Fly on the Wall with Dana Carvey and David Spade - SUPERFLY #48 - BEST OF GUESTS

Episode Date: December 27, 2024

Relive some of the best Superfly moments of the year with some of the iconic guests the guys have had on. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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with iGaming Ontario. Airbnb is a sponsor, Dana, and I know a lot of people are using them, a lot of people, they love Airbnb. By the way, you can get big, you can get small. It's not just one thing. It's just people saying, hey, what do you want? We'll find it.

Short, tall, wanna have a big kitchen, little kitchen, whatever you want. Fireplace. You want a fireplace, you want a space that is private, like you, David, probably would want private or you know, the main thing about them is they have a lot of locations and if you can't find the hotel you want, Airbnb is your choice. Listen, hotels are fine. Just Airbnb has got a little more space,

a little more privacy, you know, a sharper location than a hotel. You might want to go a little closer to this, closer to that. And my hotel this weekend when I was on the road, people were knocking on, I felt it was my door. I kept looking at the keyhole. It's the door next to me. But there's a lot of hubbub and commotion that you won't get at an Airbnb, you know?

Yeah, the noise was so loud in the hallway with keys jangling and people coming. I thought for sure they're coming into my room. Housekeeping. I literally, house, get we clean now? keys jangling and people come, I thought for sure they're coming into my room. How's it going? I literally, how's it going? We clean now? I always tell them when I leave, I go, Hey, I'm leaving. You can go in.

They're like, am I supposed to be excited about this sickening operation? I go out every morning. I find the one who's assigned to my room and we make a plan. We make a plan together. What we're gonna do is I'm gonna go in and then I'm gonna take a walk and then you go in. Right? Yes. Anyway, Airbnb, it's tailored for you,

perfect accommodations when you're traveling with friends, family, you're on your own. Listen, think about it for your next adventure. You won't regret it. You make the switch, you can always go back, but think you're gonna stick around the old Airbnb. Anyway, we have a best of 2024 episode, David. Whoo, yeah. We cobbled together some garbage,

I mean, some great stuff from this year. And listen, we had a really fun year on Superfly, I have to say, had a great time. And we got a lot of people watching, we got some people on YouTube, had a great time. And we got a lot of people watching, we got some people on YouTube, so stoked about that. Lot of comments and we just kind of rotate in and out, different people, sometimes you don't have a guest,

sometimes you do. A lot of fan interaction. A lot of fan interaction. Fan interaction, we must have done at least a hundred hours of podcasting. Seems impossible. It seems like too much. It seems like no one could do that.

Yes. And now we've distilled it down to the very, very, our very favorite moments. We got Gronk and Edelman, the superstar football players. Gronk and Edelman. Yep. They're little pieces of them. Dr. Grim, the UFO expert. UFO-ologist.

UFO-ologist. Dr. Greer created a lot of pick up with his. Yeah, a lot of chatter about that one. His controversial take on aliens. We've got, speaking of that, we've got Nate Bergazzi. Nate Bergazzi. Nate Bergazzi. Yeah, he was very funny. Right off Saturday Night Live, We've got, speaking of that, we've got Nate Bargatze. Nate Bargatze, yeah, he was very funny. Right off Saturday Night Live, he came in the next day. Yeah.

And talked to us. He still was dressed as George Washington. Yeah, that's what he does all day. And then Danica Patrick, who was very interesting, different guest for us. She was fun. I didn't know who else we were just putting the kind of a best of. So, if anything, you missed anything,

or if you wanna see it again, check it out. And John Lovitz will make an appearance. Oh, yes, Lovitz. Of course, we love Lovitz. So, wouldn't be it without him. So, here you go. Merry Christmas. Happy holidays. You have no idea how much of a pain in the ass it was to fit me in a car because we had to put, we had to usually put, um, like something to raise my feet up so that I can get closer to the top of the pedal so that I was putting my feet on the right spot.

Again. I think it's because it's like ironically hailing here in the middle of the summer. And it's like sunny, but a couple of clouds, but it's truly hailing outside. I thought it was one of those things where you say to the dog, if it doesn't, if it feels like it's not going well,

start barking and then I'll say, I have to leave. Yeah. That would be actually quite the skill sets. It's like a good date. If it feels like it's not going well, start barking and then I'll say I have to leave. Yeah. That would be actually quite the skill sets. It's like a good date. The car show is going to get a beer for them. If I could get the dog to like get me out of jail free card in uncomfortable situations,

that would be a major skill set. But anyway, so turns out I had the balls to do it. So I was- You had the feet long enough and everything. Yeah, yeah, got the car fitted to me. So it was definitely, there were times where I was too high, too far forward, too far back, too far down. The whole time. Not the whole time, but usually at the beginning

of the season, after you got fitted, you figure that out very, very quickly in the first sort of time that you got in the car. And sometimes like I would be like working on the seat myself and like shaving it down and taking pieces out of it and very, very manly of me. But yeah, fitting in the car. What was your height and weight in your prime race car driving? What, how small were you?

I probably, I was, I'm five one, never really grew past, I'm gonna guess that was gotta be like ninth grade. And I've been like around 110 pounds-ish my whole life. So did you ever consider if the race car driving didn't turn out, you'd be a jockey? Did you ever think about being a jockey? Just kind of kidding, but you could have been a jockey. I have ridden a horse before.

It was like once I got into NASCAR, so it was later. And I think what are the speeds? There's like loping is sort of like a speed with horses and it's kind of scary. I'm not sure. I'm not sure I would have been okay with it. Those horses, every time I see a horse like, running fast or going through water or just carrying someone fat on their back,

I just think, I feel so bad for their legs. And then when they break them, they have to kill them. And I'm like, I don't know, I just, it doesn't make sense. Like, those little legs and body. Good job, Dana, bring up the sore subject. Um, but also, you know, Danica, I don't know if you're part of this scam, I think I was promoting something,

and we went to Darlington maybe, and there was a guy that would drive idiots like me around the, to do a lap or something. Do you remember this guy's name? It was something funny. They're, they probably got someone that was a driver or has been at some point in something. Do you remember this guy's name? It was something funny. They probably got someone that was a driver or has been at some point in something. By the way, Dana, when you're going around, whipping around the corner,

and they want you to be scared shitless, they said, you don't have to be in it. Then when I got there, they go, no, get in with the guy. And I go, well, don't drive or anything. It's a scam every step along the way. Crawl in the window, put on this suit that... The hardest part is, the scariest for me is because Danica and I are drivers.

Dana, it's hard to explain, but I'll explain to you. I'm following. I'm riveting. Okay, so you get in and you go, put on this fireproof suit. There won't be a fire, but when there is, this will block some of it for a few seconds. And I go, okay. And then they, I don't know if I'm claustrophobic.

I did find out when they clipped me in with 18 clips. I go, okay. And then they, I don't know if I'm claustrophobic. I did find out when they clipped me in with 18 clips. I go, let's just say we roll. How do we get the clips? And the guy's like, oh, I'll be long gone by then. I'm like, I know, but with me, when I'm in the car burning, there's so many clips, I lost track, I go, good luck. And then when he goes around, he's going,

I don't know how fast, 700, maybe I'm wrong. And then he hits the wall. And I think Danica would know that... You do it in the car? Yeah, and that's... Fantastic. It's the Darlington Stripe. They do it on purpose to make you shit your pants.

It works. Um, he hits the wall. So when we get out of the car, the whole door is kind of ripped. And I'm like, why is the guy, first of all, that's not good enough to be out there with the real people, is the one with my life and is... This has, there's something wrong and, uh... It was fun, in quotes.

Ha-ha-ha. Well, now you can say, like, I didn't pee my pants, but you can say you did shit-shares when you were driving. And I found out once I did it once, now I do it all the time. Uh time because it was fun and I liked it. And which part am I talking about, the driving? Yeah, which part are you talking about? There actually was a story about a driver

that did shit his pants. It was at Waukesha, New York. He was sick and he absolutely sharded himself and he won the race. Ah, and he had to run around with it? Wow. And then he had to, like, go change before going to Victory Lane.

I don't want to put this image in your head, but there are Olympic marathoner, world-class marathoners who have... and there's no hiding that. No. Yeah, that's harder to hide. Now we have a theme for this. Have you guys ever run for like long, long distance

and known about this whole have to shit thing? I was a distance runner as a younger person, but I never saw it up close if there was folklore about it. Usually you're healthier then, but when you get older, I could see things falling apart. But we just had a runner on, we should have asked him. Oh yeah, you should have, because I ran the Boston Marathon a few years ago.

I don't know why, my one bucket list item was to run a marathon. And so, well, I don't know what's wrong with me. But my friend today, I think I can get us into Boston. And I was like, yeah, cool. So she did. And I had to do a lot of training in Arizona, where it was like, you know,

I would go as soon as like barely sunrise. What I didn't realize is I should have gone in the dark, but it'd be like 100 to 105 by the time I was finished. And there's something about the heat too, that really makes you wanna go. Oh. Yeah, that may make sense. I didn't though. So I never did that either.

Danica, I don't wanna brag, but when I used to walk from McCormick Ranch to my friend's pool on like Lincoln and 60th, Dana, that sounds like a brag. I would wear just raw doggit, just shorts, on like Lincoln and 60th. Dana, this sounds like a brag. I would wear just raw dog, just shorts, no sunscreen, no hat, three miles so I can go in the pool.

That was in the summer when I was in high school. And, uh, that's all. Just bragging. That was my Boston Marathon. Barefoot too? Not bare, not full raw dog. I had some Stan Smiths on. Actually, the story is partially a lie. Anyway, back to...

You're on a roll. Let's finish that story. I know, I was excited because I was like, look at... Because I grew up in Scottsdale, baking and boiling, so I know Danica's story checks out. And my mom's there now and the dog... So she drives them around for a walk. For a walk, she puts them in the car, and then she rolls the windows down. And then she drives around around for a walk. For a walk, she puts them in the car and then she rolls the windows down and then she drives around and lets them bark. She drives up to people and they bark at them

and then she drives off. And if she sees, I don't know, that's my mom, but it's fun for her. She's, you know, it's fun. I did it once with her. I go, I want to go on one of these. And then she found where they had horses and she pulled up and then they bark at the horses

and it's... Did you bark at them too? I sort of was the referee because then the horses would come to the fence and then I said, okay, this is obviously just for fun. Everything's for fun here. Because the horses didn't get what was going on. But overall, it's fun in Arizona.

Dana, you know. Um, and okay. Nine out of 12 months are fun. Yes, that's what, you know. It's hot. Nine out of 12 months are fun. Yes, that's what, you know, my buddy sells real estate there, and he says, I say, how do you just talk people in the living there, because everyone's fucking moving there. And he said, well, I say, in Chicago,

there's three or four months you can't go outside because of snow, it's just the opposite. And I'm like, I guess that makes sense. I don't like it when it's freezing, but I grew up in Arizona, so I kind of can take it when it's hot. I mean, Dana, you know that I had, my steering wheel was steel. Uh, this is before I was rich, everybody.

So, um, I had a steering wheel that was steel, and then I had oven mitts when I got in to grab it because it was so hot. And then I had oven mitts when I got in to grab it because it was so hot. And then they really came in handy when I pulled that pot roast out of the glove compartment. But that's not why we're here. I really wanna know what's going on

with the rest of the car if the steering wheel was steel. Steering wheel was steel, Danica, you know, because we're in the driving biz. Also, Danica, do you have road rage in Scottsdale? Do you get out? Do you carry anything? Thank God there's so many lanes on the highway these days because you can pretty much maneuver.

I absolutely use the HOV at any point in time, no matter how many people are in the car or not. Good job. And I always think to myself, if I get pulled over, I mean, it's lapsed now, but I'd be willing to use an expired one. If I pulled out like my FIA racing license along with my LID, how would that go?

They would probably let you go. You've got a couple of things going for you and they might give you, but there's more crime going on out there. I don't, like me, I'm like, I'm not the big fish guy. Like, let's... I know where you can focus some policing. So don't try to drag me in. But I'm easy. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, it seems like, it seems like, you know, 85 on the 101 is not really, you know, worth the time of day. They should probably... There's some other areas that need help. Yeah. That's, I've been on all of them. Yeah. Yeah, you know, when they say, I get texts people, hey, you know, like more like friends of friends,

not like direct friends, but they go, hey, you're coming to Kansas City, so how do we get tickets? Well, like, that's a soft ask. And can I just buy them off you? Well, so you give me your visa and then I go buy them and then I rack the little visa thing and then I call you, I don't know.

I said, it's probably easier if you just. What about this? Like I was playing at Casino in Oroville, California, and I told people in the Bay Area, and my sister, who I'm really close with, I said, just don't come, please don't come. Yeah. Just don't come.

I mean, don't worry, you're not gonna miss anything. What a horrible person. No, it's... You're not going to miss anything. It's because... Are you doing the same stuff? I go, well, don't come. No, I'll grind it out. I didn't say that once.

And there was a 40... It was in my hometown, basically. There were 45 people backstage. And it was all, as you know, Bill Slicklow and you remember Bobby Foplop and it was... I don't know. Squankman. I just want to do the show and go home. Anyway, I'm going to go home.

I'm going to go home. I'm going to go home. I'm going to go home. I'm going to go home. I'm going to go home. I'm going to go home. I'm going to go home. I'm going to go home. I'm going to go home. I'm going to go home. And it was always, you know, Bill Slicklow and you remember Bobby Foplop and it was, I don't know. I just want to do the show and go home.

Anyway, but that part... Everyone's having more fun than you. Well, let's hear it. Yeah. Saturday night I had a buddy from high school that texted me and he calls me, texts me. And then I was like, hey, I'm at Saturday Night Live and we're taping. He goes, all right, just call me after. And then that was it. Just like, all right, no, like even acknowledge that I'm hosting Saturday. All right, well, just call me after. Yeah. Just call me right after. All

right. Yeah, I'll be done. I'm on SpaceX. We're just gonna go one loop around the world. Okay, call me when you get back. At 1.01 AM, he's like, dude, I saw you're over. Call me, what's up? Where you been? Where you been? Because of texting, did you get reviews at 8.30, sorry, at eight, during the show?

Because it's on, what's live on the East Coast? But I get reviews from the West Coast while the show because it's on what live what's live on the East Coast, but I get reviews from the West Coast While the show is going because they're watching it live out there at 830 Yeah, you try not to look at your phone We always end up having like run update and Coldplay you have a moment and you kind of can just see it You know I had a big day because so I'm a Vanderbilt fan. Vanderbilt beat Alabama in college football. So it was, it's a, as a big Vanderbilt fan, they were number one country.

It's the biggest win we've ever had in all of our sports. So I mean, I got texts about that more than even, you know. More than your goofy gig on SNL. Yeah. I mean, it was just all day was, you know, then people were just like, you better say something on Saturday night. Like the pressure I was getting, you better acknowledge it. Like just, you know, and you're like,

We're lucky we got our guy there tonight, so you can get the word out. At least wear a t-shirt during the good nights, man. Fuck, silence is violence. Did you have a Vanderbilt t-shirt on? No, no, I had, I wore a jacket that was like the... that had the hurricane, all the states that were getting hit by the hurricane.

Just like being with them. Yeah. Where do they sell that? They don't. That's... By the way, the first hurricane, the first... the Asheville and that whole area,

all the heat has taken off of that now, and that should be talked off for another year. It switches right over to, I don't know, it's getting too sad. But yeah, anyway. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. This episode is brought to you by HelloFresh. Be honest, between meetings, workout classes, and the kids' clubs, who's got time to cook? That's where HelloFresh comes in. No matter how busy you get, HelloFresh makes it easy to get a home-cooked meal on the table. With flavor-packed recipes like crispy chicken parmigiana, you'll be filling your kitchen with the cozy aromas of a homemade meal in no time. Visit HelloFresh.ca and use code SPOTIFY

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Pressy, bringing the world's best brands to inboxes across Canada. Anytime, anywhere. Search P-R-E-double-Z-double-E to shop now. Peewee Sherman. Cool. That's cool. I like to do it. No one's making Peewee Carvey. You have great fans. I know.

I just get attacked. I don't have that many, but they're strong. They're small, but mighty. I just love them. I just have Garth bobbleheads. Can I get one more? Can I get five more? Can I get 10 more?

Cut it out, dude. Fuck you. And then they start to fight. Just Garth, that's it. Dana Lee, I'm gonna go with you. I'm gonna go with you. I'm gonna go with you. I'm gonna go with you.

I'm gonna go with you. I'm gonna go with you. I'm gonna go with you. I'm gonna go with you. I'm get one more? Can I get five more? Can I get 10 more? Cut it out, dude. Fuck you. And then they start to fight. Just Garth, that's it. Dana, let's get to the important matter at hand, which is one girl on TikTok saying something about SNL girls, and then we all talk about it forever. It's pretty funny.

Yeah. Okay, here we go. Sarah, give us your strong opinion about it, whatever that is. Here's the thing. Here's what... Wait, let me make sure that the human hand is in the background. So, I'll take my glasses off for this. That's important.

Literally, like, what, what, what is she smoking? Like, some of the most beautiful, I can't, what? It's like, listen, I'm not funny, but I'm good looking. You know what I mean? Like. You're right. The women that she's taught, like she brings up women

who are like literally drop dead, ba ba ba boom, da da da gorgeous boom, dah, dah, dah, gorgeous. And I was mad at myself for tweeting. I shouldn't have fucking said fucking anything because she said some shit for attention. And then I was sitting on the train. Well, I woke up in the morning and everyone texted me. I woke up to, none of my friends care if I live or die, but then I woke up to like a hundred texts

from my friends being like, ha ha ha ha, look at this, LOL. And so I was like, just sitting on the training. LOL means fuck you by the way, when people text me that, they're like, did you see this? Ha ha, and you're like,

it's not really LOL, it's more like, I want you to see this. Yeah, no, exactly. Like one time I woke up to text from my friend, there was like a Reddit thread. I had like opened for a band in Central Park in 95 degree heat in the summer. And then there was like a whole Reddit thread

of like teenagers telling me that I'm so unfunny that I should literally shoot my own head off. And that's what my friends send me. My friends don't send me like anything good. So like I was sitting on the train just being like, I don't know, I just fucking tweeted it. And I immediately regretted tweeting it. Cause it's like, she just wants, that's what people want.

They just want attention for one side. Yeah. It's a tricky one because if you protest too much, it's sort of like, hey, wait a minute, we are good looking, you know? I know, and I didn't want it to come across as like defensive or like... Yeah. And then people thought like I was legitimately upset.

And I'm like, no, I'm just... I woke up like ready to say something hilarious about grieving Ugglily. Uglily was maybe the funniest thing I heard last week. Yeah, it was so funny. And uglily does not, it's not out there a lot, that word, and I like it. I don't think I've ever heard it.

It's a new word. That's why I did it. I felt compelled to bring a new word into the lexicon, but ultimately, I wish I didn't say anything. Because then it just made it a bigger deal. No, it's great. That's why we're calling you about it. It's totally gone away. That's why we're calling you about it. Well, also, I'm like, this got more attention

than it's been like every time I tweet. Every time I tweet, like... every time I tweet, every time I tweet like, every time I tweet like, hey, everybody check out this sketch that I made with my friends. It's so proud of the hilarious. It gets like two and a half likes. And like, yeah.

Block, delete, unfollow, report. Yeah. Six people go like. Yeah, by the way, I just saw happenstance. I saw, I think there's a delay on me. I think I saw Kristen Wiig, her monologue. What a stunner. I mean, just off the top of my head, forget it and who cares?

Already, there's so many combo platters on that show of just really pretty and hilariously funny. Funny's harder. You can't go get surgery to be funnier. I mean, it's really, hey, wait a minute, is it okay for funniness to add to a person's hotness? Not just men, but women as well? Because women will say, I like a man who's funny,

but what about a man who likes women that are funny? Yeah. Have to be. Yeah, that's a, like, Rodney Dangerfield is like the hottest guy who ever lived. Is he, was he a looker? Yes. To me, yeah.

No, you're right, you're right. The metric is so crazy. Oh, I tell you, I'm hot, Johnny, I'm hot. I tell you, I'm hot. All he goes is like me. Oh. So I have not, that's my worst impression. I get too much respect, too much respect entirely.

Every time a photographer sees me, he takes a picture. Every time a woman sees me, she takes my pants off. I tell you, I get a lot of respect. How does she take your pants off? I mean... The whole thing is fascinating. I just, just for a second, wanted to ask you about generative AI or AI, which also is people are telling us they didn't tell us about the World Wide Web, how destructive that was going

to be in terms of social media and all of that. But what how does that intersect with what you're thinking? Because obviously it needs massive energy, you know, apparently. Oh yeah. But it also will become kind of like this alien brain that we control or what do you, I mean, cause what do you, what's your thoughts on that?

AI, how it integrates with all this, this secret government and all those people. If you control it, you control the world maybe or? Well, it can be. You know what I'd say about technology? You know, I just make this simple. As an emergency doctor, I've seen a knife put butter

on your bread and slit someone's throat or stab you through the heart. So it's the consciousness of who wields it, who has it. So the technology is neutral. It's what men do with it, what humans do with it, right? So what does humanity do with the new technology? Do we turn it into a weapon? Do we turn it into something malevolent?

Do we use it for the good? And see, this gets into something that sounds very philosophical and airy-fairy. But really, the foundation of having a sustainable civilization is that we have to have advanced technology. But it has to be guided by a higher consciousness. You call it higher spiritual consciousness, enlightenment,

some greater interest besides your own, can I become another trillionaire kind of mindset. And I think that is the real crisis because in the 20th and early 20th century, our technologies have gotten ahead of our social and spiritual development. And that makes humans at a very dangerous place. Now, this is why one of the other projects I run is the Close Encounters of the Fifth

Kind where we actually train people to make contact with these civilizations and vector or guide them into a sighting or a landing or a contact event. And there's a movie out called Close Encounters of the Fifth Kind and it outlines all of this and it's a bit out there people go what the hell is this but it has to do with using this higher concepts in kind of what Neuralink is trying to do but on a much higher scale of the consciousness field to interact with extraterrestrial guidance and communication systems through what the CIA called remote viewing, using consciousness to see remote viewing.

Remote viewing is crazy, yeah. Well, I know all the top viewers, yeah. Ingo Swann and I were friends before he died and he loved what we were doing with that because we were doing it for peaceful contact as opposed to trying to spy on the Soviet Union back when he was. Right. But I know Russell Targ and all the remote viewers and

the top CIA people who are currently working those programs, I know. And they're very positive about what we're trying to do using those concepts in what's called entanglement in physics or non-locality to remote view and contact these extraterrestrial civilizations and make a peaceful outreach. By the way, we're going to do, it's open to the public. You guys should come. We're going to do a thing in July in Temecula.

Temecula, yes. Yeah. Yeah, we're going to do that. I think there are only about 80 places left, but we're also going to stream it globally. So we're going to do this global CE5. There's an app, by the way, CE5 contact app that trains you in remote viewing and doing this. I'm going to do a thing with Demi Lovato's about this. It's so much fun.

This is way fun. Describe what remote viewing is just for a second. Just in quick remote viewing. Okay, so it kind of gets back to what Ben Rich, who was the head of the Lockheed Skunk Works said in 1995. And he said, someone asked them about this whole UFO issue. He says, well, just remember, every point in space and time is connected instantaneously through this quantum field.

Now, that's known as entanglement in quantum physics. The ultimate field of entanglement, of interconnectivity, is the consciousness field. Now, you and I think of consciousness as what we're thinking of. I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about the faculty of being conscious itself and the experience it's like in meditation,

where you, because I was, before I was a medical doctor, I was a golden boy meditation teacher, went around the world teaching meditation in my first career. I learned, yeah, oh yeah, all these people, you know, a lot of, I won't say who, a lot of celebrities I've taught meditation to, but we went around and we taught people how to go into that deep state, but remember, if you're in that deep state of quiet consciousness, you can awaken to another point in space or time So you can see with your say third eye a remote place in space or time

So the CIA made a routine program of that in the 70s 80s 90s But it can be used for very good purposes to besides spycraft. It can be used for Knowing things that you need to know, for big discoveries. Many of the big scientific discoveries like the founder of organic chemistry went into a dream state and saw the structure of the organic system. And that's true. So it's a really amazing adjunct. It doesn't replace science or intellectual science. It's an adjunct. It's complementary to it. So one of the things that we're teaching people is that the civilizations, I'll tell you, you want to hear a funny story. So I was with, you do a skit on Sarah, by the way I loved it when you did Church Lady years ago.

Isn't that special? I mean, that was my favorite. Dana was a mere you. Well, well, well. We like aliens better than we like Jesus. I think that was Dana. It was me. That was my all-time favorite.

Anyway. Thank you. Talk about consciousness. I just want to insert this, Doctor, it's just you're reminding me a little bit of the That was my all-time favorite. Anyway. Thank you. Talk about consciousness. I just want to insert this, Doctor, is just you're reminding me a little bit of John Lennon's song, Imagine. Yes.

Oh yeah. Which was basically a plea for higher consciousness, that what you're talking about. And I do think if you can get it together, whoever does this, so aliens come down, kind of like the day the earth stood still, that will propel a lot of forward consciousness in terms of my religion, your religion, you know.

So you live in a fascinating world. Well, that's what we're doing. Yeah. As a Fizz member, you can look forward to free data, big savings on plans, and having your unused data rolled over to the following month, every month. At Fizz, you always get more for your money. Terms and conditions for our different programs and policies apply. Details at Fizz.ca.

Get groceries delivered across the GTA from real Canadian Superstore with PC Express. Shop online for super prices and super savings. Try it today and get up to $75 in PC Optimum Points. Visit superstore.ca to get started. With Uber Reserve, good things come to those who plan ahead. Family vacay? Reserve your ride as soon as you book your flights. To all the planners, now you can reserve your Uber ride up to 90 days in advance. See Uber app for details. I have a few questions just quickly.

You did this roast to Tom. Did, okay, first of all, like when we did the roast, I did the Rob Lowe one, we didn't know each other's jokes ahead of time. Did you guys know each other's jokes? No, no, but we would have to tell our jokes to the room. And then they didn't tell us if someone had a joke that they would say like, ah, you can't use that one.

Oh, it bumps with somebody. Yeah. Yeah, and to what room? Writer's room? Writer's room. Yes, correct. Oh, you had to get up and say them? I do.

Yeah, I went to the comedy store and fucking performed my jokes. Oh, I should have gone down there and started that. I was terrified. Thank God there was 15 like brat kids there that loved football so I could say anything and they were gonna laugh. But I was up there and I was reading my jokes off a paper and I did like 12 minutes.

I wanted to like test jokes. That's a lot. Yeah, and it was, I was so terrified. I did like 12 minutes. I wanted to like test jokes. That's a lot. Yeah. And it was, I was so terrified. It was really stepping outside of my comfort zone. Oh, that makes you sick. That's so scary to go up in front of people and read those.

Yeah, that's normal. For real. Who wrote, did you have someone write with you? Did you have someone help write with you? Oh yeah. In your voice. They have roast writers, I think. I have I have my own team, and then we worked with their team. And we kind of formulated and drew a bunch of shit at the wall.

And then I went to the store and said them all and kind of said, all right, this one's a good one. They didn't like this one. And it's very hard to say, hey guys, we're roasting Tom Brady. It's not the same exact scenario, because they're ready for regular, now when you go to the roast, everyone's lasered in, this is about this, blah, blah, blah. So I've seen like Nicky go in,

okay guys, here's what I'm doing, I'm hosting the MTV Awards, picture green day here. It's just not the same, you don't get the exact same reaction, but you get a feel like this one might work, so that's good. And Rob, you did the same thing? don't get the exact same reaction, but you get a feel like this one might work. So that's good. And Rob, you did the same thing. I'm sorry.

Did you say that? Yeah, mine was similar. I actually had like three different phone calls with the writers. I just wanted to understand the feel of, you know, of the type of material that I had for Tom and the other people that were gonna be there. And then they kind of wrote some jokes for me.

I actually have a friend who's an absolute maniac, who when he's on fire, he's on fire. He can come up with anything. So he wrote four of my jokes. And then I actually wrote four of my jokes as well. And then all the other jokes were from the writers. So, you know, it was just a team effort. But at the end, once you have your whole script,

you tell the writers what you're gonna say, and then they figure it out, hey, you can't say that because someone else is already saying so, it wasn't repeated. Mm-hmm. How much fear... Yeah, that's fair. Compared to when you're starting football,

doing public speaking, going to a podium, you got all these comedians, it's a global event. I mean, it was an amazing growth. Yeah, big deal. And you guys are coming out there and you're following people. I mean, what was your nerve level? I'm sure you couldn't compare it to athletics,

but it's intense. It took me years to get used to doing it. It took me three years without being just terrified to do standup, you know? Dude, I was, I mean, it was really scary because we're football players, we're not comics. And then you're following fucking pros. Yeah, and shark shares.

Huge event. I'm so thankful I had that rep before at the store, because it gave me like a rep of it. But I was definitely terrified just because that's not what we do. I know, that's why I was just asking. And the size of the crowd is bigger than normal standup. It's crazy that there's 10,000 people. Yeah, there was 10,000 people.

Was it the forum? There's like, but the cool thing about it was you only saw the people, you didn't see the crowd. You saw like the, they had a bunch of tables for people that were going to be made fun of or associated with people. So you saw a lot of your friends in the crowd. I didn't, so that was kind of cool. And also everyone knows you're not a professional standup.

So there is usually goodwill, you know, because they understand it's not what you do for a living right now, but how was your nerve level, Rob? You were relaxed. Yeah, but we're crazy psychos, man. That's why we won so many championships together is that Julian wants to be the best, even though that's not his profession. I wanted to be the be the best, even though that's not

his profession. I wanted to be the best up there, even though that's not my profession. I mean, Bill wants to be the best. You know, when you sign up for something, you know, we want to be the best and we're super competitive. And that's why I feel like that whole group right there, we won so many championships and why we went to the playoffs every single year because of that competitive nature. But my nerves were my nerves were cooking a little bit.

That's why between Julian, myself and Kevin Hart, we were all three in a row and we literally finished a bottle of tequila before we even went up there. And that definitely helped out because when I got up there, that tequila just went, it went zoop and it was just game on baby.

And also- Wait a minute, so before you went out, you had at least five shots, six shots of tequila. No, or on stage probably. Yeah, right on stage, right? We were drinking that. By the time you got to the podium, how many shots of tequila?

I don't know, probably six to seven. 10, seven, okay. Yeah, six to seven. I can't find, I had a prerequisite in my cocktail before. So I tried my cocktail of what I was gonna do before at the store so I could dial in my eight. Wow, you're prepared. I have to say that the nerves erase

a lot of your buzz sometimes. So you're really drunker than you think because you're so fucking giddy with all the energy and the adrenaline that you go, I don't even know if I'm drunk. I'm just, and you're too fucked up actually. You don't feel it as much if you're adrenaline. That's what happened to me.

And also it kind of sucked waiting your turn because once your turn was over, you know you killed it. It felt so good just to watch rest of the show. Like it was like you laid back and relaxed. Or you get something stepped on. That's what I was scared because Nicky, I thought was first. And when someone goes before and they do jokes,

I'm like, oh my God, I'd be going, fuck that steps on this joke. Oh, do I gotta take that one out? And who do you tell? It's live, I'm like, oh my God, I'd be going, fuck that step's on this joke. Oh, do I gotta take that one out? And who do you tell? It's live. You're like, do I text someone? Like get rid of that joke. It bumps exactly with Kevin Hart's joke.

It's the same thing. That's the hard part. That's where the writers have to make sure, unless you're ad libbing or something. But I'm sure ad libs come out because it's live and just in the moment you wanna add a tagline or. I was watching, so I was really amazed with the professionalism of all like the comics that went up there and with Kevin Hart and watching him, he was off the teleprompter

like how he, he would hit a couple of things on the prompter then ad lib and then go back to the prompter. Scary. I was watching who was reading their jokes and who wasn't. And Rob went up there. And I'm sitting there looking at his prompter. And then I'm looking, and he went completely rogue. He just started going on his own rant.

It was like fun to see who was using their prompter and who wasn't. And Rob went full rogue on the prompter and just started going rob on him. And then you don't know where you're coming back to because they a rug on the prompter and just started going rob on them. And then you don't know where you're coming back to because they're like, the prompter goes down and they go, are we, is this this part? And then you're like, because you know, live,

a lot of those rows, like the one I did, they can, they trim it from three hours down like an hour and a half. So they were cutting all the fat out, all the mistakes. It's more fun to see the mistakes and see what's really happening. Definitely. I think so, yeah. Did anything shock you?

Did you hear jokes that like, you were like, oh, shoot, we're doing this? Were your feelings hurt or did you ever observe anyone else who felt like their feelings were hurt? Because that's the LiveWire reality show aspect of Roast. You're laughing, but then I've seen Roast where, whoa, that person's really wounded right now. You know, I guess that's part of Rose. You're laughing, but then I've seen Rose where, whoa, that person's really wounded right now.

You know, I guess that's part of it. But did you witness or yourselves, did ever, you know, did you get your feelings hurt at all? No, I don't think anyone got their feelings hurt. And that's what made that Rose that much more special. And it also kind of makes you stronger as a person as well. If you can just take those beatings and lashings in front of millions of people

and in front of a crowd of 20-plus thousand people in front of all your good friends as well. I mean, it makes you strong mentally. And that's why I loved it. I mean, I can go around anywhere now. Whatever people say about me, actually, that roast literally kind of freaked me out. I don't care what people say.

Call me an idiot. Call me dumb. Like, whatever, I was in front of millions of people and that happened. Like, so it's no big deal. And I think that's what made the show so special too, is everyone took the beating, and no one was actually truly hurt about it. That's what the really, that's what the locker room is. I mean, no one's safe in the locker room.

Everyone's getting made fun of. It was just public. Well, when I did the roast, they go, like, it's hard to. Well, when I did the roast, they go, like it's hard to see, someone walk up and go, you know, everyone says Spade has huge ears. And I'm like, wait, what's going on? Wait, what does everyone say? Because you're never hearing everything people are saying.

So when they start a joke with, I think we're all in agreement. And then it's like some horrible thing about you. And you go, and you're trying to brace like, oh, okay, that was too much, I'm gonna mark that down, I gotta talk to them after, I gotta mark that one down. Because there's so many coming at you, you just go, holy shit, that's why I never did it for so long,

because I'm too much of a pussy to take it. It's just so out of left field. I think it's crazy to hear how you analyze... the show, like, we don't think about that. You're sitting, you guys are pros. So you're sitting there like, oh, he hit that. So I'm gonna fucking bring this to him. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I wanna go up early. You're like, that was really not fucking. That's a deal breaker. They go, I go put me up early. Because by the time like Andrew Schultz got on, he has great jokes, but it's hard to just get the effect when you've heard you're numb by this point. Nikki, Nikki had the best spot.

I think she was third or fourth. Yeah, Kevin Hart warmed them up. A couple of people were very good. It's cooking and then there's a wave that she caught and she was incredibly prepared. I mean, she worked like for six weeks or something, night after night, taping, recording. I have a question for you too. Oh boy.

I saw this video of this girl and she goes, I'm a furry. And then she goes, here's how I talk to my friends. So if I'm happy, I'm like, meow. If I'm angry, I go, yeah. If I'm the anyway, do you think it? Do you think that that human beings that identify as cats are actually cats? I don't. But do you know? I ran into someone who said my pronouns are they them? And I said, my pronouns are what's up, motherfucker?

and I said, my pronouns are, what's up, motherfucker? Oh. Well, those are my pronouns. What's up, motherfucker? John's are poo-poo pee-pee. No. John's pronouns are two parts. Mine are sir and lord. Sir Lord. Mine are fa and fa.

Ha-ha-ha. They sound effecty. I just know going up and down, what are your pronouns? I'd be, huh? Huh? What are your, I go, what? I don't know what you're talking about.

What do you call yourself? John. Listen, our- Transphobic much? Our viewers- No, I just don't, I don't, it's like what? They haven't thought about it for a second. We have three left, now there's zero.

Uh-huh. All right, well I'd love to hear the end of that story sometime, John. I'm all for it. You apparently mock the people who think they're a dog or a cat. I met a woman once. I know there's a skull with a litter box. I had a date with a woman once and she said she was a cat and she opened her shirt and she had six nipples. And I said, do you wanna get spaded?

Put your feet in the air. I said, do you want to get spaded? But sure he will. Meow. A one John Lovitz on a date where the woman he finds very attractive. He will soon find out that she's a pussy cat. This is an imitation my friend would always do. This is a cat's butthole. Meow. Was he a comedian's butthole. Meow. Pfft.

Was he a comedian? How old are you? Ha ha ha. How old was he, two? We've gotta have a raspberry count. Anyone making this sound? Pfft. We're probably double ditches.

Ditches? Oh, and bitches. Okay, well, John Lovitz has been our guest today. The debate was great last night, we'll say it again. The debate was great. The guy who doesn't identify as a cat, he identifies as a pussy. Ooh.

For those listening, John is beside himself with joy. He's going in for the closeup with the big eyes and a huge grin. Huge grin. I'm doing my cat in the camera again. The ring camera. Woo. David Spade has a disease.

It's called smallpox. Let's end on that one. That's not bad. That's a pretty good one, John. I don't know how you think of this stuff. All right. Thanks buddy. That's not bad. That's a pretty good one, John. I don't know how you think of this stuff. All right. Thanks, buddy.

This has been a presentation of Odyssey Superfly as executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Jenna Weiss-Furman of Odyssey, Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman. Hope you liked it.