Fly on the Wall with Dana Carvey and David Spade - The Big Fight + SNL 51 FINALE

Episode Date: May 25, 2026

The guys talk about David’s time at the Ronda Rousey v Gina Carano fight, in which he exchanged numbers with Jon Bones Jones, and had his view obstructed by Michael Irvin. They also cover season 51 of SNL, Buzzing Around, and the news of the week! To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Sebastian. I don't know my toenails. No, you went to the fight at the endowed. I should have paused for this. Directly in front of me is Michael Irvin, who's a funny dude to talk to football player. 1,000% blocks my view of the fight. One million maybe. He stands up.

Anytime they go ding, ding, he's up. And I'm like, nothing happened yet. But, you know, if there's like a full beat down, everyone jumps up. but he jumps up if there's a shin kick I follow you know like Sarah or Marcello

and they just Sarah Marcello and so they play clips or I follow SNL or I follow NBC or I follow that general area of location of 30 Rock

and I follow Midtown Manhattan Do you follow me on Instagram? Dana not right now just because I'm kind of keeping a tight friend group. Oh yeah, Danny, you should come visit.

I don't get vertical without a paycheck. All right. What's vertical in the air? Yeah. That's the thing is like, let me quiz you right away. Yeah, go. You're 10, 12-year-old David. Yeah.

Batman's on, mommy, you know. And you see a comedian and you're kind of like, you have a little daydream in your head, like maybe I could do that. Yeah. And you thought you'd be on a set or you'd be in a studio. And then you spend your whole life up in the air. Oh, to say, oh, I'm going to be a stand-up.

Yeah, and I'm going to do that. And then you realize that, like, we have getting your message, this is, David, your laptop still slightly in frame. Oh, we're trying to do our bits, yeah. This is just coming in. Because I did a gig in Miami, and we decided to drive from where I am sort of north. So it's three hours of the airport. There's a three hour delay and then the flight.

So from point to point, it was 13 hours. Now, when I did my performance there was for this sort of, of event and I did 45 minutes and then I had another 13 hours back and you go, well, what do you really do? Well, I do stand up for 45 minutes. And I travel for 25 hours. Yeah. What am I really doing? Am I doing? Yeah, I understand that. I mean, do you really? I don't. Don't hate my hair. We have different hair that yours is fluffy and loose and carefree and fancy. free in mind is shellacked. Yeah, you just put like super glue on it, right?

And it just stays for like a week. I'm trying. I try to keep it because I have to have. Are you trying? That's your second. Are you? Is my head too high in the frame? Are you okay with it?

No, I think I think you're okay. I just get messages. Excuse me. Come in. Come in. Holtzman one. Come in. They don't know is that we get tight messages like everything you're saying

sounds stupid change it. We're like, oh, okay. Hey, we're 400 shows in. What do you want? Yeah. It's called fresh out of ideas. No, we're fresh, but out of ideas. Yeah, I was, okay, I went to the UFC fight this weekend. Of course you did. Ron or Rousie. Oh, yeah. Gina Carrano. That I was saying? Love Rousie. Both lovely ladies back in the swing after a while. And, you know, it's funny because Dana, first of all, it was at the Intuit Center. Are you into it? That was, it's a dome, though.

It's not the center. It's a dome because it's based on the Intuit Native Americans from Alaska. It is not. Is it really? The Intuit Native Americans made their way down and just said, we here, build big dome and then that was sure that's what they wanted one part of history and so the stadium was yeah right i think it's a tax planning i know i was about to say but i had you going that's true because in arizona we have the garbage can open or something it used to be called the phoenix

open where i was a whole reporter everyone let's get picked up by some golf hey man golf what is it called when you're ahead of your time. Fucking rocking. Well, we had the 50s going, hey, it's Colgate comedy hour, went dormant for decades. Then it came out in 97 with a show called the Taco Bell Dana Carvey show. People said that's nuts. People said you're crazy. And we didn't get paid.

We just thought it was funny. People said. You can't do that. You didn't get paid by Taco Bell. Didn't get a penny. We just thought it was funny. That's even funny. And then, yeah, 30 years later, everyone got paid for that.

Nah, not a nickel. Not from the talk. Not a goddamn bean burrito. They didn't give me a personal check, no. What's funny about Taco Bell is everything's the same. You get a burrito just beans, cheese, lettuce, wrapped up. You get a toastata. It's just open.

A taco, it's like that. I know. You know, I like, if you're at a party, okay, and they have hors d'oeuvres, Do you want a big, sloppy thing that's going to drip all over it? You kind of want like a tea sandwich. So I like a bite. It's nothing that's going to explode. You get a burger with all the lettuce and everything.

You take a bite. I like a tomato. That's new. I want to write it down. A tomato bean expunge from a bun. David Spade. Here's the onion on the other side of your hamburger. here's the pickle being here's the pickle being squeezed out no i

everyone's pushing yeah i like it inside the button it's okay i love to stay inside no i don't want to be injected i'm repelling down a shredded lettuce we should never smoke weed before we come on this podcast funny though we get so on tangents i'm at the ufc fight oh yeah that's go back to your story and then I'll hit you my other story. And it's it's Netflix, not not the Dana White UFC. It's a little off brand, you know, Netflix likes to do live events. Well, can we put Ronda Rossi and do the first part? Because I want to put her in context. Yes. Okay. So I go there. I feel like I'll be close because, you know, when Netflix asked you to come or, you know, something like that. You were invited? I'm second row, right? Which I might as well.

well been last row. Really wild. When I go with UFC, it's first row, and I get so spoiled because nothing's in front of you, there's Ari Emanuel. There's people that are like announcing and then there's the fight. But with this one, just one row, if you're a bit of a piv squeak. So now it's like coach, you know, I know it's your precious into it don't, but it's a little, I think it's just different seats for the fight.

So I'm squeaking down. my row around me is like Tommy Lee or Tommy Lee All right Hey K Adams A lot of fighters actually Oh Sebastian's in my row

Sebastian I don't know my toenails No you went to the fight at the In to it's storm We're paying the watch What? What's going And Donovan Mitchell's down there, clipping his style now.

Donovan Mitchell, is he from the clippers? No, he's from Cleveland Cavaliers. I don't know. It popped into my head. I don't know why. If the clippers are clipping their toenails, that would be ridiculous. Well, the Minneapolis toeheads are actually a minor league baseball team. Okay.

Sometimes you're fiving. No, they're either blonde or somebody clicks their. host, yeah. So my row has got people. Oh, behind me is Hannah Storm, who's a sports announcer reporter. Cool name. Very cool. Very cool.

Talk to her a lot. And then directly in front of me is Michael Irvin, who's a funny dude to talk to a football player. 1,000% blocks my view of the fight. One million maybe. He stands up. Anytime they go ding, ding, he's up. And I'm like, there's nothing happened yet.

But, you know, if there's like a full beat down, everyone jumps up. but he he jumps up if there's a shin kick so anyway i i keep going michael i can't see really when you're sitting and now when you stand it's really over and then there's all the netting and then there's cameras so and then the stage is a little higher so you're trying to like look at the far side of nate diaz's head be so i sort of went because nate was in busboys oh a few people remember Thank you, Busboys coming on a video. Live streaming soon. Video on demand soon, yeah.

So anyway, it's fun, it's crazy. The fights are pretty quick, so there's a lot of, it's like a nightclub now. There's music, and everyone's just in their row. Just kind of. So I. Oh, it's end of day stuff. I go up and really bother one of my favorite UFC fighters and tap them on the shoulders, 50 feet tall.

I'm like, excuse me, it's a bit of a hustle and bustle, but it's hard to hear my voice if I could scruple down something. So, so John, John Bones Jones was there watching. The greatest fighter ever, maybe. Yeah, I would say arguably, he's, yes. He might be like goat. Didn't want to hype it up too much, but yeah, so I was like, I got to just ruin this guy's night. So I say hi, he's very cool.

We talk for a minute. Then he says, uh, anyway, he says, you don't have my number. Can I put it in your phone? John Jones, you don't have my number? Of course. That's a little forward. I have a thing. with guys, celebrities that I never ask him for their number,

it's always too weird. So I like that he said something because I would have said, oh, yeah, we should go to Waterberg or something. We should do something, you know. These are a bad example. So we should do something. Because I like hanging out. Anyway, we had a fun four minutes,

and he's putting his number in. I'm looking at like this to people. They're not looking at the fight anymore. No, it's in between fights. It's like a half hour. Oh, no, I was just said, what if it is. Everyone would be very excited.

John Jones is true. It's giving spade. Bones Jones. He's a very cool, soft-spoken, normal guy. Yeah. For a guy who's had his bell rung, stop me if you don't know these terms. But he's been rattled. But he perfectly eloquent guy, yeah.

Yeah. There was some other guys there. They're like, I sound like Don Rickles going, are we at a fight? What times the bar mitzvah? You know, they don't know where they're at. So. John, John, John. Jones, this is an iconic. Give him a cookie. The fight started a half hour ago.

Can I get a glass of milk? Anyway, so he says to me, he says to me, he says, I says, I says, I says, I says. He goes, by the way, next fight, Ron Rousey, it'll probably be over and under a minute by Arm Bar. Oh, really? Yeah, that's the most interesting thing he said. He also said Nate Diaz got so cut. He goes, it's kind of a drag for him because he's such a good fighter and he will never quit. but he has thin skin and from all these, you know, scars and stuff, it cut so easily. He's always bloody.

He was bloody in the cell of us boys because I bumped into him. So he's like bleeding too much, Heather saw it too. He's bleeding too much. They stopped the fight. That's a drag because he would keep fighting. He doesn't care. Plus, when you get hit in the face so much, your face is numb so they're just like, we can keep fighting.

I just say one word to describe those dudes. It's him and his brother. Stockton. Stockton. They came out fighting first day at kindergarten. Those guys were fighting their whole lives

and they'll take so much punishment and keep coming. Yeah, they love to talk shit too. Anyway, I saw him, I was bummed he lost. But I thought it was very interesting that he said that because he knows everything so well. So then I sit down, ding ding,

Ron Rousey, arm bar, 17 seconds. Well, here's the thing I want to ask you because I was watching him, last night. And even NBA, every second, it's betting. Every second, what's the main one? Oh, draft kings, that kind of stuff. Yeah, every second under, over, during the game.

Oh, is it saying on the TV? Yeah, yeah, and the commercials, more now. Yeah, in the commercial break. Live betting, live. You can lose money even faster. So did you place any bets? And did John Jones place a, who's the person who thought the other person who won, not Ronda Rossi?

Did they place a bet and lose them? Gina? Gina. I didn't better than you. What was the under over? You're a bad guy. Oh, I think they said Ronda. I can't remember because I just thought, I don't like to see the ladies fight for some reason, but.

The ladies. I really felt like the ladies that are 10 times tougher than me. They're like 32. It's not like they. Well, I think Rhonda got, they're friends. So I think she got it over with fast so they wouldn't have to beat the shit out of each other. because they like each other. Well, but it was it a real victory then?

Or was it kind of like, let's get this over fast? I don't know. I don't know what people say it. But, I mean, she's good at Jiu-Jitsu, Rondarousie. And so if she gets the right knocked, when she plans to come knock you down right away, you think they'd stand up and fight a bit. If you're not ready for it, you go down.

Then once you're down, you're fucked because she gets, she's like a spider monkey. She gets on you. She's, she was like a superstar in, you know. UFC. A UFC. And then she went to wrestling too. And then she went to wrestling or she was sort of retired, right?

And then she was in a couple movies. She's charismatic. She's cool. Very pretty. Very good at her job. And then you see this wipeout. It just goes in. Boom, wins over.

And then immediately says, that's it. I'm done. That was interesting. I'll never do this again. Yeah. Gina Corona was very tough. She was probably, she probably won more. I'm probably wrong.

But I just remember hearing she was saying, such a ass kicker in the day. And then, but she's been out of the game for a while. And then she got canceled, remember? So she really had nothing going. Then she gained 100 pounds.

You know that? Well, do those connects? She got canceled and then she gained 100 pounds. Okay. Is it a to-do list? And then get beaten up by Ronda Rossi. She really had a hard run there.

Yeah, Heather's right. Because I think she probably gained way because she had everything sort of taken away. And now she's, what are you doing? all day when your one thing is to go fight or act. She doesn't do either really. And then to have this opportunity, she said, before the fight, she said, I would never have lost this weight if Rhonda hadn't have waited for me. She said, they offered her the fight and she wasn't ready and wanted Rhonda

said, I'll wait for her. And so she lost weight. And she said, I owe it to her because I wouldn't have lost the weight. There's no reason. Right. That's cool, right? I liked it. And that's why I thought, oh, They don't want to beat the shit out of each other. And, you know, the guys are usually tough talking and throwing kicks at the way. And, you know, throwing bottles at each other, like hyping it up. Well, they always seem like they've fostered a true hate, the two fighters in the UFC. Like vitriol.

And then the fight is brutal and all this and that. And then the second's over, they're just hugging it up. I love you, man. It's like, you are a champion. The best. Very much. Yeah. Well, so anyway, that was, I don't want to milk too much on the fight.

There was the fight. Went to Arizona, saw my lovely mama. And? My mama did a little book that she's putting together on Amazon. It's so funny. She did? She did? It's getting older.

So. It's her third. It's her third one, but they're going to put them all together in one book. Oh. Yeah. So I'm going to say it on here. So for a stucking stuffer. You might get one for 5% off, Dana.

Well, for people don't know about it because people always. have a bucket list. Maybe I'll read a book someday. I don't know. You don't need a publisher. You don't have to addition to book. You can make a deal with Amazon. If someone presses the button wants your book, they'll make the book and send you your share of the profits. Right. I think that's something with Amazon and her friends are helping her. Right. Huh? Lorne, you get stuck in Lauren face.

I got stuck in Lauren face. Will Ferro was on SNL. Yeah, I wanted to talk about that for a second. Just that when my, I think about the season, and I know how hard it is, you know how hard it is, and the ups and downs and this and that. I just thought it was a really good season. I think that, you know, yeah,

I think that, of course, Ashley Padilla emerged. I'm so sorry. I don't know the name of the gentleman who does Tucker Carlson. Look that up, will you, Heather or Greg? It's not Desmukes. Is he, Heather, look? No, but he's great. S.

N. L. Cast, Matt. You got already? Jeremy Colhane. Jeremy Colhane. He's done a lot of really cool things on that show. And then it's Tucker Carlson. He just kind of owned it, you know. Is this worth doing?

What's going on? on. Is this a new rule? You know, it's very, very, very well done. And Ashley, Ashley is great at taking pauses and bursts of weird anger. Like you don't know, she's kind of a fresh, weird way to do neurotic people. She was extraordinary. And then I think that Colin Joe's was so perfect and had such a good time. There's a lot of energy him doing, um, he had some hex with, Hegsith. Oh, yeah.

Because they'd done so much Trump, and they still do Trump. But I think even in my own stand-up, Trump is a little, you know, it's like a horse at the end of the race. Yeah. We've seen a lot. But that was kind of a hat on a hat at this point. That was kind of a new, funny, high-energy text. I thought it was a pretty good season.

Dave, what's your, two stars? David, what did you think of season 51? Are you saying the whole season? I see clips on Instagram because I'm fucking. at the clubs dude i'm not it's called record it no they're like

it starts 1130 but now you can watch it at 830 I'm like that's too late no here's what you do is you go on YouTube the next morning you know SNL last night I just go on I follow you know like Sarah or Marcelo and they just

they play clips and so they play clips or I follow SNL or I follow NBC or I follow that general area of location of 30 Rock. And I follow Midtown Manhattan. Do you follow me on Instagram? Dana, not right now, just because I'm kind of keeping a tight friend group.

I was thinking today when people, I'll understand this, when people, I'm watching their stories, you know, on Instagram, you don't do it as much, but they put their day-to-day stuff.

And after a while, because, you know, I know them somewhere where they said follow me. And after a while, I go, this is like a TV show that I've lost interest in that I don't know how to get out of anymore. Like, they keep popping up like, they're just flatlining now. Like, I have zero interest. And the unfollow is a little much, just so you know, it's a little harsh. So I found out you can mute their stories and their main post, but I do the stories.

And when I get to the point of muting their main post, it is like they're disintegrated. You still follow them. So there's not that anger and animosity and hurt and pain and violence. Well, there is a button that I've found oddly enough. Instead of unfollow, you can do quietly quitting. And it's a lot softer. It's a quiet quit. It's a softer exit for people because if it's outrageous, it's contagious.

If it's someone making cocoa, it ain't soren. It's boring. Just made that up. Fucking Heather printing t-shirts and bumper stickers. Not getting clicks with that stupid tricks. Oh, yeah. I go like this. I quiet quit people.

I go, here's your stories. No more stories. No, no, quiet time. We should go to sleep, go to sleep. It's chloroform. But you got to be either, you can be virtual signaling. You can be like, I saved a puppy. you can be highly sexual, you can be really sad.

Like, just not feeling, man, you know? I like that. But if it's just you making cocoa or here's my day, I don't know. I mean, you've got 32 million off all platforms. I don't even count anymore. 33. All right, 23. In the millions.

There's one the other day, a girl making pottery. She's kind of cute. I'm like, who makes pottery? It's like ghost. And then, of course, they all turn into this shape of a weaner. I'm like, okay. I go, oh, this is the, this is the hook. Oh, that's the, did they point it out or it's just so obviously a phallic thing?

Dana. Have you seen paper cutting guy? 10 million followers. Hey, everybody. Just some paper today. Even if you're joking, there is probably real guy. So go ahead. Yeah.

We're going to, uh, oh, just that? Trim some paper down. We're going to push them together like. this and now let me know what you think this looks like that's a weiner no it came out a pipe i think oh okay 20 million followers like i wouldn't stick it in your mind yeah it looks like a pipe fool no i like everything everything looks like a weiner to you yeah i would say you should be on point i got to mix it up you got you got you got you got applause for that no but what about I thought you're going to go.

I would watch this, Dana. Ready? Do I have any paper? This cardboard. Let's just say it's paper. Ready? Oh, no. You're doing my bit.

Okay. Yeah, but the guy goes like this. Paper cut. Gives himself on. Then he goes here. And he goes, ah. And I'd be like, okay. It's something.

Dana, don't make me get my sound effects out because it's too fun. We have a special. We have a special. For guests. Oh, I know this is a trick. Oh, Garth. Okay, I'll hear from Garth. Hi, David Spade.

How are you today? That's funny. I'm going to tell, wait. Go ahead. How many followers do you have on Instagram? For reals? I have, no, I don't have that many. Oh.

I didn't think so. I'm going to tell Mike. What are you going to tell Mike? His name's Wayne. Jesus. I'm going to tell away. Doesn't this one sound like Sandler? Why you know has friends? God, that doesn't.

Hang on, I got to take this. Excuse me. Is this entertainment? I don't know. I don't have a pig. So mad. This thing's a rip-off. I can't believe I'm saying 3,000. dollars a month for this app if we go to season four it's just going to be sound effect boxes i know

199 on am yeah they do all the work so what do you guys just push the buttons and i'm like yeah don't worry about um by the way dana i did not to change gears a lot of please do chatter about the data centers you call them data centers which one do you call it which one's right I call them Scooby-Doo centers. Data. Oh, gee, Scoob, we got to make data centers, don't we, Scoop? How much data do we need? You're supposed to do Scooby-Doo.

Well, geez, Scoop, these data centers are sucking up too much energy. Shucking. I'm in. He's in. That's a good one. Quit putting peanut butter on you, nowhere, Shragory. He sounds like a whole sea captain Hey you

Hey you, matey I like go ahead Halloween someone comes as Velma and makes her like a total whore She was a bookworm That's not really reduce her to just like Well Oh that whole thing

Yeah just keep Scooby-Doo Scooby-Doo please Keep it clean guys Keep it above the waist Let's have some fun Yeah Above the waistline sunshine Keep them up at all times

And what do you think about data centers. This one uses 30 millions of gallons of water. It's really, these data centers are coming up quick. I can't say I'm for against. We have hundreds of them already built. I read 400 already built. Please turn CBS Radford into a data center. Everything should be a data center. Yeah. Yeah. Well. Everything should be a data center. I heard it's just, it's all to store AI and it's

uses too much water and electricity and it's like maybe we don't need AI what we don't need a i controversial subject well look so far it's like me flying 13 hours and then going on stage and crushing whoops why why are you standing you don't have to stand oh you got a standing ovation I'm just doing it. This is what you call an analogy, Scottsdale Community College. So the basic idea is Bahala awaits us.

We have, it's the size of Manhattan. We take a regular AI, computer chip thing. We plug it into millions of millions of GPUs. Otherwise, things stacked and little wafers with tons of global information. It'll have the history of all mankind and every science.

up when you get within seven miles of it. And then it'll come out and go, Cancer smancer, got it. Unlimited clean energy. Figured it out. Oh, so you're for it. Well, I don't think you can put the genie back in the bottle. You know, and I do think that it seems very dangerous potentially,

but apparently it's going to solve clean. unlimited energy and diseases. Is that what they told you? Is that what you think? Is that your plan? Oh, okay, yeah. I heard that one. No, they say,

they just are very honest, they go, are you sad that your town doesn't have enough places emitting cancer? You want to build one? Well, they're building mostly on swamp areas and stuff,

you know? Hey, let's go catch some cats fish. What the fuck is that? That's called the data center. Let's blow it up, Wilbur. Dude, I don't like living near a telephone pole. Forget about those things. Got some condos right next door.

You're like this. It's like a breeze in your face. Do the tomato flying out of the bone again. You like that one. Okay, ready? It gets very subtle. Take the first bite. It sees a break for freedom.

But I got to. be honest, Heather, Greg, break the tie. Does that really sound like a tomato? Not right. Oh, God, all that for that. God, dang. Speaking of those Zs, we have to do buzzing around. Oh, yeah, buzzing around.

Anytime you're ready. Let's do it because then we, unless you have a story, because then we have to do stories. No, this story is evergreen. I didn't quite get to it, but it's an evergreen. It's an evergreen story. You know what? That's Gervitz's favorite thing.

You know, you just do a show. You do Evergreen. You guys tape one episode a year. Evergreen. People listen to it in the year 2045 and they go, wow. For those of you at home, our manager tells us to do shit that's evergreen, which is a term, meaning it doesn't have to be topical or anything. Like on your podcast. You could do it today, air it in five months, but do it evergreen.

You just talk about, I go, what, trees? I mean, what? You want to talk about it. things that are relevant to the world, but to talk about things that could live in any time and space. It happens in sitcoms because they're rerunning all the time. So I would say, let's do a Dennis Rodman joke on just shoot me and they'd say, no, it's got to be evergreen. That's the first time I heard it. They go, it's just general like, you can explain it. That's why sitcoms, if they're about relationships, this and that from the 90s. I mean, we heard that the friends people get 20 million

a year now in residuals. And I guess Ray Romano, our friend gets 18 million a year, 20 years later. But Carson gets almost nothing to reruns. Or talk shows are highly daily topical. But I would say there's quasi evergreen. You know, there's trends like AI, taxes, elections. You can wait a month to air that. But it also, when you're a monologue on a talk show is fun,

because it's like what happened today. And SNL does what happened this week and then add Trump. But if you're doing like a regular podcast, it's kind of like, well, we talk about our weekends and stuff because that's sort of new information. Other than that, like let's say I talked about

getting a massage in my stand-up session. That's kind of evergreen. When did it happen, who knows? Right. A funny massage at a random hotel. Yeah, that's, that's, That's completely, your act is pretty evergreen, actually. Mine's more topical because I do it for a year on the road.

Yeah, this place that I played for, they said, please, only historical political figures. Only old ones. And I said, I need, yeah, this is real. And I said, I need more specificity. And they said, well, nothing after Obama. And if you do Obama, make sure you also make fun of. the opposite side of the aisle. Oh, they want to make sure it's okay.

Yeah. Yeah. So it's like what you call a hot oven to a lot of people. It's very heated. I didn't mind. I'll do evergreen stuff. I got to talk. Obama.

Obama. That's a, you got evergreen. Evergreen is something that's green. Where are the chefs go? Forever. That's what's called evergreen. It's green,

meaning you can make cash for the rest of your life. Michelle? Michelle, I don't want. I'm on. I'm on with David Spade. Nope. I don't need the egg salad. Just, nope, don't need it now.

Just leave it out. Thank you. She makes some sandwiches? Michelle, no, just put the egg salad. Well, all right. Oh, make me a small sandwich. I'll be there in a second. I'm talking about David Savate.

You could do a bit about a sandwich. Sandwiches will always be around. I'm on Davis. Exactly. You know what? Evergreen, even trees. could do a joke about trees. Everyone has a tree and they stick around for a long time.

By the way, Byron Allen, who's our friend from stand-up world, you know, who's a mogul, is taking over for Stephen Colbert's slot. He's paying CBS to put his stuff in there. And he can,

he's got comics unleashed or something. And the rule is you have to be evergreen. Relationships, dogs, everything. No, no current event thing. So he goes,

make a lot of money that way. But he really plucks people's axe, because you have to go in there with seven bits for real. And you're like, shit, if you're a new comic, you're like, I ain't getting rid of all my good stuff here. That's the tough one. By the like, Colbert Swan Song is like the Super Bowl. I'm like, they were showing clips on the news this morning.

I'm like, in his final week, I'm like, is this this big deal? I go, he had on his second last show, such luminaries as Weird Al. I'm like, Weird Al is great, but do I need to see a clip? I mean, let's wait until the very last. show. Let's show the clip. What happened at the end? You know, Clooney will come on or something and they'll be like, this will be great. But, but three weeks, actually a year of windup is kind of is a little much personally. It's fine. But I mean, it's really, go ahead. You can't say anything. No, I would just say this. I mean, there's a lot of ways to do this now. Look at us. We're kind of on TV right now. Sure. It's all about the same. Yeah. I mean, he will have more flexibility to do that kind of stuff.

He's writing a Lord of the Rings script with his son and another person. That's what we were going to do when we quit. Yeah, I know. Let's do a Star Wars. Let's write a new Star Wars called Wars of Stars. I'll play Middle Life Crisis Yoda. He's not Baby Yoda. and he's not the old Yoda.

He's a guy getting a gut. I'll play Harrison Ford's dad 50 years ago. Chewy, get me out of here. Get off this plane. I told you when George Lucas told the guy who plays Chewy, he had to calm up and go, we're not going to have you in the next story. Really?

Yeah. And then on the phone, all he heard was, he called him directly? And Chewie went, And he goes, I think, does that sound good? And he goes, is it bad? I can't really tell. I'm trying to guess your tone.

Yeah. And he said, he said, my tone changes. He goes, chewy, can you just shave everything but the beard? You know, ironically, chewy had no teeth. The actual character of chewy, he had no teeth. Oh, he's very scary. So he couldn't actually be chewy. He could be gummy.

He should have been called gummy. He actually scared people. but if push came to shove, he couldn't bite them, I don't think. This is Star Wars trivia. We get so far off our subject, what are we even talking about? Push comes to his shove.

He couldn't bite him. That's one of your greatest lines. Because, you know, they get a lot of precarious situations with the bad guys. Well, because it was done kind of seriously. Push comes to shove, he couldn't bite him. If Paris and Ford saw a bunch of stormtrovers, he goes, I'll take the leash off of chewing.

Hey, this is not Jeffrey Epstein. Oh, sorry. He popped in. No, he was just going to say, I like that when push comes to chef. He couldn't bite him. I'm not Jeffrey Epstein. Look at a mustache, fuck face. Hey.

Now, Chewy was like a service dog at that point. Like, he's just an animal on the spaceship with him and harmless. Chewy, get me out of here. I just like, get off my plumbus. Come on, do we need another Harrison Ford. So you have to do buzzing around. Let's do this. Let's do this.

All right. It is time, folks. You knew it was coming. Buzzing around. Sponsored by five-hour energy with a wide variety of bold flavors to choose from while I'm doing this day and it's like stretching out and getting ready. You get as much caffeine as a 12 ounce premium cup of coffee, but with zero sugar and zero sugar crash, find five-hour energy shots online.

at five hour energy.com. It's not a comedy piece. What are you laughing? No, it's funny because I hear you going, you're stretching out. You're right. I like it. Okay.

What's a scenario? We have Mike Tyson, Garth, Prince Harry, and Duchess Mark. So it's actually, I'm going to do today the Mike Tyson show.

Yeah. The Mike Tyson show and Garth is a sidekick. and the guess. Okay. There's nothing beyond that. I don't know what they're going to say. No, no one thinks you prepare this, believe it.

Hey, everybody. This is Gartelgar. And I'm Mike Tyson's sidekick. With no further ado, please welcome Mike Tyson. Oh, wait a minute. No. I press the wrong fucking button. I know.

I can't see you. Hold on. Batched. Botch bit. Please welcome Mike Tyson. Anyway, okay. Yeah, this is a, thanks, God. Thank for that introduction.

Hey, no problem, Mike. Please don't punch me. That sounds good already. We never touch you. We never did that for you because I like doing the Mike Tyson show. Here's a joke for you. Why does the boxing glove cross the road? Oh, why?

They can't cross the road. They got no legs. What are you going to do about it? Hey, I don't get it. I don't get it, Mike. And what are you going to do about it? Yeah, exactly. There you go.

He sets the upper joke and then he says, what are you going to do about it? Sorry, Mike, but I just didn't get it. Yeah, you didn't get it, but what are you going to do about it? What are you going to do about it? Maybe try to write a better joke. Why does the boxing glove cross the road in the first place? Because it needs a hand. Yeah, I didn't get it.

What are you going to do about it? Oh, my God, Gar. Hey, wait a minute. You're threatening me by saying, what are you going to do about it? I mean, I'm the guy who says, what are you going to do about it. Hey, this is crazy. Let's get our guests out here.

Please welcome Prince Harry. Prince Harry and Duchess Michael. Okay. Oh, hey, hey, thanks to come on this show. I'm a big fan of you guys because you like lived in a castle at some point, right? That's why? Yes. That's exciting to Mike.

Yes, this is Prince Harry. And I'm so excited to be. to the vizchum, because you've got fisticuffs, you're fisticuffs. Put your dukes up. Is that what you do? Yeah, yeah, I do. I don't say it like that.

That's that old-timey thing, you know. I like when you say, put up the fisticuffs. I'm not going to say that. You know, I'm never going to say that all right. So all I can say is, what are you going to do about it? Hey. Well, wait a minute. This is not just Michael.

Yeah, I was waiting for her. This is my real speaking voice. have to put something on for the silly cooking shows and all the podcast. Yes, let's do another putty cast, Mommy. Harry, you try my patience. Let Mommy talk to Mr. Eisen. But I like to do putty cast. We did a putty cast.

We no longer have a putty cast. We're getting in a little Bella Legosia as a side note, but go ahead. Get into Boris Karlo. Yeah, that's it. All right, enough of you guys talking amongst yourselves. I'm the host. I got questions. Oh.

So what kind of things you think are going to do pretty soon? And what are you going to do? Pretty soon. Oh, we're going to tour the world. Yes, we're going to tour the world. Harry and I are going to tour the world. We're going to defeat global poverty. Yeah, okay.

That sounds very nice. That's a good idea. You know, how are you going to defeat it? Where are you going to defeat it? Yes, Mommy, how are we going to defeat it? We're going to give speeches all over the world. And we're going to defeat global poverty. I don't think you're going to defeat global poverty doing that.

I think you got to do something more, right? You know, I mean, what are you going to do about it? What do you mean? What are you going to do about it? I'm just telling you about global poverty? Yeah, global poverty, I think. I'm like that anyway. Let me get him with a joke.

Why did the boxing glove bounce across the templine? Why? Because it makes things bounce. Oh, yeah. That's, you know, more of a fact. This one's mandering off into nowhere. Yeah, it is. This has been buzzing.

For anyone who didn't like this thing, you know, what are you going to do about it? There you go. Stay tuned for more Mike Tyson next week. Bo at the end. That was buzzing around, sponsored by FiverE Energy's, tasty caffeine flavors. Give yourself some applause. Enjoy big flavor in a tiny bottle.

Five Our Energy shots. Pack the flavors of the season portable. Two ounce shots. So find Five Our Energy shots online at five hourenergy.com or Amazon today. Okay, story one. Let's get to the news and then we'll... Story one. We always blabbs so long.

I know. We went off on too many tangents. We were good though. I liked it. Okay, what's this? New Challenger. Are you ready? Yeah.

I don't care. Go. Watch this. Oh. Whoa. So are you okay back to that, Dally? Are there watch? Wait, stop it for once a second.

You're just kneeling. I don't even know if I could do that. You're kneeling and shuffling. You're walking as you're crouched down. Actually, I bet that's super hard. Heather, what do you think? It looks hard, right? You could probably do it.

Well, what exploded? She does ballet. No, because the guy fell. But I think. I think this person that looks like the woman in the Incredibles with the hair is saying, race me and people race them and then they lose. But I just think, is that that hard to do? I think it is. Well, I think it is.

I thought they had some kind of little wheels on or something. I can do it one more time. Let me see. I thought they had. Right. It's just, I think, shuffling the feet, which has made me think it's hard. Oh, and a really deep squat. Okay.

Yeah, that's hard, right? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, no, she's riding on something. Excuse me. Is it a little? Yeah, she's, she, I thought, they, they don't have it.

She's got something. Is it like a little truck, a little motorcycle? She, she's on a little trolley. And there's, yeah, so that. Yeah, she's got a little wheel thing that the dress covers it. Okay. Mystery solved. Well, geez.

At least you didn't say AI. Well, gee, Scoob, we couldn't see the wheels. It scared me, Scoop. Well, I have to say, if it is a little bike, it's still hard to do. No, no. It's still a good effect. Still forget it. I can't.

Okay, next. We really hit the big stories. I know. Oh, look at this one. 9.3 million worth of cocaine found in Kim Kardashian's skim's shipment. I don't think so. Looking good for Kim and them skims. They got Kim Kardashian out here looking like a drug king.

So over $9 million worth of cocaine was reportedly found inside a shipment connected to Kim Kardashian skin brand. You heard what I just said? According to reports, I did. The authority stopped the transport truck carrying Skims clothing from the next. Netherlands to England would almost 200 pounds of cocaine in the shop. I heard it. He said that he was driving a truck carrying 28

pounds. Frank Caliando? And according to the National Crime Agency, he picked up 198 pounds of cocaine during that trip. And the truck was modified to hide that, yeah, yeah. Now, imagine how crazy that sounds. Okay, hold on.

I need a little thing called evidence of some kind. A guy's pointing his finger at something. That's evidence. well I guess and the reason I know this because I'm hustling the cocaine I like how the people make themselves more important in the story so they get really big in the frame like here's the story behind me

they should be really teensy like here's all that but you know what it's probably one of those things where they used one of their trucks but they don't know about it I'm sure she doesn't know about it if it's true Dana I don't think Kardashians don't play.

These people are real. They don't need money for COVID. Well, they would have their shipping stuff completely, you know, perfectly organized. There wouldn't be any criminal activity. It's a multi-billion dollar company where they be show the big bottoms. Yeah. Yeah. And if anyone got on there and did it, it's just something on the side that you don't know about.

Can I just ask you a question from just business? So there was spandex, right, Heather? Spandex holds everything in, men, women, whatever. Nylons. So was it the genius moves that go, hey, wait a minute. Mom, Kim, why don't we do spandex? But let's just call it skims. Well, how about there was Spanx?

Oh, Spanx. Do they own that, too? No, they ripped them all. They ripped them off. And it ripped off wetsuits. What's that? And then hiked up the braces. Yeah, just give me a wet suit, cut the top part off and charge triple.

I know. I say, yeah, what I think you have an audience that's going to do whatever you want. Yeah. You can fudge it a bit and just get away with a little more. Now, if you're just starting spanks out of the blue, it has to be a really good idea. This is sort of, if not a rip-off, just kind of running with the theme of tightening everything up. Well, I was going to mention this, but. I wasn't going to mention it, but I guess I'll mention that.

That I thought for men, we do it, it's from Spade Carvey, and it's called Spanx a lot. And it's just Spanx a lot, dude. Spanx a lot. And it's just very festive underwear. But it holds your butt in and your fat. Yeah, and tramps down your winter. I think guys would wear this stuff and they don't say it. Oh, you mean sort of.

girdle, right? Yeah. I mean, I wish I could trick everyone and hide all the flaws and afterwards I go sally, Charlie, this is what you got. We can't show our nipples. What they have built-in nipples. True, what a great way. She sells these sweaters with built-in nips or bras or something. Or barbells. Have you seen those?

They put the barbells through the nips. Oh, boy. How about washboard short T's? So you get T-shirts for young dudes who have washboard stomachs and they're kind of shorts that go, what time is it? Yeah, I had some half shirts. No lie. So that you can show off 12-pack. All right, move along next to you. Hey, I want to bring a sense memory.

What are you going to do about it? Did you write that? That's funny. No, I just put ideas on there. I just enjoy it. Okay, here we are. This one is really interesting. What is this?

Renting a Japanese husband for a night out. This reminds me of. Really? Brendan Fraser's last movie. Right. That's right. This guy's a stud, I have to say. That is what Brendan Frazier's movie was.

Oh, he dropped a flower that he broke the frame. That's, Kanichiwa means Arrigato, which means at a mummy. Oh. Okay. So she's embarrassed to go to a wedding without a husband. Yeah.

And picks her up. No less. I wouldn't be doing that. This is a good idea. Maybe this is more honest. Maybe this is what life should be. This might be happening out there. You know, it's like bring your friend or like, hey, just come with me.

But this guy looks sharp. And then you guarantee he's nice to you. You're not going to get drunk and get in a fight. Behaves. You slide him a couple of coup of bucks. I mean, I'm sure he's very charming and they probably, because there's no pressure, they probably have a really good time.

And then they're back at the hotel in Tokyo and they're having a glass of champagne in their hotel suite. Guess what happens? Yeah, that was in Irvine. Why would you think Tokyo? Well, weren't they from Japan? Sorry, it was in Irvine.

I'm kidding. He got to the door, and I know what's about to happen. So they're offering champagne. Faye Cousman, thank you. There's not an earthquake at the wedding. No, this is afterwards in the hotel. Oh. Oh. Yeah.

I should do it. In Budakshed, I will live it away. Just a little. A earthquake or something else. That was a... That was an apertief. All right, come on. We got to wrap it up.

Oh, yeah. We watched one of your old bits on SNL. Where did you find it? On the dark web. You can't find chink change anywhere. We found it. You found it? Which one was it?

So hilarious. Nora Dunn and beautiful. Who comes over? Valerie Bertnelli. Yes. And you flirt with her. She's using your phone. And he's kind of an awkward character.

So she's leaving. And she goes, after a while, crocodile. And then my character goes, bye, bye, doggy. Donkey. Donkey. And she goes, uh, okay. All right. Let's have Valerie Bertnelly on.

I'm always saying the wrong thing. Uh, okay, next one. Mm-hmm. She was not on. That was before I got there. Okay. A forum post details private charter company. Oh, this is what we heard before.

I want to find out this is true. Tell me in the comments. Everyone loves to yell at me. This form post, and I'm going to put it directly on the screen, and I'm going to read it. Yeah, word for word. It says this, quote, I work for a private charter company in Ontario, Canada. The company handles booking and chartering flights across Ontario. Okay, got it.

We are paid to spread ticks by air. It happens twice a year, early spring, and early fall. This year, we've been hired to do it earlier. The company receives the ticks and boxes. Each box contains millions of ticks. The aircraft used are generally single or dual prop aircraft, single pilot, and one other passenger that handles the dispersals. It pays a lot, and I mean a lot.

I think the fast forward is. Generally, the ticks are dispersed in several specific regions in Ontario. And it's always the same regions each in every year. Oh, it's in Canada. That's far. Last spring, the ticks dispersed were mostly American dogs. Some deer ticks. This year, they're all deer ticks. Supposedly specifically why to withstand cold temperatures? End quote. So that post was from March 16th. Two weeks before Snoop said that this story originated. All right. And it's pretty interesting here. We have a whistleblower saying that they are paid to disperse ticks across. Why? Why? Why? Why? Now, this sounds eerily familiar to what we're hearing about these boxes of ticks that are being.

found and it begs the question was this person telling the truth so this form stop this was there's another one about in the war they would drop ticks to spread disease so canada's declaring war well there's also Ontario oh wait a second go ahead okay here's a follow-up ticks as bio weapons that's more clear that's yes it's actually uh in CIA then it makes sense If it's a bio-repanes, infected ticks were deployed from C-130s flying low over sugarcane fields in Cuba back in the day under President Kennedy. There is abundant evidence of the testing, field testing, infected ticks and other insects in a variety of settings in the United States and elsewhere.

But it's smart. No one thinks twice. It's basically the idea is because there's, what is it when you get ticks? Lyme disease? Lyme disease, yeah. And there's a new one that's something incurable, like what's worse a little bit. So if you want to, and also they're coming up with a vaccine for this. I don't know if this is true and it sounds made up, but that sounds kind of made up.

But apparently, if you go on your phone, you go on TikTok. They are able to geoengineer ticks to come through your phone, microscopic ticks. On TikTok? On TikTok. I mean, when they invented it, they go, isn't it, why aren't we giving away our secret plan to destroy the world with the name TikTok? No, it's so obvious. And you wanted it.

Once you download it, you're asking for ticks. Yeah, and you can never leave it. And it gives you spontaneous. I had ticks in my head, Dana. when I slept with my careful when I it gives you facial paralysis

princess slept Dana not the way you think of it slept on your face she was having puppies out back so Judy let me sleep in the dog house and she had 13 fucking puppies

and it was so joyous I had maybe 25 ticks in my hair I'm not even joking and it was like this Brian goes I'll get him with pliers It was, we had to Well, that explains it. And they were all full to the brim with juicy O positive.

But you never got Lyme disease? No. No. I'm just weak and feeble. I don't know. We didn't have it back then. I don't know if those are the Kennedy box ticks. Hmm.

I grab one. I go, are you a box tick? Shook them. Yeah. And then they have a vaccine to help you with it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's always a vaccine. They already.

said Bill Gates has a vaccine for they're working on for this strain of Ebola the new strain that has 68 deaths sorry just hit my brain you said tick box is that where the phrase ticks all the boxes come from no pun intended i don't think so hmm all i know i know it's early for your birthday but i got you a box of ticks i'm going to throw on your farm you know what's really adorable is when I get up and I go down and I have a cup of coffee in the morning and the horses, like, they see people moving around and you look over and they just are waiting for breakfast. So they're just two beautiful horses and they're just like, and they don't, they don't move. They're just like staring at me. Like they're like, here's the asshole supposed to give me some carrots. With not moving.

Oh, we give them special treats, carrots and apples. Once you're take care of animals, like, you should treat ticks that way. Be nice to them. animals have no higher consciousness like I've said before they they remind you to just chill do it try to take life too seriously yeah I like they just do the thing just just leave them alone that's what they want they just want to be fed some water and they hey let's go over there let's go over there you know and sometimes they throw a party they start jumping around and horses going if you get time can you throw a saddle on me and kick me a few times and put your full body weight on me put some big heavy steel thing in my mouth first and yank on it yeah I love horse

All right, I think that's it, Dana, because it's a power. I think, yeah, we're right up against it. They said it couldn't be done and they had a point. Next week, we'll get to the story sooner, but we had a lot to talk about. Okay, by the way, I go off to, I don't know when I go to grownups, but we will work around that. Yeah, we'll have to figure out that. All right, Dana, stay on when I jump off. Yeah, don't.

We're going to read some ads and do some intros. Yep. All right, guys, thanks for watching. Thanks for watching once again and see you next week with new characters. That's me going underwater to end the show. Here's me going underwater. You just blow the air out through your nose. You don't have to do one of these things.

No, you're smart. Hey guys, if you're loving this podcast, which you are, be sure to click follow on your favorite podcast app. Give us a review, five-star rating, and maybe you can share an episode that you've loved with a friend. If you're watching this episode on YouTube, please subscribe. We're on video now. Fly on the Wall is presented by Odyssey, and executive produced by Danny Carvey and David Spade, Heather Santoro, and Greg Holtzman,

Maddie Sprung Kaiser, and Leah Reese Dennis of Odyssey. Our senior producer is Greg Holtzman, and the show is produced and edited by Phil Sweet Tech. Booking by Cultivated Entertainment. Special thanks to Patrick Fogarty, Evan Cox, Maura Curran, Melissa Wester, Hillary Schuff, Eric Donnelly, Colin Gaynor, Sean Cherry, Kurt Courtney, and Lauren Vieira. Reach out with us any questions to be asked and answer on the show. You can email us at fly on the wall at odyssey.com.

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