Free With Ads - House On Haunted Hill (1959)

Episode Date: October 1, 2024

Happy HallowPeen to all you ghouls and boys out there. This week we watched the classic Vincent Price B-movie "House on Haunted Hill" about a man who really hates his 4th wife. It's spooktacularly bad.Don't miss this years Good Mythical Evening on October 25th where Matt, Emily. and Jordan (plus 2 guys named Rhett and Link) will be doing a NFSW halloween-theme'd live stream! You can buy tickets for the stream here, or watch with friends at your local Alamo Draft House.Jordan Morris will be at LA ComicCon on October 4th and 5th signing books at booth F10.Also Jordan will be at Heavy Manners Comics Fair Oct 12. You can reserve your FREE tickets here.

Music I'm gonna be the one to blame I'm gonna be the one to blame I'm gonna be the one to blame I'm gonna be the one to blame I'm gonna be the one to blame I'm gonna be the one to blame I'm gonna be the one to blame I'm gonna be the one to blame I'm gonna be the one to blame I'm gonna be the one to blame

I'm gonna be the one to blame I'm gonna be the one to blame I'm gonna be the one to blame I'm gonna be the one to blame This is Free With Ads and we're celebrating Howlo-Pean, where all October long we'll be reviewing free streaming horror movies and probably making jokes about the male sexual organ sometimes known as the peen. I'm Jordan Morris. And I'm Emily Fleming. Today's movie is the original House on Haunted Hill, the very relatable story of an Airbnb trip that gets ruined by a surprise vat of acid

Normal voice now before we get into this movie, which is as of this recording streaming free with ads Let's talk about something else. We saw for free on the internet this week Emily you sent us a a fascinating video on Instagram, please describe this to us. I saw this thing about how they're now having baby raves. So I know that there's a lot of things about concerts and people thinking that kids shouldn't be there and it's annoying if crying babies are at concerts, which I think that's gotta be tough for parents.

So there's a DJ It's he was like I guess it's a pop-up thing that they do. Yeah, this is a company I looked into this a little bit. It's called big fish little fish. They are from the UK They have they have events in the UK and Australia, but this month they're gonna be in Long Beach Oh, yeah Take his baby to a rave, these are like afternoon raves where families can bring babies.

You know, like the DJ setups look like they're made of Legos. And the thing I was, one of the many things I thought was fascinating about this was that like the DJs aren't dressed like children's entertainers. They just look like fucking scumbag DJs. Straight up Matrix style DJs. Like you would see at the club scene in Blade.

Yeah. LMFAO looking guys. Do we have an example of the music they play? Oh yeah, here's a little taste of some of their DJ magic. Yeah! Hell yeah. We got even more. We got.

Waiting for the little girl who lives down the lane. It's like a night sky again. It's like a night sky again. Yes! It's like a night sky again. It's like a night sky again. All I can think is my child. I love it.

Screaming in horror. That's all I can think of. And not. Yeah, man, you got a baby with the baby like this? Absolutely, the baby would love this. But only for a little bit. The problem with having a baby is like all of the things that you think you're gonna do with them

quickly go out the window when they just decide, oh no, now's the time where I freak the fuck out. So, you know, it's it would be nice But a trip to Long Beach the car ride alone would be hell I think that like yeah, like the kid would freak out and it's either just because like they're tired or they got some bad acid absolutely Someone sold them some bad acid. They didn't rub whiskey over their teeth My mom's boob is mad at me

Having a bad trip, baby Just go to the chillout tent have some goldfish crackers You need the same thing they give to people who are actually having bad trips Yeah, at least you know finally someone sucking at a pacifier at a rave makes sense, you know? It's not, it's like actually, okay, you know, I get it now, but usually I'm just like, what are we doing? This is cultural appropriation.

There is something really cute about the big ass headphones they put on little babies to protect their ears. I love it, so adorable. I don't know if those are just noise canceling, basic ass headphones, or if they're specific ones for babies. No, they're like headphones for babies who have like sensory issues, some of them.

And some of them, well, that's usually what they're for. But then it's also for like, if you wanna take a baby on a plane and it can be really loud and some babies just hate that. Yeah, that makes sense. It is really fun to put like noise canceling headphones on a baby because they just start going, ah, ah, ah.

They like the. They turn into a Wookie. Yeah, well they just like the idea of like sounds, them not being able to hear their own voice, it's very cute I mean, I think I think that we only have an example of a like dance music version of this Like what if your baby doesn't like dance music? What if your baby? Wants wants a hardcore matinee. What if your baby wants a little a little gathering of the juggalos? Yeah

Yeah, you could call it the gathering of the hug alos gathering of the juggalos. Yeah, yeah. You could call it the gathering of the huggalos to make it a little more cute. Aw, that's cute. I like that. Gathering of the snuggalos. That would be cute.

You could just put clown makeup on the baby. Yeah, once again, we've got this cultural appropriation of baby shit used by adults to sell their sex music. Well, you know what? This music is just about how spiders, if at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Get on that spout. Get on that spout, baby.

Sometimes you got to row, row, row your boat gently down the stream. It doesn't all have to be about sucking and fucking people. Thank you. Thank you. It could just be about a nice a nice lady who loses her sheep Doesn't know where to find them exactly everybody can enjoy that we can all relate. Yeah, we've all lost our sheep Yeah, I've lost my sheet

You have lost my sheet before Maybe not my sheep. Yeah. Yeah, it's cute. Can we can do we need a baby? Can we all go have seas on a baby? We could just go to that thing in Long Beach if we just have the one baby. Well, I have an American girl doll that I could just put in a harness. They'll absolutely let you in with that. Yeah. I'll just wrap her up like a baby and put like a bonnet on her and then just like hide the face. And what about those of us with fur babies?

Can Chantwee participate too? Yeah. There's nothing a cat loves more than loud music and open spaces filled with people. In a place they've never been. That would be really funny though. It would be great. Just cats running around.

Everyone's got that arched back thing that cats do. That'd be great. I'm in. Well, we'll see you all October 12th in Long Beach, rolling hard. That's right. And eating apple juice out of a little pouch. Yeah, but we'll be doing a live episode of Free With Ads

about probably the Wiggle, well, there's free kids. Is there a Wiggles movie? Oh yeah. I don't know, but I know that there's. Barney, maybe there's some Barney we could do. I bet there's a Barney movie. Oh, hell yeah. What if babies like less?

Raves are live podcasts. What if the baby understand less? Dude, they would absolutely love a rave more than a live podcast. I can't even talk to my wife for a few minutes without her just screaming at us. She's just like, stop talking to each other. Pay attention to me. Anyways, she's cute. I love her.

Well, we'll see you all October 12th in Long Beach for the baby rave. Hey, we're going to talk about House on Haunted Hill, but before we do, we should mention that the movie does contain an apparent suicide, so if that's something you do not wanna hear about, we're gonna play a little music and give you guys time to find another episode. ["House on Haunted Hill"]

We're back, it's Free With Ads. We're talking about House on Haunted Hill, no the, except for on some posters where it was printed as a mistake. A little bit of trivia. This is the one from the 50s. I guess there is a 90s remake. There is. Have y'all seen either the remake or this OG? Well, what's confusing to me is there's also

the Haunting of Hill House. Yes. That's true. And then you're like, what? And then, so there's, you know, there's the Haunted, or the Haunting, I guess. The Haunt, that's what I saw. And that is also free with ads.

Yes. And that's with Catherine Zeta-Jones, Owen Wilson. Yeah, it's, and oh, Liam Neeson is in it. And I saw that in the theater, but I, and I'd always heard that this was very scary. I've always heard that, yeah, the, there's not special effects the way that we have them now, but it was very spooky. And my parents said it was really scary and Honestly, I I was a little scared in a couple of moments in this movie. I'm not gonna lie There's some there's some like striking images in this movie

There's some like stuff that will like stick with you and I could see if you saw this at like eight or something the like the the you know image of that like stick with you and I could see if you saw this at like eight or something the like the the you know image of that Mannequin with the fucked-up face rolling at you would be pretty like would be pretty traumatic Sure, I have I have seen this movie a couple times before I had a DVD of this because in in there was I had a DVD of this because in there was Because there was a version of this DVD where you could listen to it with jokes from

From Mike Nelson of Mystery Science Theatre. Nice. There were a couple DVDs like this There's like I think there's a night of the living dead where he does this anyway And I've seen this in a couple of like like maybe the new Beverly here in LA or showed it at midnight around Halloween I've seen this movie a couple of times. I'm pretty into it. It is a hoot. It is, you know, very cheaply made. It is 70 minutes, but it totally rules. And it has, like the blob, which we watched last week, it has one of those 50s ass trailers.

Matt, can you play a little bit of the trailer? I'm Vincent Price, and you're invited to my party in the house on Haunted Hill, where so far, the ghosts have murdered only seven people. So won't you come and make it eight? The ghosts are waiting, so won't you join me in the house on Haunted Hill? Hooray! Or you'll be late for your own funeral.

I mean, I mean. It's so spooky. I like that he says who he is at the top. He's like, hello, I'm Vincent Price. It's not like, yeah, I mean, again, they should do that now. Hey, I'm Vin Diesel. You're about to watch another Triple X movie. But I guess it's like, I don't, you know,

I know that Vincent Price presents a lot of things as being, it's something he does. It's like, I haven't seen any other Vincent Price movie. Is this bad? No, this is my first as well. No, I don't think so. I think he was a like, you know, he was kind of a camp figure.

And like, I think if you don't, if you've never seen these movies, you know the impression, right? Like it is. Yeah, you did a very good one, by the way. Thank you, thank you. It's one of the most fun voices to do. Like what are the fun voices?

Like Shatner, Schwarzenegger, Christopher Walken. Vincent Price I feel like is in that pantheon of this voice is just fun to do it. Oh my, oh, I'm so spooky. I don't know, I really like it. I'm realizing now that Cotton Candy Randy is essentially just Vincent Price. Oh yeah.

I love that. I think we, yes. I don't, I'm not what they call a versatile impressionist. I have one or two voices. I don't know if that's true. And they get louder or softer when I need to be a different character. Okay, so the movie begins with a head,

a disembodied head floating in a black void. This is kind of like Queen, Bohemian Rhapsody style. That's the effect. It's like, it's just, you know, they went in a dark room and covered the guy with a duvet. I see a little silhouetto of a man. Scare-a-moosh, do the bandango. It's kind of the same vibe.

Very, very frightening, this thunderbolt in lightning art. I like to ride my bicycle. It's a of the same vibe. Very, very frightening, this thunderbolt in lightning art. I like to ride my bicycle. That's a different song. Ha ha ha. Vincent Price sings the hits of Queen. Don't stop me now. I'm having such a good time. Ha ha ha.

Won't somebody find me someone to love? Is it possible I'm too weird to love? Maybe Vincent, I don't know. You're a weird guy. I know, a little bit. So this floating head does not belong to Vincent Price, but to a character named Watson Pritchard. He's a crazy guy who said that the house

where the movie takes place was the place of several murders including his brother. This doesn't really pay off. I guess this guy is just crazy. Spoiler alert, there are no actual ghosts in the house on Haunted Hill. It is revealed to be a ruse at the end, but this guy is kind of the one insisting that the ghost from the ghost town is the plan.

But there is a vat of acid, so. There is a vat of acid, you're right. Yep. But, okay. Which is a kind of haunted, I guess. I thought that there, well, oh. Wait, you thought there were ghosts? Yeah.

It is confusing. Here's the thing. It is confusing. So I the thing. It is confusing. There are a couple of things that can't be explained by the ruse. And I think we'll, let's hit those when we come to them. Here's the thing is that it's the special effects or whatever.

It's hard to believe if they're serious about it. Yup. Right. Or if it is part of the ruse because it is 1958 practical effects. so they're not that great. So I'm like, is there a ghost? What do you want me to think? I don't know, I don't know.

That happens a lot. It's like, I can see strings on this floating skeleton. Now, do you want me to see them? Because it will be revealed later that the skeleton is being puppeted, or is that an accident? Because yeah, you're right. Like the strings of the skeleton are so obvious.

When there's the skeleton. It's really the mark of good filmmaking is when you sit there going, what do you want me to feel, guys? Yeah. Yeah, exactly. And why are the characters scared of this thing that obviously has strings, right?

Like what are they afraid of? You backed up into some acid. How'd you let a puppet push you? We'll get there. We'll get there. Listen, let me tell you a story how I'm just like, I'm scared of everything and I do enjoy being scared sometimes, but I cannot do, speaking of these people

reacting to something in the movie and being scared, if I try to put myself in the movie, I would still be scared of these things. Even if they were fake, because I can't do haunted houses. I can do horror movies, but not haunted houses. I like watching scary things. I don't wanna live in it. But one time, I shouldn't do haunted houses also

because you do the fight or flight response, I go fight. And when I- Oh yeah, you're a violent person that night. Yeah. Listen, when I was 12, I was in line for this haunted farm in Nashville with my friends, and I was not excited about it. And so we're in line, and people are getting scared in line. There's a guy in a gorilla costume with bullet holes in his face and fake blood all over it.

So wait, his costume was- That classic movie monster gorilla who's been shot a lot. Yeah, escaped gorilla who's in a gang? Yeah, Harambe had not even happened yet. Yeah, so strange. So strange, but then he popped out and I was brushing my hair with a little Claire's fold-out

brush, and I just immediately started beating him in the face with my brush. He was like, ow, my bullet wounds. Yeah, exactly. So then they asked me to leave the line, and I was not permitted to continue. So if I were in this house, I would have shot every single person in that house.

Yeah, do not give Emily a gun. In a little coffin. Yeah, no. You're on the house on Haunted house. Yeah, do not give Emily a gun. In a little coffin. Yeah. You go in the house and haunted hill. Don't do it. That's something that'll come up later. So yeah, so we got this floating head of Watson Pritchard telling us about this spooky house

and how all these people died. And then we get Vincent Price's floating head telling us what's actually happening in the movie. His wife has decided to throw a spooky party, and he's like, my wife decided to throw a spooky party. She's so amusing. He's always calling her amusing, which is like, that's the mark of a hot relationship.

Oh, I love you, honey, you're so amusing. He said it twice in the intro, too. I was like, I guess he wrote this. Like, you know, yeah And so the the the setup is that they rented this house that is supposed to be haunted They don't live in it. They like they've rented this place for the night Yeah, I was confused about that because is Watson Pritchard like the caretaker. He is He's he's the owner of the house,

but I suppose he doesn't go there that often. Because he's scared because his brother died or something. And he couldn't stop them from renting the house? I suppose he's the one who rented it to them, but just going like, be careful, it's haunted. Right. Oh, we're going to a party? Okay.

It would make all the sense in the world for this guy to be in on it, but he is not. He is not in the end. So the people who are coming to the party are a test pilot. Hey, I think it's time for Hunk Watch. It's Hunk Watch. The test pilot, right? Just a down the middle hunk.

Down the middle hunk. The only one. Down the middle hunk. A very normal man, no characteristics other than hunkiness and kind of a nice flannel suit. It's the 50s. Really cool suit. I wish this was in color because some of these costumes were like, all right. On the DVD that I had where Mike Nelson does the jokes,

you can watch a weird colorized version of it too. So I have seen a weird colorized version of it. Like Technicolor or is it like they have it in color? I think it's that thing that like Ted Turner did to movies a lot in the 90s. It's kind of like weird and uncanny. It kind of makes the movie fun and scary in a different way. Cool.

If y'all can find this DVD, I recommend it. Great DVD, one of the best. So we got a test pilot, a newspaper columnist, a psychiatrist, who Vincent Price says, has a touch of greed around the mouth and eyes, great line. And Nora, who is a standard woman, a normal brown-haired woman, she's there, she's gonna get the fuck scared out of her constantly.

No kidding. And they all arrive in hearses to the house on Haunted Hill. The house that they use for the exterior is in LA. It's a Frank Lloyd Wright house. I've walked by this house. Yeah. I've like hiked up some roads and stuff and like, you know, those those houses are they always look kind of Aztec Yeah hired or whatever but I've walked by that house and been like it was during the pandemic and I was like What is this and I took a picture like my mom really loves those Frank Lloyd Wright all those kind of things

So I said she goes that's a part of his house. So but they were doing construction on it I don't know if anyone lives in that now, but. Probably like Andrew Garfield or some shit. Yeah, but also the poster for House on Haunted Hill makes it look like some Victorian kind of house. Yeah, the house on the poster is not the actual house that they use and they don't shoot in this house. It's all shot on sound stages, but this like Frank Lloyd Wright house

that you can still see in LA is used for the exterior shots. So they're all locked in, the doors are locked, and the chandelier falls, ah, oh no. And I think at this point you're wondering, does Vincent Price really have a wife who's orchestrated this whole thing? And he does.

He goes to visit her in her room. She's got kind of a, what I imagine was probably a very sultry outfit for the day. Very scandalous. I wrote this down. I need this outfit immediately. It is so cool. It looks good. It's like pants.

It's like a flowy chiffon like pantsuit thing. I don't know, it's gorgeous. And then there's like this silk satin like bra kind of underneath it. It's the coolest thing I've ever seen. I've never seen anything like it. I wanna wear it. That is some Met Gala shit right there.

I love it. And he was like, this is inappropriate for the party. And I'm like, have you seen the party downstairs? There ain't shit going on. Someone needs to wear an outfit. This party sucks someone needs to wear an outfit Everyone looks like shit Everyone looks like shit nobody has the drinks out and ready. It's like what what a chandelier fell what the fuck there's no music There's no dancing. There's nothing like yeah So this is wife Annabelle. She is played by Carol. Oh Mart who is

So fucking hot. Oh my god. Yeah. She's hot. Total babe. And she's great in this. Like they, this movie is like, it's pretty boring in stretches, right? They're just killing time.

They're just barely trying to make it over the line of time that you have to have to have a theatrical movie. But like the scenes of her and Vincent Price together, okay, this is their dynamic. They hate each other, they're still married, and they're constantly trying to kill each other. So they're always doing this little like repartee about times they've tried to kill each other.

It's fucking great, and if you watch this movie on YouTube, they're on the like progress bar, there are little spikes for the most viewed scenes. So you can see it go up with what people are watching. Just the scenes between them just have huge spikes. I guess people are just fast forwarding to them because they're the best thing in the movie. Totally.

That was the movie to me. They really missed an opportunity to just make a movie about this dysfunctional couple who keeps trying to murder each other. You know what I mean? Like that is a, that's a sitcom, baby. Like that was beautiful. And some of the best lines from the movie happened there.

Yeah, also like we do know that he had, I guess, was it two or three other wives before this woman and they all like disappeared or died of mysterious circumstances. Yeah So he's not a very good guy either like no, no, no, no, not a great guy But I do think he is the tallest person in the movie Vincent Price pretty tall tall weird guy so Like he tries to get her to drink champagne All right. Vincent Price, pretty tall, tall weird guy. Yeah, tall weird guy. Like he tries to get her to drink champagne,

she says he doesn't want any, and he's like, oh, I'll pop the cork, and she thinks that he'll try and kill her with the champagne cork, and she's like, oh, it would make a great story, a playboy who kills his wife with a champagne cork. Aw, damn, that is a good line. I guess I realized at this time, what's a playboy? When people call someone a playboy, what are they talking about?

A bachelor? Yeah. A guy who, he's known around town as someone who won't get married. He's a fuckboy. He's a fuckboy. He's a celebrity fuckboy. But with money. He's a fuckboy, but with money.

So a playboy would kind of be, I'd say Leonardo DiCaprio is a playboy Yeah, yeah, yeah is a good example, but like a fuck boy has no bed frame so not the same quite But similar behaviors, but it's not justifiable anyway boy with nicer furniture a playboy is is a fuck man Okay, a playboy is a fuck man. Ah, OK. A playboy is a fuck man. Yes, that makes perfect sense. Put it on his shirts. Put it on his shirt. Fuck man, that'll be another one of our shirts.

So way versus fuck man. That's a sci fi channel original movie. And then they'll have fuck man versus giant boa constrictor versus cyber octopus. So, oh, I wrote down here, he says, of all my wives, you're the least agreeable. And she says, but still alive. Anyway, great line.

Just the fucking like back and forth in this is so good. Okay,, so we go we go back to the party blood starts dripping from the ceiling again when we learn This is a ruse we never really learn what this blood is about. Maybe the blood is real Maybe there are some like legit haunted things going on in the house and just nobody Clocks it because they all think it's part of the scam anyway. Yeah, that's why it's like what you said earlier about Spooky weird guy not being in on it. It's kind of like it would be helpful if he was in on it to justify some of these things, but he's just not. So yeah, there's blood dripping from the ceiling and then they go down into the basement where

we see that there is a boiling vat of acid, a boiling vat of acid that's still in the floor. And yeah, this is Chekhov's vat of acid. Exactly what I wrote down, Chekhov's acid in the floor. And yeah, this is Chekhov's Vat of Acid. You're like, well. Exactly what I wrote down, Chekhov's Acid. No way, that's so science. We all learned in drama school. We all learned in drama school, yeah.

It is like so clearly meant to be the set piece for the ending. They're like, we'll wait till later. Not yet, not yet, we won't. Oh, it'll pay off. In act one, if you see a vat of acid, a skeleton puppet has to push someone in by act five. So sayeth the dramaturges.

Yeah, this is like, this is totally crazy. And so they all kind of like, it's all these people, this movie is just them coming together, finding out some information, and then going their separate ways, And so they all kind of like, it's all these people, this movie is just them coming together, finding out some information, and then going their separate ways, and then scary things happen to Nora, basically. So Nora is alone, and out of the shadows

comes an old lady with a crazy witch face, but I think what is happening is that it is a like mannequin on wheels. And so it kind of like wheels into the room and this fucking shot is terrifying. If this could be in an A24 movie, like if Jordan Peele directed this, it would be like people would put the shot on Twitter

and just say like iconic one perfect shot. It's so scary. Well, I didn't realize that it was a mannequin. It looks like a real person. So I. Yeah, but then you see the shot of it from the side where it's clearly rolling towards her. Again.

Yeah. I thought this was what good special effects were at the time. So I just went. Yes, this is the problem. Is the whole movie you spend going like, is this supposed to look fake or is this the best they could do? went. Yes, this is the problem. Is the whole movie you spend going like, is this supposed to look fake or is this the best they could do? Which is, again, it's not good.

My favorite thing is when this kind of stuff happens, it's like, they're like, OK, how do we scare all these people? Look, everybody scream. It's a woman over 50. Like, it's like, every time. It's kind of like. She can no longer bear children. But it's like so many movies. She looks like Chin. Exactly. But so many movies I've noticed, like the scariest thing is an old woman naked. Like if you look at The Shining and then if you look at X, the movie X, and Pearl and stuff,

or if you look at, what was the other one, Barbarian, the old woman down there, it's just like, ah, old tits. Mixo Mar has some creepy old tits in it. Yeah, it's like everyone is scared of an old naked woman. Yeah, no, you're not wrong. That is one of the scary, one time I accidentally went into the woman's locker room

at an old person gym that my mom went to and I saw like four old naked women and I like I'll never forget to this day the moment I realized just how low tits could go. Yeah. I was like. Every year I get more scared when I look in the mirror. Well, some may scream. Not just in my own death. But if an old naked woman rolled into my room, I would say, thank you for your strength.

That's right, same, same. I'm also. Thank you for your strength. That's what I was screaming. When I said I screamed, I meant I scrammed. Thank you for your strength. You scrammed. I scrammed. Thank you for your strength. You scrammed? I scrammed that.

Also, she's like, it's X Games, Grandma, too. Just like on some... She's on a skateboard. On a skateboard. She pushed her over a half pipe. Wee! Wow, but she did the 900. She's really wearing a helmet.

She's like Tony Hawk. Anybody wants some tapioca? Wee! And then the Tony Hawk pro skater soundtrack kicks in. I love Pennywise. Hell yeah. It's time to rock around to rock and trick it. Yeah.

Hell yeah. Please, someone Photoshop the old woman from House on Haunted Hill going over a half pipe and then add the music from Tony Hawk's Pro Skater. Yeah, definitely. Anyway, so Nora, Nora's just all this creepy shit's happening to her. She finds a head in a box. She gets grabbed by this. Hilarious. Yeah, really funny, really weird head. Paper mache. Yes.

Yeah, this is like a class project. She gets grabbed by this kind of creepy guy who says, come with us. So just all this shit's happening to Nora. They kind of reconvene in the drawing room where Vincent Price passes out the party favors. He has seven little coffins and in each coffin there is a gun. Guns as party favors?

What is this, a gender reveal party in Texas? Anyway. I think it's important to point out at this point in the movie why they're there, which is there's a contest. It's essentially they're there to win money. If they are alive by the end of the night, they get $50,000. And that is why they're all there.

Well, they each get 10,000. What's that? They each get 10,000. Oh, they each get 10,000, right. But there's five of them. Right, so if all of them- This is basic math, Matt. Yes, yeah.

If everyone dies but you, then you get the 50,000. But the point... Well, you think so. The point is, is that it makes the point where he's like, and now here's a gun, it really makes it so much more sinister than it ends up being. Like that's when I was like, okay, we're getting into some saw shit. No, we don Yeah. No we don't. No we do not. No. So Nora, Nora wants everybody to like come see the head in her room. So they all like rush up to Nora's room.

Head's not there. Oh my gosh. But then Lance, Lance, a test pilot guy, hunk of the movie. Of course he's named Lance. That's like what the hunkiest guys in 1950s, in the 1950s were named. Lance. That's like what the hunkiest guys in 1950s That or George George a lot of hot Georges in the 1950s

So Lance finds a head in his closet he runs out and he sees it looks like Annabelle has hanged herself She's like swinging swinging from the rafters. We just kinda see her feet, very scary image. And then later, Nora is back in her room and she sees a rope come in the window. And then the rope winds around her legs and then she looks out and sees Annabelle floating with the noose around her neck. Okay, when we reveal this to be a scam, this part is not explained.

How the fuck did they do this? In the world of the movie, how did they make her look like she was flying and a rope coil around someone's leg like that? Because that was really creepy. The rope looked like a snake was coming for her. Yeah, it was wrapping around her like a snake. And then it was like, it didn't grab her

and drag her or anything, it just gave her a little hug. I was like, what is this? Like, quite mixed signals there, snake rope. I don't know. You want me or nah? Like. Yeah. He's so mysterious.

I hate it. I've heard of a fuck boy but a fuck rope? Yeah. So's so mysterious. I hate. I've heard of a fuck boy, but a fuck rope? Yeah. So I started dating this guy. His name is Snake Rope. I met him on Bumble. He's a child DJ. He's a DJ for children.

He DJs children's events. DJs Snake Ropes. Yeah. DJ Snake Rope in the house. Also really good rope. The farmer in the dell. The farmer in the house. Also really good rope. The farmer in the dell. The farmer in the dell. But yeah, that is very confusing because it is revealed in the movie to be like a ruse.

Except we're left wondering how the fuck they made this. Yeah, they explain everything except this, the hardest thing to explain. They just don't even bother to explain this. It is like really, you know, which, I think we should get some sort of twist at some point where they're like, but some of it was real. I don't know.

It would explain like the blood and some of this stuff that they like. The doors opening and closing and stuff, you didn't see strings when that was happening. Right, yeah. I thought there had to be a mixture of the ghosts and the schemes. So I'm choosing to believe that some of it's real.

Just because it's fun. I mean, I think this movie was written sequentially. Oh, 100%. And in a day and a half. This is a guy just riffing. Yeah, sure. So anyways, we find out that Annabelle is not dead. She was in a hanging harness.

Cute hanging harness, by the way. If she looks great, another great outfit for Annabelle. Looks good all throughout the movie, and that she's having an affair with the psychiatrist, and what they're trying to do, their plan is to drive Nora insane so that she kills Vincent Price and they can be together, which is a great explanation for just like why Nora's having all this shit dumped on her. It's just like so, yeah, so blatantly one-sided. Yeah, I also was confused about like,

how everyone was chosen. Like when Nora was like talking to Annabelle, and Annabelle's like, so how did you get chosen for this, whatever? And she said, my supervisor told me to go. I'm like, okay, what? Like, where do you work? Is it connected to these people?

I think she works for Vincent Price is the idea. But she works in some nebulous capacity for Vincent Price. And then, but yeah, there's this weird, who knows each other, how did they get invited? It's not really, so at some point, Vincent Price just said he invited people with money problems So that they would be like more likely to stay in the house But like yeah, how does that then how did he happen to just invite the man that his wife is fucking very you know again? If you think about this stuff too long, you'll go crazy and shoot price so

Yeah, just enjoy the enjoy the vibes enjoy the immaculate the vibes haunted haunted house on haunted ill vibes Yeah, so yes, so she's Nora runs back to the basement. Everybody's just run into that basement They just want to be near that vat of acid Vincent Price comes out and she does what what they thought she would do She shoots him and then dumps his body in the acid and then went out of the acid, emerges a skeleton with visible strings. I honestly didn't see the strings. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

And I thought it was really spooky at first because I was like, this is kind of spooky. And then it had his voice. And then just like the way he was kinda walking, like they kinda, there was somebody with probably two strings and he was like, and left foot and right foot, and then left foot and right foot, and then you could hear kind of a click clack in there,

but this was like one of those plastic skeletons that you have in the classroom in fifth grade. And it's pretty good. And like, why doesn't the acid melt this thing? They said it only melts flesh and hair. They said that in the movie. Okay, this is a special kind of acid. But I thought that's bullshit.

Yeah, it's just hair, flesh, acid. So this is kinda cool. When they showed this movie in theaters in the 50s, they advertised it as having emergo vision, or emergo vision. So some theaters, when this scene happened an actual skeleton would fly around the theater. It's like a gimmick movie.

So it's like a 4DX experience back in the day. This is like early 4D but yeah I'm sure they just like bought a skeleton at the school supply store. That would scare me. And just have to have like a 16 year old usher fly it around the room. It would be pretty cool. Yeah. There's another movie called The Tingler that I think Vincent Price is also in where they rigged up little shockers to the seats.

Where there were these bugs and every time the bugs would come on screen you would get like a little shock. Anyway, yeah, early 4D. Fucking crazy. So yeah, a Mergo vision a Mergo vision I was when I saw the ring which is still I think my number one favorite horror movie I saw it on Halloween night in theaters in like 2001 and It was a packed house and somebody had a cell phone and it went off in the theater and everyone lost their fucking minds It was so scary. I loved it. I don't know if that was planned, but it did it for me. I was scared shitless.

All right. We're about to reveal the shocking conclusion to House on Haunted Hill that makes total sense after this break. We're back. It's Free With Ads. We're talking about House on Haunted Hill. So, the skeleton has emerged from the acid. Annabelle comes in, stands exactly at the lip of the vat while the skeleton slowly inches toward her. Visible strings. Great screams though, really good screaming.

The pipes on Annabelle. This woman can do it all. What a star. And she gets pushed into the acid. With one finger. Yeah, with one little skeleton finger. And then we reveal that the skeleton was being puppeted by Vincent Price, who has this elaborate puppet rig

around him that is clearly not attached to the actual skeleton. It is just like him coming out with this wacky puppet getup and the skeleton is clearly hung somewhere else, not from the thing he's holding anyway. Also, would it, the string like disintegrate in the acid? Yeah, that too. Is the acid really acid?

I didn't know that either. But I guess it kills Annabelle. I guess it does. When he's pretending that the skeleton is talking, certainly with her ears, she can place where sound is coming from. Sure. There's a lot of holes here, guys. But yes, he also rigged the doors to be opening and closing and locking and stuff as well. So I guess that whole rig situation was part of that.

Also, did he learn puppetry for this one plan? This is exactly what I wanted to talk about. I just love imagining him going to the hardware store. Can these strings lift a skeleton? Can it survive a vat of acid? I need it to, uh, not kill my wife. No, it's sexual. It's not to kill my wife. It's to hold her feet up in the air, so...

So I can fuck her with a skeleton finger. Yeah, exactly. Yes, that's right. I've always wanted to be a cockled to a skeleton. If there's one thing I love, it's wives. Oh, I love wives. Oh, gimme, gimme all those wives. I love them.

Definitely don't want to kill them. Holy matrimony. No! Definitely don't want to kill them. Holy matrimony. No, cuckled with a skeleton finger is, I need that movie staff. So he reveals that it was all a ruse, the guns had blanks, and that this was all part of his plan that if you try and figure it out

for more than five seconds, you go insane, because it doesn't really make sense. And then the movie's over. And then I think we got one last line from the guy who owns the house who believes in ghosts. He's like, they're coming for me and they'll come for you. Ah, that's the end of the movie. And then you see the credits.

And so everyone is by their, in the credits, everyone is next to their character name. And one of the things is skeleton by himself. It's not as himself, it's by himself. Anyways, it's supposed to be a cute little joke. All of our skeletons are by themselves inside of us. It's a great point. That's so true. And so sad. It's a great point. That's so true and so sad.

What is lonelier than a skeleton? Alone in the body. That's so deep. Covered in meat. Well, we're gonna rank this movie, but before that, we're gonna talk about the best lines in the movie. I think one stood out to all of us.

I think this one really got us all. This is from the repartee between Vincent Price and Annabelle. He is such a bitch. Oh, he's such a little bitch. Matt, play the line. Don't let the ghosts and the ghouls disturb you, darling. Darling, the only ghoul in the house is you.

And don't sit up all night thinking of ways to get rid of me. It makes wrinkles. Got her. Got her. Got her ass. So mean. Got her.

Yeah. You little bitch. Who do you want to get wrinkles from, worrying if I've got to kill you? Yeah. You look old now, you old hag. Into the acid with you, grandma. There's another line that I love that's in this, I think, exact same scene that I want

to play. It is my favorite line of the movie. The time will come. You'll slip up one of these days. Think so? If I live long enough. You remember the fun we had when you poisoned me? Something you ate, the doctor said.

Yes. Arsenic on the rocks. Arsenic on the rocks, sis. Yes. Arsenic on the rocks. It's beautiful. It is great. But also, you'll slip up one of these days.

It's kind of foreshadowing. Yeah, yeah. If you think of this movie as being in any way competent, it is foreshadowing. You know what I mean? But it is also, again, I think this was written sequentially. I don't think you're wrong there, Jordan. Yeah, and I think that they just like because the in the trailer the trailer also has this segment that just talks about like the things that happen

in the movie it's like 13 terrifying things and it's like blood, a skeleton, a head and I think they just had this stuff and they're like alright write a movie with all this yeah exactly so yeah that is that is house on haunted hill and we are gonna rank it on a scale of one to ten super loud commercials when we come back We're back. It's free with ads. We're talking about House on Haunted Hill. Let's rank the movie on a scale of one to ten super loud commercials. Matt, you wanna go first? Yeah, this is one of the worst movies I've ever seen in my life.

This is a movie that me as a kid, when I told my parents I didn't wanna watch black and white movies, they're boring. This is the movie I pictured without having ever seen it, where nothing about it is scary, nothing about it is interesting. There are so many moments at which I thought, oh, if they had just tried here, it would have been fun. But instead of trying, they just made,

they made a movie by just going, here's some props, I don't know, the piggies gotta eat. And there's just a little bit, there's just a little too much disdain for the audience for me. So I give this a flat zero, one of the worst things I've ever seen. Okay. Whoa. Yeah, there's no redeeming quality to this movie.

I'm sorry, I hated it. Amazing. Straight up goose egg for how? A goose egg for my masterpiece? Matthew. It's just terrible. Emily, what do you got? All right. I'm sorry, I don't wanna poison anyone else.

No, no, no. I'm not trying to yuck anyone's yum. I don't I feel I don't want to poison anyone else. No, no, I'm not trying to yuck. Anyone's young I know it is I think it is I think this movie has stuck around in the way that it has Because it is hilariously bad and I think that like and I think that you know Like it has some like shocking images and stuff like that, but it does all this janky stuff We're talking about I think is why it's stuck around, you know, and hasn't yeah, it's like stuff we're talking about, I think is why it stuck around, you know, and hasn't, because like, 30,000 of these were made, you know, in the year,

but you know, in this 10 year span. So yeah, I think all that stuff you were saying is true, and I think it's just maybe a matter of whether you enjoy that flavor. Yeah, you're not yucking anyone's yum by having an opinion. Emily, what do you think? I, again, I think that Free With Ads,

we really love movies that are great for the background of a Halloween party. And this is another one. Yes. If you want your Halloween party to be periodically interrupted with a loud commercial of Kevin Hart yelling about Draft Kings. Nothing sets the mood like Kevin Hart

periodically popping in to yell about draft kings. Totally. That's well, yeah, I didn't get those, but we know what's in your algorithm. Oh yeah, I have a gambling problem. So this movie was a lot of people running in and out of rooms. It was a lot of go in here and then we'll go in here and then we'll go in here. I wish there was at least a fun party. They were like, it's a party. I'm like, bitch where? I'm going to give it a three. It was fun to watch something that was like, I've

heard it referenced a lot. People saying it was really scary. They are wrong. But there were a couple of moments that I really liked and I'm glad I watched it, but I don't need to watch it again, I'm fine. So I'm giving it a three. Yeah, I'm gonna give this a Halloween six. And I think that as a seasonal movie that you put on during Halloween,

I think this is great for that. If you watch this movie in like April, there's something wrong with you. Like if you watch this movie in any other context other than like it's Halloween and we're gonna put on a Halloween thing. For sure, yeah. You know, there's an issue.

But as far as I like getting spooky vibes and like a bad movie that is really fun to goof on, I think this is, yeah, I think this is a really effective movie for that. So I think that like, if you like old horror movies, if you like goofing on a bad movie, House on Haunted Hill, definitely something you should check out.

So yes, Halloween 6. Very nice. Well that is, that was our review of House on Haunted Hill. Let's plug. Anybody got anything going on? I got something and it's for all of us. Good Mythical Evening is coming up on October 25th. Yeah.

It's 7 p.m. Pacific. And you can get your tickets on goodmythicoevening.com. If you wanna watch from Alamo Draft House, there are like a bunch of different cities where you can get, I think, you can get the VIP one where you can get access to the live stream, which you can get that in think, the VIP one where you can get access to the live stream, which you can get that in the main show too.

But yeah, I would say go for the Alamo Drafthouse if you can, if you're in one of those cities. But yeah, go to Good Mythical Evening.com and check out what's available. I'm very excited for this year. It is like sexy, scary, stupid is the theme this year. Yeah, it's gonna be really fun. Did you say Good Mythical Morning, the YouTube show

on which all three of us appear periodically. Yes. And yeah, the YouTube show, family friendly, but Good Mythical Evening. Is not. All bets are off. All bets are off. It's really filthy and everyone actually gets drunk. Matt probably won't get drunk because of his sobriety.

Sobriety. Yes. But I like to watch people get drunk. It is get drunk and just see what kind of madness happens. You never know what's gonna happen. They might be having their eye on me this year. You show up in a Halloween costume. It's just an AA meeting I'm taking you to. I'm always like...

Yeah, come to the live stream, Emily. Yeah, for sure. Hey, if you're in the LA area, I got a couple of book events coming up. October 4th and 5th, I will be at LA Comic Con. I'll be over there at booth F10. So come by, see me. I'll be signing books, hanging out, shooting the poop. LA Comic Con, please come see me on the fourth and fifth. I will not be there on Sunday, but Friday and Saturday, come and find me.

And on October 12th, I will be at the Heavy Manners Comics Fair. The Heavy Manners Library is a pretty cool space in East LA. It is a library for zines and self-published comics and they're having a big comics fair with a bunch of cool folks selling books, signing books, and I will be there on October 12th. That is at Heavy Manners Library. It is a free event, but you can reserve your tickets on their website, and I'll have Matt throw a little link

into the show notes where you can reserve your tickets to the Heavy Manners Comics Fair. That is the 12th and the 13th, but I'll be there on the 12th. You should go on the 13th, too. There's new folks every day, and it'll be really fun. Okay, that's it. Tune in next week when our movie will be The Bye-Bye Man. I'm on your side Baby, let's