Friday Night Comedy from BBC Radio 4 - Current-ish Ep1. Burnham, Bellingham, and the spirit of Margaret Thatcher

Episode Date: July 31, 2026

Lucy Porter is joined by John Tothill, Kyrah Gray and Amy Annette to talk all things current-ish events. Should politicians wear ties? Should children learn to read? And should we all now identify as ...Spanish?Hosted by Lucy PorterWritten by Lucy Porter, Ruth Husko and Katie Sayer, with additional material by Mike ShephardProducer - Katie Sayer Assistant producer - Lorna Reader Executive producer - Victoria Lloyd A Mighty Bunny production for BBC Radio 4

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Starting point is 00:00:00 This BBC podcast is supported by ads outside the UK. Hello, Greg Jenner here. I'm the host of You're Dead to Me, the BBC comedy show that takes history seriously. Every episode, I pair up a top historian with a fantastic comedian and we have a lovely, funny, fascinating chat about a different subject from world history. And in this new series, we're beginning with an epic voyage through the story of Homer, the Iliad and The Odyssey. And that's with Kyle Smith Bino joining us. And then we'll be learning about Francis Galton and the racist disclosures. credited pseudoscience of eugenics with Desiree Birch. We'll meet many medieval saints in their bone boxes with Rachel Parrott. So if that sounds like your sort of thing, listen to You're Dead to Me wherever you get your
Starting point is 00:00:45 podcast. Thank you. Bye. Tish. I'm Lucy Porter and welcome to Currentish, the show that serves you everything you need to know about current events in the summer months when you might be more interested in picnics than politics. For the next three weeks, I'm going to be joined by some fabulous fresh-faced comics to chat through the week's news,
Starting point is 00:01:18 as well as highlighting some stories you might have missed. We'll be combining my world-weary cynicism with their youthful joie de vivre. Imagine the family group chat when your mum's had a couple of rosés and finished her book on the EU. To sum up my vibe, think Emily Maitliss broadcasting live from her back garden
Starting point is 00:01:37 with her feet in the paddling pool, her bra in the freezer, and the calipo instead of a microphone. It's that time of year where we've swapped our heavy winter to duvet for the light summer one, and we've done the same for our prime ministers. I mean, if anything, Andy Burnham's hotter, but hey-ho. England didn't manage to bring football home, but they did drop it off at the top of the road,
Starting point is 00:02:05 and it promised it was fine to walk the rest of the way from there. The US and Iran announced they are committed to peace talks, right after they finish sending each other strongly worded invitations disguised as missiles. The US Secretary of War, Pete Hegesith, announced that the conflict with Iran has cost $37.5 billion so far, and he said he's going to need even more money, explaining to Congress, we live in a dangerous world. Yes, mainly because he's in it. Those are the things that I managed to gather in between sunbathing and eating kettle chips. But our wonderful guests have been digging a bit deeper. Please welcome my panel.
Starting point is 00:02:43 John Totthill, Kyra Gray, Amy Annette. It's delightful to have you all. all here, it really is. Thank you. And I'm going to turn to you, Kyra, first, to ask a quick question. If you were Andy Burnham, what policy... It's a dream, isn't it?
Starting point is 00:03:02 I know, I know. I get told I look like him all the time, so that's really nice. So if you're Andy Burnham, what policy would you immediately introduce to win over the public? Do you know what? I have a few. I do have a few, but I think my main one that I think people are most passionate about is paying for bags. I don't know how we got swindled
Starting point is 00:03:20 into trying to save the planet by paying for plastic and now we're paying for paper. Yes. Yeah? You notice you're going into Primark and Zara and you're paying 40p guys. Yeah? Someone needs to get stoned in the square
Starting point is 00:03:33 and I'm not having it, do you know what I mean? So that would be my... No, no, no. It's just disgusting, honestly. I've never said stone someone in the square before but I do want to say it now. Thank you. I agree with you.
Starting point is 00:03:43 Stone someone in the square. I think this audience probably would be in favour of the death penalty for a lot of... But people playing their music out loud on train. Yeah, oh. I cannot get... Don't you think there's a point there where
Starting point is 00:03:56 if you've got people playing music out loud and then sometimes if like a mad person brings a speaker onto a train, I find that quite life-affirming. Do you know what? Absolutely fair enough. But I think there's a difference there because a phone feels like you're being rude.
Starting point is 00:04:12 Yes. Because this is your device but you just don't mind inconvenience in us. But a speaker's like, I want it in. invite you to my party. That feels like a community. I can get behind them. That's how far we've got that people with speakers are now the good guys.
Starting point is 00:04:31 So we've established their death penalty for charging for paper bags, playing your music out loud unless you're insane. In which case you could lead the Labour Party. Yes, that's what Andy Vernon can do. John, obviously speaking of new jobs, Andy Burnham, just started. What's the worst first impression you've made in a new job? Well, before I was a comedian, I was a teacher, and on my first... Do I just get a boo? It's a contingent being of people who think kids shouldn't learn to read.
Starting point is 00:05:11 Or it's one of your ex-students with a very deep voice. You know, the school I used to teach at was really, was round the corner from here, so it's not out of the question. It could be one of you. I made a terrible first impression, because... I mean, I was one of those teachers. You know when you walk past, like there are certain classrooms you walk past at school
Starting point is 00:05:28 and you think, oh, okay, it's not that those children aren't learning. Those children are forgetting. Do you know me? And that was me. Every day for about six months. And I should be clear, I taught year four, by the way.
Starting point is 00:05:39 I just can't. Which is what? That's eight year old, is it? Eight, nine years old, yeah. They are the scariest at that age. Right? Yeah. They're terrifying.
Starting point is 00:05:48 Because they've got, because they're terrifying, they're very small, but they've now got theory of money. mind. They understand themselves as individuals and you as just a person. So Amy, as we all know,
Starting point is 00:06:02 England won the third place playoff. So my question to you is, what's the most pathetic thing you've ever won? Oh no. I'm not co-signing that. I love to boys. Oh no. I feel like the most pathetic thing I've ever won is at my secondary school, we got into the idea of doing a yearbook
Starting point is 00:06:29 for the first time, you know, the kind of the Americanisation of this, this UK, and so we did this yearbook and we got superlatives, so like most likely to. And I got most likely to be the Prime Minister's wife.
Starting point is 00:06:46 And I think it's really important for you to know I went to a girl school. Also, you know, watch out Mrs. Burnham. Because you're not that. Old, we had had a female Prime Minister by that time. Famously. And sure, it didn't go well. It wasn't her gender.
Starting point is 00:07:04 It was her ideas and politics. You could be talking about any of the three, though, I mean. So true. Anyway, we'll move on. So the main headline this week was that we have a new Prime Minister. Andy Burnham was mocked for posting a Love Island-themed TikTok. In the video, we see Andy strolling into number 10 as a voiceover announcing. This week, a hot new bombshell enters the villa.
Starting point is 00:07:33 Do you know what? I think I am now in favour of the social media ban, but not for teenagers. Just for Andy Burnham specifically. There have been mixed messages in the first week of Andy Burnham's premiership. He promised to end homelessness on the same day that he kicked an unemployed, grey-haired, sad old man out of the place he'd called home
Starting point is 00:07:56 for the last two years. What a sad day that was. So, John, film me in. What else has Andy been up to? Good question. So Andy Burnham, I mean, there's been a big stylistic shift, hasn't there? I mean, they can't change that many policies
Starting point is 00:08:11 because obviously they've been elected on the same manifesto as five minutes ago. But there is something slightly stylistically different about Andy Burnham. Andy Burnham is the kind of man if he caught you smoking weed as a teenager. He wouldn't tell your parents. but next time you see him
Starting point is 00:08:25 he'd have a long chat with you about mental health there's a kind of approachability to him and it's all part of this he wears a t-shirt and he gave his inaugural speech without notes without a lectern and I know that's a gimmick but it really works on me I was so impressed when someone makes a speech without notes
Starting point is 00:08:43 because it can go so that you can either give the most electrifying oratory you've ever seen in your life or a speech without notes can be like a father of the bride standing up drunk and you think Is he about to say his daughter looks shapely or something? Do you know what I mean? It's on a knife edge of speech without notes.
Starting point is 00:09:00 And so I'm quite easily impressed. Yeah. Well, the sort of communication seems to be better. The vibe seems to be a lot more relaxed, doesn't it? And you mentioned the no shirt and tie thing. So he's not going to wear a suit except on special occasions, like his daughter's wedding, where he calls her shapely. I might be about to out myself as sort of the most conservative man in Britain,
Starting point is 00:09:22 but I think the Prime Minister should wear a tie. Do you know what's scary about that is there are people like me who walk around being like, well, maybe I'll just elect a fascist, shall I, if you're not going to wear a bloody tie. You know, God knows what I'll do. It's scary. I think it would be so embarrassing
Starting point is 00:09:38 if you've never been seen wearing a tie to turn up on the first day as Prime Minister are wearing very work experience, you know, like suddenly, you know, and you're wearing your dad's suit that doesn't really fit you. I'm quite indifferent about it because I quite like the fact that,
Starting point is 00:09:52 I think he's trying to be one of the lads, do you know what I mean? I think he's trying to be like, I'm just like you. Let's lower the taxes. I feel like that's his vibe. And I quite like that about him. I like how normal they look. Yes. Yes, you're right.
Starting point is 00:10:04 And there's a kind of, he's metropolitan in a kind of, he is laid back, but also, and it is a little bit tryhard. You know, do you know where he buys his shoes? Clark's. And that's a bit suspicious, isn't it? Because that's a bit too relatable, isn't it? Do you know what I mean? It's like, well, you all know about Clark? I bought my school shoes in Clark.
Starting point is 00:10:26 I was once told and I quote, Christ, you've got wide feet in Clark's. Maybe he has wide feet. I love the idea of Andy Burnham there with that little machine that used to get out. And all you've done very well, just pop your foot to the back of the slidey thing
Starting point is 00:10:42 and here's a lollipop. That's lovely. But that kind of made me love him more because that's very Jamaican of him. Do you know what I mean? That's very Jamaican. To find shoes in Clarks? Vibes Cartel has a very, very vibrant song called Clarks.
Starting point is 00:10:53 Go home and search it. I like the fact that there's a trendy song called Clarks because my cloud stepper sandals that I'm wearing tonight are from Clarks. Oh, I love that. So the next time my children take the Mickey out of me, I will play them a song. You know, I'm very cool, actually. Other shoe shops are, of course, available. Oh, yeah, sorry, but hang on heavily into...
Starting point is 00:11:11 But then where would you buy your shoes? Shoes zone. There's shirt as well as well. Yeah, why are they all called just shoes? I don't know. It's so weird, isn't it? Shoezone, shoe. But it's the classic confusion because boots is called boots and doesn't sell boots.
Starting point is 00:11:23 Yes. So they've gone, we need to be a bit more clear. We need to say, this is shoes. Very much like Andy Byrne. But then super drugs called super drug and they ain't got no super drugs. So what have you thought as well as the sartorial aspect to it? And we should point out to the listeners that John is sat here wearing a full morning suit. Yes.
Starting point is 00:11:53 So you're not keen on his stuff. But what about the policies? On Thursday, he promised to cut business rates for hospitality venues at music clubs and stuff like that, which I think is great, obviously, I guess. But also, when he made the announcement, he said, I want the pubs to know the cavalry are coming. I thought, that's great. You couldn't imagine Kirstama saying that, could you? That's quite literary.
Starting point is 00:12:15 There's something happy warrior-like about him. He's polling now, I think, at 28%, which isn't good, but it's not unprecedentedly bad. And he's kind of, it's old labour. You know, old labour are back. He cares about affordable housing. He cares about transport infrastructure. And occasionally he will say something mad, like we should nationalise the picky bit section of MNS.
Starting point is 00:12:37 And you think, yeah, great. Old labour's back. I can deal with them, you know? It's like we're bringing back pubs, and we're, you know, are we going to tax vape shops, which is very modern? And it's all sort of bringing back on buses, things that we sort of know and trust and heating.
Starting point is 00:12:54 Stuff that we remember. for now youth. Thank you. Yeah. I feel like he's one step away from saying that my knees will work again. Yeah. We'll get rid of Microsoft Teams. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:13:07 Oh. God, yeah. Oh, popular. The opposition have said that Burnham is obsessed with Manchester, but Andy says that's unfair. He also mentioned Stockport. And he's further tried to allay fears that he is on a mission to Manchesterise the saying there is no truth in the rumour
Starting point is 00:13:27 that he's changing the name of the Houses of Parliament to the co-op live legislative arena. So we have found out a little bit about what he's been doing and we found out who's in but let's think about who's out because Kirstam has gone, Rachel Reeves is gone, the lectern is gone.
Starting point is 00:13:47 Basically if you were a wooden presence in British politics you didn't survive this week. So, Keir Starma left, but who is in, Amy? So the cabinet, so far we know that Rachel Reeves is out. She was offered defence, but she rejected it. So instead, now that we have Angela Rainer, Ed Miliband, Yvette Cooper, West Streeting, Louise Haig, Hamish Falkner, Shabana Mahmab, Pat McFadden, and John Healy.
Starting point is 00:14:15 But having said that, there's quite a lot of similarities, even though, like, Angela Rainer's come back, Louise Hague's come back. And also, I know the idea is the most northern cabinet yet, but I do think that he's slightly missed an opportunity here. Because with Anna Sawa, they brought him in from Scotland as a lord, right? And when Cameron was brought in by Johnson as a lord, they showed that if you just make someone a lord,
Starting point is 00:14:38 you can pretty much have anyone you like in your cabinet. We could have had the most Manchester cabinet of all time. Okay, I'm talking Sir Alex Ferguson. I'm rolling Mr. Ferguson down that Downing Street red carpet. Imagine saying no to Alex Ferguson. Can you imagine? No, Gallagher. Obviously not Liam. Obviously not Liam. Get Gallagher in or like one at a time they could both be doing it.
Starting point is 00:15:04 Imagine a PMQ's and you're a Tory looking over and it's just Noel Gallagher just staring you deep into the eyes. You're not saying nothing. I feel like me they've made a mistake there because it'd be quite good if you got the Gallagher brothers in because it would make the miller bands look harmonious. Yes. Yes, and the bends. But a lot of the people who are now involved in Burnham's government
Starting point is 00:15:25 are classic Labour heads, right? A lot of them are to do with this thing called Labor Together, I noticed, which is like a network really more than anything else. But a lot of them were like founding members or part of Labor together. It's now called Think Labor. Think Labor. What's next? Ah, can we win it? Labor?
Starting point is 00:15:41 I think we're great. Think Labor sounds like a cry for help, doesn't it? It's like, think Labor, for God's sake. You got one more chance. Yeah, he really does. And I think it is kind of that. But anyway, so they've all come together back into this cabinet. So although it feels like a new change, in many ways it really is,
Starting point is 00:15:57 I think it is a classic labour thing where so many of the same people are back. Well, you said there's some new heads and old heads, but there's new hair. Oh, yes. And thank you for bringing it up, because it's my great obsession of someone who often dyes her hair and then regrets it. Louise Haig, very much, Burnham's sort of number one. In fact, she's made herself the... Yes, the Duchy.
Starting point is 00:16:16 She of Lancaster. What does that mean? So it's a sort of nonsense role, but what she has made herself is... It feels like one of those things where everyone else gets a proper job. It's like when you know you go around someone's house for dinner and they clearly don't trust you to cook anything so they say, you can bring the crisps.
Starting point is 00:16:34 Is that what that is? Yeah, that's what that is, John. Yeah, that's what that is. I'm always on crisps. And ice, you've ever been asked for ice? Yeah. Oh, John. All the time. Dips, John? No, I'm not trusted with dips.
Starting point is 00:16:50 And I should say nonsense role. That's obviously not a political statement. I feel comfortable making, but I've made it now. No, she has made herself the person that everyone reports to. She's like the head of all the secretaries of state. It's very chic to do. Oh, my God. You know, I love the way that Burnham's done it.
Starting point is 00:17:06 You know, he's very much by the rule. My enemy's enemy is, you know, John Healy. It's a fantastic one. Everyone who undermines Starma in some way by leaving early or saying that he should leave have been given roles in this cabinet, which I think is, you know, mean girl-esque,
Starting point is 00:17:20 and I respect it so much. I mean, some of the first things that he's done, the new Prime Minister's plan to cut VAT on household energy bills was going to be funded with money from the abandoned plans to introduce digital ID, but it turns out that nothing was ever allocated to that,
Starting point is 00:17:36 so the cash will have to be recovered from something else that was never going to happen. So suggestions for that, the victory parade for the... England World Cup squad, maybe. The HS2 station in Leeds. Money going there. All the rat party for the Scott Mills Breakfast Show.
Starting point is 00:17:56 Hello, Greg Jenner here. I'm the host of You're Dead to Me, the BBC comedy show that takes history seriously. Every episode, I pair up a top historian with a fantastic comedian, and we have a lovely, funny, fascinating chat about a different subject from world history. And in this new series,
Starting point is 00:18:20 we're beginning with an epic voyage through the story of Homer, the Iliad and The Odyssey. And that's with Kyle Smith Bino joining us. And then we'll be learning about Francis Galton and the racist discredited pseudoscience of eugenics with Desiree Birch. We'll meet many medieval saints in their bone boxes with Rachel Parrott. So if that sounds like your sort of thing,
Starting point is 00:18:40 listen to You're Dead to Me wherever you get your podcast. Thank you. Bye. Now, we have talked about Andy Burnham. I'm now going to move on to a subject that I know very little about. right Kyra you have been looking at the World Cup and I am warning you in advance I need all of your help when it comes to talking about football
Starting point is 00:19:03 I will be honest with you this World Cup lots of it happened after my bedtime Christop also it was there was about 150 nations playing in it and I was like I am not going to stay up till one in the morning to watch Vatican City versus Narnia
Starting point is 00:19:20 right so I need you to fill me in What did you enjoy about the World Cup? Oh, I really just enjoyed it. I felt like it really brought everyone together. Like, did everyone watch the World Cup? Yeah? Yeah? You guys enjoyed it? Yeah? Honestly, I feel like whenever we have the World Cup
Starting point is 00:19:39 and Love Island going on at the same time, there's just like a, there's an air of harmony in the wind. There's so much to talk about. You know, there's just so much to gossip about, and I love that. And I will admit, like, as it started to get a bit more, it started to become more of a possible idea that England could win it, and there were more England flags in the street. It was a bit scary, you know, Because you don't know whether they want it to come home
Starting point is 00:19:58 or if they're telling me to go home. So I think that was that is it for me. It's a big thing. But I'm really proud of the England team because I think this is the furthest we've gotten since like 1960 or something like that. So I feel like we really need to applaud them for that. But I will say that semi-final game, yeah?
Starting point is 00:20:18 I'm like 90% sure this is why men are losing their hair. It's football. It's not your wife, Jonathan. It's because you support Hull. Do you know what I mean? How you guys do it? I was so stressed out. I wanted to jump through the screen
Starting point is 00:20:36 and put someone in a headlock. And to be honest, I probably would have fit in quite well with the way Argentina was playing. I don't know what was going on. It was just very rough. People were getting punched. It was just really gross to see, man.
Starting point is 00:20:50 I was Spanish in the final. I don't care. I don't care. What anyone's got to say. Ola, la, la, si. Yeah? Don't care. I know Tuchel got a lot.
Starting point is 00:20:58 lot of backlash people were saying he wasn't playing the right players and I do agree we didn't see saka once then you play him in the best losers match sacker scores a hat trick I was fuming right but I was really proud of them because I think it was just such a beautiful moment and it was really nice for us all to witness as well um Jude Bellingham the whole audience has won oh I think it's very important for us to remember that he is like 23 24 oh I know you made you said ah which which is the right noise, but I'm talking to myself and my own thoughts.
Starting point is 00:21:34 Remind me. Yeah, remind me. I really loved Jude Bellingham and Harlan's relationship. I thought it was so cute to witness their little friendship, them just on the rubbing foreheads. How romantic is that? Do you know what I mean? I've never had a man do that to me before.
Starting point is 00:21:46 I just wanted them, I wanted Harlan to lift Jude in the air and fulfil the dirty dancing fantasy that we all had. Did I mean? I was having a blast. It was just so nice. Nice. My flatmate is Spanish.
Starting point is 00:22:02 And the final, every time one of the Spanish players passed the ball to someone else, under her breath, she kept going, my boyfriend. My boyfriend. There was another one of the Spanish players who put his World Cup medal
Starting point is 00:22:16 around his mum's neck. Oh, yes. Oh, and that was, see, because I don't have any interest in footballers sexually at all. I will be, I mean, they'll be relieved, I would think. But I do, you know, I look,
Starting point is 00:22:29 I do, I look at young men, and I think I could teach them things in the bedroom they've never dreamt old. No, literally just mean changing their sheets, that's all I'm doing. I do not enjoy the younger men. What I enjoy is men who are nice to their mothers now. That's what gets me every time. And they are a lovely generation in this, aren't they? They're nice boys. They were so gracious, weren't they?
Starting point is 00:22:52 And you compare it to the behaviour of the Argentinians. It brings out your inner Margaret Fatchett, isn't it? I thought, could we take it back again? Your inner Margaret Thatcher is never that far from the service. I've come on national radio to go, the Prime Minister's wearing a tie and I feel like Margaret Thatcher. Thank you. We've talked about the World Cup, but the sport doesn't end there. The Commonwealth Games kicked off in Glasgow on Thursday
Starting point is 00:23:25 after Australia pulled out of hosting. The slim down line-up has meant some sports, such as cricket and the triathlon have been cut, but some traditional Scottish sports have been added, including spot your husband's shopping and hide the camper van. Donald Trump has signed a landmark deal that will allow Saudi Arabia to develop a civilian nuclear program. A despotic ruler with no respect for women
Starting point is 00:23:52 has now signed a deal with Saudi Arabia. The deal only allows Saudi Arabia to use the technology for energy programs, not weapons. A security measure is airtight as the warning on a box of cotton buds telling you not to put them in your ears. So we've talked about the main news But here at Courantish, we don't just want to cover the big hitters
Starting point is 00:24:15 I've also asked my panel to bring along a smaller story That caught their eye Because it's not the size, it's what you do with it So Amy, let's have a quick listen to what you want to tell us about Yes, I was talking about Andrew Tate Which is one of those sort of fun stories Where the minute you sort of actually think about it for even half a second You think, ah, that's very bad.
Starting point is 00:24:36 Well, it's true, Andrew Tate, and his brother have been arrested in Miami. Yes. Arrested by, obviously, the US Justice Department for extradition to the UK because of cases brought against him by the Bedfordshire police. It's important to remember
Starting point is 00:24:53 that the UK should bear some responsibility for Andrew Tay and his brother and his ilk because he grew up in Luton. Yeah, so do you think about that next time you're getting an easy jet fly. You're at the home of Tate Hood. But the story is ha ha ha, ha, because what he was wearing when he was arrested
Starting point is 00:25:12 can only be described as an outfit made for Silla Black that he has stretched upon his body. Because he's wearing a silky purple shirt, right? Tight beyond belief, okay? Trisha would have looked fantastic in this shirt. That's what I'm trying to say, but he looks insane. Because if you've never seen Andrew Tate, imagine if the plasticine character Morph had made some really bad life choice.
Starting point is 00:25:38 Actually, no one has described him better, Lucy. That's exactly right. And he is, you know, he set himself up as a role model for confused young men, but at least this week he was a role model for those of us who aren't sure if we've still got the ankle to carry off a capri pant. Well, that is a great story to cover because he is a pathetic man. Kaira, what story caught your eye? Oh, I saw this story about a cute Labrador.
Starting point is 00:26:03 His name is Tokyo. And he had to get rescued from the tallest mountain in Scotland because he accidentally ate an edible. That's edible marijuana. That's edible marijuana for our non-drug listeners. And first of all, accidentally, do you know what I mean? Personally, I feel like Tokyo wanted a good time. Right?
Starting point is 00:26:28 And I think he just didn't know how much to put in it, you know, understandably. I just feel like he wanted a night out with the lads. And he took, he bit off more than he could chew. So, yeah, that's my favourite story. It was a gorgeous little story. I mean, obviously we feel really sorry for Toko, but we should point out that he did make an absolutely full recovery. Oh, he's fine.
Starting point is 00:26:49 Yeah, better than fine, actually. He managed to make it to the garage at the end of the road for some Rizzlers. I bet he ate a lot of dog treats like that. Yeah, Labrador is the worst dog to be stoned, right? Surely. They're hungry anyway, so. John, you've got a lovely story to share with us. Yes, I don't know if you've seen.
Starting point is 00:27:07 seen this, but a South Korean bank manager was found to have embezzled 70 million Korean 1, so about $45,000 worth of bank notes, and the way that he pulled off this heist is at the bank he worked at, he would go down to the bank vault and slowly
Starting point is 00:27:25 replace the banknotes with cartoon banknotes. And I mean like cartoon banknotes. I mean, these aren't even vaguely realistic. You can see pictures of them, and they're like cartoon penguin. on these other things. And then eventually when he was finally found out,
Starting point is 00:27:41 he was so popular at the place where he worked that they decided they were going to try and resolve it internally. Just give the money back. We all like you. They stole $45,000. Just give it back. And then eventually someone said, no, I think this is maybe a police matter, actually.
Starting point is 00:27:58 He stole tens of thousands of pounds, you know. But it's a good idea for John Healy's fiscal black hole problem, isn't it? You know, cartoon money. Well, there we go. There's a way to fix the economy right there with cartoon notes. The little story that I loved, which you may not have seen, was that obviously we all know the biotapestry is back on British soil the first time in nearly a thousand years. But an academic debate has been raging
Starting point is 00:28:21 about how many penises are depicted on it. Obviously prompting the question, how can we be sure that was an arrow he got in his eye? But just to fill you in it, it's brilliant. There's two rival professors Right? So medievalist Professor Garnett says there are 93 penises, 88 belonging to horses and five to men, which very much like a Jilly Cooper novel really, isn't it? But rival tapestry scholar Dr. Monk believes he has found a 94th,
Starting point is 00:28:57 but it does answer the question. Could I get a PhD in looking at medieval cocks? The answer is yes. Thanks to our excellent panel and our sensational studio audio. That's everything you need to know to stay Currentish this week. Goodbye! Currentish was hosted by Lucy Porter with guest comics, John Tottsill,
Starting point is 00:29:18 Kira Gray and Amy Annette. It was written by Lucy Porter, Ruth Husko and Katie Sayer with additional material by Lorna Reader and Mike Shepard. The producer was Katie Sayer and it was a mighty funny production for BBC Radio 4.
Starting point is 00:29:34 Attention, animal lovers, haters and undecideds. A little birdie, a tit, told me that you're looking for a podcast just like evil genius, but without all those stupid humans. I'm Russell Kane, waddling onto your feed and squawking about my show, evil animals. Every episode, I'm joined by two human guests,
Starting point is 00:29:52 or as I like to call them, ex-monkeys, passing judgment on all the creepiest crawlies and the biggest elephants in the room. Are vampire bats, terrifying giant mosquitoes, are bottlenose dolphins, sex-obsessed savages, and we're going there. Domestic cats? Evil or genius? out on evil animals in the evil genius podcast feed. First on BBC Sounds.
Starting point is 00:30:18 Hello, Greg Jenner here. I'm the host of You're Dead to Me, the BBC comedy show that takes history seriously. Every episode I pair up a top historian with a fantastic comedian and we have a lovely, funny, fascinating chat about a different subject from world history. And in this new series, we're beginning with an epic voyage through the story of Homer, the Iliad and the Odyssey. And that's with Kyle Smith Bino joining us. And then we'll be learning about France and Galton and the racist discredited pseudoscience of eugenics with Desiree Birch. We'll meet many medieval saints in their bone boxes with Rachel Parrott. So if that sounds like your sort of thing, listen to You're Dead to Me, wherever you get your podcast. Thank you. Bye!

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