they better do something or not do something. Oh, with Biden, by airtime maybe. When is the Democratic convention? Could they switch it there? That's August, they could do it there. He said, I'll see you at the convention.
Starting point is 00:42:43 I like these people that have private meetings with them and go, hey, I would be like, hey, what's this lunch about? And they're like, just lunch? And then they're like, you gotta fucking quit, dude. He's like, you tricked me. Why, I thought we were gonna talk about Quiet Place or something.
Starting point is 00:42:55 Everyone wants to meet with him. And he's like, I know what this is about. I don't wanna meet with you, dude. I'm not gonna quit, because I'm the best, the best man to do the job. No one could do the job better than me. He's not gonna quit. Everybody wants to be the guy that talked about him.
Starting point is 00:43:07 The only one, but he was mad at Obama because Obama pushed Hillary in 2016 and not him. So there's all kinds of subterfuge. Sounds like a real intrigue. Sounds like a real tangled web. Sounds like you take a web, you tangled it up and kind of describes a whole story. Why did I bore anyone with this?
Starting point is 00:43:24 What is this? ["Summer Is Like A Cocktail"] Summer is like a cocktail. It has to be mixed just right. Start with a handful of great friends. Now add your favorite music. And then finally, add Bacardi Rum. Shake it together.
Starting point is 00:43:50 And there you have it, the perfect summer mix. Bacardi, do what moves you. Live passionately, drink responsibly. Copyright 2024. Bacardi, it's trade dress and the bat device are trademarks of Bacardi and Company Limited. Rum 40% alcohol by volume. Is this an eye, I'm at the DMV, I gotta take an eye test?
Starting point is 00:44:08 This might be a mistake. This is about how much cable, oh, this is a watch, fuck it's doing it. I think I said this for no reason. This is to watch football this year. It used to be just, you have to pay for YouTube for DirectTV or for, to watch all the games. Then they're gonna add a game on Peacock's. You gotta join Peacock.
Starting point is 00:44:28 Then you join Netflix for a game. Amazon Thursday night for a billion dollars. With Al Michaels and then our friend, and then ESPN and NFL Plus. So it's getting to be a little dicey to watch. I thought you were gonna say it's getting to be a little like Christmas. A lot like Christmas, actually.
Starting point is 00:44:45 Well, this is how they get you. That was the old Barry Sobel bit. That's how they get you. Wait, this reminds me of, why isn't, this is a basketball question for you. Okay, we have Greg Holtzman. Who is the guy in the Celtics, the MVP? Jaylen Brown.
Starting point is 00:45:02 Why isn't he in the Olympics now that Cori fell out? Didn't they pick another guy from the Celtics? Nike. What? Nike sponsored the Olympic team. This is a conspiracy. Jaylen Brown is- That sounds pretty clear cut.
Starting point is 00:45:17 Who's Jaylen Brown with? Jaylen Brown, I don't know who he's with, but He and Kyrie both have beef with Nike and they think that's why he's not on the Olympic team. Oh man. That sounds pretty clear cut if that's the problem. I'm glad we're really trying to put our best foot forward with our best guys. I mean, they said they go, we got an alternate
Starting point is 00:45:35 and they pull, is it Derek White who's the guy? His teammate. His teammate and you're like, Jalen was the MVP of the whole finals, I think. And they won the whole thing, right? Yes, he was. So it just seems like so dumb. You go, come on, let me, first of all,
Starting point is 00:45:48 I have a real thing against the Olympics and do not get me started. Please do. You're against the Olympics? I'm against it, yeah. Really, even like the swimming and gymnastics? I'm against the beating it puts on people and then the next day,
Starting point is 00:46:04 best case you win, then the next day you're like, I won, and then nobody cares. And then if you lose, now you're like, now if you win, you go, I can coach, what can I do? I've wasted 20 plus years doing one thing, shot putting every day, and now where does that lend itself in the real world? Can I say something now?
Starting point is 00:46:23 I barely started. Sometimes I say ask a question, sometimes I wanna ask a world? Can I say something? Yeah. I barely started, man. Somebody's asked a question. Sometimes I want to ask a question. Sometimes I want to make a statement. If you're an Olympic gold medalist and you learn to give an inspirational speech of 20 minutes in length, you go on the corporate circuit
Starting point is 00:46:37 and you're getting 50K a night. Wait, why do I have to do an hour? They do 20? You got to get in the Olympic team. I'll buy you a shot put. When's your birthday? 16 pounds. I have a Nerf one.
Starting point is 00:46:48 So it has, you know, it is coming up. Oh. Ooh. No, it's fucking horrible. Don't go nuts, Dana. Well, you have money, go nuts. I'll get you a girl's shot put. Get me a Nerf one in practice.
Starting point is 00:46:59 No, it's still eight pounds for JV. It is? Yeah, I think so. No, it's dense. Fuck it. You know, I'm out. But I like to watch the Olympics because of the drama of it, but it is bittersweet sometimes.
Starting point is 00:47:11 I'm saying that's fun for us. It's like fun to watch. But then after all the dust settles, I know someone that was in the Olympics training, tore an Achilles, and then she goes, I'm just gonna try to be in the next Olympics because I, what do you do now? Because it's training every day. Now you're like, I'm just gonna try to be in the next Olympics because I, what do you do now? Because it's training every day.
Starting point is 00:47:26 Now you're like, I'm gonna go work at Nordstrom's. Like what skills do you have? You're not ready for the real world. No, that is, I mean, if there's a lot of intrigue going on too with a special behind the scenes medicine of these athletes. And if you do test positive for performance enhancing drugs, they always say they had a chili dog. It's a
Starting point is 00:47:46 nitrates. That's one of the excuses. Oh, is that a chili dog? Yeah. Had a chili dog. And yeah, when I go run a mile, I always slamming a chili dog. Blew out my anabolic, you know, blew me out. But, you know, get this, David, check this out. So you're going to the Olympics, you're in the 100 meter sprint. Got it. This is your last chance, your favorite to get the gold medal, 50 million people watching. So you fall start. That's it, end of career.
Starting point is 00:48:14 Are you out if you fall start? Well, definitely two. I think they changed it to one. Well, by the way, your whole life revolves around eight seconds. It's like, so you do it, you have an off day and now what? Now it's like, so you do it, you have an off day, and now what? Now it's the coach flight home, you go to the Olympic village and get fucking plowed.
Starting point is 00:48:29 Well, this is to quote our friend Jerry Seinfeld or just that he did a visual joke that was so great about, you know, when they show the silhouette black and white photo, when it's a photo finish of all the sprinters and Jerry did a profile and he goes, is the winner is sixth place. Winner, sixth place. It's funny, right? That's funny. Yeah. Thanks Jerry.
Starting point is 00:48:51 Can you tell us some other Jerry jokes? Some other Jerry jokes? No. Jerry's best joke was at a funeral, they say the biggest fear in people's lives is public speaking. So if you're at a funeral, most people would rather be in the casket
Starting point is 00:49:04 than giving the eulogy. Oh, I heard, remember Alabel said, the number one fear is public speaking. Number two is snakes. So someone's walking in the desert going, oh my God, a podium. Is that how it goes? So I guess that's like jokes.
Starting point is 00:49:22 I don't know, but jokes. I like mangling someone's joke and I go, that wasn't that jokes. I don't know, but- I like mangling someone's joke and I go, that wasn't that good. I'm like. Alu Bell opened for me at Laughs Unlimited where the comedy room and the green room or had a common wall.
Starting point is 00:49:35 So you could, you're sitting there waiting to headline and he's the middle act and you're hearing through the wall. And then he would do a song with a tape and he would sing and belt out this five minute song. And the whole room I'm in is shaking arms and legs and hair. Don't mean to scare. No, no. I know that song. And now Dan Agarfo and I'd come out. Look up the Al Abel song. If you're listening or watching this was you were hard to follow. I like when girls on Instagram go,
Starting point is 00:50:05 I was swimming in the ocean and a lifeguard was like, you can't go out there. You're so light and skinny, you're gonna like get pulled in a riptide or something. You're just so cute and little, you can't, it's just all about them saying that they're skinny. You can't talk about Olympics and river without talking about poop river.
Starting point is 00:50:21 I don't, we don't know enough, we have to- They cleaned up the Seine. She's gonna, the Seine River. I don't we don't know enough. We have to think cleaned up the same. She's the same river. Sen it's had E. Coli to dangerous levels for quite a long time. And people are swimming. They spent billions of dollars in Paris to clean it up for the Olympics. They have guaranteed it's going to be ready.
Starting point is 00:50:38 They were supposed to test it today. And the mayor was the mayor. Whoever's in charge over there. Yes, that made me sound smart. They said they will get it clean enough that they will be the first person to swim in there. It was scheduled for today. They pushed it two days because they're only at 80% today,
Starting point is 00:50:54 just below the toxic levels of the coal line. For Poop River? So for Poop River, so she wants two more, but why are they calling it the Poop River? Oh, we know this is, she knows the answer. Okay, you got me. This is pretty amazing. All the Parisians are very upset that they spent so much money, calling it the poop river. Oh, we know this is, she knows the answer. Go ahead. Okay. You got me.
Starting point is 00:51:06 All the Parisians are very upset that they spent so much money, all the taxpayers' dollars to try and clean up the Sen and it's really going nowhere. So they've all decided to plan a poop in the river so it goes downstream to where they're going to do the test swim. And they even have apps so you know exactly in your town where to let it all. Where and when to poo. When and where to poo. Diarrhea welcome. So it could float down to where they're gonna do the test and say you fucked up you spent all our money this was a dumb idea and here's some poop. I thought don't we look at the French is kind of sophisticated in a way. They're more redneck than any redwrecks.
Starting point is 00:51:41 I'm red redneck. I take a big dump in the river, make people be sad. They come swimming up on my stuff. Come and get some. Come and get some. Perfect transition. That's extraordinary if that's true. Yeah, they take like a sifter and just go, how many peanuts?
Starting point is 00:51:58 Pop quiz. Go ahead. The LA Olympics are in four years against it. Oh, thank you. What is the thing they should clean up? Well, we know they're gonna go away and then come back afterwards. Did we discuss this? You talking about the homeless?
Starting point is 00:52:13 Didn't we talk about this? Frog Town could be cleaned up, Santa Monica Pier. I don't like the sound of any of this. It sounds vague and crazy. Well, how about 13 beaches in LA are closed until for three months? Because of... Peekle man.
Starting point is 00:52:27 I don't know. We have poop ocean? Yeah, I think San Diego and down it's full of dirty poop. All right, now let's get to this important story, which is nothing, we're almost done. This is Jeff Bezos' first office. The humble beginnings. No Lauren Sanchez.
Starting point is 00:52:45 This is before they started dating. He is a, what a ratty little bleak dump. But that's everybody's office at the beginning. Bless his heart. He spray paints Amazon.com. I like the initiative there. And the carpet is, well, I have that in my room actually, so I shouldn't.
Starting point is 00:53:05 I ran into him when he was not Jeff Bezos at a conference at maybe the early knots and Amazon had been started, but a lot of big words were at this and he was just a little guy and kind of sweet. Here's an interesting story about Jeff Bezos. So he's starting Amazon online, it's books and stuff. He convinces his relatives, his siblings,
Starting point is 00:53:28 to give him maybe invest a thousand or 5,000 and they get all these shares. They're all worth hundreds of millions of dollars. Good night. What is the moral of that story? What is the- Give money to everyone. Have a really aggressively successful relative.
Starting point is 00:53:44 Be a billionaire is a moral story. Then everyone will still like you. And then be a multi-billionaire. Yeah. No, and then get gacked. He's like this, yeah. He looks like one of those kangaroos. Elon Musk said he's supporting Trump.
Starting point is 00:54:00 Borderline political. All right. I was just... It was a vote for Trump. Oh, that's Elon Musk. borderline political. All right. I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just,
Starting point is 00:54:08 I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just,
Starting point is 00:54:15 I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just,
Starting point is 00:54:21 I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was just, I was justipple? I made a little side deal, David. Wait for the check. Oh, thank you, Betty. People say that when we read ads that we're not telling the truth, we're saying that we use stuff that we... They do?
Starting point is 00:54:37 What people? There's a certain person that knows both of us. No, not Paula. I'm very careful. People on YouTube love the fucking show. They do sometimes. All right. All state wants to raise California homeowners rates by 34%.
Starting point is 00:54:57 This is why no one can afford it here. 34%, not three or four. They're doing a lot. People don't know this in the other states, a lot of people just can't get home insurance at all anymore. They just say no. When I did it here at this mansion or whatever, other people's words, 15 windows, four pantries,
Starting point is 00:55:17 whatever, it doesn't matter, who cares? Podcast room. Six pantries. But they said 10 out of the 12 places said, no, we don't even, we're not even gonna make a bid is we don't we won't And I'm not in some tinderbox. This thing's made of like steel. It looks like a goddamn carport It's my house is not great looking but it's mostly made of steel glass
Starting point is 00:55:38 Solid gold and platinum. What are you saying? You can't get insurance? I couldn't I couldn't out of the 12 places, two said yes, and they were skyrocket prices. It was seven times what I paid before I moved here. So just saying, it's scary for across the board. California is in a tough spot because who can afford 30%? The flip side of that story,
Starting point is 00:56:00 and I don't have details on it, is that a lot of companies left, I'm surprised to see all stayed up there, like they can move with their feet. So what happened was in California, we have, we're a tinderbox because yeah, all these old towers are sparking and so forth and so on. So the insurance commissioner kind of just said to them, no, you can't raise the rates. And they said, fine, we're not going to do insurance in your particular state. They can just said to them, no, you can't raise the rates. And they said, fine, we're not gonna do insurance in your particular state. They can just move to other states.
Starting point is 00:56:30 So it is a problem. I would like to see all the metrics, but insurance companies, what a hard job to have. I don't need to see any metrics. I just make snap knee jerk judgments and reactions. David, there's always two sides to a coin. I know we've talked about this at some of our dinners and you fell asleep and ordered another mimosa.
Starting point is 00:56:49 And I was like, but David, the way the world works is a little more complicated, but they don't, they can't make a profit so they leave and then we don't have insurance. Well, they said mine, they're making it, mine probably won't light on fire, they don't think, but they're making it for all the Malibu fires, all the ones in the valley,
Starting point is 00:57:05 so they're taking it out on everyone else. Anyway, should we leave on that downer? Is that the last one? Can we have one more so we're not living on a total fucking bummer? Play that one just because we can cut it later. This one? Okay.
Starting point is 00:57:18 Is it the guy about the shooting? That's this one. Yeah, I do this one. This could be from years ago, months ago. Mm-hmm. Okay. I saw an attempt on his life. This bullet flew by his ear, and it came so close to his head that it busted his ear drum. And I saw he was, he fell to his knees during this timeframe.
Starting point is 00:57:39 This guy had a, he saw something. And he started worshiping the Lord. He got radically born again during this timeframe. I'm talking, people say he's saved now, but he becomes really on fire. So this guy's saying this in the past. And he's saying this is the vision he saw. About assassination attempt by the ear. If that's true, it didn't bust his eardrum, I think,
Starting point is 00:58:03 but that's pretty interesting. Or he's a shooter. I mean, because that's a little too accurate. I think the shooter is no longer with us, but. I didn't like seeing shooter pictures on Twitter without a warning. Well, you did. I saw the shooter after they hit him.
Starting point is 00:58:23 They just show, it's right on, it's too much. I can't see that shit. I'm a sensitive, I'm a cancer. 20 year old male from Pennsylvania, that's what they said. Yeah, but he got popped, you know, he got a head shot. I know. I don't wanna see it. No.
Starting point is 00:58:39 I don't wanna see any, I don't wanna see any presidents getting shot on TV, it's crazy. Anyway. Can people, can human beings. Can we get along? If you're looking at like there's eight dimensions and there's four or five dimensions and all these different molecules are going around
Starting point is 00:58:56 and atoms and somehow some of us get into this frequency and can literally foretell the future. Oh yeah, maybe. That's the premise of that. What do you think? If that's bullshit, say it in YouTube. By the way, you don't have to remind people to tell you negative comments in YouTube.
Starting point is 00:59:12 Okay, so I guess that's it. We did a great job. I told the future once with you. You remember when I was on SNL and you're like, do you think I'll make it? I go, you're gonna make it big. And you're gonna have a giant mansion and pantries everywhere and all this but save money because you're not gonna be able to get
Starting point is 00:59:28 insurance. Oh yeah remember I said that to you? 1991. I go bigger than Sandler and you go I gotta take this call. Now Sandler and I are probably exact even in that respect. Well what is it? I mean you're're just Mr. Beast or Taylor Swift. Is it always in show business to be the biggest? How about just being kind of like David Lynch? I'd rather just be cool artist. I'm humbly just the best in the world. At my job.
Starting point is 00:59:56 One of the richest. At my job, whatever my job is. I did see Sandler the other night. It was fun. Fa ba foo. All right. These cantaloupes aren't gonna eat them. Okay, bye guys.
Starting point is 01:00:08 I just wanna thank our sponsor. That's not a sponsor. Thank you. That's not. If you're thirsty. Sponsored by Fruit in General. This has been a presentation of Odyssey Superfly as executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade,
Starting point is 01:00:27 Shanna Weiss Berman of Odyssey, Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman. Hope you liked it!

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.