Fly on the Wall with Dana Carvey and David Spade - Traveling w/ Keanu Reeves & Golfing w/ Tiger Woods

Episode Date: April 13, 2026

Bus Boys premieres later this week and the guys learn that it’s going head-to-head with the new Lorne documentary. David also shares travel stories with Keanu Reeves and makes sure to clear up some details on his Tiger Woods golf story. Then the guys talk NASA conspiracies, cockroaches as fashion, and a parrot in a submarine.  To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with Eye Gaming Ontario. Yo, this is from Dan to me. Just kick Spade's ass at chess. He's got quite the eagle. Ego about chess. But he didn't know a rook from his ass. I bet sex with my wife and the wife's like this.

Oh. And then he says one of our posters. I bet fly on the wall be number one in a year. He puts our poster up to me. Yeah, he bets us. Oh my God. This is like Barbie versus Open. Why are you going up again?

A documentary versus Stupid Bunch. You just, no, you just went up against Titanic. But Lauren, I don't know who is booking this movie. He's like quietly make Bus Boys disappear. Welcome to the greatest show on earth. What if it was? I know. What if it was?

Yeah, secretly, like, talked about centuries from now. It is to some people. Mm-hmm. Oh, I do have to say I'm going to, oh, wait, it's too late. No, it's not. I'm going to Charlotte. What? These are the last couple gigs for a while.

You say that every week and then you go more gigs. I know, I really do. It's such a lie. I go to Charlotte, Nashville, in Pittsburgh. I'm going to be in Pittsburgh during the draft. Is it the draft? I think you'll get it. drafted what if I get drafted I know you shouldn't even be around there you could be a

punter or something you could hold David spade 6-1 180 they all lie they all lie they're a bunch of liars mother efforts yeah I've got maybe I'll bring some players down it come down to the show I have a couple chuckles oh they love that they love Tommy boy gets them there and then Joe Dirt brings them across the finish line and then And Dickie Roberts gets you free drinks. I mean, it's a spade. I've been out in the world with you in Indianapolis. Like I said, it was like walking around with Mickey Mouse.

When I was on the road, I did Stern. I haven't done Stern a long time. And we gave Dana his kudos and praises. That's the thing is my strategy is to never go on podcasts and then have people sing my praises on podcast. Because if I'm there, it never happens. Right. If you're there, you have to talk about me. Exactly.

So I'm never there. And so you're like, what else you want to talk about? And they're like, we should have Dana on. I go, I know. He'd love it. Dana's elusive and mysterious. You do have elusivity and mysteriosity going for you. I'm a mystery to myself, you know.

You're a conundrum wrapped in a mystery. Yeah. I'm like a Rubik's cube that you solved when you were five. You're like a Rubik's cube where each side. is dumber than the other ones. When they all line up, it's the dumbest possible person on her. Okay, okay. It's nice chatting with you state champion and chess at age six. It's like being the Rubik's Q. No one cares. I told you, Dan Bula from S&L was incensed that Heather told him that I was a great chess player. Remember that? We were saying.

Why was he mad about that? Because Sandler brought in a chess on the road in Las Vegas, and it was late after the show and he goes come on let's play we should all sharpen our skill i was like oh how weird i haven't played since maybe sixth grade so we played we both didn't know what was going on and i won by miraculously not even remember like this is a bishop pawns can go two squares anyway that was fun and then i go okay and then dan boole goes i play winner i go no no just play sandler because i don't want to play god did dan got mean he goes says, sit the fuck down. I go, and he goes, Heather was bragging about how great.

I go, no, no, no. She was probably just saying, sixth grade I used to play. Sixth grade. That was 10 years ago. This was me. What was that about this last week or something? When was it? No, this is a year ago.

A year ago. Hold on second. Let me get in my. Yo, this is from Dan to me. Just kick Spade's ass at chess. He's got quite the eagle. Ego about chess. but he didn't know a rook from his ass.

Tyler. Yeah. I hope you're well, Dan Bula. Well, should we tell people who Dan is in case they forgot? Big, big writer to us, no. Big writer and a great... And he goes on the road, a great performer and also... Musician, piano player, writer of songs.

And he... I go, no, no, no. And he was, like, determined. And he smoked me. And the grossest part, he goes, I knew you weren't that good. And I go, I did not say I was like good. Heather didn't.

And he goes, you fell for the old zippity trap 49. And I go, he'll fall for this so fast than you did. And I'm like, I don't know when he plays in chess. I just, I'm not a grandmaster. Well, the idea is what you do before you play chess with Dambula again is you, you watch the hustler with Paul Newman and Tom Cruise. And so you know how the first two games are like, I can't. What, rook. Overwhelming.

And then you put five C notes on it and go, let's go, bro, and then you kick gas. So you just blew it. Next time, watch that movie. I go, I guess I'll be all in on this one. I love that in every movie where it's like, and then another layer.

I like all the chips. He's moving the whole, I bet the table. I bet the table and chips. Everything. And then he, he gets up on this thing and sits i bet myself he throws the car keys of everything and then he goes just me then he grabs his wife she's sitting there and i bet my wife i bet sex with my wife and the wife's like this oh and then he says one of our posters i bet fly on the wall be number one in a year

he puts our poster up there yeah he bets us he explains it yeah he bet Yeah, he just bets. Yeah, anyway, come on, man. Oh, I saw Marcello and Sarah Sherman from the old S&L. Love those guys. I saw them for lunch. I haven't told her one. That would be a blast with those two young.

No, they were fun. Those two morons. It was a lot of fun. Yeah, they're a kick in the pants. Lauren, we should plug Lauren as a movie coming out, even though it's against the bus. Oh, is it the same weekend as the bus boys? It is. Oh, my God.

This is like Barbie versus. open. Why are you going up again? Lauren documentary versus stupid bugs. You just know, you just went up against Titanic with Lauren. I don't know who is booking this movie. He's like quietly make bus boys disappear. But wait a minute. Let's just for a second unpack this.

The documentary about Lauren, the fabulous producer of Sarenlight for a half century, you and Theo falling down in the dirt doing dick jokes. they're different is all I'm saying. By the way, if you've seen the trailer, we're not good busboys. And if you could pay attention, a waiter walks between us and we dump the bus tub. And I'm like, if that doesn't signal to the audience that we're not good at busboys, nothing does. So we have really set the table for us. You should have thrown a dishwasher in there, man.

There's a dishwasher in it, but he doesn't have any. lines. Ah, because that's the funniest back there of the dishwasher. When I was a dishwasher, the Hobart 3,000. In the sequel, this is sort of a trilogy. I shouldn't announce this yet. Oh. The second one will have me in it.

They'll have Theo in it. We just milk it out. A little sum for the kitten. When I was the holiday and we had a dishwasher name Ralph. He's about 60, kind of, and he would be a non-sequitur type guy. You come back and he goes, I like them big. Don't you like them big? I go,

I go, what? And he said, one of the Cottail waitress said she had, she didn't like her legs. He goes, I like him big. Don't you like them big? I got out of there pretty fast. I backed up slowly because, you know, like weird diswash shoes. But Bus Boy.

Leave you alone to be crazy. I want to do a quick Bus Boy. Here we are. Now, in the movie Bus Boys, David Spade from Tommy Boy, all these great wonderful hits. You have a grown man fondle the genitals of another man. Is that your idea of humor? Do you actually think that's funny?

Well, actually, he just pinches my nuts. I don't know if that's fondling, but I think it is. Is that funny to you, pinching nuts? Is that where your comedy's gone to? I think in the situation it was unexpected. I don't know if it's hilarious, but it was not meant to be super offensive. And why, in God's name,

Are you opening up against the Lord Michael's Dr. Bennett? I know. I'm just hearing this. I don't know. We should look at the calendar a year ahead. All right. This is Pierce Morgan. I'll be back later and be more rude and onry. Please do. I do like these hard-hitting questions from Pierce. I think it's good. And speaking of hard-hitting, yeah. Uh-oh. I just thought, what's the biggest story of the week? Guess?

Not Iran. It's not Iran? We're already in trouble for playing Tim Dillon on the show to talk about everything. What is it? What's the biggest story? How we got in trouble. That's so funny. I love it.

Anthropic, which is made Claude, which is an AI, made a new one called AI mythos, and it officially announced it will not release it due to, to safety concerns. So I did a deep dive on this. They turned on mythos. Horrible name. What came up, first thing,

humans are the problem, was the first thing it said. Then they went, the second thing, surprising, not a joke. See Bus Boys in theaters only April 17th. That was the second thing it said. Shut it down. It doesn't mean. Look how far I went to get another plug.

That was really good. Did it say humans of the problem or that's part of the joke? Well, what would be the worst thing it could say? No, that scared me because it seems real because I heard they have shut ones down because here's what I don't like. Let's say you have a chat,

GPT. And you're some fucking buster in the middle of nowhere. And you want to be cool. So you film it and you have stuff like, hey, why don't you start World War III? quit fucking around because it will do it like it's like what was the old movie matthew broderick war games would you like to play a game and guess who tested for war games

it came your came in second place marty breasts i was his first choice but of course matthew broadick martin wrett huge movie dana i tested wow war games with sorry sorry Cute girl on your shoulder and the theme of the movie, if you haven't seen it, Matthew Broderick is trying to hack into his report card or something. Yeah, and then he accidentally finds some deep, I should have read the script before I did the screencast. You never even read it. That was a problem. In the Pentagon and he's like, what's this?

And he gets into the Defcom nuclear. Yeah, nuclear keys. He's going to blow up the world. but Matthew, Matt, Maddie, M.B. Brody was great in that movie. Well, I love that movie. Thank you. It's just like how.

You like it when the computer goes, would you like to play a game? And he goes, sure. He doesn't know it's war games. I know. So we could line up 10 science fiction movies. They all predict that they're going to fuck with us and ruin humanity. and yet we go forward for the silver dollars.

I mean, they asked George W. Bush about it, about anthropic. He was speechless. He just said, what do you think, Mr. George W. Bush? Why are his eyes bugging out? Well, anthropic. Jesus. Jesus. What is that?

I love to be full of a screen. That's an indication that he won't be back. Yeah, I guess so. He's on the pile. Here's a quick cut. Here's a quick one. Oh my God, I'm so ahead of that whole cast for everyone trying to be present in 2028.

So I'm so far ahead. Is she ahead? I don't know. Why do I believe everything you say? You're the world's greatest strength. Oh, do millennia. Is that millennia? Melania.

I just want to say that. I don't know I never even met Jeffrey Epstein okay I mean come on sorry who is he here you do the voice and I'll do the puppet you know I am not part of this situation keep my name out of your fucking mouth oh hi Jeffrey oh shit I fell for it he's right there you used to have a Jeffrey puppet then I do have a Jeffrey puppet with mustaches. It's in, it's in my closet, though. There's 400 puppets at your feet. No one sees them. Oh, I have. I have just shit ton. I just kind of grab them out of this giant thing. I swirl around. And I've got some here just if I want to go to them.

You have an AI stick puppet making machine. That'll be for next week. Thanks for the suggestion. AI. Humans are the problem. That's the byline. Come on down to BetmGM Casino and see what our newest exclusive the Price's Right Fortune Pick has to offer. Don't miss out. Play exciting casino games based on the iconic game show only at BetMGM. Check out how we've reimagined three of the show's iconic games, like Plinko, Clifhanger, and the Big Wheel into fun casino game features. Don't forget to download the BenmGM Casino app for exclusive access

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BetmGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with eye-gaming Ontario. Ontario. Hi, my name is Lloyd Lockridge, and I'm the host of a new podcast from Odyssey called Family Lour. In this podcast, I'm going to have people on to tell unusual and sometimes far-fetched stories about their families. I've heard my whole life that she invented the margarita. And then we're going to investigate those stories and find out how much of it is true. He gets a patent one month before the Wright brothers. Oh, my God.

Please follow and listen to Family Lour, an Odyssey podcast, available now on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your shows. I think I saw Devil Wears Prada and they were doing, we can take this out. But in my opinion, if you're associated in those files, you know, the files. I understand. Just by sheer whatever. Well, if someone mentioned you in an email, I like David Spade's movie, then you're in the files. Oh, you would be in the files, right. That's I think Whitney Cummings.

That's how she got in there. But Naomi Campbell's in there a lot. Because I think there's something to that. But I don't know. But she's in like Devore's Prada. I'm like, she does, bless her heart, gets a free pass on this whole thing. So who knows?

Listen, no one's really guilty until proven. So I get it, but there's definitely some finger pointing going on. Right. There's a whole giant ecosystem of Epstein. And then there's the more finite, more particular, of horny, middle-aged, to older age men in rooms with 16 year old girls that's kind of what I focus on but I know a lot of people are like but he went to a party you know yeah I know you're right you're

right am I right again don't say yes if you disagree you know you're right what about going back to Lauren do you think if what if they go to that whole movie and don't mention your name will you be hurt No, I'm mysterious. I wouldn't be hurt. Nothing hurts me in show business. Wait, what is this interview you did for the rundown or something? You're showing S&L sketches.

I keep seeing that. What was that from when they were hitting you up at Peacock to do different stuff? Yeah, last fall when I was doing Joe Biden, I'm going to do in a second. Joe Biden on S&L, they said, we're doing this thing called The Rundown. I wasn't sure what it was. I walked back there on 8H, and they'd set up those. And it was kind of like, do. I like they loop you into a documentary.

I know. do your perfect you know it was kind of fun they had a whole bulletin board of all the classic sketches you know um and you are you know whatever and uh Hollywood minute but anyway so then you just like picked them and did a thing yeah yeah don't don't play it down here's something else sorry i have a story for you before we get to the hard hitting news sorry it was multi seven figure views on all the platforms across all platforms excuse me it wasn't my fault don't be mad at me go ahead yeah that did i did it did come across my desk on a few places like instagram tick to so i went to new york this weekend that's why i look like fuck pie you look great what are you talking about i look great and lighting's everything

i was a little more beat up on this trip neckwise and most because it started off you know you get there i get there at night the next morning we had report to a q-and-a for this outcome movie this kianu movie out come movie yeah which i'm not in much but it was fun to be a part of so i go and we have a q-and a we go in this glass room and we're all there and they go okay file in and it was early so you're getting up at four a m l a time you know to be to get up at seven new york fluff the hair pain on this face so i go and there's The chairs, because my neck, I already go, uh-oh, it's an hour. Chairs aren't bad.

I can see through the glass window. Okay, they're not bad. They go, okay, Keanu, Cameron Diaz, here you go, Jonah Hill. David, we'll start a new row in the back. Bar stools. No, no, no. How dare you? No, no, no.

They don't know your situation if they're putting out a bar stool. So persnickety. By the way, forget, I hate them. Is there anyone that likes them? Is anyone cozy on a bar? So it's got the five inch back. And I'm like, I stared at. I go, oh, my God, I'm going to do an hour on this thing.

So it's too high up to put your feet in averse. I put my foot on the back of Cameron's chair. And one over here on Jones. I'm like this for two hours and one. There's no cues for me or A's because what are you asking me? I just not a glorified cameo. So, but. I was in it twice so fine and then I do that and then someone drops their camera it's a tight room

drops their camera and I instinctively from the old S and oh no jumped no I go Gilligan because Gilligan's Island Gilligan used to fuck everything up so this is a reference no yeah i i i didn't you get it well i know the show and i know he yelled Gilligan a lot. Yeah, Skip would go, Gilligan, when anything fucked up. Yeah. So we used to say that around the set if somebody fucked up or dropped something. Gilligan, okay. Gilligan. Anyway, the second I say Gilligan, I think it was a woman, she fell on her face. And everyone was like, ah, this is more serious. Well, wait a minute. You yell Gilligan and then she passes out and falls flower. Right, like it was actually more of a problem than it was like an accident. So now I feel like

asshole but no one really heard it except within my little area but that wasn't the funny part nothing's funny she fell and then everyone goes oh my god is she okay and then they're crowding around and i'm like guys is keanu all right does keanu need a water and they're like what about her i'm like oh yeah does well let's give keanu a sip because he was a little traumatized and then give her the rest so i We all get out of the room. You know, it's always give them some air, right? Air, water. And then we're outside.

And it was sort of like, I think this is over. It was 45 minutes already. So she went to the hospital, we split. And then at the premiere, I'm like, is everything okay with this woman? Is she all right? Because, you know, Keanu, if he knows something's up, he's heading to the hospital, you know, he's, great guy well i think jonah hill would too not even know i have great guy syndrome i would i have

great guy syndrome you would yeah i mean it's that's why i say it's show business it's not the end of the world if someone's sick i think that takes priority yeah you're it's a real person and then we said oh is she did she eat is it too hot in here any i mean let's very common in those situations to get a little dehydrated didn't then i heard it might have been anesthesia might have been fainting we You don't know. Anyway, nothing we can do. We were just like, I hope it's okay, but no one gave me a clear answer. Huh. We'll give you an update next week. I'll find out. Yeah, I'd like to know how it turns out. You can't give us that. I'll let you know how you can help. And that happened. How did that relate to your neck? So you, that you could feel it coming on. So then I was not really great after that. I was all the type painful. Then I go to the premiere and I sat in some weird. So I said, I want to sit in the back. And then whatever. It just, it was. It was. was annoying from then on.

But I will tell you, as Keanu is so nice, and then, of course, I had to make fun of them. They're like, Keanu gives everybody a watch on the set. And I said, yeah, they don't tell you. He takes it back at the end of the day. And everyone was like, ah, burning Keanu. I go, most of my day was spent consoling crew members

he screamed at. Keanu? He is. He's nice. Whoa. No, I did a movie. Oh, he asked about the podcast. He asked about it.

Well, let's, Keanu, you're always welcome. Well, okay. He didn't ask about it. Let me rephrase that. Don't tease us like that. Well, he said, he said what? Someone mentioned it to me. And he goes, oh, you do a podcast?

And I go, yeah. And he goes, why don't I know that? Because he's so nice. He's goes, oh, I should know that. I'm sorry. I go, you shouldn't know it. It's fine. There's 10 million.

I go, I do it with Dana. Remember Dana? carving he goes oh yeah of course he's so nice yeah he goes he I'm sorry I don't know this but is he Bill or Ted that's a great question let's go to the phones Heather

Greg oh here she goes by the way this info gets us nothing anyway if whoever it's Ted Heather wins Ted so he was super lovely of course

and just like overwhelmed because I go I go this thing's pretty early Keanu was this your call and he goes no I've already been to the today show I go oh my God already this morning wait a minute why does he when he's off camera he talks like Clint Eastwood apparently I mean because he's been fighting people in the Matrix

in the fucking Wick world for 25 years I don't understand what you just said to me I'm Keanu Reeves yeah He's like, yeah. No, he just is kind of soft-spoken. He's not like a pushy asshole like that I'm usually attracted to. He's like, yeah, and he goes, I did the today show and I go, oh shit, is Savannah Guthrie back today?

And he goes, yeah. She didn't interview me. I go, well, she fucked up. Why wouldn't you want to interview Keanu, the biggest stud in the world? But she was in a different room, he said. They put her in a different room. I would have talked to her, but they put her in a different room. Thanks, Keanu.

Yeah, he goes, I go, who interviewed you some rookie? They shouldn't give you, they should give you the best of the best. I said, when we interview you will be nice. I'll only go on that show of Al Roker's going to interview me. I like that guy, man. He's very accurate when it comes to meteorological situations. Yeah, did you like him fatter or skinnier? Be honest.

I really kind of like him porky I don't really care I got 12 million shares of Ozempic it's done very well for me oh Keanu does so he makes money when everyone's on it well it's it made me my worst impression based on years yeah you're doing me but he is I'm Keanu Reeves

then he left there this is what people don't know so he's pushing outcome movie for Apple Apple TV lovely people actually had fun with them so Of course. Today's show. Then this hour Q&A, where most questions are thrown in him, of course.

Then I go, I'll see it to premiere. Between that and the premiere, Drew Barrymore. Our, our, Heather's favorite. True. Well, Drew's in the movie, too, Heather. I know. Okay. So then.

So that Drew, then, I know, that was a good one. Then something else he did. he was all day doing press oh then he did colbert then he came right late to the premiere hey whoa and then a long press line of like every interview this is bill squeaky from a kblop and he's like hey kiano tell us about the movie and then he does that moves down one inch kiano tell us about the movie oh it's exhausting exhausting you feel you have to give each person something or at least it so what when does this end when does he go home so then he got the premier he's just got the shit kicked out of him anyway overall fun time oh yeah I clear something up

Howard Stern the next morning another early bird call oh god you had quite a trip man I know dude Keanu and now Howard Stern in X fall I'm Howard Stern hey David Spades there by the way did you ever trip someone when you're a kid and go have a nice trip. See you next fall. No. Did you ever slap a kid in the face randomly as hard as you can and go, hey, I'm slap happy today? No. No.

Okay. I didn't want to get beat up. I'm just asking. I'm not saying you did or I did. I'm just saying. That's a good one to do for kids. Do anyone ever give you a newgie? Yes.

In third grade. Yeah. Yeah. I got, I got, uh, all through high school, I got too many newgies and not enough hand jumps. Anyway, so we got a nougi and a wedgy go together. It's kind of a fun pack of childhood abuse, all right? Doctors putting his fingers, two down my throat, one up my butt, shakes hands, and my ribs. It's a dentist line?

That's Richard Bell's. Okay. All right, so on Stern. Yeah. The only story was he asked you about Tiger Woods, right? He goes, you played golf of Tiger Woods, and Tiger thought you were good. I said that was really a sort of a bucket list fun thing to do.

Of course. And I jokingly said Tiger was in pain the whole time because they had a guy putting those little massagers on his back, like, even in between everything. Yeah, in between rounds. And then he's got like a candy necklace full of Viking and he going, you know, instead of candies. He's just other things.

He's hung together, viking, it's like this. And so I go, but overall, he's very nice. And my big part of the story was, I'm such a little investigative journalist. I go, because I can tell he's a little sore from a recent operation, moving a little stiff, but being very nice, helping me put on. He's had several since then. Yeah. So at that point, I said, do you think he'll ever golf again? This is just off-camera bullshitting.

And he was like, I didn't know why I said it, because I'm, Like you're sore. You're getting all like, do you want to just keep doing it or does it hurt your neck? Jeez, smarty pants. Yeah, he goes, I mean, I hope so. Yeah, I think so. I mean, I'll get through this. And I go, great.

Crash is that next morning and like smash his feet and everything. I'm like, oh, after this one, will you? And then it was like he was immediately better than me again within seconds. Like I can't even stand up. Oh, better than spade. So he got good again. But then I saw it. four articles so far, Heather.

David Spade claims Tiger Wood was on so many Vicodin right before his crash. Where did that come out? It comes out in these articles because that's good. It's out now. Yeah. That's a good thing to say and twist into that because he just crashed. He said, you know, they found two pain bills on him. I guess he popped the other 28.

But they found two pain bills on him. So this falls into that where they can go, oh, before his last crash, even though I'm joking, obviously. Spade says he was really. And it's like, oh, boy. Actually, we have a video for the Masters. Should we show it, Dana? If you're locked and loaded. Craig, if you have that, let's show.

You know, the thing about Tiger Woods and Lindsay Vaughn, who's a skier? Yeah. That they dated for a while. And they're both unbelievably tenacious, indefatigable about. injuries like she wants to come back now he'll he'll after this he will play again he'll play in the master's better than me immediately yeah they just don't know how to quit this is a live shot for the master okay this is yeah there's tiger yeah tiger fine doing there oh my god he's here tiger's here they say where's tiger i could they know we clip the beginning where's tiger

Where's Tiger? And then there it comes, yeah. Anyway, it's just somebody with chronic pain trying to get relief from it. And, you know, he'll get... Lindsay Vaughn with a scaffolding on her legs. I'm like... And then I heard her family's myth that she's talking about coming back. I would be worried about her too.

Of course, that's normal. No, when they said we might have to amputate. She was already just on the phone signing up. Switzerland next summer? Yes, I'll be there. Moguls, yep. Dish. They took a foot.

Oh, boy. They actually, they had a safe cracker come in just to make the sound effect with Lindsay's foot. All fixed. They got the ear to her leg like this. No, but you've got to do the sound effects of somebody. When in doubt, go with a... Yeah, just any... That could be anything.

Okay. So Howard Stern was delightful. Anyway, that worked. worked out and I hadn't done it long time and we can get to some news I want to do a quick Joe Biden because you know people get all right they got all right about housing Dylan and everything so here's Joe Biden talking about the Iran conflict you know okay great here's Biden everybody folks I'm not getting around here very serious and guess what and by the way the fact Just the end, guess what.

I mean serious. I'm not getting around. No joke. Come on, folks. Get your facts straight. I could close the straight air music faster than you ever close it. Um, it is closed. Okay.

Come on, Jack. Get your facts straight. I mean, it says it's going to open. Open this straighter home music. No one ever opened a better night ad. Come on, folks. Well, open sesame. Open sesame.

Who the guy said? That was, Yule Brinner, 952 and 48, corn pop and everybody else. I'm Joe Biden. Seen! I love it. That was a good one. I hadn't done him in a while. It's a good one, dude.

He's mumbling about nothing for a while. I like him. I root for him. I can't help it. I like when it's Iran. He gets serious. He goes, hey, come on. He starts a little quieter instead of a man.

Well, yeah, that is his thing. Get really, really soft. Yeah. Straight or muse, right? I know I close it faster I'm a closet I like I like anyone

Sir I have a question Zip it Jack Gets your fat straight Jack You're gonna fight everyone Take out of the woodshed Be the hell out of you Guys like Donald Trump

I don't do with him I used to take him I used to take him out of woodshed I'm like You don't beat up anyone in your life What are you talking about That was a good one though Let's move to fucking

Let's moving on What do we got Bousing around dude Oh, buzzing around. Yeah. Okay. You're on your own on this one. I'm going to let you pick your scenario.

We're going to have... Three impressions. Okay, I'll set you up. Hold on. Ready? Okay. Let's see. Okay, hold on.

Busing around. Here it's time. Your favorite... Do this set up. Sponsored by five-hour energy with a wide variety of bold flavors to choose from. You get as much caffeine as a 12-hour premium cup of coffee with zero sugar and zero.

Zero Sugar crash. Find 5R energy shots online at www.w.5hourenergy.com or Amazon today. Dana's going to do a little bit. He's got, he's going to try to. I'm going to try. Okay. Try to entertain you. Oh.

Okay. This begins with Hansen. Hans and Franz holding a press conference, claiming what they're going to do. I like it. Yeah. Hello everybody. I like the setup. I'm gonna take a sip of.

Hello everybody. I'm Hans and I'm Franz. And we are here to announce that we can fly around the moon faster than the autumn. What? Are you allergic to my comedy? Yeah. I know this bit is funny and I'm ruining it. That was about the funny part.

We are here to announce that we could fly around the room better than the Artemis spaceship. It's such a little spaceship it flies around and we could go around the moon and get a lot closer than Artemis. Guess what? A lot of people go, look at all the craters on the moon. Who do you think made the creators? On the fronts, we have muscles. We pommeled the moon and we made craters. Don't get me started about the rings of Saturn.

Another one of our nice pieces of work. Does anybody have any questions about us flying around the moon with just our muscles? No spacesuits? Yeah. Oh, do you have a question? Now. Okay.

Yeah. Senator John Kennedy, you're suggesting that you can fly around the moon without a spacesuit or a spaceship just with your muscles. Is that they're saying, did I get that right? Is that correct? Did I get it right? You got it better than right. You're totally on spot on. But guess what? Who really supports us more than anyone in our endeavor? remember Dean Martin? Not really. Everybody. That Hans and France.

Hans and Franz are going around the moon. Oh, nobody can go faster Hans and Franz. Everybody loves the moon sometime. I'm going to get a little brandy and get a bow. When the moon hits your eyes. That's the more. I didn't think of that. When the moon into my saddle.

Well, that's more. He's so drunk. Oh, I had a little here, too. Went to the bar. Oh, David Spade Bus Boys coming out. April 17th, April 17th on Bus Boys, that's a Spade, oh. Theo Vaughn falling down to the dirt. Woo!

That's a whole movie. By the way, it sounds like he's been over at the Copper Penny. Warner Brothers. Well, Dino, that was the thing. He wasn't really an alcoholic, but he just, he pretended to be one, you know. Oh, like Foster Brooks. I thought Foster Brooks was drunk, and they kept inviting him to roast. And when I was like nine, I'm like, why do they invite this fucking drunk guy every time he's going to be drunk?

And you couldn't, in those days, you could. His whole schick was that he was just, just plastered. Hey, Foster Brooks, I went to, now I'm doing Dean Martin, but. No funny, though. Couldn't do it now. No, I loved it. And he hiccoped a lot. He go,

yeah, comedians were an assortment pack. Everyone had their weird little hook. There's no, like, fake drunk comedians anymore. No, there's people who drink on their podcasts, the we don't do anymore. Remember when in the early episodes of this,

we'd just be shit-faced. Now we're boring and still. Now we're boring and sterile. All right, let's look at a, oh, wait, wait, I got to wrap it up. Okay. I'm going to wrap it up. That was buzzing around, starring Dana Carvey.

Sponsored by FiverE Energy's tasty caffeine flavors. Enjoy big flavor in a tiny bottle. Five Our Energy shots packed the flavors of the season. Senator John Kennedy and the late great Dean Martin were, I guess. Yes. Five Our Energy shots at five Our Energy.com. We're Amazon today. Let's show some news stories.

We never get to enough good news stories. Okay, by the way. We're locked and loaded. Oh, this coat. And New York subway stuff is always funny to me. Yeah. This guy's just at the subway. Would you wear this coat?

And is this you? Is that a guy? Cockroach. Oh. Heather just grossed out. Why, on God's Green Earth, unless this cost $40,000, I would wear it. But why would you wear on the way to S&L? Why would Dana wear this coat?

Yeah. And why was the camera up when I put on my, my cock coat, as I call it. It's a short. Cock coat. Put on my cock coat. And I just do it because there's so many cockroaches in New York and people go, hey, you got some, I got some.

And you squeeze in a couple that are alive and then they start going at it like gladiators. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Right. And they fight for the arm or whatever the best place is to hang out. Hey, man. Only in New York.

You got some very. Only in New York. You got some of your eccentrics out there. Some people are naked. Some people wear cockroach jackets. You know what I mean? Yeah, there's a subway creature's Instagram, and you always see crazy. Real people just film someone else on there.

I know. Do you ever, when's the last time you took the subway? I know. I thought you're going to. You've never taken it. But I used to take it at us now all the time. And then when I go back, I did a few times. But the bars are kind of grossly slugly.

slippery from not sure what. And it's a little steamy down there. It definitely has a distinct smell, not horrible, just weird subway smell all the time. Yeah, and you get in your chair and you're like, okay, I'll be uptown in five minutes, you know. And then you're kind of, you got a newspaper or whatever, your cell phone. And then you hear a voice in front of the cab you're in, the train car. Ladies and gentlemen, could I have your attention, please? I'm a man in need of a little bit of help.

So I'm going to come around to you and just give what you can. And so then they're waiting for them to come here, trying to find a buck. To get to you and they're like, or they put on a show. Because you're just sitting in your chair. You can't leave. You're just like, yeah. That's why I don't. And I don't know why for the one time that you did that.

I was like, Spade should be at 8H rehearsing for, you know, Gap girls. I was under cover. homeless guy ladies and gentlemen i have not been in a lot of sketches lately so i need some stage time i'm going to try out some of my new bits yeah all right what else you got okay what else we got i can tell when you're restless no i'm just leading us oh there's more this is just something to revisit later but somehow another mysterious nassadeth the ninth scientist link to these programs is dead. It's so odd when people start dropping like flies

that are associated with something and you go, this is not normal. This is not normal. I remember when it was up to five and I'm like, that's too many that just knows something. Then one guy disappeared. Remember he walked somewhere and they couldn't find him. They never found him.

It's all weird. We're going to come back to the story. I'm just dog-earing it as odd. Well, let's play detective for like one, 30 seconds, and I'm just putting this out there rhetorically. Why and who would want to have these NASA scientists not exist? Would it be, I'm not going to say Satan, because that's that other character. So a good line up for it, though.

Could it be Satan or could it be AI? They might know too much about something and they've got to get rid of them, yeah. I mean, nine in the same field. that know a lot of the same information, whatever it is, UFOs, AI. There's a guy today that was testifying against Bill Gates. Mysteriously died again. These things happen and you go, probably just happens, but.

You know, I'll just throw this out there, and I know it's not what people think. But I think, you know, everyone's focused on Mars and getting out of our solar system. Everyone. I'm going to go on record saying, I believe there's an underground civilization, inside the moon.

I like this idea. Yeah, I knew you would. You'd love this. But they could be inside the moon. We should do Shark Tank and people pitch this conspiracy theories. Because, and we go, maybe, I think there's a lot. They always show stuff coming in out of the moon, like shooting out if they push in close. You just never know if it's real.

But I do like this crazy idea. And also the ocean, I believe. Well, I got excited. We have a video here that they said the government put out about UFOs. Let's see if they. Oh, maybe we'll get to it. Because that one, they said, it's one of the ones they just put out, and then no one even really pays attention anymore.

Well, this spaceship, Artemis, went on the dark side of the moon, and no one's ever seen it before. And they said, Houston is Artemis, Wanachiosaurus, and they said they were seeing really weird symmetrical areas. Oh, they did say that? Yes. And then they cut them off. I would not go for all the tea in China.

Okay, this is an area 51. But this says, now these are all bullshit, but this says this is one of the government release. Footage of a UFO landing at Area 51 and then jumping back up into space or wherever it was at an extremely fast speed. Now, the strange thing is they just released this, put it up on the news,

and was like basically like, just check this. out. And people might say that that's fake, but it's not because the government has already been doing this. They did this way back in 2021 where they just started showing footage of UFOs flying in the sky. They're like, yeah, guys, these things are out here. And you got to get prepared and get ready for once they start showing up more. So now they want you to know that this stuff is out there. You can get out. Well, why? I mean, so Anderson Cooper sees this and goes, nah, let's not do anything about that. I mean, I don't know because does anyone believe anything

anymore, but when they start releasing stuff. Well, was that real, that it was released, that I'm all in, man, because it looked very incredible. And if it is, what does it mean? If it isn't, obviously it just goes away, but I think people at this point just shrug their shoulders and go,

I think they're here. As long as they don't attack us, I don't really care. I mean, they're always pilots saying they saw someone famous just said they saw Oh, Casey Musgrave said there was one following her plane. So I don't know. Well, that was bald face. You just see it come down and then it shoots up unless it was some humanoid thing.

Was it going faster or doing things that are impossible for a manmate? Like me. I'm always doing things that are impossible. Yeah, when Keanu called me after that press chung, goes, Spade was sitting up on the chair doing things faster and weirder than even thought possible he sat in a bar stool for almost 45 minutes and didn't order a drink you know why they have bar stools it's a bar stool well because they wanted they didn't want to get double-wide chairs like that they wanted to get bar stools so they could fit more right up the bar and make more money right and they said well what about people with bad necks

or bad backs they're just sitting up on this bar stool they go don't worry you get two grasshoppers in them, they don't feel dead. That's true. Fuck them and feed them fish. That's what they said. Who cares? You're great, Wally. We're going to be rich.

What's that from? I don't know. It's just kind of a Garth's cousin. Yeah. That was a way through. Okay, next one. I'm going to do this face the rest of the podcast. I like your Garth face.

That will hurt your jaw. Be careful. Okay. This, would you do this? Now, when you see these tribes and they're doing these things. Oh, yeah. Okay, it's a bungee, right? Oh, it is a bungee, yeah, okay.

Yeah. Big fucking wind up for this. What is it? We don't know. It's dirt jumping. No, thank you. What is the plan? This guy had some oiahuasca before he got up there.

Is this live from Coachella? He's higher than the platform. What are they chanting? I don't know if he's supposed to land in the dirt because some people just jump and land and you're like, whoa. No, he's not. It's going to stop his fall. The bungee there. It catches him.

Yeah. Right before the dirt. Oh, he stood up. That was. I did not see that. If the hill was not slanted like that, he would have got smashed. He looks like he's doing okay. I looked up.

It took. 37 years to build that structure. Because they don't have modern tools. No. No, but they make shit work. You know what it is truly kind of fun? You've ever done, if you've ever had a really cool lake

and a really nice rope swing? It wasn't too scary, but it was kind of scary. You'd go up and go in the water. Remember that? Upper arm strength, yeah. Don't tear up on me. I'm also thinking a lot of those people in the village were boycotting that saying,

Why are we spending so many sticks on the bungee plank when we could be making more huts and like a little mall? No, that means that they built their whole town and all their huts and everything. And then they had leftover wood and said, what do you want to do? That's what you think? And everyone's like, why are we doing a bungee platform when not all of us love it? It's not our thing. I don't know. I'll go to the tribe.

We'll get the bottom of us. All right, let's do two more. Two more. Here we go. Ladies and gentlemen. We never get to these. There's so many that are funny. Well, they're evergreen, though, which is great.

Okay. Oh, my buddy. For you. Yeah. Okay. So people don't know. I did a sitcom with Mickey Rooney in 1980. Spent a lot of time with him.

Brilliant actor, really funny. Kind of crazy. This guy interviews Mickey Rooney about his Twilight Zone episode. Oh, okay. And Mickey is typical Mickey. What? for the first time i don't care what today's audience doesn't understand and maybe we could put this in context you're playing a jockey but they don't understand that for many years

anytime anybody said anything about a short you were the butt of jokes well i i'm tired of that oh chump had you met rod ever sir yeah the worst interview you remember where or no i don't remember anything i wish i could help you what was going on with you while you're making this i don't remember it's too long ago That's very Mickey. How do you feel looking at, you know, looking at his performance, you know, what do you? I mean, it's just a performance. I don't know what to say about it.

What kind of preparation would you? Nothing. Just did it. That's very Mickey. There's no preparation for things like this. You just do that. Would you have played them differently? No.

No, you play them for what they were at the time at the moment that you're doing. I love it. Yeah. Did you have any more direct contact with Rod? Like on the comedian? No. No, I did. Do you remember reading the skrissy?

No, I don't. No. No. No. This is true. I just totally him. Yeah, you didn't ask. Well, no, I told you about it.

I said that it was all going to be miniature around me. But I was looking for you to explain to the younger audience because they don't understand. The younger audience doesn't want to see. That's what. That's what watching this. No, it isn't. They're watching. He was very bitter.

He was very bitter. My kid is 19. He would have been with me, but he's back at Berkeley. This is what kids are watching. That's why I want to. set up the context of well I hope that the youngsters are watching this because it's very

interesting filmatically I have no complaints they should take courses all right you can get out I just like it he's so resisted to the whole interview the guy keeps trying to extract the answer he's like not at all no I don't care I show up I read my lines

what do you want yeah his thing is you just do it natural see just do it natural and he played this character Bill who was sort of autistic or something you got an Emmy for it and he would do it we'd be eating lunch he goes yeah I could do I hear you just do it here's Bill you know hey I'll lock some food you know he was like certifiable I could see that I was the number one star in the world hear me bang I like he's already bitter in that did you see that twilight zone he was in oh my god it was fantastic it's such

it's a it's a big cover what you wish for he's a jockey and he's desperate in this hotel room and he wants to get bigger he wants to not be a short or yeah wants to get bigger and i guess he gets drunk he falls asleep and then he's so big he can't get out of the room i'm too big i'm too big oh he goes kids will like it he goes they're not going to like this fucking shit i said the ones how did you date all those starlets of the eva gardener all the knockouts at micky rooney he goes he He goes, who was the best? And he goes, you'll never know.

You'll never know. And I go, but how did you get them? He goes, money makes you handsomer. He made up a word, I think. Money makes you handsomer. But he was certifiable, but I think bitterness would kill him. Live to 95. Incredible energy, just a pistol.

Love him. You don't want to challenge me. This fire plug will take you apart. He referred to himself. as a fire pole. You guys are my dad. Okay, let's do one more. And Dana's got to get out of here.

Mm-hmm. Oh, the guy builds a custom submarine to take his parrot scuba diving. Interesting. These don't end well, these stories. Now, you know what? Also, the parrot just probably thinks he's drowning the whole time.

Like, we don't know how they process things. They don't want to be under the water for your amusement. Oh, I see what he did. Yeah. Can he tell if it's yapping or did it say anything? It's like, is it shark week? I don't want to be down here.

Don't like games. Supposed to be on land with air. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Submarine. Pull me back up. Jokes over.

That's a nice run. I hope you're happy. I shit my pants. You go to Toledo. Nice hop to Pittsburgh. This is an, if your agent is a parrot. I hope you get a lot of clicks. It's not worth it.

Guess you don't like money. Yes, you don't like money. Dana doesn't like money. Dude, it's a great hook. Making noise. Say what the parrot says, then do another noise. Yeah, you have to in between so the audience never forgets that you're doing a parent. You have to go, I'm a parrot.

Now I can say anything I want. You know, full school 20 years ago. Bram, parrot talking here. What does Pierce Morgan think about this? Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Here he goes.

That's stick number 48C. So, you two have made another podcast. Did you actually think it was entertaining? That's debatable, but I thought this one was pretty good. I was laughing along. It sort of ambled along, you know, with jokes. You're laughing at your own jokes. You think the audience finds that entertaining?

I think, I mean, yeah, if we're having fun, I mean, I guess that's good. I guess that's your whole idea, rather than to entertain, as long as you have fun, everyone should be happy. Is that what you think? Well, I do think that. So now I'm rethinking it because you're making me feel like it's not right. Hey, come on, leave alone. Oh, no, is another guy? I thought it was a good show.

I liked it. Sneaky Obama. It was a good show, good show. President Obama, why am I so much taller? than you at this time. I don't know but God bless America. All right. That's good. I do like Pierce Morgan. Now that's funny. He was really pressing me on that.

Well, I like the rhythm. I'm starting to come on to it. It's always him at the end. Is that what you think? I like it because it's really a good observation. Like, so this is a show in your mind? Yeah. This is what you want. Is this your thing? Bus boys opposite Lord Michaels. Is that sort of disrespectful? Two gentlemen falling in the dirt over and over? Because he's got a polite thing, but it's very, you know, pointed. So he's good at what he does.

Yeah, he is good. I do think it's funny because he gets shit on two sometimes. Oh, he's fun. I like, I like, I like, well, I hope you had fun with us, Dana. I hope you, thanks for coming home. I thought it was fun. I mean, you know. God, we did long.

Jesus, Christopher. Oh, I guess we got ourselves a two-parter. Yeah, busted man. Ha ha ha ha. Don't be mad at my hair. It looks cool. You're right. All right.

Thanks, everybody. Bye. Hey, guys. If you're loving this podcast, which you are, be sure to click follow on your favorite podcast app. Give us a review, five-star rating, and maybe even share an episode that you've loved with a friend. If you're watching this episode on YouTube, please subscribe. We're on video now. Fly on the Wall is presented by Odyssey, and executive produced by Danny Carvey and David Spade, Heather Santoro, and Greg Holtzman.

Maddie Sprung Kaiser, and Leah Reese Dennis of Odyssey. Our senior producer is Greg Holtzman, and the show is produced and edited by Phil Sweet Tech. Booking by Cultivated Entertainment. Special thanks to Patrick Fogarty, Evan Cox, Mora Curran, Melissa Wester, Hillary Schuff, Eric Donnelly, Colin Gaynor, Sean Cherry, Kirk Courtney, and Lauren Vieira. Reach out with us any questions to be asked and answer on the show. we can email us at fly on the wall at odyssey.com. That's a-U-D-A-C-Y-I-I-com.