Fly on the Wall with Dana Carvey and David Spade - SUPERFLY #45 - MORE AUTOGRAPHS!

Episode Date: December 6, 2024

David and Dana talk Thanksgiving, Hunter Biden, hybrid animals, autograph fiends, destructive kids and much more. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Airbnb is a sponsor, Dana, and I know a lot of people are using them. A lot of people, they love Airbnb. By the way, you can get big, you can get small. It's not just one thing. It's just people saying, hey, what do you want? We'll find it. Big, small, short, tall, want to have a big kitchen, little kitchen, whatever you want. Fireplace.

You want a fireplace. You want a space that's private, like you, David, probably would want private. Or, you know, the main thing about them is they have a lot of locations, and if you can't find the hotel you want, Airbnbs are your choice. Listen, hotels are fine. Just Airbnbs got a little more space, a little more privacy, you know, a sharper location

than a hotel. You might want to go a little closer to this, closer to that. And my hotel this weekend when I was on the road, people were knocking on, I thought was my door. I kept looking at the keyhole. It's the door next to me. I had that. But there's a lot of hubbub and commotion that you won't get at an Airbnb, you know?

Yeah. The noise was so loud in the hallway with keys jangling and people coming. I thought for sure they're coming into my room. Housekeeping. Housekeeping. We clean now? I always tell them when I leave, I go, hey, I'm leaving. You can go in.

They're like, am I supposed to be excited about this sickening operation? I go out every morning. I find the one who's assigned to my room and we make a plan. We make a plan together. What we're gonna do is I'm gonna go in and then I'm gonna take a walk and then you go in, right? Yes.

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You wanna start right now and go for it? You wanna get into it? I guess so. Mix it up? Look at my road runner. I'm in a new location. Now what is this now? This is my other place.

Just don't worry about it? It's not, I'll be in New York. You know, I go, I'm gonna keep moving. I have three homes. Don't be jealous. Do I'll be in New York. You know, I go, I'm keep moving. I have three homes. Mm hmm. Don't be jealous. Do you leave anything in New York? Do I leave anything in New York?

I leave everything there. You do? Mm hmm. You keep it the whole time, Richie Rich? Uh huh. Jesus Christ. No, no, I don't. I don't pay.

It's. Oh boy. Some other people are very generous. I took care of that for you. It's okay people are very generous. I took care of that for you. It's okay to ask David. I took care of it. Trust me. They've got the money.

They can afford it. You know, I told him, I told him do the right thing. Do the right thing. Stop the bombing. Hey handsome. Who's funnier than you? We're gonna have to make memes out of our manager. I had Gervitz on a Zoom today and he was fucking bombing.

Did all his fucking, all his hits. All his shtick and nothing. Oh boy, yeah. Fucking cricks. Jeez, you got a lot of Zooms. I do have, I have a lot. They're mostly with Theo, but God dang, he has a lot of Zooms. Theo's the funniest one to Zoom with,

but he walks around, sometimes the laptop drives me crazy. Just sit, I can't stand these Zoomers, hey man. I know, that's kind of a hip thing to do. Get carsick, where are you going, you gotta Zoom. I know. Everyone's sad, oh shh, hash. No, it's funny when people say, you're talking to the phone, they say, I'm gonna take you into my car.

I've said this before, but it's funny. I'm taking you in the car with me. No, it's funny when people say you're talking to the phone, and he's saying, I'm going to take you into my car. I've said this before, but it's funny. I'm taking you in the car with me. No, don't. I'm trying to order a pizza. I'm trying to drive. Rrrr. Yeah. Hang on, I have to beat my kids.

Ish, ish. Wait a minute. Let me get the effect for the driving and then the hitting of the kids again. First the driving effect. Rrrr. And now- Hey, stop, again. First the driving effect. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Well, what was that? What was in your hand? It didn't sound like a slap. No, just it's an elbow. It's really gives him a wake-up. I know. Well, I was a little tired yesterday.

So I just, I took a hot bath, put the thing in the, so that the water wouldn't go down the drain. And I tallied off. And I was like, oh, I'm going to go to the bathroom. And I was like, oh, I'm going to go to the bathroom. And I was like, oh, I'm going to go to the bathroom. And I was like, oh, I'm going to go to the bathroom. And I was like, oh, I'm going to go to the bathroom.

And I was like, oh, I'm going to go to the bathroom. And I was like, oh, I'm going to go to the bathroom. And I was like, oh, I'm going to go to the bathroom. And I was like, oh, I'm going to go to the bathroom. And I was like, oh, I'm going to go to the bathroom. And I was like, oh, I'm going to go to the bathroom. And I was like, oh, I'm going to go to the bathroom. And I was like, oh, I'm going to go to the bathroom.

And I was like, oh, I'm going to go to the bathroom. And I was like, oh, I'm going to go to the bathroom. And I was like, oh, I'm going to go to the bathroom. And I was like, oh, I'm going to go to the bathroom. And I was like, oh, I'm going to go to the bathroom. And I was like, oh, I water wouldn't go down the drain. And I tell it off. As long as you say what it is, the sound effect can be cheese grater. Then I ate a cheeseburger. Dude, I have to tell you. You know what? Every time we do any riff on this, I imagine it's a YouTube short. So I start improvising.

And you go, we need more. We need more. We got to get to a minute. For Patrick, I start thinking, what will he do with this? I know. I feel YouTube is ruined because we have any real conversation. We go, we got to zhuzh it up with a little yada, da da. Yeah.

Waaaaaah! That's it. That's gonna be in some kind of on Instagram. It's a good ending. Don't be mad at my new haircut. Oh yeah, it's pretty fluffy. Well, the shorter, the more the fluff. We've talked about this many times on this podcast.

I'm cutting the sides off this week, all gone, shaved. I mean, you're trying to look like me? No, you're not gonna shave and then have a nose ring? Check your birth certificate, Quinkie. Come on, Glico. Hey, Christ's six, there's a time and a place for that kind of accoutrement, all right? He turned into Scheara's odd.

Wherever that is. I know, but that sounded almost like an author or something. The Egyptian author wrote the the Bridgeway to the Nile in 1947. Now, listen, I'm going to back up to Thanksgiving because I know Thanksgiving is last last week, but I will gonna back up to Thanksgiving because I know Thanksgiving was last week, but I will say the beginning of Thanksgiving always starts with me watching local news and they always have some newscaster posted up

at the airport. I love it. Oh, the car, it is a record. It's always a record. Literally there's never been a week or a year there wasn't a record. Record 80 million drivers are going across. And then the airport, 80 million flyers, always a record.

Who knows who checks, who knows? Sounds better to say there's a record. And we're here at four in the morning and it is packed. And you know what I mean? We're expecting 149 million people to go to Disneyland this Friday night. You should always give it about seven hours ahead of time just to let them frisk your balls. Did I tell you, I did tell you when they frisked my wiener, did I tell you this Heather? The guy goes, they're always like, hey Spade, hey Spade, everyone's cool.

And he goes, and I'm like, beep, beep. He's like, this is a random one. I think he's telling me to go away, but he goes, I say, oh, come here, it's a random one. Meaning I still do it, you know, it's me, not. And he gets in, he goes, something's in your groin area. I go, oh, you've heard about it. He goes, no, something's in there,

it's showing up on the thing. And I go, maybe it's a zipper, I don't know, and he goes. He gives you an interview first? Cause that, I just, I just. And I go, maybe it's a zip. I don't know. And he goes, he gives you an interview first. Cause that, I just, I just, I gotta get in there. I go get in there. And he goes, you sounded seduced for a second. I gotta get in your groin area.

I know. Ready for a groin pat? He helps me nods and I go, and he goes, all right, you want front or back of the hand? I go, let's just do front, you know, we're having fun. One, two. Why root? He literally goes front or back of the hand, I go. No, I know, I've never had like a nice, cheerful dialogue,

but I want to hear this. I get frisked every single time I go through the mission. I continue, not a bit, not a joke. And I know how they do it. They're talking to you and they come up the inner thigh with the hands and then they sort of bounce up and make sure. Hey, you the church lady?

It looks like more like the church dude. It's just, Christ. They go up the pant leg. Yeah. And then they go. And that's before I get to the airport. Okay. Good night, people.

That's the sky cap. Delta guy. So you literally got frisk and he grabbed. He gives me a backhand hand job like this. I'm like, okay. He goes, you're good. But I get it every time. People are going, okay. He goes, you're good. But I get it every time people are going, Hey, did you do the church lady? Can I get a picture? And then, yeah, okay. Up against the wall spread.

Where are the bombs? Let's go. See all those fans back there. We don't care about you and your fan base, which is shrinking according to this document. Airport, you have data on my fan base? And he said, yeah, I do. And my favorite thing to do is when I work Phoenix Airport, because I get a chance to grope David Spade, even though the X-ray says he's clean as a whistle.

He goes, might be a glitch. Might be. We are now into Senator John F. Kennedy territory. Glitch. I have to grab your testicles, my words, not yours. Yeah. At least he's honest that way. Do you still have two testicles?

Most people do. I do. I know I do. Yours is big as Dallas. Do you name each individual? I'm sorry, where are we going with this? Where does this end? Do you think women still have payubic hair?

Just a question. There's no right or wrong. I once dated a lady from Memphis, Tennessee, and she dyed her pubic hair in a kaleidoscope effect. Is that your experience? You could pull on them. They're seven inches each. They're just jammed down. Yeah.

And if you had some jam left over from your sandwich, it would make a sticky paste and you could spell letters. You could actually write a little note to her that she would find later in her kaleidoscope growing area. And there, ladies and gentlemen, is an Instagram clip. People like this. We didn't say they were good. We just said they're clips.

They're noisy. So, I get to Thanksgiving dinner, I got Harper, and we have this good idea, right? Harper says, let's get little canvases like this, because my mom ran into a woman that teaches art or whatever. My mom will literally talk to anyone, literally talk to anyone, and they talk for a long time, and then numbers exchange, Facebook, this, this.

So she's dialed in immediately. So we get in a circle, the idea, and then we all have a, we paint the person on the opposite side of you. So it's kind of fun. Get a little paint there, get the brushes. I'm just, I'll jump ahead. I'm easily the worst.

My brother Brian was better than I thought. It shows a lot of personality. Like people, he was more abstract, you know. Drawing eyes. To start with a portrait is a horrible idea. Unless you're Kevin Nealon or someone that's really good at this, you know. No, yeah, it's impossible.

And you look like a fucking asshole. And I think it should be a joke on a date where the guy is so bad that the girl loses interest in him because he's so bad. Like you're just like, oh, you have no talent at all. There's nothing going on in your head because they were horrible. Now Harper's was pretty good.

I actually have Harper's. I was just, she had to draw me. And do you have that? Can we see? This is just watercolor. Watercolor. Just stair. Harper.

I got a brown, a little of this. Harper 16. Draws it just, she's 16 within like five minutes. Let me see, we're just going to pop it up. We'll clean this up later. Okay. That's not bad, right? It's cute.

That's pretty good. Yeah, that is. Absolutely. Isn't that good? Yeah. Yeah. I like that. And she signed it. And so that, listen, you got That good? Yeah, yeah. And she signed it.

And so that, listen, you got a little blue in the eyes, you got a little- Yeah, she got some- She got your hair blue. Generous with the hair, yeah, yeah. And cheeks, you know, she's discoloring things, you know, that's a certain style. Yeah, there's blending, there's a lot of,

literally the art teacher's walking around going, oh Harper, I like this, I like the blood, I like the way you, you know it's me. She goes, okay. Then she keeps walking. She has nothing to say other than like, it's too much wrong to even get, there's nothing to even help. Just keep moving. So anyway, we did that. And then my mom though, my mom, I have to tell you, when I come in, I've told her maybe 1000 times, I'm leaving at the end of this art thing because I have to go to the airport, I don't want to fly on Sunday,

it's going to be Saturday night. Right. I've told her honestly 1,200 times. I walk in, she goes, Brian just told me you're leaving today, you're not, are you? I go, I'm not leaving now. At the end of the two hours, no! Oh my God, she goes, it's so classic, Mom.

And I go, Mom, do you step on a rusty nail? Are you okay? She goes, oh, you said you'd stay. Another showbiz lie. I go, no, Mom, I have to- It's not a showbiz lie. Oh, yes, you're so, where's the Davey I used to know? I go, I'm just leaving one day early

because it's too hard to fly on a Sunday. She was, oh, you have to get back to a freak off. I go, I wish, no. Hollywood turned you into a freak off. You were supposed to ride. Yeah, ride bikes with the neighbor kids, I promise. I want to hold you and rock you. Yeah, she does.

She's like, and then you. Yeah, she does. She's like, and then she's like, and her friends gave me a present. It's always odd. I don't know what to do with presents anyway. I'm like, just give it to her. Well, you can't get someone a present. They gave me a present.

They said, this is for your birthday from July. Anyway, anyway, my mom kept going, oh, oh. And then I go, I got a half hour left. No, like she's, I go, mom, are you William Defoe at the end of Platoon? Like, ah. Getting shot. Your mom turned into William Defoe, I see it.

Yeah, remember in Platoon, he gets shot from the back and goes, ah. And now a word from our sponsors at Betterment. Do you want your money to be motivated? Do you want your money to rise and grind? Do you think your money should get up and work? Don't worry, Betterment is here to help. Betterment is the automated investing and savings app that makes your money hustle. Their automated technology is built to help maximize returns. Meaning, when you invest with Betterment, your money can auto adjust as you get closer to your goal, rebalance if your portfolio gets too far out of line

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My name is Cindy Etler, and this is season two of The Sunshine Place. Listen to and follow the sunshine place an Odyssey original podcast in association with Robert Downey Jr and Susan Downey. Available now on the free Odyssey app and wherever you get your podcasts. Bet MGM, Dana, I bet.

I don't know if you do. I bet. Listen, Bet MGM, Dana, I bet. I don't know if you do, I bet. Listen, BetMGM, it's at BetMGM, just so you know, it's what the kids are doing, that's what they do, everything, it's the sports book, Born in Vegas. We have a second chance on first touchdown score, folks. All season long, BetMGM's offering you a second chance on your first touchdown bet. When a customer places a second chance on your first touchdown bet. When a customer places a wager

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I just got it in the mail. I go, sorry, I can't eat the food that you just got in the mail, whatever the fuck that means. Oh, I just got it in the mail. It's ready. I go, what food is in the mail? Can we get her on this podcast?

She goes, go eat it. I go out to this crackers in a big circle of something of gunk. And I go, is it cheese? She goes, taste it. I go, just what am I getting into? Should I, is it melted?

Is it hot? Is it cold? I don't know. I go, so I go out there and it's honestly, I couldn't tell you. I dug in, it kind of broke the cracker. And I'm like, and I faked it. And I went in and I go, not bad. Just a generic answer. She goes, right? I know. My mother-in-law was eating,

it's kind of a pace, but it's made from pig's feet. And this is not a joke. Sick. Not a joke. So I was trying to think of things that she would go, oh, and I go, yeah, they cockroach feet, they take just the feet of a cockroach, they grind them up and create kind of a jam or a peanut butter spread. She was like, oh, that sounds okay. And then they take the abdomen of the cockroach. I just wanted to get a reaction like, hey, you know, but you know, she's like, oh, interesting. Yeah. You know, you know. I just wanted to get a reaction like, Hey, you know, but you know, and she's like, Oh, interesting. Yeah. You know, you know, I ran into, uh, in a car in a parking lot in LA, your doctor's nurse and she got out and she goes, Oh, you hit my quarter panel.

I have to tell the doctor. I go the doctor or the insurance? The doctor first. Oh, I called. I actually talked to her today about another thing. But she said she said she's so sweet. She goes, I was the doctor prescribes me a thing where he has to talk to me twice a year.

Like, you're good. Are you all right? Yeah, nothing crazy. A common medication. So I noticed that he'd called me a couple of weeks ago and just left a voicemail. I missed the call. So I told her today, I said, I missed the call from, from doctor, from the doctor. And she, she said, Lily, Oh, but you are supposed to talk to the doctor. And I go, I know, but I missed the call.

So I didn't. So patient. Oh, so you didn't talk to the doctor. I'm going to have to make another appointment. When are you available? And I got this. It went on and on. It's a real conundrum.

She doesn't know what to do with those. She wants to do a good job. Yeah. And she doesn't want to get shit can. She wants to do a good job. Yeah. And she doesn't want to get shit can. Then I said, I'm doing a thing called Superfly with David Spade. Oh, David Spade. I remember him from the movie,

Dickie Roberts. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. And I go- He went to the grab bag. That sure was a funny movie. And she goes, oh, it made me laugh so hard. Crickets for Dickie Roberts. No, someone's trying to call me.

I thought you had some kind of sound effects. Heather, come back and get Dane on here. I can't find him. I disappeared. Yeah, this happened the other day. What am I supposed to do? I'll go to that shit. Also, Heather's got something to show you.

Send it out to Greg, that thing. I'll show him what you made. Yeah, you want to? I think it's interesting. Heather has a book and no one told me. Oh, my mom had too many dogs at Thanksgiving dinner where she had her dogs and my brother had two dogs. And so they're all circling under the table,

like sharks, you know, and they're kind of nipping and biting. I don't realize my mom's feeding her whole turkey, whole dinner to them under the table. So once they get fed, they're like tangled up my legs. I'm like, hey, beat it, you know, I don't want to sound mean, I love dogs, but give us eight minutes where the dogs

aren't barking at each other and doing territorial games and screwbiting. Oh, okay. Here's a mic drop on this one. are barking at each other and doing territorial games and. Here's a, here's a mic drop on this one. So, so I metaphorical cigar. So I'm in the white house having dinner. My wife and I with George senior, the president of the United States at the time and his wife, Barbara and the dog Ranger kept coming around looking for food, so I was kind of sneaking some food to the dog.

And then at one point the president just said, don't feed the dog. And I literally said, yes, sir. But I didn't know, is the dog so cute? It's like, yeah, they like it. Then you leave and now they're, yeah. And then they're not your friend. Also, before we get to this next subject, did you send it in? OK, we have we did. I don't know if you read, but Hunter Biden, your guy, Joe Biden, has a son named Hunter and he got a left free pardon. Mm hmm.

Did he start jail yet or not? He hasn't started yet. No, he never he's not going to jail. He was part. But was he about to? Maybe it was a, he had the trial and then it's the legal system takes so long. I mean, you know, it's, but, but it was potential that he might. So as a, as a good dad, pardons are here. Yeah.

And you know, Hunter was like, I didn't do one thing. I didn't know what they're talking about. This is so nuts. Literally I did not nothing. I don't get it. And he goes, I saw the 75 videos. Dad, that's so funny. That's AI.

That's AI. That's AI. When I was doing standup, here and there, there were no comedy clubs. Not like when you started. In San Francisco, I would still do the Nixon. I would say Richard Nixon was seen at a shopping mall elbowing people intentionally, and then saying, pardon me.

And that was the whole bit. Cause he was famously pardoned. That's not bad. Oh, he pardoned a lot of people, right? Well, he got pardoned by Gerald Ford. Oh, he got pardoned. Pardon me. They say people like Clinton, probably Trump, who knows?

That they just have a laundry list when they leave. But I think John Stewart had a great thing to do. But I think John Stewart had a good joke last night. Robert Smoggle was telling me it was sort of like the pardon goes back for 10 years. So anything Hunter Biden has done since 2014 is expunged if there's anything. And then he goes to his dad after the pardon. You know, I think maybe just do it through new years because he's planning on

maybe having a big party or something. Dad, could you extend it forward like 10 days? But I think that 10 years covers Joe Biden too. No, come on. Let me be serious. Hey, what do I do? I'm not getting around here. And furthermore.

Furthermore, let me be clear what the people are saying. This isn't rocket science. Let's get serious. I'm not kidding around here. And by the way, guess what? Yeah, that's all I have. Five catchphrases. I repeat them every Saturday night.

We'll see what I do tomorrow night. Oh, yeah, it is tomorrow. Finally. Finally, we got it right. We'll see what I do tomorrow night. Oh yeah, it is tomorrow. Whoops. Finally. Finally we got it right. Excuse me. Excuse me, sir. Who's the host?

Go. Um, Paul Mascow. Nope. Paul Mascow. Or it's Mess-scale? Paul Mascow and Gracie Abrams is the musical guest who is JJ Abrams, the famous director, movie producers daughter. No way.

Way. I didn't know. You said it was this guy's girlfriend or on together. Girlfriend? It says. Mezcal. Oh, Mezcal. Yeah.

Um, that's his girlfriend, Tommy. You got to wake up. You got to know what's going on. Oh, really? Is that the connection? Are you serious? Starting to get it. Well, well, well, we like ourselves, don't we? We made a fun one.

We feel just a little bit superior. Who's bringing who got who into the show? We feel just a little bit superior. Yeah. Well, it's not special. Who got who into the show? Did they get her and she said, I want the dude to put the coat on? But let's wind back this for a second. So they're literally dating. So one got and then could my boyfriend be in or could my girlfriend be in? Yeah, that's what I'm asking you.

Which one did what? Plot thickening. I'm going to do a deep dive on this and get back to you on the next super fly. Yeah. Come up with some blabbing and yapping. I kind of, I think I'm kind of getting into church lady mood. I kind of feel like she's got to come back, you know?

You could do it. Well, well, well, Mr. P, Mr. P diddy. We like, we like lotions and oils. Do they do any Puff Daddy stuff on there? Not that I maybe update jokes, but not a church lady grilling and spanking. Okay. Let's show Heather made, this is what I was getting at.

She made over the last couple of years, one year, this whole thing. This is miniature, right? Yeah. How high is it? It's called a book nook. It goes in between your books. It's a book nook. It goes in between your books. Wow.

And she had to- That looks like a movie set. Yeah, it's unreal. I had to hand glue and cut out and glue every single thing. She had to hand glue. She had to cut those little pieces of paper. She had to glue them, open had to cut those little pieces of paper, she had to glue them, open them.

What, was she following a guide? How did she know how to make a little tiny chair? Look, an inkwell. There's a book with pictures in no instructions. Oh yeah, there's a book with pictures but it was foreign, she couldn't understand. Please tell me you did BTS. Oh. Oh, you get a piece of wood, yeah. What kind of mind thinks of this?

You couldn't do it, Dana. Well, I would wonder when, when Heather finally said, huh, I'm going to make a little miniature bookshelf. Yeah. It would take me seven years and I'll spend two thousand hours. One year. But it is a lot of work. All right.

Let's get to the news before we, before you have to give me all your stuff. What's the first headline news? Here we go. What's going on in America? Yeah, what's the haps? Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do trashed Walmart. What would you okay have at this situation? You're in Walmart someone's trashing it. Here play the video. What do you do? No I don't see the parents. Oh. Do you say anything? Well you just go and stop her immediately. First thing you do is grab her. Everyone's saying don't stop her don't touch her don't do anything

Because the parents aren't there. I don't know where they are then she starts breaking jars Now this woman saying don't even record her Yeah, there you go finally you just have to kind of gently hold her. Are those her parents grabbing her? I don't know. I thought you just have to kind of stop her. It's called a tantrum, David. You know, you know, a thing or two about that. Your mom and I talked through the worst.

I don't like my breakfast. But when I grew up, I throw tantrums in my house and I can get away with it. If I did this store, it would and I can get away with it. If I did this store, it would be, I would get hit by not even anyone I knew. Someone would just hit me and everyone would applaud because back then I think you would discipline other people's kids. I think everyone was pretty cool because if you're going that crazy. Well, we just have to, first thing you do is just got to stop. It's got to stop.

It made me crazy to watch that. Yeah. Well, you just have to, first thing you do is just got to stop. It's got to stop. It made me crazy to watch that. Yeah, yeah. You just have to kind of gently stop her from doing it if you're not the parent, but you got to stop them. That's my opinion. I know it's a hot take. It's a hot take.

Would you do it if you were in Walmart? Throw things around like she does? No, would you do the one tackling? I wouldn't tackle. I don't think you'd have to tackle her. If you're saying gentle and I'm like, so you tackle. Okay. Well, she looked like maybe a 50 pound little girl, kind of.

I mean, it might be rough stuff for you, but you know, I work out a lot. So I could fight someone who weighed 50 to 70. That's my weight class. 50 to 70. That's my weight class. 50 to 70. I would gently have gotten down and I would have, I would have said, let's throw something together. And so I would throw like a roast Turkey and I, and then I would say to her, you know, you, I owe you an ice cream. Let's go to a Woolworth's.

Woolworth's. You remember Woolworth's? Well, Bright Eight has them sometimes too. There's random, like suddenly there's an ice cream store right next to the fire. Yeah, it's so weird. I've seen that. And then the cashier has to walk over and they're like, hey, they have cookies and cream.

I gotta go. Well, can't they have a part-time employee over there like, okay, you're a line of 40 people. I'll see you in three minutes. I'm going to do two double scoops over here for a second. No wonder they're going bankrupt. It's not the smashing grabs. It's inefficiency.

Yeah. Good Lord. Get with the program. Next one. Get with the program. Okay. Oh, okay. What is your take on this?

So DiCaprio staying at a hotel in Bali or something. He is checking out the staff alerts everyone. So they're all waiting for him in the lobby and he ices all of them. Oh, mighty ices. They're going, I think that's his, maybe his girl. So he fakes on the phone and a song. How did. How embarrassing.

Yeah. Oh, is it a traditional reception? They do. I bet it's a tradition for everybody who walks through there. They're like, he's gone and we're not even through the first verse. Oh, maybe they all watch Once Upon a Time in Hollywood. He was certainly good in that. Well, they all know him.

They're probably just saying, like, hey, can you play along? What do you do, Dana? You goof around with those people. I'm a little codependent because I'm mostly a homebody. I'm not out at airports all the time, but I did get, I think I talked about this. I came off the last flight from New York at LAX and there was a big smiling gang of people

with all the bobbleheads and what they do is, and again, I just said, the thing is, okay, can I, is there a time I can do where I'm presenting well for the luck I've had in life and there's a time when you feel like you're being used? Like in the olden days, you'd have like an eight-year-old come up and say, I loved Wayne's world. Could I have an autograph? You know, and this was you. I'm a bit older than you. And I remember signing the autograph for you.

But now it's become commerce in a business. But in that case, with Leo being a global superstar, you either kind of settle in for a half hour, if you're going to start doing pictures, 45 minutes, or you just walk by. I'd like to hear from you, Mr. Spade. Well, I do understand the people at the airport don't understand why I don't like them. And it's because I like fans. They aren't fans. They're never happy if you stop signing. And basically I say to them, listen,

we're in a business together that I don't wanna be in. I'm 50% of a business, I don't wanna be in. You're like, I went and bought this, I secretly found out your flight number and your frequent flyer number, so I know where you are at all times. So I show up here in your hotel, which is horrible, drives me nuts. And then I come on down here.

So you owe me to sign it. That's your part of the deal. And then I go sell it and make the money. I go, I don't want my part. And they're, they're discombobulated. Well, that's why there's going to be a fight one day. Cause these guys get, this guy was yelling, fuck you to me because I didn't sign enough.

And he goes, you're just standing there. I'm like, this isn't my job. I don't care if you sell it or not. What are we doing here? So, but with DiCaprio, when I leave, I would be like, yeah, that, that I would goof around with them a little bit. I, you know, you don't want to probably get stuck with a half hour pictures if you're going to your flight, but you wave and

say thanks and say, yeah, hey, I'm taking off or something. I would think, now he's a big star, he's sort of known for being quiet, I'm known for being loud. We don't know what here, what we don't really know is the context of the video. Now he may have stayed there, my words, not yours, for a week and a half and came doing some kind of movie or commercial these big movie stars do overseas. So every time he went through, they played that music. And this was the 13th time.

Oh yeah, possibly. And it just went like that. But I will say it's a numbers game. Like Taylor Swift would have, excuse me, Taylor, pardon me, but there's 76,000 people outside that would like a picture with you. So that's an easy one. You gotta go underground or overground.

I've seen apartments in New York where they line up on both sides like Taylor and they get in the car and then she just walks straight in and they all scream. But how much does she owe them at that point? She's trying to get in, she's got to do that all day, get in and out. Well, you can't win. I mean, even in my little tiny world, if there's 20 people there,

they'll just show me and they look, they're beat up, hanging there for hours. They show me a panel. It's got eight little plastic squares. Oh yeah, that's where fun goes. And they tell me it's either a buck 50 or two 50 if I just go like that. And so that's $10 a panel. I might be able to feed my family. So you just, you know.

You know, they tell me, I do one, pick which one. They go, okay, this Ben Schwimmer's jersey. So I signed that and they go, and what about this? I came all the way here. I go, I just said one, pick that one then. You should have picked that one. Then he goes, my daughter loves it and she is your biggest fan. And she's holding a Funko like this.

And I go, all right. I go, what movies do you like, little girl? And she goes, who the fuck are you? They don't know. They just grab someone and go, tell this asshole you want him to sign it. He's not going to ask you. It's the eye, I guess. Yeah, he's got his eyes messed up.

Yeah. Poor thing, you know. I mean, it's just- Just sign this shit. This guy's going to buy me a snow cone. That's the thing. And I just go and then the first time I sign, it's a beautiful D-A-N-A. And by the hundredth one, it's like, it's just, but what I did, this is what I did.

And it's going to get worse if I say this, but it's out there because I was. Just got bored signing things. So they, I started doing a little quick drawing of Garth. So I do Garth and then people started to bring drum drum, a Tom Tom drum top. So, Hey, can I get a picture of Garth? So I start drawing these abstract pictures of Garth. You can see the glasses, the hair. And so those are big. And then once in a while, I'll see what your doppelganger is. I don't know if that's the right word. I'll see something

and they've got Mike, you know, it's like a Wayne's World Rolling Stone. And then they have Garth now. So that's like a big thing. It's worth more. Yeah. Yeah. So you would get that with, um, I get that with, if they have almost, almost a finished bench warmers with those guys, a grownups poster, Tommy boy, black sheep, that stuff, if, if you get everybody and I get baseballs too, what, what, what are we doing with the baseball? Why is David Spade signing baseball? I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I get the caps of men wear and water polo. I get those and I go, what's the connection here guys? I'm not in the Olympic team. I just get jock straps. I get, um. Just sign it so I can have dinner. Yeah.

No, at the beginning I do a perfect D, perfect cursor by the end. It's just a liquid fart. I go, hello. Okay. Liquid fart. You taught my sloppy writing. God damn, I hit this and yanked my thing. Anyway, I'll just say it.

Next one. Anyway, Dana, great guy. All right. This is masterclass Dana, and this is a gift that is really like an interesting thing to give someone because unique gifts are where it's at. Lasts a lifetime. You can't do better than master class. I mean, first of all, you learn from the best. Obviously they have what, 200 plus of the world's best.

That's why Wyer Cutter calls it an invaluable gift because it is. Learn from any master class instructor anywhere, you got it on your phone, on a computer, on your TV. I'm just looking again, of course Steve Martin we love. You get basically a private teacher. Helen Mirren, Penn and Teller, if you like magic. There's so many things they have.

Penn and Teller, that would be cool. I didn't know they were on. That'd be a great one. I'd love to learn some magic from them. Yeah. Ken Burns for documentaries. How to do a documentary. Yeah.

Fantastic. They have so many good, I mean, even Mariah Carey and it's just so many, so many people. So you got Amy Poehler, she does improv, how to overcome your fears. People always ask about improv and it is tough, but you can learn some tricks. How to turn your passions into achievements.

Oh yeah, listen. I think, well, I use this, I know you've done it, and 88% of members feel that masterclasses made a positive impact on their lives. I agree with that. Oh, absolutely. Yeah, it's a great thing. You should really give it as a gift

because it's so user friendly, little bite-sized videos, really clear and clean, and they take you through the whole class. It's not like home work. Your boy, Steph Curry. Steph Curry. Steph Curry's on there. Mm-hmm.

Yeah, too shabby. Change the game. I'd like to know how to shoot like him. Yeah, shoot from half court, don't look. No risk, every membership comes a 30 day money back guarantee. This is great. Masterclass has great offers during the holidays.

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I said it, truly. Oh yeah, listen, join for free at Rakuten.ca or download the Rakuten app. That's R-A-K-U-T-E-N. Rakuten.ca. All right, here we go. This year old girl decided to something a balloon. A release a balloon. Oh, this is an interesting story. Okay. The true story. This girl releases a balloon, puts her name, writes a note. Release a balloon. Oh, this is an interesting story. Okay. The true story. This girl releases a balloon, puts her name, writes a note. Like we all of us little girls do.

Go ahead. Tanya Woodgold decided to release a balloon one day with her name and address on a note. Apparently this was actually her grand- Laura Buxton. ... to help her find a pen pal. But although they figured that nothing would come out of it, what happened next just blew everyone's minds. You see, around a week after Laura Buxton released her balloon, she suddenly got a letter from Laura Buxton.

As it turns out, after floating for more than 400 miles across England, her balloon had just landed in some random guy's backyard. But right as this guy was about to toss it out, he suddenly recognized the name. Somehow, he actually just so happened to have a neighbor named Laura Buxton, so he simply tried returning the balloon to her. But since she had never even seen this balloon before she was really confused and when this Laura Buxton finally wrote back to the address on the notebook something absolutely crazy was discovered you see not only were these two girls both Laura Buxton they had the exact same eye color age and built they also owned the exact same pets a gray rabbit a guinea pig with a mark on it a three-year-old black lab on top of that when these two girls met for the first time they somehow

both wore jeans with pink sweaters and brought their guinea pigs. Their twins separated at birth. And both of their busters were even the exact same height of four foot seven, which was really tall for their age. They ended up becoming close friends and still are to this day. And Snopes actually verified that all these details

really are true. They both hated Dana Carby. I would say their twins separated at birth. Or that was too many coincidences. What's this Snopes? What do we have to believe about the Snopes? Yeah, who the fuck believes that? I don't even know what that is.

Yeah, what is that shit? Yeah, who knows what's real or not real, but. I believe literally everything on TikTok. I go, oh my God, next one, oh my God. That's what they want. I'm a good customer. Yeah. Well, I'm not saying you're gullible, but I'm saying

you might be a little impressionable or easy to convince. I don't want to get into something with you. They have to get you in two seconds. So they go, this is the craziest thing I've ever heard my whole entire life. And then you stay and they go, well, let me back up. I was born and then you go, then they don't, they want to keep you on for as long as you can stand it. I know.

See, we're not, we don't harbor in that kind of stuff. Maybe because we went to state school on this podcast with like teaser bylines and controversies and guess what David Spade says. Yeah. We just kind of start yapping and hope for the numbers. I just put up a TikTok and it bombed. All right. So, okay, we'll go to the next one. That was just sort of a human interest story. I thought it was sweet really.

Oh, this is classic, dude. Oh, this is classic, dude. Man sends his family's $550,000 savings to a streamer, so she would call him bro. Now talk about sounding fucking dumb and fake. And look at this bro, that's not the real guy. Bro. Well, what would she call him bro for $100,000? How did he get to $550?

How about $5,000 to call me and say, bro? Come meet me at the airport like they do and give me a little taste, you know, wet the beak. I'll say bro, I'll say. So she turned down 540,000. Get the fuck out of here. I gave you the number, it's 550. So anyway, how'd you like to be the family?

I didn't want to meet her. I just wanted to hear her call me bro. Yeah, something's wrong. Financially ruined the family and they're surviving on plane buns. What are the odds that the person or the entity that called him was not an AI? So he just gave over a half million to an AI. Oh, that would be worse. At least. He's really buttering up this girl.

But some of these girls make so much money. I mean, they fart in a jar. I don't want to gross you out, but there's just things they do. And it just makes money. And we're sitting here busting our humps. I've always said it, just watch the technology. The technology begats the behavior. I mean, the world's first telegraph,

the first message was, do do do do do do, Kansas City, we need food. Do do do do. The second message was, do do do do, Kansas City, what's your name? What are you wearing? Do do do do do, touch yourself. That was it.

I mean. Touch yourself, Dana. That's a little risky. That's a little touchy for me. No, I think- That's yourself, Dana. That's a little risky. That's a little touchy for me. No, I think a little risky. This is a longer bit. I'll just do the first part, but I, it was a flight of fancy in my head that what was the world's first phone sex?

Cause phones, when they came into the home, I was really like, operate it. Get me a lateral fall fall seven. You know, those little old fashioned phones. The world's first phone sex would have been awkward because they would know. So it's like, hello, hello. Ma, it's Pa. Pa, what do you call me for? I got 10 kids. I got to make dinner. What are you doing?

Well, Ma was down at the five and dime and I saw a lady mannequin wearing nothing but her under things and it got a fella thinking, Ma, what are you yappering about for? What do you mean, what are you thinking? Well Ma, I wondered what kind of pantaloons you're wearing today. Pantaloons? Pantaloons? Well, if you must know, I'm wearing my

Carter Spanky briefs. Oh, I was hoping you'd wear those Caligol print pantaloons I got you in Dog City last year. And that's part of the bit. I don't wanna do that. I like it, kept going. Come and see. Dodge City, he went all the way to Dodge City,

he got flannel pantaloons. Yeah, and she gets on her high horse and then. She wasn't really going with it. Pa, did you have a five cent beer? Cause you sound drunk. No ma, I had a two cent beer? Cause you sound drunk. No, ma, I had a two cent beer. I'm not drunk. I got an old school boner.

I got a... And don't yell at me about it. So anyway, that's that kind of stuff. So, but long story short, today in the digital world, women and men, but especially women and with OnlyFans are able to monetize how men are just sort of helpless, helpless fools. Men are the worst. I mean, my God, who's worst?

The one who asked for the money, the one who gave them the money. Horny, horny, greasy, stupid, fools. Horny. Greasy, stupid, and willing to depart with cash. No joke, dude. Greasy. Stupid. And willing to depart with cash. No joke, dude. My God. No joke, I'm not kidding around here. He leaned in for it.

Set me up. Set me up with my Joey. With my Joey. Katie used to say no joke. That's right, still up. I want to challenge you. Okay. So Carson, Johnny Carson's alive today and he's going to do a monologue joke

about Hunter Biden being pardoned. Okay. Go. Oh, we need one. I don't know. Did you read this today, Ed? I don't know if you read this. Hunter Biden, the one who was having sex with his brother's wife, he's got himself

in a bit of a pickle. I heard, I heard a rumor. Yeah. Someone got into his diary and found all sorts of unsavory things. So apparently Hunter Biden got pardoned by his father. And it was quite controversial because apparently he was under the charges of being drunk and holding a gun on a Saturday night

and shooting it off in the neighborhood. Obviously, it was just another night with Ed. Oh, oh, Don Rickles over there and said, Shoot me and I'll eat a cookie. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Ed's in the corner. Ed, the show started half hour ago. Give him a cookie, pack him in ice and put him and put's in the corner. Ed, the show started half hour ago. Give him a cookie. Pack him in ice and put him in a home.

I like pack him in ice. Hello, the show started. Oh, Frank Sinatra. Baboonsie Gold. No, I love Rickles, but Johnny, Johnny Carson. What's another? I can't think of a good one. I know, that's a hard one. What's a news story?

Heather? Greg? No. No, any news story? Heather? Greg? No, no, no. Any news story? No, she said alien stories are all over Instagram and TikTok, but they don't talk about the abductions as much as they used to. It's more just sightings, which is a valid point. But I think they do have, when people disappear, I think a lot of it's, I think we have a deal with the aliens where we give them some and they give us some technology. There I said it. The last time I saw something that really looked truly alien was Bill the Plumber fixing the And that crack was as long as an alien spaceship. I'm sorry.

Longer than San Andreas. I dated a woman named Shannon Andreas a while back and she said everything wasn't her fault. Yo! It's not bad. I actually came up with a joke. God damn, we just stumbled into one. All right, let's do one more. Is there anything good?

One more, grab this thing, strap it in. And then let Dana lay down. This lalapaloo stuff. This is cute. This is the world's first horse mixed with something else. Let's see it. Do you think this is mortally ethical? There's a ranch in Casper, Wyoming.

I almost said Laramie. Sorry, Laramie. It's in Casper, Wyoming. Beautiful, though. Gorgeous. And they hybrided this animal between two different animal species. And I want to see if you can guess which two animal species you think it is. So the first one, obvious, is a horse. Oh, the horse. I got the horse. Good job, Alapalooza.

So its mother was a horse. Of course. They were surprised that it came out looking exactly like a horse, given who its father was. Now let's see if you can guess who the father. A giraffe. Yep. They were surprised that it came out looking like a horse given who its father was. Now let's see if you can guess who the father, a giraffe. Yep, they did breed it with the giraffe. And not much came out from the giraffe besides two things. One is the neck is longer than the average horse. You can, you know, you can measure it right here. It definitely is longer. But second, pretty obvious, the pattern, right? It's drawn the giraffe pattern. It's a little bit different,

but it is beautiful. They're starting to sell them. They're very expensive. They're almost a million dollars a pop. But are we are we messing around with nature too much or am I just being too sensitive? Yeah, we're messing around too much. That's a little weird. Yeah, it's very weird.

You hear that Ed? What they did was they got a giraffe to make Whoopi with a horse. And the only thing that came out was the horse could not reach the apple in the tree. He was frustrated that his neck wasn't longer. Sorry. It's been a long day. I drove three and a half hours.

I apologize to our audience. Did that horse's neck really look longer? No, no, it didn't. And it wasn't bred with a giraffe. Oh, gross. Yeah. It wasn't bred with a giraffe. And it wasn't. It wasn't?

No, it's all made up. Oh, listen to Dana's take on this. It's made up. They have a funny horse. It's all made up. And they're trending with fake news. I know, some of it's fake news. It's made up, made up story. I don't know if that was a good enough.

Most of our stories are made up on this one. That was not a good enough one to end with. Let's do one more. Sorry, in case we have one more. Yeah, let's do a closer. This is called the closer. Okay. Oh, this drives me nuts.

This is at our God dang mall. We go to Century City. What would you do, Heather? I was there during the Smashing Grab. Oh, she was there for the Smashing Grab. She did nothing. Oh, you were, okay. They were laughing and stealing everything.

Now these guys in their motorcycles, just picture, wouldn't that scare you? They're like running, you know. Yeah. When they go, they come in numbers is sort of the threatening, threatening motif. I mean, like the guy that writes. The Nazi guy in the middle of the room in Ohio with the red mask and the black. Oh, I didn't see that.

I don't like it. I just don't like that crime shit. No, that's like, it's a little bit like clockwork orange for the three people who get the reference. And it's too accepted. They're like, hey, you know, here's what you it's a little bit like Clockwork Orange for the three people who get the reference. And it's too accepted. They're like, hey, you know, here's what you should do when you get robbed. Here's what you should do when they smash your store. It's like, how about we have them not do that? Why are the stores the problem? Like you should pay to get more, you should pay to get thicker glass. No, how about arrest somebody instead of just-

Yeah, because we went through this. I mean, we went through the lawless West where 20 cowboys would come in, shoot their guns. Ha ha ha! Ka-kaw! And everyone would cower, you know. We'll be back tomorrow and I hope you have that bag of gold. Right, but then they'd fix them. Then we went through law and order and stop it, sir. Freeze and all that stuff. And now we're right back to Wild, Wild West if there are motorcycles.

I mean, God dang, it's just like everywhere you go, they're boarding up somewhere. Someone else lost their whole business. You go, what would it sound like when they were boarding up? Hang on. What did you say? Oh, we're going to have to. Okay. This. Okay.

We got it. She's going to shoot hoops. Try to hit this pass. Okay. Okay. That's a three pointer for shot number two. That was actually really perfect. Back up. Okay. this is one shot.

Shot number two. Okay, Dana. She can angle. All right, for shot number three, we're going back even further. I think it's real. It looks good if it's fake. That's a tough one. And that's the triple nipper.

Look at that. She didn't even act like it was a big deal. Chris Farley's sister. See that stance and that's the triple. Well, if that's real hats off, I'd say. That's a lot of practice. She spends a lot of time doing that. How many thousands of takes in the thousands?

What would it be? It took two years to get that video. For you to do it, how many years? How long it take Heather to make the dollhouse? What would be the hardest one? It would be Heather in the dollhouse times 10. How long was the dollhouse? A year.

It seemed like the Frisbee would be the one, but because she banked it. You could do it on an angle. But still, yeah, I would have to, you but because she banked it. Yeah, you could do it on an angle. But still, yeah, I would have to, you know, maybe it was an optical illusion. Like the basket was like eight feet across or something. I bet I could do the football one first. Yeah, sure. Football, yeah. I look like Gerbitt today. Yeah, it's Prada. You like Prada? I have a shirt just like that, except mine's expensive.

Hey, handsome. This is your guide through the lexicon that is show business constantly. I see all your money's not going back in the wardrobe. Okay. Oh, you hate money. That's okay. Some people like it. Dana likes it.

Rob Lowe likes it. I said, I know Rob Lowe's every other billboard. Good for us. We love Rob. We're trying to wait on this kick that Heather's sending. We might have to start with it next week. Cause I went to the doctor today, Dana. So I'm feeling a little goosey still.

Are you feeling still like gave you a little, little mad or something? That's still a little woozy. They just checked. They just, I don't think it's a bad deal. They injected me with a. Die or something. Heroin. Yeah.

And they said, um, but when they do it, you can't eat, which I don't like. I have a little blood sugar, so I don't like, I have a little blood sugar, so I don't like to not eat. So I go, I gotta get right in there and just do it. But they have to put the stickers on me, you know? They didn't make me take off my shirt, but of course she goes up to my neck under my shirt, she's like, okay, where are your pecs?

I'm like, you're close, just stick to it. Did they shave your chest? They shaved my pubes for a- Even though they didn't put any election control right thing down. I didn't want to make any waves. I just said, do what you got to do. And then they put the stickers on and they changed them.

They weren't like perfect. They look at the monitor and go, they changed maybe 45 times. I kept going, have you guys done this before? What's going on? They're like, we just gotta get a good connection. It was like a car battery. They're like, nah, nah, nah.

I'm like, because they kept going. Then you go in there and then we inject your veins with dye and I'm like, bleh. Then it feels very weird. It's a little warm. Really warm. Really warm. I didn't wanna to tell you.

Pulsating headache. And the pup tent, they said, was not related. So you got kind of turned. They injected you with Cialis. Yeah. He goes, is there any Viagra? Let's go to a gas station, grab a boner pill by the cashier. I like when they're right by the cashier. You know, when you go to check out your gas.

I didn't notice that. And they go, Herbal Viagra? Rod for the road? Maybe. Where are you going, Irvine? Maybe a little boner for no reason? I went, eh, throw one in. Yeah, why not?

You're in a lot of quick stop gas station places. Yeah. With all kinds of synthetic brief jerky. How do you like it? It's four percent actual beef jerky. It's synthetic. All right. I'll tell you more about stuff next week.

Yeah, I want to know what the results of the test was. Oh yeah, me too. I'll read them live on the air like Maury. Paul Mitch. This is me making a shot kicking Tito's bottle when I was on Lights Out. One try. One try. My girl's going wild hot.

Chris Rock and I did a gig. But did it go somewhere or you just kicked it off? This is like for charity. I did a spin kick and kick off the top of a Tito's bottle. Did you need to have to ice down after that low stance and the physical? Yeah, show it again actually. Ready? Oh, God, it starts too fast.

You can't even get your bearings. What? Dude, I have the exact same shoes on right now. Um, that was me going, whoa. Yeah, that I pulled. Mustache is pretty meager. I mean. Meager.

It's. Crispy. Mustache is a little. Yeah, a little light, but I pulled my hamstring, my quad, my thorax. Let's bring Lights Out back. That was a fun show. Yeah, it was fun.

We might. Next time, don't call a show Lights Out, because good night, Mr. Spade. It's like calling a show canceled. I might have my new haircut next week. I'll tell you. I'll let you know. Are you really, you're not serious about that? You're not kind of-

I think I'm cutting the side from like here off. What do you mean? Like it's- Pointing it back. So you'll have a little bit of like a crew cut, just double around your ear. I think. I've seen that style, but not on anyone over 30 years old. 11.

Well, you can do it if you're a pop star. No, Dana. I'll tell you, it's gonna be great. All right, I gotta go. I got so many things going. All right. You're gonna let this die in me. This has been a presentation of Odyssey Superfly as executive produced by Dana Carvey and David

Spade, Jenna Weiss Berman of Odyssey, Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman. Hope you liked it!