Fly on the Wall with Dana Carvey and David Spade - SUPERFLY #55 - Mama Said Knock You Out

Episode Date: February 14, 2025

David and Dana chop it up about The Super Bowl, rap evolution, raining spiders, a wild Elvis conspiracy theory, and more! Get Huel today with this exclusive offer for New Customers of 15% OFF + a FREE Gift at https://huel.com/fly To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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with iGaming Ontario. You know, when I'm on the road, Dana, I'm always pretty much staying in hotels, but there's been a shift to Airbnb and you hear about it all the time. Hotels are fine, they can be great, but Airbnb is a great alternative, you know, because you get a lot of choices on where you can stay.

Oh yeah. It's very practical. I mean, hotel can be like, oh, like when I go on the road, I go, that one's, the closest hotel is a half hour from the gig or something, but you say, oh, Airbnb. You just go, oh, I wanna go a little closer. I wanna be in this area. I want a swimming pool and I want this. Yes, and I famously have said many times a place

we used to go, my wife and I, to get away. And we stayed at some really nice hotels, but then we found this Airbnb, which we used, I think, three times. It was always spotless. The keys are outside in a little padlock and they used to have a bottle of wine and a note and you have a kitchen and it was very, very nice. The benefits of Airbnb is that space, privacy, better locations compared to hotels. You get to pick how close you want to

be to wherever you want to go. You're traveling with family, your friends, you're on your own. want to be to wherever you want to go. You're traveling with family, your friends, you're on your own. It's, it's great. I'm telling you, I fluff and folded. I have my secrets. I have my ointments and my oils and my moisturizers. But when I am no longer on camera in life, maybe, you know, in Italy cruising around, I'm going full Letterman.

This Dutch mane goes downtown, trims down. This goes way out, covers all the sins, no more Adam's apple. Even any chest and neck sins, it goes all the way down. That's still a pretty good amount of chest hair. No, I don't, not really. I'm Norwegian and Irish, I mean, come on.

This Leatherman beard, does he still have it at that long? No, he trimmed about two inches off it. So it just covers his collarbone. I don't know. But I think he looks good in it because all this stuff around here, not you, because you're kind of eternally youthful. Your new nickname is Peter Pan Spade. Christ sakes. But I think Letterman looks good. It's just an advantage men have. Women have to get facelifts. Men can grow a beard. So there, end of story, newsflash. You know what was funny? Make a clip out of that, Patrick. He goes, not enough. But I remember in the weekend for like a year he had like a bandaid

on his face or something. And then he had like a fat suit on. Was that something else too? Who was that? The singer of the weekend and then he... Oh, the weekend. I don't think he ever paid off that bandaid bit. It was like a long play. We're in the era that a band-aid, it's not a bit,

it could just be a fashion choice. I remember the first dude I saw, dude, we had pants on Levi 501s, and one pant leg was rolled up on the top of his knee. And first time I saw it, just walking around, what's up? No comment, no wound on the calf, but just one pant leg rolled up. I remember the first time I was going on the lot. I remember the first time a guy said,

Hey dog, to me. What's up dog? What's up dog? And that was kind of cool too. So, which brings us to Kendrick Lamar. Should we, I know it's- Oh, Super Bowl. Yeah. We got Super Bowl, Betts. What's up? It's not a bit. I'm just, let me just put in context. I don't want to be a grumpy old man. Everything was better than it. You don't get culture. You don't get it. Go ahead. I was born and bred and introduced to hip hop in the 90s. I'll say that hip. Okay. I got three examples. I'm saying a hip hop in the 90s or rap if you will.

The first one was Sir Mix-A-Lot. I like big butts and I cannot lie. That's funny. Very potent. I got good balls and I cannot lie. Good rhythm. Super catchy. Get stung. Very potent, really. I got good bells in it, cannot lie. Let's use it. And I'm like, got it. Super catchy.

Get stung. One of your favorites, I believe, which I think also is crazy brilliant. Mama Said Knock You Out. Mama Said Knock You Out by LL Cool J. Mama Said Knock You Out. Yeah, the beginning is good. So it has an anthem.

I mean, the lyric of mama, my mother said, knock you out. My madre. Madre. Mi madre. It'll knock all the out though. So it's sort of sweet in a way. Mama said, knock you out. I'm going to knock you out. Mama said, get you in a headlock.

I'm going to kick you in the balls. I'm going to kick you in the balls. Mom said, mom said, wrap a pizza around your face. I'm gonna wrap a pizza around your, go ahead. These were all possible lyrics that they had to whittle down. Don't call it a comeback. Is that it?

I've been here for years. Is that how it starts? Yeah, don't call it a comeback. LL Cool J is cool. That's a great beginning too. He was on, yeah, don't call it a comeback. I like LL Cool J is cool. That's a great beginning too. He was on, yeah, don't call to come back. I like LL Cool J. I think he also, he was on SNL as the host

and I had him in church chat in read through and then for whatever reason, he was perfectly good. For whatever reason, his part got cut. I wasn't sure the reason I did it. By you? I don't remember. It wasn't a big part, but then later on he said- Hatchet car. He sidled up and kind of was very serious. He goes, what was wrong? What would I do? What would I do? I said, what did you wrong? I said,

Lauren said, knock you out. I'm going to cut you out. Okay. Two more. Just before we go to a Kendrick Lamar, who I probably got a commercial. He's like a beautiful person. Um, Snoop Dogg throws that in. Which one? Gin and juice? Drop it like it's hot was the first one where I went holy. I played a day in the life for my kids and they put on, drop it like it's hot. Drop it like it's hot.

Drop it like it's hot. But talk about crazy catchy great. Gin and juice. I like big butts, drop it like it's hot. Mama said, knock you out. And then the other thing I was introduced to hip hop and rap was M and M with a real slim gay, please stand up. Please stand up.

And so this is my introduction to how I perceive Ken. This is a big wind up. I think I know where you're headed though. No, I don't. What about Ken? I don't know if I understand it, but I bet money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money,. I mean, I'm not, I'm saying mama said knock you out. All I got, I couldn't get a. You couldn't decipher.

Now, I don't know. I like mama said knock you out. Well, catchy hooky. I mean, I Said The Lock, Knock You Out. Well, Catchy Hooky. I mean, I think one song in there I sort of knew, but I will say I didn't know them all, fine. Matt, that show's not for me, fine. And I like the GNX because they have a Grand National. Remember, I had one for a long time.

I just want to understand it and I want the commenters to help me. I'm not shethain on it. I'm just saying I don't quite get it. And the early hip hop rap was very, very clear to me. And I just trying to understand it. And also the whole dis song about Drake. I've heard Drake stuff.

I really like it, but that's a kind of, I agree that I listen, if a song is about you're in a fight with someone or you're mad at someone, is that really the most peaceful, fun, Super Bowl, bring us all together song? Or is it like, hey, hey, fuck you to some guy? And everyone's like, hey, hey, I know what he's talking about. Fine.

Also, great visually, I didn't, I got a little snoozy in the middle, but great visually as far as all the outfits, the dancing, and you need that element. You definitely need that. I think I give Kendrick Kael an A plus for the aesthetic, the dancing, and I did watch, I read an article in the New York Times and it broke down all his visual elements. In other words, they used to call them MTV videos and they are sort of brilliant. The visual is brilliant, but I'm going to scroll it on me already the more I do it.

Yeah, I mean, there was a lot to that Super Bowl. Also, well the whole thing you watched it. Chiefs got smoked. Oh, how about this? The Kanye commercial that he paid for. Seven million for that bookie little commercial on his iPhone, which he's done that move before, which is pretty funny. He's paid seven million, films on his iPhone, says I have no money left, here's my grills, go to my website. Fine. Ends it with going, um, wasting time. But what I didn't know, you go to the website. What is it, Dana? Yeezy.com or yeez.com?

You go there, it's one item, t-shirt with a swastika. I saw that. So listen, we all have different merch. I'm listening. We all have different merch. It's a very interesting merch. Oh, Shopify, how long does it take to take that down? How long do you have to be told? Maybe this isn't, is it a joke, is it what?

I mean, he's controversial, but at a certain point, it's just beyond controversial where people just go, hey, come on,, what are you doing? What are you doing? And are those checks clearing for 7 million? But I guess so, but. Well, as far as stealing focus, like I put the bookends, he was there with his teeth and I couldn't really talk, you know, this is my new girls and, uh, you

know, uh, I, I, I, again, this is all I could do on an iPhone. Uh, you know, because, uh, I paid, uh, so much for the commercial $8 million. So it's kind of brilliant. And then the bookend to that is Bill Murray. Well, hey, you know, you might want to get another beer in the meantime, you know, Bill Murray, but yahoo.com. And I don't know what product that was for unless it was for Yahoo. I think it was for Yahoo.

Oh. I didn't even see that one, but I knew he did something I thought for Yahoo. Also, Kanye's wife, girlfriend, wife. Uh-huh. Her family. Lovely, lovely person. Lovely gal, as my mom would say, lovely gal. Such a.

Now, she keeps defending herself and her family keeps going, hey, I'm here by my own free will. I'm not like kidnapped. And then I wanna say to her, maybe don't say that yet. Let's see how things go because you're not even gonna get a job at Lady Footlocker after this. I mean, it's very hard when this is all on your resume to go, oh, you should have that in your back pocket.

He made me do all that. I'm the greatest person in the world. I wouldn't be any part of that because he's saying things causing disruptions where you wanna go, maybe I was brainwashed. Let's just say that because it gets you out of it. It's your one free pass. Right.

That, yeah. Let's just say that because it gets you out of it. It's your one free pass. Right. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. That relationship, you know, my blink is, it's not really equal. It looks like one person in the relationship is more dominant than the other. I'll leave the listeners to viewers to figure out which one. We-

Cupid really got those two, I have to say. It's a click friendly world. I just thought, yeah. Two kids in love. Two kids in love. Let's leave it at that. It's a story you've seen a million times, those two. I just would like to...

It's a Hallmark movie. It is. Look, I can say they're an adorable couple and no one can say they're not. You remember the song? Frankie Valli, 1983. No one knows what goes on behind closed doors. Charlie Rich, I think. Charlie Rich, right. I don't know why I put a bookmark guy in there. When we're kept behind closed doors.

It's a little cryptic, isn't it? I mean, that would be good for like the serial killer. No one knows what goes on. Behind closed doors. Behind closed doors. Yeah, so maybe they're just a cute, they're playing Scrabble every night. I don't know, maybe it's on act. It's gotta be partially an act. Hey, would you like some just a cute, they're playing Scrabble every night. I don't know. Maybe it's on an act.

It's got to be partially an act. Hey, would you like some cocoa? Sure, babe. Hey, what's on Netflix? Do you mind putting on this see-through thong while you make the cocoa? What's on Tubi? Beep bop. I wish I was at a Kansas City Chiefs super party. I mean, everyone's got jerseys on, my home's killed. They've got beers flowing.

We got this. Whoa, fucking Chiefs. 34 zip. They said there's an after party for 11,000 people and I saw today a DJ was like, might as well be going. People literally took magic marker. They had Mahomes jersey on and just crossed it off. I mean, fair weather fans.

Jesus. Yeah. I don't, I don't have any big hot takes as Super Bowl. I didn't even see all the commercials. Uh, cause you want to talk during the commercial and then you're like, when do I talk during the Super Bowl? I want to watch the game. I'm not allowed to talk to the commercials.

I'm not allowed to talk to the world. So yeah, it's a real, it's a real... It was... Conundrum. Mind boggling, happy for the Eagles. Their defensive line is extraordinary. Jalen Hurts has always been underrated. I'll do some X and O's here. Yeah, give us some X and O's.

And our producer said before we came on, Jason Kelsey, is it? some X and O's here. Yeah, give us some X and O's. And our producer said before we came on, you know, Jason, Kelsey, is it? Sorry. Travis? Travis. I'm sorry. Do you have his shimmery shirt?

No. Pull it up if you see it. It's the classic situation you don't want. He's dolled up to go into the party, which is a Super Bowl, which used to be the guys were just like, hey, we come in sweats, we get ready for the day. Now it's a full New York Fashion Week.

They walk in, they all have purses, they all have hats and stuff. I know, yellow mustard socks with little copper shoes. Exactly. Lots of buttons and little collars. You walk in like Mary Poppins and then they go, okay, Cam Newton was good, he's a good looking dude. Has, fine.

It makes people think when you don't win, you put too much time into that. Because afterwards, poor Kelsey, walking out with his shimmery shirt and shit in one second. I mean, he looked super cool, that Clark on the bench, Clark Gable hair, he had a little coming down. He's a big guy. He's a fucking stud.

But then they didn't publicize it, but he went over and sat next to Taylor and he goes, Hey, baby, in the stands during the game and after the game when they lost and she scooched over, she actually moved over. I mean, does she pick outfits? Cause I don't know. I couldn't pick all this shit. I think that guy could retire from football and become another action hero.

This guy's life was already all green lights. There was no bumps. It's great looking, he's tall, it's all anyone cares about. And he's a football player and he's rich. And actually he's pretty funny and he's, he's, uh, Jason is the retired one. He's pretty funny and charismatic. He's good in commercials. Jason, he, Cal's, he retires.

He was the one on here. Last year and they won the Superbowl. So. Together. Yeah. And then he retires, but he has to go root for the Eagles and against his brother, sort of, right? Sort of. But I mean, he would have got a ring, missed it by 12 months, but that guy- But he got 34 commercials out of it, so he's doing all right. Those Kelsey brothers, they're an ecosystem now.

Ego. And his wife, and I mean, it's just, they're everywhere all at once. Like Trump. I thought the mom had a cooking show. Was that just a rumor we started? No, the mom has a cooking show. The entire extended family. It's really cool to see an empire built from the ground up. It's to there the New Kardashians.

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We always joke about artists. My brother's into art. My brother was bad enough. Yeah. Italian artists sells invisible sculpture for 18,000. Now it's getting too, it's getting too much. It's too much. Well, or not enough. I don't know. Oh, that's one way to look at it. I think I told this story, but I dropped shrooms in the early 80s and went to the LA County Art Museum, my friends and I, and it was like a cam,

just a 40 foot white canvas with one red dot in the middle. And we had to go out in the stairwell. We laughed so hard. We couldn't even. I mean, this stuff is, this is a 18,000. Where do you feel like, I'm not paying 20 for invisible nothing. 20's my top.

That's my ceiling. Well, here's our experiment. We're gonna book you at a big theater. You know, you tend to sell tickets. Big theater with the mic there. Ladies and gentlemen, David Spade is going to stay backstage for an hour. Enjoy the show.

We can call it not David Spade, and then it's just a mic stand and not me. Mic stand for an hour. Triple the ticket price. Yeah. Because it is better to not hear me talk, in all honesty. Well, it's just fake art. Uh-oh. This just in.

Okay, here's Travis leaving. Oh, here we go. Look, no one's around. He's like, God, why didn't I just bring a flannel shirt? Yeah, I get it. It's just life, you know, the high and the low, you know. But the biggest game and that's just life, you know, the high and the low, you know, just. But the biggest game and that's the most, must be the hardest thing, no matter how good things are going to take.

It's like the gambling in Vegas. It's fun to win, but losing makes you feel so much worse. So it's lower than the high is. And I liked what Tom Brady said and I thought he did a great job announcing. So I like his announcing. He's very, very bright. But at the end, he said, he was in 10 Super Bowls. He doesn't remember the seven that he won.

And there's still Super Bowl, I don't know which one or all three that he lost. He still isn't over it. Not fears, thinks about it. It's you with the Paul McCartney interview. think about it. It's you with the Paul McCartney interview. Look, you don't have that kind of rain. You're like, pretty good.

I just cry myself. No, I interrupt. Why am I interrupting now? Why won't I shut up? Why did I have coffee before I came on this show? The David Spade show. Oh, why? Because I made fun of Why did I have coffee before I came on this show, the David Spade Show? Oh, why, because I made fun of that Paul McCartney. You always say that.

No, no, and I'm kidding too. Kidding, kidding. Well, Tom Brady had a big goofy watch on, and I have to say, love Tom Brady. Looks very thin, but the guy cannot look bad, bless his heart, just like Travis, cannot take a bad picture. And, but he had this, I'm not gonna say goofy watch,

not my taste, super blingy. And then it was like orange. Yeah, and that feels like not his style. I agree, yeah. Look at how huge and orange and diamonds and, I mean, he's so effing rich, like we got it. I like that Daytona to the right, or whatever that one is called.

Just the Rolex. I just that Daytona to the right or whatever that one is called. Just the Rolex. I just don't like anything super showy and that looks like a swatch. Is it possible it was $750,000? That's what I read when I went over the morning's newspapers. Every time I read it, it's higher, but that doesn't even shock me. If he's worth 200 million,

it doesn't blow me away that it's that much. Is it okay to say that maybe I'm a Buddhist monk in a previous Buddhist monk life? I don't really like or want things. I stole this jacket as you know. This is a Gap t-shirt. I stole this jacket. I stole it. I have a $10 Casio watch it's in the drawer listen about material I am everything you own owns you back newsflash David this sweat this yeah I have a lot of quarter zips you know that means this I see it, yeah. And I'm not embarrassed. Okay, I can't afford a full zip.

Your closet's the size of a Macy's department store. You know, I know some famous person, and I won't say who. It was a famous couple, and their house is so big, they had a party, and went in the closet, and then they said, oh, and here's how they get their clothes. Button, like the laundromat. Like a laundromat? Yeah. Like when you get your dry cleaning, goes up around, all their clothes come down.

They take it off the hook. They're all numbered. Crazy. I was like, you're so rich, if I had your money, I'd throw mine away. This is ridiculous. Do they wrap it in plastic and say, we can't find, come back later. We can't get Stain out. You need to have a ticket.

No, we can't get too much heat on it. Yeah. It melt. You need ticket. So that was them being rich. All right, next story. We're really moving. I know. Why do we need to get. So that was them being rich. All right, next story. We're really moving. I know.

Why do we need to move? I don't know. By the way, I'll tell everyone before I get to the sickening fucking story. I was on Busboys all day. Nate Diaz was late today, so that's what pumped us back. And what do you say to these UFC guys? He's the most badass guy. And I'm like texting Theo in his trailer going, Theo, you better rip him a new fucking asshole

when he walks in. You're a producer, put on your producer hat and go to town. Just teach him a lesson in front of everyone. Read him the riot act. And? He did not. Neither did I.

But then Nate had to push me around in this scene and he kept elbowing me and I'm like, huh? Your hand okay? You ever hit anybody this hard? Can't hurt steel. I kept saying stuff like that and he's just like, because obviously I'm a 1000% pussy, but I was taking. Well, wait a minute, so you were on Busboys today.

Yeah. And you got- We're in here, just got wrapped. And you got manhandled. Yes. By a UFC- Nate Diaz, yeah. Nate Diaz. Who's a super badass, very nice dude. He was on yesterday too.

Absolutely. Bobby Lee was in yesterday. We had a crack up yesterday. We had a lot of people on there. It was pretty fun. God. This thing, I'm smelling a hit, man. It's fun.

I don't want to jinx it, bro. You're gonna laugh. I'm gonna show you some clips next time I see you. Let's show the audience clips. hit. It's fun. I don't want to jinx it. You're going to laugh. I'm going to show you some clips next time I see you. Let's show the audience clips. No. Let's talk about it's raining spiders. This is my on maybe worst nightmare.

Yeah. Spiders are falling from the sky in Brazil. Spiderocalypse. Everything's apocalypse. Everything's Spiderman. Apocalypse. Everything's apocalypse. Mm-hmm. Everything's mageddon. Spidergeddon. Apocalypse. Is it not like shocking? Oh, now they show it. Look.

Oh. Sick. Sick. Wow. That's cool. Dana, what would you do? I would look. I would protect you. I'd take out my phone. I would take out. I would just shoot my shotgun straight up.

They're riding the jet streamers. Spiders can't really fly. I think they have all these, all these, what you call webs, you know, all across all these trees and they get on them all. And then they're just, you look above and then they're like all just drop or something but they jump in there they're gonna hit the ground eventually they can't fly they can't gain altitude well we're kind of ruining the story but yeah um well you know they're they're called uh spy birds and they're half bird half spider here's my next story spiders are driving all over brazil and hitting people in their cars.

You're like, they can't drive. They can land on your car. They can crawl on it. Well, these spiders are, I don't even care if they're poisonous. I can't take it. It's too scary. I don't like anything coming from the sky at me and mass spiders, ants, comedians who just did an open mic, just flying through the sky. Hundreds of them do my podcast. Oh, you got it. You're my Superbowl chunk.

Look at my YouTube clip. I can do crowd work too. I say, where are you from? Then I tear them apart. I don't know what I'm going to say, but I kind of do. I pretend that something I've said a thousand times is fresh. Don't hate me for it. I say, are you on a date? I already know what I'm going to say, no matter what their answer is. I'm going to re-insert-

This is them still coming at you. I'm going to re-insert the premise so people understand what we're doing. Spiders were flying in the sky. Now we're saying comedians from open mics are flying toward the ground. Touring toward you in the parking lot or the green room. Two nuts walk into a bar. I don't give a fuck. That's my best bit. Can you get me six tickets to SNL? I don't know why I'm talking like this. Just because. They're not even for me. They're for my friend.

Is this on? Is this on? Hey. All right. Hey, do you mind if we flip flop? I got another spot at the laugh. Clip, cut to our clip editor. He just quit. Okay.

Next story. You heard about Nate Diaz. You heard about spiders. And now. Oh, this is. Okay. Just play it. There's a guy. There's a guy. There's a guy. There's a guy. There's a guy. There's a guy. Okay, next story. You heard about Nate Diaz, you heard about spiders.

And now? Oh, this is, okay, just play it. There's a guy narrating, but I just want to play it because you know, things get stuck in the sewer. Is it a baby? Is it a deer? Is it a person, Heather? Okay.

Chainsaw or bolt? Okay, bolt. Heather, you're cheating. I know you're cheating. I'm, I. OK. Chainsaw or bolt? OK, bolt. Heather, you're cheating. I know you're cheating. I'm. What are my choices? What is it? Is it a bird? Dog. Cat.

No, it's a rat. No. Well, look at they're freaky. What the freak is it? That's a New York rat. That's a rat, a 20 pound rat. Oh man, this is the most nauseous I've been on this. The most nauseous.

Oh my God. Here, you can turn that guy down. Oh wow. Oh my God. Oh, come on. Here, you can turn that guy down. Oh, wow. Remember that song, Ben? There's a movie about a huge rat. Well, what's a guinea pig or what's the thing that looks like a rat? Chupacabra?

No, one time my house in Encino, there's this noise outside, I opened the end door and I thought I saw a 40 pound rat and I think it was some other thing that looks like a rat. You know, I'm all for like rat traps and I'm, but if you have to wrestle a rat, that's too big. You can't wrestle them. If you can saddle up a rat, that's too big a rat. If you can saddle it up and ride it around a county fair. If your rat has a saddle, it might

be too big to be a rat. If a camel looks at your rat and goes, whoa, that's a big one. You might have a large rat on your hands. If your rat is so big it has an iPhone. You might be with a rat that's too big. If your rat is so big that it demands you pay your rent on the first of the month, that's too big a rat. If you're driving with a rat in your car and you can legally use the carpool lane, it's too big.

If you're, you see a creature and it's little paws go up and I go, I know I'm too large for my species. That might be a big rat. If a rat can beat you in arm wrestling. If you play Scrabble with an entity that looked like a rat, that spells out rat hole, and gets offended by its own word score. That's what it wrote in Scrabble?

Rat hole, and it was mad at its own word score, but that's a triple score, Scrabble. Good Scrabble, Beck. Your new nickname. That'll get me out of it. I'm looking for names for my tour, but I'm almost there. I have one, didn't I have one? Did you have a good one?

For the tour? Yeah, we can't call it Pipsqueak Life, we're not doing that. Oh. Say if that's your idea, nope. Humans are fantastic. No if that's your idea. Nope. Humans are fantastic. No, that's not you. Tom Segura has a good one.

It's called, it's a world tour. It says I'm coming all over. But that was Howard Stern's book, right? Coming all over to you. Didn't Howard Sperm do that? Look it up, Heather, Greg. Howard Stern book. I think his was called Miss New Yorkers. Miss America was one of them, maybe.

Well, I thought of a couple. Howard Stern comes again. Howard Stern comes again? So David Spade comes again. No, I think comes all over is better for a world tour. I'm wearing a hat now. Fuck you, fuck off. I can't take it. I can't take it because my forehead is so blind with this light. We have to look at it. I look at you on this side of the zoom and so people are

like look straight in the camera. I'm like well I wish we could flip-flop it where you're on this. You know what? I'm gonna put the camera over here next time. Oh, this is after five million shows. I think it's looking at, we already put it lower. Yeah, instead here's me looking at the camera, here's me looking at Dana. I'll tell you something that's very charismatic. I saw a guy do it. You know these people who listen to music

and then listen to it and tell you if they like it or not? Like their first song that they listen to for the first time. This British guy, he's putting on Day in the Life and he's looking over here like he's listening. I'm looking to the right. And then he would do this. He would go, you know, he's looking. You see what I'm doing? What is he looking at? Well, he's looking at something, maybe the song countdown. He's looking like this. And then he would share it with us.

I read the news. And then he would go back, and I thought, man. Like he likes that part. It was charismatic. Do it for me so I can see it. Okay. Look away and then look right at the camera. I heard the news today, oh boy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, see? That's cool. About a lucky man Man made the grave Heather has seen it. She's laughing. No, by the way, it's the easiest thing in the world You have a cook watching a guy cook and he goes, okay, he's putting the pan down Well, okay. This guy's doing this a lot. I wouldn't like I wouldn't do that plane They're playing I'm a walrus and like I like like that song. You know, I'd never heard before. Yeah, they show, they play rap for people.

They play great songs from history and you get to hear, they have a music coach. I don't mind those. There's a lot of Beatles. It's fucking easy. People listening to the Beatles for the first time. Oh yeah. And then they're like, I gotta say man,

these Beatles are wild. We were talking about O'Darlin the other day and O''Darlin, they said Paul, someone saw Paul before the show and said, do you do O'Darlin? And he said, it's probably the hardest one on my voice. I'm thinking, wow, we should have asked him that if it's true. We, oh, there you go.

Is it when he goes, I'll never make it alone. He wrote it, Lenin thought he could have sang it better because Lenin had that, shake it up baby. Paul recorded it like five times. They'd already had the music. On his own and brought it in. And then Paul. I already did it. On the last time came in and shredded his voice

like he's never done before or since. So that is his. Believe me when I tell you... He goes high. I can't do it. Oh darling, please believe me... It's so hot. Yeah. So that was... I know. How would you decide?

We should ask him next time. He'll never do it again. Let's ask him who decides who sings what? Did we ask him? No, I mean, usually the songwriter sings it. And if it's a co-written song, early in the days, like you go, they do day tripper, got a good reason. And then John will go, taking the easy way out, yeah.

That's a classic back and forth. Taking the easy way out, yeah. That's a classic. Yeah. Classic back and forth. Taking the easy way out. Yeah. I forgot about day tripper. No, it is too many songs. It's unreal. I'm with you. It's unreal. They too much, too much genius. It's a disease. I was hung up on, I'm looking through you. I was going to ask him, that's the only song where he sounds like he's talking condescending to someone. You remember? It's the only song where he sounds like he's talking, condescending to someone. You remember? It's the only time he's kind of.

Oh, it's about Jane Astor, I think, or a girlfriend. I'm looking through you. Where have you been? It's a total chopper. You know, he grew up, or like he says, she was too good for him. And now look at me, how I'm doing something like that. I'm looking through you and you're nowhere. Yeah, Paul is just yeah.

If you listen to the song, it's. It's hard to ask Paul McCrory even now, even if he was on right now. Ask him. We see it now. What are we gonna say? Yeah. Ask him a question that he hasn't been asked, but I do. The only reason I had podcast regret,

which I've said before, is I realized when you interview anyone, not even Paul McCartney, they cannot toot their own horn or pound their chest, but if you introduce something that's brilliant, then they can talk about it. All right, moving on. What's the next one? We're educating today. No, we are. Oh,. Yeah. All right. Moving on. What's the next one? We're educating today.

No, we are. Oh, this is Mexican squid games. Would you do this game, Dana? It's a okay. It's a bowl ring. People are lined up. I think the trick is when it when it gets you lay down flatter and it runs over you. Well, this is a real contest. It's got lawsuit written all over it. Is that safe? Is it safe? No. Well, why aren't they getting killed every day? Because if they get to the other side, they get like a hundred bucks or something. Oh, it says winning team gets 24 cans of Coke. You can turn it down, but it's the Squid Game's music. So they all crawl like the centipede. Flat in an arena and a bull is running over the top of them,

but they're not all getting killed. They're in an arena trying to cross the other side of the arena. The bull is just fucking loose, which would never happen in America because it's too litigious. So this bull goes around, just starts wailing on people and they go flat when it comes by. That's their trick.

It does not always work. It's not a perfect science. And I think we watched it too short because I think someone gets bumped. I'll just say this. The non-regulated society is interesting. I was doing a gig in Acapulco and I was out on my veranda looking down on the beach and I see like a maybe five, six-year-old walking up to a guy talking, talking, talking. He buys some cigarettes, likes the cigarette. The guy gives him a boost. He's bareback on a stallion, a

horse, five years of age, smoking a cigarette, just going down the beach. I'm like, what the? Where is the safety helmet? Well, the old days, you know, we didn't wear helmets for sure on our bikes. Nope. I'm sure I had a few concussions. I could do a wheelie for a quarter mile. I don't like to talk about that. I know Paul McCartney doesn't beat his own... That means you did something to the chain if you you're popping your stingray and it's really

loose. You just did it with a store bought Sears Bronco. Just was pure carry underwood quad muscles that I have. And I was just like, once I got up I could balance it and be like, Oh my God, Oh my God. I kept going. I'm like, Oh my God, everyone was freaking out. Did anyone witness this or is this a figment of your animation? like, Oh my God, Oh my God. I kept going. I'm like, Oh my God, everyone was freaking out. I can safely say. Did anyone witness this or is this a figment of your spay-domation? Your spay-domation.

You probably went five feet. Let's be honest. This is another one of my little fibs, but I think I did do that. I would skateboard. No footage to cut to. You could skateboard, you said? And I would go down a hill, the long, long hill, zigzag down. I wouldn't do it now.

I was, well, look, I mean, a steep long hill without on a board with no helmet or safety. Called a Guinness book. You know, it's funny about the Guinness book world records. It's now the Guinness website or something. I mean, book, book sounded better. Would you, if you tried to qualify for something of the world's world record.

I thought of this the other day. What would it be? I thought of this the other day. Cause it was like, it was, I swear I saw something odd. Maybe it's today, but I saw something odd like, guy gets bit in the nuts by a cobra 60 times in an hour. And I was like, that's a Guinness world. This cannot be a world record.

This cannot be anything that anyone's trying to do. But if you pick a weird one, you can win. Well, what did Mr. Beast, didn't he at one point just repeat someone's name for 24 hours? I don't know. Kelsey Grammer, Kelsey Grammer, Kelsey Grammer. He's rich enough. Maybe you should do that for him.

Kind of a genius. Could we get him on here and just have a genius? Mr. Beast on anyway, let's try to, well, I'm gonna ask my guy tomorrow because one of my buddies knows him. Let's try to, there's a couple people I wanted to get on. Yeah, we'll pair him with a Beastie boy, you know, just because the symmetry of that.

That's kind of funny, right? Yeah. All right, next one. What is she? This is a podcast, a girl's about to say something I don't know what. Okay. So I came across this really insane Elvis Presley theory.

I'm gonna kind of break it all down. Okay, let's just hear it. In 1977. Yes. His family never wanted to release the public evidence of his death. So basically all the details. We got speculation, we thought maybe it was too many drugs in the system. We thought maybe he was being overworked. So his family said

in the year 2027, we'll release those. 2027? Good reaction. I liked her reaction. This is where I get to. There's a man named Jesse Garren and he claims that he is Elvis Presley. He's been claiming he's Elvis Presley for quite some time. I've seen a few of these on my stream. Oh, there's all these. He's in a mental institute. Well, yeah. But.

I'm not so good. So there's a doctor that worked in this hospital. It's not good yet. With Jesse. And during his time there, he was like, I just feel this weird skeptical gut feeling about this guy, Jesse, who's claiming that he's Elvis. So let's do a DNA test and let's see what we find. Guess what they found. What? Jesse's DNA was the exact match of Elvis's DNA. What? Same DNA. Okay. Jesse's DNA matches the doctor's like, this is really weird. Let's do something further. How

on two is this? I don't know. There's a book it says. It's a match with Jesse's. What do you know? It's a match. So this mental patient, mental institute patient, yes this is real. It's the same DNA. And the parents. But also Elvis's parents, okay. So obviously people are thinking maybe this is Swaboss brother. Elvis was born as a twin, but. Anyone can hold a phone up and go, okay.

That's it? What happened? Well he had a twin brother. They showed proof. They showed a book. Okay. Hey. That's it? That's it. What happened? Well, he had a twin brother. They showed proof. They showed a book. I used to do this bit and I'll just do a little bit of it. Flight of fantasy.

You don't sound like you believe it. Go ahead. I just had a flight of fantasy of people who've passed that are in a bunker beneath Las Vegas and it would be Bobby and Jack Kennedy, Elvis and Hitler and they're all in there and they and I mean, come on, Hitler, I'm Elvis. You know, Bobby don't like it when you stare at him. I believe that Adolf Hitler doesn't know what he's doing. I don't know what he's saying. Okay, I'm the movie executive. Okay.

Could one of them not be Hitler? But this is the exact same situation. Maybe you could be Marilyn Monroe or something. This is my pitch right back. The funny part is I'm going to put on a dress and go all the shaft over. You want to come with me, Jack? Yes, I will go with you. They're in Las Vegas in a bunker.

Okay. I will stay here and teach, uh, teach, uh, uh, Adolf, uh, English Adolf. Repeat after me. See? Spot. Run. Oh, look at Bobby. Yeah.

He doesn't have one word English in there. He just, it's just gibberish. Oh, he can do better. Adolf, repeat after me. See. Fight. Spot. Fight.

Hoing. Hoing. So what do you think? I got a movie deal? Well, I don't get that one. Once he can't talk at all, he just makes noises, right? Well, because then, well, I'm rushing it. It's a 20 minute bit for my friends. Elvis is like, you know, Bobby, we've been in your, Faked Our well, I'm rushing it. It's a 20 minute bit.

Elvis is like, you know, Bobby, we've been in your spiked our death been in your 40 years and here don't, he don't understand. Hide her tail English. Oh yeah. Elvis, you're wrong. He does. Oh, watch this. Uh, uh, a, a, a, a, a bird flew into a K repeat after me, uh, Adolf, a bird flew into a cave. Repeat after me, Adolf. A bird, Frankfurt,

uh, flew into a cave. Right. Boom. Come on, Bobby. He's not speaking a word. I believe that Bobby is making progress. I don't think he's doing it because he easy. He does it because he's hard.

All right, I'm in. OK, we'll take it. Try to suppress your will. Shoot in Vegas. I will do a longer bit next time. I like it. Oh, it's shaft elevator and it goes on and on. All right, next one. We'll come back to it.

Okay. Okay, so Dana, you have about 100 businesses going and... Okay. So Dana, you have a hundred businesses going and I am busy. Good Lord. Yeah. Ship station is one of our sponsors, you know, that's right. We'll help fix that. I mean, I'm exhausted after the holidays. It's just the chaos of managing all this mailing I have to do and shipping I have to do. You need a little help. ShipStation comes in, save hours and money every month by shipping from all your stores with one login, automating repetitive tasks and finding the best rates among all the global carriers.

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Earn points for paying your credit card bill in full and on time every month. Level up from bill payer to reward slayer. Terms and conditions apply. Okay, look at this story. Okay, don't read the comments, just listen to the story. So a guy's pitching to his kid, an older guy. Okay.

The dad throwing his son some wholesome BP went viral this week. And this 17-year travel ball team Twitter account felt the need to chime in with some constructive criticism, which provoked Ryan Murphy to ask the question, you for real? Which is a great question, Ryan. The Evansville baseball program apparently had time that day and they doubled down.

A thoughtful critique for youth baseball players, maybe. The only issue is that the guy in the video is Mike Trout. Who saw that one coming? I love a good twist ending. Trout himself even got in on the fun, throwing a few emojis on the thread. I'd love to know what Mike Trout's most used emojis are. So the dad's throwing his Mike Trout pitches and a guy sees the video and goes,

I'm a local high school coach and I'll show you what's wrong with this kid's swing. And then he wrote it out on Twitter and they wrote back, we're all good over here. And he goes, listen, I'm just giving you some friendly advice. The guy needs to lean back a little more. This guy's gonna be a big hitter.

And they go, it's Mike Trout. He goes, oh, Mike Trout's one of the biggest stars in- History of baseball. Well, listen, it goes too fast. That was too fast again. These are fucking bombing. This, it goes too fast. That was too fast again. These are fucking bombing. This could be our comeback bit.

I don't think it will be. It might be easier to understand. This is just, there's a mannequin challenge now. You try to act like you don't move. You know, you don't bend. We can do it. So you look like, try to look like a mannequin. Okay, next time we're at Chili's.

That's kind of good, right? Not, not too bad. That shirt is the one Farley wore in the beginning of Tommy Boy. Oh yeah, that looks like it. Okay. These are human beings with entirely too much time on their hands.

What else is on TikTok? They've been at the park for 17 hours. Everyone is too much time. How about we pretend we're mannequins? I love you, Charlie. It's like girls going, get ready with me, and they put on makeup until a 90-minute story. And you're like, I feel like you're getting ready for not going out. I feel like this was to get ready to do this. And then you didn't really go anywhere at the end.

Maybe these are, this is a theory. It's just the clicks and the views will do anything. Look at us. I know. We're fucking the worst, most desperate idiots out there. Okay, let's do one more. We got to end on a goddamn high note. Let's end, come on man.

You gotta get back. We gotta end. You gotta get back to the set. Let me see if this one's any, I know they're gonna suck, I can just tell. Shit, I don't know if we should risk it with this one. What do you think? Does it look funny yet?

Harvard University welcomes the 22 year old Magnus Carlsen from Norway who has broken all records on the fairing. Everyone says everything's fake. Today, Magnus plays blindfolded chess. And not only that used to play chess 10 of the best plays 10 people Must remember the position I don't

It sounds impossible while calculating 10 moves and counter moves if it's fake He has a lot of extras at least he puts them working some work. Night to Bishop's pawn. Well, how does he know? They tell him what they're moving. And he fucking smokes them apart. And he remembers 10 more? I think he's, you know, he's not doing any fucking celebration dances. What is that handkerchief made of? One of the best players in the world? I mean, even if there is 10 that are shitty, I'm impressed.

Look at him. I don't care. The memory, the moves of a match. And then he writes it all down. If someone else gets an autograph, I get the whole match. Wow. He goes, hey, let me sign this for you. Let me write out every... You can turn it.

Let me write down every move I made today. He's like, Rook to pawn four. Bishop to... Well, his latest one was that he has a guitar, and he's playing Blackbird continually over and over again. Yep. Well, his latest one was that he has a guitar and he's playing Blackbird continually over and over again and they put a bowl on his head and a blindfold around it and he's 10 miles away. He beat 50 guys.

And they keep hitting it with a wooden spoon all the time. The bowl. Hitting the bowl and then he has to tune the guitar. Night, the pawns, the picks. He sees these girls that are having sex with the 100 guys at the clip and he's like, I have to do something like that. But chess wise, I'll play 10 dudes and smoke them. So he did a good job.

I think we end on that. I think we end on that. That was uplifting. That was like a six, but it showed some smart people out there. Yeah, definitely. And I got to drop in that I played chess. Okay. Dana, thanks for coming. If you could stick around during the commercial, I want to talk about some other stuff. Yes. Remember Busboys. Busboys coming. February 2028. Soon. 2028. We'll be in post for the next six years.

Now we're gonna whip it out. We only got a week left, dude. We got a week and a half left. That's it, David Spade whips it out. That's your tour. This has been a presentation of Odyssey Superfly as executive produced by Danny Carvey and David Spade, Jenna Weiss-Berman of Odyssey, Heather Santoro,

and Greg Holtzman. Hope you liked it!