Fly on the Wall with Dana Carvey and David Spade - SUPERFLY #46 - SNL COLD OPEN!

Episode Date: December 13, 2024

The guys go behind the scenes of their SNL Church Chat cold open. Then they discuss selling farts, being a virgin on OnlyFans, the handsome killer, and orbs over New Jersey. To learn more about list...ener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Airbnb is a sponsor, Dana, and I know a lot of people are using them. A lot of people, they love Airbnb. By the way, you can get big, you can get small. It's not just one thing. It's just people saying, hey, what do you want? We'll find it. Big, small, short, tall, want to have a big kitchen, little kitchen, whatever you want. Fireplace.
Starting point is 00:00:24 You want a fireplace. You want a space that's private, like you, David, probably would want private. Or, you know, the main thing about them is they have a lot of locations, and if you can't find the hotel you want, Airbnbs are your choice. Listen, hotels are fine. Just Airbnbs got a little more space, a little more privacy, you know, a sharper location
Starting point is 00:00:47 than a hotel. You might want to go a little closer to this, closer to that. And my hotel this weekend when I was on the road, people were knocking on, I thought was my door. I kept looking at the keyhole. It's the door next to me. I had that. But there's a lot of hubbub and commotion that you won't get at an Airbnb, you know?
Starting point is 00:01:01 Yeah. The noise was so loud in the hallway with keys jangling and people coming. I thought for sure they're coming into my room. Housekeeping. Housekeeping. We clean now? I always tell them when I leave, I go, hey, I'm leaving. You can go in.
Starting point is 00:01:18 They're like, am I supposed to be excited about this sickening operation? I go out every morning. I find the one who's assigned to my room and we make a plan. We make a plan together. What we're gonna do is I'm gonna go in and then I'm gonna take a walk and then you go in, right? Yes.
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Starting point is 00:03:05 with iGaming Ontario. Wow, you locked in and we are recording. Welcome to another edition of Sklooper Fleek. Of Stupid Fly. Mm-hmm. Dana Dana. We should have a segment called Fly Swatter, where we just criticize movies and people.
Starting point is 00:03:26 Welcome to Fly Swatter. Welcome to Fludge. We'll take you down. We're not afraid to take you down. We'll spray poison on you. There you go, Patrick. I just gave him a little, a face. He goes, does this count as something good?
Starting point is 00:03:42 Do you want a clip? He goes, does this count as something good? You want a clip? The only thing happened to me funny today was I was at crunch gym in New York city and it was 18 degrees out. So it was, the walk was real interesting. My head was swollen up and stuff, but, um, they go, Hey, Hey, listen up, listen up crunchers. There's a voice of God over the whole gym and he calls us crunchers.
Starting point is 00:04:05 He calls us crunchers. Listen up, you crunchers. Please, please put your weights back in a quiet manner. Enjoy it. All right, crunchers. Keep crunching. Keep crunching, crunchers. I go, who thought of this?
Starting point is 00:04:21 But it was awesome. Were you doing crunches at the time? Yes. Oh, I, I know how to crunch my abs. People like, they'd like to, people like to work out their, it's, it's nonsensical. When people work out, they work out their strong muscles and work around their weak muscle. So if their back is weak, they're doing the lat pull, they just whip it back with
Starting point is 00:04:43 their arms. If they're trying to do a stomach crunch, they just sit on the thing and they just make their neck go like this. And I'm not talking about when I saw you at crunchers, but you are a cruncher. Nestle's is crunches. You would come in back in the day when we were on SNL and do- Prescriptive fitness. Yes.
Starting point is 00:05:02 And it's the same gym. Everything's the same. It's been expanded, but it's the same gym from, uh. Oh, that's where you go. Gary Prince. Yeah. Now it's Crunch Baudit from Gary Prince, my friend. God rest his soul.
Starting point is 00:05:13 For real. That same spot on the way to SNL. And the stairs as he built it out and went up. But I remember you would come in and you would work your biceps pretty good. Which is kind of the show muscles. We don't even need our biceps that much in life compared to our back and shoulders. But lats, quads, bleeps, squeeps. But you know, the Nick City dancers worked out there too. They, he let them work out there for free.
Starting point is 00:05:41 Oh yeah. So I'd always see them and I'd go like this. You using these? Can I work in? I want to do some dips. Yeah. Gravitron. I ran into Tony Danza in New York coming out of a hotel. Hey! It was someplace like a workout. So he said, prescriptive fitness. Tell him I sent you. And he worked out during his Broadway run. I'm sitting down. Nice. Nice. So let's talk about the show was fun last week. Let's unpack it. But for the people who don't know.
Starting point is 00:06:16 Next time we'll make that really cut it close. Oh, there you go. People yell at me on the comments. You look, you look amazing. Fucking comments. Dana, you got your jacket on. Your warmest, is that your warmest coat in New York? No, this is my indoor cool guy jacket because I stole it from the New York magazine thing.
Starting point is 00:06:35 Oh, that's where you got it. I just walked out with it. Because I've been in stores where I tried a jean jacket and it can go south so fast. Real fast. It can ride up. It can be too short, too big, weird collar, jean jackets or not. So this works.
Starting point is 00:06:52 So I stole it. The tag was for $98. I do not shop. I shop Amazon essentials. I don't care if that's a conflict of interest with our sponsors. We have to take that all out. Yep. $59 is my winter coat.
Starting point is 00:07:05 But you know, if you try something on a movie or on a TV show and it fits, you get something that works, you got to take it. Yeah. Yeah. Like hopefully. It's too hard to find. Yeah. I mean, so, so basically for people who didn't know, I've been doing some
Starting point is 00:07:20 things on SNL like Biden and stuff. And then I always thought it'd be funny if David played Hunter Biden. I don't know why, just for some reason. And so that's what happened last Saturday night. And it happened on Friday at noon. I was in the kitchen in my house in LA cooking away, cooking stew for dinner.
Starting point is 00:07:43 And then you gave me a heads up, said, Hey, I think they're going to call you. I think you're in this cold opening. If you want to roll out, I think they're going to say come out. And then, and then I went to eat at McDonald's and then Gervais called, put the quarter pounder down. Like money. Yeah. Want to go out to SNL?
Starting point is 00:08:02 Hey handsome. Landscape has changed. Landscape has changed. All the catchphrases. Landscape has changed. No one's getting any money out there, by the way. There's no money left. Oh, no, they don't get those deals. That's all smoke and mirrors. No, that's the old deals. They don't get those anymore. They don't get those deals.
Starting point is 00:08:18 You want me to call back, see if there's another drop, try to get another drop out of them, squeeze them? I said, yeah. So I should have just said, what's the least amount of money I can get for SNL cause I saw my contract. But anyway, I, I went out, so I go home and they go, he goes, can you get on a 330 flight? I go, well, it's one and I'm at McDonald's. I don't think so. So I had to scramble to, uh, and Heather rallied and we went out there, got in at
Starting point is 00:08:43 1 a.m. and then I call you my liaison and said, because all I know is really Dan Bula. I don't even have Higgins' number. So I said, hey, Donna, and you said, I just rehearsed it. We're working on it. And then tomorrow we'll do it tomorrow in the evening. So. Okay. My little, those 36 hours for me was because normally I come in, I do Biden
Starting point is 00:09:07 and then I rehearse it Friday. But so I was fine in Thursday and then found out when I got off the plane or something church lady, I was like, holy, holy, holy lady. So then, um, when it's time I put, I, okay, who's going to be in it? You know, it was Marcello as Juan Soto, the baseball player. And it was, um, uh, Sarah Sherman as Matt Gates, of course, and he was Hunter Biden. So then I'm working backwards, trying to figure out what to do. But then, um, Friday night at midnight, we just ran a really rough draft, just sitting with the
Starting point is 00:09:45 writers a little bit on Friday. And then it was a little needed some, needed some work. Yeah. And I've never been that behind the eight ball when I would do a church chat. I would start on Tuesday and then work with Bonnie and Terry Turner or others. And then we go to read through, get a feel for it. Do another rewrite, another rewrite. So I was glad it turned out as well as it did.
Starting point is 00:10:11 You were great. Just had a funny take on Hunter. So anyway, so then it's Saturday. I get up early and I'm writing any joke I can think of to try to insert. You're just trying to recover. Tell us from your point of view now, what happened? So I'm just rotting at the hotel and then I just say they'll let me know. So I
Starting point is 00:10:31 walked down 57th and see the big Louis Vuitton building that I thought was a CGI and then filmed something from my Instagram. And then they said, oh, we'll send a car. I still haven't read it. They go, we gotta get you a Hunter Biden wig and get you down here and get you a suit. So I went down around 3.30 or four and saw the old SNL. I remember this. But when some of the cast was saying, where was your dressing room?
Starting point is 00:11:01 Where was Adams? Where was everybody's compared to what they had? That's always fun. It's all exactly the same. And I had a dressing room next to Dana and that was fun. That Maya Rudolph had occupied when she was doing Kamala. So that, yeah.
Starting point is 00:11:17 Kamala and you had a couch in yours. I did not. I had a couch. But who cares? I don't wanna, it didn't matter. I wasn't paying for it, but I had a snack box or you don't want to call it. And you would walk in about every 45 minutes and grab little chips. They weren't big chips or whatever you were grabbing.
Starting point is 00:11:35 You'd look around, you'd grace without talking and then walk out. No, you wouldn't say anything. You were rehearsing and I'm like, yeah, I'm just looking at my script. You know, here's something interesting inside baseball. So I want to get there. They said come in at 4 30, but it's basically dark. Times Square is lit up. I get in the car. I got very, very nice drivers. We're going to have to go around Mr. Covey. So as he's telling me, as we're going down toward Times Square, we got to make a left because it's thousands and thousands of people in the street. Nice weather Saturday. He goes, look, I'll be honest with you. If we can't go left here, we got to go all the way
Starting point is 00:12:12 around. It's going to add one more hour. One more hour of travel. Really fucking shit. Yeah. We got to go around Manhattan and Staten Island. We got to go around. So what I did, and I never do it, and I can hide in plain sight with this mug and this face. I put it out. You jumped out, shut the fuck up.
Starting point is 00:12:27 I didn't, I put the window down. There was like hundreds of people and I was just hanging out, out the window, looking kinda like this, just going, isn't that special? It would pump you up and all that stuff. So they started taking pictures and the police woman noticed and I said,
Starting point is 00:12:43 can we go, I gotta to get to Saturday night live. So we were able to go down. Oh my God. What a great idea. Could look at it. Work sometimes doesn't always work. Face card to the rescue. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:12:58 Uh, I did the same thing. I rolled it down. I said, isn't that special? And they said, yes, Mr. Carby, you're back. I said, I had to run out. I'm coming right back in. Well, that helps me a lot.
Starting point is 00:13:07 If I was dressed as Garth, they would have sent a helicopter for me. Hey, I'd like to get by now. No, I went in. I'd like to go down 51st Street now. What was funny is they had to put, you said that wigs are easy. They put, you know, Jody's very sweet.
Starting point is 00:13:24 She puts the saran wrap over my head. Then they go, it's like they're wrapping a present. It's just tape, tape, tape, tape, pushing me down, making me shorter. You know what I should have had you say? You should have said when I came out, oh, Hunter, you look a little shorter than I remember. And I go, I got the weight of the world.
Starting point is 00:13:42 You didn't look short. I mean, I'm shorter than Hunter probably. I'm still 5'12", but so anyway, tape, tape, tape. I had maybe 30 straps of tape. And how many pins go right in? Oh, and then it was fucking pins. The pin store went out of business. It was like, then they draw lines around your head,
Starting point is 00:14:06 they draw your shape, then they go make the wig in seconds. I don't know how they do it. And it's really my hair, but it's blacker, which makes me wanna do my hair darker for the movie. I kinda like it black. And then I go, and then they have to pin my little mullet back here up. And then they go, shave your beard.
Starting point is 00:14:23 And I go, I don't think I can because we're starting. But you trimmed it. And they said can you trim it? I think it was Lauren and I said you tell Lauren I don't fucking work here anymore. That little fit you through just spread all across 8H crew guys who would spade it upstairs? What the fuck? You know.
Starting point is 00:14:44 I saw Marcelo what the fuck by the way Is it Marcelo Marcello or marshmallow? He's so sweet he's a marshmallow Marshmallow, but he is a marshmallow Marcello he is Yeah, he's guys. He's he's got a great attitude about this show. Great ass? What did you say? Attitude.
Starting point is 00:15:09 Oh, he's got good fluffy ears. Your words, not mine. Now, when I said attitude, your ears heard ass-itude. Do you have any comment on that? Let me read this back. You tweeted this. This is a tweet from you. Can we pull it up? This is a tweet.
Starting point is 00:15:22 A tweet from you. Your we pull it up? This is a tweet. A tweet from you. Your personal barefoot Instagram. Yeah. So it was fun. What do you mean it was fun? And so I got my wig. I got my la la la la. Then we did a rehearsal. You got the suit. Then we tightened.
Starting point is 00:15:40 Then we do a little tighten and brighten. And then Marcella made fun of me because when I walked off, I pulled out my cigarettes. And he goes, don't add stuff. That wasn't the script. So funny. Such a bust. And he goes, and when he said, you said the laptop ads takes away two inches, you said, bye-bye.
Starting point is 00:16:02 And I get up and I go, maybe three. And he goes, added a line, pulled out cigarettes. That wasn't the script. Was that the dress show? That was dress. Yeah, that was dress. Okay. So that's funny.
Starting point is 00:16:15 See that, but he can, he can do that. He noticed that, which was funny. Yeah, he's good. He's, he's, uh, he's just fun, man. We got to get him on Subba, whatever our show is called. One of our shows that orientate around an insect. What about Sarah Sherman looking like Matt Gaetz and terrifying everyone?
Starting point is 00:16:32 Well, that's why the look, I forget it's Matt Gaetz or anything, just her in that suit. Whatever it is is funny. Whatever it is, it's just, and then she puts her chin down and does the smile with the big forehead. She's such a fucking twig too.
Starting point is 00:16:45 And then she comes out later and she plays like every girl in every sketch. She goes, I'm barely in the show at all. I go, you're in 5,000 things. What are you talking about? I'm barely in the show. Everyone's got, I'm not in the show-itis. It's true, we all had it.
Starting point is 00:16:58 Everybody has it. I'm hardly in the show. There is something about a slight woman and she's very cute and in a suit playing a man. Because I've never felt more manly. Because we're playing a girl. Well, that was the meta thing I didn't want to point out. I'm a man playing a woman. She's a woman playing a man.
Starting point is 00:17:20 That never happened before in the history of sketch. Even the great Milton Berle never had a meta man, woman, woman, man talking, going toe to toe in that comedy atmosphere. Your words, not mine. Let me take another look. So Mr. Mayorkas. So that we do the dress show. So people don't know.
Starting point is 00:17:42 So the dress show is pretty loud. I mean, it's pretty fun. This is the eight o'clock two hour dress show. So you do that. How, what's your comfort level coming off the dress show? That's why you brought this. The comfort level was. I got it.
Starting point is 00:17:58 Fuck, I'm gonna crush. I said, I don't, I go to you and also the writer people. I don't remember their names, they're very cool. And I said, it's a young lady and there's a young man. And I said, thanks for putting me in this. I said, I don't want to be the sketch hog. This is Dana's sketch. But I said, I actually never do this,
Starting point is 00:18:18 but I would like to be in it less. I said, you were very nice. You gave me a lot, but if it's just talking, there's not much of a good impression there. I would rather just, just hit the jokes and not have a big diatribe about Trump or this. I go, let's just Biden back and forth. I said, let's just get Dana laugh, me laugh, a couple of laughs.
Starting point is 00:18:39 And you've got, the cold open shouldn't be too long. So funny Dana, funny Sarah as Matt, me and then Marcello and then get out, do a little dance and it turned out it got a little tighter. I don't know if your stuff got tighter but you might have said the same thing. Oh no, I mean it basically as far as the show Inside Baseball Alert, Inside Baseball, so there's a running timeline of the show and what Lauren thinks he can keep in the show based on sketches going long or short. So probably Friday night, that thing was 13 minutes, all better 14.
Starting point is 00:19:17 Which is an eternity for a show, for a TV. And then it gets down to 945 for that dress show, but it needs to be under eight. Yeah, still a little chubby. Little chubby. So there was a lot of trims and I look back at later, I always have sketch regret of like some of those rhythms. I would have got into it differently as the church lady. I was a little bit rusty, but-
Starting point is 00:19:43 Well, isn't that special? Well, isn't that, well, I wanted to do that. I wanted to do like a, uh, a monster voice. Hello, I'm the church lady and welcome to church chat. And then go, whoops, I sorry. Had a little sweat. Satan get out of here. Satan. Usually I have a fist fight or I play the drums or some kind of weird thing.
Starting point is 00:20:04 We did have this song at the end, which I heard you were harmonizing. Satan had a good year. Satan had a good year. Satan. So that was twice as long at the dress and they asked for trims. Oh, Heather was trying to record me and then she got bored of me and she started, she just drifted over that one foot gap and went into your dressing room and you guys were like, Satan had a good
Starting point is 00:20:29 year. I know, I wish she'd done more of it. I would have posted. Yeah, here we go. Oh, there it is. Look at that. The election sure. Oh, I wish she'd gone longer.
Starting point is 00:20:39 And Mike Tyson. I know. I was a little bit, but I think they made all the great choices and great cuts. No, they did a good job. And you know, that's what the dress, it's not, we're not saying it was too long on their fault. It's just you put everything in and you usually have read through to figure stuff out
Starting point is 00:20:57 and you tighten. Right. But we didn't see it until that night. And so, you know, okay, now Spades in, now he's here now. So let's see how it all goes. Then we got the costumes on and we got wardrobe and then it's like, okay, Titan and Brighton. As I said, the cold opening is so important. I would say vote to put it in read through because I know they don't, they try to keep it very topical for Friday, but.
Starting point is 00:21:19 Yeah. But I do think the song, I was happy with the button of the song. That really was. The time all nine of us were going, saying that again, you know, it's very good for the cold opening. The one thing that you and I tried and it was just too long, it didn't quite work was, you know, your pardon goes retroactive to 2014. So Church Lady starts to quiz you over what you remember. Do you remember 2014?
Starting point is 00:21:44 No. 2015? No. 2015? Uh, no. And then finally, 2015, a little blurry. Yeah. I see colors. What about 2019?
Starting point is 00:21:53 I see some colors and shapes, you know. A little aqua. I see some shapes. Yeah. Some aqua, some purple. So that was, I remember pops and noises. I don't buzzes and beeps. So we, that we like, if we'd had that, we could have honed it and worked on it, but
Starting point is 00:22:08 it didn't quite land. So it was one of the first things we lost. So you're hearing the inside baseball. The song was cut shorter and cause it needed to be, one less church lady dance across and back. I wanted to do two. You know, this, this superior, I wanted to do two, you know, the superior. I wanted to go bump, bump, bump, bump, live from New York.
Starting point is 00:22:29 Instead I went bump, bump, live from New York. And with Satan Had a Good Year, and I would do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. Satan Had a Good Year, then another, he, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, and then I do this whole song. So I missed that rhythm,
Starting point is 00:22:44 but I feel like they made great cuts and they wrote some great jokes so I thank you to uh. It was fun to see uh and Heather like this thank you to those guys sorry to cut that off. No not at all. And uh Heather was excited to see like update rehearsing in the hallway or by the dressing room and just see how the whole by the dressing room and just see how the whole inner workings, even I was forgetting how chaotic it is. Did Heather see the Saturday Night Live movie? I have to finish it.
Starting point is 00:23:16 Oh, okay. Yeah, no. So you saw some of it and how would you compare that? She has to finish it. She also has to start it. I love the movie and I want to see it again because I told Heather go watch it because they Jason Reitman meticulously made that exact studio. Right and he tried to get a vibe of the whole history of SNL because it's a there's a lot of just hanging out you know in the end of the day there's just
Starting point is 00:23:44 a lot of rooms it's kind of quiet there's a lot of just hanging out, you know, in the end of the day, there's just a lot of rooms. It's kind of quiet. There's wig people coming in knocking a lot and there's writers coming in. So we're going to cut this and cut that. And so people know with live TV, you do the dress show. You have a lot of things are cut and pasted, which is normal.
Starting point is 00:24:00 So it'll just be on the cards. You don't ever get to really rehearse it, not in specific. It's, you know, so it's, that's why the live show is exciting. Jason Reitman is on, I think, flying the wall next week to talk about it. Yes. Yeah. He in 90 minutes was trying to really capture the zeitgeist and the vibe. I think it worked because I thought it was extremely fun and interesting.
Starting point is 00:24:24 Yes. The chaos that, you know, yeah. Christmas day, he comes out. Oh yeah. Heather wants to see the movie now that she's seen the behind the scenes page desk she really liked. Oh yeah. She sat in with notes with Lauren.
Starting point is 00:24:47 Remember I made him say it twice. He goes, and uh, you know, he sits there and everyone waits and he goes a little too much blue in this, don't put up the lights here. What are we waiting? Sarah looked to the camera G on this, you know, just like barking it out. Everyone's going to, huh. And then he goes, David, I believe, I believe you were, yeah, you got the biggest compliment, I believe you were, yeah, you got the biggest compliment.
Starting point is 00:25:05 I believe you were a hundred bite. And then I go, huh? And he goes, I said, I believe you're a hundred bite. But I actually didn't hear him because Sarah was yapping about something. But anyway, I thought Shabluzy was good, Jacuzzi, the musical guest, his name was Scooby Dooby Doozy. No, that song is a catchy song.
Starting point is 00:25:31 He's sweet. That's a real toe-tapper. That guy was cool. Looks like Derek Henry. Big, huge, tough guy. Big guy. Super nice. But super sweet.
Starting point is 00:25:40 And Paul Muskell, if I do it right. Paul Muskell. Was super enthusiastic, incredibly nice. And he, I saw him at the after party. It was chatting for a while, met his parents. Um, cause you left early before the cool stuff happened. No, I know. And he was going to come and then he had that corporate gig
Starting point is 00:26:06 and then I think it went a little sideways, so he didn't come. And I was wiped out because Dana had a couch, I didn't, so I couldn't lay down and rest my beautiful head and my hair. Yeah, but my couch, it's not that comfortable. It's from Goodwill. I may throw together another church chat this week
Starting point is 00:26:24 so I can interview Chris Rock. Another one. Just a quick one, like a quick one where I interview Chris Rock about that corporate date where he stormed off. Wow, wow, wow. We're getting paid to do a professional performance, but we storm off the stage. What if, what if in his monologue he sees the cameras and goes, I didn't know there's going to be cameras here. And then he leaves the monologue. He leaves and then Paul Musgalli is going to be there this week, by the way. Oh, he is? Yes.
Starting point is 00:26:48 He's going to just hang out this week. So then he goes back and he could go back and host if Chris storms off. It's a double win. If Chris does storm off, then Paul will be there. It's even better ratings. So you can use it. Calamity. It's called trending.
Starting point is 00:27:05 Yeah. Something David and Dana don't know. I might go to watch Chris. Remember I said I was going to, I told him to come out and then I didn't. And now I'm thinking of going because A, it was fun. And B, I said, I was coming that weekend. He goes, so now you're not coming. I go, well, it's not a not. I'm just a fragile little dandelion.
Starting point is 00:27:27 And so my throat is still dry, but it'd be fun. It's always fun. Even though you're just walking around and. Well, one thing I can tell you, and I don't think you'd do this and I won't say who they are, but sometimes I've had friends come this fall to SNL and they're sitting, they're standing right in my line of sight, like right over my cue cards is their face. You don't want that, right? Chris Rock doesn't wanna see you with a big smile.
Starting point is 00:27:53 No, I wouldn't try that. Right next to the camera. You're too smart for that, Dave. No, I wouldn't wanna, I just sit in this dress room or something, but I remember at the 40th I went out and watched and it was fun, because that was just packed with everybody.
Starting point is 00:28:06 We should get to, I think we've pat ourselves in the back enough for my two minutes of screen time. That was a long story. Well, mostly it was like the people that are interested in Saturday Night Live. Yeah. I agree. If you fast forwarded through this segment,
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Starting point is 00:29:43 Gambling problem, Dana? Call 1-800-GAMBLER, available in Ontario. Gambling problem, Dana? Call 1-800-GAMBLER, available in the US. For New York, call 877-8-HOPE-NY, or text HOPE-NY467369. For Arizona, call 1-800-NEXTSTEP. For Massachusetts, 1-800-327-5050. For Iowa, 1-800-BETS-OFF.
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Starting point is 00:30:54 Do your shopping like you normally would and you'll get the cash back by PayPal or check. I'm going to say it, it's truly a no brainer. I said it. Truly. Oh yeah. Listen, join for free at Rakuten.ca or download the Rakuten app. That's R-A-K-U-T-E-N. Rakuten.ca. I will tell you one cool thing Dana did. You want to hear it? Of course you do. I don't think I did anything cool. So we're, you know, with a page desk,
Starting point is 00:31:28 as you see on TV, our dressing rooms, if you're coming out of 8H, to the right is music and the host, to the left is where they make the cue cards and update hangs out. And then it's me and you, right? With those two dressing rooms. So we're not too far off the stage and they're like 20 minutes, still dress or air or whatever.
Starting point is 00:31:48 And then I got my wig on and we're just bullshitting and talking and I'm stealing stuff from you. And then they go, and I hear go, four minutes to coat, no, they go, five minutes to coat open. And I start to get up and you go, you going already? And I go, well, I mean, how close do you wanna cut it? A full five minutes. Yeah, we got a full five minutes to go and hang out.
Starting point is 00:32:08 So I was like, well, I feel we should probably be around, or it was maybe four minutes. You go, we can hang for two. And so we went out there and then I was like nervous and, but it worked out. Well, that's Jenna, by the way, Jenna who does all those casts, cast to the hallway in 90 seconds.
Starting point is 00:32:26 Everything is timed and it, even if you're not really nervous, it's just a sense memory of feeling nervous. About 10 minutes till you're gonna go on. 30 seconds till we go to Jafluzy. Go, go, go. And then they're finally just pushing you to go, shake Lauren's hand, Lauren Michael's hand.
Starting point is 00:32:45 Oh yeah. You walk in and it's like a basketball game. You say hi to the coach. Number 32 playing Hunter Biden, Don Spierdo, Davis Spado. Yeah. I didn't want to give it away that I was in there because people figured out usually when you're in the sketch, they go, oh, I see the crowd go like this. Oh, it's this fucking guy.
Starting point is 00:33:03 I thought he was, he wasn't on the show anymore. I guess he's still on. But guess what? Here's my last comment about that night. So even with me, when you came out, you had the beard kind of dark. Whatever you did with the beard, you had the hair and you had the suit on.
Starting point is 00:33:15 I thought to myself, yeah, he looks really good. And then Paula, my wife, unsolicited said, David looked very handsome on that sketch. So I'm sure you saw the comments. You mean I went on and liked them all? No, I did. I did like it. While you were taking a bath.
Starting point is 00:33:33 Yeah. I said, I joined YouTube just so I can give it a thumbs up. But it is always a cool look. The suit fit perfect. The hair's back. Listen, and I was looking serious. I wasn't acting too goofy. I could have gone a little bigger with it,
Starting point is 00:33:45 but no one even knows what he sounds like. He never talks. He's always right to remain silent. I was saying it was fine. We got laughs. We got out. Super fun. People enjoyed it.
Starting point is 00:33:58 All right, let's go to the anything this week. Oh, there's a funny one I was going to show you. Oh, yeah, this girl. Now, let's hear what she says first. This is a new niche, there's a funny one I was going to show you. Oh yeah, this girl. Now let's hear what she says first. This is a new niche. Okay, let's just hear it. Here's a woman. Let's just hear it.
Starting point is 00:34:10 Y'all, I just farted for the first time ever and sold it for six days. I knew you'd like this. All I had to do was toot into a bottle. It was so stinky. I know he's going to love it. Follow for more? This isn't a joke, Dana.
Starting point is 00:34:20 I like the first comment. I don't belong on earth anymore. Bro. I don't belong on this podcast anymore. Look, it's sad part is this isn't fake anymore. Why would someone buy a fart in a jar asking for a friend? That's all funny. Farts in jars, I guess, big biz. Humans have way too much free time.
Starting point is 00:34:43 The robots are doing all the work. And money. And money, my God, the monetization. You know what? Guess what? Robots can't fart. That's the big hook, I guess. That's the last thing they'll take from us. Elon went like this right now. Wait, that's a challenge.
Starting point is 00:35:01 I'm Doc Mega. You can love my farting robots. Farting robots. Tesla goes up another billion when they introduce farting robots. By the way, he touched 400 billion. He went over 400 billion. Nicked it. And maybe he's up to 450 billion. I'm Doc Mega. I'm basically a half trillion.
Starting point is 00:35:23 He's going to land on his feet. Good for him. So I think these girls have farted in a jar. What a good part-time job if you work at like lady footlocker and you want to make some extra cash. Hmm. All you need is a canopy. Who's buying the jar?
Starting point is 00:35:40 Dardize, I don't know. They don't find the people. Is it one particular person who's buying these jars? It's one guy. Remember that room you wouldn't show me in your house? Yeah. You called. No, I'm the one that does the farting in them.
Starting point is 00:35:54 It's like Cameo. It's the new thing. You know, she farts in the jar. First of all, way too upbeat about it. What happened to being embarrassed people? Be embarrassed a little bit. Shame. If I was shame, can I say something and you try to top me.
Starting point is 00:36:12 What is the most sort of kidlike, but fun way to talk about that activity? I'm going to nominate a windy pop. They windy pop into the jar. Oh, I see. Windy Pop is kind of, but I don't like the other word. I like Windy Pop. Heather? Come with me as I Windy Pop into this jar and sell it to some pervert in Wisconsin. Unless people go, what the hell is a Windy Pop?
Starting point is 00:36:38 I like the wife going, babe, why, what's a Windy Pop? And why did you order 200 of them? Does Heather know what a a Wendy Pop and why did you order 200 of them? Does Heather know what a Wendy Pop is? She's figuring it out. I think, well, anyway, this lady is skipping along and the music is funny. Boop, boop, boop, boop, ba-doop, ba-doop. She's skipping into like, you know, mailboxes, et cetera. And she's tapes up her Wendy Pop, she puts an address, it's like a whole shenanigans, it's so weird.
Starting point is 00:37:10 And then she's like, that's a wrap today, I worked. Now I'm gonna take five and relax. Yeah, how do you know when you're working, when I hear this sound? Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr I don't know. NASCAR, windy bomb. The guy was, she goes, this guy requested a bubbler. That's a little more. As any pockets ever literally, can we get canceled on?
Starting point is 00:37:44 I mean, can they get canceled in the middle of an episode? Let's go on to our second one. Yeah, let's go. Sorry. We didn't have enough. That was a good one. Okay, here we are. Oh, here we're in the same.
Starting point is 00:37:54 This is what it says. Should I say it? Yeah, you read it. OnlyFans model Sophie Rain says she's a Christian and a virgin. Don't have to give yourself up to everyone. Okay. How about anyone? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:38:07 But she's the one that's 20 that she said, I like, they always reveal to puff up, but she made 40 million last year. So my shock to this reading it is I feel like it's one or the other. Are you an OnlyFans model or are you a virgin? Maybe it's true, but I thought they do P-O-R-N. I thought so. I thought they did corn. But I don't know if they do corn.
Starting point is 00:38:35 Right. OnlyFans is not, I guess she's flirtatious and friendly. It's just Instagram in my head. What is different? What's if you're not doing well? Well, I know that it's more built economically for Venmo or subscription based. Like if you can get fit, say you get a million horny men globally, the digital digital audience is five billion in aggregate potential for her.
Starting point is 00:39:09 You get a million horny men that just like you want you to be their surrogate girlfriend and they pay you a million a month. Now, what is that per year, David? That's a two million. 12. 12 million. Here's the other thing. In olden days, the tribal elder, the grandpa of the tribe was 28. People were having kids at 8, 9, and 10. So nobody was a virgin at 20. That'd be grandma. Grandma, you know, already
Starting point is 00:39:35 had two batches of kids. So, but in today's sex Carell has to remake the 40-year-old virgin into how funny it is that he's a 20-year-old virgin. That's how decadent this world is. 20-year-old virgin is funny. That is funny. And you think in this biz, like Catch Me Outside, girl, who of course I'm business acquaintances with, I did a video with her. Catch Me Outside?
Starting point is 00:40:03 I always have to say, not to be rude, I was shocked it wasn't either full nudity or full corn because what is everyone paying for? Just, hey, here's me, I'm going to the Grove and hang out at the mall in the trolley. She's just sort of friendly and stuff, yeah. I mean, she's perfectly cute, this girl's perfectly attractive, but 43, fuck.
Starting point is 00:40:24 43 million on her first year. That blows my 12 million out. We are definitely in the wrong business. A hundred percent in the wrong business. Okay, moving on. Seems like a lovely lady. It's a good wrap up. She seems great.
Starting point is 00:40:36 Yeah. Good for her. Seems cool. Good for her. It takes, it's hard for me to make half that much. Oh, this is a big story. Your girl, Hawk Tooie. Yeah. I call her Hawk Tooie. I guess it's Hawk Tua. Because Church Lady said, instead of worshiping Hawk Tua, you should go to a church. Go to a church.
Starting point is 00:41:02 Go to a church. It was a tough line to land. You should go to a church. Go to a church. That was good. I liked that phrasing. She did, I didn't even know you could do this. She launched a Bitcoin about herself. I don't know. I know you could do this.
Starting point is 00:41:15 Why aren't we doing this, Dana? And then, rugged it. It doesn't mean rigged it. I think rugged it is when you pull the rug out. So she did, see that little chart. She does a Hawk 2E, some sort of crypto old horse shit. And then she puts it out to her friends. It starts to go up.
Starting point is 00:41:35 God knows why save us. And then someone buys it. Why? On God's green earth. And then they pulled, they sell. And so it's just a typical. She buy a hawk to eat. Oh, you get stuck with your taking your hand.
Starting point is 00:41:50 Now there might be somewhere that I don't know. Did she, does she hawk to eat on each coin? That would make it worth more. She was like this. It's a genuine, there you go. There's one package it up. I won't be gross, but I a genuine, there you go. There's one, package it up. That won't be gross, but I don't know how this works.
Starting point is 00:42:10 She seems like a lovely lady and bitcoins are like fake air. So there's not really physical ones to do that too. But I do, and they say she ripped everyone off. I feel like she gets, I heard a phone call between all these people online and they were all talking with real Bitcoin sharks and the guys that rep her that are part of it, I think they probably just said, hey, do this with us, you'll make money. And meanwhile, they don't know what, she doesn't know what they're going to do. And they just do it because they're talking about all this lingo back
Starting point is 00:42:41 and forth and arguing. One guy saying, oh, you ripped everyone off. She ripped, and they're like, no, this is blah, blah. And they, I was like, oh, these guys know what they're doing. I love this new world. I can't wrap my mind around it. It's just, you know, remember when it was ETFs? Didn't Justin Bieber buy like a smiley face, Oh yeah, NFT. For like NFT for three million. Well ladies and gentlemen,
Starting point is 00:43:06 what happened to ETFs? I know what I'm saying. Now, who would ever believe that a monkey wearing sunglasses in a photograph wasn't going to be worth 80 million dollars? A digital picture of a monkey wearing sunglasses. I bought a picture, it's a giraffe on a skateboard. And he snapped it up. I paid $11 million. And somehow it went down to $80.
Starting point is 00:43:35 And then the giraffe on roller blades went for $1.50 and it was cooler than what I paid $11. So I don't know what to say. We have a theme on the show. We have SNL behind the scenes and now we have digitization of monetization of sexuality and absurdity. Yeah. Absolutely. That was a good way to put it. Thank you. You know what? We should tell Chris to be Chris Rock Tooey. All right. What about- Chris Rock, if that's his real name, is a great name. Chris Rock. Chris Rock is.
Starting point is 00:44:06 He said it once at SNL, he goes, Rock and Spade. People think we made them both up. For showbiz, I go, why would I make it up? I would never think I'd be in showbiz. I just got lucky. My dad gave me a name and took off, but he did do, gave me a good name.
Starting point is 00:44:22 Okay, so we should talk about the killer, Luigi. The guy with the CEO. It's such a huge story this week. I think you guys will probably do something. You know, Emil, he should play that kid. Yeah, he could. He should play him, or one of the Menendez brothers. Just without going too dark, just it occurred to me.
Starting point is 00:44:46 Occurred to me. So he maybe makes a, a, a play gun. He 3d models a gun. So he knows that he's a, he's a Yale grad or he's a brilliant guy. And he, he knows he has probably I'm going to say top five globally of intensity of eyebrows. So he knows cameras are in the Starbucks. And so there's a picture of those eyebrows and he's a man on the run.
Starting point is 00:45:13 Usually when people, what was it they want people are on the run, they get into a cheap motel and they shave what look, so you shave the eyebrows off. Yeah, the giveaway. You're right. You put glasses on, dye your hair red or something, but he's hanging out there. So my question is, did the young man want to get caught? Right. She should have called you because
Starting point is 00:45:36 he could have shaved his eyebrows off and then drawn on little skinny ones like. Yeah, and then wore glasses. Casher, El Pollo Loco. Yeah. And also wore a fake beard. And then just anything. Fake beard beforehand.
Starting point is 00:45:47 He could have put on my Hunter Biden wig. He also, you know, he looks a little like... No, I can't say. But I think he, by the way, every girl's in love with this killer because he's good looking. Good looking always wins. It just gets you out to be a killer
Starting point is 00:46:03 and he's getting more clicks on Tinder. Well, it was weird. There was a strath of humanity that did a Robin Hood deal on him. Like he's justified. It's a Robin Hood move. That's a little bit too far for me. It's a bit of a stretch.
Starting point is 00:46:20 Because if you're allowed to kill people you don't like, of course. I mean- You are judge, jury, and executioner. Yeah. Just you decided you- I mean kill people you don't like, of course. You are judge, jury and ex-accused, you know, you decided you... I mean, if it works both ways, if you can just always just go around and kill people that are... Yes, Heather. Is he trying to get healthcare in prison? Oh, that's Heather's theory is he's trying to...
Starting point is 00:46:38 No, it's not my theory. Heather's asking if he's trying to get healthcare in prison. I'll see if Dana knows this answer. Is he trying to get healthcare in prison, I'll see if Dana knows this answer. Is he trying to get healthcare in prison? Like he couldn't get it. They said he hurt his back. And he couldn't get healthcare. And so he's trying to get in prison.
Starting point is 00:46:55 There's a news story just out that his family owns nursing homes and they're under the gun for ripping people off. I'm like, wait a second, that doesn't make any sense. Right. There's a whole lot of ripping off going on. Yeah. But the other thing is, was it too easy to catch him? That is a good question.
Starting point is 00:47:20 You're going with Donald's whims. Well, you've got caterpillar or a double, triple caterpillar eyebrows and you're just going around with the eyebrow. You know how many times Eugene Levy got called in? They spotted him around town. Eugene Levy had to go into hiding. But I would say they could have an eyebrow off for charity before they put him in prison.
Starting point is 00:47:40 An eyebrow off. They could sell his eyebrow hairs to women and make them. But they released the call of the elderly lady at the McDonald's. Hi, I think I know who the killer is. He's sitting right over there with triple caterpillar eyes. I swear to Jesus, that's your man. And the cops came. That's that's right. And he had one picture like the best picture he's taken his life.
Starting point is 00:48:02 He's got the hood on, he's smiling crooked, and every girl's like fucking, you know, splash mountain. You know what I'm saying? There wasn't a dry seat in the house. Yeah, you know what I mean? It was like Katrina down there, you know what I mean. That's not true. Women don't like-
Starting point is 00:48:18 Every girl on TikTok is like, how can I date this guy? It was the please fuck me killer. And all they cared about is how good looking he was. And I'm like, this is, you shot someone. They always skip that. I don't think, well, I guess no. Well, he let it, the gentleman, I don't wanna say his name, but he, he also had like Superman abs.
Starting point is 00:48:39 So it's caterpillar, triple caterpillars, and then, you know, basically Superman abs that he conveniently takes a picture of. Washboard. Yeah. And then he was, and he was like super smart. So that's a sex trap for women. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:49:00 But he also on his manifesto, I like his like the girls are like getting a little less horny when he's too similar to the Unabomber. They're like, oh, and he has a manifesto that always looks good on the rez. I have a manifesto and one of them was, he said, should I just bomb this whole convention of these bean counters at the, where the CEO was going? So if he did that, I think they'd be like,
Starting point is 00:49:23 nah, that's a little too far. Well, how do you, when does just a public note become a manifesto? What are the rules? I mean, you went to state school. What's the definition, Webster definition of a manifesto, sir? I give it to you right now. You have 10 seconds. It's a big word.
Starting point is 00:49:41 And, uh, you know, I'm going to tell you, you tell me what it means. I'll tell you if you're right. Yeah. That's better. I guess, uh, just in the modern times, modern parlance, it's, it's someone who wants to reorientate society with a public statement and the manifesto will include what is wrong with the current society and what should be changed.
Starting point is 00:50:07 Right. Here's how we get a couple of easy fixes. I think you're right. I think you're right. Usually they try to keep it to under 600 pages. You can't make it too long because no one's going to read it. You know what I mean? If I send Sandler a text, it's over a paragraph.
Starting point is 00:50:20 He's not reading it. You know what I mean? You got to be kind of... So, manifesto feels like it's got to be long.'s not reading it. You know what I mean? You gotta be kind of, so manifesto feels like it's gotta be long. It doesn't have to be. Not in the YouTube or Instagram age. Just one paragraph can be a manifesto. No, no.
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Starting point is 00:52:17 Jersey. Have you seen them? I have. I mean, I've not seen them. I haven't gone on the roof of the hotel and looked out toward New Jersey. I mean, it's too cold. It's too damn cold. I should have done it during the heat wave in late September. I guess aliens aren't that cold. Well, what is the theory? What are they? What the fuck? What do we pay taxes on? Orbs. From where? Orbs. No, they are just, you know, it's just orbs. I like how everyone says orbs like anyone knows what that is. But there's a congressman that thinks it's from the Iranian mothership is releasing them, but not explaining what... What is fucking... You know what has motherships? UFOs. Not fricking Iran. Yeah, not a small mid-easter country does not have a mothership.
Starting point is 00:53:06 That's Star Trek Next Generation. My real one is there's a mothership, alien ship under the ocean and they shoot out because there's so many out of the ocean. And it's so much closer than Mars, it wants to fly that whole way. It's like pop out of the ocean, beep, bop, boop, you're right here, you're in New York.
Starting point is 00:53:23 If it's something to do with the mothership comedy club in Austin, I'm not the first to say, that's a great ad if it is Joe Rogan might be doing this as sort of a comedy meta sort of public, you know, like a David Blaine thing, you know? Right. Like a kill Tony promotion, kill Tony. And I do think it's real. Um, I do think it's real. I do think it's spacious because even the mayors,
Starting point is 00:53:48 even the governors, we're trying to find, we don't know what is it. We fly planes up there, we can't catch them, they fly away. So what is it? Maybe it's man made. Well, do we have good high tech video of the plane, the jet chasing them? Do we have that to look at?
Starting point is 00:54:00 Yeah, and they got a close up of the pilot going, there's slow down. Because every time, I mean, we have these three dimensional, incredible cameras, we can see the moon and 3D color. And every time it's UFO, it's like a greeny black and white. And the camera's going like this. It's like a camcorder from the 80s. I call bullshit. We got to get Dr. Stephen Greer.
Starting point is 00:54:20 Greer calling a challenge to him. Let's get him on next week. Come back on Superfly and tell us what the hell is going on over the skies of New Jersey. I think he's going to say they're ours or some are ours, but I think we do not want to keep shooting him down. Do you really want to trifle with these monolinguals? Well, I don't know.
Starting point is 00:54:39 I mean, I see things that other people don't see. So I looked at the picture and I sort of just just with my finger, just sort of spelled, you know, connected the, the spaceship dots. Right. And it said Dr. Greer, phone home. And I don't know if that's real, but that's what the words that I saw spilled in the, in the New Jersey sky. Can you sing a song called the New Jersey sky. Can you sing a song called the New Jersey sky? I talk about ET in my new special. I talk about all the hot subjects. Going back to 82? What the fuck? Yeah, I don't know. It doesn't matter. Louis CK had an incredible bid about Goodwill Hunting last year. And I thought,
Starting point is 00:55:20 wow, that's cool. Oh, he's funny. Yeah. I'm going to do more movie reviews on my special. Okay. What about the, oh, I won't talk about Jamie Foxx. Okay. Do the next one. Let's see what the next one is. Jamie. Okay.
Starting point is 00:55:35 Brooklyn's first luxury building for dinks starts leasing. Childless renters have mixed feelings. Okay. A dink is what? It must be couples without kids. Something no kids. What's the, what, what does it spell? Did, did I not kids?
Starting point is 00:55:53 Oh, dual income, no kids. Oh, dual income, no kids. Okay. So there's a 13-story high-rise on 655 Union Street. That's by you and Brooklyn. Uh huh. So are you allowed to say no kids when you sell something? That's a really good question.
Starting point is 00:56:13 Legally, I wonder if you can do it. You know, a wink and a nod, maybe you could do it. Like this is kind of for, you know, people with two incomes, no children and not even a dog are just called happy people with a lot of freedom. They're just called people with no problems. People are just like, trying to think of what's fun thing to do right now. But love kids and love dogs. I don't know. I want you to follow up on this story.
Starting point is 00:56:41 Now, what if you get knocked up while you're in there dinking it up? And then what do you do? You get kicked out of the club? Well, this was made famous by Jimmy Durrani in 1951. He would, he would say, I think so. Could a clip, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think, I think you can find it. Jimmy, that's St. Panther was, I know the, the melody was off, but he was a rough voice crooner, a funny
Starting point is 00:57:09 comedian named Jimmy Durandy. Look it up. I think, I think, and that's how he would sing and he would say dink. Did he say dink? My memory, my old memory says he said, I think, I think, and then he went on to make someone happy, just one of no person happy. Okay. All right.
Starting point is 00:57:34 President Trump manhandles French president, Trump manhandles French president Emmanuel Macron with one of the most dominating handshakes I've ever seen. That's the fun. This is the funniest thing. It's, it's look at him. Take that you motherfucker. Oh, and his elbows up and everything. Oh, way up like this.
Starting point is 00:57:54 Why is he hysterical? Shoulder wide. How are you? Don Trump. He just threw out his clavicle. Donald Trump, look at my shoulders. I can pull on your dinky shoulders any day. You're a dink.
Starting point is 00:58:04 You're totally a on your dinky shoulders any day. You're a dink. A dink. You're totally a dinky dinky. Dude, he has, he pulls on his shoulders. Then he has an extra padded shoulder pad. And he's like this. Well, he's got, he's a Batman villain in like a long penguin coat. That's hilarious.
Starting point is 00:58:20 He's going around Gotham city with a big orange hair. You know, he presents with the lifts and the thing. He's like six, five with this giant head. He pulled, McCrone's about our size and he just pulled his, he pulled him up with his shoulder. That's like a hard move for his age. I hate to say it's kind of a dick move. It just makes everyone look like a pussy and it's so, and you see it coming.
Starting point is 00:58:41 It's usually the corkscrew. He goes in and then gives him the saw. Yeah, that's tough. Cause the guy's like, oh, he says, Dude, the rest of the meeting, the guy's like this. What? Yeah. Yeah, go ahead.
Starting point is 00:59:07 He's the leader of one of the greatest countries in the world. France, Paris. And he's like, I am feeling so little right now. I can't believe those giant. And they say Trump has little hands, but not so much. Crohn, he's got French hands. That's like a Theo, Theo, Theo von kind of observation. You know, I feel like French people have like little hands.
Starting point is 00:59:27 It doesn't make sense. Like a little raccoon. Like a little raccoon, a little French. Raccoons are French. You know, I say that the way they speak. Mm hmm. All right, next one. I want to know. I want another handshake one.
Starting point is 00:59:41 OK, here we go. No, it's funny, though. OK. Oh, this is a slap off. This is this is Dana White's. I think it's Dana White's. Who else is slapping? Slapped is... Oh, this show. I know. Dana, look at that.
Starting point is 00:59:54 What? It's... That's what he's doing. Heather, you see that? What happened? That's not real. By the way, all this is, if your ear comes off, he's got a fake ear. I saw it.
Starting point is 01:00:06 Fake, yeah. He's got a fake ear, but it's a prosthetic. But why are you getting hit on the side with the ear? Well, to get this fly off thing. This is a, that tattoo is pretty cool. I have to say. Everything's cool about it. And what is it per the theme of our little show today,
Starting point is 01:00:28 he's going to monetize this. We got Hawk Tooie girl. He can be ear gone guy. And he's going to have a million digital followers and just talk about. Dude, I have to say, if your ear, I would want it to stick on at all times. Like don't hit it as hard as you can.
Starting point is 01:00:45 You're in the wrong biz, dude. Go into farts in a jar. Actually, there's another story I didn't tell you about, but because it's all a little, little, you know, base for you, as my dad would say. I'll go there. I'll, I'll be damn quick. But there's an OnlyFans girl that I saw today in the paper. She's feeling slight regret after breaking the record of sleeping with
Starting point is 01:01:04 a hundred guys in one day. One hundred folks. And she goes, I cried after, obviously I cried, I would cry during. And then she said, but I am going to try to go for a thousand. I'm sorry. So I don't even know how it works. Mental health is an issue today in America. Is it an all time low?
Starting point is 01:01:25 We've got issues as a society, way too much free time. But yeah, I don't know. I just think it's, I saw that story too. And it's another attention getting like, it's a great way to get, you got to get people to your OnlyFans. Like I was saying the other day, and this is a bad example, but I saw this thing on the Dodo, this Instagram, where it's like a dog is out at a carnival or something,
Starting point is 01:01:51 or it's out, you know? And then someone sees it as a ski resort and goes, oh my God, is this dog alone? And then they take it and give it. And you know the dogs in the shelter are going, just do it the right way. I'm doing it the right way. I'm in a shelter, this dog goes out in some weird spot and then gets all the attention and of course gets
Starting point is 01:02:07 adopted right away. I'm trying to do it by the book. I go to the shelter. I wait. I sit in a little square. I act cute. No. So, that's the OnlyFans girl.
Starting point is 01:02:17 They're just, there's just a diamond, there's a lot of them. Not to underplow. Well, I'm going to make an announcement. There's a lot of them and then they go, I'm going to be different. I'm going to do whatever. She's different a lot of them. And then they go, I'm going to be different. I'm going to do whatever. She's different. She's fucked a hundred guys. Different.
Starting point is 01:02:28 I caught my attention. I'm going to say this phrase for 24 hours with maybe just two bathroom breaks. Horn dog, how about a hot dog? And I'm going to say horn dog, how about a hot dog over and I'm going to say, horn dog, how about a hot dog over and over again for 24 hours and see if I can monetize that. Well, if you would go on Twitch or some sort of live stream and say, just send
Starting point is 01:02:52 me money and I'll keep saying it. And then people would, we got to do something like this. Well, cameo cameo, but they only give you 150 bucks if you do a, you know, an advertisement for, you know, Leo's, uh, use card dealership in Des Moines, you know, Hey, this is David Spade. Hey buddy. I know we would never do that. Meanwhile, in about five seconds, we're going to read an ad.
Starting point is 01:03:19 We would never sell out. Never. We sell anyway. Here's a word from our sponsor. Here we go. Bob. Our friends. That's they are. Okay. We sell in. Anyway, here's a word from our sponsor. Here we go, Bob. Monsters are our friends. That's true. They are, okay, what's next?
Starting point is 01:03:30 We're almost done, but what's next? Let's see. We really covered a lot, Dana. I know. Really excited. Oh, this young lady does a bunch of trick shots and I think they're all pretty good. I think we saw her before, right?
Starting point is 01:03:43 Okay, more tricks. The hardest trick shots for World Trick Shot Day. Number 10. That's hard to do. To hit it with a baseball bat? How many? Put the number of misses. I know.
Starting point is 01:03:59 Look at that trick. Number seven. I couldn't do literally one of these. Is there one you could maybe do? Not that one. Too hard. Maybe a thousand tries? I don't know. Maybe this one I could do.
Starting point is 01:04:16 But even one is... I can maybe do that. I made a drop kick half court shot. No joke. Oh, it's like a bunt. She is strong. She barely... I can maybe do that. I made a drop kick half court shot. No joke. Ooh, it's like a bunt. She is strong. She barely swung. She's, she's,
Starting point is 01:04:31 she's got a lot of coordination. Anything. She has the same reaction. I think we should mix up the reactions for her. Golf? With a golf. Oh, okay. Number two. We're going. She keeps saying, let's go. we're going to keep saying let's go we're going great
Starting point is 01:04:49 and that I couldn't do the first one number one okay I'm blindfolded in this shot it looked like she more had a mask on her mouth. What they don't tell you is she started that segment in 2017 and she finally hit them through the power of editing. You know what the problem is? No, she's got an actual coordination. She does look good when she does it. If you're a trickshotter and that's your biz. You get used to it.
Starting point is 01:05:20 And now there's AI. Yeah. Now there's AI. So people just go yawn. No one knows if it's original. No one knows if anything's AI. Now there's AI. So people just go yawn. No one knows if it's real. No one knows if anything's original. All we can say is, are you not entertained? And I was entertained because of her celebration. That made it seem more real.
Starting point is 01:05:36 I looked at fishes in the ocean. I was actually gonna show you some today. These fishes that when they're like, we went to the bottom of the sea where the fish have no light. It's like prehistoric. And of course they're shining a light on them. The fish is like, and then they go, never seen light. They're in light as we speak. And then they're the most scariest looking fish, large mouthed Lunker bass. And then some have teeth. And then someone in the comments on what I keep liking these and I keep seeing more.
Starting point is 01:06:04 And then someone goes, oh, I think these on this one are AI. And I go, I remember as a kid watching Jacques Cousteau, you remember Jacques Cousteau, the fish in the sea. And it'd be at the bottom of the sea. And there'd be this thing like it's a half inch long and it's got an antenna and a big bug eye and all it it's a whole existence just at the bottom. It lives in a little area. It's like, and even as a kid, I would think to myself, what is the point?
Starting point is 01:06:41 Why are you living? You look, there's no fun. And then he goes, I think I'll have kids. Sometimes he goes like, you want another one of these? Then it looks over at a little shell for an hour and then it goes back, looks at a rock. So boring in the bottom of the ocean. What is the point of that existence? No, I would not do that. You could monetize that shit today though. If you just showed me the bottom of the ocean
Starting point is 01:07:02 and the fishes that float by and go, and I would just be mesmerized. The ones that are like three inches long seem like behemoths. Did I send some? All right, you go off and I'll hit you later. Thank you, audience. Thank you for... Oh yeah, come see me and Dana at Fantasy Springs and Palm Springs.
Starting point is 01:07:22 We're gonna do a gig. Let's pump that thing, man. I want that thing. Pump it up. I want that thing clean.. Let's pump that thing, man. I want that thing. Pump it up. I want that thing clean. It's filling up, I already checked. I want that to go clean. Yeah, we're gonna bring it.
Starting point is 01:07:31 We're gonna do Q and A. We're gonna do stand up. Yeah. All right, bye guys. Mm-hmm. This has been a presentation of Odyssey Superfly. It's executive produced by Danny Carvey and David Spade, Jenna Weiss Berman of Odyssey, Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman.
Starting point is 01:07:50 Hope you liked it!

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