Friday Night Comedy from BBC Radio 4 - Dead Ringers: Ep1. Keir vs Kemi

Episode Date: June 19, 2026

The iconic impressions show returns to lampoon the week’s biggest headlines. This week World Cup fever, Government resignations and a Downing Street haunting keep the cast busy.Starring Jon Culshaw, Jan Ravens, Lewis Macleod, Duncan Wisbey and Jess Robinson.Executive Producer: James Robinson Produced by Jon Holmes Production Co-ordinator: Giulia Lopes MazzuA BBC Studios Production

This BBC podcast is supported by ads outside the UK. He's widely recognised as one of the greatest footballers in history. He's won the prestigious Ballandour Award five times. He's the all-time leading goal scorer in professional football. And according to the Bloomberg Billionaires Index, he's the first active footballer in history to achieve billionaire status. Guess who we're talking about yet? That's right. Good Bad Billionaire is exploring the life and fortune of football icon Cristiano Ronaldo.

That's good bad billionaire from the BBC World Service. Listen now, wherever you get your BBC podcasts. People of Britain. This is your Prime Minister for now, depending on how bad the potholes are in Makerfield. In recent days, certain reprehensible individuals have sought to create panic, chaos and disorder in this country to foster division for their own age.

Neighbour has turned upon neighbour. Appeals for calm have been ignored. But my message to those responsible is clear. Up yours, John Healy. I never liked you. And I've already turned your resignation letter into a paper aeroplane, thus doubling the UK's air defences. Welcome to Match of the Day, the World.

World Cup has finally begun. And that whistle means you can now officially hang up an England flag without looking racist. Now, I'm joined by England Captain Harry Kane. Ah, hello, Gabby. Obviously, to be speaking to you today is, well, as the dream come true really. So, Harry, how are you feeling at the moment?

Yeah, well, you know, obviously I'm like incredibly excited, nervous. like, you know, all the normal things, really, when there's a huge competition just around the corner. And does that play on your mind at all? Nothing plays on my mind, Gabby. As I think everyone could tell. But listen, people have worked their whole lives to be in this position, you know. Let's face it, it's not every day you get a Labour leadership contest.

Well, that's gripping stuff, Gabby. You know, obviously, me and the boys will be glued to our TV sets, watching the qualifier in Mace. I'm like a field next Thursday. Help to say I'm slightly surprised, Harry. Oh, we love it, Gabby. You know, I really like all the tactics because it looks like Burnham

is playing on the false left wing position, which obviously Starma mastered all those years ago before moving out to the right. Sorry, Harry, this is match of the day. Can we talk about football? For example, the controversy surrounding FIFA. Oh, yeah, you know, to my mind, it's a group of out-of-touch people.

we've made dodgy decision after dodgy decision. You're still talking about the Labour leadership contest. Yeah, I am. Gaby to understand. Before we wrap this up, can you give us your prediction for the coming month? Yeah, well, you know, obviously tears, disappointment and a very angry nation. And the football? We're getting knocked out on penalties. You need my help.

Who the hell are you? I am Martin Lewis, money-saving expert. And I am here to help. Now, I believe you recently came into some money. I don't know what you're talking about. A five million pound gift from a Thai-based crypto billionaire. No, no, no. Look, I have made it crystal clear where that money came from.

It matters not where you got it from. It matters how you invest it. Listen carefully. You must do exactly as I say. Place half of the five million pounds into an index-linked bond. Put the other half into Nazi memorabilia. Take the money out of the bond at the start of the financial year and put it into a zero percent interest credit card

you take the money from that account into a high interest saver you put the interest into an account with cashback and then you switch that and get a switching fee then you convert the Nazi memorabilia into gold bars melt them down and turn them into humorous door-knockers then take them to Argentina and sit on them for 80 years until fascism becomes fashionable again and then sell them to fund a far-rate campaign

to destabilize Western democracies and help Vladimir Putin annex Europe Done and done. That is without doubt the strangest man I've ever met. And considering I work alongside Robert Jenrick and Lee Anderson, that's quite a compliment. Coming soon to BBC Scotland, a new detective drama about a troubled cop

with a complicated personal life and unique powers of perception. Oh, boss, you're here. The body's this way. It's not a pretty sight. He's been shot dead right in the middle of his own living room. There he is. Look, let me be clear. I have seen no evidence.

No evidence of any criminality here whatsoever. It's deisturgeon. What do you mean no evidence of criminality? There's a dead body. Is there? Where? Right in front of your eyes, you're looking at it right now. I don't believe anyone can reasonably expect me to have not. notice that.

Dear God, a gang of masked men with shotguns have just broken in. They're removing the body. That's not something I was aware of at any stage. It's happening right now. Absolutely. Something's gone wrong and it's our job to put it right. Because if you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen. Not that I ever spent much time in the kitchen. Which is why I never noticed the barista coffee machine.

The silver-pleaded wine colster. The La Cruzey crate van or the Jamie Oliver Acacia wooden spoon set. So come on, gang, to the mystery machine. The mystery machine. Do you mean the camper van? Let's go. Welcome to Uncanny. I'm Danny Robbins. Head of a wandering minstrel body of a toddler dressed for the airport.

And for this very special episode, I've come to Britain's most cursed house to investigate some truly, sinister sightings. From the outside, this house looks innocuous enough, but legend has it. It destroys the life of anyone who lives here.

Let's go inside. Number 10, Downing Street. I'd agreed to meet with the current occupant, but the property seemed deserted. Oh, there's some muffled sobbing, somewhat in terrible anguish. It was coming from inside a cupboard.

They're after me. They turn their bones into rubber and slide under the doors, you know. I have to use draft excluders to kick them out. Their current resident has obviously been sent mad. But was it the house that was responsible? I decided to speak to some previous eyewitnesses. This woman said it shattered her life. Before I moved into number 10 down the street.

I was only routinely depressed. like an eaw-plush toy left in a puddle. But by the time I left, life seemed to me utterly hopeless. Chilling stuff. And this previous resident also seemed very disturbed by his day, as his hair was standing on end and completely white. Did living in number ten mess with Bozzar's head? Well, I do remember trying to write my Shakespeare biography

and just sitting, sitting at a typewriter, typing out all work and no play makes Boris a dull boy. And then there was this river of blood coming down the corridor, but it could have just been red wine from one of my parties. And this woman seems to have gone completely and utterly insane. I was as sane as a rabbit. Else in the country went totes bonkers. Well, I remain the only sensible person in the UK

with my inspired mini-budget which replaced the Bank of England governor with a signed photo of David Cassidy. Hashtag Dreamboat. Did you miss me? Bloody hell is. But now things are about to get truly frightening. They say that if you climb the stairs in this house, go into the bathroom, look in the mirror and say education three times. Hello, Danny, sunken forehead, dead behind the ice grin, billionaire hand gesture.

Oh my God, it's Tony Blair. That's right. I am Prime Minister, Danny. This is my home. But you haven't been Prime Minister for 20 years. Oh, Danny. I've always been Prime Minister. And I always will be.

Forever and ever and ever and ever. Join me next week on Uncanny. As I travel stateside to spend a night in the spookiest house in Washington, D.C., haunted by a killer clown with scary makeup and tiny rotting hands. Dear England, it's me, David Beckham. You might have seen that as the World Cup kicks off,

I've been honoured with a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, halfway between Bob Hoskins and Mickey Mouse, just like my voice. As we begin the 2026 World Cup, I have a message for anyone wishing to turn this noble, beautiful competition into a tawdry, cynical, purely money-making exercise. I am available.

Because I will flog anything. Watches, vacuum, cleaners, laptops, perfume, coffee, underpants, and problematic regimes with the... Pauling Human Rights Records. I'm basically the Argos catalogue, but with less of a spine. There is no product

I won't sacrifice my remaining dignity for as long as the price is right. And I do have a gap in my schedule as my long-term endorsement of helium gas is about to come to an end. All squeedly, David. You're listening to PM with me, Evan Davis. I'm smooth all over,

like one of those weird, hairless cats you see on YouTube. Kenny Fadnock has said this week that she would scrap the public sector equality duty, which requires public bodies to actively promote equality in all they do. She joins me now. Good evening, Evan.

Yes, this is another bold announcement from me. Kenny is certainly on a row. You do seem to have found your feet somewhat in recent months. Why do you think that is? It's very simple, Evan. It's because I am no longer a low-energy weirdo, for you see,

I have finally discovered my mojo. And what is your mojo exactly? I'm glad you asked. My particular mojo is a bristly semi-aquatic creature with a retractable proboscis that I would describe as halfway between an ardvark and a vau.

I keep it in a hammock I've made out of fruit, but that's not the point. Now that I'm newly energized as a weirdo with a mojo. It is I who are making the political weather. And your point here is that you want everyone to be treated equally?

No, I want everyone to be treated differently. And how would that work? What I am calling for is for every single person in this country to be treated by the state in a way that is entirely bespoke. So Linda from Coventry, say,

will have her council tax bill delivered in song by a medieval troubadour. Karim from Swansea will be sent 200 metric tonnes of custard every single day without explanation. And so on and so forth. What could be fairer or weirder than that? Isn't the truth that all this culture wars stuff is just a desperate attempt to win back voters who've defected to reform? Right, you've just asked me a serious political question there, which suggests you're now treating me as a serious politician,

which has thrown me a bit, to be honest. But I suppose it proves I really have got my mojo working. And what's it working at? It's eating the hammock. Thank you. There's a poached egg in my shoe. My fellow soccer enthusiasts, on behalf of the United States, but not Canada.

No, no. And definitely not Mexican. I am so proud to welcome the 48 World Cup qualifying nations to these shores. Why? Because it gives the Donald lots more countries I've never heard of to add to my Panini World Cup invasion wall chart.

I'm looking at it now. Ghana, Congo, Senegal, Kurokakosawa. Bekistan. Becky, Stan? Didn't she just marry Don Jr.? I don't know. I never went.

Which of these crap holes will be joining Iran? Venezuela. And Cuba. In the ballistic knockout face. Okay. Okay, so the Donald now is off for a power nap. So wake me up when it's Shakir's halftime show during the final. Unlike 60 Minutes in J.D. Vance, her hips don't lie.

He's widely recognised as one of the greatest footballers in history. He's won the prestigious Ballandour Award five times. He's the all-time leading goal scorer in professional football. And according to the Bloomberg Billionaires Index, he's the first active footballer in history to achieve billionaire status. Guess who we're talking about yet? That's right. Good Bad Billionaire is exploring the life and fortune of football icon Cristiano Ronaldo. That's Good Bad Billionaire from the BBC World Service.

Listen now, wherever you get your BBC podcasts. Superintendent Hastings preparing for interview. Also present, D.I. Arnett, D.I. Fleming. Hang on, where's the suspect? We've got a problem, sir. What is it? We don't have a suspect, sir. We've been reading the National Police Anti-Racism Guide.

Mother God. Before we arrest anyone, we have to confirm that none of the OCG is BME. The NPCC don't want the OCG to be BME. Too sensitive, sir. What does it matter what bloody colour they are? I'm interested in one thing. and one thing only, and that's... Treating everyone differently according to their race.

I was going to say bent coppers. Definitely, he can't say that, sir. Offensive. The Ocg might be LGBT as well as BME. Look, let's just use some common sense here. We're after a bloody human trafficking gang. Get out there and bloody arrest them. We can't, sir. We have to be sensitive. Just because we think human trafficking is wrong, that might be cultural relativism. And it says here, sir, that we need to respond to different communities

based on their specific needs and avoid the risk of victimising groups who are already overrepresented in the prison population. And we've got a lot of traffickers in prison as it is. We wouldn't want to criminalise the community further. This gang is directly responsible for grooming young women and girls. Better play it safe, sir. Who else have we got, Steve? Female, 40s, face covering.

Wait, is it a burker? No, it's a work. white woman in a cagoo. Let's bring her in. She's going to prison. Jesus, Mary Joseph, and the wee donkey. Don't mention the donkey, sir. He's got protected characteristics. This summer, it's Toy Story

Five. And all your favorite toys are back to save and protect their kids. Oh, phone keeps sending pictures of baron. This is terrible, Jesse. We've got to do something. It's an intergalactic emergency. And there's only one square old-fashioned

boring pull-string member of the gang who can ride to the rescue. Woody! Uh, yes. Howdy partners? Yeah. It's great to see you, Woody. Thanks, Buzz. You're definitely my favorite deluded deputy after David Lammy.

Together, in their newest action-packed adventure, they'll stop tech in its tracks. Yeoh! Let's go! To infinity and beyond! Yes! Or... What if we just ask tech companies nicely to activate certain features that should largely prevent children

from accessing explicit material? And we'll ask them to do it... At the speed of light! Within three months. That's terrible. Hey, howdy, hey. You know, gotta get this wagon train a moving.

And just when they think they're out of all options, they're joined by Mr. Potato Head. Oh, hi, Wes. Thanks for stabbing me in my pull-string back. Or have you know, Woody? I am an important political figure who deserves to be taken seriously.

Oh, blast. My plastic eyebrows are just falling off. Toy Story 5 in cinema soon. Soonish. I wouldn't want to put a rigid timetable on it. There's so much activity now. We have to be very good. careful not to be heard. This is BBC Radio 4's

Intrigue to Catch a King. The smash hit investigative podcast where we try to make every last second sound as dangerous and dramatic as possible. I'm Sue Mitchell, I'm a reporter and my friend Rob Lorry's ex-army, something I have to say in every episode to show just how serious we are. And I always talk like everything's life or death. even if we're just picking up a higher car white bull gore mate

round the back we've got to move sue now the car is just round the back but as always me and Rob he's ex-army we'll take a massive diversion through a dark forest and what's more

we've got a microphone in each shoe so you remember that we're still in that forest at all mine and we've got one on each sleeve too so you can hear that we're walking fast because of the danger. Rob is ex-army. Out of the danger. We've also got animal sound effects

to make it sound more foreboding, like an owl. Well, sorry Sue, wrong sound effect. I couldn't see the owl one because, as usual, out here in the forest. It's pitch black. And in the pitch black, in the forest, when anything dangerous might happen. the relentlessly suspenseful music gets even louder. And Rob, whose ex-Army,

known to somewhere where the sound effects are even more intrusive. At tweak breaks, just in case you forgot we're in the forest and that we could be in danger any second. I think this is our car. But Rob always says that. It gives him a chance to then say, Wrong, too, wrong! Forget the sound effect.

Who? Join us next time. In the forest. In the pitch, black. On to catch a king. Rob is ex-army. You're listening to the world at one with me, Sarah Montague. Don't slouch over your coffee.

No wonder you don't have a job. J.D. Vance's recent tweet claiming democracy in the UK was dying. Has the special relationship ever been under more strain? Deputy Prime Minister David Lamey joins me now. Good afternoon. Good afternoon, Thera. David. David, this is your inner monologue speaking.

Oh, not you again. Now, at the weekend, you called J.D. Vance to discuss his comments about UK immigration. That's correct. As you know, he and I are good friends. Are you really, David? Are you and J.D., really good friends? Yes, I've heard you two are friends. It seems an unlikely friendship. That's because it's not true. Isn't it, David? Yes, we are friends. How many times does he phone you, David?

None. You phone him loads, but he never phones you. Very good friends. He only pretends to like you so he can show off a Mar-a-Lago by saying he knows a black person. So what did you say, obviously, if you are friends, you can be brutally honest?

I told him that his comments on X were wrong. And how can you be sure that he took that on board? Tell her, David. Because I... Go on. I believe it is the case... Keep going. That I...

Yes. Was? Yes. Was... Oh, he was all going so well. Was what, David? Did you even have a plan for finishing that sentence? Extremely...

You can't just say one word at a time, David. You need... to talking full sentences. I was brave. That makes no sense. Careful now. So brave. Oh dear.

I deserve... Don't say it, David. A sticker. You said, what we imagine 21st century AI would sound like back in

1982. I'm reporting from a Another horrific attack on the streets of the UK where earlier a young man was... No, no, no, no, let me speak. Big Nigeria exploiting another human tragedy for my own political game. No, no, no. Let me speak.

Rupert Lowe here. I think you'll find I was here first to exploit this human tragedy for my game. Look, Lowe, you can't out right-wing me. And you're getting in the way of a very important point I need to make once I find out how a foreigner was involved. Oh. Look at you looking for evidence.

You've gone soft, Nigel. I prefer to speculate wildly without anything to back it up. No, no, no. Let me speak. No, no, no. Let me sing. Anything you can spout. I can go lower. I can say anything crasser than you.

No, you can't. Yes, I can. No, you can. Yes, I can. No, no, no, you can. Yes, I can. Yes, I can. Well, I say, deport all illegal immigrants. And I say deport anyone who has a suspiciously high grade in a GCSE foreign language. Anything you can try, I can try better. I can rage, anything crosser than you. No, you can. Yes, I can.

Stop the boats! Oh, come on, any boats you can stop, I can stop harder. I've drowned a kitten if it got me more votes. Be that. Well, I'll bring back the death penalty for anyone I don't like the look off. Just the one death penalty, Nigel. Soft on crime, are we, Nigel? I say, dig these people up

and give them two, three, or more death penalties until they learn to stop doing it. Anything you can say, I can be madder. I'll dig them all up and kill them again. Hang them all? Dig them up. Send them back. Oh, rubbish. A vote for a store. is a vote for more order.

I'll restore order more violently than you. Thanks to this rhetoric, there's now rioting, firebombs, and racially motivated violence on the streets. And I have to ask you both, isn't this exactly what you want it? Yes, it is, yes it is. Dare Ringers was performed by John Colshaw, Jan Ravens, Jess Robinson, Duncan, Wisby, and Lewis McLeod. It was written by Nev Fountain and Tom J. Jameson, Lawrence Howard, Sophie Dixon, Joe Topping and John Holmes.

Additional material by Jennifer Walker, Katie Sayre, Rachel E. Thorn and Lizzie Mansfield, Rebecca Bay and Cooper Marwini Swirt, with original music by Duncan Wisby. Daredringers is a BBC Studios audio production for Radio 4. It was created by Bill Dare and is produced and directed by John Holmes. Greetings, malevolent munchkins, fiendish friends and devilish do-gooders. Welcome back to the Home of the oxymoron. Evil genius! I'm Russell Kane and I'm delighted to be steering the ship that unceremoniously wrenches

historic figures from their perfect pedestals so that we can decide whether they're evil, genius or a heavy concoction of the two. It's like the podcast version of telling your kids the ice cream van plays music when it's out of ice cream. Yes, it's evil, yes, it's genius.

Get on board now and listen to Evil Genius on BBC Sounds. What do Beatles member Sir Paul McCartney? YouTube megastar, Mr Beast and former Facebook executive Cheryl Sandberg, all have in common. They're all being discussed in the new season of Good Bad Billionaire, the podcast which explores the lives and fortunes of the world's super rich. That's Good Bad Billionaire from the BBC World Service.

Listen now, search for Good Bad Billionaire wherever you get your BBC podcasts.