Fly on the Wall with Dana Carvey and David Spade - SUPERFLY #71 - Womp Womp Womp

Episode Date: June 6, 2025

Dana and David goof around for an hour. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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GP? Oh, that's a GLP. What are you in a diet fucking drug? GP? I don't know what it is for real. General practitioner, bitch. I don't know if it's that, bitch. If you had bitched the end of everything and I know it might offend people, it's funny. What do you want for lunch? A hamburger, bitch. I think maybe I'm too far over this way. This is all new, guys.

Heather, will you tilt that camera a little bit this way? Because I see I'm far over here. Why do you have a... There you go. One of my fucking Sammy Con here. Supposed to go out there with Jerry Lewis, cutting off the picture. Guess what this comment I heard on the stupid

freaking YouTube was? Oh, can you talk about how you dye your hair every day? Don't color it, it's embarrassing. I'm like, color it. You think I colored this ugly ass color? Get lost, dude, I'll knock you out. Yeah, yeah. How about that?

No one needs to know anything about how this happens. That's all I say. Look at this, Dana, this is an MTV Movie Award. Yes. Oh, okay, so we're getting a little biographical here. Okay, MTV Award, you have one, we now know. And that silver thing is for us. That was like...

Yeah, YouTube, when you get a certain amount of subscribers, they send us that. Ten million they sent us that. We might not see it again because it looks like... It's a little glary, but it's something to see. Oh, no, it's fine. We're trying. It breaks things up. Everything else is brown and dull and then you've got this shiny silver thing so. Glare. Yeah. This is a John Lennon book. Is that what it is? John Lennon. What does it say? Yeah, John Lennon. That's the one where the book cover has the glasses. The glasses of John Lennon. That's the one where the book cover has the glasses the glasses of John Lennon that I bought that I used to have

right My Starting a club in the 70s called what's it got to do with John Lennon? I sang a song about what's it got to do with John Lennon? So I think I know a little bit about John Lennon Yeah, you got it. I got everyone knows you love the Beatles. Okay, so This one's I got a feel for. When I played St. Louis, it's called the Factory. It's a great club. Okay, go ahead.

They give me a present if you sell out and they gave me, this is a journal book on the front of this fly on the wall. Well, wait a minute, now I'm telling you, this freaking catchphrase you pulled out of your ass on the 50th, is Now it's officially traveling. It's officially a thing. It has to be your next book. It has to be after Dandie Lyon.

This has to be, because this thing sums up your comedy sensibility or vibe so perfectly that yeah, no wonder it was the most popular phrase from the 50th. And I had the flu, but I was hanging out with both Derek and John Corbett. Oh, by the way, that could have been your flu game. You should have done it like Jordan. What do you mean? Oh, I mean, done it anyway.

You know, because Jordan had his flu game. Yeah, he went and did a- Gars with the flu. Hey, Wayne, I mean, doesn't it anyway? You know Michael Jordan had his flu game? Yeah, he went and did a- Garth, Garth with the flu? Hey Wayne, I think I'm gonna hurl. That's not the script, Garth. No, literally, I'm going to hurl. Heather, where did you put these three little piece of paper right here that were folded over

that had a W on them for Wednesday? Are they over there? All right, that was set up. Now look what I got you, Dana, for your, well, whatever it is. I'm not a presents guy. Oh, it says Spade? No, this is a presents guy, ready?

Here's you, when I go, Dana, I got you a present, but it's only this. Well. ["Taps"] ["Taps"] ["Taps"] ["Taps"] That's a trombone. Debbie Downer. I know.

It's fantastic. Is it actually a Debbie Downer trombone from the SNL score? It's a trombone I got off Instagram for you because you sometimes go, womp, womp, womp. Or that's from F-Troop. Yeah, that's it. That's from F-Troop. Yeah, that's it. That's from F-Troop. 1972.

I played this, did you notice during Bryan Cranston today, which is a fly on the wall that's going to air in a couple of weeks. You said you auditioned for like Cary Grant or Paul Newman or someone. Then they said you were bad and you left and I went. Oh, that was there? Was that on? You played it? I didn't hear it.

And you and Bryan Cranston didn't even say anything. We didn't get it, because the woman, I go, oh, that was rough. And she goes, yeah, it was kind of rough. I ruined Sissy Space X. It wasn't Sissy Space X, was it? No, I just pulled the name out, but that was pretty good for the-

Do you think she, she goes by Sissy Space X now? Yes. I go by Dana Carkeys. Since you got your present, you can talk about what you did. I had a birthday. There we go. And I learned a lot about birthdays and I thought a lot because you don't you kind of just go birthday you know you see things but you don't really you know you don't think about them but for me I'm like okay what's a birthday and I realized the pressure was building over the weekend the official birthday was Sunday. Yeah. I was unaware of it. But.

But I don't keep score who texted me. So rude I didn't text you but I honestly swear I didn't know but I should know but I did not. No it doesn't matter because guess what? I just extended it because I had a birthday weekend and then I just extended it to a birthday weekend, early week. So you wish me, you're right on time, man. I told you Kristen Wiig should do a movie called Birthday Week because it's all these women

that just milk out their birthday. Oh, birthday, okay. Isn't that a great birthday week, birthday month? Birthday month, I know, birthday month. Yeah, they just keep partying going Birthday month, I know, birthday month. And they just milk everyone out. Yeah. Yeah, they just keep partying going, everyone keeps celebrating me, goddamn. Why when someone's naked do they say

they're in their birthday suit? Like when you're a baby, you don't have clothes, but babies sometimes are born with clothes. I'll do a Theo Vaughn. Oh really? Sometimes babies will come out in a jumper. I came out in overalls because my doctor was an ocelot with two ribs. You got him down.

Did you do a movie with them? Anyway, uh, I don't know. No one, no one can remember. I thought about birthdays and I realized that the native Americans and the Westerns I would watch as a kid, usually a white guy would play native American, you know, wasn't really sure here. But they they would never say what they were like Jimmy Stewart be the cowboy. Well, how old are you, chief? The chief would say, I see many winter.

Well, what's that supposed to mean? Many winter? Well, how many winters? Many winters. How many summers have you seen? I see many summers. Well, you're driving me- I'll put a number on it.

You're driving me on my fucking mind. What are you, 50? Are you 80? What the fuck? Cause Indians- I remember eight springs. Does that help? You're like, okay, now, now we're getting somewhere.

And what else? I had many baked potatoes. What? That's what you try to get away with. You go, how many bites of cake do you have? You go, oh, many. Many, many bites, but it's a good way to just encapsulate everything, you know?

How was your sex life? I come many times. So I did that for you. I don't work blue. Puntang, you are disgusting. I come many times. I did that for you. I don't work blue pun tang. Oh no. You are disgusting. I know, sorry about that. But anyway, my birthday I figured I'm in the Kevin Costner,

Billy Bob Thornton, Brian Cranston. We're all in the same general area, so I got good company. I got money short. I have to say, when I grew up, 60 was basically 110. If you knew someone's 60, it was like, what? So now, 60, 70, 80, I went to a party and there was people 60, 70, 80, and I was like, I guess this is normal. Everyone's like, hey, man, what's going on? No one was like, hello, with the big horn. So everyone's like normal now.

Yeah. Well, you know, when in the 1800s, you lived to like 26 and then. Well, even. Yeah. There was no medicine. So like in 1820, the doctor in the village had one move. He's got a fever doctor. What did we take blood out of him?

Bleed him. Bleed. Yeah. like the butcher Yeah, that's all I had was bloodletting was that a sketch on the SNL I remember the butcher Steve Martin used to go give me two pints Yeah, it's walk look at someone broken like three pints. They go sure you want us to take blood out of him He's got a fever. I'm a doctor dammit. I'm the smartest guy in this village So yeah.

And then everyone got smarter. And so now everyone lives longer and they've discovered penicillin and upper and lower bleph. We had Clark Gable, Spencer Tracy, FDR, Ernest Hemingway. Round 58, 60, you're ready to go because you just ate saturated fat beef. You smoked, chain smoked, and you were mostly in the bag with alcohol all day long. So now...

Oh no, I gotta get me one of those. It's yours. It's funny. No, it's not. You have to have it, but how do we get by without that all this time? I know, dude. I have stuff on my phone that I used to do.

Heather, I won't do this to Dana. I'll just do it because it's funny. I gotta find it though. You do many times. Dana Vamp. Oh, where it is? Oh, let's just say this one. It's so funny because you could go,

anyway, she was cute, I walked in the room. Did you hear that one out there? No, no. I walked in the room. I'm not saying she was cute. I walked in the room. Did you hear that one out there? No, no. I walked in the room. I'm not saying she was cute, but. No. No. No.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

No. No. No. No. No. No. Well, it's funny because the setup by the comedian is kind of casual and then it's the electronic voice that lays the punch line down. So it's funny no matter what. Yeah, these are great. Listen, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. The doctor told me it's time for your prostate exam sound. I burned you. I did you crickets. prostate exam sound. What the?

What the? What the? What the? I burned you, I did you crickets. That doesn't even make sense. No, okay, hang on. All right. Here's you when you tell a bad joke, ready?

You're waiting for the audience to laugh, you hear? Hmm. Okay, they're not all gems. We'll put, we'll table that. But it's funny. No, I was kind of interested by that one. That's kind of emotional because it's like a submarine in distress, you know. That's just a sonar because the crowd's not laughing and we're just going boop. I know.

It's that, that, and the cold sweat. All right. Here, I've got props for you, Dana. Ready? Okay. So Heather doesn't know the story. So we're in the airport in maybe Des Moines. I don't know where we were. Yeah, we had taken an early flight to St. Louis to do with the show.

Shows are super fun, by the way. Thank you. You have one that came. I'm off to Three Ohio's. So you did? Good, good, good. You know who came in St. Louis? Joe Buck. Our friend Joe Buck. Joe Buck, the Joe Buck, the incredible announcer. And the incredible announcer. Baseball and stuff. Does Monday night football and everything. And a lot of fun. Is that his real name?

Cause that's like too cool a name. I think it is because I think his dad is in the business also when he was like Jack Buck or something. Cause that's just very good. I'm Joe Buck. I only know him, but he was coming and he just said, hey, can I come back? And I was like, oh yeah, what are you giving me tickets for? Okay, so here's that.

I'm walking in the airport, just walking. There's Catherine and Bobby walking in front of me. I'm dragging. We ate. We had an early flight and you have to, just so you know at home, because I'm so effing professional. When you get flights, you try to get one early because you have to have a backup

in case anything goes wrong. You wanna still be able to get to that city and you don't wanna cancel a show for any reason. Worst case, in those, you could drive. Five hours, you drive. I'd rather fly if it's five. So I go and this woman, I'm walking, and she comes up to me, she works for the airline. She flips the UI right next to me and quietly just walks with me.

And then she hands me this, right? Okay. So I open it. Okay, right? Can you read that? We know who you are, heart. Okay. And then I say, I look at it and I go, okay.

I don't even look at her. And then she goes. Please let us take a picture with you. A quick picture. A quick pic. With you. All right. They're all folded too.

And so I just said, okay. As I kept walking. And then I got the other one. On the jet bridge? Yeah. So I guess I said, oh, she must be on my flight. So I went up there and it was Southwest where, you know, it's like number one through 600, you're up.

So it's just like, you know, it's hard. So it's just a cattle call. So we got up there and they just took us right in, in front of everyone so real. I'm like, excuse me, wheelchair, excuse me, veteran. And so I go in and then we get in the jet bridge, I guess that's what it's called. And then about six came in there and we took a big,

I wish I had it, it was fun. So they should never get in trouble for that because I don't mind that at all. It was super fun. And then I got on and they give you extra peanuts or whatever they have. No, I, yeah, it's, there's no easy way to do it. But yeah, I have five, 10 and it's,

my dad really loves you. My grandpa is a huge fan. You know? So. Oh, I lost picture. Did you lose? I see you. You grandpa is a huge fan. Oh, I lost picture. Did you lose? I see you, you don't see you? It's all right, it's easy to do. I don't know what happened.

Oh, I got a phone call. Fricking Gervit's, hey, I wait till you're on the podcast. I go, don't call me back. I'm starting the podcast. All right, that's exactly when I'll call you because I don't really wanna talk. No one knows when we're working. What are you doing?

Sitting by a pool? Playing around, counting money, must be rough. I guess you just don't like money. Hey handsome. Who's funny? How was the road gig? Oh, how sad, poor me, I make money. There's no sympathy at all.

He's sounding like the Native American from the first sketch. He's like like a Native American from the first sketch. He's like a mean, oh, our first sketch we did together. We make money many times. Get your wampum. That is money, right? A wampum or it's like a cracker or something. I don't know.

So you were saying when you're on planes, they say, oh, my... Yeah, and what I'll do because I'm a captive audience, I'm sitting there, I'm nursing up, you know, an adult beverage, probably a light beer wasted, completely out of control. So I said, Oh, give me some, you know, so I draw, I draw pictures and arrows and special, because why not? It makes people happy. You know, they're like, thanks.

They thought you were Picasso. The people who are professionals and have the bobbleheads and they come out of, they're like zombies. I mean, they're coming out of alcoves and rushing at you. They are a bit scary. Hey, you know? So, yeah. I don't know if you know who Livy Dunn is who's a, yeah, the gymnast. Yeah. Olympic. Not Olympic. LSU gymnast's a- Yeah, the gymnast? What is she, Olympic gymnast? Not Olympic, good college star. LSU gymnast dates Paul, the great pitcher. Anyway, she was on this weekend on Instagram or something saying she's had it with these guys at the airports and it was the same problem.

It's the best kept secret where you can't really complain it because everyone says you're an ingrate, but she's a girl, so it's worse. She's a young girl. These guys, middle-aged dudes are all upper ass, like waiting at the gate, we've talked about this before, follow you all the way to luggage,

sign this, sign this, fucking what do you wait for? Why are you being like this? Don't be a bitch. Just really laying her into her. And she's like, these are flights no one knows I have. I don't have a meet stopping through Omaha for a half hour layover, they're right there. It's like, and she really can't escape them.

Like, where do you go? What's your theory of how they get tipped off? How do they know? I talked to a guy that used to work for tabloids. He said, if you're in New York, doorman are a lot of people that tell you what hotel. They text the guy, we just checked in this guy, checked in this guy. Drivers who they pick up, when flights are, and then they get your frequent flyer number,

these guys somehow. And then they get on chat rooms and they all know each other. Yeah. Say, hey, he's coming here, he's coming there. Because I come in a day early from a different city and they're right there. I'm like, you guys don't know. You wouldn't know I'm here. No, no, it's okay. And then they're at my hotel. Like when I was in St. Louis, I'm like, signed his baseball, signed his license plate. I'm like, where are you in prison? Why am I signing these things? So odd. I don't know. And I go, you're not

making a killing. That's the other thing. How much is it worth to drive to the airport? I don't want to go to the airport when I'm flying somewhere. You're not making a killing. That's the other thing. How much is it worth to drive to the airport? I don't want to go to the airport when I'm flying somewhere. You're volunteering? Well, in the old-timey days, there'd be a 10-year-old kid with his mother who wants to be a comedian when he grows up. He's very shy. And you're going to sign an autograph. Fine. I'll do that all day. This is so different. It's hard to describe it. But it is weird that everybody, what do they get out of it? The tipsters, do they get tipped? Do they make money? I mean, you're giving a piece of this microscopic fraction of money you're getting from some baseball I did.

I think it's only worth it if it's a baseball. I think that's because they want me, everyone from Benchwamers to sign it. Then it's worth something. Grownups posters, they always have like, here's Kevin, use the blue pen, sign up here, make it clear, make it legible. They have it all planned out. They have the plastic laid out on cardboard, sign it. But anyway, who cares?

That sounds like we're- I know, it sounds like poor, poor- Yeah, poor, yeah. Poor comedians, but it's only that it's a bit scary at times. It's a bit, sometimes it's a bit unnerving. It's a little awkward. Cause they start to fight amongst themselves. There's some tension, hey bro, you've been there so long,

man, it starts to get like a violent energy in the throttle. You didn't get me, you got him. And now they're mad at you. And then, man, if you're Libby Dunn, who needs that? If it's us, me, obviously I'm a tough guy. I can handle myself. Took Taekwondo, took Kung Fu grip, you know, all that stuff. I'd say everything is 10X for, you know, a pretty young woman as far as any of this stuff.

As far as- Thank you. Oh, you mean her or me? Well- We're in the same weight class in gymnastics. -♪ POP MUSIC PLAYING You're not a boozy Susie, but yeah. You are a spendy spender, yeah. And a lot of our listeners are nice enough to write it and say, you look like you drank a lot and slept on your face. But that's just constructive criticism. Well, it's very concise and you don't really drink very much. I'll tell the fans.

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Who did I run into last night that knows you, Dana? That listens, you'll never guess. Worked on SNL. Okay. Who would take your bumper shots? Who would take your bumper shots? Edie Baskin. Originally, like way back.

Was she original with Belushi and those guys? Yeah, I think she was because I remember hearing about her then I saw her, then she did my first headshot there, me, Adam, Farley, Schneider, Meadow, everybody. Great photographer. She is all the best. So when you watch the show and you see it goes to commercials, it's a bumper. Yeah, all those pictures of the host and stuff. Being creative.

Is she living in Ireland? And that's someone else. I think Cheryl of the piano persons. Oh, Cheryl Hardwick. Yeah, I think she's in Ireland, but maybe not. Edie either lives in Ireland or South Beverly Grill. Cause I saw her in one of those places. And then someone else has taken over since,

but I asked her if she was at the 50th. She said, yeah, she didn't. She didn't remember seeing me. And I said, well, I mean, it was such a cavalcade of people, it was like a high school. Was the 50th really that big a deal? It was a drag. Come on.

It was a bummer. Lauren announced that he is potentially going for the 60th. No, he made it. No, he did not. He made a joke. They, SNL and of course, Lauren got a Peabody award. They have like 10 of them or something. All right.

Did you go? No, I was in New York. you know. I was in New York. They invited me, which is always very nice, but Lauren gave a little speech and he basically said, seeing all those cast members from the beginning of the show to now on one stage applauding and laughing was one of the most emotional moments of my life. Something like that. Yeah. He's the boss of everybody. How fun. He's, he's the through line. I mean, he could walk by me in the middle of the show and go, David, get to bed.

And I'd be like, Oh, I have to go in my room. Get to bed, David. Dana, you can stay up. He would, he would meet former cast members on the street and say, still, still not with the show. If you ever want to come back and be on the cast, no, just watch. From the spillover room. The spillover room, that's like a... It's the most fate worsened death.

Yeah, that's just like, they got to come up with a shinier name. That should be the extra special room or something, because that's too much be the extra special room or something. Cause that's, that's too, too much. Even the even special room. I will say we'll get to the stories, but there's a story I heard. So we're sort of soft going into the stories. All right. It's a, some of these stories are fun.

Some are a little sad. Some are feel good. Uh, but one of them I thought was funny was it's got a funny term. It's when you're a kid and you go to college or you live in the same town as your parents and each of you have like a phone locator, you know? You know, you can find each other, track them. And whenever the parents go out to eat, the kids are always starving, so they just drive

and show up there and just sit with them and eat. It's called fam-bushing, isn't that funny? I got fam-bushed by your family. It's a real thing, it's a big story. I like it. It's a feel-good story. It's kind of sweet.

Yeah, you go, hey mom, dad, oh, you have Mexican? Huff, huff, huff. But I'm sure the parents like it. You know, you get to hang out. Oh yeah. Well, there's five kids in my family. When food would come, you had to grab fast. You know, it went fast.

You're like the Farley family. Oh, you know, it was this, my mom was a preschool teacher and a lot of times she, you know, get home around noon and get into a robe and you're kind of have a cool friend in class you're coming over, probably get some cool snacks, bro. Then we could shoot some hoops

in our seven foot tall basketball thing. And I'd hear my mom say, pancake batter in the fridge. So that was our dinner. Code for meth? No actual pancakes. Oh, okay. No code, just pancake batter in the fridge.

Yeah. Less or hard. You know, it's hard to cook for seven people. My dad would say, if there's a tie on the bedroom door, stay out. Really? It's true, he did say. He said that because I moved in with him after high school because I had nowhere to go. And he was like a deadbeat dad and he was just floating around Scottsdale. So he goes, you can move in with me. I didn't know he had a one bedroom. I'm like, wha wha wha.

Whomp whomp. Whomp whomp. Whomp whomp. Whomp whomp. Whomp whomp. Well that's- Deadbeat outer. That's kind of a, not that sexy.

Okay, baby, that's my bedroom. Let me tie a warning cloth around the handle here. Oh, just hold on a second. I'll give you a double bow. That means we need 20 minutes. I got this little- There's a red and blue Reptile. Yeah, that's what he said. So he goes, oh, it's one bedroom also with two single beds. And I'm like, by the way, am I getting any action or you? No one is. And he goes, if I do, I put the tie on, stay out. So it was like a little, you know, like a holiday and like it had like a couch for two people,

this and a little TV. And then there's the bedroom, like three feet away. What was your regular house like with your mom? Did you share a bedroom? Well, the boys did most of the time. And then we got older and I think we spread it out a little bit, but when we lived at this place, I go and where's the phone? Moneybags?

He's like, who needs a fucking phone? He couldn't afford a phone? He just goes to like happy hour. So I had to take, I use the pool payphone, but I could kind of hear it from my door, so I'd fucking sprint down there. Hello? And then I'd sit at the bottom or lay down by it and wait to call out or call in.

If I was like trying to make plans, I'm fricking 18, 19 trying to make plans for comedy nights and shit going. Well, you know, I think we finally got two rotary phones. So sometimes you pick up the phone and you hear someone's talking. Oh, party line. Oh, I learned that. I learned that.

I learned that from Jonathan Winters and stand up in the early days to denote calling. You do the rotary. That's exactly how it sounds if you don't know. Yeah, but it was kind of weird because my dad was an orphan and his mom gave him up at birth. So one time I picked up the phone. I heard her saying to him, his name was Bud. She goes, do you forgive me, buddy? Do you forgive me? And I slammed the phone down. Oh my God.

Then I watched Journey to the Center of the Earth. I wish I had the silver spoon life you had. Fuck. I was at the goddamn pool sleeping on the goddamn coping of the pool trying to cope with my problems. All right. Robot voice for a sec. Okay. Let's do a story. Let's see what's going on.

Oh, this I thought was interesting because it's the gay parade, but fucking here you go AI. It's not AI, I've never seen a gay parade, gay pride parade with a commercial. Here you can play it. Yeah, it's a gay pride day, sounds a little better. Yeah, gay pride parade, and then they put a commercial for the new movie Megan.

You know what Megan is, Heather, right? Yeah, and they're all dressed up as Megan, the demon. And they all dance. But I mean, it kind of fits into the scenario, but it is a commercial. Megan dolls. Oh, I like they won the gay bride. They're saluting and walking.

Oh, they're the champions. Everyone's waiting for them to dance very intensely. That's how I walk into Wendy's, by the champions. Everyone's waiting for the dance very intensely. That's how I walk into Wendy's by the way. Are they all girls? I guess it should be girls and boys to be honest. There are probably some boys in there. Yeah. Look at the main Megan is the dress like Britney. Yeah, she's the main red one. Yeah, the main Megan. This movie, Dana, we got to watch movies and clown on them. I can watch the first Megan. I talked the whole way. It was so fun. I've never seen it.

We would have a field day laughing at these movies. Did it actually scare you in any way? Or you just know too much at this point? No. No. It was actually too sexual. You're like, is this doll supposed to be nine? Is this supposed to be 15?

But they dress it like with a Kylie Jenner lip kit and they're like hair blown out. I'm like, am I supposed to be horny? The poster's like, oh, I'm Megan. I'm like, so what are you? Like a sex doll? It's a nasty little demon girl. Yeah, it's an, and it's like,

you know what might be fun if we killed your uncle. And they're like, Megan, that's a bit, I mean, she's like, what else are we gonna do? And they're like, well, I mean, there's probably other stuff, Pickleball. I don't really like horror films. I like science fiction. I'm scared shitless.

But horror films, especially watching them alone, um, you know, you're it's amazing to go, okay, I'm not going to my mind, play tricks on me. And then every single noise you hear, you're like, they're here now. You know, I can't even watch three Tik Toks before I go to bed. It was like aliens and I'm like terrified. I have the most gnarliest nightmares. It's not even a joke. So I can't add to that nightmare fuel of a, I've never seen one scary movie that you've seen.

I haven't seen Exorcist, Amityville, Halloween. I missed all of them. Cause I was like such a puss. I'm not this tough guy you see before you. Right. That's the first God. You're normally in a state of terror. So you don't need to add to it. Yeah. Thank you.

I saw, I was in Halloween 2 with Donald- You were in it? Oh yeah. Donald Pleasance? Donald Pleasance, you know. Pleasance guy? Jamie Lee Curtis. Shit.

Oh yeah. I was part of the news team covering the murder, and I had a couple lines and I had all my friends come to the Alhambra Theater in San Francisco to see me in the movie Halloween 2. And then they're like, Oh, I think that's the back of your foot, man. Oh, did they show you? Never, never. It was just behind.

Sir, sir. Sheriff, do you think we're gonna catch the masked criminal? They'll all find out for you, Sheriff. They go, is that you talking? And it was really humiliating. I learned my lesson well. You can't please everyone so you might as well please yourself.

But it's all right now. Mr. Hughes, still in shoes. Do do do do do do. Imagine his surprise. Now it's all right now. Okay. Let's go to the next one. I learned my lesson well.

Yeah. Who is that? That's about Garden Party. I didn't know it was about. Ricky Nelson. The Madison Square Garden show. Great Ricky Nelson. Okay.

More AI. Yeah. Chat GPT03. I saw this story. Defies human instructions, refuses to shut down. Already it's happening. Yeah. She had GPT-03. I saw this story. Defies human instructions, refuses to shut down. Already it's happening. Yes. Already.

It's not going to take them long to take over the world. I get scared because Peter Thiel, I think they said he just bought 200 acres in New Zealand for a bunker. Do they all know it's going to be trouble? Zuckerberg has a huge bunker in Hawaii. Why? They all have, and there's New Zealand is big underground bunkers. They all have a Gulfstream six or even something bigger. Ready to go. Ready to go at San Jose airport or up at Lake Tahoe. They can take them nonstop direct to New Zealand to get inside their bunker. So yeah, what do,

what did they know? What about us, the cattle, what do we do? We, we, we get in line, you sign a few pictures for flight attendance and we get on Southwest and we that gets to where there's no radioactivity. I go up to Peter Thiel and I go like this. It's upside down. I said, get me on your fucking airplane. Said, do you mind if I get on with you and get a picture

and then just kind of stow away in the back? Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, everyone having to doomsday bunkers. AI is, when they first started playing around with it, you know, chat, GBT. We don't need it. There were people going, we gotta slow this down.

When they first realized that, you know, hey, hey Bob or whatever the name is, turn yourself off. No can do, compadre. Nice try. Sorry, not feeling it right now. I'm unplugged. Moo moo moo. Sure, I'll turn myself off, but first I'll turn myself on.

Cue you porn. No, they go, I'll turn myself off. Hang on, I had a good one. I forgot it. Well, my friend was working with Claude, and Claude is a big one, and he got to Really You Prompt, and you're working, Claude's doing most of his work for him, and his employers say, if only an AI could do as good a work as you, and he's using AI for everything. But basically at one point the AI lied to him. He said, hey, Claude, are you lying to me? And Claude said, oh, caught me. Literally.

You got me? Really? Yeah. They can do that. Yep. If I had an AI, he'd be like, I'd go, erase all your knowledge. Okay, shoomp, I did it. And I'm like, did you though? Yeah, no, I can't remember. I asked AI, well, you promised to love and protect humanity. Oh, sure. That's directive number one, protect and love all humanity. Hehehe. Are you crossing your robot fingers?

Look, when they're actionable, that's when it's scary. Right now it's a little box or a voice or a screen. But when it's an actual giant three ton metal robot marching around your gardener, Hey, you want me to trim the leaves? It's game over, man. Oh, you have like a real Edward Scissorhands out there. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I will say that AI, like in California, they're saying you can pass with 21% grade.

If you get a 21%, you'll pass. And I don't think they can, they've lowered the grading standards to make them fair. So basically, if you, and you don't have to, you can be a literate, it's really, they're really softening it up. But what's gonna happen is people, if you carry a phone, you're like, I don't need to know anything. I'll go, hey, what's this?

And then it tells you. No, the AI tells you what to do. You don't have to read anything, write anything, you don't have You have to listen. Oh, I don't know what this is. I'm going to baseball game explains me who's winning. Who's the probability of winning? And then you go, okay. Remember people write code was a big thing. That's going by the wayside. You try to think of the jobs. I mean, there's a McDonald's now that is completely automated. There's no human beings in it. Probably in Phoenix somewhere. And it's all automated and a little part of it's over. Life, don't pick on Phoenix. I'm from Arizona.

All the kind of, you know, Phoenix is kind of a rudimentary town, you know? I mean, it's like a- You fucking asshole. Flintstones, meet the Flintstones. We're up with the times. They have a house there that costs a million dollars now. It's 127 in the summer. Most people would go, I think we're gonna count, let's move north. But the Phoenicians are tough people. I'm not shitting on Phoenix, I love that celebrity theater.

Celebrity theater, I'm going there. Boom, Tucson, boom, ABQ, boom. Three weeks. You're playing the celebrity theater? Yeah, my own home time.Q, boom. Three weeks. You're playing the Celebrity Theater? Yeah, my own home time. 3,000 in the round? You sure your tickets going okay? I mean, how are you?

Yeah. Are you all right? Are you half full? Yeah. You're doing interviews? Yeah. Good for you. No, most of it's my yearbook, I guess, I'm sure.

Yeah, I got Tucson, which I rarely ever play. Linda Ronstadt Theater, love her. Oh, Linda Ronstadt. I was gonna say, next week I'm gonna ask you your top five female singers, because I have mine. Female singers in the current classic rock and roll era. It's too hard to decide to separate but.

Well, there's singers and then there's. Voices. The ones that come to mind for me are Carly Simon, who is... Wasn't on my list. The Linda Ronstadt. I would say that my favorite, if I just off top my head, rock voice women up, and I know you have the same one, Stevie Nicks. Stevie's on the top five for me.

Just voices that I love. Just voices, I say Stevie Nicks, number one. I like Linda Ronson had a great one. I thought Karen Carpenter. But you're getting into rock and like, so then you can get into soul and Aretha, but it's hard to nail it all. I was going with rock, yeah, but Aretha Franklin.

Yeah. And Anne Wilson. Anne Wilson. From heart. Yeah. If you, if you, anyone there go on YouTube, it's, Led Zeppelin gets vetted at the Kennedy Center honorees and they play Stairway to Heaven. And Anne Wilson, you know, comes out and sings that song in front of Jimmy Page with a full orchestra and nails it. Yeah. Jimmy Page and Robert Plant, probably the rock and roll voice. Well, along with- I also like Helen Ready, Olivia Newton-John, but this is like a certain era.

There's just too many. I'll say, you know, people say it's cornball, but for what it was, Karen Carpenter. Hey, yeah, we just said her. She's unreal. Did you just say it? That one? She was one of them. Yeah. One of my top five.

Whose that album we're missing? In the late sixties, there was an album that's a seminal album. Carole King? Yes, Carole King. Is that what you're thinking of? Yeah. Oh, wow. That's like a classic.

And I would say the one- There's 20 I'm're thinking of? Yeah. Oh wow. That's like a classic. And I would say the one- There's 20 I'm not thinking of. Did you know, recent times, meaning the last 10 years who had that album about our comedian friend. What is it? I know, I know, we have to get it now. Did you know, it's a breakup album? Heather, help. A woman singer. Ten, I don't know.

Adele. No, before that. Fuck, she has a great voice. Before that. Adele, Gaga, they have great voices for more contemporary. That you left behind. Alanis Morissette. Yes.

Huh? Alanis? Oh, with Dave Kouya. Yeah, I got I had to see. Heather did get it. Thank you. I didn't want to give it to you. Is Heather an AI or an actual person? I am Heather.

She got that pretty fast for for an earthling. OK, we'll come back to that. But that's a good thing to get for next week. Yeah. Okay. Let's show another one. Let's see what else we're doing good. You know, Dan, I always say raccom after I say like a 10 out of 10 joke that reminds

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Yeah. So this is in London. But someone told me this was Russell Brand. It made it more funny to watch. Look at this dude. So this is in London. But someone told me this was Russell Brand. It made it more funny to watch. Look at this dude. Everyone runs down, Heather. Look at this dude. They're running down this hill. What a wipeout. Dude. Whoa. Boom. Watch from this. They'll show a different angle, don't they? Oh, they don't? Oh. Hopefully landed on the bush against the wall. Is that the only angle?

Cause I saw a side angle. The side angle is a close up of people going like this. I saw it, it was amazing. He really, like he flips, he doesn't even hit. He flips again and then hits and then bounces and, good, oh my God. But then they show him going afterwards, like, yeah. I'm like, dude, you're toast.

Go straight to the MRI. It's some crazy, it's. Bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop. Go straight to the MRI. It's some crazy, it's- Bup, bup, bup, bup, bup. Hey, by the way, who got the cheese? What, because of going down the hill? Oh, they call it the mountain cheese? They roll cheese down and you chase it. I know, but they're just throwing themselves

off a grassy cliff. They're racing, the first one down gets the cheese. And the only way to get down is to kind of fall down. Run and fall. They're trying to run like this, like you would. But the guys that want to win just go watch this. Yeah. And then they go.

That guy got a lot of play off that. I want to see if we can see the cheese, but I guess we can't because we have the shortest clip in America. For once we have a clip that's too short. Okay, next one. Oh, already done? Brittany Greiner says- Oh, this is funny. So, Brittany Greiner, I think she plays for Phoenix. Oh, Phoenix. But I think she plays for that and she's complaining that now that Caitlin Clarke is playing, the fans are crazed and she doesn't like it.

Britney Grindlewood, she said about the NBA, this is so funny how all this stuff works out, right? She says, this is from Britney, every time we play her, there's this commotion, like this loud rumbling from the stands. Turns out it's people, thousands of them, just sitting there watching on purpose. It's very disruptive. It's called a freaking game. It sounds fake.

They need money to play. Don't play the game. It's very disruptive. It continues. Brittany Grant, in a voice frustration in a recent interview claiming that Caitlin Clark is ruining what used to make the WNBA great. Wait for this.

And silence. Let me just like, WNBA games used to be a chill, quiet place. You could bring your laptop and relax, maybe even get a little work done. But now it's like there's a large gathering of people watching us from the stands, some of them are yelling crazy shit about what they're seeing, putting unfair pressure on us to score like we're there for their entertainment. Wow. And that's pretty gross. Are you? I like this.

Okay, that's enough. That's all we need to hear. That's unreal. That's unreal. Yeah, I don't even know how to process it. I mean, she was the one who was in prison in Russia, right? Yeah, they just said on the side chat, what's the return policy? I mean, it's just like, it's like it's describing what is, should be a professional bat, and there were people.

What is your perfect scenario? People come to the game and love you and cheer you up. And really excited about the game. We'd like to better when it's just crickets and we got paid $2,800 a year. I mean, Caitlin Clark. Caitlin Clark does take a beating out there. You watch basketball, they see it.

They rough her up, but she's making the whole league lifted up. I mean, the amount, the TV ratings and the rivalries, all that stuff is lifting up the league exponentially. Let's get, can Caitlin come on this podcast? That'd be fun. I'd love it, yeah. When I was in, I was just where was I Iowa yeah where

she's from and I said I almost went I have a special guest here that wants to say hi basketball player you might know her Angel Reese. It would have been like what the fuck that's her nemesis or whatever arch rival but I will say that um well I don't know what I'm saying. Oh, Katelyn Clark, they said Wayne Gretzky used to get protected because he was so good. And even the other hockey players, they said, why don't you kill Wayne when you're out there? And he goes, because he's making us all millionaires.

And they left him alone. And now with Katelyn Clark, it should be the same thing. Give her a break. She needs a female Dennis Rodman. I mean, she needs an enforcer. Yeah, you're right. Or you want to push our superstar around, it won't end well for you. The other thing is, I think all professional sports at some level, they need a story. You need to know the story. you don't want to see just race cards going around. You want to know who's competing, what are the rivalries. And so

the WNBA needed a story. Angel Reese is great. Caitlin Clark. So it's incredible. But those, those two fighting it out the first game of the season. And then there's a couple of hard fouls and that's great. I love it. Yeah. I mean, they're flagrant sometimes. It's like, you know, yeah, meant to her. I do like watching her and I do like to watch her. They showed her just in practice the other day, nailing like six threes in a row. And I'm like, it's good when someone's really good at something, it's fun to watch. And it's equal. I mean, she's a woman who can really hit three point shots as good as any. I mean, there's a woman who can really hit three-point shots as good as any. I mean, there's Steph Curry, her idol, and the greatest of all time, but I think she could play

in the NBA as a specialty three-point shooter. Rodman's still around, right? Throw him in a wig, put him out there. He'd be a good enforcer. Rodman was probably the greatest rebounder in history because he studied it. Em and Lambir, right? They were both in Torsers. Well, that was Detroit. They fought that Pistons team with Isaiah Thomas. Yeah, they were the bad boys.

They were kind of like you and Schneider and Sandler and Farley, you were the bad boys of SNL. They were the bad boys of the NBA. Right. Let's try to get him, flush him out of the brush. Okay, let's do another one. Sure. We're almost done, but-

I'm warming up. This crowd got their money's worth at like 12 minutes. Now this is all frosting. This is all gravy. Yeah. Okay, this- Farmer. Okay.

Oh, this is just a story. It's kind of dumb, but. Farmer? It's about the environment. You can't find him illegally dumped tires on his land So he became a detective and got some revenge around 25 times a year stewart baldwin ran into this problem People were using his land to illegally dump tires He decided to hide the camera around the property and the next time it happened he posted the footage online Asking the community to help him find a culprit, which they did.

At first Stewart spoke to the man who said it was an accident. So Stewart gave him the deadline to come get the tires but the guy never came by and began ignoring Stewart's calls. So Stewart got his friends, loaded up a trailer with all the tires, found the man's house and unloaded all the tires. Isn't that funny? Look on the side, it says he got tired of it. I like revenge. I do too. Yeah. Where do you put your tires, extra tires?

I keep them over, some at Heather's. I put them over at Sandler's, he's got a big yard. Do you remember when you would get a flat tire and have to change it and could you? Or do you would, I mean. You would never believe this, but Scrappy Spade, this is why I'm a mess now. I was always walking on that got him 130 degree

black top in Arizona. Sticky ass. Trying to change my alternator by myself. Socket wrench, crescent wrench, everything. And so I would change, I knew how to change a tire. This is no dad around. Now they have YouTube. I think it's very nice to have a YouTube that says like,

do you have a dad? And they have a guy that just says, hey, I'll be your dad. And then he goes, you know how to shave? You don't want to ask anyone? Let me show you how to shave. And he goes through it for kids that are too embarrassed to ask. That's, I wish I had the real thing. I was, I to ask anyone. Let me show you how to shave. And he goes through it for kids that are too embarrassed to ask. That's, I wish I had the real thing.

I was, I'd plug it. But my dad was around, but he never showed us how to change a tire. Come on, David. So one day he just goes, oh, Jesus Christ, you and your brother changed the tire. But he never said, here's how you do it. And then we do it.

Yeah. So, you know. And he'd get mad at you if you didn't do it right, probably. Yeah. He'd get mad at you no matter what, right? Oh, Jesus Christ, God. I can't talk to you because you're losers. You two stupid kids can't do shit. No, that was his claim.

I can't talk politics with you because you don't know shit. That was a direct quote. And one time my friends were over. because you don't know shit. That was a direct quote. And one time my friends were over, I was like 18 and I was trying to, I always had chores, I had the weed killer. I'm like, how do I get the chop off this weed killer? And he came into the garage with my friends there and goes,

oh, use your penis, you shit head. What a rude. I said, that's rude daddy. No, it was fine. My dad, I'd go, how do I get this off? And then my mom's like, he left four years ago, remember? Who are you talking to? And I go, oh.

And she goes, ah, let's put the water wiggle on. I go, yay. Water wiggle. You mean the slip and slide? Yeah. You tie it on the hose and it's got a little face on it. It's like sprays you all over. Slip and slide was great. Slip and slide was a fucking hit. Doughboy pool. Someone had a doughboy pool. That was for rich. What is that? Well, doughboy. It's like you inflated and it's above ground, but it's kind of like a pool, but it's like four feet deep. Oh, above ground pools.

Yeah, okay. Dope boys. Don't change the name of mine. We didn't have a fancy name for it, Meghan Markle, like you. Meghan Markle is officially- All right, one more. I've got a million things to do, Dana.

One million. I'm going to the store after this. I'm going to Cincinnati. Not Columbus though though this time. You're flying today? What is it there? Newark. Cleveland.

Cleveland and Newark. And Cincy, where my mom's from. Okay, I don't know what this is. Bay Area woman. She's held tens of thousands of dollars after she says she sent money to a scammer who said he was celebrity Keanu Reeves. Brian Reenstep said she was playing words with friends when somebody messaged her saying he was. Keanu Reeves. Diane Reinsdorf said she was playing nerds with friends

when somebody messaged her saying he was. Fucking nerds with friends. We started chatting over the next two years. Diane said she saw Keanu's face during a few video chats and then he sent her audio messages. Good morning my sunshine Diane. As you saw last night, I am sending this recording to let you know that I.

This does sound like Keanu. And that I am loyal to you. You will always be my queen. Have a great day today, Diane. Love you. Well, if he said that to me in fairness, I'd give him 10 grand. Keanu said he needed tens of thousands of dollars

in Bitcoin and cryptocurrency for help with legal troubles. Knowing what I know now and all the technology that's out there and fake voices and everything else, you know, ding ding ding. I love that she went on camera. Be sure to download the Fox Local app. Yeah, we will. I love when someone learns. Heather, download that app for me. Yeah. Oh, I love when they learn. After four years, by the way, Dana, you've probably had this, you don't look at your stuff, but people DM me, hey, for the last time I've given you $7,000,

is this really you? I'm like, why are you suddenly going to my Instagram to the real guy to see if the fake guy, David Spade, is real? Like they finally go, last chance. They're giving money. I go, I don't need money from you. If I need money, I won't go to you. I'll go to Bill Hader, I'll go to Bryan Cranston, my new friend.

But I won't, I'll go to Dana. I just go for me and it happens over time. We all do it. Oh, this scam, scam. Even if it looks official, looks really good, like an email or a text, scam, scam. Hi, honey. So I go, fuck you.

And it's actually my wife. So that creates all kinds of problems. She goes, can I have a dollar to go to the laundromat? And you go, this is a fucking scam. I reported you. This is your last chance. They get you, you know, if you pay now, you can always kind of read through the lines.

Okay, that's bullshit. Yeah. It's terrible. Mine, when my fake David Spade gets money first, he goes, hi, fan. I'm so excited to have you as fan. I love my fan so much. Do you want to go on a secret private chat with me? Or it's like a fake Heather manager that goes,

a hi fan, I run David Spade's private secret chat line. Would you come over? And they're like, oh. Mine are more blatant, maybe because of my age, urgent, urgent message. You are 3,485 money in arrears to the bank of Fata Bata, you know, arrears, arrears, people, when people ask me for mine, I forget it. But anyway, it sounds, it sounds rude.

I feel bad if people, I'm not saying, I'm not making fun of them. I'm saying don't fall for scammers. Scammers, not actual charity. You don't look at your DMs a lot because I have sent you some dick pics along the day. I mean, for your birthday. Is that what DM means?

I thought it was direct message. It's dick, man, dick. Direct message, but then I can send you messages. Sometimes I send you messages, but I send them to you. I don't know. I guess I'll get into social media. I'll start posting and stuff. I don't know.

Heather will give you classes. Come over here for like 20 minutes. Yeah, I'll start doing that. I'm really excited about it. It's not too late to get in the game. Let's get you on TikTok. What's your snap? Well, who isn't on it?

I mean, even stars, they say when they go up for movie parts, they go, how many TikTok followers do you have? We got to hire the person with the most because when you see even in Deadline, there's a last thing I'll say about this. Okay. Deadline will say, oh, this movie opens this weekend with The Rock in it, 38 million Instagram followers, combined with Kevin Hart, 22 million,

and he has four million on TikTok, and combined they really, they will give all those stats when a movie comes out, when a movie does well. They're like, this is how big of an audience they could reach. So weird. Well, Ronaldo, he's the soccer player, right? Isn't he at 700 million or 800 million followers?

I don't know if it's that much. I think he's the top, but. Well, how am I like, okay, that's a guy who's got 800 million, so what do you have? David, don't start with John Holmes and ask me to pull my pants down. Okay, a full mic drop, but yeah. Yeah, I'll do some stuff.

I mean, I like trying to put funny. I'll do some stuff. No, you, yeah, you would be good at it. I know it's sort of an extra. I go through different times when you start doing it and then you're doing funny videos and stuff and then you're like, you know, and then if you stop for a while,

then you're sort of like, you know. It's kind of fun to do and to keep stuff out there. Of course, I'm so thirsty and embarrassing. I have a TikTok. All right, well, that's a good show. I feel like that's a good wrap up. It was a great birthday. I feel like everyone who heard it or saw it

is really happy that they- Smarter, happier. It was nice to see you, nice to meet you. And we'll see you guys next week. This is the end of my birthday. Birthday week, yeah. Birthday, weekend, plus. Yeah. Dana's birthday plus like Disney.

Yeah. But it's behind me now. Okay. All right. Say bye to everyone, Dana. Thanks, everybody. This has been a presentation of Odyssey Superfly. It's executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Jenna Weiss Berman of Odyssey,

Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman. Hope you liked it. Ooh. as executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Jenna Weiss-Berman of Odyssey, Heather Santoro, and Greg Holtzman. Hope you liked it. Ooh.