Free With Ads - Nosferatu (1922)

Episode Date: February 25, 2025

This week we watched our first ever silent film, the 1922 classic Nosferatu: A Symphony Of Horror. Tune in next week when our movie will be... Cube (1998)-------Become a MaxFun member and listen to our new bonus episode about the pilot to Pee-Wee's Playhouse.Matt Lieb and Francesca Fiorentini will be at the Sacramento Punch Line on March 16th! Buy tickets now!Also, Matt and Francesca will be in San Francisco at Cobb's Comedy Club on May 7th! Buy tickets here! Jordan has a story in an issue of Marvel Comics Spiderman, it's called Web Of Spiderverse which comes out on March 5th and you can pre-order it RIGHT HERE! So do it!Also, Jordan contributed to Godzilla vs LA, a comic book anthology which comes out April 30th and all the proceeds will go to those affected by the LA fires. If you can't figure out how to get the comics, Jordan is offering tech support. Email us [e-mail] for Jordan to help you!Jordan will be at Arsenal Comics on March 5th signing comics, then March 9th Golden Apple Comics in Hollywood, and March 15th at Cape and Cowl Comics in Oakland.Finally, PLEASE BUY OUR MERCH HERE!

This This is Free With Ads, the podcast that asks the question, why pay Peacock eight bucks a month to watch the new Nosferatu movie when you can go online for free and watch the original that might not have sound, but that means you're not distracted when the vampire finally talks and sounds like Mojo Jojo from the Powerpuff Girls. I'm Jordan Morris. And I'm Emily Fleming. Today's movie is the 1922 horror classic Nosferatu, which is best known for being the movie that's projected onto Tim Burton's ceiling every time he has sex.

Probably. I had to say that for legal reasons. With us always is super producer Matt hitting this with those spooky good drops. Yeah. Don't come to my house or else I'll suck your dick. I'm blood. I'm sorry, I had to use it again.

Wait, what was that from? Our live show. I used that on the live show too. Cause listen, they were both about vampires and I was trying to think of another one and I was like it's too. It's more perfect now It's beautiful than it ever has been in fact whatever we do a vampire movie this has to be the drop Before we talk about this movie which is as as of this recording, streaming free with ads, we wanna talk about something else we saw for free

on the internet this week. Wait, before we do that. Sure. I'm very excited about it. But that drop you just did where suck your dick, if a dick has a boner, does that mean you're gonna get more blood out of it? 100%. Yeah, that's why vampires are so sexy.

Yeah. So if you're a vampire, just know, you know, hot tip. Hot tip. Just the hot tip. Yeah, sure. Hot tip. You don't want to make that tip hot. It's kind of perfect. It's like how to do a dick joke. Sorry to interrupt you, Jordan. No, no, that's OK. I was saying it's a straw for a sorry to interrupt you, Jordan. No, no, that's okay, as I was saying. It's a straw for a vampire, go ahead.

Sure. Before we talk about this movie, which is as of this recording, streaming free with ads, we wanna talk about something else we saw for free on the internet this week. Other free stuff. On the theme of spookiness, I have a clip from TikTok.

Now I myself am not on TikTok, because I understand how old I am, and as a party, I am not invited to. Okay, all right. And that's fine. You're allowed to use it. No, I myself am not on TikTok, because I understand how old I am, and as a party I am not invited to. And that's fine. You're allowed to use it. Do you think you're not allowed to use it? You know, I'm, I'm, I'm,

I think it's best for everyone. I, you know what I like? I like it when, when I can go on a social media site for a person my age, and someone has reposted a good TikTok. This is actually a TikTok I saw on Instagram. My buddy Gina Ippolito posted. Gina Ippolito, great comedy writer.

We'll have to have her on the show sometime. Oh, heck yeah. This is a clip from an account called DantonSteel5. And this concerns our buddy Vincent Price. Vincent Price from House on Haunted Hill, the man, the spookiest man with the weirdest voice and behavior to match. So in like the 70s, after he, you know,

had kind of like been a horror icon in the 50s and 60s, he started writing cookbooks and hosting cooking shows. What? Bless him. Yeah, in a very earnest way. He wasn't doing a ton of spooky stuff in them. He just wanted to cook. So here is a TikTok of one of Vincent Price's cooking videos.

He is making a souffle and showing off his new oven mitts. Matt, can you play this? Oh, look at the gloves I got today. I have pajamas to match, of course. Now, get the souffle out. Hold your breath. Oh, it's a poem. It is a thing of beauty.

Look at that. Look at that. Wow. Just remember how clever I was, and of course you can make one like that. Ha ha ha ha ha. What a charming man. Poem.

It is a poem. It is a poem. It's a thing of beauty. I love that he has pajamas, of course. Of course, you'd know. To match the little gloves. His oven mitts. Yeah, this is a delightful clip.

Maybe one day instead of a movie, we'll just watch old Vincent Price cooking videos. I love it. Who? I mean, I've never made a souffle. There's a, I really- Oh, hell no. There's a whole bunch of things

that people used to cook all the time that just are, you just don't see them anymore. Suflé is one of them. Clam's Casino, what's that? I don't know, but I know no one has eaten it since 1965. Yeah, yeah, there's a lot of canned stuff. I got an old cookbook from my grandmother, and I was very excited,

and it was like a community cookbook of old Jewish recipes and I was like oh this is great and you know I get in touch with my roots and I opened it up and it was just like can of beans, can of meat, can and I was like, there's a lot of canned stuff here. Add sand. Yell at bowl. Yeah. What? Yes. That's disgusting. Yeah, just gross.

I find that whenever I kind of look at old recipes like that, they all seem to start with just a full can of cream of mushroom soup. Yes. The worst soup. Yes, yes. But the best green bean casserole ingredient. Yeah.

Yeah. I could see that working. Listen, I'm grossed out by the mushroom, and so obviously a soup made of its cream does not appeal to me. No, just the whole idea of a cream of blank. You shouldn't be creaming stuff that's not already cream. Sorry. I don't want any viscous solutions on my throat.

I don't know about that. There's some fetishes out there that there needs already cream. Sorry. I don't want any viscous solutions on my throat. I don't know about that. There's some fetishes out there that they're, you know. Well, not to keep shame, but those fetishes are wrong. Yeah. God is crying and is mad. But people that engage in them should turn to church. Well, turn to Jesus. Listen, I've turned to church and it's it ain't doing shit. They got cream of mushroom there, too.

They got they got cream of Christ. They got all sorts of creams. Don't doing shit. They got cream of mushroom there too. They got cream of Christ is what they got. They got all sorts of creams. Don't cream Christ. Christ is to be worshiped, not creamed. Now shut up and eat his body. I just remembered that my family, one of, you know, this would definitely be on my last meal I ever eat kind of,

we have this sausage egg casserole that we eat every year for Christmas, Christmas day, but we pretty much just eat it every time I come home at this point, because we love it so much. And it involves layers of shredded white bread, eggs, cheese, and then like broken up pieces of Jimmy Dean sausage. But there is cream of mushroom soup to like congeal it all together. And it slaps.

Is it just a binding agent for everything? It's a binding agent for sure. But I promise you that this casserole slaps. And you know what? I've never made it by myself. Well, I've never made anything in our kitchen because my parents and my sister will not let me. I could see that.

Yeah, they don't let, I'm actually an okay cook. It's not that you're bad at cooking, it's that anything can happen when Emily's in the kitchen. That's true and it's not a very big kitchen. So it's like, and I did make a chicken for my parents once and my dad took it and put it back on the stove. Cause he said it wasn't cooked all the way. I know it hurt really bad.

He's like, Emily, it's pink in the middle. I was like, oh no. Yeah. And then you said, we're all pink in the middle. There you go. Yes. Yeah. What would cream of Christ do?

Sure. Okay. What would cream of Christ do? OK. But what would Christ cream? W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W.W. I did in high school. I'd stack them anyway. So I'm going to make that casserole by myself. And then you guys are going to taste test it eventually on the show. I'm going to challenge myself. Well, I got to get the recipe from my mom and my sister, but it's really good. There's a lot of good recipes like that. But I was we could do a Vincent Price style cooking.

I love about it. I love it. Yes. Oh, it is a poem! That's what I'll say about everything. It's a poem, it's a thing of beauty! It's a poem! Yeah.

All right. Uh, well hey, speaking of poems, what is a film but a poem you watch? Yeah. Wow. Interesting, and Nosferatu is a famous but a poem you watch? Yeah. Wow. Interesting. And Nosferatu is a famous, historically significant film. Had y'all seen this?

There's like 10 versions of it. Have y'all seen this or? No. Did y'all see the remake this year? I did. Yeah. No. Was the remake, did it have more words?

Yeah, I could hear it. It was crazy. It has one fuck and then someone says fuck. It'd be really funny if in this movie it was all silent except for one part where Nosferatu says fuck. As soon as she gets pitched, she goes fuck. You're like what the hell? It's called the fuck cut.

There's one cut of this movie. Yeah, I saw in the theater, I gotta tell you it There's one cut of this movie. Yeah, I saw it in the theater. I gotta tell ya, it's just as slow as this movie. Mm-hmm. The pace is similar? Slow as... Balls. Wet sticks.

I don't know, I just made up a saying. But yeah, it's this one. So I watched the free with ads one on YouTube is the one like when you go to the free with ads section on YouTube, it's listed there. But the music that's layered on it, I guess there was a lot of issues back in the day when this came out. Bram Stoker's Dracula, the wife or whatever of the author, like sued the holy shit out of the people who made this, and they said they destroyed the movie, but somehow they got it back, but then the music, I guess,

was something that has not been restored to the film. So people just put music on top of it. Yeah, so this is our first public domain movie we've watched, which is kind of cool that we've been doing a free movie pod for this long, and we're now just getting to a public domain movie. So yeah, there's a lot of different edits out there. Some people have colorized it.

So, you know, yeah, there's so many different versions of this movie hanging around. And yes, Emily, as you mentioned, I had always kind of wondered, oh, I wonder what came first, Dracula or this? So they wrote, the Bram Stoker wrote the novel Dracula and this movie ripped it off. Just straight up ripped off the plot

and then changed the names to sound more German. So yeah, anyway, so. But the thing that I noticed, so the one that is in the free with ads section has the music on top of it is so bad. I feel bad for whoever made it. Great job, that's a lot of work to put it all over this. But it's just a lady I think that the music,

he tried to find pieces of the symphony that was originally like on the thing. And like clobbered a bunch of different composers music together to make it work with the movie. And it was pretty good and it was scary and it was very good. So I'll list that version for you guys. The one I watched was on Canopy, the library app.

And the music's gorgeous. The music's really gorgeous. I don't know if it's this cut you're talking about or if it's another one, but yeah. So yeah, the music was really striking. The guy who did it, he has a YouTube channel and this is the only video on his YouTube channel. Oh, cool.

And he has 26 followers. Yeah, I synced it with Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon. Hell yeah, bro. And it works, too. Honestly, that's great. I think that sounds good. It works. Yeah, when Nosferatu is sneaking up on the girl at that one point, that's when money

starts playing and it just works, you know? I synced it up with my favorite album and right as Nosferatu is emerging from the ship, you hear Bawit-a-bawit-a-bang-a-bang! Anyway, well yeah, let's talk about this thing. It begins, as all horror movies should, with archival information about the print that they're using. Yes, thank you. Yeah, the one I watched had a bunch of information about where they got the print and kind of what they're using.

That's cool. Yeah, very dry. Does not set the scene to be scared. Does not help the mood at all. But I think if you're watching this, you're probably just kind of there, because you're a film fan and you want to see this thing, you're not looking to actually be scared, because you will not be.

Anyway... There's a couple of moments. Yeah, it is very creepy, and you can understand why the images endure, you know? I feel like if you've not seen this movie, you've seen little stills from it on band flyers. I feel like I saw a lot of band flyers. Muppet babies.

Sure, yeah, when Muppet babies opened the closet, they would see. I feel like last action hero is when I, there was like a scene in last action hero where there was, they showed a little Nosferatu and I was like, oh, that looks like a scary movie. I actually, before watching this, watched a really great YouTube video

that ranked every single episode of Are You Afraid of the Dark? Yeah, as you do. And there's the Phantom of the Megaplex or whatever, and Nosferatu comes out of the movie and chases this kid. And so they reference that movie in that episode. And I was like, oh, fuck, that episode is so good. Are You Afraid of the Dark was so good.

I might be thinking of that. Maybe that's what I'm actually thinking of. I think I'm thinking of that episode of Are You Afraid of the Dark, that's why. Yeah, I don't know when this entered the public domain, but yeah, maybe this is why you see so many clips of this movie, which you could just use it for free. But yeah, anyway, we get a little bit of the overtures.

We can hear some more of that great music, depending on which video you watch. It could also be terrible music. It was bad. Bad, bad. We get a little information. Then we get a little table setting. The fucking first card we see,

setting the table goes fucking hard. Here it is, Nosferatu, does this word not sound like the death bird calling your name at midnight? Beware you never say it, for then the pictures of life will fade to shadows, haunting dreams will climb forth from your heart and feed on your blood. Yeah, pretty lit. That's pretty cool.

Hell yeah, man. It's like Slipknot, but a movie. Yeah. So we meet our main characters. We have Hutter, and he's getting ready. I hate that name so much. Hutter. Pretty terrible name.

And I guess also sometimes, I guess there's different cuts of this movie where their names are different. Anyway, this is something I learned from. Ellen is her name in the new Nosferatu. Yeah, so I think those, I think Hutter and Ellen are our main characters. Ellen is playing with a cat,

much like the character in the remake does. Fun fact, that cat is still alive today because no cats ever die. Aw, that's nice. Yeah. Aw. She has some flowers that died, and he kind of comes over in his condo sending to her

and gives her the weirdest hug of all time. He like grabs her head and like pushes it into his sternum and she's kind of making a what the hell face. I don't think this movie is ever trying to be funny. It is very funny to watch some of this now because it's all so presentational. It's a silent movie. I'd say that that Hutter is like, I don't think he's intentionally funny, but he's supposed to be kind of a doofus.

Yeah, I think so. Like he's kind of just this simple man who's really sweet, but he's got a wife that, you know, she's not, I wouldn't say difficult, but she needs attention. All right? Sure. You need to bang your wife. your wife get bang and hudder And then don't leave town and bang your wife, and I don't think she gives a shit about being rich just bang your wife So yeah for a guy named knock who is a real estate guy knock gets a letter

That is just covered in weird symbols. I think they're wingdings. I think this is where wingdings came from. It's so funny looking at this piece of paper. It's a pretty goofy looking prop. It reminds me of like, it's always sunny in Philadelphia when you see Charlie trying to write a sentence and it's just symbols. Yeah. Because he can't write and is illiterate.

It's just very funny piece of paper, and we're all supposed to understand that something evil is afoot, but it's just like someone drew a house. There's little children's drawing of a house on it. He want house, house now. Well there's, and his Renfield. This symbol means home.

The creepy guy that he like, that Hutter goes to talk to about this job or gig or whatever, that's Renfield... This symbol means home. The creepy guy that he like, that Hunter goes to talk to about this job or gig or whatever, that's Renfield, right? I mean, like their version of Renfield? I don't know what the one-to-one is on all these things. I think that we could safely say that that is the representation. Yeah, I guess, cause he helps him eat people.

And he's also crazy. Yeah, so Nock, I guess from receiving this letter, just goes insane. Yeah, there's a big insanity scene in the new one that's very crazy and goes pretty hard. This version of Renfield in this movie was the scariest part of this movie. And we'll get to more of it later

because there was one scene I was like, this guy freaks me the fuck out. Nosferatu, he had little pull cues for legs. I don't, like, you ain't gonna get me. Yeah, I can lick his ass. Not because the first insane eyebrow character we meet in the movie, there are tons of them. If you like giant glued on eyebrows,

oh boy, you're eating good in this movie. So you know, like the plot of Dracula, because that's what this is stolen from, Hunter has to go try and sell a house to not Count Dracula, but Count Orlok. We know he's a weird guy. People kind of just start making blood jokes to Hutter. Yeah, that's also something I wondered. I'm like, how well known is the vampire mythos in 1922 where people are like, it will take sweat

and a bit of blood to sell the house. Yeah, anyway, but I guess people knew that vampires drank blood. I don't know. Well, probably from Bram Stoker's Dracula. Yeah, from reading Dracula. I wonder, it's been a while since I've read Dracula. I wonder if they make those kinds of jokes in that.

I don't know, anyway. I wanna read it. The movie assumes you've read Dracula. That's very funny. Sure, yeah. I mean, what else were these fucking people doing? Right, yeah. Yeah, we've all read this.

Yeah, there's only four books. Yeah, there's one movie. There's one movie ever. Also, I was thinking, this is gonna make me sound really dumb. But while I was watching this, I was just like, okay, so we had the camera before sound. Like it was, you know, site documentation.

Yeah. But, and you couldn't have, and I was like, how do cameras work? Oh, okay, so that's where we're asking? I just was thinking like, don't you... You're not dumb. That doesn't make you dumb. I don't know how it works.

That shit is magic. I don't get it. Like, how did we figure that out? How did people figure out how to make a camera? I know that, like, the still photos and everything, but just, like, being able to take something that you're looking at and make it documented, it's crazy, you guys. And hey, listen, and I know this is old,

but fucking magnets, how do they work? Literally, though, how do they work? Fucking magnets. Definitely. These are all miracles. Miracles. ICP said it best. So, Cutter goes to the little Dracula village and he slams a flag in a mead

and he yells about where he's going. I love that he just chugs a spear and he's like, I'm going to Count Orlok's house. Yeah, that's me at fucking Buffalo Wild Wings. I'm going to Target later. After I finish these nine tequilas, I'm gonna go in for two things and spend 50 bucks. I'm so lonely. Yeah. That's what I do at every bar. I'm alone. Anyone want to accompany me to the Dracula's house? I don't know. I make friends with everyone.

People make a bunch of creepy blood jokes to him. They say to beware of the werewolf. Yes, this was cool. So they cut to, I think it's a hyena. It is a hyena. So which is just running around and this does not come back, this does not enter into the plot.

And I'm like, oh, there's a werewolf here. So they're gonna fucking fight, right? I mean, and then no, they just see. Yeah, or at the very least, they're gonna fight over a girl. Sure, right? Like in Twilight. Well, part of me thought maybe the hyena was the counts like guard dog type thing. Like maybe it's like a hound of hell type thing where

he's got like, this is the guard dog or like he fetches corpses for me or something. But it creeped me the fuck out that hyena. It's weird looking were like the reflectiveness of the eyes and the camera and stuff and the herky-jerky movements and things. I was like, oh, this is creepy. This is like a Nine Inch Nails music video. I love it. Yeah, definitely. So, I think there's also an element of this of like, and I think we see this later on in the movie where you just see through a microscope. I think there was an element of movies here

where it's just people just wanted to see a thing. It's just like the first movie is just a fucking train coming at the screen or a horse running. All the legs go off the ground. It's just like people just wanted to see something. So it's like, hey, look at that. So it didn't have to enter into the plot. As long as you were filming it and projecting it.

They had footage of a hyena that someone took and they were like, well, we gotta get this in somehow. And they're like, yeah. They say it's a werewolf. Yeah, but people will know it's a hyena. No, it won't, it's 1922. Most of the people we know are dead from Spanish flu. But also, there's something creepy about it

because it's not supposed to be there. I don't think hyenas exist in, what, Transylvania? That feels like a desert dog Doesn't it? I think it is a desert dog and I think what I think this was I mean, this is I can't imagine there were like Animal rights people on set. I bet They probably killed that thing right after they shot. Yeah, sure They probably killed that thing right after they shot it. Yeah, sure.

They shot it, then they shot it. They shot it, then they shot it. Animal rights. Women just barely got the right to vote at this point. Sure. No animal rights. Yeah, they're throwing rocks at this thing to get it to run across the camera.

So yeah. So you know, Hunter gets to count Orlok's house. He reads a book about vampires, where he kind of gets some of the vampire lore. Something in it was that they live in coffins filled with ashes from the Black Death. That's cool. Yeah, pretty sick. Yeah, that's rad. It's a little. Oh, wait, can we talk about? So when he's like he's taking a carriage to get there, but then the people who are driving him are like, we're not going any further

because that place is haunted. So he leaves on foot and then count Orlok in disguise, in disguise, which I think, can that be the worst hat? The worst hat. My worst hat was also in this scene. Our boy, Hutter, is wearing- Yeah, he's got an ugly hat too. He's got terrible hats, a lot of bad hats in this. He's wearing just like a baker's cap,

like he's the mascot of Cinnamon Toast Crunch. It kind of looked like the Come On Eileen hat, like the guy was wearing in that music video. Yeah, sure, sure, sure. Yeah, a lot of bad hats. Yeah, but Orlok is picking him up, and the thing is I think lighting back then that's tough So it you can't tell if it's day or night. So I just assumed oh this vampire can just be out in the light Yeah, I think it can though. I know because that's how he dies. Maybe that's what the hat does. Oh, right

Yeah, the sun kills him. He dies later because he doesn't have the hat Maybe the hat was protecting him too. I don't know. But yeah, that was super funny and weird where it's just like he's got a mustache and a monocle on or something like, oh, you'll never know it's me. It is I, just some dude. Yeah, exactly.

It's me, Brian Smith. Some dude. Yeah, exactly. It's me, Brian Smith. Yeah. Yeah, so they're wearing bad hats. They're driving around in a carriage. At this point, again, I think we all probably watched a version with different music.

I heard a little piece of the music go, dun-da-da-da-da-da-da. I'm like, is this the X-Men music today? Whoa! Did they steal the X-Men theme from this? On the, okay, when we post this below, let's put our links for the Jordan edit, the Emily edit, and the Matt edit,

and show the ones we watch, because I want to watch yours, Jordan, and listen for that, because I gotta hear it. Little, little, yeah, little whisper of a familiar tune Anyway he gets to count Orlox they have like a weird dinner. I'm like, what is he eating? I think he's just eating Triangles, they're just a plate of triangles. I'm like, what is this? So, you know, they're just munching on some triangles Count Orlox not eating anything.

The guy tries to cut some bread, hudder, and then he cuts his hand, and Count Orlock goes crazy because of the blood. Sucks on his fingy. Yeah, sucks on his fingy. Yeah. It's pretty creepy. You know, yeah. I mean, you're wondering at that point

if he's scared because he's a vampire, or if he's just like, you know, low-key feels violated by some man sucking on his finger. Yeah, and he kind of like acts, like the next day he's like not fazed by it, and I'm thinking in his brain he's just going, oh, I was being culturally insensitive. Yeah, Transylvanians suck on fingers.

Finger sucking is like a thing. Yeah, yeah. I don't know. Yeah, it's how they greet their guests. Yeah. Yeah, take your shoes off at the door and let me suck those fingies. Sure. Exactly.

So, Hutter goes to sleep just sitting up in a chair. That's weird. And then so he gets up in the morning and writes Ellen a letter where he says, I think I got a mosquito bite. It's two little marks on the side of my neck because when you write your wife, you wanna tell her what the configuration

of the mosquito bite you got is. Right, yeah. My favorite thing is we don't see this stupid letter once, but twice. We gotta read that twice. Later on I'm like, okay, I don't, this fucking mosquito bit, somebody thought they were really doing something. It's crazy, because again, you wonder how,

I know, in the zeitgeist, how well known are Dracula's, are like, you know, vampires, right? Do people know this, or was this a twist? Like, were people like, I thought it was mosquitoes the whole time! Oh, that's crazy. Like. But he also has those teeth that are the two front ones.

Yeah, yes. The pointy sharp ones. Yeah. Which I'm glad we got rid of that. That is not cute. It's not sexy. Yeah, it doesn't work. Not cute. Yeah.

Imagine Robert Pattinson if he had the bunny teeth like that. Yeah. That would be great. That would be great. That would be great. So the vampire in this is very rat-like. He's like a rat guy. For sure. He's a rat guy.

That's like the cool thing these days. Yeah, everyone's a rat boy. The first rat boy, yes. Nosferatu was the first rat boy. Yeah, Nosferatu walked so Timothy Chalamet could run. That's right. that's right. The first rat boy. Anyway, so also kind of they go back to Lucy

who's like sleepwalking, right? She's like in a trance, she's about to like walk off the balcony. This is kind of the thing that the like Robert Eggers movie makes a meal out of, right? Yeah, yeah. That's the story of that movie is like the vampire, you know, bewitching her from across the ocean or whatever.

Yeah. Anyway, Hutter's running around the castle, trying to escape the vampire. He falls out a window. We go back to his hometown, where some guys are studying Venus fly traps. And so that's another... It's the found footage.

...show something in a movie. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. And then he shows the, you mentioned the magnifying or like the. Yeah, the microscope. Microscope, which that was kind of, it was like, wow, I'm really seeing something. Like it was pretty cool.

Yeah, it definitely is like, you can see why this blew minds and why this is like a, you know, creepy image movie that like a goth bar puts on now. Oh yeah. It's cause it all works. The real estate agent, as we mentioned, is going crazy from the Wingdings letter.

So, Hutter kind of wakes up in this like hospital and kind of heads for home where there's a plague. It's kind of like cool how people are just going insane and there's a plague because of this vampire. None of it's really explained, but it just kind of like adds to the thing of like, what powers does this guy have? Yeah. Do you ever think about like, and this is, you know, this isn't great.

I don't want to be in a hospital and I don't want to be sick, but sometimes I just like want to have a reason to be asleep for a long time and then people wait on me. Like I wanna wake up in a bed with a lady who's a nun and a nurse. Dabbing your forehead with a cloth. Yes, and going you should stay in bed. And I go, but I can't, I mustn't.

Have a spoonful of broth. I mustn't stay in bed. You need your strength, you need your strength. Yes, that's true. For the family I don't, I mustn't. I mustn't stay in bed. You need your strength, you need your strength. Yes, that's true. For the family I don't have, I'm a woman who does nothing. I would love it, that does sound nice. So Count Orlok is like mailing himself back basically. He's in a coffin on a boat. This is in Dracula. Did anybody see that movie from a couple years ago,

The Last Voyage of the Demeter? I want to see it. So bad. It's great. So it's a movie about this. It's a movie set in this part of the story, where it's just about the guys on the ship who have to transport Dracula. It's a really neat movie.

I think it kind of came and went pretty quick, but if you can see that, I think. It looked cool. I remember seeing the trailers for it and going, that looks scary as shit. It is, yeah. It's super well-made, and yeah, just a really kind of creative idea

on how to do a Dracula story. So yeah, if you're into vampire stuff, check it out. If it's ever free with ads, Matt can use his drop again. Hell yeah. And then we can watch it. I need reasons to use that drop again. Hell yeah. And then we can watch it. I need reasons to use that drop. Yeah, yeah.

We all want to hear the drop again. It's all we want. So, so, Hunter is back and the little, you know, I don't know what to call these things, the title card, the dialogue card, whatever, the card that comes up with the words. Yeah, word part. Says, it is difficult to say how the weakened young cutter

Hutter returned home. It's like you're the one who says it. Yeah, it's like you're the narrator. Explain how like I don't know how he got back. I think it's and it's acknowledging. We realize it's weird that this guy who fell out of a window and was in the hospital got across the ocean at the same time as a ship that had been sailing for a while.

Forever. But he also said when he was getting out of bed and she was like, you shouldn't get out of bed. Best line ever. And he goes, I must get there the fastest way possible. And then we never find out what that is. They were really concerned about that. The narrator knows what is it? You can make up anything.

Yeah. You're the one in charge of putting the letters on paper. Just arrange them in a way that writes words that say... Hard to say how he got back. Yeah. A humpback whale? You just kind of attach to himself. Sure, that'd be cool, huh? Yeah. A jet ski. Blue on the back of an eagle and just... Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Like Lord of the Rings. That'll probably be written in a jet ski. Blue on the back of an eagle and just. Yeah, exactly. Right, yeah.

Like Lord of the Rings. I mean, a dirigible maybe? They could have maybe a dirigible. Dirigible would be great. A wormhole. Dirigible would be a great explanation. Yeah. Got a portal from a crystal.

Hell yeah. Well, anyway, so, Hutter is back and we are about to see the havoc that Count Orlok has wrought on the area where Hutter is from. And we're gonna talk about it right after this. We're back. It's Three with Ads. We were talking about Nosferatu. So yes, so Count Orlok is on, I don't know what country, probably it's Germany, whatever. Probably.

Probably Germany. Everything in this movie is real German. There's a plague and everybody has to stay inside. They're probably making sourdough and playing Animal Crossing. Oh my God. Remember the pandemic. You remember the pandemic.

People still like hearing about that, right? We should mention it every time we think of it. Sourdough Animal Crossing. Anyway, just fucking shut up about that. Yeah, it didn't even happen. Yeah, thank you. Yeah, in case everyone listening didn't know we were millennials, that's us.

Now you know. I'm a girl boss. My awful puff girl boss. I'm a helpful boss girl boss. I call it the Pandoby or Pandudu or whatever because I don't want to say the real thing. Is that a millennial thing? Apparently so. There's a, can I tell you guys some hot goss?

Oh please. Oh yeah. Here's the thing, starting out, I don't want anyone to give this person shit. I won't. Okay. I totally respect their opinion. But on TikTok, somebody, Michaela told me about this because Michaela's got all the goss. Michaela, friend of the show. Very funny. Friend of the podcast. Friend of the podcast. There's somebody who made a TikTok about how much they hate watching the crew

on Good Mythical Morning. Oh no. And they reference. That's us and some other people. I know. And they reference like how someone called the pandemic a panini. And they're like, oh, millennials and like millennial humor. And I was like, that was probably me. Gen Z is so mean.

What are your jokes, Gen Z? Busting? Yeah. What do your jokes, Gen Z? Busting? Yeah. What do you say? Poggers? Well, here's the thing. Most of their jokes are about us. Right. So it's like, y'all are busy obsessing about us. Yeah, why are you so obsessed with us? We've got our own jokes.

Do you love us or something? Yeah. Don't make us turn on you like Gen X did with us. Everybody turns with us. Everybody turns on us, I don't care. We can be a punching bag, I'm doing okay. But the panini- I'm an ex-senial.

No one makes fun of me because it's so micro-targeted. But yeah, they said that somebody said panini instead of pandemic and I was like, fuck, that was probably me. I'm such a loser. I thought people called instead of pandemic and I was like, fuck, that was probably me. I'm such a loser. I don't even remember. I thought people called it the pandemic. I never even heard people call it the Panini. I heard pandemic.

Yeah. But yeah, so there's somebody who doesn't like us and quite a few people agree. But a lot of people, I'd say more, the majority love us. At least, you know what? I think it's probably at least 50-50. Yeah. Yeah.

I'll take it. Coin flip. No matter what side you're on, we love you anyway. We love you no matter what micro generation you're from. That's right. Micro penis generation. Oh, fake. Yeah.

That's that millennial burn for you, bam. Micro penis from all the micro plastics you're eating. Yeah. Oh. You got a smaller taint because of micro plastics. I saw that on TikTok. Because your mom can't stop chugging to sonnies. Yeah.

Oh, whoa. Anyway, so, what happens in Nosferatu? There's a plague. There's a plague. There's a plague. Oh yeah. So, the Count moves in across the street from Ellen and Hunter, and there's this wide shot. Which is the plan the whole time, I'm sorry. There's this wide shot.

Oh yeah, he wants to buy the house across the street from them, and he's become obsessed with Ellen from a photo he saw. He says, oh, your wife has a lovely neck. Yeah. Please tell me, Jordan, please tell me you're going to talk about him carrying the coffin all over the place. Oh, that's pretty funny. No, I'd just carrying this entire coffin,

like just looking around, stopping, and then walking somewhere else. I would really like a supercut of the coffin carrying stuff, Matt, if you could do it it because it is so funny to me That he can a carry a whole coffin. Yeah, very strong and with one arm He's just got one arm kind of holding it like it's a baguette and he's just like walking around with it And it's like where's all your other shit dog. You had a ton of other stuff and he's out in daylight, too It's so confusing guys. Okay, you know and I know this is hack

But it sounds like a this this super cut of the guy carrying the coffin could probably benefit from the Benny Hill music But some cases you still need it that one was really funny and then there's also him popping out of the bottom of the ship was really funny and then there's also him popping out of the bottom of the ship and I'm gonna I took a bunch of screenshots and sent it to you guys because it's so funny. It's like a little like a little prairie dog. Little rat face peeking up and there's this shot of him from like across the street peeking out of the window and I'm like, oh, that is how I feel when I'm watching someone's Instagram stories. Oh, oh, oh, you went axe throwing, did you?

How was that? What's my meme next time? We're gonna make so many memes for next week, I can't wait. Anyway, so it's Nosferatu, Count Orlok, whatever. Why is this called Nosferatu if his name's Count Orlok? Who the fuck cares? He comes for Ellen, and that's when we get that kind of famous shot, that shot you see

on the fucking band flyers and all the movie montages of the Count with his fingers stretching out, the long fingers stretching out. Emily I'm gonna give you the floor. Fingering story. I don't know, did you have a feeling about the fingers? I just kind of assumed that maybe you had prepared something about the fingers. I just kind of assumed maybe you had prepared something about the fingers. I wasn't thinking about anything about the fingers during this because he's, I just don't think of Nosferatu as sexual in any way. He kind of seems asexual to me. He

seems like he's more interested in carrying his fucking coffin around and drinking blood. He seems like an incel. This is kind of an, it's interesting that vampires now have turned into sort of like a sexual metaphor in some way. Because this is what the first vampire movie ever and he seems like an awkward incel. Like he seems like he, in the scene where he's like, you know, eating with his triangles with a hudder, he does look like he goes, do you want to go to the basement and play World of Warcraft?

Like, he does not seem like a, can I take you to my basement and show you my Funko Pops? I have a limited edition, I took you to my basement and show you my Funko Pops. I have a limited edition all gold Wolverine that you had. I had to wait in line outside Spencer's gifts. I only made 500 of them and I'm having it graded. I made 500 of them and I'm having it graded. Oh yeah.

I am Nosferatu, Nosferatu is the one who I am. I am the one who is called Nosferatu. I have the Simpsons donut van Lego set. Do you want to play Pokemon Go with me? There is a Charizard. It's my friend code. You can't trade a Snorlax with me. Shut the fuck up.

Shut up, loser. Shut up, loser. Well, my favorite thing is he, so he kind of, and he also gets in her bedroom at one point, you know, like just like in Twilight. So it's like, I was just thinking about Nosferatu going, Oh, so when Edward does it, it's hot. But when I do it, it's gross. This is why I enjoy Andrew Tate videos.

He tells me to stop trying to impress women and be mean to them instead. Edward is such a Chad. I hate Chads. Yeah. She's not even good at playing golden eye on N64. I will say, so the fingers are long, skinny pointy. And when it comes to finger banging, I think it's better

to have trimmed clean nails. Oh, shit, really? Fellas who are listening. Egg on my face. Clean under the- And egg under your nails too. Egg on my nails. And yeah, I think that that's all you need to do, but the long pointies, no.

Can't do it. They didn't do it for me. Fair enough. Yeah. So yeah, this is pretty much the end of the movie. Comes for Ellen, stretches out the fingers. He drinks her blood, but the sun comes up. The cock does crow. That was something in the lore, when the cock crows. Yeah, I saw that. Whatever. The sun comes up and then he disappears, and then we get this very weird shot of her doctor looking sad and that's the end of the movie So yeah, that's that's Nosferatu

Matt you were mentioning you took a little trip to the comment section. I did and it is time for our Wonderful segment that we do almost never comment section whole segment that we do almost never, comment section. Comment section. Yay. Most of the time you go into the comment section on YouTube, I would say 90% of the comments are like, someone give the people at YouTube a raise who picked the movies.

Sure, yeah. And then the rest is just whoever the main actor is, everyone saying this is their best movie. This one, obviously no one knows any actors, and no one really knows anything about this movie, so it's pretty great. So this is one from a guy named Joe Kruk. Says, I was going to pay to see this movie when it came out,

but I figured if I waited about 100 years, it would be free on YouTube. I thought it was pretty great. Somebody nailed it. Someone wrote, this shit is probably scary as hell in 1923, which is great because, you know, I will say. I bet it was.

I saw a comment actually. There was. It probably was scary to them. Well, the comment. Because the pictures are moving. That's scary enough. Right. And everyone's like, well, how does cameras? What is it?

Witchcraft. But there's a girl in there who said, my great-great-grandmother told me, or great-grandmother told me that when this came out, people were vomiting and running out of the theater. Which is like what people say about any movie that's supposed to be the scariest movie. So like Exorcist is one of those.

And then, I mean, there's like a lot, I can't remember the other movies that people have been saying people do this over. But I haven't I've never bought. Oh, I did vomit once at a movie. OK. But it was King Ralph with John Goodman. Ralph during King Ralph. I Ralphed during King Ralph.

I was with my granddad Fleming and I just I had the stomach flu and I threw up unrelated to the content of the movie. Yeah, no, I liked the movie. Really funny. I believe because I threw up. Unrelated to the content of the movie. Yeah, no, I liked the movie. But I had to leave. Yeah, I can't help it. It's really funny. I had to leave because I barfed. Oh, it's not like when I described the first movie I ever cried in was Free Willy 2.

But that was because my brother punched me in the face. Nothing to do with Free Willy. You did not care if Free Willy died. Yeah, don't care about the whale. Oh, yeah. Well, yeah, now that we've explored the comments section, let's talk about who we were the most sexually attracted to, it's time for our segment Hunk Watch. It's Hunk Watch. I'm going to go, so they introduce all the characters

in this with like their name and then comma and what they do, and I was really into harding a ship owner. The guy who owned the ship I thought was pretty hunky. It's interesting. It's interesting. I like that. Any other hunks other than harding a ship owner? I liked Hutton. I thought he was really handsome. Hutter?

Hutter? Whatever. Hutter? Whatever. Yeah. I thought he was cute. I think he's good looking and I don't know. There's something about it That I thought was sweet and charming and trying to art school guy Yeah

He also just seemed like he was having fun. No matter where he was most of the time He would just go outside and be like, ah, it's the outside like it was he was so excited about everything Like a like a happy-go-lucky guy. Yeah, I thought he was cute. Yeah, him, I'd say him. Mine is one of the guys at the bar who turns around with a warning look in his face when Hunter says, hey, I'm gonna go over that scary mansion over there. There's this big guy who turns around

and he just gives him a knowing look and he says, do not go there. That guy seemed pretty hot. Cool. And good advice too. Great advice. Great advice, yeah. Got good advice.

Got good advice. He's sensible. He's not too drunk to give out bad advice, so good. Good for him. I wanted to talk a little bit about the scariest moment in the movie to be sure. Okay, yeah. So creepy Renfield losing his mind

in and out of an institution. Like he's in a cell and then he's not in a cell. But he, and then he's back in. But he escapes at one point. I think this is when Nosferatu's ship is arriving. He senses that his master is arriving. He runs out of there and like, people are chasing him for some reason,

I can't remember why, and then they're all looking for him and then he's suddenly just on a roof? Yeah. And we're like, how the fuck did he get up there? I don't know. He's scary. He's just up on this roof. Who's to say how we got up on this roof?

And he also has- Hell, you should say, just say something and that's what happened. All you do is say something and that's what happened. Yeah, and then he's up there and he has rocks for some reason, and then he's like throwing them at people below and then people start throwing rocks up at him and when they hit him, he does this like

herky-jerky thing with his head when he's getting hit with rocks. That's so creepy and sad and scary. And I was like, this is really disturbing. That was a very disturbing moment in the movie for me, but I had to mention it. There's like scary, weird images. And yeah, a lot of them like have to do with like,

oh, the photography's weird and it seems uncanny. Anyway, so yeah, a slow, strange movie to watch in 2025. But yeah, definitely some like images that stick with you. Yeah. We actually so we're already kind of talking about our final thoughts. Let's take a little break and then we'll rank Nosferatu. We're back. It's Free With Ads. We're talking about Nosferatu, and we are going to rank it on a scale of 1 to 10 super loud commercials.

Emily, you were already already kinda wrapping it up. What'd you think of Nosferatu? I wasn't really looking forward to watching this, I'm gonna be honest, because it's a silent film. You can't really do anything else while you're watching it. You really can't, you really can't. And I watched it on the bus.

And I looked like the most interesting person on the bus. I am doing, researching the history of cinema whilst on the bus. Yeah, so I found it to be incredibly slow, which of course the Eggers one is incredibly slow. Like the dialogue cards and stuff, the narration cards, people read slow as fuck in 1922, I guess. I mean, I'm a slow reader and I was like, Like the dialogue cards and stuff, the narration cards. People read slow as fuck in 1922, I guess.

I mean, I'm a slow reader and I was like, all right, I think we got it. Let's move on. Also, the bedrooms in this movie. Oh, the bedrooms, yeah. Zero out of 10. Not good bedrooms. I think it really got moving at like 40 minutes in

and then I was kinda having fun because that's when he gets to the ship and then I'm like, all right, he's on the ship. But like leading up to that, I was like, ugh. But it was, you know, I saw the new one and this one and I felt kinda similar. It was gorgeous. I thought it was like, I don't know,

it's pretty gorgeous to look at, it's really cool. But do I wanna watch it again? No, I don't wanna watch it again. I'm gonna give it a six. Okay, okay, all right. Matt, what do you think? Nosferatu. I'm being real with you.

This movie sucks. I can see. Ah, nosferatu sucks. Nosferatu sucks. I can see. Nostraatu sucks. Nostraatu sucks. I can see why Bram Stoker was mad, took everything cool about Dracula and made it boring and shitty. He needs to be fuckable.

Him not being fuckable I think was a cardinal sin, so I'm gonna give this a three. Okay, and Whoever made it Do better Do better in hell Yeah, sorry, he's in he's in hell just being sued for this movie over and over again. That's his help. Sure. I changed the names. What do you want from me?

I changed the names to German names. Yeah. Sorry. So, yeah, I you know, a weird a weird movie to watch in twenty twenty five. Just sit and sit in your living room or on the bus. But yeah, I think if you're just interested in film stuff, it's kind of cool that this is out there. I think with a lot of these movies that we watch, even if they're not great,

it's cool that they're available, because I think so much shit disappears these days. There's a drum that I won't stop beating, but I totally like it when we watch a movie. It's like, oh, I wouldn't have gotten to watch this otherwise. Yeah, yeah, that's true. So yeah, I kind of, and I did really like the Robert Eggers one, I was super into it.

So yeah, kind of watching this was a really fun little, like, you know, code it to the movie. Again, if you're looking for a pure entertainment movie night when you're ordering takeout, this perhaps ain't it, but if you're, you know, kind of into horror movies and you're ordering takeout. This perhaps ain't it, but if you're kind of into horror movies and you're into film history stuff, really neat that you can just push play on it. So yeah, I'm gonna go ahead and give it a seven

for archival reasons. Yeah, that's true. You're very right. The Venus flytrap was sick. Sick flytrap, bro. And the hyena was dope. The hyena was dope. The hyena was great.

Hyena was great. Well yeah, that's Nosferatu. Let's talk about plugs for a second. Anybody got anything that they're stoked about? I've got a thing that I still can't talk about. Okay, it's coming. Dang it. It's coming.

It's coming. I have a show thing that I will talk to you about soon. A thing with a show soon to be revealed on Free With Ads. I have something that I can talk about. Ooh, talk about the thing you can talk about. Oh, well, it's the same thing it was last time. I'm going to be at the Sacramento Punchline on March 16th,

and there's gonna be a ticket link in the bio. It is myself and my wife, Francesca Fiorentini, we're going to be co-headlining a Sunday is myself and my wife Francesca Fiorentini. We're going to be co-headlining a Sunday over at the Sacramento Punchline. Come to that, it'll be fun. Hell yeah. And speaking of things we talked about last week,

I'm gonna remind people that I have a new comic book coming out, it's called Web of Spider-Verse, New Blood. You can pre-order it at your local comic book store. It's got a story from me, an artist Sumit Kumar, where the Spider-Man is a vampire. What? I know, it fits perfectly with today's movie. There's some Dracula references in it. I think they're kind of cute and fun.

So yeah, and I am signing this thing in a couple of places around the time of the release. March 5th, that's the day it comes out. I'm going to be at Arsenal Comics in Newberry Park, 5 to 6.30. On March 9th, I'm going to be at Golden Apple Comics in Hollywood, 1 to 3 p.m. On March 15th, I'm going to be at Cape and Cowl Comics in Oakland, California, 1 to 3 p.m. There's going to be some cool special guests at a couple of these so you can not only get a signed copy of Web of Spider-Verse New Blood but some other cool books as well. And if you're going to either WonderCon in Anaheim or C2E2 in Chicago, I will be at both

of those cons. More information to come. But if you're gonna be at WonderCon or C2E2, I hope to see you there. Okay, yeah, that's it. All right. Yeah, Nosoratu, we watched it, and now the podcast about it is over. Tune in next week when our movie will be Cube.

["Tiny Little Ducks"] I'm gonna do it all Play with us