Friday Night Comedy from BBC Radio 4 - Summer Comedy Festival - Miles Jupp

Episode Date: July 24, 2020

Expect a summer festival with a difference as some of the nation's favourite comics turn curators and host a virtual festival featuring their favourite performers from the worlds of comedy, literature and spoken word. They'll be in control of everything (even the weather) as we're taken along for the ride to not only hear some great performances but also to get an insight into the cultural radars of our celebrity hosts.In episode 1, Miles Jupp is our host as he takes us around his bespoke festival site to meet Val McDermid in the literary tent, Abandoman on the music stage and TMS' very own Alison Mitchell in the Cricket Tent (of course there's a cricket tent, it's Miles Jupp we're talking about). Paul Sinha also attempts to run a quiz in the Trivia Tent and stand-up legend Simon Munnery entertains from a field.Producer: Richard Morris Production co-ordinator: Caroline Barlow Sound: Chris McLean A BBC Studios Production

This is the BBC. This podcast is supported by advertising outside the UK. BBC Sounds. Music, radio, podcasts. Hi, I'm Joe Wicks and I'm just popping up to tell you about my brand new podcast with BBC Radio 4. It's extraordinary. It almost turbocharges you. I'm really interested in the links between physical and mental health and what kind of ordinary everyday activities people do to keep on top of things. I keep fit because it's relaxing because it absolutely relaxes my mind.

And that's so important. So in this podcast, I'm having a chat with some of my favorite people to find out their tips and tricks to staying healthy and happy. For me, it's a full body experience and it's a total game changer. I think you're going to love it. Hit subscribe on the Joe Wicks podcast on BBC Sounds. Let's do this. Well, to quote a specialist in respiratory medicine that I bumped into yesterday at paintball, it's not been the summer any of us really expected.

So much has been disrupted. Sports fixtures, stage performances, the lifestyles of committed adulterers. It's a pleasure for me to bring a little bit of the sunshine back by staging my own bespoke festival here on Radio 4, selecting my dream lineup and introducing them all to you. It's not real, of course. It's just a conceit upon which to hang a programme. I'm not really at a festival. I am, as usual, at home, on my desert island, with eight of my favourite records and a complete works of Shakespeare that won't keep this fire burning forever.

But if you legends at home can suspend your disbelief, so can I. So here we are, clipping on our wristbands and preparing for, if not battle, then at least some potential shoving in the queue for the urinals. It may surprise some of you that I love a festival. I'm aware of my public image as being sort of like Lady Antonia Fraser, only slightly less rock and roll. But I have, I've always loved it. The music, the drinking, the camping, the dancing, the drinking, the fresh air, the drinking, the drinking, and of course the lovely people at St John's Ambulance who are always so kind on a Sunday afternoon, asking you when you last had a glass of water and where you might possibly have last seen your clothes. Obviously there are some things you have to have at any festival.

You have to have enough toilets and enough car parking spaces. You have to have Jules Holland's Rhythm and Blues Orchestra playing somewhere, regardless of whether anyone wants them to or not. But the rest of it, all up to me. One thing I think is very important on a line-up is variety. There has to be something for everybody. For example, there are people who, for whatever reason, simply aren't into music, so for them I've booked the

rock band Elbow. Children's entertainment is extremely important. I have five children, and if we're going to a festival as a family, I will expect there to be excellent children's entertainment, and by excellent, I simply mean tiring. I think something that would be great for all the family would be a live quiz.

A chance for mum and dad and the kids to test their general knowledge skills and hopefully go for upwards of half an hour not speaking to each other. So I've dragged some hay bales into a barn that hasn't been used to slaughter sheep for several days and created the approximate studio set of a big name ITV game show.

And to host it, I've got stand-up comic and one of the stars of The Chase, Paul Sinner. Hello, Paul. Hello, Miles. How on earth are you? I'm not too bad. This festival's been a bit of a joy. It's the most number of people that I've seen for the last four and a half months, beating the previous

record of two. So, I'm quite happy. What's been your highlight of the festival so far? I think my highlight is the sort of imagination and lateral thinking that's gone into it. You knew it was a gamble. You knew that you might run out of budget during the festival. So to get a 99-year-old man to walk around a field

raising money all day was a genius idea. It was really, really clever. I have to say, I wasn't expecting it to be this hard. It all looks reasonably well set up. How did the first quiz go this morning? Disappointing. It didn't seem to be on their wavelength exactly. I don't know who they were expected to host.

Well... In the alphabet quiz, when I said, which country, beginning with the letter I, has the highest Islamic population in the world, someone stood up and said, England. This is what I'm dealing with at your festival. as the highest Islamic population in the world, someone stood up and said, England! This is what I'm dealing with at your festival. I can only apologise for some of the people that have turned up, Paul.

What other questions, then, have you found that people have really not quite been on the right wavelength for in the quiz tent? All of them? I think I've set it too weird. They look to me with murderous intent when I said, what connects the painting The Birth of Venus to the painting The Death of Mara? And when I told them the answer was that Venus, Williams and Marat Safin

both won the singles titles of the 2000 US Open, they looked at me and went, this is not the quiz we were looking for. Where's the James Bond questions? What's coming up in the afternoon? Do you want to fire some questions at me and I, this is not the quiz we were looking for. Where's the James Bond questions? What's coming up in the afternoon? Do you want to fire some questions at me and I'll tell you if you're pitching them right? Yeah, there's the miles quiz. That sounds really good, actually. Very interesting. Yes, there. Who would walk 500

miles and who would walk 500 more? That would be Craig and Charlie Reid. It's the naked rambler. I didn't realise there was more than one answer to the question. Very good. That is a very good question. You're going to get a bit of time off tonight.

What are you going to enjoy at the festival? Of the many and varied acts that I've booked. Well, obviously, despite your disparaging comments about Elbow, I'm really, really looking forward to Elbow. I just want to shout at them. You're the only Mercury Prize winning band that's a part of the body that's an anagram

of another part of the body. Bowel. You see... That's very good. Until there are bands called Penis and Spine, this is going to be a unique accomplishment by a British rock band. Ah. At university I was in a band called Penis and Spine this is going to be a unique accomplishment by a British rock band At university I was in a band called Penis Spine

But you weren't Mercury Prize winning were you? Unless that was the Leicester Mercury's Prize It's very nice Thanks so much for doing this I'm sorry about some of the mistakes we've made with the publicity, but I'm really thrilled that you're here. Of the mistakes you've made,

the one I would take most offence to is Quiz with Richard Osmond. That was... That hasn't helped. I can only apologise. At one point, he was up for it. Anyway, lovely to see you. Thank you very much, Miles. I can only apologise. At one point he was up for it. Anyway, lovely to see you. Thank you very much, Miles.

We all look for different things from festivals. Going back to when I was a teenager, my top priority has been to check that the event is properly policed. Someone's got to be on hand to stop the pickpocketing, muggings, serious physical assaults and acts of petty arson that have long been a fixture of any social event that I organise. Every festival has its own local force. Glastonbury has the Avon and Somerset Police,

Latitude has the Suffolk Constabulary, the Isle of Wight Festival has, well, I don't know, I think Law and Order are maintained by an armed militia operating out of Shankling Chine. But at my festival, even the forces of Law and Order are touched with the sparkle of celebrity. And as I penetrate the ring of steel that surrounds my eyes in the sky, who do I find embedded in police HQ but crime writer Emeritus Val McDermid,

here to make notes on the goings-on, perhaps as the basis for one of her upcoming splatterfests. So I just need to climb up this rope ladder into this watchtower that I think she's in. Am I meant to be using my feet as well? Oh, that's a bit easier. Well, that is surprisingly steep. Val, hello. Hello, Miles. I didn't expect to see you up here. Well, you know, I think when you're running something like this, it's quite important to just make sure you get around the place

and show your face where possible. I hope my face hasn't been showing up on the police database that you've been studying. I know, but, of course, I had to come here with the police, embedding myself, as it were, with the police, because I couldn't get a ticket for this festival because you were so successful Well it was partly to do, that's kind of

you to think that way, it was also deliberately limiting the numbers I can't you know, I'm sort of very wary of those sort of audience members who are at something because they have to be Now you've got various things here, you've got a nice camping stove here, a kettle, a Chesterfield

sofa, I wasnesterfield sofa. I wasn't expecting that. What do you keep in the weaponry box? That's where we keep the beer. It's already surprisingly empty. We've got this watchtower. It's quite a relaxed festival. There's only nine watchtowers, and you're in this one here.

Now, could you just talk a little bit about the watchtower? What are the facilities you've got here but just for keeping your eye on people making sure that they're safe well we do have of course various cameras trained at various points around the festival and here we have as you can see here the control screen for the cctv cameras so anytime we can flick between any part of the festival grounds from the stages to backstage to the toilet queue and know exactly what's happening on the ground at any point. And I see that you've only, when I did the maths, I realised there's probably only two or three CCTV cameras per person attending. Why so relaxed? Well, you know, it's the atmosphere of the festival that you are curating here.

You know, you made it quite clear to the police that you were intending to curate a relaxed sort of festival that wasn't likely to cause problems. So that's why there's such a light level of policing. You know, we've not got very many of the tactical assault group here this weekend. But just enough to make sure that nothing untoward can get out of control, you know. Now, do you find it easy to switch off? Or, like a real murderer, are you always just thinking about the next kill?

Well, I don't deliberately set out to think about the next kill, as you so charmingly put it. But, unfortunately, it's something that creeps in at inopportune moments. I'll give you an example. A few years ago, my partner and I went on holiday in France. It was a romantic boating holiday near the Loire. It was lovely, beautiful weather. And one of the key things about boating in France is that unlike in the UK, you don't have to tie up at a marina or a registered mooring spot at night. you can moor the boat anywhere

and in order to facilitate this they very kindly give you five sharpened metal stakes and a mallet so my beloved is thinking a romantic evening on the banks of the river and I'm thinking

lots of woodland, not accessible by road thick undergrowth five metal stakes and a hammer yes so as I say I don't deliberately go looking for these things but but things do seem to suggest themselves when your mind works in that way well I have to say it's quite nice actually just to sort of have a chance... Just a minute, Miles. Just a minute. You're distracting me. I'm missing out what's going on on that screen. Oh, my God. You're going to have to go now, Miles. You're going to have to go. Get down that ladder.

I don't want anything bad to happen to you. Just go. Just go. Just go. Love your chatting. Oh, I just thought I'd pop back to my tent. It's not a lavish celebrity hangout, just your standard no-frills yurt, sleeping bag, John le Carré novel, and ceiling rings robust enough to take a man's weight. Of course, the location of your tent is critical. At one of the many download festivals I've been to,

I made the mistake of pitching next to the thrash stage, which was an absolute disaster. Apparently cannibal corpse could barely make themselves heard over the sound of my contented snoring. Anyway, as I pass along the secluded thoroughfares, waving at strangers and shrugging off their frankly obscene references to Balamory, I realise that despite everything I've laid on, people find their own ways to enjoy themselves at festivals. So I'm not surprised at a festival full of my favourite things to find a group of festival goers enjoying an impromptu game of cricket and playing in the game some of my all-time favourites. David Gower is at the crease,

facing up to an almighty delivery from the novelist A.S. Byatt, which travels through to the wicket-keeper, former Secretary of State for Trade and Industry Patricia Hewitt. It's the sort of thing you'll see up and down the country in the summer months. But who is this wearing a sensational sun hat and equipped with a well-curated picnic basket, by which I mean one that clanks when you pick it up? It's only the BBC's very own Alison Mitchell,

prevailed upon to umpire in this ad hoc game, and, well, she might be, given that she was the first woman to become a regular ball-by-ball commentator on Test Mat Special. Alison, I'm sorry to interrupt you while you're umpiring. How is it going, by the way, the game so far? It's all right, guys, you carry on, just play rounders. How's it going, Alison? It's not going too badly, Miles. It's nice to see you out here.

I hope you've slip-slop-slopped with this gorgeous sunshine. It's not going too badly, Miles. It's nice to see you out here. I hope you've slip-slop-slopped with this gorgeous sunshine. It's not going too badly. It's quite a tight game so far. David Gower is at the crease. That's right, yeah. He's had a bit of a let-off, though. He should have been out first ball, but cleaned up middle and leg.

But I invoke the first rule of festival and all horticultural-based cricket, in that you can't be out first ball. So he's had a reprieve. So he's feeling very lucky at the moment. So he's just seen off and over of Tony Hadley, which is what, just sort of straight seam up, I suppose, is it, from Hadley? Little bit of wobble seam occasionally, sometimes veering off a length.

And then we've got, what, Stella Rimmington coming in from the other end. What does she bowl? Very unpredictable, very unpredictable. She doesn't give anything away, I suppose. Well, yes, yes unpredictable. Very unpredictable. She doesn't give anything away, I suppose. That's her. Well, yes. Yes, quite, quite. Well, it's very nice of you to come to our glorious festival, I have to say, because you've been in the bubble, haven't you? This sort of

biosecure bubble, which is part of those people who are enabling international cricket to happen then. You're all living as close as you safely can to enable any cricket and indeed its broadcasting to be allowed. It's the big brother of the international cricket world. We're all staying in the one hotel that is part of the ground.

We're tagged so that the England and Wales Cricket Board know our movements at all times. I mean, I think there's a few people in the commentary team who've probably been waiting for a tag or might have possibly been tagged before. actually I've had to don't tell anybody but I had to remove the tag in order to come here to the festival I suppose I've just told everybody that now haven't I but we're tagged to make sure that even when we're in the bubble we don't move outside the zone that we're allocated as media. Is it definitely all about getting

cricket back on or actually are you taking part in some sort of social science study to see what? Yeah you might have hit on something just then we've already started to nominate different roles so Sir Alistair Cook who is amongst our number nicknamed the chef so he thought it was appropriate that he was in charge of our curry night but he rather failed didn't cook it himself ordered takeaway in so you, I think we're renaming him the waiter rather than the chef. Yeah, that absolutely reeks of entitlement, that sort of behaviour. Just three letters, aren't they? But they make such a difference. Oh, hang on. That is slightly embarrassing.

Terry Waite has just dropped an absolute sitter off the bowling of Sir Stephen Redgrave. Oh, dear. I think no one can look at no-one can look at him. Nobody can look at him. That is... Oh, that is excruciating. Do you find it easy to focus when you're umpiring in a game like this? Well, it was easy before I started chatting to you. Oh, fair... No, fair enough.

I'm prepared to take some of the blame. I just thought... It could be long periods, yeah. It is a long period of concentration. I used to find when I hosted the news quiz sometimes, I would just drift off. Are you a big festival person? But do you know what? I'm really glad that you invited me to this festival

because ordinarily speaking, in the middle of a cricket season, I never get the chance to go to any festivals. So never been to Glastonbury, never been to Wilderness. So this is a real treat, actually. And I'm a big music fan as well. So I've been carrying my travel guitar around. What do you play? What sort of songs do you play? Oh, a bit of a mix, a bit of strumming, a bit of classical. Of course, it occurs to me, if it's guitar advice you're after, Joan Armatrading down there at Longleg, probably

worth getting a few hints and tips from her later on. Well, Alison, it's been very fine talking to you. Hang on, why are they looking at you? Oh, hang on, that's over. And drinks. Prosecco, please. Alison, lovely to see you. Have a fantastic summer. Thanks, Miles. Enjoy the festival. It is time to consider giving my festival its own tradition. Every festival has its own traditions, those things that make that festival what it is. I have my own traditions about festivals. I always pack plenty of sun cream, SPF 50, because life is not a rehearsal. I always leave a few songs before the end, because who really needs to see David Bowie singing Heroes for the last time on a UK stage when you could be first out of the car park, wrist deep in a travel-sized bag of Jolly Ranchers. And I always, always, at some point in the weekend,

see Simon Munnery on his own in a field drinking a can of cider. No-one can explain this phenomenon, not even Simon himself. It's one of those great mysteries of British life, like crop circles or the existence of Frankie and Benny's. But it's a tradition I intend to maintain as part of my own shindig. So let's pop over and see how the veteran comic avant-gardist and fermented pommas imbiber is getting on. Oh, Simon, how very nice to see you.

Lovely to see you, Miles. Lovely bit of festival. I love a festival. Well, I thought you did. I don't think I've ever been to a festival in my life where I haven't encountered you. Yeah, that's because I've been following you around. Oh, I see. That is the reason. There's a lot of festivals I don't

go to, you see. Really? All the good ones. No, no. I've been to a lot of festivals. I love a festival. I think there's a line in Medea to live to walk in the sun. And I think just be outside in a field is magnificent. Do you prefer to sleep in a tent or in the sun. And I think just be outside in a field is magnificent.

Do you prefer to sleep in a tent or in the open air? I prefer to sleep in a tent, but you don't always get the option. Once I was doing a tea in the park just outside Glasgow, and I hadn't brought a tent because I was planning to stay in a B&B. My gig was in the afternoon. Got there, met a friend, he gave me some mushrooms. Next thing I knew it was midnight and there were no buses back to glasgow i had no tent i ended up sleeping on the stage on which i died

earlier really it's terrible gig and i just want to get out of there and then anyway memories you have been obviously you're very experienced going to festivals. When you heard that I was curating a festival, what immediately did you, how did you imagine it would be? Nightmare. What did you picture? Absolute nightmare. It'd be all like, you know, vol-au-vent and tapas.

Yeah, yeah. No cider, probably. Bucks fizz at dawn. Oh, please, no. No, I trust you. I was pretty sure it would be good. I mean, I've got one complaint about this one. Oh, yeah?

The toilets. Yes. Too many? Too good. You know, they flush everything. It's just like no one's got any anecdotes. You know what I mean? Everyone's been deprived of something to moan about.

And that's what people seek at a festival, really, is a little bit of suffering. It's like when you come to a festival, you're sort of like a refugee from luxury, taking only as few luxuries as you can bear to be without. Anyway, moving on. I'm on the way to do a poetry gig at the poetry tent. Do you want to hear a little fragment of my poetry set? Can I try it out on you? Would that be all right?

What time? Come on. Come on. All right, here we go. Go on, then. Go on. Now, at school, I came second in a poetry competition, and the prize was a box of paints. It sent out a slightly confusing message to the child. Well done. Give up.

Anyway. When I was young, there were no mobile phones, and your time was your own, except when you were at home And the phone rang Cos they didn't have aunt's phones either They used children instead King's Angley, 63614, you speaking please?

Hold on, I'll just find out I'm running up the stairs Dad, are you in? What time do you think you'll be back? OK Running down the stairs Hello? Yeah Dad, are you in? What time do you think you'll be back? OK. Running downstairs. Hello? Yeah, he's not in at the moment.

He doesn't know when he'll be back either. Let him do. Oh, do you want to be drying a dog, Song? Of course you do. Have you got a dog? Have you got a dog? No, but if I did, it would be a wet one. Yeah, well, that's what happens.

You can go around and dry someone else's dog. No one minds. It's one of those chores. Anyway, so I've got a dog, and I like to dry her before she comes in the house. And so this song is just long enough to dry a dog. No one likes a wet dog, wet dog, wet dog. No one likes a wet dog, no, they don't.

Everyone loves a dry dog, dry dog, dry dog. If you've got a pet dog, don't throw it off the boat. No one likes a wet dog, no they don't. Everyone loves a dry dog, dry dog, dry dog. If you've got a pet dog, don't drop it in the moat. And if you have a boat afloat in your moat, don't gloat, you're very lucky. But if the hull needs repair, you'll have to get it out of there. Put it in a dry dock,

dry dock, dry dock, and give it another coat. Thank you very much. That is, not only is that beautiful, of course, but that is the song from Inspector Gadget. Hmm. Is it? Do-do-do-do, Inspector Gadget, do-do-do-do. No, I thought I'd

come up with it. Oh, no, Inspector... Well, it's all right. We've booked Inspector Gadget to play the poetry stage, so you'll probably be able to discuss legal implications backstage. OK, Simon, I'm going to have to dash off now. I hope you enjoy your shower on Monday. Yes, and I wish you all the bestest. Bye-bye! Well, let's leave Simon to his thoughts and

his empties, because it's nearly time for our headline act. What legendary festival headliners have meant the most to me? I can't get beyond Radiohead at Glastonbury back in 2003, playing a set that mixed bravura experimentation with crowd-pleasing classics, bringing

tens of thousands swarming to the pyramid stage and leaving plenty of space, therefore, in the Holland and Barrett-sponsored Eco Cabaret Inn for me and my friends to enjoy John McCarthy interviewing a nervous man about hang gliding. Because that is what I want from a headliner. Yes, I want top-drawer entertainment, but also, and I cannot emphasise this enough,

I want plenty of space to sit down at what is presumably quite a fatiguing day. So that's the principle I've adopted at my festival. Out on the big stage there, Paul McCartney will be dueting with Beyonce, with Elton John on the piano while the Red Arrows fly overhead. So if you want to listen to that,

pop over to the longwave. Otherwise, stay with me here for my chosen headliner, the improvised rap comedy god, Abandoned Man. Right, so I've just made my way into the wings. Here he is, Rob, Abandoned Man. Hello.

Hello, Miles. How's it going? It's good, man. I've been stressing about doing Jumpstock. It's one of those ones that I've wanted to do since I was a child. Like, a lot of my heroes have played here. It's always like, if Miles Jump notices you, you're going places. Well, you know, we're star makers, or star recruiters, I should say.

Miles, this is what I'm thinking. I say we make up this song of the hoof. I say that we improvise the whole thing. I'm going to ask you a few questions, because I feel like I need to bring a little of your essence on stage. Miles, a lot of my favourite songs are about kind of things that people are upset about, maybe things in their past that still upset them. Can you give me minor adversities in your life that you're still a little bit frustrated about? When I was 16, I had a book stolen on a train. Oh, what book? It was a Douglas Adams book. Oh, mate, do you remember which one? Was it called The Long Dark Tea Time of the Soul?

Is that what it's called? Long Dark Tea Time of the Soul. Man, that is going to flow into a song too easily. And do any suspects, Miles, do you know who might have jacked this? Well, actually, I got it back, but I'm still annoyed. How did you get it back? Did the thief confess to the crime? I came back from either the lavatory or the buffet

car, possibly. Possibly I'd killed two birds with one stone, but I came back and the book wasn't there, and I was really and I looked, and I was so, I couldn't believe it, so I had that thing where you think, maybe I wasn't even sitting here. And then I said, has anyone seen, I don't know where I got the confidence from, I said, has anyone seen, come and see someone take a book from there? And someone said, yeah,

I think someone took it into the next carriage. And the lady said, right, come with me. And she walked all the way to the far end of the train to a particular place and said, you need to give him his book back. No. And they gave him my book back. So I'm very, very grateful for that person. Miles, this is the most complete answer I've ever had to this question. That is, that's a Netflix series. Is it a song you're writing or a symphony? Miles Chup, I'm going on this stage, baby. And for those listening,

I mean, every single word of this song is genuinely improvised based on a conversation that has just occurred. Miles, I hope I do you very well. It's going to be a bit of a rave song Ladies and gentlemen, please make some noise I've only got one note, I've only got one note, sorry

Just the whole thing, just not too loud Carry on Not too loud Let's do this Ladies and gentlemen of Jobstock This is the pain and strife your hero miles japan let's go jumpstart make some noise let's go first of all man it's insane people right there man it's no game right there stand

with miles miles has got that heart with pain pain um because you know it's insane. People right there, man, it's no game. Right there, stand with Miles. Miles has got that heart with pain. Pain, because you know it's insane. Sane, where has he got that pain? Hey, you know the right there, man, back in the day when he taking that train. He stays, stays stationary. Library, he reading that book like a library. Yep, man, he's like, what's bloody happening? Got the book, it's a Douglas Adams.

Either way we do this, man, and people, yep, you know. He'll be super dope. He's reading long tea time just off the soul, soul. So right there, you know, the body there, my boy's dressed. Miles stepping up for coffee, cupping to the toilet. He's like, people, man, I won't be long. But when he stabs back, he's like, what the fuck, the book is gone, gone. Check this, man, it's dexterous But my man is so inventive Like the man inside the book

Miles would jump as the detective Yeah, that's right And Miles has got some problems So Batman asks the lady Then they catch the book like Robin, hey Do you feel my pain? My strife Excuse me, sir

You took my book and that's not very nice Do you feel my pain? My strike. Thank you, lovely lady. You have saved my book and my life. Do you feel my pain? My strike. I'm crying.

I don't know just what's happened. Do you feel my poo? Do you feel my poo? Do you feel my poo? Chuck Stark makes some noise. Do you? Chuck Stark. Do you feel my... Do you feel my... Jumpstart, make some noise. Jumpstart. Do you... Do you feel my pain?

My stride. Rob, that was very impressive. I mean, goodness. All I will say, Rob, is you going out there and saying to the crowd, make some noise was in direct contravention of the one note that I gave you.

That was My Summer Comedy Festival, hosted by me, Miles Jupp, and written with James Kettle. It featured Paul Sinner, Val McDermid, Alison Mitchell, Simon Munnery, and a band of men. The producer was Richard Morris, and it was a BBC Studios production. Gary Lineker here. The Match of the Day Top Ten podcast is back with me and Jermaine Genus.

This time we'll be chatting to some huge European stars to get the answers we all want to hear. Who was Cesc Fabregas' craziest teammate? Which goal is Gianfranco Zola's favourite? Subscribe to find out. The Match of the Day Top Ten podcast. Check it out on BBC Sounds.