Friday Night Comedy from BBC Radio 4 - The Naked Week: Ep4. Performing, Potholes, and Paddington.

Episode Date: April 4, 2025

The Naked Week team are back to place satirical news-tariffs on current events with a mix of correspondents, guests and, occasionally, live animals.This week we Spring (Statement) into action with a timely tune for - and by - Rachel Reeves, explore a pothole that's opened up in the programme, and accidentally get added to Radio 4's Group Chat.From The Skewer’s Jon Holmes and host Andrew Hunter Murray comes The Naked Week, a fresh way of dressing the week’s news in the altogether and parading it around for everyone to laugh at.With award-winning writers and a crack team of contemporary satirists - and recorded in front of a live audience - The Naked Week delivers a topical news-nude straight to your ears.Written by: Jon Holmes Katie Sayer Gareth Ceredig Sarah Dempster Jason HazeleyInvestigations Team: Cat Neilan Louis Mian Freya Shaw Matt BrownGuests: Ania Magliano, Bethany Reeves, with music by The Naked Week Wind Section.Production Team: Laura Grimshaw, Tony Churnside, Jerry Peal, Katie Sayer, Phoebe Butler.Executive Producer: Philip Abrams Produced and Directed by Jon HolmesAn unusual production for BBC Radio 4.

This BBC podcast is supported by ads outside the galaxy. How would you react if I said that I'm not from Guildford after all but from a small planet somewhere in the vicinity of Beetlejuice? I don't know. Why do you think it's the sort of thing you're likely to say? Drink up, the world's about to end. Start listening to The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, primary phase, available to purchase wherever you get your audiobooks. BBC Sounds, music, radio, podcasts. MUSIC CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Hello, I'm Andrew Hunter Murray and welcome to the Naked Week. Imagine the news quiz after 10,000 staff had been cut to save costs.

LAUGHTER This week, Donald Trump finds his NATO membership card Imagine the news quiz after 10,000 staff had been cut to save costs. LAUGHTER This week, Donald Trump finds his NATO membership card down the back of the White House sofa. I think we probably won't be using it very much. LAUGHTER And, as always, both the spring statement and opposition response were sentence after sentence of tedious spin.

To keep themselves awake, Rachel Reeves and Mel Stride had a competition about who could say the word headroom the most times per minute. The headroom left by the previous government. All of her fiscal headroom disappeared. Providing headroom of £15.1 billion. What provision has she made in her headroom? When I was left with a sliver of headroom. With a sliver of headroom. Okay, you're very good at that. Let's make it harder. Let's try twice in a sentence. When I've been tested with a deterioration in the headroom,

we have restored that headroom. She left way too little headroom. Way too little headroom. And he says that it's a slither of a headroom. Well, it's 50% more headroom than I inherited. LAUGHTER APPLAUSE Well, it's 50% more headroom than I inherited. LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE Guys, guys...

Get a headroom. So, this week, we... Oh, sorry, just got a message. Oh, it looks like I've accidentally been added to the Radio 4 group chat. LAUGHTER Let's bomb radio 2. Then there's a punching fist emoji, the Radio 4 logo, and an aubergine, which I think means

they're going to strike during drive time with Sarah Cox. That's awkward. Well, anyway, we'll just... Oh, sorry. It seems I've now been accidentally added to the US National Security Service group. What are the odds? Oh, hang on. No, it's not defence. It's just the White National Security Service group. What are the odds? Oh, hang on, no, it's not defence.

It's just the White House neighbourhood group chat. This is a message from JD Vance. He says, which bins is it this week? And then he's written, I hate bailing out recycling. It's pathetic. Oh, here's US Defence Secretary Pete Hegseth complaining about Houthi rebels hanging around drinking cider in the bus shelter. LAUGHTER

Classic neighbour chat. They've accidentally added Keir Starmer. And he, Segway Ahoy, is complaining about potholes. There are far too many of them. Yes, while Trump's national security adviser was digging himself an embarrassing journalist-in-the-chat-shaped hole both on the other side of the Atlantic and in the Atlantic. Holes were also a big talking point over here this week, as in a cynical move to sugar the pill of encroaching austerity,

the government announced on Monday that they would be fixing the nation's potholes, presumably with a coalition of the filling. I'm staggered that that got that reaction, I'll be honest. Now of course, Labour have been whole-obsessed since they took power. First, the noted son of a toolmaker wouldn't stop banging on about this. The 22 billion pound black hole. And now this week, with tools very much in mind, he's announced... The allocation of a record amount of money for filling in potholes. Which is... No, Keir. It's got nothing to do with witches.

LAUGHTER Unless, of course, you count the famous one at Wookie Hole. Carry on. LAUGHTER I hope really welcome news. Oh, it is, Keir. It is welcome news. Just like it was every other time you and your Prime Ministerial ilk have promised to sort them out.

It's very funny, isn't it? It does seem as if every time there's a bit of bad financial news or heaven-for-fend local elections just round the corner, the then leader pops up to talk about potholes. Here is Rishi Sunak. Mr Speaker, I'm proud that we've announced an additional £8 billion for roads resurfacing. That will mean fewer potholes.

Fewer potholes, brilliant, he promised. Just as David Cameron did. And what we need is the potholes mended. So the government stepped in with a 200 million pound fund, so they are going to get done. Great, great, you hear that everyone? They are going to get done. Not sure when, that clip was from 11 years ago.

LAUGHTER But it's not just prime ministers who prattle on about potholes around local election time, it's also people who want to be prime minister, but never will be. Isn't that right, Ed Davey? LAUGHTER 300 million so we can really deal with the potholes, which are such a menace. Oh, such a menace. Especially, especially when you're doing wheelies on a quad bike to try and win over

floating voters in Dig Cotton Wantage. Isn't that right Ed? Anyway, for some reason, Rachel Reeves, Keir Starmer chose this week to pledge £1.6 billion to help fix the pothole pandemic, and joining me now is The Naked Week's hopeless ploy to try to carry favour with the public correspondent, Anya Magliano! Anya, 1.6 billion does sound like a lot. It certainly does on the surface but of course you won't be surprised to learn that that surface, like Starmer's Pledge, is cracked, broken and full of... Holes? I was going to say shit. Oh. Clus-a-champs. Pardon my French. So he promised £1.6 billion this week,

including an extra £500 million of funding to councils who can prove they're tackling the issue via a checkable league table of holes. So it's kind of like Grindr but for tarmac. So repairing pothole league table. Let's call it Patch of the Day. I know, I know. And I'd like to remind you the tickets to this show were free.

But surely with this bounty of riches, the nation will soon be whole free, in less time than it takes to say, cynical attempt to distract the electorate? Yes, except that this week it was reported that the estimated budget needed to tackle the crisis would be somewhere in the region of 17 billion, and what Stama's actually offering is less than 10% of that. It's a bit like claiming you're really, really serious about tackling the pile of washing up by committing to rinsing a single teaspoon. By 2029.

Yeah, exactly. Well, that said, after Trump's 25% tariff announcement, potholes are now no longer the biggest wrecker of British cars. That's good news. But is the point that councils can't keep up? As soon as one is filled, another one opens. Yeah, exactly.

In fact, as I was speaking then, one has just opened up under the desk here. Really? Yeah, yeah, just there, look. Oh my god. Oh my goodness. OK, yeah yeah that certainly wasn't there when we started the show that is huge. How fortuitous that a pothole has opened up in a

piece we're doing on potholes we now have our very own Naked Week pothole. I'm going in. What? How do you know? You don't know what's down there. She's doing it. Anya has descended under the desk. Are you down there? Yeah, it's quite dark down here in the pothole. This is an exclusive live report now from inside one of the nation's newest potholes. Anya, what can you see? Now I'm down here, Andy, I'm not sure it actually is a pothole.

What I think the Naked Week has literally stumbled into is the hole where Labour buries bad news. Oh! What's in there? There's loads of old broken manifesto pledges, the fossilised remains of Labour's green investment policy, a rotting net with zero written on it, a forgotten compensation scheme for Waspie women. Do you think you'll be able to find your way out? Yeah, well, I've just found Rachel Reeves' moral compass down here,

so I know. LAUGHTER APPLAUSE Yeah, well, I've just found Rachel Reeves' moral compass down here, so I'm... LAUGHTER APPLAUSE I'm just going to give that a go. Oh, hang on, it's skewing to the right. LAUGHTER Anya Magliano there to make a big brand-new, brand-new pothole. Pothole Correspondent!

CHEERING We are about to make a brand new, brand new pothole, pothole correspondent. Woo! Applause Now, amid all the world's noise, it's time once again to invite your ears to go for a quiet stroll in the Naked Week's relaxing garden of current affairs contemplation. It's the news in haikus. Music in Haikus. Reeves' spring statement even brought cuts to Haikus. So this line won't... ...

The News in Haikus. Now, something else that you may have seen this week, a judge who sentenced two vandals for destroying a Paddington Bear statue in Newbury said this as reported by the BBC's South Today programme. He said the men's actions were the antithesis of everything Paddington stands for. Yeah. The antithesis of everything Paddington stands for. Quite right too.

Let's just remind ourselves of Paddington in action. Why do you have to come crashing in here like a natural disaster? Marmalade. Oh dear. Um... In all honesty, it sounds to me like the Vandals were inspired by Paddington. Oh dear. Um... BOOM! LAUGHTER APPLAUSE In all honesty, it sounds to me like the vandals were inspired by Paddington. LAUGHTER He is the real criminal here. Paddington Bear, the hairy Andrew Tate of residential vandalism.

LAUGHTER And he's an illegal immigrant. Plus, I think we all know what Mr Brown is code for, you duffel-coated smack dealer. Lock him up! LAUGHTER You're listening to The Naked Week, Mr. Brown is code for, you duffel-coated smack dealer. Lock him up! You're listening to The Naked Week, in the week when Keir Starmer told The New York Times that he likes and respects Donald Trump. And speaking of shamelessly lapping up your own sick, it's now time... ...for another look at some dogs, specifically the Westminster Watch variety, I'm joined

once again by Tortoise Media's political editor, Kat Neelan. Kat, we have been at this for four weeks now. Surely we are running out of orphaned little regulatory puppies. Actually, Andy, this week I want to tell you a story about parliamentary passes. Anyone who was an MP for six years or more can have one. So, just to clarify, even if the country has voted an MP out of Parliament, they can still get one of these cards and keep appearing on the premises. Yes, exactly. They are all about access. A parliamentary pass gives you access to the parliamentary estate, access to the people currently working there, and even access to

a range of succulent taxpayer-funded meals. Okay. So not only are we paying for current MPs' food, we are also paying for former parliamentarians. Yeah. Hypothetically, if, say, the former Tory Minister for Implausible Hair, Michael Fabricant, decided to park himself in a corner of the Commons dining room and spend an afternoon taking that hair off and mopping up gravy with it, we'd all be funding that. Wow. I mean, firstly, what a haunting tableau.

And secondly, there must be some strings attached to these passes. Are there any do's and don'ts? Some very unambiguous don'ts. Among other things, the House of Commons Code of Conduct states that... Former members may not use their privileged parliamentary passes for the purposes of lobbying on the parliamentary estate. Okay, so no running, no bombing, no heavy petting, absolutely no lobbying. Who enforces this code of conduct? Initially, it's the Parliamentary Commissioner for Standards. Okay, I knew it, a watchdog. There's always a watchdog.

Yeah, but the Parliamentary Commissioner for Standards is literally just one bloke. Okay, but there is this one bloke, he's there patrolling the corridors of Westminster in his dog costume. I don't think he's wearing an actual dog costume. Well, I don't think we know for sure he isn't, so let's assume he is. So his job is to sniff around parliament, ensuring everyone is keeping to the code of conduct. Something like that.

However, The Naked Week sent a Freedom of Information request to the House of Commons asking for a list of all former MPs who have used their parliamentary past since the last general election. We analyse this list and it turns out that at least 87 of those ex-MPs now work as, or for, consultants or lobbyists. 87! Just for context, that is the same number of times that Elon Musk has wished to be a real boy. Now presumably we're not saying that all the names on that list have been doing lobbying work in Parliament. Absolutely not. Although one in particular did leap out at us. Like a man in a dog costume? No, indeed. His name is Lawrence Robertson.

He's the former Conservative MP for Chicksbury and shortly after he lost his seat last July he set up his own company called Theoq Consultancy. Witches? No, it's nothing to do with witches. Instead, the website says... We connect you with key policy makers in Parliament, Whitehall and local government. We help you engage with the right decision makers at the right time to shape policy that impacts your business. So shaping policy that impacts

your business does sound a lot like lobbying. And it also boasts about... Offering direct access to key decision makers with the vision to influence policy. So Robertson certainly talks a good game. What else do we know about? He's a former trade envoy to Angola, Ethiopia and Zambia. So unsurprisingly his firm is specifically targeted at Africa-based clients. And that might explain why, when he was an MP, he asked a lot of questions like this. On my visits to Africa on trade missions, it's very clear that they really do want to do business with British companies.

Can we do everything we can to make British companies realise of the opportunities which exist in Africa? Okay, so this is an ex-Tory MP with a network of possible clients and a parliamentary pass we know he's used bragging about access to policymakers. But it's not exactly a smoking gun, is it? He may have just been going into parliament to have dinner with Michael Fabricant's hair. To be fair, there's no way of checking what anyone with a parliamentary pass actually does on the premises. Well then, case dismissed. Although we found social media posts from

a few months ago showing Lawrence Robertson on the parliamentary estate wearing his pass. Okay. And one of those posts include pictures of Robertson on the Commons terrace alongside Conservative leader, Kemmy Badenock, and Shadow Foreign Secretary, Dame Priti Patel. Okay, we have that picture on screen here. Now, not only had I forgotten that Pretty Patel is the shadow Foreign Secretary, I had also genuinely and happily forgotten Pretty Patel. So, thanks for that. But hang on, we still don't know that Lawrence Robertson was engaging

in lobbying at this event with Patel and Badenock. No, we don't. Great, case dismissed. Although... Okay, here we go. Robertson then reposted the picture of the three of them on his personal LinkedIn account with the following caption. I was pleased to meet Kemmy and Priti again

and to be able to talk about business in Africa. I'll be taking up this issue with them in the new year. Okay, granted, that might sound staggeringly similar to lobbying, but what if, and I appreciate this is a long shot, what if by business in Africa, he was actually talking about the song Africa by Toto? What do you think? I said it was a long shot,

but speaking of Toto, can we please get back to dogs? This Parliament... It all fits together. So, this Parliamentary Commissioner for Standards… Andy, for the last time, he doesn't dress up as a dog. We're going to have to agree to disagree on that. Either way, surely this is the kind of thing that might make his ears prick up. Here's the thing.

The Parliamentary Commissioner for Standards can't open an investigation into alleged lobbying until either someone complains about it directly to him, or he happens to spot something that he thinks needs investigating. Interesting. So, if he were to spot a story about a former MP with his own consultancy firm openly talking business in Parliament with current lawmakers, possibly in direct contravention of the Commons' Code of Conduct, and if that appeared on, say, Radio 4's flagship Friday night so-called comedy show, would he, should he then open an investigation? Well, here's what Susan Hawley, Executive Director of the campaign group

Spotlight on Corruption, told The Naked Week. It is crucial that there is proper scrutiny when former MPs with passes tout access to decision-makers as a way to win business. Given the questions raised, in this case, the Parliamentary Standards Commissioner should review carefully that the passes are not being misused. And does Lawrence Robertson himself have a perfectly innocent explanation for all this? Er, less of an explanation, more a blunt statement. When we put all of this to him this week He said I can confirm that since I left Parliament. I have carried out no lobbying of ministers MPs or officials It's the antithesis of everything

And here's a quick reminder of what he said about his recent meeting with two very senior conservative MPs I was pleased to meet Kemi and pretty again and to be able to talk about business in Africa And here's a quick reminder of what he said about his recent meeting with two very senior conservative MPs. I was pleased to meet Kemi in Pryty again and to be able to talk about business in Africa. It does sound like something that might tickle the tummy of the guy in the dog costume. Kat, this is genuinely a Naked Week exclusive, I believe. Where there are dogs, there are scoops. Kat Nealon, everybody! This is The Naked Week on Radio 4. And there's just time to have a quick listen to Donald Trump speaking at an event for Women's

History Month. We're going to have tremendous goodies in the bag for women. Okay, I mean the last time I saw someone offering women goodies from a bag was in an educational video about Stranger Danger. The women between the fertilization and all of the other things that we're talking about, it's going to be, it's going to be great. Yeah, these women are definitely in danger. Fertilization.

Prove it to the police. I'll be known as the fertilization president that that's how... We all know what fertilizer is full of, don't we? So if that makes sense. Witness the destruction of Earth, stumble upon the ancient planet of Magrathia, and dine at the restaurant at the end of the universe. Enjoy this dynamic remastering of the original BBC Radio 4 full cast serial, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

How would you react if I said that I'm not from Guildford after all, but from a small planet somewhere in the vicinity of Beetlejuice? I don't know. Why, do you think it's the sort of thing you're likely to say? Drink up, the world's about to end. Start listening to The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, primary phase, available to purchase wherever you get your audio books. Just another message in the US National Security neighborhood group chat.

Please can people stop parking their tanks on Russia-Ukraine border? It's becoming a rat run for local residents. If you do not have a parking permit, your tank should be in the clearly marked bays in Belarus. Oh, that's you, Anya. What have you got? Oh. Okay, it looks like a two-factor authentication code. XZ37A9B.

Oh, sorry, my mistake. Elon Musk has added one of his children to the group chat. Oh, and it now seems Donald Trump has joined the chat to say, I know nothing about this chat and I wasn't here. Fertilization, wink face, wink face, egg emoji. So, Wednesday this week was, of course, the Chancellor's spring statement. Straight after Prime Minister's questions, Rachel came out swinging, displaying all of her trademark dazzling rhetorical verve and panache. Mr Speaker, this Labour government was elected to provide security for working people. Prosperity for working people.

On the side of working people, and I will always put working people first. For working people. Working people. Working people. We wipe the slate clean. It was needed to wipe the slate clean. We have now wiped the slate clean. It was needed to wipe the slate clean. We have now wiped the slate clean. LAUGHTER Well, we now know about working people and wiping the slate clean.

And at least, I suppose, thank God the world isn't changing. In this changing world. A changing world. Changing world. The world is changing. In a changing world. A changing world. In a world that is changing.

There you go. A changing world in a world that is changing. LAUGHTER Words that mean absolutely nothing, no matter what order you put them in. Changing. There you go. A changing world in a world that is changing. Words that mean absolutely nothing, no matter what order you put them in. See also any Adrian Childs column in The Guardian. So, what was the end result of all this financial flourishing? In a nutshell, everyone got even more angry than they were already. The right claimed the Chancellor was paving the way for a tax hike and a raid on people's

ices. The left wailed about another slash to benefits and overseas aid, and everyone, left, right, economically conservative, free market liberal, or whatever the hell Ed Balls is this week, all of them pointed to the Office for Budget Responsibility revising expected growth for this year down and growth for future years up as definitive proof that they were right all along. Because if you so much as glance at the coverage, it turns out that the economy is both recovering and tanking at the same time.

It is Schrodinger's economy. And dead in Rachel Reeves's red box of fiscal prudence. In fact, Rachel Reeves felt so harassed by the coverage, she had to go to the Commons bar and ask for Angela. Very sadly for Rachel, they sent her Angela Reiner, which must have been disappointing. But in the avalanche of non-news surrounding the Chancellor's statement, there was one genuinely jaw-dropping story that got completely drowned out by the relentless Westminster squawking of lesser- pestens, tufted rigby's and greater crested kunzbergs. I'm joined by our dropped jaw correspondent, Anya Magliano. Anya, please reattach your

mandible and tell us what happened. Right, so this was a story that slipped out in the run up to the spring statement when everyone was trying to work out how on earth the Chancellor was going to get all government departments to reduce spending by up to 11%. And Education Secretary Bridget Phillipson's solution, which she suggested to the Treasury, according to The Times this week, was to axe universal free school meals for infants. Oh, just like that? Yep. Free meals for kids under seven was apparently deemed to be not sufficiently value for money.

Now there are plenty of things I wouldn't call value for money. The new Snow White film, train travel, tickets to this recording. They were free. Yeah and yet somehow still terrible value. But Philipson wasn't done there. To quote Treasury sources she also proposed cutting music and dance funding. I mean, yeah, people might object, but what are they going to do? Make a big song and dance about it! Now Reeves has denied it, but it's fair to say these proposals went down like drag queen story hour at this weekend's Reform rally. To sum up?

Andy, I listen to every word of the Spring Statement and all I know for certain is that I don't have any money. Thanks Anya. And I think you speak for us all. In fact, I just want to reassure listeners. If you listen to the Spring Statement and you think you sort of understood it, but really deep down you're just a scared child who's feeling frightened and overwhelmed by the news and a bit, ah, and truth be told, you don't really know what's going on at all, but you feel like you have to keep nodding

along and you're secretly terrified that somebody's going to rumble you any moment now. First of all, hello Chris Mason. Thank you for tuning in. But secondly, don't worry. We're going to make everything as clear as possible. Help is at hand. The Naked Week has been thinking about how to condense all of this into an easily digestible Parcel of information and given the news around proposed classroom cuts We've decided the best way to do this is in the form of a music lesson

So to help us and you please welcome music teacher Bethany Reeves So Bethany Bethany Reeves. Yes. So, Bethany, Bethany Reeves, Reeves, any relation? Thankfully not. Okay. So we need to simplify the other Reeves' spring statement and I believe you're going to help us. That's right. Despite what the Department for Education might or might not think, music is a really

effective way of both conveying information and training your brain. If you can link words to a simple, memorable melody, that information is much more likely to stay with you. So, we set you the Herculean task of listening to every single word that Rachel Reeve said into a microphone on Wednesday, and we're obviously very sorry about that. We know you may now be suffering from PTSD, Post Traumatic Spring Statement Disorder. We will set you up with a counsellor. Was there anything that stood out to you? She clearly had several key points she was keen to hammer home and hammer them she did.

Here's a very quick reminder. A changing world demands a government that is on the side of working people. We wipe the slate clean. Yes, changing and wiping. The economy is now a big baby. Yes, so what we're going to do is we're going to set these phrases to a simple children's tune, which everybody knows, and which, more importantly for this show's budget, is in the public domain. Oh, great. My favourite domain. And everyone here in the audience is going to sing.

Yay! I'm seeing quite a few apprehensive looks, but I promise you, you'll know the tune. It's London's Burning. Which it was last week, or at least the airport's electricity supply was. And here are the lyrics. We have the lyrics up on screen. I'm just going to talk them through for the people at home.

World is changing, world is changing. Working people, working people. Cuts, cuts, cuts, cuts. Wipe the slate clean, wipe the slate clean wipe the slate clean. Brilliant. Do we need accompaniment for this Bethany? We do and we've got the saddest sound in the known musical universe. The school recorder of course. The Naked Week wing section. The Naked Week wing section. Woo!

Thank you. Do feel free to join in wherever you are listening to this, whether you're at home, in the car, in the witness box. And if you can get a whole group of you singing it with the actions, please do film it and send it in to The One Show. We haven't asked them, we just want to annoy them. By the way, because this song is being broadcast on national radio, we have had to register it with PRS for Music, that's the Performing Rights Society, the organization which sorts out royalty payments for songwriters, and although

the composer of this ditty is unfortunately both anonymous and dead, don't forget lyricists also receive royalties. And our lyricist just happens to be current Chancellor of the Exchequer, Rachel Reeves, MP, who is now, thanks to the Naked Week, also a credited professional songwriter... and eligible to receive payment for performances of her work. We have genuinely done this. We have also informed her parliamentary office.

So hopefully in a few months time, her official register of interests will include an entry of roughly 50p for broadcast royalties brackets original lyrics radio for the naked week close brackets typical another MP with a second job right I think we're ready to go are we? All together ready? One, two World is changing, world is changing Working people, working people. Cops, cops, cops, cops.

Wipe the slate clean, wipe the slate clean. World is changing, world is changing. World is changing, world is changing. Cops, cops, cops, cops. Wipe the slate clean, wipe the slate clean. Wipe the slate clean, cut the slates clean, cut the slates clean, cut the slates clean, cut the slates clean, cut the slates clean, cut the slates clean, cut the slates clean, cut the slates clean, cut the slates clean, cut the slates clean, cut the slates clean, cut the slates clean, cut the slates clean, cut the slates clean, cut the slates clean, cut the slates clean, cut the slates clean, cut the slates clean, cut the slates clean, cut the slates clean, cut the slates clean, cut the slates clean, cut the slates clean, cut the slates clean, cut the slates clean, cut the slates clean, cut the slates clean, cut the slates clean, cut the slates clean, cut the slates clean, cut the slates clean, cut the slates clean, cut the slates clean, cut the slates clean, cut the slates clean, cut the slates clean, cut the slates clean, cut the slates clean, cut the slates clean, cut the slates clean, cut the slates clean, cut the slates clean, cut the slates clean, cut the slates clean, cut the slates clean, cut the slates clean, cut the slates clean, cut the slates clean, cut the slates clean, cut the slates clean, cut the slates clean, cut the slates clean, cut the slates clean, cut the slates clean, cut the slates clean, cut the slates clean, cut the slates clean, cut the slates clean, cut the slates clean, cut the slates clean, cut the slates clean, cut the slates clean, cut the slates clean, cut the slates clean, cut the slates clean, cut the slates clean, cut the slates clean, cut the slates clean, cut the slates clean, cut the slateser, Sarah Dempster and Jason Haisley with Investigations team Kat Neelan, Louis Mian, Matt Brown and Freya Shaw. Additional material by Carl Minns, Ali Panting, Helen Brooks, Cooper Moueni-Swert, Phoebe Butler and Kevin Smith. The Naked Week is produced and directed by John Holmes. It's an unusual production for BBC Radio 4. Hello, I'm Robin Ince. And I'm Brian Cox and we would like to tell you about the new series of The Infinite Monkey

Coach. In this series we're going to have a planet off. We decided it was time to go cosmic so we are going to do Jupiter vs. Sefton. Well that's very well done that because in the script it does say in square brackets wrestling voice question mark. And once we touch back down on this planet we're going to go deep. Really deep. Yes we're journeying to the centre of the earth with guests Phil Wang, Chris Jackson and Anna Ferreira. And after all of that intense

heat and pressure we're just going to kind of chill out a bit and talk about ice. And also in this series we're discussing altruism. We'll find out what it is. Exploring the history of music, recording with Brian Eno and looking at nature's shapes. So if that sounds like your kind of thing, you can listen to the Infinite Monkey Cage first on BBC Sounds. Enjoy this BBC dramatised tale of Middle Earth, Tolkien's epic The Lord of the Rings. This classic radio production boasts an outstanding cast with Ian Holm, Michael Horden, Robert

Stevens and Bill Nye. Where is Baggins? What's Mr Baggins' business to do with you? A friend of his is looking for him. Start listening to The Lord of the Rings, The Fellowship of the Ring, a full cast BBC radio dramatisation, available to purchase wherever you get your audiobooks.