Fly on the Wall with Dana Carvey and David Spade - SUPERFLY #32 - Men & Women

Episode Date: September 6, 2024

David and Dana start with shopping, golf with Lovitz, and Taylor Swift's NFL before getting deep into topics like J.Lo's selfies, Burning Man, and activities women find unattractive. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Okay, yeah, there you go. Okay. Oh, Jesus. Oh, fucking shit. Let's just show this camera test. Jesus. God damn. Lord have mercy. Someone just threw themselves out the window. Okay, so Dana.

First of all, I'm just so glad you got the clothing memo. Oh, did you? You know, this is dark blue. And I have this nice watch. So I thought I had to cut the sleeves off my shirt so you could see it better. Oh, it's dark blue, okay. Yeah, oh, you're black. So we don't look alike.

I honestly get so much flock on the YouTube, but we look the same that I do not wear a black T-shirt because I know you wore one. So I just try to stay away from your turf. I actually was, I have bought, I just bought two white T-shirts at the Gap. And I was thinking I might wear a white t-shirts at the Gap. And I was thinking I might wear a white t-shirt at some point.

Oh really? I don't wear white ever because it makes me too pale. What? Well, I know what you mean. It looks really good on me. I don't know why, if I do say so myself. I bought the t-shirts and I was ready to purchase them in about a minute and a half.

And then they pitched me signing up for the rest of my life. Oh wait, you mean in the store? Yeah, right at the point of purchase. I went to Banana Republic with my, and they said instead of 600, it'll be 300 and it'll only take a couple of minutes. Dude, you know what's worth $300?

Not giving your email to someone. Forever? Yeah, they go, you know, if we could just grab, sometimes just for free. Do we have your email? I go, fuck, I hope not. And they're like, you just wanna throw your email down here?

No, kind of. And then I go, why? Because we have it. I'm like, how about for $5,000? You can have my email to ruin my life and constantly spam the fucking shit out of me. And can we have your cell phone number? Yeah, give me your cell phone.

Yeah, can I have your email and cell phone? And they do it real casual, just for records. Can I have your cell phone? So I went to an unnamed store, Ralph Lauren. You know what that is? I named it my two stores. I love both stores in case anyone's mad. I know you blew it because you already trashed it.

Ah, okay. I went to Ralph Lauren over here in BH. Fancy. Yeah, and anyway, I bought, the funnier story is I don't have any turtlenecks and it was so freezing on the road. I go, I'm gonna buy a turtleneck. I'm gonna roll the dice of like fashion.

I don't know where turtlenecks fall in the world. Can guys wear them? I don't know. But I found a cool one, then another one, then another one. So I got three. Oh. And they were not cheap. The Beatles can't. Well, they wore them in 1965.

So we'll just, I'm an audience member now. Will you debut this turtleneck? First of all, explain why it's called a turtleneck. And secondly, will you debut it on this podcast, Superfly? Oh, that's a great idea. I will when it's not 106 like it is today, but I bought it. It's 112.

I will say at least a year ago, and I have the bag of all three, and I haven't even taken them out of the bag because I'm scared. Most things I don't wanna least a year ago, and I have not bought, and I have the bag of all three, and I haven't even taken them out of the bag, because I'm scared. Most of the things, I don't want to mess up my hair, but I will wear them soon, and I will debut it here, and we'll take an audience poll on YouTube. Can I ask you a question?

Go right ahead. Did you ever... Yeah. ...own a Dickie? Oh, a Dickie. I had a Madre shirt, a dress shirt, this is the fourth grade, and then a Dickie. Oh, a Dickie. I had a Madre shirt, a dress shirt, this is the fourth grade. Madras? And then a Dickie, Madras, whatever.

Whatever, it's like checkered kind. Made in Madrid. You say tomato, I say Madrid. It's kind of faded checkered shirt. Yeah, kind of, it looked like it was dipped in ink and faded. It's kind of preppy. Yes, and I had an orange Dickie that would just, for those of you at home that don't know,

it's a turtleneck, but it's not a full shirt. It just goes around your neck. Oh, and then you wear something over, like a coat or a sweater. So it looks like you have one under. I mean, I've been tempted by Dickies on Santa Monica behind Okie Dog. But yeah, so I-

Well, I love the way you lean in for every punchline. It's a punchline. And time to laugh. And time to laugh. Every YouTube freeze frame, you're like this. You do end jokes pretty good, because it goes like that. I got everything I got about how to play this game

is from you. I just reflect what you do. Well, I've got a better camera look today, and I better hear some fucking pause feedback from this. Well, you're also in a kind of a wider shot. Yeah, we're really trying things. Do you see that shirt? I have some, I can't even point.

Where is it? I can't see. God, I can't do anything. Not on camera. That security shirt is from one of your movies. This is interesting. One of my movies? Yep.

So it could only be three movies. Yeah. Security, oh, Wayne's World. Yep. Yeah, because we had all access pass. Yeah. Why do I have it? I'll make people happy.

This is Garth at 111. That is a trivia. John Farley gave me that. That was Chris's security shirt in WW2. This is from one of your movies. Who I played a llama? Is that garbage? I thought it was a llama figurine.

Is it a clean-up? It almost looks like a little character, doesn't it? Hey, how are you David? It looks more like it when you turn it sideways. Yeah, like it looks like a person. Yeah. That was when I played Sparks in what Heather? A video game.

That was lost and found where you're in the parking garage. You ran over that. That's when I sneezed at your house and I threw it in your truck. Oh, what was I gonna tell you about everything? My turn light. Oh, so the story about that was,

and I will wear one, is that I bought the turn light and the guy goes, I said, oh, I don't wanna light and the guy goes, I said, oh, I don't want to lug it all the way apart too far away. He goes, yeah, just call and we'll run it out back. So I call and the guy's like, Gregory? And I go, hey, were you just the guy that I just talked? Yeah. So I pull out back and he goes,

oh, this car's pretty cool. Has it got the old 418? You know, whatever, whatever. So I go, cool, cool. Throw it in. And then he, then I get a text. I thought it was the store phone. So about an hour later, I get a text. He's like, that car's cool, man. I wish I had one in dark gray.

I'm like. He's calling you at home. He's texting me. Texting you. Yeah, anyway, I go, yeah, cool. Got all the T-necks, all good. Like it's a wrap on this back and forth. And then a couple, about a week later, he's like,

I actually might be leaving this place, going to a new store. I'm like, what the fuck's going on? We still talking? When do we turn into pen pals? And I'm like, what the fuck's going on? Are we still talking? When do we turn into pen pals? And I'm like, yeah, you know, jobs are tricky. I don't know, you know, I think I answered. I don't know why I kept engaging. It's called block that the collar, isn't it?

I maybe I missed something. No, I probably should have stopped talking. Anyway, let's bring him out. He's my manager. Anyway, he manages me now. No, he doesn't. I do. I'm Garvitz. Don't make jokes about that. That's funny. I think he manager. Anyway, he manages me now. No, he doesn't.

I do, I'm Garvitz. Don't make jokes about that. That's funny. I think he'd do it. I think he wouldn't understand the complexities of the job. People think I'm not managing anymore. That's not a good look at the Beverly Hilton. Hi, I'm David Spade.

I hate money. I hate money. That's the name of the book. I don't know. A lot of my clients like to work. They like money. You don't, that's fine. Yeah. You don't want to go to Anchorage for a one-nighter.

I guess you just don't like money. You don't like to get on a plane and fly to- Would you like to come with me? Anyway, I got to take a call. Yeah, why don't you? Anyway, patch me through. So what I was gonna tell you today, oh, the quick story I didn't tell you the other day on flying the wall, our sister podcast.

That's amazing, we have two. Can you believe they gave us two? And they're all blowing through the roof, breaking podcast records. I can't, the numbers are crazy. Numbers are still trickling in. And so I said that Lovitz and I played golf at Terra Neia this weekend,

and there's a guy that takes you in his shuttle. Sometimes when I, as I'm telling the story, I realize it's boring, but I'm just gonna plow through. There's a guy that takes you. Well, you got me, you got me. I mean, you don't know what's around the corner. Well, I just know it's L that's in you on a golf course.

That could be a movie. It's funny. You just never leave the golf course. Every time he gets a decent hit where it goes past the women's tees, he goes, jealous? I mean, I'm not that jealous. He hit it about 40 yards. His favorite catchphrase. Yeah, his favorite catchphrase.

And then he goes, I have some movies I wanna pitch. Anyway, so we get in the car, they go, to go to lunch, you have to get in this shuttle and you go over there. So we go to the lunch, boring, we eat, he eats a lot, boring. Then we come back, high pay, boring. And then the guy, the shuttle guy's already there.

I go, oh, we just called you. He goes, yeah. So I get in and Lovett's just walking up. That's actually good. Yeah, doing his waddling. It was like a kind of a jokey walk. I do it, yeah, oh yeah, definitely. And then I get in the guy, as I'm walking up,

he goes, oh, not this guy. So he knows me with the hat and the glasses. He goes, oh, we gotta get a picture. I don't care if it's unprofessional. Your thoughts exactly. Yeah, I go, I don't care, let's get a picture. So he goes, let's get it in the car. I go, all right.

So he's in the front, I'm in the back. I give him the obligatory goofy face. Keep it fun, keep it light. And then Lovitz gets in in the front seat and the guy starts leaving and he goes, oh, I know this dude too. And he goes, oh, and he goes, oh, the wrong missy. And now he's driving and he's looking back at me

and there's a lady with a baby and she's like, hey. And he's like, oh. And then he almost hits her. Then he keeps driving. Cause everyone's walking to the restaurant from the resort. And then these two people are walking up and I go, hey. And he goes, oh yeah, yeah. He's almost like, fuck them.

Like, why are they in my way of the driver that's not looking? So, Lovitz goes, look at the road. And he's like, oh, fuck them. Like, why are they in my way of the driver that's not looking? So, Lovitz goes, look at the road. And he's like, oh, this guy. And then he goes, I can't believe I got David Spade and this guy in the car. Oh, you're kidding. No, really? And he hated it.

Oh my God. And then he goes, oh, you mean the guy that was in a league of their own? And then the guy that was on SNL and did The Liar? And then the guy that's on a... 1986, first one was 1998. I said he's in a new, not DraftKings, but a FanDuel commercial, which is good. He's in a commercial right now.

Oh, okay. And he goes, yeah, don't forget about that. Do you have a TV? Have you seen it? And so the guy goes, oh yeah. And then he dumps us off and he's like, oh man, I can't believe I was with Spade and this guy. And he goes, let's get a picture, all of us.

Me, you and Spade. So we take a picture. And then when I leave, we all get in our cars. I know Lovitz is fuming. And I go, hey Lovitz, did you see that the guy almost hit three people while you were reading your resume to him? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha He likes to tell me he turned down Home Alone. Heather, will you crank that AC? He turned down Home Alone.

You know what movies I turned down? Actually, let's ask him. We told him, I told him that we might do a Christmas episode and he might have to dress as Santa Claus. That was your idea. Yeah. Oh, come on. I didn't tell him Santa Claus was part of that.

Have you ever driven through Encino where John grew up with him? Just on a Sunday afternoon. He'll just stop the car and look at like some elementary school and go, ah, where did the time go? Those were the days, my friend. Dursery school, my friend.

You were four years old. Yeah, he wasn't famous. What does he care? I know. That's the last time I was happy. Anyway, he's always in a good mood. As long as Jerry's with him. I got another news story before we get to all the headlines.

One is- I want another story. They're all stupid. How do stop losses work on Kraken? Let's say I have a birthday party on Wednesday night, but an important meeting Thursday morning. So sensible me pre-books a taxi for 10 p.m. with alerts. Voila, I won't be getting carried away and staying out till 2. That's Stop Loss Orders on Kraken, an easy way to plan ahead. There's a big Taylor Swift drama. Oh, yeah. We're very dicey about this.

Right, we don't wanna be miscloted, we don't wanna jump the gun, we don't wanna take a hard position. We're so edgy, but we don't take any positions about anything. We can't. Because we like Taylor Swift, like Kelsey. There was a big thing about,

Heather is so uncomfortable right now, are you uncomfortable? You're like sleeping with your head on a rock. Incomparable, what? She's not sure backwards, but that's all right. She's here and laughing and in a good mood and looks great. That's all that matters. It's better to look good.

Why don't you marry her? Then the field gets. I'm doing John Lovitz. Okay. So Taylor Swift and Kelsey, they had, I think some guys playing a joke. They put out, they go, this is a good trick though.

It was well thought out. They show us his desk at her PR company. And they look through it and says, this is for, you know, Linda. And it's like, their fake relationship, how long it has to go, what their contractual obligations are. And then on the 20th of September, they break up, they make these statements.

You see this Heather? Yeah. So dumb, but it seems so fake. So I think the reason why people are sort of biting on it is because they're looking for trouble. And also it's one of those things everyone thinks about Hollywood. I'm sure there are those out there.

I don't think that's one of them, but I do think there's a lot of matches made for careers. Yes, and I would say, I don't think that they're doing it for that reason. They seem to really like each other, but they both know inside their brain, looking at each other, we don't really need any more publicity that,

but this has made us global superstars, I think. That's the best Taylor Swift I have. That was, I thought that was Kelsey. But it's not like they're doing it for that reason, but it's like, it hasn't been bad for their brand. It's not, it doesn't mean it's a plot, you know. Well, Taylor Swift, who I thought couldn't get any bigger, is a bigger star. And Kelsey is already great looking. He's got all, you know, his life is all green lights,

but this just got greener and so fine. But also I saw an NFL promo. Greg, you can almost bring it up. A promo for the first promo of the NFL season of all the teams, actually on a side, too many quick cuts. Maybe I'm getting old. It's too many quick cuts. Everyone cuts it. If editors want to cut, they can't stop. I can't even focus on where I'm looking

and it's over and I can't look over here. No, it's terrible. Here's me looking at it. Meanwhile, it's on my phone this big. Where am I looking? It's like Aaron Rodgers this. But they said somehow. OK, let's watch it. And then I'll tell you the trick.

OK, here it is. Pukka Nakua. We've got your Jalen Hurts's. The make out. Okay. The interesting thing is aside from you're dizzy right now probably, because it's... Well, yeah, I get the idea, but they're just a big solid beat too fast, that's all. Yeah, I get the idea of like that, but they went too fast. Oh, we'll get one. And that's okay, they made a mistake.

They're gonna listen to this. Next time they do it, they'll slow it down a little bit. They slow it down. What's your point of view? Because my point of view is, I wish that was played more like the Zapruder tape. I like it nice and slow. I like to go, that's John Kennedy. That's his wife.

Here comes the bullet. I mean, at least I understand what's going on. This is all blah blah blah. So it's like a Pokeman, but also, guess who? That's a good job. That's hard to land a JFK assassination joke. And not offend everyone. And not offend the world. That's good job. That's hard to land a JFK assassination joke. And not offend everyone.

And not offend the world. That was actually okay, I got it. That was, I said he's going there. This is nice and slow for me, and they also play it in slow motion, so I'm like, ball that, car, the guy in the cowboy hat. So the big comment about that was Go ahead. So the big comment about that was

Taylor Swift is in it five times in one minute. So Joe Burrow zero, other famous football players zero. That strikes me as more odd than the fake contract because the NFL is not in business with Taylor Swift per se. I don't know if it's dudes in a room or with people in a room or AI or whatever, but it is a business and someone somewhere figured just doing those five subliminals

because that's a new audience for them are Swifties, right? I mean, they probably had a certain amount were NFL fans. Swifties together are a larger population than the Philippines. Oh, actually that's, yeah. If you put Thailand, Indonesia and the Philippines together, you have one 10th of the Swifties.

I don't even know what that means. But I would just say it's a little disrespectful. You think of Joe Burrows, he played in kindergarten, the best player, he played Pop Warner, the best player, high school, the best player, college, the greatest player, now NFL, one of the all-time greats, already 200 million dollar contract. Is he in the montage getting everyone excited

about the next NFL season? No. He's a pop star in there, she didn't ask for it, yes, but once, right? No, twice. Come on, three, no more. Four, no, five? Freaking, even Taylor's mad. If we listen real carefully,

because they're in LA right now, you could hear them screaming about that. Just listen. She's like, cut away from me. My God, I'm not even. I know, it's not her fault. That's like one of those things where they just put her in. I think she probably goes,

I don't need this extra boost, and then I don't want to give anyone a reason to go, come on, roll their eyes. She's doing just fine. I'm sure she'll be the first game of the season. Is she gonna be? What do you think, Heather? Absolutely. It's the first game of the Chiefs. I think it's, I'll be in Minneapolis.

God dang, I want to see it. God dang. I, um... I met an adult woman, or I know, very nice person, and her relationship with that couple... is profound. And how much she follows it and what she gets out of it. She's into it and she's an adult.

And how he is the first man she's ever been with really knows how to treat her like a man. And he can protect her. Well, he's six, five, two 80. Yeah, I guess so. But, right. All right, y'all. Right. We want to be all. No? Hey, in our little frames here, we could be whatever size we want to be. See? I can cause trouble.

Okay, other than that, let's get to... I'm looking forward to football though. Let's get to what's our goofy things we have. Oh, I wanted to talk about JLo. This sounds like I'm drinking Haderade, which I'm not. Drinking water. But you know, JLo, you just got, first of all, on the positive side, JLo's pretty perfect.

No one's arguing that. But when you get a divorce, then you go, all right, I have to show my hot face, my hot ass. Immediately, it's like, okay, it's daily. That's my problem. Love or to death, love or to death. But you can't, we can't miss you if you don't go away. You gotta give it a week, solid week.

And then, but it's like, look what you're missing. It's one of those, look what you're missing, I think. Oh, and this is for Ben. I called it wrong with this couple, so I wanna apologize. I thought that it looked so much like they were to get divorced that they couldn't be getting divorced.

Because it was so obvious. So obviously, so it couldn't be possible. So I stand corrected. I always wonder how many selfies, was it spontaneous and then she sent it to her team. Should we use this? I don't know, I mean, your bathroom selfies, which you'll just send to friends,

are they advisable? I don't know, but if you think you look good. I mean, I do the same thing. I stand so you can see my fucking perfect buttocks. I get my makeup nicely, and then I make sure everyone sees my final net, my VO5 hairspray. The more interesting thing is to see

how many hair things she has down there. She's got Pantene, I see Pert Plus. Oh, I see, yeah. And that's all intentional. You know, Father Time wins. It's undefeated. So she still looks incredible. Yeah, she's winning so far though. 54? So I guess if you look that good at 54, yeah.

Get that lens out. You've sent me a few bathroom selfies that I'd have to say could use a couple tweaks. You've sent me a few bathroom selfies that I'd have to say could use a couple tweaks. I mean, they're all obviously first takes, but... I'm in great shape for the shape I'm in. All right, next one. We basically show stupid stuff,

and then we just say the show's over. Oh, this is Burning Man that everyone is like, you've got to go to Burning Man in LA. And it's out in the desert, and it's, what is it today? A hundred, tomorrow it's going to be 101. Yeah. And it's 110 out there. And this is, you set up camp and you just do this all day.

These are the current, well, this is the other day, but still everyone wears goggles. So this isn't, this isn't Iraq, right? This is not Iraq. This is Kandahar. There's some of our old tanks and equipment. Yeah, that's the fun. And there's no bands. It's basically, let's just pack our trousers with dirt.

It gets worse than that. I mean, this, I know people are obsessed with it. I was living up the Bay Area and they'd all take a van up there. And they always, you wanna go, man? Come on, man. Go. I go, well, I know people are obsessed with it. I was living up the Bay Area and they'd all take a van up there and they always say, you wanna go, man? Come on, man. I go, well, what's up there? And they said they saw a thing

where it's like six dudes, totally naked, walking in a line and have either yarn or string or rope tied around their ding-a-wing-a-ding-dongs to the next guy, to the next guy, to the next guy. And then they go, you gotta go, man. There he is. I've already seen puppetry of the penis. I already, I spit up and I vomit it in my throat.

I don't wanna go to Burning Man. You don't wanna go to Burning Man? That's a true story, by the way. That's not, yeah. They put yarn around their balls. I know it's not, They have big art installations, but some of those are just like very cool, like they have a big windmill and you go,

ah, no, I don't need to get sandstormed. It's, I could just watch it through Instagram. But people really get into it. It's drugs are a must. And it's orgies and it is a lot of that with the desert sand, it's just like, how you doing? I love Bernie, man. Me too.

Notice why I did this act out, but my hair wasn't moving, so it didn't really work. Also, I do hate, it made me remind when people film stuff and the wind is in their camera, that's one of my things I cannot stand. The sound. Yeah. They do have an orgy tent for real.

Nothing worse than getting your sandy puss and your balls caked with dirt clots. Oh, get a lot. Yeah, people get lost. This is Heather Spring, this breaking news. People get lost and they can't find their way or they hunker down in the orgy tent because they're the only thing with a generator.

Brrr. And uh. Is there a sign that says. There's an orgy tent for real. Welcome to the orgy tent. Yeah, what happens? We have to test you to make sure you do have an STD. Oh, because people want to spread those around, right?

Yeah. It's burning man. It's burning everything else too. Yeah, because people want to spread those around, right? Yeah. It's Burning Man. It's burning everything else too. Yeah, it's burning crotch. That's why it's called Burning Man. All the men by the time they leave are burning downstairs. Go ahead. Yeah, it doesn't look like that fun.

We're old though, we don't like it. Well, I don't like it. I don't like going to the desert and then turn my ding-a-winky-ding-dong to another guy's ding-a-winky-ding-dong to another guy's ding-a-do-king-goong. I'll just stand next to the oven and pour dirt over my head. Yeah, I'll dig a hole in the mud, stick my head in it. That'd be more fun than burning, man.

Shave my pubes and stick them with... glue on a... thing. Cut my pubes, shape them into the shape Stick them with glue on a thing. Cut my pubes, shape them into the shape of a little seahorse and try to sell it. I was about to say when fucking riffing goes wrong is what I just did. I got stuck and hit a wall.

When riffing goes wrong. Here's a clip. All right, so that's that. What's the next one? Burning Man's, Dana's out on Burning Man. Okay, yeah. Least attractive. Oh, here's a list of the least attractive hobbies.

Hobbies. Okay. For men according to women. Okay. Okay, all right, let's go. What do you think of these? All right, number one, playing video games. That's what women think is a turn off

to men. Heather, what do you think about that? Is that accurate? Magic tricks. I like the magic tricks made it this high even into the list. Who's doing magic tricks other than hide the weenie? What's going on? So the amazing Kresk never got laid. I mean, what's this say? David Copperfield is not getting that. There's no green room action? No, but actually, David Blaine does really good ones, and he does very well, so... That guy's amazing. I love David Blaine. He freaks people out.

Collecting figurines, I can see being number two, almost could be number one. I would put that number one. There's a lot of women that are now getting into video games. And by the way, Elon Musk plays video games. He's worth $300 billion. So I'm not so sure anymore that that has much of an onus on it. It's like a three-dimensional movie that you're inside of apparently.

Right. I think two things. One is that I think women are saying when it's 12 hours a day, it's a turn off when the guy's more interested in the game. But I also think when there's so many guns out there and there's so many killings, when you're in a video game pretending to gun down everyone and you're getting really good at it because you do it 12 hours a day for years, going out in the real world, it gets a little blurry and you're getting really good at it because you do it 12 hours a day for years. Going out in the real world, it gets a little blurry that you're doing it

and you're really good at it. I think no one talks about that, but borderline political. But it's just, it has to be a fact that it's not good for kids to just practice gunning everyone down. I do believe in education. There'll be more of this learning by, because there are video games

where you try to build a civilization and you procure food and shelter. There are games like that. They're not all, you know. But anyway, so online trolling, so that would eliminate you. I troll back. People yell at me and I fight back, which is so dumb, but I can't stand it.

Gambling, I do do for NFL season. And it's a good way to lose money. If you're looking for ways to lose money, that's a good way. Yeah, I could only gamble when I was highly buzzed. I played blackjack with a few beers in me. And I would win because it was just play money to me. But the minute you take it seriously,

it just like feels terrible. Well, when you go to do gigs in Vegas or at casinos, we do a lot of casinos, it's very tempting. But I think the house always wins. They always say, building model trains, is that still a big, it's this big? That it's made on this? I think it's every young man's or a boy's fantasy.

And then some, it does go into adulthood to have a giant basement with a model train in there. I think Neil Young owns Lionel trains or something. When I did Trapped in Paradise with Nicolas Cage, we're all in our hotel rooms. I can't believe we're in this movie. Anyway, he has this giant box in his suite, and this is the middle of Canada.

And I go, what's in there? He goes, you'll find out. So it was a huge model train. His assistant put it together. It was go, what's in there? Well, you'll find out. So it was a huge model train. His assistant put it together. It was very, it's just, they're comforting to watch the train go around. I think they're kind of cool. I mean, yeah.

But if a woman doesn't like it, they may be feel. I think all of this is like, if you spend too much time. Taxidermy makes, who the fuck is doing that? I didn't see that. That's kind of interesting. I knew a girl that was related to taxidermy. There was actually a girl in The Bachelor that was into taxidermy.

I find it creepy. I don't know if this goes way back. There was a guy on television named Roy Rogers and he played a cowboy in the fifties and he had a son, no, a horse named Trigger. And apparently when the horse died, he stuffed it, taxidermy it, it was like in the foyer of his house. Oh boy.

Little fun fact. All right. Say it again. Oh, cat ladies and then they stuff it. All right. Say it again. Oh, cat ladies. Like that. And then they stuff it. Oh boy. Yeah.

I did not. I don't mind bird watching. I think that was interesting. I would do that with a girl. Steve Martin and Owen Wilson did a movie about bird watching. It was pretty cool. I like bird watching. I follow a bird on my Instagram, a bird watching thing.

They asked women to fill out a form of what they found attractive in a man, and most of them just drew a giant dollar sign. Rude. I thought they drew a picture of me. There you go, he saved it. That's my land of the laugh joke. All right, next one, next one.

I like my lighting today. I'm really fucking chilling. You look good, it's smooth. Let's see if it looks good on the clips on Instagram. That's really where it comes together. ["Spring Day"] Okay, what's this? Couple in Philadelphia.

Oh, I just thought this was interesting. Accidentally roll into a river while they're having car sex. So here's the reporter telling. The police, a vehicle was parked along the Kelly Drive in a parking lot. This guy keeps jumping in. Right near the grandstand curb. What we're looking at right there are the headlights and brake lights of that vehicle. They're safe. Fully submerged underwater.

So this was at 4.45 this morning. So police say a man and a woman were, well, they were parked. They said they were parked in the parking lot. Like we used to say they were parking. This is what, when I was growing up, if you were making out in a car, this guy is like, keeping it real.

Well, the police said that the car was parked. And that somehow they hit the gear shift. Wow, they were parked. And the car went into the water. So what you're telling me is that these two people were in the back seat of this vehicle. I didn't say that. I don't have the location of where they were actually

sitting in that vehicle. Well in that vehicle. I do. I mean, they're messing with the gear and then the front. I heard the police. I heard the police were there. They were in the back seat of the car. The woman accidentally. I don't know what appendage, uh, engaged the gear. It must've been a stick. Well, He engaged the gear. It must have been a stick. Well, and the car went to the water.

They both got out and were able to swim back to the shore. Police did say it was either a Range Rover or a Land Rover. He's trying to get away from this. At one point in there- This is slowest news day in history. Yeah, according to him. I like how the guy named drops his Range Rover too. He's like, I mean, I had a Range Rover once,

shut the fuck up. But how, I mean, were they dyslexic or should they go to, and they're parked and they were in a car, what was it again? I mean, that was like stretch, stretch. Oh, they were like, fill time. He's like, you know, I learned to drive on a stick shift. Everyone's like, fucking go to any, go to traffic.

They were in the back seat. Did they ever say having sex? Or they just said making out? It said X asterisk X. Oh, I see. But that wasn't them. That was the person on the Instagram. But they, I love that the one guy was trying to keep it

just vague and he's like, so was it a hand job? Or, and they're like, no, that's, no, we are just saying. And some appendage hit the gear shift. Would that be his wiener? And he's in the back seat, hitting the gear shift knob in the front seat? A female anchor's like like not the most comfortable. I've done that a million times.

That's because you gotta grab the headrest. It works. Range Rover, yes. All right, we'll keep going. We really milked it out of that one. Okay, I'll keep my thoughts to myself. Oh wait, this is an old school one, Dana. That was good. I know, it was pretty good. This is an oldie wait, this is an old school one, Dana. That was good.

I know, it was pretty good. This is an oldie, but this is someone that's a, and I hate it because the noises are so gross. This is a newscaster. This is one of the first things I saw online. That she's doing a goofy bit. We're grape stomping up in Napa now. How do you do it?

And you just get in here and you squish it. And it goes sideways. All right, let's see. While you- What kind of grapes? These are filled with Shamberson grapes and the winner this Saturday, who's got music, eating international foods,

having wine tours and tasting, then your tours, seminars, arts and crafts. It's a lot of fun, a whole day. Stop. Oh, stop. See. Oh. Oh, oh, a whole day. Stop. Oh, stop. See. Ow. Ow, ow, ow. She took a hard fall. This is like an SNL.

That's Phil Hartman and Nora. They're doing our job for us. We're gonna make sure she is. We'll try and check on her and get back to you as soon as we can. We'll be back right after this. First of all, you think it's a dog. Then you realize it's her. And then you're like, either she's incredibly babyish

when it comes to pain or she's truly hurt. I think she was hurt. I mean... What was she falling on? Cement or mud or... By the way, it was not set up well. I mean, just to be up there, rickety buckets, goofy bit. Oh, no, it was gonna happen.

It was going to happen. And she's like jogging in it, and the lady's like, I wouldn't. She's like, oh! Oh, no, it was gonna happen. It was going to happen. And she's like jogging in it. And the lady's like, I wouldn't. She's like, oh, the first idea is like, watch this man. Watch this. Yeah. Keep going. Keep going.

He's like three, two, one. I swear it felt like she broke her leg and ate place. She's like, it's like she swallowed glass. And like, anyway, she landed and swallowed glass. Oh, I'm sure she's fine. I think it was just she was shocked. She's fine. Who hasn't fallen out of a bucket full of grapes onto the ground? Thank you. Thank you.

All right. What's next? Mike drop. What time is it? Oh, we got time for one or two more. Okay, and I want to do my, the bedding thing, because maybe at the end. Okay. This is, oh yeah, we didn't talk about that yet. Okay, well this is. It's a teaser for anyone who's still with us.

Yeah. Hyundai reveals an electric car, concept car. That looks cool. That's an electric car, looks like an That looks cool. That's an electric car. It looks like an old Seville or something. I like it. I like it a lot. You know what?

Yeah, it's, I would say vintage stuff, young people like a lot of it because vintage cars were not made for aerodynamics. They were just sort of made to look cool. So the fact that this is electric. Look at that. Oh yeah. Yeah.

That's pretty hip. Crushed velvet. Oh my God, I love it. Yeah, it looks like a classic like Ford LTD or something. Biden said the other day that all cars will be driven by your feet like the Flintstones in 2045. I'll begin with the Flintstones in 2045. I'll begin with a hole in the wall for you. I had a Volkswagen bug once and eventually I had to get rid

of it because there was, you could see it wore through on the bottom of the Volkswagen bug. Oh really? Because your stick shift and shit? Whatever reason, I could have been Fred Flintstone. Remember that? Yeah. That's how they, you know.

It's from too much parking Heather says. Did you do a lot of parking, Dana? With a Volkswagen bug? You mean to get in the back seat? Are we going back to that clip again? We are. Well, what I would do is get at the top of a very steep hill, undo the parking brake, and as we go back down, she would fly into the back seat

and you know, get frisky. That's the way to do it. That's not bad. And get friskiness ensues. Okay, one more. Wait, what was the one I sent? Okay. Oh, wait.

Oh, I'll watch this one. Then we'll go to yours, Dana. We'll save the other. Well, it's just a topic. Yeah, okay, let's do this. This is just- I find interesting. A bad luck situation. Okay. Let's do this. This is just I find interesting a bad luck situation. Okay

FedEx guy He forgot to put his truck in park and it actually rolled back It's him Wow Don't don't When the homeowner came out to see what happened she was not happy but the craziest part of the video is at the end What the f*** I parked it there middle of the road.

She's being a little rough on him. Yeah, I need some information. Yeah. Are you in my car? Yeah. And while she went back to the house to write down all of his information, he forgot to put the truck in park again

and it rolled away hitting the neighbor's car. Oh my god. It's four, dude. The realization. Three. Two. Oh my god. It's four, dude. The realization. Three, two, one. Oh my God. What a day, what a. Okay, now I'm a little suspicious about the clip.

Oh, you think it's a fake-o? Well, interesting. What are the odds he's terrified of it just happening? I'm sure it's a big giant break. I don't know, I'm on the fence on that one. Okay, wow. Don't hate me. I'm not cynical.

No, I like that you're really analyzing it because- I just have questions sometimes. I have questions. You know, sometimes I got questions. I got questions. You take everything in life at face value. Like if you see something, you just believe it. And I'm like, it could be.

Optimist, the optimist. You're allowed to ask so many questions. Yeah. So here's my question for you. Oh, you're not gonna. I like to get you to do it. You got questions. He undid the parking brake two times.

I'm gonna have to tell the doctor. Do you think it's fake? Oh, I have to ask the doctor. I have to tell the doctor. Okay, go ahead. What is, we were talking about gambling earlier. Oh, my question was, if you're trying to predict who's gonna be the next president of the United States,

there's the polling, call people. And then there's gambling and Vegas odds and big gambling houses. And apparently a lot of people think the gambling is more accurate because the stakes are higher than the polling. So it's very interesting. Well, I will say that Vegas takes it very seriously.

When they put a line on a football game, it's like three and a half points and you can't believe it's that close. And it always comes down to so close to that. It's shocking. They do so much research. So I see you're saying like polling. We talked a while ago where I've never been polled.

You've never been polled. And I've never met anyone who's been polled. Where is the polling? I know they're legit, but... Okay, what are you saying, Heather? What do you want me to look at? Oh, I thought you were writing something down. I think that Vegas, the Vegas odds,

I don't know what they are right now, but you're talking about the presidential race, right? Yes, I mean, it's... Yeah. The cliche is, I don't know if it's true, but they say that Trump always outperforms his polling. Okay. Because I, my thing is like people get, you get cold called, are you going to vote for Trump and people just sort of hang up for a go.

I'm really not at liberty to say, so I don't know. I would go by the Vegas odds because to your point, they do the research because the stakes are millions of dollars and you can bet almost anything on Vegas. I put a thousand dollars on a 300 to one that Trump during the debate will call Kamala his new nickname and it's a, you're a Kame K Kukala, I'll tell you that. Kame K Kukala. Kame K Kukala. You're a Kame K Kukala.

She goes, really, what's that? It's your new nickname, but I bet that, I bet those odds. I bet that she would say unburdened. Even I don't even know what it means. I bet it's gonna pop up. Well, one thing she does, and I know it's hard to do a woman and her thing,

but she does say okay a lot is kind of a catchphrase. Like I close the border, first of all. Okay. I also would close the border better than anyone else. Okay. So, okay, is there a new catchphrase if Maya's listening? She can use it.

What about her last speech when she's like, and these unions. That was funny. And that's been like, that's been going on for a long time. I mean, John Kerry was this button down Ivy league guy. I'm John Kerry, right? And he's falling behind George W. Bush at 2004 presidential. So they put him in, you know, like a military garb

and it gave him a rifle. And he literally said, remember, he's a total Boston intellectually goes, I'm gonna go beg me a critter, you know, just to get the rural vote. To relate. Elizabeth Warren, they said she's too elite. She's Massachusetts, Boston, whatever. to get the rural vote. To relate. Elizabeth Warren, they said she's too elite,

she's Massachusetts, Boston, whatever. And so she did a video to try to get, and she says, I'm gonna drink me a beer in a minute. I'm gonna drink, and she kept mentioning it. Yeah, I'm gonna go get me a beer. So Kamala was with an audience that made her change her accent. Elizabeth Warren sang,

Wet Ass Pussy one time at a debate. All the words, just, and then all the kids are like this. Maybe there's something there. Yes, George W. Bush said once, in one of his trying to reach out to African American audiences, I like big butts and I cannot lie. Yeah.

They never win. Vote. However you vote. Boop. But, Kama K Kukala, if I get that, I'm gonna make a hundred thousand dollars. We'll split it. We'll split it.

We'll split it. We'll split it. We'll split it. All right, well, we'll wrap up and I'll tell my tour dates, which are. Let's do it. Don't be shy. You're one of our great standups. Well, Minneapolis is tonight.

Tonight. Yeah. And Indiana. Yeah, you get it. I gotcha. Minneapolis. Boise, Seattle. Great audiences in Minneapolis. I gotcha. Minneapolis. Minneapolis. Boise, Seattle.

Great audiences in Minneapolis, I have to say. Hartford, Connecticut, Providence, West Palm, a lot of Florida's. DavidSpade.com, check it out. Now you got me curious. How are you transporting yourself between these? Some in Florida, like our cars, you know, we drive. I don't run a car, I'm too scared,

but we'll buzz around and then some, I think Providence, I have a corporate in Boston, then I go up to Providence and whatever, and Connecticut. What's that one? Hartford. So those are always far. I realized, I didn't know this year, 80% of the country lives to the east of Texas, if you go straight up the middle of the country, 80%.

So that's crazy. So that's why all the gigs are back there. 80%, really, is that true? Wow. That sounds like a lie. Yeah, it sounds like a lie. 80%, California's pretty populous, but the rest, we're fucked. And they said if you take out like California

and I think Seattle, then it's only 10% left in the whole country of population. If you- This is all lies, but I mean, I think this is true. It sounds like it. I would just say that, especially in the Northeast, the East and Seaboard, things are kind of squished together. You know, it's kind of like states, you know,

you're just talking for a bit and whoops, you are now in Connecticut, you know? So I think that's probably- They're very close together. You can run around and do them like here, you gotta go all the way to Arizona, go all the way to Utah. Go all the way to Utah. Yeah, you're in Austin, and then the next night's Seattle.

It's a two hour flight, you know? So I like it. I go Denver. I go Denver. I got two in Denver. I'm gonna tape that one. And then I'm going to my last one, I think is, oh, Kansas City, jeez.

So I will be there. Taylor probably come. The hall probably come. And they can't go out. I was gonna hit up some of the players. Some have come to the shows when I'm on the road in their cities, but during the season, Saturday is a tough night for them to go, if it's Friday maybe.

So you must be crushing, I mean, you've done so many dates in the last year. Are you just, are you at your, like if you, athletically, if you translate, you're probably in the pocket because of so many dates in the last year. Are you just the, are you at your, like if you, athletically, you're probably in the pocket because of so many dates. I'm better now taping it in Denver and then I'll take time off and then I'll come back, you know, first or second quarter. And you'll do that. Cool. You know that I had a bit of a problem with the name of your last special.

I felt it was too nondescript and easy to go out of your brain, and it is called... A last one? Yeah, the last one. Oh, Nothing Personal, is it? Nothing Personal. Is that it? That escaped my brain.

Oh, I got you. Yeah. Was it Nothing Personal? Was it nothing personal? Or not my problems? Oh, my fake problems is one. But what was the last one on Netflix? I think that was nothing personal. Nothing personal. Okay, so we can have the fans write in

if you don't have a name. Oh yeah, that's right. But we want to name David's next special. I have something in mind. Oh, you do? Well, I had, I know Dana Carvey, but that's self-serving. I know that's right. Yeah. But we want to name David's next special. I have something in mind. Oh, you do? Well, I had, I know Dana Carvey,

but that's self-serving. That's not bad. As a title of your special. That's not good. But I'm sure you have, you know, what's the fans you name it? We'll put it in the YouTube comments, yeah, because I don't have one yet.

Well, let me ask you a question before we jump off here. What is, off the top of your head the best name of a special in the last 10 years? I did like, Sandler's last one is great. The new one is great. The title of his last one was pretty cool, certified fresh, because I had Critics Choice,

was the name of one of my specials. And for years people thought I was. Oh, because Adam was getting so many Rotten Tomatoes, he always gets something dragged through the mud. Certified fresh. Which means you got a lot of good reviews on Rotten Tomatoes, yeah. And now his latest special has 90% positive

on Rotten Tomatoes. Oh, I'm sure. You may have to go change your name. Yeah, that's a great one. Yeah. And now his latest special has 90% positive on run to anal. So you may have to go change your name. Yeah, that's great one. Yeah. I, that's out now. Check that one out. It's called, I love you. Check it out called I love you.

It's very cool and very different and hilarious. Yeah. He's always got good people involved doing those things. Yeah. Okay. Thanks Dana. It was nice to meet you and. And enjoy the show tonight. Remember, just try to make the people happy.

I'm running right there from here. Okay, see you. Bye. This has been a presentation of Odyssey Superfly as executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Jenna Weiss Berman of Odyssey, Heather Santoro, and Greg Holtzman. Hope you liked it. Ooh.