Fly on the Wall with Dana Carvey and David Spade - SUPERFLY #40 - Judd Apatow JOINS!

Episode Date: November 1, 2024

After some BSing about the dentist, halloween, the Menendez brothers, and Tom Brady, the guys are joined by Judd Apatow to chat about a range of comedy-related things. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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with iGaming Ontario. I can't do the third shift of hot dogs. I used to have like a couple at the beginning, a couple five innings later. Now I can't. Is third shift of hot dogs. I used to have like a couple at the beginning, a couple five innings later. Now I can't. Is there an eating clock? What? You eat four hot dogs in a game?

You fat ass, Jesus. Dodger dogs are two feet long. The game means nothing. It's all about the relish and the mustard. It's settling in and eating. That's the beauty. And you probably have a waitress. Well, that's the best place to have a hot dog

is a baseball game. Hey Dana. What's up? Welcome to Superfly. I'm getting a haircut later today. Oh, you are. Let's not bury the lead. It's just a little bit much.

I need more face, less hair. You know, if the hair's too bouffanty, then you know, so anyway, I know it's exciting for the people listening, but yeah. No, listen, I suffered a little bouffanty-ism now and then, but right now mine's sort of scraped back. My room is a hair darker than yours, so save it, YouTube. We don't want to hear that. And also I do take sips of water sometimes

and I actually hate it myself to see it. So I'm sorry, people watching, but sorry I'm just trying to live. No, I think that's a good thing. No, I just, so I went to the dentist. Okay. And usually at some point when I go to the dentist and usually at some point when I go to the dentist or the doctor,

the dentist or the doctor will say, wow. At some point when they're checking me out or doing diagnostics, they say, wow. Something's wrong or something that scares you. Something's blowing their mind. So I went to this guy before and he did a diagnostics on my teeth. And then I went in to get a crown, which was kind of like the king for a day.

Sure. And, you know, I said, you're going to say, wow, at some point today. He goes, oh, come on, don't be silly. So they numb you and then I swear to God, the drill was doing Beethoven's fifth or it was sounding like it was crying. The drill was doing Beethoven's fifth. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz down there. I can't put a crown on it. It's all 3D. You can see the tooth. It looks all shiny and right. I can see him hanging out of your mouth right now. It's all like ropes right back here. So he says there's two nerve endings full of bacteria that are about to explode. So you need a root canal stacked. So today after this, I'm going to get a root canal. I don't quite know what they do, but I know they numb it up pretty good. So that's exciting. It fucking sucks, whatever it is. I don't think I've had one. Oh, you've had a root canal. I don't think I've had shit. I mean,

my teeth aren't great, but they're kind of, at least they're working right now, but I don't have tons. I used to have those silver fillings, more boring stories, but they found out those are bad for you, whatever. So they jacked them out. It's another scam. The dentists go, let's say they're good for you. And then they say, they're gonna take them out.

They get paid both ways. They're coming and going. And then- Christ, yeah. No, you just look good. Smile, big. I'm. But you smile big. I'm not really about my teeth. Well, I kind of have buck tooth.

Well, here to my, why my stuff's not so great. So I was had buck teeth. I was going to be called Bucky. And so they said, you got to get braces. Parents at first couldn't afford the bottoms. So the guy literally said to me, I'm sure I've said this on the podcast. Can you just push on, get a habit of pushing on this tooth to push it back? Because we can't afford the bottom. Finally, my parents, you know, five kids, teacher salary, scraped together, got the braces. But first,

they said, but first let's pull four of your teeth, two up here and two here. So that's why I have a small mouth and a little like this. Otherwise it'd be like fantastic. And then I got shitty braces. By the time I never brushed or flossed, I don't know how you floss with braces. I had head gear. When they came off, I had like seven cavities. And from then on, I've had to take care of my teeth. But luckily for-

They find full candy corns in it, they're not even chewed jam in it. No, but how do you brush? I had braces as horrible. I had the kind you hit on with a little hammer, you probably had that too, like a rubber hammer. Deesh, deesh, no wonder my necks fucked up. And then they never take them off.

And then I had the rubber bands, which are horrible. Yeah, those and the head thing with the head gear which was hard. Yeah, I had a key in there on a retainer during SNL to open the upper palate. Oh, you had it later in life. I had them early and then they like, we bought it because my mom got it like out of the yellow pages it was like get braces and a free balloon. It was probably get braces and a free balloon. It was probably a hundred dollars.

So we had no money. So I get these shitty braces. My teeth were like this. And then they go, we gotta get four wisdom teeth out. They took them out and this will make you fucking puke. I did get those. But when I, I come home like this way too much everything, you know, as a kid, you've never had even aspirin.

I haven't had anything. And so I come home like, hello, Gar. And then they go to sleep and I had four impacted. So they're all smashed with gauze. They go, change your gauze. So in the middle of the night, I go, I throw it in the sink. I put new ones in.

And the next day I'm bleeding so much I'm sick. She runs me down there, they go, he almost died. He pulled all of his stitches out in the middle of the night. You did. Bar. I ripped everything out. I had to go do it again. Cause you were. I just went in my mouth and went,

sick, sickening, Sickening. Cukable. So I would have gotten hooked on a Vicodin and that. I didn't have time though. But I did get aspirin and then I didn't, whatever. Advil. And I didn't have any pain pills. Yeah did get aspirin and then I, whatever. And I didn't have any pain pills. Yeah.

Advil, now I take a lot. I don't like general anesthesia. I said, just numb me up and they go. Do you do gas? No, I just do the shots and they go, and it's like, it was a joke I used to do on stage. You go, a dentist having sex, all right, you're gonna feel a little prick.

That's all I got. And then maybe some little balls. I don't know. You know, when you're starting out kids, you know, you're just anything that gets a laugh. You're not thinking what your peers think. But no, I don't know. I will tell you, I had an adventure.

Plus I hope you're okay today because we need this thing to keep going. Oh, it's gonna be fine. It's modern dentistry. If you need a ride, let me know. All right. Oh, you do? I'll hit you up, yeah.

And I wanna sit in the back because I get car sick after dental work so I wanna look like you're my chauffeur driving me through West Hollywood and just having people honk and go, look, I guess Dana hires David Spade to be his driver. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Things have really swiped.

You go like, here's you, I'm driving, and then I'll just film you like this, and then I'll ask you questions and watch you go, oh, like they do on TikTok. Modern dentistry is no big deal. Don't worry about it. I did get a cavity once where I didn't do the numbing, and I wouldn't do that again. That was hard. Fuck. That wouldn't even cross my mind.

Idiot. All right. So here I am this weekend. I went down, finally get to golf because I did six or seven weekends on the road straight. Jeez. It is a bit of a grind. What do you do with all that money? Okay, go ahead.

I have Atlantic City coming up in a week. I have Reno and I have Sacramento. Okay, so, but those are fun. Those are just like fun ones and maybe a corporate. But so here I am, I get to golf. It's finally decent weather. So I'm in Newport. I'm out there.

Anyway, there's helicopters which aren't always on the golf course. The golf course is kind of by the water. So that's the nice proximity of it all. So anyway, they're so hot, they're so close that you're like, okay, move, I don't know what's going on. And we're getting max, it's so loud, you know, whatever, over, over, over, for maybe 10 minutes, 15 minutes.

And that's not usually, the idea of the golf course is to keep it quiet. Quiet, yeah. So then I leave and I see a couple of cops when I'm checking out and I drive by them and I go, hey, what was going on with those helicopters? They go, oh, we had a boatload of migrants come on the beach and they all ran and they ran on the golf course. So they're all chasing and it's a whole thing going on

around us. And I was like, who is our caddy? No, I'm kidding. But someone threw on overalls and jumped in. But did you see it? You see them running? You see? No, they were on the course next to us. They were running all over. And that was all the stuff. It was, yeah. But they, by the way, I would have grabbed a cop and said, give me that free phone and give me that stuff and let me get out of your way. Because why are you running? So they just come right on the beach and they go,

this happens sometimes. And I go, where'd they go? And they go, I don't know. Well, that blows open the whole idea of we gotta close the border. Now we got, we should close the beaches first. You have to close. Most come in and point Magoo or something.

Point Magoo. You're storming Point Magoo. Yeah. And blabby isn't safe. Yeah, listen, it was just sort of funny to me because I thought these Keystone cops are spinning around and everyone's running around, but we don't know anything. I wish we would have known at the time.

Would I be scared? I don't know if I'd be scared, but I just thought it would be, I would help. I think they're probably just desperate to meld into the population. If it's like the great escape with Steve McQueen, it's like they just want to get past everything and meld into it. Yeah. You know, the guy runs up to me, need a fourth? We're like, oh, sure.

I'm going to play through. He grabs it. Yeah. He shoots a 62, you know, and he's really good. And it's a movie because he's so good. Yeah. It's just a natural. I can't do the accent, but whatever accent it would be. By the way, only 25% of people of Mexican heritage are coming across the border. 75% is from other countries. Just a fun fact for our listeners. That's a longer hike though. I would think Mexico, because it's right there. Right. I don't know. It's not Canadian, is it? We're gonna take them out, we're gonna deep pause. 300 million people, we're gonna... Excuse me, sir. You're going too.

You're gonna get caught up in the net. Just grab you accidentally. I just, the rhythm I love of Trump, and I've been doing it, but when I see him do it, when he goes to the gruff thing, it's such a funny thing. He's just talking like this, and a lot of people said, we're doing it. And then he sees the energies going down a little bit in the stadium and we're going to do it. And you kind of lean in when he does that. So, but you know,

Biden's Biden's my guy right now. He's my guy. So yeah. Also. Okay. So in the news, I saw that Tom Brady, his ex-wife is Giselle. I don't know. Did you know this Giselle? She's a supermodel. They call them supermodels now. And she has supermodels.

Better than a regular model. So she gets pregnant. She's pregnant with the karate instructor or martial arts instructor. His whole life is just, you're the karate guy, yeah. So they go off and I like that they keep saying, she's gonna raise the baby in her $11.5 million home. They don't just say, she's got a nice house, $11.5.

Well, why wouldn't they round it up to 12 million? They should do something. It's actually just funnier. That's homework for my brain. I don't need to. It's so much millions in the house. Okay, so for people who just came in from Mars, Tom Brady was married to Giselle Bunchen,

who's a supermodel for decades. She's still gorgeous and great shape. Everyone's gorgeous involved in this photo, behind this marriage. And you know what the two dots over the U and her name are called? Do you know, Dana? Do you know what they're called?

They're called a thing, like a semicolon or something? They're called an oop-salon, I think. Okay, so- Cut to YouTube comments, brrrr, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong. Yeah. Okay, but then Tom Brady posts this Instagram the next day. Can the child within my heart rise above?

Okay. Why? Well, I get that. Why? Go ahead. Well, because just human, male, female, forget this trio of dandies, these boots, just think of the human thing of being instinctually even proprietary over an ex in some ways, there's left vestigial feelings about that. So-

Vestigial? Vestigial, leftover feelings is Scottsdale Community College gets dominated by College of San Mateo. So the point would be, he's Tom, Tom Brady, is asking himself, can he just be magnanimous, be happy for them, be a good stepdad, or whatever to the child? Or he can be petty, reflexively jealous, not wishing them well. These are like just,

just human things that he he's trying to rise above your take. That's my hot take. Jesus, you got a lot from that. Two people are driving around. Can the child within my heart rise above? Question mark. Three hearts. There's three people involved. The chop chop guy. Oh, I didn't notice that. Giselle and Tom. Well, is it those three or what about the karate guy?

Is that four? Well, I put Chop Chop guy. Okay, we'll call him. No. No. Listen. He's a Jiu Jitsu champion. There's the Hi-Ya guy.

Yeah. Hi-Ya. Do people still say hi-yah? Okay, so it's that and it's also, but now he has a kid with Bridget Monahan, correct? And then two with Gisele. I'm ashamed to report that I know these things. I'm ashamed you don't know.

No, I'm ashamed that I know. What am I? It's sadder, yeah. Should be reading history books. Yes. So that, and then so there's another kid and this is from Landslide, the song. Right? Yeah. Can you put your best foot forward?

How does it go? And if I see my... What if the next Instagram is, and if I see my reflection, it's not covered hill. See my reflection. I'm doing Bruce Springsteen as Stevie Nicks. Yeah, Stevie Springsteen.

And I see my reflection. I'm Bruce Springsteen and I'm not a billionaire. He announced this week that he's not a billionaire. He did? I spent too much money to be a billionaire. I am's not a billionaire. He did? I spent too much money to be a billionaire. I am officially not a billionaire. On what, those same Levi's he's worn for? No, he sold his catalog good for him for a half billion.

But there's taxes. He's fine. He's fine. He's fine. I'm not worried about him. There's a guy playing him now from the bear. And does he look enough like him? I guess it's sort of just, it's not supposed to be these, a lot of these

biopics, you know, they say, I just want the essence of the guy. I don't want to look at him. If he's playing young spring scene, when spring scene really got built himself up, you know, with a tank top, really put on a lot of muscle. Oh yeah, that guy's jacked. And he, Jeremy Allen, why is that his name? Yeah, he's pretty built up, but yeah, who can, I mean, Timothy Chalamet is playing Bob Dylan.

I saw the trailer and I think he'll be good at that. Listen, as long as they're good looking people, everyone's gonna go, that's all that matters really to me. Well, Timothy is a little bit closer to Bob Dylan in a sense of sort of, I don't know, baby face or whatever. Yeah, kind of lean. Yeah, lean. Now, Dana, you've heard the song, I can't eat another hero.

Right. Or the song, we don't need another hero. Yeah, but here we do. Here we do. Here on the podcast. Because hero bread is kind of what you've all been waiting for, at least I have, where I don't want to cut out bread. I don't want to stop eating rolls. I don't want to stop eating rolls.

I can't take it, I want them. That's all I care about in life. And now, because those aren't as good for you. Give us a better bread that's still good and cut that stuff out. And what do you got? You got hero, hero bread. So it's basically zero to one grams of net carbs,

zero grams of sugar, lots of fiber. So like during the holidays, you know, you can really go crazy with the bread. You've got grilled cheese, cozy pumpkin soup, buttery Hawaiian rolls with the family dinner, French toast casserole around the holidays. But now with hero, it doesn't, it's guilt-free in a sense because it's low carb, low sugar, high in fiber, but tastes amazing. Yeah. What do you want?

I mean, you still get to eat bread. A lot of people just don't eat bread at all. They just have to cut it out. But if you could have it again and it's not bad for you, it's actually good for you, then you got the low carbs, you got the fiber. So it's a plus. I mean, there's really no reason not to try it out. The people from Hero Bread did a lot to give it texture, make it fluffier, you know, taste and be like regular bread that's full of sugar and carbohydrates. So it's kind of like, I'm

going to say it, a win-win. Yeah. It's a strong statement. But yeah, and you know, also I eat croissants on the road sometimes because toast gets too squishy when they, if I did ever a room service or something, but they're coming out with croissants and they got some new surprises coming out. So Hero Bread is offering 10% off your order of their new recipe.

Go to hero.co, use the code superfly at the checkout, that's superfly at h-e-r-o dot c-o. The Menendez brothers, and I will safely say I haven't followed the whole, all I've heard is they might be out by Thanksgiving. So when are they hosting? The show after Thanksgiving? Yes, and when will, how long after they step outside

the prison will they be on Church Chat, on Saturday Night Live? Oh yeah, that's a good one. Well, well, well, we did a naughty thing. Jesus doesn't like what we did with our parents. Now we're out. Yeah, it writes itself. Oh yeah. I'm inviting them on Church Chat.

Yeah, if they don't host somehow, if they're somehow not hosting, will they, it will be played by who? You know what? Look at guy on the right, cause Mikey Day's pretty lean and he could definitely play Menendez' brother. Cause that's not offensive to Mikey,

but I could see him. No, I think I could see him. Yeah, they're kind of lean fit. I do think off the top of my head that the guy on the left, Eric, would be played by Colin Jost. I don't know. I'm not sure.

Well, you might have to put the host in there. Who's the host? Well, Eric and Lyle are not the host. They're just guests. Now they're guests if they turn it down. They probably could pop up. Would it be a controversy if they come on? No, I mean, they serve their time there for whatever reason

they're being let out and they promise not to. Kill anyone? They're, yeah, they said what we did before, said, what we did before, we're not going to do again, judge. And he said, case dismissed. We realized everyone got mad about it. So yeah, in our, but would people get mad if they came on SNL and you understand it would be a great thing for SNL.

It'd be fun. But would people at home, which, Hey, it's controversy did. Okay. Pop quiz. Did O okay, pop quiz. Did OJ ever come on SNL? Of course, he was never convicted. Right. So he could have come on.

He was convicted for the wrong thing that I would have gotten mad about. Someone stole all his stuff and then he wanted it back. But that's, he did a real no-no. Both combined the sum of the parts. Did Ted Bundy ever, did Ted Bundy ever do a guest spot on Hee Haw? Hee Haw was fucking big, or people don't know. Hee Haw!

Yeah, a Western Saturday Night Live or a Western laughing basically. Yeah, Western sketches and songs. I remember Bernie Burstein going because- He produced it, didn't he? Yeah. And he goes, they take he-ha money just as they take any other kind of money in London. You know, money's money. It doesn't matter, you know, because people look down their noses at he-ha. Oh, yeah. Compared to, you know, whatever shows.

Bernie did Alf, Alf also, right? A puppet makes money, rule number two. No, we love Bernie, but Bernie was all time show business to us. Muppets, puppets, any sort of puppets. Actually, we have a show called The Uppets. They can be a muppet or a puppet and it comes in all faces. It's all funny. Okay, let's do more headlines

because we've got a guest today. So we got a couple more. We got to get to our guests. Oh yeah. Why are we what? Oh, who wants to know that? Oh, oh, we're talking about trick or treating. Well, unfortunately we taped this

the second before Halloween happened. So this is costumes that I thought were funny I saw. This is a person dressed as a foot. A foot in a, in a, in a foot. So, for those of you at home, there's a- I don't know. It's a foot in a thong. Is that a, what are those called?

Those shoes? A thong shoe. A thong shoe? Nowadays you say thong. Foot in a thong. Is that a, what are those called? Those shoes? A thong shoe. A thong shoe nowadays. Not the undergarment. Yes. And that shit, they have a big red toe and it's a little crooked. Is a G string different than a thong Heather?

No. But those are beach thongs. They're called thongs as well as underpants. They used to be called something else that we can't say anymore, but they're called flip flops, let's say. Oh, they're called flip flops now. It's a guy dressed in a flip flop, standing up in a flip flop. Painting is, it's too hard to describe.

It's funny though. I think it's funny. Horrible costume to walk around in. Horrible. I'll announce the best costume. My brother, my older brother in New York went to a costume party like this. And so what he did was he just put all these,

with rope or whatever, he put mirrors all over his whole body and all around him. And people would say, who are you going as? And he says, I'm going as you. Cause they would see their reflection. I can see my reflection in the other guy's costume. Okay. Okay, here's one.

This is the Olympic pole vaulter. And that's the cost. And that's the costume. You got it. I think the hard part about this is, A, you can't get a rod because the pole will fall. But also the pole, he made it just long enough where it's a hassle, but it's not totally debilitating to bump into people.

Right. It might be funnier if it was 10 foot across. Yeah. You know, like the real pole vaulter. I would just go, I would be the pole vaulter in the pit and just have wheels on top of the pit and just roll around as pole vaulter when they land in the pit.

You just want to be the pit? Well, look, I mean, there is no more- Like, well, look. Look, there's no more sexual sport. In high school, guess who got the girls? The pole vaulters. They're going down the runway. They're very fast, very muscular.

They've got this long phallic pole. They plant it. Then they climax over the bar and land in a bed. I mean, it's really, it shouldn't be allowed. It should not be allowed in high school. It's so perverted how you say it. You should have the church lady talk about how bad the Olympics are. Yeah, pole vaulting is.

We like to take our pole. We grip it. What are you for Halloween this year? Skeletons in the closet. Wait. No, skeletons in the closet isn't bad. How long did it take you to make this? One month. You're telling me you made this whole costume from scratch?

Yeah, I think so. Oh. Okay, that's good. Skeletons in the closet is good. I mean, it's a month of prep to go to a friend's party at a dorm in an apartment complex. That's a lot of work. I thought she was going to Heidi Klum's party. You know, basically- You're not impressed.

Halloween, really, what it's all about, David, just for a second here, is about three to six-year-old kids who are jumping out of their seat. They're so excited to ring the doorbell. They have their costume. They say trick or treat and they're adorable. I have chocolate candy, you know, and they're so in. And then as the night goes on, that's 6.30 or six. And then by 9.30, you got like a 15 year old kid, you know, he just got a pillowcase, he's just ransacking. And a gun. He just puts sunglasses on, I'm a guy at the beach, and he's just grabbing and grabbing.

And then eventually there's a guy with an Uzi that opens fire. Yeah, I'm robbing you, yeah. Did I? Yeah. So. You know,'m robbing you, yeah. Did I? Yeah. You know, it's funny, cause there's schools now I read that are, they're banning Halloween parties

cause Halloween is bad. I don't know how it's bad, but it's bad. So I think they should just say, okay, let's just say it's a costume party at school and you get free candy. Cause that's all it is really to 99% of the people. I don't really know what the bad part is, but it's something that is against someone.

So if it is fine. Eighth graders like to do mayhem. And I've done that, you know, throw eggs. They want to have shaving cream. They want to get people wet and crazed out. You know, I was traumatized by Halloween because my parents moved October 31st. I didn't want to get people wet and crazed out. You know, I was traumatized by Halloween because my parents moved October 31st.

So my first day of kindergarten was Halloween. And so I'm late, I'm introduced to the class and they all have crazy masks on. And they seem like scary. And I had no costume. We have to march around the playground. So they just gave me a plastic fireman's hat and that was my costume. Never forgot it, man.

Trauma. That was your first like SNL sketch. You're like, I'm a fireman. You should have come as the Wayne or Garth or the church lady or something. I don't know. You blew it. You blew it.

Are you gonna man the door this year and pass out candy? Dude, to come up this hill, no one's that strong. Let's Carrie Underwood comes up with her legs. Dressed as the Tommy boy guy. Yeah, that's what I am. I do, I did post a lot of people when they, I like when they post costumes of something I did. There's a lot of Emperor's New Groove.

Jodor. There's some, Jodor,irt's actually, I take it, it's very flattering, but a lot of them are too easy. Oh, I did have one, I'll play it next week, of a kid dragging a meteor around town that was funny. He really got into it. Oh really, that's funny. Yeah, yeah, around a whole town,

and he's doing lines from the movie. That is, but Joe Dirt is like flannel shirt, mullet, you know, it's too easy. So there's bench warmers, that's kind of funny because one has a bike helmet on and one has a vest on. And then there's grownups, which all you really need, it's really easy and lazy, but you just need one guy with a Kentucky fried chicken bucket over his head.

And then that sells. And then you're good. The rest of it is spade and cargo shorts. Well, you've got Wayne and Garth. They can do church, they can do con. Well, Garth, any woman, it's always a woman. Oh, there he is. Oh, look at this kid, okay.

Oh, cute, that's the age. Not a million years, but just for laughs. Let's see how much it worth. Bill, it ain't a meteor. Yeah, it is. He walks slow like I do. Well, I think that it ain't no meteor. Yes. it is. He walks slow like I do. What is that, a tire? It ain't no meteor.

It's a frozen chunk of shit. What? This kid's milking it. See them airplanes, they're dumper toilets. 36,000 feet and the stuff freezes and falls to earth. We call them Boeing bombs. No, that can't be. That's not what it is.

That's a space peanut. You see the peanut? Dead giveaway. Yeah, that's a space peanut. A little bit, so. You see the peanut? Dead giveaway. Yeah, that's a space peanut. All right, that's enough. Yeah, I'm ready to go. Yeah, I don't wanna give away the whole movie. It makes me like that movie because it's so, ridiculous movies are fun, you know?

Just so ridiculous. I like that kid, he gets in. When you got the AC DC shirt, there's people at Comic-Con that one guy has a really good one with a full, full overalls, full real meteor. I think it's a real meteor. I gotta say, I'm just going to insert this as a, it's kind of one of the most flattering things you could do as a comedian and doing characters in movies are on Saturday night

live and decades later, people and young people are dressing up as them. It's very flattering. It's like it lasted. I think that comedy, when I was coming through my formative years, Monty Python and stuff, bonding over comedy, really even more than drama, catchphrases and stuff. For sure. Oh, when we were in high school, just all we cared about was comedy movies. Yeah, totally. So fun. All right, next one. What else? What else? Running out of time.

We're getting close to the end. We're getting close to the end, folks. We have a guest. Go about your... Oh, is it another costume? This is so weird. I don't know how they do it. Hi guys, good morning.

Even better. He does that. That. Okay. No, don't get to figure it out. No, no, I just did that that last second. I just figured it out. You did?

Well, he's real. He's out the bottom. Is it a magic trick? I didn't get it. Optical illusion or is it a visual? It's a very good effect. Can we see it one more time? Yeah.

For people who are just listening. I like that he goes from that to standing up. That feels like a better trick. That's pretty good. I'm not sure I totally figured it out. Yeah, I like that you're like, oh, that old chestnut. And then you thought I thought his left arm would be fake, but it didn't look fake, you know, like half his body would.

So it's it's an optical illusion or it's a deep fake or it's AI or something. AI can really, when I look at Instagram, any news report about something can be an AI. They fake the voice now. Any photos of people can be AI, anything they say. So it's getting scarier to say, this is real. This scares me. This doesn't. You just don't know 100% anymore. Nope.

The only good news is like within three or five years, Mike Myers and I could just be hanging out. What's up, man? Let's go to the AI and just say the AI. Wayne's World 3 and just some silly plot, click the button and within one second, we'll have a 90-minute feature film, we'll be digital copies of ourselves from 30 years ago, and the movie will be a hit. Take one second.

I want to do a hologram stand-up where we go on the road. You don't go on the road, you just do the, they get in there in their own house or they get with people and you appear on the stage and do your act. They kind of- I think that's gonna happen. That's happened, I think. Todd Rundgren did shows. I already did a tour, yeah, it happened.

You can do it from one place and it beams into all the liver rooms. But yeah, Holy Grail. Me and my, beam me up, Dana. You fight technology. You're more fearful of technology. I fight every day. I go, no. Quick impression of you fighting technology, you're more fearful of technology. I fight every day. I go, no.

Quick impression of you fighting technology, 2024. I don't understand it, I can't believe it. It's too much for me, I don't like it. It's not my best. You're the devil. You're the devil. Take it away. You can do a quick impression of me too if you want. Okay, here's Dana.

That's you getting your root canal. Give me another liquid Vicodin. You got a Vicodin drip there like a like a gerbil. Here's you watching me get the root canal

with closed circuit. You found out where it was. Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe He's kind of like here's how fake your dentist is that because he's so because you got the cheapest guy So at the end he's running out. So we just he just melts down Advils and puts him in an iron Then he goes like this And then you get the steam Steamed Advil, here's you with a closed-circuit camera out in the parking lot watching me She's in pain swollen, going to my car. Hehehehe!

Heather! Heather, look! Haha! Heather, help me look. It's not my best impression, but it's just an impression. It doesn't have to be accurate. At that, you know, that one stung because it was so accurate.

Here's the impression of you watching me kill at the comedy store. No, here's me. Here's you watching me do a bit at the comedy store and deciding that you might use it for your own act. Oh, yeah. Here's me. Switch that word. Switch that word. He'll never know. Get laughs. I don't know if I can generate those kinds of laughs.

By the way, last night I went to the comedy store to say hi to Bobby Lee and Santino. They were doing that. Absolutely. Together. And then of course I went up, stage hog. So I went up and it was pretty fun. Oh, you know what I did do though, Dana?

I should tell you this. We have all this new material that hasn't been exposed yet. I got my drink, my water, cause I do it between jokes. I don't have to explain that. I go like this. Live fly buzzing in it, in the water,

live going in my mouth. On stage. I stopped it. Stopped it. Freaked out, live, going in my mouth. On stage. I stopped it. Stopped it. Freaked out, couldn't remember my act. I'm like, what do I do? Did you tell the audience what just happened? You could do 10 minutes on that. I did not. Isn't that funny?

I did not. You hid it from the audience? I don't want to give away all my tricks. I just was like, I thought they'd be so grossed out because it was like this, it bumped my mouth. Sick. Dude, I couldn't even focus. I barely killed and got a barely got a standing ovation.

Did you just one standing ovation? Cause that's not, that's a low bar. Ladies and gentlemen, David Spade is on the way to his car. Wait a minute, he's coming back out again. What? When I did my special, they do, I think they did do a standing ovation Heather, but I think if I, I might've earned it,

but it went well, but I think they feel like they should. Well, did- Oh, they stood up when I came out. That's good. Who doesn't? You know, it's hard. Yeah, I mean, well, yeah, they should. Oh, they stood up when I came out. That's good. Who doesn't? You know, it's hard. Yeah, I mean, well, yeah, they're, yeah, now you're like, they're thanking you

for the years of fun. 3000. You know, the one before it was in Minnesota, which I loved the theater. Great crowds there. But it was about three years ago and I couldn't hear my opener, Bobby, killing and he usually does really well.

And I'm like, oh no, they're a tough crowd. I told you this. So I go on and they're like this and then I'm not doing as well. And if you ever had a show that's important and you're like, this is gonna be a tough set and we're not just at a comedy club, it's like a tough set when we're filming it.

And so I'm working, working. Horrible. And then I realized they're all in masks but I didn't know. And so I'm working, working. And then I realized they're all in masks, but I didn't know. And so the laughs would be like, ha ha. But now they're like this. So cool. You didn't know the audience was masked?

No, they, I said, oh, I don't want them. I said that they go, I think that one, you know, because of COVID, I go, no, no, I don't want that. But then they never said, oh, you don't have any say in it. And I'm like, oh, is that why they weren't? And I was worried about so many other things. I go, I don't know if it was worth it.

I did love, I did like the special. That's not the problem. It's just, and they were a good crowd, but you can't hear it as much. And so there's more pausing because you're like, but this one was like great crowd. That's just was not what comedy was built for, is a masked crowd.

Masks are for robbers or maybe magicians, but they're not for a comedy crowd. Yeah, Nate did one during COVID and he had everyone sit 10 feet away from each other. Oh, rather than mask up. I don't think they had masks on, but they were all back and it was just, it was still funny,

but that's just one like now I get my special, like Nate was like, this will be great. And then it wound up being funny, but that's not the ideal situation. You just want a regular comedy. And this one was a regular theater, Denver, two shows, a lot of fun. So that's not even how it will be for a while.

It must have been a blast having all that energy come at you. I did one where, you know, it was sort of near a college and a lot of the kids had free dental care, but in any way, a lot of them, apparently, it had dental work the day that I was gonna shoot my special. So a good amount of the audience had cotton in their mouth and I couldn't really hear them, but I shot the special.

But you ever have a set like that where you come out and they're just not laughing that hard. And halfway through you go, they had dental work today, it's free at the college and all their mouths are full of cotton. And I go, why am I shooting this special in this situation? But I just did the best I could. I shot a special and I realized that they all had

a pillow over their face. I knew you were going somewhere. We go from mask to cotton. Okay. So why though, David, let's just follow this scenario. Why would they all have a pillow over their face? Well, that's a great question because that day was a pillow fight they had on the campus. Then they were so tired, they fell asleep face down in their pillows. But it was still a pretty good show. I did a special in a sort of sketchy area of the country and everyone in the audience had a hood over there over them.

So. Okay. And. Let's look at a clip. I think we have a lot of clips for that. They're actually, the worst special is when the tickets just didn't sell and the whole theater was empty. Oh. And they said.

If it's not full. You gotta shoot it anyway. You gotta shoot it anyway. There was just, it was just one person out there and his name was David Spade and I thank you for that. Tick tock. All right. We will go. Should we talk about, uh, no, no, we'll go. His name was David Spade and I thank you for that. All right, we will go. Should we talk about?

No, no, we'll go. I'll talk about it next time. Okay, it's nice meeting you, Dana. And this is a really fun one. Oh, let's bring on our guest right now. Yeah, we have a great guest today. He's been on our podcast before. Ladies and gentlemen.

He's in the waiting room for a half hour. Ladies and gentlemen, we present to you the one and only comedy legend because he's had his fingerprints all over comedy for at least two decades. From 40 year old Virgin to Superbad to... To other movies and specials. Anyway, what can't this fella do? And he's going to tell us about his new charitable

events coming up. This is very cool of him. We're going to talk about stand up and everything. And what is this person's thing? Yeah, there you go. I'm gonna call you a legend. Yes. You like that? I'm gonna call you Appatudio. You like that? Just for the amount of time you've been part of the American comedy scene. We've been around a long time.

That's how you get, that's why you're a legend. John, I have a quick question. Enough about your credits. There are plenty. It looks like a CVS receipt. Now, Dan had a question about the baseball game. This will be on Friday. And some games will be.

It may be over, but I just wanted to make the comment and you can answer the question. Baseball as a sport, if you're going to the guy who makes, I'm not going to pick on Aaron Judge, anybody who's on a cold streak, you know, 19 strikeouts in a row, could you take a Judd, a David or me, put us in the same position a David or me put us in the same position and then the team would be the same. Nothing would change. We wouldn't get a hit either. There's no other sport. Baseball, basketball, you'd be killed. But, or sorry, baseball, basketball, football. But in baseball, I thought to myself, I can do as good as Aaron judges doing most of the time.

It's brutal. Like when they get the yips, you know, when like someone gets the yips and they can't pitch or, and I, what is it? Do you know baseball that well? I mean, yeah, you go to the game. Someone said they saw you. Is that true? I went to a couple of dodging games and I went and the person who brought me said, these are great tickets. you're right behind the plate. And I'm like, oh no, does that mean like I'm on camera the whole time?

Every second. Yeah, it's just here at the corner. It's pretty rare. I'm literally in the center the entire game for three hours, me staring, not wanting to do what I normally do, which is like eat hot dogs and burgers and not pay attention. So I just sat there like frozen for three hours.

How far was John Hamm from you? What was that? What was the Rogues gallery of proximity? I didn't see him. I saw a Mary Hart. There was definitely some heart happening there. How did she score that directly? She's in like the shot when they show the batter up close. She's like right next to the bat, you know, she's in the tight shot. There's a fold-up chair. If the ump is brawny enough, there's a fold-up chair right behind him. And I thought I saw Lorne Michael sneak in a peek over the shoulder. Just one quick insert here. They know that, so sunflower seeds are big. I understand that. They know they're going to be seen 50, 60 shots of the culture, the Yankees, spitting out sunflower seeds. So they know it's coming. They're going to spit them out.

It's just not a good look. I mean, what do you, what do you think about this? Cause this is all over the web. I mean, this is blowing up. Well, I, that's what I was like on camera. My whole thing was don't eat. Don't eat. No, it was hard to tell judge that. Understand how much you eat because now that they have the pitching clock, the game's faster.

So they rush the pitchers to pitch. So the game is like 40 minutes shorter, which means I can't do the third shift of hot dogs. I used to have like a couple at the beginning, a couple five innings later. Now I can't. Is there an eating clock? What? You eat four hot dogs in a game?

You fat ass, Jesus. Dodger dogs are two feet long. The game means nothing. It's all about the relish and the mustard. It's settling in and eating. That's the beauty. And you probably have a waitress. Well, that's the best place to have a hot dog is a baseball game.

There's hard liquor. You get a seat that's closed. Suddenly it's full on hard liquor. The thing, Dana, when you go to these games, if everything goes wrong and you're totally bored, you can watch the game. But there's so much other things going on. That's why Judd wants to not just sit there and stare at the game. He's like, oh my God.

Well, I have another question. A super fan, by the way, during the regular season, it's the 150th game, the team's in last place, is still riveted by the game. But every sport, and especially baseball, for me, when it comes to the World Series, I'm riveted by every single second. But in the middle of the season, I'm not, I'd not go on there. Dips, dips a little. I love the World Series, I think it's incredible. Chad, comment.

Well, I think it was shocking to see the Mets play so well. And, oh God, ah! Oh my God. Get that pussy cat out of there. It's a preview for Catnado. I prefer the Mets when they're terrible. Like when they started winning, I almost start drifting as a fan.

Because when I was a kid, they were always so bad. I loved this to be the only fan at the stadium. So I have trouble when they're great, but it was fun to see the Mets play well. Yep. Wait, I have a big, this is a controversial question. This is just in a press time, which is way before this airs. But then the, and the, the,

this chubby sort of portly fat guy that, that tried to take the ball out of the glove. I don't know if he was that heavy. We were on disparages. He was husky. Husky is the most benign word of God. Bad bod. He had a dad bod. Oh yeah, he had a dad bod.

Farley always said, I'm a husky. That's the size he wears. Okay, so husky guy and his buddy who get, I mean, I get all the hijinks and it's your team, but when you are snapping Mookie Betts is a clavicle while you're bending his hand back and giving him carpal tunnel and stealing the ball. Fine, and they get kicked out fine, but they're back. They're allowed to come back the next game.

I don't think they should be allowed. I don't, that was shocking. If there is a next game in New York, whoops, we don't know. This comes out two weeks from now. So there is an X game in New York, whoops, we don't know. This comes out two weeks from now. No, there is for sure a game after that game. I don't know if there's a game after that. Well, it's sudden death for the Yankees every game. They have to win.

You don't care that they're coming back. You don't care. I'm intrigued by both teams. I just think that you can't be that good and not explode like they did last night for 10 runs. And is it, can you use the word, are they choking the yips? I mean, in the first three games or just a little bit of luck on the Dodger side with throwing people out and you know,

Judd, what's the answer, Judd? What might say, I'm not a big expert on this, but it might- Yes, you are, compared to us. I mean, the Dodgers are playing really well. I mean, as a Mets fan, it's hard to- A hot take. That's a crazy, go out on a limb. I like the Dodgers, the Yankees.

They're scoring more points. I'm not even rooting for anybody. I'm kind of like- I root for players. I'm kind of like, yeah. I root for players. Like I want Aaron Judge to go crazy. You know, I root for the players because my heart goes out to anybody who's on that stage, who's that brilliant since he's 10 years old

and watching him struggle like that. So I root for players. Listen, listen, by the way, this just in the Yankees allowed the players to come back, but the MLB overruled it. And banned them, wow. Wow, there you go. How long? Forever? Chad, we don't have a ticker tape here.

We just have a couple of blurbs. We're gonna see similar looking men at the Dodger Stadium, you know, with fake mustaches and noses on, seated in the exact same place. So I think there's more to this story than what we're hearing right now. Well, we got the facial recognition technology

like advances. Oh, that's right. AI. AI finally comes to the rescue. All right, what about Aaron Judge? His life is all green lights. If he's got a little bit of trouble, he'll be fine. Because he's like six, eight, is that possible? Six, eight, is that even a number that's possible? Oh yeah, it is because it's on every girl's Instagram.

The guy's gotta be minimum six, eight. Yeah, it is kind of weird when you're really good looking and gigantic and then a superstar athlete and worth hundreds of millions of dollars, you're kind of like, is there anything that's bugging you right now in life? Yeah, I know. Dana's like crying for the guy. They say that like a lot of the reason why people

are the quarterback is because they were good looking in junior high and high school. And they just kind of keep getting opportunities into their sexiness and handsomeness to play where like the goofy, ugly guy who might have become great. Not talking about myself, but maybe never gets a shot. There never got in there and the handsome guys get the shots. And next thing you know, every quarterback looks like Tom Brady.

It's, it's, uh, even backups are good looking. Exactly. That's what I love about comedy. You get, it doesn't matter what your mug is, you can have any kind of look. If you're funny. People, cause I was sort of a cutesy guy for a long time until I reached this age.

I was still at Spade and I were like, you know, well, you don't look funny. I was told that by some manager, you know, you don't look funny kid. You're not funny enough? You don't look funny. I was told that by some manager, you know, you don't look funny kid. You know, funny enough. You know, you don't look funny. You don't look. Well, I have I have a question for Judd about the state of

showbiz because Judd's got his Judd has a lot to say. Pulse or whatever. I just read because we were we were sort of bitching about how in L.A. there's not a lot of shooting because, or at least the wrong kind. You mean photography of film productions. There's not enough tax credits. Everyone goes to Georgia.

We all know this. Judd knows this better than anyone. One of the first things, Judd, when you get a budget of a movie is like, where do you shoot it, right? Isn't that an early? That's right. It's not always LA.

Unless the movie takes place in LA, right? Well, they always want you to make the budget lower. I think in the old days, you could kind of convince them it would be better in LA. Now I think they go, just go to Prague. It looks like LA, go to Prague. I remember we did a movie in Shreveport, Louisiana with Harold Ramis.

And so we did it to get the tax break. And we kept hearing screaming like, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, and it was ruining all the takes. And we're like, what are we next door to? And they said, it's a monkey sanctuary. We're the best monkeys. That's where they live out their day.

That's where they send you to make a movie, not LA, which has all the good equipment. Do you switch it out and make your film a Tarzan movie, even if it's a romantic comedy? I mean, you know, you write fast. I mean, come on, we just make it a On the Fly? Jungle Cruise 2.

Dana, this just in, so they're changing, the Avenue is changing the tax credit in LA because of our podcast. They only had 350 million a year credit. They just bumped it to 700 million and that's not going to go into effect till next summer. So a year, but I think that's, I think it's okay. It's not enough when everything is in billions now. Everything you hear about is a billion when you're two billion, 20 million, a hundred billion.

So when you still have an M in front of it, it doesn't sound like it's a huge help, but it will help. So I appreciate the effort, but we got a lot of crew. We got a lot of people here that want to work and they're in the Tinseltown Hollywood. And we got to make it a little easier. We have studios there all over the place.

Don't want them to go down. We need a tax break, which is more than Jessica Alba has in the bank. Yeah. At any given time. I personally love the businessman artists thing. I'm envious, but when I see people leveraging whatever their career is and then becoming a gazillionaire with different products, it's like, you know. How come you never bought like a cell service? Yeah, I was, I thought I was, you know, in the nineties, you couldn't even do a commercial in the eighties, Hans and Franz were offered, just do it.

The first Nike campaign, jazz do it, couldn't do it. Weren't allowed to do it. Why? You said no. Or I did. first Nike campaign, jazz do it, couldn't do it. Weren't allowed to do it. I don't know. Why? Who said no? Or I did. Just forces it play, it's not what we do. And then everybody, it flipped and now you see even

cast members that are out of SNL doing massive campaigns for commercials. They leave the show to do a commercial and come back. I turned down a lot of commercials and I would have gone, I'm fine, but I would have gone back and done them. Leno was right. Leno did Doritos. And people do Doritos. I remember I had a friend who left SNL and they did,

they did a commercial for the phone company and got paid more money than they got paid for like eight years on SNL. Yes. Well, you know, Dana, I did one for MCI, no I did one for. What's in your wallet? Weren't you one of the. Oh, one at HunterCollect. Oh yeah, I did that too.

But when I went to HunterCollect where I go, hey call, and I was on PayPal going, hey call one at HunterCollect. Beep boop bop boop beep bop beep. You know, I did that. Anyway, hilarious. So when I did a Playboy interview, which is like kind of a big interview,

not just Playboy, but it's just a big interview. And so Gurvitz called me and he goes, I'm sorry, I'm reading this interview. I'm sorry, I just got a call from MCI. You didn't happen to say in the interview, you do commercials for One Hand Collect, but you don't really use that for collect calls. You use Sprint.

Did you say that? I'm sorry. All the people that are gonna have to give back their millions of dollars, take one step forward. That's you, Spade. And that's what happened? Yeah, they call and say, we want our money back. And you apologize.

And I said, no, I was just saying that- Kidding. There's literally no defense. I was like, I was just being honest. I would just say that it's opposite. In those days, it was like, oh, you do a commercial, you're selling out. No, if you do a shitty movie with a shitty director,

and that's your face on the face of a shitty movie, that's selling out. Everyone knows when we see our heroes doing a commercial, they're getting paid a lot of money, but this is not their creative area. Right. This is not their art. But you want them to hopefully be decent.

So, turn out ones that aren't quite there. But they're never gonna be a 10 out of 10, usually. So Judd, would you like a commercial? Judd Apatow for- Would you direct a Super Bowl one at RU right now? Well, here's the thing. I got offered a Super Bowl commercial and some company wanted to do some sort of variation

of Seth and Paul doing, you know, how I know you're gay as a super broad. Yeah. And I was like, gay, what would it be? What would it be? I don't think that'll work. I don't either. And they hadn't asked them yet. So I just said, no, like I don't see how you can adjust that to make it work. Right. Then I watched the super bowl. They're both in it. They made millions and it was funny. You cut yourself out of the equation.

Hilarious. I didn't believe it ourselves. Did you turn the TV off and storm out of the room when you saw that? I was upset. The one thing I wanted to ask you, just cause I'm curious, cause we briefly talked about a little while back, is just the culture of Hollywood

in terms of what they'll green light. And I know now it's, you just said something interesting that, and it wasn't negative or whiny. It was just sort of like observing that when you pitch things, if it's subtle and kind of quiet, like something like the office or whatever, they want something that can trend or make noise

or be noisy as a concept. You know, chimpanzees go on a spaceship and then come back to earth and, you know, Earth a kid is alive and is president of the United States. You got it. So how are you navigating that? I know we're gonna talk about your standup in a second, but as a filmmaker.

Well, I have a new theory, which is I feel like everything is like in the newspaper business, if it bleeds, it leads. Like everything is doom scrolling because they don't want you to shut anything off. So they're obsessed with it being really intense. That's why almost everything on the streamers is either about the biggest star in the world or a serial killer. Right. Everything

is a thriller. Everything is like in type hypersexual. Yeah. You know, some actors, you know, like Nicole Kidman, which I love her shows because they're just sexy thrillers because she's in everyone. And she's in a lot for her. It's all like completion rate, like we must have them complete it. We could not put on a film if anyone shuts it off. And so there's an intensity to everything, whether it's sexy or exciting or terrifying. And I think it changes it so you don't have quiet or subtler, whatever funny human things, because I think they're afraid people are going to shut off or not go.

You lose a lot of good stuff when everything is so wired, you know? Yeah. Every TikTok starts with, I just got shot. And then you go, really? And they go, let me back up a minute. So I was born in Michigan and everyone's like, oh my God. And then they just never get to see, you know, it takes, and I hate when it says, wait for it on it. Wait for it so I can make money when it hits a minute. Wait for it. And so you wait for it and I'm like,

wasn't worth the wait. Yeah. They have to tell you. It's everywhere. Is this like- Judd, I think when Nicole Kidman comes out at the beginning of AMC, she should tell you, in this movie, we want you to watch the whole thing.

It's like saying, wait for it. It's like, ideally, stay till the end. Well I have to say, the movie going experience now is bigger and better for me than it's ever been because only in church or in a movie theater are you pretty much required to turn off your phone or basically on takeoff on a plane. So you go into a dark theater so you turn it off and you're trapped in the movie where you might click away if you had a thousand choices but you hang with it and then a lot of times though that was a great movie because yeah and

it's so peaceful. I pay it to go to a matinee just because I'm in a dark room looking at a screen with things. It's fun. It's still fun. You shut the world off. Judd, comment. I think there's nothing better than laughing in a movie theater with a lot of people

and we need more. Let's do more. You know, I miss Judd, previous screenings when it goes well. It's so fun. See the movie for the first time. Oh my God. You've been working on. It's so fun. See the movie for the first time. Oh my God. You've been working on it for years

and you show it to people for the first time. I remember when we showed Superbad for the first time, I convinced Cameron Crowe to come to just give us notes if we screwed anything up. And it just killed so hard. It was like winning the Superbowl. It was just so, it was so funny. It was like carving an SNL doing bite. Yeah

And guess what? By the way, come on folks. Let's get real real time and got do it you know that was a That was a little nerve-racking. I thought for the first one and I think I overdid his walk a little bit when I came out but the did his walk a little bit when I came out. But the, uh, cause I go, did he get shot? You know, you don't see it. You know, you're, I had never seen myself do Biden. So I made adjustments, but I was waiting for someone to maybe heckle me. And I was, I had it locked and loaded. Get your facts straight, Jack. I was ready for that. But so far the New York times

co-signed it, so I'm happy. I remember when I heard it the first time and I said to you, I go, look at Dana, everyone's struggling to figure out their Biden and you have it just nailed quietly in your own little world. And it was the dream that they would have you do it on the show. I'm glad that all worked out. Bizarrely was invited to do it before Biden was, before the debate problem.

And then afterwards, Lorne Michaels still, you'll come in, you know, you just wanted me to be there. But anyway, yeah. It's fun to be able to do a character that's kind of ironically new and then is leaving the stage very soon. So it's like a little, you know. You know what I like about it?

It's like you alpha dog the whole show. You're like, oh, by the way, yeah, I'm still the best one who ever did it. Boom. This is my favorite Superfly episode so far. I think they didn't know they needed a good Biden until they saw it. Then they were like, oh, good.

This is a great addition. Who would be the other character that you have loaded that you're like second half? I would love to do James Carvel currently on those Zooms, leaning over. Yeah, you know, and I like the Southerners. I do like both. We both love Senator John Kennedy.

Kennedy. Who does the, now you tweeted on October 4th, your words, not mine, that you would believe, so anyway, those two, if they were invited, I would try to do a deep, deep thing on them. No one does RFK. Is it offensive to try to do RFK? I did it here only explaining what dystonia is.

I have a brother with dystonia and it's just, it's not lethal, but his vocal cords are just constricting. And so that's his voice. It doesn't stop him, but it is all stuck back there and you have to get used to listening to it. If you listen- I think it's just hard to listen to. I get used to it. I listen to him on Joe Rogan. But the ladies like it, so it's not hurting him.

Yeah. Well, look, he's a Kennedy. They go, oh, did he have anything going on? Well, look at his uncle and dad. Come on. Bone with a boner. But is a Republican Kennedy a Kennedy? How does he hit on the ladies setting up data? I don't know. Let me hear him hit on... How does Trump? on the ladies setting up Dana? I don't know. Let me hear him hit on.

How does Trump? It's unbelievable. A Republican Bobby Kennedy Jr. I do Jack Kennedy and Bobby Kennedy from heaven talking about their son, you know, your son is certainly a colorful character. He has very extraordinary positions on different issues. I know I agree, Jack, he dances to his own tune. It's just the same accent, but slightly more Bugs Bunny. I like that they're so compassionate about him. They're not mad.

Well, they would be. You know how Jack Kennedy, if you ever want to just be happy, watch, watch a John F. Kennedy press conference in 1961 or two, the charm and just it's off the charts the way he was. I see you're a question and, and then he would do some self-effacing joke. I mean, what a master of that, you know? So anyway, I don't know how we got here, but where should we go next? But yeah, I'm happy to do other things on the show, but it's been fun to do Biden. And I do try to George Bush seniorize it and that I take liberty.

He never said, I can't believe it's not butter. I make it a character. And when I'm doing the character, I like the character I'm doing. Like I like the character of Joe Biden that I do. So anyway, that's all I got to say. He's a nice man. Yeah. I mean, I it's a human thing.

Neil Young used to say that about Paul. It's a human thing, man, because when I told him I was going to the White House, we were after SNL, we were sitting and going to the White House to George Bush, senior, it's a human thing, man. So in the end of the day, all the politics, it's a human thing. And so I would love President Biden to come on and just be fun to do a little thing with him. Judd went to Coachella with Biden, I think.

Judd hanged all the celebs. So another about that. Now, what about your comedy? What are you doing with this comedy thing right now? I'm at the New York Comedy Festival. I'm at the Beacon Theater on November 9th. You're headlining the Beacon by yourself? I have some friends.

It's surprise guests. Last time I did it, Sandler came and Mike Babiglia. So this time, it's always a secret, but there will be people there that you'll be happier that they're there than I'm there. You're kind of really just hoping I tricked people into joining me, and that's the reason to go. And I can say right now, there are people way better

than me on the bill, secret people you'll be excited about. So, but are you going last? Are you heading? Well, that's always the question, isn't it? Cause when we do Largo, sometimes it's Judd's night. Yeah. And I'll go on and go over to see Judd and hang out. But sometimes Judd you do beginning

and then middle and then end, right? Sometimes I do like 20 here, 20 there. Yeah, yeah. You know, depending on how it's going. But I'm also in Atlanta at the Variety Playhouse this Sunday. These are all benefits for hurricane relief. Like David Spade, I've made all my shows benefits

for the Red Cross for hurricane relief, right David? You're doing that thing, right? I gave fat ones to the Red Cross about 10 years ago, remember? I think you remember, because I put out a press release. That's so embarrassing. They haven't spent it all. They haven't spent it all.

They can't spend it all. So you can, JuddAppetow.com slash events and the one in Atlanta, the money goes to Georgia and the one in New York, the money goes to North Carolina. That's cool. What's the date of the beacon one? What's the date? It's the 9th of November and it's the third in Atlanta. And what day of the week is the 9th?

It's Saturday. Oh, it's Saturday. And it's just a few days after the election. So it could be any kind of night depending on where you sit. Because I was going to, if it was a night I could be there because I will be in New York, but if it's Saturday night, it might be tricky. I was just going to be in the audience and raise my hand and then, oh, and then come up and do Biden. Do you have a show that night?

Yes. Oh boy. But I happened to be there. And then, okay, so that's the ninth at the beacon for the hurricane relief. And then the second one is on what night of the week? On the third in Atlanta at the variety. It's a Saturday.

Got it. You know, it's funny when you give money to Red Cross or something and you do a nice gesture immediately after someone like Taylor Swift gives a million dollars. Everyone goes, and wait, what'd you give again? I go, well, listen, it's all, it all is thrown into the pot.

A million became the kind of bar of like- Yeah, it has to be at least a million. Or what are you doing? And it can't be like, I'm gonna give $75,000. And it's like, Yeah. And someone else gives 10 million. I know. That's the problem is that when you do these things,

you say, like, you're gonna do an event, you'll make some money. And then the money just goes there. We don't need to know how much, it's all positive vibes. It's all going to a good thing. But do people give privately anymore? Is that not a fashion? They're not allowed to not brag about it. Okay. Well I could do some retroactive bragging then. So I was not posting on it. You know, it's like you try to give money to a politician and then Elon Musk gives them $150 million.

Yeah, that's right. I know. It's like when you see someone go, oh, we saw George Clooney leaving this restaurant and TMZ caught him giving a bum a hundred dollars. I mean, a homeless guy. I mean, a not home guy, whatever it's called. Well, the-

And then they go, oh, well, when there's 18 paparazzi there, I'll give 200. How about that? So for a thousand dollars, let's talk about trending, bang for your buck. You go to a diner with friends or whatever and you leave a thousand dollar cash chip. So for people that were blessed by America and our lives, we can do that. And that'll trend big, you know, but if you give 500,000 of a million for hurricane relief, people are like, yeah. Yeah. Sandra Bullock gave more. Yeah. Yeah. Sandy. Yeah. But when you give a big tip at a restaurant like that,

like then the next time you come back, when you bring it back down to 22%, then you're dead. Oh yeah. They always heard, you know, it's true. Bill Murray said he always, I think he said he had to carry 20s during SNL, now it's 50s, now it's hundreds, because if anyone gets a little less, they go, a little tough out there in the career. Bill Murray, he's got financial problems.

Because you're only getting $200 every time. Look at it, when they take my bag down to the car, it used to be the bellman, then he's gone. Then there's another guy with the trunk open, Mr. Spade, this all good? I'm like, oh, that guy gave it to that guy. I have to dust my bag for prints to see who I give money to. I like gray-grazed it.

If you Google the hardware story, and on the screen it asks you what your tip is, what's your move? For buying nails? Well, I just picked them up and brought it here. So I, I just tip half. I just tip half. And when I go to a Four Seasons or that kind of hotel,

I pack my jacket with twenties. Yeah. If it's half at a restaurant, I pack my jacket with twenties, like a magician. And then any guy leaping valet or whatever, it takes me usually, which I'm fine doing this. I know it's not what's going to break me. It takes me about $200 to get to my room. But then I go, well, why not? I mean, I mean, I worked on tips. Did you ever remember a waiter or a busboy? I was a, I was a busboy.

I was a busboy at the East Side Comedy Club on Long Island because I wanted to watch comedians when I was in high school. First, I was a dishwasher. I had the same trajectory. Yeah, dishwasher was. But I couldn't see the show because I was in the kitchen. I was like, this is a miscalculation. I can't see. It was literally like Rosie O'Donnell. like, this is a miscalculation. I can't see.

It was literally like Rosie O'Donnell. Was it the Hobart 3000 where you'd run it through a thing? The Hobart? Hobart 3000 was my dishwasher and the dishes would pile up. You'd get no break and I would eat off the plates that were left over. You'd eat off of it because I had a friend who was a waiter and he ate like a half a hamburger off of someone's plate

and then both his arms got hives. So we all realized not to do that. I ate everything when I was a busboy. Hives from a hamburger. I can't connect those dots. Well, who knows what saliva from the guy's last bite. That's what he told his girlfriend. She goes, how'd you get these bumps?

He's like, babe, you know I'm a busboy. I ate the wrong hamburger. I love being a dishwasher. I love just having my hands and everyone's melting wet buns and breads. And it was like a video game because they would dump the dishes and you had to clean them fast.

So the area where the dishes got dumped didn't get too loaded up. Right. And it was like a human video game. Yeah, and then you'd stack them and they'd be hot. You stack the, you know, the bread roll plates and you get, and then you'd have to mop the entire kitchen for the night shift to day shift

and clean up for hours afterwards. When I, when I smell, when I was doing those, you put them all in the racks, Judd, and you push them into the steamy machine. And that smell, if I cut through the kitchen and you smell it, I just go, oh my God, I'm so glad I'm not doing that anymore. It's so hard.

Oh, I get the opposite. I'm just like, oh my God, that was so fun. I used to put on Farner floor and listen to Jukebox while I mopped the floor at 1.30 in the morning. That's cool. It wasn't Monday. All right. Well, I think that's enough for Judd. He did a great job. We had a lot of fun with Judd. He had his curtains almost closed. He did everything right.

Let me just ask you one quick question. Where are you in your stand up right now? Are you in shape? Do you have a new thing? Are you in your standup or? I do have a new hour and I think it's kind of interesting. I tell a very long story about taking ayahuasca that leads to a lot of others kind of stories about mutual trauma that is kind of interesting. I usually don't tell like a really long story, but this is such a crazy one.

Sometimes they're good, it's good to feel scone. People talk about Ayahuasca on this podcast and our other sister podcasts, Ayahuasca, MDMA, you know, whatever, Neil Brennan. Have you done the Ayahuasca? I have not. I did mushrooms in my twenties and I thought, I'm good. David? No, David's not. He's not gonna do that. He's not gonna risk it. He's not gonna trick you like that. I did read that my twenties and I thought I'm good. David, no, David's not, he's not gonna do that.

He's not gonna risk it. He's not gonna trick you like that. I did read that you were shopping with Leslie and you were sitting over on the side or something. There's a lot of reports on you sometimes on the sites. I'm on the side. And a photo, and a photo. Although one thing David, you'll relate to

is when I took ayahuasca, my back was out and I thought, what if I'm tripping and just start like leaping, but with a back? And that's why you can't do it because your back, your neck will go out. My neck, yeah. Would it fix it? Or it would fix it and it would never happen.

Because I'm sure a lot of it's mental. Were you kind of, without being pithy, were you fixed a little bit? Or I guess it's in your standup. Was I what? A bit? Fixed. Neil Brennan just said it between Iowaska and MDMA. And this is all public knowledge or whatever. He kind of got out of his depression. Not,

I mean, it really helped him at least last time we talked. It, uh, well, it was, uh, well, I'm Catholic now. That's the only big change. That's a fix. Me too. like now. That's the only big change. Me too. I'm Lutheran too. I was raised Lutheran. There you go. Yeah. So yeah. Okay. Well, thank you, Judd. Well, have a nice time in New York. If I, if I'm not in the show, I'll drop by.

After dress. Yeah, I could just squeeze open there. Alright Judd. Miss you. Judd Standup is funny. Go see it. I've seen it. This has been a presentation of Odyssey Superfly.

It's executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Jenna Weiss Berman of Odyssey, Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman. Hope you liked it. Ooh. I hope you liked it.