Free With Ads - Tombstone

Episode Date: September 2, 2025

We are without our anchor Jordan Morris this week, so Emily and Matt took their ADHD medication and watched Tombstone, the hunk-filled 90's western starring Kirk Russell and Val Kilmer.Tune in next week when our movie will be... Hell Comes To Frogtown.-----Watch Emily Have You Seen This? on Mythical SocietyOr watch Emily on Mythical KitchenAlso buy some stuff from Emily's ETSY page FlemGemsSee Matt Lieb and friends at the Bell House in Brooklyn October 13th.

This is free with ads. podcast that asks the question, why pay $5 on nearly any streaming service to watch Gunslinger, a Western starring Nicholas Cage with a 5% Rotten Tomatoes rating, when you can go online for free and watch a Western so packed with 90s hunks, it'll blow the saloon doors right off their hinges. I'm Emily Fleming. And I'm Matt Leeb. Today's movie is Tombstone, the 1993 American Western that combines the sex appeal of handlebar mustaches, and clammy pale tuberculosis skin all in one Val Kilmer package.

With us usually is super co-host Jordan, but he's feeling a little under the weather this week, so it's just your girl and super producer, The He Freak, Matt Leaves, shooting us with a pistol full of drops. You're a daisy if you do. You're a daisy if you do. I love the many allusions to daisies in this. I know. Yeah, there's a lot of, yeah, there's some good lines in here.

I'm also, so I must tell the listeners, I've never done this with just Matt. I know. This is scary. This is scary for us. Because we both, we both have severe ADHD. ADHD. Not the kind that, like, Jordan is our, is our, is our papa. Yeah, he's our, he's our anchor, you know, he's the backbone. He is, he like, is the organized one who guides us through the movie. He watches the movie. He remembers the movie.

Yes. And then we remember parts of it when he says the things he remembers. And we go, oh, yeah. And then that happened. That's what we usually do. Yeah. But now it's just us.

Yeah, we both had to watch the movie like intently. So, hey, we're going to do our best out there, ladies and gentlemen. We are. We're going to do our best. So if it meanders in weird ways that it doesn't always.

Good. That's just the way it is today, guys. It'll be fun. Okay, yeah, I think so. I think so, too. But before we talk about this movie, which is as of recording, streaming free with ads, we're going to talk about something else we saw. We're free on the internet this week.

On their free stuff. Shit. It scared me that time. My bad. It's going to be about the movie we were talking about earlier in the intro about. It's a Nicholas Cage's movie that came out this year. called Gunslinger. It came and went.

I don't know if it even got to theaters. I have no idea. But the fun thing is, while you do have to pay to watch the movie, and I think I will pay to watch it at some point because it seems insane. It's Nicholas Cage. I mean, if it's an insane Cage movie,

I'm pretty much going to pay for it. But it's insane in a new way for Cage, because what is free is going on TikTok and listening to what his character sounds like. So hit it. I should ask for Jericho. Jericho will be back soon. I'm looking for a man.

This is interesting. This book. Survival. Try to read it is good. I'm looking for Thomas. Come on. He's trying to read it. It's good.

The whole movie does this. Yes. The whole movie. Yes. Hold on. Let's keep playing it. dramatically looking to the side of the bar he's not here

I can't imagine I can't imagine the director and writer producers everyone who was like oh my God you guys we did it we got Nick Cage to be the lead

we got him to play you know fucking gravel boys. They must have been furious at this choice. No, I don't think so. Because Heather Graham is the other one in that scene. Oh, that's Heather Graham? Yeah. And everyone else is, I know I love her, but Eddie,

everyone else in this movie is doing kind of a Western vibe. And she's like, hi, I'm Heather Graham. I'm looking for Jericho. And you're like, okay. So I guess everyone else is just kind of showing up. and he went listen they're coming for Cage we're going to give him something different and every time he's in one of these movies though that are like super bad it's always the like you know the name cards like starring this this and this and

Academy Award winner Nicholas Cage which they do that in the trailer for this and I'm like don't blame the Academy for this I love that I love that there and and by the way and someone good we swear to God not not doing anything he's not going to do anything weird, nope. Come see the movie and find out how not weird it is. It is absolutely audible. You can understand it. He's serious. Read the Bible. It's good. I literally, I can't even do an impression of this voice without severely injuring my vocal cord. I know. You know what he's doing? It sounds like he's doing an impression of an impression of someone doing Marlon Brando and the Godfather one.

100% It sounds like May your first child Be a masculine child That was pretty good Matt Yeah no I'd heard a lot though

You know I can only do so much There's a little bit more What else does he say He's true I'm not lying The graveyard On your end you down

He's also got a little bit of like Like jazz man in there Like, or like Delta blues guy. Yeah, he's, skibid-dib-d-y-jum-d-du-top. But, like, dude. Oh, man, that is, that is wild. Good for him.

Yeah, we'll leave a link to that TikTok. Absolutely. Link in description for that one. God damn it. It's so funny. I hope that becomes free with ads because I would really like to see him. I mean, the fact that it's not right now is fucking criminal. It is.

Yeah, it's honestly, like, what are we doing, like depriving the world of this weird-ass performance in a movie called Gunslingers? Exactly. What are you guys going to do? Get the money back in the back end from DVDs? It's not going to happen. You're never going to get the money back that you paid Nicholas Cage to be in this. So just give it to us. Give it to us.

Give it to him. Give it to him. All right. So, Tombstone. I'm very excited. I have watched this movie before. Have you watched it? Yes.

I've seen this movie one other time, and it was within the last couple of years, I tried it. Because I saw a little bit of it as a kid. I remember it was like either on TV or it was like a rental or something that my dad got. And as a kid, I just kind of had like a blanket, no Westerns policy. I just hated Westerns. I was, I didn't understand. I think as a kid, they seemed boring to me too. Yeah, it seemed like old people entertainment,

like cowboys and Indians. I was always like, that's really boring. I'm more of a mighty morphine power rangers guy. Exactly, exactly. Which is a Western, if you think about it hard enough. Yeah, it's like, Westerns, to me, were just like, okay, so it's just guys with guns, but no one's going to throw a single kick.

No one knows how to jab. No one knows how to do, you know, cool Hadookans. Come on. I don't know. There were some good bitch slaps going on in this movie.

There were some good bitch slabs. And I appreciated them very much and I was like, ooh, that's kind of hot. Especially the bitch lapping a surprisingly rotund Billy Bob Thornton. I know.

We're going to get to that. I'm excited. This is the most stacked cast of dudes from the 90s. I can't believe. And more and more people keep popping up

and you're like, what the fuck? He said, like two lines. You're like, why was he? Yeah. So I... It's crazy.

I should know a lot more about the historical backstory to this because I did do a very recent episode of Meals of History on Mythical Kitchen. About the Old West? About Dodge City, which is where our lead, Wyatt Earp, is moving on from, because he was the sheriff of Dodge City in Kansas. Oh, cool. And then he's making his way to Tombstone. to start anew with his brothers and his ladies.

Like, well, he's one lady. Each brother has a lady. And, like, they don't want to be lawmen. They're done with being lawmen. It was hard. They don't want to do it anymore. Yeah, they're trying to live that ACAB lifestyle. Yeah.

So I, and my character in Meals of History is named Wyatt Burp. Very good. Very good. Thank you. Thank you. Go to the Mythical Kitchen YouTube channel. You can watch a full hour of Wyatt Burp. Yeah, of Wyatt Burp.

and a bunch of, like, information about Dodge City that I don't remember. Like, just like Jordan, my other Papa is Josh Scherer, who knows all the real information. And then I put on a stupid outfit and a fake mustache and come out and go, like, what's the food like? People like you and me rely a lot on people to be the backbone of our life, you know. If it's not Jordan on this podcast, then it's my wife. So, you know, it's kind of, you need someone who's, like, good at organizing and remembering and planning and all that stuff. I am so fucked.

That's why Jenna Purdy has my location on her phone at all times. That's hilarious. Because I may not get somewhere on time, but we'll know if I'm dead or not and where. She's got an Apple tracker somewhere on your person. No, my phone is always being, it's her and my sister and my mom. They know where I am. That's great. I love that.

But yeah, this movie, I, again, I, like, didn't really watch it as a kid, but I think I saw a little bit of it. Same with, like, Quick in the Dead, where I was just like, I don't care. This seems boring. Ooh, never seen that. Yeah, I mean, I kind of want to watch it now because after seeing this movie as, like, a fully formed adult, I was like, oh, wait, maybe I like Westerns. Westerns are cool, man. Me too. It's our old age. Like we're, instead of our parents, the boomers had a World War II, I think, fetish, like history, history buff thing.

I think we're going to do like the Wild West kind of stuff. We're going to be Wild West people. Wild West and like, yeah, exactly. I think that's what it'll be. You know what? Maybe I'll give Wild Wild West another chance. Dude, if we could watch Wild Wild West for this fucking podcast. That would be sick.

I love that. We can't do it right after this because that's too many Westerns. Yeah, no. unless we like picked a month that was like you know somehow are there any months that start with w there's no w months it has to be something close though i mean the alliteration was what makes it fun but oh yeah hey if you got any ideas for what we should call our western month oh yeah please at maximum fun dot org please december gunslinger oh december slinger uh let's see how do you know if jordan

listening to this he is just dying he's going insane he because you know he has like three puns ready to go he's got it all ready um well anyway i think that i'll get this started i mean i definitely am obsessed with western stew i've i've watched um godless is a great western series on uh netflix i highly recommend the english is really good i do i do like yellowstone deadwood is fantastic if you've ever seen deadwood is we got some of the actors from deadwood in tombstone dead was amazing I highly recommend all of those things and also sinners I think is a pretty good

oh yeah sinners is great too great movie but yeah love westerns but this one is pretty damn good itself so it's going to start out in 1879 the civil war has ended and this is when Wild West is popping off with crime gambling you know drinking yeah killing and there's one of the I guess one of the first representations of organized crime in America is the cowboys, which is a gang,

which really we couldn't get a different, like, I mean, you know, I kind of get it. It's like, you know, a word. What about cow men, you know? Yeah, first of all, it is funny to call yourself a boy in your own, like, gang, you know, and just like, you're going to infantilize yourself. Like, a lot of these guys are like 40. Yeah, I know. Gather around boys. I'm a cowboy. Yeah. Gather around boys, let's kill the Mexican police.

Yeah, exactly. Let's kill a priest. We're just little boys. Yeah, that's our first intro to the cowboys is they just shoot up a wedding of Mexican police officers that, like, I guess, took down some of their gang members. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then they eat their, they're, like, wedding feast. Dude, super rude. So fucked. And, but yeah, so that's so. That's so. you know they're bad guys. And then they kind of are the law in Tombstone. Like they're not official lawmen,

but they kind of run the town. Like everybody bends to their will, kind of. Yeah, because they're the ones with guns. And it feels like, you know, everyone in Tombstone is running scared. Yeah. You know, kind of classic Western thing, you know, a small, you know, gold mine town,

a boom town that has been taken over by crime. and everyone's scared and they need a hero to come out, you know, from the outside and help them. Exactly, which is what Dodge City was. So like the Earps are trying to get away from that and then they're like, fuck, I just walked right in to another one. That's got a really suck. You figure like after, you know, being in the Wild West, having this happen a few times to the Earps and Doc College, you'd figure they'd be like, I don't know, what about East? Yeah. Let's go East. Maybe I'm a man of the sea.

Yeah, maybe I'm more of, I don't know, sort of like a New England guy. Yeah. Some place where I can just kind of chill. Let's get some chowder. Yeah, get some chowder. Go, you know, go lobster fishing. Just something like normal that people do and not the like constant fear of being shot to death by a drunk. I know.

Well, there was like a big, you know, a sweeping group of people coming out to the west because of tuberculosis, they thought that the climate in the West was good for it. Right, yes. Which brings us to the fact that Doc Holliday is also in Tombstone. Yes. He's been, and he was like, he's not really a lawman. He kind of becomes it, like, later for, you know, shits and giggles or whatever. But he was, you know, he was originally a dentist, Doc Holliday.

Oh, I didn't know he was actually a doctor. I love that. Yeah. And then he, I don't know, he got tuberculosis, which. that is definitely going to happen to you if you're digging around of people's mouths in the wildness. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But also... You should wear a mask. I get really confused about tuberculosis because there are these movies where one person has it and is dying and they're making out with people and those people aren't getting it. Yeah, it's crazy like that.

You know, it also, it like seems incredibly contagious because it is. It is... It's so contagious that you can tell, bless you. it's so contagious It's my tuberculosis Yeah Oh no

You have it You immediately I coughed into my handkerchief And it is blood It is blood Oh no It's like

It is so contagious That you can tell That you've been exposed To it Just through an x-ray Like really? Yeah Yeah

When I worked at a doctor's office We used to do these TB screenings That were just chest x-rays And so like even if you never really got a, you know, real big case of it, you can, you can see it in the lungs. It's crazy like that. And so it is wild that, you know, guys with tuberculosis are just walking around. So no mask.

This is what's interesting is some people, people can have active TB in any organ of the body, but it's only infectious to others when it's in the lungs or larynx. Oh, what did you look at that? I did not know that. I didn't either because I was like, wait, this happens in like Moulon Rouge. She's got it also. And like, you're like, well, wait, why isn't everybody getting? It's so confusing. So, yeah, but there's some really great pale skin makeup on our boy.

He's got a pallidness to him the entire time. And it's weird because he's still. So sexy. The sexiest man alive. Val Kilmer, baby. I mean, it feels like a really, I would say that, you know, this is actually going to be the most, like, complicated and gut-wrenching hunk watch we've ever done. It is so crazy.

It's hard to know who is going to win for either of us. I feel like both eye sockets have tons of eyeballs that are all going Auga in, like, 50 different places. My tongue can't turn into this many stairs. It's crazy I can't keep hitting myself over the head with mallets over and over I'm going to get a concussion

Stop being hot Exactly So a few of our hot people We've got White Earp Played by Kurt Russell Major Hunk And then his brother There's two Earp brothers

And the older one is our boy Sam Elliott And then the younger one Is another hunk Bill Paxton Yes, yes. I feel like all of these people at some point have one hunk watch in other movies that we've done. Yeah, I think Bill Paxton got it for me for Titanic. I think so. I think so too. And I'm certain we've talked about Sam Elliott.

Wasn't he in Alligator One? No, he was in frogs. Frogs. That's what it was. Okay. So this is proto free with ads, the very first unaired pilot, which of course you can listen to for any. any members at mescomfund.org slash join. Yes, please join and watch or listen, watch that, listen to it. Yes.

Listen to, or watch it with your ears. Watch it with your ears. Listen to it with your heart. Yeah, so there's, Billy Zane is in this too, so there's two Titanic guys. Oh, yeah, that's right. And it's crazy.

Two Titanic guys are in this. Two Titanic, too furious. Yes. Meanwhile, Leo is not in this he was in the other hot guy western of the time i heard about that yeah people say it's uh it was good but uh you know i we should well maybe we'll get to it down the line if it's free with ads we'll do quick in the dead yeah but i mean it's it's non-stop like hunks but then there's there's some there's some babes too i don't think that any of them are very famous so i don't

quite know their names but uh yeah so we do encounter billy bob thornton pretty quickly after the Earps and our boy Doc Holiday arrive. There's a saloon and casino that's not often, you know, visited by a lot of people because there's this guy in there who's bullying everyone. And it is Billy Bob Thornton. We don't see him for very long, but it's a great scene. It's great. And he just gets bitch-slap the bunch.

A bunch. And he also, it is the only time I think that I know of that you will encounter. a not incredibly overly thin Billy Bob Thornton. I know. It didn't even look like him at first. I heard the voice is what I heard. Yeah, the voice immediately you can tell it's him. And then you look at him and you're like, holy shit, that is him.

Interesting. I've never seen him with like pounds packed on. Yeah. This is 1993. So he was probably like, you know, having a bit of a down period. Yeah. You lose a lot of weight when you date Angelia Jolie, I guess. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, so he started, you know, wearing her blood around his neck. Yeah, he didn't have any blood in his body. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, it is crazy. She popped him like a tick. He was just like, he's puppy and then she popped him. And this is like pre-Slingblade.

So it was pre-Billy Bob Thornton becoming like a household name. Oh, I guess I thought that Slingblade was before this, but that's cool. Yeah. Boy, this movie didn't fuck around. It also had Jason Priestley in it for a little bit. Yes. Like why? Yeah, it's crazy.

Just taking our break from 90210 to be in a Western. I know. Cool. Poor guy. He didn't have much of a part. He did just fine, but yeah, he didn't have much to do. He was in it, though, and that's what matters. And then also there's a character, one of the bad guys who, you know, we'll get to.

Yeah. Whose name is Johnny Ringo. Johnny Ringo is he's got a very nice handlebar mustache. Everybody does. Literally everyone. Yes. Everyone looks fantastic. But he for you know a couple of years now since the first time I saw it

I thought that was Timothy Oliphant. Oh! Yeah like the lead from Justified, the lead from my entire body knows who he is. Okay, good. I have a reaction when someone says to be the olivant. So that's kind of puzzling to me when you say that guy looks like him. I'm like, what the fuck are you talking about?

I just, the first time I saw it, I was like, oh, Timmy the Oliphant's in this. And then at some point while I was watching this movie, I was like, there's Timit, wait, this can't be him. He's not, there's no way he's, you know, an adult at this point in his career. I mean, you know, he was doing the movie Go at some point. yeah yeah but he certainly wasn't he was not played no it was the guy named uh michael uh b i e h n bain bn okay hollywood makes everyone change their names and he just stuck with that i don't know you should go with johnny wringo it's a better name go with johnny wringo for sure um our main villain from the cowboys is curly bill brobrosius curly bill brocius yes i really wish jordan was here so we could

come up with a bunch of Western, like, villain names? Ah, well. Crooked Bob Billabong. Yeah, we could do it ourselves off the top of our heads. It'll be just as good. Fuck all y'all. Elypsies, Caroline, cuntfucker. Yeah, that's good.

Thank you. All right, so we kick this shit out of Billy Bob Thornton, which also sounds like he could have been a Western villain with that name. So he takes that table from Billy Bob Thornton. He's now running a card table in this saloon casino. That's kind of Wyatt Earp's gig right now. My favorite thing is when he slapped the shit out of Billy Bob Thornton, his mouth is bleeding. And he goes, you're going to do something or just stand there and bleed?

I was like, God damn, that's what I'm like when I'm on my period. Somebody's going to do something. I'm like, can I just sit here? Yeah. Can I sit here and bleed? I just want to sit, like, raw dog a toilet and just, like, just sit for two days. As someone who's been punched in the face before, if someone said that to me, I would be like, no, I'm not sure going to stand here and bleed. I'm also going to stand here and cry. Because I can't help but cry when.

Oh, wow. You know those old cries? That is a good cry when you're, oh, you can't. I feel like I haven't. had one of those like childish panic cries in so long i don't want to i have i have i try to get one in at least like twice a year i'd say yeah that's nice god those feels so good and that's when you were a kid in school they'd always be like now let's count a 10 i'm like book you i can't like no count and then they're like let's get a paper towel and put some water on it and then put it on

their face like that ever fucking did anything for anyone all right Calm down. Try doing a tongue twister. How much would, would Chuck, Chuck. Peter Piper. Yeah, I think that that might be an ADHD thing, by the way, just like overall panic mode.

Okay. Because I would just get overwhelmed and like have a tantrum about nothing at school to the point where I was could not stop crying. And then they'd have to put my face in a sink of water. Sure, sure, sure. And honestly, face in a sink of water is amazing. Highly recommend. I'd do it to this day.

So Doc Holliday, they're sweaty tuberculosis, sexy face. Very sexy. He's been buddies with Wyatt Earp for a very long time, ever since they were, like, super young, didn't look into how they met, but I'm sure it's great. Then they all go to entertainment. There's like a saloon theater, and there's a theatrical little group that comes to town,

and they do Shakespeare in the saloon, why the fuck would they think this place? As soon as the first... They liked it eventually. Yeah, no. As soon as the first guy, though, opened fire, I'm calling it. That's it.

End of show. I mean, listen, I know the show must go on, but there are limits. There are. Yeah. And then, like, you know, one guy, like, leaves the stage, and then we see Billy Zane traveling actor. And he does, you know, some dramatic monologue from one of the Shakespeare, you know, plays.

God, it was, I wanted to shoot him. I'm sorry, I know that everybody, that Shakespeare's good. I know we're supposed to enjoy it. But if it's not Leon Claredain's, I don't want it. I mean, I like some of it, but it's just like, I don't know. It just doesn't feel like I'm watching a human. It looks like I'm watching somebody who, like learned about the English language from space.

Yeah, it's like homework. I get it. Yeah. As an adult now, I, I, when I do, you know,

watch like a very old play or, you know, some, some Shakespeare. I find myself understanding it and enjoying it. But yes, it also feels like homework. And they all love it.

They're watching it like enraptured and literally it like, I think they were going to kill him. And then they were like, nah, Which, good for him. Because the devil, the devil comes out. This hot lady is playing the devil. And she's a hot lady actress.

I think Josephine is her name. She's going to be a love interest for Wyatt Earp, who is already married to a lady who loves opium. Yeah, she's a big laudanum lady. Yeah, laudanum. And, yeah. A lotnam, I just met hernum. Lottenham nuts.

A lot of knees nuts. A lot of knees nuts. Yeah, he's married to someone who has, in this movie, is basically portrayed with absolutely no humanity whatsoever. Kind of just like, you know, there's this theater woman who comes to town and immediately starts, like, hitting on him. They start, like, riding horses together. Meanwhile, you're like, he has a wife, though.

He's having a hard time. Who's having a really hard time. But you're supposed to, as if you were, would be like, well, what are you going to do? She's a, she's a, you know, a junkie. Like, don't worry, you can discard her. It doesn't matter. The movie literally ends.

It's like, oh, and by the way, the old... She died of a drug overdose. Yeah, the old, the old wife died of a drug overdose. It's like, well, that's horrible. Them's the brakes. Them's the brakes for this lady. Oh, yeah. Crazy.

Yeah, I felt so bad for her. It was almost like, you know, we've taken some historical liberties in this already. Maybe let's take the wife away. Yeah, I mean, come on. Just to make it, I don't know, like a little bit less demeaning to people who are addicts. Yeah. But in terms of people who are addicts, Curly also does opium. Curly is part of the cowboys.

Yeah. The leader kind of. Yeah, kind of the leader. It's like him and Ringo are like the two leaders. They're the two bad guy mains. And we got the dude who's from Days of Thunder in there too. Oh, yeah. Yeah, his name is Michael Rooker.

Yeah, Michael Rooker's in there. Yeah, he's up in there. And you know what? He's a hunk too. He's up there. He is. He is a hunk. But yeah, too many hunks, too much.

Too many hunks. But yeah, so our bad boy, curly boy, he's like did some opium and just goes in the street and just starts shooting the guns everywhere and into the sky and howling at the moon. And we have this wonderful Marshall, like old man who was a real man. I've heard the guy who is the marshal or deputy marshal because there is a sheriff but he's kind of just like a rich douchebag who doesn't do anything right and he's like oh no this is town business not county business yeah yeah exactly so the marshal goes out there like he's so cute cute little white-haired like roly-poly guy and tries to stand up to curly and he just shoots him in

the gut yeah kills him we knew and then you know the irp's got to be stepping up yeah sorry boys Sorry. Yeah. You forced us into it. Yeah. We were just trying to play cards and cheat on our junkie wives. But then you went and killed a perfectly normal police guy. Yeah.

And a bunch of people at a wedding. And you're definitely a problem. But yeah. So Sam Elliott's character, that's the older Erp brother, is the one who kind of steps up and starts wanting to be able. a lawman and he starts to try and enforce a weapons ban which when has that ever worked in America? Yeah I know

it is it is interesting it's like the first guy it's the first guy who tried to do a you know a no gun zone and everyone is just like immediately turns into like a MAGA Second Amendment or just like are you kidding me

you're telling me that just because people get shot for no reason all the time in this town. You're telling me you're going to take away my Second Amendment right to have a gun. On me at all times. Yeah, on me all times. Take it out, flip it around, do little tricks with it. Everyone here does tricks with guns. It's great. It's true. I mean, and I guess Doc Holliday is the best hand in the West because he's also got like kind of a sexy death wish where he's going to die. So now he's got all the balls in the world for a gunfight because he's like,

I don't care if I die. Yeah. He's so fucking. cool he's so fucking cool and he's also like sexy as fuck he could play the piano he speaks multiple languages he's very like and he's got this kind of genteel accent yeah his his mustache is a little bit more like ooh yeah it's wispy it's a little more dirty it's a little more it's not the big the big old handlebar situation we got on the other guys yeah yeah he's got sort of uh i would say it's like an adam driver you know sexy rap boy stash yes you know you know But it's still, it's very hot. I mean, like, you know, this is relative to Westerns.

It's still a fucking stash. Yeah, I love mustaches. I think they're great. Hell, yeah. Okay, so the weapons van is not going well. I think we all know. And then I just want to make a note that people do not sip whiskey in this Western town. It is just shot, shot, shot, shot.

And I'm like, I don't, in my old age, I can't really shoot liquor anymore. Yeah. Yeah. No, I mean, it is, I guess, like, thematically, it makes sense. They shoot guns. They shoot liquor. Everything is shooting. So it's fun, but also part of you goes like, hey, guys, you ever wonder why the, you know, average death of males is like 33? Like, maybe calm down a little bit, guys. At least back then they believed in getting shots, you know. Yeah, exactly. That puns for you, Jordan. Yeah. Yeah, so they do a lot of whiskey shooting.

There's also a really cute dog in the background of stuff that I keep seeing. And then he has a cool little reveal of himself later. So, yeah, Sam Elliott is really trying to enforce, you know, the stuff to try to keep peace in the town. He's telling Wyatt Earp. He's got to join up with him and the other brother who seems like Bill Pax's character is a little bit kind of naive, I'd say. he's not as like tough and he's you know I don't know the ages but I think he's so like clearly supposed to be the little brother and Wyatt is like middle and Sam Elliott is the older brother and yeah and he's the little brother Bill Paxson is he's more gung ho he's more just like yeah no let's do it let's deputize ourselves and and be the one who run run all of the cowboys out of town and and Wyatt wants nothing to do with this right well Wyatt was right Yeah, yeah. No, he should probably listen to him. He was kind of just doing this thing where he's like, not my business, which is kind of, it is crazy. Because like, at one point, when they shoot the policeman, Wyatt literally says, who cares? Who cares? Not our problem or something like that. Yeah, it's not our problem. And then Sam Elliott, he's got to be like, people.

are suffering or no it's somebody else who says that and it's like okay fuck yeah and it's crazy that I was thinking about this the other day there's those three guys in this town are the smartest men there so they have to like step up like and it makes me think about how when I'm the smartest person in a certain situation I'm like wow America has failed yeah I'm like I am not the, I am not the Earp of any room. I should not be. Yes. No, neither, yeah, if I'm ever the smartest person in every room, I'm always just like, well, actually, the feeling I always get is like, oh, I just want to never leave this room. I don't. I'm immediately like, God, is this what it's like being around me? I hate it. No, for me, I'm always just like, it's, for me, it's very,

you know, in the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king. I'm that one-eyed man. I love my blind land. Let me hang out with the blind forever. I'm basically magic to them. Well, that's exactly what our Earp boys are dealing with up in here. So the gunfight at the OK Corral you may have heard of is this throwdown shootout situation between the Earps and Doc Holliday and the guys from the Cowboys gang. Including Thomas Hayden Church. Oh, I know.

And the guy who plays Aiden from Sex of the City Fucking Aiden Fucking Aiden is in this It's so weird It's so weird How many hunks they were able to get It's like they wanted women to watch this Yeah

I wonder if they did It like I really I truly do I mean I'm I bet I bet they did Yeah I mean how can you say no to all them hunks All them hunks Inside my trunk

I will say this The only sex scene or almost sexy we get is between Josephine and Wyatt Earp's horses. Yeah, they almost fuck. They get so close to fucking. The horses, it's like, she's in season. I was like, excuse me? Yeah.

And there's like, well, I better go. And she goes, no, let's let them run it out. And I was just like, I don't know, man. Even with the running, I think they'd want to fuck. Like, as soon as you get off the horse to hang out, they fucking, but. That's so funny. The next time I get horny for a fuck boy, I'm just going to run. Just start running.

Oh, no. I'll be like, oh, don't worry. She's just trying to tuck herself out from being too horny. I'll tell the guy. Don't worry. It's a compliment. She likes you. She's not running away from the conversation.

She's running away from her libido. Okay, Skyler. It's time to go. Gidea up. Giddyup. So, yeah, there's a shootout. I guess they've all decided to step up, Wyatt, and everything. And they get, Hayden Church,

gets got real bad so many bullets in this guy it was hilarious honestly it's like it lifted him from the ground how many bullets he had pretty cool um and so i guess they killed like brothers and it was really sad and they had a big funeral and everything and then the cowboys get revenge like hardcore and uh because like you know a few of them got shot during the the okay corral like fight or whatever but they weren't fatal. But then, you know, our boy... Then it gets real bad. Or Sam Elliott gets shot in the arm.

It looks like he's going to die, but instead he just gets a dead arm. Yeah, yeah. He gets a dead arm. And he says, when he finds... When the doctor says to him, you know, he'll never have use of that arm again, he gets his wife.

He cries in her arms. And he goes, it's okay. I still got one left to hold you with. No, he says, I've still got the good one left to hold you with. Yeah, I still got the good one left to hold you with. That was pretty hot. I thought, I was like, oh, man, even when you're fucking, like, got a dead arm,

you're still mac and you're still, like, he's still operating on all six cylinders of, like, just straight, fuck energy. Well, also, any time he cries, like, Sam Elliott cries, it kills me. Like, his acting, you got to see 1883, the, it's the prequel to Yellowstone. Yeah. He, oh, God. He cries in it? It's, oh, it's so good.

His eyes get wet. Everyone else gets wet, too. He cries a lot in it, and it's really sad. But it makes me feel like when you see your dad cry for the first time. Oh, yeah. And then you're like, oh, no, big strong men. Yeah. Big strong men, fallible.

I don't like it. I don't like it. Yeah. First time I saw my dad cry, I started shaming him. I was just like, pussy, pussy. I just kept saying it. No, of course, not really. So it was so cruel

Like is that why he went to a mental institution Yeah exactly No wonder you're fucking crazy Oh yeah no But Sam Elliott Get shot And but he survives The brazen attack they do is not just against him

But they shoot up They shoot at the wives All the wives are hanging out in the living room in a parlor hanging out yeah and they and they bust in and just start like fucking shooting they didn't get him though which is good but then Bill Paxton decides to just run out into the rain to try to do something and of course he gets shot down he's an idiot yeah he gets shot and he has a really sad death scene oh my god it's it okay so you know my biggest fear I have an increasingly big fear of death it just keeps getting worse

it's like and I'm hoping eventually it'll get better again and I'll be like okay well at some point you'll be dead and then it'll be better I know but I but before that I'll be scared this is why I'll never do DMT by the way it's because like they go oh it's the talk like yeah me god or the chemical that is released as you were dying right it's like it's supposed to be like euphoric and stuff so and your body creates it naturally and I'm like then why do I want to fuck up the reserve? now I want to save that for the end when it's shit's bad like yeah that's a good point that's a good point yeah like get one last fun thing to do before right you know yeah but uh my

biggest fear though is that you're you're dead on like to people on the outside but your soul is still inside the body and could feel pain oh Jesus I know it's my biggest fear that's a pretty fucked up fear I know and then then you go in the incinerator and then you feel that too and And then, like, your dust, and then the dust has feeling. But is it every single thing of dust? Because, like, that would be. And then you're going, ah, it's just like. I mean, I feel like some of the dust, I'd be like, oh, God, you know, now I'm in the ocean.

And then some of the dust would be like, oh, no. Oh, the dust is drowning in the ocean. I'm now in the bottom of someone's shoe, you know. And now they're talking shit at me while I'm, like, shit about me while I'm on a mantle. Like, fuck this. Oh, if you have all your ashes just had to listen to all the kinds of, conversations on the mantle for the rest of eternity. Fuck this.

Exactly. And then the other one is like, I mean, I think that's the worst one. The one that's slightly less bad is that there's nothingness. And I guess that's not, you know, that's not too horrible. But I would like for there to be something and I could see my loved ones and stuff. But I would also like to not feel the incinerator as it burns my flesh. Yeah. I mean, all those options sound bad.

The only good option is you wake up and there's a big light. You go through the light and then, you know, and then it's just kind of like fuck city for eternity. Oh, yeah. Then it's in the members only part of maximum fun. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, behind the velvet rope listening to bonus content for all of eternity. Oh, I want to listen to frogs again, turning on again.

it's funnier every time i listen to it this must be heaven oh fuck anyway he says that thing where he just goes like um hey remember when i talked about how you know people see a light at the end maybe they see a light when they're dying oh it turns out that isn't real or some shit like that just goes that's a lie i don't see anything at all and then he dies it's super dark but it does kind of set up the fact that Wyatt Earp's going to go ham on these motherfuckers eventually. Yeah, it's pretty sick. It is sick.

Like, it gives Wyatt Earp a reason to go, like, full, like, vengeance mode. Yes. Which is, uh, which is a really fun part of the movie. Like, I'll admit, as I was watching it at some point, I was just like, you know, I kind of get the appeal of Westerns, but I don't know. They're just kind of move. And then he goes on a revenge spree. And I was like, oh.

I get Westerns. Exactly. We should talk about after the break. That's right. Yeah. With ads, we're talking about Tombstone, and it's about to be the exciting conclusion. This is the revenge, or as Doc Holliday likes to say, a reckoning. Yes, very cool. Which I was like, what is the difference? Oh, it's more righteous. It was one of those lines that when he said it, I wanted it. Like, I wanted to be like, that's cheesy.

But then I was like, that's the most badass line I think I've heard in a movie. in forever because that is that is way cooler than like vengeance vengeance has got this like kind of dark you know uh sinful connotation and he's like nah he's not doing this to for vengeance he's doing this because these people deserve their comeuppance it's like a yes justified in every way morally ethically spiritually i was just like that is cool and doc holidays lines in this are like they're they're really profound and and it's like again it's one of of those things that makes you think you know what westerns kind of badass kind of badass for sure okay i did want to mention that right before everybody got murdered like before his brothers got shot or maimed

and murdered there was this dog this really cute like hunting dog or something that had been sitting in the background but he was sitting up at the table in a chair oh hell yeah bill paxton was he playing cards oh okay he kind of he was at the card table and bill packs is just giving him little pieces of egg. And it was like, it's like, I fucking, it just kind of made you like Bill Cap's, packs his character even more because it seemed more childlike. Right, yeah.

He's a little brother. He wants to hang out with a dog like it's a person. Exactly. It's so cute. I hope he doesn't die and then turn into nothing. Yeah, he did. He saw nothing and he is nothing. Yes.

And so, like, there's this moment where, uh, they kind of like, you know, trick you, um, he, you think Wyatt is defeated. They literally, like, are leaving town. Yep. And he says, you know, as he's passing, curly. It's done. Yeah. He's like, it's done.

It's over. Basically, he's like, you won. And they're like kind of, you know, laughing at him. Ringo says, oh, smells like someone died. It's like truly horrific and bad. And he just, they just kind of like, you know, slump away. And you feel terrible. And then Curly is like, you know, send out.

such and such guy, you know, and finish the job. And then at the train station, Whiteer gets the jump on them. And that's when Bedlam starts. Well, he reveals that he is now, I don't know how he found the paperwork or whatever to achieve this. But he became a deputy U.S. Marshal now. so he can impose, you know, martial law.

And so is Doc Holliday, I think. No, I think Doc Holliday like steals his badge. No, yeah, that's later. That's later. But right now it is, he is, yeah, deputized. He's deputized. In the Old West, being deputized literally just meant the sheriff gives you a badge. I think that's literally all that had to happen.

No paperwork. There's no bureaucracy. Oh, I thought that a U.S. Marshall was like you could go or be a lawman in any place in the U.S. is what I thought that was. Yeah, I mean, probably. I think it's incredibly

you know, there were I don't think it was very organized. I think they literally just kind of would deputize anyone. In the 1800s, a U.S. Marshall was a federal law enforcement officer with extensive duties beyond just arresting outlaws,

including serving court documents, managing federal prisoners paying court field he's conducting the national census and providing a federal presence in front to so it's federal yeah right right yeah you can fuck some shit up like i think that you're allowed to kill people yeah no i mean yeah you're you're basically allowed to go also paperwork yeah i love the census part where like some some u.s. marshals like rooster cogburn going door to door just being like how many folks live here and then he shoots him and he goes he goes five Bang, four.

Four. I was like, don't want you, you know, getting too many congressmen representations here. How many people live here? Click, click, uh, four. Very good. The ultimate gerrymandering was the, what's the U.S. Marshals?

But yeah, it's like, you know, there is no FBI. The only federal police are the marshals. Yeah. Yeah. But so he's got a crew, some of the, some of the gangsters from the Cowboys have now swap sides and are now joined up with Wyatt Earp and Doc Holiday

which is cool. You got a new band of dudes and more dudes. They just go inflict hell. Yeah. They were saying anyone who's wearing a red bandana you know they're getting shot on site and it's just like it is just a montage of murder. Yes. Well the best was when he whoop the first guy's ass and he

had him his spur on the back of his boot yeah he stuck it in his mouth and gave him a of of joker smile like it was so crazy i was like whoa this is not the white erp yeah this one fucks yeah this is a white irp that fucks um and and yeah there's like the montage is like fucking crazy at one point they go into you're back in the opium den and some guy that we don't know oh my god this shit was crazy he thinks he's he thinks he's smoking opium from the end of the pipe and then he hears click click and he's got just a gun in his mouth and then it pans up to Wyatt Earp who pulls the trigger I was just like damn they really don't like addicts in this movie well and the crazy thing is oh that's for sure there was a speech um white Earp gave kind of resisting becoming a lawman again he gave the

speech to his brothers about how the only time he ever killed someone was like only one time and he hated it and he didn't like want to kill people that was his whole thing and now he wants it so bad he's bloodthirsty yeah now he is bloodthirsty he's just shooting everybody

and it culminates in another like grand shootout scene by a creek with Curley and Aiden from Sex in the City. Oh my God, Aiden gets toasted. Yeah, he gets fucking got pretty easily. He is probably the least, like, he doesn't know what movie he's in. Yeah.

He's kind of like smiling halfway through everything. He's too pleasantly handsome to play a rug. Yeah, I mean, it's just like, he's playing a rugged, like, thug from the Old West days. and it just doesn't work on him. No. He's not, he's not, like, grimy enough.

I think this is during the time period of Northern Exposure or something, that show, and everyone was like, my parents watched that show like crazy. I've never watched that show. I've heard it's great. But he's just so cute that you like,

I think they want you to like some of the bad guys maybe a little bit. Yeah, maybe that's it. That was the point, but he looked like he was trying not to laugh in every scene he was in. Yeah, he's just kind of,

he's just kind of, whoopsie. he's goofy he's goofy and he got shot and i was happy about that especially you know just i felt like the way he treated carrie you know yeah he's he's no big he wasn't right he wasn't right for her well i don't like any of those fuckers like well i mean big was bad too but i feel like that was true love i gotta be real with you i'm not a huge sexist city girl but none of those men are are good none of them no i mean you know i feel like I don't know.

They should just call it slim pickings in the city. It is what it is. Slump in the city. Oh, fucking hoofing it in the city. Oh, my God. I'm O for 50. I'm just fucking zeros over here. Yeah.

Although Steve was great. Justice for Steve. No. No. Steve was great. No. I love Steve. I like him because he's kind of a member.

But he's like Irish? I love him. So, yeah. Oh, yeah, killing people. Yes. Let's do Steve at the okay corral. Oh, man, you're going to try to shoot me? Yeah, yeah.

Oh, what the hell, man? What are you doing? Just because you can kill your brother? I'm like, okay, man, that's fine. It's not my weekend to shoot people. Why did you get that gun? Are you spinning around so good? I mean, my mother could come by and get the gun.

That's stupid. Oh, God. Anyway, so, yeah, the Creek shootout, we get Curly. Curly gets it. Yeah, and Curly, before you think, you know, this shootout is like, it's going different than the montage because it's not just straight, you know, abject murder. It's like they're having to, like, hide behind a thing, like, hide behind a tree and shit.

and Kurt Russell, aka Wyatt Earp, like, has a Terminator moment where bullets can't hit him. Yes, and he's just like walking straight up to Curley, who's like shooting at him and missing. And he's saying, no. Oh, my, no, that shit was so funny. Yeah, he was just straight up saying, no, no. and like it was very uh yeah it was it was just very funny to watch him just say no a bunch while he's murdering like murking all these people and yeah he shoots curly kills him you know straight away yeah and that was not the most satisfying kill in the movie though no not yet

fuck no yeah our final like best kill also charlton heston shows up for a little bit and i got bored and i don't remember why he was there Yeah, that's right. He was, because I swear at one point I was like, is that fucking Charlton Heston? Yeah. And then I was like, why? And then I think I looked at my phone for a while. That's crazy, dude.

It's like they fucking, it's, uh... You want me to take away my eyes from the phone? You'll have to take it from my cold dead hand, motherfucker. It's just crazy. It's like there was like hunks from Christmas past over there. It was just like Charlton Heston all of a sudden shows up. I'm sure his scene was important, but I just didn't give a shit. I couldn't pay it.

It says a couple of lines, not really, and not much happens, but he plays a character named Henry Hooker. Also, fun fact, there is a character named Billy Claiborne, and that actor who plays him is Wyatt Earp the third. Yeah. That's so wild. Yeah. So Wyatt. That's so quiet. But yeah, it's kind of crazy. It's just like, look at that. Well, the craziest thing I realize is that, I mean, Wyatt Earp died in 1929. Right, I know. And so he was friends with

Western actors. Right, yeah. From before that time period. Yes. Which is wild because it's like, you know, people are playing somebody who's just like, yeah, killed a lot of guys. You know? It's like, I know.

That's cool. It's also just like thinking about 1879 to 9. 1929 it's like oh fuck that's not long at all but when you it's just it I don't know time for millennials is getting tough yeah and we're kind of understanding how short everything really is we're realizing that death is just around the corner oh yeah and then you'll feel everything yeah or nothing either way it's either way it's one of those unless it's not and instead it's the the fuck mountain in the sky that's gonna be the name of our next podcast um My favorite John Denver song. Call John's Ben. Fuck Castle in the sky. That's great.

I think that's grateful dead. Either way. Anyway, so we got to kill this fucker. One guy left. Then it's Ringo. Ringo is there. He is challenging Wyatt to a duel, essentially. And our boy Doc Holiday, who is not long.

for this world. He's like not going to let his boy Wyatt Earp like go into this duel first. Yeah, because he knows he's going to lose because Ringo is a really fast gun. But also I think that Doc

wants to kill this guy. Like he wants to do it. Yeah. Because this guy challenged him. Yeah. Early on he was, he challenged him in this really funny scene at you know a card table where he's like showing off his gun twirling skills, and then, you know, basically calling out Doc Holliday.

And Doc Holliday responds with a little joke where he twirls his, like, his cup of whiskey. But I think he, like, took that to heart and was just like, I'm going to kill you for this. And I think that's why he did it. And our boy Ringo was scared. Like, he's scared, like, because I guess Doc Holliday was the fastest shooter at that time or the most prolific or something. Yeah, he was famous. He was famous, and we see why, because this is one of the most harrowing deaths. Can I tell it real quick?

Please. Okay, so he's smoking a cigarette. Tuberculosis Jones over here is kind of coughing a little bit, like a little bit, coughing a little blood on the cigarette. And it's like you know that, and they're kind of like circling each other, and you know that once he puts that cigarette out, they're going to pull the trigger. So instead of him putting the, the cigarette, he goes, you say when?

Yeah. And so he's like, they look at each other for a while, and then he pulls out the gun. And Doc Holliday shoots him in a very specific spot on the side of his forehead where he can still walk for a little while. Yeah. And he's walking like a zombie towards him. And he's like, what's the line about the daisies that you said? Yeah. And he goes, yeah, he says, you're not a daisy.

No, not at all. Yeah, and he's like, come on, come on And he's like backing away So that he's following him Yeah And so Ringo's like brain dead But then shoots the gun at the ground a couple times Like he's still trying to get his brain to work

To kill him Yeah, it is fucking It's so fucked It's so gruesome And like, yeah He like ends with a line Where he says something along the lines of like Oh, poor guy was just high strong

which like it's like oh that tuberculosis is it's really taking a toll on you there but I love it it's just like the tuberculosis is making badass lines not work as good right now but you didn't have to say anything at all he could have just picked up his cigarette walked away yeah I think that I was like thinking about what

you know if you do you're a daisy when he said early on when the guy was like oh I'm going to get you now And he said, if you do, you're a daisy. So I was trying to, like, analyze the line. And I was like, I think what that means is like, as opposed to being underground, pushing up daisies, you're a daisy, meaning you're alive. You're above ground.

Ah. And so he's saying, you know, I'm going to shoot you. And he goes, if you do, then you'll be a daisy and be alive. And if not, you're going to die. That's my guess. I also kind of thought that you would be a flower that wilts and falls down. Yeah, but it's like they're saying, you know. Or it's like homophobic.

I don't know. Well, but he's calling him not a daisy. So I assume that if you're not a daisy, it means you're underground pushing up daisies. Oh, I like that. Yeah. Either way, cool Western speak is always fun. And a fucking amazing shootout duel like death. I mean, that was so scary.

But so, you know, then we've got. And White Herb shows up going like, what the hell? You just sounded like King of the Hill. Yeah. Hey, what the hell, Bobby? Oh, Dad, I'm sorry. I got him first. You killed Ringo before I had the chair.

I thought he was dead. Give me my purse. God damn it, Bobby. That's so good, Matt. I didn't know I could do it. Holy shit, that's really good. Yeah, well, now I'll be able to bust that out at once every year. I mean, I definitely.

But, yeah, so we end up at a sanatorial. sanitarium sanitarium sanitarium sanitarium sanitarium sanatorium an auditorium for same people or he's in some sort of hospital he's dying he's in hospice uh doc holiday is dying from his tuberculosis exactly and Wyatt goes to visit him and has a little card game with him and he's still like Doc Holliday still manages to beat him somehow yeah even though Wyatt's like cheating yeah and because he's very good at cards and he tells him to go find that hot actress lady even though we're like is the wife dead what happened to the wife what are we talking about what she's just she's just getting high somewhere I guess yeah where'd you put her I don't is she in the same infirmary like where where is she I don't know but uh he's like you got to go live and all this stuff and as soon as white herb gets up to leave he dies instantly like instantly and it was one of those

kind of deaths but still looked hot and then the final scene is probably the only scene is probably the only scene in this movie that I truly did not enjoy which is he meets up with the

traveling actress lady and it's like snowing There's a snowman, and he's like, you know, I just want to be with you, you know. I just want to, you know, I don't care if we have to like, you know. Yeah, he says, I'm broke. I have nothing to offer and all this stuff. And she goes, it's okay.

My family's rich. And you're like, what? Yes, straight up. She goes, it's okay. I'm rich. The end. And there's, it's like, you know, it's very much like, you know, Christmas music is playing. And then a voiceover.

explaining just like the darkest, just all the dark backstory of like... The wife died of a drug overdose. And yeah. Yeah. And he lived until 1929 in which he got to have a funeral in L.A. Where actors came and cried. It's so weird to thinking of him being a gunslinger and then dying in L.A. I know.

Ew. I know. I mean, listen. You would hope that he died in some sort of gangland shootout, but I have a feeling he, like, fell off a stairmaster or some shit. He died in an equinox, like a fucking idiot. Well, when they said 1929, I was like, bitch, survived the Titanic.

He didn't even get on that thing. Yeah, right. He was in a crazy bunch of shootouts and stuff, and then he lived past the time of the Titanic. I love that. Just long enough to watch the stock market crash and then he dies. Jesus Christ. Yeah.

That's a crazy amount of like a moment in history to be alive to see that that transition of industrialization in the United States. But yeah, I enjoyed this movie. Should we, oh, do our ranking and our hunk watch when we come back from the break? Yeah, you know what? Double decker. Let's do that. Let's do a double decker and do our hunk watch.

and our rating after the break. Yay! which is hunk watch and rank this movie on a scale of one to ten very loud commercials. Yes, but first things first, it's hunk watch time. It's hunk watch. Fuck, yeah. Fuck, yes. Okay, you go first, Matt.

Oh, this is so hard. Really? Yeah, just because it's like, like I said, it is like there's just so many goddamn hunks in this. And, you know, I don't, I don't want to go with Valcchi. kilmer only because it's like it's just so obvious it's just like you know he is i mean he's clearly is objectively the hunk of the movie but for me i i think i would have to go with curly that's right ew yeah here's the thing about this guy he's played by an actor the actor's name as Powers Booth.

That's his name. And there's just something about this guy. I've only seen him ever. Deadwood. Yes. I've seen him in Deadwood and I've seen him in this. And in both cases, there's just something about the guy that excites me. And I don't, it's like he was built to play this one guy. And he just, he does it so well that even when he's a slimy little scumbag, I'm just like, I don't know. He attracts the eye.

And so for me, I'm going curly. Okay. He just looks like a guy who's into choking, but he doesn't know, like, how to make it hard enough. That's so specific. Yeah. Like, because he's so scared. He's, like, so scared. He's like, he's so scared.

He's going to go too hard. Yeah. So he, then he just kind of does this thing where he, like, he, like, makes his fingers, like, real tight and they shake a little bit, but he doesn't actually grip anything. And you're like, what are you doing? I love. For me, I just have such the opposite feeling about him. To me, I feel like he would choke me out and, like, just, you'd do it, you'd go too far. Yeah, I'm the opposite.

I think that he's, he's too scared. I think he's too scared. He'll choke you too hard. He's clearly not your hunk. Who's your hunk? It's fucking Val Kilmer. Are you kidding? I mean, there's just no, it's he's so, like, disarming.

He's so beautiful, too, to look at, even with this. tail like butthole skin face. Yeah, it is crazy. Even like trying to make him look like he's dying. You're just like, that's the handsomest, man. The handsomest corpse I've ever seen. I know. And I also love how the clammy skin, like how there's like individual little droplets

in perfect little jeweled places on his face. Yeah. I just want to bottle it and drink it like a Sydney's Sweeney's bath wall. He looks like what I think the twilight vampires wanted to look like. Yeah, yeah, 100%. And they couldn't quite pull it off. But yeah, he's just so beautiful. Those big lips.

Those lips are so luscious. But yeah, it's like they just put concealer all over his face, including the lips, like the way girls did. Yeah. In the 2000, like late 2000s, early 2010s when everyone was wearing like nude lipstick with the nude, like, makeup. Right. And so. Yeah. I did feel like there was a couple of scenes that were, I don't know, like not meant for watching in 4K where you saw him close up and you're like, there's very clearly just, they just put makeup on his lips.

And it's like, did you all miss the neck? Is that what happened? Yeah. We didn't blend down the neck. Yeah. Come on, guys. Come on. But that's the thing.

When you have Val Kilmer, it doesn't matter. That's right. You accept anything. but it was such a beautiful performance and the way that he walked with confidence and the way that he shot guns and everything was so sexy and he was clearly like the secondary lead I mean it's like I think it was you know Kurt Russell also can get it any day but absolutely I'm sorry it's like Val Kilmer for me dog yeah all three all three erps you know could get it but yeah that's fair that is fair so wait now I've had We've had two men who are in this that have already been hunk watches before. Yeah. Like Bill Paxson, Sam Elliott, now we got Val Kilmer.

Yeah. Wow. And this is the most, like, hunked out movie that we've ever done. Yeah. Oh, my God. We got to start doing a countdown of the most hunked out movies. Yeah. This is on there, for sure.

Yeah. I think this is number one so far. For sure. You know, at some point we'll probably watch Armageddon, lots of hunks and that. Steve Buscemi Michael Clark Duncan Steve Buscemi

What's great for that He's hot All right Okay But all right So it's our time To rank the movie On a scale of

1 to 10 Very loud annoying commercials Do you want to go first Matt? I'll go first I'm giving this a 9 I love this movie

I love it If it wasn't for the kind of cheesy You know Happy ending They gave this for no reason Yes It clearly wasn't a happy end

in terms of his wife died of an overdose, like a week after they left Tombstone. Other than that, to me, it's perfect. It's like, I don't know if it was a hit at the time. I assume it was a big hit at the time. And I'm kind of bummed that I didn't really sit to watch it and enjoy it when I was a kid because I think it would have gotten into Westerns at an appropriate age instead of as a 40-year-old man. No, I think it's a perfect time to get it. into westerns

any time you feel like it. I'm going to give it an eight. I loved it. I agree that ending was pretty rough. But I guess for me, I wanted to see a little more fun. A little more friendship time with the guys, like just where it's not so bad immediately.

Yeah, yeah. There was a couple of really great scenes of the brothers hanging out and hanging out with Doc Holiday. Where I was just like, oh, I love friends. I love when people are friends. What I wanted to see was more friend stuff. Also, more dog.

Needed more dog eating eggs at the card table, please. Yeah, absolutely. Needs more dog. Yeah. We should do one of these days. It's dog watch and it's like all the dogs from movies and we do like a raking of our favorite dogs from everything. I love it. I love it.

Maybe. If Homeward Bound is ever free with that. Wait, did I tell you the story about the dog? at the Hollywood Forever Cemetery that hung out in front of the Burt Reynolds grave. You did, but remind me what had happened. Well, okay. I was visiting Paul Rubin's grave, which is right next to the giant Bert Reynolds bust grave. Oh, yes, and the dog was a German shepherd.

A German shepherd, and it stopped and it would not leave. Yeah. They kept looking at Bert Reynolds, like, bust and would not leave. And I was like, it knows. It knows all dogs go to heaven. Or maybe he's the dog now. Oh, he came back as a dog. Yeah.

That'd be sick. Well, thank you guys for listening. Let's do some plugs. It's plugs time. Yes. You go ahead. We got anything to plug? Let's see.

We've got more episodes of Emily. Have you seen this on mythical society.com. You become a second or third degree member and you can have access to that. I also have a new episode that came out this past week on the mythical kitchen channel where Josh, chef Josh and I are eating five levels of grilled cheese, like different types of grilled cheese. Oh my God. It was so good. Please watch that Mythical Kitchen on YouTube.

That's the channel. Other than that, yeah. Oh, Flemgims has probably got stuff going on. Go to my Etsy store. Flemgems is the Etsy store I've got. Also, I am working on getting a Squarespace. And when I figure it out, oh, my God. Oh.

Once, then the orders will roll in. And there'll be things that click on. Oh, hell yeah. All of those things that she plugged will be in the show description. If you want to go to Flem Jems, just click, click, click. One thing for me to plug October 13th in Brooklyn, I'll be at the Bell House. Ooh. Yeah.

I love the Bell House. It's a really fun venue. We're going to do a stand-up show and it's going to be a lot of fun. Get your tickets now while they are available. I'm so jealous. I'm so jealous. Very cool. All right.

So join us next week when our movie will be. Hell comes to Frogtown. Maximum Fun A worker-owned network Of artists-owned shows Supported directly by you