Free With Ads - Teen Witch, with Danielle Radford

Episode Date: June 10, 2025

This week we are joined by comedian Danielle Radford to talk about the classic 80s teen movie Teen Witch, about a teenager who is also a witch!Tune in next week when our movie will be... No Country For Old Men.-----Listen to Tights and Fights -a professional wrestling podcast with Danielle Radford - wherever you get your podcasts.And subscribe to The DropoutEmily will be a special guest on the improv show Lemon Pepper Wet, on June 25th at the Elysian in Los Angeles. Get your tickets now! 

This is Free With Ads, the podcast that asks the question, why pay Peacock 8 bucks a month to watch Wicked when you can go online for free and watch a coming-of-age witch musical so amazing you wonder why anyone would even bother to make a coming-of-age witch musical after it. I'm Jordan Morris. And I'm Emily Fleming. Today's new is Teen Witch. It's finally time for us to do it.

We've talked about it. And it's the 1989 cult classic that taught us to believe in ourselves and that popularity isn't everything. And the best rap music is made by all white acapella groups. With us as always is the super producer, the he-freak, Matt Lieb, hitting us with those oh-so-magical drops. Yeah, it's true. Yeah.

I feel not hot compared to you, Matt. Yeah, yeah. I'm hot. And guess what? You're not. Sucks to be you. Well, I have a lot of other good qualities. I just took my flannel off. I'm punctual. Because I'm hot. Yeah, I'm hot. It's hot in here. I gotta turn on the AC.

And hey, we're doing an awesome movie today and we have an awesome guest. How appropriate. She's a standup comic and one of the hosts of Maximum Fun's own wrestling podcast, Tights and Fights. It's Danielle Radford. Oh my God. Thank you so much for having me. I think that I have spent the entirety of my comedy career

waiting for someone to ask me to talk about this movie. Really? Genuinely, legitimately. No! Genuinely, legitimately. You're an OG Teen Witch fan. I did not know that when we picked the movie, but I kinda had a feeling.

I had a feeling. I don't know, you had a feeling, but we've talked about this movie in the past, and we haven't chosen to do it, and then when he suggested you, he was like, this is the moment. I like that when you think of Teen Witch, you think of me.

Maybe, were you doing a little spell in your apartment? I was, I was. And much like with- Grinding up some eye of Newt. Much like with the movie Teen Witch, with no regards to consent, the power of three doesn't mean shit in this apartment. We do what we want because Zelda told us we can.

Right, you made a little voodoo doll of me. You made it email you about the podcast and then I took off my pants in public? Yeah, in front of a room full of children, yes. Well yeah, we do wanna talk about Teen Witch for approximately four and a half hours. I do think before we do that, we wanna get to know you, Danielle, our guest, in

a segment we call Talk to Guest. Talk to Guest. Danielle, obviously you're an expert on teen witches, but also you have an interest in wrestling. I want to talk about where our worlds overlap. Who in your opinion, and you can have a top three or top five who are the best wrestler actors? Oh So Dave Bautista came out like a dark horse out of nowhere Wow really good and

Also seems the most adamant at becoming like an actor actor He wants to do big boy movies. So. Like Blade Runner, that scene is the least boring scene in the second Blade Runner movie. Yeah. Yeah, it's like saying that this is, yeah, this is like, it's the least garbanzo bean

of this can of garbanzo beans, but it is really delightful. So honestly, he's pretty up there for me in terms of acting ability. John Cena gets better with everything that he does, so he's doing great. Ruddy Ruddy Piper was amazing in the couple of movies they put him in. Oh, yeah. Yeah, they live really great on that episode of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Andre the Giant, obviously, I don't know if it's like actor or just like big at being himself, but he nailed being himself.

I'm so good at it. Anybody want a peanut? Is there a funnier moment in movies? You're hard pressed to find a moment I like more in movies than anybody want a peanut. Well, like that's my favorite movie of all time is Princess Princess. You're hard pressed to find a moment I like more in movies than anybody wanna be in. That's my favorite movie of all time is Princess Bride. And I never knew what the hell he was saying

when I was a child. I just accepted that it was important and let it be. And then when I learned what he said, it made me love him even more. So yeah, he's amazing. He's so good. He's so charming. And then like, I don't know.

Then there's a bunch of wrestlers that none of you have ever heard of who have probably only done one movie. And then there's like Dwayne, very close to the bottom. Quite close to the bottom. Dwayne. Or CGI Dwayne from Scorpion King, which is another person all to them.

Yeah, you know, and that might be one of the best acting Duane's. Shut up and slither. I guess just shut up and slither. It's fine. He got really great. Like he was trying to make good movies for like a second. And then he did Pain and Gain and like got all of his wrestling weight back because he'd actually cut and got small, not as small as Batista did,

but he had gotten smaller. And then he did Pain and Gain and got big again and was like, not as small as Batista did, but he had gotten smaller. And then he did Paid and Gained and got big again and was like, what was I doing? And then he became other Vin Diesel. And then he tried to take over Hollywood and now he pisses in Voss bottles and makes some poor PA clean it up because like, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

What is happening? I don't think I know this story. Oh, there was a huge article, I don't remember if it was THR, if it was Variety that was kind of talking about what he was going through his era of attempting to take over DC, like the DC WB movies.

All right, shifting the balance of power in the DC universe. Shifting the balance. As our friend Black Adam once did. Woof, and so yeah, it gets into how his manager was also Henry Cavill's manager, and how Henry Cavillill like ditched her and his manager is also like his ex-wife. And in part of it, they talked about how he would like pee in Voss bottles and like that because he would like. I bet it keeps the pee nice and cold, though, you know, when you need it later.

And when you want a frosty cold bottle of pee. Yeah. Well, you know, you have pee emergency. And so he was like they were talking about how he was late and he would never want to use the bathroom and he would always use that. And my thing was like, okay, I get if you don't want to like bother anybody using the bathroom, but I think you bother people more by peeing in Voss bottles

and making them clean it up. And I know that someone else had to clean it up by the very nature of the fact that they know about it. Cause if I'm pe being in Voss bottles, not a word, no one knows that I have pissed in a Voss bottle. You need to be sneaky about it. Well, here's, if I can comment, Danielle, this is a- Please do. Sure, we're opening up the floor for comments.

We're opening up the floodgates, as it were. I- We're breaking the seal. I gotta say, if you have a penis and you can't piss in a Voss bottle, you're an idiot. But like when you have a vagina, the hole is like, where is it? I don't know. And when you have to pee at the doctor's office, you put a cup where it should be and then

it just doesn't go in there. Like I don't know where it goes. No, you got to do like a site thing. And they make something for, I assume, campers slash burners to use for women so that you're anyone with a vagina so that you can like use it to like pee standing up. Yeah, no. It's made out of hemp. Natural hemp. Yes, natural. But yeah, but also like as a straight woman, I have dated many men who piss in jars and leave it throughout their apartment. And they're usually mason jars.

So at least with the boss, it's like tiny. You have to dispose of it more frequently. Well with the mason jar, you can pretend you're at a millennial wedding. Oh! When you're organizing your piss. I've got mead. Yeah. Okay. I'm the only one that goes to millennial. I've got mead.

Just me, I'm the only one that goes to millennial weddings where they serve mead. All right, that's all right. That's fine. What's a certain kind of millennial wedding? Yeah, yeah. Kind of a red fairy flavored wedding, I'm guessing. I mean, it is me. Yeah.

I'm just, I've known you for a while. I'm just making an assumption here. Yeah, yeah, that's real fair. Oh my God. I wanna chat more, but I feel like we just gotta fucking talk about Team Fucking Witch, don't we? Yes, yes. Don't we? Okay, this movie, well, let's actually,

maybe before I talk about the actual movie, let's get a little bit of history with it. I only knew it through clips. I knew it through, you know, top that I had seen, most popular girl in the world I had seen. And when I actually sat down to watch the movie, I'm like, well, it's no way it's as crazy as the clips. It's crazier.

I saw it for the first time like five years ago and I fucking love it. Does anybody else see it? Or did anybody else see it as a kid as intended? Yeah, I saw it as a child in reruns on the HBO and that is how Back when they understood branding before they were like, yeah, we're gonna be maxly as though anybody knows what the hell that is It's already a word. Yeah, you can't own max. It's already a word It's like apparently like it was a next didn't have to pay the actors like anymore.

Like it was a residuals thing. OK, all right, but OK, cool. Real tight. It's I hate money. I hate hedge fund people. I don't know if that's the cause, but I assume so. But yeah, so I watched it and like I fell in love with it. And I feel like teen witch children become the craft teenagers and that was kind of my,

that was kind of my ascent, my ascension. The yin has a yang for sure. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. And yeah, I just loved it. It's very silly. This was around the time when I saw this. I was also falling in love with other movies like The Last Dragon and like Breaking One and Two,

these movies that are kind of musicals, but not really musicals, but kind of musicals. And they all have like a little bit of like magic and a little bit of whimsy. There was a real good period for that around that kind of time running on the home box office. So, yeah, I fell in love with that movie. It's so great. It's so bad. It's so wonderful. Emily, what's your what's your experience with the Teen Witch?

I like as a, I guess, a teen or like a young adult, I did not know about this, but that top, that song became a thing even when the Vine era came to be. This movie is made for Vine. This movie has a lot of like, like stretches of insanity that last nine seconds. It felt like kind of this lost media at the time that Vine was around. I just had not seen it yet. But it like you're completely right Danielle where it's like this. It's not a musical, but it like you're completely right, Danielle, where it's like this, it's

not a musical, but it is a musical. It reminds me a lot of Earth Girls are easy. Yes, 100%. Where there's these kind of musical moments, but it's not a consistent musical. It's just like there's dance breaks and there's these kind of like theatrical movement like whatever dance pieces that are happening and I feel like at this time there was like this fun late 80s 90s kind of whatever whimsy that was so fun and I feel like this movie maybe came out before Earth Girls Are Easy and probably created the blueprint for that. It was so fun.

Yeah. So fun. I totally, 100% as I'm rewatching it, I was getting, especially, there's a scene, we'll talk about it, where she's kind of sexying up her bedroom for sexy magic, and she puts the stuff on the lamps, and I'm like, oh yeah, Earth Girls Were Easy. Yeah, like that flash dance,

that was a huge, huge thing that people were doing around that time in the 80s where it was like, well, we don't want to do musicals because musicals are corny. But wouldn't it be great if we had a movie where people sang and danced to music? And they said their feelings in the songs. They said what they were feeling in the song

and kind of push the plot along, maybe more emotionally. Yeah. Yeah. But we want the main actress to not be able to sing or dance. Not even a little. Yeah. Matt, was this your first time with Teen Witch? First time seeing it.

And I have a question. Is this in the same cinematic universe as Teen Wolf? It was supposed to be. Supposed to be intended to be a Teen Wolf offshoot. Yeah. Fucking wild, huh? That makes a lot of sense. That makes a lot of sense. Because as I was watching, I was getting a lot

of Teen Wolf vibes from this. The original Dark Universe. Yes. It was the Teen Dark Universe, which I'm fine with that. Wait a minute. How do you all guys know that? I tried to look up videos on YouTube to kind of do like the making of

or things you didn't know and there is literally nothing I could find. I think I saw that in like IMDB trivia. Yeah, I feel like that's one of those things I just always kind of like cultural osmosis from loving the movie so much. But like I remember that it was supposed to be like, cause girls don't like wolves.

Wolves are for boys. Yeah. Just for girls. Girls are witches and boys are wolves. Everybody knows that. Well, I just can I just say something about the website? I am DB. If you're listening, your shit is fucked. Your shit is so fucked.

You just mad your star meter's not higher. No. The thing is, the amount of ads on that website, no matter how good the Wi-Fi is, your shit is janky, like it's 1998, and I barely wanna use it. I just wanna think about things using intuition at this point. I think IMDB, you should suck your own taint

and get it together. Hell yeah. Sorry, I just wanted to say it. I'm giving you a big round of applause. Fuck you, IMDB, you should suck your own taint and get it together. I just wanted to say it. Fuck you IMDB, eat ass. You're giving Emily a round of applause like a popular girl walking into a lunch room. Well, also maybe, listen. I love how she just claps for her. Well, here's the thing.

It's like, it's Pride Month. Sucking your own taint is, honestly, I wish I could do it Do I have a taint? I don't know. I think everyone has a taint. Yeah, I think I feel like I feel like if you have a Vaginal perineum, we should get a different name. That's the name for it. Well, there's still space in between the Posenia. The space between My Bonanza Is that what that Dave Matthews song was about? The space between Yes

Shit into the Chicago Hey, we all make mistakes We all dump a little shit we all make Squirt a little more, you know what I mean? Hey, so yeah, so Teen Witch, it starts with sexy sax music. This movie employed 45,000 saxophone players. There's so much fucking saxophone in this movie. It's all over this thing.

We have what will be revealed to be a dream sequence, had by the main character where she is standing around on a roof while her scarf blows in the wind. A sexy guy comes in, her scarf starts blowing. I guess whatever wind was around just kind of stopped. Oh, boy. The weather. You don't like the weather. Wait five minutes. Am I right?

Jordan, this is how dreams work. Right. Exactly. Sometimes there's wind, sometimes there's no wind. But we find out that this is how dreams were. Yeah, right. Exactly. Sometimes there's wind. Sometimes there's no wind. But we find out that this is all a dream. And she was having it about Brad, the sexiest guy in school. And her little brother knows this because he's been reading her diary. Classic Little Brothers shit. That is some fucking classic little brother. Let's read the diary.

Let's be real though. I think we're all gonna be talking about this not classic little brother character. This is unlike any other little brother character I have ever seen. And at first I hated his ass. And then later I was like, this is the best fucking little brother character

I've ever seen in my life. Everything Richie does is hilarious. He is the only person. You know how like they say sometimes there's a movie where there's only one person who knows exactly what movie it is and showgirls. It's Gina Gresham in Teen Witch. It's Richie, which makes sense because he's like a writer director now. He actually wrote and directed that The Exorcism Russell Crowe

movie that came out last year. No way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it makes sense that he's got like a sense of like, oh, I know what this is. And then turned it up to a million. Even as a kid, he had the eye. On another level. But when you first meet him, it's like the contrast of his acting versus our lead actress is so big that you're like, what is this try hard bullshit? And then you're like, I love this try hard bullshit. He's always dirty, they put dirt,

he always has dirt or chocolate on his face. I love how they costume him and make him up. And his mouth is always slack, he can never open his mouth all the way. That's almost like, he's doing, what's that one newscaster? I don't know things, but like he's like, well, like, yeah, like it's like always like

kind of like this. And it's like, well also he's, he's always trying to eat sweets. Cause I guess their parents don't want them eating sweets. So he's hiding under her bed. Yeah. Cause he's eating his chocolate cake. And he's like, mom won't let me in. He's just amazing. This kid also his lips are always chapped,

which is what a little boy's mouth is. It's just like a hot red, rough, raw. Eating candy, not drinking water. Yeah, exactly. Like rough looking. You think even like some of the lard that he is constantly eating throughout this movie, just like uncooked. Yeah, you think even like some of the lard that he is constantly eating throughout this movie,

just like uncooked meat and like fridge cake or whatever. You think some of it would moisturize the lips. And a giant pizza that's the size of the table. Yeah, but like somehow none of that actually makes it onto his lips. It all just gets funneled directly to the back of his throat. Yeah, this kid rules so hard.

So funny. Yeah, and okay, so he's the brother to our main character, Louise, and she's an ordinary teen. She's in love with Brad who's- With the name Louise. Louise. Like she's from 1923, like, what the fuck? So Louise, so Brad is her crush,

is picking up the hot girl across the street, Rana? Anyway, picking her up across the street. Old people wrote this movie. Oh, absolutely. Yes, no one involved with this movie had ever met a child. It was like, I've seen the rap. And I think I know what the rap is. But also, Brad, doesn't he look like?

My assistant described rap to me and I wrote some. Yeah, that is basically, but doesn't Brad look like Tom Cruise in Risky Business? A little bit. Also, fun thing, Brad, when this movie shot was like 25, 26, R. Louise, like 16, just something to keep in your brain. OK, fun. Tell the makeup artist that, because whoever the makeup artist was for Louise, it's too

much anyway. Yeah. That's how I feel. Too much makeup on this girl. So she and her, she has like a nerdy friend who's like her one friend, and they are, speaking of anachronisms in this movie, they have giant overcoats on. They dressed like it is 1962 and they are going to see Bob Dylan in the West Village.

Like they, and also what's the temperature in the movie? In the movie, some people are dressed for skiing and some people are wearing shorts and tank tops. Like they are wearing full winter coats to school. But everybody else is like, I think it's supposed to take place in L.A. anyway. Yeah, so that's like these bitches hate their body is what it is. Yeah, always wearing wool. Everything she wears is like a full wool outfit.

And they couldn't even find their genitals to masturbate if they wanted to. Like it is like three years apart from here. Like, I don't know. She's always wearing a sweater with a wild pattern and so is her dad. This is a great sweater movie. Her and her dad both look like they're thrifting for awesome sweaters.

Darren from Beavis. Danielle. Oh yes, that's right. Yeah. One of the Darons. Which Darren? I don't remember, but one of them. The later one. The later Darren. There are two, that's the darons which Darren I don't remember but the later one the later day later, Derek There's I think there are two this that's the second best piece of casting in this movie There's one that is fucking phenomenal and I forgot that it happened and when it came it was a positive jump-scare I couldn't believe it

But yeah Her dad and her dad is like one of the nice adult like there all the adults in this movie are really mean But her dad is really sweet. Yeah played by one of the Darons from Bewitched. So her and her friend wrap their winter coats around themselves, put on their artful Dodger gloves and ride bikes, they ride bikes to school. And as we're kinda getting the classic 80s school shot, people doing kickflips, riding BMX bikes,

we get the first musical number from the all white acapella group. Most of the hip hop music in this. Matt, can we hear a, it's a school blues. And it's a waste of time. Because they think that we're looking about making a dime. They're so good at that. Because we're just stuck with the school blues.

Hell, yeah, motherfucker. Is that it's not one guy doing it. So it's not freestyle. It's three guys that had to rehearse this at somebody's house and then go. We're going to meet at 7 a.m. Everybody hang out and we're going to do it in unison. Like, it's so funny. I can't handle it.

Led led by Robert Blake's son. No way. Robert Blake's son. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, there are a lot of wrap the pain away. Blake's son. Yeah. Uh, there are a lot of rap the pain away. He already has a rap name ready to go. Son of Beretta. Good for him.

Emily is currently hanging herself with her with her. Holy shit. Wait, the main guy is Robert Blake's son? Mm-hmm. Well, he managed to not kill a woman for nine months. That's cool. That's nice. Yeah, that is Rhett.

He's the hunky singing guy. He is absolutely this movie's oldest teen. Oh! Oldest teen. There it is. A lot of old teens in this movie, except for the leader, I guess, is age appropriate. That's interesting.

Which, tell that to the makeup artist, because good god. I'm sorry. Yeah, no, there's a point where Rhett looks at her and goes, are you sure you go to high school? And I'm like, sir, I would not talk. You live in the glassest of houses, sir. Yeah. Yeah, I know. You have an ex-wife, sir. You doing? You've got kids.

Are you here to pick up the kids? Yeah. Like, is it is it your weekend? We so, you know, she's got a we see a bunch of kind of kind of stereotypical high school scenes. There's some classic nerds in this, some classic bow tie pocket protector nerds. Haven't seen those in quite a few decades. In a minute. Love to see a classic 80s nerd. Rich has a mean teacher who's really mean to her.

He like reads her love poem out loud. She wrote to Brad. He's like a real dick. Wait, wait, can I ask you guys, did you have teachers that were mean to you, like, not like this, because this is over the top, but were there teachers? Yeah, he does some fucked up shit later in the movie. Yeah, it's really humiliated you in front of other kids.

I went to a lot of schools on military bases, so I think they were probably, they were like, oh no, all the dads have guns. Uh, what? We gotta be extra nice. The dads are killing machines. Oh no, they kill for the government. Credit for everybody.

Movie day. We're going on another field trip. Okay. Also, I do love that like, this is the second time in what, like, 10 minutes that we discovered that Louise writes the steamiest slash fiction about herself and Brad. Just like nothing but like self insert slash fiction,

like full on like Danielle Steele, like heaving bosom. He kissed my body and in that evening I was all good. I mean hot. Yeah, turns it in as an assignment apparently. Well by accident, cause her brother was like ripping out her diary pages. I thought that was like a poem she wrote for class. No, I think that she had a piece of her diary that her brother put in the folder.

Because he's got chocolate all over it because he's fat. Yes. So that when she was handing in her stuff, that was stuck in there. And then the teacher decided to humiliate her with it because she got to skip grades, which is a cool detail. She's a very smart girl and very pretty and she got to skip grades, which is a cool detail. She's a very smart girl and very pretty

and she got to skip a bunch of grades. That's why everyone hates her. And yeah, he just chose to do that. He also, she was on birth control pills, which, okay, we'll get into that later, but I'm like, wow, 80s, mom let you go on, okay, whatever. Yeah, one of the mean things that the teacher does is like her purse spills and he like finds her birth control pills and like holds them.

He's like, oh, you haven't taken them. I see. So you're just being hopeful. It's so fucking scummy. Yeah. Yeah. It is like it's once it is this thing of like, oh, kind of like progressive that they're just showing a kid who has birth control pills, you know, and kind of normalizing it. But in this way, this teacher's making this awful joke, very weird moment. Yeah, he like lives for drama.

Yeah, he's some messy bitch. He is a messy bitch. Even the way that he talks about Hamlet, is it the most, this is the messiest bitch way you could talk about Hamlet. Uh-huh, talking about Hamlet's manhood. Yeah. I can't imagine any teacher

that has ever humiliated me like that. That is it's over the top. I mean, maybe I'll think of one eventually. Yeah, that feels like you would end up on TikTok now. Oh, well, my favorite is Vine. There's a, we're all Vine kids, right? Anyway, you know that whoever threw that paper. I never made a Vine.

I think like the only Vine that I remember is Back at It Again at Krispy Kreme. In my mind, vine is the perfect social media because to me, it created one video and it was perfect. Back at It at Krispy Kreme. I'm sure there's a lot of fucking monsters on Vine, but whatever. There's one of this kid who caught his teacher, who he just turned around and goes, whoever threw that paper, your mom's a hoe. And that's a good one.

I love that man to hell and back. I think that any that mom is. She might be a hoe. I don't know. So, yeah, so basically, like everyone in our main character's life is like mean to her. There's a bunch of cheerleaders being mean to her in the locker room. And we get the. Don't make me pick a favorite song in the movie because I can't fucking do it.

But in the locker room, all the cheerleaders who are kind of oldest teens themselves. These are clearly like these these women were all in white snake videos at some point. They're in these like like These are clearly like these these women were all in white snake videos at some point These like like Sexy PE bathing suits and they're singing this song I like boys. I like boys. And they call it like their cheer. They're like, hey, let's practice the new cheer.

So this is a very progressive high school. It is. They're letting them out of sports games. Just talk about their blossoming sexuality. You guys going to talk about the football team or anything? Yes, in a way. Yeah, kind of. you guys gonna talk about the football team or anything? Yes, in a way. But my favorite thing, yeah. Kind of, abstractly, yes. In a roundabout way. She's the only one there witnessing it,

so it's like they're performing it for her. And they're doing like little bits with the towel. Yeah! It's this little bit. Oh, we're two cheerleaders stacked on top of each other. But hot. I mean, statistically, there's one lesbian there who's just like, huh.

Having the best slash worst day of her life. I can't wait to get the fuck out of this town. Let's rehearse again, guys. You know me, loving boys. I'll pretend to be the boy who wants to be my date. We should practice kissing. Maybe there's a sapiosexual in there. Possibly.

I'm attracted to intelligence. I'm attracted to intelligence. I'm attracted to intelligence. Gender doesn't make that much of a difference. I'm attracted to intelligence. Anyway. I love that song too. Great song. Two great songs. So that's fun.

There's a thing where she's... There's too many plots in this. She's auditioning for the school play, but she doesn't get it. What the fuck? Brad. Is it not theater class? Is that not what that is? I mean, I think it's school play theater. It's the same thing. So she has like a theater teacher who she loves.

There's like, I guess not everybody's mean to her in this. She has this like kooky theater teacher. Can I can I interrupt just really quick? So we do have this one sting that we never use, Danielle. And it's like who we'd play. Oh, we certainly do have that. I think this is this is your segment, Emily. This is your segment. You're the one who brings this up. Well, here's why I bring it up is because I have been told on the Internet

that I remind people of this actress. OK, OK. Who, okay, okay. Who plays the theater lady. And I'm really tired of being told I look like dead women. Who died of old age. You know what I mean? But still, I'm going to play the Sting. Play the Sting.

Yeah. Who we play. There it is. I play this fabulous theater teacher whose outfits I would completely buy by the way. Yeah. Especially the green outfit where she goes to leave with D'Artagnan or whatever man that she picks.

Yeah. I just. They don't really explain it, but I think we're led to believe that Louise, when she gets her witch powers, like blesses the one teacher who's nice to her with this like amazing life. So she like wins the lottery. She's like, I didn't even buy a ticket.

And she runs away with this like handsome Latin man. And because like he's a Latin person appearing on screen in an 80s movie, we have to have flamenco guitar whenever he walks on screen. Well, the other thing is the necklace, which the theater teacher, I guess, finds in the costume, like closet and gives it to her because it is speaking. Like there's something about the necklace that is gravitating towards Louise. And then she gives it to her and that necklace, she eventually removes

at the end of the movie, which is supposed to signify something. But it seems like her plus necklace means people who were nice to her get to benefit from things. Yeah, there's a I guess we'll talk about the I mean, it's the 80s. We won't worry about it, I guess. But yeah, there's a lot of inconsistencies with the magic, but it is very important that like the magic chunky turquoise jewelry that you buy from like a Palm Springs farmers market like is very important to be able to being able to cast spells throughout centuries, apparently. Yeah, she kind of has two magic catalysts in this.

Whatever. Yeah, we can't sit around and talk about the magic logic of tea. We'll go insane. Oh, yeah, no, you can't sit around and talk about the magic logic of tea, which will go insane. Oh yeah, no, you can't do it. So the popular girl, Randa, who's dating Brad and is just mean to her the whole time, she asks if she would take her cousin to the dance. How many fucking dances does this school have? My god, they have a dance every week. And one of them is Western themed, and I'm like, where was that?

Oh yeah, it looks really fun. So yeah, she wants Louise to take her cousin David, who cares what this guy's name is, David, I think, to the dance. David, oh, this is kind of funny. So she- David can get it. Oh, well, let's, yeah, let's, we'll talk about David.

I do want to talk about this moment where her dad is like, you know, your mom wasn't always hot. And she shows a picture of the mom and the mom is in like all black. She is like smoking a cigarette against the wall and they like laugh at how bad the mom looks. Mom looks fucking awesome in that picture. She looks like she was in the talking heads.

She looks so cool. Anyway, and they're like, ha ha ha. Just again, this movie has like no idea what cool is. Again, it was written by like, yeah, like an elderly guy who had only ever been to cat's deli. It's the only place this guy goes. And his like assistant describes trends to him. And he also that mom is a smoke show.

I'm so hot. Mom is very hot. What is, I've never seen her in anything else, but all I kept thinking was, this lady is blissfully whatever. She just keeps walking in and goes, E-okay, eh, and then just like walks away. She's the best.

Doesn't really realize her daughter has godlike powers. I have a son who's a fucking stain on the fucking universe. Whatever. And they know it, too, because it's not even that thing. Like one of those times when Louise is trying to get Richie to act right, she isn't even like they'll blame it on me. She's like, I am so tired of hearing you get yelled at. I am. But yet no one seems to do anything to discipline this child. If he were a girl, he'd be fucked.

He'd be fucked. Yeah. So her date shows up. David. Now, David is in the classic 80s nerd getup. He is in like a sweater vest with a bow tie and glasses, but is a tall, handsome, traditionally good looking guy. It's very wild. Like I didn't understand what David, I was like, is David

supposed to be a geek, but he wants to like smoke weed? It's they don't fucking know what David is. They're just like, yeah, he is like a traditionally hot, but they're just like, put the fucking bow tie on him. It's very weird. Well, there's something kind of progressive about it because there's like, oh yeah, nerds can be fucking creeps. Yeah, that's true. That's true, yeah. He's a total creep, but also, hello. Like, I don't know, he was hot as fuck to me.

Hello, creepy. I think that's maybe why they turned up some of the creepiness. They're like, oh no, we casted a hot guy. Yeah. How do we make it where she doesn't want to be alone with him ever and it's like, oh, just have him say

like the worst, like some of the worst. There's also more bad. Oh, he's a horrible person. But like also very like Crisp and Glover kind of vibe. Oh yeah, for sure. Yeah, this guy probably has some weird vanity albums. Which that'll do it for me. You got like a Crisp and Glover vibe.

Crispiny. Mommy likey. So he's being kind of a creep to her at the dance and she wishes he would disappear and he does. We don't see anything from David. Where is he? Perhaps hell. We never know where he went.

No, this is the first like little like, this is the first like little inkling that she maybe has magic powers She kills a man. I guess well, wait, wait, we haven't talked about how Like before this she went to this fabulous old house in the rain To try to use a phone and meets a magical woman who says Weird things are gonna happen on your 16th birthday, or is that happen? so I think let's let's talk about that now I don't know if this happens immediately after this or or a little bit before this this is what I

think the best casting in the movie is so she goes to this old house meets an old fortune-teller played by Zelda Rubenstein this house is clean from fucking poltergeist she rocks it's so I so, I'm like, oh yeah, she's in this. She's so good, I just love her. They have such a beautiful, weird friendship. So Zelda Rumenstein plays this fortune teller. She like explains, you're a witch, you're gonna get powers on your 16th birthday.

They do a bunch of weird stuff. She turns like lead into a stack of money? Yeah, because she's like a delightful con person. Like, you walk in there, and she's doing, like, the white version of, like, Miss Cleo, like, I will tell your fortune. And then she's like, oh, wait, no, shut the fuck up. You actually got the goods.

And then it's like, OK, let me be so real with you right now. You can do anything you want, and there will be no consequences ever. So let's do that all the time. Who do you want to take revenge on? We will, I will help you revenge those teenagers. Like, what do you need? Can I tell you like there's okay. There's not a lot of logic that is explained within this magic universe, but

there are a few things that I decided I think makes sense. You gotta have a headcanon for these things. So I think that our girl, what was her name again? Our fabulous? Louise. No, no, no, the friend that, the older woman who's from Poltergeist. Oh, the actor's name is Zelda Rubenstein.

I don't know what the name of the character is. Let's just call her Zelda because that is such a witchy name. There's no, you cannot have a better character name than Zelda. Right. So Zelda, because she's old, the way that she kind of explains things to Louise is just that you're a young witch about to come into your powers. So I guess a young witch has more power than a witch her age. So it's like, oh, you've got the good so you can assist me and I can be your kind of, you know, guide or whatever mentor to come into your powers. But I can also benefit from your powers.

I feel like feels very witchy, witchy feels like let's benefit from each other, lifting sisters up, like, you know, but so, you know, turning sisters coal into stacks of money. Yeah. And the cycle going, yeah, the younger ones help out the whatever. But so she's more powerful because she is young, but she's also unaware of how to use her power. Yeah.

At one point, Zelda's like, I'm almost out of power, which the movie doesn't really talk about. Exactly. She does show her a 400-year-old Facebook. It's called New Faces of 1632 or something. And it's all photocopied photographs like they did back in the 1600s. Don't think about it. The yearbook of witches.

That thing. Yeah, it's like a yearbook of witches. And that's when, and yeah, she's like, hey, like since your powers are still new, water will make it go away. But then as you get better, like soon, then the water thing won't matter anymore. Just kind of a lot of arbitrary rules for things.

Yeah. When it first starts, that as we get into like the third act, none of that water shit's gonna matter anymore. Cause when she tries to do the favors for the teacher that she likes, the first thing I think is like, okay, but what happens when this lady showers and now she's lost all of her money and the guy abandons her in Aruba or whatever?

Like what's gonna happen? Yeah. That's in the director's cut. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just the downfall of the drama teacher. That bitch is me in the future, like for sure. But yeah, you're right. Like she's like, I found this man and stuff

and I'm like, bitch, that is a con artist. Like 100%. Yes, yes. Maybe he just wants, I found this man and stuff. And I'm like, bitch, that is a con artist. Like a hundred percent. Yes. Maybe he just wants to hear her thoughts on our town. Oh, the music man. How would you update it for a modern generation? I don't know.

Would you keep the stage bare? We have the ladders, traditional ladders for our town. Black box only. Fun jokes about high school theater. Yeah. So she's kind of got the powers now. So she's doing like little power shenanigans. The first, one of the first things she does is she wants

Brad to fall in love with her. So there's a love spell that involves him sitting on her bed. And so he comes over to her house to study and she has to get him to sit on the bed. So he comes into her room and the first thing he says is where's all the chairs? He's so pissed. There's no chairs and then her whole family walks in the room and he's there. Where's the chairs? I guess she's famous for having a bedroom filled with chairs. How many chairs y'all got in your room? I had one chair in my fucking bedroom. Here's the thing, too.

There's a chair in the shot. You can see it. Everyone's like, where's the chairs? There's one. It's sitting there. It's in the shot. Where chair? Their chair. Like, what do we? It's so yeah, this whole chair thing is so crazy. And so she he finally sits on the bed and she kind of like

and this is kind of like the moral of the movie That she kind of comes to realize she realizes that like if he falls in love with the spell then it you know It's not it's not real so she kind of it's like I'm sorry I lied about the chairs and she opens her closet, and it's filled with chairs Were those all in her bedroom? It's so funny so many chairs chairs, as though she, I mean, I love this girl, but we see she ain't got no friends. I don't know who all the chairs are for. Just meetings, weird family meetings

that happen only in her bedroom. And then she says- We're having another intervention for dad in your bedroom. Yeah. And then she says, a thing that she says to this dude that he doesn't question, I think she says it three or like, two or three times where she's like, don't ask, like just don't ask why this is happening. And he's just like, yeah, that's

fine. I'm just here to be hot and dumb. I don't need to ask any questions. And he's there to study with her, like as am. Yeah. But my favorite thing, though, that we haven't talked about is like, I think one of the spells that she first used was she turned her brother into a dog. Yeah. And that's how we found out that the water works. She turns him into a dog because he's making that weird fucked up huge pizza that you can never.

I laughed so hard at this pizza and they don't talk about it. The little brother, when she walks in, is just making a pizza that's the size of their dining room table. He's like in the middle of it and she turns him into a dog and she just throws him into a bath that's already run with bubbles. Every bath in the 80s was a bubble bath. He's like, why was that bath there? I don't know.

It's the, I mean, the like non logic of this movie is so funny. This movie didn't have time to waste. It like had to go. And I want to say that I did like this movie a lot, but it felt long as hell. I'll take two more hours. I'll take a fucking Apple TV mini series. I'll take an eight hour. It's long.

Anyway, but yeah, I could take a whole series about the brother, to be honest. But yeah, he turned into the cutest dog I've ever seen in my fucking life. Yeah, really adorable. And that fun fact is still alive to this day. And he owns a little antique store in Palm Springs, and he'll still talk about.

Shut up. He does. It's really sweet. Who cares if it's real? I like believing that. Yeah, it's a fun story. He got his hair at this point. So so, yeah, that's that's kind of the first little witch prank she pulls and the second one is she makes a voodoo doll of the mean teacher and makes him take off his clothes in class and while he's yelling about Hamlet's manhood

and then just fucking Simpson style, the superintendent walks in, like is using that moment to do an inspection of the school or something. Well, her magic just gravitated the situation to it. Exactly, like we brought Danielle to the podcast. So the superintendent was brought into. The sound works.

There it is. Yeah, and then there's like this really funny thing later where he like, the mom puts the doll in the washing machine and the guy walks through the car wash. This movie has legitimately funny things in it too. And that is where we get our first person of color, the guy who works in the car wash. The guy who works in the car wash.

A legend. Let's go. Yes. God damn. A legend in the field of representation. Yeah. Yeah, that's... It's okay. We are...

It's the 80s! It's the 80s! So we're actually about... I mean, I can't, I don't want to fucking pick favorite songs in this, because how do you do it? But we're almost to one of the greatest musical moments in the history of cinema. Singing in the rain can eat fucking shit. I mean, I can't, I don't wanna fucking pick favorite songs in this, because how do you do it? But we're almost to one of the greatest musical moments in the history of cinema.

Singing in the rain can eat fucking shit, because we're about to talk about one of the most amazing songs in cinema, but we're gonna take a little break before we do that. ["Singin' in the Rain"] We hope you're enjoying this episode of Free With Ads. We don't have traditional ads to read you on this show, but we do have to produce income in some way so the show is not a financial burden and gets taken down. And I only have two feet.

Yeah, that's true. Emily's, Emily's wiki feet is reaching its upload limit. So I only have so much time to podcast. We can't add any more. We need to make money. Here's some ways that the show can be not a financial suck. You can go to maximumfund.org slash join, join the network, hear our bonus episodes.

You can go to maxfundstore.com, get some of our merch, or you can go to maximumfund.org slash Jumbotron and share a message with our audience for a nominal feed. This person has done that. We love them for it. And here is their message. This message is from Eric Kingston and Close Encounters. They're a music act out of Jacksonville, and they have a message for you.

Emily, do you wanna read the message in one of your famous voices and accents that you did? your famous voices and accents that you do. The confidence in which you said famous. You're famous for them. We all know that, that's a fact. I have to pick a voice, right? Yeah, should I spin the wheel of impressions? No, no, I'm going to just let it speak to me.

I'm going to just let it speak to me. Let one emerge. Oh, I love that. I am an up-and-coming Jacksonville music act. Eric Kingston with my backup band, Close Encounters. I've played in the Southeast and looking to expand and tour. P.S. I'm friends with Daisy Tackett and also love standup and comedy writing. Huge fan.

And you are a huge inspiration, y'all. The best. Okay, see, famous for a reason. What did I tell ya? That is Eric Kingston and Close Encounters. You can look up IRLForman on Instagram for all updates. See, it's easy, it's fun. Go to maximumfun.org slash Jumbotron

and we will share your message with the world. All right. See how many voices I can think of? Sure, yeah, make Emily do more. The more of these we do, the more voices Emily has to produce. You can't repeat them. I will run out.

So if you wanna see Emily run out of voices, MaximumFun.org slash Jumbotron. We're back. It's Free With Ads. We're here with Danielle Radford from Tights and Fights. We're talking about Teen Witch. Okay, so here we are, our two main characters, or our main character and her best friend, Louise and Pauly. They are riding bikes talking about guys they like, And it turns out that Polly has a crush on Rhett, one of the acapella rappers in his

40s. And it sure enough, as they're talking about this, him and his buddies are doing like freestyle rapping on the curb. And she just sighs and says, look how funky he is. It's true, he is funky. And he's so funky fresh. He's so funky fresh. He's so funky, funky fly, freshy, freshy fresh.

Funky bunch. Call Marky Mark, cause we have a new member of the funky bunch. Okay, before we get into what they sounded like, I would really like to talk about the dancing. The dancing is insane in this movie. So it is like, like you're pushing against a jello or something and it's like, like it's like you can't quite get to the next move because it moves so slow. And I watched a

video where they were like, we had to work with a choreographer for like a week. And I'm like, bitch, why? Like, I don't understand. I think they brought in like one of the Grease-toured, Grease choreographers. Oh, okay. That checks out. This one thing has a very Grease-to, Grease-to-y spice. It's very Grease-to-y.

It has a Greasey Grease on it, yeah. There's a moment where a woman, like at the last of the 80 dances, it opens with this girl dancing at a boy so aggressively. And you're looking and the boy doesn't know what he's supposed to be doing. And I can't tell if it's the actor or him. But he's just like, like jumping back and like flinching and like, what am I what am I doing? And like, that's our that's how they start the last dance. It's totally

wild. So yeah, so this is, they're rapping top that, and then so they're rapping, and then Louise magics something out of the air, and then her friend is compelled to rap this back at him. ["Top That"] Super sonic idiotic, disconnected, not respected, who would ever really wanna go and top that? Such a waste of pretty face, but hanging in your nose face. I wish that you would take a look and really stop that

Well stop that I don't really give up about trying to talk that oh Love the guitar Danielle you were mouthing along with. Could you do this at karaoke? Yes, I could. It's real sad. Have you? Wait, have you done it at a karaoke? No one has it. If anyone had it, I would. If we go to somewhere and we're all together.

And there's going to be the brass monkey in K-Town. I bet they top that on the. They've got books. They've got like three books. I bet they have it. They've got to have it. OK. Super static, idiotic.

If you ever do it. Disconnected, not respected. You gotta tell us. Like, you gotta film it. Who would've ever really wanted to go for top that? Oh, it's bad. Yeah. I used to watch that scene over and over again because I too wanted to be funky fresh.

And. Well, I just think that that actress deserves so much opportunity and so for putting up with that, like committing to it. And my understanding is that that was not, that was not in the script originally. Like they brought in some people to kind of zhuzh up the movie and they added a bunch of musical numbers

and top that was one of the numbers that was added in. So imagine you're doing this movie, it's already pretty silly, this witch movie, and then one day you go into a meeting and you meet with the directors and the producers, they're like, hey, you know how you rap? And you're like, no, but I don't. And they're like, no, but like here's a rap

for you to memorize, we've added a new scene. That is just about you rapping. There are probably a lot of people who don't know what rap is still, you know? They just show her a bunch of Flintstones commercials't know what rap is still, you know? They just show her a bunch of Flintstones commercials where it's like, my name is Bonnie and I'm here to sing. I love Pretty Pebbles in a Major Way. And that's how she got it down.

It's basically the exact same rhythm and sequence. Like, it is that. Okay, so we have one more amazing song to talk about. There's a whole fucking scene that I think we just have to skip over. That's fucking great, where they steal a jacket from a pop star by like faking their way backstage. Second person of color, a bouncer. Oh, there you go.

So and they make him look like an asshole. Like, so, yeah, they steal this jacket and then she does a spell to make herself the most popular girl in school And then she's she's so fucking popular And there's this great montage where she's just going around school being loved by everyone and it's to this song I'm gonna take a dream into a real fantasy. I'm gonna be the most popular girl. I'm gonna change my hair. I want to be the most popular girl so bad. So there is a rapidness that I transcribed, because we got to talk about the 80s for a

second. So they the gross quotient on this goes up immediately because then Rhett and his group of I don't know, a bunch of like actual Latin dudes they found and was like here where this plaid because someone someone finally saw someone of color and was like, here, wear this plaid because someone finally saw someone of color and was like, oh, put them in that. And so he rolls up and he's like, hey, hey, sugar, won't you ride with us? Come on, pretty baby, don't you put up a fuss.

Looks like you really caught my eye. Jump in the car so that we could all fly. Be cool, baby, don't you put up a fight whether it's a Wednesday or a Saturday night. We like you to come into our world because every cool guy needs a popular girl. It is upsetting. And that is also where I kind of got that grease thing of like, what is it with just like gangs of dudes running around

asking like singing about women putting up a fight? Dog, I just think I queefed out my whole period. Right now, that's so crazy. Hell yeah. The world's trash, anyway. She's just walking the whole time while she's getting cat called, like, you mean me? Oh yeah, that's right.

She's just walking down the street. And then, and then there's later, She walks into a class and everyone claps for her. And then later she's outside of her house and all her fans are out there and they're just holding up signs that say Louise. It's just her first name. It's not like we love you or Louise for president. It's just holding up signs that say Louise. And she wrote her name.

It's so crazy. Wait, we have skipped over a very weird scene that I think about. Oh sure, yeah, it's so crazy. Wait, we have skipped over a very weird scene that I think about. Oh sure, yeah, sweet. I've been thinking about since last night when I watched this. So our boy, Brad, who is still with the blonde girl, but like taking our girl Louise places,

takes her to an abandoned house. Oh yes, on the list, that's actually, so all of her fans are outside. Yeah, let's talk about it now. All of her fans are outside and she like escapes. And he's like, hey, I thought I could give you a ride. And they go to the creepiest fucking Sawtrap house. Fucking tetanus city.

Yeah. I actually wrote down, like she takes her shoes off in defiance of tetanus.. I actually wrote down like she takes her shoes off in the files everywhere. Yeah, she's wearing like high heels going up this mountain to yeah a fucking place where jigsaw tortures you. He immediately takes it like she goes and sees his shirt is off and she's like instead of of like, you know, thinking, cause she has no, she has no idea of like

having a fear of her own life. Clearly we can tell by the thing. They fucked, right? That's what happened. They fucked. Like come on. Yeah, I think they say, like, she goes home and she's like, he kissed me and it's like,

but you have sex in this filthy house. There's a lot of laying down and rubbing. It feels like you fucked in an abandoned house. Everyone knows, if you take. It feels like you fucked in an abandoned house. If you take your shoes off, you fucked. Just rolling around in exposed insulation. They spend what felt like 10 minutes just walking slowly around each other, like two caged animals trying to decide

if they're going to fight. And they do this before finally they break eye contact and lay down and start clearly about to bang. Yeah're going to fight. And they do this before finally they like break eye contact and like lay down and start like. Yeah, they lay down. Yeah. Like who needs to make out like laying down unless you're going to do something else? I don't know. Maybe I sound like a mom from the 90s. But like the other thing is.

I don't know. He did this pose against the wall that told me, oh, we fucking. Where it's like he's got the both thumbs are in both belt loops and there's no there's no belt, baby. No belt. And and he's got one leg bent up against the wall and the other one straight. And I'm like, oh, my God, he's a Calvin Klein model. He is.

What the fuck? Like. Yes, it's like revolution, like 90, just like posing. Yeah. And just waiting. Why don't you Tommy Hilfinger me, like right here in this house. He definitely touched it.

I'll make you wet story. There it is. Thank you, Matt. I'll make you win. Story. There it is. Thank you, Matt. I'll make you wick seal. Thank you, Matt. Okay. That's a little fucked up.

So this, you know, so she's getting everything she wants. She gets like the lead in the school play. She's like, break a leg to the lead, and the lead breaks her leg. Ha ha ha. But her. That was fucked, actually. That was totally fucked, I know.

Yeah, so she's like taking things away from everybody else. Her friend is like mad at her for being popular and forgetting her one friend. Well, if that bitch wanted to be popular, she'd get rid of those fucking hats. So of course. That's on her, obviously. Oh yeah, would you call those the worst hat?

Oh! Oh. We got a sting. The worst hat. There it is. Yeah. It stings in this episode. Yeah, at least Blossom put a flower on that shit. Yeah, do something. Be quirky.

Do something. Yeah. Listen, Polly walks so Blossom could run. OK, now that bitch looked like she was going to do. Come on, Eileen. Like she didn't look like she was there to like be a teen girl. So, yeah, so she's getting everything she wants, but she's still sad. Brad asked her to the dance and he he she she doubts that he like be a teen girl. So yeah, so she's getting everything she wants, but she's still sad. Brad asked her to the dance,

and she doubts that he likes her for her. So I- Danielle, you have a thought. Because this is the moment when you kind of go, because she's talking to Zelda, and she's like, he kissed me, but why? And of course my brain is like, because he wanted to fuck, girl.

But she's like, but how do I- Not that serious. It's not that, cause he wanted to fuck girl. But like, she's like, but like, how do I? It's not that serious. It's not that serious. He wanted to fuck. And Zelda's like, because he like loves you. And she's like, yeah, but like, I don't know. Is it because of the spell?

And in my brain I'm like, ah, here it comes. Here comes consent. We're going to talk about some good consent. Let's go consent. And then she's like, yeah, cause I just don't know. I'm like, consent, consent, consent. Cause she's like, but what happens when the spell ends and he doesn't like me anymore? And I was like, oh, we I just don't know. I'm like, can say, can say, can say. She's like, but what happens when the spell ends and he doesn't like me anymore?

And I was like, oh, we were so close. We were so close. We almost. We were in the neighborhood. You know, it's right around the corner, but it's like, no, her main thing isn't like, hey, is it OK if I'm making this person love me? Her main thing is like, but when the spell ends,

he's not going gonna like me anymore. And that's terrible for me personally. As soon as she takes a bath, it's good that Brad never bathes. It's good that no one in that high school ever bathes. Filthy fucking kids. Well, the other thing is she keeps talking about how do I know if they like me for me?

And I'm like, bitch, you don't have a personality. Like the entire movie, I'm like, bitch, you don't have a personality. Like, the entire movie, I'm like, who is you? Like, I don't know if you know who you are. Yeah, she's a very just, like, generic teen, I think, you know? So you can put your experience under her, but she has, like, no... The only person in her... Well, it's true, but the only person in her family

who knows who they are is her weird brother. Like everyone else is just kind of like, I just walk in rooms and I wear sweater. Like that's about it. I wear sweater, I ask if anyone need thing. Yes! She can make people disappear and also there's a scene where she controls the weather. Like her power set is fucking, she's a god.

She has so much destructive power. Word. By the time they get to top that, she doesn't even need to say spells or pick out or use tools. She just feels it, yeah. She just feels it and she's like, rubs her silver jewelry, chunky necklace,

and is like, there we go, you can rap now. So yeah, so we're kind of about at the end of the movie. We're at the school's sixth Dance of the Month. They go to one more dance. She goes with Zelda. Cute moment, but you brought an adult to your high school dance, that's weird. But you know, very cute.

I can't see her though. No, you know, yeah, maybe Zelda is a figment of her imagination. You know, well, can I just say that Zelda looks a lot like my grandmother? Oh, very tiny lady, if you can believe it, and similar voice and similar outfits. So did you did you steal all the height from your grandma? Because I did, too. I stole it from my dad's side of the family.

I mean, but the titties came from that tiny ass grandma. Yeah, let's go grandma. Yeah, yeah. Tiny bitch, big titties, let's go. Let's go. This way we don't wobble or fall down. So she decides, she like throws the necklace away and then decides just to be herself.

Well, she didn't throw it away. She gave it to our Zelda. She gave it to Zelda, which means something based on the magic rules of this movie, who knows? Zelda is gonna wreak havoc. Yeah, Zelda's about to be a fucking problem. It's like those people who are always like, if I win the lottery, I won't tell you, but there will be some.

So I'm about to get a magic BBL like Zelda going to go get her a new Zelda is going to one division that town. Oh, hell yes. Well, Zelda multiverse of madness. Yeah, exactly. Well, Zelda had like, you know, she took over like she had Louise turn a frog into a hot man You can't you can't speak but he can ribbit and it's like, oh talk about good Yeah, this whole town is gonna be ribbiting pretty soon. This frog want to get fucked. I don't know

Well, you bad to you hop on pop As she takes out the necklace she throws it and like the spot follows it. And that's how you like, no. Oh, my God. OK, so that's that's teen witch. We want it. We were going to rank it. But first we have to do the Hunk Watch. It's Hunk Watch.

I don't I probably don't have the strongest opinions for this movie. I'll just say I think that's kind of a hunk. Can he rap? No. Can he dance? Absolutely not. But he's quite handsome. He's a nice middle aged man. Emily, I think I think we can guess what yours is. But do you want to make it official? What is it? What do you think? Is it David? Is it nerdy, nerdy, nerdy, nerdy David?

A pompadour, nerdy bow tie David? Yeah, it's nerdy David. Pompadour nerdy David. Yeah. Yeah, gorgeous. I think Brad is hunky to me because he's like 25, but he's like 80s 25, which means he looks 20, 25, 40. So for me, it's like, yeah, you're pretty, that's hot. I'd let you work on my portfolio. Like whatever is your portfolio. Oh, you got a portfolio.

Yeah, I got a portfolio. OK, Danielle, we got another. And some spreadsheets. We're going to have to like have an episode about Hunk Watch where we have you show us your spreadsheet. But I'll show you my spreadsheet. That's not only Hunk's. That's not. Oh, you got to. Yeah, you got gotta pay for that.

That is not in the main feed. Alright. Matt, did you have any opinions on the hunks of this film? Zelda. Yeah. She's, you know, this house is clean, you know what I mean? What the fuck? Magical coincidence, I did, I last night watched

Poltergeist before I watched this. Oh, wow. First of all, Poltergeist is a great movie. Why did you watch Poltergeist? You'll be shocked to hear to talk about it on a podcast. Coming soon to Goosebuds. You'll hear my thoughts on Poltergeist. So great to see Zelda in two great roles back to back.

Yeah, two equally iconic roles. Two equally iconic roles, which we all remember, which we are equally good. Yeah, we know all the good lines that she had in Teen Witch. This witch is teen. I will say the only moment that I got very emotional in this movie was when there's this Louise goes to visit Zelda and talk about how she's, you know, feels overwhelmed at the, you know, popularity and things that don't feel real.

And then she sits in Zelda's lap in a chair and then they laugh at it. They're like, ha ha ha, that's so silly. I'm littler than you, even though I'm older than you. And they switch places and Zelda sits in her lap and they hug each other and like, oh, I cried about it. It was so cute. I want a movie about their relationship. Like I just love them so much.

It was so cute. I do want to see the havoc that they wreak on the town because it's like because like Louise has like one year left. She's not a senior. She's a junior. I would I would have loved to have seen a movie that it's just about like them. Like, I know fucking eight 24. Make that horror movie. It may be if it was connected to Teen Wolf.

Like this would have been amazing. But of course, the universe idea and the connected universe. The teen from the Black Lagoon. The teen from the Black Lagoon. Oh, my God. I'm just embarrassed about my gills. Gills are beautiful, honey. Finger my gills. Sorry. No, don't apologize. Why would you apologize?

Well, those are the hunks. We have to rank this movie on a scale of one to ten super loud commercials We're gonna do it after a break but to go into a break I want to play one more one more little piece of audio. There's something Emily found This is the actor who played Peggy on the glamour magazines Oh, excuse me this is the actor who played Polly on Glamour magazine's YouTube channel This is like a couple years ago She redid the rap from top that and fucking fucking nails it

So yeah, let's go into a break on that Yeah, they disconnected not respected who would ever really want to go and top that such a waste of pretty face But hanging in your know-where space. I wish that you would really take a look and stop that. Top that. Stop that. I don't really give a about trying to top that. Top that. Top that. I wish you would really take a look and stop that. We're back! It's Free With Ads! We're here with Danielle Radford from Tights and Fights. We're gonna rank Teen Witch on a scale of one to 10 super loud commercials, but first I want to tell you

about how you can listen to some fun bonus content from free with ads, Tights and Fights, and all the great shows on Maximum Fun. You go to maximumfun.org slash join. You join to sign up to support the network. It's as little as five bucks a month, and you get to hear all kinds of cool bonus content, including our TV recap episodes where we watched as little as five bucks a month, and you get to hear all kinds of cool bonus content, including

our TV recap episodes where we watched a bunch of cool episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Danielle Radford, have you done any cool bonus stuff for Tights and Fights that folks can hear? Oh yeah, we've done a bunch of cool bonus stuff that I didn't think to write down. I know I've been in a bonus episode or two. You have been in a bonus episode or two. You have been in a bonus episode. In fact, we made you watch a movie which was fantastic for me personally. We had you watch one of the WWE remakes of an old movie that was really fun. We also have episodes going back in

a bonus episodes where we like recast musicals with wrestlers. We've done, I think we have we done Les Mis yet? I know we've done Hamilton. We've done quite a few where we'll just like recast them. Wait, wait, wait, Les Mis? Like who's in it that's? Oh, they do fantasy casting with wrestlers. Fantasy casting, yeah. So we think like what wrestlers would be, Sean Fletcher.

Oh my God, I have to listen to this. This is a genius idea. Oh my God. Okay. So much fun. Maximumfun.org slash join. You hear all the bonus episodes. And of course go to maxfunstore.com

to check out our merch. Okay. I'm going to listen to all of this dude. It's so much fun. We go off cause we're all also musical nerds cause wrestling is basically musicals except instead of singing, it's fighting. So like.

Daniel Radford, we'll let you speak first on behalf of Teen Witch. You are maybe the biggest Teen Witch fan, I know. On a scale of one to 10 super loud commercials, what do you give this movie? I just gotta make, is one good? 10 is the best, 10 being the best. How many commercials would you watch?

I would watch, I would watch 11. I would watch 11, so 10, yeah, yeah. This is one of my favorite movies of all time. We occasionally give a floating 11, and it sounds like Teen Witch in your book is that floating 11. That's me, that's me, baby. One of my favorite movies of all time,

one of the movies that really shaped how I I judge what a good bad movie is. It's it's one of the four pillars for me. Do you know the other three pillars off the top of your head? Oh, those are the other three pillars. And I have to always tell people this. I do know what good movies are. These are two different lists. I just got it because people are always like, you like bad movies. I'm like, I have two different lists.

So you are at the right podcast for this. Thank you. Spicy and sweet. You got to. Yes. Yeah. So, yeah, it's it's this. It's Mortal Kombat, which is some people think it's also like a good, good movie. Daniel, it's it's The Last Dragon. And recently, another movie is starting to climb into my heart. I don't know if it's a pillar yet,

but it wants to be, it's Megalopolis, it's getting there. It wants to be a pillar. It wants to be a pillar, it's so. God, that movie was so amazing. I saw it with a friend who was very upset at it, but I was like, this is so much fun for me personally. Did you see it with the guy standing up in the theater and talking on the screen?

No, they didn't have it at the Alamo, I was so upset. Emily, Teen Witch, one it at the Alamo. I was so upset. Emily, Teen Witch, one to 10 super loud commercials. First of all, Danielle, this is the only reason I want to see Megalopolis. I think you are it. You are the reason. And I, based on your taste level, I trust you and I believe in it.

It's like someone made a Batman musical and then like someone told Baz Luhrmann to make a Batman musical and then fire and then like lost the rights to Batman halfway through. Bitch, I am sold. Anyway, I think that the way you described it of the pinnacle of bad, good movie totally describes this movie.

I'm not going to give it a 10. I'm going to give it a nine. I think I don't care about the like making sense. I don't care about any of it. I love the rapid pace of which things move. And they're like, you get it. Like, I just got to go.

She's got a necklace. She's magic. Whatever they get. They just go, you get it. You'll move along with it and get to the makeover. That's what you're here for. Yeah. Hell yeah, baby.

Get to the next denim to to is all what we're trying to do. And honestly, I had an amazing time. I don't care if it makes sense. It's how I feel about a lot of these 80s semi musicals. I had a blast watching this movie again. It's a nine. Also, it's a big nine because of the little brother, like crazy performance.

We didn't even talk about the scene where he's wearing a little bellhop outfit and he gives her breakfast and that's so funny. Yeah, he irons her homework. He's amazing. So yeah, I and bed, so funny. Yeah, he irons her homework. Irons her homework. He's amazing. So yeah, I love this movie so much. I plan to watch it every single year at Halloween and maybe just for the fuck of it on Easter.

Matt Lee, first time with Teen Witch, what'd you think? I liked it. Here's the problem. The movie itself. Oh God, here we go. Listen, I thought the plot of it was fine enough. But then the music happened. And as someone who's a big New Jack Swing guy, I was like, yeah, all right,

this movie's got some funk to it. Lots of vibes. So as a white man, I was vibing out, really moving my feet. So I'm going to give it a seven. Oh, you know what? That's as much as you can ask for New Jack's swing without a single Tony involved.

That's right. No one named Tony. There was no spelling of Tony. No spelling of Tony. No, no Tony. There was the guy I had a Hedora on, and he looked like a Tony from the Sopranos type guy. You know what I mean?

So yeah, giving it a seven. I'm gonna go nine too. I'm with you there, Emily. I think this is a like good, bad cult classic. You know, I think everybody like about our age kind of knows about this movie. If you don't, watch it. Don't just experience the clips.

Experience all the thing. Yeah, it rules. It is that weird thing where at once it is being intentionally funny and working and then being unintentionally funny and also working. It's just, it's a super fun roller coaster. Yeah, great Halloween watch. I do think there is a specific thing I want to suggest

to people who are watching it with other people. Don't ask questions. Just let it go it go over you. But I watched it with someone who was like, wait, why is it? I'm like, shut the fuck up. Just watch it. Like, let it go. Yeah, just apply like any movie that like any like a Freaky Friday

or like any Disney Channel kind of magic movie. Like it's got those rules in that there are no rules. Let it go. Look, ain't no rule says a witch can't be teen. So like, just don't stress about it. Well, yeah, that's that's Teen Witch. We loved it. Let's do a little plug in before we go. Daniel Radford, thank you so much for for being on this pod.

One of the funniest around. Tell us about Tights and Fights and whatever else you wanna plug. Yeah, if you are into wrestling, like wrestling, we do weekly podcasts where we do some recaps of what's happening in the wrestling world. We cover some news, we talk about just some broader topics, and we have a lot of fun,

because a lot of it is us making fun of wrestling in a way in which I think I'll never be taken seriously as a wrestling journalist, which is perfect for me. Also, if you like things where I am on and being a silly little goofy guy, I do a bunch of stuff on dropout. So if you have a dropout subscription, an episode I just did of I'm actually like just came out like the day that we're shooting this, taping this. And then I've also got some other stuff coming out and a bunch of stuff that's over there on the platform.

So if you've ever been on Dropout and you thought maybe you saw me, you did. Go watch the thing I did. Emily, got anything coming up? I do. I will be a special guest on the Lemon Pepper Wet improv show at the Elysian on... Is it the Elysian or the Elysian? Elysian. Elysian, I believe.

Elysian? Are they French or what? They're on LA's beautiful East Side. Yeah, I love that theater. I will be performing with Lemon Pepper Wet on June 25th at 9.30 PM. And yeah, I'm terrified. I don't do a lot of improv. You're gonna be great.

But I have been requested to be there. And if you wanna watch something that is 50-50, do it. All right, Daniel Radford, thank you so much for being on our show, Tights and F fights, dropout TV, all that stuff. One of the funniest there is. I said it before, I'll say it again. Okay! Tune in next week when our movie will be No Country for Old Ben. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,