Friday Night Comedy from BBC Radio 4 - Dead Ringers: Ep 6. Super-injunctions, Superheroes, and, er, Diane Abbott.

Episode Date: July 25, 2025

The Dead Ringers team are back to train their vocal firepower on the week’s news with an armoury of impressive impressions.This week: Super-injunctions, superheroes, Epstein files and, er, Diane Abb...ott.Cast: Jon Culshaw, Jan Ravens, Lewis Macleod, Jess Robinson, Duncan Wisbey.This episode was written by: Nev Fountain & Tom Jamieson, Laurence Howarth, Rob Darke, Tom Coles, Toussaint Douglass, Sophie Dickson, Joe Topping, Jon Holmes, Lizzy Mansfield, Rachel E, Thorn, Davina Bentley, Alice Bright, Phoebe Butler, Declan KennedyCreated by Bill Dare Producer: Jon Holmes Executive Producer: Pete Strauss Production Co-ordinator: Caroline Barlow

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Starting point is 00:00:00 This BBC podcast is supported by ads outside the UK. deal ratings and price history. So you know a great deal when you see one. That's cargurus.ca, cargurus.ca. Hello, I'm Brian Cox. I'm Robin Ince, and we're back for a new series of the Infinite Monkey Cage. We have our 201st Extravaganza, where we're gonna talk about how animals emote when around trains and tunnels or something like that. I'm not entirely sure.
Starting point is 00:00:43 We're doing one on potatoes. Of course we're doing one on potatoes. You love potatoes. I know, but- Yeah, you love chips, you love mash. I'll only enjoy it if it's got curry sauce on it. We've always got techno fossils, moths versus butterflies, and a history of life.
Starting point is 00:00:54 Listen on bbc.com or- Wherever you get your podcasts. Bbc Sounds, music, radio, podcasts. This is Times Radio. I'm Andrew Neil. The last strawberry in the bottom of the tree that tastes a bit funny. This morning, I'm joined by Diane Abbott. I'm joined by Diane Abbott! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Starting point is 00:01:28 Andrew, hello. Your levity is noted and will be acted upon. LAUGHTER Well, Diane, you've been busy. You've been going on the record about those comments that got you suspended from Labour a couple of years ago. The ones about there being different kinds of racism. But I stand by those comments, Andrew, and I am unanimous in that regard.
Starting point is 00:01:56 So you're repeating your claim that racism against black people is different to racism against travellers or Jewish people. Andrew, it's obvious. Prejudices towards people of colour emerge straight away. But with prejudices towards Jewish people, you have to wait for them to offer you a bagel or invite you to a bar mitzvah before people other than Jeremy are prejudiced towards them. I think I see what you're saying, unfortunately. Racism can take many forms, Andrew. You can look at me straight away and be prejudicial about my skin colour,
Starting point is 00:02:34 but you have to wait for me to open my mouth to be prejudicial towards me for the stupid things I say. I'm hearing Diane that you've just been suspended from the Labour Party again. Oh good. You're pleased? Well yes. Apparently, if I can get suspended six times, I get a free can of M&S Mojito. Dead ringers! You're listening to Today with Nick Robinson in London And Emma Barnett in court getting a super injunction to prevent Nick from talking to
Starting point is 00:03:38 me. Now more on the Afghan data league scandal which revealed this week that an anonymous government worker hit send on the wrong document, ultimately costing the UK £7 billion in a secret relocation scheme. The unnamed worker in question has now agreed to speak exclusively to the BBC. Yes, it's me! Yes, it's me! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE The agent of chaos strikes again.
Starting point is 00:04:11 Liz Truss? Who else? Izzy Wizzy, let's get Lizzy! Oops, I did it again to quote Britney, classic Trussmeister fat fingering the UK into yet another mess. Not my fault though. So whose fault is it? Well obviously it was the left-wing communist deep state, Nick. They made me accidentally press send to all just before they also made me be the worst
Starting point is 00:04:41 Prime Minister we've ever had. And would you like to apologise for any of this? Nick, I'm Liz Truss. Sorry, yes, silly question. I know! APPLAUSE And now on BBC One, it's a welcome, if unexpected, return to Wolf Hall as Mark Rylan stars as Sir Thomas Cromwell. You sent for me, King Henry.
Starting point is 00:05:11 Indeed so, my Lord Cromwell. I hear you have some disturbing news. I do, my liege. I have heard from the BBC and I'm afraid to say that they have decided to let you go from the series Let me go, but I'm King Henry VIII for what reason? multiple complaints from women They include ribald comments unwanted, and cutting their heads off.
Starting point is 00:05:45 This is brutal! For a regal man with a direct manner, this court has become a dangerous place. What has it come to if I can't even take my britches off and wave little Henry around my own back? Let me see these blasted charges. I do not understand. All these events took place over 500 years ago. Indeed, my lord. I believe that is what the BBC calls acting swiftly on the evidence. You won this list too, Cromwell. Apparently you used racist language in the tapestry room. I have no recollection of the alleged incident and do not believe that it happened.
Starting point is 00:06:35 Too late, Sir Thomas! Guards! Take him away! But who will be your most trusted, confident and advisor now, my liege? Thou be me, Mush! The newly-enabled Sir Gregory Wallace of Meat and Two Vegs. I knew I'd fall on me feet. I can see my trademark sense of humour and blokey banter being perfectly in tune with the 16th century,
Starting point is 00:06:57 where there are a lot fewer mouthy birds of a certain age who couldn't take a bloody joke. Oi, Henry, anyone ever tested you for autism? LAUGHTER I like him. LAUGHTER I like him a lot. APPLAUSE
Starting point is 00:07:15 BBC Radio 5 Live. This is 5 Live. I'm Adrian Childs, the sort of strange uncle that comes to your barbecue but then won't leave until well after it's polite to have done so. We can go live now to the White House where Donald Trump is speaking to reporters. Mr. President, do you have anything more to say about the Epstein files? Shut up about Epstein, you losers.
Starting point is 00:07:47 Who cares? The Donald has always said and not said that there is and there isn't an Epstein file. If there was an Epstein file and it is or it isn't a Biggley file, Jeffrey would be using it right now to dig his way out of his cell Shawshank style. My attorney general Pam Bondi beach has done the best job. She's done the best job not releasing the Epstein files which don't exist. And that is why I'm calling on her to release the Democrat hoax Epstein files. Sir, you're saying she should release
Starting point is 00:08:22 the non-existent Epstein files? Correct. Unless Pam James Bondi does or doesn't release them, I shall sack her and replace her with my good friend, Ghislaine Maxwell. What a great lady. Party girl back in the day. Last question. Mr. President, why did you phone the BBC this week for a chat? Because I love the BBC now. It's full of perverts and sex weirdos. You're listening to The World At One and didn't your morning go slowly?
Starting point is 00:09:01 The Afghan data leak super injunction issued by the conservative government in 2022 has rocked Westminster. The then Prime Minister joins me now. What? Yes, it's me. Yes, we'd almost forgotten. Mr Johnson, did you know of this super injunction? If you know about it, I ordered the damn thing.
Starting point is 00:09:28 You did? And you're happy to confirm that now on the record? Because if this injunction hadn't been lifted, the public might never have known about all this. What do you mean, lifted? I mean, well, the injunction is over. The story is everywhere. It is?
Starting point is 00:09:41 Oh, cripes. You mean to say the little rascal knows I'm his daddy? What super injunction are you talking about? What super injunction are you talking about? Boris jr. Boris jr. The second? Boris Seller? No, no, no, no, I mean the- Boris jr. The third? Boris jr. Junior? Boris jr. The fourth? Boris jr. Senior? Boris Sena? No, no, no, no, I'm talking about- Boris jr. The sixth? Seventh? Eight, no, no, no, I'm talking about... Boris Jr. the sixth, seventh, eighth,
Starting point is 00:10:06 Fwah, John Doe, Johnny Appleseed, Fwah, Stanley, Juan Carlos, Miguel, Adolf, or Alanis Borissette? Jesus, Mary and Joseph. Oh yes, I've forgotten about them, is it them? I'm talking about the super injunction on the Afghan data leak. That's brilliant news, as I definitely don't have one. Mr Johnson, this injunction was placed to prevent a national scandal
Starting point is 00:10:38 threatening the lives of 100,000 Afghans. Yes, but on the plus side, it keeps the big dog's baby jam off the front pages and inside a variety of South London ladies where it belongs. Don't tell anyone I said that or consider yourself injuncted. Bozza, big dog, wha wha wha, yeet, out. Hello and welcome to the Restless Football with me, Gary Lineker. and despite leaving,
Starting point is 00:11:06 still the BBC's top earner by quite some margin. I'm joined for this special episode by my old mates Alan Shearer and Rio Ferdinand as we record ourselves doing a watch along of the Lionesses Thursday night quarterfinal match against Sweden because we feel passionately that the women's game still doesn't get the attention or respect it deserves. Right Alan and Rio? Oh I couldn't agree with you more Gary. A thousand million billion percent Gary. Yeah I guess we're just good guys.
Starting point is 00:11:33 And we're off. Wow straight away that was an incredible respectful nod of the head from Alan there. Well I saw the opportunity and took it Gary. There's a moment to show support for the women in this game, you know, you've got to take it. Oh look, here's a chance. Rios making a move off the sofa, extending his knees into a standing position. Oh, fantastic. This is his moment, Gary. He's widening his arms. I think he's going to bring his hands together. Will he finish it? Oh, some brilliant, respectful clapping shown there for the women by the former England
Starting point is 00:12:03 International. Oh, it just feels right, Gary, you know? To be out there giving the women's game and the women playing it the attention they should be getting. Totally agree, Rio. It's honestly terrible that some people still don't take much notice of the women's game and this tournament in particular, when compared to the men's. Oh, it's an absolute shocker, Gary, you know, and some people have no respect. Hang on a minute, guys.
Starting point is 00:12:25 What's up, Rio? I've just looked at the telly. Yes, and? We're watching the golf. Oh, right. Should I switch over to the Lionesses game? Nah, we can just look up the score on our phones later. Yeah, we can just look up the score on our phones later. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:12:44 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You're watching the 10 o'clock News with me, Clive Myrie. I may be number 13 on the BBC's highest earners list,
Starting point is 00:12:54 but I'm number one on your wife's to-do list. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:13:02 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. This week, Energy Secretary Ed Miliband branded the Conservative Party as anti-science for rejecting Net Zero. The Conservative leader, Kemi Batenok, joins me now. Ms Batenok, how do you respond to this accusation? Hello, Clive. First, let me answer your question with another question.
Starting point is 00:13:25 Would someone who is anti-science do this? Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm I'm not sure that demonstrates anything. Of course it does. I can detect the resonant frequencies of any object or person, Clive. Miss Batenock, why do you do this? Because I am a low energy weirdo. In fact, you can call me the low energy secretary. Detecting frequencies is just one of my scientific hobbies, Clive. Others include blowing bubbles made of frozen bistro, injecting silence into sea cucumbers and trapping moonlight in biro tubes.
Starting point is 00:14:19 Do you want me to detect your frequency? Um. Hold still. Do you want me to detect your frequency? Erm... Hold still. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. You're listening to Today with me, Nick Robinson. And me, Emma Barnett. Former Defense Secretary, Ben Wallace,
Starting point is 00:14:51 has defended his decision to take out the data leak super injunction. Ben Wallace, Greg Wallace, is there any Wallace not tainted by scandal? The last decent Wallace joins us. Lovely to be here. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I loved the Wensleydale sandwiches in the green room.
Starting point is 00:15:11 So Wallace, you have a squeaky clean image. So why has this story surfaced regarding a complaint made by Gwendoline about your inappropriate conduct? It wasn't deliberate, Emma. I invented a window cleaning machine and it broke and grabbed her on the bum instead. LAUGHTER But you admit you were wearing the wrong trousers at the time. LAUGHTER Because I'm autistic.
Starting point is 00:15:37 LAUGHTER CHEERING APPLAUSE Just look at me. I've worn the same tank top for 30 years. Right, and can you address the rumoured reason why your dog hasn't said a word for all these years? Oh, he'll never talk. Cracking super injunction grommets.
Starting point is 00:16:02 Keir Starmer surprised many in Westminster by removing the whip from four Labour rebel MPs. The Prime Minister joins me. It was time to show my party who's boss, Nick. It's me, Kier the Cruel. I'm savage, I'm ruthless, a man of conviction who rules through fear, through terror with an iron grasp on power as I banish into the dustbin of history these may sayers who dared question Keir's authority. From there, they will never return. But many observers say far from looking strong,
Starting point is 00:16:44 this makes you look petty and weak. What does it? LAUGHTER Oh, I'm not going to take them, come back. Let's just forget it, if it happened. APPLAUSE Hello, I'm Brian Cox. I'm Robin Ince. And we're back for a new series of the Infinite Monkey Cage.
Starting point is 00:17:07 We have our 201st Extravaganza where we're going to talk about how animals emote when around trains and tunnels or something like that. I'm not entirely sure. Doing one on potatoes. Of course we're doing one on potatoes. You love potatoes. I know but... Yeah, you love chips, you love mash.
Starting point is 00:17:22 I'll only enjoy it if it's got curry sauce on it. We've always got techno fossils, moths versus butterflies and a history of light. Listen on BBC.com or... Wherever you get your podcasts. Hello, you're through to our technical support helpline. Can I start by taking your name please? Benjamin Netanyahu. And how may I assist you today Mr Netanyahu?
Starting point is 00:17:47 I'm experiencing some technical errors. In fact I've had a number of technical errors recently. No problem at all, I'll get that sorted for you right away. Is it a phone or a laptop causing you problems? No, it's my drones. Your drones? Yes. Each time I order an air strike on Islamic terrorists, they seem to target children queuing for water and stag, which can only be explained as a technical error.
Starting point is 00:18:13 Right. And have you tried turning them off and on again? Yes, but then they target a food convoy. The strange thing is, the drones themselves are brand new. I bought them from a small boutique outlet called United Kingdom. Right, maybe it's a faulty batch. Possibly, except I've used the exact same missiles to attack Iran's nuclear infrastructure and Syria's military headquarters. And they all hit their targets perfectly.
Starting point is 00:18:43 It's a real head scratcher. Well, in that case you might need to speak to your supplier and see if they can send you some replacements. Replacements? No, no, no, no, no. I don't want replacements. The reason I'm calling is, do you know where I can get more missiles with technical errors? And how many technical errors would I need to blow up a hospital? From the people who bought you Oda Stammer,
Starting point is 00:19:14 Oda Farage and Oda Badenoch, comes a new fragrance. It's exciting, just like the Liberal Democrats. Davey! A fragrance for a man or a woman. But definitely not a Prime Minister. Perfect for when you're on top of a waterslide or messing about on Lake Windermere.
Starting point is 00:19:34 With the salty scent of paddleboard. And top notes that makes you think Did he not get enough attention as a child? Plus an unmistakable base oil. Desperation. Oh, did Davey. It's as subtle as a sledgehammer. This sledgehammer...
Starting point is 00:19:56 We don't need you to demonstrate with an actual sledgehammer. See, because this sledgehammer that I'm hitting the ground with isn't subtle at all. We get it. Please stop. What I'm saying hitting the ground with isn't subtle at all. We get it. Please stop. What I'm saying is that my perfume isn't subtle. It's not a hard concept to understand. In fact, it's the opposite. Perhaps I'd better demonstrate one more time.
Starting point is 00:20:16 Oh, do put a sock in it, you tedious clown. Well, funnily enough, I happen to have a red nose and some very large shoes in my back, shall I? Absolutely not. BBC Sounds, music, radio, podcasts. Welcome back to the Newscast studio with me, Adam Fleming. And me, Chris Mason.
Starting point is 00:20:42 President Trump has threatened Russia with a massive 100% tariff unless it reaches a ceasefire deal in 50 days. So Adam, what do you reckon? Will Trump follow through or is it another case of TACO? The now infamous acronym for Trump Always Chickens Out. It sounds simplistic but actually it really does represent a pattern that plays out over and over again with Trump. The same applies for Nacho. Nacho?
Starting point is 00:21:11 Netanyahu arguably committing humanitarian outrages. You hear that? That's because I made it up myself. You see, as a political correspondent, it's a real challenge to convey complex geopolitical manoeuvrings to an audience. So I've decided to embrace these snack acronyms, or snack-cronyms if you will. OK, but back to Russia. Do you think Putin will call Trump's bluff? I think Panini.
Starting point is 00:21:41 OK, what's that? Putin always never intends nothing intentionally. Chris, perhaps clunkily retrofitting nuanced politics into acronyms is a bad idea. But I've got a whole list of them and I really want people to hear how clever they are. Like Sandwich, that's Stammer, always negotiates decisively within an international context of hostility. And Muffin, maybe Ursula Von der Leyen, feels frustrated with isolationist negativity. How about Fahita? For sure all humanity is heading towards Armageddon.
Starting point is 00:22:22 Fahita has a J in the middle Adam. They don't work if your spelling is sloppy. Toast, Chris. I beg your pardon? Toss off, you annoying specky twerp. LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE Welcome to Newsnight with me, Victoria Derbyshire. I'm a straight shooter, so if you're hiding round a corner, you're perfectly safe.
Starting point is 00:22:44 LAUGHTER Nearly 60 Labour MPs have written a letter to the Foreign Secretary, calling on the UK government to immediately recognise Palestine as a state. David Lammy joins me now. What's your response to their letter? Well, Victoria, I don't have a response to the letter yet, as I am still trying to...
Starting point is 00:23:05 Come up with one? No, open it. LAUGHTER David, it's me, David, your inner monologue here. You've been Foreign Secretary for over a year now, something no-one thought was possible, except for me.
Starting point is 00:23:25 So although that was a tricky question, I want you to answer it in the relaxed manner of an established government minister. I am personally committed to a two-state solution. Good, David. Focus. You almost sound statesman-like. By helping Palestinians attain a brand-new state...
Starting point is 00:23:52 Where are you going with this, David? Which is a state of mindfulness. What? No, David. You've dropped a lamb in. I think what the people of Gaza should do is close their eyes and breathe in. David, have you forgotten something? And then breathe out. I always forget that bit.
Starting point is 00:24:29 Clarence Secretary, are you all right? No, he is not all right. He's an absolute lamby. Tonight on Love Island, it's the break up no one saw coming. When Osorio was arguing, I was like high key shots, like OMG what? It's like they like seemed like,
Starting point is 00:24:51 well like the perfect couple. That's right, it's all over between Angela and Unite. I'm not going to lie, I'm fuming. Unite was 100% my type of union on paper because they campaigned for statutory workers' rights. Plus, they're well-penged. And what caused the shock split? A domestic argument.
Starting point is 00:25:13 Basically, we had a row over who should take the bins out. They said no one until they get a pay rise, and I said, bloody, get on with it, because Birmingham stinks and bins give me the ick. It was a proper bust-up. And then they got all sus and pied said, bloody get on with it, because Birmingham stinks and bins give me the ick. It was a proper bust up. And then they got all sus and pied me, although actually I'd already pied them weeks ago. Coming up after the break,
Starting point is 00:25:32 Angela is offered solace from an unlikely source. Can I pull you for a chat, babes? Just wondering where your heads at, whether you'd be interested in recoupling with me in castle-centrism, it's pretty Gucci. Jug on, K, you mug. Fair enough. Here's what it is. In a world filled with death and despair, there is one group of superheroes dedicated
Starting point is 00:25:58 to upholding all that is good and decent. Sir Ian McKellen. You have shown great bravery, young hobbits. Sir Patrick Stewart. You have shown the Klingons are metal Mr. Riker. Dame Judi Dench. You have shown Spectre Watt 4 007. And Alan Bennett. You have shown me a dick pic Steve from Essex. Looks like a tortoise in a pack of mack. I'm beginning to regret joining Grindr. They are the National Treasures.
Starting point is 00:26:33 The National Treasures have been summoned to their secret base deep beneath BAFTA headquarters. Pay attention everyone. There's a terrible crisis that requires our assistance. What crisis Dame Judy? Gaza? Gaza? Ukraine? The hosepipe ban?
Starting point is 00:26:47 No, no. Both Greg Wallace and now the other one have been sacked from MasterChef. And we have to save the BBC from itself. They're stuck with an entire series and two Christmas specials they can't broadcast. What a frothy little programme of people cooking and other people saying, that's quite nice, can't be shown on the television. However, will people cope? Well because we're all just so nice they're reshooting MasterChef and inserting us as new presenters
Starting point is 00:27:14 Patrick you're Greg Wallace sir Ian you're John Turrode. Why am I John Turrode? Well you can be Greg Wallace if you like. John Turrode it is. What's my motivation for being Greg Wallace? Mostly baldness. Make it so. What about me Dame Judy? Alan, you'll be a pan-fried salmon with samphire and rocket on a bed of braised asparagus shoots
Starting point is 00:27:37 served with a red wine and celeriac jus. To think I've got three Olivier Awards. Ian, Patrick, here are your scripts. Let me have a look. The sauce cuts through the asparagus, but I am not sold on the garnish, oh, Greg. LAUGHTER Ahem. You are having a laughed road.
Starting point is 00:27:59 My taste buds are boogieing with each other right now. I tell you what, four. I wouldn't marry this meal, but I'd take it away for a dirty weekend. Who wrote this shit? We can't do this, Dame Judy, this business. You can and you will. Have you forgotten how I had to be Hugh Edwards for three months
Starting point is 00:28:26 last year? I was so convincing I'm now not allowed to see either of me goddaughters. Exactly and I didn't want to be Gary Lineker either but I mastered both tweeting pious opinions on Gaza and studiously avoiding the subject of trans women in sport in just one afternoon so come on boys. We're the only thing standing in the subject of trans women in sport in just one afternoon. So come on boys. We're the only thing standing in the way of channel five becoming the national broadcaster. Oh bloody hell. What is it? Oh it seems that now we've all been sacked by the BBC's hysterical new guidelines. Oh dear. I should never have opened that dick pic. Open that dick pic. Rachel E. Thor, Davina Bentley, Alice Bright, Phoebe Butler, Declan Kennedy. It was a BBC Studios audio production for Radio 4. Dared Ringers was created by Bill Dare and the producer was John Holmes.
Starting point is 00:29:36 Hello, I'm Brian Cox. I'm Robin Ince and we're back for a new series of The Infinite Monkey Cage. We have our 201st extravaganza where we're going to talk about how animals emote when around trains and tunnels or something like that. I'm not entirely sure. We're doing one on potatoes. Of course we're doing one on potatoes. You love potatoes. I know but... Yeah, you love chips, you love mash.
Starting point is 00:29:57 I'll only enjoy it if it's got curry sauce on it. We've always got techno fossils, moths versus butterflies and a history of light. That'll do, won't it? Listen first on BBC Sounds. Hello, I'm Brian Cox. I'm Robin Ince, and we're back for a new series of the Infinite Monkey Cage. We have our 201st Extravaganza, where we're gonna talk about how animals emote
Starting point is 00:30:20 when around trains and tunnels or something like that. I'm not entirely sure. We're doing one on potatoes. Of course we're doing one on potatoes. You love potatoes. I know but... Yeah, you love chips, you love mash. I'll only enjoy it if it's got curry sauce on it. We've always got techno fossils, moths versus butterflies and a history of light.
Starting point is 00:30:34 Listen on bbc.com or... Wherever you get your podcasts.

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