Fore Play - Behind The Greens 3: “Have you ever heard a dying goose?”

Episode Date: March 21, 2019

The call-in shows are back and, as always, they deliver. We've got caddies for Michael Jordan and multiple presidents; we've got caddies from St. Andrews; we've got irrigation experts; we've got a girls high school golf coach with stories for the ages and, of course, we have death (geese). You're going to want to giddy up for this one!You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/foreplaypod

Hey, 4Play listeners, you can find us every Tuesday and Thursday on Apple Podcast, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. This is the call-in show, ladies and gentlemen. This is the third time we have done this. Official name behind the greens. It felt good to say it. I have to say that. It sounded good when I heard it.

Behind the greens and also, does it include the little... Behind the scenes with Trent. It means behind the scenes. It means behind the scenes. That's what you're trying. Yeah, we got to update the graphic. It needs to say, in like, quotes. Like behind the scenes.

Like behind the scenes. Yeah. Tres Trent. Trent to Frankie. Behind the scene. I like it. I mean, I thought, yeah. I thought I had to explain it.

We're going to have caddies. We're going to have superintendents. We are going to have marshals. We are going to have cart girls, perhaps. Who knows? I went through all of the emails. We get a lot of emails about this. Foreplay at Barstool Sports.com.

I cipher through all of those. I pick out a good 15 or 20. I respond to them all. With a very generic copy paste, I say, awesome. Please call into this number at. X time. You may have to wait a few minutes because we're going to be taking a lot of different calls, but we'll get to you, and then we just kind of fire through and we see where we're at.

So that's what we're going to do. We're not going to waste a ton of time announcement. We have Keith Mitchell on Tuesday's show. He was awesome. I spoke to him for about 40 minutes. He was awesome. He's kind of a good old Southern boy, Chattanooga, Tennessee, and then he went to Georgia. He, of course, won a couple weeks ago with the Honda Classic, and he just, we've been trying to get him on for a couple weeks. He was kind of, and he talks about it, but he's kind of like, look, I wanted to be on when I have like no distractions and I'm just hanging out. He's got a week off this week. And the interview was awesome.

He's a really good dude. I think he's going to pick up a lot of fans. Check that out on Tuesday. We also have new merch coming out next week. I got to give a shout out to George W. Bush, first hole in one today. Oh. Congrats to W. Yeah, big congrats.

Big time. I mean, it's awesome. Where'd this happen? Cross the sea. He said with coaching from the Bush Center CEO, Ken Hirsch, and board members, Mike Meese and Bill Hickey. I scored my first hole in one at the home of our Warrior Open and the AT&T, Byron Nelson.

Next golf goal, live to 100 so I can shoot my age. Nice little chirp in himself, you know, a little self-depication. So big congrats to W. The Call-in Show, Behind the Greens. It's just like behind the scenes. That's kind of why it's funny and cool and why we like it. Let's get to it. We got the phone lines are absolutely full.

We appreciate everybody calling in. Everybody getting excited about this. Jake, I believe I hit AR-1. Is that correct? All right. So let's go to Jack. What's up? Hey, guys.

How's it going? Doing great. Thanks a lot for waiting. Absolutely. So you got the whole squad. You hear we got Lurch. We got Trent. We got Frankie.

You're our first caller of the entire show. What do you do? Where are you from? What do you got? Pressure's on, I guess. Pressure is on. You got to bring it. Right now, I'm a college basketball coach.

but when I was in college, I worked as a caddy at Echo Lake Country Club in New Jersey, which is about 10 minutes from Baltistrol, but much easier to be a caddy at than Baldestral. So that was kind of always the threat. If you didn't do something right, the caddymaster would be like, just go over to fucking Balticrol. Basketball coach, I mean, it's pretty good timing, considering March Madden. It's big time of year for you. So very fitting that our first call on a golf show about people that work at golf jobs as you're a basketball coach. Frankie's favorite sport.

Hey, sometimes life just works out. So what's your, you got any crazy stories from your caddian days? So the local qualifier, it was either for the women's U.S. Open or the women's U.S. Amateur. I don't remember which one. I don't want anybody calling in and be like, oh, they didn't have that one. So the events were big deals for the caddies, guaranteed work. For an event like that, it's a lot of collegiate golfers, which is a lot different than our usual clientele of dude members and female members that are 55 and over. So the first day we get down there

And the way it kind of works is you just kind of sat in the caddy yard And the caddy master would kind of assign you to a person And if you got a loop, then you got out there and you had three days worth of work And if you didn't have a loop, then you're done. You're going home for the weekend. Right. So there's a bunch of us down there. And one by one, the guys keep going up and going out.

And it's looking like it's not going to be a good weekend for me. There's about five guys left in the yard. And caddy master comes down. he points to me, he goes, Jack, I got an assignment for you. Come on up here. So I'm walking with him. He goes, now, you know, I can only trust you with this. I can't trust anybody else. I'm sitting there going, am I going to get like some pro? Like, I'm sitting there, like, you know, getting a special assignment. And I get up there and my girl that I was cadding for was 12 years old. Come on. So everybody else got these, you know, college girls, golfers, and, you know,

that they're having a great time, great conversation, great three days with. And I get up there, and my girl's like four feet tall, and she's 12 years old. How was she? Her sister was, she was much better than I was, but, you know, she's the whole time really super nervous. And she goes, oh, my dad's watching. I always get nervous with my dad's watching. And her sister was trying to qualify to. Her sister was like 17.

You know, so I just had to essentially be like, you know, oh, just relax. It'll be fine. It'll be okay. Don't worry about it. But so I sat there and I was like, that kind of stuff would only. only happened to me. Just, you know, everybody else has got their, you know, 21, 22-year-old out there, just walking around for three days, making friends and, you know, sometimes a little more

than friends. And I get a 12-year-old that I kind of like, oh, there were. Pretty common to advance their relationship there? Well, there's some guys that like to tell some stories. So, I mean, there's some guys would come back after, hey, some guys would come back after the practice round or day one, be like, oh, I took my, I took my girl out to dinner last night. You know how that went, and we believed it for about zero seconds, but they kept

telling the story like it was true, so. Yikes. Did you, uh, I mean, did you, like, keep up with her? You're like friends with her? Or was it just kind of this weird fucking thing? No, no. It was, it was just a weird three days for me. I think that's a good call. Don't keep up with her. Don't keep up with her. You know,

make like a brother-sister type relationship. I don't know. Like whiskey in today's age. That was like nine or ten years ago. And I don't, I regret kind of not remembering the year old name because she could be like some phenom on the LPGA tour right now and I would have no idea because she went out there and shot like 79 as a 12 year old 79 I feel like the name would ring a bell right yeah but at the same time I was probably sitting there like man really are you are you serious so I just kind of tried to get through the three days and that was it um and you guys

talk about the the dick member the dick member is no not nearly as bad as dick guest. The guy that comes in and playing that, like, outing on Mondays that just thinks they know everything and just kind of, like, try to tell you, like, oh, I'm this great golfer. And, like, dude, you played this course one time and it was three years ago. I've been around this course seven times in the last four days. Like, just chill out. Those are the worst.

There's a dick member everywhere. There's just no doubt about that. All right, Jack. Well, look, we're glad, you know, well, we're not glad. Hopefully you get, I don't know. Now you're not doing caddian, so you kind of get screwed. I guess that's the best way to say. Look with that basketball.

It was a great job. Sick league. It's tough to be a lifer, that's for sure. College basketball coach. How did you guys do in your tournament? Assume you're not in the end. Did you guys make the big one? No, I'm a low-level college, so our team is over ready.

The N-A-I way low. So our season ended a little while ago. You want to give a little shout to your players or something? Try to be a cool coach. Hey, if they're listening to this podcast, then they know me. They can figure me out. All right, Jack. We appreciate the call, pal.

Thanks for calling in. See you later. All right. Appreciate you guys. Have a great night. Appreciate you. I don't know why. I want to give that guy some shade, but I don't know, he was nice.

Yeah, he was a really nice guy. Well, you tried. You're just sickly like making your little jabs at him. And then when he said, I'm at the low-level college, you're like, yeah, you are. I don't know why I said that. It's a tough day for you, though. Why were you so anti that guy? I don't know.

I don't know. You're just on a, you're in a side before the show. First caller. I'm a little, I'm a little... Well, and here's the thing, too. This studio's 400 degrees. The people listen and don't know that. Everybody's a little, a little, you know, on edge.

Towards the end of that call, no one was listening to a thing that guy said. Lurch was doing these hand motions, pointing at this... Because clearly, there's no denying there's a fan in this... What was with your hand motion? Well, so he said, he was asking if I could, if we could hear the fan. So I was trying to give the twirls, like the blade was going around. I don't think you were playing a game of charades. Were you not?

I was, but I wasn't kind of going like that. No, but I was... Wrap up, wrap up. Yeah, I don't, this, the swirl around in a circle is not in this situation known for one. A little tip about showbiz here, all right, Lurch. When you do the little wrap-up sign, that means we're just over. I almost started getting up and ordered my Taco Bell and just left. Fair enough.

Well, I didn't have the prop to point two, so I was trying to give, like, the blades were spinning, and I was just about to start blowing. You did blow. He did blow. I was like, oh. I was trying to mimic his fan. I thought you were trying to tell him to bring the fan closer. I was going to say, well, no, because that might affect the sound quality. I'm new to this.

I'm new to this. I'm just learning. No, no, it's totally cool. I'm just glad we all got on the same page. We just blatantly just didn't hear a word that guy said. Pretty sure he actually ended up saying, like, the guest is the worst bad member, and then Riggs is just like, all members are bad. I mean, there's a bad member ever got with us.

I was so fucking distracted. I looked at him like, we didn't hear a word. He just said. That guy, Jack must be like, man, they didn't listen to anything. He's like, yeah, they're all bad. Have you read listening? If you read listening to us, I deeply apologize. So he was talking about a bad guest.

He was basically saying that you guys, I think, what he said was, you know, there's a bad member at every single course, but I think even worse is that bad guest that comes in. And, you know, he thinks he knows the golf course. And, you know, he's like, I've basically been looping here every single day seven times this past week and you think

you know more about this golf course than I do. We're going to have to just hold. Oh, came back on. All right, we're back. Yeah, no, I wasn't. I just wasn't really listening. I don't think anybody was actually listening. So, who knows really what to do there. I think we're back on track here. We've got everything going, so I think we're okay.

Let's go to Alex, what's up? Hey, are you guys doing? Doing great, how you doing? Good, not too bad, living the dreams. So I'm seeing a little note here, irrigation guy? Yeah, yeah, it's where I'm at currently in Texas. Tell me about irrigation.

Well, it's a pretty good job security. Because it always rains, you mean? No, no, just always something breaking, something to fix, something to adjust or whatnot. But, yeah, it's pretty good. So what's the, you got any crazy stories or anything? Like any giant? I've seen, I have been on a golf course when a pipe burst.

Somebody with a mower. I think I feel like this probably happens a lot. Somebody with a mower hit a pipe. And it was a fucking disaster. Like two of the holes, you couldn't even drive through them. They had to put, like, rope them off. It's that job security. I wouldn't be surprised if guys like him are just going out there

smacking pipes around. I didn't even think about that. Putting holes in pipes because it's about that job security. You out there cutting pipes yourself there, Alex. You'll fix the pipe yourself. Or keep me in point. Yeah, it's just more work for me. No, but we get...

Whose fault is that? If we're talking job security. Yeah, yeah. You know, guys will occasionally run over a sprinkler head. Something gets stuck up. You know, if a sprinkler head doesn't go all the way down or whatnot. We get a lot of breaks, yeah, underground, a lot of the T-joints where pipes come together. And, you know, of course, you can't tell us.

leak until it makes its way to the surface. But we're fixing a sprinkler the other day and had it all dug out and everything. And then an elbow down near the bottom of it, all of a sudden we were waiting for a group to pass by and the thing just disconnected and exploded and massive guys are going up in the air. So it gets pretty interesting. What's the craziest or worst day of your life as an irrigation golf course guy? Oh, well, I haven't been doing it for too long. haven't had any massive projects where you got to, you know,

dig way down or anything. But, you know, just kind of leaks piling up different things. Anytime you got to mess around the green, you know, digging a massive hole. You know, I get guys kind of getting a little bit bothered by it. But, you know, so far it's been pretty good. All right. Well, whenever I'm hitting into a green and I see a guy running across here with a hose, is that you? Yeah.

Could be. I do appreciate Frankie coming to their realization that maybe it's best to just give us a couple seconds and we'll be out of your way pretty quick. Yeah. So let's say, so I'm always like very into like how that all the pipes and stuff get put into golf courses. Like how early. So like when someone wants to redo their irrigation system, like what kind of work goes into that? Like they just tear up every single fairway, every single green, just put a whole new piping system down as if it's like a building?

Yeah, unfortunately, I'm not too sure about a renovation. You know, anything to that scale. I know, I mean, our course is relatively new. It's only about 12, 13 years old. So that's about how old the irrigation system was. But obviously when they're building a course a little bit easier, you know, you map out all of your pipes, kind of dig out all your trenches and everything.

And, you know, and then before you obviously put down any sod or any, turf or anything like that. But, yeah, I'd imagine a renovation is a pretty massive project. That's got to be crazy. Oh, that sounds awful. I wouldn't even know where to start. No. You'd be amazed how much work goes along with just a little pinhole leak in the side

of a pipe, you know, as far as how much you got to dig. Put a little gum on it. I mean, if somebody said to me, like, all right, Riggs, you're in charge of this entire renovation of the irrigation system. You're a point, man, go. I just kill myself. I quit. That's it.

I go to Home Depot and do it. 30,000 hoses. People always say, like, if you don't think hoses, you gotta plug them in somewhere, and then like once, no, hosing, you'll do anything, you gotta get piping out. People say,

if you go back to, like, 1900 with the, with the knowledge you have now, could you be, like, the most important, richest person in the world? It's like, dude, sometimes I stand in the bathroom and I flush the toilet,

and I just stare at where all the water goes. I'm like, do you know how important that is and how I wouldn't know where the fuck is going? Yeah, I'd say, where'd it go? And how does it pull it out? Is it air? Suction system? A suction system?

It's a suction system? underneath the toilet? Why don't you pull it out, Alex? Let's not uncover how stupid we actually are. That has long sale for me. I can't even say the word tonight. Yeah, that's a toilet's a little bit out of my expertise there. All right, whatever.

I mean, you're an irrigation guy. Your irrigation guy. Your knowledge just stops at certain points. It stops when you're only, you know, you only know irrigation when you're standing on grass, not tile? Yeah. Okay. Kind of like how tiger can do. He's the other.

Target dance. Tiger can only dress when he has grass underneath him. Once he steps on concrete or whatever, he's done. That's true. I mean, Alex, same way. Alex steps on grass. It's his happy place. You want me to deal with, like, wear water and waste and this and that's going through pipes and all that?

I can talk about it on a golf course. The minute you get me off, I don't know a fucking thing. Exactly. I just saw it put it on the green, right? All right, Alex. Well, we appreciate the call. Keep up, you know, keep irrigating stuff out there. All right.

Thank you, guys. Have a great one. Thank you. Got to give a big shout out in between callers here, too. spring golf. Kind of sneaking this one in in between calls, I bet you didn't see that coming. Supreme Golf, they're the only T-Time app you need. They're the only T-Time website.

You need to visit Supreme Golf.com or go to your app store. Get Supreme Golf. We just played this past weekend at LaTaret. We, like we talked about, and we used Supreme Golf. We got ourselves a great deal. Awesome layout. Condition could use some work. Need an irrigation guy, honestly.

No, of course, does ever need an irrigation guy. All right, we'll have to hit up Alex. Get him a job out of Stap Island. Job security. Yep. job security. Let's go to now this was,

I almost made a mistake here. This one all it says is St. Andrew's old course and I almost said let's go to St. Andrew, which would have been, you know. What a name. Hey, St. Andrew's guy there. Yeah, I'm here. Hey, what's going on?

How about how you doing? We're doing great. Oh, yeah. That accent. Oh, yeah. That sounds nice. How are you, mate? Is that what we say?

Yeah, that's what we say. How you doing, man? So what's your first name again? Ollie or Oliver. Ollie. Okay. Your looper caddy out at San Andrew, is that right? Yeah, it's on the old course.

I like that a lot. That gives this, you know, you're coming in with a nice resume there. That feels good. So what time is it there, by the way? I'm not in school. I'm actually in Switzerland at the moment. But it'll be 11 o'clock in Skolin right now. What are you doing all world travel?

Yeah, I do six months caddian and six months to ski him. It's not a bad life. Whoa. That's Riggs' dream. You and me, buddy. I got a whole thing. That's what I say. I ski in the winter.

I golf in the summer. That's the way to do it. Where in Switzerland are you? I was just in Zirk. I'm in the Four Valley. So I'm based in Nanda. So you've heard of Barbier? You got anything on that?

You're talking about limited knowledge. You've never seen someone that has a lost clue what you're talking about. He said, oh, I was just in Switzerland. Where are you? He said some place, and Lurch is like, I got no idea where that is. Four Valley seems like the most popular place of all time. Like, how do you not know where they're? Pretty on brand for the podcast, but just, you know.

You see Lurch's phone anywhere? Another good question. Left his phone and it killed. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I lost my phone in Europe. I was, you know, there's a terrible question on my part. Speaking of phones, is this guy calling, like, collect? Like, are we able to put these, who's this bill falling on that this guy's calling us from Switzerland?

Uh, follow in mine. I was going to say, it's one hell of an expensive call into a podcast. So I commend you for that. Yeah, Ali, we'll reimburse you for that. Speed this thing up, I mean, we're talking 25 cents a second. This guy's like, enough of the bullshit. I just want to get my question in. He's looking at his, he's looking at his credit card.

He's like, these fucking guys aren't going to stop talking. I'm going to have to hang out of it. Inside Jonesville to the Lurch on all the phone. He's watching the ticker go up on his app. Like, Jesus Christ, guys, can I get to my fucking question? Ollie, what's the craziest story you got from Caddian out at the old course? Oh, man, there's so many. Like, I mean, I could get, like, it roll off a couple.

Love it. Probably for one of my, like, the worst one for me was there was a big golf event at a, like a course near by Sanchez. And I got a bit, like, roughed up with that, with the, a few beers and I ended up falling through a pub window. I had no recollection of it. And in the morning, had to go to hospital. And then rock up to the caddy shack in the afternoon

with a arm and sling, shoulder fucked. And the caddy master looks me up and down. And I'm like, what are you looking at my lap for? And he's like, you know you're cadding for the captain at RNA today. And I'm like, oh, fuck. Yeah. Oh, fuck. I think that's a perfect response.

Jesus, how'd that go? Oh, great. Obviously, it's hard to life and not say exactly what happened, but I don't think that would look good on his part. I think they were playing the committee of Augusta that day as well. Oh, Christ. So you did or didn't end up caddian for him? No, I once dropped it.

Yeah. Wow. I like that terminology. You ever heard of that one, Frankie? One strap in it? One strap sounds real good. Yeah, that's pretty legit. Hey, is it?

Isn't it super hard to get, like, to become a caddy at the old course? Yeah, like, I mean, when I started, yeah, I started when I was 18. And you had to go through, like, a traineeship system after your interview. So you had to do, like, 60 rounds as a trainee. And then, yeah, you either got, had to do more lips as a trainee or get the, you, yeah, the hey you're now a little caddy kind of deal and i mean back then when i started it was like five years it was tough um like when you went in you were kind of treated like scum like they didn't want you caddies working and you were like stealing the older guys work and yeah but now it's uh

now it's a little different what's the worst day you've ever seen out there like how bad were the winds and the rain uh it was snowing and we kept playing it's pretty bad Yeah, no, that's legit. You change a color ball or you kind of deal through that too? No, it wasn't, like, it was snowing, but it wasn't, like, lying that well. It was still, the ground was still quite wet, so it didn't stick. But I remember being told in the morning, I was wearing Glen Eagles, like, mittens, and I was told not, I was like, you can't wear them on the old course.

And then in the evening, I think it was BBC News, were doing a thing on the old course and then in the background you can see my hands behind my back and the Glen Eagles logo live on TV didn't put down well I bet they weren't happy about that no

but I mean I was going to say another story if you want one it's like not about me but I think one of the ones that happened recently was there was a caddy and as he crosses the swilkin burn

on the 18 it always turns around to the golfer and he goes, this is how you know if your caddy's sober, and he, like, walks over the ledge and tries to pretty sober. And this one time, he actually fell in this Wilkenburn clubs, guys' phone, and everything. Jesus Christ, that's got to be the worst case scenario. Yeah, crack ribs, the fool. I mean, fair enough if he was drunk, but he was stone cold sober, so.

I think it sounds crazy to us that all these stories just end up with people getting absolutely pummeled and destroyed in their bodies. That's just like Scotland and that whole area, right? That's just got to be it. Like falling through pub windows and breaking. Yeah, yeah. What world are you guys living in? How could I have your story? We didn't get home with it.

All right, Ollie. Well, where are you, where in, what was it, Switzerland? What, like, ski resort you're working at? The Four Valley. Oh, yeah, that's the Four Valley. Yeah, back to the Four Valley. Yeah, we got to pick a few valleys. All right.

Well, it sounds lovely. You guys, are you, like, going out of the town tonight? It sounds like something out of Lord of the Rings. Like, the Four Valleys? What are you kidding me? It's not that extreme. All right. Well, we really appreciate the call.

I think caddying at the old course would be probably coolest place to catty at, right? Yeah, I mean, you've got to be up there. How long have you been a caddy for there if you were, if you caddy for the captain of the RNA after you pretty much just destroyed your body? So I've been here fine. This is coming up to my fifth year. But the captain R&A one, the wave one, like every year they have the drive-in.

And all the caddies stand in the fairway, and they like, as the captain hits the ball, they shoot off this massive cannon. And then the caddies, like, fight and run and try to get his ball in return for, like, a gold sovereign. So that's pretty cool. That sounds like a hunger game.

Yeah, that's amazing. Jesus. That's amazing. That's very cool. I caught it two years in a row now. Pretty quick. No, I wasn't... You're the seeker.

Nah, two years ago, I was looking right into the sun and it just landed at my feet. This guy's Harry Potter. He's a secret. I know we talk about Quidditch and Harry Potter all the time, but this guy's a goddamn secret. Well, you talk about it all the time. I could accomplish anything with this guy's accent. I'm convinced of that. Yeah.

I can take over the goddamn world with that accent. It really is a game changer. We have the most boring. Do you think, like, as Americans, do we even have accents? Or do we just sound like the most generic? boring people in the world. Nah, you guys are cool. I'm always happy to caddy for an American,

because they appreciate what the old course is, really, more than anyone, I guess. That makes me feel great. That makes me feel great. I like that a lot. We do appreciate it. I was out there a couple years ago. I played it twice.

Birded at 18 to shoot 79, not a big deal. Nah, that's good. You don't see many people shooting in the 70s. No, I bet you. you don't. What's like the average handicap that you caddy for? I'd say at least 18. That's a long group.

That's a lot on a single strap. How often people try to take out the 60 degree around the greens? They have big, they get no choice. They speak English, that things don't leave in the bag. That's great. All right, All right, Ollie. Well, we really appreciate taking the time to call in, especially all the way from Switzerland.

I mean, this probably cost you like 50 bucks. I looked at a picture of the Four Valies. It looks like it's on another planet. It's beautiful. It looks like it's on a moon. Like a moon from a different galaxy. What a cool, I, Valley lives. You're just at the old course and San Diego.

If I ever go to the old course, which I'm going to, I know I am at some point. I want Ali as my caddy. Yeah, can we make that happen? Yeah, man. You got my email, right? Sure do. Yeah, just ping me an email, and I'm sure I can sort that out. Can you ping this shit out of him.

Four Valley, we are going to ping the fuck out of it. out of you. I'm going to ping your shit up, man. Hope to fall through a pub window with the end of the office. Me too. That would be the highlight. That would be the ideal trip. All right.

This is expensive, so we don't want to keep you all night. We appreciate the call. No problem, guys. Cheers. See you, mate. Cheers. See, dude. I feel like saying cheers to people.

We call us dude there? You guys all went cheers and he went. See you, dude. Yeah, I thought I was hitting it, like, correct. I'm like, he definitely is the guy that says cheers, but he's just like, I see it, bro. No, we're idiots. We feel like we're teleported to Middle Earth when we're trying to talk to these people. Yeah.

I mean, Cheers is usually the way to go with that, with like, you know. Cheers is a great one. Any European, that whole. Also, I was telling a lot of people last night and everyone was saying how genius of an idea this is, is that I've dropped, nice to meet you from my lexicon, and I only say, nice to see you. Get you out of the jamming in case you've met somebody before. Totally. Nice to see you. That's really the thing to do, yeah.

That's a good call. Oh, nice to see you. covers both bases. I thought about this in the coffee shop the other day. If you tell someone, have a nice day, it comes off as kind. Kind, you know, like, oh, have a nice day, Frankie. If I tell you have a nice life, which is nicer because it's the whole life, it's pretty much just a giant F you.

Oh, yeah. Which I was just thinking about that for a while. Just, hey, have a nice day. Smiles, goodbye, big wave. Hey, buddy, have a nice life. Just the finger right back. Guys, like, what the fuck is your problem? That is true.

I'm giving you so much, so many more days. More. Many more days. Thousands. All of your days. Thousands more nice days from here to your last. And the guy's like, fuck you, dude. You are a piece of shit.

Yeah. That's interesting. Yeah. Have a nice life. Yeah. Are you just sitting at a coffee shop thinking about that? Yeah. Because that's how you presented it.

I said, I was at the coffee shop the other day. Well, I got a coffee and then I said, you know, hey, have a nice day. I see. And then in that, you know, my, I'm so smart. Could you imagine if you said to someone, thank you so much. have a nice life. How much of a dick you would sound like? Unbelievable.

Have a nice life. I think you need to start doing that for next week. Well, you know what it means. It means that you're never going to see them again. Like you wish to never see them again, right? Have a nice day. Maybe I'll see you sometime soon. But have a nice life.

You're dead next time I even come across you. Yeah. Yeah. I'm never going to see you until you're dead. But if you're in a random coffee shop, that's probably true what you're saying. 100%. It's not necessarily nice.

I mean, have a nice life is the classic ex-boyfriend or girlfriend text. when you're trying to claim like you're not going back to the well. Ever. Okay, have a nice life. Have a nice life. Can we talk about Lurch just getting dominated by the height of this? Can I say? The fact that you have to contort your entire body to talk into the microphone is crazy.

Dude, it's a 90-degree angle. I took a picture of it. His neck has to go like basically perpendicular with his shoulder blades. I never say anything like it's like a giraffe. I mean, yeah, there's things to be learned. Yeah. Definitely. He has to turn into like a puddle of mud.

Yeah, look at that body. I took a picture of him. You look like you're in a. They look happy. You think you're an awfully unflattering body. God, that is a bad body. You do. You know, like, the chair, you know a chair?

Yes. Like an assistant's chair. You look like you look like. It looks like there's a ceiling right above your head. Like, I was saying. That you're not, your head's not allowed to go higher that. He's going to stay down. Right.

You're kind of like that. Frankie just asked me eight times in a row if I know what a chair is. Yeah, why do you, you're not, that's clearly not the correct term. Well, that's like a Stephen Hawking chair. A chair. A wheelchair? A wheelchair? Yeah, but that's not even a wheel.

I'm talking a chair. I mean, how many people sit in Stephen Hawking chairs, which are, like, computers where you're allowed to push a button and talk. I would say there's only one. There was only one. There was. There was. There was. All right.

It wasn't a big Stephen Hawking guy. I think we were a pretty anti-Steven Hawking show, right? I'm like very... I used to call him a Debbie Downer. He was a Debbie Downer. Because he would always just be like, yeah, well, we're all going to die. He was. At no point today that I think I was going to make fun of Stephen Hawking.

What are you doing? When he did he was... The fucking guy was so. wrong. The guy was so wrong about everything. Well, no, he's not necessarily wrong. I think he was right about a lot of people. No, he kept saying the world was going to end, a million times. But that was his reaction to everything. He's a

wrong. He's a pessimist, or he was a pessimist, and they're usually right. They're usually right because eventually something horrible will happen, but he would always say that it was about to happen, and people would be like, yeah, but, bro, the sun's shining. It's beautiful out. He's like, well, well, the aliens were coming, so.

Timeline was just off. Exactly. Yeah, like the sun will explode at some point, but not in your lifetime. But he always had to bring it up. Hey, have a nice life, Frank. All right, dude. Have a nice life, Stephen. Yeah.

Right. That'd be like, if I tell him, like, oh, what are your plans this weekend? You're like, well, it doesn't matter because I'm going to die in 50 years. Right. Well, all right, dude. Like, what's I have to do with anything? That's why I would call him a Debbie Downer. I can't tell you how much.

I can't tell you how much better I feel right now that I'm able to sit up. Yeah. Like, everything feels better. Yeah, so Lurch just adjusted the height of his microphone. Did you think it was, like, permanently down there? Well, even last episode, there's a couple cranks on this thing, and I'm new. So I was just trying to figure it out, and I was failing. It is crazy how in these, in Barstool and in these studios, we always just have all these problems with these things.

Like, sometimes the studios just aren't to our liking, and these mics just, like, start falling down. We never, like, fix them. No, we never fix anything. We just keep grinding through it. But now, yeah, kind of helping. What is the best apparel company on the entire planet for golf, for casual wear, for nice wear when you go to the office? Peter Millar. The answer.

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Petermore.com slash 4. Cool. I hit the wrong button. Carl, what's up? How you doing? We're doing great. How are you? Good, thanks.

So where are you calling from? What's your golf-related gig? Yeah, so I'm calling for Pittsburgh. Love Pittsburgh. I'm actually, yeah, no longer. A lot of bridges, yeah. Unbelievable amount of bridges, and all your bridges are the same colors as your sports teams. It's crazy.

It's true. That is true. You guys been there? They're all black and yellow. I have never been. Yeah, like the whole place is black and gold. whole fucking place. Riggs and I went out there,

awesome trip, sat in PNC, and from the first base line, you can see a beautiful bridge. Really nice. Yeah, and everywhere else you go, the Roberto Clemente Bridge, is that what that is?

The one in the outfield of PNC? That's one of them, yeah. I went to Pittsburgh once. We drove through it to go on a Natty tour. We were going somewhere else, but we stopped in Pittsburgh at this, like Pimanti brothers. Oh, yeah, I've been there.

Yeah. A lot of hype around that. I wasn't too happy. I wonder if you could do every bridge in Pittsburgh in a single day. I'm sure you can. I don't think you could. That's insane. One single day, you can drive from here to Florida in a day.

What about, okay, is there traffic all the way from here to Florida? You got to make all kinds of crazy turns and, like, map out your route. I think you could do it in four hours. I think you're doing less than four hours. Every bridge in Pittsburgh. Pittsburgh can't be that big. I think Carl, I think Carl, you think? I was exaggerating.

You could do it, yeah. Well, I mean, you're talking every single little bridge. I could cut you off, Carl. There's a ton of bridges in New York. I could probably do it in four hours. No chance. Traffic? Just keep popping right back on.

What are you popping right back on? Who are you a magician? You know how much traffic there is? RFK. Four hours? You're already out. Sun's already set. I'd love, if I cared enough about this, I would do it.

I'll bet you. I'll be a little bet with you. There's never be a time right. All right. In the future, sometimes. If you want to win a bet, there's a time right there. I don't want to win the bet that day. I don't want to do it Saturday at all.

What an awful Saturday that would be. It's the worst Saturday ever. Oh my God. I want to, I'd pay you to not do this bet. That's how much I don't want to do it. All right, Carl, sorry, I got distracted. So you live in Pittsburgh. Yeah, no problem.

Yeah, so not as much traffic as New York, so I think you could do it. But that's just my opinion. But, yeah, so I don't, I used to work in the golf industry. I was more of a bag room guy. Cattied every once in a while when they made me. I hated caddying. So, as you know, Pittsburgh is pretty hilly. course is real hilly.

Oh, yeah. So it was just terrible to walk. But anyways, my story comes from our club's member guest weekend. So it was every year, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, you had to work the whole, I mean, 5.30, 6 in the morning until 10 o'clock at night straight, you know. So what everyone did was everybody caddied that weekend. So you do your bag room stuff, go caddy, come back, finish up for that day, set up for the next day kind of thing.

So at the time, I'm like early 20s, there's a lot of us that are about that age. And then we had our caddy master was probably like 28 maybe about the time. And then another kid that had he caddied there forever. He started when he's like 13. He's like 28. So we decide to one. that we're all going to go to the bar and then just go back

to the club and sleep because we had to be there. So, you know, the turnaround time is so quick, so we thought we could get to... We'll sleep over in the caddy bar. Yeah, so we were going to take over the club house. You know, go in the men's grill, get a nice couch. I bet they'd love that.

Yeah, I'm sure they would have really appreciate them doing it. But so anyway, so we all go out. You know, We're out till, I think, till 2 in the morning. So we get back, and I mean, a caddymaster's there with us. So it's pretty much, there's probably about eight of us, including him.

And I think we got back. We had some six-pack or something. We were sitting in the parking line. The catty master's like, hold on, guys, wait here. I'll be right back. And so he disappears. And the next thing we know, he's coming. It's a long story because to get a car onto our course for the whole on one car.

Yeah, you had to go through the, yeah, you had to go through the carp barns. But he off-roaded this thing. It was a freaking souped-up Corvette. It was a sick car. I mean, probably this was 15, 20 years ago. It was probably 80 grand, you know. Okay. He comes.

What color? Yeah, he comes, it was white. It was white with black, I think it was a. Not my favorite. I would have gone red. Yeah, yeah. I think it was a convertible. Yeah.

But. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But, so, yeah, he comes driving.

He pretty much drove on, like, through the first hole to get back to where we were. And he comes, and he, I mean, he's flying through the parking lot. And he starts doing burnout, like, in this, you. you know, the whole one car. And, I mean, I'm not just, it was like Daytona 500 smoke. It was so loud. I mean, it's two in the morning. It's kind of like a residential area.

I thought for sure the cops were going to come, you know. So he's doing his burnout. We're all that kind of watching him and amazement. Like, this is your boss. I mean, he's only 28, but at the time, you think he's like, you know, you think that's old when you're 21. It's all the shit. Yeah, exactly. but so yeah he's doing the smoke out so all of a sudden the other dude the other older dude

disappears he comes back down to where we were and he's got this the transporter you know what a transporter is I got a eight-person golf cart yeah he's like Jason Statham I was also saying Star Wars they have transporters that fly through the space they go to speed of light Oh, maybe that's why we call it. I don't even know if that was actually the correct term in all. Yeah, they go, the first transport is away. And then everybody goes, yeah, they go crazy when they leave the battle off. Anyways.

A lot of knowledge right there. Well, I didn't know what transport. There was a lot happened right there for rigs. So, yeah, so it was like an eight-person golf cart. I mean, so we used it because everyone would show up right at the same time. So we used it to, like, drive the members back. and forth to their car, you know. Okay, so it's a little different than the Star Wars one, for sure.

Right, right. It didn't, yeah, it didn't fly or anything. But, yeah, he comes down and he's like, get in, you know, and so we all jump in this cart, and it's pitch black. I mean, like, it's the middle of the night. And we, so we start driving on the course. And so, like, it was a nice club. Like, it wasn't anything special.

It's not, you know. Carl, you got to get to the end of the story soon. Yeah. I got it. Is this the same guy from Pittsburgh? Holy. Holy. Fuck.

Yeah. We talked about Pittsburgh. Were we talking about the guy? Were the guy in the chair? It's not to lie it, Frank. Carl, keep ripping it. It feels like two hours ago. Got to be a conclusion to this at some point.

Yeah, long story short, we're driving on the course, and we're like, dude, don't hit a green. Like, you know, we're in this, we don't want to ruin, you know, a nice club. Fair. Smart. We ended up pretty much jumping it into a bunker that, I mean, you just couldn't see. and more or less crashing the thing. Eight people in a transporter is what I'm picturing flying over a hill into a bush. Exactly.

Into a bunker. Fling a bunker. Sorry. Right. Travistee. Yeah. So we had to end up pulling it out. And then we were like, all right, that's enough.

Like, you know, enough fun for the night. We're going to ruin something that's pretty much not all hurts. So. Was everybody okay? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it was, it was eventful. You know, it's fun, but nobody got hurt.

Let me ask you this. You said you were a bag, kind of a bag room guy earlier. I've always had a theory that I've never opted to leave my bag in the bag room because I feel like there's a lot of like condensation down in there. And my grips and my gloves and stuff will be a little bit wet, and I don't like that. So I've never left my bag in there. Do you think that's crazy? No, if it's under the club, ours was actually just right next to the pro shop, kind of.

So ours was like, course level, I'd say. But I've seen something like what you're talking about, like that are out of the carp barn. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. I mean, you got a lot of kids in there. I mean, I'm not going to lie, I took the pro v1s in my day, you know? Oh, yeah. You guys don't know what's going on.

That's the price of admission. You're going to put your bag here. Take a couple of profies out. That's fine, whatever. All right, Carl. Well, we really appreciate it. Good luck with the Bridge Challenge. I wonder if you decided to do that, let us not long in time.

Okay. It's Carl of a Sunday. All right, I'll do that. Nice, Frankie. See you later, Carl. Thank you very much. You just had to do your little pun there. Just to put a little bow on this little talk. I mapped out while he was telling that unbelievably boring story.

I mapped out this, you know, this little map of how long it would take to hit every single bridge in New York. I see like two bridges on there. No, you're going across every single one. Are you talking about the white stone? You got to get over the white stone. That's east of that. No, no, no. over there by Trump National.

Isn't that? Up here in Tarry Town? No, no, no, no, no. Trump Ferry Point. Oh, up here. Yeah, you keep like, you're like mapping out. Okay, do it. Prove it.

I'll bet you. You can win money on it. Well, without the white zone, which won't even add that much time, hour 48 minutes. That's just not. There's no way that that's correct. It is correct.

I will say, I probably had the most outrageous first intro to Pittsburgh of all time. So in my prior life, I was coach in the cross. And we were out there for a game. And it wasn't like... He was not having before he's even talking. Also, during that call, you were doing more hand motion things. Well, I was stretching my back because now I have good posture with the mic. So then I was trying to crack my back and move around a little bit because I was so hunched over.

You had some hand motion conversation with somebody over there. Oh, you were pointing something for me on your computer. I was pointing because I wanted to talk about this story. So why would you be pointing at people? I was pointing at the screen where this guy was. Oh, no. Or what guy? What?

So anyways, I'll get to the guy. One second. So first intro to Pittsburgh, coach in lacrosse, we're out there for a game. We're playing three teams. It's serious, but there's some casual side to the lacrosse game. We get out there playing a game, and some guy shows up with a jersey on and asks if he can help out by the scorecard. So myself and the other coach will prove it fine, you know. Looks like he might have some problems too.

So, you know, like whatever, you know, happy, yeah, do whatever you want. Yeah. helps out with the score. The game actually becomes an outrageously good game. I think it was like triple overtime. We win in overtime. Congratulations. Thank you.

Good game. Really happy about that. Team was psyched. So anyways, we're walking off the field and celebrating with the team. Everything's good. And this guy who was helping out on the score table jumps on one of my players' backs. Okay. And he's getting into it.

He's very excited. And he's like holding on to his back. And one of my players in kind of like a tired state goes, hey, can you just get off me? bit tired like the game's over yeah and then this guy proceeds to go jump on other people's backs and like and people are like hey buddy relax yeah so anyways i get to the locker room and everybody's you know whatever post game hey guys let's shower up let's get out of here and there's a knock on the locker room door and it's a police officer okay and i'm like what the hell is this and the guy's like hey do you mind just talking out with and he asked me some questions but the questions were was there

a guy at the game that was jumping on people's backs and i was like yeah Yeah, funny you mentioned. I mean, the guy was, you know, he's, I don't know if he had some issues or whatever. But, yeah, he did jump on a couple of players' backs. No joke, the police were looking for this guy. Yeah. He's Googledable. The piggyback bandit.

Shut up. Shut up. I swear to God. Google piggyback bandit. Your team got hit by the piggyback band. Swear to God. And the cops were, like, chasing him around the country trying to find him. There he is.

He was targeting teams, players, et cetera, post game. And he kind of wiggle his way in. like pretending to like have a jersey whatever and then sure win shagin yeah no no no he's real deal piggyback bandit arrested for harassment in alababa yes dude they trade and chased them down south what a name the piggyback so that was my welcome to pittsburg i mean you don't want this guy jumping on your back no you don't he's heavier set and like this kid that he jumped on his back was probably like five nine five 10 185 pounds i just need in it was it was an all-time welcome to pittsburgh you go to google image he's got the most mugshots

That's in the world. Yeah, those were the hand motions. I was pointing to that guy for Trent. And he's just addicted to giving people piggyback. Yeah, I think he just like gets off. No, he wants people to give him piggybacks. No, no, no, no, no, no. He's jumping on.

Yes, yes, you're right, you're right, right. He thinks he says, piggyback as he does it. He just runs the next one. He's forced piggybacking himself onto you. You got piggyback bandeted and he just runs away. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, no, he's terrifying.

That is crazy. Anyways, that was my first walk in Pittsburgh. He is. Oh, my goodness. No joke. If anybody listening gives that to Google, he's terrified. All right. Brewmate.

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Get 50% out of the first order using R-Code-4 at broomate.com. Let's go to Mark. Oh, wrong button again. Hey, Mark, what's up? Hey, what's going on? You got all the boys here. Welcome to the show. Thank you for waiting.

Sorry about the delay. Sorry, I'm just getting drunk. Hell yeah. Let's go play golf. What are the answer? Natty, the Natter-Days. Oh, okay. Love that.

Well, where are you do your golf job? Sipping on Natties is dark. I'm out in Philly doing weekends right now at St. David's golf course. Okay. What kind of? Yeah, I also worked at another course, Tarsdale Country Club. Okay, what kind of jobs you do? Pretty much everything.

Um, started out as a caddy, uh, did that for the whole time. And then was a pretty much a utility guy, you know, someone leaves. And then you got to be BevCard for the summer and then someone else leaves. And then you got to be, uh, you know, the shoe guy and work the locker room. Look, every good team is a utility guy. Mm-hmm. No doubt about that. Yeah, I mean, yeah, it's good, but it gets annoying because you're just bouncing off the fucking wall.

What's the, uh, worst job in the rotation? Good question. What's that? What's the worst job in the rotation? Like, you know this week, you're getting this one. Like, hey, man, you got to be the shoe guy. Honestly, I'd rather not be the shoe guy. The shoe guy is probably the worst guy, because you're pretty much going to see everyone's

dick and balls all day. They have no remorse. They'll walk up to you with their shoes and be like, hey, man, I got the, I need some new spikes. And they're just balls out, just staring at you. Tough. It's worse than in LA Fitness. It's worse than any gym.

You'll ever see these guys come out of the shower. Keep your eyes up. They're a giant industrial fan. They throw their ass on it. and be talking to the whole conversation with you. The balls are just flopping in the wind and they're trying to dry up. You know what?

You know what? I would say that's the worst job. And you're just no doubt about it. I don't think it was going to be that bad. The worst job. The way you described it too with the fans and like blowing. The fan's bad. Lurch has a very good question.

How many balls do you think you've seen in your life? Fuck. Well, there's the 300 lockers. So just multiply that by probably 100 since, you know, I was doing it all summer. 30,000? Yeah. Yeah. 30,000 sets of all.

I can't be right. I can't be right. Yeah, it can't be right. There's a lot of guests. You've been drinking, Mark. You've been drinking. A lot. And that's more testicles than Alsa Cura scene.

That's more testicles than anyone has seen in the world. Yeah. That's a lot of testicles. Mark, that was a, that was a Borelli exaggeration. Yeah, there you go. That's like we're sitting there. We got 900-foot ceilings in our podcast studio. All right, Mark.

Well, we appreciate the call. That's something. That's, you know, I feel bad for you. I hope you don't get that one on the rotation soon. Yeah. No, I'll be good now. I move different jobs, but when you flip a golf cart, you know, you kind of got to go. Oh, you flip the golf cart.

Okay. I'll be honest. St. David's looks pretty nice. Yeah, St. David's looks great. Yeah, St. David's looks great. Donald Ross. Both are Donald Ross's actually.

Oh, I love Donald Ross. Yeah, great greens. Amazing greens. A lot of turtle bat greens, that guy. They're tricky. Yeah, fun fact. He did the trenches, I think, for World War I, I think. You've got to come with a real stronger assertion that that's the fact.

Well, what do you mean? Did the trenches? Like, there's trenches everywhere. Don't the guys dig the trenches? One of the members is a guy with the R&A, and he told me that apparently all the trench work for the allies. forces did was done was uh used Donald Ross's like plans and shit

I was I was gonna say he did he like built all of the trenches because there's I mean just miles and miles and miles of trenches now they they used his uh his way the way he did architectural design of the trench box yeah when you're on the tee box you can only see little mounds and you can't see the bunkering

in the fairways that's how that's how he used to get you and a little visual methodology from Donnie Ross they used comes full circle. Okay, Mark. All right. You might be on to something there, pal. Well, hey, man.

Yeah, man. We really appreciate the call. Yeah, no problem. Hope you have yourself a fun night. Thanks, ma'am. Oh, yeah, I'm going to get shit-faced. Anytime you need another person on the pot, let me know. You got it.

Sounds good. Oh, yeah, I'm going to get shit-face. Real dark, Natty's. Yeah, Natty's on a Wednesday night. What beers did you drink in college? I went to a community college, so it's not really like I didn't have a beer of choice. Frankie just went to Borrellas. was able to drink whatever one.

Yeah, I was drinking like Marti. I was a Bush Light guy. Same. I was a same. We did Bush Light. Love Bush Light. Really? Hell yeah.

Yeah, we did that. We had a little stretch. I think one year we did the stones, Keystones. Yeah. And it just said 30 stones on the side of the bottom. Yeah. That was a good one. But for the most part, we did the Bush Lates.

Yeah. Bush Light was me. All right. I thought I was going to be the only one. That's great. Really? I like Bush Light, too. Oh, yeah.

It's very good. Nice beer. Keystone Light was like on my group. Yeah. It was funny, like, in St. Louis, you get a 30 rack of Bushlights or whatever for like $11. and then in Boston it was like $22. Yep. Isn't that crazy?

It's insane. It's a dumb realization. You moved to a city. You're like, come on. Unbelievable difference. Yep. Ryan, hey, what's up? Doing all right, thanks.

How are you? Oh, we're doing great. Welcome to show you. Bring a little energy. I like that. Keep it up. Well, guys, I'm all excited because I'm a Syracuse law. I just found out that our starting senior playing card is,

now suspended of the NCAA tournament, so I'm so happy about that. Hold on. Why are you happy about that? Where's the sarcasm? Because if you've watched him this year, you realize that we're way better without it. Oh, there we go. I'm changing all my brackets, so we're going to win the national title. Okay.

I got Syracuse on a nice deep run. That's a good choice. That was a little more inside basketball. That's why you're a little quip there. I made a lot more sense now. So talk to me about your job in golf. Yeah, so I'm a club pro up here in, you know, central New York, right on the shores of Lake Ontario where it's nice and snowy all year round.

And, you know, I've been up here for a couple years, lived in New Hampshire, was a club pro there for seven years and did the same thing out in Chicago for a few years. So I've been in the industry for a while, and it's a great job. I believe I know the course that you're a member at, not that I, or that you're a pro at. Not like I know it because it's on the description here, like I've been up there and stayed up there before. Oh, nice.

Yeah. I mean, there's a pretty big college in town there, so like you might have out visiting some buddies or something. Oh, yeah. So what's your craziest story you got from your time working? So actually a couple of my favorite was when I lived in Chicago. We actually, I think I'm responsible for why Jordan Brand makes Jordan golf shoes now. So people's golfer, Keegan Bradley can thank me for that.

Okay, bold claim. Yeah, well, I was out playing one day. So I used to work into some nice clubs on the North Shore, Chicago. And, you know, it wasn't that uncommon to have Michael Jordan, like, come to your course or, like, you'd see him out playing golf because he, you know, show up occasionally or what a few buddies that has. So one day we were out playing at a kind of sister course of ours is a Monday. The pro said, yeah, your group will be the only guys out there. And so we showed up, and it turns out we weren't. We could see a group on an adjacent hole.

It was pretty blatantly Michael Jordan. If you've ever seen, you know, his swing, you know, it's a pretty, like, profound knee kick in his swing. So I immediately recognized. It's like, oh, cool. You know, MJ's in front of us. So Scotty Pippin was with him too. So they played No Tipping Pippin.

Yeah, no Tepin. So basically they played 33 holes in the time we were playing like 17 and they caught us again on their second loop. So I said, oh yeah, you know, you could see they're going to catch up to us. So I said, all right, well, let's let them play through. We hit our drives. And as soon as they got to the T, we waved him up, spread out, getting some space. And Jordan hits his ball probably like five yards from me.

So I'm like, oh, cool. I'm actually going to get to meet Jordan finally. I've seen him a bunch. I've actually met them. So like a week before this, if you guys remember the old Footjoy classic golf, she's, you know, those real heavy leather ones that they handmade. They had announced that they were actually going to get rid of those, that they were going discontinue them.

So I was on Titleist and Footjoy staff at the time, and I called our Footechoy rep and said, hey, you know, I've got a pair of these. And it's like, no, I'm sorry, they're all gone. What do you mean they're all gone? Well, you're a 13 medium, right? Yeah. Well, so is Michael Jordan, and he just bought every pair off of us. Great.

So Jordan pulls up next to me and just say, hey, Mr. Jordan, you know, it's great to meet you. You know, I've been a big fan for a long time. I just got a question for you, though. And he's like, yeah, okay, whatever. He's probably assuming I'm asking a photograph or something. You know, man, you own your own shoe company. You really have to buy all those footjoy classics. I just wanted one pair.

So he kind of like chuckles and shrugs and gives it that, yeah, I mean, you got a point and just kind of hits and plays through. And so a few months later, you know, you start seeing prototypes or kind of, you know, rumors about Jordan's shoes. so I think I'm responsible for that. I'm giving you the credit on that one. Yeah. I don't think I'm not. I'm gonna. That's quite a leap to give him credit for that.

It's a leap, but he had the communication before Jordan's shoes came out. Like he can say that he mentioned to Jordan. Like, you know, you own the shoe company. Why do you have to buy these? And then, like, months later, Jordan is just like not buying those footjoys anymore. He's just releasing his own. Do you think in that walk away from you in that moment, he thought, like, between that shot and his pot on the green, like, you know what? I should just launch Jordan's all it takes is a text message.

Like, yo, we should be doing this. Oh, yeah. I mean, he definitely probably thought of it. He had a good 20-bed drive back to his house, so he could have thought of it. That's also not acting like putting spikes on the bottom of the most popular shoe in the world is not, is that hard of a decision, right? Yeah, but at the time, like, people, they didn't do it for a long time. True. I know.

I know. They just did it. It sounds like Riggs is coming around on this. I'm just trying to offer both sides. Well, think about how anything happens, right? someone, like, scream something at, like, I mean, someone could scream something at Dave and, like, that next day. We could... Saturdays up for the boys happen.

Like, those guys were just sitting at a dinner table in the next day, like, it was like a multi-million-dollar brand. Yeah, you know. Look, things have to happen somehow. I think that's what you're trying to say. It doesn't all come from one head. All right, Ryan. Well, that's pretty wild. Yeah, Brian.

Great job. All right. Hey, guys. I got a quick one for you. Trent, I saw you put up an R. Kelly blog earlier. Hey, buddy, just so you know, I peed on his house on Olympian Field South course. All right. Like, before the...

Good job. Yeah, not a bad decision. Well done. Call of the day. This is before the cold dock and everything. This was awesome. But, yeah, I had to pee on his house because I knew the rumors, so it's perfectly fitting. Hell, yeah.

It invented Jordan golf shoes and peed on R. Kelly. That's a full life. It's not on Arkelly's house. Jesus. So, Ryan, let me ask you this. Like, you walk, how big it was his yard? Was it, like, dangerous for you to go piss on his house? So that's somebody.

No, because it was right next to a T. I feel it is on Olympic Field South. Like you've had some caddies from Olympion so they know probably which house it is. And so it was right there. I was playing with a buddy of mine to work there. He's like, yeah, dude, this is our in Kelly's house. And you've heard the roomers like, I mean, I remember, remembers that Dave Shippel hits on you video.

So it's like, oh, yeah. Like, dude, I got to do this. There's nobody around. And there was nobody around. Like, we looked at the house, like, making sure, like, you know, TV is not on or nobody's home. And it was a safe bet. And it actually turned out that house got repoed from Mark Kelly like a year later.

So, like, he might not even have lived in it after I peed on. I can stole that. Doesn't matter. You're a man of principal. You see R. Kelly's house. You go, I have to piss on that house. Yep. Good for you, Ryan.

Well, that's a really good call. We appreciate it. Thanks for a call. Appreciate it. All right, boys. Have a good one. Thanks, man. You too.

Good stuff. Pretty nice stuff there. Fuck R. R. Kelly. Definitely. Remixed to ignition is a jam, though. Yeah, it really is. I don't think you can say that anymore.

I can say it. I'm not listening to it. Yeah, true. It's quite a... And, for the record, if it came on right now, I would not enjoy it, and I would turn it off. What would happen if the remix who edition came on in a bar that you were in? So, let's talk to the manager. Oh, okay.

I don't know what you were going to say there, because I don't know what I would do. Do you know that song, Frankie? I do. Hot and fresh out the kitchen. I know. I mean, I know this song very well. I'm just trying to, like, decide what my decision was. You don't have a decision yet?

Well, no, I mean, he's obviously a scumbag. He's a fucking loser. Don't be bad yet, totally. Yeah, definitely. The same with like Michael Jackson's, a psychopaths cumbag as well. Okay. He still has good music. What do mean no?

No, they do. They do. But that doesn't mean, you know, it's a tricky. Yeah, it's a very tricky situation. It's tricky. It's tricky. It's tricky. A man in the mirror comes out.

If I'm not tapping my foot, I mean, it's just like, whatever. I hear you. You know what I mean? I love that song. It's fucking great song. I used to sing that in the shower with, yeah, in prep school. Yeah, I almost hit it right there, but they were not allowed. No.

I mean, Michael Jackson made the greatest album probably of all time. We talked about this on the radio. It is the best album of all time And then all that, the latest Happened a week later And it was like, you know, I don't know if we can I don't think we can claim We did this whole fucking thing on the radio

About the best out, we tried to figure out the best album Of all time. Yeah. We were pretty much like, I think through like, that's it And then a week later was like, oh, he was actually the worst person ever. It's kind of like, it's crazy as everyone knew that there was like something going on Michael Jackson. It's just the same thing with Arkellie.

It's just, it all, then they make, you got to make a documentary and then people finally start rallying around. What are the whole world sits on that though? with the actual song, like the songs. What? Like where everyone, I would like to see, like, the divide. Yeah, it's an interesting question. I know.

Yeah. I don't know. I'd say to that manager, you know what? I don't think it's appropriate to play this song right now. I think that's an acceptable answer. The manager said, well, do you think it's a good song? Yeah, it's a great song. Yeah.

I think the person who created it and sings it is a horrible person. I think it's an appropriate. Monster. And I think you wouldn't be the only one in that bar who would be, who would be walking up to that man. But they would applaud me. There might be a line at that manager. I think, you think, yeah. Yeah. I think people are, people are bad.

I'm on the other side of that fence. I don't think that people are going up to the manager too often. I think they'll just let the minute, two minutes past. They might look differently upon the bar, but I don't think you're like, I need to speak with a manager right now. Trent's also, he's going to like, I can picture Trent walk it up and like finger wagging. I'm like a soccer mom. You think Trent's a finger waggle? He would never do it. He would never do it. He would never do it.

He would never go out of his way to do it. I feel like if you want it to, that it could come out of you. Or I feel like whoever's running like the iPod or their phone with their playlist, they would like, they would pan around the bar and then they'd get to Trent. Trent would just be shaking his head slowly. Yeah, hands on his hips. Hands on his hips. Shame and a show of disappointment for someone is, makes them, we'll make them change.

Just like in Happy Gilmore when they cut to the one guy, the pro. Who is it? Oh, it's in that. It's, uh, Lee Trevino. And Lee Trevino is just looking at it happy and just shaking. Sometimes that's better than a finger wag. People feel it. As you all know, we here at Barstool, especially myself.

Riggs, we love merch. Some people call me Rigsie merch. Just love merch. No, they don't. They don't. Now, and we've got a lot of good merch in the store. We've got a lot of merch coming out next week, which we've talked a lot of bit of a lot about, our spring line. A lot of good stuff in there.

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You click it. You enter Foreplay. ShipStation, get ship done. Let's go to, is it Tony? Hey, what's up, Riggs? What's up, man? How you doing? Doing well.

Yourself? Doing great. You're on with all the boys. We appreciate you waiting. I was a little bit of a hold. We got a lot of people calling in, so sorry about that. No, no worries. What are you up to tonight?

What's going on? Not much. It's got off work. I had to share some stories with you guys. Hit us. Where are you, you know, what are you doing golf and then hit us with your story? Sure. So, let's see, I'm 31.

I've caddied since, I don't know, since I've been 15. It's more than half your life. That's a good one. Not a matter of a lot. Yeah, so. I carry up here in Westchester County at a course called Whippoorwill. Okay. So if you boys are ever looking to make a trip out of the city, just hit me up and we'll go hit up Whippoorwill.

I appreciate it. It's a good time. But let's see, is Frankie there? Hello. Hey, Frankie. Why are you guys saying it's so weird? I don't know. That was so weird.

Hello. I don't know. I want to say, what up, Tony? But I just said hello. Right, you've never, like, you've never, like, treated someone. I've never said hello to anyone in my entire life. That was, yeah, no, that was like you were raised by aliens, Frankie, and then you just met a human for the first time. Like, I have a, hello.

No, no, no, Frankie, say hello to me. I have a soundboard attached to me. I thought you in class, Frankie. Hello. I think that was a little bit of Frankie having a subconscious rivalry with Westchester, because I know how those Long Island boys can be sometimes. Yeah, you're right. All right, all right. Well, actually, I typed in Whipperwill, and I just, like, look at this bird.

I was trying to find the golf course, and there's just, like, this bird called the Whipper Will. Yeah, that's our emblem. It's a beautiful bird. You ever heard of a logo, Frank? No, I'm actually looking at the real bird. Like the Whippoor Will bird? It's an eastern Whippoorwill. Anyway, it just took my breath away.

It's a cool-looking bird. I got to say, Tony, I'm looking at some pictures on this website. Alert's pulled out. This place looks great. It really does. Yeah, man, I'm telling you. Take a trip one day, preferably if you could play hookie on a Monday. because it's caddy day.

We'll go out there and we'll hit up the course. I like it. All right. Hit us with your craziest story or your best story. So Frankie knows being a caddy, right? Your nickname is huge, right? As soon as you walk on a golf course, you're considered a rabbit. You're 14, 15 years old, and everyone has a nickname.

Even on the pro tour, you have, what do you got? You got bones, fluff, whiskers. But soon as you walk in there, Pepsi for a while. everyone has a nickname so literally the second day i'm out there i'm a rabbit i'm a young buck i'm on the second t-box with a veteran uh caddy and he's teaching me the ways and whatnot and we're there with the foursome and on the whole i'm on the third tee box excuse me and on the whole behind us there's a there's a couple there's an asian couple playing golf by themselves and it's It's kind of a steep hill, not really, but long story short, you know, they're both out of their carts and they hit their ball.

They're kind of like, I think they're in their 50s or 60s. The cart starts running down the hill. And I see the woman starts screaming and the old Asian guy jumps, dives, tries to grab his towel and is being dragged by the golf cart. So I look at everyone on the T-box as a 15-year-old kid. I'm like, what the fuck do I do? So I didn't even think of anything. And I start sprinting off the T-box, full on my toes, high knees. And I make it to the golf cart.

The old man is on the floor. I jump in the golf cart while it's rolling down the hill, slam on the brakes, the golf cart stops. Everyone's good. I'm like, yo, you're right, yeah, yeah, there you. Thank you so much, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I walk back to the T-box. and I'm like just like nothing happened.

The four guys, the four members look at me and they go, you know, you're fucking Batman. So the other caddy looks at me as like, yo man, that's your name, you're Batman. So I go back, we're done, and for 15 years I've been Tony, aka Batman. That's awesome. What a great story.

That's an unbelievable nickname. Oh, dude, that's the best caddy nickname. I think I've ever heard. Batman? Right. You got guys on the course called balls or like dirty names and shit. I'm Batman out here. Yeah, we just had a guy who should be called balls, a couple of calls.

Bad rolls around a golf club. Do you, unbelievable to be stepping up to a T as a member and being like, hey, who do you want today? It's like, give me Batman. Tony comes rolling out. Just fucking Batman. Like Batman. We did you change your, hello.

Now you're all excited to talk to Tony. Tony's a great dude. This is Tony from Westchester. Hello. Now that he's Batman, he's ready to jump through the mic. I'm Batman. So there you go. Next time you come up here, you'll play around with Batman, it'll be a good time.

That's awesome. Batman, do you feel pressure to do, like, good things for people? I'm not going to lie to you. I work in the city full time, and I feel like I have to keep my eyes open to make sure, you know, people are not walking into polls, getting hit by cars. You know, that's what it's down to now. Do you ever make the joke when you have a, when you, like, you call you. call them a rabbit. You ever make the joke when you're with a young caddy? You call them Robin?

That's a good one, Frankie. No. Never have. That's tough. I was going to say to you, I was going to say, if you send a group text out to your buddy's like, yo, anybody getting anything tonight, do they respond? Like, oh, the bat signals up. Yeah, that's good, too. No, unfortunately, my catty life and my friend life, they're two different worlds, like the George Costanza. I don't have those two worlds collide. That's smart. Keep your world separate. Very smart. Because the caddy yard's vicious. You don't want, like, extra, you know, you You don't want everyone like, at the end of the day, everyone wants to make their money and get their loops. You don't want, like, you don't want your friends and your family life mixing in with the caddiar.

The caddiar can sometimes get in. You never miss personal and business. No. No. Exactly. It's cut throw out there. Cut throw. That's the word I was looking for.

Yeah. I learned how to play dominole. I learned how to gamble. I smoked fucking weed for the first time. Caddyshack is, I mean. Caddyshack is a real deal. That is real. That's where you cut your teeth.

It is. Coming as Robin. Leave his Batman. Hey. Batman, is you're like, do you, I feel like your nickname determines, and a lot of people's mind their perception of how good of a caddy are going to be. So do you find your stock as a caddy? Go up immediately with the nickname Batman?

100%. If I'm not trying to chew my own horn, but I'm top three in that place, just because of the name Batman. I have to be. Not the greatest. I'm not the greatest caddy. You know, I play once here and there. I'm a 13 handicap.

Not that good, but. Not bad. Yeah, so. I mean, you saved the guy's life, it sounds like, and now you're Batman around the club. You've got to be at least top three. And the best part about it is, so I caddy on the weekends now, right, just to make extra cash. And literally this year, no, last year, this guy comes on the golf course, and he's like, he's got to be pushing 88 years old. He's old.

He goes to the, what's it called? His name's Ed, why am I blanking out right now? out the... He's got to get a better nickname than Ed. Yeah, yeah. So he's like, hey, Ed, I'm looking for, you know, I'm looking to get back out there. I haven't walked in a couple months. You know, I want to walk the course today.

I find out I'm trying to do two loops in one day. I'll take this extra bag, whatever. This old guy I'm catting for got back surgery, you know, almost looks like he's going to die. Long story short, on the 17th hole, he's like, listen, man, you got to call someone because I think I'm going to collapse. So I sprint again to the caddy shack Get a cart, come back, bring him up He's okay, nothing crazy

And everyone goes like, I go, fuck man You really are Batman You're Batman, dude Came full circle, so stupid Oh, that's awesome, yeah You just gotta hope like none of the No members like wives have an incident They get like robbed at the club

And everybody's like, where the fuck was Batman? That's a good one That's good All right, Batman, we appreciate the call We've got to get, we're looking at this course. We've been, I've seen Lurge scroll through. This course looks awesome, so we actually might hit you up and trying to get out there this summer. No, listen, man, I'll shoot you guys a message.

Anytime you want to come up, let me know. And one thing, though, Riggs, the greens up here are pretty tough, you know. So hopefully we'll do well out there. So let me know whenever you guys want to come up here. It's going to be 60 on Sunday, so that's a good sign. So it'll be fun. Yeah, weather's turning. I did cancel winter last week on the podcast.

It canceled winter. Also, Whipper Will is just an all-time name. And Link's Gems was just there. Two days ago just put up a picture. Maybe it wasn't just there, but just put a picture. There's an article that it's a top 75 course in the country. Wow, it looks unbelievable. All right, Batman.

We appreciate the call, buddy. All right, guys. I appreciate it. Have a good night. Have a great night. I always say if Link's Jems thinks that it's worth his time to go take his unbelievable pictures for anyone that doesn't know, he has unbelievable pictures.

I don't know what the hell he uses to take these pictures. I know he's told me before. All right, well, I don't want to give away a secret because then... I'm going to buy one of his cameras. also these guys too they do a little bit of editing now links jims does a very minimal amount he doesn't do a lot but even photo editing because pictures are outrageous photo editing can change the world he's the best i think he's the best golf course photographer ever my friend my roommate has just a picture of bayonne that lynx jems uh took it's just above his bed it's like he goes

to bed just like looking at it lynx jims is such a good dude that frank i set him up and frankie hit him up and was like yeah we're trying to decorate a new apartment we want some pictures of beth page and he like hooked you guys up with awesome he sent me just like all all these drop boxes of amazing pictures, which probably he, like, charges people for because it's a professional photographer. He can charge every fucking ones. No, they're amazing photos.

He's a guy of these photos. You want them. Pay for him. Yep. Anybody out there you don't file at links, gyms on Instagram and Twitter. Cavalier golf photos. He usually has a good story attached to the picture.

He's got a great little commentary. I know you. So I play with him at his whole course Stonewall over the summer, me, my good buddy Doug. And he, um, I was giving him a little bit of a shit, like about, you know, social and this and that. And he's like,

how he crafts his messages. He's like, no, no, I put a lot of time. I'm into those messages. I was like, I'm into those messages. I'm like that you're into the messages. So give Link's Jim's a little follow. He's awesome. Let's go to Chelsea.

Yeah, what's up? Hi, Chelsea, what's going on? Not much. So we apologize for any delay. We had a lot of callers, so we appreciate you hanging out, staying on hold. Where are you calling us from? Well, I live in a small town in Illinois, so an hour and a half from Chicago. Okay.

What's your background in the golf world? Well, I'm actually a high school golf coach. Wow. Okay. Good for you. All right. I think I remember reading this email. Is there any shout out you like to give to the team?

Are we trying to keep that confidential? I'm going to keep the name out because I am a teacher at the district, so I don't want to get myself in trouble by it. smart. I think the kids will know when they hear it if a couple of them listen, so they'll know what to me, but. Well, good. Shout out to them.

What's it like being a high school golf coach? Like, which teams do you coach? Well, so the school unit is a really small school, so we have only, like, we look less than 300 kids in our whole high school. So I'm, like, technically the girls coach, but then, like, I'm the boys' assistant coach, and then so the boys' coach is, like, the girls' assistant coach. So we've got, like, we've got some kids that are. Pretty solid numbers, but then we got some kids that never golfed in their life,

and they just want to do something so they destroy the team. So we got a lot going on. How intense are golf tryouts, or is that not even a thing? That's not even a thing. Like, if you want to be on the team, you're on the team. Oh, that's great. So how much? Like, I had a girl on my team last year, like, I'm not even sitting here, like,

three different times she, like, broke a club on the driving range because she just had no idea what she was doing, and she's just, like, slamming the thing into the ground and all kinds of crap. Like, it's just, it's kind of a free for all. How many strokes difference is there between your best player and your worst player? Oh, my God. So that actually was going to be part of the story I told. Okay.

I mean, the girl doesn't sound like she can finish 18 holes, the one that broke a few clubs. Sorry. Yeah, no, we just play Circle 10. Like, you get to 10 strokes, you just circle and pick it up when you should move on. Circle 10. There you go. Yeah. Like, obviously those kids don't play for, like, the varsity matches, but they just, like, go out there.

and have a good time. If you post the 180, you're probably not going to do too well. Yeah, no, not. Quick question, what's the highest score you've seen boasted in one of these rounds, official rounds? Well, it would be like, I mean, if sometimes they don't even, like some of the kids don't even, like, finish a whole round because they lose around time with the varsity kids are done.

The kids that are playing, like, JV or whatever, like, didn't even get through it all. Oh, the sun goes out, you're going to go, like, find people? No, like, it was like, like, oh, you've had enough, come on. just wandering around in the woods. Lose a couple of kids. If you play on this team, it's mandatory that you'll find my iPhone on. I thought I was on. I just tracked them all over the corporate.

Where is Hillary? Is it like Hillary just laying down in a bunker? We've lost control of the golf course. Hillary's just laying down in a bunker. All right, sorry. A circle 10, like, is considered an 11 on your score. So you put a circle 10, you add an extra stroke for the circle. So technically, a 99 would be the worst to do on nine holes.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. No, but not this past year, but the year before, we had four really, really good golfers on our boys' team. And then you bring six to a meet. So the other two, we just, like, kind of had to just fill in with whoever was the best next two, which was not very, you know, good kids, but not good golfers, you know, kind of thing. Oh, yeah.

So our boys actually made it to state because those top four boys, you only use four scores. so they were all really good. So our team made the state. So we had these two kids at state that were not good golfers, and then we had these four kids that were, and one of our kids posted like a 140 round at state. Oh, geez. Yeah.

Yeah. But then we had other kids that were shooting in the 70s, you know, so it's like it was. And at state they'd take all six golf scores then, or how do they take the top? No, you still only take the top four, but you send six golfers. So.

Okay. So you, yeah. That's not, okay, gotcha. That's not too. I would say one, I was just trying to think of my head, like, how, how bad is 140? I'm thinking, like, once you start to get above, like, 110, that starts to get pretty sloppy. We're talking 30 strokes more than that. Yeah, like, it was just, like, the one kid.

Oh, he's a nice kid, and they're all going to, like, roast him for me talking about this because, whatever. But, I mean, I think on one hole, he lost, like, six balls. something. I don't know. I mean, it was ridiculous. Just to clarify, though, because you talked about like a nine-hole practice, this 140 was on 18 holes, or was this nine holes? Yes, this is 18. Okay. Just making sure. Just making sure. Just making sure. Just making sure. You have six balls on a hole. That's talking on high school. Look, anybody's going to roast this kid. The kid's out there grinding, counting his score, playing as hard as you can. I respect the hell out of that. I don't care what you shoot. It's just funny. Yeah, you're a good kid, too. Super good kid. No, but like,

That trip down to state, like I went, obviously. And so the boys coach is actually a good friend of mine. And so I was obviously, like, the mom of the trip, and I was pretty much in charge of just having to, like, take care of all these boys and make sure they didn't, like, kill each other, die, anything like that. Because this is, like, a rowdy group of kids that we had, even, like, the four of them are super good golfers, but they're, like, total idiots, and they know. Sounds like a great team.

What do you? Team I want to be part. What do you say to the kid when he comes in? after the 1.40. Great round, Tim. You didn't really want to chat. There were just tears flowing on his face. And at late, you played two rounds,

so he had to go back out to the next day and do him again. How many balls does he bring? Come on. Yeah, I mean, we have a bunch of team balls with, like, our logo on them, you know, and I was just handed them. What's a budget for those? Here's another dozen. I'll see you in two holes.

You're having town meetings, about the school budget because this fucking kid just keeps hitting balls into the lake. You know, I mean, I don't know where this extra $10,000 came from, but it seems like it came after the boys' golf season. Well, we got a logo pro vs and freaking Tim over here. No, yeah. That was just seen like they weren't pro viz. They're not the nicest, like our top kids didn't even want to use them.

So they would just give theirs to hit, like, you know, the ones that they were supposed to have to him. They can use their good ones. Oh, that's incredible. Wow. Well, that's awesome. Yeah, but we're at this kid. It's somewhere at state, though, and this, you know, they have these rooms blocked off that only the kids are supposed to be, or like the schools are supposed to get.

But of course, everyone and all the parents and everyone just jump on them. And so we got like screwed over basically and couldn't get into any of the nice hotel. So we got stuck at this like super eight motel that was like the most disgusting thing. I've ever been a part of. I didn't even want to sleep in it. It was like we got non-smoking rooms, but they smelled like smoke. These people we were seeing in the lobby, I was like, oh, my. my God, we're going to die.

I mean, you're responsible for these six high school kids, and they're going to die because someone's going to mug them in the parking lot or something. I walk in, and they're like, hey, Chelsea, check this out. I work over. They pull, like, about half bottle of Jack Daniels out from under the bed. And I'm like, oh, Jesus Christ, if it's on Snapchat, like, get rid of it right now. Like, you guys are going to get yourselves in huge trouble. They thought it was hilarious.

They're throwing golf balls out the window at people in the parking lot. I'm like, oh, my God. disaster. Oh, no. Geez. You're going to need to hold on of those for Tim when he plays later.

Yeah. All right, Chelsea. No, go ahead. Sorry, there's like one more. The funniest part, at first morning, they wake up and they're all, like, even though they're all acting

like idiots and they're obviously super nervous. And so they've, like, all got the shit. So they're, like, frantically calling their moms, like, to go get a modium. And I had to be in charge of, like, going and tracking down their mom getting on a simodium.

I'm going over the driving nights and they're warm enough. They're all like popping a modium. Like the whole morning. I'm on one hole and I see one of our better kids like sprinting across. Like he's like waiting on a teabox at a par three

sprinting across to get to a porta potty and then sprinting back to the teabox so he can pee off on his part of three. I mean, it was just a disaster. Look, little advice from old Rigsie. Rigsie advice. You got to put biodegradable toilet paper. Keep half a roll on your golf.

bag when you need it you need it that's what i've been doing i know you always talk about that oh yeah you know these kids are at state this is like one of the nicest courses they've ever played on and i don't know if they're wanting to like pop in the woods you know i took a i i've done the deed you're talking to riggsy shits over here thank you frank thank you very much my uncle talking to a lady frank come on my uncle pulls that move riggs just by the way he always has it with them oh you got to have it when you need it you need and also even better when other people in a group need it you've got it and you're a hero so Some could call you Batman.

All right. Well, look, you're a teacher, your golf coach for multiple teams. So clearly, you are a great person. You're doing awesome work. We very, very much appreciate the call. Seems like got an awesome relationship with the team, too. All around. Awesome stuff.

Yeah, and tell those. I do have to say one time, Riggs. I wrote in from the gallery, and you on the show said that I must be a stripper because my name is spelled strange. And then you said, like, shout out to Chelsea's mom for name. and her, like, spelling her name so weird. Yeah, I remember that. And, like, my mom went to it, and she was, like, kind of offended, but it was pretty funny.

She was offended. Well, no, she wasn't offended. But, like, her face when you're like, Kelsey's mom, what are you doing? Spelling your kid's name like this. She was like, oh, my gosh. She was freaking out. It was pretty funny. So, look, I do remember this.

It's C-H-E-L-S-I, right? Yes. Oh, I mean, was that a stretch for us to, you know, sticks in me like a knife with that eye. Chelsea-S-I. Yeah. I let so many people listen to it, and they are just all dying. That's awesome. Well, sorry about that, but also, I mean...

Oh, no, I was great. It was funny. All right, Chelsea. Well, we appreciate the call. Keep up the good work. Good luck to your squads this spring. All right. Thanks, guys.

Good talk to you. All right. All right. What a call. Great call. These calls are really heating up. That was a good call. These last couple have been awesome.

Calls are heating up. I would like to say something, or ask a question, I suppose. Do people, when they get super nervous? They, you guys, do you shit? I do. But I think I'm rare. That's what she was saying. She was saying they got super nervous at the state tournament and they all started shitting themselves.

I didn't know that was, I thought that was like an expression. I think, I've always thought I'm very much an outlier that. But when I get really nervous, I usually have to shit. Like before we do big interviews, I usually need to get here an hour early in case I have to shit it once or twice. Interesting. I don't get that. I don't get that.

I don't get that. I get like a little nauseous and you feel butterflies. Maybe throw up. I can see throw up. See, I don't throw up. She's basically saying that she had to go to the store and get truckloads of a modium. Yeah. So these kids would stop shitting.

Make it sound like they basically had to bring a toilet in the middle of her driving range. Absolutely. This is a town issue. I think this is a town issue. Well, look, when you're a high school golf coach, you know, that's what all. All six people? They should check the water. They should something.

Well, there's, no offense to Chelsea with an eye, but I mean, this is a small town in Illinois. I bet the water stinks. Yeah. It's bad there, I bet. Like, literally stinks and, like, stinks. Yeah. Yeah. I can't believe the stripper thing came back.

Do you guys remember that conversation? That's amazing. I don't know if you were here for that. That was so long ago. Yeah. That might have been just a me and Trent production. I remember that. Original foreplay.

Yep. We did. We read one of her from the galleries. Then we were like, is this spelled S-I? She's got to be a stripper. At least she took it well. She thought it was great. But apologies to her mom.

Life really comes up. I guess she would be the one to be offended because you don't pick your name. No. Right. So she definitely should be. be the one that's offended. She probably was like, what a beautiful name for a daughter. And the only people that have ever talked about it was us on our podcast and we just roasted her. Like, it sounds like a stripper. Yep.

Great call. Todd, are you there? What's going on, brother? Todd, how you doing? Not much, brother. How are you? All was good in the hood, dude. So I've listened to you guys, big bar still fan and all. Appreciate that. Yeah, just counting his fan starts falling out of a floor plate guy. I'm a caddy.

Yeah, I'm a fan. Where are you getting at? I'd rather not say, just to keep me out of trouble. Totally fun. Yeah, so I caddy up in, let's call it the Boston area, and then I also caddy in the D.C. area, and I also caddy in the South Florida area country clubs. Like the East Coast.

That's a pro. White pay? Yeah, yeah, just country club golf, you know, fall the top 1% around. No big deal. What's your crazy story from Caddia? Well, are you guys looking for anything particular, or do you just want to, like, a little spontaneous fever? Give us your best one, the craziest one.

Your elevator pitch of good Caddy stories. Nice. I'll give you a pitch. I mean, I've been out with some celebrities. I don't want to name too many names or anything, but let's say I've been out with a podis before, and one time I was crossing holes when I wasn't out with it. with them and uh secret service came by and uh you know they're checking the members you know giving them the wand down and uh and check my caddy bib and they pull out my my dugout out of my bib

and uh you know the one hit cigarette goes flying up in the air i'm like i'm about to get busted in front of the president and uh but they're just looking for bombs and shit so they they threw that back in the bib and moved on i end up caddying for this president multiple times after and everything was groovy got me back off the pot again I like a groovy present gave him a little one ball left with Lance Armstrong on the caddy read took him like 30 seconds to register it and then he backed up and gave me the point there's anything we're going to learn or take away from this interview on this call here, which is, we've got to pick up the

energy here. I feel like we're going to lose I love the energy right now. Groovy dugouts, we're right there. But, uh, no, you know, don't listen to Frankie. Frankie's been in a bad move since he sat down. I almost fell asleep, but, uh, I've been on hold a little while.

True, true. I don't think about that. We do apologize for that, by the way. We do apologize for that. But anyway, let me get this goddamn point out. You see Frankie's psychopath? Lance Armstrong. Lance Armstrong. I love it. Yeah, a little one ball left.

Love it. I will say that every time. on a green now. Hey, what do you think here? That's a Lance Armstrong. Oh, my God. So, there's another one for you. So, so. So good. So one time I'm out on the golf course and we're caddying and we're in a hole in the caddy I'm with, we're wearing, you know, the all-white jumpers. And he's fucking sharks. That's catty sharks that I'm with. And he's like, dude, I just shit myself. Bad color. And he's wearing no boxers.

Oh, gosh. You can see it pretty easily. You guys go commando with those things? Depending on the time of the year. I mean, sometimes you just baby powder the cheeks and you move on sometimes. I mean, every caddy's got their own repertoire. So this guy's walking away. So this guy shifts himself.

I got his back. One hole. I'm on the top. This is 15. I'm not going to name the course, but it's 15 and there's a pond on the right side. but it's like a hill, so they can't see us. The members can't see us from the T-box. And so he's running down to the pond.

He's wiping his ass. He drops trout. He's wiping his ass in between his cheeks. And I'm sitting there making sure, you know, he's got time. But what he doesn't realize is that on the 13th hole, you can look down and there's a group of ladies that are on the green and they're looking at this guy wiping his ass in the fucking ponds. Oh, my God.

Well, he just has fucking no clue. You can't make that shit out. That's the most disgusting sight I've ever. God, I feel for that guy, though. On that same hole, two years later, I'm in a member of guest. This guy drills a goose, duck hook off the drive off the keybox, drills a goose, doesn't kill the fucker. So he's like, you know, what do I do?

do I put this goose out of my misery? Everybody's drinking. Everybody's having a good time. And decides to kill the goose with his driver. He hits the thing, doesn't kill it. So now he's proceeding to hit it multiple times. And there's another group of men

on the T-box on 13 again. It's an execution. Looking down to this guy, whacking away at this fucking goose. What? Is this real life? This is real life. There's all true. shit man

This is a murder. A murder happening. Feathers flying everywhere? He was not invited to the next member guest. I'll put it that way. That takes a sick fucking guy to be able to do something like that.

You're murdering a living thing and not only are you hitting it you're like, well, I mean, the thing was going to die. 100% it was going to die anyway. It was going to die anyway.

I mean, he just was, he was trying to put it out of his misery. Have a nice life. Oh, man. That's a frightening. That's right up there. That's right up there.

there with those deer that were just... I was thinking the same thing. I mean... Some of these calls we get are just... You look to the right and you see this guy just going an absolute hatchet job on this goose on like hole number five. It's like, what's going on over there?

You see feathers flying up? You hear like noises and shit. It's like that... There's a murderer going on a whole thing, though. Fuck geese. Man, this things are mean. Have you ever heard of goose die? It's the worst sound in the world.

Oh. I don't want to hear a goose down. I never heard a goose down. That's what it sounds like? That it sounds like. And that guy's just like, A savage, like, oh. Yeah, I know.

Everybody was shit, babe. Was anybody in the group maybe like, maybe not? Like, hey, chill out. Everybody in the group was minding their distance. Like, is this really, is this real life? How do you walk up to the green after that and just like go on with the day? It's like, hey, Bill, I think you're away. This guy just murders a goose, flat-out executioner style.

And then walks right up to the green. He just marks his ball and goes, all right, who's away? Yeah. Are we going to talk about what just happened right there in the fairway? Because you're a fucking crazy person. Hey, his member guest, it was 15th hole,

you know, they got some swing primer in them. It was, uh, that we drunk and smiled cramp loop. And then that shit happened. Uh, which,

um, you know, which, which, which president was it? I'm getting for three, man. I don't want to be,

I don't want to be name-droving. Uh, probably the last three, right? There's not that many. You can't be older than 40s. It's a small club, man. I haven't, I haven't had Trump.

I have not had Trump. I'll put it that way. So it's a slick Willie. Coolest loop I ever had, coolest loop I ever had by far was Bill Murray on one shoulder, Larry David, on another shoulder. Wow.

That is solid. That was a good one. I hope you're not fucking lying, because I just got the chills about that. That's awesome. No, man. I've carried for a bunch of them. I've had Ray Allen come up to me when I walked into work one day,

and he said, damn, bro, you smell earthy as fuck. Come on. I love that. Come on. That's awesome. That's true fact right there.

Todd, that's all. What's your catty nickname? You got a catty nickname? A lot of them involved my name. Oh, yeah. Soccer mom.

Teddy soccer moms. There's got to be a story there. Teddy soccer mom. There goes Teddy. That guy who fucks all those soccer moms. That's not. The story's over. The story's over.

You drive a minivan. You fuck soccer mom. This dude just bang soccer moms. No. I'm a young. I'm dirty, man. I'm 30, man. I'm just having, I'm Peter Panlode, you know.

Smile cramps. You know, having fun. Some groovy shit, man. Yeah, I like that. That's some groovy shit. It's got to have a fucking golf round. All right. This guy goes calling.

All right. Hey, man. We appreciate you for waiting. Another great call. We very much appreciate it. Yeah, man. One of love. You guys keep doing.

you all right thanks bowels you later unreal he dropped one love groovy one love groovy dugout i want to put all these sangs on the back of my car he had the lance armstrong yeah Lance Armstrong so Frankie went in the Whitney match if you don't hit me with that I don't care if the ball breaks five feet right to left yeah I want you to hit me three lances yeah no no no you that doesn't work why three balls to the left no he has one ball left I know I was just saying that's true yeah you got to do just for the moment it doesn't matter it's a Lance Armstrong I don't know how we name episodes but I would love it if this one you ever hear the ever hear a goose die you ever hear a goose die that was one thing you said you think that should be the I think you ever hear a goose die I think quotes I'll put it in quotes yeah I'd be like behind the greens you ever

no no oh I think it might just say you ever hear a goose die question mark that's a pretty good teaser for an episode that's pretty good you ever hear a goose die boys we got one left okay all right not one ball left which is a lance armstrong one left it doesn't totally work but I I like that you all. Yeah, it kind of work. It works enough. I think it works great. I don't know if you get it, Frank.

He has one testicle. Yeah, but left. Yeah. Right, but the left is actually its dual meaning word. Right, he has one left out of the two and the left side. Correct. I mean, I totally get it.

It's behind the scene. Yeah. I don't think you get it for a thing. He has one ball hanging below his dick. Hanging below his dick. We'll finish with that. John, what's up? How's going?

Doing well. Thank you very much for waiting. about that. No problem. Put you on hold for a little while. So what's up? What do you do with golf and where are you calling from? I'm calling from just outside of Chicago.

I used to cadet it up. We lost you that for a second. Oh, man, he's gone. Oh, he's gone. Oh, he's gone. No. Can he call back? We got to call him back.

It might be the saddest thing I've ever heard. He might be the sad. He waited for two hours. I need the time to regroup after Frankie closed with one ball left below his dick. You gotta be honest, I didn't know how to tie that all together, and I thought I just had to add that. That's good. There's a little bit of you understood, I think, in that.

But, you know. Yeah, that guy waiting for two hours, and then it just... What a... Those calls really picked up, too. Oh, they did. Calls are great. Calls are all done. No, you never know what you're going to get.

The stoner, groovy caddy was maybe my favorite. Chelsea was awesome. Chelsea was fantastic. I feel bad. I kind of gave him a little attitude, too, when I told me you got to pick up the energy. You did that with everybody. No.

You started like... Oh, we got John back. Nice. started cold with a lot and then you came back Johnny, you there? Do you a great trip? Oh, yeah.

All right, we lost you. I was really sad. We were going to be devastated. You waited that long. Oh, that just happens. Phone dies. It's all right. We're charged.

Where did you go? Phone died. Wow. Turn around. Actually, it's amazing that's technically was on you and not on us. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Amazing. So go ahead. Your Chicago area, what do you do in the golf world? So I used to caddy at a golf course out here, a small private course. and worked there for about 13 years and worked on the clubhouse and then actually got out of the golf business to teach.

A second teacher that we've had. Oh, yeah. Sounds like a lot of you guys are cut from similar cloth, you know? Yeah. It's a good gig, perfect for teachers. You ever hear a goose dye? Oh, my God. Get at the goose dine in the background.

That's all that is. My two-year-old job. Oh, my gosh. That's why I didn't want to say it because it sounded like that. Don't be a jerk. I don't have kids. I don't know what sounds like. So coming full circle with you, we just heard a long, a good story,

but it was about a goose dying, and we were mimicking the sound of what that final noise is. So I apologize. He'll find out when he listens. That does happen on the golf course, for sure. No, that's really where we came from. So what was the craziest story from your time working and golf? Hey. A crazy story.

Goober talk. There's a little goobie talk. We got wheels on the bus there. We're trying to get that going for. Hey, that little baby. What do you want to talk about? Put the baby on. Put the baby on.

I didn't know. It was like a word there. I just said, hey. That's about what you do in real life, too. Hey. Somebody hits you, a little bugger? Oh, no. Hey, a little bugger?

Dude, I was speechless. I didn't know what to say. Oh, man. Not a lot. I'm not a baby. This time, man, I would say it's kind of funny. Her name is MJ, but probably my best story is I caddy for Michael Jordan quite a few times out here. I mean, you're Chicago area guy.

Baby's MJ. You caddy for MJ. I'm seeing kind of a theme here. Yeah. No. I wish I could claim that there was a reason that's why we called her that. But no, she's pretty great. But yeah, Michael Jordan, he came out, played a couple times.

He was friends with the owner of the golf course. so came out. Got to drive his car, actually. Funny story. A couple buddies and I were tasked with detailing his car while he was there one time. We accidentally sprayed bleach all over the outside of the car because the Albanian cleaners don't really mark their bottles that well. And had a little moment of panic there when we thought we had bleached out Michael Jordan's car.

That was a pretty funny one. Probably wasn't cheap interior. No, no, no. No. Jesus. What happened? Yeah. It was a pretty two or three minutes of stress there.

But yeah. So what's... Caddy for him, too. The day he got the first pick in the draft. He won the lottery in 2001. And so I was about 250 yards out in the fairway. And getting to be like 6 o'clock. And all of a sudden, I just see him, like 250 yards away,

just jumping up and down, going crazy, yelling, like, fuck you, Krause. He won the NBA lottery and beat out the Bulls for it, I guess. I made a stellar pick with Kwame Brown. That worked out real well for him. But that's kind of a fun day. What's he like in the course? For him, it's all about the games, man.

Oh, yeah. He's pretty playful. I mean, he would, you know, you go to watch his golf, while he'd, like, throw it behind his back to you. See, that's such a cool moment. sauce. Yeah, that would be so fun. Yo, MJ, just flicks it behind it. Yeah, he just want to freeze in that moment. How accurate is he with the behind the backs?

Oh, pretty good. Pretty good, yeah. I had a pretty bad quarterback in high school, so it's kind of used to it. So he's better than that. What, does he, like, is he giving you, like, a little high-five or fist pump when you get, like, a reed and he buries a putt? Like, what's that like? Oh, he's all about the fist bump, for sure. For sure. Good, that's what I like to see. Kind of a unique thing, too, like, the one thing he's struck me was his grips on his golf clubs. Like, you don't think about it, but, like, I went to grab his golf with one time.

They're, like, triple wraps, like, because his hands are just so big. Like, you pick it up as, like, I felt like holding a baseball bat. It's just crazy. I would have never thought about that, but, yeah, have you got gigantic hands. You have to have gigantic. Yeah, I have a friend that was, like, 6'5. I don't know. Do you have extra thick grips, lurch?

Yeah, my friend has just, like, the thinnest grips ever. I'm like, you're swinging around a toothpick. Yeah. It's brutal when you can, like, feel like the metal shaft. That's awful. Yeah, mine are, I don't picker. I think I have large grips or something. Yeah.

There you do. All right, John. Well, hey, man. We really appreciate the call, and, you know, say hi to a little M.J. For us. We'll do. We'll too. Appreciate it.

Absolutely. Have a good night. Thank you. Thanks. To imagine getting a little behind the back golf ball toss from MJ? I'm just thinking about how awesome that moment would be. You'd be like, nice. You have to catch it.

That thing comes in with some zip, too. Definitely. Oh, yeah. With some absolute heat. He's going to test you. You're going to test your athletic ability. Oh, he wants to see your motor skills for sure. if this idiot drops it right of the gate

no more behind the back no more you actually just has to pass it to you I'm Michael Jordan I can have any caddy I want this guy's not going to be dropping balls on my watch All right All of our callers we very very Very much appreciate you guys calling in

We appreciate you waiting This whole process We don't really have a better way to do it So all these people pretty much that whole time That you guys just heard us doing the show Everyone that was on it had to wait They just had to wait throughout the whole thing Until it was their turn to go

So we very much appreciate it Behind the Greens has proven yet again to be wildly successful. Yep. Very, very funny stories. Forwardplay at barstolesports.com. A little reminder to email us. In two weeks, we're going to pick it back up again. Every two weeks, we're going to do one of these.

On Tuesday, you're going to hear from Keith Mitchell. We won on the PGA tour just a couple weeks ago. Awesome guy, very funny guy. We chit-chat. It's a very normal, just kind of like, casual conversation. Yet he also went through what it was like to win on the PGA tour. He broke down that birdie they made in the 72nd hole. He beat Ricky.

He beat Brooks Kevka. all that stuff, and then the fact that he's going to play in the Masters coming up, that he just played in the players. He just before that played at Bay Hill and finished Tiver 6. So he's on a heater. Very cool conversation. Pay attention to that on Tuesday. That's all I got.

Awesome show. Thanks again to all the callers. Hit it hard. Hit it hard. See you, guys. Hey, this is Casey Smith. Thank you for enjoying the Barstle Podcast Network. As a reward for making it to the end of the show,

I just wanted to let you know about a special deal just for you. you. You can now use promo code store 10 for 10% off at the entire Barstall Sports store. So before you start that next episode, head over there now that's Store 10 for 10% off everything on store.barsallports.com. Just don't tell anybody.