Fly on the Wall with Dana Carvey and David Spade - SUPERFLY #26 - Kuzco and Kamala

Episode Date: July 26, 2024

Packed show today. Twister review, presidential chaos, x rated and wholesome videos, Emperor's New Groove, and more proposals! To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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BetMGM.com for Ts and Cs, 19 plus to wager. Ontario only. Please play responsibly. If you have questions or concerns about your gambling or someone close to you please contact Connux Ontario at 1-866-531-2600 to speak to an advisor free of charge. That MGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. We're adding exponentially that's so cool as the quality of the show goes down our numbers go up as it goes down reverse thing but i always want to say this anyway

hey man if you join anything i know this just two guys talking they let you want to smash smash drive out of it break that that'll really help the it clicks, but then break it off. Smash it, just smash it. Smash it. All right, this is called a soft start. This is a soft start. My hair, which I announced recently publicly, I live 100 miles away from the person who cuts my hair.

So if it- I didn't read about that, that you live 100 miles away from your hair. It was in People Magazine, kind of in the back, just one of those short stories. So it's 200 miles to get a trim. So if anyone has any problem with this mop top. I think it looks better.

Like mine is so bad, I put the hat back on, but you know, the hat is always kind of in the mix, but today it was more of an emergency situation. I got a haircut and things didn't go well. The girl that combs my hair with a blow dryer, charges me $90,000 every time. She is on vacay and so we're gonna have to be Def Con 5 for a while.

As long as you can handle it. No, all you're gonna be is the man with the hat. Yeah. The hat looks fine. A little extra beat up. I went to Magic Mountain yesterday. Let me tell you something. More mountain than magic, but I will get into that later. Magic Mountain is a theme park where it's boiling out.

And there's no misters. It's 110. Yeah. Last time I went it was 107. Yesterday it was 101. I'm like, good God, why are we going always? It's my daughter's birthday. She wanted to go and great guy syndrome, you know. Oh, here's a here's an alt. If this happens again during if she's here for a while.

Hey, maybe instead of Magic Mountain, why don't you and I go to the mall and get you a cute top? Hey, why don't I push you in the pool? -♪ CHUCKLING. Hey, listen up. -♪ Hey, listen up. This is plan B. Yeah. Yeah. I like that you're nibbling on your little rat food. I always feel like King Henry VIII or something.

Yeah, you're like this, anyway, super fly, we started. This was like, Lauren always had his popcorn. Dana, any ideas? Ask Kenny if we can, is there any way? Kenny Among. Ha ha ha. Can we lose the elephant? Ask Kenny if we could lose the elephant

and maybe have like a giraffe. Steve Martin, is he in town? Marcy, will you check? Maybe we could throw him in there. Might want to do Hollywood Minute this week with Steve. David's always game. So I saw Twister after I baked the goddamn... I mean, I was at the thing.

It must have been 20 minutes, Magic... No, it was about five hours. And even the people that work there are blacking out. It's all bad. And they have misters, but they don't... They're not on. The saddest part is when you leave, it's all fun and games at the beginning. When you leave, everyone stands about seven feet apart, and it's a two-mile walk in sunny concrete,

and no one's having fun anymore. It's just a dead stare, like, must make it. No one talks. And like, can we? No, must car get to. And so we just, the most horrible walk of boiling shame. And then we get to the van. And then the, and then, and then, and then, and then,

and then it goes, wait, let me, hang on, this is funny. No, no, no, no, no. That's me starting the van. I wouldn't remember that one. Oh, and then it's, wait, let me, hang on. This is funny. No, no, no, no. That's me starting the van. I wasn't even there with that one. Oh, and then it's like, so you were a tour guide. Well, everyone's sick and yeah, we had a tour guide overcharging us to walk us around in a point.

Oh, you did for $2,000 a day? No, that's stupid. It's actually $500 a person, $500 a person. Okay, so $2,000 a day. Yeah, so I go and then, and then you, if you go on one ride, like Crazanity or something, you immediately barf. That's almost part of it. They always hose it down.

They were hosing down Crazanity when we got there. They go, well, let's go to one more because we got a bit of a hose down. And so guys, I guess, hose down. Yep, gonna be about 15. So they don't like to hose it down, but they kind of have to when there's barf spray everywhere. They hose the ride down or the occupants in the-

Yeah, they hose down the seats and stuff. And they're boiling hot with- Oh, I see. And then there's so much puking going on. Even my friends that on the way home, they had the Backstreet Boys on, and it was, and so many people were sick, it kind of synced up like, that on the way home, they had the Backstreet Boys on. And it was, and so many people were sick,

it kind of synced up like, everybody, blah, rock your body, fit in the song. Well, if you buy a ticket for a ride, maybe on YouTube we'll hear it's funny, a ride called the Vomit Comet, then you can't complain. Oh yeah, the vomit comet.

The upchuck hut. You get inside this safari hut and they start shaking it up and down to upchuck. The upchuck hut is great. Let's see, other rides. Diarrhea River. Diarrhea River, yeah. That one, they have to clean it out every three hours.

But urine cave had an interesting odor. Yeah. Pee pee island. You just go there. You don't have to do. Well, it's a wink and a nod because the bathrooms have lines 20 miles long. So they go, urine cave is available now for, you know,

and so they kind of like go with the cameo. They hook the misters up to the pee pee and it just sprays misty pee on you, which is fine, because you're so hot you don't care. Then you get in the car and you're like, wait, who pissed? And you go, that's me. Well, at least I lived.

Well, wait a minute. If someone sprayed urine on you, would you be so hot you didn't care so? The minute the urine started, you tried to light it toward your face. I just got to get so hot that I don't care. I don't think any amount of heat negates urine in your face.

Why aren't any pranksters walking by a perfume store and going, and just it's pee. It's like a bottle of pee and you're like, ah. Well, this is out tomorrow, so by afternoon tomorrow, it'll be happening at the Grove near the Cheesecake Factory. I went to the Grove last night. I went to the Cheesecake Factory. Okay, to the Grove last night. I went to the Cheesecake Factory. Okay, here we are.

This is our new segment called David at the Movies. All right. Well, this one's a little hyped up because I don't really have anything, but I did go to Cheese Dick Factory and it was, Cheesecake was pretty good and it's right next to the movies. That's part of the review.

Well, the throwaway cheese dig factory. It was a cheese dig. I'm still kind of laughing at that only because it was so low-fives. I see a lot of things. Knock that in. Yeah. Yeah.

Then we go in. Ball sack bakery. Go ahead. There's no tickets anymore. It's your phone. Boop. Yep. Boop, boop, boop, boop.

Can you hold it a little closer? Hold it a little closer. Yep, yep. I take beep, beep, beep. Can you hold a little closer? Hold a little closer. Yeah, yeah. I take my daughter and her friend and the nanny. I like that. I'm so incompetent, the nanny has to even come to that. Cause I'm incompetent in case anything happens.

Shoking on popcorn. So anyway, I give her 50 bucks. I go, hey, get some popcorn for you and your friend. I'd like to see 49 back and some receipts. Um, so, uh, then they start the two hours of previews. Then every movie's a scary movie preview. Which is terrifying. And if it's based on a true story,

then I'm really... There's no way. I don't like the devil, I don't want any of that stuff. So I get through that, and then Twister, I saw the first one. This is not really like the first one. I have to say I kind of liked it. No tornadoes. No, I'm kidding. There are tornadoes, but how do you keep it interesting?

So there's, there's obviously a big corporation that I want to hate. It's a big conglomeration. You know what I mean? You got to have a bad guy. That's the bad guy. But if you're a bad guy, you're a bad guy. You're a bad guy. You're a bad guy.

You're a bad guy. You're a bad guy. You're a bad guy. You're a bad guy. You're a bad guy. You're a bad guy. You're a bad guy. You're a bad guy. You're a bad guy. You're a wanna hate. It's a big conglomeration, you know what I mean? You gotta have a bad guy.

That's the bad guy. But it was interesting. The lead guy is the tall guy from Top Gun, smiles a lot. And he's the cocky guy with the big truck. And Daisy, is her name Edgar Jones? Daisy Edgar Jones, who's British, but does a great friend.

British and you wouldn't believe it, because she's like, hey man, I'm hornier than a three-peckered billy goat. And you're like, okay, shh, just a regular slight accent. And then cut, and she goes, I thought it was a terrific take. Oh, it's perfect. I should be in my trailer.

I just came from sensibility. Yes, sensibility and and since the disability too. Yeah, she wore a corset in most of the scenes. Finish your take on this, cause I have my happy. Did you see it? Oh yeah. Oh you fucker.

Day one, but the reason I went, cause it was 107 where I live, and instead of going to amusement park, like some people I don't know. Like some dipshit. I went to an air conditioned movie theater, but go ahead, what's your takeaway on Twister? Twisters.

I thought, you'll know this, the cocky guy is too cocky, and what they didn't notice is first- Can we get Glenn Powell, ladies and gentlemen, who was great. And this Daisy girl who plays a normal American. It's funny, do you think Americans don't always play English people, right?

Never. No, we can't. I asked someone this recently, I met an Australian guy, we could all do American accents. He goes, "'Cause we watch all your movies." So British actors and Australian actors have been growing up on American movies,

so they do perfect American accents. Oh, there you go. Because we never go there and steal their parts. There I said it. So anyway, they come over here and so she's like, you know, she's perfectly has a quiet goat roper accent. And, but she's like the prissy girl, they think from the city, remember?

Oh, you know, New York City. Yeah. Hey, you call this city girl. City girl, huh? City New York City. Yeah. And he called her City Girl. City Girl, huh? City Girl got a fancy pannel. Hey, look, a City Girl likes a big blowin' windy wind, huh? I mean, well, I thought they were gonna beat her up. It's like, that's how a fight starts with me

when I walk through a town. I look at the City Boy. So, the guy, this is funny, Danek, is Glenn Powell and his buddies, they're the rowdy storm chasers. And they're like, woohoo! Every time they see him, yee-hee, yippee! But it was literally like them just yelling like that

for all 15 minutes, no one had any lines yet. And they're like, yee-haw, rowdy-doody! No matter where the main car was driving, they would come out of nowhere and show up a lot and go, woohoo! You having fun yet, city girl? And there's like a giant, you know. Tornado.

Yeah. Tornado. Yeah. And it was a lot of yippee-ki-yay and that was the funniest part to me. I go, they should just cut this together as a montage of all the yee-hee. And because they got to show that he's the cocky, brash guy, but it was too much. Anyway, she's super cute.

She's already, she already, uh, I can't give her the whole movie, but she chases the storm. I think it'll be okay. Yeah. It's not like the Godfather. By the way, remember when she had a, she had a very bad situation in The Twister at the beginning? So the first new guy that likes her goes,

let's head to The Twister. Uh, what's my job? Well, you'll be in front of The Twister at the beginning. So the first new guy that likes her goes, let's head to the Twister. Uh, what's my job? Well, you'll be in front of the Twister. You'll be in front where it's coming this way. There's three jobs. Two behind it, one in front of it. We're in front of it. He doesn't even go, this might be hard for you. This might be triggering.

He's like, yee-hee! And she's like this, on the way there. And then he stops in front of it. She's like, let's get the fuck out of her. Because, you know... Well, first of all, there's no better scene in films where someone is hanging onto a pipe or an underpass.

The other person has them by the hand, and then they fly into the sky. And you don't see what happens to them. There was like 10 of those. Oh, everyone was fucking shoom, shoom, shoom. The other thing I liked is the rednecks in the truck, not scared, more than not scared, just cackling with joy, going right into a stage five tornado like, come on, let's go in, boys.

And then like a Scooby Doo, Mr. Van, they press a button and these screws go down in the earth so they can take it. There you go. Yeah. And then the other thing I love, which I guess from the first movie, is they have these super sophisticated things shooting stuff in the tornadoes to stop them, and they give them like Wizard of Oz names. Okay, Dorothy's off, you know?

Let's bring out the Tin Man. Okay, Scarecrow's firing. I just like that stuff. I like the, they got all these buckets of stuff, and they're like, this is OxiClean or whatever. You know, they have some, some chemical on there. Some fake chemical name that will defeat the tornado. You're making it bigger.

They actually made it bigger. You gave the tornado a boner. I love how you're going for clips. Whoa. David is sneaking up to the camera and making him. YouTube. That's a good... Hey, by the way, Dana, I don't know if you got the memo.

Here's me watching the movie. Okay, go ahead. You start down here and you work up. Boner. Yeah, boners are funny. Horny tornadoes. They make the tornadoes hornier. Oh, no, we got the wrong mix.

And then there's twins. There's two tornadoes. We got twins! Dang it, they're twins! They're the happiest humans on Earth. We're gonna die, all right. By the way, there's, there goes, should we go to the one o'clock tornado,

the three o'clock or the five? Every time they turn around, there's a tornado. And they're always within a mile of each one. And then they have the British reporter in the back seat. Remember that guy? Yeah, he was a fucking nerd, yeah. I can't seem to get my buckles on. You sure we shouldn't stop?

Hang on! Quit crapping your pants, you fairy. They don't have to see the movie we've done so much. Yeah, that's it. So that's the movie. We're hurting their box office. We won't give it all away, but... Mm-hmm. I liked it. I actually liked it.

I went away going, it wasn't really what I thought. It's not exactly the first one. Pretty good, right? I judge a movie by what, what was it trying to do and did it achieve it? A popcorn movie that's fun, easy, no heavy lifting, doing out of a think, some cool CGI, two really good leads.

Yeah, it was great. Yeah. Okay, so there's that. Uh-oh, get to your papers. What's on the paper? Well, Biden gave a speech. Oh yeah, what's in the news? Wednesday night. And it was kind of in. So the whole Biden thing, I mean,

it seemed like there were a lot of articles said it seemed like he had a gun to his head. You could tell by his speech last night, cause he starts going, by the way, I'm a transformable president. One of the greatest presidents since you're out. He's just talking about inflation down, I took care of this, there's no wars.

Everything great, but I'll leave if you want me to. Sure, I'm a bad guy now. I'm a bad guy. They loved him a week ago. It was like SpongeBob. He's the greatest Biden train in a minute. And he goes, a few moments later. And then he comes out.

Yeah, get the fuck out of here. This guy can't be president. His mental acuity is shot 30 seconds before. Oh, he lost his softball. Come on, man. He's fine. But I believe that Obama was there when they recorded it on Wednesday night.

Stick on the prompter. Stay on the cards. Oh, yeah, do not. Stay on the prompter, Joe. Don't ad lib. Stay on the prompter. Because Biden went off, I think, in the first take, which has been leaked online. He's like, oh, great. I'm better than Ronald Wagon-Wheel. This is faster than Wayne Newton. He's the greatest president in the history of the founder of Senate, Mike. Stay on the prompter. Hunter. Can you do anything?

These guys are right. Hunter. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, just stay in the prompter, dad. You're good. You know, as the very notion, by the way, let's get real. The matter of fact, the matter is, guess what? I beat inflation. Like, because I know how to beat inflation. Because I know how to beat inflation. What about, is he the president still or not? He is the president of the United States. He wants to finish the job the next six months. Well he told us he can't do anything, so is he going to be the president? Well he doesn't believe that.

He said I had a presidency that I thought merited a second term. I have to fight democracy, so I have to leave. Yeah. But he's not leaving. He's going to be the president of this United States. Just take him now. I mean, all I see is Kamala on TV. It's like, if she's the president, then stuff her in there.

That's fine. If he resign, made her president, then she would be running as a sitting president. But I don't think he's going to resign. But he still has till January to do. I'll do an executive order. I'm pardoning Hunter. Yeah. Is that a big one on the way out? I assume he will. Most fathers would. Yeah. Yeah. What about, I have never, meanwhile I don't even follow politics when I'm a kid, like I never knew of this big of an event happening where the president does that.

Richard Nixon, when I was a kid, they pushed him out, but he went on a speech to say he's going out. And Biden did, I think, on Twitter or Instagram or something, which is just an announce, just like a press release, right? There was a month of him fighting it. Like every time he's going on an airplane, Mr. President, do you think you'll step down?

Why would I step down? What are you talking about? I'm gonna see you at the convention. He had all the money and he had 14 million votes in the primary. He had 4,000 delegates for the convention. So a recent guest we had on go, he's got all the cards. He's gonna stay.

So then they kept pressuring. And then when you get Schumer and Nancy coming in, you know, there's gonna stay. So then they kept pressuring. And then when you get Schumer and Nancy coming in, you know, there's that pressure. And then they tell them, the donors aren't gonna give you any money. They showed them the polling. He still said, yeah, guess what? Fuck you.

That was on like a, like Sunday night. And then- They asked him something by the helicopter I couldn't hear. They might as well ask him in a sawmill. The guy can't hear anyway. And then you're like yelling and he's like, what are you saying? What am I saying?

I think he thought he should have. Sawing logs. Meow. Meow. I thought Richard Nixon, it would have been different if you're a kid. And Richard Nixon resigns by just putting it on TikTok or something like, looks like I'm out of here. Stay for part two, smash that like button, like and subscribe. And while you're here, you know, I got merch.

Anyway, hashtag I'm out, hashtag forced out, hashtag get fucked. Because it was really against his will. He had to speak though, he had to talk about it. Well, it was all about, for some reason, he was 40 points ahead in polls, but he had these Watergate burglars going and trying to steal some information

out of the DNC headquarters. Bunglers who got caught. Now, if he'd come out the very next day, there were men in there that I'd never met. And I regret very much that members of my team attempted a murder. Well, he could have gotten out of it, yeah. Well, here is the deal.

This is the greatest thing about history of Richard Nixon. Richard Nixon voluntarily sets up a recording device in the Oval Office to record his entire conversations, private and elsewhere, for his... If he had not done that, he would have got off. Yeah, because he's on tape going, we gotta get those motherfuckers. Rrrr!

Rrrr! Rrrr! Rrrr! So, different circumstances. Biden was a singularity in the history of the Republic. Someone quitting under those circumstances after the first debate and all the pressure, and they got him out.

And, you know, now we're onto the next thing. Every week something amazing happens in America. Is Dr. Joe gonna have to start going back to the hospital? Joey. Doing her rounds? She's going to the Paris Olympics. Joe was like, yeah, I feel kinda down. When you stick around,

Joey, gotta go to the Paris Olympics, Joey. You were sexier when you were president. He did lose some clout. Well, yeah, so now he's just alone eating his cold soup in the Oval Office. I mean, everybody split. Hunter went back to West Hollywood with a, what's up? You won't hear from Joe Biden for a while.

Then he'll pop out and want to challenge Jake Paul to a fight. He's got to get back in was like, what's up? You won't hear from Joe Biden for a while, then he'll pop out and wanna challenge Jake Paul to a fight. He's gotta get back in the news, he's thirsty. I know, it's kind of, it's a little weird. In a perfect world, he would have done an announcement in February, rather than under this duress, you know, with seconds to count. If he made it another week, they couldn't have got him out probably.

All right, let's look at some headlines and bore people in a different way. We have all different ways to get you to bore. What do we got headlines? What's first one? What do we got headlines? What's first one? What do we got headlines?

What's first one? What do we got headlines? What's first one? What do we got headlines? What's first one? What do we got headlines? What's first one? What do we got headlines?

What do we got headlines? What's first one? What do we got headlines? What do we got headlines? What do we got headlines? What do we got headlines? What do we got headlines? What do we got headlines? What do we got headlines? You lose weight, it comes back. You lose it again, it comes back again. Sound familiar? Then it's time to find a better, more sustainable way to lose weight. Ro pairs a weekly shot with healthy lifestyle changes so you can lose 15 to 20 percent of your weight in a year, on average, and actually keep it off. Over 200,000 people have already chosen Rho to help them lose weight. Here's why. Rho lets you skip the waiting room and

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Or you can visit us at aircanada.com. Or you can visit us at aircanada.com. Or you can visit us at aircanada.com. Or you can visit us at aircanada.com. Or you can visit us at aircanada.com. Or you can visit us at aircanada.com. Or you can visit us at aircanada.com. Or you can visit us at aircanada.com. This is the one that jumped out to me.

EP recalls grown men crying over Hugh Jackman's yellow costume when he came on the set. No fucking chance. No chance. Come on, they cry. You have to do that to make people go, I'm part of history. No. They'd be like, okay, Hugh Jackman's on the set, we've got number two on the set, let's roll, we're gonna walk at once.

It needs a little time. I mean, when's the first time we put on the Wolverine suit? 2004 or something? You know, you don't cry with 16, 17 years. You cry if the, you know, the Tin Man comes out in the Tin Man outfit. Yeah, by the way, you did Logan

maybe eight years ago, 10 years ago, I don't know, which is great. I'm sure this will be great. I'm just, it's just so funny. You've got enough press. The movie's doing well. You don't need to leak this. Bullcrap.

You gotta stir the algorithm. You gotta feed the beast and the AI. Look how much we're talking about it. Dana Carvey came out in The Church Lady and there were grown men sobbing. I sometimes, because I've gotten more friendly as I've gotten older, if people come up to me, I will do a character back to them.

That's nice of you. I liked Hans and Franz, really look at you, you little girl. And it makes them so happy, I'm happy to do it. Oh, it does, for sure. They should have Wolverine and Deadpool fight Hans and Franz. I mean, mix it up.

Hans and Franz can't fight anybody, but they can threaten to do a lot of things. Right, they're very cocky. Yeah, we could very easily... Listen, Wolverine. We could take your little... your cuticles. Your little nails. You think they're so sharp? Guess what?

I have a... Yeah. Go ahead. I have a file that'll dull your blades and your fingers. My buttocks are so firm, they're like a diamond drill. They will go right through your soft little marshmallow buttocks. Yeah, you wipe your buttocks with your fingers, you cut your balls off almost. Because he's got those swords on his finger.

Yeah. Yeah, your sideburns are like little girl sideburns. We could very easily flick your sideburns with our little fingers and you would... They're actually very large. You whack off. There's going to be wiener flying everywhere, like a Vegematic.

You better look out, Wolverine. There might be a Wolverine coming up from behind and biting your flabby buttocks. Jesus. They're supposed to be terrible. I know, I think they would scare Wolverine in Deadpool for a while, but then... No, their trash talk is awful.

I know, but if they fought, then it would get out. Their trash talk is awful. That's what's funny about it. I know, I love it. You can very easily... Okay, um... Next one. Mm-hmm. Okay. We'll cover that. Yeah, we'll cover that.

Okay, this one is called... Oh, this is me. I'm mad about this. Disney Blacklist, Emperor's New Groove. Film is still banned from streaming on the Disney Channel or something. Yeah, they don't do this at the theme park. There's a big article. This is a movie I did years ago, just a voice.

But they don't do this at the theme park. They don't do, they don't have little, you know, stuffed llamas. They don't do anything. And this was actually one that's been living on. It's pretty good. Well, why is it banned? They just don't get behind it like

they get behind other ones. So people get mad about it and they said they found out that they're legitimately like keeping it shadow banned. That's horrible, Dana. This was one of my favorite things I've ever done. I guess. That's me on the right in this photo. And can we hear a little bit of the boys?

Yeah. What do we got going here? Let me guess. Your character. I'm doing it. Let me guess. Stuck together. Raging. Over raging river. Sharp rocks at the bottom. Bring it on.

Something like that. Because we fell and we landed like this. So you didn't do a little voice or anything. No, I said, what do you want? Do you want, what kind of voice I do? You want kind of this guy? You want, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or,

or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, You're really boring. You have a boring face and a boring voice. Could you give us something? We're paying you a fortune. Meanwhile, the grumpy old man is a dog

in the Secret Life of Pets at Universal City. So you get in the little ride. Oh, that's got a fucking thing. Yeah. See? Welcome to the Secret Life of Pets ride. And I'm just yelling at you. Look at that, why does a llama get rat fucked?

The ride in Broadway musicals that travel for decades make more than the movie 10X like Lion King and stuff. And the ride at Universal will make more than the movie. Well guess what Disney, I didn't see the Lion King. Take that. Now there's a couple big movies I never saw and that's one of them. It's okay. It's fine. I like Alien and Apocalypse Now.

I'm not exactly a Lion King cat, okay? Give me Deval on a boat saying, I love the smell of napalm in the morning, all right? I don't need to see Nathan Lane as a cheetah bellowing out to a canyon. Yeah, give me Chinatown. Give me Chinatown. Give me Chinatown. Dude, we skipped over a couple of things.

No, we're still going. Okay, but I have a couple. Oh, you do? Well, I didn't think of anything other than that this was floated out there. Trump being saved, it was a UFO, and they have pictures. What? Yeah, alien intervention, move the bullet.

That's a real story that I read. Yeah. The aliens moved it? The aliens moved it. We must save the orange man. That's all I've got. We must keep the conflict alive. Yeah. Make him head turn just a little bit.

We want to take off part of his ear, but not the whole thing. I don't know. Give him weirdest bandage possible. Big one at the convention. Then give him tiny one for later on when he's golfing. Look at my thumbs up. I reviewed myself. You got your own thumbs up.

That was a killer. I reviewed myself. I'm gonna try to get two for my jokes. Jeez. How does it work? I have no idea why that, let's see if you're doing it. We must get orange man. We must save him right there.

Okay, what's next one? Next one. No rush. Okay, oh, this is a guy. Who does Nick Chubb play for now, Heather? Will you look it up? He was with, I think, the Browns forever. Nick Chubb, back in the gym, eight months after surgery.

I think he had a knee surgery. And look at this motherfucker. He's up to where I am now. Well, aren't you hiding inside one of the things? I think so, it's like hats come out. I think it the things of me? I think so. It's like your hat's coming around. I think, unless I traded him. Are those what they call 45s?

Those are 45s. The bar always 45. I've never seen that many 45s. Well, the bark is... If the bark could talk it, it would be crying. Because it's bent from the weight. Yeah, the bar is like, this isn't really what this was meant for. But I think those kind of bars bend at a certain point, but you don't want them to snap.

You know? You know what? Don't any human being lift this much weight. If I had a dollar for every old guy I see in the gym bent over... I lifted too heavy when I was younger. I thought I was a dollar for every old guy I see in the gym, bent over... I lifted too heavy when I was younger. I thought I was a muscle man. Now I'm like, I'm a fucking, I look like I'm an extra in Lord of the Rings or something. Exactly. This guy, he's doing a good job.

It's not healthy. Yeah, it's not good for you. Do half of that and just get stronger. You don't need to impress me. But you know, football's a rough game. They want to... The guys gotta stay out there and be the best. I get it. My quads. My quads are that strong just from running around here

and going to the Beverly Center. I'm all, I like the combo of an aerobic exercise with strength training. So like if that guy could actually do like 100 real pushups, I'd hand him $100. Then I'm impressed, then I'm impressed. Yeah. Do you know if you can do 40 pushups as a grown man,

I can't. The chance of you living longer than any other group of people, no matter what your habits, it's so indicative of anaerobic fitness, heart, lungs, all that, and muscular fitness. 40 pushups, David. The challenge has just started. You know, what are your thoughts being super healthy,

Guy, about when people say, I like stairs in my house because it gets my heart going. My feeling is it doesn't help your heart to get it going for 10 seconds and then an hour later, 10 seconds. Well, there's a little bit to unpack there. It's a little bit of a push. I'd say that the main thing is like,

what are we doing right now? Physically. Not too much. Sitting. B too much. Sitting. Boring people. When you sit, when you sit so much, not meant to sit so much.

So your hamstrings atrophy and get shorter. The glutes, which is women always work on the butt blaster for aesthetics. It happens to be the biggest and most important muscle in your body. When I'm at a place where I have a lot of stairs, I have a few different abodes, I try to use it and go every other step.

And that's really, really healthy. I do about a thousand a week. No, no, more than that. Like maybe 3000 stairs a week, just average. Without thinking about it, just going up and down. How do you know on your step counter, it says? Oh, I know it's 22 up and 22 down. I easily do that 10 times a day.

Oh, the house in town that I've been to, that one is full of stairs. But if it doesn't kill you, it makes you stronger. But I do think- That's teeming with stairs. Yeah, you could do some damage in your house with some stairs. They built the stairs in the house around it, I think. You don't take the elevator, do you?

I don't want the fans to know you have an elevator, it's not your fault. Well, don't tell them that. You don't take the elevator, do you? I tell ya, I'm so healthy, when I leave on a trip, I put the suitcases in the elevator, then I walk down the stairs to get my workout, then I get the suitcases and bring them. All right. I send them down.

Hey, let me ask you a question. How's that working for you? I love that. How's that working for you? That sounds like something's not working for you. How's that working out for you? How's that working for you? How's that working out for you? How's that working for you? Okay, next one. Okay. We got stuff. We got more stuff. Oh, I got a lot more stuff.

We got tons of stuff. I got backups. Okay. Is this me? No. Oh, this is stupid. This is the old Muff Report. This person dresses like a ostrich

and it looks pretty real actually. Yeah, slender legs and then a fake head. Yeah, really skinny legs. And a fake head and it's just prancing along. And the arm is out like the top of the ostrich, but even the ostriches you can tell they're like, what's going on here? Right? Well, ostriches, yeah, by the way, ostriches,

I think they can run like 50 miles an hour. They can run 50 miles an hour. Which is two legs. They're pretty nasty. Yeah. They will bite you and run over you. They gossip, yep. But as far as a human being looked like an ostrich

getting near live ostriches and squatting around and getting all up in their business, I say animal cruelty. Not a great idea. Yeah, also why. I guess it's funny, but these ostriches are mining their beeswax, and you got this crackpot coming in there and trying to get views, which we added to.

Yeah, why is a really good one. That's what John F. Kennedy said to Bobby Kennedy. During the Cuban Missile Crisis, we were on the edge of nuclear war. I think it was Bobby said, what do Cuban Missile Crisis, we're in the edge of nuclear war. I think it was Bobby said, what do we do when the world says why? When the world asks why, you know?

And what do we do? Well, we stop blowing anything up. Geez, I'm gonna get you a Collars encyclopedia. No, I like that. I'm just saying. I'm gonna get you an encyclopedia. And you just get into your- No, I know about all the Cuban cigar box thing.

You get into your double king every night, do all your security, open up, start with A and flip through and then- I'm not reading anything, that's over. I've wrapped that part of my life. All your news is on YouTube, it's all visual. Beep boop bop, tick tock. Da da da da da da.

Bing bing. Do do do do do do do. Do do do do do do do. Okay, next one. Don't try to fool ostriches. They've done nothing wrong. Yeah. This is funny.

San Francisco Transit Authority. We refuse to release crime surveillance videos because it will make people racist. Why? What do you mean? Releasing videos would create a racial bias in the writers. Interesting. I have no comment. I have no comment.

Why? I have no idea what they're talking about. I don't really get it. I don't understand why when they release them, why would that make people racist? I don't know. We'll move on. Let's just... Sorry. Oh, by the way, in YouTube,

where people leave comments, mostly nice, I have to say. Thank you. And we look at them to say, if something you don't like about the show or something you like, if we hear something enough, you know, fix it. Yes.

But we're up to 150 now, Dana. We got that thing back there, and it said 100,000. Right, we're adding exponentially. That's so cool. As the quality of the show goes down, our numbers go up. So I don't know.

As it goes down. Sort of reverse thing. But I always wanted to say this anyway. Hey man, if you're enjoying anything, I know this is just two guys talking, but you wanna smash that subscribe button. Smash the shit out of it. Break it.

That'll really help the podcast. Make sure it clicks, but then break it off. Smash it, just punch it. Yeah. And yell, I love, super flat. Okay, this is a feel, we have a couple of feel good stories. Remarkable cancer trial makes women, woman's brain tumor almost disappear in five days.

So that's the picture of maybe a mockup. Wow. That's not it. Okay, is there a next one? Okay, there, oh, picture of maybe a mock-up. Wow. That's not it. Okay, guys, is there a next one? Okay, there... Oh, I've looked at x-rays. That's a bowling ball. Okay, so the... I think the shadowy parts are bad on x-rays. That's the cancer-y part. So look at...

I mean, I'm not a doctor. It says that the technology is moving so fast. It's going away. that's great news. The whole world is exponentially getting smarter about gene editing and the cause of things. Who's the person, the whole family's there, and you know, well, I couldn't beat the tumor, goodbye everybody, and then someone rushes in. Oh, hold up, hold the press, we got a new machine.

Right down the hall, I mean, it's just, it tells people to hang on because... Yeah, hang on because it might work. They're coming up with stuff. If this is real, looks real, it's got 400,000 likes, that's real enough for me. Didn't Bones, I'm going way back now, the original Star Trek, the Doctor.

Bones from Star Trek, I was like... He's dead, Jim, and he had a little plastic thing, but he'd go... And then the person would sit up, why, thank you had a little plastic thing, but he'd go, brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Get this. Why would they throw that away? Comment on this if you will, David. Why in the fuck we don't have a phaser, equivalent of a phaser on stun? Why do we have to have police shootings? They would go put it on stun. I mean, we have the stun gun, all that doesn't work. But just actually really a phaser with a stun.

Just knock you out. Yeah, so you don't. Just knock you out. Start from scratch. Yeah. I agree, that wouldn't be bad. Because you know, then the bad guys would get them and do it.

Well, you, showing how reassuring. Oh yeah, you neutralize, Biden came alive. You neutralize the threat. I got a neutralized threat better than anyone's ever neutralized. I agree. Okay, we'll do that. Okay, next one.

Are you turning into Biden? What are you doing? Well, obviously he's not. Oh, okay. Okay, ooh, I that. Okay, next one. Are you turning into Biden? What are you doing? Oh, okay. Okay. I like this one already. I don't even know what this one is. Let's see. Oh, this is another thing. Remember I said Chris Brown does a meet and greet. I don't think this is Chris Brown, but you're going to let the audience member, your girl, bring on stage. And he basically dry-umps her and pulls his prong out. I'm sorry, that's my wife. I just proposed to her. Look at, oh my God.

Get in there. Oh, Ben, you're like, is he a chiropractor? What's going on? I gotta put my glasses on. I can't. You gotta see it then. He started over. I saw it, but.

And he just snapped her C4 of her spine. Thank you, and you're pregnant. I don't know how in the hell they got that camera in my wife and I's bedroom. Yeah, that one does. I don't know who that is. You know who that is, Heather? It's not Chris Brown.

I don't know. But who's letting their girlfriend go up there for a fun little, hey, you know, it used to be a magic trick. We need an audience member. We need an audience member to get finger blasted. It's always like if men... Anyone out there on the pill. If men see a sexy woman, they don't scream.

They don't go, ah, if they see a burlesque show. Oh yeah. They don't scream at a woman. Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! So here's the three thing, I mean women,

they like a man, they like a man who's kind, smart, with a sense of humor, and has access to resources. Money. But we have to ask Heather, is that sexy, or is it a little bit like the rapid dry humping, and it's... Immediate ick.

It's immediate ick. That's what I thought. It's a no from me, dog. She said, not sexy, and the woman's hurt, and she's also pregnant. Yeah. Embarrassed, pregnant. It's all about the guy, too. And all his running and jumping and positioning.

Check out this wang. I'm like, I don't even know what song it is, I don't know what this person is. I'm just watching this corn being shot. I don't think it's sexy. I'm gonna go out on a limb and agree with Heather. Oh, Dana, that's such a limb. And I'm not gonna go out on a limb and say that's not for me. A little bit. Okay. Keep going.

That was... I agree. That one's not for me either. Okay, ready? Oh, this is a wholesome video. Okay, I think this is another nice one. I want something wholesome after that one. This is a cute one, Dana. Watch this is a wholesome video. Okay. I think this is another nice one. I want something wholesome after that point. This is a cute one, Dana. Watch this, ready?

This is the opposite. ...today for one Channel 8 Eyewitness News reporter when her longtime boyfriend showed up to propose to her. She thinks she's doing a story. Oh my God. Isn't that nice? Look at. Did he close the deal?

Yeah, she said yes. She did, I didn't see that. She said yes and back to you. Have you ever for one moment thought of doing something like that? Everybody wants me on the kiss cam or propose. I've had people at my shows going, hey, I wanna propose to me. It's just people that want attention,

but, or they want something different, you know? Do you, here's a question for you and Heather, she wants to jump in. Do you think most marriages are with like, you know, we're just dating, what are we gonna do? And then someone gets down on one knee with the ring and... Has anyone ever done that except in Jumbotrons and stuff? You mean in real life, do they ever do it?

It seems like by the time there's a ring, there's a consensus, but the idea of... Oh, how about this question for Heather? If you were gonna get married, Heather, the average woman out there in this day and age, does the guy have to make sure somebody is filming it? Okay.

Wow. I think that's the minority. Let's go to the phones because some people have their friends follow or meet them there and hide in the bushes. They have to be filmed. They have to film it because they can kind of sell that, that gets a lot of clicks. Or do they want,

I forgot, oh, they want to wear something nice for the proposal, right? Well, she was on news, so she was all dressed up. Yeah, that was funny because her reaction is great because she goes, a local TV reporter was surprised by her boyfriend when he proposed her live on the show. Oh shit, this show?

I'm a reporter. Oh wait, that's my boyfriend. Wait, he has a ring. Starts to put the pieces together. I think it was kind of clever. I hadn't seen that angle. It was much easier to take than the smash and grab in the van where the terrorists attack. Smash and Grab.

We got so many comments on the Smash and Grab proposal. Everyone hated it. Actually, 2% loved it. But even on my Instagram. If we can get a follow-up, if we could get those two people on Superfly. We should get them on. If we could get them on.

I don't know if they're English. Heather, get on that. She's like asleep. Heather, get those proposal couples ASAP. Superfly. ASAP. Okay, next one. ["Skyp App"]

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We are your local Dignity Memorial provider. Find us at DignityMemorial.ca. Hang on, wait, wait, wait. Oh, this is... I just have a question for Dana about SNL. How did you hold your folder when you went to meet Lauren? This guy's going to teach you how. Planet Mike, here we go.

Because I think I've been doing this wrong. How do you carry an accessory? His hand looks huge. Here I am, grabbing it like an ape and coming to business meeting. Make sure not to use underhand grip when carrying folder. Making it all about the folder, but not about yourself. Fuck the folder, it's an under.

Grab the folder, approaching the business meeting in this manner. Way better. And then sit and then feet out. Nice. See, Tina, you've been doing it wrong. I'm guessing you don't know what you're doing when you have a folder. Well, look, here's the deal, if I can. I mean, it is all about power and not being needy and owning it, you know, posture is part of it. This is what I would do before I got an SNL.

They still had me go read for stuff. So you'd get sides sometimes, you get the script a little bit. So I would come in, I don't, I guess I didn't wear socks. I would be disheveled. And then I would have the sides, I'd have them crumbled up in my back pocket. Oh, I think I got them. I don't know if I saw them. I'm not giving you a job. So it was kind of like, I barely care. And they go, do you have an eight by 10? I go, I don't know, maybe. So it's, it's just all about not caring.

That's true. When you go to auditions, the more you're professional and don't try to suck, you know, I mean, don't try to kiss up everybody. I remember we had Brittany Daniels come in for Joe Dirt. So lovely, so good, so prepared. And when she was, and she didn't go like the flirty thing a lot.

I'm like, hi, you guys. Oh my God, the 405 was so bad. It wasn't that. She's like, hey, you guys ready? We're like, oh yeah. And then she's like, blah, blah, blah. Thanks guys. She just got up and left.

You know, she was very polite, but I'm a professional, boom, boom. And then we called her back. Here's another trick she did. We called her back and she wore the same outfit. And even on the third callback her back and she wore the same outfit. And even on the third call back, when she got the movie, I talked to her during the movie,

but I said, do you remember that? And she said, oh yeah. She said, if I get it, it's so fleeting why they like someone. I want everything to be the exact way it was the first time they saw me. Something about that stuck with you guys. And I was like, it's so true.

Some people come back, look different. And you're like, wait. You know what I mean? Anything can be off. The way they do the hair. So that's how fickle everyone is. And that's, I don't even know where I was going with this.

Well, the worst part is, as professional comedians, sometimes, you know, I would come in and I'd be a little amped up. And so I would be... Sickening. Funny in the beginning. Like, we're not reading yet.

Really making them laugh, whatever shtick I had. And then Suzanne Plachetta is there, I think, by this or so. And she's like, it's great when you have somebody come in, it was already funny. I can't wait to hear this. I can't wait to hear this. And I didn't. The script was terrible, and I was terrible.

And then it was that awkwardness afterwards of getting out of the room. Just get out of the room. Okay, well. They just hate that you're even sitting there still like, let's disappear. Yeah, just go. I don't wanna watch you walk four goddamn steps.

They hate you. It turns, I've done that. You walk in with a little razzmatazz like, hey, ba-da-ba-doo-ba. And you're like funny, because I'm like, this is how I get the callback. Because once I started acting, then I'd be like, what's going on here?

Why it just swifted into unfunnyness and unlikability. Skyrocketing. I would follow, when I was on the other side of the fence and reading people, we'd read 10 people and it was a coin toss. And so I would go out and find each one who read. I go, this is completely just flipping them up in the air. You're as good as anyone who's ever read today.

We'll just see where it goes. Next person. You're as good as any. Cause I used to, in my mind, I thought De Niro if it was drama had read for me. If as a comedian, I would think, oh fuck, they just saw David Spade. I don't have a chance.

Hmm. Yeah. I did one Dana and it was for my sister Sam. It was like a sitcom. And it was on my third, I think my third audition. Warner Brothers lot, nervous as shit, cannot act my way out of a paperback. And then I go in there and I'm like, and I'm waiting. I think I told you this, I'm waiting

and the girl's casting lettery. I think she's some tough ass casting. And I read it and then I told you this, I'm waiting and the girl's casting lettery, I think she's some tough ass casting. And I read it and then I go, actually, because it's always so flat and boring, I turn over my papers, I go, actually, I rewrote the scene which I think would be a little funnier and she's like, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

Sorry, what? And I go, no, I mean, this is a little unorthodox, she's like, thousand percent. And then I go, if I could just read you like, the funnier version, she goes, no, we won't do that. And let me give you a tip, never do this again in audition. And I was like, very constructive criticism, thank you.

And then I went and I called my agent, I go, how'd it go? And they were like, you didn't happen to rewrite the script. I go, no, but it wasn't that good. And I was just, actually, if I could read it to you, he's like, no one wants you to read it to him. Just please don't make my job this hard. My misfortune between 1980 and 1986 is I actually got some stuff. And it was all a waste of time.

And you weren't ready? No, it was just never gonna make it. One of the boys with the community, Nathan Lane, I did Blue Thunder with James Ferentino, I did many pilots, one with Michael Richards, I did one with Desi Arnaz Jr. And a lot of times I was just playing kind of the straight, cute guy,

because that was this to me a long time ago. Dude. I played the straight man in the straight cute guy, because that was this me a long time ago. I played the straight man in the tough guys movie, Burt Lancaster, Kurt Ducker. So I got these, but I was getting enough work just as being kind of a Ron Howard type or something, just a nice, sweet, benign person. And then I got on SNL and whoops. And look back from there.

I don't wanna finish the story, but the story took a turn. Okay. Let's try another one. We got a couple more. There's one I want to see on the dishes. Look at this fucking cat. I do love that. Why do cats make me laugh? This cat already, first of all, he's working, watch him and he's pretty good. Go ahead. Either he didn't pay his bill or something. He has to do the dishes. Meow. Meow.

Get that fucking shit off. Scrub it. He's got like a little burlop. Look at him. This guy is not that good. He's just kind of soaking stuff right now. It's getting in his face. Watch it.

Well, I think it's the first guy. It's extremely clever. Yeah, I used to dish wash. It's getting in his face. Watch it. Watch your head. Well, I think it's the first guy gets. I used to dish. Well, extremely clever. Yeah. I used to dishwash. It's hard. I was the dishwasher too. Right.

The Hobart 3000. Cut to a bird. So yeah, I know what that is. And I can tell those cats what they're going through because it's not easy. But what we just saw for our audio fans is people putting rubber boots on cats and putting gloves up to their elbows on them. It's funny already. Looked like cafeteria. And then leaning them up against a bucket

of sudsy stuff with stuff in it. And the cats are kind of locked into the situation, so they start sort of picking things up. But it's a great effect, whoever thought of it. The cats do like, they don't sleep. They're like, I can't believe it's spaghetti night. This shit doesn't come off easy. I need more dawn. I want to, you have to do this. You got to do the character sound sound effect sound effect guy. Cause

if I'm doing it, you should, we should do it together at the comedy store. The sound effects. So anyway, I'm walking across some wet grass. Open my car. The idea is the sound is the same for everything. Oh, it is? Oh, I didn't get it. Okay. I start the car. I put it in drive. Cat comes by and meows.

Cat's so funny because they got a tail. Cat's so funny. You ever work with an actor cat? All right, one more. We're getting. Oh, oh, maybe, maybe not. Oh, this is funny. Okay. Don't play it. This is children of Uganda. One day after the assassination. Look at this, Heather. Donald Trump. The attempt. Take a look at what happened. They recreated exactly perfectly. He's going fight, fight. Look at them trying to look at like a podium.

Isn't that crazy? Uganda. Uganda be kidding me. Uganda. Uganda. Uganda. Uganda. Uganda.

Uganda. Uganda. Uganda. Uganda. Uganda. Uganda. Uganda. Uganda. Uganda. Uganda. Uganda. Uganda. Look at that guy on a podium. Isn't that crazy?

Uganda. Uganda be kidding me. Donald Trump. Okay, again, even if you saw it. So I'm just saying some young kids, 10, 12, eight, 10, 12, reenacted the Trump assassination attempt complete with taking him off. The guy that kept playing Trump. Wooden guns.

They play the audio and then they act it out. It's pretty clever. There's like a second city over there in Uganda. This is their main state. They did a tremendous job. Trump will use it in his challenge. They did it, they did it, they did it, they did everything like it.

The kid played me is tremendous, he's tremendous. He knows it. That's what I was waiting for. Anyone not from. No, it's great. Tremendous kids, I bet you great. They're doing a tremendous, and he does that more and more.

He goes to that guttural thing to emphasize. I know people are thinking the same many things, and they know we got a lot of things to talk about. He kind of does the one line, and the second line is the same line, because it makes him think, I think. He goes, I'm trying this job, these kids are doing it tremendously.

And you know what I mean? And then he goes to the next one, but he sort of just repeats it to think. Yeah, I think for emphasis and then many times you'll just keep going if he gets a word, you know. I wonder how much he goes off cards because he... A lot. Sorry to interrupt you, but sometimes he says he likes to go off cards, but it's hard to find your way back on a teleprompter.

I've done award shows, you try to add Lev, and then you're like, go back, go back, where are you? It is kind of funny, it's sometimes when he locks back in after about a five minute diatribe, you know, and anyway, I'd rather be electrocuted than eaten by a shark, the shark comes in, I'd rather be electrocuted. He by a shark. The shark comes in, I'd rather be electrocuted. He goes on for three minutes and then he turns.

We're gonna take back the country. We're gonna get rid of the fascists and communists. I'd rather be eaten by a squirrel than a monkey. But then he goes back, we're gonna take back the country from the communists and the fascists, the neo-fascists and all the people that are... And... and the fascists, the neo-fascists, and all the people that are... ALL LAUGHING

All right. No, let's... We can end it. That's a good ending, actually. All right, you guys, I think we had a great show. Everyone did a great job in the cast. The cast was great today. No one was cranky. I'll just say I'll wrap it up as Paul McCartney. You know, it's been quite a couple of weeks for America. You know, the Trump guy got a dinger up on his ears,

you know, and he ducked, and he loaded him off, you know. He went, look at me. You know, I'm such a protester, put me fist up. And then the mumbly, stumbler president, all of a sudden, everyone goes, you gotta go. He saysler president, all of a sudden everyone goes, you gotta go. He says, I don't wanna go. They said, you gotta go. And the president called him the other one, Obama,

and said, you gotta go. I don't do it. It was Obama. It was Obama? Julie, you gotta go. Well, I don't know if it is. Oh, that guy said you gotta go. There's rumors, we don't know,

but we have to move on now. Now it's Kamala or Kamala. She reminds me of every, a couple moms I knew, like in junior high that were very much like Karens, you know, they'd have their elbow in like this, like, excuse me, okay, we're not gonna have every kid go to the party, all right. You know those people?

So I think she'll be good, I think she'll be tough. Colin Quinn, I'll end it with a joke he did that he said, he said, if it's President Kamala, and then he said that'll be like, Kamala, he said that'll be like having a substitute teacher the last six months, and then we'll be like, hey, the last president didn't make us pay taxes. She goes, I don't know if that's true. Don't try to trick me.

All right. It's a good sub. A fun fact. What last one? Fun fact. The only time a vice president has become president besides George H.W. Bush following Reagan, beating Dukakis and becoming president

in 86, the last time, 1836, Martin Van Buren. Oh, for real? So it's very tough to be a vice president because you're right, you're in this lane of your cutting ribbons and they keep you under wraps. We haven't seen a lot of her. But it's gonna be an exciting race. It's definitely a nail biter.

So we'll see. And we'll see you guys next week. Thank you. Thanks for listening. This has been a presentation of Odyssey Superfly as executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Jenna Weiss Berman of Odyssey, Heather Santoro, and Greg Holtzman. Hope you liked it.

Mm.