Fly on the Wall with Dana Carvey and David Spade - SUPERFLY #64 - Space Chicks & Coachella

Episode Date: April 18, 2025

The guys discuss a possible remake of The Bodyguard, the all-female space mission, movie theater shenanigans, and much more. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Rider, wave, step, walk on. Riding a bike in the Ride to Conquer cancer is like being part of humanity's greatest. The money you raise, the time you spend, the energy that you give is helping people live. It's giving people hope and that's just so beautiful. Care of the fire for cancer research. Join the ride at ridetoconquer.ca. I think we're starting, Uncle Albert. We're so starting. What a rough bad joke to start with.

Yeah. Well, buddy. So bad, it's kind of hip. I'm going to go with that. Yeah. Yeah. I'm dark again because I'm wearing black, but that's okay.

You have a little bit of blue, otherwise, yeah. You'd be, if you painted that wall black and wore that, you'd be a floating head, and there's nothing wrong with that. I will paint it different color. I look fucking awesome. It was my own brightness is down. People like to see this BTS.

Two, yeah, the whole light thing is interesting. You know, sometimes too much light ain't good. Yeah, yours looks really good, but you like, you have the window right there and it's too bright for me to stare into a window. I think just so the people at home know all my ailments. Newsflash, finally got curtains. Whoa.

The curtains are now, I know this is a multimillion dollar, well actually we're the comedy podcast of the year, but technically we're just sort of DIY. But I have a curtain that it's darker in here than normal. Holy shit, I didn't get CC'd on this. So you bought curtains in the last week. No, my wife had to order them from France. They took six months.

I don't know what it is. So when I would take a nap, I'd have bright sun right on my face. I'm trying to snooze. Now it's fantastic. Oh, yeah. Thanks, honey. Oh, I have. I went farther than that, but I do have drapes.

Different word for curtains. Drapes are good. Okay, here's a little insert on drapes. One of the first regular comedians I ever saw, Mark Miller. I'm just going to little comedy clubs. I didn't know, unknown comics. I didn't know anything about anything. His killer line was,

"'Sometimes I wonder where the custom of urinating on drapes came from.'" Something like that. I thought, God, that's brilliant. Czechoslovakia. It's funny, I did comedy and magic club last night to, bless you, to prep for Boston and some, what is it in New Jersey?

How did the name Evanston maybe? No, she doesn't know. Let's remote those gigs. Yeah, I've got those in my next ones. I want them to go clean. I got clean, I got Omaha, Des Moines is almost full. Low ticket warning. Get them why you can't.

You are hot. I'm just going to say it after landing the, for sure we have confirmation, the most popular single moment of 50 years of Saturday Night Live the special. With confirmation from three or four different guests. That saying, so at this point it's a known fact that for the 50th year, it wasn't Lauren's show,

it wasn't John Mulaney, all the superstars, Steve Martin. It was David, our own, David Spade, from the Bleachers, spontaneously saying. Yeah, I got a feel for it. It's kind of an honor in a way. I mean, we already got comedy podcasts a year from iHeart and now we've got the number one line spoken. Oh yeah, no I'd like to hear that from the guest. That always feels good because when you go all the way out there and you want to hang out there,

you just want anything, a line, anything. So I'm excited. By the way, for those of you who've missed those episodes, we don't bring it up. I certainly wouldn't out of envy and jealousy. I would never bring it up. We never bring it up. The guest brings it up and then we talk about it for a half hour, but we've never brought it up except today because someone yesterday brought it up. Oh, well, I appreciate it.

And I will tell you, Heather says we went to Bergen, New Jersey. Bergen. Bergen, jeez. We can't even get it right at all. I thought it was called Evans Center. Bergen Performing Arts Center. Oh, Bergen Performing Arts Center.

Are you going off market? I mean, are you going into, I mean, you're going to town. Now you used to play Pittsburgh, Chicago, Miami, and now you're in Bergen, New Jersey. No, you know what I haven't done in a while? Pittsburgh and Toronto, and those two are gonna be on the list to get to,

because when I announce tour dates, all people do is say, why aren't you coming to this city, blah, blah, blah. But I've hit a lot of them. I just did Theo's podcast the other day. It's not on till May 6th, because that's when the Amazon Special is, so it's gonna on till May 6th, because that's when the Amazon special is. So it's going to coordinate with that.

But we laugh, what was I going to say about that podcast? We laughed a lot. He gives you high praise, of course, always Dana gets it from all sides. He is a really good person. I'll just say that from personal experience. Yeah. And he's running around LA now.

So we're editing that. My week, I did one corp, and Dana and I, if you don't know, we voice text each other every day, a bunch of dumb stuff. We actually try to put work into this podcast. It does not seem like it, but we do. It's possible, because I never erase anything, that we would eventually release all of our walkie talkie chats because when people in the room like my wife and suffer my son they hear them they just think they're so funny because we're just really being real right because we don't care at all and we don't care at all we're just trash in the humanity yeah humanity in the crosshairs. Yeah. The funny thing on my corporate was,

I think it was for the, of course, I didn't understand it, these big companies. Heather, was it the bank, the bank branding? Oh, gosh, just know one thing, the branding banks of America, whatever, something with banks, 2000 people in Las Vegas, lot of fun. You know those things where the CEO wants to say hi, all this stuff. All those things that if they're not in your deal, you just do them and people at home should know, there's a lot of performers that are real sticklers about that.

Like, hey, the CEO has his kid here, he wants to say hi. No, that wasn't part of it. You don't want to just walk in and let the boss who's paying you be nice to him for a second. Well, you eat some cantaloupe cantaloupe squares from your green room. Some writer. Yeah, so anyway, by the way that guy was cool. His kid was nice. Yeah, you know, had a good show. Supposed to do an hour. Hours a bit heavy for these things, but you know, a good show. Supposed to an hour. Hours have been heavy for these things but you know, they pay you, they want their money. I would say they don't know sometimes, you know, like you'd be able to tell if it's been

a long conference. Oh, I always say, when did they get up? Well, they got up at 6 a.m. How long have they been in meetings? Nine hours. When was the, is there an open bar? Yes. When did the open bar start? At five. When do I go on? 10. I think you're gonna want a 35 at that point. Yeah. It's fun to see me. Then after a while they go, fuck this dude. Let's get back.

They want to go party in Vegas or something. Or sometimes you're a surprise, which is even funnier because they all start to get up from their meeting and they go, hold on. They go, oh what? And they go, we've got a guess. They're like, oh, come on, we just finished. But anyway, did it a lot of fun at four o'clock in the afternoon. That's a rare one. I love that. What I hate is 10. I'm doing a private party where I found out that I follow party where I found out that I follow a heavy metal rock band for an hour.

And then I go up and they want me to do 50. Ladies and gentlemen, I hope you enjoyed Skullfuck. Now, here is Dan Garnie. They're going to have the flashing light. Yeah, please put the fireworks out. Thank you for enjoying Twisted Pussy. Here we go. We've got one more quick performer.

He's going to do an hour 10. Yeah. You know, fuck you. They're ordering drinks, do a blow. And then I come out, well, isn't that special? Hey, hi. And I get a standee on just that one time. Who has a green car?

You know what's funny? I'll tell you this. last night at Comedy Magic, cause there's a lot of people who do crowd work. Was there magic? No magic last night. And it's funny cause they always usually have a magician. I think because I had Bobby and Jeff Cesari. All right, so no magic.

No magic, you know Jeff. So the crowd's in a bad mood already. The crowds, if you do crowd work, one funny trick that comics do, have you ever seen this maneuver? Like they go, hey, how many kids you have? And they go, two, they say some normal answer. And then the guy goes, oh, and he has no jokes.

So he goes, the other night, this lady said she had nine. And I was like, wow, and he says a joke. And I'm like, are you referring to another night when you said an ad lib that was funny in that scenario and repeating it? And they're like, yeah. It's called, it's called the pivot. It's like, it's a good pivot, right? Two weeks where I had a better ad lib off the top of your head, how many kids you got

to, what would be the most reasonable ad lib that would you get a laugh on just that? It's not a great setup. Well, I think I would, if you're a good crowd work guy, you go, what is the most common answer and I'll think of a joke ahead of time. Well, I have one. Oh, go ahead. Yeah, I'm here. How many kids you got?

Two. So your husband enjoyed his vasectomy. Fuck. So you got your tubes tied. Yeah. So you got one from each nut. I guess you're done. I didn't get my tubes tied. All right. Fire three. So. Okay. What if I have four kids? Four kids. Okay. You're one shy of a basketball team. So I say get frisky. You've got a full game of pickleball. I have, we have seven kids. We have seven kids, David Spade. Oh, what team in the NBA are you on?

We have seven kids. What are you fucking nuts? Yeah. Dude, this guy is jizzing folks and it's landing. This guy's guy. Bullseye. This guy is Arnold Schwarzenegger sperm. Yeah, I find my way to the egg. It's not a problem for me. Here we go swimming through the water.

This guy got seven iatzis. Okay. But the good one is you go with a couple and they're not married, they're just dating. The first date. And it's awkward laughs. Awkward laughs and what do you do for a living? I'm a student, oh so you're unemployed or oh so you're broke. There's this, you know. But the best-

Or you say, go ahead. No, we said this before, but it is illustrative when we're on this topic. The most popular put down in the 80s versus the most popular put down in the last five years. Most popular put down in the 80s, someone heckles you, hey man, I don't come to Jack of the Box when you're working.

Huge laugh. Today, I don't come to your job and slap the dick out of your mouth. That's the difference in the culture. Yeah. Yeah. It used to be, I don't come to McDonald's and knock the broom out of your hand. You never heard that? That was what I used to hear. I don't come to McDonald's and slap a milkshake out of your mouth. I don't pull you away from the milks swag a milkshake out of your mouth. I don't pull you away from the milkshake machine. Well, do you ever have a bid

on how many hamburgers they sold? Cause there were a lot of people doing that. Oh, it was one billion for a while. They used to announce it on the out front. I think they went, you know, 100 million today and they got to a billion. And I think eventually they just go billions and billions. No, and then they said, we've sold a shitload.

Believe us. Believe me, trust me. The golden arches are actually made of diamonds. Well, I know we're gonna talk about topics, but I don't think the topic of the movie news about the rumor of the bodyguard, I don't think we're gonna talk about that, but I heard that and I was gonna ask you,

if the movie The Bodyguard, you've heard of it. I know a lot about- Whitney Houston. I worked the director who directed The Bodyguard, directed Denise Glate, Mick Jackson. So I know a lot about The Bodyguard. Okay, so what would you say if you heard it was going to be Taylor Swift in a remake?

For the remake? That's not a bad pick. Yeah. Super famous. I got a feeling, my blink on that is that she would actually be a really good actress and she'd be good in it. Because Whitney wasn't an actress, was she? No, but you know, Costner is extremely talented and really smart. And I think that he made her, so he was, you know,

the de facto co-director, he's Costner, you know, he directed Dances with Wolves, and I think he made her good. I mean, if you're on a movie where the director shits on you or there's 3000 takes, but if you're with Costner and goes, no, just do this, do this. I mean, she was great in that movie. Or he's trying to make himself look good

and you look bad. A lot of, you know, there's people up there starring and directing. You never know what you're getting, but. Yeah, if I was, if we were in a movie together, I'd be your, you know, I'd be your Costner and you'd be the Whitney Houston. I'd be like, David, I'll just be,

look, I talk like this, just natural. You don't have to push, you know? And you would be great. And you'd carry me out of every scene. Why are you accepting this? Why are you accepting this? I accepted it, I go, yeah, thank you. It's more fun to go with it, yeah.

Sneaky condescension. Yeah, you'd be like, David, the reason I have all the jokes in the scene, you know, it's just too hard to explain. Let's just do it. Well, let's say, let's fantasize for a second. What would be the two best leads for remake of the bodyguard, man and woman?

Okay, so if it's Taylor Swift, which I heard the rumor, and the rumor was the director of her eras tour, which I don't know if that's a smart idea, but there's probably better directors for a story. Maybe Michael B. Jordan. He's cool. Maybe Ryan Gosling. Chris Pratt and Katy Perry, done. Wait, oh, you're switching it, okay.

Katy Perry, but she's still shaking from her space trip. I'm gonna do a, I'm gonna talk about the spaceship with the rivet. Don't rush me. Okay, we're almost there. I've worked on it for seven hours. It's so fucking great. It's so fantastic. Okay, we'll hurry up to the worked on it for seven hours. It's so fucking great.

It's so fantastic. Okay, we'll hurry up to the bodyguard so we can talk about it. Well, I heard... Should we finish the bodyguard or you? Yeah, we got it. We just cast it. It's done. Yeah.

Ryan Gosling's not a bad choice. That guy's great. Yeah. So go ahead. So this has been trending a little long. We're just going to put it to rest here. We're at the tail end of it. I heard a rumor.

It's gotten so big. You know, the idea that a lot of it was faked. A lot of people feel it wasn't quite real. Who was really in the spaceship? So I heard a rumor that they're going to have a Senate committee investigate it. Now, you, Ms. Gayle King, now you and some folks Bosley went on a spaceship, is that correct? Yes, yes, we did.

And you were afraid of going on that spaceship, weren't you, Ms. King? Sure, a little bit. Now, your best friend is Oprah Winfrey, is that correct? She's my, yes, friend in quotes. Now, she tweeted, and by the way, I have no B in my bonnet over this. I don't have an apple up my tush. I'm just trying to get to the essence here.

Now, your best friend. The essence. Now, your best friend tweeted a week ago Tuesday that my friend Gail King is going into space, wink, wink. What are you supposed to do by that? Her words, not mine, wink, wink. You didn't go into space, did you? Order, order. You never were in that spaceship, were you?

Did you say order, order? Order, say order order or you never went up there? It was all people are yelling. You had a double this committee. Yeah, I just committed a sir, sir. Mr. Kennedy, you saw my time's up. I didn't mean to disturb you. OK, and seen Patrick and jump cut that. That's good.

Maybe the wink is more like she's your girlfriend, right? But you're like, the friend is a girl. Well, why would she say she's going up to space and wink, wink, she's my girlfriend? Did she really say that? I don't know. I made everything up. Oh, I like it.

But there was a fake hand and you know. You know, I will say that the whole idea sounded like everyone was, you know, not coked up, but it sounds like an idea that you would do in college and you're wasted and you go, hey, do we still, hey Jeff, do we still have that old spaceship in the backyard? And he's like, yeah, why?

Well, we should brush the cobwebs off. Could it get a couple hundred feet in the air? I'm sure it could. Let's make a national story out of it. Well, here's how it happened, David. Okay, let me know. I don't know how it happened. Now, sleight of hand, they're getting ready.

They're going, they got their jumpsuits on, this and that. Now, one by one, looks like they're going on, but they're actually ducking around. There's a trap door. Oh, okay. They go safely underground, and they're like a hundred yards away in the tunnel. They have the dummies are put up.

They're popped up by remote. Pshh, pshh, pshh. They have the dummies are put up there. They're popped up by remote. They have a little anti-gravity thing in their little thing that they get in, but they never go up into outer space. That's the other shot. There's a little TV studio. Maybe they filmed it first. They filmed their anti-gravity stuff. That's better too.

Yeah. But there's no way. And they went in outer space. Oh wow. Were they not supposed to go? They're not going to the Van Allen belt, the one I couldn't remember the other day. Wink, wink. Now you do it.

I know it now, motherfucker. But here's the thing. Now the first people that went on that rocket, I'm doing Kennedy again. Probably were a little more serious because when they do rockets, the first 10 usually blow up. Then they had five successful ones. Let's put a dude in it or a woman. So by the time they went up, it was kind of like party time. And then everyone shit on them, but it was just gals having fun. I do have to say, I have two things to say. I want to hear it. Both very important.

One is, I know it's girl power and they say women went up, but at a certain point, if we're all supposed to be equal, just say five people went up. We always separate people and it should be just like, hey, they're good, they're smart, they can get up there. That's fun. I don't think they should consider it such a victory. Like we did what the boys did

because there are female astronauts. And also when Elon saved those people, no one cared about that. And even the female astronaut that was up there for nine months got about two seconds of air time. No one gave a fat fuck about her because she wasn't a model, but she did do a lot and she she wasn't a model. But she did

do a lot and she did go through a lot. That's a really interesting story. And she was up there banging around that tin can. So she's a very interesting woman that should get some award for something. But listen, these women went up bad fun. I don't even know how it started or why it started, but it was a really, really big story. If not only on tick tock. It, it, it visited us, it visited us on the podcast because yeah, Darryl Leifer was doing a show. Okay. So it's three woman and it's, it's, and then all of a sudden they go ladies comedy night out or whatever the name would be. But if you, me and Theo go out and do a standup,

they go, boys night out, here they go. Yeah, right. But more than half the population is women. So we wanna change it. Yeah, they're doing a lot. And the jokes were so pretty funny. That's why we're at the tail end of it. But some of the stuff I heard on just reading and Instagram,

everyone was clowning on it. And then they're getting clowned on for clowning on it. It's all hysterical. It's all hysterical. It was mild amusement for the culture in the tumultuous times we will perennially live in. So anyway. It was nothing serious.

It happened. Dana, I'm a little bit of a spendy Susie. I, a boozy Susie and a spendy Susie. I'm more of a boozy Susie, but yeah. You are, you are a spendy spender. Yeah. And a lot of our listeners are nice enough to write in and say, you look like you drank a lot and slept on your face. But that's just constructive criticism.

Well, it's very concise, and you don't really drink very much, I'll tell the fans. No, just puffy. This is where Klarna comes in. Klarna is your everyday smarter spending partner, which is what a lot of people need. A lot of my friends definitely need it.

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Either they have to scan it or something, whatever. And then I, I'm a senior and I'm trying to find my license and I feel like such a fucking early onset demented idiot. I'm going, I, it was in here, you know, and it's like a card trick. It's between two credit cards and I put all the cards out. It's like the amazing Kresgen, like where the fuck is my driver?

And they're looking at me like, you fucking boat. Oh, you're like that magician Ronnie J or somebody, you know, where they get, so it's like a card trick. They go, you're like, it is in my wallet. And then you pull out a bunch of cards. It's going to be one of these and you lay them out.

Then you start flipping them over. Is that my wallet? No, that's not. That's my Montgomery Ward's credit card. Exactly. And they really want the license. Here's my discover card. What else? Here's my gym membership from Nautilus.

Do you have a stick? This is what I do every time I hand a credit card to someone. Oh yeah. I just found it in the parking lot and I really hope it goes through and then I kiss it. Oh no, I was sick. And they laugh so hard.

Do you have something? I have, when the check comes and you go like this. Okay, great. Who ordered the couch? That's when it's high. Got nothing from Heather on that one. That's funny though. That's a good one.

I like that. Yeah. No, and then I go like this. Oh, do you have financial aid? And then I go like this. Do you guys have a layaway? Okay. Can I do a layaway on this crab cake?

Oh, I did hear this, what's your name, Dana? That at Coachella. Oh yeah. That they, you know, it's getting so expensive in the whole world that this is something they're doing. Obviously it's an expensive world. I don't know if it's a great idea to do, not layaway, but payments for concerts now.

So you can spend like $49 to get a great pass to Coachella, but you have to pay it off. Oh, here comes Heather. Oh no, Fire Festival 2 is postponed. Who would ever see that coming? Let me just make a note. I'm gonna have to call. Yeah, boy, when are you gonna tell Paul?

I'm gonna call Warren Grant after this. Call our business manager and say, hey, I bought the million dollar pup tent for that one. Can you just tell him to send it back to me on Venmo? I think sometimes human beings like things being expensive because it seems like it's got to be better. Like, yeah, it's a $200 stake. Oh, it's got to be good.

And guess what? Not so good. Yeah, I've had some ratty shit. Yeah, rat infested, fatty. Gristle is one of the worst words in the English language. Sickening, sickening. What about when you get, I don't like wagyu, when they go, it's the fatty meat.

Don't say the word fatty, is that your sales pitch? Where you go tuna toro, it's the more fattier one. Sick, get lost. I know, as if it's more flavorful. Sick, who wants fat? No, I don't want fat. My dad would always make us eat steak. He would buy the cheapest steak you could ever get

and put it in a freezer in the garage. And then you'd get it, and it was just gristle and bone with a tiny bit of meat on it. Oh, Jesus Christ, get the gristle. Same thing with the carol syrup. We couldn't afford maple syrups. We got this white see-through syrup, carol, and the ants loved it.

It was so sweet. There'd be ants all over it and inside of it. And he goes, I go, God, there's ants in this. He goes, oh, Jesus Christ, it's protein. These are quotes. Yeah, I believe it for sure. Yeah, also ants get too high on it. They're like, what the fuck?

They're not ready for it. Yeah, even the ants are just laughing. But he would do this. He'd get up Sunday morning, he'd put so much oil in this big pan, consider himself this great chef. He'd have a pancake batter. He'd make the pancakes and they'd just be bubbling with oil. On the oil?

Yeah, on the oil. So the first three or four batches he would call crispies because the oil would just harden and bubble over. And he got me a huge stack. I'm like six years old. He goes, oh, Jesus Christ, Dane loves the crispies, which I didn't. So I ate the crispies and then I threw up.

Trying to make dad happy. So horrible, so sad. Let's go back to Coachella, because Coachella was a big deal. It's also this weekend. Is that your idea of having a good, how many outhouses would there be? I heard it was outhouse light

because I saw a city council meeting yesterday. What am I watching? Where the guy was like, and it was some old women going like this, you really did us dirty. And he's like, he's from like, what's it called? Golden voice, whatever it does, all these live nation. He's like, hey man, couple of fucking blips.

And they're like, yeah, it was 12 hours of traffic they were stuck in, people ran out of gas. Yeah, we got some bugs, some hiccups. They always reduce it to nothing. There's no bad, she goes, there's no facilities. And he's like, I know. Is this a local woman? Yeah, she's in Palm Springs and she's saying, you've ruined our town. No, she's about 300. And she's like going, oh, why ruin our city with this shit?

It's like an infestation of hippies on our property. Do you know the tattoo can? Defecating in the backyard. They pooped on our barrel cactus. Yeah, there's people that the best move is to go to the Madison Club. That really killer Mike meldman You know place down that has all the juicy houses. It's like a housing development They have them all over the country and they're just so kick-ass and you're close to Coachella

So you can hear it and what I'm hearing Dana and do not fucking repeat this Oh, I'm recording this is that these girls go down there and of course, they have the trial all our life They get whatever so some rich guy has the house. girls go down there and of course they have the tra la la life, they get whatever. So some rich guy has the house, they go down, they stay at the house. Sometimes they don't even go to the concert, they just hear it and then just do their molly

and all their drugs at the house and get wasted and take a million pictures of themselves. I love everything. The life, I'm out there grinding. Well, do people wanna go there because it's hard to get in and it's really expensive and sort of cool people are. Does anyone really have a good time at Coachella unless you have special passes? I think they do. Special seats, helicopters.

And by the way, I just got to say, yes, I watch Benson Moon. Is that his name? Hmm. Benson, the TV show? No, Benson, Heather would know. Yeah, I know with the jumper. Yeah. He looks like he's from the seventies. He looks like Burt Lancaster in the movie Trapeze.

He's wearing like a Trapeze onesie. Yeah, I saw him and he did a flip off the piano. Well, no, and he's doing, he's covering, he's covering Queen, Bohemian Rhapsody, and then singing the song and then doing triple flips off the piano over and over again and running and sprinting. So I had to say, I was entertained.

I'm like, you're taking a circus performer, giving him a really good, so he's tumbling doing, and he did a magic trick at the end. He had to pick a card, any card as he finished. Nothing really matters. And he flipped the card and was like, No, we did not. Did he? Because first of all, let's start with he's good looking. Once you're good looking, everything's easier after that. He can sing.? He can sing. No, he can sing. Heather, is he? Yeah. He can sing.

Picking Bohemian Rhapsody, the best part was bringing the real Brian May to play guitar and no one gave a fat fuck. That was sad. Smattering of applause, people like, who's this old guy? I was able, I was on a Zoom with Brian May a couple of years ago,

and I said that Bohemian Rhapsody was a full blown masterpiece of pop rock. And he's very humble about it. Oh, geez, thank you. But he had had a little stroke. He's recovered. He comes out giant mop white hair and he just nails it. And it reminds you how brilliant his solo is on that song is amazing. The song is amazing. But Benson Boone has pipes.

I guess he's good looking. I don't get it. But no, I'm kidding. That's what Joe was. And Brian May, the comments were like, who is that guy? He needs conditioner in his hair. And I was like, well, that's sort of being superficial

for a superstar guitarist. It's probably voted one of the top 10 of all time. I think he's might be underrated on those lists, but he's definitely known by everybody else as one of the greats. You know, everyone's forgotten David. I know. Every year that goes by. If they, what percentage of Coachella would know who Johnny Carson was? Zero, one, two? Zero to 1%, yeah.

So that's all right, but they do know Queen because Queen has, we are the champions. You know, Dana, you, no one asked me this, but I did do a video on YouTube for Funny or Die, clowning on Coachella about 10 years ago. Oh yeah, I remember that. You were at the table. That was funny.

Yeah. Charlotte McKinney comes in and we make fun of her for attending Coachella. I would post it, but you can't repost Funny or Die. Is Funny or Die still around? I don't know. Let's look at a clip. Is it around Heather? Oh, they're on TikTok.

Okay, they are because they posted clips of it like one minute clips of the whole thing is probably four or five minutes. Yeah. Okay. What's the next story? Are we doing stories? Yeah. What's the next one? The panel of five judges was ready to hear his case when he asked to play a video to make his case. May it please the court. I come here today, a humble proceeding for a panel of five distinguished justices. Is this, hold on. Is that counsel for the case? What it turned into was possibly the shortest

career ever in a courtroom. In part because what's on the bottom right of your screen? Isn't a real lawyer or even a real person but an avatar created by artificial intelligence The judge learning of this was not pleased. I don't appreciate Being this looks like the palm spring is kind of she's's not an AI? Yeah, it's true Dana. This whole thing is out of order. How do we know this isn't April Fool's Joe? So an AI lawyer looked like a clean cut guy in a sweater. Looked like Dave Coulier on Full House.

Dave Coulier lookalike. Uncle Joey. And that's our future. That's our future. Starting today. That's our future is, I hate it. If we're not rat-fucked between AI and April Fools, we can't win. You know what we're gonna do, and I'll announce it now

because it'll take time to get it together, is we're gonna have digital copies of ourselves, do Superfly. Of us, okay. And the weird thing, it might be the best episode. Oh, what if they're way funnier? What if they don't stare in the camera at their hair like I do?

Okay, that was good though, Dane. I liked that one. There's other ones. I could see saying, you know what I thought that was gonna be? That the court was AI so they could decide if you're guilty or not just by facts with nothing else. You know what I mean?

No personal opinion. Just this happened. This happened. Here you go. Or the law is this. Boom. That might happen. Yes, I think so.

Okay. Who is this? The guy from the office? No. Okay. Who is this? The guy from the office? No. Okay, speaking of which, this guy tattooed KRUD because you win 250,000 on a radio station.

So he did it. On his forehead and it's huge. Yeah, now play it. Tattooed the word KRUD on his forehead, hoping to win a $250,000 prize. But it turned out to be a thoughtless and insensitive April Fool's prank instead. the and this is the problem claimed that it was entirely Mr. Bell's fault for not recognizing the obvious prank and that the competition's terms and conditions clearly stated It was an April Fool's prank Despite their arguments, the judge ruled in favor of Mr. Bell and he was awarded the $510,000 compensation for the prank.

Wow. I agree. I know, but you know if you watch it, he takes out just a wet rag and just wipes it off. Oh, and he does it back to him? Do a temporary tat. Geez. Get 510 grand. 510 grand must be nice. Must be nice.

Do we have one with the bully Greg? Oh yeah, the bullies good. The there's oh yeah. This one has a surprise ending. All right, this is everyone's nightmare in school. This is spade getting bullied. Yeah. No, actually I do hate bullies, but go ahead.

I'll just say that. Yeah. This, this is self-explanatory, but it's that guy. So I guess he's bullying his kid. He's probably a teacher. I think he's a dad. Oh, pick up some more kids. I think he's a dad. Oh. You think it's fucking funny?

You think it's funny? It's like Jason Kelsey. The way that guy walks. What's he doing? That guy walks. Jeez. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. What's our world coming to? Dude, no offense. I would beat the shit out of every kid at that school. You think that was a dad? A lumbering dad? I think it was a dad that his kid got bullied and he went into a stickup for his kid.

Oh, okay. You wanna do that? You know, it's kind of chilling. Now I make you feel bad. Now I make you feel bad for him. Yeah. And then the bravery and the shenanigans of pantsing, hulking, angry adult. But they sprint. But they know he can't beat him up. And he can't move. I mean, the way he walks is he waddled. So he's a little stiff. He played a couple of years in. Yeah. way he walked is he waddled. So he's a little stiff.

He played a couple of years and yeah. JV football. But, um, anyway, I didn't, I don't know if I love seeing his nuts. Um, no, that was the humiliating part. Maybe we cut it out. That was like a scene in me and grownups when they made me walk up the stairs. Uh, okay. So no, it's funny. If, if the, it's funny if the lettuce, it's fun.

It's the funny part. Look at this. It's just a lot of stuff happening that you don't see, David. You know what, Dana, you look, but you don't see, you hear, but you don't listen. You live in David world. Quick impression. You I'm going to court. I'm going to have fun. I'm playing this city. And all the while, this life is going on outside your little spade bubble.

You know what's funny about Koi is on Theo's. He's like, remember when I go, remember we ran into Jellyfish or whatever that guy's name is? Jelly Bean. And he goes, Jelly Bean. And he goes, yeah, we were at Koi. And I'm like, of course we were at Koi.

How funny we were at Koi. We go other places. Every story comes into Koi. You and I don't go to Koi enough and I'm like, of course we were at Koi. How funny we were at Koi. We go other places. Every story comes into Koi. You and I don't go to Koi enough and I'm sad. Yeah, it's good. They have fun there. Yes, because I like it. It's nice and cool.

The music's very benign. It's dark and it feels very serene. You can sit on back now. It's even quieter. Yeah. All right, next story. Oh, right. It's even, even quieter. Um, yeah. All right. Next story. Oh, right. KTLA, which I listen to sometimes, they accidentally post, post the N word. I'm not laughing on X technical error Twitter. Come on. What who's vetting on God's green earth. They said,

here's what they said. I think, because this is a story from LA. Okay. They just put that word and tweeted it out. But I think they said, oh, we were trying to put the words to block. You know, Heather, you had to block stuff on my Instagram once. Oh. Oh yeah, this is posting, not settings, yeah.

So it's a little flimsy we're hearing from the audience. I get it, anything can happen. But yeah, either way, run from this. Just please hope the world keeps moving because I don't even know what you say. Are we gonna see something talk, or that was it? Well, it's hard, you get it. They just put a tweet out that just said that word

and they were like, you know, like, hey everybody And everyone's like, huh? a news station and they're like Pushed wrong keys. Yeah sent Mistake, please. Yeah, they had one guy and he has had a private room. His only thing was to vet the articles Yeah, well, I missed it, you know, it was, you know, thought, you know, I had a big lunch, you know, pepperoni swirled around, you know, make me temporarily blind when I press the send button. Temporary insanity. No, no, it's perfectly right. No, I shouldn't, but I don't. She's a beautiful. Okay. That's a story. Next one. Okay. You went into Owen Wilson.

Well, I was gonna do Owen Wilson, shaming the guy. You gotta be better with that, man. You can't do that. You gotta tell him not to put out words like that. Okay, Martin, let's try one. Remember, big. You got it. The Ford It's a Big Deal event is on. How's that? A little bigger. The Ford It's a Big Deal event.

Nice. Now the offer? Lease a 2025 Escape Active all-wheel drive from 198 bi-weekly at 1.99% APR for 36 months with $27.55 down. Wow, that's like $99 a week. Yeah, it's a big deal. The Ford It's a Big Deal event. Visit your Toronto area Ford store or Ford.ca today. The wait is over. The NBA season is here, and FanDuel's the place

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19 plus and physically located in Ontario. If you have questions or concerns about your gambling or the gambling of someone close to you, please go to connectsontario.ca. Thursday May 8th is McHappy Day when every menu item purchased at McDonald's helps support families with sick children. So you can feel the good that comes from doing good just from ordering. So if I order a Big Mac, I'm helping. Yep. What about a McFlurry? 10 piece chicken, McNuggets and apple pie? You got it. Every single order helps. Join us at McDonald's for McHappy Day

on Thursday, May 8th. Do good, feel good. A portion of food and beverage sales will support RMHC chapters and local children's charities across Canada. Did you know we talked about Jack Black, who's on the show, who's not on- He'll be on the show May 2026. No, 2026.

He'll be on in like a week, but- Yeah, he'll be on in a week. He can't wait. But we were joking about how people go crazy when the chicken jockey comes out. And I told you this is real. This is a real one, Heather, when the chicken jockey comes out. They used to throw popcorn. Okay. When the chicken jockey comes out. Look what they're doing, Heather. What? They're lighting fireworks. Fireworks in the theater.

In the theater. Wow. And they're raining down on them? Yeah, they're now having a fire. So people are panicked and running and screaming? And there's some part of the movie where it makes everyone go crazy, and now it's a joke, they all do it like Rocky Horror, but they're taking it too far.

Oh, you're saying this is Minecraft. Yeah. Oh, and a certain part everyone comes in and lights on fireworks. No, at certain part everyone would throw popcorn. They would do that, but then this- And then a week later it's escalated to someone brought a live chicken in and then people on each other's shoulders, then they started throwing fireworks. When they see the chicken they throw fireworks. Yeah just like here's our time to go nuts and the police came in we talked to Jack it just started

at a place like hey guys don't go throw stuff and now oh Heather only heard the word chicken. Oh the word chicken got out of the coop and had fun. Chicken got out of the coop. Yeah. It was a lot too unpacked. I will say this is that the movie's a smash, but when we talked with Jack, he was just hoping it would get to 700 million. I think it's getting very close to that already. It's only been out two weekends.

So I told him we'll do a billion. And, um, if it does, I'll try to find him, get up in his grill a little bit. Under us. May 7th, he'll be on our show. I think the, I think the, no, what I think, what I think was I thought, no, all right? No, I forgot my train of thought. No. You said May 7th. You said many strokes are not conducive to talk show fodder. Oh, I was saying this sort of controversy

helps a movie a lot. Because every dopey kid goes, oh, we gotta go see this and see what people will do. Actually, I'm gonna bring a handful of rocks. And then it escalates. So they can get on video and film it and post it and be like, I was at that one. Well, the only thing as follows, fireworks fly around

and fireworks can land in someone's eye and fireworks could blind someone in the theater and then the chain has a billion dollar lawsuit. I know, so the movie makes a lot, the theaters bum out. They might sue the movie too. Yeah, right, I'm sure he doesn't want this much chaos. I'm a grumpy old man and I don't like fireworks in a movie, dude. Put him out.

Pistol Pete, I'm trying to watch John Wayne. My day, we used to put Silly Putty on a cartoons. In my day, we didn't have movie theaters. We make a sock puppet and make our sister laugh while it rained outside. We like that on fire. That's a feature film. Did you ever go to a double feature? You go in at noon, you come out at six o'clock.

Oh, or drive-in? Not a drive-in, two matinees in the afternoon. I did double feature in a drive-in, motherfucker. That's for, that's like a broad auger. I did all night creature features. Oh, I did not do that. All night in the drive-in watching Edgar Allen Poe, Vincent Price, old fashioned horror films,

till dawn, bitch. My brother, they know I'm the scared one of the family, hence Dandelion, and they go, hey, come with us to see the blood farmers at midnight. And I was like, that's not a scary one. They're like, no. You think from the title, I might've deduced that it was scary.

It was so sickening. I had to walk out and walk home at 12, Dana. My friends and I- This is why I'm fucked up. Which I probably said before we go, oh, what's that? We're trying to see a movie, high school, but you know, 16. What's that? X or who? SISTI what? We go in, we're in the third row.

I have no idea. Original Exorcist. Never. Had no idea. The original Exorcist. Never. Had no idea and it really disturbed me. And I was in, you know, just, I was flipped out for a long time after that. I still haven't seen it. Yeah, it's too much.

I swear I haven't seen it. It's, yeah, it's a brilliant film. When they bring in the devil. You know what Coachella, I have to say, and it sounds like a little bit of a pulp, Lady Gaga, who is great, I don't think they need this extra part where they're all adding this devil worshiping

satanic rituals in their act. It's not just a quick thing. They do a whole thing. I just think it's, I would walk out. I hate to say it, maybe I'm alone. I can't, I don't know why they do it. I don't know why it's cool. And I don't know why. If worst case I don't know why it's cool and I don't know why.

If worst case scenario, it's just corny at this point. Sam Smith, it's just so like heavy and weird and dark. Why, why, why? Now listen, we had ACDC and they had like a picture of a devil and obviously in the background, what this is, we know it's out there. We just don't need it on the jumbotron. You know what I mean? Of life. Like it's in the background. Every time we're trying

to get through life every day. Why that offends me. We don't know. I mean, I pitched you and it was a terrible idea. We did this gig recently that you were going to be in a really realistic devil costume, like a big long hands and nails. And then I was going to be dressed as the church lady and we were going to have like a battle Roy hands and nails. And then I was gonna be dressed as the church lady and we were gonna have like a battle royale. Oh, right, right, right. And you got in the costumes and you're like,

come here, come here. I think he wants out. Heather unzipped it, you came out like. I said, why am I in the bad team and you're on the good team? But yeah, they want a trend. They're not superstars because they're dumb. They know that that's gonna go somewhere.

Devil worship. What's next though? Hardcore porn? Right, sacrifice. I mean, it is a slippery slope. I think so personally, I sound like a bit of a prude, but legit concerns the world. Call me old fashioned, but I like good music

when I go to a music show. Yeah, sorry. Sorry, I paid my $3,800 to sit in the 50th row. I want a good show. Well, I've got my green wristband. I get to go to the Nacho Stand in the Tater Junction Hut. Let's do something, you know, let's get a band that just does all the Monkeys songs from the 60s

and call it Coachella la la la la. And it's like 40 miles away, it costs like $2 to get in. Just make a mini Coachella. Yeah, we should do a different, but Coachella is hard to compete with. It's a second weekend they're gonna do it, it's gonna kill.

Okay, what's the next story? Buskers. What's a busker mean again? Busker is he selling stuff? Oh, just a street musician? Street performer. Yeah. Trying to make money. All right. Let's see how good this guy is.

All right. I'm from Norwich. He's from Norwich. Okay. Okay. Oh, you do drums. Yeah. Tell me if this sound... Is that him? He's from Norwich. Okay. Okay, oh, you do drums. Yeah. Tell me if this sounds... Is that him?

That's him doing it. Yeah, they're kind of invisible. It's just done by a computer. No, he's doing his mouth. I call it the world's only invisible drum kit. Invisible drums, here we go. So I've got a bass drum on the floor. Puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, pu That's pretty good, right? Yeah. The high hat to my left. The snare in the middle.

The bongo drum on the top like this. The floor toms. He's doing a beatbox. The DJ deck. That's good. He's Michael Winslow. The five different noises in this drum beat to begin warming up the voice. Yeah.

Hey, Motherfucker say, huh? I'd like to know what he's got. Coming through that amp. Are he's helping out. Yeah. He's got, you know, coming through a shit. The song's not very catchy. Alright. Alright. I'm gonna have to give this guy the buzzer.

Alright, just listen to me for 20 seconds. Yeah, let's see if Danick can do it. Shit. It's a bus golf. Yeah. How about the high hat? I like when they grab it. Yeah, you do sound effects. Okay, you do that.

I can't do that. Just do the... It's so boring. It's so boring. It's so bad. It's so corny. I'm going to get an amp and do this proper. Hey, Danny, you want to be bored? This is what I, when people ask me how I slept, it's a, some people just do it to be nice.

Hey, good morning. Hey, you sleep good. Do not even stumble into that with me. I'll go into a whole soliloquy. I'm like, oh my God. At first, I was so tired. First of all, they're like, oh, are you giving a real answer? I'm like, mm hmm. So then I'm laying there, then I'm tired. But then I realized I'm not even sleeping. And then I slept on my side. I tried to sleep on my back and then I heard a noise. Everyone's like this, please end this. I go on forever. It's horrible.

Do you wear a mask? Are you one of those people? You wear a mask. I have a CPAC on my wiener. And that helps you sleep? Or no? Just makes a noise. It just feels good.

I just like it Heather. You know Heather about a half hour ago, you were just staring and then you like this. And I was like, was that for us or for something you're reading? I think Heather was snoring. I think she read something and then she, it was funny though. All right. Well well thanks everybody. Thanks for listening. We always appreciate it. And we'll talk to you later. This has been a presentation of Odyssey Superfly as executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade,

Jenna Weiss Berman of Odyssey, Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman. Hope you liked it!