Free With Ads - Face/Off, with Cole Stratton

Episode Date: December 3, 2024

This week we invited comedian and podcaster Cole Stratton to watch the John Woo action classic Face/Off, starring Nicolas Cage wearing John Travolta's face and John Travolta wearing Nicolas Cage's face. Come to SF Sketchfest on January 18th and watch Cole Stratton's amazing improv show Theme Park with Rachel Dratch, Ana Gasteyer, Oscar Nuñez, Kevin Pollack, and more! Buy your tickets here!We are excited to announce that Free With Ads will be doing our first ever LIVE SHOW at San Francisco Sketchfest 2025! Join Jordan, Emily, producer Matt Lieb, and a very special guest at the Punch Line in San Francisco on January 23rd at 7:30pm for a live show you will never forget. Get your tickets NOW!Free With Ads merch is finally here! Go to the MaxFun store now and buy something for yourself!Also, we are having a contest! If you buy some merch and take a picture of yourself with that merch and send it to [e-mail], we will pick one of you and the winner will get to have any song they want Godzilla-fied. That's right, Matt will make a Godzilla remix of your favorite song.

This is Free With Ads, the podcast that asks the question, why pay Netflix seven bucks a month for a bunch of Nicolas Cage movies where he doesn't peel off his face and graft it to John Travolta's skull, when you can go online for free and watch a Nicolas Cage movie where he does peel off his face and graft it to John Travolta's skull. I'm Jordan Morris. And I'm Emily Fleming. Today's movie is Face Off, the over-the-top 1997 blockbuster that won a special Academy Award for most acting. With us always is super producer Matt hitting us with those good drops.

What the dog doing? Beautiful. Beautiful drop. Hell, yeah, dude. People are so pumped for this episode. I took your note, and I'm adding new things at the end every time. Yeah, I asked him for a new fart, and he's just done this.

I took a real personal. Yeah, it's frustrating. Yeah, yeah. Matt, I look forward to seeing how you're going to live up to this challenge in future episodes. I believe in you. I believe in you.

I can do it. And hey, with us also today, we have an amazing guest, an actor, an improviser, and a trivia host, who is also one of the founders of SF SketchFest, a comedy festival in San Francisco, California, where this very podcast will be performing on January 23rd. It's Cole Stratton.

Hi, Cole. Hey, everybody. Happy to be here. Happy to have you guys at the festival. It's gonna be great. Oh my God, we're stoked. Stoked. We can't wait.

I'm figuring out my outfit. I'm so excited. Cole, what should we wear? Help! What should we wear? There is an officially sanctioned and offered uniform that we will have every performer in. It's a jumpsuit with the Sketch Fest Laughy Guy logo on it. So, you know, we all just wear that. It's fine. Okay, cool. No, I like that. Let us all be kind of, you know, monochrome.

I don't care if that's a joke. I'm gonna cry. I'm gonna cry. I'm gonna cry. I'm gonna cry. I'm gonna cry. I'm gonna cry. I'm gonna cry. I'm gonna cry. I'm gonna cry.

I'm gonna cry. I'm gonna cry. I'm gonna cry. I'm gonna cry. I'm gonna cry. I'm gonna cry. I'm gonna cry. I'm gonna cry.

I'm gonna cry. I'm gonna cry. I'm gonna cry. I'm gonna cry. I'm gonna cry. I'm gonna cry. I'm gonna cry. I'm gonna cry.

I'm gonna cry. I'm gonna cry. I'm gonna cry. I'm gonna cry. I'm gonna cry. this on Thanksgiving Eve. Tell me a little bit about the Stratton holiday style. When are you breaking out the holiday music? Do you break out the holiday music? Do you have any holiday watches that you do every year? I do all of these things. I have, I mean, like most people, unfortunately, I got into vinyl hardcore during the pandemic. So like, I have a bunch of like Christmas holiday records I just bring out like basically for all of December.

Right. You know, basically now I should just pull it out and then I put it back into storage because I don't really need it year round. I listen to a lot of that stuff. The main tradition for me is Emmett Otter's Jug Band Christmas. OK, yes. My favorite thing ever. I was raised on it. So it's just something I always watch every year no matter what. That's how you know who a real Muppet fan is.

That's right. That the ones who love Emmett Otter's Jug Band Christmas, any fucking casual can like Kermit singing Rainbow Connection, we all like that. But the real ones were all about Emmett Otter's Jug Band Christmas. There's a pretty great blooper reel that's on on I think it's on the DVD but it's definitely on YouTube where you can like find it where it's just like everything that got messed

up is like outtakes of these you know puppets and stuff it's pretty great sorry these muppets it's pretty awesome. I'll definitely look that up later because I'm a big fan of the Christmas Carol the muppets Christmas Carol bloopers that they did. Oh, I didn't know there were bloopers. Yeah, I posted it on my story. If you'd watch my stories every once in a while, Jordan. I'm sorry. I need to watch your stories more.

They're all bangers only on my stories, I swear. You make too many stories. I know. There's too many. But hey, I mean, somebody's got to do it. I don't know. You're right. If Emily doesn't make stories, who will?

But it's a cool feature and I love it too much. You do, you do love it. You do love it. And occasionally I watch one and I go, oh that was good. And then I move on with my life. They're like social media novellas, you know? Yeah, exactly. Pretty much.

Hit that way. Listen, at this point, I have so much things on there. It's like a channel you could watch. Yeah. There's like a solid 20 minutes on my story at any given moment. Emily, you're actually coming to us from Nashville. You're home for the holidays. What's a Nashville holiday like? Well, we don't cook anymore.

This is like, it's too stressful for us. We're not very good cooks. And so- So just raw melons. You're just chopping melons in half, getting it out with your hand. We're going to a bit of a bougie restaurant tomorrow instead. Oh, yeah.

And then my dad has some frozen honey baked ham situation. Like he has a whole ham downstairs, I just found out. I don't know what we're doing with it, but I'm excited for it. Sure, hopefully thawing it and eating it. Yeah, and then I saw Wicked with my mom, the second time I saw Wicked, I took her to the theater, we saw that. So, so far not a lot, kind of lazy, I'd say.

Cole, do you do movies? Do you do like movies with the family, or do you put on the same five Christmas movies every year? Yeah, a little bit. We used to always put on the 24 hours of A Christmas Story. That was the thing they did on TBS. Solid. And we would go like, OK, it's 3.20.

What part is it on now? We'd all take bets. Oh, he's getting his mouth washed out with soap. I don't know. Santa's kicking him down the slide. Tongue stuck to the pole. Exactly. We'd do that and see who was closest to it. So that's a little mouth washed out with soap. I don't know. Santa's kicking him down the slide. Tongue stuck to the pole. Exactly. We would do that and see who was closest to it.

It's that little tradition we used to do. This year is going to be really weird because I lost my mom a couple months ago and it'll be like the first holiday thing without her. So like, I don't know what the holidays are going to be like this year. It's going to be a little different, but I'm sure that we will try to honor a lot of the things that we used to do with mom and with everybody else this year as well. If you're looking to fill your time with joy, the dog show is tomorrow, if you should.

Ooh. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. The dog show. On after the Macy's Christmas Day Parade, the, yes, yeah, the dog show's a blast. Highly recommend the dog show. I love small dog agility, that's my event.

He, he, he, he. We also used to always go every year on Christmas Day. We would go see a movie. We'd go to the theater and see something because they would show stuff. And one year we went to see IQ. I don't know if you remember that movie. It's Walter Matha, Tim Robbins. It's free with ads right now.

I just watched a little bit of it. It is. I kind of love it. I don't know this movie. I've never seen it before. Meg Ryan is in it. Yeah, Meg Ryan, Tim Robbins and then Walter Malthau plays Einstein. So we went to the first showing on Christmas Day, which is like 1

p.m. and then. Yeah, you should got it. It's actually pretty good. OK. And so it sounds amazing. Do this for the festival. Is this the festival? Do you finish it? I started it, but then I realized

it was an Oppenheimer. So I started it, but then I realized it wasn't Oppenheimer. So I watched it instead. So we went to see that and it was the first showing of the day. And we were like maybe like 20 ish minutes in. And all of a sudden on the real change, it became another film. But it was also a film that opened on the same day with Tim Robbins in it. So it was Prada Porte ready to wear the Robert Altman movie Oh, yeah, so clearly they didn't check the reels on Christmas Eve because they're like, it's Christmas Eve. Don't check the reels I'm sure it's fine, right? They just held it up to the light make sure made sure they saw Tim Robbins on there

Exactly. It's fine. Literally, but it's completely like it switches to a thing He's like in a hotel room in a row with Julia Roberts and stuff and like it looks very different But everybody in the theater is like watching it it like, huh, this is a change because Tim Robinson is right there. And I'm sure it's kind of like, and I'm pretty big, you know, film buff at that time, too. And I'm like, this is this I think this is Fred of Porte. And then it cuts to like Marcello Mastroianni eating an ice cream coma. So I was like, yeah, this is definitely the wrong movie. So I went out and told the people there like you had your reels wrong. And then they just issued refunds and they had to cancel the

all the rest of the showings that day because they didn't have the right reels. And then the next day we went back and started from the beginning and saw the whole movie. That's I bet there's some people who just thought like, man, IQ is pretty arty, like I do. Like it's on a whole other level. It was cute at the beginning, but then all of a sudden, he's at, like, Tim Robbins is at Shawshank,

and he meets this guy Red, and he's trying to escape from prison. It was strange. Then he helps Tom Cruise fight these aliens? That movie's like next level. I don't know why everybody's talking over each other now, like, ambient sound. It's weird. It's like for a part of the movie. There's no script and there's a strange

fucking weird Okay, um well, we're gonna talk about face off. What a treat. I can't wait. This is gonna be a blast We were kind of like destined to do this movie. I'm surprised. It wasn't the first movie We ever did on the pod glad we're doing it when Cole is here. Yay I have to say I'm a big fan of face forward slash off. I love the film Oh, so you you say it by its proper title. Yeah, of course. Yeah. Yeah I'll I'll mention when when I emailed you what we were watching I think your email back to me was just hell. Yeah, cast or Troy

Caster Troy forever. So you're a fan. You're a face slash off fan. I had an improv team for a while called Castor Troy, where we would do improvised movie trailers. So we'd pick random, like, underscore music and a title from the audience. And then there's me and two other guys that did impressions. So it was a chance for us to just do kind of like impression, whatever. And one of the two of us would be on the microphone narrating it, because they used to always be narrated and now that's kind of gone away.

But yeah, it was called Caster Troy, 3D movie trailer extravaganza. Oh my gosh. That's amazing. Emily, this was like your pick. What's your, do you have a special relationship to Face Off? No, I haven't seen it. Oh really? This is your first time?

I've seen bits and pieces It's always on at a party but actually sitting and watching the whole thing through it. This is rad This is so rad. I'm dying to hear what you thought about it. Yeah I can't wait. It's totally insane Okay, we're gonna talk about face-off, but first we wanted to mention this movie contains scenes of sexual assault So if that's not something you want to hear about we're gonna play a little music, but first we wanted to mention this movie contains scenes of sexual assault. So if that's not something you wanna hear about, we're gonna play a little music and give you a chance to find another episode.

["Face Off"] We're back, it's Free With Ads. Cole Stratton is here. We're talking about Face, how with ads. Cole Stratton is here. We're talking about face... How did you say the title, Cole? I want to make sure... Face forward slash off. There you go.

I'm sorry. I've been shortening it. Face forward slash off. The mirror has two face offices. Office? Face office. Please remake this with Barbra Streisand. Barbra Streisand and Bette Midler.

Babs and Lady Gaga. Oh my god. Holy shit. Yes. They're constantly talking about remaking this movie. I feel like every year there's some variety announcement. It's like, so and so is attached to direct the face off remake. And it's like, it never happens.

I don't know who else you could get to do it. I I think just Same cast same script and you make them start as the other character. Yeah. Yeah Shot for shot remake, but they switch roles. Yeah Just yeah, Nicholas Cage starts as Sean Archer John Travolta starts as castor Troy Well, yeah this movie starts with a beautiful carousel ride, a father-son carousel ride between FBI agent Sean Archer played by John Travolta and his son

who is about to get shot and kick off the movie. And then you got Nick Cage just sucking on a straw for an soda and I'm like, what is this movie is already hilarious. So Nick Cage is his mortal enemy, the aforementioned, Castor Troy. To show the passage of time in this movie, in this little scene which is kind of a flashback,

Cage has like a mustache, he looks fucking awesome with it. He does. They remove it for the rest of the movie, but like, man, dude looks great with the stache. And yeah, he's just like drinking a soda. Oh yeah, if you took someone's face off if they had a mustache would it come off with it? I don't understand facial hair. Yeah, I think you found the only plot hole in this movie, Emily. This movie that otherwise stands up to perfect scrutiny otherwise. It's perfect otherwise. It's perfect

How do you stand would be weird to think though that if you were to cut someone's face off that the fish hair would just fall off like a Christmas tree I'd like to think that the hair is attached to the underside so you pull it off But that mustache still is attached to the underside, so you pull it off, but that mustache, still there, right on the skull. It stays on the raw meat. Yes, I like that. Growing out of the meat.

Growing out of the meat. I gotta shave my face meat. Doctor, it's growing out of the meat. Someone get some spirit gum. He needs to shave his meat stat. It's the hairiest meat I've ever seen. So mustache cage is setting up a sniper rifle about to take a shot at Sean Archer, but he hits the sun instead.

Oh no. Well I thought he shot him through his body. Yeah, through Travolta. Oh you're right. Yeah, so he hits Travolta, the bullet goes through him and into the sun. Which, what bullet can get through beefy ass John Travolta at 1997? I know, right?

It's a sun-seeking bullet. Yeah. It just knows, the bullet knows when a sun is present. Uh. Gonna get that son. You know we did Gladiator last week, another wham my son's dead movie. Get him. That's a thing that like, did you guys see Silent Night? Which is like the latest John Woo movie with Joe Kinnaman?

There's no spoken dialogue. I wanted to, I've heard that's cool. I mean you can watch it. It's ridiculous. But there's a whole lot of like father, son, son is dead. And it's all about like his son was killed kind of thing. Like, it seems like it's a thing that we would like to play with. We should maybe we should start having a sting.

My dead son. Bye bye, son. Bye bye, son. Well, also the the last movie we did was Gladiator, but Tom Flanagan made an appearance in this movie and he was in Gladiator. Oh yeah. So that was cool. We got two Flanagans back to back, baby. A couple of Flanagans.

So six years go by and Castor Troy, he's still at it, still at being a bad guy. He's lost the stash and now he's dressed as a priest. He's going through the LA Convention Center. It's a very good LA movie, a lot of good LA locations. The carousel in the beginning is in Griffith Park. That's still there, it's fun to see. And this is the LA Convention Center.

And he's at some sort of Comic-Con, but for religion? What is he at? He's dressed as a priest, there's choirs everywhere, they don't say what it is, it's just like Christian-Con? I don't know. They're singing the classic Hallelujah too. Oh yeah. Yeah, I wanted to talk about this.

Please. Well, there's a bit of a moment where Nick Cage is really having fun as this character He sure and he maybe grabs the ass of a choir singer Sure Yeah And it made me think about how in my church choir we did this thing where we go commando under our church robes And feel super scandalous about it. We'd all just be like, uh, we're all making under our church robes Does the Lord know?

He knows and that's why there's free dry cleaning. Just dry clean the robes every week. You never know what that robe is bumping up against. Yeah, we're just ripping them in that robe, baby, in the name of Jesus Christ. And I love how nobody does anything about it or say anything like they're all dressed in their white robes and he's like, like total, like sexy black wearing priest, you know, running around, being ridiculous, drawing attention to himself and it's just like,

we're just gonna keep singing. And he grabbed her butt and I just immediately thought about Wicked, that he's just like, ah, grabbing her ass. The face he makes during that ass grab, okay, this movie is the source of like 10 gifts, like 10 classic gifts come from this movie and yeah, the like insane look on his face

when he's grabbing that booty. Yeah, it's wild. Cage, Cage, Cage goes there. He's unleashed. Cage unleashed. Cage uncaged. Also, the long leg song makes another appearance in this movie.

Oh, does it? Do tell. I didn't notice that. Pretty much, like I feel like it's right after that choir scene and we cut back to him, he's doing the ah, like he's doing the whole let me in, but he's not saying the words, but it sounds almost identical to that song.

And I'm like, we just get a little bit of that singing and everything he does. Except for Travolta didn't do it and that pissed me off. He didn't do any of the weird noises that Cage does. You're right. Little disappointed. Not a perfect imitation, you're right. And yeah, and weird that neither of them really dance,

like Travolta doesn't dance in this. I don't know, it feels like Travolta just had to dance in movies around this time. Yeah. But anyway. They both had kind of an Elvis vibe going for a while, I feel like, and there was a missed opportunity here in this movie. So this is like the height of both of them.

Like they're both so famous at this point. I think Cage just won an Oscar and now he's just doing these insane action movies and yeah. Wait, what? I think he won for Leaving Las Vegas a couple years before. Did he? Yeah, yeah. So now he's like, I'm a fucking star.

And he's just doing it like con air and this and all this and crazy stuff. And The Rock. Same time. The Rock. Oh, yeah. I mean, those, yeah, these 90s cage action movies are all real treats. I don't know. I thought they both did really good subtle grounded character work in this film.

Well, it's an interesting perspective, Cole. I'm looking forward to hearing about that. That's an interesting perspective, Cole. I'm looking forward to hearing about that. That's an interesting perspective. I mean, you're a professional actor, so you know about this stuff, and we trust your take. So yeah, so he's at this religious comic con planting a bomb, and Sean Archer,

he's still out there looking for his nemesis. He's at the FBI office. Hey, Margaret Cho works at the FBI office Cameo I was I would think I was still watching her sitcom all-american girl at this point And that was supposed to be chow young fat, but he couldn't get out of some schedule thing And so they cast Margaret Cho really Wow. She was good. Like it was I I recognized her and then I was like Why isn't she done more serious? Stuff cuz she's pretty good in this yeah I know I like her in this and also you also you get a cch pounder in here too who I really like

Always great to see her. This is another great. Just like movie full of people you like And so back at the you know so cage has planted his bomb and he's off to the airport to escape. He's getting out of the car in fucking slow motion wearing all velvet. His goons are there. They give him his like special box that has like golden handguns, knives, all sorts of pills, joints. Chicklets. Chicklets.

There's a bag of chicklets. Yeah, chicklets in there. There's some bazooka Joe. He loves gum, I guess. Well, he's got to have someone suck on his tongue. So you might as well taste good. Oh, yeah, you're right. So, yeah, I think he just takes the guns and the chiclets

and he's like, that's good. What's this other weird shit? Those guns were so cool. Like, I'm not much of a gun person, but I don't know. The guns are cool, yeah. I think I'd want a gun if it looked like that. Golden guns, oh yeah, absolutely, yeah. But can we talk about the money clip though that he's got, that wolf head gold money clip?

I was like, I immediately started trying to find a replica of that. Oh, any luck? No, but I did find the hair, the butterfly hair comb from Titanic. They have replicas of those. Just unrelated notes. So if you guys have goons

and they're bringing you your special box after you plant your bomb, what's in it? Okay, I don't know. I don't know. No, I know. Gushers, fruit, snacks. Yeah, Gushers. A grenade.

Our juice box box apple juice box Hydrated little Caesar's pizza cups have you had them? Oh, they're good. They're good. I'd be into that I do like how he takes out he takes off his cool sunglasses for a pair of really kind of weird shaped sunglasses Yeah Okay, he's got style man I really, this character is really interesting. I find, it's pretty cool. He looks super cool in this. Yeah, it's like very late 90s. Very just like what a, you know, what a cool guy in the late 90s would wear.

I think I know what would be in my box now. Sorry. Oh yeah, sure. What do you got? Hi-Chew. Oh, Hi-Chew's great. If I could find the melon flavored one it's kind of creamy I like that one that's good for chewing around in your mouth and

then if I could have a weapon it would be the the flute dagger from Power Rangers but it also shoots stuff. Cool yeah great. Yep there it is. I would have a little activity book for the plane because I don't want to be bored on the plane so I'd have a little activity book with mazes and Word searches and stuff like that. Don't like to be bored on a plane Anyway, I have a golden gun, but it shoots out chicklets Keep pretending I'm putting in my mouth don't come any closer and then I'm gonna blow my mouth, don't come any closer. And then I chew. I'm gonna blow my own head off, ah, just gum. Ah, I'm just having fun. I'm crazy.

I'm fun. You wanna chew, do you want me to shoot some gum in your mouth? Open up. So yeah, so he gets on his private plane, there is a flight attendant on the plane. And this is where we get that line that Emily alluded to. I want you to suck on my tongue.

There's something like, Would you be grateful? He said, would you be grateful if I let you suck on my tongue? And he also says, I could eat a peach for hours. Yeah, at this point. But then it's like weird, he goes like, if I was to send you flowers, wait,

if I was to let you suck my tongue, would you be grateful? I was like, where were you? That's a phrase that. That's gotta be caged. Where were you flowers, wait, if I was to let you suck my tongue, would you be grateful? I was like, where were you? That's a phrase that is what he's saying. That's gotta be Cajun. Where were you going with that, Bucks? He's like, no, no, that's not on brand.

I'm a weird guy. I would never just send a woman flowers. I have to say something weird. Yeah, he did the love bomb reverse so quick. It was like, yeah, yeah. And yeah, I wonder, at this point, 1997, when this movie came out, did Peach mean ass? It means ass so like prominently now. But like. Well, I think it's like kind of implied that it means eating out, whether it's an ass or a

gotcha. It's just it's got a hole. Sure. You can eat it. If it's got a hole, you can eat it. You can stick a tongue in there. I'm pretty sure this is after Wild at Heart, which there's a whole thing about like, eat the peach or whatever in that which he's in. So I wonder if that's carrying over from that. It's a callback.

There it is. There you go, okay. As soon as it's contract, there has to be. I have to make a peach pussy eating joke in every movie I Would love it if call me by your name was like this was an homage to face off Luca Guaradino huge face off fan That's why it's way in challengers. They're always jumping to the side in slow motion while firing guns We should see it coming. It's Luca forward slash guard. You know, you're right. Yeah, it's all right there You're absolutely right

So so, you know a big big shootout happens at the at the airport bang bang bang the the The action in this is really cool. John who directed it. He's he's great at this It's like all practical. It's all stuntmen And then like I will say like I am the stunts in this movie are so fucking cool The practical action is so fucking cool This has to be a record for stunt performers who look the least like the characters performers who look the least like the characters they're supposed to be. There are so many stunts in this where you're like, this man has a totally different body

type than Nicolas Cage. Whatever he's doing is totally fucking amazing. Especially, and we'll get to it later, but the very last stunt in that, it's like a slow-mo thing that holds on both of their faces for a long time and they look nothing like that. No, yeah. Part of the fun of this movie, I think, for sure, but definitely, you can tell these are all practical, kind of for better or for worse.

Well, maybe when they do certain jumps and stuff, the faces aren't quite totally on. They're a little off. You could be right. Yeah, maybe you're right. They could be shaking around. It could be, yeah, it could be the faces shaking around. That's why they don't look like themselves. Exactly, exactly.

So there's this big, big fight at the airport thing. And Caster Troy, Nicolas Cage, he's like blown back by a jet engine. And he's knocked out. We got him. Movie's over, huh? Not quite. It still has two hours and 10 minutes left to go.

This movie is long. So we get Travolta Archer at home. He has a daughter who is like a teen daughter. I think they're trying to tell us that she's goth, but the goth stuff that they give her is so off, it's so hilariously off. She just has chunky eyelashes. That's so like hilariously off. She just has like chunky eyelashes. Right. Like that's it.

And they're just like, when she turns around like, oh my God, the trauma of her brother made her wear too much mascara. I know. No. And I guess she has a nose ring, which is, yeah, it's so funny how they can't make her goth in this. Whoever like, whose ever job it was to to make her look like a 1997 Goth kid,

just totally fucking whiffed it. I know, I saw it and I was like, how dare she not respect her parents? Thank you, thank you, you're right. Yeah. You couldn't really get full Goth in 1997. I tried. Maybe you're right. my mom would be concerned

if I had a nose ring, even if it was fake. Did you take a swing at being goth, Emily? Yes, I did. I took a big swing and a miss. What did it entail? What did you, what did you? I managed to get some of those huge jinkos. They were really cool.

I loved those things. And they were all shredded and gross at the bottom because when it rained, it stank on your pants. And then I would wear whatever black T-shirt my dad had that he didn't want. So it was usually like Rhythm and Blues weekend at the blah blah blah. But it was like a big black T-shirt.

And then I would- Turkey Trot, 1987. The Turkey Trot. Billy Bang's Brass Hump Blast show at the washboard Leo's. Yeah, exactly. So I do that and then I took orange. I was blonde at the time. I took orange marker and would color my bangs.

And at one point I had red contacts, but I was very allergic to them. My eyes got real itchy. So I couldn't do that for very long. That's too red. The irises are red and also the whites are red. And also there's blood coming out. That's red. And then I had to wear glasses because I was blind. So it was like the red contacts with glasses. But, but I had one other thing. What was it?

Oh, I did have mag. They were magnetic earrings because I wasn't allowed to get my ears pierced yet and so you put the magnetic thing here but if you sneeze you suck part of the magnet up and I had to like snot rocket a magnet out of my nose. I had to get surgery. I had to go to the hospital to get my magnetic nose ring removed. A little magnet had to come out of my head. Maybe there's one up there still. I don't know.

Cole, did you ever have a goth punk phase as a kid? Yeah, it was mostly magnets. I had a magnet phase. We all did. I did. It was for a play, but I was in junior high. I was in seventh grade. I was at Sacramento Theater Company.

They did this production of good person to Szechuan But the idea was that we had two characters because it's a very homeless the area of Sacramento So we were playing a homeless person playing a character putting out a production So like they decided that my kid was kind of like a punk kid because I played boy because it's like the boy in the show So like they kind of they shaved kind of one side of my head and they sprayed the rest up green. They just washed out every night. And then I had like like a jean jacket and like a thing around my like sleeveless jean jacket, like a bike chain around my neck and like gloves and all sorts of stuff.

So I have a picture of him. You were like, what the hell was that? I remember just going into school. Share it with us. I shall. I shall I shall okay good Yeah, so I had that and so I would go to school and like my you know I wasn't sprayed green enough then but one had half of my head was kind of like shaved really short nurses there So I guess that was the minute people that is so adorable that your punk face was for a play

I really got into the role of boy No, he's not never mind. It was for a role. I would really like it if we could all send in our kind of goth attempts like pictures of it for social media. I would really like that. Matt, you have to have had one, right? I mean, it wasn't full goth because I didn't want to, like, you know, look scary. But I wanted to wear black, so I would just wear, like, the same black Nirvana shirt for weeks on end. And that was the closest I could get to being goth where my parents didn't suspect drug use.

Yeah. I don't know if you can see this. Oh, Cole Shraddon holding up to the camera. Yeah. Look at that. Oh, the green hair is cool. Yeah. The decline of Western civilization,

Cole. They need their extra back. Lock up your daughters and your sons. Lock them all up. Lock everyone up. Oh, Cole, you can lock them up because you have a lock around your neck. That's right, they're right there, so it's easy.

So yeah, so Chautau's got this goth daughter. He's also married to fucking Joan Allen, who's so, so good in this and bringing so much class and like earnest acting to this fucking insane movie. She's like she is such a hero in this movie. Just like playing it straight and being awesome. Yeah, she had probably done was Pleasantville pretty close to this time period. Oh, yeah, it's got to be. Yeah. Yeah.

She's she's in my favorite movie ever, which is Searching for Bobby Fischer. So I've like been a fan forever. That's my all time favorite. I love that movie so so much. Really? But if you read the trivia about this movie, supposedly the studio wanted to cast somebody younger and make her a stepmom. Okay. And then John, we were gonna be-

Forza Balk or something. Right. John, we was like no, we want Joan Allen for this and thank God they didn't. Yeah, she's so awesome. She plays the warden in the remake of death race, and she's fucking awesome in that Make of death race Under under under appreciated movie in my opinion anyway, so John Travolta He thinks he thinks the like his his he thinks he's killed his white whale he goes back to the office and Everybody's cheering somebody sent over champagne, and he's like, why are we celebrating?

So many people died. It's a really powerful scene. I think Travolta does a lot of great acting in this movie. And I just wanted to play him talking about not celebrating because of the people that they lost. How about, what about to Anderson, Montgomery, Berkeley? Are these just colleges he didn't get into? Winters, Northwestern, UC Santa Cruz.

UC Santa Cruz. I don't know how the department's ever gonna recover from losing Jamele. Yeah. I mean, that was, and Pinkus too. And Pinkus, there's a Pinkus in there. No way. He actually had a brother,

so there was two in the Pinkus anyway. And one in the Stinkus. And one in the Stinkus. And this is speaking of trivia, Cole, this is really interesting. I was reading that this movie had to have a lot of cuts to make it an R rating. It was originally way more violent and in that shootout scene a lot more people died.

So John Travolta, and this is true, John Travolta had to read off a lot of names based on that scene with the extra body count and it's in the deleted scenes and I think we have it. Matt, do you have the deleted scene? Yeah, yeah I got the deleted scene. He reads off the higher body count. Tonight, we're drinking to Anderson, Berkeley, Pinkus, Quiber, Mitchie, Lil Sleepy, Quiber!

Carl the Cagle, Kidney the Spleen, Louie Ear, Nose and Throat, Jimmy HaHa, the cop who loves to laugh, Tom from Facebook, Cor Seasalt, Cody, who used to roadie for that new metal band that goes OOAAAHHHHH! Donkey the Shrek, Cody the Roadie, Dan's Num Nums, Happy the Crank, Pork Turmoil, The Ring-a-Ding Teen, Paul Blart Robocop, Load Blood Sugar Sammy, Ken who's just getting into Riverdale now, so don't spoil the ending for him

He's on the second to the last season Fart Dumpster, Respectful Deadpool, Clint chocolate chip, Uncle cum gutters, cucumber Rick, choo-chee the choker, sleepy Batman, average height Shaq, sunny burnson, reverse cowboy, greenie blue eyes, Johnny Jim, course girl Herbie, Al who's just getting around to doing the ice bucket challenge. There's 23 more minutes. Daryl. Tyler, who hasn't seen the bear yet, but he hears it's good.

It's on his list. But there's just so much TV right now, you know? You're not going to like the third season, Tyler. Diarrhea Danny. Junior's Carl. Herbie Holdhands. Standard Chungus. Timmy tweaked his back.

Sexual cousin. Exxon Mclara. Timmy tweaked his back sexual cousin Johnny six Let's save it for the end of the episode. If you want to hear more names, stick around. There's more names. Keep the fucking theme song going as that's going with it. It's longer than the theme song. Well, double up the theme song. More theme song. It's really bad too because Louis ENT was played by Daniel Day-Lewis and it took him months of research and then they just cut it out. It's terrible.

A lot of great actors ended up on the cutting room floor because of those chops. RIP ENT. RIP, yes. So, okay, they think it's over, but the bomb is still at the convention center. It is a very slow bomb. It's been counting down for a week or something. So they got to find how to get this bomb. And the way they want to do it is by interrogating Castor Troy's little brother Pollux Troy,

his creepo little brother who is in jail. So the scheme is this. They are going to take Castor Troy, who is in jail. So the scheme is this They are going to take Caster Troy who is in a coma and they are going to switch his face with Sean Archer's face Caster Troy With Sean Archer inside him will go into the prison to find out how to disarm the bomb from Pollux Troy It's a plan that totally makes sense. He goes off to this secret face-off lab.

They use a piece of equipment they call the Morphogenetic Template. I just fucking love that nonsense science name. This feels like a great time for our new sting. Here it is. Okay. Fake Film Tech. Fake Film sting. Here it is. Okay. Fake film tech. Fake film tech is what it is.

Morphogenetic template. Is that the one that made that little ear? No, I think that was just like a regular 3D printer. What's that ear made out of? Great question. It's made of lasers, I guess. Just made of a blue and a red laser. That's it. Yeah, I liked a lot of the fake technology in this.

I mean, from the gold fancy guns to the face-off surgery, but then the magnet boots in the jail. Yeah, magnet boots are sick. Was that in something else? Is that in the Mario Brothers movie? It is. I knew I remembered it from somewhere. Yeah, I've heard that too, It is. It's the same ones. I knew I remembered it from somewhere. Yeah, I've heard that too,

is that these are like the same props. Like they just like reused the Mario boots. Wait, really? This is nuts. You can do that? Yeah. They face off to their feet? That's what you can see.

And it's so funny, because it happens both ways. You can see Caster Troi's golden guns it happens both ways. You can see Castor Troy's golden guns in the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. Oh, okay. So he, so it works. They switch his faces. I would say they like suck it off with this thing,

and then you see the doctor just massaging the face in place. That is strangely unscientific I know like kneading it like biscuit dough yeah and also like with their bare hands no gloves I mean infection guys come on yeah thank you I know you guys they really are the same boots yeah it's not the same concept it's actually the same same ones boots bizarre listen they spent a lot of money trying to get they got Nick Cage and John Travolta you think John who's made of money yeah he made a boots me assuming that directors pay for entire

movies yeah and I'm sure they just after that fucking Mario movie tank there was just a garage sale where they sold all the props. Yeah. Just Nick Cage going, I want to dress like a Goomba. I want to wear King Koopa's headpiece. I can suspend my disbelief with like, you know, you can massage your face in and then there's no sutures or anything. It's just not normal. But like those are clearly Goomba boots and I just couldn't get around it. You know, this ruined the movie for you. Yeah, really tough, really tough.

Good hour, but I was out of it. But it feels like those have been in something else, too. Magnetic boots, it's really brilliant. Yeah, so in this super prison where they throw Archer, all the prisoners are held into place with magnetic boots, and they can turn on the magnets at any time, but it's like they kind of chunk around because the boots are heavy.

Like, the fucking butts on these prisoners. How firm must these prisoner butts be? Oh my gosh. I'll say the jumpsuits have a great logo on them too. Did you notice the logo on the jumpsuit? Nike swoosh. So fucking, yeah. I didn't notice that.

It's like a trident. I think it's a little bit of a hint. We learn later it's in the middle of the ocean, but it's this trident logo. It looks cool. Oh. Spouser holding a trident. They really went all in.

Yeah. It says, let's a go on it. Ha ha ha ha. All this shit's just from the Mario movie. Ha ha ha ha. So yeah, so Archer's in prison, he's trying to get the intel out of weirdo, weirdo little Pollux.

I recognize that actor and I don't know where from. Yeah, I don't, he's giving, I mean, in a movie full of weird performances, he's really like given a weird one. He's like a little guy. Yeah, I like it. He's like a little weird guy and I love making bombs brother He's doing like a weird like I'm in Galaxy Quest voice

He played Dickie multisanti in the many Saints of Newark, the Sopranos movie that's terrible. Oh! I love that movie. He was great in it, but you know, it's not a great movie, that Sopranos movie. Speaking of which, also- I'm walking here, where's my gub of cool?

I'm walking here. There's also two The Wire actors in this. That's right. Yeah, we've got Stephen Bauer, who plays Russian guy who wants to beat the shit out of, you know, what's his name? Nicolas Cage. Dubuff. Yes.

And then we have the guy, Bunny Colvin. I don't I forget the name of the actor, but Robert Wisdom. Robert Wisdom is in. No, he was Bunny Colvin. And what a name. Robert Wisdom and Robert wisdom yeah yeah that's amazing that's great name a lot of wire guys I know my guys there's a cast of Eddie's in here too I guess it's the Sun yeah Nick yeah and he plays the bald goon he's fun he's you don't see much, but the moments he's on camera. He's a blast. He's fun.

Tongue kissing his sister, Gina Gershon. What the fuck was with that? That'll come up later. Will we figure out what was going on? No, probably not. Yeah. We also are big fans of Gina Gershon. We love seeing her in everything.

One of the greats, one of the great babes of my youth. Totally. Just doing a fucking amazing job in this movie. So yeah, so while all this was happening, Castor Troy woke up without a face. Fucking great scene. Figured everything out by watching a little video they had of the surgery at the hospital.

No one is watching him. He's just alone in this hospital doing whatever. And so he like has the doctor kidnapped and then has himself turned into John Travolta. It's a really cool little scene. You don't see his face, his like skull face for that long. You see it in little flashes and then you see it reflected in someone's glasses.

It's so cool. Yeah, this like movie was made by a fucking movie maker. It's so This is like a rad little scene and he's also smoking while he yeah, probably not good for the meat Probably not good for the face meat. No, I would you know smoking not good for you period But yeah, he makes like the weirdest noise when he kind of gets up and figures out what's going on I'm sure Cage did the research as to what you sound like when you don't have a face.

I bet he cut some guy's face off. I bet he ripped his own face off just to try it out. Yeah, I think he's, I think Nick Cage, master of little noises and big noises. I ripped my face off and put it on a beach ball so I could fuck my own mouth. What? That doesn't happen in the movie.

Why do you do that? Nothing like that happens in the movie. Yeah, you can finally get your yourself to suck your own dick if you do. Oh, yeah, sure. Yeah, there's no, there's no self-fucking in this. Little sheet of face. You just kind of up down, up down. So I don't I don't have a dick. I don't get it.

That would work. That would work. You do the old up down with a sheet. I don't know. You draw a face. You draw a face on a sheet. You do the old up down. Yeah. Right. Get a little if you get a little roast beef from the deli make a little face in that. I think a ham steak would probably do a good job.

Ooh, a ham steak would feel nice. There's a ham steak in our fridge, and I'm like, what are we gonna do with this? I don't know. Put it in the microwave for 15 seconds and fuck it. And fuck it. And fuck that ham. Fuck that ham.

Maybe a summer sausage. Ooh, that sounds lovely. That's called a pigs in blankets blankets if you know what I mean. So, Cage is Travolta and Travolta is Cage. Travolta Cage goes to visit Cage Travolta. I'll try not to say it like that for the remainder of this. Keep doing it. So, so Castor Troy, as Sean Archer, goes to, goes to the prison to like taunt, to taunt himself. Fucking Travolta like sauntering in here. This is the first time you kind of see him as Cage.

I think you're right, there are some little Cage mannerisms he doesn't get, but it's a really fun performance. There's this little line delivery that he gives that will live in my head forever. Matt, do you have this little clip? I hope it's the same thing. Ooh, wee, you good looking. You hot. Ooh, wee, you good looking.

That's what people will say about you if you go to maxfunstore.com and buy some free with ads merch. Seamless, seamless segue. That's so good, bravo. Thank you, free with ads merch merch. Seamless, seamless segue, that's so good, bravo. Thank you, free water. Such a good plug. That line is a great pickup line,

just walk up to somebody in a bar. Woo, woo, woo! Honestly, that would work on me 100%. But my favorite line of his is when he goes, it's like looking in a mirror, but not. Only not, I know, it's fucking right. And that's exactly how Cage would do that line too. And it would be one that Cage would make up

and bring to set. I think the thing later where Cage is tripping and he's like, I wanna take his face off. I think that was Cage improv-ing. And then his goon repeats it, Casavetes, he goes, you wanna take his face off? And you're like, oh my God, we got it. The title is in the movie.

No more drugs for that guy. Yeah. I know. The degree to which people in the movie know the title of the movie is so crazy. Something we haven't mentioned yet. Sean Archer's family tradition, and how his family shows their

love is they drag their open palm across each other's faces it's so fucking weird imagine if you just saw a family at the ball doing that to each other yeah it'll come back for act my wife and I got together in 97. We've been together ever since, and we used to do that together all the time. At first, it was kind of joking around, now we just kind of do it because it's funny. Not all the time, but for luck,

we would just go like, ugh. But here's the thing, in 1997, were people washing their hands? No, no, no. I wasn't, I was 11. Yeah, hand sanitizer, hand sanitizer is very far away. Yeah, yeah, we had the powdered soap when I was 11 in school, so.

Can't do it. So anyway, so all looks lost. Castor Troy is living as Sean Archer. He goes to the house and kind of moves in, starts flirting with Joan Allen. There's this part where he's like, I hate to see you go, but I love to watch you leave. And there's this leering shot of Joan Allen's butt,

and she's just wearing these sensible slacks. Like it's the shot that in a Fast and Furious movie you would do to a girl in a bikini, right? But it's just this va va voom shot of Joan Allen's butt, who's a lovely woman, but she's just wearing like the slacks that your mom wears to church. It's so funny. It's like, wow, tan slacks!

Woo! Office appropriate. Yeah. Dress them up, dress them down. Throw on a blazer and head to dinner. Yeah, if she takes them off for you, you'd have to fold them correctly because of the pleats. You have to be like, just one moment.

I must replete my pants. Yes. Now we can live as man and wife. Finger blast to the moon. Now I will accept your fingers into my impeach. Ew, do you have a wee ham steak to use as a diaphragm?

Singling story. Why are they talking in red fair voices in this situation? Up and down. Up and down. Use the ham to fuck the dick. Take it back now, y'all. Chachaw again. Chachaw slide?

Happy Thanksgiving everyone out there. What bit are we doing? Who knows? So, and he, so you know, he's kind of like, he's, yeah, he's like coming onto Joe now and he goes into Goth daughter's room. Emily, any thoughts on this bedroom? Hated it. Didn't like the bedroom.

I didn't like the bedroom. I just, it was nothing. It was a nothing room to me. Okay. I did notice the pillow that said her name because he comes in, I guess he doesn't know the daughter's name and he was like, Jamie? And she goes, what did you call me?

And he goes, Jamie? It's like on her pillow. And and I was like who has a pillow with their name on it I don't know I have a pillow that says Frosty is a big flake because that was my nickname at my first job because I was a flake and it's embroidered for Christmas and it says Frosty is a big flake not very nice so if someone takes your dad's face off yeah they'll start calling you Frosty is a big flake. Not very nice. So if someone takes your dad's face off, they'll start calling you Frosty because that's the name on your pillow. Yeah, I'll just put it on a pillow. I just wanted to point out a little something about the room.

I'm just kind of leaning into my whole deal here. I think I'm just gonna go ahead and point out any time there's any ska in one of these movies. Oh, okay. The daughter has a poster for the Voodoo Glow Skulls album Fear May, which was a favorite of mine in high school the Voodoo Glow Skulls album, Fear May, which was a favorite of mine in high school. Voodoo Glow Skulls, very good band, still at it,

still touring, still making great music. Anyway, that's the ska segment we're calling Scavenger Hunt. Oh, that's great. Thank you, ultimate title, a message to you movie. Anyway. Is there just one song in the soundtrack? I think it's just Don't Lose Your Head by Annex S.

It plays on the radio really quickly in a car and then on the end credits. It's like the only rock song I can remember. Well, only rock song, but they have Somewhere Over the Rainbow. Oh, yeah, that. Which is so funny. But no, do you think that the reason why she's turning bad

is from ska? Probably. Oh, yes. That's what causes you to get bad eye makeup. It's not even punk. It's the ska doing it to her. You start skanking and then all of a sudden people call you a skank. It's like are you the Chary Poppies daddies?

No. Are you? Get in your room. They're technically swing revival, mom. Tell that to Brian Sensor Orchestra how dare you sneak out tonight and go to fishbone that's that's so funny maybe they aren't mad at her because she's becoming goth maybe they're just mad at her cuz she's a dork and lose her. Can't you do a regular dance?

No. I'm gonna skank forever. Dude, she's gonna take that butterfly knife to a ska like show. Mm-hmm. Someone could get hurt. She's listening to Papa's Got a Brand New Bag, which is like, you know, kind of a funny ironic thing.

Oh, I guess that's another song in the book. I guess it's a Moe, yeah. Papa's Got a Brand New Bag. So funny, just like, oh, my troubled teen is hanging around listening to Motown. But also, Papa's Got a New Bag, he's got a brand new bag. So funny, just like, oh, my troubled teen is hanging around listening to Motown. But also, Papa's got a new bag, he's got a new skin bag. Yes, that's right. Oh, shit.

Yes, the movie. Thinker, this is, I'm a thinker, guys. You've heard of Pinkus, well, Emily's Thinkus. Hey, President Bitch. President Bitch. That's one of the names. That was a great name. Thanks.

Yeah, a lot of those. What if maybe, can you put at the end just pink? Sure. Yeah, just pop star pink. She's great. Anyway, so that's kind of happening. Castor Troy is kind of moving into this house. Sean Archer decides he is going to escape the Supermax prison.

He has this whole thing with getting shock therapy. It's pretty cool. There's like a big shootout. Great reveal. He finally gets out of the prison, and we reveal that it's like in the middle of the ocean. Fucking cool. He jumps off in slow motion.

Neat, neat, neat. All this is really cool. Wait, so did he swim back to? I guess yeah They they show him like you can see hills It doesn't seem too far away It seems like like a mile or two away from shore as opposed to like if it had been the middle of nowhere You've been like, oh well movie can't go anywhere. But he also had no shoes because he had to get rid of his boots. So

He very quickly like steals a car from a valet and gets a bunch of clothes and he like immediately just does the same thing to Castor Troy. He like goes to his goon den and like starts moving in with his goons. Yeah, one of them, Nick Cassavetes, he's bald, he's got a bunch of piercings, looks super cool. His sister is Gina Gershon, hubba hubba, oh my gosh. Looking great, kicking dudes in the balls. Being cool. She's so good.

Yeah, and so they are brother and sister, they will French kiss later. What the fuck? Inexplicably. So yeah, so they start giving Cage drugs, it's like hey, he's back, let's all do drugs. They give him his special box full of chicklets and stuff. This is such a fucking great cage scene.

He's just going nuts. He's like looking in the mirror. He doesn't recognize himself. Going wild. He does the thing. I want to take his face off. So fucking weird. And then we learn that Gina Gershon and he

are in a relationship and they have a little kid with cool ass cowboy jammies. And so the Sean Archer who has lost his son immediately starts like imprinting on this kid as like new son. The cops come, he puts these headphones on the kid, he's like listen to your music while there's this big shootout.

It's Somewhere Over the Rainbow, sung by Olivia Newton-John. Oh, that's cool. Yeah, it's really cool. And Wu paid for it himself. I don't know if you saw that tidbit. Like the studio didn't want to pay for it. So he paid for it himself. And then when it became a hit, they just paid him back for the usage. But yeah. Nice. Yeah. Cool. I want Somewhere Over the Rainbow and I want the boots from Mario. I'm not taking no for

an answer. I'm a weird guy. I love a needle drop thing where it's like violence with like a like a kids song or like a simple kind of doo wop song or something. Love that. This is a good needle. Wonderful world. They seem to do that a lot with.

I see skies of blue. It's not a wonderful world. It's not. So yeah, this is a big shootout with a bunch of slow motion. There's a thing where Travolta and Cage are looking at, they're on other sides of the mirror and they're looking at themself. Not a subtle movie at all.

Okay, so we are coming up on the thrilling conclusion of Face Off, and we're gonna talk about it right after this. Hey, this is Free With Ads, and we have a Jumbotron. What is a Jumbotron you ask? Somebody ask me what a Jumbotron is. What's a Jumbotron? Thank you for asking me what a Jumbotron is. Here's what it is. It is a special message that our listeners can share with our other listeners.

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I guess I'm talking about the pint glass. We have all sort of. Oh, okay. Yeah, that is, that is, yeah. Get something for your mouth. Yeah, we're putting your face off into your head so that the hat goes on your face. We're gonna your face off into your head goes on your face put a mouth into your face talking about the pint glass of course in your mouth

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for Matt to create a Godzilla remix of. So if you want a Godzilla remix of your favorite song, send your merch photos to freewithadsatmaximumfun.org. Okay, back to the show. We're back, it's Free With Ads. We're talking to Cole Stratton from SF SketchFest about Face Forward slash Off. Did I get it right? That's right.

That's right. Face Forward slash Off. There's probably a knockoff, Face Backslash Off. That's just not, you know. Oh, straight to DVD. But still watch that. Yeah, straight to DVD. Not good.

Yeah, it's Eric Roberts and and they're so really there I Switched faces with myself So so Archer as you know in the in the cage skin Kind of breaks into the cage skin Breaks in explains the whole thing to John Allen she doesn't believe him at first But then he does their patented face wipe and she's like oh my god. This is my husband John Travolta kills the boss of the FBI,

so they have to go to his funeral. That's kind of where the final face-off happens. Wait, and I wanted to talk about this because he kills him by chopping him in the back of the neck. I've never, usually it's a front neck chop that does him in, but not a back one. I was like, what other movie has a back of the neck chop?

That is a weird scene. I don't quite know. Austin Powers had one of those. Oh yeah. But I don't think anyone died. Judo chop. It was a weird move. That's why as he's smothering the old man, he whispers, do I make you horny, baby?

Same year. Lasting. Oh yeah, good year. Good year for movies. Maybe not. Maybe a lot of bullshit came out too. I don't know. Yeah, I could have made that up too. I'm not sure. Yeah, I believe you. So in the church, there's a big like, you know, big crazy like, you know, standoff.

Everybody has guns. It's so funny. It's almost, it's almost like a naked gun type scene where just more people keep coming into the church and pointing guns at everybody else I started to laugh at a certain point it's like how many more just random goons are gonna come in here and point guns at everybody else it's plus it it follows the cinematic rule of two doves per gun yes exactly so definitely if you do the math there's yeah. Yeah.

My favorite thing was that bright orange boat. That boat was cool as fuck. Do you remember that? Oh yeah, that's where we get into a boat chase here after the big shootout. It's just like, fuck, this is 10 movies. This is a season of TV, this movie. It's very long. It's so much shit happens in it

Yeah, there's just a giant climactic boat chase where the stunt performers Brilliant as they may be look nothing like the actor Totally they're just squat Filipino dudes Who are brilliant. These again, they don't look like our main guys. No, they do not like the leads. They were going to take Tarolta and Cajus faces, take them off, put them on the stunt

doubles and then craft them back afterwards. But they just ran out of time. They're over budget. So. So so he he shoots so they crash the boats and archer shoots shoots Castor Troy with a god talking about the characters in this movie is gonna give me a brain Like so bad guy bad guy in John Travolta his body

He starts cutting up his face and I'm like, oh my God, if someone else was wearing my face and they were cutting it up, I would lose my fucking shit. Like I would just. Yeah, I need that. I'd be like, I need that, but you don't need your eyes, bitch. I'd just fucking snatch the eyes out. That's the funny comedy scene that they should have done,

just them fucking up each other's bodies. Yes. I guess it's just the face that got switched. But yeah, yeah. Like, is that a pimple? You're going to die, bitch. Yeah. So, yeah, he gets shot with a spear gun because it's like the only thing that hasn't been in the movie so far as a spear gun.

And yeah, and everything pretty much goes great. They they put the faces back where they belong. But they don't put the scar back on him because he doesn't need it anymore. Yes, that is a little wrinkle we have not talked about. John Travolta, during the first surgery, asks for the scar from his son and him getting shot to be put back once the mission is over. But yeah, this is a little signal that he's moved on. He's been able to let his son go.

And he's starting a new life with Castor Troy's son, who he brings to his house without telling anyone that he's doing it, and just in front of everybody, just says like, can he live here? This child who has trauma, this child, I mean, this child is gonna need so much help. I mean, good on him. But it's also just like, get rid of the scar.

I'm replacing my son. Like, I'm just. I don't need the scar anymore. I have a new boy. I have a new boy. I have a new boy. With cool cowboy jammies. With cool cowboy jammies. It's just sitting in some scar bin at the hospital now.

Like, no one's gonna claim it. Yeah. Terrible. It's at the end, at the company Christmas party, they go through the lost and found box. You know, like, okay, who wants to take home the scar? Who wants to take home this travel Yahtzee wants to take home this boy well also he had cowboy pajamas cowboys ride horses horses are on a

carousel mr. police thanks thanks in a lot what was the name for me be a thinker? I can't remember this think you're the thinkus. I'm the thinkus Travolta should have been like you got a tie your own shoes kid. I'm not doing it since I was like Cage would just tie his brother's shoes constantly in the movie. Yeah Yeah, so that is face-off. Yay! Before we rank this movie on a scale of 1 to 10, super loud commercials, we're going

to do our fan favorite segment where we talk about the person in the movie that made us the horniest. Yeah, it's Hunk Watch. It's Hunk Watch. Call for your benefit. Every episode, we name a hunk of the movie Emily you were telling us on text. This is a this is a complicated one for you Okay, walk us through how you feel about it. So here's the thing. They're both hunks. They're hunky, but it's like but

Which character are they the hunkiest at? So I want to do a segment just special for you, Cole, then for us, is it's hunk off. Ooh, hunk. Oh. Hunk forward slash off. Okay, let me try that, hold on. Yeah, yeah.

It's hunk off. Yeah, all right. Personally, I think Nick Cage as Sean Archer is the hotter hunk. And I think John Travolta as Castor Troy is the hotter hunk. Those are my hunks. Oh, I personally I agree. I agree with you. I think Travolta as Castor Troy is so much fucking fun.

Yeah. And sexier.. Yeah, and sexier. Yeah. He's sexier, he smokes cigarettes, you know. I don't know, he's got more swagger. And then just to think about Nick Cage playing a sweet, nice man, even though he's so good at playing a psychopath. Yeah.

He's so hot because he's my favorite hunk from, you know, Moon, what was it, Moonstruck. Oh, Moonstruck, yeah. And he plays this like, you know, damaged with sweet man. I think when he plays a sweet guy. Disarming. Yeah. It's a good like Cage as sweet guy performance. Yeah, so those are my hunks.

That's my, what do you guys think? Do you think hunkier as original character, hunkier as secondary character? I agree with you, Emily. I think hunkier after the switch. Yes, yes, I think so too. I don't wanna suck on a tongue. That's not hunky.

That's not hunky behavior. It's so fucking weird. It's such a weird, it's so much weirder. Big tongue on that guy. It's so much weirder than I could eat a peach for hours, which is weird. Yeah. Yeah, I actually, I disagree.

Mouth is peach now. I like this peach og Nick Cage Caster Troy okay, but I thought that was the sexiest guy. I mean we're talking you know personal opinion personal taste That's my hunk watch all right. He's he was hot. I would I would love a whole movie of Just him at Costco I would love a whole movie of just him at Costco. You know? Just going around, fucking up. Just terrorizing the sample ladies. Yeah, exactly.

Fucking up everyone else's giant fucking car. You wanna suck on my bagel dog? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's fucking an air fryer that's on sale for Black Friday. Yeah, yeah. Exactly.

He buys a new computer. It's like, oh, you can get them there. Help me pick out some stiff jeans. I think, okay, I think three of the four are hunky, all right? I think original Castor Troy, Sean Archer Castor Troy, and Castor Troy Sean Archer are hunky. Original Sean Archer sucks. Yeah.

I'm pretty agree. He's an absentee dad, like he's just so consumed by his hatred towards Castor Troy Sean Archer or Hunky, original Sean Archer sucks. Yeah. I agree. He's an absentee dad. Like he's just so consumed by his hatred towards Castor Troy that like he's neglecting his wife. He yells at his coworkers. He's not cool. He just fucking sucks. Yeah. So I think the other three are great, but he's he's terrible. Yeah, I'm with you.

Well, that was the first installment of our signature segment. Hunk off. Hell, yeah. We are going to rank face off on a scale of 1 to 10 super loud commercials when we come back. We're back, it's Free With Ads. We're here with Cole Stratton from SF SketchFest. We're gonna rank face off on a scale of one to 10 super loud commercials. Cole, you're our guest. One to 10, what do you think?

I will give it an eight. Okay. I think it's solid. I do think there's always some weird John Woo melodrama that's over the top in terms of the emotional core of things that I never believed, and that's in all his work. The action's great, the campiness is great, but when it tries to do the face-off thing and all that stuff,

I don't know, it rings a little hollow to me, but I just love it. I think the whole thing's entertaining. I just think it's kind of weird when it tries to do like the face off thing and all that stuff, I just, I don't know, it rings a little hollow to me, but I just love it. I think the whole thing is entertaining. I just think it's kind of weird how he tries to really dial into the melodrama, but keep it serious when it should never be. Uh, Emily, as a face off first timer, uh, what did you think of this insane movie? I'm going to give it an 8.5. Okay.

I had so much fun watching it. I mean, it's got, you know, it's campy little problems and there's also some other problematic stuff in it. But like, you know, I was thoroughly entertained from, you know, the forehead to chin. Mm-hmm. Does that work? Does that count as?

You named all the parts of the face. Yeah. Yeah. Matt Lee, what do you think? I guess I don't know. Had you seen this before? And what did you, what's your watch like? I had seen it before. I'd seen it once before when it came out.

I saw it in theaters. And this is the first time I've seen it in, you know, however many, 20 years or something. And I'm going to give this a two. But wait. For each face. God damn. But wait a second. What is that? Oh, I've just ripped the face of the two off

and it turns out it's real face is a nine. I fucking love this movie, bro. Nine was pretending to be two so he could get in jail with his brother. And anyways, I'm giving myself a stroke with this bit. That makes sense. Just like the movie, it makes sense. I loved it way more than I thought I would, because I saw it as a kid and I was like,

this is a real stupid movie, but movie nachos and whatnot, everything was like chill. Not only does it hold up, but it aged like wine. I think it's beautiful. And the action in it is, I usually tune out during action sequences, it is captivating as shit. So I'm giving this a nine. Alright. Yeah. And I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go seven for this. I've seen this movie a bunch of

times. I really like it. It has so much fun in it and it has so much like, like so much fucking awesome shit happens in this movie. Yeah, the practical stunts are so great, the acting is like over the top fun. It has some ick in it and I think we've all kinda mentioned it and you know, you dance around it a little bit and definitely like, if you kind of know that going into it of like,

this has some stuff that's a little bit icky that I think they're not doing to say that it's cool, but it's just like, it's the most over the top movie they could make, right? It's a movie about being insane. So some of the stuff that happens is a little bit icky, so I think if you know that going in, or you're just like, I don't wanna see icky shit,

you can watch this movie in clips, you can watch this movie in clips, you can watch this movie in GIFs. So I think you can see a lot of the fun stuff, but I think if you're just like, hey, I know that, you know, there's some stuff in it that's, you know, that hasn't made super well. Well, to be fair though, the icky stuff is done by a psychopath.

And I think that it does go to, it's not like it's being, you know, glossed over as an okay thing to do It is like oh fuck this guy is evil as shit Yeah, this is this is bad, but it is still uncomfortable to watch, but he is a psychopath guy Yes, absolutely the movie is not saying it's cool They are using it to create an evil villain which they do We're talking about the Mario boots, right?

to create an evil villain, which they do a great job. We're talking about the Mario boots, right? We're talking about the Mario boots, yes. I thought so, yeah, all right. So yeah, that's face-off. We dug it. Cole Stratton, thank you so much for being here. Yay. Of course.

SF Sketch Fest in San Francisco. It's the world's greatest comedy festival. I'll say it. Thank you. I want to hear a little bit about who the coolest people you you've ever booked on this are except for free with ads? We know we're the coolest no need to say it Who are the coolest people you've ever booked and like are there people you still want to book for sketchfest who you haven't been? Able to I mean, yeah always there's white whales that we go after but every year we seem to get a few of them

I mean this year we have Bill Murray. I mean, come on. And Tim Curry. I didn't think Tim Curry would ever happen. I'm like freaking out. I think I may need to come up early to experience that. I just that's like a once in a lifetime. I can't believe it. I can't believe it. It's gonna be crazy. I feel like every year, like we always, every year we put a line up together that we're pretty proud of, but we're like, there's no way we can top this next year. Always. And then we somehow find a way to kind of at least be on the level with if not top it. And so every year, like we've kind of gotten to the point now where like we're not afraid to go after the, the, the

pie, you know, sky's the limit. We'll go after anything. So the fact that we got Carol Burnett one year was like, what, like those kinds of things that you just don't think you're ever going to do. And for us, when we started this thing, like kids in the hall were like the group for us. Like we were on a sketch group together in college. And then the fact that we got like, I have a couple years in, we got like Bruce to come and do a solo show. And then the next year, like Dave came and did something and Scott, and then we got all of them and like five or six years in and was just like, oh, wait, okay, cool.

This is the thing we're doing. So yeah, and there's still definitely some people and one of which I think we may be announcing in our third wave, so I don't wanna spoil it here because it's like 99% there, but you know, something could happen and I don't wanna put it on record. I'm so excited. It's somebody that we've been trying to get forever

that's a huge personal comedy hero of mine, so I'm hoping that that will come through. Well, cool, so you are, in addition to being a festival organizer, you are a hilarious comic and improviser yourself. You have shows at SketchFest. Is there one or two that you think people should catch if they're coming to the Fest?

Yeah, there's a couple things I'm doing. I have an improv group called Theme Park that we do shows with, that we tour with. That's like famous people and me. So it's like, it's like Rachel Dratch and Anna Gastar doing it with this year, Michael Hitchcock, Simon Helberg, Janet's in it, Oscar Nunez and stuff. So we're doing one big show with that. And then Janet and I both do riffing with Riff Treks, which is an offshoot of MST 3K. So we're doing a couple of riff-a-paloozas where we're just improvising riffs to bad movies. And that's like me and Janet with Kevin Murphy,

Bill Corbett, Mary Jo Peel, and Frank Conniff from MST3K. So those will be fun. Hell yeah. A lot of great stuff at SF SketchFest, including this very podcast. That's right, our first ever Free With Ads live show will be at SF SketchFest, January 23rd, our first ever Free With Ads live show will be at SF SketchFest, January 23rd, 7.30pm at the Punchline Comedy Club.

We would love to see folks out there. We're so excited to be a part of this thing. We're so excited to do the show live. Here's what I'll say. Matt and Emily, I don't speak for you. This is me. You can join me if you like. You don't have to.

If you see me at SketchFest, if you come to our show and you see me like before or afterwards and you specifically request it, I will do the face-off face wipe to you. Wow. Yeah, I'll do it. You better wash your hands, dude. You have to. That's a 1995 value. Yeah.

I'll do it too, and I will bring hand sanitizer. Of course, yes. We'll all make sure our hands are 20-24 clean. Because I need to end it with a finger in the mouth, just like all the way in. A little boop. Hit the uvula. Just give it a little boop-boop. Yeah, exactly. If you buy our merch after the live show,

I will rip my face off and put it on a beach ball and fuck the beach ball. Wow, this is gonna be a great, I wouldn't, I'd hate to miss this. I got a value. What if I bring a ham steak? Yeah. Ooh, then it's gonna get wild.

We won't even talk about a fucking movie. My beach ball face will eat it We're gonna fuck everyone Would you be grateful if you sucked on our tongues? The show is just us eating a peach Yeah, so we're gonna have some cool stuff planned for SF SketchFest. Would love to see you there.

SFSketchFest.com for tickets to our show and all the wonderful shows at SketchFest. Cole Stratton, thank you so much for joining us and for asking us to be part of your wonderful festival. Yes, thank you so much. Yeah, it'll be really fun. Can't wait for it. Links to the festival and our show will be in the show notes.

All right, that's it. Tune in next week when our movie will be Titanic. ["Titanic Theme Song"] Eczema flare-up. Cherry poppin' Matthew. Big. Jerry Poppin Matthew. Big Bad Voodoo Matthew. Johnny Sixx. President Bitch.

Chicago Fire. Yug Navy. Lion Dead Cruise. Anamorph Allen. Mesmerthe and Paylor. Pomona Kenny. Aaron, who took one trip to England and came back with an accent. And the Taint.

Okay, now I'm gonna go look at a picture of my dead son.