Fly on the Wall with Dana Carvey and David Spade - Trillionaires and Scatman Crothers’ Weed

Episode Date: June 22, 2026

This week, Dana and David cover everything from Timothée Chalamet celebrating with the Knicks, to Scatman Crothers’ weed. Also, Elon’s a trillionaire, Buzzing Around, and the news of the week. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

I was always wondering that Tim Chammala a ding-dong. Shal-a-l-l-l-a-mah-ding-dong was everywhere. And he was like the Nix's La-Bou-Boo. You know, he was hanging around, knowing him what he does, and why he's there. But he's kind of cute. It's not dirty to literally anyone but you.

When you have to enter, you know what I mean? Yeah, you're right. She's like entering, he-he-ha-ha, like bea-ha-ha. She did a little nefarious giggle. She's about to be a little on my computer. Wait, I got to get my computer. Well, if she can take the Mickey Rooney conversation with me and Nathan Lane, she can do anything. God, dang, that was pure filth.

Well, we're just reporters. We're not, we're not endorsing the news, and the news is spicy. Well, it's an interesting idea. This went through my mind. when people recall conversations you have with them decades ago

and quote you and you don't remember saying that at all. Yeah. So Nathan, I was driving Nathan lane around L.A. Apparently,

and I just turned to him and said, I hate plays. I remember that. That was funny. I don't remember saying that. But I remember saying

I wasn't really the theater, but I was a kid who was watching, you know, lost in space. I wasn't a theater guy. You were a little stand-up comic twerp from Bay Area. You know, that's not in your vernacular. You're not being, if you live in New York and your parents take it a Broadway every weekend, you know, it's a different vibe. I'd never seen a play except maybe later in high school.

They did Oklahoma. Oh, Oklahoma, whatever. You know, and then I would go watch Planet of the Apes in a movie theater. and go, what do I like better? Abe, Sir, Oklahoma. But then later on, I go, I get it. Don't worry. No, but I will tell you this.

We have Nathan Lane on the show coming up, and that's what we're talking about. We interviewed him, and he was really fun. I liked him. Super funny. I don't know much about him. He tells some tight stories and got some laughs. That was sort of, you know, it was sweet because we just hadn't really. I ran in him only once in, like, the early,

90s, but then it was going way back the first job on TV we ever had. And then the story of that, I felt like I was talking to the same guy. It was like a time machine. You guys remembered so much from fricking how many years ago doing it. And then the third day of shooting, we all said this in the break room. I'm like, oh, my God. Well, I'll say this literally. Mickey Rooney, who I became very fond of, you know, at first I was like, whoa, who's this guy.

But I was the number one star in the world. You hear me? Bang. The world. Oh, man, I did the squeak really good that time. Oh, that was a perfect one. So we never got over it. You know, SNL is kind of an experiential.

And this happened and this happened. But this sitcom should be a Broadway show called One of the Boys. Yeah. It won't be, but it should be. Hey, hey, don't jinx it. Chris Rock can play Scabman. Carruthers. Was he in it?

Scabman. We didn't even get into the scab man stories. I never even heard that part. I became really good friends with Scapman. I always see you guys at the Grove walking around. What I did was, you know, he was constantly smoking weed in the bathroom or whatever. Is that you? You know, and then my brother came out and we, I barely ever smoked marijuana in my life.

But he said, I get you. special. And then he's talking to us. Scatman's talking to us like this and he rolls a joint that's closed on both ends, perfectly folded in. But it was the worst weed ever. It did nothing. So then I talked to my brother Scott. So we got a lid. They call it a lid, a big thing of Colombian. I guess I took it on the airplane and I brought it to New York and I gave it to Scapman and then the next day in the elevator he said quote because he was from the 30s where it was a listen. He goes, uh, the music was good. May I get a pound? A pound. He knows you're a pound. She wanted a pound.

That was when planes didn't hassle you for bringing weed on and shit, you know. I guess not. But then after the show ended, my brother Scott and I drove down the coast, went to Van Nuys where Scatman lived. He had his good little ukulele out. We gave him all the pot and we sang songs and hugged it out. You know, it's funny as no one, not that many people are named Scatman anymore. Well, I think it's from Scabba. Yeah, Chatsha, Bada, DeBow, Da Bo, Bo, Bo. The Blues Brothers.

Yeah, Scat singing, something you probably. He brought out the Blues Brothers in the movie, I think. I think. Does he sing Minnie the Moocher? Or am I thinking of someone else? And he's famously in The Shining with Jack Nicholson. Oh. And he said,

we came through security at Heathrow and Jack had a suitcase full of weed and he talked to the guy and said don't worry it's just for my personal use and they let him in. Of course. You're in a movie called a dulling.

All right. I have a question. No, I have a statement. I did a show, just shoot me where I was mad at George Siegel's character. I worked for him an assistant. So I quit and I said, I'm going to go work for Snoop. He scouted me. Snoop dog. I went and worked for him. And then Jack wanted to find me and he went. Oh, cool. He knocked on the door and I had like long. I was like Laker, full Lakers out.

But I'm like, what do you want? And then he's like, he goes, Snoop, can I get him back? And then I told Snoop, I got to go. And he's like, and then I walk. Quinn Snoop's crying and he goes, I miss that little fool. It's pretty funny. Anyway, he got me stone. Is this in reruns? Can we see this? Yeah, but he got me stone and it made me think of you and Scatman.

Because when someone that's a pro stoner, Bill Maher, Woody Herald. If I spoke with these guys, it's lights out. Like, they just think it's so funny to watch me go, hello darkness, my old friend. Yeah. I used to play Pink Floyd Animals when I'd smoke. Sometimes you put cola on a bong hit and make a cocoa puff. Do you ever do that? Such a waste of coal.

I ain't into it, you know. But yeah, they're very professional. Like, if you're a novice, like you would be like, okay, hand it to me. Oh. Give me that reefer. All right. And they're like, you know, I don't know, man. I mean, come on.

They're just like squisting in. They're rolling a new one while they're smelling. I'm like, are you getting something out of this? They're rolling in two hands as they've got one of their mouth. So anyway, you know, I told you, Woody has this like canopy of like saran wrap holds over. I think it's because someone else at the pool of the hotel wouldn't be offended by it. So it kind of stayed contained. But man, when you're in that vortex of weed along here, like a jump in the pool, blah, blah, blub.

We giggle a little bit back in the day. but, you know, anyway, that's all of our weed stories. Yeah, this is the hot topics is a couple things going on. The next one, I don't know if they, you know, these air a couple days later, so don't think we're this stupid, but we are a little late to the party. But the next one finally, the big story was, I was always wondering that Tim Chamalay a ding dong. Shalalalalamma dingon was everywhere. And he was like the Knicks's La Boo-Boo, you know, he was hanging around. knew and know what he does and why he's there.

But he's kind of cute. And then he was in the locker room, the locker room after with, the champagne and the goggles. And then I thought, how did he wiggle in there? And then they pan back, remember when they show they're pulling a train on Kylie in the background?

I'm kidding. I don't know if it was Kylie. I'm kidding. Pulling a train. You can look that up, kids. I heard that was once. I dumped it down a little bit. You don't want to go.

I'll tell you this. And I don't know if we talk about it, but there's something about people have won in life so hard. So, and then their team also wins and they're just extra, extra happy like Taylor Swift and everything. Yeah. It's like calm down.

It makes people not like them because people go, it's a little bit much. It's too much for you. You don't get this much. You don't get your team winning when we live in this crummy town and our team never wins. So you don't get it all. And then you're,

in the locker room, partying with them. Oh, now. What are we doing? Crying ourselves to sleep. Don't ever mess with my Golden State Warriors. I will give a warning, and I'm not trying to be aggressive, to the Knicks. Sorry, Knicks. You won't repeat.

You won't three-peat and you won't beat. I tell you, and I will be a sworeer for the warriors. Well, do the Warriors have any chance next year? I finally confused you. I thought you're getting to quad Pete. I didn't have a pun. But do you think the Warriors can pull one more? Nope.

I think every team is kind of like one piece away. I'd say the Lakers are in a very interesting thing. LeBron who's playing ridiculous at 41 like no one ever has not with his speed and size. But then you've got, you know, the other guy who was injured, Donick, the Croatian guy. Luke Godinic, you know, those guys who look like refrigerator salesmen, they're kind of doughy compared to our guys. Yeah, like you. And yet they're incredibly talented. But my warriors are a little long in the truth, but never count out.

Steph Curry. Okay, that's a bold statement. Okay, Luke, Luca Donchick. Luke Adonchick, sorry about that. I don't know. I'm trying to, just getting it in my ear. Also, uh, if Iran plays the USA in soccer, it's going to be awkward. Awkward. Oh, hi, guys. Oh, probably what will happen if the U.S. plays Iran. Like, we will start out and score like five goals. We'll just slaughter them. A lot of their players will be injured. And, they'll do some kind of weird hat trick or reorientate the field where they hold us hostage you can't do anything you got us in a vice grip then we'll make an announcement that we're going to put in some new players and sort of try to tie the game they say yeah yeah they can't

have nuclear weapons during the game that's for sure well the latest one they can't have really good nuclear weapons they can't we don't want them having really good ones they may get a couple but they're not going to get a really good one couple for four Fourth of July, but none of the biggies. None of the biggies, little daddy ones. None of the ones you got to go behind the counter for. Also, Iran, they're going to be like, you guys aren't still mad about us bombing you four days ago.

Are we still talking about this? I mean, let's play some soccer. We took out, we dropped a bomb on your entire government and then wiped them out. Or you guys aren't upset about that, are you here? Let me roll a joint. Actually, another big story is how I was on the road and I was in charge with Dana into doing a gig. Look at your hair. Well, I'm trying to get it higher. I'm trying to set a record.

I don't think it can go higher. I'm going to get a trim. I'm going to ask you this really quick before you. Are you going to get a summer cut? No, this is a big discussion I saw on the YouTube comments that they said they want me to be there when you get your summer cut. By the way, your hair looks so thick and juicy. You look like Barbarella right now. Why Barbarrella? It's a funny reference, but it makes no sense. That's Jane Fonda with not many clothes on. It's all about, we did that gig, an outdoor gig,

and I forgot some of my products. So it was kind of fat, you know, I need a lot of help. That Saratoga Mountain Winery is a great looking cool gig. It was super fun, beautiful night out. I went on early, sometimes Dana and I flip-flop, but this time I was first, and I, after Larry Bubbles, and then I, it was very odd going on at light. I should have switched with you because when it's totally light out,

because I went on probably 820, still light. Everyone shuffling doing this, looking around, people are filling in in the balcony over here. I'm like, oh, I can see every single person what they're doing, what they're wearing. It threw me a little bit, to be honest. It's still kind of, I mean, not used to outdoors like that. There was, the bleachers were asymmetrical.

There was a piece up to your left. I kind of remember to look up at them sometimes. Yeah, that's right. There was a piece. It was just all in front of you. So it was just kind of different, you know. There was a railing and all these people up there. I'm like, it looks like a freeway overpass where they're like protesting.

They're all lined up. I'm like, is this part of the show where they just watching from somewhere? Yeah. I know. But it was a great crowd. It was great. I mean, it was a little awkward, but, you know, I did all right. It's hard to follow you when you come in with that rat, tat, tat.

Jesus Christ spade with that speed bag going out there jokes per minute you know and I started with the guitar it wasn't right but anyway you know

you just then I rallied with a couple stories I will say it made me think of a song because I carried your Levi jacket this one all the way to meet you and give it to you and I was like

Dana's heavy coat I kept thinking of Jamie's got a gun Janie's got a gun I'm like Dana's heavy coat because I was like why is my suitcase so heavy for one night

and I go Dana's Levi jacket is not as light as it looks. No, it's cool up here today's, but it's a heavy jacket, you know? Yeah. I mean, that reminds me that I don't, I just, I don't know why when I started doing it,

because I was just excited that I wrote this parody song of, you know, kind of like Weird Out Yankovic with Neil Young for instead of Cinnamon Girl, for Sinneubon girl. I could be happy the rest of my life with a cinnabund. And I'm doing it. I'm going, why am I starting with? this. So I saw you start with it. I was like, wow. I was just, what was I doing? I was too thrown

watching you from the outcote going, can we cut him? Is there any way to get a signal to? No, you know, when you went out, I was like, I kind of ended on not my ending closer because I hit my time and I was like, shit, I better get off. And I don't think you guys were all ready for like, okay, here comes the ramp up. Here's the final long bit. I just ended on when I go, the next one that works, I'm getting off. And then you probably were like, oh, shit, I'm on because I just brought, I just go, thanks. All right, here's Dana, basically. And you were like, oh, shit.

And then it throws you a little bit because you're not getting ready. But it, yeah, it was, I was, I was like that too. I don't know, I don't know what, but we all, uh, critique ourselves in that way. We had fun, though. We had fun, we had fun, great crowd. And for me, it was like there were a lot of people from my high school there. Yeah. You know, it's just all, from Carlin, you know, because I...

You used to do this bit all the time. Like, that's not possible. Hey, you weren't funny in high school. What happened? Oh, I had a guy tell me at the reunion. He goes, everyone says with Spade fun. He's like, fuck no. I go, well, the real question is, was David Spade at 16 trying to be funny with football players?

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getting stories. Okay. Here's the story. This is kind of old because it's been a while, but Elon Musk being a trillionaire, I wanted to put that in perspective for you. A trillion dollars, if you had a trillion dollars, you could buy two miles of the high-speed rail in California. It's such a burn.

Wow. Because it cost $120 billion. get this garbage railroad at a Sacramento that no one wants. Okay. Also, they can, if you stack them, mm-hmm. They go.

Could you go to the moon? I don't think so. I know the answer. It could go, you could go get into orbit. I don't know if it go all the way to the moon. Orbit. Hmm?

Orbit. Where's orbit? Orbit. That's about 90,000 feet or something like that. What, give or take? I'm always thinking, let's see if you and Heather are good at math or Greg. If you could like to take the trillion and put in a 5% bond, what would you get in passive?

You're just sleeping on the beach income. So 5% of a billion. I could live forever on one day's interest. But let's get a number. That's 18 zeros, baby. Jesus Christ. Is it 500 million you'd make with sleeping on the beach? 5% on a trillion.

Well, 10% would be because it's a thousand billion? 100 billion. No, no. I know what... 10% would be 100 billion, right? Yeah, I guess so. So 10%, so 5% would be 50 billion as you slept on the beach. I could live on that.

Yeah. But still, you. You know, you got to watch expenses. No, you got to get carried away. Can't go to dinners every night. You can't go nuts. I just like that guys with 250 billion base are walk into a room and just literally kind of they lose height, they shrink, they're slumped over. If Elon's there, they're like, they just shrink down to little men.

They're little punks. The little punks, they're 250 billion. There fleas on amoebas on rats. Okay, no joke. I'm not kidding around here. What would you buy if you had a billion dollars just off the top of your head? Just a thing that you would enjoy. One billion dollars. You have five seconds. I don't know. I'd probably just get. I wouldn't waste it. Are you a boat or a plane guy? I wouldn't spend it frivolously. I'd get a solid gold skateboard with diamonds on it. And then. An autograph. No, I'd probably want to get a plane to fly around. I think that would be the G7 where you could wake up. and, you know, go to Santa Monica and go anywhere in the world nonstop pretty much. I think you can go to Tokyo.

You could go to Europe. You go to wherever. I would fly home from grownups every night back to LA. Yeah, and those new ones are like the Citation 10 inside baseball. They go over 51,000 feet. So the flight is completely smooth because you're head of the jet stream. Thank you very much. So that's what I would get to, you know.

But you have to have a lot of money because of the maintenance. But anyway, continue. That's where they get you. And I'd be like, that about. That's the socket, Ryan. Why does that, what do you mean? That's how they get you in your socket. That's the maintenance.

He's under the plane going. Okay. Let me tighten these lug nuts. Yeah. No, the maintenance per week costs more than the plane. That's how they get you. That's what they don't tell you. The maintenance is bad.

The gas is where they get you. I would say, I'd say put regular. in it, not super irregular. I would say I would buy Saudi Arabia so you could get free guys. Can I get a deal on mecanose? Jeez, okay. Let's get that shell. Let's go over to the Shell Station and clear it out, all right?

Getting that super supreme, no more unleaded for me, Carfey. I used to say, I'm so dumb. I'm the kind of guy that puts super unleaded in a rental car. That was for my act. I don't know if I'd said that. Well, I used to do a joke. The first time there was crazy oil or gas prices going up. Fill her up, no, just $300 worth.

Nah, give me the first $300. Yes, give it. Fill her up, no, just $300. How about this? I just want to put $10 in it. Why? Where are you going? Just to the next gas station?

Gas tank. squirder. What are they called? Where do you get gas from where you hold the gun out? What's that called? A gas tank squirter. You got it right. Hey, here's a pop quiz for it.

You don't know. Well, it's called the pump. Oh, I'm just, yeah. I just want to put 10 bucks and why are you going to work? No, I'm just going to the next pump. Let me ask you a question. Have you ever

put the gas in the car, put it in the thing? It's going. Yeah. Going to the convenience store, get a candy bar or something, go out and drive and it's still in there. And then it flies out of the pump. Have you ever done that? I've seen it happen and I really hope I don't do that because that's going to wind up on some Instagram fails.

I did it, but I blame it on this. So I'm talking to someone, hey, go on the store. I go on the car. And so then it, but luckily it just shuts off. Oh, you put it in. Then you leave and forget about it. And then I'm driving and it pulls away. And I just started flooring it.

Oh my God. It shuts off. They come out and go, we can put this in, no problem. Keep driving. Many people pull them out. Yeah. Can you tell what accent that is? That's Armenian.

You have an Iran fixation. No, I just thought of it because I was just thinking of something. But I wrote it down. But listen, I will, Netflix is going to do a new show because they like live events. And I'm in with them because of. Yeah, you're like. A couple things I have percolating. In the hopper.

No. So they're going to do a live event of they're going to have someone stack a trillion dollars and see how far it gets. That would be a good live event. It would take a while. Well, isn't Mr. Beast all over that? Oh, yeah. Where's Mr. fucking beast with this one.

Yeah, beast it up, beastie fuck. This is a fucking layup for this guy. Look, you got a nickname like that. You got to live up to it. You know, enough of kids running around chasing a soccer ball, laid down 12 trillion in greenbacks. Yeah, makes me think of when ever Jake Pauls, and when they go, this guy's fighting a YouTuber.

I'm like, Jake Paul's like 6'3 solid rock, has $150 million and 24-hour trainers. have him fight Mr. Beast. Want to get a YouTuber in there? Let's fight the five-year-old that plays with toys. The slow-mo of that punch he took, I got a lot of respect for him. Like he broke both sides of his jaw. He goes, good, dude.

He goes, not as fun as I thought. And then, you know, then he's all bleeding and a broken jaw. I loved every minute of it. I respect that guy. I'm numb. Yeah, eating shakes for the next two weeks. Yeah. I know, but it's like, but he got the cash.

Is that really a win, Dana? Not if you have permanent arthritic jaw. You know, later on it might come back to honey. My jaw hurts like shit, my neck, and I got nothing for it. That's because you did a backflip in junior college, fool. Hey, so here's the other one. This airs, this will be Monday. In a week we got, we're going to have you on.

I should even say that because we, uh, Because the movie is now, Dana, it's on a couple places. Apple. Don't just hold on. Okay. It's on Apple. Okay. YouTube TV.

It's on Amazon. She's where isn't it? Fandango and busboys.com. You can rent her by, but it's number five on Apple right now. You're kidding. Behind Project Hail Mary. When I think of Bus. boys and I know it sounds like a non sequitur.

I think of Project Hail Mary. Like the similarities. Yeah. Well, you know the similarities. No, you know what I mean. Basically, it's boy meets girl, boy meets moon, boy meets space monster. That's Project Hail Mary, which I saw which you didn't, I don't think. I did see it.

Oh, I bet you liked it. Enjoyed it very much. Yeah. Yeah. I like Ryan. Ryan Gosling is just a. incredible movie actor. That's a hard one to pull off,

not to run over you, but that's a hard one. No, no, he's great. I mean, you know, and bus boys are basically you and Theo telling Dick jokes falling down in the dirt. But, which I said before, but it's a good word package.

Let's tell Theo that he'll love it. There's nothing wrong with that. We need raw comedy that's just funny and goes wherever it wants to go. We need it. I like, my reviews on my DMs are from literally, one guy, one girl goes, I saw busboys, it has changed my life.

I don't know if that's good or bad. And then someone's like, I like these movies. Bring back these stupid moronic, dumb shit movies. Yes. Yes. I saw bus boys and I'll never forget it. I saw bus boys and it reorientated my position on the planet. I mean, the sort of obscure compliments.

I saw bus boys. I'll never remember it. I'll never forget it. Tim Dillon was funny. You know, I like when they say lines from it. Listen, the big victory is if someone wears quotes lines or it's a Halloween costume. Yes. Can you foster those two things?

It's possible. No, we have to give it time because once people see it, then you go, more people will see it at home, obviously, than driving to the theater. Now, Project Hill Mary is easier to go to the theater because it costs $200 million. and you go, and they spend every bit of it on a screen. Yeah, I mean, I saw it in a stadium theater. You did? You're like Joe IMAX. I like, I like a nice 11 o'clock movie. Yeah.

Empty. And the only, you know, I mean, unless people are talking, I like to be away from people. You like to be in a group of people. You're watching a war movie. This is sad and I don't like it. I mean, it throws me out of the movie. Yeah. Are those real bombs, do you think?

Everyone's talking during the movie. I know. It's just like, I don't like it. Is this take place now? No, this is World War II. So before? I know. It's like, hey, hey, let's grab a cup of coffee and have a chat and catch up.

Hey, wait a minute. There's a movie started. Let's do it in the movie. Let's do it when the movie starts. I love you, Brian. The first thing you do, I'm going to teach you, Dana. when someone is talking behind you in a movie you go like this

that's the first that's the first shots fired second is you go like this you're gonna get mugged if you don't still okay what's next well that's not bad you just sigh meaning like come on guys

or then you go like this hey come on I say that like this hey come on and then they don't know it's coming from. They go, but if they get really loud. If they get really loud. Well, see, I have a problem because if I have to tell them to be quiet, I get so angry that I have to tell them that I just throw another movie.

But I was at some big science fiction movie with a friend, pretty empty theater, but Cinerama Dome. And there's a baby consistently crying like 40 feet away with these parents. So he goes, oh, man. man, and he goes, I'm going to go say something. I go, really? For the baby? So he walks over.

He says, hey, could you do what your baby's crying? And the guy did say, what are you blaming me for? It's the baby's crying. That was a direct quote. What do you want me to do? It's the baby crying. Put it outside. Yeah.

But why should you really bring your baby to see fucking obsession? Well, I wanted to bring an orangutan, see if I could get one to local zoo and come back and have it rabber and go, hey, could you get your, right? Tell them. Why are you mad at me? Call it. Talk to the orangutan, idiot. I always smile at the moms and their baby is fucking freaking out on airplanes because I want to be like, I got it. It's not your fault.

Well, you want to tell them that, oh, we've been there. So, yeah, we don't ever try to scold them or, you know, it's just. I always smile and say, I get it, I get it. And then halfway through the flight, I go, hey, it's getting ridiculous. do something. Yeah. You know what you could do in a movie? And this is,

you probably won't. Well, I know what you would say, by the way. If you don't do something, I will. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're scared to me. And here's what you could do.

They, they see you and they go, hey, can you at least part your hair? I can't see the screen because you're in front of them. And you go like this. Can you see now?

Because of. Your hair is so high. I know. Well, I'm going to get, this is going to come. down it's like a hedge it's like what that was those things that grow a chia pet or something yeah it's chia hair my hair grows faster i have shitty hair but it grows faster no it's very good hair and here's and here's what happens if they talk so much behind you you go i don't want to do this and you take up your

coat like you're going to fight them and you throw your super heavy coat on them and they can't move and they're smothered yeah well i throw that and i also have a thing where i can just blow the hair up And they're like, we can't see the movie. Don't blame me. Blame the hair. Take it up with my follicles. Take it up with my temples. That's hell hairlious.

That's hair spaculous. I will say I had a genius marketing idea, but we'll go to the stories. Well, let's make some money for a second. April. This won't be necessary. I'll pitch a movie. I'll pitch a TV show, but I don't know. if I should because it's so fucking good.

Okay, this is so bad. This is, I saw the other the Chipmunks movie was on, you know what that's called? Of course. Like with David Cross. Yeah. And then they did a second one, and you know what they called it, which I thought was genius?

Chipmunks forever. No, they said Chipmunks too, the squeak wall. Nice. I loved it. I like a good pun. So I said, you should do where they go back in the 1800s and do

last of the most squeakins wouldn't that be good it would be a little racially incenses this is like the New York Post does this too

yeah they don't do this good I mean most squeakins I mean god damn it sells itself 100 million on video that is good that's all

that's my big friend now here let me hear your movie it's not a movie it's a TV show okay okay um

It's called, I don't know if I do this is such a good idea, but I'm claiming it here. Don't give it away yet. It's called, trademark. It's called the big switcheroo. Okay. So it's a competition show. And initially what you'll do is you'll take a comedian who'll teach the singer how to do comedy. And the singer will teach the comedian how to sing.

It's a competition show. And then eventually you get like the plumber teaches the guy in the house how to be a plumber. It's any kind of switcheroo teaching each other. And it's called the big switcheroo. Done. Done. So you would have you would coach Mick Jagger how to do a stand-up. And Mick Jagger would coach you how to sing, you know, one of their songs.

Or. Don't be too excited. No, this is good. I'm thinking of how I can steal it. But I'll just name it something else. But also what if- Well, I love the transparency. I can't get mad.

I'm just thinking out loud. I'm sorry I'm pre-activated. I'm trying to steal it. My hair got bigger in the last 30 seconds. I know. I was going to say, what if you had someone could trade places with your hair for a day

and then report back what it's like? Called the big hairy rue. Yeah. And then they go, they go. It's great being Dana's hair. Everyone looks. Everyone stares and gives compliments. Oh, I got a title,

Follicle Follies. Oh, yeah. Follicle Follies. And people just switch hair. If I wanted to start a feet only fans, give me names, like what should. I've heard from people that, Heather wants to start a feet only fans. You want a name for? I just want you guys to give me names if I did.

What would it be your name on your thing or what would it be called? Oh, let's play footsy. Like soul siren. Oh, feel a foot Instagram for only fans. It's called Soul Asylum. Well, wait a minute. What is the thing? So people with foot fetishes or what is it?

Oh, I like that Dana is so innocent and adorable. They make money. They make so much money putting their naked feet on only fans. So people can look at their feet. I like how he thinks about. Just feet. Yeah, they feet, their feet.

Okay. And so you can make a tidy living without being fully naked. I would show my feet all day if I was female. By the way, I'm not saying my feet. feet are bad. My feet are great. And what we should do, Heather, no offense to your feet, mine are probably better. We take pictures of my feet and we see how much money we can make you say they're girls. Let me ask you a question and Heather and anyone who wants to listen. Yeah. Do you do maintenance on your feet? Do you get. A woman is head to toe maintenance. Heather is a woman is, but Heather's

especially head to toe maintenance and the feet, I'm sure she could. juz him up in a pinch if it's a photo shoot, but just regularly, I'm sure they're pedicures. They call them. I mean, my question for you is this, and I don't know about the image. Do you have like a gigantic jacuzzi tub that you get into instead of a shower with bubbles everywhere and a big cigar? Me or Heather? You?

Me, no. Heather, women take baths. Men are men, they shower. Yeah, I shower. And then I think if I did, if Heather did, anyone that does feet, there's something called Wiki feet, Dana. I think that's what it's called, right? Instead of Wikipedia? Or Feetfinder.

What is it called? Both. And they just make money showing women's feet. So if you look at a picture, it's too perverted, Danny, you're too sweet. Well, no. I mean, you guys, you hear your ears. They just show their ears. They get seven figures.

What's it called? It's called just ears. ears and they just come in tight and so there's ear fetishes. I mean, I'm about as turned on by feet and ears the same. I don't really, I'm not a super foot guy. I do think if girls have nice legs, they probably have nice feet too, but I don't know what everyone's looking for in these feet. Like obviously you don't want to be too calloused and burned out.

Well, it's just a blink. You don't want to hear the phrase, what's their feet like, gnarly? Yeah, gnarled. You know, what you could get into, there's a website. where people pay and want to see it is it's called Sleepy Mustache. So you could just show your mustache on Sleepy Mustache.com make a lot of money. This is where you come back with some. No, I don't because I'm thinking about it.

Thinking about it. I might need some. I got ears, sleepy mustache. We're 2 and 0. Give me something. I have good legs too. I'm not bragging, but I've had a few, if not a couple compliments. Well, what did you?

You played Chris Catan's character. which was in high heels on S&L. Mango. Mango. Yeah, I don't wear shorts that much, and it's a crime. It's a crime. Well, my legs were so from running were so gigantic. I couldn't buy pants.

I couldn't because I had a... I don't know about the story. Yeah. I still have huge... Yeah. Yeah. Quad-wise or buttocks? You wanted to have kind of...

Sunder legs is a distance runner. I always felt like, you know, giant legs, my muscular legs were too much for a distance runner. What I got over it. Visit BetMGM Casino and check out the newest exclusive. The Price is Right Fortune Pick. BetMDM and GameSense remind you to play responsibly. 19 plus to wager.

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Just style you love and quality you can trust. Visit Wayfair.cair.com. Wayfair, every style, every home. All right, let's get into some news because we're going along, and I know that you've got to go out to the well or something today. Oh, buzzing around, Buster.

Oh, we haven't done a goddamn buzzing. Could we ever get this right? Okay. Busing around. Mm-hmm. So we talked earlier. All the problems. No, I have to introduce it.

Hold on. Oh, we'll have problems. Trust me. Okay, now it's time for buzzing around. Sponsored by Five Hour Energy's Firework Freeze Flavor. Ignite Your Taste Buds with a red, white, blue freezer pop classic, reimagined as a delicious firework freeze, five-hour energy shot. Find Firework Freeze shots online at 5Oenergy.com or Amazon today.

Okay, so Dana is going to do three impressions in a scenario. Yeah, I'm going to do a Western kind of movie between old school cowboys and then some more modern people as cowboys. Right. And it's not, I've not done it out loud. There's no script. rough. You've been rehearsing for weeks. Well, okay, here we go. Okay, Duke, Duke, I don't think we should challenge these people.

They're kind of scary, Duke. Well, calm down, Pappy. Well, don't make me do what I did last time. You fellas out there want to wrestle with us a little bit. I'm Billy the Trump. I'm Billy the Trump and many people are Billy the Trump. I could try, I can shoot fast, I could shoot good. And hit this here is the Ringo Kid. They call him the Ringo Kid. He's the Ringo Kid, right? Come on.

Well, I could shoot faster than anybody ever shot. Well, what's he talking about, Pappy? You can't understand him. What is Shane, Duke? What do you think, Kirk Douglas? Kirk Douglas. Well, I'm faster than Ringo Kid. I can, I'll play your tune, Cabo.

I can shoot you faster, right, Rob Schneider? Yeah, I'm Rob. I'm Booth Lancaster. Your name's Rob Schneider. Ha, you're not familiar to me. How do I know you're a fast gun? Come on, I beg to differ. I'll shoot you in the hand.

I'm fast. I'm real fast. I, okay. Well, it's time to start the party. Uh-oh, here comes the fastest gun. I didn't want to have him, Mr. David Spade. Whoa. Oh, yeah.

Hey, guys, is there a gun? Is there a bar? I don't want to get in the gunfight. I just want to kind of buzz by it and say hi to Rob. Hey, Rob. Come on, they're poison our water. He's a little bit like Joe Biden. I didn't even notice.

Yeah, that's funny. Hey. I'm Boat Lancaster. Why don't we count to three and shoot them away? one, two, three, and then scene. Scene. I will say my one thing is I thought Ringo would be Ringo Star.

Peace and love. I know. I should have done that. Peace of love. Well, peace and love doesn't work around here, Ringo Star. See, he could always come in trying to, you know, maybe next week. My brothers, me brothers. You know, I think next time we do it, we have to, it's going to be during Theo.

we're doing a special one at Dana and David no guest with a guest. So, but we're going to make him sit through buzzing around. It'll be fun for him. It'll be fun for him. Okay. Let me know what you think he'd like to hear. Oh, yeah, that's funny. Hey, man.

I'm Billy the Trump. I can shoot very fast. I like Billy the Trump. That was a good. Billy Trump was great. Something off point. Okay, that was buzzing around with Dana Carvey. He's sponsored by Five Our Energy's Firework Freeze Flavor, the iconic redwark

Blue freezer pop flavor you crave with none of the sugar. Spark a tasty flavor sensation with Firework Freeze, five-hour energy shots available at 5Rournergy.com and Amazon today. Mm-hmm. I like to buzz around. Let's show a... No one knows Kirk Douglas, but I do. It's a good one.

Give me a clip or two. Clip it up. Clips a hoi. Oh, this is... Oh, Heather saw this. I knew she loved it. This is a Romeo and Juliet. And I think a random cat comes out during the play. Meow. This is during the play.

Oh, during the play? Fantastic. Crawled out. God, he's loving it. The guy doesn't move any muscle. Juliet tries to do. Is he croaked in this part? Shades a massive head bone hairy. It is massive headburned hairy. Look at a cat. Now it gets on the table.

Oh, that's it. Shit, that's funny. How did the cat get out? I mean, sometimes when John Lovitz says, Stand Up, Jerry just comes out in the middle of it. That's as close as I can get to that. Who let the cats out? Mew!

That's cute, right? A lot of these are cute. Cats are cute, you know. My horse nipped at me last night. Whoa. You know, I was pregnant. No, I was just kind of petting it, and giving it carrots, and then I sort of petted its neck, and it sort of went,

don't do that. You know, you say, hey, there's the door. There's the door. You don't like it here? Yeah, I just said, really? Huh. Really? Well, oh, you hate plays.

You probably hated watching that clip. I love the theater. I love plays now, but you can't hold me accountable for something I said in 1980. If you said it, yeah. I mean, that was funny. that you guys both remembered. Driving in a car and what you talked about.

I was like, what? Yeah. Okay, next one. I don't know what this is. Okay. Can you read that microscopic shit? This was the outfit he managed to put together

to simulate. Oh, this kid didn't have a Mexican flag outfit. So he wore a Christmas outfit with the same colors. We're just smart. Oh, okay. That's clever. And one of the big,

One of the big soccer players saw the clip. And he gave him a grande, mucho, something. Oh. See, look at him. See the Christmas sweater? Heather, can you tell? Same colors. It blends right in.

Yeah. And so the football or soccer player gave him. It would have been better if all these people were picking on him. And then he felt bad first. And then the superstar called him and said, I'm going to give you a mucho grande jersey. That's the thing is you don't want some bully and in your class calling you out on that.

And then you get and then you come back to school a hero and then they're jealous so they beat you up again. Yeah. When they say beat up, it's just usually it's just one punch, right? Yeah. I took a few before I'd go down. But yeah. Oh, I never went down.

I mean, I didn't go down. I get knocked down. I get up again. Okay, let's see the next dumb story. Let's see it. Oh, I think this one, this one I heard was a joke. James Dolan asked Nick's players to abstain from sex. But you're not telling grown man to do anything, especially horny baseball.

And how are they going to police that? He said, don't get mad, but I'm going to put a ring camera in everyone's bedroom. please understand it's for the playoffs yes i'm going to have special surveillance in your bedrooms just for my private use just to make sure you obey my orders this goes back to the josh do hamill advice he was given before dates hather do you remember that advice you still thinking about it does it happen it happens for sure i've heard guys say it you're not It's supposed to whack off. You are supposed to.

You're reporting what someone told you. He never said if he took the advice. I said, did you? And he goes, he said probably. Okay, next one. We're buzzing through these. Photographic memory much? Who me?

No, Heather. He did. Oh, look at these two munchkins. Okay, this is funny. Does it say, you did? No, this is funny because I told you, such a premiere horror. But look, these are just different premieres I was at.

This is a funny one of me in Farley. I like the, but my outfits are all 1,000% bad. But I was digging it. Okay, next one. Okay, that's, that's not. Oh, happy Gilmore premiere premiere. You look like a gas station at 10th.

I know. Circa, that Miller lights shirt. I could not. Throw that away. It was too cool. I shouldn't wear a t-shirt under, but I would change things now.

That was... Shades and Door. A water world. Water world? You went to that one, too? I remember I took a picture with Julia Ormond, this actress that wound up in a greener. Yeah. Yeah, anyway, I look cool, though. My U-2 hat was spicy.

This is my favorite one. This has to be Goodfellas or Casino. Yeah, Casino. I saw it. I saw Wescoey Web. Me and Farley went to this from World. premier horror ran down Times Square,

whatever it was in New York. It's my New York coat on. Oh, this is, God, can I stop for one second? Not a stylist and no, and my hair's mess. Good God. Is that a Kate Spade shirt?

Does it say Kate Spade? That's the little one. I still have that shirt. Maybe. Okay, next one. God, you went everywhere. Oh, that's Idaho from MTV. what look at my hats backwards what's going this is a

a crime sunglasses backward hat always works that I would take dates to a premiere is insane oh Jerry McGuire stop going you were just invited to all these I didn't know I could say no I didn't know I could say yes

oh Christy Swanson look at this stupid shirt I love that shirt and I tuck it in. Hey, wait a minute, some hands are being held. I know. She was a hand holder, but, you know. Oh, okay. What's that, Godzilla?

I don't know. Actually, let's stop. This is too embarrassing. Oh, go to the next one. Again, but that's outdoors. Emperor's New Groo. Emperor's New Gru. Okay, anger management.

There's Emperor's New Gru. Oh, going with the snow cap again. Lavender? Yeah, that's a cool hat. Wendy Malick, that's right. Look at me and Love It's. Okay, we can end with this one. Me and Love It's.

Laura Tomb Rider? Oh, let's not end. Let's, this is Tomb Raider. Tomb Raider 2001. So here's, so Angelina, this is the Chinese theater. Angelina. There's all this crowd on the other side of the street yelling for her. Or anyone that gets out of a car, they go, come sign shit and take pictures.

So I tell the guy, I'm going to jog over. So they send someone with you so you don't get killed. So I run over, not everyone does. I run over on one end and I start signing and taking pictures. Angelina pulls up behind me. She crosses and we ran into each other in the middle. And that's when she said, gave me a hug and said, I like that coat. Can you believe it?

Of course, I remember that forever. Angelina, I know she had some friction with Brad, but I will say that moment, I was, I was starstruck by her. Of course, stunning. She's a great actress, great artist. I'm not trying to. get Brad mad at me. I'm not. That's a good plan. Brad's a dear friend.

That's a good plan. Brad's got to come on here. What is going on? Where's Brad? Next time. Next movie. Yeah, yeah. We love to have him on. He's a crap. He's a fun guy. He'd be funny. Okay, so is that it or we go one more? What do you want to? I'll leave it to Heather and Greg. Heather says one more and she's boiling too in my boiling house.

One more. Feel free to chime in. I look cool in this shirt. I couldn't put a t-shirt on. What's this doofy dog? Is that a dog? It's an alligator dog. I like it already. Okay, go ahead.

All right. What does it say? I don't know. Jeopardy. She's waiting for food. That's it? Looks like an alien. It looks like it's just a head and doesn't have a body.

It's slightly creepy. That was not anything. That was a mistake. I didn't submit that. That was so nothing, it was something. Yeah. Instead of ending with that clanking turd, let's do one more. Okay, bring on the clanking turd.

All right. Black hair episode. Ford just filed a patent for a car that turns into your debt collector. This is episode two of the Kill Switch economy. It's 100%. U.S. patent number 2023. I put a Kill Switch my car. The title, Systems and Methods to Reposition.

vehicle assigned to Ford Global Technologies. This makes sense. So the new cars. If you miss payments and you ignore notices, the car starts disabling itself. Cruise control windows. They don't repossess it. Oh, they do it remotely. Air conditioning, key fob, door locks.

And the car can be programmed to an I'm quoting here. Heather, they already shut your air conditioning off. Wow. Every time the owner is present in the vehicle. If it's an autonomous. And then I think it drives it back. The car can move itself to a nearby. You could drive it back.

And if the car is not worth them reposition. possessing, it can drive itself to a junkyard. So when people found this, Ford came out and said to no plans at all of releasing this. That's nothing. No, no, no, no. So then repo man cannot get a sequel as they update it. Well, it's partially why they don't want you to, like in California, they want you to only drive classic cars on weekends and ultimately just don't drive them

because they want to make sure you get a new one, then you can keep track of it. But the old ones are cool. Gas, drive wherever you want. Last freedom. And then it'll soon turn into, you made your, you didn't make your payment. Kill switch. AI is infiltrating us, man. I had a kill switch on my old, I think my Grand National because I think I would do it when I would go out at night.

I would hit the, put the kill switch so if they couldn't jump it or something. I don't know. It wasn't where I could do it remotely because it wasn't invented yet. A lot of times big huge celebrities will, you know, have it like 1971 Dodge Dart or something because they just want to blend. I've got an old F250, 72. It's juicy green way. John used to have a canary yellow convertible John Levitts, our friend, Rolls Royce that he would drive around in. Canary.

He still has the Rolls Roy. Does he still have the Rolls Roy? He has a blue. Every car he has is blue. He has probably six cars. They're all blue. It was convertible. Get it, losers.

I know. He was like a permanent Macy's Day parade. Okay, Dana. I appreciate you stopping by. Thanks for coming on my show. And we will see you next time. All right, listen, if you're enjoying the fly on the wall, of course, hopefully you are.

Click follow. We don't want to be desperate, but obviously smash that goddamn button on your favorite podcast app. Smash it. Smash. Leave a review, a good one. Leave a five-star rating, nothing else. Whoops. And maybe even share an episode with a friend.

If you're watching this episode on YouTube, please, subscribe, Dana. What do you think? I'm going to tell you this right now. Hear me now. Believe me later. Fly on the wall, believe it or not, is presented by Odyssey. And executive produced by Hold for it. Dana Carvey and David Spade, or David Spade and Dana Carvey.

We don't write those stuff. Heather Santoro, Greg Holtzman, and Leah Reese Dennis. The show is edited by Evan Cox, with production support from Phil Sweet Tech. Talent Production and Booking by Sophia Lippor.