Free With Ads - Children of the Corn (1984)

Episode Date: October 22, 2024

This week we continue our Hallo-peen celebration with guest Josh Davis (Red Letter Media) talking to us about the 1984 cult classic Children of the Corn, starring Linda Hamilton.Listen to Josh's band here IFIHADAHIFI.Also, watch Josh and friends do livestream on Twitch November 1st here twitch.tv/fuzzboxchicagoJordan Morris will be at Revenge of Comics and Pinball on November 2nd for the Creators Block Party featuring such luminaries as Patton Oswalt, Jordan Blum, Josh Gad, Jesse Thorn, Elliot Kalan, and so much more! Find out more here!Get your tickets to watch Good Mythical Evening on Oct 25th! 

This is Free With Ads, the podcast that asks the question, why pay max eight bucks a month for a bunch of Stephen King adaptations with little to no corn when you can go online for free and watch one with many corn. I'm Jordan Morris. I'm Emily Fleming. Today's movie is Children of the Korn, a movie that proves the old saying, never have kids. With us as always is super producer Matt Lieb

hitting us with those sweet drops. I made that. He said drops, not plops, Matt. There you go. This show is off to a great start. What do we say we just wrap it up now? No, it's off to a great start. Oh, my God.

We got to keep going. Yeah, we got to keep going, lest we don't get more gold like that. Hey, we're neck deep in Howl-O-Pean, our celebration of free spooky movies and jokes about the phallus that some call the peen when they're trying to save time. And today we have an amazing overqualified guest from the amazing film review YouTube channel, Red Letter Media, it's Josh Davis.

Hi, Josh Davis. Hello, thank you so much for having me. Yeah, before we get into children of the corn, which is as of this recording, streaming free with ads, we're gonna get to know our amazing guests. In a segment, we're calling Talk to Guests. Talk to Guests. So Josh, y'all review a lot of movies on Red Letter Media.

You go deep into franchises, deep into... Let me start that again, let me rephrase that. So Josh, on Red Letter Media, y'all go deep, y'all review lots of movies, you go deep into various franchises. I wanna know, if people are looking for spooky season movies, do you have any deep cuts? We all know, like, Friday the 13th,

Nightmare Before Elm Street, a lot of people do hocus pocus around this time of year. Sure, everything that has umpteen sequels, speaking of our movie this week, but. Yeah, so what do you got? If people are like, I'm tired of all that, I've done it a million times, what are you suggesting? Well, if you want something real freaky,

this one popped up years ago. I got it as a bootleg DVD. It's Japanese. We had it with no subtitles, no idea what was going on. We used to show it. Used to have rager Halloween parties at my place when I was much younger than I am now. But eventually, it got reissued in the US, remastered.

Beautiful movie. It's called Housu, also known as House. Oh, sure. I've heard about this one. I've heard about this, too beautiful movie, it's called Housu, also known as House. Oh, sure, I've heard about this one. I've heard about this too. Yeah, it's an amazing movie. There are all sorts of allegations about it. It's this crazy director,

I'm blanking on his name right now, I apologize, but the theory or legend, it's based on his eight-year-old daughter's dreams, which when you watch it, kinda makes a lot of sense. There's a lot of very odd imagery. A girl gets eaten by a piano. There's a cat ghost and a dancing skeleton just kind of in the background hanging out. And just the imagery was so good that we, like I said, we used to put it on parties and just like it was just this terrible bootleg.

And eventually it got reissued in the theaters the theaters in the US criterion has put it out on Blu-ray I think by now and I've read the you know read the dialogue. I still don't know what it's about But it's such a fantastic watch if you're really into visuals like a Argento or something like that something they where it's not necessarily going to add up plot-wise, not necessarily going to scare you, but kind of give you a good atmosphere. I really like that one. Yeah. More of a vibe, you would say?

Is that a fair description? Absolutely. Sure. I have one. I have one that I stick up for no matter how much people shit on it. Do y'all remember the Benicio del Toro Wolfman movie? Yes, yes, I do. I love it.

It is, I think it's a wonderful tone. It's got great gore, it's got a lot of camp. It totally understands the camp of those old universal horror movies. It's got a wonderful Anthony Hopkins performance. I don't know, I think people just kind of weren't ready for the Benicio del Toro wolf man. Does it kind of come along from,

along with the universal steps that come along from American Werewolf in London as well? Yeah, a little bit. I would say that maybe it is trying to modernize Bride of Frankenstein. I think it's going for that. I think it's going for big, arch, crazy, fun. I don't know.

I think people thought it was maybe like, I don't know. I don't know what people thought of it at the time. I forget why people crap on it so much, but I think it's shorthand for bad franchise or franchise that never got off the ground. I think it's a blast. The Wolfman transformations, there's a lot of practical stuff there.

There's a lot of like practical heads getting knocked off of mannequins. I don't know. And then just like big crazy campy performances for like Anthony Hopkins and Emily Blunt. I don't know. I really like it. I think it's a misunderstood movie

and I wish we were having Benicio Del Toro's Wolfman fight Tom Cruise's mummy in a sequel this Halloween. I have one now, since you mentioned that. Oh yeah, what do you got? 1994's Wolf, starring Jack Nicholson and Michelle Pfeiffer. I've never seen that. I've never seen that. I've never seen that, too.

You were thinking about that, too? Yeah, that movie rules. It's bad, but it rules. Also, the Village of the Damned from the 90s that had like Christopher Reeve, Kirsty Alley, I can't remember who else is in it, but I remember thinking that was so scary. That movie was super scary.

I probably saw it too young, I was gonna say, but. I wanna say that's a John Carpenter movie. Did he direct the remake of that, I wanna say? Oh, I don't know. Maybe. Where are, Josh, where are you, and again, we can go around the horn on this. Where are you on creepy kid movies?

We've got a creepy kid movie today. Sounds like Village of the Damned is one of those two, right, Emily? Totally, totally. I would have preferred to watch that one, but it wasn't free with ads. Yes, let's not, we're perhaps tipping our hand a little bit. What we thought of Children of the Corn, we'll get into it. But yeah, generally I'm iffy about it. It

can go either way. There are some weird, like I've heard about, there's a movie called Bloody Birthday which is about like kids, like three kids killing everybody in town and there's a whole thing like that there's a taboo there which is you know evil kids that you have to injure or kill and that puts I think that automatically puts you in a kind of an uncomfortable place which is possibly where you want to be for a horror movie. Sure. And yeah, this is a movie that like inexplicably has like 10 sequels, if you count the like remakes,

and direct to sci-fi network reboots. Is it their remake this year? Was it there like a 2024 Children of the Corn remake? Oh, I don't know. I believe there's a 2022. Okay. Or, I'm sorry, 2020 was the latest Children of the Corn. I saw that directed by Kurt Wimmer,

the guy from Ultraviolet and Equilibrium. So I'm kind of curious about it, despite not loving this one. Someday they'll make those children of the corn good. The 12th one, the 12th one is when we nail it. I just meant they'll improve the town instead of murder everyone. That makes sense.

I was once getting the haircut and I was having a discussion with the barber and the other guys in the shop about how a long-standing franchise, if you get to the 10th one, it has to be in space. So that would be perfect for Children of the Corn. That would be so sick. But can we grow corn in space?

There's no, I mean, it wouldn't make any sense. It would make no sense. They'll do it on the moon or some shit, but it will happen. Children of the Corn on Mars. Yeah, the moon's made of cheese. There can't be corn up there. Children of the corn on Mars. Yeah, the moon's made of cheese. There can't be corn up there. Children of the cheese, that's fun.

Children of the cheese. Think we got a Huitlacoche fermentation crossover? I don't hate it, I don't hate it. I don't hate it. I love a lote. Children of a lote. Josh. Oh, now we're talking. Yeah, we're really talking now.

Who do we meet with? You guys know somebody? Josh, do you have a favorite horror sequel? Because obviously these movies, horror is just sequelized into the ground. Do you have one where you're like, okay, but the fifth one is really good? I will rep all day for Friday the 13th, part four.

That was the one that was supposed to be the end of the season. I will rep all day for Friday the 13th, part four. OK, that was the one that was that was supposed to be the end of the series. Tom Savidi comes back to kill his creation. Little Corey Feldman acting his ass off. Now, I know we're talking about kid actors and how we feel about him, but Corey Feldman destroys in that movie. There's a fantastic job.

He's got a friendly golden retriever dog. There's all sorts of stuff going on. And it's fantastic, so I'll stand up for that. Does the dog live? It's questionable. He does not die on camera. He jumps out a window at one point. He's probably fine.

Dogs always land on their feet, if there's one thing I know about dogs. They have nine lives and they always land on their feet. Oh and the dog's name by the way is Gordon. Cute. I love a human name for a dog. Oh yeah. Dan. This is my dog Dan. Yeah Greg. Yeah. Matt. Matt the dog. My mom's dogs. Since since I moved out last my mom's dogs have been Gus, Otis, and Sadie. Those are all great names. Those are good ones.

Gus is a dog name. If I see a human with the name Gus, I'm like, what are you doing? Yeah. No, but that dog, that was Gus. Yeah. Yeah. Well, yeah, let's get into Children of the Corn, 1984.

Oh yeah yeah! What? Sorry, I had to make that. What was that? Oh my god, that was Outlander. Oh yeah yeah! Hey! Oh that was amazing.

What, Outlander? What do you mean? This is what the kids call the main couple, the Outlanders. Yeah, they keep, at one point, what's his name? Malachi. Malachi just keeps screaming, Outlander, we have your woman! Which is a reference I only know from South Park.

This is, yes. I thought you said Outlander, and I'm like, you mean the thing my mom masturbates to? I'm sorry, what? Is that a romance novel series I don't know about? It is, but- Yes, some very popular TV series and novel series. Yes, yes.

I gotta check that out. You should do it. You should know about it. I gotta do my research. Yes. Roomed to do my research. Yes Ruin would to be red hot Matt by research do you mean jack it off? Yeah? Well, hey, you know potato potato. Yeah, I Do want to give credit there though to Matt real briefly because I'm a big fan of the show

Best audio drops of any podcast. Same right now. Not a, it's not even a contest. It's so true. No contest. Yeah, take that Jimmy Pardo. Look at you Jimmy Pardo. Sorry Pardo. Oh, Pardo. I love Jimmy Pardo.

Jimmy Pardo. Jimmy's great and welcome on the show anytime. Yes please Jimmy, I'm just playing. You know I love you. I don't want him here. Wow, okay. Yeah, go with it. He'll I love you. I don't want him here. Wow, okay. Yeah, go with it. He'll just talk to you about Chicago

and Styx and other bands from around here. So yeah, I guess we had been talking about doing this one for a while. It had been on our like to do list for a while. I had never seen this one or any of them. Josh, had you seen? Me neither. Yeah, had you seen this? No. Or any of its many sequels? This was new to me. I had read the story way back because I was a big fan of

Stephen King short stories as a kid because as a Gen X er like we all did we read Stephen King far too early of course and Explain some things, but I've tried to like catch up with some adaptations Of Stephen King stuff in the recent years It explains some things. But I've tried to like catch up with some adaptations of Stephen King stuff in the recent years. I could just watch the Cronenberg Dead Zone with Christopher Walken, which is top notch. So good. The short story novelization or the short story adaptations, rather, you tend to it's a little thrown on the ground. You get the running man or the lawnmower man or other mans. It's not necessarily ideal.

I mean, you've listed two great movies there. I'll throw in The Mist too if you're looking for a, I guess it's more of a novella, but I love, I love that Thomas Jane starring The Mist. Or Shawshank Redemption. Come on. Oh yeah, sure, sure. That's a novella too. Sure, sure, sure. Well, yeah, this is, this is a Stephen King adaptation and ooh boy, it is all over this thing.

All the shit Stephen King loves is in this, except Maine for some reason. Why is Maine not in here? They could not have made me enough. Maine could save this. Maine could never save this. One guy on a porch going, hey, I could not save this. One guy on a porch going hey I could not save this movie. Now come back here

Serge. If you see a silo you went too far. Don't go near that corn. They say there's ghosts in the corn there. I'm fixing up my old Plymouth Stephen King shit for you time to have a hamburger steak and fix the old Plymouth I love Steven King What they would call it what they would call it in Bangor they have a hand they have a hamburger steak at the HMS bounty No, it's a baseball steak. Oh, the base, you're right. You're right. Baseball steak, what's that?

But I think that's the same thing. I think that is a hamburger steak. Oh, I don't know why they call it that, honestly. I just know it's one of the options during Thanksgiving. Oh, yeah. We're having a argument. Because I have had Thanksgiving at HMS Bounty. We're having an argument about the menu of a local nautical themed dive bar.

Because we want this to be the most relatable podcast ever. That's right. If you do come to LA, go to HMS Bounty. Oh, you must, you must. Sometimes the lady in the lobby has puppies. Oh, lady in the lobby. It's in a baby stroller. Lady in the lobby is my favorite M. Night Shyamalan movie.

Ah, yeah. Lady in the Lobby. My daughter could play the lady. All right. Fine. Fine. Or some other famous guy's daughter. We only put famous people's daughter in there.

As long as it's a famous guy's daughter. And I'm a famous guy. And as long as the movie still sucks ass, it doesn't fucking matter. How dare you? I do dare. Okay, listen, the man had a rough period, I contend that he's back,

but we can negotiate that on a later episode. Because of the Josh Hartnett movie? I really like that movie. Okay, I haven't seen it yet. I'm an old head, I really like old, I think old tonight movie. Oh, oh, oh. That's what you meant by old head.

Old. Went away. First time use of that. Just people who like the movie old. Yeah, yeah. It's people who like old school hip hop and the movie old by M.W. Shyamalan. Listen, if I want to marry Rich, I'm

going to have to like that too eventually. That's right. Give it a little old head. All right. Ah! Ah! Ah! Oh boy.

Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy.

Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy.

Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Shots of corn, I'm like, okay, but where's those children? I see the corn. Where's the children, I say. We're in Gatlin, Nebraska, and it turns out the children are in church. There's a church service, everything's real folksy,

and they go to a beautiful Norman Rockwell-esque diner after church. I'm sure nothing will interrupt this picaresque tableau. Surely there's no darkness behind these white picket fences. But there is. The first sign we get that something is amiss is we have a creepy kid peeping in through the windows. He's wearing an Amish hat.

I think this is the worst hat in the movie. The worst hat. Yay, we haven't had a worst hat in a while. Yeah, this is a pretty bad hat. This is a pretty bad hat. This movie's low on hats, so I was particularly focused on this one, I guess. Can I say, this hat is,

if you are a girl in Nashville, can you fucking quit it with these hats? Like I've it's been around a while. I know it it's it's cute with a little dress or whatever but you don't work on the land and I really you get drunk and say hactua that's what you do in Nashville. And I really, you get drunk and say hoctua, that's what you do in Nashville. We don't need to wear the hats, so cut it out. You sell leggings as part of an MLM. Yeah, exactly, so let's cut it out with the hats. I will say hoctua.

You gotta have a couple calluses before you can wear the hat. There you go, yes, you have to have tilled something, the soil ideally. She works through the sales section at Anthropologie, that's the most physical labor that bitch ever did. So cut it out with the hats. She convinces her friends to buy supplements.

Yeah, and that's not to say that, I think straw hats are cute, but the felt hats, no ma'am. Okay, I will say, I absolutely know what you mean, Emily. I think this is probably, this was probably a, just kind of like a basic sweetie hat, you know, that you see someone you went to high school with wearing on Facebook. Also, I will say this hat had a hot second

for like Silver Lake dude assholes, like barista bartender type dudes wore this hat for a little bit. They had little feather in the side. Little feather in the side. No sir. Trying to get you to come to see their band. Anyway, it's a bad hat.

Anyway, this creepy little kid, this is Isaac. He's peeping in through the window and he gets all the kids in the diner to kill everyone using diner implements. So there's like, somebody gets killed with like the meat slicer. That was horrific. That was the one that we did.

Yes. My favorite was when it was clear, in a lot of this movie, I think the sound mixing is a little bit all over the place. Like people are mouthing things and the words don't match up with the mouth movements. But my favorite thing is they poison the coffee and they're like serving it to the olds. And this lady goes, oh, good coffee. Before dying.

And I'm like, we didn't need that. That was just so funny. They didn't need to stab them after. They already poisoned them. Yeah, so funny. It kind of made me. They didn't need to stab him after, they already poisoned him. Yeah, I know, it's just overkill. Double tap, make sure they're down. They were really into making that sickle happen, because it's on the cover,

it's kind of a big part of the imagery for the movie, but they use it in ways where it's not clever or interesting, they're just making it happen. But... Can I say that actually through this whole thing, right from the start, my initial issue was that it's being narrated by this kid.

And like, I get that you want to have this, like, somebody to pull you through this thing, but it would have been amazing if all that had happened with no narration. It would have been fantastic. Yeah. And the narrating is confusing because that little kid who's doing the narrating isn't the perspective character in the movie. The movie becomes about Linda Hamilton and her boring-ass boyfriend.

But so we just periodically get these narration things from a side character. It's really confusing. I think they probably added that afterwards when the movie sucked and then they're like, uh. Studio notes. Have kid talk. Say what's happening. Yeah. Well, the thing is it's like- Have him say title. So there are two characters, that little boy who's the narrator and then his sister,

who is the most interesting character in the whole thing, in my opinion. And you don't get nearly enough of her, but it's like, why isn't she just the narrator? Why do we, you know? I don't know. Well, she's psychic too, I know. That's what I mean, she's psychic.

She wasn't in the diner, so she wasn't actually in place for those events, I guess. But she's psychic so she could see it. That's true, that's true. So what happens is that she, the little sister's at home, sick in bed, but she's drawing with her crayon, like she's not even looking at the paper, she's just like sleeping in bed,

and yeah, she's drawing like creepy drawings of what happens with the crayon. She's a psychic kid, I bet in the world of the Stephen King averse, she probably has the same thing as the kid in The Shining. Yeah, you're right. Yeah. So yeah, so she's drawn creepy crayon drawings of all the atrocities.

And then we meet our two main characters, Linda Hamilton and the world's most boring man. Hey, I think it's time for Hunk Watch. It's Hunk Watch. We should do it here. Not a lot of adults in this movie. So while we're here, I mean, is it anyone other than Linda Hamilton?

Oh my god. Of course not, come on. All star. So good. She's half a year before Terminator, she's about to go big, and she's not given a lot to do in the movie, but she's doing everything she can. Well it could have been the blue man,

but you know, he's worse for wear. Who's the blue man? He's the cop that's been crucified for a long time. Oh right, right. The blue man. Oh the blue man, yeah, yeah. I don't know, one's the cop that's been crucified for a long time. Oh, right. The blue man. The blue man. Yeah. I don't know, one of the par par Jesuses in the town hall with the green skin, maybe into that.

Some say Jesus. I like the corn monster. I wanted to fuck the corn monster. Yeah, especially when it's a big red cloud. Yeah. There's a lot of fuckable things in this movie. Things, but not people. Not people. Yeah, so Linda Hamilton. I fucked that sickle before I watched this movie again.

Oh boy. Put it on the DVD. So, yeah, so they are in a little motel room. They're doing a cross-country road trip. He has an internship. I guess it's a medical one we learn later. They don't tell you what it is for a while. He just keeps talking about his internship.

Oh, they've got MD on the lighter. Oh, okay. There you go. It's a little detailed. I missed it. Thank you for, Josh. Thank you for watching Josh, thank you for watching this movie closely.

Somebody had to. So yeah. We all just double screen. Yeah. Oh sure, yeah. We got lots of games on these phones. Yeah, I'm playing Prince of Persia on the Switch while I'm watching this.

You know, I get it, there's children that are playing in the corn, whatever. Yeah, there's a kid children playing in the corn, whatever. Yeah, it's kid and there's the corn. So it is his birthday and his birthday wish is to live happily ever after. I wonder if that'll be ironic later. Anyway, he is like, and she kind of hints

that she wants him to propose and he kind of brushes it off. So I would say he's kind of a fuck boy, but then he doesn't wanna fuck. He's a fuck boy who don't fuck. What's this guy's fucking deal? That's when you're depressed. That's just actual depression. Oh yeah.

Well, like how old do we think that guy is? Well, if he's just out of medical school, like in his mid-20s? Yeah. I mean, I couldn't tell from looking at him. That's not the issue. I don't know how long school goes for. I don't know.

He seemed a little older. Sometimes, just erectile dysfunction can hit you at any moment. That's so true. You know what? That is not- That was before the blue pills? Mm-hmm.

It was? When did the blue pills come along? The 90s. Oh, yeah. Really? Oh, I remember. This movie has the blue man, but not the blue pills. Oh, wayo!

Hey! Why are we? Um, so- But he's a fuckboy with obligations. That's right. He's a fuckboy with an en- He's gotta get to his internship. He's gotta get to his internship I can't fuck Linda Hamilton. I gotta get to that internship

Priorities are all screwed up. Yeah, they didn't have a lot of chemistry. I'll be real Yeah, she cut it and she's she's doing her best. You know she did does a little dance for him It's very charming nice to kind of see her in a mode. That's not like Sarah Connor It's kind of fun to see her in a little more playful I mean, she's great And yeah, so they're they're driving They're driving to You know his internship they're listening to like a preacher on the radio and they're kind of like making fun of him

And I think this this is like, you know with horror movies. It's fun, right? It's like what's it about? It's about zombies, but what's it about? And this kinda comes close to giving you something I feel like. So there are these two kind of like libertine kids who don't, they're not traditional, they're modern, they don't wanna have kids, they're kinda dickin' on this preacher,

and it's like, well, they're about to like, conservative values are about to fuck them up So I'm like well, okay, maybe we kind of have a rural versus urban Struggle going on here. Maybe that's kind of what it's about the movie does fucking nothing with this. It's like Yeah, you know this is you don't get until the until it hits you over the head at the end that it's the religion angle Is the thing. Sure, yeah. But anyway, so as this is happening, I'm like, okay, this movie might have themes.

It doesn't really. But they do that a little bit. So, and as this is happening, we get these shots of the little kid, the narrator little kid running away from home. He's like running away from home. He's got the little kid, the narrator little kid, running away from home. He's like running away from home, he's got his little kid's suitcase, he's running away through the corn,

and then somebody finds him and stabs in him a bunch, and then he runs out in the middle of the street and gets hit by our main characters. Oh, shit. Which I've asked Matt if we could create a new sting because during our episode about the Bye Bye Man we were saying there are just There are people just standing in the middle of the road a lot in movies

Yes, this is a trope at this point. So we have to have a sting and I made a sting here it is Thank you Person in the road who the driver doesn't see. And he accidentally gets hit by a car. Mm-hmm. I feel like people need to know all the beats. Yes. You're taking the Sting to strange new places, Matt. Strange new places, dog.

This is your pet sounds. That prop. The Phil Spector of Sting. Right. Matt was up for five weeks on LSD making that drop. Record it again! Beautiful. Can we get a worse in here? That was great. I burned a couple calories left.

Hell yeah. That was good. So the kid gets hit. Well it's not, I feel bad about throwing corrections at you, but again, I was the one watching the movie apparently. Oh, sure, sure. It wasn't the narrator kid. He and his sister are sending Joseph off. Because Joseph's trying to get away. And who is Joseph?

Is he their other brother? No, he's just some kid. He got sick of the whole thing. He's the guy who they needed to get hit by a car. He also took that, the suitcase is such a little kid running away from home suitcase too, where you're really trying to send a message to your parents.

Like, you're not really gonna go far because that thing's heavy and cumbersome as fuck. Like you're not, and you can't really fit much in those either, you could fit more shit in a Jansport than in that. He opens it up, it's just all Slim Jims. He's like, I don't think you're serious. Well when you kill all the parents and all the adults in the town, it just reversed to the 50s.

So you make it. Yeah, he's just a salesman. Yeah. He threw out all his brooms and his brushes so he could put his clothes in there. Can I sweep in your barn? Alright. So, there's this, so they hit the kid.

They don't really seem to feel any particular way about it. People are so blase about shit in this movie. It's very weird. So he's like inspecting the little kid. He tells Linda Hamilton to go wait in the car. She has kind of a creepy dream where she goes to check on the kid and he kind of jumps up like a zombie.

I guess while they were filming the movie, they told Linda Hamilton it was gonna be a dummy and then it was the actual kid so they would get her honest reaction. Anyway, so that happened. Let's let actors act, okay? I know, right? Yeah, that reminds me of the thing that with Long Legs,

which I loved Long Legs, but that video where they had the lead actress not see what Nic Cage looked like until, and they put a heart monitor on her. Oh, no. So when she saw Nic Cage, they saw her heart rate went way up, and I was like, you guys, it's a lot.

It's a lot. It's all so stupid. I feel like, do you guys remember Jack Nicholson's performance in The Joker? Yes. The thing with him, he just pretended to be The Joker. That's what acting is. But like, you don't need to go method.

Be like, how can I become the Joker or director? How can I really- I have to mail turds to my co-stars. Yeah, it's like, no, Jack Nelson went in and he said, I'm the Joker now. And that was it. Just let people act. There's a weird history of that in horror movies too. Like there's the bit in The Exorcist where the stunt guys yanked Ellen Burstyn back too hard and she literally injures herself and that's on camera.

Oh my God. Like the camera kind of goes in and sees or Texas Chainsaw Massacre, but that's a different situation because Or that Storm Trooper. They were insane. What happened with the Storm Trooper? He hit his head. Right. Love George Lucas.

Spooky, spooky stormtrooper. Push the guy right in front of you. I want him to bonk his head a little bit. Make him bonk his head. I'll put in a coconut sound, it'll be great. It'll be good for the mise en scene. And then I'll teach you all about Joseph Campbell while we drive around in my classic Cadillac. Good old George Lucas. Anyway, so the two, they're two little kids, they're up doing forbidden things,

which means listening to records and playing Monopoly. This looks pretty fun. Pretty cute. It's cute. Wearing fancy clothes. Yeah, they're wearing like their parents clothes, they're playing Monopoly, this is very fun. And then the kid who was wearing the bad hat

comes in with his Malachi Yeah, Malachi is the redheaded goon Isaac is the kid is the like leader kid who was wearing the bad habit isn't any right? I would say little Elon Musk vibes here And I guess we should say that this actor is not a kid. This is actor And I guess we should say that this actor is not a kid. This actor has a condition where they look a lot younger than they really are, but are like playing a kid.

I'll leave it there. Yeah, and then the redhead kid who plays Malachi, he looks like he could be 20. So let's talk about Malachi for a hot second. I hate Malachi. I want to beep Malachi in a hot second. I hate Malachi. I want to beep Malachi in the face. Like I hated him so much. I had the same thing, cause he's always the full,

he won't shut up. He's always just like, brr brr brr, like dude, just let it go. He's also got a surfer boy accent. Okay, this is what I would like to play because we are supposed to be in Nebraska. This kid is obviously from Studio City. Yes. Do you have this little clip where where the Bill and Ted comes out in his voice? But they had a game in music they're forbidden

Dude come on that is actually my my favorite quote of the movie not Malachi. Good game! Good music! It's forbidden, dude! Come on! That is actually my favorite quote of the movie that I was gonna put in later. Because it was like the two accents next to each other is so funny. He's like, they're out of game and now they're forbidden! Come on!

And then he's like, question me not, Malachi. Like his accent at the end was like, what the fuck? Bro, this is totally sketch. You guys are being hella sketch right now. Fuck this, I'm gonna go get a breakfast burrito. I'm going to Jack in the Box and getting a chicken tear munchy meal. You're gonna get it from Corn Satan.

Later. It is notable that apparently the actor is is older than he appears because he's I did notice his voice was very raspy Yeah, I was like, oh, that's actually that's an interesting like is that put on like apparently that's just his voice Good voice. It works very well. But yeah, I recognized Malachi straightaway as Hans Klopek from the burbs It's like I know that guy. I've never seen the Burbs, but that's sick. I will say that the Burbs has been free with ads on YouTube for a while.

It's one of those, it's like, there's some of these movies that stick around for a while and it's like, why is this one still on here? Penelope has been on there forever. And this is another one. I bet they are because they're owned by someone sketchy. That's my theory is that someone's just like, yeah, let it crank out some money, who cares?

Yeah, totally. And yeah, I think all the sequels to this were made by a legit film company, but I think this one was made by some studio that's not around anymore. Well, this was New World, which was, I mean, pretty well known for B Pictures at the time. Okay. Not a huge studio, but they were a large independent.

Well, yeah, but yeah, it's definitely like one of those that's kind of been like kind of kind of goes back and forth on all these sites kind of. Yeah, I'm sure the catalog has been sold 50 times. So these little kids, they're being chastised because they were doing things that were forbidden! They were doing... And then we go to perhaps the Stephen King-iest character in this Stephen King-ass movie.

We got an old man working on a truck and talking to a dog, and the dog brings him his wrench. Oh, the dog always brings him wrenches, my little doggie. Bringing me wrenches. That dog's gotta hurry up. Sarge has gotta be on point with these wrenches. Mm-hmm. And he's like scared of stuff that's going on around.

He's like hearing noises and then, oh no, we find the dog's bloody bandana in like the hood of the car. I know. But the dog's probably fine. They probably just stole his bandana and painted it red. That's probably what happened. Yeah, I don't know.

Dog's fine, wrench dog is fine. The mallet guy seems like the kind of kid that's just got blood around. Yeah, sure. Mallet guy just has a bucket of blood with him at all times. Hey, you opened up my blood collection! Aww! I was gonna use that!

I've got him organized by type! Yeah. That was O! Dude! That was my O! O! Universal danger! You stole my O, dude! O! Man, I'm a point low! Daniel Now my point low Anyway So yeah, the kids the kids kill the mechanic

We get to see them out in the field Isaac's given a little sermon. He's got a corn Jesus Everything's made of corn, and this is when he wants them to kill the outlanders. It's the couple that the little girl predicted were gonna come into town with her creepy drawings, and they've got the cop, he's like crucified on a corn cross.

This is kind of the blue man, kind of a creepy image. So then yeah, Linda. Isaac's a little scared about all this because I don't know if he's receiving psychic messages from he who walks behind the corner or if he's seen the drawings, but the prophecy is that these outlanders, outlanders?

Yeah. Yeah. The outlanders are coming into town and the man in particular, because Linda Hamilton can fuck off as far as they're concerned. The man may be even more powerful than the blue man. This is a big deal.

Yes, that's true. Because he's a doctor who's going to an internship. And he's gonna go on to star in 30 something. He's also chased. So it's like, maybe there's something there. He has too much cum inside of him. Stop him.

Harvest the cum, harvest the outlander's cum. He's the oldest version. He will never fuck Linda Hamilton, no matter how many times she asks. Steal his cum. Steal the cum of the insult! Watch out the fields with the cum! I thought we were collecting blood, dude!

And now we're collecting spooge! I don't even know how to categorize this! Our fluids are valid, Malachi! We must collect our fluids! Shut up, virgin! This is a better movie. This is better. Children of the cum. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no of the cum? That's what I was thinking, yes. We're all of the cum. We are all of the...

The truth and truths. We come from cum. And the cum comes from us. Cum, a big lump with knobs. It's got the juice. I don't know what song you're parodying. Corn? You ever heard the corn kid?

No. It's corn? I know what you're talking about. Yeah, I know. Anyway. You'll play that song. Well, I'll send you that song and then if you could Oh no I found it I got it I got it right here here

Okay it's got the juice There it is Okay sorry That's not the corn song you were talking about No Matt it wasn't I'm sorry my bad That's okay So anyway Linda Hamilton and her fucking guy intern guy

They come into town, they go into one of the houses, the little girls up there, and the guy just leaves Linda Hamilton behind for some fucking reason. It's the most infuriating let's split up in history. Totally. Fucking so bad. But yeah, so then we got this- It just drove me nuts.

I was talking to a friend of mine earlier today about the movie and I was explaining So bad. But yeah, so then we got this. It just drove me nuts. I described, I was talking to a friend of mine earlier today about the movie and I was explaining Linda Hamilton as the character who never gets listened to. And there's one of those in a lot of these movies like this but it was so frustrating in this one. I mean, she gives in eventually but she's like, don't stop here, keep moving.

Logic, rationalism. Yeah. I know and if we don't have that, keep moving. Logic, rationalism. I know, and if we don't have that, we don't have a movie, but it got frustrating. It really did, yeah. And again, you have to buy a couple of these for horror movies to work, and they're building to a scene where all the kids are trying to get into the thing, but just screenwriter, sit down for 20 minutes

and think of a reason they have to split up instead of just it happening for no reason. It's fucking wild. Anyway, so he's wandering around the town, everybody's just wandering around. He wanders around the town, he goes into this like church where the kids are doing kind of a creepy ceremony. It seems like there's two ceremonies going on at once.

Yeah, what's up with that? I don't know, just, do we have, yeah. The ceremony in the church is that every kid that hits 19 has to walk into the corn and be a sacrifice. Yes, that's right. Because if you're like a Logan's Run deal where you get that the age and you're done. Well, yeah. The other ceremony in the field, I'm not sure exactly what's supposed to be happening.

Well, it's like they were just setting up the whatever, the cross thing to either put that old kid on and I don't know, but my favorite thing to either put that old kid on, and I don't know, but my favorite thing was the- That old kid? Yeah. Whatever. Oldest kid. Wait a second, we actually have that.

Oh, shit. Oldest king. There it was. There it is. I forgot. That old kid is like, so he's cutting a pentagram into his chest, and then they've made a cute little blood bowl out of corn.

It's really cute. It is so cute. And I was like. That is something that the Nashville girl with the hat would make. And post an Instagram photo, and it's like fall vibes. Yeah. Pumpkin spice season.

Ooh, blood. Yeah. Pumpkin spice season. Ooh, blood. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Pumpkin spice blood. At least if you've got all these corn husks, you're getting crafty. I appreciate that. Yeah.

I think that eventually we're gonna have little things about tiny details in movies that we like. And that little corn bowl definitely one of them. It's so cute. It's a little bowl. Whatever prop design person made that little corn bowl, we see you and we appreciate you. It's a wonderful bowl, it's very cute.

Gotta set up an Etsy search just to see if I can get me one of those. Oh yeah. Put, I don't know, M&M's in it or something. I'm not putting blood in there. If you have a free idea to any crafty people out there, children of the corn, little corn bowls. There should have been more corn crafts in this movie

because they had like little, there were some, but I think the most innovative one is that little bowl. I think a lot of the other ones were like, oh, it's a crucifix. What, the crucifix? Crucifix was good, but otherwise it was just like jamming corn into a car so it doesn't go where corn's everywhere in the diner.

It's not as creative as those are. Where's the little corn cob pipe that has bubbles come out the top? Like something. That's a great point. That's a great point. Um, so, Eddie. Yeah, the ceremony in the field seems to be setting up the conflict

between Isaac and Malachi. Sure. I'm just saying, we got a lot of ceremonies going on at once. Yes. Can we be efficient? Can we conflate? Can this be one ceremony?

Can the ceremony have been an email? Um. Um. Um. Um. It's so, you know, so boring boyfriend guy, he like kinda yells at all the kids for, I don't know, drinking blood,

and they like start chasing him all around town. I don't know if there's a way to like, get across this in audio, but every time the little kids would chase him through town, I just wanted the soundtrack to be, can't buy me love. Money can't buy me love. And then he trips and John Lennon picks him up.

Right. Yeah, a cute one. I will drop it in that spot. That's where my favorite line happened because it's not a real pithy movie with a lot of good lines on it. No. But at one point, there's one of those kids chasing him and he's kinda coming around a corner

and he's pumping his arms real hard and he just starts going, Grrr. And that just cracked me up. There was a real Texas law hawk moment where it's just yelling and running at the same time. My favorite thing about this movie is remembering how weak children are

and how shitty they are as people. And I hate kids, sorry. Mainly the kids in this movie. But it was just like, okay, if you I'm like, oh, okay. I'm like, oh, okay. I'm like, oh, okay. I'm like, oh, okay. I'm like, oh, okay. I'm like, oh, okay. I'm like, oh, okay. I'm like, oh, okay. I'm like, oh, okay. I'm like, oh, okay.

I'm like, oh, okay. I'm like, oh, okay. I'm like, oh, okay. I'm like, oh, okay. I'm like, oh, okay. I'm like, oh, okay. I'm like, oh, okay. I'm like, oh, okay.

I'm like, oh, okay. I'm like, oh, okay. I'm like, oh, okay. I'm like, oh, okay. I'm like, oh, okay. I'm like, oh, okay. I'm like, oh, okay. I'm like, oh, okay.

I'm like, oh, okay. I'm like, oh, okay. I'm like, oh, okay. I'm like, oh, okay. I'm like, oh, okay. I'm like, oh, okay. I'm. Do we remember to hire a good one? Well, there's some that where it's like you only need one good kid, like Sixth Sense. You got Haley Joel. You only had to find one. True. Finding a whole group of them, like that is some tough.

That's tough. But yeah, I love it when big, dumb, boring guy pushes the kids over, because I'm like, ha ha ha, it's like. What's the matter, can't stand up? Ha ha ha. Yeah, little punk. Haven't learned how to stand up yet.

High center of gravity, take that. Yeah. Can't even drive. There is one part towards the conflict where boring dude bitch slaps Malachi. Oh yeah. And it's so satisfying. It is fun, It is fun.

Yeah, so that's kind of what's going on there. There's a little power struggle between Isaac and Malachi. They put Isaac up on the cross, and he gets engulfed by this demon energy. Very shocking. Yeah, I think, Josh, you mentioned there's these brief mentions of like, he who dwells in the corn or something something but the fact that something he's on the row behind the row yes um but yeah i guess that was real i guess there is an actual demon uh yeah that's one of the things that kind of threw me off through the movie at that through that

point because again i'm vaguely remembering the short story but yeah it's kind of you don't necessarily know if it's a real thing or it's just something the kids are expressing as this religious horror thing is like oh no that's just a thing like a tremors thing that's under the light yeah yeah the it's just okay so that I wanted to say that the religion thing the kids being like extremists in this kind of satanic cult, scary enough. We didn't need all the other stuff personally. I didn't need it.

Because then once you add the supernatural stuff, it's like, why did it only need to be kids? Why do you only need what? And also you've changed the stakes of the movie completely. Completely. Like the doctor should have been like, oh, wait, should I join? You know, like, are these kids right?

Yeah, if this thing is real, then maybe you should do what it says. I was making fun of God this whole time, and now I've seen an actual monster. Maybe I should rethink, you know? Yeah, the movie does not go there. The movie, like, it doesn't give a fuck about, fuck about how you would react to learning that there's a devil. Right, he just kind of, boring guy,

just kind of wanders off back to the barn with all the other kids. He's like, ah, oh, I should go. Not any sort of reckoning as to what it actually is. No, what he actually does is then he chastises them about not loving their parents enough. Oh yeah. And I'm like, wait, are you gonna address the monster you just saw eat a kid?

No. Yeah. That was just video static. He's not scared of that. People are so blase. It's like they change the order of things because people seem to forget fucked up stuff that happened or just not react to it. Them hitting the kid, they never seemed that concerned by it.

Like, yeah. No, they didn't. My favorite thing too is like, let's, the way we kill this, this devil monster who comes from a place of fire is with fire? What? Like I don't-

Yeah, that too. So yeah, let's, we're about there. We're about to the nonsensical, confusing conclusion of Children of the Corn, and we'll talk about it right after this. ["Children of the Corn"] Hello, it's Free With Ads, and it's Jumbotron time. That's right, we are going to share some messages from our listeners who went to maximumfun.org

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Yes. And you'll see all the original music that we had before we decided to actually get Max Fun on board and get us some better music. Oh yeah, you had a different theme song, didn't you? Yeah, it was just some random royalty-free thing I found online and a robot voice going, this is free with ads with Jordan Mayeris and Emily Fleiming. Pretty fun. I'm gonna go back and listen to this now. I miss that.

It's a good episode too. I miss us from back then. I miss us, what happened to us? What have we become? Who are we anymore? That was so fucked now. Exactly. Fucking DIY and rock, man.

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and maximumfun.org slash Jumbotron. Okay, back to the show. We're back. It's Free With Ads. We're here with Josh from Red Letter Media talking about children of the corn. Yes, as Emily mentioned, everybody's kind of like holed up in the barn, the demons out there doing demon stuff. Yeah, they've weirdly decide that the way to kill the fire demon is by setting everything on fire. It's all in that Bible verse, it's all key there. Job, the little kid from the beginning has it in as well,

and he's like, look at this verse. And Bert, Hunt Guy, whatever, he figures out like, oh, the blue man was trying to set it on fire by putting gas all through the irrigator. Yeah, okay. Josh, you're making this movie, you're making a little more sense, so thank you for watching it.

It's gas, thank you for watching it. It's one of the things I'm trained in. Yeah, so the plan is to like shoot gas through the irrigation system and then set it on fire with a Molotov cocktail. So our dude runs out, corn starts whipping him. He's just getting whipped by, so the corn can move, I guess, I don't know.

Sure, it's been moving a little bit throughout the movie. Like there's a little bit of creepy, the stalks will split for someone and kind of guide you. So there's been a bit of that. It can whip and spank now. Ew, horny corn. So it's kind of a... Ha ha ha ha.

Was the corn the hunk the whole time? Yeah, oh yeah. I've heard of call me daddy, but call me corny? Oh, oh, oh, oh. Hell yeah. I've heard of call me daddy, but call me corny? Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh to a sitcom. Oh my god. That'd be great. So, all right. Yeah, so they, there's a kind of a funny little bit where he throws a malt off cocktail and it doesn't break and the little kid goes to get it and has to bring it back and he has to throw it again.

It was just frustrating that he, like dude gets all wrapped up by the corn and the leaves and everything and the kid comes and starts cutting out, he's like, what are you doing here? Get the fuck out of here. Like, dude, have a little respect and the leaves and everything. And the kid comes and starts cutting out. He's like, what are you doing here? Get the fuck out of here. Like, dude, have a little respect and thanks. Thank you.

But then the kid goes, jeez, you're welcome or whatever. Excuse me. Yeah. Excuse me. And then he asked him to come back and help again. I was like, okay, this is all over the place. He really is noncommittal this time. Yeah.

Yeah. Can't make up his mind for nothing. Yeah. And the last two minutes of this movie are just a sitcom. Like the kid saying, excuse me, that was a weird little thing. So, you know, they set it on fire, the demon bursts into a cloud,

we never really get an explanation as to what it was or what was happening. You know, our two leads kiss and the little kids laugh and they're like, what are we gonna do with these little munchkins? It's kind of a ploy that they're just gonna adopt these trauma kids. Uh-huh.

Ha ha ha ha. That's gonna go great for everybody. Also, I wanted to point something out. So their buddy they sent out to try to escape with the suitcase and everything, and he got hit by the car. They opened his suitcase and there was a compass in there. Right. And Linda Hamilton and asshole

couldn't find their way back to wherever they were going. They could have literally just used this compass and just fucked right off. I don't know very good point Thank you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, so I don't say that I should have mentioned that earlier, but I just remembered it some doctor Listen if he can't navigate his way out of a Disastrous cult situation. How is he gonna do surgery on the right disc? Thank you cult situation, how is he gonna do surgery on the right disc? Thank you. Right above that.

Thank you. So, you know, they go back to their car and there's a bunch of corn coming out of the hood. I've heard of corn on the cob, but corn in the car? Anyway. Oh! And there's one more devil kid in the back who pops up for one last like Carrie scare and then

I love that so much because it was just so dumb just like one little Carrie style not you know more Stephen King movies but one little jump scare at the end and then Linda Hamilton's just a kab out, and then someone's like, we'll send her a postcard from Seattle, yuck, yuck, yuck. The end, it's the most abrupt ending. Well, I would have liked for there to be a post credit scene of her getting that postcard. Yeah. Yes!

Oh, Seattle, looks beautiful. You going? Aw. Aw. Glad to do it, though. Wish you weren't here. Aw. Yeah. So, yeah, aw. Wish you weren't here. Glad to do one more. Aw. So, yeah, that's Children of the Corn.

It's over, yay! It's over, the movie's over. We're gonna rate the movie, but first we're gonna talk about the best lines of the movie. Emily, I'm sorry, I stepped on yours. We played it earlier. Listen, that's okay. We had to talk it out with the accents because it's so funny. It's wild, yes.

The kids, this kid's northern Burbank accent is the most jarring thing. You literally sounded like an SNL sketch, like the Californians. It was the Californians, yeah. He's going to talk about being like, near the zanku chicken. Take the 110, 405.

Take the Hollywood freeway. Don't go south, it's forbidden! Forbidden! Outlanders! The traffic is against Isaac's wishes. I'm sick of outlanders clogging up the line at In-N-Out Burger. Um, for my best line, yeah, Josh, you did observe that there's just not a lot of great dialogue in this movie.

I will say I did like some of the music. The music has this kind of over-the-top Latin chant quality to it. Matt, do we have one of the music. The music has this kind of over the top Latin chant quality to it. Do we have one of the bangers for the soundtrack? Yeah, yeah. ["TOMIUS"] There it is. Yes. Love that part.

Go. We found our new Godzilla. We found our new Godzilla. Oh my God. I just love a choir yelling stuff in Latin. Yeah. Yeah, it was, for me me it was really on the nose at the beginning of the movie when it was really,

it felt like it was really laying it on, but as the movie went on, I actually kind of got into that score. Yeah, the score's not bad. I don't blame the score for this. No, not the score's fault. It's a score to a better movie. That's like, if this music is in a crazier,

more well-made movie, it totally works. Well yeah, we will now rank Children of the Corn on a scale of one to 10 super loud commercials, and by now, I mean we'll do it after the break. Ha ha. We're back, it's Free With Ads. Josh is here from Red Letter Media. We are gonna rank Children of the Corn

on a scale of one to 10 super loud commercials. Josh, you're our guest, you'll go first. We'll let you have the first last word. All right, this may be departing from y'all's feelings on this movie a little bit. I'm gonna give it a solid six. Okay. It's not great, but it,

maybe this is something that, that I grew up with in terms of, you know, you've got no budget. You've got Stephen King, you've got the name, but you have got not a whole lot to go on. You're building something off of a 19 page story. If that, you've got to try to figure out how to make this into a three act narrative thing. And in that, I think it did it okay.

Not great, but okay. I liked some of the performances. Some of them were extremely annoying, but like Isaac was very good. Linda Hamilton did great. You know, there is enough to hang onto. There was stuff that I was very amused by, like the whole, you know,

all the kids are in the town square with little Hamilton yelling Outlander from the drop. And he's saying like, oh, maybe you can't hear so good. And then you cut to a handsome guy in a underground bunker. No, he can't hear you at all. And actually I found that kind of amusing. There were bits when they're initially chasing him where there's almost like a zombie feel of all the kids are, you know, coming at him.

It's kind of overwhelming. He can't really handle it. So yeah, I didn't hate it. I had a good enough time watching it. So yeah, solid six. Okay. Yeah, I'll go. I think I think I'm I think I'll say it's a three for me it you know, it's it's just it was just kind of a snooze and

Yeah, I think I think you know plot holes aside. I just it it it wasn't very exciting I don't think the like horror suspense worked very well. I do think this has some good bad movie, it's some good bad movie potential. I think there is some stuff that is so bad that it's good. It's kind of a funny movie to goof on. I think this would be a fun group watch in the right setting. And how crazy that ending is, I did kind of have fun with the insane ending I will say that like it going off the rails is just so out of nowhere but I think there's there's something fun about that so I think it like it ended stronger than it started. Yeah and I had a little bit of fun along the way but yeah it I have no

idea why they made ten of these. How did this happen? How did this happen? Matt, do you want to go? Yeah, you're going to be mad though. No, no, no. Why would I be mad? You're going to get mad. Because I kind of loved it.

Wow. Beep. No, let's hear it. Let's hear the dissenting opinion. I can only express it as something where I watched it thinking, what is this stupid movie gonna be about? And then it was exactly about what I thought

it was gonna be about. And then I was like, all right, yeah, I don't know. I came in expecting Children of the Corn. I got Children of the Corn. I'm giving this a seven. All right. Wow, okay. Yeah, I just- Do you think being a parent has something to do with it?

Yes, yes. The whole time I was thinking about like, how scary would it be if my two year old tried to kill me deliberately. She's always trying to kill me accidentally with various viruses, pink eye. But no, this time I was like, I was like, oh yeah, this's kind of a scary plot. What

if the kids, what if the kids went crazy? So yeah, I don't know. I liked it. I enjoyed it. Sometimes you see a movie that gives you exactly what you want and you expect bad and it lives up to it. And you're like, well, all right. Emily, you want to have the last word here? I would love to. Okay. Bitch fun where? This is a zero for me. Goosey.

I remember growing up and people talking about this movie like it was so scary, and so I was kind of excited to watch it. The longest slog through two people who don't even like each other that much in a car talking. I feel like I learned more about how many street signs this town had than anything else in this movie. They do harp on the street signs. They harp on the street signs. And then here's, and then at the end,

there's all of these elements to a good movie that they went, I guess a dab will do it. Like we'll just put, we'll put, oh, we'll kill the kid who seems like, you know, the baddest of the bad guys, Isaac, and then he'll come back as like a zombie kid. And then take Malachi, where? Bitch, where? Where'd you take him?

And then. The corn. The corn. And then the thing that doesn't kill Isaac that we thought they killed it, because he was up on the cross, a corn, and it just looks like 90s TV static rolling up his little kid body,

and then he comes back with wounds in his face. What is happening? And then we have a psychic little girl, which that's fascinating, and they did nothing with that. And it was just a bunch of stuff that no one did anything with, and it wasn't scary. I'm angry and bored. I'm so mad. I'm angry and bored. I'm so mad.

I'm mad at this movie. I couldn't wait for it to be over. I was like answering emails in another window while this was happening. The only thing I thought was interesting was Malachi's accent. So funny. And I loved it when he got backhanded in the face.

That was really fun. Yes, that was fun. Yeah, that was fantastic. That was fantastic. Yeah, the Bible verse that is just conveniently on a little piece of paper in a boy's pocket. Like, what is this movie? I don't know.

I hated it. I hated it every single minute. Well, stay tuned for the next nine weeks on Free With Ed. All the Children of the Corn movies. Jordan, Jordan, no! All of them, we have to do all of them. No! It's Husk Watch.

Yeah, Husk Watch. Husk Watch. Emily quits the show. I won't quit. It's just Matt watching Children of the Corn movies making stings. Yes. His daughter sharpening a corn husk in the background. Daddy won't feed me.

She's a real stalker. Damn, I am a little sad to say goodbye to this movie just because of all of the puns. This is pretty fun. And Matt, at the end of this, will you please do a mashup of Korn the band, but also the Korn Kid song. Of course, you know I will.

And also get a little bit of Godzilla in there. Yeah, of course, we got some Godzilla. I might even put a little desert rose in there. Ooh! All roads lead to Gatlin. All roads lead to desert. We want this podcast to be impenetrable to someone trying it for the first time.

What is this? We don't have enough episodes to have this much lore. Yeah. We need to fucking cool it on the lore. We really do. It's just every episode. I could get into more things other than fingering if you guys want.

Would you please? Would you please? Nah. I mean, it's no pun intended, a deep vein to be mine. No. Deep vein. I'm only speculating. I don't know Emily. Vein.

Oh boy, yeah deep vein. Well hey, that was Children of the Corn. Josh, you are part of Red Letter Media. Over a million subscribers, you do not necessarily need our plug, but please feel free to tell us about the channel and anything else you have going on. Yeah, Red Letter Media! It's on YouTube! I'm on there sometimes. We're just, you know, we're in

the midst of Halloween month and there's always lots of good stuff to watch there. Let's see. Oh, my band, If I Had a Hi-Fi. We have some new music coming up soon. Hopefully a couple of EPs, one this year and then one next year, which will be our 25th year as a band. And we will. We're on Instagram. If I had a Hi-Fi MKE, you can check us out there. And I'm part of a little DJ collective from Chicago, Fuzzbox Chicago DJs. We are on Twitch every Friday night

from nine p.m. to two a.m. Central. Some version of us are on there, one, two, four of us, depending on who's available. But I guess if everything goes to plan, tune in November 1st. It'll be all four of us in the room for the first time in quite a long time. So that's at TwitchTV slash Fuzzbox Chicago.

Check it out. Emily, got anything going on? No. Matt? I don't know. I got scared. That's okay. You don't have to have anything going on.

This movie bored me to death to the point where I'm scared and I never know, I don't know how to talk anymore. Too bored to plug. Too bored to plug. Yes. That's me.

I'm sorry. Hey, if you are in the LA area, I've got a real cool event I would love to see you at. On November 2nd there is a great spot here in LA called Revenge of Comics and Pinball. It is a comic book store, it is a pinball arcade, and they are having a creators block party on November 2nd from 11 to 6. A lot of cool folks will be there signing comics. I will be there. The great Elliot Kalin from the Flophouse will be there. Patton Oswalt, Brian Poseyne, Josh Gad, Hannah Rosemay, Cody Ziegler,

the great Cody Ziegler will be there too signing comics. Tons of folks and Jesse Thorne and I, we're gonna do a little mini live JJ Goh, a live Jordan Jesse Goh at 3 p.m. with some really cool guests. So please come out to the Revenge of Comic Creators Block Party, November 2nd, 11 a.m. to 6 p.m. and we're gonna be doing that little podcast at 3.

I hope to see folks there. I actually remembered something. Oh yeah, what do you got? Cause this comes out on October 22nd. It does it's the week of Good Mythical Evening So, yes This is a live rated R show the version of a very family-friendly show that Jordan Matt and myself are on on YouTube called Good Mythical Morning. Every year we have a dirty, scary, sexy show version that is live and so anything can happen.

If you go to goodmythicalevening.com you can get tickets to watch. They're also putting it on at Alamo Drafthouses all over the country and so you can go be with your friends and see it. So please get tickets and watch, we'll be there. All right, that's the show. Tune in next and watch. We'll be there. All right. That's the show.

Tune in next week when our movie will be Practical Magic. What do you like about corn? What about the same popcorn things do? The cornbread carries all your own food. It really appreciates a whole world when you love something. If you really want that fun, if you're down to eat, I can do all about it. If I was surrounded by corn, I would eat all of it. No big and small run Look at this, take a long put the nog