Free With Ads - Hitched For The Holidays

Episode Date: December 17, 2024

This week we ring in the holiday season with the Hallmark Christmas movie Hitched For The Holidays starring Joey Lawrence and Emily Hampshire as two single people who get in a fake relationship to please their families.Matt, Jordan, and Emily did an episode of Good Mythical Morning that was so raunchy they had to release it on Mythical Society! Please sign up for Mythical Society and watch "Spicy Spin The Bottle."Maximum Fun just launched their own online bookshop! Buy books without supporting some of the more evil booksellers by going to Bookshop.org/shop/maxfun  and buy books written by many of MaxFun's best podcast hosts, including the YA graphic novel Youth Group written by Jordan Morris!We are excited to announce that Free With Ads will be doing our first ever LIVE SHOW at San Francisco Sketchfest 2025! Join Jordan, Emily, producer Matt Lieb, and a very special guest at the Punch Line in San Francisco on January 23rd at 7:30pm for a live show you will never forget. Get your tickets NOW!Free With Ads merch is finally here! Go to the MaxFun store now and buy something for yourself!Also, we are having a contest! If you buy some merch and take a picture of yourself with that merch and send it to [e-mail], we will pick one of you and the winner will get to have any song they want Godzilla-fied. That's right, Matt will make a Godzilla remix of your favorite song.

It's free With Ads, the podcast that asks the question, why pay Netflix eight bucks a month for a bunch of weak-sauce, knock-off, Hallmark holiday movies when you can go online for free and get the OG, uncut, good shit. That pure Hallmark Christmas cheer shot directly into your veins making you feel like a holiday god who is getting your ass eaten by Santa himself. I'm Jordan Morris. Wow and I'm Emily Fleming. Today's movie is hitched for the holidays the 2012, 2012 what the fuck? 2012 Hallmark Channel original that's the highest budget of any of their movies,

costing about as much as a high school production of Bye Bye Birdie. With us as always is super producer Matt hitting us with those big soggy drops. I'd rather be his whore than your wife. I haven't updated from last week, I'm so sorry. That's okay, it's a great drop, you can coast on that drop for a while,

we'll tell you if we're getting sick of it. I mean, listen, I feel like everyone knows Titanic is also a Christmas movie, much like Die Hard. So I figured to keep the drop through the holiday season. So let me get something straight. I requested that you do a different fart sound every episode, and you said you were going in a different direction, and then you didn't go

into a different direction at all in any way possible this time. This time I decided the different direction was same direction, which is different from my previous direction of different direction. Yeah, so honestly this is the biggest curveball you could have possibly thrown us. Exactly, it's like when the Hobbits went into Mordor and people were like, what?

It was like that, I did that. I feel like I'm being gaslit the way both of the families were in this movie. Oh. This moment right now. Excellent tie in. This will not stand. Well hey, before we talk about Hitched for the Holidays,

we want to talk about something else we saw for free on the internet this week This free thing is actually a post on the reddit for this show r slash free with ads It's a fun place to go to discuss this disgusting show with other sickos. You can also go to r slash maximum fun And discuss the show there too. We love it every time you post about us. This post on rslashfreewithads is from environmental hyphen i 373.

And this is a, they have posted a social media post from at jwrightthekid. Jwrightthekid says, "'Everybody got their favorite little crappy movie that they'll defend to the edges of the earth. And this caused a wonderful discussion in the comments, people defending their crappy little movies. It being listeners to this show, everything people post,

I'm like, wait, that's a good movie. What are you talking about? Yeah, it's like The Godfather 2. Everyone likes that. Someone's saying Anaconda and Deep Blue Sea, two fucking Stone Cold Animal Attack classics. Lot of good stuff in there. There's some Grease 2 fans, some mummy folks.

But I wanted to know, we could just go in there and post our own, but we could actually just use it for content, so I would like to know, do y'all have a crappy little movie that you'll defend to the edges of the earth? I mean, I guess I'll start. Mine, and I actually, you know, the funny thing about this prompt is that

it requires you to call the movie really crappy and little. Sure. And I'm like, well, actually, I have a really amazing, big movie that everyone should like, but everyone's stupid. Okay. It's Martin Scorsese's The Aviator. Oh, I like The Aviator. I was thinking about The Aviator a lot.

The Aviator fans. Same, same. Big piss in the jar fan. Yeah, I love him. Dating quite a few men like that. The way of the future, the way of the future, the way of the future. The way of the future.

Show me all the blueprints. Wait, do people not like The Aviator? I just remember in college getting a lot of shit for it. I still had friends to this day who whenever I talk about a movie, that will say, don't listen to Matt, his favorite movie is The Aviator. And I'm like, it's a good movie. It's a good movie.

I mean, it's got Leonardo DiCaprio. It's got Adam Scott playing a small bit part, but he crushes it. It's got Cate Blanchett talking like, they are. Oh, when Cate Blanchett is from the olden times. I sure does it. It's got Cate Blanchett talking like, they are. Oh, when Cate Blanchett is from the olden times. I sure do love it when Cate Blanchett is from the early 1900s. It's like, it's an incredible movie

about a really cool guy. A guy who make planes. So yeah, I just, I love it and I'll always defend it. Interesting. Emily, do you have a crappy little movie? Once again, I don't know how little it is, but I love Garden State. Okay, okay.

I know a lot of people think it sucks and it is very like, I mean, it came out, I guess, in 2004, which is when I graduated high school. And I just remember the trailer and the music was so cool. And I really loved it. And I had a big crush on Zach Braff from that movie, not from Scrubs, not that goofy ass character, but in this movie and I don't know.

And then the main Pixie Dream Girl thing came out and I went, oh, I'm stupid for liking this. And then I know it's a fucking movie guys. It takes place at a really weird weekend where two people are madly in love with each other. Speaking of another movie that where people fall madly in love with each other during the course of like one week, which is another movie we're talking about tonight.

But I loved the soundtrack. I thought all the characters were fun and quirky. I loved that she had a million hamsters in her house. Did she have a million hamsters? I saw that movie exactly once. I went with my college girlfriend to see it, and we only listened to The Shins for six months after. That soundtrack was, I burned a ring in that thing, for sure.

I haven't revisited it. I just watched it that one time, and I definitely remember liking it, but it definitely, I think it's just become kind of a punchline for Tweet Indie movies a little bit. Yeah, it's unfair. I feel like the Manic Pixie Dream Girl meme like came out and everyone retroactively

started pretending they didn't like Garden State. Yeah. And I was just like, what are we doing? Like that was like a good movie. It did well, at least from what I can remember. Yeah. Isn't there some sort of like Garden State soundtrack tour or show coming to the Hollywood Bowl or something? There's a concert, yes, and all of the artists.

Yes! Wait, Coldplay's gonna be there? They're not on the soundtrack. Yeah, I mean, I don't know if they're on the soundtrack, but they do, their song is like the opening song in the movie Is we live in a beautiful world? You know that song. Oh, yeah

That's back when I would call the soundtrack. I would call the soundtrack coldplay core It is cold play core though. Yeah, honestly Can you get us nine other cold plays to be on the soundtrack. We have the one Cold Play. We need nine more. I like the Plays, make it colder. Also, I'd say Cold Play is the crappy little movie of bands that I would defend to the fucking death. I love Cold Play, I love them. I remember the first few albums that came out,

we were all excited for them to come out. It's so funny, I literally think you're brave for saying this, because I'm nervous about you saying that. Yeah, and then I had to pretend to like Radiohead, I literally think you're brave for saying this, because I'm nervous about you saying that. Yeah, and then I had to pretend to radiohead, and I was like, god, how much longer do I have to pretend to radiohead to get laid? Radiohead is way better than Coldplay.

Oh boy, oh boy. It's just like, give me something palatable. It is palatable, you just don't understand art. Listening to Coldplay is like watching a dude play. Halo Listening to Coldplay or or radio. No listen to radio head. Sorry That was such a good joke and then I fucked it up listening to that joke was AI Emily saying the joke. Yeah do the joke and then add Godzilla roaring after she does it.

Because the thing is, people are gonna rip me apart on Reddit for this, and I know that. No, I don't think so. I don't think so. When have you been, have you been ripped apart for anything you said on the show? Not on this show. I don't know. Not on this show.

Not on this show. No. It's, you know, any, now you're challenging everyone. I think this show, you know, from what I have experienced, is a safe place for talking about liking stuff that maybe like the mainstream, you know, pooh-poos a bit. But then disliking something, I think, is less what we're about.

Yeah. But it's like, the radiohead thing, I acknowledge that they are art. I don't fucking know. You didn't get shit for not liking Godfather 2. You're not gonna get shit for not liking Radiohead. Well, I was right about that. But the Radiohead thing,

I could see me being wrong about that. I could see it. I'm sure there are weird noises that people find good, and I don't know why. How dare you? There's a guy, this shrill little man who lives in a tin cup and he just makes these noises. I don't know.

Matt, why did you say how dare you when you have a perfectly good stink hole? Oh, people have been asking for it, Matt. I know. People have been wondering where the how dare you sting is. Let me set that up again. Emily, say something nasty about Radiohead. Radiohead is like watching a dude play Halo. Oh You know what? There it is. Thank you Eddie. Thank you

I Will I will do mine before we move on to the movie? This is a this is a crappy little series that I really love. And so I know there's like, it's weird because what's popular is so relative. So the movie series I like, there are six of them, so somebody likes these things. I just don't know anyone who enjoys these.

I love these. Six series or six seasons? Six movies in a series. Whoa! Mila Jovovich Resident Evil movies. Solid. I have seen every single one of them. I think they are all a hoot.

I realize that they have shortcomings. I think they're very fun. I think there's like a fun mix of CGI and practical. They're a little scary. They're really fun. They got some good stunts in them. I think they're always a hoot. I have never been able to find anyone

to watch one of these with me. I'm like, we will watch them with you anytime. I absolutely will watch the full series. If it's free with ads, I'll watch it. They were all on Pluto last month. I know some stuff comes and goes, obviously. But anyway, so yeah, I might take you up on it. Maybe we'll just do like the middle two

Resident Evil movies or something. Okay, so r slash free with ads and r slash maximum fun. Get in there, chop it up with the other freebies and let them know what your favorite crappy little movie is. Speaking of crappy little movies, wonderful segue into this. You know, I don't know, is this crappy? Let's talk it out.

This is Hitched for the Holidays. It is a Hallmark movie, it came out in 2012. Do either of y'all like Hallmark holiday movies? No. Okay, wow. This is your first one, Matt? Yeah. I mean, I think I have... I don't think I've ever seen a Hallmark holiday movie that wasn't

for a podcast. Yeah. There are two audiences for these movies. Yes. Like 80-year-olds who are in a nursing home where the TV is just tuned to hallmark podcasters. Have you watched these for a podcast though? I did a like Rift Tracks sort of thing for a fundraiser where we watched a like a Hanukkah version of one of these.

And they all look the same. They all look exactly like this. They all have some fucking pun title. And the premise is always like, what if you were Jewish? That's kind of it. Yeah. There's a little bit of that in this movie. A little bit of like, what if Jewish people did a Jewish thing?

Okay. Yeah. OK. Yeah, and they're fun to talk about. And to be honest, I think they are usually pretty competently made. I'm not not enjoying myself. Sometimes I get a little bored, but that's fine. Yeah, Emily, you had a strong reaction to this.

Have you been made to watch these, or do you have, do you actively dislike them? As someone who loves romance movies, I love Bridgerton, I love all that stuff. This just feels like it was written, like women'll just like it if there's a guy and a girl and they do what, who cares? They'll just like it if there's a guy. They'll just like it if there's a guy and a girl and they do what a who cares If there's a guy they'll just like it if there's a guy and then they end up kissing just put it just put whatever in the camera

At a man Oh my man. It's like you're not even trying. I don't know it It's my okay. I've never watched a hallmark christmas movie. I have watched quite a few like Lifetime christmas movies, I think. And then I've watched the Netflix Christmas movies. They know they're bad and they kind of lean into it and I like that. Also they get like, I don't know,

like people in there that I want to see. I don't know if Joey Lawrence is exactly my, or our generation's like, Hunk or Heartthrob. He's definitely someone's. He's like the radio head of Heartthrob's. Whatever. Anyway. Sorry, I'll stop doing that. No, you can keep doing it. It's funny. Yeah. Yeah. OK.

But and I looked up lifetime holiday movies into the Google machine. And the first thing that came up was Hallmark Plus. I looked up lifetime like, you know, and the first. Oh, yeah, they've they've gained the algorithm. Hallmark Plus. And it says it's sponsored and then below it is lifetime that is also sponsored. So Hallmark is outpaying lifetime.

Yeah. To beat it in its own game. Wow. Got to got to give it to you, Hallmark. Competition is strong. It is strong. those two brands. But yeah, I'm sure that they're all kind of similar or whatever, but I'm judging based on this movie. I just never been drier in the pants, never in my life. Okay.

A little peek at the rating, I guess, that's gonna happen. Well yeah, let's actually talk about this thing. Hitched for the holidays. We open on some beautiful shots of New York City. It's 28 days till Xmas. Hey, it's kinda like New York City's another character in the movie.

Anyway, we see Joey Lawrence from Blossom. I actually have pretty positive feelings about this guy cause we were a big Blossom family. We never missed a Blossom. Little crush on Six, Blossom's weird friend. I love her. I saw her in a store in Nashville once, and I didn't really watch Blossom,

but I remember her being super cool. I wanted to talk to her, but then I couldn't. Oh, yeah, that is the... I loved Six, but I was afraid of Seven. Wait, why? Because Seven, Eight, Nine. Yay! Thank you. Thank you. Yay.

Thank you. Should we just end the podcast? If we're doing a PG movie, I might as well do that joke. Do you guys ever worry that we're getting a little too smart for the internet? We might be. I think we might be getting too smart. Yeah.

Too intellectual. Too intellectual. They haven't talked about fingering smart. Yeah. Too intellectual. Too intellectual. They haven't talked about fingering yet. Telling hilarious jokes. Listen, you couldn't fit a finger in there with the dry bullshit that's happening in there right now. Oh boy, wow. Emily, it's Christmas.

It's supposed to be dry. Yeah, I guess. So, yeah, so he's in a cab, he's breaking up with a girl, he's a business guy, he doesn't have time, he's got too much business to do. What business? Unclear. He sells Gabagool.

He's a New York guy. Hey, I'm a Catholic, I sell Gabagool at the fuckin' advertising agency. Yeah. His face is as smooth as marble. It's like somebody just cinched the back of that head and went. It is wild how young he looks,

because I'm watching this movie going like, isn't he. 50? Yeah, like a senior citizen. Not like 50, isn't he like 60? Like how old is Joey? I don't know. How old is anyone supposed to be in this?

It's, yeah, very this? It's very unclear. Yeah, they act either 19 or 50. Yeah, so very unclear. So his parents, big Italian family, they're giving him shit for not settling down. The sound in this movie, just like the microphones are bad. I had to like fuck with the settings on my TV. I'm like, do I have some sort of fucking sound version

of motion smoothing on? Why does it sound so bad? But I think they just like had one microphone and they like, they put it in a box. Yeah, everyone project. Everyone just yell in this direction. It's theater. And so we learn a little bit about his character

when his Italianamama asks him if he wants veal or eggplant. And he wants both. This guy can't make up his mind. That's his character trait. He can't commit. So actually, so Joey Lawrence, for the younger folks, he was a heartthrob in the 90s. He was on a show called Blossom.

It was the TV version of The Worst Hat. It's the TV version of our sing. Joey Lawrence also had a pop music career. Really? Yeah, yeah. Actually, we have one of his songs queued up. This is not like a bit. This is one of Joey's actual songs

that like charted in 1992. Yeah, here it is. ["Why Is My Baby Blue?" by Joey Lawrence and The Worst Hat plays on the radio.] in 1992. Yeah, here it is. So like very new kids on the block, very Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch. It's not horrible. It isn't, it's pretty good. It's just not what I thought his singing voice would sound like. I thought it'd be like, oh, hey, I'm a pop star.

Yeah. He thought he was gonna do just ohs the whole time. Oh yeah. Hey, when the moon, it's your eyes. Like a big pizza pie. He does that 90s pop thing where he ends his words. Yes. Yes.

And your word. Yeah, there was a whole generation of child actor turned pop star attempt or attempted pop star guys who all kind of modeled themselves after Michael Jackson. Yeah, that makes sense. And so like, yeah, he's of that particular school. I mean, his voice is pretty. That's not bad.

It's just different sounding than his speaking voice. I listen to a lot of his songs. I went down a little bit of a rabbit hole, and he's got some good ones. Maybe we'll listen to some more Joey Lawrence music. And then we're gonna have to. I love this cover of Hurt by Nine Inch Nails. Yes.

I hurt myself. So today. Get in ya pretty woman. Upon your liar's throne. Nah. No. So, well hey, that's the boy story. Now let's go to the girl story.

It's, hey, great to see this actor. It's Emily Hampshire, she's from Schitt's Creek. And she is, so she did these, and I think she kind of like got famous after this from Schitt's Creek, and now does, you know, work that people might consider higher quality than this. So she kind of like, so you know, it seems like maybe these movies are where people, work that people might consider higher quality than this.

So she kind of like, so it seems like maybe these movies are where people, that you can kind of get your start in them or you can kind of like settle in them. I mean, work is work, you know what I mean? That's how I think of these movies is work is work because I would die to be in any of these movies. I mean, all trash talking aside, I would be in any of these movies,

no problem. The dirtbag who she works with at the office, great part. I would love to play that. I would love to be the foot fetish podiatrist guy. Give me that role. Totally. Great parts. Her mom, fucking Mary Lou Hinner. Mary Lou Hinner in this, she is in two of my all timers. She's in Noises Off in LA story. She's a great comic actor. She was a sitcom actor in the 70s and she's just fucking nailing this. She also never ages too.

Yeah, she looks incredible. I looked at her IMDB. She does four of these a year. She does four Hallmark movies a year. No. Yeah, totally. And it's one of those things of like, yeah, fucking sure.

I mean, you're very accomplished, but these are probably like fun and easy. She also has that, there's a, it's not, it's like a mental, it's not a disability, but it's like this, what do I, it's this thing where she has perfect photographic memory.

Like she can remember literally anything. Every day of her life, yeah. I don't know how you like necessarily prove that, but that is the thing about Mary Lea. Oh, she'll prove it, she'll prove it. You know, you can prove it. There's a comic in the Bay Area named Larry Bubbles Brown. You give him any date, he'll tell you

what he was doing that day, and he'll tell you that date's proximity to a plane crash that happened. Whoa. Yeah, I think she's spooky. I like Googled it while he was doing it, and I was like, whoa, this is real. How do you, yeah.

And it's not something he does on stage. He does it in the green room for fun. This is real. How do you huh? Yeah On stage he does it in the green room for fun Okay, it's not even on the show. It's great. He's yeah, it's not something that's really useful or anything I guess unless unless you're like a star witness for something, but um, yeah, don't let Mary Lou renner see you murder somebody But okay, so it's called highly superior autobiographical memory HS am Yeah, don't let Mary Lou Renner see you murder somebody. You're fucked. You would be fucked. But OK, so it's called Highly Superior Autobiographical Memory, HSAM, allows her to recall details from almost every day of her life. So there'll be things like like weather and stuff like that that she can remember. It's pretty crazy.

How bad how bad the trailer bathroom smelled after Joy Lawrence got out of it. I wonder if we could just like, ask her shit about this movie. I don't know if Joy Lawrence has nasty shits. I was just, you know. I mean, let's go with it. Okay, yeah. So anyway, Mary Lou Hinner plays Emily's mom.

She, you know, it's another thing. Why don't you get married? She's not getting married. And so they set her up with a guy that Matt alluded to. Not my mom, by the way, this actor. The character. No, no, yes, yeah. I know, I'm gonna call her her character name.

So yeah. Yeah, yeah, Julie. Julie, there we go. Okay, that will help this not be confusing. I don't know if, this is a meme that is kind of tailored to my algorithm. Have you guys seen the hardcore guitarist meme? No.

Possibly, what happens? The meme is when the hardcore guitarist looks like this, you know you're gonna die in the pit and then they put up a photo of the nerdiest guy possible. Yeah. That is so fucking this podiatrist. Yeah. Yeah, it's like this guy

Was I don't know that meme, but that is a great meme. That's a great mean I love it. It's like Toby Maguire from spider-man or something, right? Okay, Matt cut this part out, but I'm gonna make a note to do that meme for for Instagram next okay Oh, yeah, that'd be great. Yeah anytime. We're there's and we'll put ourselves in it or something. Oh, yeah, sure anytime there's a- And we'll put ourselves in it or something. Oh yeah, sure. Anyway, but I also wrote down the first time I saw this guy of like, he's like set up as the like lame, like the guy who's not the love interest, right?

He's the guy she rejects. This guy, I was like, this guy fucks. Like this guy seems like a like polyamory sex party guy. Absolutely. Yep, we saw you from across the bar. Yeah, we liked your vibe. Yes, totally that guy. Come to see my hardcore band.

Yeah, this is the guy that you give a chance to, even though you're unattracted to him, and then you'd hang out with him for a couple months and be like, all right, he's okay, and just when you start to fall in love with him, he dumps you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

This is that guy. And we find out appropriately that he's a foot guy. He's a foot- Oh yeah, I gotta like that. Me too, I know. And I feel like it proves my thesis, this guy fucks. And yeah, you should ask someone before playing footsie

with them under the table, but I mean, this guy clearly has a robust, interesting sex life. I love that too, because it was like the only edge that the movie had. It is like a almost entirely smooth movie. It's just a soft movie, yeah. It's so soft. There's like no conflict.

There's like every conflict gets resolved immediately. Yeah, and so like the only like, ooh, thing is, a guy is a podiatrist with a foot fetish. I was like, okay, you know what? I'll accept it. That's funny, cute, let's go with it. Yeah. Yeah. So her, so what is it?

What's the character's name? I keep wanting to call her Emily. Julie? Julie. Good old Julie, that iconic character. So her, so what is it, what's the character's name? I keep wanting to call her Emily. Julie! Julie, good old Julie, that iconic character. Okay, I'll give you a mnemonic device to help you remember. Okay, thank you, would you please? Julie is a Jew.

Honestly, that's gonna help me remember. I don't like that about myself. It helps, it helps. So she has a very rom-com job. She works at a newspaper where she is, and this is her words, not mine, theater reviewer. I'm a theater reviewer.

You mean a critic? I yelled at my TV every time she said, I'm a theater reviewer. Who fucking calls themselves that? Maybe she's just humble. She's like, let's be honest. I'm not a critic. No, this movie was written by a dude who's like, let's be honest. I'm not a critic This movie was written

By a dude who's like do women have jobs? What jobs do they have? Yeah, they like plays my wife's always dragging me to What a guy who likes feet in there the women will go for that they'll love it It's so wet for this movie I got three hours to write this movie. I love it. Or I don't get my cocaine from Hallmark. Oh, look at that. Look at that going by.

It's a tumbleweed from Emily Fleming's pussy just going down New York City streets. This movie was written by Joey Lawrence's character. Yeah. Exactly. I think it is. So it's a Joey Lawrence, we learn, has a sick grandma and she wants nothing more than to see him get a wife before she dies, which we learn is like gonna be New Year's. The doctor is like, well, after New Year's she's gonna die.

So like a very- If she dies, we're just gonna take her out back and shoot her. My favorite thing is multiple times they talk about maybe the doctors don't know anything and she goes they know and it's like they don't. They clearly don't. They don't know in this movie. She makes multiple miracle recoveries in the movie. Yeah there's a lot of like parallels to Moonstruck in this. At least with regard to the dying Italian mother slash grandmother situation. And they're both bad. I can do a Radiohead thing too. Oh boy. Yeah, what's watching Moonstruck like, Matt?

What's it like? I want you to know, the Fleming family family watched moon struck together for Thanksgiving and now it's one of our official Thanksgiving movies that we're gonna watch every year so you can't you can't fight us we The Lebes are watching the aviator Honestly, we would love to come over and watch that. That sounds really fun, actually. Can I come? Everyone show up. And then me and my dad will definitely come watch Resident Evil because

why do I sound like this now? Why do I sound like this? You watch enough Joey Lawrence. It's infectious. It's infectious. Whoa. Yo, yeah, I think we even mentioned his catchphrase on Blossom was, Whoa, was, Whoa. I was trying to remember what it was because I remember he had one. I thought it was a that's like Yeah, it's really close. You're not you're not far off. It is whoa They gave him a leather jacket and they went oh, we can't do a so we got to do what's it? What else?

Let me try a few. Let me try a few. Yahoo-hoo-hoo-wee. No. It's goofy. OK, OK. Ah-ha- What was that? Do that again. Whoa. Yeah.

Hey. That shit was tight. Yeah. It's like the trailer for Straight Outta Compton. Just like he's in the booth and they're like, yo, do that again. That's the biopic with Joey Lawrence story. Him in the booth going, whoa. I don't know.

Do that again. And then he has a drug problem from doing whoa too good and he gets too rich. Oh, whoa. I don't know, do that again. And then he has a drug problem from doing whoa too good and he gets too rich. Oh yeah. He's like, I can't do this anymore, man. His mother tells him, whoa, I ain't gonna put no food on no table. Whoa, I ain't gonna put no food on whoa table.

You can't eat whoa. Yeah, you can't eat whoa. So grandma's dying and he lies. He says he has a girlfriend and it's one of those gags where he's looking around the hospital room. So he sees roses and he's like, My girlfriend, Rose Mary. There's a world where he just looks in the wrong direction. He's like, my girlfriend's name is Shit Caked Bedpan.

A dying grandmother, no. No, that's you. Let's see. So, okay. So, they both have this dilemma. So, mom's trying to set Julie the Jew up with multiple guys. Yeah, call her Julie the Jew. I will. That's a gangster. She's got all these. Yeah, call her Julie the Jew.

I will. That's a gangster. That's now a gangster. It's one of Dick Tracy's villains. Yeah. Oh, and we got Joey. Joey the Hat. Joey Bananas, Joey the House.

Julie the Jew. Julie the Jew. Mario the Brother. I should have done another long deleted scene bit to go with this. Yeah, also his name is Rob in this movie. So it could be Robbie the guy. Robbie the man. Robbie the man.

Robbie deleted the movie. The mail guy, the mail man in the movie. The mail man. Yeah, he delivers mail. So they both need a fake relationship. So they go on the movie's legally dissimilar from Craigslist website, Ricky's List. They both go on Ricky's List.

So this is 2012, this was fucking cutting edge at this time. They go on Ricky's List and they put up an ad for needing a fake relationship. So they both just wanna do this time. They go on Ricky's list and they put up an ad for like needing a fake relationship. So they both like just wanna do this scheme. And so we see her like going through like people answering her ad. I paused it to look at the screen names of the people who had answered her ad.

Big dude, gentleman 55, Mr. Nice Guy, I want to meet you humbug Harry and Satan spawn Emily just based on the screen names, which one of these would you answer going for humbug? Humbug Harry that's that's him. That's like that's yeah, I know I just I wish I had a funnier answer, but all of those just felt too real. I know yeah like it's too real I was I too was in New York City at this time and I I too was in New York City at this time. On trolling Ricky's list. I was on Craigslist looking for,

I got my bed from Craigslist, I remember. Oh yeah. And luckily a lot of stand-up comedians in New York were movers, that's like what all stand-up comedians did for work, because you'd only have to work during the day and then you could go. So I'd just get a bunch of comedians to pick me up in their truck and then we'd go get stuff.

And then I already had dudes who would not defend me if it was something sketchy, but at least they were there. I don't know. Yeah, a witness. Yeah. A witness. Bring Mary Lou Henner with you. She remembers everything.

Yeah, but I definitely used it then and it was, I think I found my first apartment on Craigslist. That's so crazy. My first LA apartment was a Craigslist person. Wow. For a little year and some change. Yeah, she was a Monster Energy Drink promo model and she had a lot of bands sleep on our floor.

And then someone moved into our closet. She didn't ask. It's just this girl just moved into this walk-in closet and then we had a third roommate. Very weird. Did you guys hook up? We did not hook up. Did she pay rent?

Oh, but she tried. Let me tell you. She was constantly trying and I'm like, no, madam. It would be unethical. Yes. I'm your landlord's friend. What about the girl in the closet? No, the girl in the closet.

I think we got along a little bit better than me and the primary roommate. But no, no, no, no romance. Just two roommates hanging out in the closet. I have never hooked up with a roommate either, and I'm very proud of that. Same. Yeah, good for us all.

We're all good and healthy and have good relationships. Anyway, so they go to her office party, they go to the bar, he orders a vodka tonic with two limes, I guess this is supposed to be a cute drink order, I don't know, and then he orders, so he says, give me a beer, I almost get mad, but then he says anything in a bottle, and I'm like, you know what, fucking fine.

Okay. That's fine. That's fine, that's an order,'m like, you know what, fucking fine. Okay. That's fine. That's fine, that's an order. The bartender would know what to do with that. But it is a fucking psychotic drink order. It's another thing where he, it's trying to be like he can't make a decision, but a cocktail and a beer, fucking psycho shit.

Like. Okay, hang on, Jordan. Okay, whoa. Sorry, what did I? Slow down. I don't mean to judge. The fact that my drink order is a whiskey neat with bitters and a Budweiser in a bottle. That's a shot in a beer. That's a shot in a beer.

That's not psycho. That's normal. It's got bitters in there and it's neat. It's not a cocktail, but it is two drinks and I'm not shooting it. I'm sipping it. OK, I do. I do a double sipper. So I think you owe me an apology. I apologize, I would order that at a bar. I would order a Neats thing, but I don't know,

for some reason it being a full cocktail seems psycho to me. Yeah, like a vodka cranberry with a beer is weird. That is very weird. You're right, you're right. I'm just trying, I just need attention sometimes. No, no, no, and you deserve it, you deserve it. I think, you know, I feel like what you're describing is a boiler maker, which is a drink. Yes, yes, yes, it's true.

There's a kind of weird thing with alcohol in things where you're not sure if the writer or director have ever had a drink. Like, have we all seen The Room here? Yes. Yes. It reminds me of when he pours a drink. Tommy Wiseau pours scotch and vodka into the same glass. And it's just clear he's just never had a drink in his life.

And so he doesn't know you're not supposed to make a suicide out of it. It was the same feeling I got watching his drink order. I was like, I don't know if anyone would do this. I always remember in, I've made a note to know how much you're supposed to pour like of a one liquor drink from like movies and TV. Like in Mad Men, they have that decanter and like glasses

and they're drinking like scotch during the day. And then he pours it in. I'm like, I didn't put much in that cup. And then I went, well, how much you supposed to put in there? You just pour it into the brim? Like, what do you do? So I just, I pay attention to like Mad Men. I'm like, this is how much scotch goes in a cup.

That's all I know. That's all I know. That's all I know. That's all I know. So it's kind of off. So he gets too drunk at the office party and like doesn't act that shitty, just gets a little bit stumbly and she's like- He's dancing pretty great though.

Yeah, he's dancing, but I think, I don't know, I think this is supposed to like represent someone getting too drunk and making an asshole of themselves. So this is the closest thing the movie has to conflict. Oh, I guess there's one little one at the end that's fucking psychotic that we'll talk about later. So this is the closest, this is one of the only conflicts in the movie.

I guess he's supposed to have acted like an asshole. He immediately apologizes via this email. And then they kind of just get along for the next 60 minutes. Yeah, so they kind of go to all each other's things. They go to a coffee shop and he orders a mint tea and an espresso. This guy, this fucking guy.

He can't commit. He can't. He takes her to his family's home. I think they don't know she's Jewish at this point. And they're like, help us decorate the tree! The tree at this point is already fucking decorated. It drove me insane. I was like, you're done!

This tree is, what is she gonna do? And also they're doing this thing where they're just like, oh boy, this must be a weird situation. You probably never put tinsel on a tree before. Like what the fuck? Like she's asking me. Well it's also just like, why are they putting her to work? You're like, it's just. She acts like it's driving stick too.

Like she's like, you could never place. I could never do this. No, and it's also like. What do I do? I stick it in my asshole? But also she's wearing earrings. Yeah. Yes, they're, yeah.

Same concept, motherfucker. You're hanging a thing on a thing. It is so weird. It's like, and I've seen this happen a few times in the other Hallmark movie that I watched. It was very much this thing where it's just like, oh, you know, Jews, they don't know anything about Christmas. It's like literally everyone knows everything about Christmas. Yeah, it's us that know nothing about Judaism. Yes. Well, but not even that,

even that I was like, yeah, you wouldn't know the prayers and stuff, but like you wouldn't blow out the menorah like it's a fucking birthday cake. Yeah. No one would actually do that. It was a great joke. That was funny though. It was a great joke. There is a couple of legit funny things that happen in this movie. Yeah. Kind of in this zone too.

The most I laughed in this movie, and maybe the most I've laughed in a minute watching media, is when they... So his family has to pretend to be Jewish just because of I don't know fucking No reason so so the Julie's family comes over and what they've done is they've just hung a bunch of dreidels in their Christmas tree Laughs like a maniac It was very funny and then also they had a bunch of menorahs, one for every night, which was a great joke.

And they were not Hanukyas, they were Kwanzaa Candeloperas. I didn't notice that. Yeah, no, that's what they said. They got Kwanzaa menorahs essentially, which is a very funny joke. That was a great joke, because there's not enough candles on it. Well, I will say that this is strangely progressive part

about this movie, which I kind of found charming, because when I was growing up, there was like a girl from my church who was the really popular girl, and she went to college, and she ended up marrying a Jewish gentleman and all of the old ladies at my church were like, well, Ida, that just sounds like it's not gonna work. And I'm like, why? Why? And they were just like, well, what do you do with the kids? And I'm like, whatever you want. I don't know. I feel like

they'll figure it out. I don't know. It always seems they'll figure it out. Like, I don't know. It always seems so weird to me. So to see this in this movie where it's just like, no big deal, everyone's just trying to make everyone happy and nobody's weirded out by it. It made me really happy. I liked that a lot. Yeah.

It is for the older audience too. I think this conflict, I think for maybe our generation or younger is gonna be like, wait, who the fuck cares about that? But the older generation is like those church ladies where they're like, what are they gonna do with the children? That's what I'm sharing.

They'll be so confused. The children will be confused. They'll be like, we love Jesus, but also we don't. What do we do? Yeah, I think, and I have not looked too deeply into what the Hallmark Company does as a corporation, but I think that like, I guess they, you know, they put out a, you know, same-sex couple having this exact plot. It's this whole like, we're lying because we need fake dates, and then we actually get

into each other, but I guess they, you know, so I think the Hallmark Company, like, it seems like what these movies does, you know, they're trying to be a little more progressive than the audience. They're a little woke. Yeah. They're woke greeting card companies. I'm sick and tired of these woke cards. Roses are red, violets are blue,

and now a Christian's marrying a Jew. Why do none of these cards have the R word in them? Yeah, more slurs in my cards please. I'll tell you this, don't go in the comment section of this movie. Oh no, yeah but. But oddly enough, I didn't see anything anti-Semitic. I saw a lot of other stuff though. Okay.

Oh, interesting. But. Just random conspiracy theories for no reason. Yeah, there were some, yeah. Anti-Italian, anti-Italian American discrimination. No, none of that either. All right, we don't need to guess. I mean, there was some,

there was some chubby shit in there. Let's be real. No, no, let's keep guessing. Yeah. Okay, now I'll go. That's some chubby shit, but it was a lot of men in the comments I saw saying how much they loved this movie. Oh, interesting. And that kind of furthered my opinion that this was a movie written by dudes

like thinking about what they think women would wanna see but really it's what they wanted to see. So I think this is a movie for women written by dudes for dudes. Okay, yeah if you're out there and you're a dude hitched for the holidays fan, we wanna hear from you, free with ads at maximumfun.org. So they do a couple more things. His shirts are all really tight.

They put him in some fucking tight-ass shirts in this. Not complaining about that. Okay, he's in great shape. He's in really great shape. He looks amazing. Yeah. But this is a very, yeah, this is a very, his look looks very like post emo, right?

The pants and the shirts are all real tight. Anyway, so okay, what the fuck happens in this? Okay, he goes to see a play with her. There's a weird thing that I think is almost a great joke in this where she's too nice as a theater critic and never wants to criticize, a theater reviewer, excuse critic. And never wants to criticize, a theater reviewer, excuse me. She never wants to criticize anything,

but when she falls in love with him, she can write a bad review. And so she comes into the office, right, having written a bad review of a play they go see called Socks in the City. Fun. I would love to see that play. She writes a bad review and the whole office is clapping

because she panned this play. That was so weird. And also, her review, they go to her review and it has the review, doesn't have a photo of the play, it has a giant photo of her. What fucking newspaper article has a giant photo of the person who wrote it? This movie has an understanding of newspapers like Penelope.

That just has a headline with the title. But I don't think this one is doing it as a joke anyway. So yeah, and the thing about this is they just like each other. The closest thing that happens to a fight is the drinking thing. And I don't think this movie ever does a good job. I mean, the movie doesn't fucking care about a lot of shit, but it doesn't do a good job of like, why don't they just be together?

They like each other, they have fun, they kiss a lot, they accidentally kiss. I mean, it's probably like kind of their kink, you know? They're like, no, we can't, we can't, we can't do it. Well, I think it's also the who's, are you in this for the gig from Craigslist, or are you in it because you like me? I think that they're both kind of like, you know,

it's just that what dating was in 2012 too. Don't ever show someone you actually like them. Yeah, maybe. Play the game, that was like a peak game. God, I remember when I was, I moved, this is 2012, the year this came out. I met this, went on a date with this guy from, um, what was it? OkCupid. It went great. And then I followed him on Facebook the next day. Everyone I worked with at my retail store was like, why the fuck did you do that? That's psycho behavior

And I'm like what why they're like no it means you're like stalking him I'm like oh, they'll like wait five days to call somebody Yeah, I just didn't understand all of these like ins and outs of playing this game, and I still don't I still don't do that shit Yeah I'm busy when I'm busy. I'm't need to. No. Just yeah. I'm busy when I'm busy. I'm not when I'm not. Fuck yeah.

Yeah. So yeah, so they're just fucking around. They're being into each other, but for some reason not just saying they're dating. Grandma makes a miracle recovery and comes to the house for the Hanukkah Christmas party, but they dance too hard and grandma passes out. They're like, we let the party get out of hand. So at the hospital where they're tending to grandma, they confess. They're like, here's what we were doing.

She was a thing. Meh, meh, meh, meh, meh. Okay, so that's one of the three bad things that happens in the movie. We're gonna talk about the end when we come back. It's Free With Ads. We're talking about Hitched for the Holidays. The couple has confessed while grandma is in the hospital. Up to this point when they talk about what they're doing,

she's just like, it's okay, they're just little white lies. They're not, they're fucking huge lies. You are telling huge lies. And when you confess this, you seem psychotic. The whole thing just makes them seem so crazy. So then they kind of have to deal with the fact that like, oh, do we break up? What are we?

And then, okay, so they've been setting up this thing where she hasn't dated because she got dumped on New Year's Eve. Yeah. And then she's like, I have something else to confess. I didn't get dumped. I dumped him on New Year's Eve and Joey Lawrence is For some fucking reason mad about this. Yeah, okay that shit that you were doing earlier huge lies that

Actually a little white lie genuinely a little white lie Like I don't you know, you don't tell everyone the exact reasons you broke up with someone you don't fucking have to like You know You don't tell everyone the exact reasons you broke up with someone. You don't fucking have to like, you know, you don't tell your parents. But like she says, uh, I didn't lie to you. I said that, uh, we broke up. Like she actually didn't lie about it. Um, she just kind of heavily implied that, that he was the one who did it. It's, it's the littlest white lie in the movie, and Joey Lawrence is like,

I can't believe you would do this to me. I'm such a good guy. It's just like, okay, I get it. It's the fucking third act. It's minute 70 of this 80 minute movie. Something has to happen, but that truly makes him seem insane that he would get mad about that.

It's like, who the fuck, don't date this psycho, anyway. For a guy who can't like, pick or commit or whatever, he could sure commit to a lie. Like, you know. Yeah, that's a great point. Fully commit to lying to his family. Like, having several meetings a week about how they're gonna lie.

Yeah, he's made a big choice. He made a choice. It's a part-time job. He doesn't get confused. It's just like when it serves him the most, he'll make that choice. So they both go off to separate New Year's Eve parties. He has this kind of pussy-hound friend who pops up a couple times. I think he's the tallest person in the movie.

Tallest guy. He says, he's talking to the pussyhound friend. This guy has some awful dialogue. He says, like, come to my party at the bar. You still owe me that C note. C note, that means 100 bucks. That is slang from the fucking 30s. How old is the guy that wrote this movie?

You owe me a C note? Insane. I didn't think about that. That is definitely not a guy that wrote this movie? You owe me a C note? Insane. I didn't think about that. That is definitely not a woman who wrote this. A sawbuck, give me a sawbuck. Well I remember there was this guy who I was dating in New York also who was talking about this girl who before she had a kid

she used to be a real dime piece. Oh boy. And I was like what does that mean? And he goes a 10 and I used to be a real dime piece. Oh boy. Well, I mean, you know. And I was like, what does that mean? And he goes, a 10. And I was like, just say that, you piece of shit. But also don't say that. Yeah, exactly.

But it's also like, God, if you want to be a douchebag, just stop making it confusing. Like, just be a douchebag. Don't talk like you're from Boardwalk Empire. I know. But it's like, that sounds like the guy who said that wrote this movie. So she goes to her office Christmas party.

Give me that C note and then we can meet some flappers. Yeah, we'll go to a gin joint and listen to Andy Kirk and his 12 Clouds of Joy. Jesus. So she goes to this New Year's Eve party. She looks great at this thing. She looks like she's in a 60s girl group. Me too, she looks awesome. And clearly she was dressed by people who don't understand the fashion of 2012, but I think it makes her look kinda cool and retro.

Yeah, it does. And she's like, yeah, there's this jerky sports rider who's being really creepy to her, and she kinda tells him off. That's a thing. The podiatrist is there. He like sees this other woman rubbing her feet. That's kind of a funny joke.

And he's like, I got to go. That's great. Guy loves feet. But then they so at the at the bar party where the guy needs the C note, Joey Lawrence gets a call. Grandma got better. He runs. Yeah, I know. Grandma just randomly gets better and then passes out.

She loves the drama, is what I think. She's a messy bitch. I'm dying, I'm not. I'm dying. Marry someone. I'm dancing, I'm dying. Yeah, fucking Grandma. Messy.

So they're like running to find each other, cell phones exist, just fucking call each other, whatever. He sees her get in a cab and he like jumps on a police horse to chase and that's like the big climax of the movie. This like, they haven't talked about horseback riding at all in this, I'm like did I miss something? Anyway, whatever, he steals a horse. Yeah, well his mom predicted, like his mom has visions,

which they added into here for some reason. She's like, I have this vision that you're going to get on a horse and get, that he steals a police horse and doesn't get arrested. And I'm like, this is not New York city. Yeah. New York city is not the main character here. To be fair. He is, he is white. So he can take any police horse he wants. It's really funny if the movie ended where he's

beaten to death with a nightstick. I mean, I... New York City cops all open fire on him. Yeah, and then a bullet, a stray bullet, hits shitty Elmo in Times Square. Oh yeah, sure. That hello darkness, my old friend, just fucking falls down in the snow.

So they, you know, the horse thing happens. They kiss, everybody like watching them collapse even though they don't know what's going on. It's like they were just watching the movie. We see a big clock in Times Square. There's no ball, there's no ball dropping. And it's like, do you have to pay for the ball? Whatever, just a big clock.

Make this be in another city, I don't get it. Yeah. And so you get a little, yeah, I know, right? I'm sure they just shot it in Canada. It's like, what does Canadian New Year's happen? Like, what happened? Anyway, you get a little, like, wrap up, text wrap up with what happened to everybody.

So strange to do that. It is weird. For a fictional movie. It's really weird. Yeah. It's like, it's not a biopic. You don't have to be like, grandma went on to live another six months and then died tragically in a car accident.

She died in Vietnam. You can make up anything. It's like, grandma turned out to be the reincarnation of our Lord Savior Jesus Christ And Iron Man was there Making shit up she's dancing herself to death again in hell I love a postscript for a movie. That's just fiction So that's yeah, so that's that's Hitch for the Holidays. We're gonna rank it.

But first, our famous segment, Hunk Watch. It's Hunk Watch. Yeah. Yeah, I think it's Joey Lawrence. I don't know that he's great in this, but he handles himself pretty well, genuinely hunky. Maybe he has had some bad tailoring decisions made for him. But yeah, I don't know.

I think he handles himself pretty well. And I think a genuine hunk then in the 90s and in the 2012s. Any other opinions? Mary Lou Renner. Oh, Mary Lou Henner. Yeah, she's great in this. And she looks amazing. Wait, is it Mary Lou Henner?

Mary Lou Henner, yeah. Fuck, I've been saying. You were thinking Mary Lou Retton. Yeah. Damn it! Okay. You combine them. And why not? Yeah, and why not?

They're both great. Yeah, and yeah, Mary Lou Hennor is so good and clearly like, you know, clearly better than all the other parents in this movie. And I think she probably could be doing prestige TV and shit, but I don't know, I kinda like that she likes doing these things. It's probably like literally one,

like it's probably one, two days of shooting. And then she probably has a great day rate. I'll say it's definitely not the sag minimum. You know what I mean? No, no, no, no. She's wonderful. Yeah. My hunk watch, Feet Guy. I like wonderful. Yeah. My hunk watch, feet guy.

I like the podiatrist. Yeah. Oh, all right. I see myself in him, you know? I get it, bro. Yeah. Sometimes you look at some tootsies, and you're like, ooh, this little piggy is going to market.

They did scan down to Julia's feet at the party. And she had the ugliest shoes on. And I was like, yeah, they are not meant to be together at all. Yeah. I think she's great in this too. She's really good. She is fantastic.

Yeah, so she definitely nails this rom-com dialogue. Both her and Joey Lawrence are doing their best with the movies. Yeah, they are. They really are. That's all you can ask. They're fun. They got a little chemistry. They're having a good time.

All right, we are going to rank Hitched for the Holidays. I can never remember the name of this movie. Hitched for the Holidays. When we come back. We're back. It's Free With Ads. We are going to rank the Hallmark Channel original movie, Hitched for the Holidays, on a scale of one to ten super loud commercials.

You know what? My instinct says that maybe I'm going to be the most charitable to this, so maybe I'll start. Matt, we'll go to you and then Emily, you can deliver the kill shot to the brain. Okay. I think, I think, I don't know, I don't mean to presume. All right, all right. So I, a little glimpse into my process,

for all the process nerds out there. Sure. I usually try and watch these movies that we talk about pretty closely. I kind of try and make it a distraction free viewing experience You know, I know I have to talk about if I get shit wrong. It's gonna be confusing This is the one movie I've watched for this podcast high out of my mind. I was so stoned when I watched this movie and

I like laughed a lot at the intentional jokes and at the bad shit that her giant photo in the paper next to her review. So I kind of weirdly had a good time watching it. It's not great, it's super creaky and definitely written by an 80 year old man just guessing what a woman is like. But yeah, I don't know. I think it's kind of fun. I think it is like, you know, if you are with your elderly family members during the holidays

and need to put something on the fucking TV that's not Fox News or whatever, this is a pretty fun option. Yeah, I don't know. Maybe this starts a tradition for me of just like watching one Hallmark movie a year. I'm going to give this a charitable five. I'm going to say this is a nice five. Don't go out of your way to watch it, but it might be useful to you in certain circumstances. Matt, what do you think? Listen, I enjoyed the movie. I mean, I didn't think it was a good movie. I didn't watch it. I wasn't riveted.

There were moments where it was merely a vehicle for food, something to do while eating. Sure. Which, I think for a bad movie, it can ruin a meal. And this movie was, I would say, a meal and this movie was I would say a blank slate It was almost like watching a screensaver Flying oh my god, so good. What a great description. Yeah, and Some screensavers are great, so I would give this a four. I would say you know put it on with the family

Stop them. It's you them from watching something bad. Okay. Yeah. Emily, we'll let you have the final word. Okay. I'm going to do a little backstory here. Please, yes. Today, my apartment was roach bombed for the millionth time this year.

Everything is spread everywhere. I came back when they told me to come back, and then I got sick in my apartment from the fumes. Oh no. Jesus. You roach bombed yourself. I roach bombed myself. Wow. And I guess I'm not invincible anymore. I felt like I could have any toxic chemical put into myself and it would be fine. But now I'm 38. We found your kryptonite. This is my kryptonite. So I walked to this, we have a little strip mall down the street and there's a Thai place that has like four tables in it. And I just sat in there, ate food and watched this on my phone. And I had a good time watching it. That kind of sounds fun.

It was fun. And I wish I was, I do wish I was a little stoned. But I had a, they let me get a beer from the little convenience store, like next door and bring it in, which was fun. And had a big ass fosters and some Pad Thai. But I, it's, I honestly think as far as Hallmark movies go, this is not as bad as I thought it was gonna be.

I think when I think about Hallmark movies I think oh my god the cheesiness or whatever. This wasn't so much cheesy as it was Dusty dry for me. It was like for me When you watch a movie that's supposed to be romantic. I don't want to like Do all the boring shit like meeting family at the holidays and stuff. I wanna at least see like a nice dinner, maybe someone falls in a puddle and you take them home and warm them.

Like I don't know. There was something romantic needs to happen. Anything romantic needed to happen and it was just like, I felt like I was actually at a family event that I couldn't wait for it to be over. Like I visited like great grandparents in the hospital and you're like, all right, I've been here for five minutes. How many more minutes is this?

And then it feels like this movie felt like that for me. It felt like visiting. Like watching a relative die. Yes, kind of. Kind of, yes. So the funny thing is you think five is high. I guess I haven't done very many movies that are below five, but I'm gonna give it a 4.5 because I think there was some really sweet things

in the movie that were well intentioned or whatever, but me not horny, me no likey. So 4.5. No horny, no likey. All right, no horny, no likey. Good, good, okay. I've done real shit in my life, okay? You know, I think these are lovely scores for this movie.

I think we met it where it was at. Good for us. That was hitched for the holidays. Hey, fun plug segment this week. Guys, Hunker Down, a lot of fun stuff in the plugs. Woo! Okay. Hunker Down for some plugs.

I'm doing it Joey Lawrence style. Of course, if you are anywhere, even remotely near the San Francisco Bay area, we want you to come see us live at the Punchline Comedy Club, January 23rd, 7.30 p.m., part of SF SketchFest. A wonderful comedy festival. We hope to see you there. We're gonna announce a guest, we're gonna announce a movie,

and then those tickets are gonna be fucking impossible to get. So get on it now. Be an early adopter, sfsketchfest.com. Come see us January 23rd at the punchline, of course, maxfunstore.com, that's where you go for all your free with ads merch, our gorgeous t-shirt, our stickers, our hats that say the worst hat,

and guys, I got the pint glass this week. The pint glass is gorgeous. It's a beautiful, beautiful pint glass. It has our show art on it and it's like raised. It's not like printed, it's like textured on the glass. It's a very handsome glass. You can kinda rub your fingers on it. A beautiful logo.

You could finger us on the glass. You could finger us while you get drunk. Oh my god, that's your dream. Fingering cup. Maxfunstore.com. Hey, if you already got all the free with ads merch for that hard to shop for person on your list, if that person likes a book, Maximum Fun just launched their own Bookshop.org page. This is very fucking cool. Bookshop.org slash shop slash Maximum Fun. Bookshop.org is a really cool website where if you want to get a book in the mail but you don't want to use a bad company, they

will ship you books and they work with local bookstores, so you can still get your book in the mail and it doesn't destroy small businesses. Bookshop.org slash shop slash Maximum Fun. They have a page of recommendations, but also like every book that has been written by a Max Fun host. So you can get Youth Group from me and Bo McGurdy there. You can get Alonzo de Rolde's great book, Hollywood Pride. The books written by the gang over at Reading Glasses, bookshop.org slash shop slash Maximum Fun, a good place to go to get books.

And I want to make sure folks know about mythicalsociety.com. This is the paid platform for Good Mythical Morning, the great YouTube show that Emily, Matt, and I are all on periodically. I just got an email that they put the spicy story video on mythicalsociety.com. Yeah. This is a video, Emily, Matt, and I are all in it, although you'll just hear my voice in it, where it's a contest for who could tell

the most fucked up story. And they were gonna put it on YouTube, but Matt's story was too fucked up. Yeah, listen, I did a really fucked up one the last time we did this, and they put it on the main channel. So I was kind of like, okay, so the baseline is me fucking a fish.

So anything goes. Turns out anything doesn't go. I accidentally raised the stakes. Yeah. And it wasn't just me. Everyone else was also like, oh, okay. Yeah, Emily says some fucked up shit too in it. Yeah, yeah I do.

That's sad because it's like, man, we have so much more to tell. Yeah. And I think they're gonna not do that with stuff anymore. Sorry. Don't apologize. Mythicalsociety.com. If you're a real one, you can enjoy the video. Oh, I actually have something to plug about that as well. On Mythical Society, I'm a part of Role for Mythicality, which is our Dungeons and Dragons show. Cool.

And it's myself, Lily from the kitchen, Trevor from the kitchen, and Michaela, who is a Free with Ads former guest from our Penelope episode. And then we have special guests all the time. And it's all hosted by our Dungeon Master, TJ Chambers, who is also, he works at Mythical with us quite a bit, and it's really fun. We've got really cool guests and we're gonna get a second season. So this is, so you can watch the entire first season

of Role for Mythicality on Mythical Society. Yeah, watch some funny folks play a little D&D, mythicalsociety.com. Lot of good stuff there. All right, you have a lot to do. We will see you next week on this show when our movie will be Black Christmas, the original from 1974. Stay with it