Friday Night Comedy from BBC Radio 4 - The Naked Week: Ep2. Trains, Tice, and Taylor Swift

Episode Date: November 14, 2025

This week, The Naked Week shoehorns an agenda, gets out of jail free, and in a genuine Radio 4 first - Taylor Swift pays a visit to the studio!From host Andrew Hunter Murray and The Skewer's Jon Holmes, Radio 4’s newest Friday night comedy The Naked Week returns with a blend of the silly and serious. From satirical stunts to studio set pieces via guest correspondents and investigative journalism, it's a bold, audacious take not only on the week’s news, but also the way it’s packaged and presented.Host: Andrew Hunter Murray Guests: Paul Dunphy, Taylor Swift (no, really!)Investigations Team: Cat Neilan, Cormac Kehoe, Freya ShawWritten by: Jon Holmes Katie Sayer Gareth Ceredig Jason Hazeley James KettleAdditional Material: Karl Minns Ali Panting Helen Brooks Molly Punshon Kevin Smith David RiffkinLive Sound: Jerry Peal Post Production: Tony Churnside Clip Assistant: David Riffkin Production Assistant: Molly PunshonAssistant Producer: Katie Sayer Producer and Director: Jon HolmesExecutive Producer: Phil Abrams.An unusual production for BBC Radio 4

Hello, I'm Andrew Hontamari, and welcome to The Naked Week. Imagine Panorama after it's been murdered in plain sight by Alan Carr. Coming up on the Naked Week this week, Rachel Reeves gathers the UK press to share this game-changing, nay, groundbreaking economic revelation. If you spend more on one thing, there's less money to spend on something else. Move over, John Maynard Keynes, there's a new kid in town. Also, doubling down on the wrongly released prisoner fiasco, David Lammy shouts his encouragement to an inmate struggling to scale a prison wall.

Get a grip man! Although perhaps, David, you should have got a grip on remembering to wear a poppy. He does have form, with failing to answer questions about prisons, like when he went on Celebrity Mastermind. Which fortress was built in the 1370s to defend one of the gates of Paris and was later used as a state prison. Versailles. Versailles. The clues were all there.

He only recently started as Justice Secretary. He started and he'll soon be finished. Also this week, a leaked internal memo revealed that a BBC documentary selectively edited a Donald Trump speech quote, splicing his words together in such a way that it made him say things he never actually said. absolutely unforgivable behavior if true, as Trump himself said

in an interview this morning. Totally unforgivable. I tell you the team at Radio 4 naked week would never do that. They're beautiful people. So beautiful. Thank you. Thank you, Donald.

Before adding, you know, when I say that as a big, fat, orange, asshole. We allowed to say that. All right. So clearly, there's been a lot of gloomy news this week. But at least there's one thing that's had us all cheering to the rafters. Yes, it's now one whole year since Kemi Badoadnock became leader of the Conservative Party. Come on!

Limited enthusiasm in the room. What a time to be alive. To all those who celebrate happy chemiversary. Or, as it's known in Tory circles, Binfire night. Anyway, I'm sure everyone's getting her anniversary gifts. I know that for 10 years you get something made of tin. Five is something made of wood traditionally. For one year, it's paper, which she is going to get

in the form of letters of no confidence signed by her backbenchers. Anyway, she's had a fantastic year. So to start the show, let's have a look back at some of her highlights. I'm so sorry. Sorry, that was the wrong clip. That was a live link to the inside of Robert Jenrick's soul. Look, Kemi's had a tough time, but it's her first, unless a comedy show might say only, year as a party leader.

You have to forgive her a few gaffs. I never have gaffes or apologising for something that I said, oh, that's not what I meant. Really? I mean, come on, Kemi. In the past, you've hacked a Labour MP's website, and then you did apologise for it. You've said that Northern Ireland voted for Brexit when it didn't

You've said Wales has MSPs when it doesn't You've said reform fake their membership numbers when they haven't And that you will not touch moist bread Because sandwiches are not a real food Did you mean all of those? Are you sure you don't want to clarify any of them? I never have to clarify because I think very carefully About what I say

Of course you do. We only have to listen to you in the comments to realise that. I welcome the Prime Minister back from history where he has unilaterally made commitments that will make life more experience for everyone back home. Yes. I don't know about you, but I personally think we should all strive

to make our lives more experience for everyone back home. But what's the secret to her success? Most people need to stay focused on one thing and then I unravel, you know, unravel the mystery, peeling back layers of an onion. Hmm. Peel back layers of an onion. which is why whenever she opens her mouth, her colleagues begin to cry.

Of course, this week began with the awful knife attacks in Huntingdon, a starting pistol that saw our media and political class in a sprint to maintain the scrupulous objectivity and high standards we've come to expect. All our thoughts are naturally with the victims, but spare a thought too for the journalists on the ground who had to fill nearly 24 hours of live broadcasting, simply telling us exactly what happens at a train station. Here's BBC news.

I've just seen a train pass by me. Oh. More as we get it. Now, this story could have raised some important questions. The funding crisis in mental health, the state of modern policing, but you wouldn't necessarily know it from the response of certain British papers and politicians who seized on the opportunity to exploit the situation as best befitted their own agenda. You had the right saying it wouldn't have happened if it wasn't for our broken immigration system.

The left saying it wouldn't have happened if it wasn't for our underfunded public services. And the Greens saying it wouldn't have happened if everyone involved had been cycling. Ex-reform, now independent MP, Rupert Lowe, in a letter to Kier Stama, keeping his proposals totally proportionate. We must restore the death penalty. Ah, Rupert. Rupert, the barely coherent. Social media also. Piled in, of course, even before any details had been released about the alleged perpetrator,

words like deportation, immigration, and Islamism were popping up faster than a restraining order at Sandringham. And... I don't know either. And then, on Sunday morning, as soon as it turned out, the suspect was black, the phrase, stop and search, joined the party, and in his letter to Kier Stama, Rupert Lowe also invoked... Illegal migrants, unvetted third-world criminals, immigration from backward and harmful cultures.

Right, except, as it later turned out, the suspect is actually a UK national and the hero of the story, the train guard, who saved many lives and has worked for LNIR for 20 years, was born in the Muslim country of Algeria. Honestly, bloody immigrants, coming over here, running our trains, saving people with heroic acts of bravery.

Boom! But why let a boring chore like, waiting for all the details, stop you promoting your own agenda. And it's not just politicians and agitators. Shoehorning agendas into news stories is what the British press does best. Here's the Daily Mail a couple of years ago, somehow forcing their rabid hatred of Meghan Markle into a story about farming in Somalia.

How Megan's favourite avocaro snack is feeling human rights abuses, drought and murder. Yeah. Enjoy it, Megan, the sweet taste of smashed death on toast. And for balance, here's the Guardian using a story about civil partnerships to shoehorn in the evils of white privilege. New ways to say I love you, without slavery and homophobia.

Bravo. And that's why Guardian Valentine's cards never took off. Roses are red, violets are blue, guilt is white, and you should both be ashamed of yourselves. But rather than dwell on the moral turpitude of party politics or press, the Naked Week team thought we would make it fun. and so to prove that any agenda

can indeed be shoehorned into any story please welcome our political communication and footwear metaphor correspondent, Paul Dunphy. Right, Paul, what's the plan? Right, okay, so it's pretty simple, Andy. What we're going to do is we're going to get you out from behind this desk here and move you to the Naked Week's bespoke shoehorning area

which is just a single chair, stage right, so that your audience can see your feet. Okay, I'm really sorry, everybody. Down here, I have three pairs of shoes to represent three new stories from this week. And secondly, I have three single socks to represent three political viewpoints, okay? What's going to happen is you're going to wear each sock in turn. To listeners at home, my foot is out. Okay, and then using this shoehorn, I'm going to shoehorn your foot, the agenda,

into each shoe the new story. Is that clear? I can't see how we can make it clearer. Now, okay, pop this union flag sock on your foot. I have a vague guess as to which party this might represent. Yeah, your foot now represents, shocker, the Reform UK agenda. Oh, gosh. This lovely man's brogue represents the news this week that saw the biggest supermoon of the year appearing in the night skies.

Okay, okay. Let's start shoehorning the agenda into that story. Here we go. Okay, okay. So reform. condemn the sight of this supermoon, which, while an impressive spectacle, can only mean one thing.

Mother Nature expressing her horror at Labour's shattered promises and our broken immigration system. And it fits! Yes! It's a little too comfortably, frankly. I don't like this. Plenty for a different sock.

Yes. Nice new sock, green sock. No prizes for guessing which political party that represents. Plied Cunry. Yeah, that's right. Go on. Okay, but can we shoehorn the plied agenda into... Oh, my God.

This lovely child's wellie. Oh, great. Thank you so much. In case it wasn't clear, this children's wellie represents the news of the hurricane clean-up in Jamaica. Let's go on.

Here's how you make it fit, okay? Jamaica are finding it tough, but what would we do if a twister hit Havford West? The only answer is, of course, independence. Beautiful, and I would say it very nearly fits. Yay!

One more so? Yeah, come on, one more. Oh, beautiful. Yep. Well, this has a massive hole in the bottom. Yes, it represents the Labour Party. Okay, now, can you wedge that now Labour-socked foot of yours into the next item of footwear, which is this flipper,

which represents the news that a medieval tower has partially collapsed in Rome? Okay, so Labor's agenda is, so get you a warning. Although the tower might look as though it collapsed on our watch, the truth is it's gradually subsided due to actions taken over the last. last 14 years by the Conservative Party, and the hole in the sock is a 22 billion-pound black one. Yes. We've done it. All done being the Naked Week for our time. You're listening to The Naked Week on Radio 4, where it's time once again to take a reflective and relaxing walk through our news-based garden of current affairs contemplation. It's the news in haikus.

Useless Lammy has The Monopoly on get Out of jail-free card The News In Haikus Thank you Now, let's talk about Elon Musk Tesla CEO and answer to the question

What if Peter Pan did grow up, but in a meth lab? This week, Musk went on that bastion of journalistic scrutiny, the Joe Rogan experience. And during the podcast, the cheeky little tech mogul dropped a bit of a bombshell on the population of rural Britain. They've been like sort of living their lives quietly. They're like

hobbits, lovely people who like to, you know, smoke their pipe and everything's pleasant. You know, places like Hertfordshire, Oxfordshire, until when they, you know, a thousand people show up in your village of 500 out of nowhere, and start

raping the kids. By the beard of Gandalf, that went dark quickly. So yes, what Musk said is click-baity and race-baity and, you know, complete bollocks. But that's just Elon being Elon, okay? That's just his style. That's what makes him such a fun podcast guest. In fact, he's done them all. And we've been listening so you don't have to.

Here he is on a recent episode of Fern Cotton's Happy Place. I would love to know where is your happy place. What you're doing is evil. Suicidal to your country or culture. Yeah, I love. Nice. Also this week he dropped by the CBB studio to help read the bedtime story. Hello, it's me, Mr. Tumble.

Tonight's story is about a boy. He's like totally dead inside, shuffling along down the street with it, with a needle dangling out of their leg. It looks like a zombie apocalypse. Sweet dreams, children. You're listening to The Naked Week. In the week when David Beckham was nice. for services to football

and to Ninja Air Friars, Nespresso, Hugo Boss, Stellar Atroix, H&M, Pepsi, and Tempur mattresses. To be honest, there's every chance the nighthood ceremony was just an advert for swords. But speaking of shameless peddling, it's time for another ride on the Westminster News cycle. And to help us do that,

please welcome the Naked Week's chief investigative peddler and observer Whitehall editor, Cat Neelan. So, Kat, remind us what you're looking at this series. Voter concerns, Andy. Okay, voter concerns. That's a kind of broad, meaningless slogan that you normally see just slapped across the front of a podium.

Yeah, funny you should mention that, because the political podium's got quite a lot of camera time this week. On Tuesday, we had the Chancellor's pre-budget statement, and because it involved Rachel Reeves speaking out loud, legally we can't play it in case people are driving or operating heavy machinery. Very sensible, very sensible. Kat, I thought this speech was supposed to be a huge deal

for the Chancellor. It was, Andy, but for some absolutely insane reason, she decided to give it at 8 o'clock in the morning, like some sort of one woman's snooze button. In fact, one of the journalists covering it was so tired, he just started mindlessly repeating the last thing he'd heard. Put that money to good use in our public services. Chris Mason, BBC News. Thank you, Chancellor. Chris Mason, BBC News. Sorry, Kat. Who was that? I think it was Chris Mason from BBC News. Got it. And while the Chancellor was sending the nation slumping into its cornflakes, people were still recovering from Monday's big economic policy announcement from Nigel Farage. Ooh, so what economic policies did he announce?

Uh, none. He just scrapped pretty much all the ones he'd previously announced. Ah. No juicy reform tax cuts? Not anymore. Those policies were described by the party's deputy leader, Richard Tice, as... That was a list for the time, good ideas. All aspirational...

Ah, aspirational policies. A reform speciality? Exactly. Like, we aspire not to have candidates running for public office who have praised the Third Reich. Yes. But that's so hard. So why is Richard Tice of particular interest? Because, as well as mopping up after Farage,

Tice is now in charge of reforms Musk-inspired Doge audit of Council finances. And since they're suddenly desperate to show how economically responsible they are, this seemed like the perfect time to crowbar open their books and do our own audit of reforms fundraising. Okay, great.

So what are the headline numbers? Since the last election, reform has declared donations, gifts, benefits and other payments of £4.8 million. Okay. I mean, that seems reasonable. They have a quarter of a million members, which is one for every time Chris Mason has had to remind himself where he works. Chris Mason, BBC News. Yeah, thank you, Chris. But it's worth pointing out that nearly half of that $4.8 million is from people with direct links to the party, most notably the more than £1.1 million donated by companies of which Richard Tice himself is a director. Oh, Richard, you shouldn't have such generosity. But, all right, reform does appear to be being largely bankrolled by its own deputy leader. This doesn't necessarily mean ties can't be trusted with the keys to the Treasury.

No, although dig a little deeper and things start to get, shall we say, complicated. In June, the party accepted £50,000 from a management consultancy firm called R20 Advisory, a company which the last time it actually bothered to file its accounts in May 2023 had made a loss of £2.4 million. Right. So just to be clear, that is a company that loses money. As far as anyone can tell. Whose accounts are overdue. And even though their company is millions of pounds in the red,

they still somehow found a spare 50 grand to give to Farage and France. Apparently so. But they didn't reply to our request for comment. Okay, well, it's not great. But overall, I'd say Richard Tice can be pretty confident. We did actually find one more thing, Andy. I'll allow it. In September, Richard Tice took a trip to Israel.

Well, yeah, so what? I mean, it's lovely in the autumn. You know, suns. Sea, sand full of anti-personnel mines. While he was there, he met the Israeli president and foreign minister. The total cost of the four-day trip was £6,250. What, for only four days? Should have gone with Jet 2.

But the interesting thing is who paid that £6,250. Who did? The company that covered the cost was only set up two months before the trip. It's described as being involved in PR and communications activities, and doesn't even have a name, just some letters, R-F-O-I. Whiches? No, it's nothing to do with witches. At least, we assume it's not, because like I say,

we don't know for sure what RFO-I stands for. And it's weird that they don't say. But there's a reasonable chance the initial stand for Reform Friends of Israel, seeing as the company's only director is the son of a British billionaire property developer with substantial interests in Israel. Okay, and presumably we are not suggesting there's anything. wrong with any of that? Absolutely not, Andy.

Then he went on to G.B. News to discuss his visit to aid depots, and it's fair to say he'd come to certain conclusions about the conditions in Gaza. Those you think there was a famine. When we talk of famine, you think of pictures we see in Ethiopia and Sudan. Frankly, that is a lie, and the UN is lying, and it needs to be called out. And I'm calling it out... Whoa! Big man, calling out the UN.

At least we know what UN stands for, Richard. Cap, presumably Mr. Tice has an explanation for why his meeting with members of the Israeli government was paid for by a company that hadn't existed two months earlier. Richard Tice told us... The embassy organised my political meetings. Which embassy? He didn't say. And notably, he didn't answer our questions about what RFOI stands for, but he did ask us if we were anti-Semitic. Oh, well, if you don't have anything Tice to say...

So we have got reforms deputy leader preaching fiscal responsibility while his party accepts donations from his own companies and a weird loss-making company then enjoying a mini-break to the Holy Land funded by another mysterious company that sprung up from nowhere. For the lawyers, those are the words of... Andrew Hunter-Murray, BBC the Naked Week. Everything to add, Chris Mason, BBC News?

Chris Mason, BBC News. Thanks, Chris. and not the first Mason to be employed by the BBC Katniel and everybody You're listening to The Naked Week on Radio 4 Coming up, a your party insider

Confirmed speculation about Jeremy Corbyn It is of course an actor in a costume His little whispery facial expressions Are remotely controlled by a second actor He's also doing the voice I can also reveal There are two people operating at Davy One does his mouth and the other does the bit

he speaks out of. And we've just got time to solve the latest case in Radio Falls Uncanny. Who is that sinister figure crashing a girly sleepover? Andrew Mountbatten Windsor. Now, we all

sometimes get things wrong. I never have gaffs. Okay, thank you, Kemi. Most of us sometimes get things wrong, including the Times newspaper, who made a spectacular gaff in the run-up to Zora Mamdani's victory in this week's New York mayoral election. As part of its coverage, the Times interviewed the former mayor of New York, Bill de Blasio,

except they didn't interview former mayor of New York, Bill de Blasio, because who they'd actually emailed was a 59-year-old wine importer from Long Island, also called Bill de Blasio. And he took this welcome opportunity to get out of the import game and get into the export business, namely exporting his opinions to credulous British newspapers. And what is brilliant about this is that never for one moment suspecting that this Bill de Blasio wasn't that Bill de Blasio, the Times printed all of it.

But it turns out it's very easy to contact a load of people with the same names as other people and ask them something entirely unrelated to their job. And we know it's easy because that is what we've been doing all week. We have been email. famous names at a number of well-known email domains, Gmail, Hotmail, Outlook, Yahoo. And we did this just to see if we could get an interview with the wrong David Lammy or Ed Sheeran or Tim Davy or Kiranitley or to pick a name completely at random, Rupert Murdoch at gmail.com.

Now, in the email, we asked our same name as a famous person, A, what they did for a living, and also because, like the times, we fancy political insight. B, what is your favorite memory of Tory leader, Kemmy Badenlock? that she's celebrating her first year in office. And you'll be pleased to know, we got loads of replies. I'm joined by The Naked Weeks. Should have done basic checks, shoddy journalism correspondent, Paul Dunphy. Paul, who got back to us?

So many. Alan Carr. Fiona Bruce. Tom Hardy. Emma Barnett. Diane Abbott. Chris Evans. Oh.

Not that one. Oh. Or that one. Okay. Sam Smith. Jennifer Lawrence. And many more, but not Katie Perry as her inbox was full. I'm calling love messages from the wrong Justin Trudeau.

To pick one at random What did Diane Abbott reply? Okay, well, Diane Abbott, of course, lives in Colorado and writes, I have no opinion of any of these people. Oh, lucky, lucky, lucky Diane Abbott. We also emailed an Emma Barnett from Leeds who replied,

Dear the Naked Week, don't ever contact me again. No, but to be fair, that might actually be the real Emma Barnett. Fair enough. I'm going to reiterate, we really did this. These are all genuine. And we really did email these not right people and they really did reply. Who else?

Well, the wrong Tom Jones was very keen. Amazing. So he's a political researcher from Bardstown, Kentucky. We asked, what is your favorite memory of Tory leader Kemi Bajnock? His reply, Hey, hey, pussycat.

It's not unusual to get asked questions like this. P.S., I have no further comment, and I'm just going to go outside and look at the green, green grass of home. Incredible, incredible. Ladies and gentlemen, let's hear for the very real but wrong

Diane Abba, Emma Barnett and Tom Jones. Now, given that it is the week of the first anniversary, we've been desperately trying to work out what to get our esteemed leader of His Majesty's opposition as a gift. And then we realized, like a British prisoner and an open cell door, it was staring us in the face.

First year anniversary is paper. So what we've done is ordered this for her. It's one of these my first year Baby scrapbooks says on it, Kemmy's first year and we've had put into it all the lovely messages we've received and it's now full of magical memories for her

all provided by ordinary people who happen to have the same name as a celebrity. So that's lovely. It's a first year book obviously though there's a print of her little feet repeatedly going into her mouth so after the show we're going to post that to her constituency office in Saffron Walden

as a gift from the naked week. we're not going to write a card so she won't actually know where it's come from but you know she will enjoy that and then I unravel you know unravel the mystery peeling back layers of an onion we've also bought her an onion but you know what as a final

special treat we wanted to get her a message from probably the most famous person in the world but not the real one and so that's why we emailed the wrong Taylor Swift only to find out that the wrong Taylor Swift is genuinely, genuinely a 22-year-old mixed martial arts fighter

from Cheltenham ladies and gentlemen please give a huge naked week welcome to Taylor Swift right Taylor before we start I should say

that it's me hi I'm the problem it's me Hello, nice to meet you Nice to meet you This is so exciting How long have you been Fighting mixed martial arts

Fighting only about two and a half years But then training for like five or six Oh okay Has anyone ever noticed before That you have the same name as some of them? Fortunately they have quite a few times Yeah Do you get jokes from other fighters?

I have actually in the past Yeah Someone changed the fight poster once To a picture of her My name is beneath it Five hundred thousand people turn up Great. Any sort of, any regrets from your parents?

Yeah, quite a few. I hope so. Yeah, there should be. Tyler, you don't need to tell me, I'm called Andy Murray and I grew up in Wimbledon, right? I have been there. Are there rivalries in your industry, any kind of bad blood? Yeah, sometimes, yeah.

We're going to get quite deep into the references now, Taylor. Do you ever see red? Yeah, a few times. Are you fearless? No. Okay. Do you have a good reputation? Oh, that's all right.

It's not bad. There is one important question that I really need to ask you. Have you got a favourite memory of Kenny Badernock? Now she is celebrating her first year in office. I don't. It's all a bit of a blank space.

Yeah, that's fair. That's fair. Thank you, everybody. Just one extra question, I suppose. Are there any special, exciting, interesting move? that you can do as part of your fighting? There's a few. I can show you if you want. Well, no.

No, I think we won't do that. You sure? Make it a bit more worth my time. You sure? Yeah, I'm sure. Yeah, I'm sure. Right, I'm being threatened by Taylor Swift. We're going to end it right there. That is all from The Naked Week this week. Goodbye! The Naked Week was hosted by me, Andrew Hunter Murray, with guest correspondent Paul Dunphy and the other Taylor Swift, Taylor. It was written by John Holmes, Katie Sayer, Gareth Peredick, Jason Hazley and James Cattle, with Investigations team Cat Neal and Cormackieho and Fray Shaw.

Additional material by Carl Mintz, Ali Panting, Helen Brooks, Molly Punch, Kevin Smith and David Rifkin. The Naked Week is produced and directed by John Holmes, and it's an unusual production for BBC Radio 4. Please don't hit me!