Free With Ads - Speed Racer

Episode Date: June 24, 2025

This week Emily, Jordan, and guest producer Steven Ray Morris watched the 2008 Wachowski sister's flop Speed Racer, starring Emile Hirsch and Susan Sarandon.Tune in next week when our movie will be... Honey.-----Watch Emily Fleming on the Mythical Kitchen channel!Jordan Morris will be GalaxyCon in New Orleans July 11-13. Also Jordan will be at San Diego Comic Con! More details on that coming soon!Steven Ray Morris has a wonderful podcast called See Jurassic Right which you should listen to!Matt has stand up dates!PASADENA JULY 5TH -New World Disorder Comedy with Francesca & Friends. Tickets: https://www.showclix.com/event/New-World-Disorder-07-05-25-9-30-pm

This is Free With Ads, the podcast that asks the question, why pay a movie theater 20 bucks to watch Brad Pitt in F1 when you could go online for free and watch a racing movie so intense just the colors alone will give you a headache and make you have to lay down. I'm Jordan Morris. And I'm Emily Fleming. Today's movie is Speed Racer, the 2008 adaptation of the classic cartoon that perfectly simulates what it's like

to watch a manic episode. With us this week, filling in for the vacationing super producer, Matt Lieb, is our buddy Stephen Ray Morris, the super producer in his own right, and the host of the C Jurassic Right podcast. Wee! Steven, play a little sound. Whoa.

That was my one connection to Wachowski's Matrix. I'm just gonna do a Keanu Reeves sound. Is whoa? Whoa. Oh, that was good. Okay, so the Wachowski's directed speed racer, you were doing a famous line from The Matrix. Whoa.

That works perfectly. Good whoa. Excellent whoa. Thank you. And of course, that was from the scene where they ate the chocolate cake that made you cum. That, is that in The Matrix? Yeah. It's been a while since I've watched it.

Yeah. Reloaded, right? That's just about all I remember. And then some stuff about free will. I don't know, but the cake makes you blast. Yep, it does. Before we get into Speed Racer, which is as of this recording, streaming free with ads,

we know that sometimes freeacer, which is, as of this recording, streaming free with ads, we know that sometimes free movies demand cheap food, so we're bringing you a segment called Cheap Ass Snacks. Cheap Ass Snacks. So I have something I want us to all try. There's a little bit of set up here. So last time we did this segment, we tried Green Day's Slurpee.

The band Green Day has a Slurpee. They're important to this show because they invented the Godzilla remix. Yes, that's like the greatest Godzilla-related music of all time and Green Day-related music of all time. It is, yes. It is both Green Day's best song and Godzilla's best song. It's the Godzilla remix of Brain Stew

on the Godzilla 1998 soundtrack. I'll go ahead and say best thing about that movie. Which... Yes, 100%. Which is, you know, is all of it. That and the lady from News Radio. Oh yeah, good to see her. Always good to see her. Always good to see her. So when I was getting the Green Day Slurpees

for us to try on the air, I noticed that Green Day at 7-Eleven also had a caramel iced coffee. What? And I'm like, okay, well we gotta try that. This movie is perfect because it is what it's like when you've had too much coffee, the movie. 100%.

And so I went to 7-Eleven going, great, we'll do the Green Day coffee, we'll do a little sequel to the Slurpees. Because we loved them, right? We loved those. We did, they were really good. They tasted, so the other thing is when we were tasting them last time,

I was like, it tastes like cotton candy, that's weird. And then it was saying it was green and it was grape, is like what the flavor was. Oh yeah. But it was cotton candy grape. Oh yeah. Flavored. So we liked it, we hadn't had a Slurpee in a minute,

and so we're like, oh my god, this is great. So I'm like, would we like the iced coffee as much as we like the Slurpee? Okay. So I sent you two a text last night saying, hey, just so you know, when we tape this tomorrow at 8.30 p.m. or whatever, we're all gonna have to drink coffee.

Yeah. You were nervous about it. Steven said, I'll drink yours. I'm not nervous about it. I'll have it all. I'm just like, I'm not nervous about it. I'll have it all. I'm just like, I'm not gonna drink the whole thing. No, sure. But yeah, hit me.

But I was surprised by Steven's reaction, which is I'll drink everybody else's. Yeah, I'm dead inside, so I need as much as I can get. Can you do a coffee this late? Yes, I've, yeah, I definitely have done coffee this late. I'm dead inside, but also I'd like to be outside, which is also sleeping, is what I mean. Like alive dead is like sleeping,

and I'm having a hard time sleeping, so this is like, I gotta chill a little bit. Well, good news, the Green Day promotion at 7-Eleven is over, so we're gonna have a nice, calming slurpee instead. Here's what they've replaced it with. Okay. Jurassic Park. No! The Green Day shit is gone it with. Okay. Jurassic Park.

No! The Green Day shit is gone and it's all Jurassic Park at your local 7-Eleven. So I was like, well this is a bummer we can't try the coffee but our fill-in producer today is the biggest Jurassic Park fan I have ever met and I've met me. So serendipitous.

Yeah. So what we have in front of us is the Jurassic Park branded Slurpee from 7-Eleven. I want to make sure to get the name right. I'm looking at the website. It's called Mission Deep Blue. Wow. Which, I'm sure you hear that name and you're like, of course, Jurassic Park. Yes, classic.

Yeah. And not a chess-playing computer. So, this is Mission Deep Blue. Steven, you have a promotional Jurassic Park Slurpee Cup. Emily, they did have a couple more Green Day cups. Yay! So I got you a Green Day cup. Yeah, yeah, keep the cups.

I bet you if you sold these on eBay later on, they'll be worth a lot. Ooh, especially if they're sticky. Just hold onto them. Yeah, so I had a little bit of mine in the car, but I want to get your guys's. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers guys's, yes, cheers. Cheers.

Hey, no, dude, yeah. Oh, sorry, we actually have to do it. Okay, we clicked. We clicked. I hit the glass. And Steven is outside the booth and hit the glass with his cup. So, I had a little bit of this in the car.

I'll talk about my thoughts. Tasty, I think a very traditional blue raspberry. It could be that they just put a Jurassic Park logo on the blue raspberry filter. I like it. You're not a fan? No. Blue raspberry, it's a weird flavor,

but I feel nostalgic for the time when I worked at a movie theater. Oh, okay. So you probably had a couple of these. Oh, yeah. They would just, the thing about movie theaters is that the actual food is worth nothing. It's just you pay for the cup, essentially.

And so they would just let us take as much slurpee and popcorn as we wanted during the day. As long as you could just hold it in your hands. Exactly. As long as you weren't using a valuable receptacle. Exactly. Here's something cool about the Green Day cup, too, is there is a QR code for a rock out to a curated playlist.

Whoa. For slurpee fans. For slurpee fans? Yeah, not curated playlist. Whoa. For Slurpee fans. For Slurpee fans? Yeah, not necessarily Green Day fans, but Slurpee fans. And I am very tempted to go ahead and check that out. Yes, Emily, scan the playlist. I would love it if there was no Green Day on it. It was all just holo notes.

What if it's just the Godzilla song? Oh my God, I mean, that's the tie-in we all want. Godzilla X Slurpee X Green Day. Okay, it's all Green Day. Okay, that makes sense. Wow. Brain Stew is number 10. Okay. But is there, come on, is there not a,

there's no Godzilla remix. No Godzilla remix. Huge fucking mistake. Y'all, you gotta, ah. Huge mistake. So it looks like it's just, I guess all of their favorite songs. There's like 50 songs.

Is that all the songs they have, essentially? I mean, they crank them out. Green Day, they put out an album over a couple years. Yeah, all right. Well, it should have been, Fuck Off is the first one. And then the second one is Fuck Off Fiddlar alt mix. I don't know who Fiddlar is. Oh, Fiddlar.

Fiddlar's a great band. I like them. Their name stands for Fuck It Dog, Life's a Risk. Ah, cool. Yeah, they rip. Well, you guys, we needed Brain Stew with the Godzilla remix, but you know what? Steven is a giant mega JP fan.

Yes. Do you seek out all this stuff when a new movie comes out? Do you do the toys and the promotional Big Macs and stuff? I think it was, I think I'm a little more nostalgic for, obviously, the original stuff. I think it's like everything in a bygone era. You look at those McDonald's cups, and they were a work of art.

Whereas nowadays, it's cool, but it's very extreme 13-year-old vibes. But yeah, I definitely like if I find like a McDonald's cup on eBay, I will definitely pick it up. Yeah, we should probably hold onto this Green Day cup for sure. We probably should. And you know, I'll hold onto it,

because I hold onto all my action figures and everything, so I will keep it safe. Excellent, thank you. Okay, no problem. Emily, what's the best, when you were a kid, did you like, go for the movie promotional tie-in stuff? Uh, not at the theater,

and I think that I had some Land Before Time stuff from Pizza Hut. Oh right, we talked about this, the handbag. like go for the movie promotional tie-in stuff? Not at the theater. I think that I had some Land Before Time stuff from Pizza Hut. Oh, right. We talked about this, the hand puppets. Yeah, the hand puppets. But there was also stuffed animals. And I'm not sure if they were related to Pizza Hut

or something else. But I recently got on the horn with the Flemmings and asked if we still had the stuffed animals, my mom went, oh yeah. Okay. We've still got them. And I don't know where they've got them, but. They're waiting for you. They're waiting for us.

She says that she didn't throw them away because they were too precious. Way to go, Mom. We kept them. We have Littlefoot, Sarah, and Spike, and Petrie. And then Littlefoot's dead mom. Yep. There's a corpse one. Yes, there's just a corpse one Littlefoot's dead mom. Yep. There's a corpse one.

Yes, there's just a corpse one. It's eyes don't open. Which honestly, probably at this point, Littlefoot looks like his dead mom. Yeah. But we couldn't get a Ducky, because Ducky was like the one everybody wanted. It's like the Princess Di Beanie Baby.

What? I have that. Do you? Everybody has that fucking thing. It really wasn't hard to find. People made it sound like it was gonna be valuable. All of that Beanie Baby stuff was so bizarre. Sticker in the Green Day Cup.

Yeah, exactly. I mean, I remember the Princess Di one was very available at every Cracker Barrel we went to. At Cracker Barrel? Oh yeah, Cracker Barrel had hella Beanie Babies. Wow. Growing up in Orange County, I feel like we didn't have Cracker Barrel growing up. Yeah, we didn't have a close Cracker Barrel.

When we went to visit my relatives in the South, Texas and Louisiana, we would pretty regularly go to Cracker Barrel's and have a great time. Yeah, there's a long wait usually, which is annoying, but it's like an after church meal, or it's when you're on a long drive with the family, so it's like a treat to go there. Yeah, it's like a meal you can stop

and buy a rocking chair, I guess. Yeah, we never bought the rocking chairs. It's a time memorial for us. I gotta tell you, I looked at the rocking chair price points, and they're not as expensive as I thought they would be. Oh, yeah? When I was a kid, I always thought those were gonna be like $1,000 or something,

and I don't think they are. But we never got one of those rocking chairs. But yeah, we go to the gift shop and get a lot of Beanie Babies. Have either of you been to Frank and Sons? What's that? No. It's like a nerd swap meet.

It's like the vendor part of a convention, but it's out in Pomona. And there's literally a vendor that just sells all old McDonald's toys. Whoa. Old Beanie Babies. That's like in high school, I got my first bootleg anime.

Oh, cool. That's the gathering card. I love an excuse to go to Pomona. It's truly like a 30 minute drive on the 60. Fabulous. It's so much fun. Every, I think it's like Wednesday and Saturday. Like Stan Lee would go and do signings

and like random wrestlers. Maybe you should go there with your book. Oh, yeah, sure. I think you should. Yeah, yeah. But yeah, they just set up a little card table, sell some graphic novels. But yeah, there's literally a booth where you can buy all old McDonald's toys

from our childhood. Should we do a live show at this? Oh, they do some live stuff there. And just- A free with that? Yeah, and just haggle for some Taco Bell demolition man digital watches. Oh, hell yes.

That would be amazing. They might. Well, yeah, okay, so some final words on the 7-Eleven. This thing sucks. Emily's not a fan. I hate it, it's basic. I think it's like Orange Julius where I'm glad I tried it again,

but it's not something that I'm gonna be going back to. Yeah, I'm like having fun drinking it, it's tasty, but yeah, I think the Green Day one was a surprise. It tasted like a new flavor that I had never tasted before. This is just a very familiar movie theater style ice cream. It's just the blue regular ass Slurpee, right? Well yeah, sounds like Mission Deep Blue was failed. Aw, it went extinct.

There you go. There's some Jurassic Park tie-in language. We love it. It extinks. Anyway, hey, let's talk about Speed Racer 2008. Emily, you had never seen this movie. Never. Did you ever watch the cartoon as a kid?

No. OK. I didn't. I remember this coming out, and it looked so cool in the trailers. Yeah. And then everyone said it was bad, so then I didn't see it, but it made me feel sad because Matrix was so cool.

We all loved it, and it feels like the fact that this movie failed, it really kind of robbed all of us from other mainstream possibilities with the Wachowskis. I feel like it kind of tainted the legacy in a way. A little bit, yeah. I mean, this was the Wachowskis' first movie after Matrix. And I mean, there's something fucking cool about that, by the way, is that like, okay, we made this big,

crazy sci-fi series. We're gonna make a cartoon comedy for young kids. Like, there's something amiable about that, and the swing of this movie is fucking wild. It's a big swing, but it's also not big enough, in my opinion, for the amount of money that it costs. I'm sure, yeah. Because we all know about Spy Kids

and those movies that cost maybe a fraction of this movie, and it looked the fucking same. Yeah, this does. I would call the look of this movie, Spy Kids is a good example. I would say that the graphics of this movie, and there's some internal, like some inside shots that are just in sets and buildings, but when they go outside into the real world, it's this like cartoon CGI world

that's really heightened, really colorful. I would say that to me, the thing it reminded me the most of is, you know when you're bowling and you get a spare and there's that screen that will play a video I would say that to me, the thing it reminded me the most of is, you know when you're bowling and you get a spare and there's that screen that will play a video of pins dressed like cavemen and then the ball is a tyrannosaurus and it eats them? No!

That sounds amazing! That sounds like who made the graphics to this, the people who make the bowling alley strike cartoons. Amazing. I mean, there's another movie, something in Lava Girl. I remember there's another movie. Oh, Sharkboy in Lava Girl. Sharkboy in Lava Girl.

To be honest, like, when I was looking at this, I'm like, this just looks like that. Looks like it was made in Robert Rodriguez's garage in Austin. Yes, it does. Like, it just was not as remarkably gorgeous as I thought it would be. But I also wonder if this movie was meant to be seen in 3D. Was it in 3D when it came out?

Oh, I'm sure it was. I mean, this came out in 2008. So yeah, I bet we're at the height of 3D movies. This is when I graduated college. But I don't remember any other 3D movies around that time. Yeah, I think Avatar was around here. So there would be a lot of 3D theaters, the Marvel movies. It's kind of started to come out.

It feels like it was intended to be 3D. I don't know if it was, I should probably look that up. Well yeah, let's talk about what happens in the movie. We got a great collection of cool, freaky logos, and we meet our hero. Yeah, that was kinda cool. The logos are great in this. You could tell that they were like, we're going all in.

Yeah. This is a big deal. Sure, so yeah, we meet our main character, Speed Racer. As a kid, he's a nervous kid in class. He can't pay attention because he's thinking about racing. Definitely a little bit of a, you know, now that we're a lot more educated about, you know, like different types of, I guess, neurodivergent. I hate that word because it's not necessarily a medical term,

but we all know what it means. I'm like, I relate to this kid a lot. Sure, yeah. Like you and I who have attention, like things, diagnoses. It was like, oh yeah, this kid is, I totally identify with this kid. He cannot pay attention in school.

He's thinking about racing all the time. He's drawing little racing cartoons. We get kind of a cool scene where we're like going into one of his cartoons. That's neat, but the teachers, they don't like him because he thinks about racing too much. So the principal has a talk with his mom, played by Susan Sarandon.

Fucking great to see her in this. They dress her so cool in this. She looks awesome. And she's just, it's always amazing to see her in something and she looks like she could be anyone's mom at any point in her life. Yeah. Like, never, she doesn't look like a grandma to me even to this day.

She looks so, she looks awesome. She's a babe. And yeah, they have, she's kind of in this, like, heightened 50s kind of housewife stuff that's kind of like a little cyberpunk madman. Yeah, the whole aesthetic and the look of, like, furniture. Every time you see something that is real, like, tangible objects, it's the coolest design I've ever seen. Yeah, the whole aesthetic and the look of like furniture. Every time you see something that is real,

like tangible objects, it's the coolest design I've ever seen. Also, I looked up Speed Racer was not released in 3D. Oh no, oh my, yeah. What a big mess. There you go. Money on the table. Money that this probably would have wanted to make

because it was a bomb. So yeah, we go outside for the first time, we see the kind of crazy cartoon world this is set in. Speed is picked up by his brother, Rex. Who is that guy? I don't know that guy at all. He secretly, Racer X. That's what they do in the cartoon.

I know, I know. In the cartoon, every time you would see Racer X, the narrator would come on and go, Racer X is secretly Speed's brother. Anyway. So this was, it's a cartoon. Where did the cartoon originate from? The cartoon is Japanese and it was kind of dubbed

and brought over here and shown on Saturday mornings. I watched it as a kid, it wasn't like a favorite of mine, but the fucking theme song of this is so epic. Steven, would you mind, at the end of our chat, when we go to our break, let's play a little bit of the OG Speed Racer theme song. Cool. Because it's one of the great cartoon theme songs.

And I'll say also, if you're watching this on YouTube, when we, as of this recording, all the Speed Racers are also on YouTube, fucking watch. It looks so cool, it sounds amazing. What a treat, Speed Racer. Anyway, so Speed's brother picks him up. The age gap between kids in this family. Speed's brother, I don't know how old he's supposed to be,

he looks like he's in his late 30s, Speed Racer looks eight. Yeah, he's got a receding hairline. Yeah, if he's supposed to be a teenager, he's definitely the oldest teen. Oldest teen. And so yeah, Speed is eight, his brother is 35. He looks up to his brother, who's a big racer. He goes home to his dad, played by John Goodman.

Like, everybody likes him. Is it weird? Okay, so I know that people don't like being compared to celebrities, because anytime you get compared to a celebrity, you want it to be the hottest person in the world. I think you and I have both experienced these things. I'm having a tough time with that these days.

Oh, me too. It's always like, okay, there's in Teen Witch, which we did a couple, you know the teacher that ends up going away with a Spanish lover. Yeah, maybe the girl created out of thin air. Yeah, that teacher who's like maybe 60 years old, they're like, oh, that looks like me. And to be honest, I see it, but I don't want to.

So, of the, this happened to me recently. Oh yeah. And people, strangers are doing this to me. People can shut the fuck up. You guys know that, right? Like, you can totally shut the fuck up. And if you're on our social media and you wanna say something to us,

don't tell us who you think we look like. Please don't. Just say, I like the show. And also, maybe go, you're hot. Sure, that's fine. No need to compare how hot we are to another hot thing or unhot thing. So one of the five people that I get a lot.

Most of them are good people. One of them is a noted monster. I won't talk, I'll just say I look like someone who- Bictional monster? No, I look like an actual guy who is bad. I can't possibly imagine. So I am just at a bar, minding my own business, waiting to see a band.

I am just sitting there by myself and this woman taps me on the shoulder and she's like, I hate to tell you this, but you look like this guy. And I'm like, why did you do it? You said I hate to tell you this. You could just say hi. You could say, have you seen this man before?

I don't think she was trying to like pick me up or anything. I just think she's like, this will be funny. I'll tell this guy he looks like this famous piece of shit. Well, I think that some people do this because they think they're so special that they notice something. Yeah. That they think no one else noticed.

And I want you to know, you're never special. I know, yeah, 10 people do this to me every day. I'm on the internet, people will at me with this shit. Oh, and trust me, I've thought these same things about different people, and then I just don't fucking say anything. You don't say it. Because I'm a nice person.

And you definitely don't preface it with, I hate to tell you this. Yeah, but like, or just, you know, it's, but here's, I'm gonna do it. Yeah. My dad does not look like John Goodman, but the way that he talks, his voice, Yeah, there's a lot.

and the way that I would hate to disappoint him. Aw, yeah, none of us wants John Goodman to be mad at us. is the way that I feel about John Goodman. But I also do think John Goodman is a handsome man. He is. But also, he, I think, went to the same college as my parents. Oh, really?

Missouri guy. And then I was like, oh, he does sound like they're Missouri guys. Like, why they sound like that? But yeah, every time I see him, I find him incredibly charming and attractive at any age. He's great. But he doesn't look like my dad at all.

In college, we were like casting a student film and getting people from LA. And this guy, we wanted like a John Goodman type. And we're like, oh man, you're perfect. And he's like, oh, I do stand in for John Goodman. Oh, wow. Great. Sure.

You're hired. There is, if you want to get real horny, everyone who likes men, go check out John Goodman's, like, first commercial he ever did for an aftershave brand. Oh, neat. Okay. Good God. It is, like, it's wild. It's wild. Also, there's old video of Bill Nye I just saw recently, out of this world hot.

Okay. Yeah. So these are things that, porn isn't working for me anymore. So you just Google Bill Nye's first commercials. Well, the Bill Nye thing was like a serendipitous thing because it just popped up on TikTok and someone put sexy music to like a compilation and that did it. OK.

Who'd have thunk? I'm ovulating. And so Bill, so John Goodman is the dad. And I'll talk about every member of this weird family. So Christina Ricci is in this. Yeah, I couldn't tell what the fuck she was doing there for a long time. She is like a friend of the family

whose Speed Racer is into, but they treat her like a sister, so it seems real incesty when they're into each other. And the younger version of her, which I did not realize was supposed to be her, because the chemistry between Speed Racer, played by Emile Hirsch, and Christina Ricci, nonexistent.

No chemistry at all. But the little girl is from Modern Family. She's the nerdy little sister from it, and it was nice to see her. I will say, I love Christina Ricci in this. Me, too. I just love her, and she looks as awesome as Susan Sarandon does.

She does, and that haircut, no one in the world I just love her and she looks as awesome as Susan Sarandon does. She does. And that haircut, no one in the world would look cool in that haircut but Christina Ricci. Yeah, they try and make them look like the cartoon characters in a way that's like amiable. They're like, we're going for it. And Christina Ricci is so good in this and understands the assignment and understands to act like a cartoon character. Emile Hirsch.

I think a lot of it is they give him nothing. Nothing. He is the only characteristic he has is likes racing. Yep. He's a cipher and it reminded me of what they do with Mila Kunis in Jupiter Ascending, which we've also talked about on the show. Oh, wow, you're right. She is just this kind of blank slate

that craziness happens around. And I mean, almost a little bit, that's almost Keanu in The Matrix, at first at least, but he, they have the, when you're doing it with Keanu Reeves, you have the greatest blank slate of all time. You have the guy who fucking perfected blank slate, you know? Oh yeah, for sure.

Who is doing something with it. And yeah, and I think just like, this fucking underwritten main character is such a problem in this. I get that there's supposed to be cartoons and they're supposed to be broad, but give him something. He's not funny.

He's like, yeah. There is something about a Chosen One thing in all of the Wachowski's movies, I guess. And he's definitely a racing Chosen One. Right, and this is something, I watched something about how, like why are there so many orphans in movies? Yeah.

And it's because you can give them, they don't need a backstory because they don't have one. Sure. Their story starts now kind of thing. And I guess we did get backstory about Speed Racer, whose name is Speed. His name is Speed Racer, they're the racer family. That's funny.

I, uh... It's, yeah, okay. And, um, but anyway, one thing that definitely didn't translate from a cartoon into this, one thing, what am I saying? But, um, this one, at least we got, like, family. The family is what really is his whole personality. Yeah. And it's like, wow, all these family members

are so interesting. I know. And our main character is this guy. And then they made a son his whole personality. Yeah. And it's like, wow, all these family members are so interesting. I know. And our main character is this guy. They made a son with no personality. And yeah, and you know, good. At least the older one, his personality was hot. Yes. And we couldn't give Emil Hirsch one of those things.

His personality is neckerchief. He has a nice. Neckerchief, which is the little brother in this movie. We've had some killer little brother characters recently. Loved this little brother. Yeah, so the final family members are the little brother, Spridle, and again, the age gap. This family had three kids 20 years apart.

We lost one. We got to make another spare. Oh, yeah, that's true. Just like tires. We got to make another spare kid. But also, Susan Sarandon is apparently been fertile for 60 or 70 years. I think that that is Susan Sarandon's appeal.

She just seems like she's been, like, 35 or 60 her whole life. So Spridle is the little kid, and his friend or brother is a monkey named Chim Chim. Now, things I love about this movie, in this CGI fucking soup, they use a real monkey. It's the best, I love it, I hate, there's so many CGI animals in movies,

just train an animal to do something, maybe it'll kill him and rip the crew, but it's worth it! I kinda wanted to look up, was like, this is one of the chimps that rips people's face off later on down the road. Oh, I don't know. Chim Chim, no! But yeah the road. Oh, I don't know. Chim Chim, no.

But I don't know. But yeah, it's true. I think that nowadays, you can't really use animals in movies at all. Yeah, I know, there's humane society stuff. So I mean, maybe that is better for the animals and I'm sorry if I'm advocating for actual animals. Whatever, fuck those animals.

Yeah, put on some overalls and steal some candy. It makes me laugh. Give me some belly laughs by throwing some poop at a mafia guy. Yeah, do the whole closing credits of dancing. Oh, he does the monkey dances over the credits. It's pretty cute. Yeah, the monkey is like one of the best decisions

in this movie that is full of decisions. Yes, do you think that it's interesting, our childhood was pretty much riddled with movies about kids becoming best friends with animals? Like we had Andre, which was about the seal. Oh, sure. Free Willy. Free Willy, we did a flipper with Elijah Wood.

Oh, yeah. There's all kinds of movies that are just about kids befriending animals, or animals playing basketball. Sure. And now that there's just like none of that. Now it's like an animal that is fictional, that is all CGI and... Yeah, and I guess that's kind of the

How to Train Your Dragon movies are kind of that. But yeah, it was a fiction. And then you know, it's the kids who got the Raptor in Jurassic Park now. So yeah, it is like... Ooh, Fly Away Home! I just remembered that. I loved that movie.

With the geese. With the geese. The geese! And Jeff Daniels, my kind of animal. Rawr! How to migrate with him for the winter. Like a goose. Anyway, so that's the racer family.

But yes, Emily, as you alluded to, the brother, Rex, he apparently died in an illegal cross-country race. And like, speed is like filling the void where his brother died. And then we've also got this kind of mafia plot, right? There's this big racing company that wants Speed Racer to, like, race for them, and they're, like, a big fancy company, and there's a guy... Oh, what is his name? I wrote it down. It's... Oh, Mr. Royalton.

Yeah, he's in a lot of stuff, that actor. I recognize him from a lot of things. This actor is great. And, yeah, he does a lot of villain monologuing. And it's some of the best villain monologuing. He's probably the best performances throughout the movie. He's carrying this thing pretty hardcore.

And they, and you know, and so the thing about the plot of this movie is that they tie racing. What is a thing about the plot of this movie? Jordan Talis. They tie racing to a mafia plot to raise stock prices. Well, it's also like the evils of corporations and stuff like that, which, what is a mafia, but. Sure, there you go. Dirty money, rich motherfuckers. I know.

And yeah, and that is like, I mean, I could tell the Wachowskis believe in this shit. They're like, we're going to teach kids about how fucking corporations are in line with Cartoon was like the cartoon is very the cartoon is really like cutesy and for it's just room room go race Yeah, this was just like let's talk about contracts and deals stocks and they talk about stocks and their stock tickers like flying by their heads I know yeah, that's stuff like what kid could sit through this movie. I know it was also like Two and a half hours long or maybe that's just how I know the movie is very long and feels very long And yeah, it is like the shit in Star Wars where they talk about trade blockades. It is just like that

It's like the Wachowskis have never met kids. Yeah It's like that. It is like. It's like the Wachowskis have never met kids. Yeah. I don't know if they've ever met kids. Hard to say. Cause I think there is shit in this movie that kids would love and it has like stuck around.

So maybe modern kids do like this. I don't know. Let us know. Do you have a kid who likes the speed racer movie? Well, this modern kid doesn't like it. At maximumfun.org. So there's this organization that's trying to track down the mafia and the mafia, they're torturing a guy

and you pull out to reveal they're doing it on a truck that's zooming down the freeway and then racer X is chasing after the truck. This shit is so fucking cool. It is, that's the coolest part. This shit rips. This sequence. It's kinda scary.

It's a little scary and all the mafia guys are dressed like. This sequence. It's kinda scary. It's a little scary, and all the mafia guys are dressed like Dick Tracy guys. That's what I was thinking, Jordan! Yeah, and I think this movie, like, is a Dick Tracy dupe in a lot of ways. Exactly, but it doesn't look as good. No, and Dick Tracy looks so much better because it is, it's all practical, you know?

It's all just like painted sets and guys with weird makeup and it still looks awesome. Both are about as nonsensical plot-wise, so maybe they took some plotting tips from Dick Tracy. But yeah, definitely like all the like mafia guys look so Dick Tracy. There's a somebody driving the truck who's wearing like a leopard fedora.

I think that's the worst hat in the movie. Oh, for sure. The worst hat. There's a gag where the mafia guy has a piranha tank on the movie. Oh, for sure. The worst cat. There's a gag where the mafia guy has a piranha tank on the truck. Okay, yes. It gets a hole in it and he makes one of his goons plug it and the piranhas chew off his finger.

There is a couple of physical gags in this movie that are like cartoon jokes. When the blood kind of fills up the tank. That are so good and funny. And the mess of this movie is so disappointing because there's so much good shit. There's so much good shit that just gets buried by wack nonsense.

The piranha stuff was so scary too. Yeah, totally. Which I'm kinda like, okay, the piranha tank, that's where this CGI bullshit makes sense to me. Like, you needed to have this on a truck and then make sense of that, that's perfect. But when they were gonna put the dude's hole, the driver's hands, like both hands in there,

I was like, I hate that. I also watched Kingpin recently. Oh yeah, sure. And that hole put in the hand in the bowling ball thing. Oh yeah. I hate that, I hate that. The hands getting chopped off. The hands, like it bothers me. So yeah. I hate that, I hate that. The hands getting chopped off. The hands, it bothers me.

So there's this mafia plot, Racer X is after the mafia and they enlist Speed Racer to be a part of a three-guy driving team that's gonna capture the mafia somehow during the same cross-country race that his brother died in. It's like the CIA but for racing. Right, yeah. Is what Racer died in. It's like the CIA, but for racing. Right, yeah. It's like what RacerX is.

A sexy, fun CIA. Yeah. And you can immediately tell that they're trying to imply that it's his brother. I didn't know the backstory that RacerX is his brother. But I knew immediately it was Guy from Lost. Sure. Like I went, oh, Guy from Lost. If they're trying to convince me it's his brother, I can see lower half of face. And I know, I don't have that Clark Kent blindness.

Yeah, I know. You can see Racer X's chin. His big ol' chin. And nose. And nose. But yeah, that's like the big meme of the cartoon. If you like talk to a fan of the cartoon, they would go like, oh, Racer X is secretly

speeds along less brother, Rex. You know, it's like a, it's like, yeah, it's like the catchphrase of the show. In the cartoon, did they ever find out about it? I don't know, I didn't watch enough of it, and I don't know if it ever followed, like, continuity. I've just seen episodes here and there, and I did watch a couple, um, uh,

after I watched the movie, because I wanted to ride myself, and I, I really liked them. I think the cartoon's... I'm gonna watch that. I'm gonna see. Are they on YouTube? They're on YouTube. Oh, okay. I'm gonna watch it. Um, yes, as of this recording. Um, so, uh, Speed, they get into this cross-country race, this is with a bunch of crazy racers,

just shit I love in this movie that I don't like, is there's a scene where they're bribing the other racers who all have a theme, and there's these kind of glamorous girl racers, and they give them diamonds, and then there's these girl racers, and they give them diamonds. Yes. And then there's these like mercenary guys, and they give them a bunch of cash. And then there are Viking racers, and they give them pelts.

It's so funny. I gotta tell you, I was watching this while painting something, and I looked up to receive this like visual of the Vikings and went, I guess. And then I just went. What's going on in this thing? I was like, do I rewind it to try to figure out

what the fuck this is? And then I just went, we're just gonna accept it and keep on moving. And I'm glad you explained what that was. Yeah, it's really funny. And there's this other, the other scene that I fucking love in this, there's a scene where these, so the mafia's kinda on to them at this point,

they send ninjas to break into their house. Everyone in the movie does karate, just knows karate, fucking Trixie knows it, Speed Racer knows it. Yeah. And the ninjas kinda fight the family, and there's this scene where John Goodman grabs one of them, and the ninja notices a ring, and you see this zoom to the ring

that says, like, Greco-Roman Wrestling Society, and then John Goodman does all these fucking wrestling moves. He's spinning the guy around over his head. I remember this. The ninja's... ninja stars come out of his pocket, and then his car keys come out of his pocket. That is so funny. That is so funny, the ninja's keys come out.

Anyway, so in one of the episodes of the cartoon I watched, this character, Pop, does do wrestling moves on somebody, but they say he was part of the West Side Grunters and Groners. Ha! Which they should have kept for this movie. The West Side Grunters and Groners. That's such a dad name of something.

I guess the wrestling club? I love it. Anyway. Anyway. So yeah, so the third guy in their crew hurts. Oh yeah, they've got an Australian guy in the crew. Yeah. Who I thought for sure was gonna die.

Yeah, he gets poisoned and taken out. But he comes back. He comes back at a certain point, yeah. Yeah. This guy's pretty hunky. I don't know who he is or what he does. I've seen him in something, but he was, I'm happy he got a job. Yeah, he was good.

So yeah, there's a big fight. Everybody's karate. It looks really cool. I mean, fucking, yeah, cold take. The Wachowskis know how to shoot a karate scene. Yeah, and they're very good at casting. Yeah, totally. Let's be realowskis know how to shoot a karate scene. Yeah, and they're like very good at casting. Yeah, totally. Let's be real.

So Trixie replaces this guy, they go on the race, they capture some of the mafia guys, the monkey throws shit at them. And then Speed Racer wins. And we're almost to the final race, the final of the 30 or 40 races in this movie. And they all look the fucking same, like they're on a Hot Wheels track.

Yeah, it's like a Mario Kart thing. It's like a Hot Wheels track with a bunch of light brights happening during an electrical surge. You don't know how big it is or where the end is, so you can't feel away about the race because you don't know how it's going. Yeah, exactly. The only thing that you feel is about the drag racing stuff,

the illegal racing. That kind of looks dangerous. And then you go to the how it's going. Yeah, exactly. The only thing that you feel is about the drag racing stuff, the illegal racing. That kind of looks dangerous. And then you go to the real races and you're like, what is this? Yeah, there's a cartoon of a zebra running next to them. Why? OK, so we're almost the final race. And we'll talk about the final race, the Grand Prix in Speed Racer.

So, I mean, you know, there's just a bunch of fucking races in this, and there's some good stuff in it, and then sometimes it's just boring and hard to follow. There's like a final bad guy who uses a spear hook to like hook his car to Speed's car. And then like he gets away, but the media notices it. So that's the undoing of the bad guy.

Like, oh, he did the spear hook, so we're going to take down the guy. There's a lot of stuff about illegal, dirty racing. But then there'll be moves that Speed Racer does with his car. And guns and missiles. So that's OK? I'm like, well, I don't understand regulations. Right, this spear hook thing takes a guy down,

but then Speed Racer just shoots guns at guys. It's kind of like, you know, our current political climate. Things don't matter anymore. Sure. You can just do whatever. Spear hook, bad, gun, fine. Who cares? Exactly. And yeah, so Speed Racer gets away from this guy

and like goes for the finish line, and he's just blowing up cars. Like, Speed Racer is killing so many people. He's murdering so many men. Just the final stretch of this, he blows up every car he passes. He kills some of these people, right? Well, we didn't see their faces,

so it could have been like the movie Cars, where they're just sentient cars. That could be the idea. In which case, they're dead. Yes, there you go. Were they alive to begin with? I don't know. The philosophical questions behind the movie Cars.

And then, oh, so there's a thing where Racerex takes off his mask earlier in the movie and it's not his brother. So I guess if you've seen the cartoon, that's a big blow, like, oh, they're not doing it. And then at the end of this movie, they show that he just got plastic surgery and it is him. So he went from being a hot white guy

to being a different... A different hot white guy. Pretty similar hot white guy. What crazy plastic surgery. Wild. Wild. And they dyed the hair darker? What? Yeah.

Gave him a better hairline than the teen version of himself from the past. Yeah. Sure, whatever. So yeah, some whatever plastic surgery. Gave him a better hairline than the teen version of himself from the past. Sure, whatever. So yeah, some whatever plastic surgery. That's a twist, I guess. Maybe they would do it in a sequel if they got a chance to make it, which they didn't.

And then he kisses Trixie. And then, but the- Boy, what a dry ass experience that was. There's kind of a funny little gag where the kid pauses the camera and says, like, this isn't suitable if you haven't had your cootie shot. I know. That was really cute.

The brother was cute. And then I kept, as the kiss was about to happen, I was like, what a sterile, unsexy kiss. And then the kid popped in. And I'm like, that saved how bad the kiss was, was the joke about it. And I was like, thank God for that kid. Well, yeah. That's the plot of Speed Racer. We're going to rank it. But first, we got to do the h about it. And I was like, thank God for that kid. Well, yeah, that's the plot of Speed Racer.

We're going to rank it, but first we got to do the hunk walk. Wee! It's hunk walk. Easy for me, Susan Sarandon. Jesus fucking Christ. Yeah, that's the one for me too. My God. She's the most beautiful, no matter whatever age, any picture,

any whatever, she's still stunning. But I loved the aesthetic of the clothes, the everything. She just, I don't know, oozes sex appeal every time she's on camera. You can't not pick her. She's great. Yeah, I know, a lot of like,

there's a lot of like horniness in this kids movie. It's not between the leads. It's kind of just out. I mean, Susan Sarandon even has a little more chemistry with Emile Hirsch than she does. Uh-huh, 100%. But even the bad guy, who was like, he was going to get her pancake recipe and then get the...

Oh, yeah, Mr. Royalty. Yeah, he was like, oh, your pancakes are so good. And she's just like so kind of unphased by it. She's so unimpressed. I'll give you the recipe. And then I remember when he's trying to sign Speed Racer to some corporate gross contract, they like, he goes,

so Mrs. Racer, what do you think about my family? And it's like, her husband's right there. Yeah. And he's asking her and not the two of them, just her. I was like, Jesus Christ. And her husband's like, I get it. Yeah. John Cousin's like, I understand.

Everybody cares what she thinks and not what I think. Cause she's such a babe. It's like, yeah. Yeah, okay. Well, that's the Hunk Watch. We did it. We all agree. So now we got to rank this movie, but wait.

What? First we got to go to a break. Oh, okay What? First, we got to go to a break. Oh, OK. OK, we're going to go to a break. But first, do you generally not know the theme song of Speed Racer? No. No idea.

OK, this is awesome. Stephen Ray Morris is going to play the theme song to the original Speed Racer. And we're all going to love it. OK. Here he comes. Here comes Speed Racer. He's a demon on wheels.

Ooh, it's very beachy. He's a demon and he's Ooh, it's Ray Beechley. He's a demon and he's gonna be chasing after someone. He's gaining on you so you better look alive. Ooh, he's busy revving up the powerful mock fight. And when the odds are against him and they're dangerous, work is your thing. Go Speed Racer, go Speed Racer, go Speed Racer, go! The Ghost be based We're back! It's Free With Ads. We both enjoyed the theme song to Speed Racer.

Yes, we did. Before we rank Speed Racer on a scale of 1 to 10 super loud commercials, I wanna let you know how you can listen to our bonus episodes. You go to maximumfun.org slash join. You become a member of Max Fun, you get to hear our bonus episodes and all the bonus content for Maximum Fun. Steven, you and I just recorded kind of a cool bonus thing

with Jordan, Jesse, Go. We are watching on our show, on Jordan and Jesse Goh, we're watching movies that have podcasting in them. And so we watched Pitch Perfect 2 with John Hodgman, who's in the movie. Oh my God! Who had never seen the movie before. I've never seen any of those movies.

Oh, they're good, they're really funny. And John Hodgman watched it for the first time and talked all about being on set and doing the movie, and he talked about teaching the Green Bay Packers how to make a martini. Oh, my God. So, you can listen. Now I want to see the movie,

but I also need to hear this episode. It's a great episode. We are watching Free With Ads TV. We've watched a bunch of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. We've watched the Street Fighter cartoon. Yes. Gotham, all kinds of things. Pee-wee. And we've watched Pee-wee, the pilot to Pee-we Yes. Gotham, all kinds of...

Peewee. And we've watched Peewee, the pilot to Peewee. Which is, as of this recording, still all of Peewee's Playhouse is available free with ads on YouTube as of right now. Oh my God, there you go. There you go. Watch some Peewee, listen to us talk about it, maximumfun.org slash join, and maxfunstore.com for all your free with ads merch.

Okay, Speed Racer, we're gonna rank it on a scale of one to 10 super loud commercials. Emily, as the first timer, I'll let you wrap it up. I had seen this movie, I had heard that, I also avoided it in theaters, but had people say, you gotta watch Speed Racer, it's actually good, it's actually good. There's stuff about this movie I love.

There's stuff about this movie that I'm like, I can't believe this is the choice. I love that it's so for kids. And there's some things about the aesthetic I really like, but just between the cool shit is just frustrating, boring stuff. And I don't think it looks that cool anymore. And yeah, and I think that the cool stuff

is the practical stuff. It's the costumes. It's the cool art direction I think that the cool stuff is the practical stuff. It's the costumes. Absolutely. It's the cool art direction. It's the cool costumes. So yeah, I think if you like, again, if you like the Wachowskis, which you should, because they're geniuses, you maybe even kind of

want to watch their flops. Yeah, which we have. Which we have, and maybe we will continue to do. Sure. Yeah, so yeah, if you're into The Witch House Keys, like, you know, I'm sure you'll get a lot from watching this. And yeah, but I think you can get the cool parts via clips. If you like, are curious about the good stuff,

I'm sure there's clips. Do you want me to just watch those? And it's fucking too long. So yeah, I think I'm gonna give it a, I'm gonna give it a five. I'm gonna go five because the good stuff kinda elevates it. Emily, what do you think?

Well, just like every movie I don't like, I'm gonna try to be kind by will it be fun in the background of a party? Just to have on a screen. And I do think that it would. I think that the coolest thing that should be about this movie is the racing because Racer is in the title and the races are just absolute nothings to me.

Like, it's nothing to look at, there is no stakes, I don't know what the fuck's happening, it's just a bunch of blurry mess, and that makes me so angry. And it's also so long, and it's mostly about how corporations are evil, and I don't think that's for kids. I don't know any kid who wants this movie.

And the fact that there's like no sexual chemistry between the two leads. I'm giving this a two. Okay. A two for Speed Racer, a two for each tire on his car, plus two other tires. That makes sense, doesn't it? Okay, that's our Speed Racer episode.

Hell yeah. Emily, got anything coming up? I'm on Mythical Kitchen, which is a channel on YouTube. If you love watching Jordan, myself, and Matt on Good Mythical Morning, they also have a channel called Mythical Kitchen for their cooking segments for Chef Josh, who is their brilliant chef and along with the other kitcheneers.

I sometimes get to join, and we did a new Meals of History that should be coming out very soon, if not already. We did Meals of History is when I make dishes throughout history with Josh, and we just did one from Dodge City. You know, get out of Dodge, that kind of thing. So you usually play like a crazy character from the time period.

Right, or I play an actual historic character. But in this case, I did not. I played a sheriff who was not good at it. OK. Keep an eye. Keep an eye out for that. He was a little too nice. A little too nice at Dodge City.

Kind of a beta sheriff? Yeah. That's fun. He was a little too nice. A little too nice. A little too nice at Dodge City. Kind of a beta sheriff? Yeah. That's fun. Kind of, yeah. Mythical Kitchen videos are great. Emily Scleria sent them. You get to watch some cool food. Yeah, go watch all of the Meals of History episodes

from Mythical Kitchen. That's me doing all that. I think we've got like 25 episodes now. So if you want to see me at various nerd events in July, boy howdy, I got a couple for ya. I'm gonna be at GalaxyCon in New Orleans July 11th through 13th, so please come see me at GalaxyCon in New Orleans.

And San Diego Comic Con, I'm gonna be there doing some really cool stuff. Dates and times TBD, but keep your eye peeled to this space that you listen to. For more information on that, I hope to see folks out at those. Stephen Ray Morris, thank you so much for joining us. Yes, always happy to have you.

You're the producer of Jordan, Jesse, Go! But you also host a pod, we alluded to it, it's called See Jurassic Right. It's about Jurassic Park and some affiliated franchises. You guys have had some cool stuff, because I mean, the new movie's coming out. So you guys are celebrating. Very excited about it.

It's like, keeping, when the movie drops, it's coming out. So you guys are celebrating. Very excited about it. Yeah, and it's like keeping, when the movie drops, it's gonna be like, other people who love Dress Park we're all gonna be celebrating. It'll be fun. Ooh, can I tell you, I made myself ride the ride. The Universal ride? The ride's fun.

I have a hard time with animatronics. I'm very scared, but I also like it. In the ride it's terrifying. Yes, but also the drop and everything. But yes, the animatronics are terrifying, and they've changed a few things. There's more things that I didn't know. Wait, where did you go?

I went about a month ago. Oh, shit. And luckily, somebody got me a big tinky, a tinky, tinky drink. A big tinky drink. Where's my, where's baby's tinky? A big Tinky drink. Where's baby Tinky? A big Tinky drink. And I chugged it, and they were like, you're going on it.

And then I was like, oh no, oh no. I mean, that's kind of the way to do it, I feel like. And I made myself keep my eyes open for a lot of it. And then I closed it for the drop, because when it comes through and then the thing drops, I can't do it. I can't do it. But you'd be very proud of me.

And I would love to force myself to do it again and then if you want me to come on and talk about it. I would. I would be so much fun, oh my gosh. I will talk about the ride. I was gonna say, the other thing you can do, especially during the summer when that line is long, it's called the Modelo Challenge.

And so there's those giant tall boys and you have to, the challenge is to try and drink as many of those in the line before you get on. Wow. Oh, that's just me in line. I don't really know if that's a challenge. I'm simply at the DMV. The most I've done is two and a half, so. And that's why I don't drive.

The most I've done is two and a half, so. Okay, that's impressive. Something to shoot for. You're afraid you're gonna piss everywhere? Like at some point, that's a lot of liquid. True, but we're all wet anyway, so people won't notice. Yeah, you just pee in that thing, nobody will notice. Uh...

Alright, tune in next week when our movie will be... Honey. Music Music Music Music Music Music

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