Fly on the Wall with Dana Carvey and David Spade - Technology Begets Hedonism

Episode Date: August 10, 2026

This week, Dana and David are talking about David’s visa adventures, working with Maya Rudolph, and the Michigan Senate race. Also, fake crying, Buzzing Around, and the news of the week.

This guy would be called Mr. Goodteeth. In my town, I got the best teeth in the whole freaking town. Listen, we got out to farm all day. I'm going to time to brush him with that fluoride. You know, you'll send, hey, let's meet on Friday. And then you realize what went out was, fuck you, bitch, or something like, well, I'm not going to fight with you with this kind of gravity.

That's the only reason. They cut my hair, Dana. They cut off my fucking dumb, Charlie. Oh, look his fucking teeth. I'll do my Charlie. Well, I did a, I had a veneers, and then they were going to, needed to change them, and they had to do something. So this is the teeth, my natural teeth beneath the veneers.

No, I mean, I. Anybody I say you look like is too offensive, so I can't even. and say it. No, no. I mean, it's just teeth. I'll get them fixed. This is just for this episode. The veneers came off, orthodontist, really well known. And he said they have to get remade. So the meantime, I have to have my real teeth for about two weeks. That's no problem. I know. It's kind of a drag, but you know, the thing is, this is what most people's teeth look Like, it's like if you, before veneers, I tell my friends they have old man teeth because they're just not perfect.

And you're competing with the world where it's just perfect. Like everyone's like, hi. And it's like, I know, because it's just all perfect. Even with like really old people and all of a sudden they smile and it's just immaculate. But this is, this is kind of normal. If you're, you know, from a certain part of the country, I don't want to pick on any state. Your farm. This guy would be called Mr. Good Teeth.

In my town, I got the best teeth in the whole freaking town. Listen, we got out the farm all day. I'm going to time to brush him with that fluoride. All right. Is this a bit? No. Hey. August fools.

August Fool is the worst possible day to do a podcast. I just thought after 7,000. episodes. How can I start different? And I had I had you going. I had you going. Did you hear my Eric Roberts? I ain't going to be a fucking tea boy for bed spaghetti. He cut off my fucking home job. That's right. You don't really announce a word. He kept going up and down. Yeah. Eric Roberts. Key boy for bed spaghetti. Pope of Greenwich. They cut off my fucking dumb Charlie.

Jesus. Wow. I don't know why my thing does that for his times. I like when he says, I ain't going to be a T-boy for Bed Bug Eddie. That was one of the mobsters. So he... I ain't going to be a T-boy.

God, why can't we do a mob? I would love to do a fucking... It's so cool. I want a mob name. Yeah. I want to do it. I want to be there. I have... Higgins is a good mob.

Oh, my name is Higgins in the movie, Marcus Higgins. By the way, my eyebrows have really taken center stage. They kind of grow like that and then upwards. And the last week's clips, I was like, oh, my God. This looks like what the clip's about. Like, why do your eyebrows go, oh. I got to record all your effects and put it in one of my little machines. Oh, I got a new one.

That was that bit. I realized that's just a crickets, right? Yeah, this one's a good one. This was $1.99. The other ones are like $0.48. It's a right on. This one will keep going until you click something else again. Then it'll stop.

Oh, wow, wow, wow, wow. Got it. That's a little complex. I got teeth. I got sound effects. I got anything but something interesting to say. How is the Spirit Halloween store? You really stocked up.

Well, why are you mad at my white t-shirt? Now, I like that you wearing a white t-shirt. Wow. and I'm wearing black. This is a real. Yeah, it's a switcheroo. This was inspired by your track and field t-shirt, but this is just a generic, you know, white t-shirt.

Oh, mine, I thought you'd really like. It's at Santa Monica track and feel like old school, and that's right up your alley. Old school, yeah. You didn't make enough of a fuss. I want a little razzle-dazzle about it. I didn't bring it at that particular moment. Let me ask you a question.

Do you like the month of August? You know. I want to tilt, but do you like August? Well, it's definitely the most disrespected because after July, it really flatlines because everyone in New York, I'm in New Jersey, but everyone in New York is gone. So anyone I know is gone. Every girl that's above a four is shipped off to Abiza or Europe or anywhere great Hamptons. Yeah, if you're still in New York, you've got to see what you got to check.

I want to debut my new body on a beach and con or something. You know, all of Europe goes to the beach right now. Literally the entire continent empties down to Italy and Spain. That's why their GDP ain't as high as it could be. They empty out into Spain. I saw those migrants coming into Spain or those guys on vacation. Well, it was a little bit of Morocco is still Spain. It's one of those old, go back to the old timey days.

Oh, thank God. And all they had to do was legally, I guess, could swim around the fence. And 50,000 came in and say, hey, we're Spanish now. Eo. That's worse than those get-togethers of the cars do donuts and everyone crowds around. But they were all running in. And I was, and, you know, I don't know Spanish, but I heard someone was saying like, I caramba, you know.

What does that even mean? Like, wow. Oh, meo. I don't, I think it's like, holy shit or something. Yeah, but you know the thing about when they always go, it's oh, these, these families are looking for a new home, but this was maybe 99% just dudes. Dudes having fun, man.

They're just dudes. I feel like it was a bachelor party or something. You want to crash spain, dude? Bachelor party. I want a crash, ban. Let's do it on a dare. Everyone in our country swim on three. Well, first I thought they're going to.

to swim across the where the rock of Gibraltar is like 30 miles but I realized it was just 50 feet and then they were dancing on the beach for a while it was a big story David I know you don't really read I like that it's been reduced to dancing on the beach

they were all just doing the Congo let's do a 50,000 to Congo pop pop pop pop pop pop beep boop I know it's the Italian culture the Spanish culture you got to tip your hat to it you have a hat can you tip it Oh, this leads me to another story.

Oh, good, because you're going to go there soon, I know. But basically, when we were there at Lake Cuomo, whoops, you could go too. These very nice young Italian men had these great boats and they give you rides around, like 20 footers. And they would all go, hey, draw, and then here. And it probably was unfortunate for George Clooney. But this is a George Clooney house. That's his house. Here's a rock.

Throw. Let's go to No. neutral and float near George Clooney, you know. And then every time we go extra slow. Every time I drive into George Clooney's house. And they're putting their hand back for a tip. And finally, I don't speak Italian, but I just said, Sick of the Clooney.

Oh, you're sick at a Clooney. It wasn't personal. It just, we didn't want this tour. But basically, they had their boats. They were cool guys, handsome young men. And they would just, they all live in a familial kind of thing with grandmother. and they just do the summer on their boat and then they make all the money for the year. And then we go skiing, we make a little love, we have some red wine.

So I think the Italians have a nice kind of group. I'm going to try to find Clooney House. A Georgia Clooney, but we're America, we're workaholics. But I always think of August is like, here, I'll give you a question. Yeah. Would you rather be on a really beautiful lake with a cabin, a dock, and a speedboat, or basically back in time in the movie Dirty Dancing at a Camp of the Cat's Skills? How fun. I was thinking today who I had a crush on in the old days, because I was watching Stevie Nicks on YouTube of like old Fleetwood Mac. I'm like in love with Stevie Nix, like those old live kind of gritty-looking videos that are shot on that old.

and she looks she's so good and she's so cool and then i like audrey hepper and i'm thinking who i have a crush on in the old days i still have crushes on like cape blanchette there's definitely actresses out there i love i think that one of the revolutionary ones if maybe not be that part one million bcccsts and rachal welch as a post her as a cave woman in a fur bikini so that was At age 13, that was quite an awakening. Quite bonerific. I didn't know. I didn't know cavemen wore for bikinis, cave women.

But I learned it. What the movie is about. They just went. It's like the Farah Fawcett poster that you didn't even need a movie. You just need Raquel. That just shouldn't be opposed to it. I still see that and go, gag, go, gullul. Those were quite iconic in those days, you know.

Heather. Dennis Miller sits. Moving, moving, moving. We're on the move, Dana. Hold on. You're moving. Good. Because sometimes this new microphone setup is so trash that I can't really.

I can't keep leaning over. But this is an upgrade, I guess. I thought last week was cool. But now you've, what are the five-hour energies on? Is that a boxer? I don't know. They go, we, I think the people at the hotel saw it and said it was on a box. We'll bring you a,

a crooked table that rattles. So we got that going for us, which is nice. I just went to the embassy today, Dana. I don't know if you've been there lately, but. Which embassy? What is it called? United Nations. I went to an embassy today because we're going to go to Europe soon.

I'm taking a vacation. Oh, so you had to get a passport or something. So I had to do something. And they just go, oh, beep-bop-boop, just run in there, tag you're it. It's like sneaking in the back of the DMV. I go in there, and there's people waiting around, and they don't let you in one at a time. So people go, they don't want you to buzz in on their buzz,

you know, so they sneak in the door. Yeah, so you're under suspicion all of a sudden, or what do you say? Yeah, and there's a camera outside. Then I go, yeah, and they're like, I go, what's my spade? And I'm, what do you need to be here for? I'm like, I don't know, VISA. travel something.

I don't know. Anyway, he goes, your apartment's 11. I go, yeah, it's 10.57. I go, so I have to wait. Then a couple more people

snake in before me. And I'm like, oh, no, there's a line. So I finally get in, paperwork, go sit in the waiting room. It's just exactly the DMV.

It's no AC, like I am in Spain or something. Like I'm overseas where it's like, no AC. But the guy's like, he's really working the mic. He's like an open mic, like, so my dad, Noramie, it's great. Yeah, exactly.

He just goes, right, and what have you been in? Grownups. Didn't see it, anything else? Just shoot me? Nope, anything else? What I know you from? When people say what I know you from and you're listing 100 credits, they're like, no, no. Well, what is number one?

Is it Joe Dirt or Tommy Boy? Right now, it's grownups because it's on a lot. Or you can say, you know, it goes in. Dandelion. I love Dandelion. The latest special on Amazon. Still shows up on my feed. Bus boys. Yeah. So anyway, I go in there. And it was no in and out. I look at the thing. I'm number 22 and it's on like one. I'm like, and it was a half hour before someone came out. I go, this thing isn't even moving. And you know what happened? The worst, the guy came out. And then they go, okay. I'm like, no, that guy, it should be at least two.

That guy wasn't one. You don't say one again. Now one's in there. That really burned my biscuit. I'm confused. How could you not be confused? I was so confused. And I'm looking at that thing.

I wanted to hustle. I want it to be like how many smoking desks, like, you know what's the deficit? Because it was electronic. It's like, bling. Are they asking questions to prove you're an American or something? Yeah. you have to fill out all this stuff and then an hour 15 later i thought i might as well been in lauren's office i go in and uh i go in there like uh anyway blah blah blah so i fill all the stuff

out oh no cell phone oh they confiscated your cell phone that's very rare where do you go in the world other than like a show which i haven't even done that yet where they take your phone i was like take the phone took it put it in a locker Lock it. Give them key. Wow. There's a five-star restaurant. Shut up.

San Vincenti or something like that for the up and comers. And they take your phone. I only went there once with Marcy Klein. Oh my God. I was a manny, Hanny. Hey, Dunaway would love to come by.

Faye Dunaway, absolutely. Marcy knows literally everybody. That's funny. Red buttons is here. He wants to say hello. Can I tell you a funny? Ruth Griffin's nephew is two tables down. This is a story for people that are older than 50.

So the rest don't tune out though. Just grin and bear it. So family feud. They had a grandma at the end who doesn't know anything. And they don't want it to get to her. And they go name a an actor that's associated. with scary movies. So there was Bella Legosi, right?

Who else would you say? Boris Karloff. Yep. Vincent Price. Vincent Price. And then they get down to Granny and they're all like, come on, granny. And she goes, Red Skeleton? And they all literally go, and they go, come on, red skeleton.

Meanwhile, you know his name is Skelton. Skeleton. But she doesn't know that. And red skeleton would work. And so the guy goes, show me. They don't even wait to him. No, he was a comedian. He was already out.

Show. And they all go, oh, fuck. Why do we bring her? At least it kind of made sense. It did if it was skeleton. But she would have never have seen a movie or picture of his and just read it as skeleton. but basically it's a big drag.

It is funny, but I finally got out of there. Did selfies was a great guy. Great guy syndrome. Did this, did that. People take a picture and then they go, and let me just get a selfie. No, no, no. Which one do you want?

No, I'm nice. I try to be totally, the best thing you do is, would you like to take a picture? And then every once in a while, they go, not really, no. So then you feel like a real, I do get that.

Yeah, I always say. And they go, she likes you. She wants a picture. I don't. God, remember the day is a good old-fashioned wet autographs? Someone asked me for an autograph this week, and I was blown away. An autograph? I could probably do your autograph if I've seen it so much.

I know. It's pretty cool. Got that big D, boom, starts it off. Your D is like, fuck you. And then you go. Yeah. Aina. Running a business means wearing a lot of hats.

But I used to find that traditional banking options always seem to slow me down with endless friction like plain phone tag, just to chase down the status of an international wire transfer. That's why I love using Mercury. It completely eliminates those legacy headaches and works exactly how you'd expect best-in-class software to work. Mercury isn't a bank. They're a financial technology company that offers a powerful, intuitive banking experience designed to automate the way you work. It's completely free to get started with no minimal balances or in-person visits required, giving you free same-day, A-C-H-USD wires, and customizable team cards. You know, it's an all-on-one platform that flexes as you grow, allowing you to scan bills to pay them.

instantly. Set up recurring payments and see exactly where your business stands right from your dashboard. Instead of duct taping multiple tools together, you can curb spend before it happens with customer user permissions and built-in spend management. Visit mercury.com to learn more and apply online in minutes. Mirkary is a fintech company, not an FDIC insured bank. Banking services provided through Choice Financial Group and column N.

N.A. members FDIC. I just want, I have just a thought about the United States of America and my pride in our country that now there's going to be a Senate race in Michigan, Democrat Republican. The Democrats officially, the Democratic nominee's name is Abdul El-Said. Pretty cool for America, right? He's running against Mike Rogers. Hey.

The most basic. These are like two made up names. I know. It's like you would not go to the Middle East and it's like, here's our candidate, Abdul Bachnaal-Modhchir, running for mayor of Gaza. And he's running against Bill Jenkins. Bill Whittleson. Bill Wilson, what will you do for the great city of Bahanaach? Well, I'm going to, I'm really interested in Bacca,

and as a proud Muslim, I'm just delighted to be here. Is that the guy with a Muslim name? I don't know. No, that's the guy with the American name. Maybe he would have an accent too. I'm Bill Wilson. I'm Bill Wilson and I'm from Bachnachi. My parents got drunk and they named me Bill Wilson.

All my life living in the Middle East, it's been a punchline for people. Bill Wilson, what's your name? Bachna, himachimach. Can you say this? Am I canceled? Or is it just funny? Is that Michigan? That's Michigan.

It's literally Abdul El-Said versus Mike Rogers, just their names. Spade is from Michigan, and maybe I still, do I still get to vote? Aren't you, where's your domicile? Oh, that's a great word. Where's your domicile? Where's your main, where's your main? home for at Warren's office. I give, that's the address I have to give because,

oh, we got some bills to pay. Is that Warren? I might have to transfer some funds. We have the same account. Yeah. And, you know, you just have to really, in your brain, for all of us, actually, if you get paid in California, you have to go, okay, this is what I'm getting paid. Now, when the state of California and the city, when they get through,

with it, then what do I get? And you have to always think of the second number. Yeah, I'd like to report a crime. People always write in on the comments go, oh, sorry, move. The big thing that people just say move, and I, you know where you should go, Austin? I go, listen, there's a lot of very nice places. I do like Florida. I do like Austin. I like Nashville. But first of all, they're almost all full. Also, you can't just pack up and, I mean, people, if you can leave that fast like a gypsy, like that's a gift. There's too many things to consider. Yeah, I mean, California, one thing is, it's so varied. I mean, there's people up in Northern California, I think here too, where you can go surfing and then skiing within four hours of each other. You could surf out of Santa Monica Pier and then

drive to Big Bear. But a while back, I was just in this bar. It was a state senator. So he was somebody who goes to the State Assembly. And I said, God, just really like to know where you guys are spending the money, right? This was very friendly. Bad question. I was having a Mick Love alter and goes, and he's like, uh, what, why do, why do you want to know? Why is that your business? Was, yeah, why is that your business? Well, I just curious, you know, you get all taxes and we just be nice to know where it goes. Well, what are you? Why? Do we get a problem here? Yeah, is something wrong with you? What are you even thinking about. Have you got any neurological issues? They hate you. Yeah. So, but that was a fun,

exciting thing. I just had a similar thing because we're in the, we're in Jersey across New York, and one of the union guys goes, one of the teams just goes, why is this Mondami guy get a $30 million grocery store and then he's going to, you got to give an ID to get in? He goes, he doesn't want people from Jersey in there. We can't go in there. Why does he need to? Why does he need to? IDs all the sudden. I know, I don't know, man. They're not calling it an ID. They're calling it something like eggplant card or something.

Oh, yeah. You cannot say ID. They just said, we're only doing this because we don't want, they go, how are you going to stop people from Jersey if it's for the people of New York? You know, they're two different. Right. And how are you going to have to follow people?

How are you going to stop something? There has be some way to do it. Goes in there. The prices are just kept really low. load up the grocery car, drive it down the street. Hey, want you apples. Who wants your apples? Oh, they do what they do at Walgreens or they go up front and sell it.

It's just sell it. Anyway, I wish they got to fix this. I wish everyone the best. I wish everyone the best. I really do. I told this guy, I go, I stay out of it. I'm an L.A. guy. I got my own problems.

But L.A. is beautiful. I mean, it's been gorgeous this summer. It's a little, you know, it's a little nippy in the morning. Then it was really hot, but it's not a hundred. Well, the climate, you know, I think officially the greatest climate in America, maybe the world you're around in San Diego, which is basically like L.A. You know, the winters are mild. You get some rain.

I mean, yeah. Get a little May gray, a little June gloom, a little July fry, a little foggust. Did you just think of that? No. Where's my bubble? Are you ad-libby? No, I'm not. That's actually a funny thing.

They say, No, don't. I need applause. Well, hold on. Well, we're the most lo-fi. We're like a radio station from 1969. Fuck,

now I'm obsessed with finding applause. Don't make me get mine. I'll fucking tell you what's up. You know, I saw yesterday. I like that. You know who I saw? Sydney Sweeney Maya Rudolph

who I love Oh sweet Maya how is she She's so funny She's just always She's such a pro Absolutely I would love to take it away from her I would love to try it would be my favorite

She's a talent machine that one She is really She's a crispy reader Like The table read It's not one joke wasted Sometimes you flip the words around you mumble it or you swallow it cracking them out and then just we were doing like this big

long scene and it's a bunch of us and it's like a it's a tough scene you know when you do a scene when you do a scene at a table and it's eight people in the scene it just goes around around 12 yeah 12 in the scene two full days so it's wide shot wide shot master pushing and then these two pick them off these two it's like a sundial it goes around you do the whole scene And then close-ups pick them off, pick them up, pick them up. Anyway, we got to mine and I go, and they go, that's a wrap. I mean, you didn't even get to say your line? No, I mean, I'm doing them all day for everybody off camera, but they get to this beautiful mug.

It's weird when you're just waiting at a re-throat at a table, like on Saturday Night Live, it just relates to this. You know, we're doing a family feud sketch. Oh, that was funny. And it's basically, you know, it's Maya does her thing as Kamala. Oh, right, right, right. Andy Sandberg. So she's killing.

I'm just waiting down at the end. And then Andy Sandberg is just killing. And then it's Jim Gaffigan. It's just a mind fuck where all of a sudden the light comes on. They're pointed at you. What have you got? So I didn't have to beat these people. I was Biden.

So I was in character. What are people? Come on. You got her bed bath and me on. You know, and so it was fine. But I know what you mean you're waiting around and Sandler's killing, Maya's crushing, and then here comes David Spade on the inside. If you got chops, they get down to you and you're like, let's make a deal, Monty.

I don't know what I said. Everything you say is like confused and funny. Let's make, come on, let's make a Monty, dealer maker. Yeah, I got an egg in my purse. Deal or no steel, the real deal, seal. This is the real deal. Heidi Kloom is married. I, I, Clem, I was going to.

for Heidi Klumbaker. It went to Disneyland once, went down the Mataoo. Went down the Matao and down to Tom Sigourney's Weaver. Horton, here's a Matterhorn. So, yeah, we did it. Maya was funny. By the way, you know, she said... The small world after all.

There you go. That's closer. She said she got to see you. She goes, how's Dana? and she got to see you. She was at the first time I got this hang out with Dana and bullshit. Always fun. She really likes you.

It was kind of fun. When you're one of the senior members of Saturday Night Live. Elder Statesman. I was on an airplane with Andy Sandberg and Maya Rue. Toward the end, I'd had a couple, a couple of friends, a couple of soldiers, you know. Slippery grasshoppers. So I started doing some characters and stuff. And they just went, oh, he's doing it.

It's still, it's kind of, it's flattering because I'm, The thing about Maya is like, hey, Maya, can you sing? Yeah. She's great. Can you do a Norwegian accent? Got it. It was like, she was like a built out of a factory. Also an adlet machine.

Like we were, you know, we do a few takes like every movie here and then you do a few. Yeah. Just start bullshitting. That's the best. And she's got game. And it's fun to be around people. It was kind of remind me of the old SNL days when you are allowed to kind of screw around. and or being at the rewrite table or just you sit there and go,

God dang, everyone here is good. Well, it's not a, it sort of sweeps everybody up into that. Yeah. Yeah. Mindset of saying, being, being funny, you know, sharp, yeah. Pushing, but just being like, you know. And sometimes you'll throw out, not to interrupt you, but like if we're all in a circle, let's say, you know, Kevin James is saying something, but like Rob or Chris will throw out a joke.

So we can all do that. It's like, hey, it's just like we're all laughing. It's like we're at camp. We're like, what if you try this? Yeah. And but if you do that and if you clank it, everyone goes, what the fuck? Suddenly they all make fun of you for that. So, you know what I mean?

You throw in like, what if you said? And one goes, get the fuck out of that shit. So you got to, it's like shooting around on a basketball court and you're like airball it. You go, oh, no. I know. So it's definitely fun. So anyway, so far, so fun. I'm already beat up.

like I've been here a week and a half. I remember Meryl Streep saying just to that point that when she walks on a set in these, these years or maybe even only merged in the building, there's just this sense of like, it's Meryl Streep. And she's just thinking as an actress, like, because she's like hoping she lands it. But the pressure is like, don't worry, you know. And so it's a different kind of pressure when it's like, ladies and gentlemen, put down your coffee cups and back up.

And Merrill's just kind of going, oh, I hope I live up to their expectations. And then she reads the line and everyone's like, that was pretty good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I kind of could have done that. I could have did that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not her in Silkwood or Kramer v. Kramer where she's just like hitting dingers out of the park. Yeah, when you think about Meryl Streep and you go backwards, you go, oh, yeah, she did that.

Oh, the deer hunter. Oh, oh, yeah, out of Africa. It's like, it's an unbelievable. Wasn't she getting a divorce in Cambridge, Screamer? It's just a gut-ripping situation. That was kind of, I wouldn't call it revolutionary. It was different. Usually in movies the man would leave or the dad, like what you had.

But this was like she just had Dustin Hoff and his husband, had a kid and just had to go away. Just had just. And back then it was like the Dick Van Dyke show or that was like not that far back, but it was like everything was like marriages are great. Everything's great. Yeah. divorce wasn't spoken of too much, except briefly. But to get into the nitty gritty and the lawyers and like, right? And just, and then Dustin Hoffman, I think got the Academy Award.

Oh, really? He's playing the dad struggling, doing his job and raising the kid and the mom's gone. It's a very, you know, it's an emotional movie and funny. It's really a great movie. You know what she should have said? Dingo ate me baby. If she said it in that movie, It might get her

What was that? Out Africa? Was that a different one? Dingo ate. Now, what was, this is a different movie, wasn't it?

That's a different movie where the dingo ate the baby. Where the, like a dingo's like a coyote and she had an Australian accent. Yeah. And the baby. Oh yeah.

And they didn't believe that they were camping and the dingo took the baby and killed it. Yeah. So they accused her. Real story. Yeah.

Someone will put in the comments already. It's a feel good movie. I don't know. If you're a dingo. I particularly like Bill Murray's, what was the little camping movie he did? Oh, meatballs? Yeah, it was just like a light breeze over you. You know, I like a light comedy.

You know why it's a light breeze day in it, which I totally agree with you because he's one of my favorites of all time. He's Bill Murray. Is that I saw it again. And it still holds up, but I will tell you, the eyes of my 12-year-old self or whatever it was, 14, laughing at that movie, they're so well this goes back to what you always say there's a scene like in a bus stop where he doesn't want the kid to leave and it's probably eight minutes they're just talking there's dead spots it's like a two shot they're not rushing it it's not a million jokes it's just like kind of real life but if you're into the movie no one notices that they just because i look back and i go wow they're hanging on this shot a long time

wow they haven't wow there's a long scene but That's because in my head I know how they do it and go, got to move, got to move. They didn't test it, I'm sure, and say, oh, yeah, tighten this up. They don't let things breathe. Yeah, they let it breathe back then. It was good. Because I was watching Wayne's World. There was this Wayne's World event.

I was standing there with Rob Lowe and we're watching Wayne's World. Oh, you're watched. In a big theater with like a thousand people. And then Wayne comes out and I still with my parents, which is really sad. You know, he does this whole speech about. he has hairnets and everything and he comes out and he's waiting there's crickets and he's waiting for the car there's so so it's not like wayne arrives and then the car would be right smash cut yeah yeah and rob low thought well they should have kind of done it but now i'm looking

back what you say is like things were allowed to like breathe for a second like right you know wayne is just waiting for his friend for right and you're okay with that and you uh and then you are accustomed to it back then but now you're like why are they taking I'm taking this extra two seconds. I can't stand this. What am I going to do? Oh, when they took my phone away at the fucking visa place, I was like this. Are you addicted to your phone?

Do we have to call this? Do we have to notify anybody about your phone addiction? No, Heather said it's a happy addiction. I am too. I can quit any time. I don't want to. That's what every drunk says. I have to say for myself, I do like at night, I'll just read on my laptop a lot of different

articles. I'm not an intellectual, but you know, Scientific America or Wall Street Journal, New York Times, read editorials or deep analysis from Barron's about companies where you're on Instagram. I'm playing Tetris and Angry Birds. Yeah. Now, I will say that I text you, you look down, it's like three texts from David Spade. You're like, oof, give it a breather guy. No, I like, we text all the time audio text. It's fun. I like it.

If we have them at some point, it would be great to release them. There's so many, and it's probably the funniest thing, if we just talk about anything, but I know your tactic, because sometimes I look down and I've, because I'm walking around, recording an audio message, I go, fuck, 2.10? I can't send it over two minutes. Yeah, you can. Sometimes you'll break them up. Even though you're not finished, you break them up.

I try to get to you with the minnows. That's smart. But then suddenly you're full. Yeah, one time I went 715. I go, should I send it? Fuck it, he's got the time. I'll tell you, Fred Wolf knows how to leave a voice now. Woo!

I'm telling you, they started five minutes and there's like six seven minutes. Hey, Dave. Hey, Dave. Hey, David. So funny. My brother's good attitude. He can go the distance. And my mom, which I can never get married.

She goes on and on. Oh, and then Marge and then the people. You know, I was down at Guido's and then she just talks about something, but it's great. She can just keep going and has no, she doesn't care at all. And I don't care at all. I think it's funny. I like to hear my mom talk. Well, I mean.

Because she's happy. She's so excited about these things. The fact that it exists and you can relay a message like walkie-talkies is a kid. Typing, unless you're just a whiz kid for short messages, but if it's going to be nuanced, you know, because you can really send a text and go, that doesn't sound right. I'm telling you I've run into problems with that

where I go, I was serious about this or no, that was actually a joke, but the other people, you can read it in your voice and they can read it in a totally different thing. Like, what are you talking when they're pissed off or something,

you know? So voice text, at least you get the inflection, you get the vibe. Yeah, and also the spell check or sometimes it just, you know,

you'll send, hey let's meet on Friday and then you realize what went out was fuck you bitch or something like you're like no no I didn't mean that I mean you ever had that happen I know I see one from like a buddy of mine and it says hey I wanted to talk to you about having sex tomorrow I'm like I feel like if I listen to this that's not what he's saying but when they do the transcribing yeah you know the phone does it I go Or the phone's going,

he, watch what it looks like he said. So the phone is nefarious. The phone's in on it, yeah. That's a good laugh. I like he-ha. People put ha-ha, sometimes they go. What's your best fake courtesy laugh?

You're out to dinner. People are laughing. Someone says something and you want to do a courtesy laugh. What does it sound like? Uh-huh. Okay. Or I go like this. When they tell me about their work, and each time they pause, I don't know what they're talking about.

They go, I, you know, I work at the circle. Okay. Do you know the one of McDowell and I go, okay. And then I, it means I acknowledge your story. I'm just trying to follow it. Okay. Do you know where the L ranch is? It's right off of Doheny and you kind of, is for the story to keep going.

You go, yeah, yeah. And they go, do you? Do you really? Busted. Yeah, I know. I go, no, it's right over on Nohiti. Say something to me. I'll do, my fake laugh.

Okay. I went to the Beverly Center and then I fell down the stairs. I mean, that's funny. That's pretty good. You rub your head. That's good, man. That's your tell. Oh, that's my crispin glover.

Hey, you. get your damn hands off watch that wasn't I used to I think something like that that's back to the future

we are going back away okay your best fake getting emotional best fake cry getting emotional so anyway that that happened

oh you did it in bus boys oh I had to cry I would laugh The comments go, there's nothing funny than when David Spade does his cry. Because I cry so hard, so fast. He goes, are you crying? I go, no. Are you crying?

I got oil in my eyes. He goes, that oil? That's oil coming out of your eyes? I go, like, I can't take it anymore. I can't hide anymore. And then he just stares and I fucking cry for a long time. Then I go, okay. The secret to crying on film is just try not to cry.

That's what the good ones do. I know. I'm I teared up in the in the read through you did Corona's a real roller coaster Is it R rated Well they don't do ratings on Netflix

I don't think so but I don't think they would do it A hard PG-13 Trust me It's a lot going on in this movie It's so complicated day and it's too hard to explain But Oh let's get to some news stories because we're going along I think so

Let's try it. What are we got? Busing around. Oh, God dang, buzzing. Why do I never see that? It's because I go full screen. I can't do full screen anymore. There we go.

No, it just came up. Well, it's time. It's time. B buzzing around. Now it's time for buzzing around. Sponsored by 5-hour Energy's Firework Freeze Flavor. Ignite your taste buds with red, white, and blue. Freezer Pop.

Classic Reimagined is a delicious firework. freeze fiber energy shot. Find firework free shots online at 5Roeenergy.com or Amazon today. Dana will be giving us a little scenario with a few questions. I think I'm going to do some people that have just landed on Mars. Landed on Mars? Mars. And you're one of them.

David Spade. Oh, this is a good setup. Mike Tyson, Tony Fauci, and. you can pick it either McCartney, Jimmy Fallon or Lorne. Or all three. I always like to hear Lauren. Lord's always.

Okay. Lauren and David Spade, Mike Tyson, and Tony Fauci, and I may throw in. Okay, so here we go. They've just landed on Mars and they got outside there.

Okay, great. It's a red planet. That's why they always call the red planet. It's like it doesn't have as much gravity. So make sure you keep your weighted boots on. Right, David? Yeah, it's because of the phosphates. That's fucking wrong.

It's not because of phosphates. Don't be silly. Mike, I'd like you to keep your boots on that make sure you don't like fly off the planet. Yeah, I'm not going to put those boots on. I got desert boots. Mike, please put on your astronaut boots. Yeah.

Well, yeah, but what are you going to do about? What are you going to do about it? Well, I'm not going to fight with you with this kind of gravity. That's the only reason? Only reason. Hey, I'm Donnie Fauci. All right. I'm so glad you can make it, Tony.

But I have to ask, why are you in fact on this mission? I wanted to get away from that fuck face, Rand Paul. He's got it in for me. So I didn't do COVID perfect. So I wrote a couple funny things in a diary. What are you going to do about it? Hey, that's my friend. What are you going to do about it?

Well, I'm taking the phrase. And what are you going to do about it? I say, what are you going to do about? What about you, Jimmy Fallon? Don't you like being on Month? I don't know if it's Tyson. It's insane and crazy of Mars. Tell me how says it might.

Let's bring out Olivia Rodriguez. Can you do it, Olivier Rodrigo? No, just someone that would be on the tonight show. I did bring Paul. He's out here.

Come on out of the spaceship. Which Paul? Paul McCartney. Oh. Because he talks about Paul's time. You know, they didn't tell us it'd be so red.

They call it. You know, the red planet. Until you get here, you can't really believe how red it is. Did he think he was back in the USSR.

It's a song I wrote. I sat for a blanca. We've heard the stories, Paul. We've got to check in with Elon Musk. David, will you call Elon Moss on your radio? Beep, beep, beep, beep. Okay, he's on the line. Yeah, Elon Musk.

We always wanted to get people at Moss. We can be afraid of it in people at Moss, because we had to get the Moths. The sooner we get to Moths, the better we can be at Ta-Foma Ta-Fama balls. Right, Lauren? Yeah, I'm smarter than you.

Can you host this September? Who else could be on Mars, David? We got a lot of people up there. Who else could be there? I like Fauci because he's in trouble. Aaron Rogers is there and he doesn't like Fauci, you know? Aaron Rogers. Okay, hold on, my Aaron Rogers impression.

He was wrong about it. everything. Hey, fuck you, fuck face. You know, what are you going to do about it? So I wrote some fanciful stuff. I met a Kardashian. What are you going to do? Sue me? I had a lot of fun during the pandemic. I was the most famous man in the world. It ain't a thing you could do about it. You weren't more famous than Paul McCartney, even at your peak. No, I think he was for a bit, you know, about all that stuff. I was king cock. And David Spade says

I'm going to stay here where you guys get in the Mars buggy. I'm going to see how it goes first. All right. Everyone in the back of the Mars buggy. Let's go. Come on. Jump on everybody. We're going to go see if we can see like an alien or something.

Aliens are great. I'd like to see a fucking alien. But I'm I'm going to keep six feet of distance. Oh, that's perfect. I've always liked dune buggies. I'm Mike Tyson. And when I try to punch you, it doesn't hit you as hard,

so don't worry about it. Right there, right, David Spade. Watch out, Mike. I bet you got a tiger in your tank. I'm steering the dune buggy. Everybody, please relax. We're going to be in like a crater

in about two minutes. Crater. We'll stop for some lemonade. Oh, Mike, look for a circle K. Okay, that was good. That was buzzing around. That was incredible. That was really good.

You really put energy into it. I liked it. Sponsored by Five Hour Energy's Fevernergies, Firework, Flavor Energy. I bit my love. The iconic red, white, and blue freezer pop flavor you crave with none of the sugar. None of the sugar.

Sparta Taksy flavor sensation with Firework Freeze, five-hour energy shots available online at 5Renergy.com and Amazon. You could actually read that if you want some time because you could go right into the ending. Yeah, and have somebody do that for me. You could go, blah, blah, blah. All right, that was buzzing around. Well, Tony Foucher, I hadn't done for a couple years. Oh, that's great.

Just because of those recent events, it's kind of funny. Dana, you remember the freedom of childhood summers when the only thing on your mind was staying outside until the streetlights came on? Pretty much. Yeah, Mint Mobile is bringing that exact feeling back with their massive summer sale. Right now, all their premium wireless plans are just $15 a month. And yes, that even includes the unlimited plan. Unlimited. When I finally decided to make the switch, I was shocked how effortless the entire process was.

I got to keep my exact phone and current phone number. That means zero hassle. That's what you worry about. You don't want to get rid of your number. A high speed 5G service has been blazing. fast and reliable wherever you go. To get your new wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month, go to mintmobile.com slash flywall. That's mintmobile.com slash flywall.

Cut your wireless bill to 15 bucks a month at mintmobile.com slash flywall. That's it. No catch. Up front payment, $45 for three months, 90 for six months. 180 for 12 months. Plan required, $15 per month equivalent, tax and fees extra. Initial plan term only, greater than 50GB may slow when network is busy, includes up to 20GB hotspot. Capable device required.

Availability, speed and coverage varies. Go to mintmobile.com. Isn't it time for a mint? Hey, I'd like a mint. Mint Mobile. All right, good. That was really funny. Let's do a couple stories because we're like running so late things.

We always have too much fun. And then it goes on too long. Parents, oh, parents, I like when parents fool their kid. It's always rude. Parents fake.

Yeah. Oh, they fake an ultrasound, Frank, to break the child's food habit. Oh, as if they have a problem. He has a break,

and he cut off a lot of, he has a bunny and chitlet to do. He has a, He has a big German. Oh, no, that can't be real. I like the kid. I like I put the phone like that and then they put this fake thing on the screen.

So they're telling the kid that's in its stomach? Yeah, I know. That's the worst thing I've ever seen. And he's scream. All right, that's enough. It can't be real, but the kid seems good. Well, people think pranks are so funny and they're so brutal. To make the kid just be an hysterics thinking this alien bar.

How is in his stomach? Hysterics. I don't like it. I think that's child abuse. They do these things, their dogs, too. They trick their dogs. I'm like, don't do this. They don't know what's true.

Now, when you do stories like that, you feel that, that's what people want to see. Is that your idea? Is that funny to you? Is that funny to you? To see your child cry? I don't think so. Oh, I like that. I don't think so.

Okay. Next one. Okay. Got a hundred of these left. Great. Oh, this is just stupid. This is when they tend the sprinklers on. Someone tries to jump into the sprinkler.

Oh, wow. They're too strong. Yeah. See how far it goes? And what are they watering a soccer field? Whoa. Like a, yeah, like a whole field. Oh, this will be fun.

I didn't know it was on 5 million RPMs. Fire hose on a fucking. Yeah, it's like how they're. They spray people back. Coming out of a hook and ladder. That'll leave a mark. You know how many times in Tommy Boy we were trying to think of a way to say, that'll leave a mark.

It's like, everyone's like say a different joke, different joke, different joke. Instead of that'll leave a mark? Yeah, you just do a bunch. What would be one ad lib instead of that'll leave a mark?

I think Roblo gets hit in the balls with like sandbags and I'm like, that's going to ruin your Friday night. It was like those kind of things. Just do a bunch. But if that, I leave Mark, also, punchier, and also when Farley got hit with the board, I remember seeing him in makeup, I go, I don't think it's dark enough because it was just light pink. I'm like, it should be so clearly cracked across your face. Yeah.

That there's, that I just go, ah. And he's like, is there anything on my face? I'm like, I don't. You know, it's like dark red. I love visual jokes. Okay. Well, next one, next one, next, next one. Um, this student was falsely accused of drug use.

Oh, his school secretly photographed him through his law, Heather, through his laptop camera, while he ate candy at home. So here, let's play it. Do they play it or is it just a story? Can they do that? He sued them. The lawsuit exposed 56,000 screenshots of students in their homes. Like, doing their homework, it just keeps taking pictures.

Wow. Oh, my God. That's just a bigger fear of like, oh, who cares? Are people looking and you're like, no, you can't do that. I mean, I'm glad they got caught, but just to be aware, like, they always talk about flock cameras right now. I don't even really know what they are. What are our flock cameras, Dana? You read a bunch of books the other day.

I would assume if we were at your house in Los Angeles, and we said, let's go rob a few banks. Right. every single second of driving to the banks, going in the banks, come out, wherever we went, we'd be on camera. Everywhere. There's cameras everywhere. I know. You know what's funny is when I was at the visa place, they go, you know how you don't

question anything? They're buzzing me and take my phone. It's like I'm on Epstein's Island or something. I just let them all do it. And I just stand there and I'm like, so I have no phone. I'm locked and it was underground. I'm like, sketch. And then they go, okay, let's get your fingerprints.

four fingers, just press them right on there. It's like electronic. And I thought the lady was going to be like, so you're out to bank? I'm like, no, no. Let me give you some different fingers. Let me mix them up. Yeah.

Okay, there you go. I'm going to mix them up. Yeah, I got a little scared. See if you can, you know, pick out my thumb, you know. One of these is going to be my weaners. I'm going to surprise you. See foreground. Remember what I told in the old days we take photos?

you like get to the foreground. Look how big my hand is just because it's in front. Well, the trick is when you take a weiner picture, you really put your wiener way up there and then you lay back, way back here by the count. And then it looks like Godzilla. That's just classic. That's what 15th century painters ratio.

Yeah, so yeah, you can definitely do anything you want, your little room. Oh, yeah. Still is so it still is the easiest joke in the world for about two weeks was that Anthony Wiener showed. as Weiner. Oh, yeah, I agree. Wouldn't you change your name?

They should auction off that laptop. I always wondered what's on there. They said it's rough. Oh, technology begets hedonism when it comes to men, you know? I mean, when VHS came in, the first thing I do is make porn and put it on VHS. That blew up the technology. Yeah. So when the technology eye, you can send a picture.

Yeah, it's genius. Not good for certain individuals. It's not good for kids, that's for sure. Okay, so let's do one more. I always have so many. I think there's so many. Oh, this is Liam Neeson. They keep catching them with Pions.

Well, that's not. It's mean. And I'm not laughing. That's just Photoshop or something, right? I don't know why. Well, then what is wrong with Liam Neeson? I mean, it's not. They're getting smaller at least.

So what? Yeah, that's just joke. Why is it funny? Well, it's funny if it's not Photoshop. If it's real. I mean, are we really wasting AI with his shit? This is just. Save the water.

Well, what's funny is that someone thought of this. It is a funny one. Did it with AI and posted it. And you and I were kind of going, is it possibly true? I fall for every single one of these hook line. I have skills. I have skills. I've acquired.

I have skills. I never used bathrooms. I always just pee my pants. Why do I need a urinal and I've got good old fashion underwear to catch your hair? You know what the guy says on the other end? He goes, I have a certain set of skills and I'll find you and kill you. And then you pause the guy goes, good luck. And then he keeps playing it back.

Good luck. No, but then Liam Nees. I have skills I've acquired to make me a. Night bearer. The guy says good luck and Liam Neeson, he hangs up with Liam Neeson and goes, I didn't expect you to be so nice. Maybe I won't go after you. Yeah, he goes, oh, thanks. Good luck to you too.

I appreciate you saying good luck to me. I'm Liam Neeson. And from the bottom of my shoes, go fuck yourself. From the bottom of my all-new leather Tony Fauci shoes, go fuck yourself. All right, let's end on that. That's a good one. Thanks, Dana. Uh-huh.

I'll see you soon. Same bad time. Same bad channel. All right, listen, if you're enjoying the fly on the wall, of course, hopefully you are. Click follow. We don't want to be desperate, but obviously smash that goddamn button on your favorite podcast app. Smash it. Leave a review, a good one.

Leave a five-star rating, nothing else. Whoops. And maybe even share an episode with a friend. If you're watching this episode on YouTube, please subscribe. Dana. What do you think? I'm going to tell you this right now. Hear me now. Believe me later. Fly on the wall, believe it or not, is presented by Odyssey.

And executive produced by Hold For It, Dana Carvey and David Spade. Or David Spade and Dana Carvey. We don't write those stuff. Heather Santoro, Greg Holtzman, and Leah Reese Dennis. The show is edited by Evan Cox with production support from Phil Sweet Tech. Talent production and booking by Sophia Lippor.