Free With Ads - Gladiator

Episode Date: November 26, 2024

This week we decided to celebrate the season of giving thanks by watching the Ridley Scott epic Gladiator, starring Russell Crowe as a hunky Spaniard who must defeat the a sexy ratboy Emperor played by Joaquin Phoenix.We are excited to announce that Free With Ads will be doing our first ever LIVE SHOW at San Francisco Sketchfest 2025! Join Jordan, Emily, producer Matt Lieb, and a very special guest at the Punch Line in San Francisco on January 23rd at 7:30pm for a live show you will never forget. Get your tickets NOW!Free With Ads merch is finally here! Go to the MaxFun store now and buy something for yourself!Also, we are having a contest! If you buy some merch and take a picture of yourself with that merch and send it to [e-mail], we will pick one of you and the winner will get to have any song they want Godzilla-fied. That's right, Matt will make a Godzilla remix of your favorite song. 

This is Free With Ads, the podcast that asks the question, why pay 20 bucks to see Gladiator 2 in a plush IMAX theater when you can watch the original for free on your filthy laptop covered in cat hair and the grease from a dozen door dashed Little Caesar's pizza cups. I'm Jordan Morris. And I'm Emily Fleming. Is's pizza cups. I'm Jordan Morris. And I'm Emily Fleming. Is the pizza cups what we got last time? What did we have?

It was, yeah. Oh yeah. I got pizza cups on the brain. Today's movie is Gladiator, the 2000 Oscar winning epic that we're reviewing to try and get more dads to listen to the show. Hey dads. Hey. Sorry.

Oh hi. Oh yeah, Matt's a dad. I'm dad. Okay, thanks dad. If enough of you subscribe, we'll start reviewing a bunch more World War II movies. Just kidding. Oh hell yeah. And with us always is super producer

and bonafide girl dad, Matt, giving us those good drops. Oh my god. Yeah, I love that. Is that Keenan? I don't know who did that. It was like a famous Vine. It was. It was a good Vine. A Vine.

Now that was a social media website. That was a real platform back when America was great. I was really sad that like every time I go to Chili's with people, no one remembers the hi, welcome to Chili's vine. Nobody remembers it. I also don't remember that. I don't know that. I thought you were going to say barbecue sauce.

I mean, there's six seconds, so that's probably the entire vine. We'll put the hi, welcome to Chili's vine link in the... What is it? What happened in it? It's just a boy who's just wearing boxers and holding his arms like out by his side real weird And he just walks into a door goes hi welcome to Chili's See that's that's that's social media right there. Yeah What else do we need nothing? We just need that bring back vine. Yep What I that bring back Vine. Yep totally. What oh I have it. What was that? I have the welcome to Chili's

Vine. Oh my god. I mean it's not worth like listening to. Hi welcome to Chili's. That's it. It's perfect. Wow. Yeah I already did a better job than that kid. Yeah you kind of crushed it that kid. Yeah. Before we get into Gladdy which is which is as of this recording, streaming free with ads, we're going to talk about something else we saw for free on the Internet this week. Other free stuff. OK. Gladiator mania. It's sweeping the nation. The sequel. Not wait. I can't wait.

You're stoked for G2. Heck, yeah. This is one of those movies that like the whole family. Well, my mom won't see it. She doesn't like violence. But my my dad will see it. And that't like violence, but my dad'll see it. And that's, I like going to do anything with dad. I predict the fucking timing of this movie is impeccable because Thanksgiving is coming up.

The holidays are coming up. We need a fucking down the middle movie to see with our families. And this is perfect. I probably will also see this with my family during Thanksgiving. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know if my mom will go for it, but I think everybody's hunky enough in it that she'll be like, OK, yeah, enough hunks.

Yes, got Denzel in it. Oh, yeah. So excited to see Denzel in a gladiator movie. Hell, yeah. Yeah. The I think I think think as with this movie, I'm guessing that like, we'll have a very down the middle leading man for our lead and then the supporting characters will be

cuckoo, bananas, crazy people and I'm really hoping that's the direction Denzel is going. Yeah, me too. So I, yeah, so I'm stoked for G2. They're doing, Ridley Scott is giving a lot of interviews about it and he's a real like delightful interview. He's a real like old Hollywood crank in a really fun way. I remember there was this little trend for a while where they would, someone would get an interview with a famous director. They would ask the famous director who's like 70 or 80 what they think about Marvel.

And then the director would say that it sucks. And then that would go viral because of like Marvel people fighting each other in the comments. Right. It's like, what are we doing? Why did why do we need to know what Sydney Lament thinks about Marvel? We don't. She hates it. What is Sophia Coppola think? Right. Yeah, exactly. Did she like quantum mania?

I heard better than phase three. Yeah. Marty Scorsese says he didn't like Eternals. How did you like how dare you? We never even saw Thor Love and Thunder. Martin Scorsese, he's watching a trip to the moon on his projector anyway. Yeah. But they did. I noticed they did this to Ridley Scott once. And I got upset. I'm like, why do they do this?

I'm going to read the interview and see. Like when they asked him about Marvel and I went to the actual interview and no one asked him about it, he just started complaining about it. In the middle of another question. What did he say? Oh, I forget exactly what it was, but the director, the interviewer just asked him about like, what was it like filming in Canada? And he's like, Canada is lovely.

You know what fucking sucks is Marvel movies. So. Oh yeah, good for him. So anyway, so he's doing interviews for Gladiator 2. And I guess there's a scene in the second one Where they film they fill the gladiator arena with water and sharks and the gladiators have to fight sharks What the fuck? Yeah, I know I know Okay, I this is gonna be bad

That's how you know, it's gonna be good, because now there's sharks in play. Remember before there was tigers. Now it's sharks. Where do you go from tigers? You mean a predator that lives on the land? Yes, that makes sense to me. Yeah, we got thrown in the water. You're thinking too hard. Oh, this is why I don't invite girls to watch guy movies.

You think I'm the one thinking too hard? I think this is they put sharkado in a gladiator sequel. That's why it's cool. This is thinking so. So he's giving an interview with I think it was Collider, and the interviewer said something about that not being historically accurate. And this is what Ridley Scott's response was. You're dead wrong.

The Coliseum did flood with water and there were sea battles, dude. If you can build a Colosseum, you can flood it with fucking water. Are you joking? And to get a couple of sharks in a net from the sea? Are you kidding? Of course they can. Okay.

You just go to the sea with a net. That's a different question. They, and get them from the sea. Can you or did they? Yeah, they get their super fast wagons and then like get it to the water. Oh my God. I love it. Good for him though for defending his really stupid idea.

I feel like there's not enough of that. People need to be like, no, shut up. You'll watch shark fights and you'll like it. Sure. Were snakes not available? Like what the fuck? No, shark fights and you'll like it. Sure. Well, were snakes not available? Like, what the fuck? No, shark bigger and cooler. Okay. More teeth. More teeth than snake.

Yeah. Eat. Shark has more teeth. Make better movie. Oh my God. So yeah, well, let's start talking about the OG, Gladiator. Gladiator, and of course I had to make a sting. Now I have two of them. I don't know which is better. So here's gladiator sting one. Okay. I do not entertain.

But there's also. I can't hear what he's saying. I do not entertain. Oh. I do not entertain. That's the one. Yeah, number two. Number two is my favorite.

It's the first time I was like, I'm going to edit the music part to fit the dialogue part. Beautiful. Matt, you're taking the drop to strange new places. Thank you. You're a constant innovation. It's almost like you're taking the music and then filling it with water and putting sharks in it.

Exactly. Yes. You get it. This is your Sergeant Pepper, Matt. That's right. That sounds... I need to get a sitar. Start doing acid. Make some drops on acid. This is my first time seeing this movie. Is it? Oh, cool. Awesome. Yeah.

I'll be stoked to hear what you thought about it. I have seen this movie probably 10 times, but I've only seen it all the way through once. Wow. If that makes sense. So I see it. I see clips. Right. It sure it is like constantly on cable. Yeah, definitely like and a good cable movie, because you can just watch a chunk of this movie and have a good time anyway.

Yeah. So yeah, this was my second time watching it all the way through. But I've seen, yeah, I've seen little bits and pieces of this like constantly since it came out. And yeah, it was fun to watch all the way through. Okay, cool. Gladiator, it starts.

It starts with a crawl about the Roman Empire, some junk about the Roman Empire that I don't think really matters to the story. Apparently the empire is expanding, who knew? I pooped during this part and I missed what the fuck war it was and what was going on. You missed nothing.

And I just went, I'm fine with it. Yeah, yeah, it's Roman times, wars happening, hot guy at the helm. Yeah, armor guys versus fur guys. The armor guys are fighting fur guys. A battle as old as time itself. So, yeah, the Roman Empire is expanding. We see some close ups of hands on wheat.

That's an image we return to a lot in this movie. Hands stroking wheat. Do you ever do that when you walk by like tall grass and stuff and then just do it with your hand and then have them all like just in your brain? I think about my dead wife. Yeah. Yeah. Every day. My dead wife. My dead wife.

And small son. He is also dead. What are we doing? Why are you Italian? Oh, it's Rome. Yeah, there you go. I'm Italian Borat. Yeah. So, yeah, we see this hands on hands on wheat. We'll get that. We'll get that image again. It's a big old battle. Russell Crowe.

He is the general. They're going to they're the armor guys. They're going to fight the fur guys. The fur guys send send their scout, the armor guys. They're gonna fight the fur guys. The fur guys send their scout, the armor guys' scout back on a horse, but he's got no head. Fucking cool, hell yeah. We're about to watch a movie.

Russell Crowe's rallying his troops. He says, what we do in life echoes an eternity. This is a tattoo on the worst guy you went to high school with, the worst guy you went to high school with. The worst guy you went to high school with has this tattooed on his back. Oh, God. Yes. He has three kids that have gone no contact with him, and he'll break his leg in an ATV accident. What we do in life echoes an eternity.

So the troops are rallied. They're pumped. There's a there's a big fight. There's a lot of big fights in this movie. And they win the armor guys beat the fur guys. And then we go to the other set of characters, the fancy characters. This is Joaquin Phoenix and Connie Nielsen. They are brother and sister. They're the kind of heirs to the empire. They are riding around in a very decadent carriage. And they are having sexual chemistry with each other.

I thought she was his mom. Nope. She looks older than him. Yeah, and he acts like such a little shit in this too. Like he presents as a young piece of shit. So yeah, and she is very know, and she is very like demure and proper and competent. So she's very Circe Lannister kind of.

Yeah, totally. And also in the sexual stuff too, very Circe Lannister. Yeah. Although she does not seem to be as into it as he is. No, no, no, no. Yeah, he's definitely the one sending out the incest vibes. I thought it was really funny

as they were just lounging in this carriage. She's just fondling some herbs. She has a handful of rosemary and she's just fondling it. I guess like, what do you do when you're riding around in the car? It's got to be boring. I kind of get it. You're going to smell good. I kind of get it You're gonna smell good. Sure better rub it. Yeah, if you like read a smut novel You're gonna get like, you know carriage sick the Sega game gear was Soon to be invented but before game gear we just had to fondle herbs

invented, but before Game Gear, we just had to fondle herbs. Emily, I thought this carriage technically counted as a bedroom. What did you think of it? It was gorgeous. I mean, it's that carriage is gorgeous. It's not going to go down in my like top rooms that I've seen. It's not a bad timer. I will talk about her jewelry and everything like she had the coolest earrings that I've ever seen in a movie He was great. They went hard. Yes. She's absolutely beautiful. I don't know what she's up to now

I think I kind of is she in the new movie? She's the only returning cast member in the new one I think the like gladiator is her son who's like getting revenge or something And yeah, she's she's fucking great in this she's around. She's like getting revenge or something. And yeah, she's she's fucking great in this. She's around. She's like Hippolyta and all the Wonder Woman movies. That's right. Yeah. Oh, wow. She's like not aged a fucking day. What the fuck, ladies? Yeah. Look, all. Yeah.

So so stoked she's going to be in the new one. Cannot wait. Yeah. There's a big party for all the army guys. They did a great job. Russell Crowe, he can't get he can't wait to get to get back to his wife, his son and his farm. He's a wife guy. He's a son. Hang on. Hang on.

Farm guys. I got to pause for a second. Yes. There's the army guys. They did a great job. They're doing a great job. I think you, I just want a movie where you were playing a general. George is like, good job army guys. Good job.

That was good war. Good war everyone. Soon we will all go back to your farms. We all love our farms. Now let's go around the tent and tell each other something we like about each other. I have a drink out of a big cup. It's all deserve a big cup of drink.

I took five different Capri sons and I put them into a cup with a big straw. So, yeah, army guys, they're having a fun time. Russell Crowe, he's a simple man. Wife, son, farm, wife, son, farm. All he wants wife, son, farm. So and then so, you know, we we get to see across the, you know, across the battlefield, Joaquin Phoenix, he's doing some like shirtless training sword fighting. So, you know, I think we're supposed to think because the big battle at the end

is between the two of them. So we're like Joaquin Phoenix. He's not just a fancy boy. He can kind of sort of sword fight. So he's just, he's afraid of, of an actual battle, but he is good at fancy sword fighting, good at fancy sword fighting. Yeah. There's kind of like how I took self-defense classes, but he is good at fancy sword fighting. Good at fancy sword fighting. Yeah, there's a little. It's kind of like how I took self-defense classes,

but I can only defend myself if you come at me from a very specific angle. Yeah, exactly. And slowly, not fast. Diagonally from above. Yeah, exactly. I can give you a Spider-Man kiss and kick your ass. You can only fight Batman if he's pouncing on you from a gargoyle.

Yeah, exactly. So, yeah. So it's the Joaquin Phoenix. He's in line for the throne. And that's that will come up because the king, he's a dion. The the big old king of the of Rome. Marcus Aurelius, Marcus Aurelius. Come on, guys. I don't want to be the only Rome guy here, but I mean, Matt, we are guys. So we're always thinking about the Roman Empire.

Stop thinking about ancient Rome. I love to think about the Roman Empire. Wait, I thought he was Caesar. I'm confused. Well, no, there's Caesar. It's just at this point is just a title. Yeah. You know, it's like, it's a, and named after Julius Caesar, because he was the first one to be like, hey, nice Republic you got here. It'd be a shame if I turned it into an empire.

And then, and then he did. It's how we call all presidents Obama now. Yeah. Oh. It's like how in the future, everyone will be a different Trump. Sorry, I don't make the rules. Now Matt, we're not supposed to remind the listeners of the horrible outside world. Don't worry about it. So the king, he's a dion, and he's whispering. And oh, the king, he can

And he's and he's whispering. He's an oh, the king. He can he can whisper. He's pronouncing all his W's. Oh, this man could pronounce a W. Jordan, stop making everyone horny. What is this voice? I'm sorry. I just I just wish to tell the tale of a whisper.

I wish I wished I wished to whisper. No, I hate this. I'm this dude. This dude can fucking out shit. I love it. Is it he the original Dumbledore? He is. Yeah. Oh, that's all I could see when he was talking.

I was like, is he going to talk about a vomit flavored jelly bean in a minute? Well, it is ancient Rome. They did have vomit. Oh, there you go. That's true. That's where they got the idea for the jelly bean. So he asked, he asks, he asked Mac Mac Richard Russell Crowe's character is Maximus. Yes, Maximus.

What what his farm is like, and he's like, the soil is black like my wife's hair. And then they laugh. Is that a fucking joke? Like, is that a joke in Roman times? No idea. Your wife is filthy dirty dirty girl my wife is a soil woman I married a soil woman And I liked this scene a lot actually me too I love this scene and I love I love Richard Harrison this I think he's so good and and yeah, it was it was I liked this scene a lot, actually. Me too. I love this scene and I love Richard Harrison. I think he's so good. And yeah.

It was, I liked this movie a lot because a lot of times you're following the main character who is ambitious and wants to be the top of the heap or the ruler of rulers. He just wants to have a comfortable, nice life with his family. Wife, son, farm. Wife, son, farm. But he also wants other people to have it too. He's a he's I mean, is he a socialist? I don't know. Oh shit for socialists. Yeah, I want one but sure Yeah

So yeah, he and and the king Marcus Aurelius he emperor. Oh my god Sorry, can't get you. Yeah, you know, you know, what's the king is a Roman emperor. The emperor potato, potato. You're right. But so many more syllables, Matt, can you give him a break? Thank you. I'm just trying to streamline things. Sounds good.

He's the Rome king, king of Rome, king of Rome. He tries to like he tries to like make make Maximus the the heir. He he knows his son is a fuck up and Maximus doesn't want it like George. Fucking Washington. He doesn't want it. And that's why he's the guy for the job is because she's. Yeah. So. But, you know, he kind of like he kind of like warms to the idea of being the emperor at the end.

But he will not receive that title because other things will happen in the movie. Anyway, so he goes he kind of leaves leaves the dying king and then Lucia, the Connie Nielsen character, she comes out and has a little chat with Maximus. They have we fucked in college energy. Oh my god. Yeah. They have history, ancient history. All the ick that she has with Joaquin Phoenix

is like totally the reverse with him. They're hot for each other, oh my God. They're talking about their current significant others to each other, like, how's Bruce? How's Linda? What are you gonna do to Linda? Tell me what you're gonna do to Linda when you get home. You're gonna fuck her?

You guys gonna fuck? Oh, good for you. But they both know that she's dead, right? He knows his wife is dead. Oh, no, not yet. Not at this point. At this point, his wife is still alive. But what's up with her husband though? I think he's dead.

Yeah, so I think he died. She's got her son who Joaquin Phoenix's character do not like. No. Creepy creep, uncle, he is. But yeah, so continue, sorry, because I have opinions about when he finds out his. Oh yeah, so Joaquin learns

that he's not gonna be the emperor. He's pissed at his dad. He says, I would butcher the world if only you had loved me. Fucking writing in this. It's so over the top and I totally like it. Yeah, that scene was really good. It kind of like you feel a little bad for Joaquin Phoenix

and then you go, no, I don't. It's like two seconds and then you're like, no, fuck you, dude. So he does this thing about, you know, and again, it's just because, you know, he just wants his dad's love and then he like smothers him and then he like gives him like a then he gives him a death hug. And I wrote down in my notes, this is the most normal man Joaquin Phoenix has ever played. This is as close to a normal man as Joaquin Phoenix.

I have to say, Marcos Aurelius did not help himself in this scene, because he's clearly destroyed his son who clearly wants to be the emperor and has probably been in some way expecting to be the emperor. And then as he's like, why don't you love me? All of my faults, all the virtues you like, none of them are mine. And then he's like, if there's any fault with you, it's because I've been a bad dad.

You're a piece of shit because of me. And I'm just like, you're not helping. Like you're making yourself really easy to kill. That's all I'm saying. Yeah, he's like, yeah, he basically makes a case for the death hug. Yes, he's all I'm saying. So I'm. Yeah. Yeah. He does. Yeah. He's like, yeah. He basically makes a case for the death hug. Yes, he does. And it happens. So now no one knows that he wanted to promise the throne to Maximus.

And yeah, Joaquin Phoenix makes, you know, does a does a play for the throne. He has he has Maximus like taken by the guards. They like take him out to the edge of like the forest to kill him fucking bad move should have just killed him there Whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah, they take him out to the edge of the forest He asked for like a soldier's death and they're gonna like stab him through the back of the neck and that's what God is that What what the fuck cut my head off? I don't know. Yeah, maybe in the maybe in the spines better. I don't know No head off. Like, what is this? That sounds horrible. Maybe in the spines better? I don't know. Ugh, no. I don't. Who knows? I would just be like, can I have a soldier's death but like a veteran who's like, dies of old age warm in his bed? Oh, what's that?

That's right, exactly. They're like, well, he has, it's not a technicality. I guess we have to let him die of old age. I thought he was going gonna be like, can I have a clean soldier's death and he was gonna start running and then they hunt him for sport? Oh yeah, that'd be interesting too. Yeah, he basically just like breaks free, fucks shit up, kills all the dudes, and he rides back home just in time

to see his like wife and son getting killed. The son is just this little kid, he's running out to the road because he hears horses and he thinks this is bad, and he just gets like knocked over by the horses. It's very tragic, but a little bit slapstick in a way where you're like, shit. It would be like if it were modern times, it would be like, oh, daddy's coming home and then he gets hit by a car.

Oh, would this count for that sting then? Oh, it might. You know what? I'm going to do it anyway. Horses are the cars. They're the cars. That's true. What is a horse but an ancient person in the road who the driver doesn't see. Well, they do see accidentally. Get hit by a car. Close enough. Beautiful. Yeah, yeah, close enough. If the gladiator sting is your Sergeantant pepper, that's your revolver. I think

Both good albums terrific albums terrific albums Anyway, so the the wife the wife and the son get killed He like is there to like see his dead wife and son all strung up very tragic I have a request. Yes okay, so. I I've seen this a lot more in movies nowadays, but I didn't realize that this movie had it in there. I don't need to see snot during a crying scene.

Oh, yeah. You don't need to see very snotty scene and snot. I would see so many movies and I think people think that it adds something to the performance like, wow, they're really feeling it here. Feel it in a prettier way, please. Thank you. No more ugly crying. Feel it into a tissue.

Yeah, I mean, it's like Claire Danes is a fucking crier but I don't see her snot bubbles or boogers or anything. Yeah, she does it hot. Yeah, well, I don't know about that, but she does it good. She conveys emotion really well. Her chin goes nuts. She has this twitchy chin thing that I love. Yeah, she's good at the cry chin.

Yes, and so can we not with the snot and the drool with crying scenes? This is just, I'm saying this to Hollywood. I know you're listening. I love this idea. They listen to this show. saying this to Hollywood, I know you're listening. I love this idea. They listen to this show, Hollywood listens to the show. Yeah, new merch, can we not with the snot? No more snot.

Wipe your nose. Yep. So yeah, he has a big old snotty cry about his dead family. Woo hoo. Woo, my family. This is my maximus. It leads you to your beloved farm

that you love so much. So there you go. It's one out of three. Whatever he's bummed. He like he goes out in like looking for looking for the dudes and he like passes out in the desert somewhere and he gets picked up by a caravan. He wakes up and there's a monkey on him. We've all been there, am I right? Fucking freshman year of college, always waking up with a monkey in my face.

That's right. Yeah, I date short guys. Sure. They always have a monkey. Well, they are a monkey, pretty much. No, I got it. Yeah. I love a short guy who can peel a banana with his feet. That's my honestly, that's more talented than most of the short men I've dated.

If you're out there and you've got prehensile feet free with that. Mama's way. Oh, yeah. Of yourself peeling a banana. God. So he is like he gets caught up in this kind of like a banana. God. So he is like, he gets caught up in this kind of like slavery ring. He gets sold to like a guy who organizes gladiator fights is played by Oliver Reed.

He is fucking great in this. I love this character. I love this dude. He's wearing a beanie that is kind of ugly. I'm gonna go ahead and call it the worst hat. Yeah. Oh. The worst hat. And call it the worst hat. Yeah. Oh, the worst hat.

And speaking of the worst hat, you can go to Max fun store dot com and get our merch, including a hat that says the worst hat anyways. OK, so, yeah, he's he's organizing his gladiator fights. Great, great character. I love I love that he was a gladiator, but they just cast a little like squat guy. I love that he just like did not stay in gladiator's shape. He's like, all right, I got my freedom time. He retired.

That's what a football player is usually. You're absolutely right. Yeah. So, yeah, he's he's terrific. Yeah. And again, like the the most interesting character in this movie is like not the main character. I think there's so much like fun acting and stuff in this movie. But OK, so they so now he's a gladiator. He's in the reason he's doing gladiator stuff. That's the title of the movie.

He gets chained up to Jai Min Han Su. Jai Min Han Su, one of those great like love him and everything dudes. They do a lot of fun team up moves. They're chained together. They do some team up moves in this fight. Pretty cool. They got each other's back. There's They do a lot of fun team up moves. They're chained together. They do some team up moves in this fight. Pretty cool. They got each other's back.

There's one point in which Jimon's in front of Maximus, who is very much using, he looks like he's using him as a human shield, where he's just like, okay, him first. But I assume that there was a team up move there. If I was G-Man, I'd have been like, hey, get next to me. This seems unfair, bro. It kind of seems like you're hiding behind me. Okay? Not cool. So that's his first fight that we go to some stuff that's happening in the Senate. Joaquin

Phoenix is just being a little dickhead. The sister is kind of really running things. We go to another fight. The like Russell Crowe is now just automatically famous. Everybody heard about that first fight. They love him. They call him. He's the Spaniard. Russell Crowe, obviously not Spanish.

Did we have to? He's not this is based on a real guy. Just make him something that he might make him the Australian. Make him the Australian. There Australia had been invented, right? Was that I mean, it definitely existed. Sure. God, I if I I don't think anyone would want to invent. So for the British, when they need a penal call.

Yeah, but it's just like, let's make a place with the scariest creatures you've ever heard of. Sure. So, yeah, Russell Crowe, but he's the Spaniard, clearly not Spanish. Whatever. Anyway, so, yeah, this is the fight where we get, are you not change? A great line. I think as creative people, we all kind of feel like that sometimes when you have to pitch an idea. I want to do this. Okay. Tick tocks now. I got to do tick tocks. Should I adapt some IP? Are you not entertained? I want to do this every time I make a sting.

Every time I make a sting, it's like, are you not entertained? That took me two minutes. Everyone is entertained, Matt. I can safely say that. Emily, would you do that every time you tell a fingering story? Just, are you not entertained? No, I say that whenever I get fingered. Fingering story. There you go.

Boom. Is this not fun for you? So yeah, this is so, you know, there's a lot of just kind of like gladiator fights They're really like I think at the time they were seen as pretty like brutal is pretty gory. I Recently went to see terrifier 3. Have you guys? I haven't I tried to make it through the first one and I couldn't do it So Jesse Thorne my co-host on Jordan Jesse go his great podcast great. Thank you. Thank you. Wonderful podcast both Emily I've ever heard of it. Check it out

You produced it for a time. Oh, right It's out there So his he has a kid that loves horror movies and but he Jesse and his wife don't so I like Took his daughter to see terrifier 3 thinking like oh, yeah, a horror clown movie. I've seen these I've seen it I can handle this yeah the fucking shit that happens in terrifier 3 I was like And this is what my mom felt like when I played Mortal Kombat like shock I'm like this is warping children. I'm conservative now There's some some so

So like thinking like what I rebooted this up. I'm like, oh gladiator That's the one with like the fucked up action scenes, but like no, these are cute. These are yeah adorable Yeah Someone gets like cut in half at one point and I'm just like, oh, finally some violence. Sure. Nothing but death so far. I also like when a movie tells you that it's fucked up by having someone pee their pants before they do anything. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Sure. Because there's a guy waiting to go out into the Coliseum and he's peeing his pants.

Just peeing. And it's like- I'd pee my pants. I probably would pee pants too. If I had to perform in front of that many people. Yeah. Honestly, before- I'd pee my pants before we taped this podcast.

Yeah. I'd pee it right now. No, seriously. I pee my pants so much now. I feel like I need to probably do kegels or something. When was the last time you peed your pants? How recently have you peed your pants? much now. I feel like I need to probably do kegels or something. When was the last time you peed your pants? How recently have you peed your pants? On tour, I peed my pants.

Really, how much pants? Okay. How much pee and how much pee, right? How much pants? All right, hang on. I wear this kind of girdle shapewear thing that has a slit in the crotch, so you have to like. Mosey, that's that slit over and your panties.

And then like and it's tight to this is like a tight body, like sucking you in thing. And for some reason, when I pee, it goes everywhere other than the place is supposed to go. I don't know. Like when I was a kid, I peed my pants a lot when I played hide and go seek because I I get nervous that people are gonna find me. And so I, you know, you do the thing when you're out in the yard or outside where you take your pants down

and you squat and then you pee behind a tree, but I could do the deepest squat and then my pee would just go right into the pants that are around my legs. I don't know how it happened. I could hang up my pants and the piss would go in my legs. I don't know how it happened. I could hang up my pants and the piss would go in up there. I don't know. So I peed my thing both nights,

but, and I almost peed going out on stage because I get so anxious. I'll get really nervous and then I'll like take a deep breath and do it and then I don't pee. But I felt like I was about to pee. Well, just have it so they'll introduce you like that. And now peeing in her pants, Emily Fleming! Yeah, no, and I also, yeah, but I also like, I don't know,

I pee when I cough too hard. Okay. Sometimes. Yeah, maybe, I mean, I'm no gynecologist, but maybe some kegels. But yeah, probably some kegels, but also my pee smells pretty good. Okay. I feel like everyone's peeing a little bit. There you go, celebrate your pee, Emily. But yeah, probably some kegels, but also my piece smells pretty good

A little bit you go celebrate your P. Emily your pee is beautiful Thank you All all women's pee is beautiful Everyone is gonna be giving me kegel recommendations. I could just I feel like anytime women hear about this issue They're like, oh my god me too. I could tell you everything Sometimes I think you hate your mentions You're like, what can I, me too. I can tell you everything. And sometimes I think you hate your mentions. You're like, what can I do to make my mentions more fucked up? Listen, ladies, if you do have any like, you know, videos, Cagle videos and stuff, please send them. I definitely need to send them to Matt at MattLeve.com.

I will forward them. Just kidding. Send them to me if Sonic the Hedgehog is doing. And if he's pregnant, I want to see pregnant Sonic doing Gagel's make it his pussy tight for his wife Knuckles. Knuckles like the story. Anyway, so this is a movie podcast. Yeah, I guess. Sometimes I guess.

Yeah, exactly. Why does it have to be about one thing? Can it be about Gladiator and Sonic Bucking Knuckles? Come on. Yes, it can. It's a friendship podcast. There you go. A friendship. You're right. So, OK, so he's so Maximus, he's famous now.

He's like the he's like the top gladiator. Everybody loves him. He learns that if he makes it high up enough in the gladiator battles, he will get to meet the emperor. And that's when he's like, okay, I'm gonna try really hard at being a gladiator so I can kill Joaquin Phoenix. Yeah. That's the plan.

And then we go back to the kind of Joaquin Phoenix, Connie Nielsen story. We learned that she has a son. He's and he is constantly getting threatened by Joaquin Phoenix because like that's the heir. So Joaquin Phoenix sees him as a threat. This like, you know, 10 year old kid, the 10 year old kid is sleeping in bed

and he just goes up and starts sniffing them. This guy's a fucking nephew sniffer. A dirty fucking nephew sniffer. But also, if Joaquin Phoenix would just marry someone and have his own damn son, this son wouldn't be the heir anymore. That's a really good point. Go fuck somebody, dipshit. But he only loves his sister.

That's true. Yeah. That's the only the only woman for him. Oh, yeah, because he tries to marry her at some point. God. Yeah. So, yeah. Walkie Phoenix is just being being gross sniffing sniffing nephews. There's a big fight with chariots later. A bunch of cool stuff happens. Yeah, that was cool. Yeah. There's archery woman. She gets chopped in half. Oh, yeah. Rally's the other gladiators to work like a team,

he uses his general skills. They all team up and use shields to knock over the cherry. It's fucking cool, really neat. Yes, so he wins that battle, he's got a mask on, Joaquin Phoenix comes out, forces him to take off the mask, and then they know, he knows it's him, the guy who he was supposed to kill but didn't, but he can't, Joaquin Phoenix can't kill him

in the middle because the crowd loves him too much. The crowd loves him. So he's gonna go into a battle with like the old gladiator champ. So this is like, he's gonna fight a big, big boss monster, just some big guy. So this gladiator champ, I think he's the tallest person in the movie.

Tallest guy. Hey. He comes out on a horse that has all these little red deely bobs on it. I was like, is this horse supposed to be COVID? You know how COVID has those little red deely bobs? Yeah, that's what it is. It's supposed to be COVID.

Is the horse dressed as COVID? Hey, horse, are you COVID? What are you wearing to be COVID. Is the horse dressed as COVID? Hey, horse, are you COVID? What are you wearing tonight? COVID. Tap your hoof twice if you're COVID. This whole plan by Joaquin Phoenix is so stupid. After he finds out that Maximus is this big, famous now gladiator, and it's one of the greatest scenes in the movie,

his reveal. And then he's like, I can't believe he's not dead yet. All these people lied to me. All right, I've got an idea. We'll stage another battle that he'll definitely lose because the guy's super big. And that's his whole plan. He's like, don't worry. He's not getting through this one. It's like, you know, he's really good at fighting.

Yeah. That's his whole deal. Just poison him. Send a snake. He's doing all this other stuff, but with him, he's like, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm just going to make a really cool fight for him to win and make people love him even more. Yeah, and then make my problem worse. Because the more he wins. Yeah, he's so stupid. That's true, but if he did like, so when he does fight him,

he gives him a disadvantage, of course. He does eventually give him a disadvantage, but also that still doesn't work. He has not learned. Well, we'll get there, we'll get there. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, so this is cool, this is the fight with the tigers, the tigers come out, they fight too.

Fucking rad. This is really cool, this is all practical, this is like real tigers and when he has to stab one, it's a big like plush tiger that they throw at him. Yeah. I'm a little bummed thinking about the sequel, it's probably gonna be a bunch of CGI. I love fucking real animals in a movie.

I know they really can't put any animals in anything anymore. Even all of the like dog movies that I see, like I feel like Call of the Wild that they did with Harrison Ford. Oh, my God. It was almost a fake wolf. Yeah, it's a fake dog. Yeah. And maybe I dug maybe, you know, maybe, maybe, hopefully trained animals are treated nicely in movies. If they're not, I guess

it's good that they're not they're not in there. But I'm okay with CGI kids, but I feel like I don't know, like, I assume, like with horses and stuff that they treat them pretty nice because their horse, they're delicate, you know, they're beautiful they're majestic yeah guys they definitely don't yeah probably not yeah uh maybe it's better that they're cgi it's better but it's still a little cool when they're real yeah um so yeah his uh so he kills the he kills the big boss guy wait i just realized something yes do you think that's why they have sharks is so they don't have to pay for someone So he kills the big boss guy. Wait, I just realized something. Yes. Do you think that's why they have sharks?

Is so they don't have to pay for someone to draw fur on something in CGI? Oh, I don't know. Maybe, I mean, yeah, I mean, I guess the Sharknado movies taught us that, like, sharks are... Sharks are cheaper. ...easy to render in the world's shittiest CGI. Yeah, they're just smooth and slippery. I think that's what it was. You might be right. It was that's what it was. You might be right.

It was like, what's the cheapest animal? Yeah, or it could just be a real shark that they got a discount with. Maybe they looked through it like an animal catalog and was just like, well, shark, shark pretty cheap. Let's buy shark. They just got a screensaver from 1999. Yeah, like, listen, we're paying Denzel Washington to show up to this one. We need some cheaper animals. Yeah. We can't afford tiger anymore. Denzel's in

the movie. Listen, Denzel's in the movie. So the gladiator is just going to kick a bunch of salamanders. Sorry, we can afford a plastic bag full of salamanders. But there's a lot of them. There's a ton of there's a lot of them. Trust me, you don't want to fight 400 salamanders. Sorry, Denzel gets 20 you don't want to fight 400 Salamanders. Sorry, it's all gets 20 million to fucking show up and put on the road. Everybody gather around to stop at some snails. Yeah, sure. He's going to he's going to throw a woodchuck like a football. The only thing that's going to happen in this movie.

OK, so he's so he's winning. You're right. They throw bigger and bigger stuff at him. Oh, OK. So he's so he's winning. You're right. They they throw bigger and bigger stuff at him. He kills everybody. He meets one of his old army buddies. His old army buddy comes out to like his his like victory parade. And he gives them a little a little baggie. And in that baggie, there's a little like carved action figure of his wife and son.

Hey, an action figure of your son. Is that a Sunco pop? Anyway. Hey. Fuck off. So back in the, it is good. Back in the like Senate story, like Joaquin and the other like conniving senators,

they're like talking about how they can like get rid of Maximus. And he tells a parableable of this and one of the senators tells him the parable of the sea snake that like lies in wait and it uh it lets its enemies come up and and think they're eating it and then it strikes and Joaquin Phoenix says let our enemies come to us and nibble. The grossest shit in the world. He's a creep. Even when he's like planning to do some like violent thing. Yeah.

Even just in a work meeting, he's like, and they will nibble us. Come have a nibble. What's another word you could use to make it sound less bad? Suckle? No. Put the nom nom on us.

I mean, the problem is, it's already, you know, the metaphor itself, it leads to nibble, but when he says it, it's- Have a little taste. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Try a bite, a little nosh if you will. A little nosh? A little nosh.

You look so skinny, have a nosh on me. Treat us like some tapas. Yes. Small plates. Some naps. Pass them around. Should I get some fries for the table? Do you know how we do things here? We all have.

We have small plates for sharing. Two to three dishes should be enough for two people. So yeah, so he has this whole plan. He does some creepy shit to his sister. He like lays on her and breathes in her face. And the fucking get this creep off me look on her face is so hilarious. She really is, yeah, God bless her.

She having to put up with this dude, very creepy. Yeah, it's really sad what my hunk watch is. Oh boy, well, oh, I'm excited to get to the hunk watch. Oh no. This is going to be a juicy hunk watch. Perhaps this will perhaps be the most divisive hunk watch of all time. I don't have a brother to who wants to fuck me, so it's like, you know, it's a fantasy. I mean, I think it is funny how much all pornography has caught up to this movie

I was thinking about that like in while I was watching it I was like what is this has been going on forever But now it feels like it is just in every subject of every porn. It's just thrown in there Yeah, it's gotta be an algorithm thing. I don't know what it is And it'll just be like tossed off. You'll just see like, oh, here's two hot people having sex and they'll be having sex and he'll just go, you're my mom, just really quick. I have to say it, I have to say you're my mom.

Like when it says step, I'm like, okay, fine. You know, like at least we know they're not related, but people are weird, man. That's still like kind of weird power dynamic thing going on there But like yeah, it's it's also just like when it's the step thing I'm like, so you mean two people who are not related to each other Can we those are just those are just people fucking can y'all just pouring each other and like I need to go to sleep I need to come and go to sleep

We're all just trying to get to sleep here. Making me feel like I have some kind of complex and shit. I want to go to bed and and and maybe a hey and this is an old man yells at cloud moment here But what happened to the pizza guy? What happened? Guy guy fix a cable guy fix in the pool. Is it door-dash? Did door-dash kill the pizza guy porno? Clean the pool. Is it door dash? Did door dash kill the pizza guy porno? Maybe or maybe it's also like I like pizza more than dick. So when there's dick that goes in the pizza, you're like, don't fuck up the pizza.

But I guess, yeah. And the ones where they're putting their dick through the pizza, I guess. You are ruining a perfectly good pizza. I would like it to be instead of a pizza guy, a guy who actually like fixes something like if you fix my garbage disposal, that'll turn me on. Oh, so you see in this porno, you actually get to see the guy relight the pilot light. Yeah, I like that.

Then they have sex. Yeah. He changes all the light bulbs in my apartment. Um, and yeah, and then cleans out my garbage disposal. You know, it's funny you say all that because the garbage disposal porn that does exist, it is someone who gets their hand caught in a garbage disposal and then cleans out my garbage disposal. It's funny you say all that because the garbage disposal porn that does exist, it is someone who gets their hand caught in a garbage disposal and then has sex. Well, I'm sure that that's calling something

a garbage disposal is another thing. You could call any hole that. But I think what I really. You know what? But I think. Who knows what we're going to cut guys. I know. Who knows when and where we'll cut.

But I think basically I want a husband. Yeah, sounds like it. You're going to fix all my shit and I'll reward him with sexual favors. Is there so much to ask? You're just really turned on by the phrase. Here's your problem. He he he he. Yes. And it's me every time.

So we're coming up on the end of Gladiator. It's all about the shit's about to hit the fan. The garbage is about to go in the hole. We will talk about the thrilling conclusion of Gladiator right after this. We're back. It's Free With Ads. We're talking about the thrilling third act of Gladiator. So Connie Nielsen goes to visit him in his chambers. They kiss.

Yes, we knew they were into each other. It happens pretty hot. There's a plot for him to escape. He's gonna go like meet his old army buddy, the one that gave him the action figures. He's gonna go meet him by the forest. He's gonna escape, but it's a trap. Oh no, it's a trap.

They kill the army buddy and they capture Russell Crowe. He's gonna escape, but it's a trap. Oh no. It's a trap. They kill the army buddy and they capture Russell Crowe. They tie him up and he's about to go into his final battle. Joaquin Phoenix comes in and taunts him. He's like, it's a very striking story. The general that became a slave, the slave that became a gladiator. Okay, I think we need a sting

for when a very normal movie convention bothers me. Okay, okay. Like too much to where I'm like too mad about something that like happens in movies and it's normal and I should just fucking chill out. Yeah. Like tie your trope. Yeah, sure. I like specifics though.

Give us the specifics here, Jordan. Here's what I, here's the thing that happens in this scene that I don't want to happen in movies anymore. OK, I don't want characters in movies to reference the story. I don't want them to say, this is where your story ends or you're not the hero of this story. What the fuck? We know it's a story. It's just like screenwriters putting all this importance

on the importance of storytelling. We know it's important. We like, we're here. You don't need to remind us of like, well, we'll need to see how this story ends. What a fucking dumb thing to say to somebody. Okay, hang on, hang on, hang on now. I appreciated that because I had a hard time paying attention

to this fucking movie. Oh, so you liked the recap. Yes. So I loved it. Cause I'm like. Okay, every movie should have a scene. Okay. For Emily.

For Emily, where someone sits down, looks directly at the camera and goes, okay, so far here's what has happened. Yes, I would like that. We got the general became a slave. Slave became gladiator. Oh yeah. Gladiator charmed a nation.

Is it charmed? Yeah, it did. And then who's this other guy? But I will say that all of the battle scenes, which I think are what people really like, I tuned right out. Like, I don't know, I just, Yeah, I mean what people really like. Yeah, I tuned right out. Like, I don't know. I just. Yeah. I mean, I was like, cool, a tiger.

And then the brain just did what the brain does. Yeah. And I don't know. Yeah. Yeah. There's a lot of like battles in here. And they're like a little samey like, this is the tiger one and this is the chariot one. But I do agree. There's like a lot of like kind of interchangeable battles. And I think like Matt said,

it's just Bucky and Phoenix going, what if we do this to him? What if we do this to him? What if we do this to him? And it's like, I bet he won't win this one and then he wins it. It is a little bit just like video game levels kind of. And yeah, like, I mean, fucking really, Scott can shoot one of these things.

They're they're gorgeous and like, you know, they're really cool looking. But I I totally feel that they're like kind of samey and dramatically inert, perhaps. But yeah, I liked the dramatic scenes even more than the battles, I guess. Yeah. There's a lot of good there's a lot of good stuff in this movie. But yeah, definitely like it, it loves those battle scenes. You know? Yeah.

So yeah, so we're about at the final one. Joaquin Phoenix, while Russell Crowe is tied up, he shanks him, so he gives him this kind of death wound, and then he's gonna go and kill him in front of the citizenry to prove that he's the like best king guy. That's right. I called him a king guy.

You are making me furious right now. Not even an emperor, not even a king. He's a king guy. I'm the best king guy. I'm just a nephew sniffing king guy. I'm nerd angry. You know what? Maybe I hate my mentions too.

If I'm haunting the Rome guys. I don't know how many ancient Rome guys. Fuck my mentions. I don't know how many ancient Rome guys listen to this podcast. In fact, most ancient Rome guys that are cool, they listen to Mike Duncan's podcast, History of Rome, and then the vast majority of them just listen to Joe Rogan and have no idea what ancient Rome really is. We're really going to be bringing in those listeners for this. Bring them in.

And get over here. The board of maximum. They know. Yeah, little do those bros know they're just going to be hearing about how I piss myself sometimes. And they'll like it. I love it. Like it. I'm a garbage disposal.

Saying stuff with my garbage mouth. Yeah. Pissing in my pants out of my garbage hole. Oh, man. My family, if they listen to this podcast, I have a feeling Thanksgiving is going to be fucked. I'm just going to go home. If they listen to this podcast, I will say this much. Are you not entertained?

I'm not entertained. There it is. There it is. Fuck. I wonder what would happen if Russell Crowe had a yelling match with Eddie Redmayne. Oh, God damn it. You know what that would sound like? If Russell Crowe had a yelling match with Eddie Redmayne. Oh, god damn it. You know what that would sound like? If both of Crowe had a yelling match with Eddie Redmayne? It's too many things.

I got to find all. You know how big my soundboard is right now? I think that's your problem. You did it. Well, we kind of did it. We'll finish up the movie, and then we'll hear that at some point. So yeah, I mean, this is basically it. He kills Joaquin Phoenix and then he dies Matt. Do we got it? Yeah, I'm sorry

Take your time man. We gotta have it There we go amazing good stuff worth the wait So, yeah, he did. Russell Crowe, Russell Crowe dies. He dreams of his wife and touching wheat again. We get the image from the beginning of the movie. It all comes back around. We're all just we're all just passengers on a crazy blue marble

waiting to touch wheat in the afterlife. So true. Beautiful. And then, yeah. Our dirt soil wife. There you go. And then, Jaiman Hatsu buries the action figures of the wife and kid, and that is the end of Gladiator. Yay!

Yeah, he could have fucking sold those things on eBay. He shouldn't bury them. Those things are worth a lot. Yeah. Man, that was buried them. Those things are worth a lot. Yeah. Man, that was really good. What a movie. You know what? That movie should win best picture.

I think it did win best picture. Oh, shit. Hell yeah. There is something about movies from that time period, like from, I'd say, 95 to 2004, where the endings were just water dripping from your face. Like you would the music would get you. Yeah, yeah. Like Titanic, that ending just like it was any movie that one best picture

had to have an ending that made you sob with an amazing score like behind it. And like it is. I did think a lot about Titanic while I was watching this. Me too. Because like both these guys directed alien movies, that's kind of cool. Yeah. But also just like what,

like a best picture winner has changed so much recently. Like best picture winners are now like Coda and Moonlight and like Green Book and these kind of talkie dramas. And just like in this time period, it had to be like a big kind of dumb historical epic, you know, yeah So yeah, that's kind of interesting. It was kind of like fun to revisit this era of like kind of big Spectacully best pictures. Yeah, I loved it. I mean anything about I guess what's that thing about ancient Rome that men are always thinking about it There's like a meme about you know, men are always thinking about ancient Rome that men are always thinking about it? Something like that. There's like a meme about men are always thinking about ancient Rome.

Is that true for you guys? Do you think about it often? Not really. We thought about it for about two and a half hours while I watched this movie last night. Yeah. Yeah. I think, to be honest, Rome has not interested me all that much. Like history, when history is that old, everyone's name sounds exactly the same,

and I don't know what to do. Yeah, I mean, Titanic does that for me. I think that that's the Titanic thing. I think about it all the time. Oh, interesting. You're always thinking about the Titanic, huh? Titanic is, it's so fascinating, and it's just kind of, it's sad, but also kind of hilarious.

There's some really funny there, you know, there's so much Titanic, like tourism and museum exhibits and stuff like that. It's so haunting and spooky and somewhat romantic. Also, the movie is I've if we ever get a chance to watch Titanic, I would really appreciate it because I fucking love that movie. I saw it five times in the theater. Oh, yeah. And I feel like this movie is the Titanic for dudes. Oh, that might be, yeah.

Interesting, I think you're right. Yeah. No, I think that's 100% correct. Cause this was a movie that like, I saw multiple times in theaters when it came out. I was like, we got it. And my sister was the one who made us go see Titanic a bunch, you know?

So this was my, it was like this in the matrix. Yeah, that shit was- They were both, they're both always on cable. They both have like a line that people say too much. I'm the king of the world, are you not entertained? Yes, well, also you were talking about how those directors, you know, from Titanic and from Gladiator, both directed aliens movies. Do you think that there's something about horror and emotional drama that there's like a line that connects them that it's like

you can have a grip on those two things? Oh, you might be right. That's a good theory. Yeah. This kind of like big operatic emotion is kind of like related to horror. I think that's a good theory. Yeah, they're good at both things. Okay, we're going to rank Gladiator, but first we're going to do our famous segment that we're now doing in this part of the show. It's time for Hunk Watch. Heee.

HULK DAY! Fuck. That's fine. People know the sting at this point. Yeah, they get it. time for Hunk Watch. He. How dare you fuck. That's fine. People know the sting at the. Yeah, I get it. I just play whatever. Just play baby Godzilla and we'll talk about. We want to. Do many. Oh, man. This is great. Yeah, it's I'll I'll go first.

Richard Harris for me. The abuse, the long hair, the man of peace, the lion in winter. Jordan, we talked about this. You're making me horny. Everyone horny. Why don't you want me to whisper? Stop it, I hate it.

Yeah, Richard Harris for me. Yeah, I love the long beard love his peaceful ways I mean he did like order, you know many many wars it sounds like over his life, but he found peace in the end Anyway, it's mine. Anybody anybody have a favorite hunk in this? I mean mine's Joaquin Phoenix. I I'm so sorry. I just think he's so beautiful to look at. I think his eyes are so piercing. I like his little like, little bitchy boy bullshit. I don't know, I just like.

His little bitchy boy bullshit. I like his little tantrums, I don't know. I just like wanna walk in the room and be like, does someone need a time out? Make me emperor, father, make me emperor, hold my breath. Daddy, love me. And be like, turn around, take your pants down,

I'm gonna swat the fuck out of that ass. Oh, you just wanna spank him, I get it, I get it. I wanna spank him. You wanna spank a brat, I get it. I wanna spank him. I think he's just really handsome, I don't know. And I don't feel that way about him in other movies. Like.

He's an interesting, you know, I think that we've all kind of turned on Joaquin Phoenix a little bit because of these kind of whack Joker movies, which I totally get, but like he's so compelling and makes such fucking weirdo choices. He's really good at a lot of things. I know that like these Joker movies

have kind of soured people on him a little bit, but like he's been awesome in things. He is an amazing performer in those movies. You can't deny that. I haven't seen the second one. The second one seems to be the one that's bad. The first one is like, he puts on a great performance in the first one. Yes. His performance is not, I think, the issue. Right, yeah, he is doing a compelling job acting. Yes. Have you guys seen You Were Never Really Here?

No. But guess what? I think that's for you, that's on YouTube. Oh boy. Yeah, You Were Never Really Here is a really great movie and such a great use of weirdo Joaquin Phoenix. I really recommend it, I think it Joaquin Phoenix. I really recommend it I think it's I think it's a fun fun performance. I'll watch it. I killed a bunch of people with a hammer

He has a little girl Good movie. Oh wait, I'm thinking about the documentary when he was a rapper Wait there's I was never really here and then I'm still here. Yeah There's I was never really here and then I'm still here. Yeah, I don't know what the documentary You call something like that, but I'm I'm thinking of a hammer-killing movie. He was in Oh, I've heard I know exactly what you're talking about. But they should have called that one stop hammer time. That's what I was doing That way you could differentiate it from I'm still here. Yeah, that was the original title for old boy. Yeah I'm still here. Yeah. That was the original title for Old Boy.

Yeah. There are remixes of that hammer killing scene where they put MC Hammer in the background. There should be. There should be. Work on that. That'd be a good Vine. Bring back Vine. Bring back Vine.

It's, you guys, it's true. The documentary is called I'm Still Here, and if that movie is, you were never really here. Yep. Jesus Christ. Should have called a stop hammer time. Well, is one a prequel to the other? I don't know.

Before he was a rapper, he was a hammer man. He's like, I have to go in the witness relocation program. Quick, make me a rapper. I squealed on the mafia. Now I'm a rapper yep all right Matt do you have any thoughts on the movie yeah this I've been giving a lot of thought and it's obviously Russell Crowe okay I hate to do a hot take, but here's the thing about Russell Crowe. He's hot and the lead of the movie.

So he's my hunk of the movie. All right. Yes, you're right. A wonderful point, Matt. I just don't know what it is about Russell Crowe. He just kind of looks like an idea of a man to me. Sure. That's fair.

That's true. There's just nothing like there's nothing there. He's an amazing actor. He's definitely classically good looking. There's no doubt about that. But there's I guess I need people to be a little fucked up. Yeah. Or something. You want to be more of a little brat.

You like him like like a little brat. I want something like I don't know. There's got to be a little little twist or something. Yeah. If you're just aats. I want something like, I don't know, there's gotta be a little twist or something. Yeah. If you're just a hot dude, I'm like, well, this person's never gonna go for me. Handsome man 27B. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, yeah, those are the hunks of Gladiator, and we are gonna rank this movie on a scale of 1 to 10 super loud commercials when we come back. We're back. It's free with ads. We're going to rank Gladiator, the original on a scale of one to 10 super loud commercials. Emily, since you're the first timer, why don't we end with you? We'll let you be the last word on Gladiator. I'll go first. I really like this movie.

It is so down the middle. It is such a down the middle, no surprises, historical epic, but very well made. And when I was watching it this time, I really noticed how fun and good and just delightful all the acting from the side characters was. Connie Wilson is so good. Richard Harris is so good. Yeah. The guy who organized the gladiator fights, Oliver Reed, just such fun acting. Yeah. I kind of wish that our main character was a little more interesting, was a little more dynamic. He's an every man though.

He's an every man, just a wheat loving, son kissing. Joe the plumber. Yeah, there you go. Just a Joe, an average Spaniard. Just a regular Spaniard. So, yeah, but I think this is a really, a really, a really cool, well-made movie. And definitely like, I understand why it lives on cable so well. It's just so watchable.

All the little chunks are so much fun. Yeah, I'm going to get a seven. I'm going to get a seven. I don't think it's like, yeah, I wouldn't put it in on any kind of like top list for me, but super fun to watch. And I am real excited for the sequel. Me too, yeah. Matt, what do you got?

I'm giving this a hell yeah. That's a seven. Wow, okay. It's the same thing as a seven. Everything you said is correct and I couldn't top it if I tried, so I'll just, I'll add hell yeah. Hell yeah. It's a great movie. Don't try to top me. Just say hell

Yeah, hell. Yeah, stop trying to top Jordan Mustn't top me. Yeah, he is a boring bottom. That's right. You can put sprinkles on me, I guess If you want to put toppings on me Emily gladiator first time Give this one an OK. And it's a seven, though. Here's the thing. I really love these epic

like battle period piece movies, but I recently watched Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves. Oh, yeah. Which, oh, God, I love that movie. And then I just feel like there's a lot. I love that movie as a kid. So it's so good to and the acting is also amazing, but there's a lot more like

like the characters are a lot more fleshed out. I don't know. There was a lot more engagement for me in that movie that made me care a little bit more. This movie just felt like we are looking at some epic battles. This looks great. But it didn't hook me enough to even kind of make me give a shit about the battles. So I'm going to give it a seven. Seven. Seven. I think that's very reasonable.

I think this movie is good. This is a good, solid'll watch it again. This is a good solid honorable seven. Yes. All right, that was Gladiator. Hey, we've got a very exciting plug. For some reason, you're somebody who turns off the plug segment. Don't you fucking dare.

Yeah, fuck you. Because this is really cool. Guys, we got our first live show coming up. You can see us live at SF SketchFest over there in San Francisco, California. We are so excited to be part of this comedy festival. Oh, my God. Super stoked. We're going to be at the Punchline Comedy Club. January 23rd, 730 p.m. We're going to have a special guest to be announced. It's going to be someone really cool. Punchline Comedy Club, January 23rd, 7.30 p.m.

We're gonna have a special guest to be announced. It's gonna be someone really cool. SF SketchFest, we would love for y'all to come out. We'll announce the movie a little bit closer to the date, but we hope folks get tickets. You can get tickets at sfsketchfest.com or punchlinecomedyclub.com. Once again, 7.30 p.m., Punchline Comedy Club, part of SF SketchFest on January 23rd.

We cannot wait to see y'all. I'm so stoked. I'm so excited. Yeah, please, please come out. Yeah, I think we would all love to do a bunch of live shows, but this first one has to go well. Yeah. So, yeah, come see the show,

or we'll never leave our houses again. Yeah, and we'll blame you forever. And we'll blame you, the person who didn't come. Doesn't matter if you don't live in San Francisco. Take a vacation. We'll figure out who didn't come. We're giving you time to ask for work off. That's right. Don't work.

You're not coming in on the 23rd. Get your ass to SanF, SF sketch fest dot com. Or else I'll piss in your pants. There you go. Come to the show or your pants are going to be filled with piss that isn't yours. And hey, we still got merch. Max Fun Store dot com for your free with ads merch. We got our gorgeous horror movie inspired T-shirt.

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And hey, here's what we want you to do. Take a picture of yourself with your free with ads merch really helps us supports the show. And hey, here's what we want you to do. Take a picture of yourself with your free with ads merch. Send that picture to free with ads at MaximumFun.org and you are automatically entered into our contest to choose a song format to Godzilla remix. So we will be picking one merch have her at random to pick a Godzilla remix song. So make sure you get that merch,

send those photos to freewithadsatmaximumfun.org. Let us know if it's okay to post that photo on social media and let us know which song you want to hear a Godzilla remix of. Could be a popular song, could be a song from your band, could be a commercial jingle, whatever. Will Godzilla remix it if you you win maxfunstore.com all right you got your marching orders get those tickets to see us at sf sketch fest get that

merch maxfunstore.com and hey head over to maximumfun.org join and support this show and that brings it to you. Okay, tune in next week when our movie will be Face Off. Tch. Ha ha ha. No. No. No. No.

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