Friday Night Comedy from BBC Radio 4 - The Naked Week: Ep6. Swearing, Steeplechase, and Strikes.

Episode Date: April 17, 2026

Following Trump's tirade, The Naked Week team bleep the hell out of the bleeping news, swear at a steeplechase, and stage a walk out.From The Skewer’s Jon Holmes and host Andrew Hunter Murray comes The Naked Week; a fresh way of dressing the week’s news in the altogether and parading it around for everyone to laugh at.With award-winning writers and a crack team of contemporary satirists - and recorded in front of a live audience - The Naked Week delivers a topical news-nude straight to your ears.Written by: Jon Holmes Katie Sayer Gareth Ceredig James Kettle Jason HazeleyAdditional Material: Karl Minns Jane Fae Molly Punshon Darren Phillips Kevin SmithInvestigation team: Cat Neilan Becky PinningtonGuest Correspondent: Katie NorrisProduction Team: Tony Churnside, Jerry Peal, David Riffkin.Production Coordinator: Molly Punshon Assistant Producer: Katie Sayer Executive Producer: Philip AbramsProduced and Directed by Jon HolmesAn unusual production for BBC Radio 4

This BBC podcast is supported by ads outside the UK. Dive into the bonkers world of David Mitchell and Robert Webb and listen to their BBC comedy show. From nonsensical maths quiz number wang to finding out what James Bond is really like as a party guest. There's something for everyone. Hello, MOTT AAT. Yes, that's right. This is the Ministry of Things that are apparently true. Yes, we do exist. The rumours are true, ironically.

Start listening to that Mitchell and Web sound. the complete series one to five wherever you get your audio books to the naked week imagine p.m with Evan Davis if it carried on bombing the world at one even after a ceasefire this week we're coming to you from Cambridge very much the Oxford of the East still to come on the Naked Week Nigel Farage takes irony to frightening new heights I think if we start banning people from entering the country I worry where that has Where it ends up, Nigel, is with Alanis Morissette exploding. Donald Trump sails through yet another medical with his doctors saying he...

Has matted fur, overgrown nails and multiple rotted teeth, but is otherwise in excellent health. Also, what you'll see on Lee Anderson's Tinder profile. And Lord Michael Gove chooses his new bedroom wallpaper, Shabana Mahmood, images. You think that's bad? Wait until you hear what he uses as paste. What a week. But at least we now know the answer to the question. Who are the luckiest four people in the world?

And to all of you down there on Earth. Not because they've seen sites no human has ever seen, not even because they came safely back into contact with Earth, but because for 40 glorious minutes at the weekend, they did not have to listen to this. Happy Easter. We had a great Easter. Please come from.

God was watching us. Well, men, gays. They just don't want to say, uncle. How about gays for a rand? This is about eggs. Tough, smart, and sick. Really sick, ideal. Eggs.

You know what hit this one is a shoulder... Eggs. Hand-held shoulder missile. What am I going to do about eggs? Let's go, come on. Get in. Let's go, po. Tell me what's wrong with eggs. Honestly, it's like an ape throwing magnetic fridge poetry at a bin.

But... This was Ceasefire Week. Yay! Terms and conditions apply. This week, we've seen threats to civilians. We've seen threats to infrastructure. Threats that a whole civilization will die tonight. And it all started on Sunday with Trump's Easter message of hope

that he posted on Truth Social... Open the straight, you crazy bastards, or you'll be living in hell. Just watch, praise be to Allah. That was CNN. Reading out the president's potty mouth post. It simply had to be heard to be believed. I say it had to be heard to be believed.

You can't actually hear it, at least not on this program, because we are now living in a world where the president of the United States of America issues an official public statement too obscene to be broadcast on Radio 4 at 6.30 p.m. The slot that once played host to, quote, unquote, is unable to broadcast the utterances of the, quote, unquote, leader of the free world.

For clarity, CNN there, read out the word in full. That bleep is ours because of the rules. But at the BBC, swearing is not just a 6.30 radio four problem. Here is how BBC TV news covered it. Open the... And that's where the president uses an expletive straight. You crazy bastards, all you'll be living in hell.

Just watch. Praise be to our President Donald, Jay, Trump. So, no F word, but we can have a bastard. Praise B to off-com. We can have a bastard. the same criteria they use when selecting a new director general. But in case you missed it, the forbidden word is the F word because it seems we now have an American president

setting a new American precedent as he ordered his tiny bruised hands to drop an F bomb on the world via social media. But of course, we cannot have that falling on us at 6.30pm. And neither can we at midnight, it seems. The midnight bulletin on Radio 4 told its audience Trump had used... Highly offensive language. Which it then proceeded to bleep out anyway...

Open the f*** straight, you crazy bastards, or you'll be living in hell. It's some gentler in an English accent, doesn't it? I'm just saying. Nauty word covered up because of the BBC's strict policy on cover-ups. Sorry, I mean... Sorry, I mean on naughty words. If recent history has taught us anything,

it's that the BBC has no policy on cover-ups. As you're probably aware, off-com has incredibly strict rules around broadcasting profanity. It all depends. on audience expectation. So, for example, on Radio 4's spooky ghost-investigating uncanny, Danny Robbins can say... Bloody hell can.

And yet I can't say, stop exploiting the mentally ill, Danny Robbins, you... For its part, the Today program, being at breakfast time, was even more elusive, referring to Trump's rhetoric as... An expletive-laden tirade. Which is also how Emma Barnett greets Nick Robinson every morning. But in fact, the president's language left news organizations worldwide unsure how to report the story. Should they cover the president's words accurately and potentially cause offense,

or censor them and risk minimizing the impact of an unprecedented political development? Some broadcasters like the BBC bleeped the word. Some newspapers replaced it with asterisks. So thank heavens for the fearless truth tellers of G.B. News, whose love of free speech means they would never bow to the censors. Open the ifhing straight, you crazy dot dot dot. Oh, they bowed to the censors. But it was a Sunday and that of course is free speech is traditional day of rest.

Now as I say, we cannot say the word without bleeping it, but one of the limitations of the bleep method is that, as we heard on the midnight news, if the first letter of the word is left in, the listener knows very well what's being bleep, which sort of undermines the point of the bleep in the first. first place. Or does it? Smut after all is in the ear of the beholder and to show you what we mean the naked week has teamed up with the bleeps to show you just how easy it is for your mind to find naughty words where there are none. So if I tell you, I'm going to say, and I am

going to say, five cold sheep and then we broadcast, f***, we've immediately broken off-com rules on depiction of animal welfare. But you didn't think. think five cold sheep, did you? No, your mind went to... Fibre c***... I am genuinely saying five cold cheap in those clips. We haven't tricked that up.

Wash your filthy minds out with soap. Now, to be honest, it's all very complicated and really is hard to understand exactly what the rules are. So to explain, please welcome the Naked Weeks. It's hard to understand exactly what the rules are, correspondent. Katie Norris!

Hello, Katie. Yes, that is a reasonable greeting. You can say that. Thank you. So, we can't repeat in full what Donald Trump said on this program because it could mean the very end of Radio 4 itself, roughly eight months ahead of schedule.

Yep. Exactly right. You can't put language like that in a radio comedy show, Andy. The only way you get what Donald Trump said in a show like this would be if you waited 50 years, stuck it out on four extra, and claimed it was a product of its time. But there are comedy shows that go out at 11 p.m.

And I've heard quite spicy language in those. Yeah, you kind of have to remember it's all about context. Right, so the context in which the words appear. The context of them. What does that mean? Well, basically, the BBC is more relaxed about rude words going at a time when they're confident next to no one is listening. Yes, I understand that.

Whereas this show is on at 6.30, and then, of course, there's a lunchtime repeat. Exactly. You know, you can't have language like that at lunchtime. When people might be listening together as a family, gathered together in a sullen silence. You know, wondering when that really nice impressions show might be coming back. Mm-hmm. Okay.

Confusingly, though, there are exceptions. In terms of news coverage? In terms of comedy. Listen to this clip from Radio 4's Jonathan Pye. Can't we just tell the truth for once? It's f***ed. And now the weather. That's Jonathan Pye, broadcast on Radio 4 at 6.30.

But here's the thing. The Naked Week had to bleep it, but the original went out unbleeped. We're going to blow this thing wide open. So hang on. Surely, if you can have a fictional character saying F-words as part of a fictional script in a 630 show, you can have a clip of the actual words

of the actual president of the United States in the same time slot. And let's be clear, if there's one person in the world who seems increasingly like a fictional character, is Donald Trump. Yes, but once again, you have to consider the context. The context of the whole thing,

the way it appears in context. And the context here is... No one wants to have to go on feedback again. No. Of course. So just to recap, the BBC won't let us play you news footage directly quoting the President of the United States of America, dropping an F-bomb

at 630, but will play you an actor quoting a fictional character dropping an F-bomb at 630, but won't let the Naked Week play you exactly the same F-bomb at 630, which you already heard at 630. As you know, the Naked Week likes to help, so we ask the BBC

to explain this apparent contradiction and they told us to fuck. Fair enough. This is The Naked Week on Radio 4, where it's time once again to let the soothing stream of syllables bathe us in the waters of world events as we relax once more

in the restful garden of current affairs contemplation. It's the news in high coos. Wireless festival. Abandon all hope, yay, who, will not enter here. The news in haikus.

Dive into the bonkers world of David Mitchell and Robert Webb and listen to their BBC comedy show. From nonsensical maths quiz number wang to finding out what James Bond is really like as a party guest. There's something for everyone. Hello, MOTT AAT. Yes, that's right. This is the Ministry of Things that are apparently true. Yes, we do exist.

The rumours are true, ironically. Start listening to that Mitchell and Webb sound, the complete series 1 to 5, wherever you get your audiobooks. This is The Naked Week on Radio 4. in the week that civilization has had a stay of execution from being annihilated. But until that happy event comes, we, at the Naked Week, want to cheer everyone up by encouraging the British people to carry on doing what they do best. Gambling!

Time then for our tips for Saturday's Grand National. First off, never wear a notched lapel with a formal tailcoat. We've also got some tips on the horses as well. So grab a pen and paper and then throw them in the bin. because these will not help. To assist me with my shrewdly surveyed equestrian recommendations, here's our assisting me with my shrewdly surveyed equestrian recommendations correspondent, Katie Norris. What favourite is utility bills.

I've been talking to a lot of people up and down the country, and it seems all the money is going on utility bills. Mine is, mine is. I'd like to put in a word for an outsider, Ukraine conflict. Lots of chat about Ukraine conflict earlier in the year. Seems to have tailed off of late. Yeah, to be fair, the going was heavy. I do like the look of North Sea bullshit.

Yes. Yes, North Sea bullshit, ridden hard by the Daily Telegraph. But there are doubts that it will produce anything on the day. What about the 5 to 1 on racist counsellor? Well, obviously there's been a recent transfer of ownership. Racist counsellor used to belong to the Conservatives,

but it's now part of the Nigel Farage stable. Yeah, I believe he's carrying a few extra pounds. Cryptocurrency, but yes. Now, 11 to 2, we have supermarket shoplifter. There's a real pay. on offer here. Yes, what we found time and time again this year is that once supermarket shoplifter takes off, there is no catching them. There's a lot of chatter about Zach Polanski's horse. Net zero or bust? Oh, sorry, no, no, no. That's a typo, sorry, it's net zero or busty.

Ah. Finally, a party offering vote is a real choice. At 5 to 1, we have Gary Linnaker's, the rest is horses. At 25 to 1, Michael Goves' Shabana fixation. Yes, that one needs gelding. At 16 to 1, Melania's Epstein rumours. She's desperate for that one to be put down. You're listening to The Naked Week. In the week when Stella Creasy was criticised for attending a silent disco over the bank holiday weekend. And speaking of millennial cringe,

it's time to welcome the girl boss to my finger moustache. It's the Observer Whitehall editor and the Naked Week's chief investigative reporter, Kat Neelan. Kat, how have you enjoyed this series? It's been fun. We've cloned number plates, remixed the three, theme tune for Homes Under the Hammer with a trumpet

and annoyed all sorts of people for all sorts of reasons. Yes, that is the main and arguably the only point of Radio 4. So, it's the last episode of the series. What's our grand finale? We're taking a look at one of the very worst scandals from the last hundred years. Witches? No, it's nothing to do with witches.

That's one of the worst scandals of the last 400 years. Yay! Okay. Instead, this week, it's a genuinely distressing topic, forced adoption. Okay, Britain does seem to have a limitless supply of terrible things. Why are we looking at forced adoption? Because last month, a Common Select Committee report brought the issue back into the spotlight, and the Naked Week wanted to examine its still underreported legacy.

All right. In a nutshell, then, what is forced adoption? Across the UK, between 1949 and 1976, an estimated 185,000 newborn babies were taken from young, unmarried mothers by various institutions, including the NHS and the Church of England, simply because of the stigma of birth outside marriage. Okay, it is an extremely grim story, and unsurprisingly, the survivors want an apology? Correct. And this week, the Church of England announced it would do exactly that,

while the Commons report on forced adoption said, An apology is needed with great urgency. A programme of fully funded support must now happen without delay so that survivors can get on with their lives. The government must act now. Okay, that really couldn't be clearer. The government must act now. So did Kirstama act now?

Did he apologise with great urgency? Well, see what you think. Yeah, my instinct is we do. There's a strong case for it. I just want to make sure we go through the process in the right way, make sure that we're aligning it with those most affected. Kirstama there, at his most urgent. Kat, just to be clear, the Welsh and Scottish governments

and the Northern Ireland executive have already apologised for the practice of forced adoption, haven't they? Yes, they issued four. formal apologies several years ago, it's just Westminster we're waiting for. Well, they are on their Easter holidays. I'm sure they will get right on it. But there's another aspect of this scandal that's less well known. The Naked Week has been speaking to mothers affected by forced adoption who were given the synthetic hormone diathol-stilbestol, or DES.

It was taken by pregnant women to prevent miscarriages, but it was also given to women forced to give up their children because it would dry up their breast milk. Right. And I am assuming that this drug is problematic. Problematic doesn't even come close, Andy. DES was linked to care. cancer as far back as the 1930s. In 1959, it was the subject of a debate in the House of Lords. About whether it was safe for women? About the risk it posed to farm workers when it was an

ingredient in animal feed. It was subsequently banned from being given to chickens. There we go. So in 1959, this drug was deemed unsafe for animals, unsafe for men working with animals. But still OK for women, apparently. In fact, in Britain, DES was being used on pregnant women and those who were forced to give up their babies well into the 1980s, by which point it was firmly associated with several rare types of cancer. Campaigners estimate that as many as 300,000 women were exposed to it, a figure the government has never challenged. 300,000. And some of these women are only learning now that they may have been given DES, which even back then was known to affect the development of embryos causing birth defects.

The technical name for this is Terratogen. Okay, and a more well-known teratogen would be... Thalidamide. Hence why this has been called the hidden thalidomide scandal. The devastating effects of DES on children exposed to it in the womb are comparable to those of thalidomide and have been well documented. But one area that hasn't is DES's possible impact on those mothers' later children who weren't exposed in the womb. So children whose mothers were given DES for previous pregnancies? Exactly. The Naked Week has spoken to a number of these mothers and a common thread was how little they'd been told about the drug, partly as a result of how little research there is on its

wider effects. We heard from one woman who was given DES and forced to give up her newborn daughter who had another daughter seven years later. The daughter who, to be clear, wasn't exposed to DES in the womb, was born with a type of congenital abnormality of the uterus that significantly increased her risk of miscarriages as an adult. And how unusual is this specific abnormality? Roughly 1% of women are born with it. Okay, so we are not saying her abnormal uterus was necessarily a result of her mother taking DES during a previous pregnancy. No, the two things could be totally unrelated, but it's worth pointing out that the official UK guidance for drug safety list possible side effects of DES as including...

Reduced fertility and urogenital abnormalities in female offspring. Another woman we spoke to who was given DES for her first for forcibly adopted child went on to have both male and female children who were born with other conditions on the same list of possible side effects. And which, again, could be entirely unrelated to DES. Correct. But the point is the lack of information in this area causes endless uncertainty and worry for DES affected families. However, there has been a major study of DES conducted by the US National Cancer Institute. And what does this study show? Well, perhaps the most

significant aspect is that it goes one generation further. DES exposed granddaughters may have an elevated risk for infertility. So that's three generations who could be affected by this drug? Potentially, yes. And of course, all the secrecy and shame around forced adoption means it's even harder to know who's been exposed to this stuff. Another reason why this area desperately needs more study in this country. The campaign group, DES Justice UK, has called for proper screening and treatment pathways for all children who may have been exposed.

Responding to coverage by ITV last year, Health Secretary Westreting did apologise for the use of DES on pregnant women. Okay, but did he specifically mention the role of DES enforced adoptions? He did not. But the wider message is, hopefully, starting to get through. GPs have been told they should encourage women

who know or suspect they were exposed to DES to get specialist cancer the screenings. Well, that advice is genuinely helpful. But as we do say on this show, the Naked Week likes to help. And we'd like to help Keir Stama, speed-free Gonzalez himself. So, that bit you are allowed to laugh at it. It's okay. So let's check back in to see how he's getting on with that extremely urgent formal apology for the government's role in forced adoption. Even the Church of England has managed this. How about you, Keir? Yeah, my instinct is we do, there's a strong case for it. Sorry seems to be the high.

hardest word. Kat Neeland, everybody. Still to come, after a weekend feasting on roast lamb and chocolate eggs, President Trump has a warning for his staff. You want to be as far away as you can? One load out. One load out. One load out. Operation Easter Fury continues. And speaking of which, this year's Easter bonnet parade organizers regret asking G.B News's Neil Oliver to be a judge. Everyone with a rosette is a declared friend of the Israel that's committing genocide in Gaza. Oh. Well, on the plus side, he has just been announced as Kanye's support act. And finally, Kirstama went to the Middle East with the Naked Week's blessing.

Well, we've just reached this ceasefire, which is... Audience? It's nothing to do with witches. You're listening to the Naked Week. on Radio 4, where it's now time for the BBC's security correspondent to tackle all your horticultural questions in Frank Gardner's question time. My ten-foot Mahonia, which is very handsome, but it lacks lower branches below. What's the best way to encourage new growth there? If you're not doing very well, you perhaps use tactical nuclear weapons. And the BBC's security correspondent Frank Gardner will be back to answer all your horticultural questions at the

same time next week, live from Benjamin Netanyahu's window box. So, this week saw the beginning of a six-day resident doctors strike, meaning that if you're currently in need of a colonoscopy, now is the time to find a neighbour with a length of buttered garden hose and a can-do attitude. On Tuesday, resident doctors in the NHS began their 15th walkout in just three years. Mind you, my first fringe show had 15 walkouts in just the first three minutes, so I would say the doctors are doing pretty well.

Resident doctors are what we used to call junior doctors, but their title has had a bit of a glow-up, exactly how Sir Kier Starma has gone from being leader of the Labour Party to Captain of the Titanic with a simple reprint of the business cards. For his part, Health Secretary Wes Streeting told the BBC, nurses and midwives are paid far less than doctors and some never earn as much as a resident doctor

at any point in their career. Not sure that's quite the killer point you think it is, Wes. Yes, I know you want me to stop punching you in the face, but those people are also being beaten up. Thank me later. Although just last week, MPs actually got a 5% pay rise taking their basic annual salary to over £98,000, which means that whenever a resident doctor looks at their pay slip,

they'll be reminded they are worth significantly less than Chris Phelp. How far anyone to recover from that? So why are the doctors striking? Well, one complaint is feeling underpaid and underappreciated, but the strike isn't just about pay restoration, It's also about training and placement opportunities for graduates. Put simply, there aren't enough placements for all our resident doctors, and many are training for years for jobs that don't really exist.

Like pretty much everyone under the age of about 23. Now, the Naked Week likes to help, which is why we're going to give both sides all the tools they need to bring things to a satisfying conclusion. In the moment, we'll talk to the Naked Weeks giving both sides all the tools they need to bring things to a satisfying conclusion correspondent, Katie Norris. but first Hold on, hold on

I just want to... I'm sorry Katie you're not on yet you come in on the next page No I've got something to say Now No I mean Look at the script

Page 25 Insert name of sidekick Enteres Pretend to know Pretend to no name That's you see No I've had enough Clearly these talks are going nowhere

I'm going on strike You're not going to read the script No not for the duration of my stoppage Is there any wrong room for negotiation? No, I don't think so. Well, this is very short notice. I mean, if we'd known you were going on strike, as we're in Cambridge, we could have got one of the footlights lot to step in. They will, they will in the long run take all of our jobs anyway.

I shall not be moved. I don't understand this. What are you striking over? Same as the doctors. Underappreciated, underpaid, and being trained for jobs that don't exist. Tick, tick, tick. But your job exists. Yeah, for one episode of the naked week. What am I going to do next week? It's back to the news quiz next week. I don't think Andy Zaltzman has a sidekick. After his last one and got all successful, he had him killed and buried at lords at deep square leg.

I'm with the resident doctors. We do vital work and we're being forced to operate in degrading conditions. Some of the correspondent titles you've given me tonight, I actually think they might be made up. That is not true. That is not true. The position of giving both sides all the tools they need to bring things to a satisfying conclusion

correspondent exists in all decent media groups. And Sky! No, I'm going on. What are your demands? That the BBC creates sufficient training posts that I can continue as a sidekick for Friday night comedy indefinitely!

Hold your horses, kid. Come on! Please! Hold your horses! Hey! You also made me do that thing about horses! We didn't make you do. But you can't have a full-time job at the BBC. You haven't acquired anywhere near enough allegations of sexual misconduct.

Then I'm staging a walkout. Well, look, no, hold on. Can we negotiate? Please... Okay, well, look, if you're not going to read your own life, I suppose I, your more senior colleague, will have to fill in, okay? But just so you know, I charge 313 quid an hour. If you read my lines, you're crossing the picket. Casey, please stop being so mordland.

Or, as we're in Cambridge, Magdalene. Someone has to read your lines. We've got another 10 pages about Rishi Sunak's skiing accident. Not doing it! All right. I say, Andy, have you heard the awful news about Rishie Sunax skiing accident? No, Katie, I actually hadn't. Is our esteemed former PM quite alright?

Oh, yes, he is, Andy. He's on the mend and was pictured. beaming on crutches in The Times on Wednesday. Well, thank you, Katie. I'm relieved. I'm sorry, this is not working. This is not working. Oh, my God. Got to go.

Hold on. Hold on. Please. The Naked Week has got to go. Just a second. Just a second. Just a second. Come on. What do we want? Katie, I have to read the credits. It's in my contract.

Yeah, fine. Go on then. Close the fucking show, you crazy. The Naked Week was hosted by me, Andrew Hunter Murray, with guest correspondent, Katie Norris. It was written by John Holmes. Katie Sayer, Gareth Carrick, Jason Hazley and James Cattle, with Investigations Team Cattney and Becky Pinnington.

Additional material by Carl Minns, Kevin Smith, Molly Punch and James Bay, Darren Phillips, and David Rifkin. The Naked Week is produced and directed by John Holmes, and it's an unusual production for BBC Radio 4! Dive into the bonkers world of David Mitchell and Robert Webb and listen to their BBC comedy show. From nonsensical maths quiz number wang to finding out what James Bond is really like as a party guest, there's something for everyone. Hello, MOTT-A-T-A-T. Yes, that's right. This is the Ministry of Things that are apparently true. Yes, we do exist. The rumours are true, ironically.

Start listening to that Mitchell and Webb sound, the complete series 1 to 5, wherever you get your audiobooks.