Free With Ads - Honey (2003)

Episode Date: July 1, 2025

This week we watched a not-so-classic Hollywood dance film called Honey, starring Jessica Alba as a dance teacher with dreams of being in a music video. Tune in next week when our movie will be... Street Fighter (1994)-----Go see Matt Lieb at the Ice House in Pasadena on July 5th. Buy tickets here!Jordan Morris will be GalaxyCon in New Orleans July 11-13. Also Jordan will be at San Diego Comic Con! More details on that coming soon!Listen to our latest bonus episode where we talk about the pilot to the Pride and Prejudice miniseries. www.Maximumfun.org/join

This is Free With Ads, the podcast that asks the question, why pay max $10 a month to watch Singing in the Rain when you could go online for free and watch a modern dance movie classic that may not have Fred Astaire, but it does have Genuine, the Fred Astaire of the early aughts. I'm Jordan Morris. And I'm Emily Fleming. Today's movie is Honey, the rags to riches dance movie that proves that Jessica Alba can do anything she sets her mind to, except accents.

With us as always is the super producer, the he-freak, Matt Lieb, hitting us with those New York style drops. Just give me the lights and pass the Joe. What's another book of limo? Bo! Bo! Brrrr! I feel like I'm there. I feel like I'm in honey. Remember that era? The Just Gimme the Light era? You would go to the club and you would say,

yes, I would like to light. Yeah, I really thrived in the early aughts and this movie took me back. Either of you ever go to DeClub? I went to DeClub once. Oh, okay. There was a- Yeah, I would say I've been to DeClub

maybe three times in my entire life. Once was just to ask to use the bathroom. Oh, nice. And you gotta buy something. They make you buy something at the club. You guys want to know, I went to the club this past weekend. Wow. How was the club?

Is it still bumping? Well, I went in Anaheim because VidCon was this past weekend. Well, that's where all the clubs are. Nobody else was going out. I went by myself. Everyone else was like, I don't know where they went. I think they all went to bed. It was the last night.

But I went to this club. They let me write in because it was towards the end of the night. But it was a 2000s night. So they were playing this music. You feel like you're coming from being inside honey to talking about honey. Oh my God.

Yes, it was so good. Okay, cool. I love it, I love it. That's nice. Sometimes you just gotta take yourself to the club. You know, you don't gotta wait for somebody else. You just gotta go see that movie by yourself. Go to the club by yourself.

Sometimes you just wanna dance. Sometimes you just wanna dance. That's right. Hey, we're gonna talk about this movie, which is as of this recording, streaming free with ads. But But before we do that we want to respond to some listener feedback in a segment called you have notes. Oh You have notes Okay, so we're using this segment to kick off a campaign very exciting. Here's what we're gonna do We have this little show we want people to find it. We want more people to listen. We want people to join the party.

We want people to be up in this club we call Free With Ads. And a good way to do that is through engagement that the algorithm finds desirable. So that means, yes, yes, it's me. I need your clicks to I need click me. Keywords, hashtags. Matt, amazing algorithm impression. Thank you.

That's just what that dude sounds like. That's what I was working on while I was in Hawaii for a week. Oh, nice. OK, I just lay it on the beach, sip it of virgin pina colada. I wonder what the algorithm sounds like. My daughter's just drifting away in the ocean. What would the algorithm sound like? Dad, the courage's strong.

She's drifting away on purpose. My dad does the algorithm voice and it scares me. So here's what we need. We need five star reviews on podcasting platforms. The thing you're listening to us on right now probably has some sort of review function. We want you to review us five stars. Here's what we're gonna do. If we can get a hundred five star reviews before July 16th, we will do a special segment where we review the live

action animation combo Sailor Moon pilot that never got picked up. This is something we talked about a couple weeks ago. Apparently it existed in the 90s. We will watch it. We will tell you about it. But we have to get a hundred new five star reviews before July 16th. So that's the deal. Get on your app, review us five stars. It's free, it's fun, it helps the show. If we get a hundred of them across all platforms, you get to hear about the Sailor Moon live-action animation hybrid pilot. So to inspire you, what we wanted to do was to read some of our not five star reviews. Where'd you find these, can you tell me?

Yeah, so these are all from Apple podcasts. Okay, and don't go attacking any of these people, guys. No. Yeah, don't attack those people, and also don't give a one star bad review as a joke. Yeah, don't do either of those things. There's some people who've done that. Not, it hurts the show.

Don't say like, one star, I laughed too much my side. Oh my god Well, also if we don't get yeah a hundred Five star reviews Matt is going to do the algorithm voice for a whole hour No for the rest of this new for the rest of the podcast that ever in history Oh, it'll sound like this the whole time was I don't even remember what voice I was doing For the rest of the podcast ever in history. I'm kidding now. It'll sound like this the whole time. I don't even remember what voice I was doing. It was that.

Oh, wow. Yeah. I'm out of here. Preferable to the voice Jessica Alba was doing in Honey. Oh, yeah. Oof. Anyway, so yeah, here are some of our bad reviews. The title of this review is just very bad.

One star, your pod blows, not interesting. This is very generic. I don't know if this is some sort of spam bot that just leaves generic reviews on podcasts. But yeah, I guess we could take that into account. We can make the pod blow less, I guess. Or say more interesting things. I don't want to blow more anymore, though. It's like I'm past a certain age. Yeah. Yeah.

Now it's time for us to get blown. Why don't we move on? We'll move on. We'll just move on. This person thinks the pod blows and is not interesting. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

This is a one star review clearly written in a rage after listening to our episode about the birds. This is an early episode we did. How could you be mad at that episode? It's like our favorite episode. It was a lovely episode. We gave it a tippy ten. What the hell?

One Star, the title is When Talking About the Birds. When Talking About the Birds, these two geniuses were giving their psychological opinions of Alfred Hitchcock Omg, they can barely put two sentences together, but they know what makes Alfred Hitchcock tick The arrogance is unbelievable, but hey tell me more of your brilliant insights Hear the fedora can't yes, you can hear the fedora male ponytail flapping in the breeze. For some reason, this feels like something my mom would have written.

What is the name? Does it say the name of the person next to it? Yeah. CMDM. CMDM. Yeah, whatever that is. Yeah. Your mom's screaming,

uses the shitpost. You guys, the first one is leprosy dog. Leprosy dog, yeah, I'm screaming. It's just a shitpost. You guys, the first one is Leprosy Dog. Leprosy Dog, yeah, apparently. Leprosy Dog hate podcast. Think it blows. Leprosy Dog love Joe Rogan. Wolf, wolf, wolf, wolf. Put peanut butter on my Joe Rogan podcast

so I can blow it. So this is this is the final bad review that I have sourced. This is titled, I Did Like It. Oh boy. I did really enjoy this podcast at first, and I love Good Mythical Morning, and I love you guys on that show, but the Rated X conversations

constantly has gotten very old. And you should never bring things that are divisive into the podcast because the mocking of Christianity and politics is distasteful. It's unfortunately because overall, I do enjoy listening to the podcast. I love this. I love someone who was like, I really enjoy listening to the podcast, except for the perspective of the host. The general world view. Just like, couldn't you just read a Wikipedia then?

Yeah, and this, and like trying to say that it's neutral, right, like clearly this person is like a conservative, and is mad that we said things that were against conservative stuff. But it's this weird thing that conservatives do when they complain about media, where they just say like, well you shouldn't talk about any of it.

Don't talk about any religion or like mocking politics. You know, it's just like, don't make fun of the electoral college. Don't make fun of checks and balances. I enjoyed this podcast until you mentioned that you thought there were clowns in Congress. That was too much. They work very hard. Were you mad at that or were we mad that what you said, because people who vote for Trump are racists?

That's probably the one you would have. This one sounds a lot like somebody who's in the comments a lot when I'm in videos and I make jokes about it. I tend to make Christianity jokes in like in sport videos and Mythical Kitchen video. I remember one video I made a joke and was like, you know what? Fuck you, God. And I was like, I'm just kidding, please don't send me to hell.

It's like, I wanna see my family again. But people in the comments got really upset about that. And I'm like, if you don't think God has a sense of humor, I mean, look at the platypus. Thank you, beginning of dogma. I love it, I love it. The most mind blowing point to make to a 12-year-old. Hell yeah.

That's right. Okay, so these are some bad reviews. We want good ones, 100 five-star reviews before July 16th, and we will review the Sailor Moon hybrid animation live-action pilot for you. Okay, you have your marching orders. Let's start talking about Honey. Woo!

Had anybody seen this before? This is the first one for the first time viewing for me. No, I've watched some things online kind of making fun of it. Yeah. But I'd never watched the whole thing. Honey has three sequels. Wow.

There are four total Honey movies. Yep. All of them free. You are four total Honey movies. Yep. All of them free. You'll be shocked to hear. Totally different actresses in each one. Yeah. Now, I don't know how, I did not get too deep into Honey lore,

the Honey timeline. The HCU, the Honey Cinematic Universe. Sure, sure, sure, sure. The Honey Cinematic Universe. Are people playing Jessica Alba in it, or is it just like, there's a new honey? I would assume so, yeah. It's not like she passes her powers of mediocre dance

onto the next woman. That's true. There's a new honey. But I don't know. I mean, I imagine in order to make a new honey, you just, I mean, does Jessica Alba make a cameo in the other ones? We don't know, because we haven't seen them

and we refuse to. I don't think they went to theaters. Yeah, I don't think they did. Well, maybe, you know, life is long. Life is long, but I refuse. All right, right. Well, Jessica Alba will return to the Honey franchise. Okay, well yeah, let's talk about Honey One.

We start with some aerial shots of New York City where this was not filmed. But you know, New York City is kind of like another character in the movie. Wow. Oh my god. Did you just think of that? Did you just think of that?

So, and we know it's the early aughts because the camera goes slow and then fast and slow and then fast. We got honey, Jessica Alba, she's tending bar at a cool ass nightclub. There's a dumb movie thing where two guys come up to the bar and they just go two and she's like, you want two? And they don't even say what they want just gives them two beers no one can make up like

you could just say cranberry vodka with no branding like sure don't have to say give me the lager give me a light beer you know just any kind of qualifier but she wants to go two! They don't even say two beers in this I know it's annoying when people go give me a beer and then they don't say say two beers in this. I know it's annoying when people go, give me a beer, and then they don't say what. But this is just two. I love how the two drinkers out of the podcast, this infuriates us most.

Yeah, just being mad about beer. Tell us what you're drinking, you posties. Show the drink. Show the drink. How you get drunk tonight. I was spending at least the first 10 minutes of this movie going, produced by Mark Platt. Is this the same Mark Platt?

And then I looked it up, it is produced by the guy who also made Legally Blonde, and Legally Blonde too, and whose son was Dear Evan Hansen. Oh, that's interesting. You guys know Ben Platt? Yeah. You know that movie? Fun Connection?

Yeah, anyways. So that's how that happened. In those pitch perfect movies, I like those. Yeah, if you were wondering how that happened, that's how that happened. That's how that happened. Oh, so this guy's come made Dear Evan Hansen. That's right.

Everybody involved in the movie is there because of merit and not any other reason. That's right, the film industry is filled with people who just worked hard. Hard workers, good talent all around. That's why we're doing great. So Honey, she ain't just a bartender. Five star reviews, guys.

Five star reviews. Five stars. I'm sure she has a podcast platform. Honey, she's not just a bartender. She's a dancer. She gets out there. She busts a move. But there's a guy filming her with a camcorder this is

like that's right I'll have cell phones but no camera phones so there's a guy there with like a fucking camcorder a dad on vacation camcorder filming her I forgot what year this 2003 2003 yeah yeah yeah war in Iraq war in Iraq, war in Iraq time. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So yeah, so she's out there dancing, getting filmed. There is a guy dancing in the background wearing a fedora. I think this is the worst hat in the movie. Yay. The worst hat.

Made worse by his awful goatee. He's got one of those like, stripe, like thin, striped goatees. And I'm like, that makes the hat worse. Like, that's bad, but that goatee just makes, like, I don't know. Back in 2003, it was like, cause you remember Kevin Federline

had one of those stupid little thin goatees. Yeah, it's one of those. And it's like, why is everybody banging little goatee men? Like what's happening? And they're all dancers. He's a dancer and his goatee looked like that. I'm seeing a correlation. It's a dancer and his goatee looked like that. I'm seeing a correlation It's a uniform thing. Yeah

She's dancing. There's an evil dancer at the Club who is her enemy What's this? What's this lady's name? She's a very famous choreographer. Yeah, oh Katrina And yeah, and I I read I do not know how much merit to this. I guess she is a real life choreographer and says that she's the inspiration for Honey. Like this is her story. Anyway, I'm sure it happened exactly like this.

Honey, she leaves the, after like showing up her enemy, she leaves the club and sees these cute little break dance kids breaking and popping and locking behind the club. She invites them to come take her dance class at the community center where she works. These movies all have a community center. Yes. I love it when movies lead where they really just need to hammer home. They are good person right over and over just completely non-complex People just like a smiley happy good person

Dances works at community center. Yeah, I like when a movie has almost no depth So Matt so honey is your favorite movie? Favorite movie. Oh, I really loved it. You love Honey? Yes, loved it. Yeah. Honey is not a complex character.

I will say there's another thing that I've noticed, like, okay, did you guys ever see the movie Moonwalker? It's the Michael Jackson movie. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. There's always this thing if you want to know someone's a good person, they hang out with kids who are on the streets. That's right. Street kids. And they're always the street kids. There's always this thing if you wanna know someone's a good person, they hang out with kids who are on the streets.

That's right, street kids. And they're always the street kids, they're trying to save the street kids. And I feel like this is an easy thing to throw in to be like, oh, she's not just a dancer. Right, she's also a savior. Yeah, she also likes kids. Yeah, good person.

Honey good, Honey good. Honey good. So she works at the community center. Her mom runs the community center, and she's like, why can't you just teach ballet? She's teaching these kids funky street dancing. Shut up. It's so stupid.

Literally, the idea that why can't you do something that'll take you all over the world, like ballet? It is 1,000 times harder to be a touring ballet person. Well, for sure. But that's a mom assumption. But also, if she was teaching ballet or doing anything ballet, then Save the Last Dance couldn't exist. That's true. Yeah, they couldn't step on those toes. the Last Dance couldn't exist.

That's true. Yeah, they couldn't step on those toes. Yeah, we couldn't. Yeah, exactly. They've got to be two different things. Yes, but hip hop dancing, much more popular and lucrative than ballet dancing. Yeah. Come on. This conflict of mom wanting her to do ballet does not come back. Goes nowhere. I mentioned once, totally fucking dropped for the rest of the movie.

Yeah. But, but do you remember how in the club there was a guy filming her on a camcorder? Well, that guy's job apparently is to film dancers in clubs without their knowledge. Yep. And bring the videos to his boss who is a music video director for him to like find new dancers. And wouldn the videos to his boss, who is a music video director,

for him to like find new dancers. And wouldn't you know it, this scumbag loves Honey. He loves her. He shows up to the club. He's like, you gotta be in my new video. He's, Honey's very aggressive to him at the beginning. And he's like, can we go to the VIP room to talk?

It's so loud in here and no one is yelling Just a lot in here it's like come on fuck it pretend I know there's not music on when you're shooting this but like fucking who's directing this movie say it's a loud club You have to say it's loud in here. It's like it's all out in here. Yeah And also like shit bothered me about the. The VIP room also has speakers. Yeah. Also, isn't that probably louder? It's probably louder. Listen, I've never been in a VIP room in my entire fucking life.

I can guess that it's louder. I can guess. Well, I do love that. It's like every single thing in the beginning of this guy seems like red flags because they are. Yeah. Yeah. This guy I was kind of like, oh, maybe this guy will turn out to be just kind of nice and it'll be, you know, it won't be leading to the obvious thing of him like sexually harassing her.

That's where it goes. Spoilers for Honey. Anyway, so she goes to a music video shoot for Jada Kiss, who are apparently popular artists around this time that I did not recognize. I'm sure they were huge and perhaps still are. Oh yeah. So Honey, before she shows up, he's like,

this is all too choreographed, I don't like it. And then Honey comes in and he's like, do what Honey. And Limp Noodles around, this noodley, noodley lady, limpity-dimpity. And limp noodles around, just noodley, noodley lady, limpity-dimpty. It's the craziest, I can't believe they think it's supposed to be good dancing. I don't, I don't.

Yeah, worth talking about. Is she a good dancer? I don't know. No! I don't know either. I'm sure, I mean, better than me. It's definitely, 100%. Oh, for sure, but it's like, I don't go to movies to watch people dance like me.

I go to watch movies where people dance like really good, where it's so obvious that it's good. Right, I was confused. I don't need to wonder if it's good. Yeah, I feel like even though I am a layman when it comes to watching dancing, I have seen good dancing. Yes, I think we all have.

And then like that dancing is good. So I'm trusting my instincts here and going, what are the most ridiculous scenes in the movie? Where she goes up there after like, you know, talking to a guy about like, oh, here's what we're going to do. And then they do it. And I'm like, what, what is this? What's happening? I felt like I was on drugs. Do you want to know what I kept thinking about? I kept thinking like, Britney Spears' social media dancing is better than this. Yes. Oh, yeah.

Like her with her knives, her fake knives, clink clanking around is better than whatever the fuck this is. That's all I know. Yeah. Also, Jessica Alba maybe not a good dancer yeah definitely shouldn't be doing the voice she's doing right I don't know that I'm an expert in this but it maybe seems like the voice she's doing she should not I'm not sure about that voice I well I know what she

even doing it because she drops it she fast. So maybe she drops it because she realized it was a bad idea. I love getting self-conscious in the middle of the movie and dropping the accent. But also, movies are not filmed in sequence. Yeah, which is very funny. So I think it's possible that she was trying to do an offensive voice

but could not because she's too bad. Well, I feel like it's just every single thing is a bad fit for her. She's just a bad fit for this movie. Sure. I mean, I read it was supposed to be Aliyah in the main role originally. So I read Aliyah and Beyonce also were supposed

to be in this movie. And they both could not participate for different reasons. And this was option three. Yeah, so like it is, yeah. So not written for Jessica Alba, but anyway. So that's, you know, that's all in the movie. Yeah. You guys, I have a really funny story.

I actually, okay. Sounds good. So I went to auditions in New York. I saw in the newspaper back in the day, like 2005, I went to this open call audition for a new agency and I was in line. Sounds promising. I was in line, no, I was in line for about an hour outside.

It was so many people. You get inside, you go into this huge waiting room full of chairs, there's kids, and then they're taking people into this room and they're measuring us, but they measured my hips and my bust. And then I was like, okay, that's normal. And then one by one, we're going and one person goes into a room,

they close the door and then they come out, put me in the room. It's an all white room, floor ceiling everywhere. And there's just one table in front of me with giant speakers and a man pops up and goes, dance for me. And he pushes a button. He pushes a button and then I'm like, ah. You're honeyin' all over the room.

Yeah, I'm like doing jazz hands, like, all right. Just doin' the Macarena. I'm doin' the Macarena. Like, exactly. And I was just like, this is my worst fucking nightmare. Wow. It was for music videos. Did they give you two symbols to smash

together? They gave me a couple of maracas and I just kind of like did a little crab dance around. Get the party started. Was there an old cowboy with a six shooter shooting at your feet? But he just popped up and he just went dance for me and then he like and then he pushed a button and it was so loud. You remember what the song was? No, I blacked out hardcore, but it was like, and then I left and I was like, I'll probably, I'll probably get a call.

I'll book it. Whatever that was. But it was for video girls. They were looking for video girls. And I did not book it. But that's, you know, that's the trajectory that Honey is on. She becomes a video girl, like all of her friends, like see her on TV.

I kind of like this scene because it reminded me of that scene from that thing you do where they all hear their song on the radio. Yeah. Yeah. And yeah, so I kind of liked the kind of all the kids from the neighborhood going, it's Honey. And female friendships in this are really awesome too, because I was thinking about the beginning of the movie, the best friend who's like a supermodel gorgeous woman.

Yeah. Is like, my friend's gonna be famous one day and I'm like, you're too hot to not be famous one day. But all she's thinking about is how proud she is of her friend and I'm like, oh, that's so nice. Yeah, Honey's friend is nice. I like, you know, all the interaction with Honey's friend is good.

Honey's friend, I just wrote down, makes a Monica Lewinsky joke at some point. I forget exactly what it was. But it really like dated this. I'm like, oh, I can still do a Monica Lewinsky joke. Are you sure that dated it or the little kids referring referencing Jerry Lewis? Oh, yeah, they talk about. Yeah, there's a yeah, there is a we got to save the community center scene later.

Or it's not even the save the community center We have to buy a new dance studio for honey the you know, you care about the community You could have just fixed the community center this movie about three-quarters of the way through goes from having no plot to having too Much plot. Yes, like well the community center is broken and honey needs a dance studio. Can't you just anyway fucking whatever? Center's broken and Honey needs a dance studio? Can't you just... anyway, fucking whatever. So Honey's rise is in full effect. She's now doing the choreography herself. There's a especially dumb part where she can't figure out what to choreograph and then she walks by some guys playing basketball. This gives her the idea that she should put basketball moves in the dance.

And all the dancers are like shooting fake basketball moves in the dance. Oh my god. And then the jump rope. And all the dancers are like shooting fake basketballs. So dumb. Well her practicing it as she's watching guys play basketball, she's just like switching her hand like this. And I'm like, oh god, this is so bad. I can't stand it. So then, and yeah, so there's kind of this thing with her friend is like she's constantly

standing up her friend so she can go to like parties with the Video director who turns out to be a scumbag There's a part where they go to a like VIP room and meet these like rappers and there is very prominent Tropicana orange juice product placement. They're in the club and I'm guessing it's like mixers for bottle service But it just looks like these guys all have Tropicana orange juice Bring me the Tropicanas, bro. How many Tropicanas you gonna crush? Can we talk a little bit about the dance counting

that happens in this movie? There's so much, five, six, seven, eight, nothing, one, two, three, and it is not on beat a lot of the time. No, no, no, no, no. Yeah, no one in this movie is good. So much counting. So much counting.

There's also a little subplot with Mike, the guy who owns the barbershop. Ooh, Mackay Pfeiffer. Oh, yeah, yeah. He, when Mike is on screen, I'm like, fucking thank God, someone who knows how to be in a movie is in this movie. He's great.

And I can't imagine he's not gonna be prominently featured in this segment, or in this episode's Hunk Watch. He is so good and charming and has chemistry with her despite her not being able to have chemistry with anyone. He rules, he has like a little bit of a backstory that's interesting. has chemistry with her despite her not being able to have chemistry with anyone. Yep. Anyone. He rules. He has like a little bit of a backstory that's interesting.

He's the most fleshed out character. This movie should be called Mike. I was wondering if you had a movie about Mike trying to own this barber shop. Right. A small business owner who plays basketball for fun. Yeah. Mike rules. Can we talk about who was the little kids?

Was that little Bow Wow? Or who was the one that the older one? I don't know. I don't know the older brother. The little older brother is a rapper Yeah, there's a kid rapper in this who like gets who like okay So let's let's talk about this kid plot and we'll talk about where yes up So she has okay, so her big one of her big breaks is choreographing a video for, yeah, we mentioned it at the top, Genuine has a new video, needs a premise,

Honey comes up with the idea that it should be kids dancing and of course she's gonna cast the kids from the neighborhood. So she does this thing, Genuine loves the idea, he's fucking crazy about it, and kind of between coming up with that idea and them shooting, she like turns down her boss, who was like a creep to her at this party.

And then, so they show up to the video and the boss is like, we're not doing the kid thing anymore and he brings out her fucking enemy dancer to like make the video sexier and they have to fire the kids. And this is all so tragic, because I feel for these kids. But I'm like, where, is Genuine okay with this?

Genuine fucking loved the idea and he doesn't say anything. At two, Genuine? Stand up for the kids. Well, he said the label didn't like it. So I guess Genuine kowtows to the label. I guess so, I guess Genuine just does whatever the fucking label wants.

You're the star, Genuine. You can make them do the, anyway. You're the solo. It's made me think less of Genuine, honestly. So the older brother of the two little brothers is Lil Romeo. Lil Romeo. Yeah, that's right. That's who it was yeah, and then so the kids lose this opportunity and

immediately turn to a life of crime just Just immediately start selling drugs and stealing sneakers on the bus It's the most like brutal pivot of like we can't be in the video fine. We're fucking criminals. Where'd you get a gun? Soon as I got turned down I had one disappointment and I got a gun Dance studio keeps a artillery. Yeah So these kids there's this fucking thing. You know, there's again this movie has too much plot in the end It's like this kid, there's this thing where the kid goes to jail.

And it's like, is that what Juvie is like? Do they give them orange jumpsuits in Juvie? Yeah, he's got a kind of a big kid orange jumpsuit. But did either of you ever go to Juvie? No, I never went to Juvie. Did you go to Juvie? I never went to Juvie. I mean, I go to ISS sometimes.

What's that? In-school suspension. Okay. Did you wear an orange jumpsuit? No. No. You should have. I know.

I went there like once, but I always thought that you go to that and then if you're really bad they take you from in-school suspension right to Juvie. Straight to Juvie. But I don't know. Maybe people in the Reddit thread could tell us. I'm almost positive that you don't wear a full on orange jumpsuit when you're a minor. It's just imagining little tiny jumpsuits for children. I know, adorable.

Like little baby criminals. Yeah, very cute. So yeah, so he's the littlest criminal who gets out in like a day or two because he's in the final show I don't know. What's the fucking timeline of this kid's? incarceration Whatever so there's okay, then we have the twin Problems at the end one of which gets resolved and one of them doesn't. The dance, the community center has a leak and is not up to code.

We do not do anything about that. It is not mentioned after this. But Honey also wants to buy a dance studio and she like puts up the money before she has it. And then she gets like fired from the genuine thing and doesn't have the money. So what's the solution? They're gonna put on a fucking show and also fuck

the community center. We've just forgotten about it. Yeah, never mind. Never mind. Yeah, fuck mom's business. It just had a leak. Oh yeah, she invites her mom to the show later and her mom's like, yay. What the fuck? Yeah, I know. Very weird. Feels like they could have dropped this one. Okay, so there's this fun, fun scene where they're like the flyer in the whole town trying

to get them to come to this show. Mike has a venue, good old fucking Mike, you can always count on that guy. So they get a venue for this final dance show. But while this is going on, people in the hiphop world are going crazy for the choreography of Honey. Everybody wants Honey to choreograph their video, including Missy Elliott. Hell, yes. Missy Elliott is in this, the only person who says anything funny. I know, she is the funniest.

She's on one. She's on a tear. Everywhere she goes, I love her. Yeah, she has two little scenes and they're both great. It's great that she shows up. She's like demanding that Honey choreograph her new video. And then the director's like, what about the dance enemy and Honey's, and Missy Elliott not having it,

does not want the dance enemy to choreograph. She wants Honey. So they, anyway, so they put on this show, it goes great, the kid who went to jail is just out in time for the show. This show, this final dance show, is packed full of people who I would call the oldest teen. Oldest teen.

We see there are like two kids who are in the front initially and who peel off and leave the stage so these 35 year olds can dance. Yeah. This is like supposed to be like for kids anyway. And the kids that were in the original like music video that you know they were supposed to film. Yeah.

Those kids are the best dancers in the entire movie. Yeah. Like those children are amazing and dancers in the entire movie. Those children are amazing. And it's like you're watching, you go, now this is what good dancing is. I don't know what everyone else is confused about. Yeah, so the final dance show, maybe a little underwhelming,

but not in the world of the movie. Everybody loves it. It's a huge success. Yeah, mom's there. Mom gives her a hug. The best part about that dance performance was when that really, really little kid did a couple laps in his heelies.

Oh yeah, that was cool. You just kinda went, weee. Look what I got. I got these for my birthday. Yeah, you didn't do any moves, just wheeled around, it was cute. Okay, we are almost to the end of this inspiring rags to riches classic.

Yep. With a shockingly abrupt ending that we're gonna tell you about right after this. We're back. It's Free With Ads. We are talking about the thrilling finale of honey So as as they're celebrating this dance performance, which is six minutes long Pay to get into this this movie was long as hell it felt that way. Yeah, I know Definitely. Yeah felt felt infinite But while that at the end of this yeah five or six minute dance performance

But while at the end of this, yeah, five or six minute dance performance, we see this exterior shot of wherever Mike got them was a church or something to get the dance to do the show. And Missy Elliott pulls up in the limo, and then we get an ending that I would call more abrupt than the ending of No Country for Old Men. Yes, I agree! There's this fucking it's over moment

because you don't see Missy Elliott meet her because obviously they didn't have her for that long. They didn't have Jessica Alba and Missy Elliott for the same amount of time, so they can't meet. But Missy Elliott just pulls up and I guess we're supposed to assume that her career is about to take off. And then kind of over the credits,

we see Missy Elliott talking about a video they're gonna make, but it's not hers, it's this other group, so maybe she's just producing it. I was kind of looking forward to that. It's this other group who are fine, I don't recognize them, but they're doing this, you know, kind of good but not super memorable pop video. And you see the, you know, the kind of the chiron that was always on the side of videos when

they were on TV that shows like the, you know, the name of the artist, the name of the album. But instead of a director, it just says choreographed by Honey. You know how they always put the choreographer, the credits of these music videos? It's so dumb. Yeah, very strange and incredibly abrupt. Yes. But I think happy.

Yes, I think so. I think everything worked out for the Honey Gang. And not for the community center. I love happy. Yes, I think so. I think everything worked out for the Honey Gang. And not for the community center. I love that. But for the community. For the community, the community at large, the community to which Honey belongs. Yes.

I think this did pretty well, like in theaters though. Well, yeah, the Iraq war is going on. Sure, people needed a distraction. Well, Wikipedia says the budget was 18 million and the box office was 65.3 million. Jesus Christ. I mean, they cranked out sequels, so obviously. And you know, in this movie, like, we

can talk about this a little bit more when we, like, assess the movie. But like, I do think you're right, Emily. I think this is like a bad movie classic to a certain generation. I think that this is like a cult classic in a weird way. I can quite get it, but I acknowledge that it is, to some people, this is kind of like a wacko classic for some reason.

It is a wacko classic, but it's like, I think they wanted us to just care about the story more than the dancing, but the dancing is the whole thing, and it's just, you know. Yeah, this whole thing, the whole thing would be so much more fun if the dancing was better. Exactly, exactly. Yeah, well, let's, we are kind of sharing

some final thoughts, but first, we gotta do the Hunk Watch. Yay. It's Hunk Watch. Okay, I mean, we talked about Mike. I think we're all kinda simpatico on Love and Mike and think that maybe he's the best thing about the movie. I think so, but I just, just to give credit where credit is due.

Please. The hunk of the movie for me is gonna be Jessica Alba. That's fair because She's let's be real This movie not a great actress not a great dancer. Yeah, sure. She's been I'm sure she's good in something Oh, she makes soap Does she make so how's the soap? Yeah, it's pretty good. It's pretty good She makes like soap baby soap products products to their like supposed to be super

gentle. It's like very popular. I'll look it up as you talk about her. Well, so you know, she's not a great actress. She's not a great singer, Elise or sorry, she's probably also not a great singer. But she's not a great dancer. Triple threat Jessica Alba. But the one big, big threat is that she's one of the most beautiful women alive. Well, sir. And- She truly is. If you count that as a threat. Yeah. I mean, it's very, you know, it may not

be a triple threat, but she is got one mega threat and she is nuclear bomb level hot. Sure. And so I have to give the hunk watch to her because while she can't dance, I just kept looking at her. And then I was like, hey, that's a pretty lady. She's very magnetic, we'll say that for sure. That's right, six big threats right in the ab region. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.

Oh my God, the abs were insane. She has great abs, a little skinny waist, beautiful lips. Everything about her made me fall in love with her again. And I would like to hold her, but I'm not Derek Jeter. Yeah. So I can't. So her company is Honest Beauty and Baby Company. She is honest?

Yes. Have you been scrubbing that baby with Jessica Alba baby soap this whole time? I've been Jessica Alba-ing my baby this entire time. Yo. Oh my god, she's a billionaire then. Yeah. That's crazy, dog.

I mean, they even make diapers and stuff. They do. I use Honest Diapers. I use their shampoo, their conditioner. No way. Yes. What else do they have? Bubble bath.

Listen, she doesn't have to appear in Honey Five into the Honeyverse because she's like, she's got the soap in her. She's an actual business woman. Yes. Holy shit, that's crazy. That makes her the hottest. Congrats to you. Yeah, she's the hottest business woman alive

and I love her and I use her soap on my baby. There you go. Honey's dad seemed like a nice guy. Honey's dad is nice. Yeah, he did seem nice. Her mom's grumpy, but that's because her business is failing and she can't get on to ballet. Yeah. Yeah. Honey makes the roof of the community center. Honey's mom existed so she could have the one line of

hip hop dancing, won't put no food on no table. It's very necessary to have that character. Otherwise, you'd think it would put food on that table. I would love to have a movie where somebody's pursuing their unlikely dreams and the parents are like, yes, you can do it. Yeah, that'd be fun. Supportive parents movie. I felt like if any movie would do that, it

was this one for the first two acts because there was no conflict in the first two acts. Yeah, there sure isn't. I know. It is a strange just like series of things happening. I do think it's funny because this is like also the high risk, high reward plot lines. In a lot of movies like this someone starts out like a heart of gold good person and then they get hardcore success and then drug problem like every relationship falls apart she she only got to the moderate success like she just got a little couple ahead like steps ahead and then that's true yeah i kind of like that. Yeah, well we see we see we see a rise to the middle We see a rocket a rocket ship to the middle

We're jumping the gun a little rocket ship health insurance So yeah, let's let's we did the hunk watch. We have thoughts on honey. We're gonna share it's Free With Ads. We're gonna rank Honey on a scale of 1 to 10 super loud commercials, but first we wanted to tell you about going to MaximumFun.org slash join. That is how you join Maximum Fun. It's how you support the show and it's how you get a buttload of bonus episodes including our TV pilot reviews. We got a saucy one for you this month, we are reviewing the pilot of

the BBC Pride and Prejudice miniseries from 1995 starring Colin Firth. So that is up in your bonus feed right now. We are going to, we are on a mission to rank the Mr. Darcy's on film. So we will be, we talked about the Pride and Prejudice movie in the main feed, bonus feed, get your ass there to hear us talk about the mini series from 1995, maximumfun.org slash join and maxfunstore.com to get yourself some free with ads merch.

Okay, we are going to rank Honey on a scale of one to 10 super loud commercials. Emily, you wanna start us off? Okay, I'm giving it a five. Okay. I had fun, like it wasn't boring, it was like cheerful, which I think we need a little bit of cheerfulness at the moment.

You know, that's true. That's true. But the dancing was just nothingness. It was like, I don't know, it was like looking at just, like I was angry that whoever made this thought we were stupid, like it made me mad. But other than that, I love the whole other stuff. I think she's beautiful, Mackay Pfeiffer is hot as hell.

Those kids were adorable. So yeah, five stars. Or five, fuck, what is our show? Five really loud dumb ass commercials. Five honest beauty and baby commercials. Five super loud Ozempic commercials. Matt, what do you think? Honey, one to ten.

I'm giving this a straight two. It was hard to watch and wasn't fun. I didn't take any pleasure in viewing it. And dance movies for me, I'm always impressed at how much I do enjoy them, even though the conceit is, this is basically just gonna be a narrative in service of scenes where people are dancing really well. And for me, this was like, you know, when you're a kid and you go to see fine art for the first time, and you're just like, what the fuck do adults do with their

time? And you, cause you just don't understand like paintings or fucking. I'd say that's more of the modern art stuff though. Sure. It's like that's. No, but like any kind of like arts, whether it's dancing or whatnot, you're just like this boring.

I want to watch cartoons. I was watching this going, I feel like a kid again in that I hate art. And the dancing was incomprehensible and bad and not fun. But Jessica Alba was very beautiful. And if she wanted to be like, if she ever got divorced. Continue. And I ever got divorced and we met somewhere,

business meetings or whatever. Because I could do business. Not into club? Yeah, probably not into club. Probably not into club. But then, you know, maybe we could talk. Okay. Yeah, I'll review the, I don't think this is,

I don't think my review, you know, is a universal review of Honey. This is a personal review of Honey. This is what Honey is to me. And I think to me, I am also at Matt at two. I think Honey stinks. But I understand that if you are super into this music, right? If this was your music growing up, it's probably wild to see all these people acting and cameoing

and stuff like that. Sure and Yeah, I do understand that it has like like good bad movie energy and yeah Maybe you like saw it at the sleepover at the right time. Maybe you went to see it to distract yourself from you know Looking for WMDs that weren't there And yeah, maybe I can see how it, you know, it can even kind of like, that's that football movie we watched. Varsity Blues. Varsity Blues.

Yeah, if you like saw this at the right time, I get how you're like attached to it. And I do kind of like that it has a bunch of sequels, that's kind of funny. But yeah, as far as like, was this a blast for me personally? It was not. So yeah, but I would like to hear from people who are in the Honey fandom and what the Extended Universe of movies are like.

Let us know. All right. That was our review of Honey. We want to remind you one more time, go to MaximumFun.org slash join to out our bonus episodes including our very recent hot and fresh review of the BBC Pride and Prejudice miniseries starring Colin Firth and also we are on a quest to get a hundred new five-star reviews so go over to your podcast app of choice Rank Us Five Stars we want to get a hundred by July 16th. Yeah, anybody else got anything to plug? Emily, you doing anything? No! Matt, what do you got? July 5th, I'll be at the Ice House in Pasadena. Please come out, see me. Do stand up comedy. It's fun. You'll have fun. Come see me and my wife

Also, Gareth Reynolds will be there and a couple other really great comedians Yeah, if you are in New Orleans, I will be at the Galaxy con Pop culture convention July 11th through 13th. Come on and see me get some comic signed and let me know Which restaurant with a cartoon shrimp on the sign to eat at. I wanna only eat at restaurants that have cartoon shrimps on the sign while I'm in New Orleans, so let me know your favorite. Come hang out at GalaxyCon July 11th through 13th,

and buckle up, I'm coming to San Diego Comic Con with some really, really cool stuff that I will be announcing on a future episode. So that's the big Comic Con. That's the big Comic Con. It's a real chunky one. So come out. We're gonna be doing some super fun stuff. Love to meet the Free With Ads gang IRL. Okay, tune in next week when our movie will be Street Fighter 1994. Hadouken. -♪ Ha ha ha ha ha! -♪ Ha ha ha ha ha!

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