Fly on the Wall with Dana Carvey and David Spade - SUPERFLY #8 - Spade is in the IllUMINATI?!

Episode Date: March 22, 2024

David and Dana get into topics ranging from Kate Middleton, to Tracy Morgan's battle against Ozempic, to snake chiropractors. Submit advice videos to [e-mail]. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Enjoy the number one feeling. Winning, in an exciting live dealer studio, exclusively on FanDuel Casino, where winning is undefeated. 19 plus and physically located in Ontario. Gambling problem? Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connexontario.ca. Please play responsibly. or visit connexontario.ca. Please play responsibly. But they went to Cheesecake Factory and people were complaining because, you know, your buttocks might get on the seat. Right? Yeah. And I don't mean to sound like a scientist, but that's where poop comes from When we I will say to start out when we do stuff anything about Our president Joe Biden even if it's a light jab people go bananas in the comments And I think it's it's it's an age where as a comic over time you realize

starting it live we were there whoever the president was Republican Democrat you make fun of the person in charge it just anti-establishment funny basic day one comedy one-on-one and yeah and we weren't saying anything heavy dude that's the funniest part we're not going after we're not saying anything heavy, dude. That's the funniest part. We're not going after, we're not saying you should vote this way, that way. And people still, man, that comment section, they eat each other.

They cannibalize each other. It's cannibal time. It's not even about us anymore. It's just like they're fighting, and then it's just like, wait, we're doing bits over here. And they're like, no, we forgot about that. Now we wanna kill each other. Yeah it's America. I defend our right to satirize both presidents the way we like you know because what was that thing the emperor has new clothes or

something so you're supposed to kind of tug on your authority figures and then I defend the right of the people in the comment section. Right. Hashing. So everybody gets to say, see, no one has to watch. It's like, it's, I think it's called freedom. Maybe I'm just throwing it out there. Freedom's just another word for, I don't know what, but Janis Jarkovic. For nothing left to lose. That's the song. Freedom just another one for another life to lose. Well, as we get started here, Dana. Yeah.

You didn't go to the bathroom earlier, but I was singing Dana's got a dump, and I thought it was so funny, and then I laughed and no one was on the Zoom, and I started going. Damn. And you weren't. I use the restroom and that kind of gold comes out.

That's being mined out here. That's what this podcast has come to. That's our big clip. Hey, did you miss the show? That's what they did this week. I love Steven Tyler because he's the one, when you get past a certain age, you got to be a pirate or a cowboy. Yeah, he looks like all that. He's kind of like a pirate you know. Very cool dude. Yeah. I have a quick story that was on popped up in my Instagram that I want to

tell you about. Okay. There's a young singer named Bad Baby. Not Bad Bunny? Bad Baby. First there was Bad Baby, then there's Bad Bunny. Oh, okay. Before you play that, Greg. So Bad Baby was originally to go way back on, was it Dr. Phil? And she's the one that said, catch me outside.

How about that? Do you remember that? Catch me outside. Absolutely. Yeah. So she was only 14 then anyway, so she grew up and she was still in the mix. I did Kimmel one night and I came home. I was in a suit because I hosted so I was a little more dapper. I saw her at a restaurant and my buddy goes, oh, that's bad baby. Back then was catch me outside girl. Till then she didn't have a rapper name. Wow. She is good for her.

until then she didn't have a rapper name. Wow, she is good for her. So I said, oh, and she has all these followers and she's a big deal and it's very interesting to see her in real life. So he said, go ask for a picture and so I can get a picture with her. So I do, she kind of doesn't know me, fine. We take a picture and then I say a snarky comment.

Now this is my fault. So you can read the bottom. Okay, how about this? That's already funny. We're already going. How about Die E.S.? Yeah. Okay.

I'm slightly underwhelmed to meet me. Okay. Yeah. I'm going to keep going. I say, unfortunately. And then you say, unfortunately, she stopped being famous five minutes before this was taken. Because, you know, it's a 15 minutes of fame joke. You're shocked she's upset.

Well, she's first of all, I'm picking on someone younger. It's stupid. It was just like me trying to like. Be funny, I don't know, you know, bless my heart. So then she writes back. Oh, we got a war here. It's her for you have it or I just tell it. Oh, yeah is she right? Does she like it?

She goes, no lie, I thought this guy was the waiter. So funny. Well, I love no lie upfront. Well, that's rapper talk, dude. Here's one of my favorite phrases. If I point to the picture and go, I go bullshit on that. Yeah, it's sort of that.

It's sort of our new version of that. Sort of no cap. And so I write back again. Someone put a cork in me. I put not bad, I'm bummed it took your team 48 hours to come up with it though. Because it was two days later. So anyway, blah blah, why am I doing this? Because I don't know, she has fans like Beyonce has B's.

And so they start hammering me and just like ripping me apart, right? Eating me alive. So then we eventually, my friend Nick Goosen directs a music video for her. She's getting into rap. She's obviously makes way more money than you and I put together now, no joke.

So she's a huge, she's a huge. And then I meet her on the set. By now she's probably what, Heather 20? I don't know. She's doing a video. She's a famous rapper. My buddy's directing and he goes, why don't you guys make amends?

Cause we had this fake beef and then do a Cameo in her video. So I do it. She's perfectly lovely. She's fine. And then About and then out of the blue. So we're friendly. I've seen her since she's fine. So out of the blue She puts a video people are start hitting me up going I've heard you're in the Illuminati and the Illuminati is this Thing what I'm like, where do you hear that? And they go, Bad Baby said it. So let's play this video as you put it on Instagram. Okay.

I'm gonna tell you guys a true story on how me and David Spade met. I was at my weekly Illuminati meeting. I was sitting next to Beyonce and Jay-Z, and all of a sudden my boy Spade walked in right after Drake walked in. I was like, yo, Drake, move your little bitch ass somewhere else, I gotta talk to Spade real quick.

And then we burned two Chuck Lows of Money and did some devil prayers. I sacrificed four goats, three chickens, and one sheep. And then we just, yo, chopped it up, whatever. We was like, hey, be in this video, b****. Then we went to catch some lobsters with chicken blood. I still have the t-shirt with the chicken blood on it. I think it's a Drake t-shirt. Okay. So, let's unpack that. Yeah, a little bit. First of all, just for me, that's not true, right? You weren't at it. It's not true, it's kind of funny because it's so ridiculous to talk about the Illuminati

and add all the stuff. And they put, of course, eerie music under it, which makes you immediately think it's real. When I see a TikTok with that music, I go, okay, guys, quiet down, this is real. Yeah. And it's scary. It's very well done.

And then she says all these funny things about what people would guess the Illuminati is, Jay Z, Beyonce, first, I don't know if we'd all be at the same party, but fine. So, and I don't think we'd all be at the same restaurant. But she says all this, which I think is funny, because she's obviously has a funny bone. She's funny.

And so everyone thinks it's real, and her fans are younger, so they think it's real for sure. So now they start coming after me. You're in the Illuminati, I know it's a fact. And I'm like, first of all, I don't know what the Illuminati is, you sell yourself, whatever you do. I'm not doing all that just to get a sitcom on peacock.

You know, I'd shoot a little higher. Like if I'm gonna do all this stuff and kill things and do all the horrible things, I want everything, everything in this town, all of it. I don't want this something about Mary hair. I don't want, you know, a couple zip up pullovers. I want solid gold clothing. I want all the cars and jets. So I feel like I'm not in the Illuminati. And if I am, I'm missing all the meetings. Uh, but, uh, that's just really to set the record straight, Dana. I think you understood I wasn't in it, but there's people that-

I'm 99% sure you're not in it, but I do have a tiny bit. I'm just being truth to power. I'm just being honest. Is there a kind of a weird thing where you could be in it? I mean, I, it's, I had a tough time getting in Soho House. So I think that the Illuminati is probably harder and it's probably a tighter door. I'm still working on something about Mary hair.

That was Dennis Miller. That was Dennis Miller level reference. Look at it, it's getting bigger. Because I swear my hair girl was hung over and she goes, I'm gonna do your hair and put so much she-lac in it that you're doing the road because I have to go to Austin and New Orleans. So it'll last for like a week?

And she goes, you won't have to touch it. And then I'm like, now it's even more Cameron Diaz. Look at it, it's higher because I just touched it. God damn it, everyone stay away from it. Put cones around my hair. So they put crazy glue on your head and then you could go tour for a week and you don't even, you just take baths

and make sure it's all, the helmet is fine. Exactly. So yours always looks pretty good. Yours looks a little looser than mine, which is better. Well, you put stuff in it and then you kind of loosen it up. We'll talk later. David. Wow. What are you reading over there? Random conversation. This isn't about this Dana, but I was going to talk to you about LinkedIn.

Oh, LinkedIn. When you're hiring for your small business, you wanna find quality professionals that are right for the role. You check out LinkedIn jobs, which everyone knows about LinkedIn jobs. It has the tools to help you find the right professionals for your team, faster and for free. And you know what, David,

LinkedIn isn't just another job board. LinkedIn has a vast network of more than a billion professionals, which makes it the best place to hire. It gives you access to professionals you can't find anywhere else. LinkedIn does all that while making the process easy and intuitive. You got that word right. Hiring is easy when you have that many quality candidates.

So easy that in fact, 86% of small businesses get a qualified candidate within 24 hours. I never would have guessed that. Wow, that's amazing. One day. That's one day, folks. Yeah. Well, you know, hiring people is difficult, but LinkedIn knows that small businesses

are wearing so many, small businesses? LinkedIn knows that small businesses are wearing so many hats, might not have the time or the resources to hire. Come on, no joke. It makes it so easy. They have a feature that helps you write job descriptions. 2.5 million small businesses use LinkedIn.

I would think it's probably more than that by now because everyone I know that has a job is on LinkedIn. So post your job for free at LinkedIn.com slash Fly23. That's LinkedIn.com slash Fly23 to post your job for free. What applies? Terms and conditions apply. Okay. Drinking a McCafe coffee is a lot like, you know that feeling where it's so good

you actually want a friend to get one? That feeling of, and getting the last, where it just hits in all the right ways that you to get one multiple times a day. Yep, where it just hits in all the right ways that you... to get one multiple times a day. Yep, McCafe just shouts, Mmm. Order your McCafe on the app or in restaurant today.

Mmm. Must be McCafe. At Participating McDonald's in Canada. App download and registration required. The first headline I want to get to is just the biggest story this week is Kate Gate which is is Kate Middleton missing and is it sort of a tired and boring story but I still like it because if you don't know Dana they haven't seen her since Christmas but she's a real person they said she had abdominal surgery she doesn't owe us really any explanation except she's a royal. So you have to tell us every goddamn thing about your life. And then they said,

Oh, here she is. And they show some Photoshop that's basically could have been Bigfoot. It's all, you know, it's some picture that looks fake. And, and they're like, that's not really her. They're like, you know what? That's not, we screwed up. Okay. Here's really her. And then a couple days or weeks later, they show her walking. It's all too perfect, Dana. Who's the human being that started it besides potentially William or Prince Harry? Like who started this rumor?

Meghan and Harry? No, I think, I mean, they're obviously all eyes on them. She had surgery and she was recovering and they're like, she's missing. Yeah. But they usually give updates because they said the queen had problems and she was on her deathbed. She still would wave to the crowd. So Kate had been seen since December.

That's a big chunk. Oh, I got it. Royals aren't allowed to be missing. They at least put them out in the balcony and someone's underneath holding their. I mean, have you ever not seen J.Lo for 24 hours? I mean, come on. She's out there.

It's been 44 hours. Get me Instagram stories, anything. So they said this. So she comes out, tra la la, look at me with William. Couldn't be more perfect. I'm smiling. My gut isn't hurting. I'm not bent over.

I'm sort of almost skipping. So everyone's like, well, she had surgery. Why is she walking so good? Why is her hair longer than it was? Maybe it's been... Is it a slow news month? I mean, this one seems... But I did meet someone at the gym and they go, hey, are you looking... Are you like me? Are you looking for Kate Middleton? Exactly. I mean, is the Western world gone a little sleepy? I mean, this seems like a soft. It's the new Bigfoot.

So, well, here's the thing. Go ahead. What if it's true? What if it's true? That's it's look alike. Go ahead. Here's my super new angle on this fucking tired story that I'm bothering you with. We're breathing life into it right now. Right. that I'm bothering you with. We're breathing life into it right now. Right.

That Prince Charles, who no one seems to give a care about right now, actually has a health problem and they're taking the focus off of that and making this fake story over here and then she'll just pop up one day and go, I'm fine. And we're like, oh, and this whole time we didn't say, hey, Prince Charles is actually, or King Charles isn't a problem.

Oh yeah, there's a lookalike that they think could be the people's princess. I would want to be in that meeting. Yes, I'm going to have an operation. William, I'm suggesting that you say Kate has gone missing. I don't know why I talk like this. It's a substitute voice. No, it's a good one because he's also in dire straits,

so he's out of breath. King Charles, King Charles, yes. I love everything to do with the royals. They're a great source of entertainment. It shows the Western world has a lot of free time on its hands. It's good that Kate gets some attention because it was all, by the way, Prince Harry's

getting no attention right now. He's like, I have eczema. Everyone's like, well, it's not that big of a story. He's like, hmm. He'd be like, I've got hair up here, but it's a little sparse in the back, so I don't like to bow anymore. Hope don't be mad.

Let's do a story on where my hair went for six months. Yeah. I'm going to wear bolas. Let's do a story and where my hair went for six months Yeah I'm going to wear bowlers. I'm gonna wear proper. Yeah, everyone can F off There we go. All right, so case closed we figured it out case. Yes, but we figured out nothing Okay, what else in the news? We're off to a mesmerizing start, that's all I'm saying. I think it's funny. Uh-oh. Oh, hey, uh, what? Let me pull those up for you, dear.

Isn't it funny how Kanye's girlfriend, who, very attractive, great figure, as my mom would say, not too much on the clothes front, and Kanye's head to toe in almost a wetsuit, he always is clothed up and she, I don't mind this look, I don't see it a lot with her, I don't see this at the Grove every day, but they went to Cheesecake Factory and people were complaining because, you know, your buttocks might get on the seat.

Buttocks. Right? Yeah. And I don't mean to sound like a scientist, but that's where poop comes from, you know? Right. Oh, it's his wife. He...

Do they decide how far down the leotard goes? Is it like... I feel like that's really cutting it close right where it is right there. That's about as far as I go with mine. Right. When I'm at the Grove. Yeah. I don't know, but a lot of times she wears pure see-through stuff.

She wore nylons with nothing, no underpants. My favorite word in the world. No under panties and he's got on tighty-whities. Yeah. How many views did this get? I mean, what is going on? This is the news, Dana. So then she goes to Cheesecake Factory

and now they're ruining that for me. That's my precious Cheesecake Factory. I go there all the time. So you have to put a towel down like at the gym maybe. Well, if we wore G-strings and went to Malibu beach and strut around and then came back to our computers and checked Daily Mail, would we trend at all? I don't know. I hope.

I don't think anyone cares. Why can't they care about us? I don't know. All right, we'll move on. It's a cottage industry, you know, to get the clicks in. It is a cottage industry. That's funny. All right, I'm sitting back down.

Okay, I would be forced to mortgage. Oh, Trump melts down on truth social as lawyers. Admitted he can't come up with 500 million dollars. So yeah. Well, that would be tough for me too. Yeah, on top of the 90, it's getting up there. It's getting pretty high. Trump's going to have to have a yard sale. That's the only, it's getting up there. It's getting pretty high. Trump's gonna have to have a yard sale.

That's the only, Merrill Largo. Don't be shy, everything's for sale and it's gotta go, frankly, it's gotta go. Hey, how much is that? How much is that? How much are those shoes? Yeah, those shoes are a million dollars each. Those are Baron shoes, he's a big boy and those are million dollar per shoe

We got to raise a lot of money. Hey, how much is that tanning bed? You say it. How much is that? I like the shoes there, but they look as big as shacks. Are they that big? There's bigger shacks. There's bigger than you believe many people are saying these are shoes Yeah, they could put a mouse in them and you'd have room for a lot more mice. I'll tell you that. Two cats could crawl in there. You'd get a small dog in there, a beagle or something like that could make a home in these shoes. Even an ocelot. Rob Schneider and David Spade could set up homes. We could mud wrestle.

Schneider and David Spade could set up homes. We can mud wrestle. Yeah. What else you got here? What else? I got a tanning bed. I got a Jenny bed. It's beautiful. Jenny bed. I'm going to throw in the goggles for free. This bed is tremendous. I'll tell you it's a tremendous tanning bed. This is where you ask me how much, how much is it? This is where you ask me how much. How much is it? It's $450 million.

Oh my God, that's exactly how much you owe. It's a total coincidence. We did it, we valued it. It's made of solid gold. It's a solid gold Jenny bed and I throw in the goggles for free. I'm not kidding. You get the goggles for nothing. It's a $450 million Jenny bed and I throw in the goggles for free. I'm not kidding. You get the goggles for nothing.

It's a $450 million Jenny bed. Maybe I'll just get the crock pot then. That sounds a little high. Hey, Hunter Biden, Joe Biden, what are you doing here? Come on, you're inflating your assets. You can't just have the solid gold, the bad bars, the bad baker, baker, baker man. Because this is so bad, bad and beyond.

Bad, bad and beyond, can't believe it's not butter. Yeah. This is where you say hi, I'm David Spade. Hi, I'm David Spade. This shit ain't ever gonna happen. I didn't approve this message, I have no idea what's going on. At least I got to can no idea what's going on.

At least I got to camp live about butter. But yeah, just a coincidence 454 million you can have it right now. We'll give it to you and EG Carol could have it too. She wants it. She can lay down. Hey, do you do you still do they still wear goggles and tanning beds? I guess I Think Trump I don't know why because he always has a tan or something. Oh, the white, he's got white around, yeah. And he has a little white around his eyes. Yeah. I think it's kind of cool that Trump just decided,

I'm gonna have orange hair, and I'm gonna be super tan, and I'm gonna have white teeth. And we're gonna stick with it. It works for him, so anyway. All right, what's next? That's funny as shit. Ba da bum ba dum bum bum. Thanks for playing, David.

I like a not well put together or stitched up quilt of a Trump bit. Yeah. Well, yeah, we shoot the rehearsal here. Yeah, they say that people see BTS. That's one just off the top of your head. Tracy Morgan says he gained 40 pounds in a Zempik after learning how to out eat the drug.

Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha. Well that's its own punch line. I don't know what to say. That's so funny. I don't either. That's just Tracy Morgan being hilarious. I'm gonna eat out, out eat the weight loss drug.

Yeah. That's so funny. He cracked the system. He goes, I can take it and still gain weight. That's like someone taking blood pressure medicine and walking around all day. Trying to raise it. Yeah. You can beat the system if you really try,

but he really cracked that code. Oh yeah. Ozempic didn't have a chance, but how high does he want to go? I don't know. He loves, he's very proud in that picture. All right, we love Tracy, okay, next one. Tracy, call us. I put a baby in that Ozempic. Jay Moore does an incredible Tracy Morgan.

We'll have him on someday, with the real Tracy Morgan. Okay, the state of Washington has just announced that the bar exam will no longer be required for an attorney to become licensed in Washington, according to the state of Washington has just announced that the bar exam will no longer be required for an attorney to become licensed in Washington, according to the state Supreme Court. Oh, okay. The bar exam will no longer be, oh, well. Well, well, what?

I don't know what's gonna happen, so wait. Uh-oh, Kim Kardashian. I mean, if you're having trouble getting the bar, maybe go there, because, but are they getting the bar, maybe go there because, but are they then the real lawyers? Then are they real lawyers? What, the next thing is just a pilot without a pilot's license? I mean, where does this go? I mean, it's not a test to show that, you know, you know, objection, your honor. I guess if you don't take it, you just might overrule. What, what does that mean? I think it'd be hard to be a lawyer and then I think it's supposed to be hard.

It's but if it's doctors that it's troubling, right? Also, I would say if you watch every episode of Law and Order and you could prove it, then you could skip the bar exam. Yeah. Okay. That'll be the new thing. All right. Next one. Let's see. We're breaking down all the hot headlines. Can climate cafes help ease the anxiety? Oh, there's a climate cafe,

like the model cafe in the old days. I don't know about that. Or like Planet Hollywood. I mean, it's springing up across the country. God, I feel like this might be the, first of all, I don't think I'm investing in this. Just to be depressed, you walk in there and go, Hey man, it's getting really bad. That's why they have a life size sort of animatronic Greta Thunberg, and you put a nickel in it

and the thing just moves and goes, how dare you? How dare you? And that sort of cathartic. When you push the tip and you go under 20%, it goes, how dare you, how dare you? I like this, the pantomime was actually kind of real. And then Al Gore is an animatronic guy greeting you, it's getting hot, come right in. Let's see, it's getting hot, come right in. Let's see.

It's getting hot, come right in. It's getting hot, come right in. And then they have Nellie go, it's getting hot in here. We are all gonna die. No, but I feel like this is further the pussification of America. That's just my over archie.

The pussification. Okay, next one. Well, it's, I, yeah, it's just. That's just my over archie. The pussification. Okay, next one. Well, it's, I, yeah, it's just. I mean, I don't know. I mean, it is, it is climate change out there. I don't know if we need to talk about 24 hours a day and be depressed. Okay, this is what someone sent me on Instagram.

Okay. This guy thinks he meets me. Oh no, am I the guy on the left? Okay. This guy thinks he meets me, and then this guy says he swears he's me. I'm like, is this that close? No. God damn.

No, it's Fred Wolf or something. The guy on the left is closer. I mean, what the fuck is happening? Yeah, I'm not getting a David E. Spade thing there at all. It's maybe Billy Mummy circa 1994. Yeah. Maybe the bass player for any band from the eighties. I don't know.

It feels like not to crap on this dude. It's just more like, I don't think it's a perfect match. Have you ever, Pop Quiz, taken a picture and they thought this is years ago when we were much younger. Sometimes people go, Hey, David Spade, I loved you on just shoot me. Have you ever taken a picture and they thought you were Dan Agarfo? Oh, people think I'm you. Yeah. I mean, of course. I mean, now most of our comments, some are very clever on YouTube and Instagram, but a lot of them are, you guys look similar.

You go cut your hair. By the way, I did cut my hair on Instagram, so go fuck yourself. And I think if this guy had his hair shellacked up, it might help. First of all, that mustache, that little tiny mustache, that's a lady killer. That's not, no one wants to lip lock

with that little caterpillar sitting there. Oh, this guy's dropping drawers all over the country. I mean, listen. The hair's kind of cool. You could probably, I don't know, but I don't see it. The guy on the left kind of looks like Greg Holtzman. He looks like he's someone from Barstool. That was to try.

Okay, Heather, you're off there. Which one would you if you had to take one as a lover, left or right? Yeah, Greg Holtzman. I guess we're going to Greg, put a picture of yourself up at the end. So they know we're kidding. All right, go to the next one. Let's see. We got some good stuff here.

I think it should be. I think it would be frightening or interesting. I know how good everybody's ready for it. I like it. I think it actually is. I think it should be. I think it would be frankly more interesting. I know how good everybody's writing about it. I like it. I think it actually is funny.

That's inspired. That's pretty funny, right? That is funny. That's funny. Whoever thought of that. I love just simple silly things like that. Whoever sent that in, congratulations. I will steal it and I will claim it's mine. At least I'm honest. Are we onto impressions or what are we onto?

Oh, we have, oh, they're just funny Instagram things, okay. We're going for a fart walk. Oh yeah, okay, I remember this. It's something that's gonna help you age wonderfully. And if you follow me, you know that my husband and I go out for fart walks most nights after dinner. So about 60 minutes after we've eaten, we put on our running shoes and off we go.

Now, why do we do this? Well, we eat a lot of fiber, so we have gas. Everybody talks. And yeah, you fart when you walk. So that's why I named it that. But the main reason that we do the fart walks is because by walking for as little as two minutes, we usually walk for about 10, 15, 20. But not really quickly. It's more of a moderate walk. We are helping reduce our chances of 20, but not really quickly, it's more of a moderate walk. We are helping reduce our chances of developing type two diabetes. Oh, that's what the theme of this is?

It's helping maintain our blood sugars, keeping them from ricocheting all around. And as you age, especially after 40, you have a bigger chance of developing type two diabetes. So, it's these little things you do on a regular basis that can have a really big impact What is Susan Saranning doing in this PSA? This is a good one. I just can't believe bet Midler is

Well, I take these but they're just called walks Yeah, I don't know where that funny nickname came in, but yeah, walking around is good. It's funny to have an attractive woman saying, I put on my fart shoes and take a fart walk. When I hosted the MTV musical awards, whoops, the famous one in 93, Howard Stern did Fart Man. That's why I'm only connecting and he was coming in on a gurney. Brought down the house. Okay. This is a snake chiropractor. I feel like this is when you have too much money and too

many snakes. The snake just says, oh yeah, thanks. Now I can go kill everybody. What is happening? This is what I do to my wiener in the morning get all the kinks out what what the snakes like who asked what are they trying to do this is a snake of his spine no what a job to have mom I finally figured out something I'm passionate about snakes that have absolutely no pain or no problems. I'm just gonna, I'm fixing them. This jaw bites, goodnight. Okay, that's a good ending, okay.

Okay. Okay, birds are named stuff like hot breasted milf and no one does anything about it. Here's some bird names that are real. The somber tit, okay, that's a real bird name. Dick Seisel. I went to school with a guy named Dick. Really?

Yeah. The red-rumped bush tyrant. Oh, bushes are back. This is like a David Letterman. This is like Johnny Carson. Yeah. The blue-footed booby. These are all bar, these are all drinks you had. Yeah, right, I had a blue-footed booby These are all bar. These are all drinks you had yeah, right. I had a blue-footed booby at the slippery iron

Officer the American Bush it Bush did Bush tit. Oh There it is the American Bush tit. Can we say that doc? dog would cuck The Al and the Aldean cuck of the rock. Ed I think I had one of those and I was in Mykonos. The fluffy back tit babbler. He looks like a... Dude I'll take him to a party. Look at his wandering eye. He's really got a wandering eye. The tufted titmouse has my hair stylist. That's not you? Wait, my screen's going a little blurry.

Spade. Are you on the left or the right? That should be called the Spadler. That should be called the Spadler. The little spadoodle-doo. Love it. Sterical. Okay. Oh it's impressions. Don't start yet. Okay Dana this is a part of the show. Actually we're gonna make a call out right now. We've asked for people to give their impressions and they've been kind of hit and miss, more hits. And next week, send us a video of advice you have. If you need advice or if you're thinking that you're an asshole or something, we will give

you our super advice. Yes, we want advice and we got some miles on us so we have a lot of good advice to give. I don't want to brag, but we know a lot. Okay, this is Harrison Ford buying Halloween candy. I like the setup. ["Jingle Bells"] Ford picking out Halloween candy. Minute 22 sounds long.

I like it. I have a list here. It's alphabetical. Air supports make noise, pretty good. Airheads. He's got kind of a face too. Yeah. Atomic fireball. Yeah, abzab is a funny term I used to use in my outfits.

Bazooka gum. Going back a ways. Big hunk. He's getting more fussy. The breathing in the... Yeah, breathing is funny. Pitto honey. These are from 1940. Yeah.

Black cow. What the fuck Blow pop how many does he have alphabetically he's already only on B bottle cap Bottle caps I like oh Candy corn I like that Give me back my vending machine. I'm surprised he didn't at the end say Chewbacca. Let's go Chewy.

Corey Landis. Good job. I mean, your face actually at times kind of looked like Harrison Ford, the pausing and the breathing. And you took part of Harrison Ford's acting chops of being just really anxious. Very under. Very like a, it's about to explode thing that he does.

And he's got a lot of nose breathing. A lot of nose breathing. Did you know that when George Lucas called up the guy who played Chewbacca that he wasn't gonna be in the next movie, all he heard on the phone was and he knew he was playing it or he wasn't playing it. They're letting him go and that's what he says that's all he has to say. Yeah he talks like, well how does Chewbacca sound? No that was it, that was it.

Yeah that seems like the same thing he'd say if he was happy. That's the joke ladies and smokes by the way I hope this next guy's not doing Elmo. Okay, here we go. Oh Elmo is Joe Pesci Jeremy I'm funny how? I mean funny like I'm a clown? I amuse you? I make you laugh? I'm here to fucking amuse you? What do you mean funny? Funny how? How am I funny? Okay. I liked it. I liked it. I liked it. I do just the, uh, the innocent puppet with that speech. Yeah. From good fellas is great. I'm like a clown.

No, how am I funny? How am I funny? How am I fucking funny? I don't know. You're just funny. Sorry. Trying to do Ray Liotta. Was Ray Liotta saying that or was it spider? Ray Liotta was the one who was put on the hot seat by Pesci. Oh yeah. And spider, he shot in the foot. Yes. And Pesci had an experience like that with gangsters that did that to him.

That's why he used it. Oh, that's great. That's a great ad. Now, before this guy says what he's doing, what do you think he's going to do? I think he's going gonna do Adam Driver. Oh, it's a good choice. I'll say Tom Cruise just for fun, because he's got the hair.

All right. Hey Dana, hey David, my name is Justin. I went a little overboard with my impression, but I hope you still like it. It's called, What If Johnny Carson and a Pont Cached. Oh, beep, beep. Okay, okay. Production.

What's up guys. Welcome to I did not know that with me, Johnny Carson. My first guest really needs no introduction. He's got the number one podcast for the last 50 years. Please welcome Bob Hope. Bob Hope. Okay. Now, Bob, I saw you posted a pic on Instagram

of you playing a round of golf with President Putin. Is that right? Yeah, ain't that wild? Thank you Bob. What's that Fred? Hold on there Bob, we need to step away for a moment but first a word from our new sponsor.

Let me tell you about Stamps.com. Now you can pay for Stamps right at home. Use promo code gangbusters to get 20% off your I don't know why that's funny. I like Cat Williams. Cat Williams? Cat Williams. I wanted to hear Cat Williams.

Now. All right. So we liked it. We liked it. I would just say try to make your, try to get it down here a little deeper. You know, just just sort of clench your jaw. Just even a little bit more like you had your jaw wear shut and just try to keep it right here. I did not know that. I did not know that. Sorry, I want to educate as much as you do. That's good.

That's what you gave me. You gave me some tips. Okay, those are good. All right. I guess that's it, Dana. I'm going to do a little ad. Oh, I thought you're going to model a little ad and you can tag it, you know? Okay.

This is Trump and Biden. Folks, come on, let's get real. The American public wants anyone but us. That's right. My people hate you and your people hate me. That's why we've decided to join forces. Me, Donald Trump and me, Joe Biden. We're going to run together to become the presidents of the United States. This ad was paid for by the committee to elect buy rump ticket. Wait a minute, take two. This ad paid for by the committee to elect the buy rump ticket.

I'm David Spade and I did not approve this shit show. I'm David Spade and I did not approve this shit show. I'm David Spade and I don't get it. No. It's funny that everybody hates both of them. Somebody hates the other one. Everybody hates me. Everybody hates me. We're running together. We're running on the buy-rump ticket. Biden and Rump, you put them together, you got a buy-rump ticket. Vote buy-rump. We're going to be presidents of the United States. Yeah, let me say something. You don't talk so good. Okay, I Think that's not a bad solution because if they by the committee to elect the president ticket of by rump

Sorry paid for by the committee to ruin the country. I Think it's a good idea though because people if they secretly, then people would, you know, you'd be half happy. Right. I'm at 42, he's at 36, you put it together, we got an approval rating of 75. I don't know. It's not even 100. Together they can't even get through 100.

What's the undecided and the independents? I like that. All right. All right, good job. This has been a presentation of Odyssey Superfly as executive produced by Dana Carvey and David Spade, Charlie Finan of Brillstein Entertainment, Jenna Weiss Berman of Odyssey,

Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman. Hope you liked it!