Fly on the Wall with Dana Carvey and David Spade - SUPERFLY #63 - Spoiler Alert!

Episode Date: April 11, 2025

The guys talk White Lotus, violent but funny NBA celebrations, David's new special, and much more. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

My parents have had a lot of time on their hands lately. At first, it was nice. Hey mom, can you drive me to soccer practice? Sure can. We're having slow cooked ribs for dinner. It was awesome. And then it became a lot. Some friends are coming over to watch a movie. Oh what are we watching? I'll make some popcorn. Thanks to Voila, they can order all our fresh favorites from Sobeez, Farmboy, and Longos online, which is super reliable. And now my parents are reliable. A little too reliable. And now my parents are reliable, a little too reliable. Voila, your groceries delivered just like that.

It's called a rabbit hole, David. We went down it. We went down it, but it did remind me of, I've not been to the Funny Bone in Yugoslavia, but I did do the Brea improv last week to get ready for the tour, davidspay.com. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Yes.

Yeah, so I do the tour, so I have to warm up. You've done this, Danny. You go to clubs. But you have to mix in some new stuff, so it's a little tricky. Well, especially when the special comes out. When the special comes out, I have to integrate a mix for a while.

Right, so what's your, how many minutes do you have right now that are not part of the special? Three? Four? Shh. No, I got like six. Five. Six minutes. So hard earned money. Get your David Spade tickets.

Well, it's the special and then there will be some. Yeah, of course. I mean, it would just always be evolving. I mean, when I started my last tour to do the special and then there will be some, yeah of course. I mean it would just always be evolving. I mean when I started my last tour to do the special, it was just different by the end, you know, because I'm adding and subtracting. Yeah. And so it's always in a flux of being mixed around. Sometimes I'll pull old bits from the first special

or I'll do this and that, but Brea, here's my hot opener. You want to hear it? Okay. or I'll do this and that, but Brea, here's my hot opener. You want to hear it? Okay, Brea is a 400 seat improv theater in the town of Brea. Brea, California. It's inland about an hour and a half. Considered an improv. It's part of the improv ecosystem. I think it was 600 seater.

It's pretty big. It's like almost like a... It's 600? Yeah. It's a good one. All right, let me introduce you. Ladies and gentlemen from, you know him from Shoot Just Shoot Me and rules of engagement.

Please welcome Dan Spudly. So Spudly comes out. You come out. And then I say, Oh my God, it's great to be here in Brea. Did you know what your city's motto is? No one knows. And I say, it's, it's Brea, almost bread. And then I go, you'll get the D when you get here.

I go, how would city council think of that? So you're either on a roll or you've just dug a hole. They laugh anyway because they don't know. Even if they don't get it, they go, oh, Brea is spelled like almost bread. I got it. Well, you're like, you're famous, man. Hanging out with you is like hanging out

with Mickey Mouse at Disney. I mean, I just fade into the background, which I do love, but yeah, you are famous. Riddle me this, like your special's coming out and the name of it is, which I love. I gotta feel for this. Gotta feel for this, that is so perfect for you and of course you did that in the 50th and.

Oh no, wait Dana, I just got a correction. The tour is I gotta feel for this. The special is Dandelion. We just announced the special finally on Amazon, now we can talk about it. Oh okay, got it. Oh, OK. Got it. Can I hear the backstory of Dandelion just for a second? Yeah, I'm just there's a bit in there where I talk about

when I almost got in a fight at McDonald's and I say I'm a bit of a dandelion, but you wouldn't believe it from seeing how tough I am on TV and in the movies. But OK, yeah. And so I go, I cannot. And because the guy I'm fighting has a cinder block and I'm like, I cannot get hit by a cinder block. Not with these brittle bones, folks. It's just like, I'm always getting pushed around

and I'm such a fucking puss. You're like sort of, what are those things when you're a kid and you blow on them and they're willow, they kind of fly away? That's a dandelion. Oh, that is a dandelion. Yeah, that's why it's perfect. Okay, that is good. That's how fragile I am. Oh, that is a dandelion. Yeah. That's why it's perfect, right? I got it.

Okay, that is good. That's how fragile I am. I do like that. Now I've had bad names. My first one, Critics' Choice, really worked. It was kind of pre-web, so my sister would call me and say, you got Critics' Choice again every time it was on Comedy Central. I thought it was a new thing.

Right. It's good. Perennial. So the second one I did a bit about what kind of religion would blow away a Scientologist. And it was this long bizarre religion where a Scientologist was go, wow, that religion is crazy. And the end of the ceremony in the church of this religion,

they would say, squatting monkeys tell no lies. So I remember calling our manager, Mark Irvidsen. Yeah, what are you gonna call it? What's that? What are you gonna call it? Best day in a coffee? No, I'm gonna call it- Get a funny title.

Go ahead, give it to me. I'm gonna call it, squatting monkeys tell no lies. Must have been a 10 second pause. Oh, please. Okay. Are you joking or is that the one you're gonna go with? All right. That's the real one? Okay. That's the real one?

Okay. That's the real one. That's it. And then people are going to think that's funny. They like that. They never know because they handle so many comedians. They don't know when everyone's being serious or not. No, they don't know.

They thought it was a fake funny title. You're like, it's a funny one. Good. Andy Lyon's good. I mean, an alt to that would be lighter than air. Mr. Brittle. Mr. Brittle bones. Lighten the loafer. Mr. Brittle bones. And you got a little top hat in the poster. Mr. Brittle. Well, the tagline when I just sent it out was, hey, Dandelion, you don't want to blow this guy. Okay, that's pretty funny. All right, I like a good pun.

You don't want to blow these bones. Yeah, and then fucking Amazon was like this, yeah, what do you want to say? And I go, it's funny. They go a little more for, we sell stereos over here. We don't, you know, it's Amazon does everything. So this is Amazon Prime. Woo.

Amazon, I love Amazon because their whole movie studio is just kind of a throwaway. If it makes a profit, fine. Same with Apple. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're selling transistor radios, like a million a second. Transistor.

We focus on the doomsday prepper. Yeah, we got paper towels going out, five million a minute. So, you know. But Amazon's good because they have a built-in crowd of about a trillion, but just everyone's on Amazon. So it's great because they're like, while you're here, do you want to watch this goofball special? And everyone's like, all right.

No, I think it's good. I mean, we love Ted Sarandos in Netflix. It's just, it's such a giant ecosystem. And when you see an Amazon standup special, it pops a little bit, because there's not like 9 million of them. If Ted's listening right now, I'd feel bad he's going to have to pull over

and just go, No, I have something to say about Ted and Netflix. And it's a good thing. Okay, go ahead. Because I've been trying to figure out this whole trade wars and tariffs. You know, tariffs, what is it? What are we doing? So I ran into a guy who's from Brooklyn, right? And he kind of says, you know, you got to understand, you know, first of all, you know, in China,

they got like cheap label, right? China, they got cheap label, like pay people two cents a month to assemble iPhones. Okay. Two cents a month, the baskets of nickel a month. So out here, we pay ourselves, you know, we pay our workers a living wage, you know, five, 10, 8,000 a month. So if we made the iPhones in America, if we assembled them here instead of China, we paid $67,000 for an iPhone 6. Oh, is that what, is that the problem? Yeah. Well, the thing is, is we don't make a lot of stuff.

So we import stuff, you know? This is what this guy talking to me. I go, yeah. Yeah, I like it. I'm learning from this guy. I understand. By the way, Trump said they're terrific. This was this guy talking to me. I go, yeah, I'm learning from this guy. By the way, Trump said they're, they're terrific. He did. He really,

that sounds like he might've said that. But this guy goes, you know, here's the thing, America, we don't got a lot of stuff. So we got to get from other countries. We get up bananas from South America. We got our avocados from Mexico. We get transistors. China makes us solar panels. What do we got? We got what they call services.

So what we're going to do is give everybody in the world a free five-year subscription to Hulu. Hulu. That's the giving away. You give us bananas, you give us our solar panels, we use Netflix in Europe, free subscriptions, and I'm calling out Ted Sarandos today via this guy I talked to the other day.

Remember, free subscription, that's our big thing. Netflix and Hulu, this is what we make now. We don't make tires, we don't make steel. Yeah, that's true. But I think Ted might help you out on that one. If you could connect him with that guy. Yeah, I could connect with that guy. He just said at the end of the day, he goes,

you make what you make, we what we make, rubber chicken capiche. I like the end of the day. That's what Gerbert says. Listen, the landscape has changed. At the end of the day. Here's, here's, here's. At the end of the day. You know, I think it's better to dance

with the devil you bet you know. Yeah. Than try to go out and get a new devil. Yeah. Dance, dance with the one who brung you. There's no shortage of devils. So if you're seeing one just cozy up to that devil, you don't want to get a dandy.

The devil you know is better than devil you don't know. How about this one? David Spade, afraid to fight back. Yeah. David Spade, constantly angry. Cause his dad loved him. David Spade, a hot oven. David Spade, road rage extraordinaire.

Now I was gonna ask you, Dana, if you saw the big finale of White Lotus, this is a real hot topic, not anymore. I did not see it, but tell us about it. Quickly, I did see the porn version, of course, it's already out, white blow your load down my throatus. But also, this one is the... You can't get that X-rated, Ryan.

That's like, that's two blowjob jokes. I know, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, this is the cleanest. That was a good one, that was a good one. You got a ha ha ha. It's got Patrick Schwarzenegger, who's friend of the show. Let's get Patrick on this show. You know what I did? I talked to him last week, because I was, I just text him.

I just put filth in all caps, because the show is like getting really dirty at the end. And he winds up, these are spoilers, so if you haven't seen it, I don't know why you'd still be not watching yet, but he and his family are one of the like nine storylines that's a little hard to follow if you're simpleton like me.

But he is part of a family where he does drugs out there. There's these two pretty girls, one has buck teeth, and they all, he tries to do a, uh, threesome or foursome, but his brother is part of it. And it gets a little itchy because in the truth or dare, they make him kiss his brother and, uh, it even gets a little more than that. But, um, so that's pure filth. Yeah. I know you're like, ba ba ba.

Why are they trying to, White Lotus is a big franchise. I mean, why are they intentionally trying to destroy White Lotus? Well, it's, where do you go from there? So this one has a little incest. More out. So that's my theory, but it's still,

it is a good show, you're right. I don't know if they need to go that. It's a great show. Everyone wants to push it. The girl we just mentioned, there's a cute girl, Amy, Lou Wood. Yeah, everyone loves her. And she has what's known on the streets as buck teeth.

But I think everyone thinks they're super cute. And even dentists have chimed in going, we should wrangle those in, but she refuses to do it because it works for her. So. Well, she has a cute kind it because it works for her. So, yeah. She has a cute, kind of a cute bear or puppy dog face and sort of full cheeks and thick hair.

So they don't- Beaver. They're not, if she lost a lot of weight, it'd be like, are those teeth attached to a human? It's all teeth. Most of her weight is in her teeth. They work for her. That's what people are saying.

Now the guy on the left needs to button one more button. No, he needs to button one more down. Wow. Really, you want to see a navel? Why, Lotus? No, that's Walt Goggins, but he looks cool. He's a great actor.

And he's older than her. What is she have there? How old do you think she is? 24, 25, something like that? In the IRL? Yeah, 30? He is supposed to be the older guy, right? Cause Parker Posey, you know Parker,

she's like, pop her now. Right? She's 31. Oh, okay. Parker Posey is great. She's in it and of should we should drag her on here just because I knew her in the old days. We did Conan's together.

Meep meep and oh, yeah. Our OK. We've got Patrick Schwarzenegger. We've got Parker Posey. We've got your new special called Hot White Hot Dandelion. Yeah. Yeah. And we've got this girl who at the end, Leslie Bibb is in it. Yeah.

That's I mean, there's a ton of people in white Lotus, but, uh, this girl with that guy, that guy has got an anger issue from growing up by his dad. And in the finale, turn your headphones down. Do you not know? Do you not know? Do you not know? I can't even tell Heather. I haven't watched one episode, but now it's ruined for me.

You're gonna close your ears? Are you gonna watch it? Yeah. Okay, I can't tell then. But I will say, oh, she, unfortunately, someone shoots at him and Bucky bites a bullet. I'll just say that. Sadly, she gets a straggler. No, you don't take out a cute young woman.

I know. Everyone got mad. Everyone got mad. Everyone likes her. That didn't happen. Now, tell us what really happened. Patrick Schwarzenegger has a crush on her in the show. And his brother, right? And he has a real thing for his brother. I can't keep track. Dude, I can't even tell you what happens. You're not ready. But it's not that bad, but it's bad.

You know what's huge right now globally? Gun smoke. The Western gun smoke. No, is it? It's huge. Billions of minutes. I mean, I'm watching Westerns. I'm watching housing shows. I'm not watching this filth on a pure trash. I don't like waiting to notice. Hang on, Heather's yelling.

What is it? They're all taking a drug and they're drinking all night. They're all really fucked up. No, they're really fucked up. But I will say, she's saying when the guy gave Patrick a hand job, his brother, he was on drugs. That didn't happen. It didn't?

No. He said it did. The guy says, the girls tell him, why did they? No, but the girl said he did it and he goes, no, no, no. And then the guy said, I just did it because I knew it makes you happy. What Dana just turned off the podcast, Dana. No, I'm just checking it out. All right. Nope. OK. All right.

And then and then Emmy Lou Wood almost gave him a BJ because she thought it was a log of wood. She wanted to chew on it because she's a beaver. What? Because she's got her teeth. Listen, Dennis said, she looks, everyone thinks she's hot, so we can make fun of her. Most teeth, you know, Dana, are vertical like this.

So hers are more horizontal, but she didn't fix them. And everyone's saying good, because finally one person looks like a real person you'd see at the mall because her teeth are like that, but everyone's still in love with her. Well, here's the thing. Let me break this down for you. Yeah, break it down for me.

What's going on? It looks cute now. Later on, your jaw alignment, you're gonna get TMJ and lots of pain in your neck. And they're cute, but it's not the way it was meant to be. You know, Dan, I always say a raccom after I say like a 10 out of 10 joke. That reminds me of Rakuten. If you're shopping while working, eating or even listening to this podcast,

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Get started at betterment.com. That's B-E-T-T-E-R-M-A-N-T.com. Investing involves a risk. Performance not guaranteed. Here's the deal. Here's the deal. We interviewed Jack Black this week after the big movie, Minecraft.

So that'll be on Flying the Wall in a week or two. It'll be on a little bit, a little bit. Yeah. But it was a- And he hosted SNL. And he did a a little bit, a little bit. Yeah. But it was a- And he hosted SNL. And he did a great job. We talked about that. We got to talk to our friend Jack at,

you know, you don't know, show business is like the stock market right now. I mean, you have, there's, you know, winter and summer, but anyway, he did an incredible job on SNL. It was like one of the best episodes in a long time. A lot of energy, a lot of fun. And he kicked it in every single sketch. And then his movie comes out to like $300 million globally.

And then he comes on our podcast. So that's a fun one, talking to that guy. He's great. Well, he'll be on soon. Right now we have Felipe, I think. We had Andrew Schultz last week. We're just doing crossover for our sister show plugs for Fly on the Wall.

Right, we have, I still today run into people, what? We have two. They don't know. We have two podcasts, Fly on the Who, Super What? I mean, they don't, it maybe wasn't the best names we ever came up with. They're good, why, because they're too similar? It's supposed to be sort of.

Or they're both that fly, it was Super, super on the wall, fly in the who? I know, nobody knows. Dandelion, Daffodil, what is that? By the way, it's not even on Amazon until May. I don't even know why I'm supposed to plug it yet, but I don't. And upcoming is Dan Soder, who is one of the most talented people we've had on the podcast actually. He's another one bubbling under. Super funny and talented. And he's in that world, that world of Shane Gillis and just that ecosystem of comedians in their early forties who are playing stadiums.

He's playing theaters. He's playing chess, you're playing checkers. Okay, what else happened to you, Dana, before we get to the stories? Because nothing happened to me, nothing fun. Let's see, last night we were going to get, at Billiards, we were going to get sort of this lean chicken with rice and stuff, but it was closed.

So we got small pizzas from this other restaurant. So pizza is kind of a treat for me. So I had margarita pizza. I know it's not on the news. Okay. What do you want? I mean, I'm just, let me check the market. I won't tell you what I'm seeing right now, but just go by my face. Here's my neutral face. Okay, ready. Now look at the market. I don't want to talk to, uh, inside baseball for the market, but is it this way? Well, you know, give it a minute. First it went, whew! Yep.

Then we're doing it, we're taking a pause. We're gonna take a pause for 90 days. Then it went up like the fastest it's ever gone up in like 40 years. Yeah, I've never seen it go that much up. 3,000 in one day. Not since 1936. Have we ever seen a surge?

So then this morning you're like looking at stuff, hey, we're rocking it. Yeah. I didn't panic. And now it's going, now this airs in two hours. So maybe it'll go. They call me Santa pause. It's not bad. I like that. I don't know what it means, because he paused the Martin, because he paused the terror. I don't know what it means, but. Cause he paused the martin, cause he paused the tariff. Oh Santa Paws, okay I got it. He Santa Paws, they're terrific.

I'm trying to help your Trump stuff. I know you got a lot of good ones today. I like a good pun. Yeah. Oh, it's great. Okay. And I have nothing great. I just, I'm going to go visit my mama soon and she had knee operation.

So we got to get her on her feet. I got to get her up knee operation. So we gotta get her on her feet. I gotta get her up doing laps. I gotta get her to the combine. Let's get her on the show. Oh, maybe she can do a live remote of how she's doing. Well, that would be kind of fun. It would be cute. She's very sweet.

I know. As long as she has her lipstick. Get her, just, you're a nice son. I'm just gonna say it. She loves Dana. Oh my God. She does? Yeah, we took a photo for her magazine, Tempe Magazine.

When I was kinda new around us now, and I had to ask Dana, Heather, it was horrible. I know, yeah, you were not David Spade yet, and this guy came up to me, I wasn't even sure who you were, but anyway, you said. You go, this intern asked me, can we get a picture? Literally asked me, can we get just a quick picture for the cover of my mom's magazine?

And you're like, okay. And me, you, Farley maybe? Oh, I gotta get this picture. Kevin. Victoria Jackson. No, it was just us four, I think. Oh, oh, oh, four, okay. Whoever I can wrangle, and we took a picture, and she put it on.

We didn't have a ring light, we didn't have ring lights back then. Oh, okay. Whoever can wrangle. And we took a picture and she put it on. We didn't have a ring light. We didn't have ring lights back then. And I'll try to get it so we can pop it up here for when it airs. I got a magazine cover this weekend. I was doing a gig up. Oh, that's right. You did interviews too.

Well, just you're at a meet and greet and someone came up and just said, ah, she had a big camera. You're on the cover of Monterey Weekly. Oh, fun. I get, okay. By the way, I did once in a while, your mom and I text, just don't be alarmed, we check in. She, how's my sweet Davey?

When you're coming to visit her and she knows you're coming down the block, she says every time she puts on George Harrison's Here Comes the Sun and she sings along with it. Oh, that's nice. Here comes one of my sons. Here comes the sun. Doot doot doot.

You know what's funny? I'm playing a celebrity theater in Arizona where I'm from. I'm playing Tucson and Phoenix. I've never played Tucson. Don't play your hometown, fool. That's what I'm saying. Last time I went, the green room had more people than the audience. It was like, my mom's going, I just have plus 300. Is that a problem? Oh, but Sheila wants to go.

And it's this thing. My dad used to say this thing when their relatives were coming over. Oh, the Holmans are coming over. This was when I'm in my 20s. And I'd say, the Holmans? And he would say, oh, Jesus Christ, you know the Holmans are coming over. This was when I'm in my 20s. And I'd say, the Holmans? And he would say, oh, Jesus Christ, you know the Holmans? I know it's always that.

But this has happened throughout. So you'll be there, your mom will be, these are their persnickety's family. Yeah. Who? You know them. You know the persnickety's. Oh, don't be like this.

Don't be ridiculous. This is Bill Wilson. Sorry, they're not insane. You took wood shop from him in fourth grade. He doesn't have a thumb. You remember. I do have a guy now, one of my buddies and Heather will laugh at this and he's going to hear this. He does the classic, hey, how do I get tickets to Spade's show? She goes, you mean online? He goes, yeah. I mean, I could go online to just buy them because I definitely, I want to buy them. But can I give you my credit card and then you can buy them? I don't understand.

So, Heather will press the buttons or? So just, it would be like, I think the answer is supposed to be, we'll just leave you two. But it's this whole rigmarole of like, okay, here's the three digit security code, but if this one doesn't work, call me and I've got an Amex and then just go, let's go back and forth until we figure out, and I want them close. I want to sit close. Right, and I don't want to ask,

but I've got 67 guests with me. Could we come backstage before the show just for like 20 minutes? And then 10 minutes after. And then 10 minutes. You've got 67 guests with me. Could we come backstage before the show, just for like 20 minutes? And then 10 minutes after. And then 10 minutes. Just to tell you it was funny. It's all right, God bless them all.

No, it's fine. I give everyone tickets. I don't give a shit. Mac and tickets. Okay, let's get to the hot stories, Dana. We got some hot takes. Yeah. Let's see. What are our take?

I can't see. Oh, there it is. Okay. Oh, okay. This is more year world. This is a basketball. John Morant, great basketball player. Brilliant basketball player.

Has a habit when he does something good on the court, it was starting to make his fingers go like a gun. And he had been busted a couple of times last year with possession of guns or taking pictures with guns. Snapchat with guns. Yeah, taking pictures. The NBA wants its image to be a certain way. So he got in trouble, he got suspended, I believe.

And now he's back, he was doing this again. And I guess they said, okay, they don't wanna do that. So I guess now he's pretending to throw a grenade. Well, I think what he did is he got, he did the finger guns after he made something, like two, two, two. And then I think, oh, here's one. Okay, let's see the grenade, see what it looks like.

Oh, this is the grenade one. He takes it a step further. Three pointer, boom. And he throws it, and then he does goggle eyes. That wasn't that bad. Throw the grenade, he does goggle eyes. That wasn't that bad. Throw the grenade and then goggle eyes. What's the goggle eyes? Do it. Goggles eyes is just supervision.

Curry will do it sometimes. What does that mean? I have night vision. I got supervision. I'm 40 feet away. Oh, oh, oh, oh. God, they love themselves. Well, not goggle eyes.

What is it? Covering his ears. Oh, I couldn't see. He was covering his ears. Oh, God, they love themselves. Well, not goggle eyes. What is it? Covering his ears. Oh, I couldn't see. He was covering his ears. Oh, okay. Oh, for the boom. From behind, it looked like he was doing the goggle eyes. Oh, it could be the boom of the grenade

blowing one up in the audience. Well, the problem is. Please say that again. I wanna see if it's actually covering his ears. Well, it's microscopic. I don't believe it. Dog shit thing here. It's so tiny.

He's a quarter inch high in this, okay. Really? Okay, you can't tell, but he is covering your ears. But it was. So for Heather and for everyone who doesn't know, caught with a gun on like a Snapchat, like a real gun, and then they go, hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, not cool. You got a lot of fans look up to you.

Does it again, in trouble, maybe 25 games. I don't know, something pretty stiff, right? Then this year makes a shot, guns everyone down or he does a rifle. And they're like, hey, come on. Remember we had this last year. I think they gave him one warning. Right.

A game or two later, guns again, they go, we have to do something, now we look stupid. It's not that bad, but listen, come on guys. So maybe they suspend him. Then he comes back and does a fucking, or they find him maybe. Like he's throwing a grenade. So here's the question.

Did the grenade get it? Do they want him to stop doing the grenade? Now we have a thing, the, the celebration package. Guns, machine guns, rifles, knives, Do they want him to stop doing the grenade? Now we have a thing, the ya hummering celebration package. Guns, machine guns, rifles, knives. Depending on what he does. Yeah. If he gets a dunk, he does an AK-40s, yeah.

I mean, it's probably not a great idea. Did the grenade get him in trouble? That's my question. That is the question, and I'm sure there's an answer out there. Maybe not yet, but now he just looks like he's shoving it in their face. And so now Adam Silver has to go, what do we do here? What would you do, Dana? I think it's a little bit like it reminds me of Elmer Fudd or something or the Road Runner cartoon, you know? I think it's a little more cartoony. Hey, you know, so this one is a little more assaulting,

no pun intended. So I think the funny, maybe the grenade's okay. I know that our producer will kind of mess it up. They didn't say don't do a grenade. They didn't say don't do a grenade. That's why it's funny, because he's like, I'm thinking of new things to do that kill people. Well, here's one that I can do it, here's I know if I can do it,

this would be me if I score a basket. Arrow, boom, boom. Yeah. Yeah. Because I've been watching Lord of the Rings again because it's such a brilliant film. And that, nothing cooler than that. They do it way faster than you can do it real life.

There's no, even Hunger Games, I was like, no way, Jennifer Lawrence is trying. The arrows never run out. Yeah, to Quill. That's Katy Perry's husband. I can't believe I don't remember his name. Orlando Bloom. Scorlando, yeah.

Scorlando Bloom, which who was incredible. Good looking dude. Yeah, good looking guy. What was he incredible in? Lord of the Rings. Yeah, he was. Yeah, Lord of the Rings. Yeah, he was. Yeah, Lord of the Rings. I think that's-

Let's try not to step on that. He's a good dude. Okay, so that, that, that, and then the, yeah, we'll go to the next one. I don't know what happened to- We'll find out. Yeah, we'll get back to you. Okay. What's the human body?

Oh, this is what's in a cup of coffee at. Okay. I don't know. Let's say your average coffee, iced coffee at a restaurant. What do they put in? Here we go. Oh, that's sugar. That's too much sugar.

Sugar again? More sugar. Look at that sugar, dude. I haven't had that much sugar in my life. Caramel, like you put it on Hot Foods Sunday. Look at squirt. Sugar, caramel. Are they faking how much they're putting in there What that has so much sugar in it to care?

Yeah, no, that's massive that was just Duncan doughnuts. It's crazy joking this ordering It's it's like eight ounces of sugar and caramel Then I have cubes of ice almond milk Okay splash a splash of almond milk, uh-huh where AMSR there's more ice and now more syrup on top that looks like a chocolate a coffee I think that's that coffee. It's it. Yeah, it's 50% sugar and caramel. Oh my god. Just go sugar and caramel. Oh my god. Just go to Dairy Queen and get a freaking milkshake. I mean that's exactly and people think I just have my coffee. Yeah. That has to be

40 grams of sugar and nothing. Right. That's the problem. You know what happens is little okay wisdom or knowledge alert. When you wake up in the morning your blood sugar is essentially flat because you haven't eaten anything for eight or nine hours. Now, if you light it up with one of those milkshake coffees, you're gonna spike way up, then go way down, then you're gonna have to eat some more sugar and that's how you're gonna be on this roller coaster

all day long. So do a tiny piece of sourdough toast with almond butter on it. Protein. Thank you. You've changed, Andy Lyon. Heather, you might want to tilt this up. I'm going to go up. Spade's going up on the knees.

Here we go. Watch this. And then we'll do the next one. These golf shirts are always too long, but you know, we're not going to fix that. It's a problem that I have with shirts as well. They get a little too long and I don't know how long it's supposed to be past your ween. I don't know. No, there's a sweet spot where it's just long enough so it doesn't ride up,

but it's not so long. You look like you're wearing your older brother's shirt. My wiener is my sweet spot. All right, here we go. This is what's going on. What is the story? Exactly. Do those $70 go? Oh, the $70 for a ticket. Andrew McMahon agreed to share usually secret details for a show. Here's an example of a deal memo. His team just blacked out exactly which show it was.

What do we have here? To start, the band set a ticket price of $56 potential of a couple hund made. But out of that 200 half is deducted for venue 37 grand stage hands, lea $100,000 payday. But still most bands own expenses fees and payroll.

Their management takes a quarter. What about tax? Travel and crew costs take another quarter. Meanwhile, that $56 ticket has had fees added, though artists don't get that money. So once you take away the venue show costs and the band's touring expenses, something corporate's actual profit from that $70 ticket

is about 10 bucks. And then we split that five ways. Yeah. McMahon isn't complaining. $2. That's still seven grand each for a night's work. It's a lot. We love you Los Angeles.

Thank you for a beautiful day. What fool is this? But the point here is each dollar fans pay to enjoy the show. is fought over by artists, venues, ticket companies, and scalpers. And time and again, the industry's solution to these fights has been to just charge fans a bit more. Yeah, just keep jacking it up.

What band is it? That's us. That's us on the road. That's everybody. That's the rolling stones. Well, it's a little different if you did the metrics and the one person who just needs a microphone and walks out. I mean, we don't really have like a wrecking crew,

you know what I mean? Yeah. Roadies. Unless you get bigger, I think, you know, a lot of tour buses out there, comics are getting bigger. Sandler brought two, Well, Sandler. Two semis for, but he's, you know,

if you've got a band and you got, you want to put a stage up there. Totally different. You got a band. It's a put a stage up there. Totally different. You've got a band. It's a bigger show. Yeah. If you're Shane, you just need an old t-shirt. It's actually great.

For guys, we just get up there and set list, water, microphone with you, maybe a guitar, but you could do without it. It's like, that's barely anything. And they usually have a guitar in the city. So someone just brings one and. Yeah. Do you do a sound check? But I don't know if they're talking about taxes because those guys got their seven

grand, but then they got a seven grand, but then they get hit. Yeah. At least 50% probably on that. So they're 3,500. Basically they just go to Arby's afterwards and get a free meal. They just play to 20,000 people. It's because California's raised their sales tax 925 to 975 and then the outskirts to 11.25%. That's the sale.

I mean, that's every day people getting ramrod. Income tax at a certain point kicks into I think 14.4. I think it's one of the highest. Well state and then you got a sales tax. So California, they really have to get it together because it's just gonna be too hard living here. Forget about me, I'm just like normal people that bust their ass every day.

It's like, what do you, how do they pay? It does feel weird. I remember I was doing a show years ago and I remember it was like a 300 seat theater and I found out everyone was paying $100 and I thought, you know, it just, and if you're a band and someone's paying $600 and they're not even in the front row, you better play your ass off. You play your fucking shit. Do the hits. Look at this, I got a parking ticket, 93 bucks just for parking. It's so crazy. I got a,

what was that ticket I ran a red light? what was that where I crashed in all those people and drove away, what was, how much was it? No, I got, I got, I did something wrong, like ran a red light and it was, they go, you can just pay the 650 right now. I'm like, 650? $650? Yeah, I said, can you write on there,

and the memo of the check, get fucked. Do you ever, let me just add, I don't even think they should hear this. Do you ever, you know, it's sort of a thing. My friends used to like put me up front. We're trying to get into a concert. Once I got on TV a little bit and they call, put face ticket up front. They call me face ticket, face ticket up front. And I wasn't ever that famous.

But one time I got pulled over for speeding or something and I was lucky. The cop just came up, looked at me and said, get out of here. Because he recognized me. I like it. I know you. I didn't go, I was a danger to society. You should give me a ticket. And yeah, they let you in, right? Yeah. me a ticket and yeah, they let you in right? Yeah. I've tried that weasel. I've tried the wheeze move where I, when I was like going to cons, it's more like 10 years ago. I think it was a cockiness, something.

It was a drunkiness combined with what can I get away with? And I go try to go backstage and I did it at heart and I did it the pretenders and they take you all the guys like, oh, this guy's here. They just don't even ask. Hey, they they take you all the guys like, oh, this guy's here. They just don't even ask. Hey, they just take you right in their dressing room. And they're like, hello. And I'm like, oh, so.

Well, I think the Tommy boy t-shirt you used to wear was very helpful. And my bench warmers hat. Bench warmers hat, Tommy. And then an Adam Sandler tattoo on your shoulder. My SNL shorts. Bop bop bop, boo. Hey, hey, hey.

Hey, hold on. Add him on FaceTime in case it doesn't work. Ha ha ha. Yeah, it sometimes backfires. I wanted to see the Go-Go's last night. I saw the Go-Go's. I drove by the Roxy on Sunset and the Go-Go's were there last night.

I should have gone, gone. And you're telling me you didn't go to the Go-Go's. I went with Theo last. Their whole name instructs you what to do. No,. I went with Theo last. Their whole name instructs you what to do. No, actually I went with Theo to Def Lep. We got dialed in. Oh, did you say hello to our friend? No, it was before that,

but I think I said I saw him there because we just, my buddy said, hey, you want to go see Def Lep or my friend Ross? It's serious. And he said, they're at the proxy. I'm like a mile from my house and just sit wherever you want, yeah. So he dialed me in and Def Lepp just came out,

blasted some hits, there's probably what, 200 people in there, 300? And then Go-Go's I did the same thing with, but I saw them last night on the marquee and I, I'm not gonna go in there alone, but I would try to worm in. I like the Go-go sound, you know? I like it.

There's something just sort of cool about that. Upbeat, nostalgic, fun. Belinda's, I had a question. Belinda is a great front woman. Yeah. Okay, next story. Here we go. Next story, let's go.

Killing it. We're killing it. Today we really are. It's amazing. Go ahead, read that. Loom, Loom, L-O-M, founder feels lost in life after selling his startup for $975 million. So after selling his company, the Loom founder feels. I'm rich and I have no idea what to do with my life.

Life has been a haze this last year. After selling my company, I find myself totally unrelatable position of never having to work again. Everything feels like a side quest, but not in an inspiring way. I don't have the same base desires driving me to make money or gain status. I have infinite freedom yet I don't know what to do with it. And honestly, I'm not the most optimistic about life. Wow. What a dumb dumb.

Don't wish too hard for every, because it might come true. So he made the ultimate goal in life, which is to start a company and sell it. And after tax, he still has probably a half billion. Yeah. Put that in a 5% account. You know, so he's making like 20 million a year.

Buy a couple of fat burger franchises. I mean, it's funny funny because just out of habit, the guy's totally set, but he's probably gonna go invest and just for something to do. Well, but most people who are driven, it's not about the money they get. They just want, they like the game or being involved. What about Warren Buffett had just made 500 million

and just said, well, I'm gonna quit. I don't, there's nothing I gotta do with anything. I don't know. There's nothing I got to do. I've had it. I just go to what a burger. And I'll tell you what, I should be taxed more. He always says that. I wish the government would tax me more. Well, you know, you can voluntarily give money. Yeah, go ahead.

Well, that doesn't sound like so much fun. That doesn't sound like so much fun. I'd rather be at gunpoint. I'll pay tax and I'd like to have a gun put in my head and I will pay tax. This was a bad idea, I had a Dairy Queen last time. He always eats at like the simplest places. Well, he's got Coca-Cola,

seized candies and Dairy Queen. He's worth 100, 200 billion and he doesn't have diabetes. The guy's a freak. And he lives in like Omaha or something, right? Yeah. Maybe he'll come to my Omaha show. I'll leave too at the door. Here's what I got for the 975 million guy.

Yeah. Go on OnlyFans and make a lot of young women real happy. And within three to six weeks, you'll be broke and then you'll have problems and you'll be happy. Oh this is so interesting now this this one might be fake but you've heard of these things that are very real Heather have you heard of these they're called a monolith and they show up places they just just show up. So let's just see this one. Right, and that's kind of an homage to 2001 space Odyssey, a monolith. Someone brings these overnight and they don't know if it's spacecraft or if it's fake, but seems very fake. But how big are these? Well, it looks like it's 20, 30 feet tall. The monolith in 2001 for the human being that doesn't know,

is it just, they discovered on the moon and they don't know how it got there. And it's just this, it's clearly not made of moon material. Right, it's someone made it manmade or alien made. So this looks alien made. So once again, Dr. Steven Greer, if we could just get him on the street. Oh yeah, we should have asked him about that. But I would love that it was aliens. Because they say there's these, I mean it was a few years ago, but there's about five of those popped

up and no one knew how they got there. No one. Well here's how what we'll do, experiment. Because in those days the chimpanzees would go up and touch it. And then the next day, they picked up a bone and knew it could beat the hell out of a weapon. So we take rednecks from rural Mississippi and put them next to that monolith, and then come back and give them a calculus test. I don't know. Okay, that sounds like a good plan. I'm going to touch the monolith and then you give me that calculus test tomorrow. By the way, I wouldn't touch it because what if it was like radioactive or something? You never know with monoliths. I'd let Mikey try it. Hey Mikey. Let Mikey touch the monolith. Okay, next one, sure.

Your author Yellowstone. Hey, I'm Kevin Costner and Yellowstone. Cut. All right, what do you think we should do next? Are we rolling? Listen, listen. We're not. I love that show.

It was so, it's so off of mail. It was just, you know We're not, I love that show. It was so, it's so off of mail. It was just, you know, you want to make some of this. I just loved, you know, they're across the fence. You want a piece of me right now, you can have it. And then the other guy talks exactly the same. Oh, I'm not sure I'd like a piece of you, but would you like a piece of me?

I would like a six piece meal of you. Would you like a piece of me? Well, I'm asking you at the same time. Would you like a piece of me? Huh? Huh? They both pull out guns and everyone goes, Hey, whoa, whoa, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, don't take it too far. Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys. Hey, this is our land. You can't put barbed wire up our land. Well, how about I wrap this Bob wire around your fucking neck? That gonna make you happy?

You wanna take this to the parking lot of a Raiders game? Let's fight. You wanna tailgate next Sunday with Raiders versus Chargers and wrap Bob wire around my ding-a-ling-a-wong-wong? Whoa. Well, I don't think so, Parker. And film it for White Lotus? I think you and I need to get more alpha in our lives.

Yeah. You know, we gotta just walk up to people, you know, if we're out for dinner, hey, what are you looking at, huh? Well, I wasn't looking at anything. I beg to differ. What were you looking at? You call me nothing?

You call me a loser? That's a real one. Really, you got that? You call me a loser? Really? You got that? I got a, what are you looking at? I go, nothing. I go, you're saying I'm nothing? I'm like, let's just beat me up. Like I'm not, I don't want to, let's skip this part. Wait a minute, I have to laugh. I'm so fucking funny.

Are you saying I'm nothing? Yeah, it's really a trap. Well, there's nothing, I've always told Well, there's nothing I've always told you. There's nothing more dangerous on planet Earth than an insecure man after midnight with alcohol in his belly. Yeah. What are you looking at? Nothing.

You're saying I'm nothing. Yeah, I go. No, I'm saying you're something. You're saying I'm nothing. Now I'm something. I'm like, no, I'm serious. Now, what were you looking at? You? Your wiener? Wait a second.

Are you saying I'm a wiener? Yeah. You gotta get right back to him and scare him. What? What? What are you looking at? I was looking at the dessert menu. You were just in the way. What were you going to order? Mud pie. Are you saying I'm a mud pie? No. You were just in the way. What were you gonna order? Mud pie. Are you saying I'm a mud pie? No. No, yeah, that's what they say.

That's how thin it is. You think I'm a mud pie? Well, no, but if you just wanna fight, let's just say that. You don't have to. I was gonna get lemon meringue pie, but you were in the background. You saying I'm lemon meringue?

Well, yeah, kind of, but not the pie part. We have to save this energy for ads for an hour and a half after this. Well, I think it's funny. The other thing I go back to that should be a t-shirt. What are you looking at? Nothing. Are you saying I'm nothing?

It's such a good answer to start a fight. You're like, oh God, I really stepped in that one. I was on a beach once and I thought there was dudes over there. I thought one of someone I knew in high school and the guy did go, what are you looking at? And you said, I thought I knew you. No, I was laying down on a towel and I looked at what are you looking at? And the guy was way bigger than me. So then I just looked away and pretended to sunscreen more. I didn't want to get into an argument. Like, well. Don't say nothing.

Because if I said, you remind me of someone I knew in high school. That might not have gone over. Just your curves. Yeah. You take sunscreen and that's it. You go, the guy goes, oh. Well, I was I was walking down the street and I had the earplugs and I was listening to, you know, my iPhone music.

That guy stopped me and go, what are you listening to? And he said nothing. He said, are you saying I'm nothing? Well, why does it make sense? You're not even in my ear. It was actually saying what you're listening to is nothing? No, it was the Rolling Stones. You're saying I'm like some kind of stone that rolls.

No, it's a band. A band. From the 60s. Oh. Then I said, I know a guy whose nickname is Dandelion. I wouldn't mess with me. Yeah, don't mess with Dandelion at the McDonald's. Dandelion will fuck you up. That's where I got in with me. Yeah, don't mess with Danline at the McDonald's. Danline will fuck you up.

That's where I got in the fight. Yeah. Okay, let's do one more. One more. I guess, we'll say one more. I got punched in at that point. That was a good one. You said nothing, I'll never get over it.

I won't get over that one. What are we even watching? A rock and a cave. Oh, is it a bee? Wait, hang on. The bees sense fear. This is a guy. Oh, this is a guy bringing bees down.

And because he's not afraid, they won't sting him out of a bee pie. Is that honey? Yeah, honey that's like as big as a hole. Oh my god. He's eating them? No. Well, don't do that to him. By the way, if they start seeing you now, there's no going back. You might as well finish the bit. They're saying if you're not fearful,

they won't sting you and they can sense fear. I don't know if they like being bullied like this though. Why are they going in his shirt? He's down his shirt, he's eating them, he's bathing in them. Bees are like, we'll go along with this, but don't stuff us in your pockets. Is this real? Well, I don't think it's smart because when I get stung by a bee, I usually don't know it. I just see it lands on me and stings me and I have not even a chance to be scared. Right, so that defeats the premise of this.

He's got a couple for the road with him. Those are big. Maybe he's built up to some kind of immunity that even they're stinging him like crazy, but he just doesn't. Maybe they're filming jackass. Yeah. I mean, I sometimes out in the garden here, I'll just get turtles or snails and I'll just kind of put them all over me.

In your pockets. And they don't bite. No. You don't have to yawn on my stove. No, I'm going. Are you saying my story is nothing? Yeah, exactly. About snails?

Are you saying my turtle story is bullshit? I'm saying your special is not called Dandelion. I say that's a... That's not going to not called Dandelion. I say that that's a. That's not going to work. Dandelion. Yes, I love it. Coachella is this weekend and next weekend and Fire Fest. They're saying it might be another scram.

Fire Fest is actually coming out, and that's the one that was completely made up. And the guy's doing all this. They're going to put it in Mexico and then when people try to log on or someone asks Mexico and they're like, we know nothing about this. We have no permits. And everyone goes, hmm. And they've already paid. And they moved it again. And this guy in the news yesterday was trying to get tickets online and he's like, one is

a million dollar ticket and you get really everything, all the cheese sandwiches you want. And there's no lineup. You cannot do this twice. You cannot. The same guy's doing it? Same guy and you can't fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me twice, gun you down.

That's what it should be. Yeah, I just made a deal with Bernie Madoff Jr. Yeah. This guy, I hope it's real. I'm not saying it's fake yet. I'm just saying it's starting to have an aroma and he better fix it. You can't say it's at like poon ta mean ta. And then it's like, All right. I just got an alert.

Okay. What is it? What's that guy's name? Billy something. Billy something says, can you and David come down to Fire Fest in Mexico? It's in a few weeks. I'd love to have you guys. You can be every act.

Because we don't have any. I hear you play the guitar and David can dance. Would you mind also performing as a form of the Everly Brothers? And can you guys do eight and a half hours? I texted David's mom and she said, I'll get the son in dood and doo doo. I'm just getting punchy now.

We're getting punchy, that's all right. Stay tuned for ads. Now, we'll, okay, we'll end up there. We did a great job today. We'll see what happens. We'll see what happens. We'll give you more on that story next week. And remember, stay safe out there

and try to ride the wave and make sure you have fun every day. Something like that. Thanks for watching and we'll see you next and make sure you have fun every day. Something like that. Something like that. Thanks for watching and we'll see you next time. See you next time, folks. This has been a presentation of Odyssey Superfly as executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Jenna Weiss Berman of Odyssey,

Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman. Hope you liked it. Ooh. Hope you liked it.