Free With Ads - Vertigo

Episode Date: July 22, 2025

This week we watched some more classic Hitchcock for free (with ads). This time around we chose Vertigo which is arguably the greatest movie of all time according to very smart film critics. Did we feel the same? Listen to find out!Tune in next week when our movie will be... The Baby-Sitters Club (1995).-----Go see Matt Lieb in Seattle August 2 at do a live podcast at the Rainer Arts Center. Also on August 28 Matt will be in Houston, TX at the Punch Line.Watch "Emily Have You Seen This?" on Mythical Society!Jordan Morris will be at San Diego ComicCon this week and you find all of his events here!Jordan will be in the SF Bay area on Aug 22 for a live Jordan, Jesse, GO! Get your tickets here!Jordan will be at Cape and Cowl Con at Faction Brewing in Alameda on Aug 24. Find out more here!Listen to our latest bonus episode where we talk about the pilot to the Pride and Prejudice miniseries. www.Maximumfun.org/join

This is Free With Ads, the podcast that asks the question, why go into the Criterion closet to get classic films when you could go online for free and watch one of the greatest movies ever made without the risk of getting accidentally locked in the Criterion closet with Wes Anderson while he talks your ear off about the French New Wave. I'm Jordan Morris. And I'm Emily Fleming. Today's VV is Vertigo, the classic Hitchcock thriller where Jimmy Stewart obsessively follows around Kim Novak,

which is the same thing I did to Devin Sawa when I saw him come out of the Apple Store at the Grove. With us as always is the super producer, the he-freak, the Hitchcock of drops, Matt Lieb. What's this do doohickey. It's a brazier. Doohickey. Can I tell you?

It was the only time in the movie where he was adorable and cute. And it just got worse. I also really love that scene because she's talking about the brassiere and somebody from the space program designed it. And I was like, that's how I would describe all of my bras. Like, if you don't know, I'm a top heavy lass. And so yeah, they look like, I've had friends put their heads in them.

Yeah. The Braziers. The Braziers, yep, in the cup. Oh, they're big. They do look- Because they think it's funny. They look aerodynamic. What are you going to do?

They look like they can break through the space barrier. You know what I'm talking about? Oh, yeah. There's a lot of power behind them boobies. Yeah, they look like two yarmulkes for Godzilla Godzilla's been Jewish this whole time. Definitely. Wow. It's canon Well, hey we have something very special planned for today's edition of other free stuff This was a campaign we were doing since we got over 100 new five star reviews.

We're going to be giving you a special rundown of the not picked up pilot for the 1994 live action animation hybrid Sailor Moon. This is from the good folks at Saban who brought you the Power Rangers. This was a pilot they tried to do of an American, I'm gonna say American, this thing reeks of Canada though. This thing just, you can smell the Canada coming out of your laptop when you're watching this thing.

This was a pilot they tried to do of the beloved anime Sailor Moon where the superhero stuff, it's about a teen, some teen girls who transformed into superheroes. The superhero stuff is animated, but the teen drama stuff is live action. Again, not picked up, this thing's 10 minutes long, you can watch it on the YouTube channel Raymona. So yeah, we're gonna tell you about it. We were trying to get a bunch of new reviews

because the algorithm loves those. And y'all came through, gave us a bunch of great five star reviews. Let me read one of them before we start. This is from diseasedgecko on Apple Podcasts. Strong name. Strong name. The title of the review is Insert Godzilla Roar.

And the review reads, Emily and her boobs, Matt and Jordan are fantastic. Truly funny banter, and the movies they choose are so much fun. Oh my God. Appropriate with our top of the show conversation. I know, and the space program created the two of you two. That's right

I want to wear the yarmulke now. Now I feel like This is like a new merch idea. It's Jordan listen and I inside of a bra Well, also it's also a yarmulke. Yeah, we'll figure it out. So we'll figure it out. We'll figure it out Yeah, we're just brainstorm out. Okay, we'll figure it out. We'll figure it out. We're just brainstorming. We're just brainstorming. We're just brainstorming. Well, here's the thing. I have blown out so many of my bras that I could just.

Blown out? They are stretched out. They are unusable. So I could just cut up some bras and send people the cups. Yeah, sure. Honestly, I've been worrying about where to, because they don't take them at some,

they don't take underwear at a lot of like donation places. You shouldn't, I mean, I think- Emily, I think selling your blown out bra cups would be a lot more profitable than broadcasting, honestly. Maybe. Listen, it might feel good to give them to Goodwill, but not as good as your bank account will feel selling them. Listen, I'm doing it tonight.

I've got so many blown out bras. Listen, I'm doing it tonight. I've got so many blown out bras. I'm ready to go, anytime. Well yeah, let's talk about this thing. Actually, maybe before we talk about it, I think the thing that led us to wanting to talk about this is Emily brought in a clip of the theme song. So just to remind you in case it wasn't super obvious

from listening to this theme song. This is from 1994. It's the most 1994 thing you've ever heard in your life Yeah, let's just play a little bit of the theme song before we talk about the show 16 year old Hero for the world Sailor, Sailor Moon She can get dressed up and look so sweet Then walk into a force that can't be beat So, the-

Beep beep boop beep beep boop beep beep This pilot is about 10 minutes long I would say seven of it is theme song Yeah, 100% And it's one of those theme songs from our childhood that has too much exposition is about 10 minutes long. I would say seven of it is theme song. Yeah, 100%. Easily. And it's one of those theme songs from our childhood that has too much exposition. Oh my God.

It's not just that this whole thing is exposition, which is crazy. Because I feel like a pilot, sure, it needs exposition. But this is only 10 minutes. So as you're watching it, you're like looking at your watch, like come on, come on folks. What's the plot of this one? Yeah, I know. Like there's one minute left.

You're going to wrap this up. But it's also my favorite thing about Sailor Moon, because I didn't really watch the original cartoon when I was a kid. It just didn't click for me. But the thing that did click was the moment where they get a makeover by swirling in the wind. That's the best. And it was like different outfit.

I love it. And that was the entirety of this episode was in live-action They have to change into clothes for a dance. I've been at the beginning. They're turning into the Sailor Moon characters I was like, I love it. I love the lot of there's a lot of makeover So, yeah, let's let's let's all we'll take you down the beats of this thing So yeah, we'll take you down the beats of this thing. It starts with, hey, a bunch of voiceover. How appropriate for something that's mostly exposition. We get a bunch of VO, some stuff about Queen Veral and the forces of darkness.

There's a jewel for every planet, but also Earth doesn't get a jewel, they give it to the moon, but there's other moons in the solar system, so why are we giving a thing to the moon but not like Jupiter's moon anyway I've I've poked some holes in the sailor moon pilot and I don't want to listen I don't want to trash other creative people sure but did you notice uh how much cribbing from Lord of the Rings was happening during this opening. I think they even cribbed from like Queen, from Galadriel. She said like, all shall love me and despair.

And I was like, that's literally just what Galadriel says. What are we doing here? Come on guys, there's gotta be, I don't know, Tolkien definitely has lawyers. They really could have used chat GPT in 1994, couldn't they? Yeah, I would have. They needed it. Those Sailor Moon's could have used some gpt in 1994. Could they? Yeah, I would have. Those sailor moons could have used some more fingers. That's all I'm saying. They could have turned into their own dog more.

I want to see them as babies saying the words they say when they're an adult. So the animation in this is really bad. I would say the quality of the animation is like a game you play in your high school computer lab to teach you where to put your fingers when you're typing. Yes. That's the exact same quality of animation you're getting for this thing. Sailor Moon teaches typing very much.

Right. Yeah. See you later, Mavis Beacon. Fuck you, Mario. Get fucked. Pound Yeah, fuck you Mario. Get fucked. Pound sand, Carmen Sandiego. I shouldn't teach you that type. Get bent, reader rabbit.

Yeah. There we go. So many fucking educational characters can take a walk. So we get introduced to all the Sailor Scouts, Sailor Moon of course, and then the other ones Sailor Mars has a very fun go-go's haircut in this that's a wig that is a hundred percent of the cartoon character Emily I know but the live-action girl. Yeah It is such a bad wig well I mean just for this specific little interlude where we're talking about a ten-minute pilot

I'm gonna call that the worst hat. The worst hat. Hey, there you go. Oh, hell yeah. So they're having this kind of space ceremony thing, Queen Barrel attacks, all of her dark minions just come up and start doing dark minion stuff. We gotta get a theme for these dark minions.

There's robots, there's a giant cat, there's a sludge monster later, there's some Japanese demons, Queen Meryl, I mean, Veryl, Beryl, Meryl, anyways, I don't know. Also, they called her a beast in the beginning, and she's hot as fuck. Yeah, she looked all right. Maybe they mean in like, in bed.

The beast came for us. Yeah, like, oh, she's a beast. Yeah, she's a beast, you know what I mean? She's got some Yamaka bras going on. Yeah, I'm like, oh, she's a beast. Yeah, she's a beast, you know what I mean? She's got some Yamaha bras going on. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I'm a fool. I think I just became a man.

Yeah. Da, da, da, da, da, da. Sailor, sailor man. So they have a fight with the thing. The sailor scouts all hop on their sky flyers They're like hop on your sky flyers, and they're these like Sail boards like someone's like just saw video words, right? Yeah, they have like sails on them calling them sky flyers. It's like Calling your car a road driver

the road driver They're like silver surfer with like training wheels. Yeah, I know. Cause of the flyers. I know, somebody like, somebody, one of the like, coked out 50 year old guys riding this thing just like thought that was extreme probably. Do they have those in the other Sailor Moon stuff? I've never watched it.

I know, I don't know it. No, I don't think, I think the Sky Flyers. I watched it, I was obsessed as a kid really and I It didn't like follow me into like, you know, teen hood adulthood So I maybe I'm missing some of the details. Maybe some of this stuff is from the cartoon I think a lot of it is invented to like Americanize it. Yeah, or Canada eyes it or wherever this is Did any of that lore sound familiar about? Vera or whatever. Yeah, I think that's the think that's the big bad in one of the seasons.

And later we get Tuxedo Mask, who's her love interest, but he's like a hunky guy who goes to her school in the cartoon. He's great. One of the great animated hunks, Tuxedo Mask. So anyway, so they're flying around in the sky flyers. Her mom gets her and says, jump into the portal. There's no time to explain, but then she explains it

because this is all exposition. I love, like, there's no time to explain. Okay, take the cat. The cat's gonna give you advice. You gotta go into the portal. You gotta go to Earth. And just like gives a long explanation of what's about to happen.

Yeah, the cat's great. Love that cat. long explanation of what's about to happen. Great cat. Yeah, the cat's great. Love that cat. Fabulous cat too. Fabulous cat. Or jewelry. So the Sailor Scouts, they go to Earth, and now they're live action real people.

The Sailor Moon girl is gazing out her window. Her friend's like, let me borrow your lipstick. This is what a girl would say to another girl. And then she's like, don't tell me you forgot. And then Sailor Moon looks right into the camera and goes, the dance! Of course, the big dance. I gotta tell ya, I was stoked immediately.

I was like, oh my god, the hair. She's so pretty. And then she's like, can I borrow your lipstick? I'm like, yes, let her borrow your lipstick. And then it was like, oh, do they all live in a boarding school together? I love this. It doesn't mean anything like.

What could have been? You're about to self-fund this. No, I wanted it to go on because I'm like, I wanna know what class is like. I just wanna know the live action stuff first. I don't give a fuck about the other stuff. I wanna hang out with these girls at boarding school who seem like they're having fun and they love each other.

And they're all hot. Except for that wig, oof. I can say that, right? They're probably, it's Canada and they're all like 25, right? They're probably older than us now. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They're in their 40s. I hope they all went on to satisfying careers.

A few of them got their PhDs for sure. I'm sure, yeah. So it's the big dance. There's a big old getting ready montage of like getting ready, but then just like a synchronized dance that they all do in the hallway. They're trying a lot of hats, of course, getting ready but then just like a synchronized dance that they all do in the hallway They're trying along a lot of hats of course getting ready trying to find that perfect hat for the dance One of them tries on a puffy leopard skin hat. I think this is maybe the worst hat

So different opinions as to what the worst hat is yeah So oh and sailor Mars she's the tomboy so she she's like, what do I wear, this or this? And she's holding up different jerseys because she loves sports. She has a thing. That was cute. It was cute. Well, part of me went, okay,

how are you gonna style this? Are we gonna do, are we doing a skirt with it? What's happening? Like, I needed to see it to give opinions. happening. Like I needed to see it to give opinions. But then they're there. They're getting ready montages interrupted by Sailor Moon's mom coming at them via her magic compact. This is from the cartoon and her having that magic comp. Love that. She's just like, the people of Jupiter needs your help. And that's it. And then they immediately do their big transformation. They twirl and they transform some early kind of 90 CGI in this.

Yeah. And then they transform into cartoons. They transform into cartoons. Very Saban kind of because Saban would just borrow footage from another show for Power Rangers. Right. Yeah. Americanized characters would appear separately from the other things. So this is kind of the same business format, I guess. Yeah, yeah.

So yeah, so then they go into the cartoon fight scene on Jupiter, I guess. And then they're doing a bunch of clips, all these fighting while they're fighting the monsters. Oh, God. One of them goes, this is what I miss the dance for? If I break a nail, you're really in for it. We had so much if I break a nail humor in the 90s.

Break it, it was the big, everybody was laughing at people being worried about breaking a nail. I know, but I broke my nails with my teeth all the time. Most people I know do this. I've never fully understood when people talked about breaking a nail in the 90s, because I would just watch people chew on their nails. Yeah, I still do it.

I actually, I really look at this. Look at this situation I got going on. I mean, that's a former what a cuticle hang nail yet something going on there. It was a hang nail that turned into a cuticle and it just went right across. But I'll get a manicure tomorrow. You bet. 100%. And don't you dare break a nail or else they're in for it.

They're gonna be laughing at you. Breaking a nail. 1994 and that's the funniest thing, except for sodas at the movies being big. Oh, those movie sodas are so big. We don't have anything to worry about as a country. Speaking of things that were too big, there was a line where Mars goes like

to one of the villains or ghouls or whatever, just kind of goes, you seem out of shape. Here, let me help you burn off a few pounds. Right, and then she has fireballs. And it sets them on fire and I'm like, oof. Yeah, that was pretty good. I hate that joke. Yeah, the worst thing that this pilot does is fat shaming.

Fat shaming a demon. Can I run into the fight real quick? Yeah. Just get my ass. Hey, listen, this demon might be evil, but they're beautiful. Yeah, we don't need to, when they go low, you go high. We don't need to go high.

Oh, yeah, yeah, for sure, for sure. You can still set him on fire, but just don't say anything about his weight. Yes. Right. Someone says, gangway for the original party girl. I liked that. I was like, what? How? You're the original party girl?

Yes, since when? I didn't know that. I'm the original party girl. Amazing. A big giant comes, it's like hard to fight. Someone just goes, uh-oh, and then they pan over to this giant You haven't seen yet. It made rat really made me laugh. How abrupt that was I'm like oh great. This thing's here, too Yeah, yeah, oh no new scary guy, okay?

And then with it a rose hits the ground it was thrown by Tuxedo mask is that it was thrown because it looked like it was just growing out of the ground Oh, I think in the cartoon, you know, anime at least, Tuxedo Mask like throws roses and they always like stick in the ground perfectly. He like throws them like darts. So they must have forgotten to draw that. Yes, this, yeah, a lot of corners cut in this animation.

You don't see things moving a lot because movement is expensive. Yeah. And the, he doesn't do anything though, but the rose he threw powers up her crown that she throws at the thing. Anyway, kills that last thing, but it turns out it kind of just cuts to the live action one

of her daydreaming in school. And the teacher asks, oh, you know, whatever her name is. Like, where's your head? Is it in space? And then she looks right on the camera and she goes, no, on Earth. Right down the barrel of the camera. Sailor, Sailor Moon.

And then no one made any more of this show ever. Yeah, yeah, that was it. It was 10 minutes. The fact that it's 10 minutes long and it still feels like an eternity, I think, to me, I was like, oh, that's a bad sign for selling something. I don't know.

Of course, I don't want to watch it again, but there were some things that made me really excited about it. And I think there was some potential here. They should just make this show like this and put it on Adult Swim and don't change anything about the tone just like do this exact thing. Yes. And for stoners to watch at 3am. Yeah. Didn't they do that with Powerpuff Girls? They kind of made like a fake trailer for a live action thing on Adult Swim. There is There's a very famous abandoned Powerpuff Girls

live action pilot written by Diablo Cody. Oh. Oh yes. If you, there's descriptions of it online you can read and it is like, you know, Buttercup's going like, I just got my ass ate last night. And it's like so, it's like, it's them going so over the top with like what a grown-up Powerpuff Girls show would be I think I think the the general feeling is God I'm glad they didn't make

this show but you know maybe maybe it would have been great I mean live action and if they're in there like let's say mid-30s then I'm all for it. You know what I mean? They should be Powerpuff women at the very least, the way they're talking. And I think there's a lot of stuff that punch somebody and goes, that was a microaggression. So I think there's a lot of kind of sweaty girl boss stuff in it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well. Anyway. That sounds like a Mindy project. Yeah, yeah. Just, it sounds dated. It actually sounds more dated than the show from 1994. We just watched. Yeah.

Yeah, I'd say Juno sounds more dated than the show. I just watched. Yeah. Anyways, I'm going to give this 10 out of 10. It's perfect. No notes. One point for each minute of this thing, which is great. You should totally watch it. I will say that the like the casting is incredibly cool and like inclusive. Yeah, that's nice.

That's the most fun thing about it. One of them is in a wheelchair. Yeah. And she has like a spaceship wheelchair that she flies around in the animated segments and she looks it looks really cool. Of course, they make her spill out of it in the animated. I was like, we didn't have to do that. Yeah, I would say that the casting of this is very Burger King Kids Club.

Yes. Absolutely. Yep. Mack and me, very Mack and me. Very Mack and me. Yeah, this thing's really cool. If you like remember the anime from your childhood or just wanna see something like crazy from the 90s, definitely look this thing up. Yes

any final thoughts before we move on to Vertigo Some say is one of the greatest movies ever made. Jesus Christ. What a segue What a segue it's like we're going. Yeah, I say let's go. Let's do it, dude. I think we we at this point have I think we at this point have sufficiently prepared our audience for a talk about the greatest, one of the greatest movies ever made. According to film guys. I gotta tell you, I'm really glad that I watched the Sailor Moon pilot after this, because this is probably the most fucked up movie I've watched for us. It's pretty fucked up, yeah. Well hey, let's talk about it. I wanna say one more time, thank you to everybody who reviewed the show, keep on doing it.

We'll periodically comb those reviews for some funny, fun ones. And of course, you gotta make them five stars. Guys, you gotta make them five stars. Don't do a joke one star review, that's bad for the show. We hate it. Anyway, like we mentioned, we are gonna review Vertigo,

which is as of this recording, streaming free with ads, but we wanna let you know that this movie discusses suicide, so if that's not something you wanna hear about, we're gonna play a little music and give you a minute to find another episode. Also, braziers. We're back, it's Free With Ads, we're talking about Vertigo. We get some close-ups of eyes and a mouth, it's in black and white, but then the screen turns red, because this one's in color, bitch!

Yeah, it's 1958 and not all movies were in color, but this one is. What was the type they called it? Something Chrome, Video Chrome, or I can't remember. Oh, it did have one of those like filmed in vision Chrome titles. I forget what exactly it was, but yeah, this is like the 4D of its time.

Totally, well I feel like all of the thumbnails and like posters I've seen, it has been black and white. So the color was like Wizard of Oz. Shocking to me. Yeah, totally. Yeah. It's gorgeous. It's so gorgeous. And the quality of the version I saw, Free With Ads, was beautiful. Yeah. On my shitty TV. Yeah. I will say that this is one of the most well shot movies I think I've ever seen and in a way that where if I'm noticing then that means it must be really, really well shot. Yeah, totally. Because usually I don't give a shit. Yeah, it's really, really incredible looking and everything looks so gorgeous and it's

a pretty mundane, it happens just in and around San Francisco, which, like, beautiful city, but it's not in, like, you know, this isn't a movie in space or something. Right, yeah. But it still is just like, every frame of this thing is captivating. Jordan, would you say that San Francisco is a character? I would say it's kind of like another character

in the movie. It's kind of, stop it. It's kind of like another character in the movie. It's kind of like another character in the movie. Stop it. Oh, I just shit my pants and it hurt. Yeah, this movie makes San Francisco look so fucking cool. And they go to like, a lot of it is just Jimmy Stewart following Kim Novak around, and she just goes

to all the coolest looking places. Yeah. I mean. Only the most beautiful places. Yeah. They're going to Palace of Fine Arts, they're going to the Presidio, they go to Sequoia Forest, they go to the Mission District.

If they remade this, they would just be going to WeWorks and a Warby Parker store. I know. I know. Oh, I followed her to Blue Bottle and got a matcha. I followed her to the Harry Potter themed escape room. I've been watching her from outside a lot. Talk to her. Yeah. Oh, wow. That's a really good impression, Matt. Yeah. Good impression. Sure.

Yes. The only other thing I think of when I think of San Francisco is full house. Oh, yeah. Oh, sure. Yeah. Every time it's like everywhere you look is a lady. She's good., wants to die. Do do do do do do. Who's got a ghost inside her? Do do do do do do. So yeah, we get some crazy shapes.

Look like they were drawn on a Spirograph, which was probably very advanced at the time. We start with a chase across the rooftops. It's a criminal and a cop and Jimmy Stewart, who is also a cop, but he doesn't wear a uniform. He just wears a little suit. Looks great in this. Okay, can I just, maybe I'm overthinking this.

So they're chasing a robber, this guy who's like all in black, up a roof. And I don't think there's like all in black. We don't know what he did. Up a roof and I don't think there's helicopters at this time. So part of me thinks, wait downstairs. He has to come down at some point. Can't just live on the roof. Look at you.

Pretty smart. Pretty smart. Law enforcement. This movie didn't even have to happen. Right. The inciting incident is totally bullshit. Yes. Just wait for the guy downstairs.

So the like uniformed cop falls to his death. Jimmy Stewart like sees it all. Well he falls to his death trying to save Jimmy Stewart. Trying to save Jimmy Stewart. Who was hanging onto a gutter. Yeah. Damn good gutters. And then we kinda smash cut to present day,

he's got a cane and he's hanging out in the apartment of his cool ass friend Midge who draws bras. She's a draw bra, a bra drawer. A bra drawer. She's a draw, a bra drawer. She draws bras. She's having her fail draw bra. You have an idea.

I'm gonna pick up a salad of sweet green and then come watch her draw bras. Yeah. Jimmy Stewart, most fun voice to do. Yeah, he's a salad of sweet green and then come watch a draw of bras. Yeah. Jimmy Stewart, most fun voice to do. Yeah, he's a lot of fun. Well, you never see where he lives in this whole bucket movie. You do, remember he pulls her out of the water

and they go back to his apartment. That's true, we do see, that's right. That is where he lives. And I think, I don't know if like in this movie, cause you know, this movie is kind of like about like, you know, it's he and Midge are like two sides of the same coin. They're these like unmarried people, which I think probably at the time was like a huge fucking deal that they were like these like older unmarried people. And I don't know

if they're supposed to like look like the same age. Well yes, well they certainly don't. Jimmy Stewart, definitely far older than everybody. So so I should probably mention you probably guess that's probably the tallest person in the movie Oh, yeah Tallest guy big dude big dude Jimmy Stewart. Yeah looks far older than everybody else I don't know if they're supposed to look sad bachelors or not, but their apartments fucking rule Their apartments look so cool, especially Midge's apartment. Yeah, Midge's apartment is probably, you don't get to see the bedroom.

I know I have a lot of opinions about bedrooms and movies, but that apartment with the, you know, all the art space that she's got and all of her hobbies everywhere, I was like, God, this woman's life is cool. She's single, she's drawing bras. Drawing bras, takes a painting later. The guy that she rejected his proposal

still wants to hang out with her. Yeah, so he and Midge, they're like buddies, but I guess they were engaged in college, but they didn't go through with it, but now he just hangs out at her house and gets drunk. Very progressive, if you think about it. It is, yeah, and I think that this was kind of like shocking and modern at the time, I would guess.

Yeah, there's men and women being friends. Sure. Do you think that maybe this- Who are also involved in kind of a psychosexual dance. Sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure. But you know, still. Maybe there is some kind of a unrelated morality play about like, okay, they both were unmarried and if they were married,

they wouldn't have been this crazy like kind of. Yeah. Maybe a little bit. That's for sure in there. I mean, especially given the ending where there's a nun. We'll get to it. Oh, we'll get to it. We'll get to the nun, the true villain of the movie, the nun who comes in in the last two seconds. It's a ring a bell. This old bitch who can climb stairs real fast, I guess.

So they're chatting it up in Midge's apartment. They have really cute banter. I fucking love their dialogue in this. It's all really, really great. It's that great classic old movie dialogue. And you see him being charming here for a little bit which he turns into a fucking monster in this movie. But like you see him kind of be cute funny Jimmy Stewart here and I'm sure this was so shocking at the time. It would be like LeVar Burton playing

Freddy Krueger. Like this was the guy from the fucking Christmas movie. Like this was this was an angels getting its wings when we ring the bell little girl. You know? I wanna live. I wanna live. It's like if Tom Hanks played this character. Yeah right, it's like Tom Hanks played Leatherface. Yes.

And I think people were freaked out by this at the time. I think, but yeah, I mean he had already been in like Rear Window, which is like kind of a fucked up movie, but not nearly as fucked up as this movie. No, no. Was he North by Northwest as well? That's Cary Grant I think. Cary Grant.

He was in a couple, Jimmy Stewart was in a couple of Hitchcock movies. I hope we get to Rear Window at some point in this podcast. I love that movie too. I'm sure we will. But yeah, so this is him playing a true monster. And it's wild to see. He's so good too. He's such a fucking great actor.

He freaked me the fuck out. Yeah, and I know like he, you know, now he's like the guy from the Christmas movie with the voice, right? He's the guy, he's the, the bell's ringing and I got my way. Oh, what a big one. Oh, oh, oh, oh.

And he's, yo, I'm just making a noise. But like, he's so good. Isn't that so funny that in rear, cause I got a little confused cause the opening like scene of him, he's got a cane, he's a little bit bedridden and then rear window they put him in a wheelchair. I'm like, is he just wanna sit down?

Is it in his like contract that he's like, I'll do this thing called vertigo because this guy didn't like standing up. Yeah, I have a feeling it was a Hitchcock, it's a Hitchcock sadistic choice thing. Every choice made in any Hitchcock movie now, I look from the lens of like, remember that Hitchcock is kind of a psychopath.

Right, he hates actors and wants to fuck with them. He's publicly talked about how much he doesn't like actors. Yeah. So that's what I assume. Yeah, we get it. Oh, it comes true. Yeah, so. In fact, this is a movie about his hatred of actors,

but we'll get to that. So yeah, Jimmy Stewart reveals that he is quitting the police force because he has vertigo now, or acrophobia, fear of heights. I guess the stuff portrayed in this movie isn't really Vertigo, the movie shouldn't be called Fear of Heights, but Vertigo, much cooler name. Vertigo has little crystals in your ears.

Anyway. Is it? Yeah, it makes you dizzy, it's your inner ear like balance alignment gets fucked up really easily. Well get those out of the ears, give them to Sailor Moon. There you go, so she can kill the blob monster that just appeared.

You're just hoarding crystals in your ears? I know. Call Gwyneth Paltrow, she could sell them on Goop. Yeah, put them in your pussy. I got jade eggs for your ears. Stick the ear crystals in your pussy. You dizzy fuck. Yeah, have a seat.

Put the ear crystals in your pussy. Who's this? Who's this? What are ears? Put the pussy of the head. Thank you. Thank you. A bunch of new guys.

We're creating new guys. New guys. New guys. They're always mobsters. We've all got that voice. This is one of the voices I can do. This is like one of the only ones. I just don't want to keep talking about this movie.

I don't do a lot of voices. I'm killing time between ads. So, Jimmy Stewart, he's going on one final job. His old college buddy calls him, and he's a crazy fucking psychopathic billionaire. He works at a shipyard. He has a really scummy mustache. Hey, Matt, I need you to create a sting.

Right now, it's our new segment, The Worst Stache. The Worst Stache. Hey, he did it live. He fucking did it live. It's a new segment. Keep an eye out for bad facial hair in a movie because we'll call it... Oh, not again. Yeah, you gotta do it again. Oh, we're stash.

There it is. That mustache on that guy. There was a really lovely Reddit post that I love. By the way, thank you so much to everyone who posts on our Reddit on free with ads and on Maximum Fun. We love it when you do both. But somebody posted a bingo card.

Oh, I saw that. You sent that to us. That was so great. I love it. But one of them is you going, oh, you got to find your sting. And I can't unhear it now. It's so cute. Hey, you little wieners.

Don't play bingo. Make it a drinking game. Do a shot every time Matt goes, oh. A little behind the scenes. That's me frantically searching for the sting. Yes, yes. They love it, they love it. They love it.

Okay, so he's got one final job from this crazy, terrible, stashed, rich guy. He wants Jimmy Stewart to follow his wife because she's acting real weird. So basically, his evidence for my wife is acting weird as she went to the park and zoned out. He's very concerned about his wife because she's zoning out so much.

Immediately thinks that she's possessed. I guess that's why everyone who dates me hires a private investigator. Honestly, all I- This guy's zoning out so much. I kind of thought about it maybe have flashbacks to me as a child. Cause it was just every report card in La La Land zones out La La Land was in every fucking report card just

zones out. My mom was like is she possessed? Maybe it's ADHD. Yeah I love that. That must be regional because out here in La La Land I was just called a space cadet. Space cadet is cute! Yeah, I always liked it. I was like, I wanna be a space cadet. That's fine.

Jordan, what did they call you on your report cards? Just a good, good little boy. A nice little boy, a delight to have in class. I knew it, I knew it. A delight to have in class. Aw. So Jimmy Stewart takes this job. He meets him and what he thinks is the guy's wife

at Ernie's, this fancy restaurant. God, take me to fucking Ernie's. Hell yes. Ernie's rules. God, I wanted to go there. I don't know if it was an actual restaurant at the time or something that's still there maybe, but yeah, it's really, really great. But this is what happened in Birds too,

that restaurant and bar. A little diner, yeah, yeah. I think we know that Hitchcock likes to eat. Likes, yeah, he likes a nosh. He likes a nice juicy steak. Lovingly films a restaurant. Yes. And yeah, hey, so the one he thinks

is the guy's wife gets up, it's Kim Noback, and because it's a Hitchcock movie, he is immediately obsessed, immediately obsessed with her. So he starts following her around. She goes to a cemetery and stops at a tombstone labeled Carlotta Valdez. Great Harvey Danger song. Oh, is it? I didn't know Oh, is it? I didn't know that.

Is it? Well, I didn't know who Carlotta Valdez was, and I heard it and I was like, Carlotta Valdez. That's like a song that- Oh, I don't know that song. That's cool. Oh, nice.

It's a Harvey Danger song, and I went, oh, she must be a historical person. And then I looked it up and it's, no, it's a fake historical person they made up for this movie. And I'm obsessed, I'm obsessed. That's great. So yeah, so she goes to the cemetery,

she looks at the thing, looks at the tombstone, she goes to a museum and looks at a painting that looks a lot like her, has kind of a similar hairdo. She's got the same- Spirals. Spiral, yeah, spirals, it comes back, It's a symbol. See, they're doing motif. They're doing a motif in the movie. We know things. We know smart things to say. We know smart things to say about the movie. They do a motif. I get it. Whoa, hang on. This is okay. Wait, so Vertigo.

It's like I guess the spirals are kind of to represent dizziness or vertigo But also going full circle this movie is like a loop-de-loo of a full circle. Yes. Yes. Oh my god genius It's about people being like trapped It's about people being trapped in like an obsession like it's the it's the like world's greatest movie about how toxic it is to not let Go of something. Yeah, like it's yeah, it's totally like yeah, it's about like how Not letting go of something. Yeah, it's totally like, yeah, it's about how not letting go of something just drives you fucking insane. Yeah, going around in circles

and thinking you're getting somewhere, but when you're only getting deeper and deeper into your own insanity. We're really just gonna fall off a church. Oh my God, and the redwood, the inside of a redwood is a spiral too. See, we know things to say about the movie. Yes. You guys, this movie's so good. Yeah, yeah. It's a very good movie.? We know things to say about the movie. Yes. You guys, this movie's so good.

Yeah, yeah. It's a very good movie. Yeah, it's one of those movies that it's upon reflection, I think I liked it. Yeah. Well, I never, okay, so this movie, I'm pretty sure I watched it for college. I'm pretty sure I did.

Yeah, it's a real movie you watch in college, for sure. Yeah, but when I watched it today, it was like, I'm like, I don't remember any of this. It was like the first time I'd ever seen the movie and it fucking blew my socks off, all the stuff. I kind of like memory hold something. I was positive in this movie it had someone falling off the Golden Gate Bridge,

because it's so San Francisco-y and has so much falling and then when nobody did it, I'm like, oh huh, I think that's like a James Bond movie. No they didn't, it's in there. well, she kind of jumps off the side. I thought there was going to be a thing where someone was dangling off. Yeah. Oh, dangling off. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, I'm sure there's a movie around this era where somebody falls off the Golden Gate Bridge.

It's not this one. Anyway, so she's going to a lot of cool looking places and doing a lot of stuff. He's just following her around. And then he follows her to a little hotel and there's this kind of like little old lady there and she's like, I'm putting olive oil on my rubber tree plant. Yeah, whatever the fuck that meant.

Why? I'm insane. I'm a superfluous character doing something superfluous. Okay, all right, sure. That bitch needed an American Girl doll. And just get your hands on that. By the way, I have an appointment to get for a hairdo and a full body wash for Felicity.

Oh, that's nice. Oh, fun. Felicity deserves it. Also. She deserves a pampering. Can I tell you, oh boy, I got a new outfit too. It hasn't come in yet. Anyway, did you know, American Girl, you could get your your dolls ears pierced and your own ears pierced together?

Huh? Can I just? ask Couldn't you pierce your own dolls ears? No That's not that's not the full experience. You're right. That's not sanitary. You're right. You gotta hold each other's hand tell each other It'll be okay It'll only hurt for a second Mom takes you to get an orange julia

Maybe I'll get another hole in my ears and then I'll just get it done an American Girl doll store. Yeah, that's fine Do it. Yeah, you can do whatever an American Girl doll store. You can do whatever you want. Well, you can't do some things believe me I try Believe me believe me, I try. Ah! Believe me. Believe me. So Jimmy Stewart's wondering what's going on. He and Midge go to this old kind of historian guy. God, the fucking bookstore they go to to visit this historian guy.

You just want to go everywhere in this movie. Yes. His name is Pop, we love an old guy named Pop. His name is Liebel, His last name is Liebel. And I was like, hey, that's close to my name. That's almost not Liebel. That's almost, it must be my cousin. Might be a cousin.

I wonder if he makes good stings. We'll never know. So he says that Carlotta Valdez was this kind of legendary old woman. She was the mistress to a rich guy who kind of like abandoned her But she had a child and then she just kind of went crazy and committed suicide So that's like the legend of Carlotta Valdez Yeah, and they let us know they tell us at some point that Kim Novak is like a descendant of Carlotta Valdez

So kind of the like this movie is like a weird supernatural ghost movie for a while You think that she's maybe possessed by this woman. And so Jimmy Stewart sees her like at the kind of lip of the Golden Gate Bridge, not like on it, but near it, and she like jumps in the water and he goes in and saves her. And then takes her back to his apartment where we learned that he took off all of her clothes, put her in his bed. His bachelor pad looks great, but he has it on his coffee table. He has a copy of a magazine called Swank, which I think is a porno magazine of the time. Yeah, it kind of feels like it.

It's either that or just like, I don't know, watches and cool clothes. But I don't think it's a fashion magazine. I think he had something in the Swank Bank. yeah I think according to Wikipedia I think swank is straight-up porno I don't know if it was porno in 1958 but yeah oh okay in the 1958 Alfred Hitchcock film vertigo a copy of swank magazine can be seen on the coffee table Jimmy Stewart's character's apartment anyway cool and then it has a time stamp for all the swank fans who wanna see it on film. You're a swank head.

It was a real magazine? It was, yeah, and a real porno magazine. Weird. Anyway. Okay, that's cool. Yeah, so I mean, I think that brazier thing that happens at the beginning is like, he's very cute and funny,

but also like to kind of maybe show that he's like sexually stunted and doesn't understand women and like, not that like having a porno magazine is like, means that, but I think at the time it was probably supposed to symbolize that a little bit as he's like, kind of like sexually, I don't know. He's sexually weird. Yeah.

Well it was weird that like, it was cool that there, here's these two people in the opening scene that were engaged in college, no sexual attention between either one of them. And she's making a thing for boobies and he just kind of has this whatever desexualized conversation about it. There's nothing scandalous about her talking about lingerie

in that scene, which shows you how kinda just, I don't know, sexually, I mean, stunted he is. Yeah, 100%. So he just says a bunch of creepy shit to her. She kind of slips out while he's talking to her husband on the phone, but then she kind of comes back and leaves him this thank you note, and that kind of starts them having this affair.

They go off to the forest together, they look at the big tree slice, which has the rings, and it's like, here's where the Magna Carta was signed, and here's when America was founded. So cool, so cool. Yeah, I love those. And then she points to a part, and she goes, and this is where I die. Yeah, this is when I she goes, and this is where I die.

Yeah, this is when I was born and this is where I die. What? Yeah. We, spoilers for Vertigo, we learned that this woman isn't who she says she is and this is all like an act. The fucking improv this woman does to do the ghost thing, here's where I was born, while they're looking at this tree slice, I mean, what a performance.

Yes, yeah, you got to hand it to Judy, the name of the character who is an actor who's pretending to be Madeline, who's pretending to be a ghost. Well, Kim Novak, this performance is like- And Kim Novak, shout out to her as well. She's great. Yeah, the dude inside another dude playing another dude. Straight up, yes. This was wild.

But yeah, it's it's fucking wild. But also the I guess the whole her going blank stare that the husband says she's doing is like she goes to another time period. It's like flashbacks to like her past life or whatever, like being possessed by this ghost. And he's buying it. And so am I as a viewer, which is I think, you know, a great thing about this movie is you are also, because it's Hitchcock,

buying that something supernatural is actually happening. I agree. I was totally invested and believed her, completely believed her. So she goes over to like Jimmy Stewart's house late at night. She's like, I had the dream again. And then he immediately gives her a glass of brandy. He's like, drink it like it's medicine.

It's so creepy. He says it later to somebody else. By the way, this is, and then he asked about the dream. First time in history, someone has ever wanted to hear about someone else's dream. Yes. You can tell he's about to become obsessed you know I love about your dreams tell me about your day at work

are you still fine with Amanda what's happening on love. Give me that hot scalding tea. Oh, I love spill the tea about Amanda at work. Catch me up on Love is Blind. Oh no, I don't need to watch the previous episodes. Catch me up one by one. So he takes her to this like mission that's apparently been like preserved. You know so it's so the idea is like this will jog her memory because it's exactly like it was a hundred years ago.

And that's when she runs up to the top of this tower and seemingly jumps to her death. We get this crazy dream sequence with all this weird animation lots of spirographs And just this shot of Jimmy Stewart's disembodied head with like a fan blowing in his head face So it looks like he has a mohawk. It's crazy and so cool, and it's also very proto like 60s psychedelic like experimental filmmaking which I think is another reason that Hitchcock is like so I experimental filmmaking, which I think is another reason that Hitchcock is so, I don't know, revolutionary for a lot of filmmakers is they kind of look at him as the guy who kind of pioneered a lot of these different types of filmmaking. I, as a viewer watching

in 2025, was just like, groovy, man. But back then, they probably thought it was like, you know, whoa. I gotta say, I'm so glad I did not smoke anything or take an edible before watching this movie because it fucked me up. Like. Yes, sober it makes you feel bad. Yeah. Yeah, like this movie is like more like emotionally trying than like an Ari Aster movie, I think.

Like now, in 2025, it's totally crazy. We actually, so we got to what seems like it might be the conclusion of the movie. It's not. We'll tell you about what actually happens right after this. ["FREE WITH ADS"] We're back. It's Free With Ads. We're gonna talk about the thrilling third act of Vertigo. Jimmy Stewart, he thinks he saw Kim Novak jump to her death and he's in a mental institution. Good ol' fuckin' Midge, good ol' fuckin' Midge is still waiting on him. Still by his side.

Yep, good ol' Midge. And she's like, he's like catatonic and she's holding him and she's like, you're not lost, mother is here. It's cockhead mom stuff. Anyway. Don't like it. Don't like it.

Mother is here. And so Jimmy Stewart, I get, he's like catatonic when Midge is there but then he's just going out wandering around in the street. I don't exactly understand why. I guess the mental institution just lets him out and still wander around. Oh, wait, we did. I think we need to mention, though, that earlier Midge is back into painting.

Like, she's an amazing artist. Midge has so many talents. Midge is great. So many interests. But also, so she painted herself as if she was Carlotta Valdez. Yeah. And like her regular face with the glasses and everything, and then that necklace, which comes into play. Like there's a necklace painted onto Carlotta Valdez

in the portrait. Probably my favorite necklace I've ever seen in a movie, by the way. Yeah, the costumes in this are by Edith Head, a famous costume designer who like gets a movie, by the way. Yeah, the costumes in this are by Edith Head, a famous costume designer who gets a credit in the opening movie, or in the opening credits, yeah. The costumes in this are fucking amazing. But so she does a painting.

And they have to be, it comes into this kind of last reveal, you have to remember all of her outfits. And you do, because she looks so cool in them. But the painting, she paints herself as that. And then Jimmy Stewart's character has such a guttural reaction to it. Hates it. It's like that's not funny. I got a goal.

He's obsessed but also she's obsessed. Like everybody is obsessed with something. Yeah. And like not. You find out that she's been pining I guess after him for this entire time. And you know you feel awful for her. And then you still feel awful for her when she's by his side in the mental institution.

I know. Totally. It's like, oh, come on, babe. You can just go on Tinder. Go on Hinge. There's a guy out there. It's San Francisco. I know there's a lot of fuckboys, but there's some serious men out there.

There's some serious guys. Well, also, I got a little bit tearful when she destroyed the painting when he left. Because it was so good. And the fact that he hated it, it just really destroyed her. And I'm like, don't fuck up the painting, it's cool. And also, she wasn't trying to be funny.

She was just trying to send a, I think she was trying to send a very clear signal, like can I please be your Carlotta Valdez or whatever? Right. Yeah. Yep. So Jimmy Stewart, he's wandering around and he sees a woman who looks just like Kim Novak,

except she's a brunette and has a weird, clearly drawn onon beauty mark He follows this woman to her like hotel. He's a real creepo to her But for some reason she's kind of like letting him in and like humoring him while he's telling her like reason Yeah, some reason and then they like She chases him away But weirdly agrees to go out with him later And then sits down to write a letter where we learn what really happened. So, okay

Buckle up what happened, but here's what happened. So The guy who hired Jimmy Stewart bad stash guy wanted to kill his wife But needed someone to testify to the fact that she was like mentally ill But needed someone to testify to the fact that she was like mentally ill So he sets Jimmy Stewart up to follow around this fake wife Judy who he dressed up to look like his wife Jimmy Stewart gets obsessed with her She wrote when she ran up that tower. She stopped in the you know before the jump and then the old rich guy Pushed his actual wife Who is dead who actually died in the movie?

And that like but so Jimmy Stewart never actually met his guy his wife. He met this actor and So but then he testified like oh she was mentally ill and was seeing ghosts And he couldn't see the actual act of you know her actually faking it. The switcheroo. He didn't see the switcheroo because he has vertigo and he was too afraid to go up high enough into the bell tower. Right.

So it's, okay. Brilliant plan, honestly. It's, this movie is not known for like, what a plot. You know? Sure. And so like to explain it, it sounds a lot corny or then it feels while you're watching it. Oh yeah. But it is.

It's scary. Yeah, yeah, it's interesting. But what really is interesting is everything that happens in the third act changes this movie and makes it into, I think why people now consider it one of the greatest movies ever made. Also it turns into a horror movie in the third act. Yeah, it's a slasher movie. He is like Michael Myers.

It is not a ghost story. You think you're getting a ghost story. Instead, you just get this like psychosexual thriller about a psychopath. Well, it feels a little bit like a cousin to psycho. Yeah, it is. Yeah, totally. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And psycho is later, psycho is in 1960 I think.

Oh, is that right? I think psycho comes after this, yeah. But it's in black and white is what's crazy. So he made psycho, and I think, let me make sure I'm getting this right. No, you're right. He had to make it in black and white because of the blood thing, that was it. So also about, so yeah, so the black and white thing,

totally, he could show more blood, but also he self-financed Psycho because no one wanted him to make it. They thought it was too crazy. So Hitchcock, between this movie and Psycho, went to see House on Haunted Hill, which we've also watched for this. He saw it in a packed theater he's like oh low budget

horror movies should make money I'll make Psycho and so it's black and white because it needed to be cheap because he self-financed it and then it turns into this huge hit but yeah it's weird that he made it because he's like oh House on Haunted Hill with that skeleton on strings I'll make I'll make the greatest horror movie ever made And this one, the skeleton can just sit there because it looks stupid on strings Yeah, and not because it has vertigo or anything So he and Judy start dating,

and then he's her sugar daddy. She quits her job, and there's a scene where he takes her to a department store, where I guess what happened in department stores in the 50s is people came out wearing the clothes you wanted to buy, and you looked at these clothes on other people. Okay, okay.

Wild time. This shows you how low my self-esteem is. Because I was watching this going, boy I'd do anything for this scenario. Just like, tell me what to wear. I'll help anybody kill their wife. Well no, just this scenario. I don't want to do the killing wife part.

I just want to be somebody that someone goes, you remind me of my dead girlfriend. Let me make you over to look like her and I'll take you department store shopping and to fancy dinners. And I'm like, I'm at the point in my dating career where I'm like, give me that daddy right now. I will be your American girl doll.

You can dress me up and take. And take me for tea. Pierce my ears. I don't care. Take me to the Grove. Just take care of me. Honestly, yes. I'm like, it's fucked up. But I kept thinking.

I guess I just really love a dress up scenario. It's just kind of something. I mean, listen. Vertigo and the failed live action Sailor Moon pilot have a lot in common. A lot of makeovers that really set the tone Yes, God. I love a makeover. Yeah, so he is dressing her He's like very he's like very intense with the people of the department store to try and get like her gray suit, right?

And then he makes her dye her fucking hair like this is more intense than a song Yeah, this shit is so crazy. And she doesn't wanna do it. This is like, so much of this is her being afraid. And she's not doing this willingly, and you're not sure what she is afraid of other than the fact that he just seems so unhinged. Like he's never threatened her.

He's never said he's gonna do anything to her. But- I don't know if she actually was in love with him when she was playing the character. Was she? Like, I don't know. She's doing this seemingly out of like, wanting to go backwards to that place where they were

when they were having this sort of emotional affair with her playing this character, Madeline, that he thought was real and also possessed by a ghost. And so I think she's not in love with him as he is now, but wants to get back to that place where they were. And he wants the same thing thing and the only way he sees to get that is for her to look exactly like you know the his lost love Madeline yeah who was her but also he knows like if she were to reveal herself

to him he would know that she was in a murder plot and he is a detective, like a former detective. The fact that she doesn't skip town with it. Yeah, I know, that's what I'm saying. But I mean, she's obsessed too. Everybody is obsessed with somebody and does dumb shit because they can't just leave it in the past. I would just be obsessed with shopping.

And that would be my thing. I'd be like, can we go back to the department store those late? I would just be obsessed with shopping Back to the department store. We have the sailor moon theme to the shopping scene from Her roof Ring the bell. All right. Oh, yeah, well, that's about to happen. So they go, he dresses her up exactly like she was. They go to the old mission.

He's like, I just have to do something. I have to do one more thing. You think he's maybe gonna push her, but he's trying to get over his vertigo or his fear of heights. He's trying to climb the ladder that he couldn't climb before to save her. He's like shoving her around, it's so scary.

And they finally get to the top. He conquers his fear and then a random nun comes up, rings the bell, she falls off, the nun does the sign of the cross and that's the end of the movie. What does the nun say? She says something else. Oh, fuck. She just goes like, oh, holy fucking shit.

Not again. That oh, that poor soul is like what she said. I keep doing. So that just happened. So that just happened. Those are the bad guys. Oh, no, I did a thing. By Joss Whedon. Anyway, Vertigo was written by Joss Whedon. So yeah, that's Vertigo. We're gonna tell you what we thought about it. But first, we got to do the hunk watch. It's hunk watch.

Many thoughts on the hunks of this film. Oh, it's Kim Novak for me, baby. But specifically, the blue dress that she wears at the very end. That is my hunk. I have never seen a more beautiful dress in my entire life. Like, I think I'm going to think about that dress. If I could fuck that dress, I'd fuck it. Yeah beautiful dress in my entire life. Like I think I'm gonna think about that dress If I could fuck that dress, I'd fuck it. Yeah, I'd fuck that dress. I want to get me inside of you dress. I mean

I'll all you know, I you have to give it up for you know, one of cinemas most iconic beauties Kim Novak Yeah guys Mitch. Oh, I mean I'm such a iconic beauties, Kim Novak. Guys, Mitch. I mean, I am such a Mitch guy. I am such a Mitch guy. Mitch, she's got great hobbies. She's got a great job, a wonderful apartment. Handsome glasses.

Handsome glasses, great frames on Mitch. Everything about her is great. I'm giving it to Jimmy Stewart because he is a silver fox. He's old and sexy. I'm giving it to, you know, Jimmy Stewart, because he is a silver fox. He's old and sexy. He is, listen, too old to be kissing the women of this movie? Sure, sure. But has he aged gracefully?

But was it kissing? It just seemed like mashing, rubbing around. Oh, the kissing in this movie. We didn't even, the kissing is really weird. It is strange. I couldn't tell if it was like, maybe I just haven't really watched a lot of old movies, but it was, because it does the, it's a screen kiss, which I have of course seen in old movies, but it's a very sexualized screen kiss.

So I wasn't sure if I was seeing like a mixture of both or if this was a if it was directed in this way But it is like even the kissing is obsessive Yeah, it is. It is hard to watch Jimmy Stewart Making out I don't I don't like it. It just like looks like they're rolling their mouths Against yeah. Yeah rolling back and forth. It's so fucking weird. When I think about old timey kissing that I've seen that was hot, all I can think of is Gone with the Wind.

Right, yeah. That was a nice hot kiss. Good kissing in that one. Yeah, but this one, yeah, the kissing was very weird. But yeah, Jimmy Stewart, he's a hunk to me. Love me, love me a war hero. Love me a good man. He seems like a really nice guy That's I think probably why everyone likes it. Oh, yeah, but even in watching this movie. I was just like

Alfred stop abusing this really nice guy Well, I want to know is he as tall as you I bet he's very tall It was like probably like six two. I would guess I'm gonna look it up though James Stewart Height Six three six three six three. Oh, yeah, you beat him Oh, yeah, of course, I can kick his ass probably taller than J. Stu. Yeah, he can't get up on a step ladder yeah I could definitely kick that guy's ass also rear window guy also Harvey guy I probably hey hey man who knew too much you didn't know that I was about to

punch ya oh I hope we get to watch the man who do too much that's another great Hitchcock Jimmy Stewart movie movie. Yeah, hell yeah. Anyway, that's the Hunk Watch. We're gonna review the movie on a scale of one to 10, super loud commercials, but first we want to let you know about some fun ways to support our show and get more episodes. Yeah, you can go to maximumfun.org slash join. You support the network and you get our bonus episodes

and all the free bonus episodes that all the shows make. Our most recent episode is about the pilot of the free streaming BBC mini seriesies Pride and Prejudice. That's right. We're ranking the Mr. Darcy's and we we chatted about Colin Firth. Who is who is Mr. Darcy to a great many people who were born during a certain time period. Yeah, not me.

No spoiler alert, Emily. Not my biggest fan of the first. If you want to hear our very spicy conversation, maximumfun.org slash join. You can also go to maximumfun.org slash Jumbotron. We'll share a message with our many, many listeners. And of course you can go to maxfunstore.com and grab some merch.

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Don't do that. Go to maximumfun.org, go to maximumfun.org, just join, put your tattoo money into supporting the network. And that's a better way, we like that. Anyway, let's rank Vertigo one to 10 super loud commercials. Emily, you wanna go first? All right, it's a tippy 10 for me. Okay.

I love horror, but I love like a twisted kind of psychological, like this is totally my jam and I've been itching for something like this for a long time. I can't believe I haven't really watched this movie until now, but it is, I'm gonna have fucked up dreams tonight. There is no way I'm not having fucked up dreams. And it was amazing.

I loved it. I loved the acting. I love how beautiful the movie is. The costumes just, it was so twisted and fucked up. I love it. I love it so much. I want to watch it again. Yeah, it's a great movie. Matt, what did you think? was so twisted and fucked up. I love it. I love it so much. I wanna watch it again.

Yeah, it's a great movie. Matt, what did you think? I am going to give this a nine. I love this movie. It's not my favorite Hitchcock, but it is one of those movies that for me, this is the first time I've ever watched it. I've only ever heard about it.

Oh, cool. that for me this is the first time I've ever watched it. I've only ever heard about it. I have a feeling that this movie will become a 10 by like next week. You think about it, don't you? It sticks with you. It sticks with me. It's one of the... I don't think I've ever actually experienced this with any movie before where while I was watching it I'm getting hung up on the plot, and I'm going, okay, I guess, and these little plot holes. Meanwhile, my eyes are taking in the way it's shot and just kind of the motifs of the movie that are obvious, you know, obvious if you're like, and then there's spirals and then there's green, green is life, but also, you know, and, but then as I continued watching it and it became this whole other thing, um, I started going like, okay, so it's, it's

just kind of like a weird movie. As soon as it's done, it's like you could have set a clock to it. I was just like, ah, I think I liked it. I think I really liked it. And then eventually by the time this podcast started, I was like, was that the greatest movie I've ever seen? I'm not sure yet. So I'm giving it a nine out of an abundance of caution, but truly one of the most insane

things I've seen. Right before, okay, before you rank it, Jordan, I just remembered something I wanted to say. Number one, at the end, you find out she has the necklace. Like from the painting. Oh yeah, yeah, sure, we kind of alluded to that. I think maybe that was the payment for her going along with the murder scheme, because that apartment,

if I was partaking in a murder scheme and I did all this stuff and I'm living in that apartment, that was not worth it. Absolutely, yeah, yeah, yeah. She has the only not nice apartment in the movie. I know, so I think the necklace was the payment, personally. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Probably, yeah, that's a good one.

You know what, I'm giving her a 10. Oh! Oh, it happens, all right. Yeah, it's I think you're right. You know what, I'm giving her a 10. Oh! No! It happens, all right. Yeah, it's a nine for me too. I like, love this movie. It's awesome, and yeah, so cool that you can watch it for free. Yeah, again, so many classic movies are kind of hard to find if you're just doing streaming, so yeah,

it's great that stuff like this is up there for free. It is awesome, go watch it. It does not feel like homework. It's like a great entertaining awesome movie that is Actually really scary and fucked up and and I and just real quick to cap it off I did find myself looking into Hitchcock a little bit more and having him describe the movie because I also I am interested in like the artists like the Otters intention, right? interested in like the artists like the auteur's intention right yeah and I just

found this little clip where he's explaining a little bit that I just wanted to play oh yeah please so you can understand you have a man creating a sex image that he can't go to bed with her until he's got her back to the thing he wants to go to bed with or metaphorically endowed in a form of necrophilia. Oh, it's even weirder than we thought. Oh, it's even more fucked up. It's even more fucked up than you think. I just like-

He wants to fuck a ghost within a ghost. Yes, he does. That's exactly, it's like as- One of those Russian nesting dolls, but it's a ghost you're fucking. Yeah, exactly. It's just like, it's what makes this movie, I think- It's a turducken, but it's a ghost,

and I'm putting my penis into the ghost. It's... Yes. Oh, shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh.

Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh.

Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh.

Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh.

Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. is like, again, about his, I know we need to end the podcast, but it is one of the greatest movies ever made. It seems to also be about him wanting to play dress up with actors and make them into things that they're not. And his frustration with any kind of like, I don't know, resistance that they might have or any kind of agency they might have. And just, it's kind of about that, like him hating actors.

There's just something about this movie where I'm like, it's not about anything and it's about everything. I think it's about mommy issues always. Yes, of course. All of his shit, but it's like necrophilia, I mean, psycho again. Yes. It's so fucking he's a fucking crazy person. Sure. Yeah. Not again.

You know, you don't have to comment. We know bad guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's dead. I love the movies, though. It's they're great. I know they're awesome. So I want to watch more. I want to watch more that I haven't seen. Yeah. The more I I watch this guy the more I think he belongs in the looney bin. Yeah Or he could just sit catatonic while someone calls calls themselves his mommy Go wander around

Yeah, that was vertigo. We think you should watch it. Let's do a little plug-in if you're listening to this the week It comes out, I will be at San Diego Comic Con Thursday, Friday, Saturday. I got a panel and a signing each day. If you wanna find out more, go to bits.ly slash JordanCon, bits.ly slash JordanCon. It's gonna be cool. All the panels will be really cool folks.

Jordan, I don't know how you do all of this. You are the biggest hustler. Like not like a bad way, but you hustle your ass. No, no, no, I suck dick for drugs. I do. I'd suck dick for a gray suit in a department store. I mean, we are not the same, but very similar. But it's just really cool that you hustled this much.

And if y'all don't. I'm actually two guys. So you're two guys. Oh, are you a ghost in one of those? I'm a ghost. But you guys got to go. If I could show up to this shit. It's crazy.

Oh, yeah, sure. It's so fun. It's always so much fun to meet people who dig the podcast. So please find me at Comic Con. Let's talk movies. And also, if you're going to be in the San Francisco Bay Area, one of the characters in this movie, if you're all smart. Um, on August 22nd, we are gonna be doing a live edition

of my other podcast, Jordan and Jesse Goh at the Eclectic Box Theater. You can get those tickets at maximumfun.org slash events. That's on the 22nd of August. And then on the 24th of August, I will be at Cape and Cowl Con at Faction Brewing in Alameda, California. This is an all day free Comic Con

with a bunch of cool people, Patton Oswalt, Brian Posey, and everybody who's written a cool comic in the past couple of years. You can find out more about that at capeandcowlcomics.com. Again, that is a free event. I'm gonna say it, I did it last year. It's the most fun Comic Con there is. Boom. Okay. Nice. Jordan, I did it last year. It's the most fun Comic Con there is. Boom, okay.

Wow. Nice, Jordan, are you gonna wear sleeveless shirts? Oh, maybe. You know, I've been going no sleeves to a couple of these events, some of the hotter ones. Yeah. Convention centers can be uncomfortable, so I might go sleeveless, I think.

Free gun show at the free Comic Con. Boom! The comics cost money, but the gun show, she's a free. Emily, you got anything? As always, I'm gonna suggest going to mythicalsociety.com and becoming a member there in second or third degree so you can watch my show. Emily, have you seen this?

It's all mine. And my America Girl doll is often featured. We may be going to the American Girl store. Wow. Ooh. For an episode. That's a tease. I know, I know.

I don't know if that's anything that interests anyone. But I'm passionate about it. I'm passionate about it. If you like it, we like it. Yeah, so please watch. Yes, please watch that. And also, I'm going to be at Laughs in Seattle on August 1st.

I'm gonna be at the Rainier Arts Center August 2nd. I'm gonna be at the Houston punchline August 28th and Finally, I am going to be in New York City October 10th and 11th in Brooklyn at the gutter That is gonna be really fun. So please come out to any of those The links will be in the description. All right, you got your marching orders. Go to some stuff. Sign up for Mythical Society, MaximumFun.org slash join to hear our bonus episodes. Do all that stuff.

And then tune in next week when our movie will be The Babysitter's Club from 1995. Yes!