Friday Night Comedy from BBC Radio 4 - NEWS QUIZ: Protests, Satellites and Electric Cars

Episode Date: April 24, 2020

Angela Barnes welcomes Tom Allen, Sophie Duker, Lucy Porter and Hugo Rifkind.

This is the BBC. This podcast is supported by advertising outside the UK. All day long. Taxes extra at participating Wendy's until May 5th. Terms and conditions apply. BBC Sounds. Music, radio, podcasts. My name's Louis Theroux and I'm doing a new podcast for Radio 4. It's called Grounded with Louis Theroux. I've assembled a series of interviews from my own home. The idea is that we can dig a little deeper, peel back the layers and find out who they really are. A free-flowing exchange of ideas, reflecting on what's going on now, but also looking back at the past.

And featuring, at no extra cost, extraneous family noises in the background and dodgy microphones. Two people communing through the miracle of the interweb at long distance and yet so very close. To hear new episodes as soon as they go live, just subscribe to Grounded with Louis Theroux on BBC Sounds. Hello, I'm Angela Barnes and welcome to the Friday Night Comedy podcast. to Grounded with Louis Theroux on BBC Sounds. Hello, I'm Angela Barnes and welcome to the Friday Night Comedy podcast. Parliament's back this week and this time it's virtual. So I thought, for a laugh, I'd have a go at Zoom bombing the House of Commons. Here we go. I'm in. Right, it's worked.

I've got MPs all over my screen. Look, there's Keir Starmer at the top and there's Anne Widdicombe. That's funny. I thought she'd left. Oh, there's William Pitt the Younger. Wait a minute. Yep. I see what's happened here. I'm on Google Images. I thought they're all being very still and silent. Anyway, while I try and figure this out, here's this week's episode of the News Quiz. Enjoy. Welcome to the News Quiz with your host, Angela Barnes. Hello and welcome to this second lockdown edition of The News Quiz. Now, while we're not coming to you from the iconic BBC Radio Theatre in London, I am coming to you from my living room, which has its very own sense of history in the form of a carpet stain that definitely predates Brexit.

Now, there are, of course, plus points to recording the news quiz in this way. For instance, I'm able to drink this gin straight from the bottle rather than have it disguised as a water jug on the table. So it really is swings and roundabouts. So let's start this week with this Guinness Book of World Records qualifying criteria sent in by Susan Coop and her 10-year-old son, James, read by Zeb Soans. Now let's meet the teams. In Team A, we have Lucy Porter and Hugo Rifkind. Hello. And in Team B, it's Tom Allen and Sophie Duker.

All right. Hello. How are you all coping? Oh, I am living La Vida lockdown. I'm having such a festive time. It's a holiday that never ends and isn't a holiday. I don't know about you. I'm quite glad this is an audio medium right now

because my hair is shocking. My roots are more of a grey area than Jacob Rees-Mogg's investment history at the moment. Are you managing to maintain your hygiene standards, people? I would say mine are no worse than normal. I just sort of, you know, wear the same clothes every day and just generally have the demeanour and style for radio, but in the comfort of my own home. Tom Allen, I have to say to say has rocked up we're all looking at each other on zoom obviously the people at home can't see us but tom allen's rocked up in a full three-piece suit and pocket square i'm really impressed we did a sound check earlier i don't

mind telling the listeners and i've just been for a run that's basically the humble brag i wanted to get in i went for a run i'm not very good at i run very slowly but i mean it's basically power walking uh but i went for a run and then I came back and I thought, no, I can't go on the BBC. Even in this unprecedented time. I cannot go on the BBC not wearing a suit. So I put on a suit. I got changed. I had a shower as well,

by the way, just so you know. I'm not putting on... Angela, you say it's a three-piece suit. We actually have no evidence that it's more than a... most are two-piece suits. Oh, is that your waistcoat? It's actually double-breasted. It's a double-breasted, actually, because it's a bit cooler for the summer. But I also want to say... Well, we've got no evidence that you're not naked from the waist down, though.

Yeah, I sort of meant what was going on below, you know. Oh, you meant the trousers. Oh, I see. I'm nude from the waist down. Zima trousers. Yeah, I've got trousers on and everything. Now we can all see he's naked, as expected. Definitely not wearing trousers.

Lucy Porter, how are you coping? You've got little ones at home, right? Well, I have, and I love all these people who are going on social media and saying, of course, the thing about the lockdown is if you haven't started a new hobby or started a new business, then you didn't lack the time,

you just lacked the motivation. Because I am flying the flag for people who've done nothing of any use whatsoever, apart from grow a bit more hair and develop a very different relationship with my family uh not closer closer physically but very different very different brilliant well now we've assessed the state of the panel i think we should probably crack on lucy porter who is virtually running the country wow this of course is the fact that the House of Commons has gone virtual,

which sounds way more exciting than it actually is. It's not like Tron or any of those sort of cool things. It just means that there's only a few MPs and the rest of them are coming in via Zoom, which meant that we had our first Prime Minister's Question on Wednesday with Keir Starmer. Sorry, it's a bit hot in this recording studio. It was sort of like he was Dominic Raab's dad and he was telling him off. It was just a bit awkward, which, you know, was a good vibe. Yeah. I mean, what's fascinating about it is the whole Zoom virtual parliament thing.

The reason why, the way that's happened is because Lindsay Hoyle, the Speaker, wrote to the leader of the House, Jacob Rees-Mogg, presumably because the electric telephone wasn't available. And so it's basically, it's sort of fascinatingly, it is Jacob Rees-Mogg, the most archaic and ancient of MPs, who's kind of dragged parliament into this sort of modern world where they now can sit virtually. And in a way, although it

seems counterintuitive, he's kind of the perfect person to have done this, because if you're in Parliament and you need to socially distance, actually the distance you all need to keep from each other is precisely one reclining Jacob Bruce. So it's weirdly fitting. The main thing I was disappointed by

though, is I thought when they all sort of came in on their Zoom screens, I thought some of them should have been, like, had done one of those fake backgrounds where they were pretending to still be in the House of Commons, even though they weren't, just to fool people. I love the backgrounds people have on their Zoom calls. I mean, it's especially pressured for MPs, but, like, you see it on the news every day when someone's coming in.

You've got to have a great bookshelf. You've got to have a little life on there. You've got to have Donna Tartt on there. You've got to make sure there you've got to have donna tart on there you've got to make sure you know there's no use putting up your captain corelli's mandolin no one's going to take you seriously suddenly you've got to have the best bookshelf ever imaginable behind you maybe a guitar why not make people hate you but make them respect you i'd love it if one of them just had all the sweet valley high books i think the thing about zoom calls though is that like you only have to have that little just had all the Sweet Valley High books. I think the thing about Zoom calls, though,

is that you only have to have that little rectangular box. That's the only bit of yourself you need to present to the world. When I was watching Ian Blackford, I was like, this man gives me really strong sat-in-his-swimming-trunks energy. The one I always love on the news is Matt Hancock, because Matt Hancock, when he goes on the news from his house, he seems to deliberately be sitting in a... He's just got the weirdest house. It really freaks me out. One time there was this massive mural of the Queen

on what looked like a giant dartboard, which was odd. But normally he's in this very narrow red corridor, very red, sort of blood red corridor full of bookshelves. And there are people on Twitter going, like, how does he get in? Because all you can see is these really tight walls and his face looming right up. Who was missing from virtual parliament? The Prime Minister. The Prime Minister, indeed.

It'll be interesting to see, you know, and we wish him well. I hope he's feeling better. But yeah, when he comes back, will it be sort of to great acclaim? And I think that Dominic Raab and Matt Hancock are making him look very good. Like when they were up against Keir Starmer, it was like, they looked like the kind of, the two guys who'd been left on duty in the bakery

the day before the Great Fire of London. There was that sort of slightly nervous vibe about them. This was the news that this week saw a hybrid parliament where parts of the legislature were operated via video link. This was the first ever video session of parliament. Well, except for that last one before they broke up for Christmas and the Speaker let them watch Paddington 2 as a special treat. Two points to Lucy.

Everyone, have a listen to this. That's what I go to school for. The wheel is a real ball. You can call me crazy. I don't let you crazy. That's what I go to school for. You can go in and listen to me. Stop so abruptly. Everybody, which celebrities have been sent back to school? Oh, it's the BBC are doing their homeschooling thing.

They are indeed. And it's Danny Dbc are doing their home schooling thing they are indeed and it's danny dyer's gonna teach history apparently and i just thought can you imagine can you imagine like the whole cast of east end is going to get involved i know they're not making episodes at the moment are we going to have phil mitchell like teaching bullying or maybe ian beale teaching us how to wear horrible coats or like dot cotton teaching us how to smoke i's nice, though, that all the celebs are sort of chipping in and teaching what they know. So you've got Danny Dyer, who's teaching history. You've got David Attenborough, who's basically doing geography.

And they've got one of the Strictly dancers teaching the kids infidelity. So I think it's nice. David Attenborough's teaching geography. Am I the only one who's a little bit upset that you won't be narrating the sex ed class? geography am I the only one who's a little bit upset that you won't be narrating the sex ed class that's well and they've

got Jodie Whittaker dropping in as like Doctor Who quite a lot of the time which seems perilous because if you've got say you've got like I don't know Brian Cox talking about the solar system going here's the horse head nebula and it's like what's that that bit's a TARDIS yeah it's like great everyone's failed their GCSEs brilliant

I'm so emotional about all the things people are doing for kids because, you know, basically them educating my kids means I don't have to. It's a very BBC thing, isn't it? Like, you couldn't imagine Channel 5 doing this, could you? Every subject being taught by Jane MacDonald. It does kind of make me feel proud of the BBC. And then I think you could really make a BBC school. Like, you could still put kids in detention,

but you just call it school and extra slice. It's important to acknowledge, like, it wasn't that long ago that the government was saying, oh, the BBC, let's get rid of that licence fee, let's get rid of that. And suddenly it's like, oh, we do need the BBC because we'll need them to teach all the children and to relay all the information we need to convey. And I mean, there's still the BBC is so efficient.

It's still telling people how to wash hands. Like who at this point in the crisis doesn't know how to wash their hands? Every now and then it still flashes up in the live news feed. Like if you I mean, have you not been listening? It's like basically waking up today and being like, there's a what virus? This is the BBC's plans to help educate the nation's schoolchildren during the Covid-19 crisis. Obviously, we at the BBC will be taking this opportunity to indoctrinate your children with our far right agenda. Or is it far left agenda? I can't keep track anymore. Two points to everyone. Tom, who is not down with the lockdown?

Oh, is it some people in America have been protesting the lockdown because there's been various reasons they've cited and some of them are sort of kind of brought out by far-right groups. Others are people just worried about their jobs and their livelihoods and their sort of infringement of civil liberties.

It's a very unnerving sight to see people wanting to protest science in the same way that in medieval times people would kill witches. But I think as well it's a sign that maybe a lot of America hasn't just realised how to cope with a lockdown in the same way that we have. You know, like we're really good at maybe screaming into a pillow or using the clap for carers time to really just bash the hell out of a saucepan and show our anger that way. Or maybe learning how to have a holiday in our home

by just locking ourselves in the bathroom. Maybe you can do whatever you like. You can dress up as Gloria Hannaford. You can be imaginative. You can be whoever you want. And I feel like a lot of the Americans maybe haven't realised that this is a time to embrace and to be creative with this downtime. I mean, I think as well, I mean, I know what it's like.

A few weeks ago, we had the crisis with the flour. I think you will all remember. We couldn't do any baking. We couldn't make our own bread, which is the smug thing. Which for you, obviously, is a big problem, isn't it? I have no life. What am I doing? I'm just making meringues.

My whole life is meringues. I mean, mean i think flowers back on the shelves now but there was a time when we couldn't get flour a police officer told me that there were drug dealers putting cocaine in flour just to bulk it up have you been watching these protests i mean it almost makes you miss fathers for justice didn't it i was watching footage footage of it was the process i think it for Justice, doesn't it? I was watching footage of the protest, I think it was in Michigan, and it's the only protest I think I've ever seen where, I swear to God, people were literally waving banners

while still in their cars. Amazing. And it's like, you don't leave the house anyway, what are you doing? You've gone to a protest, you can't be bothered, you're just waving it out the window. If I protest, I would do that. I feel like the logic of a lot of these protesters is very warped. Like one of the slogans is give me liberty or give me death. And I don't think they realise that it's very much a package deal

at the moment. That they will get if they go outside. There's been some sort of interesting approaches to it from America. Trump is adamant that his ratings are soaring. Also, he's obsessed with how his daily briefing, the rating is outdoing things like sporting events and even the final of The Bachelor, apparently. Yeah. And I just sort of thought it's not really the same thing because, you know, no one's watching The Bachelor going, oh, I wonder who's going to get the rose at this point on the jetty, you know, looking all romantic in a beautiful

dress and, you know, what romance is going to erupt here? Do you know what would make this better? If we could also find out about a worldwide pandemic. Like no one's, you know, they're not the same audience. Well, the other thing people have pointed out on social media is that, of course, these are the people who for years have been preparing to, you know, I've got my bunker and I've got my tins

and I've got my water and now they're my tins and I've got my water. And now they're the ones who are saying, no, no, no, we want to go out, actually. I think the reason is it's because they went into their bunkers and they realised that if all you've got is beans and tinned meat, then it is only about three weeks before you'll die of the fumes. Who else has been? Well, let's play a game of who's been the most outrageous despot this week and it wasn't trump i don't think have we you seen any other sonaro oh bolsonaro god love him uh what's he been up to yeah presidents everywhere are like we want to be part of the problem writing outside my house i'm gonna go join them, which is what Bolsonaro did. He joined an anti-democracy rally, some radicals doing anti-democracy rally outside,

which was alleged was a stunt to distract from COVID-19. But unfortunately, Bolsonaro just coughed constantly during the protest, which immediately reminded people of COVID-19. I mean, you can understand both America and Brazil, they're incredibly worried about the kind of economic turmoil, but it can understand, like, the kind of, you know, both America and Brazil, they're incredibly worried about the kind of economic turmoil. But it's like, yes, so is everyone.

And they go, well, we don't want to live in lockdown. It's like, no, nobody does. This isn't anybody's fun. This isn't anybody's kind of, you know, this is the jolly thing we've decided to do. It's like, everybody hates this. Just because you're protesting doesn't mean you hate it more than other people.

It just means you haven't realised that there isn't really an alternative yet. This is the news that people in many US states have been protesting about lockdown restrictions to their freedom. And to everyone complaining about how restrictive all this is, I've got two words for you. Sports bras.

Two points to Tom Allen. Oh, thank you. And at the end of round one, the scores are Lucy and Hugo have two points and Tom and Sophie have four. Now, before we start round two, we've been sent this cutting from the Rounds Roundup newspaper. And it says,

With the council seemingly unable to curb dog fouling, some locals are taking the matter into their own hands. Thank you to Jonathan Plough for sending that in. Hugo, have a listen to this. Hugo, who has no scrubs? Well, anyone. I mean, the NHS and care workers. Look, finally, finally this week,

we've had a shipment of much, much needed PPE from Turkey. It's taken a long time to get here. It seems to have had a harder time getting out of Turkey than that bloke in Midnight Express who hid the hash in his shoe. Getting out of Turkey. The whole business of it, it's been really, I mean, it's been chaotic and awful, but also really weird. So you had last week Robert Jenrick, the housing minister. He's the one who looks like a sort of terrible provincial museum waxwork that you can never guess is meant to be David Cameron.

He did the briefing on Saturday and he said the shipment of PPE from Turkey is arriving the next day on Sunday. And it didn't. And then on Sunday, Gavin Williamson, it was his turn. He's in charge of schools that aren't open. So he's really busy. He said on Sunday, no, no, no, we didn't say it was going to arrive today. We just hoped it was going to arrive today. And we now hope it's going to arrive tomorrow. But they were still just hoping because they hadn't paid for the track delivery option. But it didn't arrive on Monday either.

And then by Tuesday, Turkey said they'd only ordered it on Sunday anyway, like when you lie to your mum about your Amazon delivery present turning up late. And finally, finally, it has turned up. It turned up on Wednesday or Thursday I think and it's I mean thank god it's not very funny you know it's 84 tons of vital life-saving stuff 400,000 surgical gowns but it's really weird just the way this all worked because you'd think if we have to buy this stuff from Turkey that would suggest we're not making any ourselves except we are making loads ourselves you also had 36 British companies this week saying no we're making loads and we have to

export it because the British government doesn't want it, sometimes to European countries. And Dominic Raab was asked about this on Wednesday, like, why are we exporting this stuff and importing this stuff as well? What the hell is going on? And he said, well, it's because standards in this country for PPE are different to standards in some other countries, like the way that the French have really small faces. And in Spain, the masks are totally different because they go over your over the eyes like in Zorro and the Italians talk a lot with their hands so they have different gloves so they don't fly off and I don't know it just seems like something we're getting really badly wrong and it's completely shameful. It just seems I mean I've tried to get my head around this and I've been using a war analogy because I know that quite a lot of people like using those in

times like this and it's like if Churchill had sent all the guns to Germany and then made everyone fight in their PE knickers that's what it feels like and the whole thing with this situation in Turkey that's like the political equivalent of when your taxi driver says he's just around the corner but he's actually still in Turkey it's not funny is it because this is life or death things you know all this is going on this sort of maneuvering meanwhile our nurses are turning up to work in wetsuits and snorkels like we've it's not good enough is it well and there was the ventilators as well you know the the government said they missed out on a an email inviting them to the eu ventilator scheme which you know we've all missed emails i missed a holiday in canada because i misread the email that said free niagara but you know i think it's weird how sort of farcical

everything is with the whole turkey story i was trying to like understand but it was like a craig david song it's like we order ppe on monday and tuesday like other things are still happening but the government seems singularly incompetent like asos can still sort next day delivery but the uk government can't quite manage it so i guess get your mask from boohoo yeah um what more positive news has there been from matt hancock this week ah vaccine vaccine yes uh. Oxford are starting trials for a vaccine, and best of all it's going to be a British vaccine, thus lessening the prospects of us all having to inject ourselves with any of that

dirty foreign health stuff. And they're testing, they want to test it first of all, I think on 500 people. It's made apparently from a chimpanzee virus, but let's not worry about 28 days later right now. So there's two universities in Britain

that are having a go at making the vaccine. You've got Oxford University and Imperial, who are just off the back of winning University Challenge. They're really riding high at the moment at Imperial College. It would be great if it is a British vaccine and we can just have tankers of it parading up and down the streets in a kind of North Korean triumph. So much vaccine.

And then send it to America and charge all those companies who want to charge the NHS for drugs, charge them fortunes to have it, I guess. Oh, it'd be a nightmare, wouldn't it, if America developed it first. We'll end up having to call the vaccine Trump juice or something. This is the story of the ongoing shortage of personal protective equipment for frontline NHS staff. Health Secretary Matt Hancock has said people should only use PPE when strictly necessary, which has really struck a blow for the authenticity of Holby City, who are now performing all operations in 1920s gas masks and one of those wacky barbecue aprons with the comedy boobs. Two points to Hugo. Sophie, have a listen to this.

Two points to Hugo. Sophie, have a listen to this. Satellite of love. Satellite of love. Satellite of love. Satellite of love. Oh, I love that song. Do you want to leave the end of the song? Just keep it going. Satell satellite of... That's it.

Sophie. Yes. Sophie, who's helping us to phone home? Oh, yes. This is the very, very relaxing, not alarming story that the bad boy billionaire Elon Musk, also SpaceX CEO, has launched more than 300 satellites strapped to rockets into the sky.

I think they were visible over the UK and Europe. And I think the plan is to eventually have about 40,000 because they're going to be beaming cheap, fast Wi-Fi into people's homes. Not death lasers or mind control beams, as we might have expected from Elon Musk just wi-fi I think it's weird that we're meant to believe that a man whose other company marketed flamethrowers as personal accessories is just trying to help us download Candy Crush quicker anyway you do wonder if anyone's keeping an eye don't you it's like has anyone checked that that's definitely I mean I know he said on the form they were satellites. Has anyone double checked? A load of people, like people who are very conspiracy theorist about other things. You think Bill Gates is trying to inject everyone with mind control serum.

Seem to be fine with Elon Musk. It's like he's somehow he's getting away with that. And I think because normally we wouldn't have noticed so much. It's just because we're all staring up at the night sky a lot more and it's a lot clearer. And we took the kids out. One of the things that they say to do with your kids is, I'll go out and show them the stars, which I'm absolutely rubbish at because my husband's always having to go, no, it's Venus, that bright thing is Venus, I've told you a million times.

Because we saw it. Did it look more like an alien or more like a shooting star? Was it romantic? I didn't feel moved to romance. I thought it was terrifying. I like how those are your two options as well, Sophie, like alien, romance. A lot of people did think they were shooting stars

and I just think you've got to be careful if you end up wishing on an Elon Musk satellite, you know, because you're going to end up owning your thoughts. This was a Starlinklink isn't it it's the name of the program starlink yeah there were lots of them really close together but you can see quite a lot of satellites at the moment because the skies are so clear because there's so little air pollution we were out in the garden last week and we i think it wasn't starlink because they were too far apart but you could see them going right across the sky and um i sort of stared

at them for ages and then like like a lot of people i think quite a lot about apocalyptic fiction at the moment. And I suddenly remembered Day of the Triffids, where everyone starts off with everyone looking at a meteor shower and everyone goes blind. And I thought, I'm going into the house right now. And my wife's like, what's wrong? I was like, just don't look at them anymore.

Come on, listen. It's nothing. I feel like Elon Musk himself is a stranded alien. When I found out that the programme that these satellites were launched under was called Starlink, I was like, well, who would want to link with the stars but an alien? And then who knows the most about aliens, I thought. Obviously, the men and women in black who promised to what?

Protect the Earth against the scum of the universe. And Elon Musk is an anagram of lone scum. It's a rock solid theory. What else might you have seen in the night sky this week? Oh, a meteor shower. Yes, there was indeed. Yes, yes, the Lyrids meteor shower. Did anyone see it?

The thing about looking at the stars, I've realised, is it's like a lot of things during lockdown, they're actually quite boring. Stars, they're just like us. They're just like us. They're quite like, all these people are like, oh, go and listen to the birds or notice the stars. I'm like, no.

Like, I've got so little to do anyway. Like, I'm not going to go and do something boring like that to make me feel even more bored. I don't know. I think it's at least giving people an excuse to be found flat on their backs in their garden. You know, if nothing else. This is the news that Elon Musk's SpaceX company

have so far launched 300 satellites in their Starlink programme and have secured permission for a further 1,200. All part of an effort to help develop the parts of the world with the poorest internet connection, like Gloucestershire. Two points to Sophie. And before we take a look at the final scores, has anybody heard about what composer Hans Zimmer has been up to this week?

Yes. I'm a huge fan of Hans Zimmer because people know him because he wrote film scores for things like Gladiator and he's won Academy Awards. But I know him best as the composer of the Going for Gold theme tune. Yes, really? Hans Zimmer, the famous composer, has been asked to provide sounds or music for BMW electric cars

because they're worried they're too quiet and people are going to die because they're not going to hear cars coming. So he's going to create some sort of soundscape, which I love. I love the idea that he's going to do some epic soundtrack for you reversing down your cul-de-sac in Slough. You know, it's going to be like Gladiator or whatever.

So, yeah, I can't wait to hear what he comes up with. I'm such a bad driver. I'd quite like it if my car could constantly just say, sorry. Yeah. Sorry. Sorry, I don't understand. Sorry.

I always think that about a car horn. You know, car horn is really aggressive. Oh, yeah. Isn't it? And sometimes I just, what I want to go is, sorry, that was my fault, I didn't mean it. You know, but you can't say that with a beard, can you? I should have an array.

Yeah. I'm supposed to be like... My bad. I'm here, isn't it? I'm supposed to say, let people know you're there. But I've had this conversation with my husband where I've said, oh, yeah, we should have, like, different sounds so I can say sorry or, oh, didn't see you there or whatever.

And he said, yeah, you drive badly enough anyway without having to look for the different buttons. Which sound do you want now? Oh, do you think there are different pitches as well to mean different things? That would be quite nice. It would be good, wouldn't it? Yeah.

Hope you're doing okay in your life, generally. Have the clown one. Apparently, this is a thing now with electric cars. By 2021, they all have to emit some sort of noise uh when they're reversing or when they're under 12 miles an hour to let pedestrians know they're coming and other uh the nissan leaf uh that emits a whistling sound and i thought that's definitely going to get women out the way because they'll just think it's a man in a white van heading towards them and um mercedes have hired lincoln, the teen angst band of the 2000s, to create a sound.

And they wanted to create a sound with more emotion, which presumably the emotion being, no, I won't hide in my room. You're not my real dad. I'd like a car that just went broom, broom in a really sarcastic voice. Actually, they could implement this as well. This could be a really good way of punishing drivers. You know, if you get caught doing 110 on the motorway, your car will only play the theme from Steptoe and Son. I'd quite like mine to play the ice cream van music

just to really disappoint children. Oh, lovely. Well, that brings us to the end of the news quiz. And the final scores are... Lucy and Hugo have six. Tom and Sophie also have six. It's a draw. Lovely.

Isn't that nice? Thank you to our gorgeous panel. We'll leave you with a cutting sent in by Doug Hope from Motherwell about the return of Jordan Nobbs to the England women's football team, spotted on the BBC Sport website and read by Zeb Soans. Is it time for the Lionesses to unleash Nobbs? And with that, goodbye!

Taking part in the news quiz were Tom Allen, Sophie Duker, Lucy Porter and Hugo Rifkin. In the chair was Angela Barnes and the news was read by me, Zeb Soans. The chair script was written by Catherine Brinkworth, Laura Major and Robin Morgan, with additional material from Simon Alcock and Michael Fabry.

The producer was Susie Grant and it was a BBC Studios production. Hi, I'm Catherine Bell-Hart. And I'm Sarah Keyworth. We're comedians separately and a couple together, and we're the host of You'll Do, the podcast that gives you a little insight into perfectly imperfect love.

Yeah, forget nights in with this one and hashtag couples goals. We want to know the whys and hows of sticking with the people we love and asking a few of the questions that are meant to help us develop intimacy. So why not give it a listen and subscribe to You'll Do on BBC Sounds.