Free With Ads - Valley Girl, with Alison Rosen

Episode Date: February 4, 2025

This week we had our new best friend Alison Rosen on the pod to talk about the cult classic Valley Girl, starring a teenage Nicolas Cage.Listen to Alison Rosen's podcast Alison Rosen Is Your New Best Friend.Also, subscribe to Alison Rosen's patreon and substack!Emily Fleming is on cameo now!Matt Lieb and his wife will be doing comedy at the Ice House in Pasadena on Wednesday February 19th, at 7:30pm!Jordan has a story in an issue of Marvel Comics Spiderman, it's called Web Of Spiderverse which comes out on March 5th and you can pre-order it RIGHT HERE! So do it!Also, Jordan contributed to Godzilla vs LA, a comic book anthology which comes out April 30th and all the proceeds will go to those affected by the LA fires. If you can't figure out how to get the comics, Jordan is offering tech support. Email us [e-mail] for Jordan to help you! 

This is Free With Ads, the podcast that asks the question, why pay Netflix eight bucks a month to watch Stranger Things when you can go online and get your 80s nostalgia for free in a movie that might not have brain-eating monsters but does have something much scarier, Guys with Pop popped collars. I'm Jordan Morris. Oh no! And I'm Evely Fleming. Today's movie is the 80s classic Valley Girl, which is the perfect movie for people who

love vibes and hate plot. With us as always is super producer Matt Hittoness with those silky smooth drops. I love that show. I may have watched the wrong thing. Oh, you watched sweet Valley. I watched every episode of sweet Valley high thinking that's what we're doing. Oh, how much time do you sink into that? Oh man, it took me at least 15 minutes. I watch everything on 4x. Oh okay that's not too bad. It's called content maxing that way I get all the content real fast. I wonder if any of the Sweet Valley high heads are gonna be here popping off. Oh yeah they're gonna be like oh excuse me. Well if you listen to it on 4X, there's technically 200 episodes of the series and that would be a total of, yeah.

I know someone's gonna yell at me. Go off, go off, sweet Valley Kings. And hey, this is cool, very cool in fact. Joining us today is one of the finest podcasters in the game and a resident of the San Fernando Valley where this movie takes place. It's Allison Rosen. Hi Allison.

Hello. Hello. Such a treat to be here. I did mention to some of my Patreon people that I was gonna be doing this episode and their reaction was like, oh my God, I love a podcast crossover. Oh yeah.

So they like, they love your podcast. And by the way, I am a Sweet Valley head. Wow. Like an OG. The books or the TV show? The books. So I think I can yell at you with more gravitas. Yeah, totally.

I mean, you can. I didn't know they were based on books. Oh my god, Matt. Were you never a young girl? I was never. My sister was, but she was more of like a Nancy Drew head. OK, sure. Do you even know what the Sweet Valley High books or show

is about, like who the characters are? It's not a murder mystery. No, not so much. It should be. There should be, you know, it should be about like these cool girls who are investigating murder. You're thinking of pretty little liars. That's right. Yes.

No, what is it? I was a boxcar children kid. I was a big kid at the boxcar. I was too. Boxcar kids of babysitter's club, but I dabbled in a sweet belly high. Yeah, it's about two twins, Elizabeth and Jessica Wakefield. They look identical, but they're as different

as night and day. Jessica's wild and reckless, Elizabeth's buttoned up. They're both perfect size six. They wear gold lavalier necklaces. They share a fiat, and they're identical, but Elizabeth has a freckle on her left wrist, and she wears a watch. Jessica runs on Jessica Standard Time.

Wow. Wow, JST. And every book around, I don't remember, maybe page two, three, four would kind of go into the spiel. Someone dies. Someone gets murdered. And then someone gets murdered. We're already talking.

But which one was it? We're already talking to our wonderful guest. But because we have stings on this show, people love the stings. Just for the sake of rhythm and tradition. You know that I love a sting. I fucking love it. Arguably, we are maybe lifting some of our sting energy

from you. Thank you. I invented stings. I don't know if you know, sting energy from you. Thank you. Oh, I guess I invented stings. I don't know if you guys know any of that. A sting pioneer. We're the first sting. Because we are talking to our lovely guests, we are going to continue with a segment we call Talk to Guest.

Moving from the Sweet Valley High books. If you insist. I was something, we can include this maybe in this chat, something I was interested in. You have like kiddos who are now consuming media. Yes. Do you try and like share the media of your childhood with them? Do you sit down and watch shows and movies

that you liked as a kid? Not really because Elliot has let me know that vintage things make him feel awkward. And vintage things, vintage things are anything old. Okay. Ish. So I think that is his blanket dismissal

of anything that I might have liked. I'm trying to remember what it was, because there was something that I did share with him, and he kept being like, this is really old, right? And I said, yes, it's like from when I was young. But off the top of my head, I can't remember what it was. But they did kind of go in and out of the room as Valley Girl was playing.

And it was actually at some of the love scenes. And I was like, I wonder what's gonna happen when they see what's on the TV, but then they never really, they didn't clock it. Do you know what the little kids are into right now, which is just horrifying? Squid Game. Mr. Beast? Oh, Squid Game? Oh no, they've been into Mr. Beast

for a while. Both my seven year old and my five year old are talking about Squid Game, which it's insane to me. I never watched it, it's too upsetting to me, but I don't want to either But it's like insanely dark right? It's like dark and satirical. Yes and disturbing and upsetting and Twisted but it's having it's enjoying a second life as like a meme clip thing for little kids And I guess it's on on

Roblox a lot. Okay, like games on Roblox. Yes, and like oh and what a fun sentence squid's on Roblox a lot. Okay. Squid games on Roblox? Yes, and like Owen, my... What a fun sentence. Squid games on Roblox. On Roblox. That would make sense to a person ten years ago, right? Owen, my five-year-old,

he does a lot of Minecraft, and he built the doll and the red light, green light situation. I don't know. All of this is to say, I probably should be keeping a tighter, a shorter leash on them, but it's hard. They're, listen, they're rosens,

they're gonna grow up right, no matter what. That's right. Filth and pornography you put in front of them. Thank you, yeah, I've started them drinking because I figure better start at home. Right, exactly, that was a house, did we all have that house growing up, where the parents are like, leave your keys and you can drink here and you'll sleep here and we'll all go to IHOP in the morning.

Oh yeah. Right? Did we all? Do you remember the name of that family? The Walkers. They were in Topanga Canyon. I went there and I was smoking weed and then all of a sudden Rachel's mother came in and I was like, oh no. And she was like, it's fine. And at first I was relieved, but then I was like, you really shouldn't let your kids smoke weed. I learned it from watching you.

Like this is a sting, I was here to catch you being a bad parent. I'm from Child Protective Services. Emily, what was the family in your neighborhood? Was it the Fleming's? Honestly, we were the family that probably just were the underachievers. Everyone else had honor roll kids.

And then me and my sister were like, we were having to stay behind on field day to finish things because we forgot to do them. But yeah, no. We're pretty boring people. I did find weed in my parents' closet once when I was in seventh grade. Hey, did you know what it was?

No, not at the time. I was, I like to go through my mom's stuff because I like to wear her clothes and like try things on and things. And I was like 12. I went through her closet and I tried on her shoes and there was a box like stacked at the top of the closet that said pink suede.

And that sounded really cool. And so I got a chair, got up there, opened it, and it was like a bag of loose leaves and twigs. I didn't know what the fuck that was. Was that the strain? Is it like OG Kush and pink suede? Pink suede. And apple express. Well, it also there was also a little vibrator in there. And I knew that.

Wait, are you serious? Yes, I knew what that was. So mom just had an all purpose bad stuff box. Pink suede. Pink suede. It was like, we're gonna hook up. The bad girl box. I guess, but I didn't know what the fucking dirt bag was.

Like, then I told my friends about it. I was like, I think I found a vibrator and lube. It was so little though. That's funny that you knew what that was. Yeah. Well, I didn't know. I think I kind of garnered what it was. I'd seen movies and stuff,

but I didn't know what the bag of stuff was. I thought it was like shitty potpourri. I was like, why? Cause it was like in the nineties, potpourri was everywhere. Yeah. That's true. Keeping bathrooms fresh. in the 90s, potpourri was everywhere. Yeah, that's true. Keeping bathrooms fresh. Yeah, nobody's got potpourri anymore.

I remember I received potpourri as a high school graduation gift, like, thank you. Yeah, it's very strange. That sounds like a gift for someone who wears Victorian-era high-neck lace shirts to prom. Yeah, she's not online. What the girl in this movie does, and it's like Nana's wedding dress,

she's wearing it in all throughout this movie. The looks in the movie of the Valley girls in this movie, is very Little House on the Prairie, very Valley. I'm hoping to discuss this further, because I was very confused about the fashions. As they say on all podcasts, we'll get into it. Can you swear on this? Let's just come out.

Allison, do you remember the name of the drinking family where you grew up? I nodded along. However, I was a sweet Valley High reading dork. So I was not really privy to that kind of fast and loose lifestyle. I, yeah, I mean, I remember grad night, my dad helped me buy a vodka, so maybe it was my family. What is grad night?

No, grad night. Oh, grad night. Yeah. For some it's grad night, but not for the stork. If you're lucky, if your dad buys you a vodka, Grad Night's gonna dirty night. Right, and I remember he gave me some advice, like I think he was saying that you'll feel less sick

from a clear alcohol than a dark alcohol, which is funny because I don't know if, can kids even, I mean, I guess I was 18, so I wasn't really a kid, but I don't think I felt hungover till I was in my early 30s. I had never experienced that. I got very hungover when I was 20 for sure. Growing up the family who let people drink

in my neighborhood, they were the Davidson's and they were like horse people and dog show people so they like showed horses and like you know had all these purebred dogs but also. What kind of purebred dog do you know? Oh good question, I don't really remember. Yeah I just kind of know that was their deal. Was it Pugs? No.

I'd be sick if it was Pugs. That one the dog show this year on Thanksgiving you guys. Let's just say it was Pugs. Let's say it was Pugs. It's a pug world? No. It's a more funny. Yes and Pugs. That one, the dog show this year on Thanksgiving, you guys. Let's just say it was Pugs. Let's say it was Pugs. It's a more fun image. Yes and Pugs. Yes and Pugs, yes, great improv. UCB, here we come.

Yeah, so let's maybe transition into the movie a little bit. Allison, I want to know from you, and then maybe go around the horn, do you have ultimate 80s movies? When you think of the pantheon of 80s movies, what are we talking about? To me, it's all the John Hughes movies. Those were 80s, right?

So, Pretty in Pink, Breakfast Club, some kind of wonderful, that one I don't remember as well. I've never seen some kind of wonderful. I feel like it was good. I would, I, I. Yeah. It was probably. It was some kind of wonderful, wasn't it?

We were kids. We don't know if it was good. And then, oh, a movie that I have seen so many times. I assume it's 80s, The Sure Thing. I don't know that one. I don't know that one. Yeah, it doesn't ring a bell for me. Really?

John Cusack, what's his name? the sure thing. I don't know that one. Yeah, it doesn't ring a bell for me. Really? John Cusack, what's his name? I can't remember his name. Michael J. Fox. No. I'm just guessing here. Ronald Reagan. Tim Robbins.

No. I want to say Cary Elwes, but it wasn't. It's someone, I don't know. I want to say it's a Carradine, but I think that's wrong. It's a blonde actor and if I said his name, you'd go, oh yeah, that guy. Nicolette Sheridan has a little role in it.

Daphne Zuniga is the female star of it. Looks like Tim Robbins, isn't it? Yes he is, he has a kind of a cameo. Anthony Edwards too. That's who I'm thinking of. Oh sure, from Revenge of the New York. Not Kerry Elwes, yes. I would go on to star in ER, one of my mom's favorite hunks.

Did anyone hear me say Tim Robbins? I just did a lucky guess, and I feel like nobody. I didn't hear you say it. I'm sorry. I heard you say it, and I just assumed you were looking at IMDB. No, I just thought of Tim Robbins off the top of my head. I just feel very confident about my ability now to know things.

You're kind of a soothsayer. I'm a soothsayer. I say sooths. I've heard sooths so far. Great sooths. Oh, and Real Genius as well. Oh, Real Genius. Yeah,. Real Genius as well. Oh, Real Genius, yeah. Oh, yeah. Directed by the director of this movie. And Deborah Foreman, the star of this movie,

is also in Real Genius. Oh, Deborah and Michelle Mayrink are my rink. Both of them are also in Real Genius. Oh, neat-o. Here we go. She does look like a Deborah. So are we, Emily, Matt, are we missing any great 80s movies in the list of great 80s movies?

What is it, Home Alone? I guess that's 1990s. That's the 90s. Ferris Bueller's is like my classic 80s go-to. Like Ferris Bueller's. Say Anything. Oh, Say Anything's a great one, I'm sure. Is that 80s or is that 90s?

Yeah, that's 80s. It's gotta be, right? Yeah. In your eyes, right? Yeah. I'll say two that I think I rewatched kind of recently that I thought held up great. This is a cold take, Breakfast Club. Breakfast Club is very good. Limited problematic stuff too. Always interesting when you're going back and watching your 80s

favorites. Because this one, wow, and Worf. Yeah, had a lot of problems. Yeah, sure. Big yikes. Yeah, a lot of yikes. Some yikes. Some. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. A lot of yikes. Some yikes. Some mild yikes. Some major yikes. I mean, it had the mom pool boy stuff, which boy, that's in so many things that, you know. Yeah, I know. Hard to count. The hero called someone the F word. Yeah. Straight up. What? I don't remember that. Did you miss that? No, I don't remember

that either. Oh, you. Oh my god. It was so loud to me. Yeah, I had to rewind it. I'd be like, did the main character just do a slur? Our hero, everyone. Our favorite guy, a homophobe. Cool. Main character. That was how it was back then.

I also did not expect to see boobs. I know. There were boobs. I was kind of shocked by it, but it's like there used to be a lot of boobs in movies. It used to not be very shocking, but it was to me very shocking, especially because of whose boobs I saw in the very beginning. But we'll get into that later. I know exactly what you're saying.

I was like, wow, I didn't think to see. Okay, like it was, but yeah, they were good The boobs they were too very thumbs up Too huge natural thumbs natural thumbs up To swinging thumbs up inverted pepperoni They were I have't they? Let's do this. They were, I have the same ones. Hey, God makes all sorts of creatures.

My nipples are like two eyes that are closed. No, I like that. You're like, do they open when you're cold? I don't know. I've never been cold. I guess I cover them up when I'm cold, so I'm not really looking at them, that's funny. I don't know. I only see it when I'm in a a changing room and I'm sweating my ass off in a changing room. Well, let's

Let's let's let's start talking about talking about Valley girl. We shot we we begin with a beautiful air air air shot air Airy helicopter shot and there there we go aerial shot. That's the way I was thinking. And areola shot. Jesus Christ. That's later in the movie. Beautiful Hollywood. And we get into a fucking shopping montage at the mall.

My God, this fucking 80s mall. So great. Take me there. You may be nostalgic. We did. We've talked about this on the show before, but Allison, weigh in. Mall kid, were you a mall kid? So yes, yes, because to me, again, we've established I was a dork, I read books, I didn't get to do

the things that cool kids did, and I was not a confident dork who's like, you guys all like this, I like something else, go fuck yourself, I wasn't that way. I was like, I wanna do what the cool, I wanted to conform so badly. So to me, the coolest was Mallory Keaton from Facts of Life, and she loved shopping, so I'm like,

henceforth, I love shopping, and I love talking on the phone, and I love guys and boys. It's the same thing. I love cute boys, that's my personality. So I was just like very down the middle. I mean, I wasn't, I was very weird, but I wanted to be like down the middle mall kid.

So yes, I did spend a considerable amount of time at various malls and shopping centers. I miss malls. Yeah, love this mall, you get it, you got a fucking hot dog on a stick, amount of time at various malls and shopping centers. I miss malls. Me too. Love the small, you get a fucking hot dog on a stick, you get people racking that credit card clacker, you know that thing? Oh yes, that's the slider thing.

I had to use those occasionally. I spent many years in retail, and if the credit card machines were down, you had to use that. Back when America was great. We called them knuckle busters. Oh, were they really difficult to slide? Yes, they were.

But they always called them knucklebusters. I never called them, I was like, okay, you figure them out eventually, but they are kind of cumbersome and stuff. And then you have that little like triplicate thing you stick in there and get perfectly lined up. That always looked really fun. Don't even get me started on if people paid with checks.

My God, that was a whole thing. It was like, you had to put it through the scanner thing and it wouldn't work, and then you had to call the bank, and by then you're never gonna make commission again if somebody is paying with a check. And yeah, oh God, I don't miss retail at all. Yeah, this mall is fucking awesome. Everyone looks great. Like everyone looks totally great. We have our main character Julie.

She's wearing kind of a classic kind of neon 80s look and she has a giant Woody Woodpecker pin. Oh my god, this Woody Woodpecker pin. She looks awesome. She's there with her friends. They're shopping at the mall. One of the friends whose boobs we see later is played by Elizabeth Daly. She is Dottie from Peely's Big Adventure. And she's also the voice of Tommy Pickles from Rubber Rats and Buttercup from the Powerpuff Girls. She does a ton. She's really prolific via voiceover actor at this point.

She goes by E.G. Daly now. E.G. Daly, yeah. So yeah, I think other than Cade, she's kind of the big person who went on to be a star. That is how I knew her. Yeah. Because I was like, I've seen this face before, but not as an actor.

And I realized, I saw her doing one of those Nickelodeon behind the scenes, meet the voice actors things. Oh yeah, sure, sure. Well I kinda get her confused with the person who does the voice of Harley, Harley Quinn. Oh, do they look similar? Yeah, I think so. Inverted nipples on the other one too?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She passed away recently. How dare you talk about a legend. Ooh, our comment section's gonna be rough this one. Oh boy. How dare you talk about a legend. Our comment section's gonna be rough this one. Oh boy. Sweet Valley High. Sweet Valley High people. They're saying a bunch of awesome 80s stuff.

They're saying gag me, totally bitchin'. Julie's boyfriend Tommy is there. Can I just, for a second, talk about- Tara Strong, that's who I thought she was. Oh Tara Strong, yeah. Oh yes. I just, in terms of, like I was, one of the things I was excited about with regards to this movie was going to be the Valley Girl accent because I kind of assumed, uh, just

based on the title of the movie that this was kind of like the big coming out party for this very particular Southern California type accent. Because there was like surfer boy movies before, you know, and you had fast times. Fast Times, the Ridgemont High, yes. But like Valley was a big. Ninja Turtles. Yeah, Ninja Turtles, very famous surfer boy movie.

That was more of a Valley girl accent than anything that happened in this movie. Yeah, I felt like watching, a little disappointed. I felt like they were doing a whole, not just that it was like the slang was right, but the accent itself felt like Midwest. Did anyone else feel like it was weird? Yes, 100%. I can comment on this as I think the oldest person here.

Yeah. Okay. And the only person who lives in the Valley. Thank you. I grew up in Southern California. Well, you did too though, here. Yeah. Okay. And the only person who lives in the Valley. Thank you. I grew up in Southern California. Well, you did too though, Jordan. But yes, I currently live in the Valley. So my sense is that the Valley Girl accent, what we think of as the Valley Girl accent

underwent a giant shift, and I think it might be because of SNL and the sketch where they're like, oh my god, Becky. That was Cermex a lot. Lorraine Newman. Look at her butt. Lorraine Newman, I think, kind of made that her thing. So that's what we think of as Valley now, but what's in the movie is what was considered the Valley Girl accent before.

Oh, interesting. Oh my god, got me that stuff. I love this theme. is what was considered the Valley Girl accent before. Oh, interesting. Yeah, okay. Oh my God, got me that stuff. I love this theory. So it was more of like vernacular and stuff as opposed to an actual accent. It was like the way words were used and like... But also the cadence.

Yeah, it was a lot like this. I know! Yeah, that's crazy. This was Valley. Everyone took like this. And I feel like that was what I was expecting and instead It just I mean, maybe it was correct. I just felt like I was watching something in some sort of Scandinavian accent for

the main actress to me just seemed like You're nice manager that right like works at the mall with you Like she doesn't she seemed like she was 35. I don't know, I was like, girl where? Where's girl? I'm so glad you said that. I had a real problem with the fact that the parents- Her mom looks younger than her.

She just put glasses on her. That, that is wild. Exactly. The parents looked the same age as the kids. It was very, it bumped me a lot. But then my husband said that Nicholas Cage was 17 in this? Yeah.

Yeah, possible? Yeah, I believe that. He did look actually young. And he kind of acted, you know, he acts like just kind of like a shitty kid too. So yeah. Well, he's got a doofy face. That's the thing.

His original doofy face. His doofy face and his doofy teeth, which it's so weird to think that he is a copula and they were like, braces? No. Yeah. Like that is fascinating to me that like, but now he's got, he's capped up.

He's capped up, baby. Oh yeah, he's capped. But you like the, you've stated before that you're a fan of the snaggletooth. Yeah. I like this version of him. That's why he looks like a teen. The shitty teeth and everything.

To me, he looked he seemed older and looked older, but I'm also realizing that I am now old enough that it's hard for me to assess ages. Or it's just watching this movie, it's hard for me to assess. Clearly, it was hard for the casting director as well. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, speaking of the ages of our main characters, at the mall is Julie's boyfriend Tommy. There are a lot of people who could go in for this award in this movie.

I'm going to say that I think Tommy is the oldest teen. Agreed. Oldest teen. Supposed to be a teen. Agreed. Oldest teen. Supposed to be a teen, he looks like a guy your dad plays golf with, he talks about getting drunk at the 19th hole. He looks like one of the guys that made a bet

in trading places. Yes. Yeah, yeah, popped collar, he's a snob. Yeah, the hair is like already thinning a little bit, but he's combing it to the front, so it's like, it'll be fine for a while. But yeah, and he also just looked like a guy. My favorite thing is, you know, if you've got the bully dude in a scene movie,

he's usually a bigger, more intimidating guy. Nick Cage is the buffest dude in this whole movie. He is jacked. It's like, we got so much shirtless Nicolas Cage. It was, thank you so much for everyone who picked this movie. And I didn't, Jordan, I think Jordan, you suggested this one. And I'm so glad I needed it. I needed it. Happy to help.

I feel like Bobby should have been played by James Spader instead of this dippy guy. Oh, they probably couldn't afford him. And then it was like, this guy's enough, I guess. Or he was busy. He was unconvincingly the hot jerk. Yeah, if you put glasses on him, he would have been shoved in a locker. Just like how hot mom was hot, like a hot girl,

and then they just put glasses on her, and they were like, mom now. Yeah, old mom. Now his mom, glasses his mom. Yeah, I think all the money. And I have the same glasses as that mom, by the way. I think all the money in this movie went to the soundtrack, which is fucking great.

But yeah, I think everything else was, yeah, was done on a shoestring, including the script, I guess, to this was written in 10 days, so. I could see that. That's maybe five days more than I would have guessed. It was a lot of necking and not a lot of talking. Yeah, there's a lot of montage

and there's a lot of making out. But yeah, so as, as, as. I felt like, did I miss something? But I don't think I did. That's the experience of watching it is like, it's not making sense. I must have missed something. So this is the movie, yeah.

I think the generous reading of this movie, which has very little plot and character stuff, it's just all these little vignettes. Truly. Maybe they're trying for a more naturalistic movie that is supposed to be just kind of like what being a kid is like, maybe they're trying for a more naturalistic movie that is supposed to be just kind of like what being a kid is like. You just kind of do all this stuff

and you have all these giant emotions and you don't really know why. And this is maybe like kind of- Like that movie Kids. Yeah, maybe it's just kind of an 80s kids but nothing's fucked up. It feels like it's trying to be a Linklater. Like maybe trying to be a Linklater. Right maybe trying to be a Linklater, but.

Yeah, and I think if you're watching this going, oh, this will be more like a breakfast club, but it is, yeah, maybe it is something trying to be a little artier than that, a little more like slice of life. Anyway, it's, you know, we'll review the thing at the end, but yeah, it is a kind of a plotless, like meandering movie. So yeah, so she breaks up with Tommy at the mall,

we go to the beach, out of the water comes, Emily mentioned it earlier, shirtless Nick Cage, and his chest hair has been shaven and crewed. Wild. Why? Wild. What did you think, what is your opinion on Cage going into this, Allison? You know, I did not have the highest opinion of him because when I think of him, I think of his voice

in an exaggerated way and then his nose job and his teeth. But then here, au natural, I found myself liking him quite a bit and seeing what everyone else likes in him. Wait, you think he had a nose job? Pretty sure. Am I wrong? No, I never thought of it. I'm gonna have to see what he looks like now. Maybe I'm thinking of someone else.

Maybe he did, but I definitely think he got... when you get your teeth fixed, your face definitely changes. Right. Take a look at Hilary Duff. It's like a totally different person. Cage, nose, job. Yeah, it looks like he, I don't know. It looks about the same. I think that maybe he did.

Nose jobs are really good these days. It's like hard to tell. I watched those compilations of like before and afters with nose jobs, and it's so subtle that it's like, wow. Maybe he got it like broken when he got beat up trying to like rob a grave or something. Like what does Nicolas Cage just do on the weekends?

Something Nicolas Cage would do. He was robbing graves for gold teeth so he could fix his own. So you never thought, Alison, you never thought Nicolas Cage was a hunk? No, I never experienced Nicolas Cage fever. And I did see Peggy Sue got married. Yeah.

Peggy Sue got married, yeah. I saw that in the theater. My mom took me. Maybe she liked him. Well, now I'm questioning whether he had a nose job. For some reason, I was pretty sure he did. Well, we'll hear probably. We are a big fan.

I'm very turned on by the Moonstruck version of Nick Cage, which does not look very different from this version of Nick Cage. Except, yeah, I'm sure the chest hair grooming is definitely noticeable. Oh, yeah. In Moonstruck, it's just, you know, it's he's letting it ride. This one, it is like a flying V. It's like the, what's, I don't watch the DC new cartoons, but there's like a tiny Batman, right? Is he Nightwing or what's that one?

The one that's a little boy, little boy Batman. And it's like got a red, there's like a red Batman logo. And it's like a- Maybe it's like a Damien, Damien Waynes. Sure. Yeah, Damien Waynes, his son. Yeah, but it's like- Yeah, Damien Waynes. Blank man.

Damien Waynes. Yeah, Blank man is now Batman's son. It's like if a Batman logo was sucking it in. Was like wearing a little girdle. And it's like, ooh. It makes his pecs look amazing. That's the thing is he's got these pecs. The arms, the arms on him.

And the back. He's quite hot in this. Yes. Good God. And the way he like, when he first came up to flirt with our lead gal, I was like flustered. It was, huh huh huh huh. Like I was really, it was really hot.

So this movie, like we, Alison, for your information, our last episode was on Twilight. And I think that like, interesting watching this movie back to back with Twilight, I think they're kind of like the same movie in many ways and like the energy is the same in a lot of the scenes. Right yes what is a werewolf but a what is the werewolf but a punk guy that can kill you. Yeah the sparkles. Um is the vampire the sparkles? I don't fucking know what that thing we didn't like.

Who cares? That's what I mean. Sorry'm sorry. I meant vampire. Not honestly, what? Well, that does not matter. Matters. So at the beach, they learned that there's a party going down in the valley. Cage is a Hollywood guy.

He's a punk rocker. He didn't want to go to the valley, but he does anyway. Spoiler alert. At the valley, there's like this house party that like that like is kind of that thing we're talking about where the parents are there and they're letting the kids drink. And they're also making sushi.

Ha ha ha ha ha, sushi. It's just like- My experience of sushi was that it came out of nowhere and all of a sudden, like there was an inflection point where all of a sudden sushi was the hot thing. And it was in the early 80s. I've always wondered, is that just that I became aware of it and then it was everywhere? But this movie to me suggests it did have a moment.

It was very trendy. Yeah. No, I've seen this only in movies older than me where I realized there was a time in which sushi wasn't around and then all of a sudden it became like sort of a punchline, not because it was like bad, but because it'd be like, oh, now we're all going to go eat raw fish. What are we? We? Yeah. Oh, wait, how old were all of you?

How old were all of you when you first tried sushi? Oh, it took me a while. Not too long. Me too. Yeah. I would have like the vegetable kind. But when I first tried sushi? Oh, it took me a while. Me too. I would have the vegetable kind. But when I actually tried raw fish, I was, gosh, I don't know. I think it was college. Yeah, I think college is when I pretended to like sushi. I think I was middle school.

And there was this really cute place called Taste of Tokyo in Hillsboro Village in Nashville, RIP. And they had a crunchy shrimp roll that was just like shrimp and then the tempura crunchy flakes and that was it. And it was like so good. It was like eating Cheetos and shrimp and rice. It took me so long to finally try sushi the correct way that one time I discovered this one sushi chain. It was actually in Sherman Oaks called Sushi Mac. I don't know if, Allison, you ever

went to Sushi Mac, but it was like you had the menu where you check off the box of the things you want. And I told my college friends, we're all gonna go to Sushi Mac. And apparently, it was the worst sushi they had all ever had collectively. And I was like, no, but you gotta try my favorite roll, which was a cooked, fried roll. And they were like, I don't think you like Sushi Mac. And I was like, what are you talking about?

You had Sushi Mac all the time. Don't get into mayonnaise. I love Yeah, it's sushi. Don't get it some mayonnaise cream cheese Philadelphia roll all the way I love that shit. I love it, too I still think it's you know superior to just eating like you know a raw piece of salmon with some rice But you know everyone's got their own taste buds. Yeah with some rice, but you know, everyone's got their own taste buds. Yeah, totally.

Taste buds. So yeah, this is like a big, huge joke in this movie. They're eating sushi, ha ha, look at these valley people. So it's kind of like the Valley snobs versus like the Hollywood punk guys. So yeah, Nicolas Cage and his like dumb buddy show up. So they are, they're, you know, kind of punked out, but Nicolas Cage is wearing pleated slacks.

It's such a funny like costume detail of like, oh, he is he's wearing church pants. He's wearing his church pants to this party. I know I wonder how accurate this stuff was. I wonder if this is like a heightened costume version of what it was actually like, or if this is more accurate. It felt very specific. Yeah. Like the style.

It did. You're right, it did feel, yeah. Yeah, it felt very specific, because honestly that first blouse, because our main girl, our main Valley girl, you think of as going, oh my god, Ella, like having a side ponytail, is wearing blouses. And like, she, and a pearl necklace and like stuff. So she's got this Victorian era white lace high neck blouse

that is pretty much the exact same blouse that my mom wore for her wedding in the 70s with a white skirt. That's with baby's breath in her hair. And I'm like, did this girl just like take her mom's wedding dress and then go to a party in the top part of it? Like I'm she had a lot of blousey Victorian era saloon girl looks. I didn't. Yeah. Very weird. I don't know. Maybe that was cool then. I think it was. I think it was. But I've never seen it repeated anywhere else.

People got smarter. Bring it back, Gen Z. I mean, I'll bring it back. I'd love to wear that shit. Yeah. So when you have huge tits, it's just you can't hide them under a bushel or a basket. You know? Tell me about it. You got to let them shine. I have the same problem with pants.

Because of my balls. Because of my huge balls. No pleats for you, man. Nope, can't wear pleats. You see the balls. Anyway, so Cage comes to this party. He gets in a fight with Tommy, and then he sneaks back in.

And so he sneaks back in through the bathroom window, and then I do not know why. This was the weirdest scene ever, and it made me uncomfortable repeatedly. It's very weird. He just lays, so he's sneaking back in so he can fight Tommy and talk to Julie, who he is in love with

now. And he just lays down in the bathtub. It's so fucking weird. And then there's this like, it's to set up a joke, right? Where he's in the bathtub while this shit's going on. There's people coming to make out, people coming to do drugs. But it's like, why did he do that? He's going in there to fight this guy, but he just lays down in the tub for a while?

Anyway. Why is he hiding in the bathroom in, it was, there was something pervy about it. Just this guy. Yeah, I know. There's a rando guy in the shower while people, but no one actually uses the bathroom when they come in, do they? No, no one ever takes a shit.

I was waiting for it. Where's the shit seen? In the bathroom and then in the mirror, we see the other people coming in to have conversations and do all the various things. And he has this look on his face like, oh no, now I have to hide in the bathtub for even longer. It was the weirdest scene.

Yeah, it was very strange. I think it's supposed to be a joke, but it's kind of just like this poorly executed joke where it does not track. And that happens a couple times in this movie, like there's that montage where Cage is like following her around and he's like working at every place that she goes to. Oh yes! What the hell was that? That too is something I'm like, oh okay, I can see the kind of joke they're trying to make here,

but like they have not explained it well and it just seems like you're going insane. Yeah, because for me, I didn't realize it was a joke, and I'm like, OK, that makes sense that maybe he has a job taking tickets in movie theater. Wait, now he's working at a fast food place. What's happening? It was just very confusing to me. Sure.

Yeah, I think these are supposed to be these kind of wacky montages, but they're just kind of done. I think he probably punched people and these kind of wacky montages, but like they're just, yeah, they're just kind of done wrong. I think he probably punched people and took their uniforms and just did it. That scene, show that. That's the scene. Show him beating up the...

They probably shot that and then realized, oh, this kind of makes him look like a dick. Let's just... Cut that out. But keep in the slur. Keep in the slur. Keep in the slur. Yeah, yeah, we'll just assume he filled out all these W-2s.

A brush your head, yeah. And that he had time to print his resume out and do all this. Objective. Yeah, he had to type it out back then. He had to type it long. Yeah, that's right. So anyway, so he gets back in eventually.

He romances Julie. He tells. Well, wait. Sorry to interrupt. No, no, please, back up. But he's in the bathtub hiding. And then his lady love walks in, and then he emerges, and instead of being like,

what the fuck are you doing in here? She's just sort of delighted that he's surprised in the bathroom while she's in the bathroom thinking she's alone. After he was fighting her boyfriend in the hall. Like it's just, yeah, totally insane. No emotion in this movie makes sense. Yep.

But hey, maybe that's what being a teenager is like. Generous reading. You know what? Clap. That's what it is. So clap for me. Thank you. Okay, so at this party, he's hiding in the tub.

He finds Julie. She comes into the bathroom, not weirded out by it. He kind of convinces her and her snobby friend to go cruising with him and his shitty friend to Hollywood they they jump they jump in the car and they like cruise Hollywood the snobby friend like Okay, I want to talk about the music in this a little bit, which is it object? Which is great. Like this is a great soundtrack. I think it is wrong in many places Yes, it is like okay so in the car

him and his like punk buddy you're supposed to be blasting music and the snobby friend is like I hate this I hate this and this is what they play Matt can you play this song that's I like that song. It's so corny. I don't think this is the thing those dudes would be listening to. They're wearing leather jackets and they're going to the whiskey to see a band. There's no way they're listening to, what is this, Pat Travers?

Pat Travers is the name of the artist. I know. It was clearly written by a much older person. Of course, yeah. Yeah, it was incongruous. Yeah. Who wrote this? Yeah, I don't know anything about Nicholas Cage.

Francis Ford Coppola. David Mamet. Did you guys know that there's a Valley Girl remake that came out a couple years ago? Yeah. I remember it being a COVID movie. I think it was a COVID movie that got dumped onto streaming. And this, I saw this movie for the first time during COVID

because it was hard to see for a while. It wasn't on streaming, probably all the music. And my friend is like, and this is when we were doing doing like let's all watch a movie on zoom and pretend like we're having fun remember that yeah my friend is like oh my god you can rent valley girl now valley girl was like unseeable and so this is my first time watching it during and i think it was to go along with that remake which i have never heard anyone say anything about um but yeah if you've seen the Valley Girl remake and have opinions, let us know on Reddit.

R slash free with ads, anyway. So they're driving around to this absolutely wrong song that actually fucking rocks. They go to, Matt, it's not the whiskey, it is the Viper Room. Oh, they're going to the Viper Room. Oh, cool. But before it was the Viper Room, right? they're going to the Viper Room. Oh, cool. But before it was the Viper Room, right?

So I don't know what it was called then, but in the 70s, it was called, I read a little history of the Viper Room, it was called Filthy McNasty's. Hell yeah. Ooh, I love that name. Why is that not still the name? Yeah, the Viper Room sucks now. Now that's a shitty name.

They changed the name and then they killed River Phoenix. Thank you Sure nothing this terrible room won't yeah. Yeah, if it were still filthy McNasties, he'd still be here Yeah, that's what I'm saying. He would have still been alive the butterfly effect of changing it to the viper room really Damn you Johnny Depp and again. again, so at the Viper Room, RIP Filthy McNasties, they're seeing this band, the Plim Souls, who I like a lot. This is a band I like. They're real? They're a real band.

They had some great hits, fun power pop band. They are not tough at all. They make Weezer look like Rammstein. So it's just like, and the Valley girls are supposed to be like, what's this music? It's the nicest, like sweetest, hooky, power pop music. It's just like, yeah, anyway, this that doesn't work for what's going on in the scene. But I do love the music, the fucking Plimsolls Rock. Yeah, great.

Lots of great hits. But wrong for this. You know, so this is kind of where Nicholas Cage and Julie fall in love. He just says a bunch of stuff to her about how he's like not a sheep. He has that typical like I'm not a fucking robot. You and your friends are robots.

He's kind of mean to her. Right. A very strange moment where he's super mean to her and then she's just like oh you. I feel connected to you. Yeah, I'm like, what do you mean? He just called you a sheep. Right.

Well, I mean, her other Tommy or whatever is just as big of an asshole. It's like she's kind of just floating around a bunch of assholes. She spends this entire sequence just going, ew, you're weird. You're weird. Ew, the whole time. Yeah. And I'm just like, ew, you're weird, you're weird, ew, the whole time.

And I'm just like, at some point, just get her out of the car and go have fun. Did we talk about the fact that Tommy tried to seduce her BFF? Oh yeah, at that party. Yeah. Oh, I missed that. Yeah, that's a very weird like.

No, you couldn't have missed that. That's where you saw the boobs. Oh yeah, yeah, you're right. She was wearing this super cool jumpsuit that like, honestly, her character, Tommy Pickles is what I'm going to... Tommy Tittles? I don't know. Tommy Tittles. Tommy Tittles.

Her style is my favorite style in the whole movie. She looks great. She's her style is my favorite style in the whole movie. She's wearing a lot of black and white tiger print, which it's not zebra, it's not leopard, it is black and white tiger stripes. And I'm like, okay, I immediately went on eBay was like, where are the plus size tiger stripe dresses at? I gotta find them. Because nothing says you're reaching 40,

like busting out of a tiger stripe dress. But like it was so cute but she had like the side ponytail and then that red jumper that she was wearing that was a little bit more confetti. She looks like a cartoon race car driver. She was so cute. Just so cute. Um, I kind of hate that it's like that character Tommy, I don't blame the best friend for kind of having a hookup moment with what's her face?

It almost seemed like they had a history because he's clearly upset and trying to get back at what's her face at our Valley girl, so he's hitting on her friend and then the friend at first it almost seems like rapey for a second Yeah, then she's like she kind of goes for it. It's clear that she's into him. I don't know. It was a weird scene. It was on the line. It was icky, but then she was like, if they were gonna actually go all the way,

she's like, so then we're together now. Yeah. Then we're going steady if I go all the way. And then every time that happens, in my experience, a dude is like, ugh, really? Why do you put labels on it? Yeah, really, bitch? Yeah, really, bitch? Yes, really.

Sorry. Listen, there have always been fuckboys. We've heard that she's the slutty one, right? There's other suggestions about that. Did you catch that line where she said stuff tastes like Clorox? Yeah, yeah. Oh, is it because cum tastes like Clorox to some people? Yeah, they call it stuff, but she had told them that, apparently.

I've never. She's never filed one. Oh my god, that is true. There's one point where she's talking about, I think, they don't like say it. I think what she's talking about is how to give a hand job to a friend. Oh, I need all the help I can get. And she's like, it's like shaking hands with your best friend. Oh.

Oh, interesting. I missed that. I remember the line. That's what I do. Put her there. I can get she's like it's like shaking hands with your best friend Interesting I miss that I remember the You got the job that bleach thing is gonna make me you've got the job the hand job You start on Monday Come in on Monday. Here's your parking pass. Whatever. We've got you covered. So that that kind of magical night in Hollywood happens. She goes home to her parents.

Who are her age? We've mentioned it. It cannot be mentioned more. Her parents are exactly the same age as her. It's so fucking weird. It's weird, but they are honestly the nicest people in this whole movie. They're so sweet. I think her parent, so they're two ex-hippies.

They own a health food store, which is probably another very buzzy current joke at the time. It's like, they sell wheatgrass juice. Ha ha ha ha ha. RFK's wheatgrass juice. Yeah, exactly. I know. That's how you get the brain worm. That's how you get the brain worm.

That's how you get the brain worm. So yeah, they're very cute and funny. The dad shows pictures of him at Woodstock and stuff like that. Again, they are her age, but the characters are very cute and sweet. His sandals break at one point, and he's like, oh man, I just got those.

And then he goes, no, you got them at Woodstock 14 years ago. And I was like, damn, that's right. The eighties and the sixties were kind of just right there. You know? Yeah. I loved them. I thought they had great chemistry too. They like, it made me be like,

I want to be married like them. But this is a movie and it's not real. It's not real life. Fuck. No one's in love. Yeah, not really. I definitely, I can't wait to get to Hunk Watch because it was tough for me and I think you know why.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well yeah, let's talk about kind of the rest of this thing. Nicholas Cage goes to visit her in the Valley. There's a Valley montage. Where the Encino is in there suddenly. Yeah, I know. The Valley is very liberal here. And I can't tell if this is a joke or not.

Let me know if you think they were trying to be funny here. They're showing like the signs of the Valley, like they were showing the signs of Hollywood. And you see a Winchell's, you know, the shitty donut chain. Are they saying that Winchell's is cool or are they saying that the Valley stinks and that it's like their only thing that they have? Was Winchell's cool cool or are they saying that the Valley stinks? And that's like their only thing that was Winchell's cool back then way. I don't know It wasn't cool, but it was it was I mean first of all, it's not just in the valley Maybe there was a time because I grew up not in the valley in Los Angeles and there was Winchell's near my house that I loved I think it was just like Krispy Kreme. It was like a nice it was like

It was the first chain donut shop that wasn't like, cause most donut shops are just somebody opens a donut shop and they make most of their money selling cigarettes. That's usually how it goes. So I think Winchell's was just like, you know, that it was at a time. Just donuts, no cigarettes. There was also a lot of DuPars here.

Yes, I love. I know. It made me very happy, I thought that was cute. I used to live across the street from a DuPars. I know. Such a fun little hangover, like sober up spot. Yeah, I think this is a DuPars in Studio City that's not there anymore. I think this is a DuPars in Studio City that's not there anymore.

I think it is a Sephora. I think they're saying something about chains with the windshields thing and I'm not sure whether it's a joke or not. I have the same feeling about the health food store where she is embarrassed that her dad runs a health food store and says something like, I wish it was something cool like a Pizza Hut.

Yeah. And I'm like, is that a joke or at the time? Is that a joke? OK. I wondered that throughout this whole movie, how was it received at the time? Yes. I guess maybe if I read some original reviews,

it would say that. But was it supposed to, was it parodying anything? I can't tell. Yeah, me neither. Consumerism, isn't that like a big part of being a Valley girl? Like you love corporate kind of stuff?

Cause when I was a kid, if you made food at home, it was sad if you took me to pizza, it was happy. Yeah. Yeah. So I, it's hard to tell because, you tell because whether or not they're making fun of that, I think at this point, that type of consumerism was considered a good thing. I don't know. It felt like that.

Either that or it was a joke. Who knows? Hey, if you're a Valley girl out there, and you're maybe in your 60s now, and you saw this movie, please tell us, was that a joke? Was there also- Was there also the tension between the Valley girls and the punks though?

Yeah. You guys are sheeple. Yeah. But also maybe they, Winchell's had some kind of a sponsorship thing with them. Did they have that in movies back then? No, maybe, yeah. I don't know, yeah.

It's like, if you watch, for example, Riverdale, every once in a while, corn pops will pop up 50 times in an episode. Hell yeah. And you'll be like, oh, for sure, that had something to do with money. There's a lot of that shit, and yeah, a couple of seasons of Riverdale,

there's one where Veronica's having a new business, she always has a new business, and where she's presenting it to people and she's like I made a presentation for our new business on Canva Website I know they just like fucking own it in that show anyway Yeah, they don't give a shit. I can't remember what show it was, but someone's like do you know no I'll Bing it Yeah And that was the most took me out of the moment I don't remember what show it was, but someone's like, do you know? No, I'll bing it. Yeah, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. And that was the most took me out of the moment. No one's ever said that.

I remember this happening on a show, and I can't remember what it was. It was like One Tree Hill or something. But yeah, I was like, I wonder if there were kind of paid, you know. Product placements. Product placements in movies. Big donut paid for this movie.

Could be. Big donut. Well hey, we are almost to the end of Valley Girl. We're almost to the requisite prom scene that has to happen in all of these movies. We're back. It's Free With Ads. We're here with Allison Rosen from Allison Rosen is your new best friend and all the

other best podcasts. We're talking with Alison Rosen from Alison Rosen is your new best friend and all the other best podcasts We're talking about Valley girl. Of course. This is a teen movie. Of course takes place in the 80s. So they gotta go to prom They do it So Tommy takes her to prom he's wearing a pink tux looks pretty cool Honestly, it does look cool their outfits together again. She's wearing a fucking doily from Gone with the Wind or something around her titties. I don't know what the fuck this dress is Do you remember Jessica McClintock? Am I the only one who knows that name? So this was the store they made They made frouffy frilly lacy Dresses that you would wear to homecoming or winter like girls formal dresses and

You could get it at most department stores Jessica McClintock But then there also was an actual Jessica McClintock store and there was Jessica McClintock perfume Which I had and I got my I went to only two I went to prom and I went to winter formal and My prom dress was from Jessica McClintock and it looks like a wedding dress It is big and white and lacy and very bridal looking. But anyway, I noticed in the credits, they credited Jessica McClintock.

So I think her Victorian dress may have been Jessica McClintock, yes. I'm on her website right now, jessicamcClintock.com. Is it still around? Slash fashion. Yeah, she's got fragrances. And yes, it is like a very kind of romance novel-esque

inspired. A lot of bridal, I see. Oh, she's got eyewear too. No, no, no, not a good move. She's grown since I knew her. Handbags. Oh, it's very formal wear. I dig a lot of this. Good for her, she's still around. Well, the store's still around. Jessica McClintock, fashion designer, dies at age 90, March 14th, 2021. Aw, RIP. Sorry, girl, I guess it's too late to tell you the eyeglasses look like shit.

We will put a doily on your grave. Yes. And whisper that the eyeglasses look like shit into the ground. They do. That's a very expensive thing to go into. There was a weird scene between the parents, the parents who are the same age. So the dad, the Woodstock dad smokes pot in the bathroom and they're all waiting for him to come out and then he's's gonna take pictures of Bobby and,

what's her name? Debra? Julie. And Julie before they go, and the lens cap is still on, what a goofy high guy he is. Then they leave, and then the mom gets all punchy, touchy-feely with him, not touchy-feely,

but like weirdly she's like hitting him, and he goes, what is this, Bangkok? I don't need a massage. And then she asks if he has more of whatever he's smoking. Yeah. Oh and then he says, I think she says, they say something like, oh is she gonna be okay? Like is she gonna like, is she gonna come home

or something like that? And he's worried and the mom says like, oh, she'll be okay, you know how kids are. You remember our night in the graveyard. In the cemetery, that was the weird. Oh, in the cemetery, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes, that was the weirdest scene. Yeah.

Or the weirdest line. Not sure what they meant by that, but I assume they just played a board game. Yeah, they did the same thing that, you know, Nick Cage did, they dug up same thing that, you know, Nick Cage did. They dug up teeth to put in their own heads. Got in a fight with a night watchman. Yeah, I mean, that does sound hot.

If you're gonna, I didn't go to homecoming one time. I like got all dressed up. My date picked me up. We went to dinner and then made out in a parking garage for like two hours. That's way better. That's the kind of cool teenage shit I always wished I were doing.

Yeah, and then we had to like rush to the end of the dance to just get pictures so that my parents knew I did go. Oh. And then come back. So yeah, but yeah, no, that's so great. I was a third wheel at my prom. At your prom? How did that work?

Well, I asked, there was a girl in one of my classes, then we were like friends, and it was like, next year if you don't have a date, we should go to prom together. And then we didn't discuss it again for maybe a full year, and then around prom time I was like, hey, you wanna go to prom? We said that we would, and she said yes.

And then two days before, she told me, can my boyfriend come? Oh my God. Yeah, yeah. And I was like, oh, I didn't know you had a boyfriend. And she's like, yeah, Justin. And I was like, the bassist in my band? What?

What? Yeah, she was dating the bassist in my band. And so at? Yeah, she was dating the bassist in my band. And so at first I was- This is a teen movie. This is a fucking- This is a teen movie, yes. Yeah. More plot in this than the whole band.

Yeah, yeah, it's a lot more tension. And then, yeah, and then at first I was sad and then I was like, I'm still going because that'll be funny. And then we went and we had a great time. Did you like her though, as more than a friend? I mean, she was a girl, so yes. She was a girl who talked to me, so yes.

But once I found out she was dating my bassist, I like to call him my bassist as if I owned the band. Yes. Then I was like, well, that's fine. We could just be friends. Honestly though, this shit is kind of baller. I love her. She's like, yeah, I have a boyfriend

and I'm gonna take another date. Yeah. And they're both in a band. Yeah, in a band together. This sucks. I'm pissed for you, Matt, but I'm also kind of happy for her. Yeah, no, she was cool.

And it all worked out fine. The band did break up eventually, but not over that. How did the dancing at the dance go? Oh, I left them alone. I just went over to where my friends are, and we started freestyle rapping. No, no. I was a dork too, Allison.

I feel solidarity. Yeah, I was was a dork too, Allison. Yeah, I feel solidarity. Yeah, I was also very dorky. We all would have hung out, the kids I hung out with were all the art kids, theater kids, but they were all into anime and manga and everything, which I've tolerated. And then I like would go over to the one dude's house whose parents were like never home for some reason and we'd watch hentai porn. Hell yeah. On a DVD. That's a magical night.

Yeah. I listened to an episode of this show and you mentioned hentai on that episode too. Oh I think I mentioned it in every episode. I think you listened to an episode of the show. Yeah. I'm surprised we don't have a sting for it, but I won't ask for it. So hentai is like tentacle porn? It's cartoon, like anime. Anime porn. Yeah.

Hentai porn. There, okay, that fits. That's fun. Yeah, I just, my artsy friends got into it and then I thought, oh, I could look it up online and my parents, if they catch it, won't notice it because it's a cartoon and they won thought oh I could look it up online and my parents if they catch it won't notice it Because it's a cartoon and they won't think I'm watching porn which was in kidder incorrect Yeah, well because when they see the boobs

Yeah, that'll do it. Yeah Way speaking of boobs these characters are at the prom and some of them have boobs There's a thing. The women mostly. Mostly the women. Yeah. And there's a thing where no one brought cups to the prom and like where are the cups? This is absolutely a joke that goes nowhere.

They like go back to it several times. I'm like, when's this thing with the cups gonna pay off? Maybe someone brings cups. It's very weird. Yeah, script written in 10 days. I mean. Was it E.G. Daly? Was it her character who was supposed to bring the cups? Or was it, oh no, no, no. It was Michelle Mayring, her character who was making out with the guy who was flirting with her

stepmom before. Oh, we forgot about this. That was a weird subplot that didn't need to be in the movie. It didn't need to be there at all. It almost makes no sense that it was there. There's a weird, we'll describe it briefly. There's a total aside where these characters who aren't really related to the rest of the movie, it's a, it's like a stepmom and a young hunk. Everyone's the same age, but in this movie,

they're playing a stepmom and this young hunk, everyone's the same age, but in this movie they're playing a stepmom in this young hunk delivery guy, and they flirt, it's this scene, it makes the yearning scenes in Twilight seem like they were written by Aaron Sorkin. This is so slow and awkward. And there's that ham-fisted graduate reference. She's like, can I give you a tip?

Plastics. Yeah. So yeah, and the end shot of this movie, I think, is supposed to look like the end shot of The Graduate, too. So there's some like, they're kind of trying to like remind you of that in some ways. Anyway, so yeah, it's a thing, the mom's in love with the pool boy and then he- Doesn't pay off at all. Yeah, there's a scene where you think he

is having sex with her, but it's really the daughter who had a crush on him. Anyway, it's a thing that happens in the movie. And that's why the cups are late, because then they get there and then one character says, were you getting laid? Or something like that. Yes, so the cups thing makes sense.

Oh, it's perfect. A perfect puzzle box of a movie. Worthy. Yeah. The cups are late, and then therefore, they changed the name of the club to the Viper Room, and then River Phoenix dies. See, that's how the butterfly effect works.

Christopher Nolan would be proud. So he met Nicholas Cage and Tommy fight backstage. Tommy does a bunch of karate moves. It's kind of funny. And then they start a food fight. And then in the in the midst of the food fight, Nicolas Cage and Julie slip off. They tell the they tell the limo driver to head to the Valley Sheraton and we get the shot that's kind of like the end shot of The Graduate. And that is the end of Valley Girl. That's right.

Before we rank this movie on a scale of 1 to 10 super loud commercials, we want to talk about who we were the most sexually attracted to. It's our segment, Hunk Watch. It's Hunk Watch. Emily, you had some thoughts on the hunks of this movie. And by the way, I just want to point out this is a movie, maybe the first one we've done, where they actually say hunk.

Hunk is like a term used in the movie. Anyway. Yeah, you had thoughts, Emily. I mean, clearly it's Nick Cage. But the dad, with the existential crisis about getting old and dying with the mustache, I love a mustache. I don't know what it is. I think they're great.

And he also just seemed like, I don't know, fun to be around and him and his wife's relationship was kinda cute and I thought he was hot, but in terms of hunk, it is Nicolas Cage, 100%. Alison, did you have an opinion on the hunks of this week? Yeah, definitely Nicolas Cage. I also found myself thinking at times the pool boy guy, who was not a pool boy that he may as well have been,

he was kind of attractive as well. Yes. You know, I felt chemistry between the dad and his daughter. Did you notice that? Sure, well, yeah. You did, okay. Everyone grew up together, so of course there's a connection. They're the same age.

She was, when Nicolas Cage came into the health food store and she like nervously hid behind her dad, it felt like they were about to make out. Yep. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. It was weird, it was weird. I felt it too. It also felt like he could have been her son.

Yep. And that made me feel gross too. Anyone can be anyone's kid in this movie. You don't know who is whose kid. Literally could be anyone. Time is meaningless in the world of Valley Girl. Matt, do you have any hunk opinions? My hunk is Tommy slash.

No. Yes, Tommy and I'll tell you. Matt! Let me tell you why. You're a Tommy man, huh? Let me tell you why. First of of all he's the good guy in this Okay, all he wanted to do was love Julie and she couldn't accept that so that's fucked up No, but I just really like this actor. His name is Michael Bowen and he is just a just a like a

Very much a guy from that thing as you say like he Like, he's been in Lost, he was in Breaking Bad, he was in Django Unchained. Like, I was like, I know this guy. I've never seen him young before, but I know him. And yeah, I just like him, so I wanna give a shout out to Michael Bowen. Shout out to you, Michael. And I'm just gonna say, I'm gonna say,

as wrong as they were for the scene, I think all the Plim souls look great in that. Yeah, we love we you know we love it We love a rock band who wears a tie well dressed men find sweaters Vampire weekend could never Yeah, so I think we're gonna rank this movie on a scale of one to ten super loud commercials when we come back. We're back. It's Free With Ads. We're here with Allison Rosen from the podcasts. All of them.

All of them. All of them. We're talking about Valley Girl. We are gonna rank it on a scale of one to 10 super loud commercials. Allison, you're our guest. We'll start with you, one to 10. I was kind of shocked that you had never

seen this movie before. I know, it is a shock. Okay, one to ten super loud commercials. Well, it's tough. I find myself wanting to be charitable to this move. Is it okay that I'm just blathering about it without giving a hundred percent? We do that. We do that.

We talk about it. I find myself wanting to be charitable to this movie. However, there was a point at which I went, oh my god, how much longer is there? And I hit the thing on the remote to show the scroll. Always a bad sign. And I saw that it was only 13 more minutes. And I went, oh, thank god.

So I would say I guess I was not truly enjoying it, but I wanted to. So I'm going to give it a five. Very fair, very fair. Emily, what do you think? I felt the same way. I also, like, I'm gonna make a really controversial confession. Spicy. I pay for the no ads version of YouTube.

Oh my gosh. I know, I know. It's okay. It's sacrilegious. I'm outta here. Ah! But so I get to watch them without ads, Oh my gosh. I know I know. It's okay. It's I'm out of here But uh, so I get to watch them without ads and I also think even if you watch The movies with ads on YouTube the ads are less frequent than on Tubi and oh, yeah Which is why I tend to go I don't want to watch things on Tubi and plot out

But we do it because we are very democratic in that way. We include all platforms. But yeah, the amount of, I just, I kept, every time it would come back, I'd be like, why is she mad at him? Like, why is she taking back the blonde guy over the guy that she's clearly having fun with? But that was never explained. That's what I mean, where I was like,

I feel like I missed something. It never made sense. It just didn't go anywhere. There were fun characters all over the place and everybody did a good job performance wise. Everyone clearly took their Boniva in order to do this. They're like, whatever they needed to deal with their aches and pains, because they're old as fuck.

They're terrible. But yeah, it was fun. I'm gonna give it a four. It was, it's watchable. It's a good background movie. We love movies that can be put on in the background of a party, and you'll be having fun.

This is definitely one of those movies. And the soundtrack is fun, for sure. And Nick Cage, Nick Cage. Matt, what do you think? I'm gonna give it a seven actually. The thing about this movie is I agree with all of the plot holes in it, or not even holes, but just the kind of meandering nature of it. But I liked seeing Los Angeles in the early 80s. And so this movie is filled with mostly montages,

which I loved. And I spent most of the movie going, oh, I know where that is. Like it ends where you see a Denny's. And I'm like, I know that Denny's. I also recognize the Denny's. I'm like, that's the Denny's. Is that Rock and Roll Denny's?

No, I think that is a Denny's in, I think that's in Studio City, that Denny's. Is that rock and roll Denny's? No, I think that is a Denny's in, I think that's in Studio City, that Denny's. Yeah. Man, are we thinking of the same movie? On Sepulveda, right? Am I wrong about that? I think we're thinking of the same one. Or Magnolia, on Magnolia.

It could be. Hey, even if I don't know the Denny's, it was fun to think I did. Fun to see a Denny's you think you're a genius. I regret that I even asked, because I feel that I've destroyed the Denys, it was fun to think I did. So I'm giving it a seven. Fun to see a Denys you kick your neck in this. I regret that I even asked, because I feel that I've destroyed the Denys moment. Don't worry about it. But yeah, a seven.

Yeah, I think five is perfect for this movie. I think it is like, it's cool it exists. It's cool we can watch it. I think the Free With Ads averse kind of saves these weird movies from obscurity a lot, which I think is really cool. Because you know, this wouldn't be on Netflix or anything like that. But it's a you know, it's a weird kind of like sloppy shaggy movie that has a lot of memorable stuff in it. So yeah, very cool to see and yeah, if you're like,

yeah, if you're like into LA history, so much great LA stuff in it. So yeah, it's like, eh, it should have more plot, it should have more characters. But yeah, I mean fun, eh, it should have more plot, it should have more characters, but yeah, I mean, fun vibes, fun vibes for Miles. And yeah, that's Valley Girl. Alison Rosen, thank you so much for being on our show. I loved it, thanks for having me. It's time to plug.

Alison Rosen is your new best friend, one of the greatest chat podcasts ever. Absolutely. Yeah, it's a legend. I've been on it, Emily's been on it. Yeah. I. Yeah, it's a legend. I've been on it. Emily's been on it. Yeah. I've been on it.

Matt's been on it. The whole crew. We've all chopped it up on A-R-Y-I-N-B-F. But you have other shows as well. I do. Do you want to talk about some other stuff you have going on? Sure. Well, I have Childish, which is my parenting-ish podcast with Greg Fitzsimmons, and then I'm on Patreon,

Allison Rosen, nope, Patreon.com slash Allison Rosen is what I meant to say, and I do a podcast on there called Friend Zone, but then I also have another Patreon podcast called Allison and Todd After Hours, and I have my sub stack, that is AllisonRosen.substack.com. I'm questioning whether it's that or notisonrosan.substack.com. I'm questioning whether it's that or not. Google me, you'll find my stuff. Go to my website, allisonrosan.com.

It'll be in the show nuts. You will see all of the links. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Emily, Matt, anything to plug? Well, I've got Flemjems, Valentine's Dayces are going up very shortly in the next couple of days. Probably by the time this is out, there will be stuff up there for you to grab. And I will ship it to you before Valentine's Day. So get your presents.

Also, I'm on cameo. If you want me to send a little happy Valentine's Day to somebody. See Flemjems cameo, The scene will be perfect for your sweetie. Matt, anything? You can catch me at the Ice House in Pasadena at the date that will be listed in the show notes when I find the date in my calendar. Check out those show notes

if you're anywhere near Pasadena. Oh, it'll have a date on there. Oh, I bet it will. Hey, I want to talk about some stuff you can pick up at your local comic book store. The first thing is Web of Spider-Verse New Blood. This is a Spider-Man multiverse anthology with a story from me and artist Sumit Kumar.

Very cool, very cool Spider-Man anthology. I'm seeing some of the art that's coming back. Oh, my God. Sumit Kumar is a fucking genius. This is such a gorgeous book. I cannot believe I got to write a Spider-Man thing for this. This comes out March 5th. So make sure you preorder that at your local comic book store. And on April 30th, you can grab Godzilla vs. Los Angeles.

This is a Godzilla comic that is going to benefit a wildfire relief. So these are three stories about Godzilla coming to LA, and it's a very cool book, and all of the money is going to support, yeah, support rebuilding after the wildfires. So it's a cool comic. It goes, the money goes to a good cause. So listen, head down to your local comic bookstore, tell them you want to pre-order Web of Spider vs. New Blood and Godzilla vs. LA. And hey, if you have a comic bookstore, you know what I'm talking about.

You're like, great, I'm going to go down, I'm going to put it on my pull list. If you're someone who doesn't read a lot of monthly comics, if you only read collected graphic novels you get at the bookstore, here's what I'm gonna do. You guys know this thing in podcasting where the hosts are like, I'm not tech support, right? Like when someone's like, why is the audio off? I don't know, I just talk, I don't know why.

Maybe it's your headphones. I am offering, in this case, if you're like, why is the audio off? I don't know, I just talk, I don't know why. Maybe it's your headphones. Right. I am offering, in this case, if you're like, I don't know where to get the comics. Are you gonna go to their house and read it to them? I will go to your house and read it to you. Like a baby. I'll bring that.

Yes, I'll swaddle you. I will be your tech support. Here's what you do if you're like, I'm interested in these comics, email us, free with ads at maximumfun.org, say I wanna read the comics, but I don't know where to get them. Tell me your general area,

don't give me your fucking address, or else I'll come over and dox you. Come over and then dox you. He's a very scary doxer. He just sits there and his cool t-shirts, in his cool band t-shirts. It's going to be, you're going to be like, huh, huh, that band's so cool.

Say like, I want to check out the comics. I don't quite know where to get one in my area. I will be your tech support. I will fucking figure out where you can get the comics in your area. So just free with ads at maximumfund.org. Say you're interested, let us know kind of where you can get the comics in your area. So just free with ads at MaximumFun.org. Say you're interested, let us know kind of where you live. I'll fucking figure it out for you.

Web of Spider-Verse, New Blood, Godzilla versus Los Angeles. Pre-order them at your local comic book store. Okay! Allison Rosen, god damn, thank you for being on our show. Thank you for having me, this was delightful. Yes, check out all of Alison Rosen's projects. Really truly one of the best podcasters in the game. Thank you.

I think has elevated the chat podcast to a high art form. I am not fucking around when I say that. One of the best to ever host a chat podcast. Thank you. Okay, true. I feel the same and I doth not fuck round. No one doth fuck round. I feel the same but I fuck around a lot.

Wow. You do. And he finds out. Yeah. the same, but I fuck around a lot. You do. And he finds out. It's your era. He's in his fucking around era. Alright, that's it for Free With Ad. Tune in next week when our movie will be Who Framed Roger Rabbit? Thanks for watching!