Fresh Air - David Sedaris Can't Wait To Watch You Panic Shop This Week

Episode Date: December 17, 2023

Humorist and author David Sedaris is a public radio regular – his 'Santaland Diaries' first aired on NPR's Morning Edition in 1992 and has gone on to become a holiday staple. He also is a regular Fresh Air guest, and in a first, we're sharing an exclusive bonus episode with Sedaris – normally only available for our Fresh Air+ supporters – with everyone. If you're not already a Fresh Air+ supporter, enjoying weekly bonus episodes like this and sponsor-free listening on all our episodes, you can find out more at https://plus.npr.org. You can hear all of Sedaris' 1997 interview here https://n.pr/4agJKmN. Sedaris' 'Santaland Diaries': https://n.pr/3TswxkO. Sedaris in 2022: https://n.pr/3Tm2qvf. Sedaris in 2018: https://n.pr/3Tsevz0. Sedaris in 2017: https://n.pr/48jrebn. Sedaris in 2013 https://n.pr/3GNj937. Sedaris in 2008: https://n.pr/3GL1wks. Sedaris in 2004: https://n.pr/47TsaDA. Sedaris in 2000: https://n.pr/48lw8oy. Sedaris in 1996: https://n.pr/41nfz98. Sedaris in 1994: https://n.pr/3Nw7V6W. Sedaris in 1993 https://n.pr/3Nv0FIf. Hear all 40+ years of Fresh Air's archives: https://FreshAirArchive.org.Learn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

I'm Fresh Air's Anne-Marie Baldonado. It's the season of giving, and in that spirit, here at Fresh Air, we thought we could give you a little something special. It's a bonus episode of our show, the kind we share each week with our Fresh Air Plus supporters. Today, we're giving everyone a chance to hear it. And if you are a Fresh Air Plus supporter, we want to say thank you for your ongoing support of public radio. Which brings us to this episode. If you're a longtime public radio listener, and let's face it, if you're listening to this, you just might be, you've likely heard author David Sedaris speak about his time as a Macy's Christmas elf.

The woman at Macy's asked, would you be interested in full-time elf or evening and weekend elf? I said full-time elf. I am a 33-year-old man applying for a job as an elf. Sedaris first read his Santa Land Diaries on NPR's Morning Edition in 1992 and later read extended versions of the lightly fictionalized essay both on This American Life and here on Fresh Air. This evening I was a maze elf. Nothing is more boring than being a maze elf. Other maze elves address children and ask, What do you want for Christmas?

But really, why should a child tell an elf? Santa is who they've come to see, and it seems pathetic for an elf to try to outshine Santa. The popularity of Sedaris's recounting of his terrible holiday job led to book deals for the writer. He appeared again here on Fresh Air in 1997 to talk about Christmas traditions, holiday resolutions, and of course, the Santa Land Diaries. Your most famous story, the Santa Land Diaries, is collected in this new Christmas collection, Holidays on Ice. I'm wondering if you've ever gone back to Macy's Santa Land where you once worked as a Christmas elf, just as an observer to see what, you know, what it it's like now um no but I got a call last week from a former Santa because Macy's uh changed their Santa Land this year they they spent millions of dollars and

my understanding is that now it's like an interactive Santa Land like with computers and stuff yeah the children were having riots. They were waiting for two hours to see Santa and all they saw were some elves and a couple of candy canes and that wasn't enough for them. So they've spent a lot of money

and they've... I just read an article about it in the newspaper but apparently there's, I don't know, virtual. Because I don't have a computer, I don't even know exactly what these words mean, but something about it is virtual. You don't have a computer? And maybe you can send Santa email. I don't know.

No, I've never touched one. So whenever I hear words like.org, I have no idea what they're talking about. Do you hear from a lot of current and former Santa Land elves who want to commiserate with you? I hear from former elves and Santas who have written screenplays. Those are the former elves and Santas that I tend to hear from. What are some of the best gifts you ever got? I got an electric typewriter, which really changed my life. I'd been using a manual typewriter forever. And then at the age of 32, my mother gave me an electric typewriter where you could correct things. You know, you could go up two lines and that word would be gone. And that was a present that really changed my life.

Last year I got a really nice taxidermied ostrich, a little baby ostrich. That was a nice gift. Who gave that to you? My sister Gretchen gave me a stuffed ostrich. It is just adorable. It's about a foot tall. I got a lot of taxidermy last year for Christmas, and that's always a good gift.

Gosh, you know, I mean, I've never received, like, the title to a country home or anything like that. Maybe next year. Do you remember the worst gift you ever got? The worst gift I ever got was probably a football helmet, which I had absolutely no use for whatsoever. That's not even good for storing things. Who gave it to you?

My father. Was that wishful thinking on his part? He went through a phase where all the gifts that he gave me would hopefully wake me up to the world of sports. So maybe I would have asked for a discreet, you know, portable tape recorder so I could spy on people. And instead I would get a child-sized set of golf clubs, which the cat was the only person who would enjoy them. She would just shred the golf bag to bits. But she was more than welcome to them.

What about you as a gift giver? Are you a careful and thoughtful gift giver? I think I am. I always feel so bad when people say, well, I'm going to do my shopping on Christmas Eve. I feel bad for the people that they're giving gifts to because you're not going to find anything on Christmas Eve. That kind of panic buying that people do. I love watching it and I'll still go to the store on Christmas Eve just so I can see people that panic. Do you really do that? Yes. I love the same way I love

going to the grocery store the night before Thanksgiving. And I'll just buy a head of lettuce, but I'm more than happy to stand in that line for 45 minutes just to see people at the breaking point. But I got most of my, I have a few things to buy, but for the most part, I finished my shopping by August. Really? So you must always be thinking about potential gifts for people. Well, I don't think about it in February, but I think about it by March. And I love to shop, and this gives me a reason to do so. David Sedaris recorded in 1997. I wonder if he still shops for gifts that way.

We'll link to the full interview and the full Santa Land diaries in our show notes. You can listen to all of our Sedaris interviews and all 40 plus years of Fresh Air's archives completely for free at freshairarchive.org. We'll leave you with David Sedaris's rendition of Gala Peavy's 1953 novelty classic, I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas. I want a hippopotamus for Christmas. Only a hippopotamus will do. Our Fresh Air bonus episodes are produced by Nick Anderson.

And if you'd like to hear these special episodes each week and support Fresh Air, consider signing up for Fresh Air Plus. You'll also hear our regular show without sponsor messages. You can sign up at plus.npr.org. I'm Anne-Marie Baldonado. Happy holidays, one and all.