Friday Night Comedy from BBC Radio 4 - Dead Ringers: Ep3. Heat, Hydration, and Harry Kane

Episode Date: July 3, 2026

The Dead Ringers team train their vocal firepower on the week’s news. This week: Keir is ex-Prime Minister, Rob is ex-army, and Liz Truss is ex-cited. Oh and it’s ruddy HOT.Starring Jon Culshaw, Jan Ravens, Lewis Macleod, Duncan Wisbey and Jess Robinson.Produced by Jon Holmes Executive Producer: Richard Morris Production Co-ordinator: Giulia Lopes MazzuA BBC Studios Production for Radio 4.

This BBC podcast is supported by ads outside the UK. How did a boycott Jimmy become a billionaire from posting videos? On good, bad billionaire, we're going to find out how the world's most popular YouTuber, Mr Beast, made his fortune. He's buried himself in a coffin for days. Counted to 100,000 on camera. And even recreated squid games, all in an attempt to go viral on the internet. But it all started when he gave a homeless man $10,000. So is he a philanthropist reshaping capitalism?

or is he just the king of the attention economy? Find out on Good Bad Billionaire. Listen on BBC.com or wherever you get your podcasts. Harry Kane, a disappointing nil-nill-nill draw with Garner. That was a dourn 90 minutes, log. Yeah, I know, because we had a plan. We stuck with it, and we gave the fans back home what they wanted. Gave the fans back home what they wanted.

Harry, England were flat, uninspired. tiring, ponderous and boring. Yeah, you know, that was for everyone back home sweltering in this 40-degree heat wave. The entire country is finding it impossible to sleep, but half an hour watching England versus Ghana. And then, I'm not going to be no time. It's a dream come true.

Dead ringers. The question my party is asking now is whether I am best to play. to lead us into the next general election. I have heard the answer of my parliamentary party to that question, and I accept that answer with good grace. Okay, Kea, I now need you to write down the name of who you think is a traitor. Oh, sorry Claudia, I'm struggling.

I'm looking around and all I see are traitors. There's Andy. There's Andy. Look, Keir, it's nothing personal, mate, but I had to vote for yourself to leave. I know, you've played an amazing game. And as for you, Wes, I have been 100% faithful to you the whole way through, Keir.

Yeah, he's definitely a traitor. To be fair, Kerr, you've done some quite traitory things to a lot of us. Well, Angela, I have to say, you didn't do very well in the housing challenge. I need to push you for a name. Thank you, Sakeer. You know what? I'm putting down myself. I mean, I did let everyone down and they don't appoint an associate of an international sex trafficker to a high security government post challenge. Okay, Keir, this means you have received the most votes and are now banished.

Before you go, please reveal your true identity. Well, what a journey it's been. I've given it my best shot and I made some amazing memories. Remember when I got all those free gifts and made all those U-turns? But I'm proud to say that I am and always have been since the very beginning A, son of a toolmaker.

Hello there, I'm Gary Lineker and welcome to the rest is football. If Netflix had VAR, they'd reverse their decision to give us 30 million quid for this. So it's been a disappointing few days Scotland's hopes are hanging by a thread after they lost to Brazil and before that

there was England's frustrating nil-nil draw against Ghana and once again joined by England manager Thomas Tuchel Hello Gary So Thomas what was the main problem A lack of legs in midfield No Gary

He counted two on rice Two on Anderson and two on Bellingham exactly the right amount of legs. Then I substituted off Bellingham, two legs off, and brought on Rogers, two legs on,

the legs added up to the correct number of legs at all times. But the Garner team, they really parked the bus, didn't they? No, Gary. The coach driver parks the bus. The Ghanian players would not be allowed to drive the bus without a proper PSV licence and accreditation. Right, well, good look against Panama Thomas,

and don't forget, the whole country's behind you. No, there is. I am currently facing in a south-easterly direction, which means the whole of England, I believe, is to my left and slightly in front of me. I could, I suppose, try at all times to face away from England so that the whole country was indeed behind me. However, that strikes me as...

highly inefficient. But then again... You are German. Precisely, Gary. Hello and welcome to Times Radio. I'm Andrew Newe. The role of Andrex, you dropped in the toilet and didn't fish out quickly enough.

I'm here with prospective Prime Minister, Andy Burnham. I'm a good old in touch with the people of the North to you. Hello, Andrew. Our kid. I'll have a packet. Come on, we all know you went to Cambridge, Sonny. So you want to rule this country. It's a tough job.

Are you prepared for it? What's your strategy? I have a great strategy. I have a five-point plan, Andrew. Well, that's good to know. Are you going to let us in on it? Of course. Firstly, I become Prime Minister.

And? I'm not sure I follow. That doesn't sound much like a five-point plan. Oh, I'm sorry, I think I misspoke. I didn't mean five-point plan. I meant five-word plan. And the words are, firstly, I... Yes. Become... I get the idea.

Prime. Way ahead of you. Minister. Well, that's put my mind to rest. Wait, I've thought of another word. What's that? Buses. So you don't know what you're doing?

I don't want to get into specifics, but no. One thing I will do is appoint a person of some description into the post of Foreign Secretary where I will put them in charge of foreign. And I will also do this with other important things like money and other important things like buses. Because everything is on the table or a timetable, just to say a bus would have a timetable. Why are you so obsessed with buses? Because buses are the only achievement I can point to in the last decade. That and selfies

If they want Now a little book tells me Perhaps some old labour characters Could come back Like David Milliband If you're considering old faces I think I know a name That would play very well with the British public

Like who? Oh you know who I mean I don't You do You've lost me Come on surely you've guessed Just tell me who it is Diana Bex

So I was soft in the ad. Blast. I thought if she had a job, she'd stop following me round like horror of baby Rindia. Andrew. As if I would be doing that. Shut up, losers.

It's the Donald rambling away at you until you leave or I fall asleep again. In recent months, our troops have done an incredible job battling evil. Evil.

But no deal has been reached. The vital waterway remains out of action. Yes, the Washington Reflecting Pool is still closed. As my war on the algae enters its second month, I have erected a fence around the reflecting pool at a modest cost of $300 billion, billion, billion dollars. But this is just one step, step one, of Operation Epic Fungle, Reopen the waterway

And to those loser Democrats who say it was the Donald who destroyed the reflecting pool with a botched renovation job, I remind them that once the Donald has bombed every last bit of stinking, slimy sludge out of that reflecting pool to smitheroonies,

I will have delivered on yet another of my campaign promises to drain the swamp. You're watching Sky TV. You may have seen in this week that Nicola Sturgeon is to take part in a new reality TV thriller called The War Game. And that's not the only new TV show she's making for us. Look, what I would say is hello and welcome to Oblivius,

the game show where contestants can win a huge array of luxury domestic goods as long as they don't notice them. Why they ask me to host. Now, our first contestant is Maureen from Fife. Hi, Nicola. Okay, Maureen, you sit yourself down there in front of you. to the conveyor belt, and let's see how many of these items you can be oblivious to. A set of Le Cruzee Mickey Mouse Ramakins priced £39.

A Carcha K7 pressure washer priced £470.70. A Miel CM-6300 copy machine priced £1,29, a Beatles special edition fountain pen and rollerball, priced £1,475. And a cuddly toy. many of the items you just saw with your own eyes did you actually notice? Well, Nicola, I can't stay and noticed any of them because I don't spend much time in the kitchen. Because me and my husband both earn high salaries, so stuff like that's perfectly normal as far as I'm concerned.

Maureen, no one believes a word of what you just said, but that doesn't matter on this show, so the items are yours to keep. Congratulations! Yes! Time now to play for tonight's star prize. Yes, it's this beautiful campervan. Oh, you've noticed it and so you've lost.

And your husband's going to prison. Time for more incredible feats of blindness on oblivious. That was a classic. That was Glenn Fry with the heat is on. And yes, we are all frying. as the heat is most definitely on. Now having promised supporters, he'd be a candidate for labour leader. The former health secretary shocked Westminster this week by backing Andy Burnham. Moon-faced boy man, West Streeting.

Jones me now. Yes, to answer that point, I did briefly consider fighting for the leadership. But then my team reminded me that I am the living embodiment of a customer feedback form. Isn't the truth here that Burnham offered you a plum job to buy you off? Surely a Machiavellian deal your mentor

would be proud of. Mentor? Oh come on. Don't play the innocent with me. He's been at your side every step of the way as you entered politics. I'm completely at a loss as to who you're talking about, Jeremy. I'm talking about the Prince of Darkness, of course.

Oh, him. Yes, he is my mentor. So you're finally admitting how close you and Peter Mandelson really are? Peter Mandelson? No, no, I'm talking about my mentor. The actual Prince of Darkness. The devil. Salt my soul to him when I was 19.

Why do you think I don't age and I'm such a backstabbing little shit? West Streeting, thank you. By the way, surely you've noticed by now that I look a bit like the inflatable pilot from airplane? Everybody has. Let's go back to the 80s again. Here's Big Country on Radio 2! He's widely recognized as one of the greatest footballers in history.

He's won the prestigious Ballandor Award five times. He's the all-time leading goal scorer in professional football. And according to the Bloomberg Billionaires Index, he's the first active footballer in history to achieve billionaire status. Guess who we're talking about yet? That's right. Good Bad billionaire is exploring the life and fortune of football icon Cristiano Ronaldo. That's a good, bad billionaire from the BBC World Service.

Listen now, wherever you get your BBC podcasts. BBC sounds... Hello, I'm Chris Mason, and joining me in the newscast studio is the leader of the opposition, Kemi Biednock. Hello, Chris. May your cormorants be well greased for the solstice. Thank you. Now, you've been quite aggressive of late.

You called Bridget Philipson, the Education Secretary, a spiteful class warrior. That is indeed so. You see, I have transmogrified from being a low-energy weirdo to a low-energy weirdo with a mojo to a low-energy weirdo with agro. I am now using my position to flow that agro at those that displease me. Would you like to feel the rough side of my tongue? Not especially.

Because I keep my tongue here in my Wellington boot. As you can see, it is a tongue of an otter. Seems rather cruel. It is not, because it is still attached to the otter. So, where has all this newfound aggression come from? I was greatly buoyed by the result of the Aberdeen South by-election because I have huge affinity with the peepholes of Scotland. The people of Scotland. Hang on, did you say peep holes?

Oh, yes, I carry one with me at all times. To peep through. Here it is. Is that a hole I've drilled in a haggis, yes. I can see you through it, Chris, and I can also see a future for the Conservative Party in which we are still nowhere near power. Kemi Baitnock, thank you.

My bra is a set of bagpipes. Earth is now arriving at Platform 3. Oh, Laura, forgive me. Forgive you for what? for everything. This summer, the beloved masterpiece brief encounter returns to our screens.

For meeting you in the first place, for taking that piece of grit out of your eye, for bringing you so much misery. I'll forgive you, if you'll forgive me. Oh, the poor! I must go, darling. But before I do, I must take this final chance to tell you

with all my heart and soul, that I... Yes? They're tired? Yes. There will now be a three-minute hydration break. At all, I'm not dehydrated. I've just had a cup of tea.

So where were we? Oh, bugger, he's gone. Damn you, FIFA-mandated hydration break. Damn you to hell. Is it, Sue? This is it? You're listening to BBC Radio 4's intrigue to catch a king. The hit investigative podcast, which runs the full gamut from dangerous and dramatic to dramatic and dangerous.

I'm Sue Mitchell, I'm a reporter, and my friend Rob Lorry is ex-army. But they told me to speak in a whisper all the time. Because of the danger. This week our trail has led us somewhere that isn't a pitch black forest for once. That's right, we're on a beach. Cold red, Sue, cold red! Rob is ex-examined. army. It's called a red weather warning Rob because we're on a beach and it is very, very hot.

Don't move soon. We've got to stop right now. Rob, he's ex-Army, has identified a critical threat. What is it, Rob? You can't hear our footsteps on sand. This is bad news. Without the sound of our footsteps, we can't imply danger. There's only one thing for it. We have to stop the podcast and start it again at a shingle beach. It's better. And after just a few hours walking in circles, Rob finally finds some danger.

Cover me, Sue! Rob has forgotten to put on sun tan lotion. He left it in the higher car. Rob is ex-army. We're very exposed here. Put your shirt on, Rob. Sue! Sue! Suddenly, because of editing,

Rob has made contact with his contact. Have we seen? the package. Rob has got a calipo. Sue, they have to be careful. Because of the danger. It's been hurt, too, hurts! Rob has eaten his calipo too fast and has an ice cream headache from his ex-army. Oh, so it hurts, so? And hurts my forehead.

I bought missing, about mishin, about mason. Everything about this hot beach is dangerous because of the danger. Join us next time. Next time. Back in the safety of the pitch black forest. Because of the danger. On. To catch each stroke.

Rob his ex-army. You're watching Sky News with me, Beth Rigby, live from outside Ten Downing Street, where just a few minutes ago, the Prime Minister Kirstama announced his resignation. And one of those watching on was the Deputy Prime Minister David Lamy.

He joins me now. Good morning, Beth. David. David, it's your inner monologue here. Just hopefully for what could be one of your last important interviews ever. Now we're going to get a new Prime Minister, presumably Andy Berlin.

Look, the Labour Party has... David, I've just had a crazy thought. Look, but actually, I think it's rather a brilliant thought. Let's just see what happens. You could announce your candidacy right now on live television. Go on, David. Just don't rush me, okay? I don't think I was rushing you.

Sorry, no. What I was trying to say was perhaps I myself will decide to throw my hat. This is your moment. Carpe David. To throw my hat. Yes. In the bin. Why would you throw your hat in the bin? Sorry, what I meant was perhaps now is the moment...

Go on! To throw my keys in the bowl. For the lambie's sake. Right, well I think we'll have to leave it there, David. Lammy, thank you. Oh, David. Once a lambie, always a lambie. May speak. Truth be told.

Truth be told, Makerfield was a wake-up call for my party and that means it's time for nige to up his game. We're going in harder, faster, stronger, Enot Pauleur. And that's why I'm unveiling our new policies. I'm going in hot. Not in a foreign curryway, of course. But from now on, I'm going after this lot. So, if this is you, you'd best be looking over your shoulder. Anyone who has a continental quilt. Anyone who knows what the hell tahini is.

People who own more than one type of vinegar. It's malt or you're going in the camps, Jean-Pierre. Anyone who uses more than two spices, it's salt and pepper and make sure the pepper is white, none of your black rubbish. Rice cookers, I don't think so, Mr. Chinaman. Burn it to the bottom of the pad like the rest of us. And while we're at it, people who think rice

needs washing. It's rice, mate, not a bloody Labrador. Your dress. Clothes don't need laundering. It's a t-shirt. Not millions in unmarked roubles. Who went on a gap here. I'll tell you what. If you left the country for more than a fortnight, you're an Indian. That's the Britain I want. That's the Britain I'll give you. I'm going after them all. Anyone who eats, drinks or sounds foreign. Anyone with a foreign surname. And... Hold up. Hang on a Mo.

Wait, Farage sounds a bit French. Oh no, I'm sending myself to a work camp. Actually, hang on, this is brilliant. It's about time I've shown. I can't get away with a foreign surname. I disgust myself. Take me away. I demand it.

Sponging foreign me, coming over here and taking my job. You're listening to today. Coming up later, thought for the day. And here's mine. Why can't we ask the God-botherers and keep the world tonight. There's growing disquiet in the Labour Party after West Streeting pulled out of a leadership contest

to back Andy Burnham, in a reverse coronation streeting. And despite Darren Jones saying he won't stand, many Labour figures are still hoping someone will emerge in the next few days to challenge Andy Burnham, however unlikely a contender they might seem. I know!

Lizzie has entered the contest. Consider the gauntlet thrown down, truster style. Liz trust, but why? A sentence I could have said many times down the years. Why do you think? Because you said the word coronation. And as everyone knows, the only reason we had the last coronation of King Charles was down to yours truly.

There wouldn't have been. any coronation at all if the Liz Meister hadn't killed the Queen. But you're not even an MP? Neither was Andy B until last week, but look, I've been everything from a deranged Lib Dem to a deranged Tory over the years, so who's to say, Liz the Rish can't also be a deranged socialist? And besides all this talk of Keir Stama being

Britain's worst prime minister makes me very cross about people's short memories. How quickly they forget me and Quasi's mini budget made of nothing but swore figure and pins. Do you really think you're

cut out to be the next Labour leader? Well, I'm an egomaniac with zero policies who demands that everyone looks at me all the time. Duh. Well, actually, that does sound like what they're looking for. Exactlyamundo, Nick. Everyone loves the fizzy Lizzie.

I'm going to be the next great Labor Prime Minister in the tradition of Ronald McDonald. Rams of McDonald, you mean? You have your political heroes, Nick. I have mine. I know. You're listening to Front Row on Radio 4. I'm Samira Ahmed.

After the news that Disney is to end the West End run, of the stage musical version of Hercules. Producers have announced plans to bring it back with a new lead character. We can speak to him now. Good evening, Samira. Sarkia Starma. That's not who I was expecting at all.

Yeah, and I just couldn't understand how something that should have run and run could be cut off in its prime. So now I'm delighted to be stepping into the breach. Hit it. Bless my soul, Kear, on a roll smashing Rishi's party up in every single pole bong big Ben Kier's in number 10 with Lammy Reeves and Rainer as my gang of merry men freezing

the aged what a brilliant move rather disabled now I'm in the groove losing the locals don't you fear what my majority disappear now when I became leader I knew I had to get real our party was divided it was my job to heal. I had to do it quickly with no ifs or buts so I healed us by booting Jessica Corbyn in the nuts.

I won a massive mandate and I proved my worth by breaking every promise that I've made since birth performing as many U-turns as the day is long and sacking McSweeney when things went wrong

and who thought it wouldn't be a great idea to hire Epstein's bestie but let's be clear I knew nothing about Mandy well I did But you see, I wasn't told, or was I? It's a mystery to me.

So bless my soul. Now the belt of toll. Nothing left for me to do but sign on for the dole. Winds are scarce. You've really got to earn them. That's of course, unless your name is Andy Bloody Burnham. What should I do now? What is the norm?

How can I steer myself through this storm? How sorry, I think I'll just join reform. Watch me resign as I fight back. tears because I've gone here on zero in just two years

yeah Hero to zero in just two years Dead Ringers was performed by John Colshaw Jan Ravens Lewis MacLeod

Jess Robinson and Duncan Wisby it was written by Nev Fountain and Tom James Lawrence Howard Sophie Dixon

John Holmes Tom Coles with additional material by Angela Channel Allie Panting Adele Cliff Cooper Mahweeney

Swurt Duncan Wisby Dead Ringers is a BBC Studios production for Radio 4. It was created by Bill Dare, and the producer is John Ho. Hi, I'm Phil Wang, and this is a podcast to podcast trailer for a different podcast than this podcast that you've listened to, or are going to listen to. But nonetheless, I'm talking about another podcast that you should also definitely listen to. The podcast I'm talking about is Comedy of the Week,

which takes choice episodes from BBC sitcoms, sketch shows, podcasts, and panel shows, including my own show, unspeakable, and puts them all into one podcast. Maybe I'll trail this podcast on that podcast. Who's to say? I'll do what I like. Listen to Comedy of the Week now on BBC Sounds. Podcasts. How did a boycott Jimmy become a billionaire from posting videos? On good, bad billionaire, we're going to find out how the world's most popular YouTuber, Mr Beast, made his fortune. He's buried himself in a coffin for days. Counted to 100,000 on camera. And even recreated Squid Games all in a attempt to go viral on the internet.

But it all started when he gave a homeless man $10,000. So is he a philanthropist to reshaping capitalism? Or is he just the king of the attention economy? Find out on Good Bad Billionaire. Listen on BBC.com or wherever you get your podcasts.