Friday Night Comedy from BBC Radio 4 - Dead Ringers Ep4. Much Ado About North-ing

Episode Date: July 10, 2026

Like Andy Burnham’s No.10, Dead Ringers is in the North, at the Crossed Wires Podcast Festival in Sheffield. This week: Chris Mason is giddy, Zia Yusuf is everywhere, and The Rest is Politics has gone mad for it. Starring Jon Culshaw, Jan Ravens, Duncan Wisbey and Kieran Hodgson. Produced by Jon Holmes Executive Producer: Richard Morris Production Co-ordinator: Giulia Lopes Mazzu A BBC Studios Production for Radio 4.

This BBC podcast is supported by ads outside the UK. How did a boycott Jimmy become a billionaire from posting videos? On good, bad billionaire, we're going to find out how the world's most popular YouTuber, Mr Beast, made his fortune. He's buried himself in a coffin for days. Counted to 100,000 on camera. And even recreated squid games, all in an attempt to go viral on the internet. But it all started when he gave a homeless man $10,000. So is he a philanthropist reshaping capitalism?

Or is he just the king of the attention economy? Find out on Good Bad Billionaire. Listen on BBC.com or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Sunday with Laura Coonsberg, with me, the mean head of sixth form who shouts at girls for wearing nail varnish. I'm joined by outgoing Prime Minister Kier Starrmer to talk about this week's announcement of his new defence investment plan involving drones.

Uh, no, Laura. Not drones. Dron. There's one drone. Yep, and you're looking at it. You're the drone. Well, my time in government has made me realize that our most effective form of defence

is listening to me droning on and on and on, and on. Policy this, funding that, accountability this, tool maker that. It's exhaustive. It's exhausting and no one can get past it. Basically, I've weaponised dullness. Secere, does your drone have any military advantages

beyond being unbelievably charisma-free? Well, Laura, you see, the beauty of the Starma drone is that it's completely undetectable. During my time in office, I've reset relations with Europe, signed a trade deal with India, expanded free school meals, enacted the Workers' Rights Act,

and reduced NHS waiting lists. And absolutely nobody noticed. All of it operates far below the threshold of public interest. My achievements have become the political equivalent of a stealth bomber. Oh, sorry, I totally zoned out there. Kirstarber, thank you. Dead ringers from the Crossedwows podcast festival in Sheffield. You're listening to today with Nick Robinson in London

and Emma Barnett in Sheffield. and that's still too close. We can cross live to Chris Mason now as Andy Burnham prepares to give his first major speech with his agenda for Britain. Yes, Emma. It really is quite something to be here in the People's History Museum in Manchester

to feel the buzz as we await the arrival of a politician so at ease with himself, so confident in his own skin, as he lays out his vision for a very different Britain, where there is prosperity for all. Yes, but Chris, we are...

Andrew Murray Burnham, the people's PM. Chris, it's not happening again, is it? Is what happening again? Well, you going into ludicrous fanboy mode, just as you did with Nigel Farage a year ago. I don't know what you're talking about, Emma. I'm here reporting in my usual dispassionate manner about the undisputed king of the north,

Andy Andrew Burnham, from his lovely eyelashes to his effortless, smart casual jeans, t-shirt and sometimes tight running shorts, embodies all that he's good and decent about Northern life. Oh, Chris, you're embarrassing yourself. Oh, my God, oh my God, I think he just recognised. That's not surprising, Chris. You are the BBC's political editor. He knows that, but what he doesn't know is that I've covered my bedroom with posters of him. Honestly Emma, all the media are here and all the media loves him

Yes, but Chris, how long for? I give it two weeks. Chris Mason, thank you. I've got a tattoo of a bus on my arm. Welcome to the rest of this football with me, Gary Lineker. So glad not to be hosting the BBC coverage this year and having to pretend that anyone's ever going to scan that QR code to pay the TV licence.

Joining me to discuss England's nerve-shreading win over DR Congo is England manager Thomas Tuchel. Hello again, Gary. At half time in that game, Thomas, you must have been tearing your hair out. No, Gary. As you can observe, my hair is currently too short

for me to gain sufficient purchase to remove it myself manually, even if I should want to, which I did not. You seem to be making very effective use of the hydration brakes to tweak your tactics, but would you agree

that by introducing them in the first place, FIFA has rather moved the goalposts. No, Gary. The hydration breaks do not involve any repositioning of the goalposts, whatever. And I do not think that it would even be possible, given the goalposts are extremely large, very heavy and firmly anchored to the playing surface at all times. Right, well, what about your captain, Harry Kane? He really got us out of jail, didn't they? We were not in jail, Gary. So no, Harry did not get us out of jail. I cannot, in fact, envisage any kind of scenario

in which you and I would be imprisoned together, Gary. Still, there's one in which Harry Cain then served as a liberator, so your entire question is predicated upon delusion. Thomas Tuchel, it was ever a pleasure. No, Gary. And whatever doubts there may be around this team, England can still go all the way, can't they? Norgaie.

Here, in the rafters of this barn, this swallow has made a rather comfortable home for herself. Yes, they've still got me doing this, and no, I'm not yet. For the last few months, she has been enjoying a feast of horseflies, blue bottles and infants. But there is a problem. Summer will soon be coming to an end. and the flying insects she relies on for food will die off.

If she fails to find another source of insects, she will face starvation. That is why she and millions like her will undertake one of the greatest journeys on earth. They will fly 8,000 miles south for the winter. Okay, this ends here and this ends now. Andy Bernal. For too long, birds are.

have flown south. Left wing, right wing. It doesn't matter. They all flock together, don't they? Well, that needs to change. Today, I'm announcing, as of now, all birds will instead go north for the winter. To make this happen, I will bring about

the biggest rebalancing of bird migration ever seen, with the creation of a brand new migratory destination, South Africa North. And where is that, King? to be, Makerfield. So my promise is to deliver a world in which ordinary flapping birds no longer struggle with the cost of chirping.

And so it seems that the incoming Prime Minister really is a tit. Welcome to Wimbledon with me, Claire Boulding. They said that if I ever stopped smiling, my family would be in danger. Well, it's been a terrible start for British tennis. Ten singles players out on day one and a number of the leading Brits

withdrawing through injury before the tournament even started. Let's talk to Tim Henman out on Henman Hill. Actually, I'm not on Henman Hill, Claire. I'm not even on Murray Mound. Instead, I'm here in a newly constructed part of the All-England Club designed to reflect the current mood. Radicano Reveen. It's 200 feet below the surface of the earth

at the bottom of a deep hole. surrounded by British tennis's shattered hopes and dreams. Oh, and Andy Murray. Andy Murray, what attracted you to Radicano Ravine? The darkness. Down here, Claire, night and day hold no meaning for the disappointed fans. They just wander around in their ragged blazes, knowing on the outsized tennis balls they got from the souvenir shop,

and urinating in their recyclable PIMS cups. That sounds terribly gloomy. He's widely recognised as one of the greatest footballers in history. He's won the prestigious Ballandour Award five times. He's the all-time leading goal scorer in professional football. And according to the Bloomberg Billionaires Index, he's the first active footballer in history to achieve billionaire status. Guess who we're talking about yet?

That's right. Good Bad Billionaire is exploring the life and fortune of football icon Cristiano Ronaldo. That's Good Bad Billionaire from the BBC World Service. Listen now, wherever you get your BBC podcasts. I quite like her. Well, that's all we have time for on tonight's question time. Any final comments from you, Zia Yusuf, of Reform? Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. Frankly, Fiona, I resent the question,

and I think everyone but me is an idiot. Yes, you've been very clear on that. Well, that's it from us for this week, but over on BBC 2, Victoria Derbyshire is presenting Newsnight. Goodbye. and welcome to Newsnight with me, Victoria Derbyshire. A speakers are fine, so don't play hide and seek with me unless you want a good speaking to.

My guest tonight is... Sorry, Zia Yusuf. Frankly, Victoria, I resent the question, and everyone but me is an idiot. But you were literally just on question time. Yes, and now I'm on Newsnight. You really are quite slow, aren't you? It's Reform Party strategy

for me to be on all political television programmes at all times. But how do you manage to get to each show so quickly? Well, frankly, Victoria, I resent the question. But it's a combination of secret tunnels and Lee Anderson's Vat of Greece. Okay, well, I'll be careful not to frame this as a question. But tell us the thinking behind Reform UK's policy for you to be on all political programming.

Oh, hold on, hold on, hold on. It's all part of party strategy. Essentially, I need to be on everything, everywhere all at once because ever since the five million quid business, Nigel has gone into hiding. But this just doesn't make any sense. You can't be in two places at once. How is that even possible? Well, like Reform UK's donations,

it's frankly none of your business. Well, join us again on Newsnight tomorrow night when I'll be talking to... Oh, for goodness sake, Zia Yusuf. I resent that. This is radical with Amul Rajan. With me, Amul Rajan. And because I like hearing my own name out loud,

I, Amul Rajan, will say it again. A mole Rajan. Despite it being an... anagram of major anal. Which surely can only be a coincidence. Andy Burnham has set out his, well, radical plans

to devolve power to the regions. But these have been dismissed by the leader of the opposition this week as Old Hat. And Kevin Bade Nock joins me now. Good morrow, Mr. Aynal. And may the blessings of the morning be upon your kettlebell. Thank you very much.

Now, whatever you. you think of Andy Burnham's ideas, it's not the sort of stuff we use to hearing from our politician. So is it really fair to call them old hat? There appears to be some confusion. When I describe a policy as old hat, that is not a criticism. It is an accolade. How so? Because as a low-energy weirdo with a new found mojo, whenever I create a new policy, I wear an old hat that is specific to the idea. For instance, the transport party. that I am wearing on my head right now.

That's not an old hat. It's three hamster wheels stuck together by Blu-Tac. This is not Blu-Tac. It is chewing gum I took from seats on the London Underground. Hence it is my transport hat. What other hats have you got? Well, there's my housing policy hat, which is an antique sombrero,

with a central area of high-rise fruit-based accommodation, surrounded by a wide circular brim of marzip bungalows. Oh, and my defence policy is based on an aged pork pie. Oh, right, and a pork pie hat has a narrow, sharp brim, so that means you're having a small but mobile army. No, that one's an actual pork pie. Should Britain be attacked, I shall encase the nation in jelly and pastry.

Just getting back to Andy Burnham's devolution plan, if we somehow can, And isn't it important for opposition leaders such as yourself to consider these proposals in an open and constructive spirit? An opposition leader acting in the wider national interest. In Westminster, even I am or I'm not that much of a weirdo. Welcome back to Wimbledon. So let's see what our expert pundit today has made of the competition so far. Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.

Frankly, Claire, I resent the question. Zia Yusuf, what are you doing here? Well, when we heard there was some live television I wasn't on, Richard Tice told me to slide on over to the studio and offer my services as an over-opinionated loud man who talks over women. But we already have John McEnroe. He's an idiot.

Everyone but me is an idiot. Mr. Yosef, would you please leave? Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. Hold on. You cannot be serious. Okay. Okay, and for those of you watching at home, that's the end of our coverage here on BBC 2,

but if you switch over to BBC 1... You can watch me on the repair shop. Get out! In a time of great turmoil and uncertainty, only one northern man could lead a beleaguered nation back to prosperity. Andy Burnham and his Cabinet of the North. King of the North, Andy Burnham, has set out his northern plans for the North,

relocating himself in the North with his new Cabinet of the North, handpicked for the Northerness of their Northern ways. It was such an outstanding feat of audacity. I nearly dropped my dead castrel in my tin bath. Thank you. Thank you all for coming. Appen. Appan. We begin now to transform Britain.

Northern Home Secretary boycott. What of the immigration problem? It's a bloody mess, that's what it is. I can't keep the buggers from crossing our borders because they keep coming up the M1. None of them bothered to learn our customs. Only the other day I rounded up a family of four in a tea shop and Weatherby

who were rumpled because they asked for oat milk. Oh, she! Sheet! Excuse me, Mr Byrd, I'm sorry to interrupt your terribly important meeting. There is no need to apologise, Deputy Prime Minister, Alan. What is it? I was thinking maybe I'd be suited to Minister for Education. What with my experience with the history boys?

A return to proper Northern Grammar School education from inspirational boozy teachers who get a bit handsy during PE. I'm sorry, Alan, but we've already appointed Jane Moll. McDonald's Minister for Education. To I'm in charge of schools have had Knox and universities of life. They'll cruise through it,

as I have. A plucky lass from Wakefield, who dreamed of belting out I will survive on a P&O liner. Come and see me in the Starlight Lounge. No, thank you. Now, my new

Northern Minister of Transport, what's the latest with H.S. Well, it's all going very well, isn't it, Gromit? You see, we're extending the line all the way to Manchester, as it should be, with Gromit throwing down the tracks in front of us at high speed while being chased by a penguin with a gun. Who are you and how dare you intrude upon my northern cabinet meeting? It is I, the previous King of the North, Sean Bean.

I've travelled far from the Nightwatch, traversing the barren lands between Sheffield and Manchester, to be your side. Did you take the bus? Aye, I did. You were finer than any dragon from King's Landing. What news from the wall, Lord Bean? The soft southern gits amassing my liege.

What sort of an attack can we expect? Sniffy pieces in the times. And dismissing your plan to relocate Britain to the north as an expensive logistical nightmare. But no matter. I'll put them to the sword, unless I die suddenly like I do in everything else I'm appearing. I would not worry.

That will never... Hey! Oh, he's dead. Bugger. Cabinet, we have lost our greatest warrior. How shall we mark his passing? I could stick a brew on. Welcome back to the BBC's World Cup coverage.

I'm Gabby Logan, the Thinking Man's Test Daily. So Gary Linnaker's out there in New York Living his best life while I'm stuck here in Southford pretending it's America by eating something called corn dogs and driving home on the wrong side of the road. We all know who England's best performer was against D.R. Congo on Wednesday, Captain Harry Kane, who took control

and led his team to a 2-1 victory. That was an incredible turnaround, Harry. Cheers, Gabby, yeah. Well, you know, it's hard to describe the feeling that I'm feeling in my tummy now, you know, it's like when all your subconscious wishes manifest themselves as a corporeal entities, I don't know if there's a phrase for that or anything, I thought, I'm sure really, you know. Like a, like a dream come true?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I never actually thought of it that way, but, you know, how you say, it was actually, as you say, like a dream come true really. No, Harry. Oh, it's the gaffer. What do you mean? A dream in and of itself cannot actually come true. It is simply a succession of thoughts, images, emotions and sensations

that occur involuntarily in the mind during certain stages of sleep. By definition, a dream cannot exist outside the unconscious brain. Oh, really? Ah, that's disappointing, isn't it? Be honest, I've always thought a bit of a nightmare come true. Hello there, Chris Packham here. I'm the king of the lapwings, the wetland VIP. And I'm privileged to be here today, mere feet away

from a couple of bristletailed shrubshire pygmy shrews, one of the rarest, most critically endangered species in Britain. And, oh, I didn't speak too soon, but the female. appears to be presenting herself to the male. Could it be they're about to mate live on TV for the first time on Springwatch? This could be a truly momentous development in the survival of this incredible species.

Yes, now the male is now mounting the female. Oh, wow, this is incredible. I hardly dare speak. I hardly dare breathe. Let's we should... There will now be a three-minute hydration break. And that's the last, we'll see, of the Frupsier Pygmy Shrews for another 57 years.

Thanks a lot, FIFA. Thanks a bloody lot. Hello and welcome to the rest is politics with me, Alistair Campbell, the patron saint of centrist dads. And me, Rory Stewart. Half man, half weirder-looking man. Now this week we're talking about Manchesterism. So what exactly is Manchesterism, Rory?

And what does it mean? Well, of course, as a political commentator who's very much in touch with the industrial north, I'd say that Manchesterism is half the world away. Well, Manchester is around 160 miles from London. And all the roads that lead you there are winding. Hold on, Rory. Are you speaking entirely in Oasis lyrics? Is that your attempt to sound relevant in Manchester, even though you went to Eaton?

Not at all, Alastair, no. I've observed a lot of the changes. that have taken place in Manchester over the years, but all the things that you've seen will slowly fade away. That's also Oasis, Roy. Is that the only thing you even know about Manchester? No, because I actually love Manchester

and always have done. In fact, I don't believe that anybody feels the way I did. Just saying Oasis lyrics won't make you become part of Manchesterism Rory, especially not with that posh accent. You've got to say, what you say. Don't let anybody get in your way.

Rory! Take that look from off your face. Stop it. Step outside. The summertime's in bloom. I've got one, Rory. Some might say that you're a tedious little twerp. Mad for it, our kid. So, unit headquarters is under attack from an alien invasion fleet, and only one person can save us. But there's been no sign of him for a while now,

and apparently he won't be back anytime soon. Oh no! No, it can't be. Can he really be here? Doctor? Doctor? Is that you? Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Frankly, I resent the question. Yusuf, you're the doctor. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Of course I'm the doctor. It seems again, everyone but me is an idiot.

God, no. Who's that? Is it the Cybermen? No, that's the Cryptomet. And they're actually very good friends in one. But now it is time for me to go. To save the universe. No, I'm the new host of Mastership. Sue, Sue, we've got to lead. You're listening to BBC Radio 4's intrigue to catch a king. The hit investigative podcast that asks,

If a tree falls in the forest and there's nobody there to hear it, how do you make it sound dramatic and dangerous? I'm Sue Mitchell. I'm a reporter. and my friend Rob Lorry is ex-army. And I always talk like this in a sort of gruff, half-whisper. Because of the danger. Which is also why we're once again in a pitch black forest.

Sue, I've been contacted by a contact of my contact to give me a contact. This is vital news. It means we can run noisily to the higher car and slam the door dramatically. Rob is ex-army. He's also an extremely careful driver, never taking unnecessary risks, but we edit those bits out of the podcast. Because of the drama.

We're here, Sue. The edit means we've already arrived. So, this is the address of a person of major interest. As we get closer, Rob tells me more about our target, in a much louder voice than his seat. safe. Rob is ex-army. This guy's a serious operator, Sue. He's involved in all sorts of questionable enterprises.

His tax arrangements are complex and mysterious and he's very hard to track down. He doesn't seem to be living at his primary residence. Hang on, that's him right there. That's the bloke we're after. Yes, very good day to you. Can one help you at all? I've caught a king this time.

It's King Charles. Right, we need to be careful here, Sue. He's ruthless. He disappears people. His brother hasn't been seen for months. And he exiled his own son. Harry is ex-army. I think we need to take cover.

Luckily, I found the perfect way. Right. A cross gravel to ramp up the danger. But Charles follows us. May one ask what it is you're doing here. You appear to be making some sort of podcast. Because of the listening figures. Well, I don't suppose that need concern me too greatly.

I wouldn't be so sure about that. The first bloke we went after got arrested and we just exposed a criminal people smuggler after we found him working in a vape shop in Leicester. Because we are in fact highly effective investigative journalists even if our show is absolutely bonkers. I see. Well, in that case, let me introduce you to my hound.

Abort mission! Abort mission! To the forest, Rob, the forest! Because of the danger! Join us next time. And still running through a forest. On to catch the actual king! Rob is ex-Army! Dare Dringers was performed by John Colshaw,

Jan Ravens, Duncan Wisby and Kieran Hodgson. It was written by Neff Fountain and Tom Jameson, Lawrence Howe, Sophie Dixon, Alice Bright, John Holmes, Joe Topping, Tompawes, Tucson Douglas, with additional material by Rachel E. Thorne and Lizzie Mansfield. Katie Sayre, Alex Buchanan, Cooper Marwini Swirt. Dare Dringers is a BBC Studios production for Radio 4.

It was created by Bill Dare, and the producer is John Ho. Attention, animal lovers, haters and undecideds. A little birdie, a tit, told me that you're looking for a podcast just like evil genius, but without all those stupid humans. I'm Russell Kane, waddling onto your feed and squawking about my show, Evil Animals. Every episode, I'm joined by two human guests, or as I like to call them, ex-monkeys, passing judgment on all the creepiest crawlies and the biggest elephants in the room. Are vampire bats, terrifying giant mosquitoes, are bottlenose dolphins, sex-obsessed savages,

and we're going there. Domestic Cats? Evil or genius? We'll pick out on evil animals in the Evil Genius podcast feed, first on BBC Sounds. How did a boycott Jimmy become a billionaire from posting videos? On good, bad billionaire, we're going to find out how the world's most popular YouTuber, Mr. Beast, made his fortune. He's buried himself in a coffin for days. Counted to 100,000 on camera. And even recreated squid games, all in an attempt to go viral on the internet.

But it all started when he gave a homeless man $10,000. So is he a philanthropist reshaping capitalism? Or is he just the king of the attention economy? Find out on Good Bad Billionaire. Listen on BBC.com or wherever you get your podcasts.