Friday Night Comedy from BBC Radio 4 - The News Quiz: Ep 6. Cleverly Timed Exits

Episode Date: October 18, 2024

This week on The News Quiz the panel unpack Sue Gray's cabinet exit, the arrival of man (and possible Irish Law firm) Morgan McSweeney and James Cleverly pipped at the post.Written by Geoff NorcottWith additional material by: Cody Dahler, James Farmer, Tom Mayhew and Christina Riggs. Producer: Rajiv Karia Executive Producer: Pete Strauss Production Coordinator: Jodie Charman Sound Editor: Marc WillcoxA BBC Studios Audio Production for Radio 4 An Eco-Audio certified Production

This is the BBC. This podcast is supported by advertising outside the UK. I'm Sumi Somosgandar from the Global Story Podcast, where we're asking how the US election could impact the war in Ukraine. With Kamala Harris and Donald Trump neck and neck in the polls, President Zelensky's campaign to ensure crucial funds don't run out is increasingly uncertain. So will the result in November change his nation's fate?

The Global Story brings you unique perspectives from BBC journalists around the world. Find us wherever you get your podcasts. BBC Sounds, music, radio, podcasts. Do not adjust your radio sets. Andy Zultzman has not transitioned into a plumber from Luton. I'm Geoff Norcott and I'm filling in for Andy this week. So expect fewer cricket references.

However, the quickfire round will be an entire leg of darts. This is the news quiz. Hello and welcome to this week's news quiz. Since Andy Zultman announced I'd be deputizing at the end of last week's show I've had the usual questions. Jeff at the BBC only using you for diversity reasons and the answer is like yeah obviously clearly I am the first self-evidently working class person to host a news quiz. So the downside with this accent is quite a few listeners might think they've accidentally tuned in to talk sport. That's always a good

thing for us. But continuing the working class theme, I'd like to welcome tonight's teams. On my left is team Garden Furniture, Ahir Shah and Anushka Asthana. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE And on my right, facing off against team garden furniture, is team furniture in the garden. Please welcome Andrew Maxwell and Athena Koblenu. APPLAUSE OK, our first question this week will be posed by regular host Andy Zoltzman, taking time out from his role as the analyst on Test Match Special.

Actually, he's calling in now from Pakistan. Andy, can you hear me? Hi, Jeff. You're doing a great job so far. And I have a question to put to the panel. Coming in after their opponents were in for ages, whose innings has not started too well? There you go. May the cricket be with you. Lots of love from Andy. LAUGHTER I guess what he's saying is, is there a team that have come here and out of the blocks

in recent times? You? Is it you? Yeah, it is actually, no it's not, it's actually Labour Party. In the week that Keir Starmer's Chief of Staff was unceremoniously dumped, we're going to talk tumultuous times at number 10. But can I first acknowledge that when it comes to chaos, the Tories will always be the greatest of all time, all right? The goats, if you will. However, Labour have started as though they really want to give them a run for their money. Indeed, they're

approaching what literally nobody apart from me is calling 14 weeks of chaos. I just like that you said, like, Labour have started. And I like the implication that they've started. It really feels as though, like, Stammer at the moment is like, right, so that was a practice go. Now this is the real one. All right, I'm starting now. Anushka, give us an objective, impartial, newsy view on this.

How's it gone? Very badly. Like there's loads of local council by-elections happening all the time. There's been dozens of them already and they have lost significantly more than Tony Blair lost in 1997. And Keir Starmer's personal ratings are just below Rishi Sunak's. Rishi has stayed low and Keir has come down to Rishi's level. Can I ask, how much of it is to do with Keir's voice? Because there's something about the way he talks, it's just slightly acrobatic. A lot of the words don't quite make it out of his mouth.

He sounds like a sort of decaffeinated tea bag that's been brought to life in a Pixar film. Do you know when someone says, oh, you've got to watch this show on Netflix. It's so good. It's the best show ever. It's amazing. And after six episodes, you're like, when is something going to happen? Do you know what I mean? It's not even chaotic. It's just dull. What's the chaotic thing? Oh, someone left their job to another job. Well, look, we will start with this. I'm going to ask team Garden Furniture, who was shown the door this week,

despite being so new in the job, they haven't yet worked out where the door is? Well, this was, I believe, Sue Gray. And that's basically all I know about that, because there is absolutely no way to make anything about the word Sue Gray interesting. It is the most boring first name and the most boring second name. And I think that that's brilliant.

If you're trying to operate below the radar, that's exactly the sort of name that you should have, right? Because if she was called, like, Fantasia Turquoise, I'd be like, oh, my God, I need to know everything about... It's like, Fantasia Turquoise earns more than the Prime Minister. She should. She's fabulous. Yeah, last Sunday, after rising speculation about her future, Keir Starmer's chief of staff, Sue Gray, was, depending on who you listened to, sacked, demoted, moved sideways or shot dead.

So, panel, I really want to talk serious politics here. No, not fair enough, but Sue Gray is boring. Yeah. But she's a very specific type of boring. She looks like she's no stranger to a bit of Kendall mint cake. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? She looks like she'd go on a bit of hill walking around the Malverns. Yeah.

I want to really get seriously political on this show, and I think that the big issue arising from this is, is Sue Gray now the most famous Sue of all time? Ooh! That big shout? No, no, no, no, nobody will ever beat Sue Panda. Sue the Panda. Sue the Panda.

Sue the Panda sounds like something on the to-do list of a lawyer who's lost his mind. LAUGHTER I mean, Sue Gray is probably the most famous civil servant that there's ever been. I feel sorry for her, because civil servants never get sacked for anything, do they? You know what I mean?

Like, you could give the nuclear coast to Russia and throw Biden's Zimmer frame down the stairs, and they go, all right, written warning, OK okay this is a last chance I mean especially now with the new employment rights well which we will come on to I mean she's also become an envoy for the regions what does it mean as a role I mean it means she's not chief of staff in Downing Street and it was Kirstama's decision that she would not be chief of staff in Downing Street anymore, although obviously she's tried to go as graciously as possible.

Can I tell you a little endearing thing about Sue Gray? Is it that her real name is Fantasia Turquoise? So you know she was in charge of the Partygate inquiry, and there was a story in the papers at the time that just at the end of this inquiry, somebody came up to the cabinet office wheeling up loads and loads of booze. And everyone was like, oh my God, what's this? Who's ordered alcohol? You know, this is the height of the party gay allegations.

And they find out that it was Sue Gray. And it turned out she was having a party for the weekend. It was like Jubilee weekend or something. And how had she got the addresses mixed up? And this is what I found out, which I think is very endearing. It turns out that Sue Gray, however senior she was, was in charge of ordering the cat food for the two cats that lived in the Cabinet Office. That is the most Sue Gray thing that's ever happened. She's out-Sue Grayed herself. It also explains why she got paid more than a Prime Minister. Because she had to deal with the cats.

Extra responsibility. LAUGHTER Not keen on them, but I'll tell you what, what you want is a mongoose. That's what you want. LAUGHTER Ultimately, Sue Gray was a victim of briefing, right? Now, it seems sneaky, but, panel, wouldn't we all love to brief against a colleague if we had the chance? I mean, is there any story?

What do you mean if? That's all that happens backstage at a gig. You don't know us comedians, we're pure poison as human beings. All we do is slag off the other comedian who hasn't got to the gig on time and then they walk in and we're like hey you got that TV thing the thing about briefing is that yeah like in comedy you've got to do whatever you can to get ahead I've increasingly been putting it about the Ramesh and Nisha secretly white the evidence is there Ramesh's middle name is Jonathan yeah and I saw his playlist on Spotify all Taylor Swift. And, Anushka, obviously there is this thing, briefing.

Now, there's a lot of young, spad special advisers in Westminster. Do they ever get drunk and, like, late at night and in the morning, oh my God, I can't believe who I briefed last night? Because they're still briefing about Sue Gray now. Like, she's been demoted, but that's not enough. I mean, yeah, I mean, to be fair on the Sue Gray stuff, the briefing, I actually started ranting about it on social media the other day, that it was all the boys' club who were briefing against her.

I mean, I had mainly women briefing against her. So I do think it was kind of more mixed, if you like. What I don't think you can blame her for at all is loads of the things that have gone wrong. You can't blame her for winter fuel payments that came from the Treasury. You can't really blame her for the political messaging. I mean Morgan McSweeney, who's replaced her, was in charge of political messaging before that already. But they should have got the public angry with pensioners first, that's how I'd have done it. Look at these lot, all the cod in the North Sea, you know what I mean? Bought their council house for seven quid,

you know what I mean? Well they did the the Tories' ad about it, like, oh, look at these poor pensioners. And the first pensioner was wearing a solid cold Rolex. LAUGHTER What didn't you find? You can't burn Rolexes, my friend. LAUGHTER There was, like, people's contracts weren't signed, people were offered too low pay,

like, much lower than their Conservative predecessors. Like, all the political political advisors whose job it is to basically sell the government to journalists were holding out collectively on signing their contracts. Now, she would say she wasn't to blame for that, but a lot of people blamed her. So I think it was stuff like that that ended her. I really liked that at the beginning of this,

you were like, and initially there was some sense of this being a boys' club, but people were briefing me and it turns out everyone hates it. The next question, this is to Team Furniture in the Garden. Which ginger ninja has coloured in Sue's grey area? It's Morgan McSweeney. It is Morgan McSweeney, yes. Morgan McSweeney, a man and also a regional legal firm from Ireland. LAUGHTER

I mean, is it...? It sounds like you have... It sure does, doesn't it? Conveying Donan Leitrim, Morgan McSweeney's the team for you. LAUGHTER Keir Starmer's former Chief of Staff, Morgan McSweeney, now returns to the role. It's a name in the mould of like Alistair Campbell and Dominic Cummings.

At least he sounds like a total bastard. Do you know what I mean? I was trying to learn more about Morgan McSweeney and I found an article in the Italian newspaper La Repubblica, the headline of which is Morgan McSweeney, il misterioso consigliere supremo di Starmer. Everything sounds so cool in Italian. I mean, a lot of people don't even know who he is

or what he looks like. I like to come up with politics from, you know, what do we consume first? We consume as veg. So does anybody know what he looks like? Anushka? I do, because I have just written a book all about the election, called Taken as Read.

And there's a whole chapter in it called The Morganizer, which you can read all about his background. Okay. five foot ten tall, ginger hair, well not fit. Is he fit Anushka? I'm going to have to push you on this. Not my type. He's quite unassuming looking, but quite an eccentric guy. I was researching his organizing when he was in Lambeth and he he was late 20s, early 30s, and for four months, he didn't take a day off, he set up a camp bed in the office so that he could sleep there. They were trying to win Lambeth Council back for Labour, and someone told me he used to sit there in a waterproof poncho because he used to watch

the leaflets coming out of the machine and it would spew ink at him, so he would want to like protect his clothes from the ink. Quite eccentric. Does he think that's a good thing to like leak? Well, it's obsessive. He was obsessive about winning Lambeth Council. Well, and also the way they won Lambeth Council in 2006, they took all those same techniques into 2024.

OK, so look, it's been a bit chaotic at the heart of government, but there are things on the horizon which could win back public favour, genuinely. There's things such as strengthening employment law and potentially increasing taxes on the wealthy, which might play out well with the public. So, panellists, just talk about the employment law thing. Which new law do you find most sexy here? What are you excited about? Zero Hours? That kind of stuff? Yeah, I really like the law on zero hours contracts because it started with we're going to ban zero hours contracts point blank and then there were issues with that. So now it seems as though the law is going to be we're banning zero hours contracts unless you really want one. Right, now you're going to get sick pay if you're only for four days and I think there's a lot of us in this room that we would still got in if we'd have lost a foot, you know?

Like after lunch. These kids now, they're staying at home, working from home. Can I just say about working from home? Sorry. I'm sure that there are some people in the room and some people listening. I'll get a hostile reaction to this. But can they just admit what a touch it is? They've come up with this alternative theory where they go, oh, I think I'm actually more productive working from home. I think I get more done, you know, so do I, but none of it has got anything to do with work. I get up late, I walk the dog, I go swimming,

I have a lunch, I watch a film, not even a short film, I watch Oppenheimer. Anyone else this zero hours contract? Doesn't it make the economy more nimble having zero hours contract? It absolutely does. I think there's a new one or two, so like you get time off on maternity leave, but that's because you've got to look after other people's kids, that's the new early years framework. It's like a pyramid scheme of childcare, it's got to work. I think there was a thing in it that said, yeah, there was going to be strengthening of workers' rights, but from the employer side as a compromise,

if I remember this correctly, there's going to be a nine month window where you employ somebody and if they turn out they're rubbish you can still sling them off or they turn out to be pregnant. The nine month probation period allows you to sax one more easily than you are able to after but and this is what businesses are worried about the right to complain that you have been unfairly dismissed starts on day one so even in your nine month probation you could still take your employer to employment tribunal and that is why businesses are very worried today. Why would they be worried? Don't sack people illegally. Well that's what I spoke to the head of the TUC Paul Novak and he was like businesses have got nothing to worry they've just got to be decent.

But do you think that the reason Starmes made it easier to sack people quickly is because he looked around and seen who he's working with, you know? There's a risk in this, right? Yeah, I mean, obviously the businesses are quite worried about it because we had someone on today who runs a pizza veer and was saying the risk is that we don't take a chance on younger people who are less experienced because we worry more about if we make the wrong decision around recruitment. I mean, I think they are listening to business and they are speaking to business about it and they're trying to reach a compromise on it. And I think they would say, you know, you guys were saying they haven't really done much yet.

This is a really big package of change and I think for a Labour Party coming from the left on politics it's probably quite a big move. Most of the trade unions except Unite are pretty happy about it as far as I can see. Do you think that the pizzeria would benefit from having a mysterious O'Conciglieri agreement? I mean they've got this black hole, is it black hole, is it something bigger than that or a super quantum dying star at the center of the universe? But Rachel Reeves, the IFS have said that Chancellor Rachel Reeves will have to come up with at least 16 billion more to hit Labour's pre-election promises, which is going to be hard because they can't freeze old people to death twice. You know?

It's like, Jeff, the thing is, I don't think that you understand quite how angry millennials are with boomers. We'll give it a good old go. Yeah. I was like, you can't do it twice. I'm Hindu, baby. Keep it going. Yes, this is the news that Labour has gotten off to the worst political start since Sir Robert Walpole left his country manor wearing the wrong kind of pantaloon and inadvertently

caused a Chartist insurrection in Hull. This has been the second worst week for a sue in British history. The first place is still retained by Sue Barker for that time she got tasered trying to smuggle Lambrini on to Centre Court. Morgan McSweeney is back and his name sounds inherently evil. Anything with Sweeney sounds a bit ominous. It's like being called Danny Hitler. Yesterday the IFS said Chancellor Rachel Reeves will have to come up with at least 16 billion more to hit Labour's pre-election promises. But don't worry, they're not going to raise

taxes for ordinary working people, just greedy landlords, rich oligarchs, high earners, anyone with bifold doors, families with more than one telly, families with more than one kettle, people from Dudley, people called Dudley, builders, homeowners, renters, doctors, stockbrokers and people who say vibes. But not ordinary working people because that would be unfair. So at the end of the round it is four points to Team Garden Furniture and three points to Team Furn furniture in the garden. I'm Sumi Somos-Gandha from the Global Story Podcast, where we're asking how the U.S. election could impact the war in Ukraine.

With Kamala Harris and Donald Trump neck and neck in the polls, President Zelensky's campaign to ensure crucial funds don't run out is increasingly uncertain. So will the result in November change his nation's fate? The Global Story brings you unique perspectives from BBC journalists around the world. Find us wherever you get your podcasts. Okay, this next question is for you, Team Garden Furniture. Whose surname didn't save him this week?

Cleverly, James Cleverly. Yeah, it is James Cleverly. On Wednesday, after surging ahead in round three of their leadership contest, James Cleverly was unceremoniously dumped out as Robert Jenrick and Kemmy Badenock made the final two. So having been destroyed in the polls after lurching to the right, the Tories have done the smart thing and lurched further to the right. Good stuff. You know, you ever come out of a nightclub with your mate and you're both too drunk to

drive? That's what these two candidates are like. None of you are fit for the job. Yeah, I mean, it's interesting because the Tories saw cleverly. He did give a really good speech and they were like like we're not having any of that. All right It's not what we do here. Okay He's an odd boy any generic generally. I've never seen a man that needs a session on a sunbed more Like it's the end of the summer and he's gray

What's he doing? Get outside? Do you know why are you so indoorsy? He looks like a shade you can only get in a fancy paint shop. I mean, it was quite like, as exciting as this Tory leadership race for who can lead the opposition who aren't going to get back in in five years could be. They might do. There was an audible gasp in the room, wasn't there, when those results were read out and cleverly hadn't made it. Can I just say, I think it's game on for the Tories in 2029,

because Labour's majority looks much bigger than it really is. It's actually quite fragile in a way, because lots of the majorities are quite small, and they were all quite excited at Conservative Conference because they had that feeling, and they also saw that Keir Starmer was doing badly, and I watched his speech in the hall. I thought it was quite funny that he basically said, we've got to be more normal, and they immediately kicked him out of the room. There was a gasp in the room because he had done the best in the previous round.

And so everyone expected him to be a shoo-in. But it turns out that MPs voting in leadership contests are duplicitous. I was just coming here from, obviously, the studio. And my colleague, Iona, was saying she bumped into a Tory MP who was saying to her I'm backing James Cleverley. So this was obviously before he went out and he said I mean, he's not the brain of Britain He may not even be the brain of Braintree He's a jolly nice chap

He's tall I think he's about six foot you Do you know the interesting thing, actually, is for a long time Britain hadn't had a male Prime Minister shorter than six foot, and then we had Boris Five-Nine, and then we had Sunak. I mean... I don't think it's actually appropriate to mention this, but like he... I actually met Sunak once.

Is he as small? I have to say the first time... No, he was alright actually, but the first time you meet him it is actually quite intimidating, because the first time you meet him you think he's far away. You think he's at least 100 metres away. You think you've got time to get it together before me. Then you feel his breath on your arm, you're like, ah! Sooner!

I mean, the thing about Kemi, right, at least Kemi is sort of exciting. Jenrick just sounds so boring. He's like, if you cut him, he'd probably bleed Heineken Zero. He's that sort of like the third most charismatic guy at a branch of Foxden. That sort of thing. I find Kemi Baden-Knight fascinating because I feel like all of her speeches are like, the state neither should nor can do absolutely everything. Personal responsibility needs to be taken into account.

And I think like lots of people can go on board with that. And then she'll go like, and of course, like, if you fail in any way, I'm going to put you in a big, big blender. What about the people who fall through the cracks in society? Like, it was a bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz massive cheer in the room and actually people were saying, oh James Cleverley wasn't that speech well received. Actually, I thought she got an even warmer response from the Tory members who were in the room at the time and lots of them were really worried that she was going to be kept off the ballot and that it would be a stitch up. So they're very delighted, I'm sure, that she got through. I mean, the only thing is she does sometimes say things which you're kind of watching her speak and it's all fine

And then she says something like I was watching her very recently and she suddenly went five to ten percent of civil servants are Very bad like should be in jail bad Think she's underestimated that a lot five to ten percent When Paul pot first came along everybody just thought he was messing. LAUGHTER People were, like, laughing into their rice. Paul, you're a lunatic. There's no way we're going to execute everybody in glasses.

We're being part of the indulgent bourgeoisie where they shout them. What are your views on Kimmy as a politician? Well, she's very odd and I think that she could take this opportunity to be less odd. So stop saying things like maternity leave has gotten out of hand. It hasn't. I promise you when you have had your stomach ripped open and a child pulled out, you need a bit of time off, Kemmy. Well, James Cleverley, he lost despite getting the endorsement from Boris, or in spite of it, or mainly because of it, I don't know. But Boris was only talking politics this week because he was out hawking his book. And in a recent chat with Five Lives Matt Chauley, he revealed that when he got to number 10, it looked like a crack den when he arrived. Now he was Prime Minister directly after Theresa May. I didn't know she was like that. Like maybe running through wheat fields was a metaphor for doing crack.

You see this interview with Boris, he got angry when he was asked what L people most associate him with. Liar. He's a liar. He's a compulsive liar. To sell his book he was he claimed that he had got the top brass in the British military together to potentially put together an invasion of the Netherlands. To be fair if I were prime minister I would also just have an afternoon be like right not got much on for the next 20 minutes or so invade the Netherlands. Yeah. A bit of fun we're gonna at least plan how it'll go he claimed he claimed that it was gonna be a small team of 12 men going to go to Amsterdam and look that's 12 English men in Amsterdam's called a stag do

so this is news that the latest result of the Tory leadership election puts Stammer in a tricky position. By all accounts, James Cleverley did pretty well and has been kicked out. It's the most surprised ousting since Julia Swahiliya was cut from Chicken Run 2 for sounding too old to be a chicken. Both candidates say they always speak their mind. I'm old enough to remember when that was code for when a relative was about to say something racist. At the end of the round, it is six points to Team Garden Furniture,

but seven points to Team Furniture in the Garden. Thank you. Team Furniture in the Garden. Who this week found out they have a hygiene problem? Are you trying to tell us something? Yes. Just saying. Kebab shops and small businesses?

Food fraud. Yeah, yeah. I think you're there really. It was secret recordings captured businesses from small local restaurants right up to Sainsbury's misleading customers with inaccurate food standards agency ratings in what experts say is a nationwide problem. So apparently some supermarkets aren't as clean as they say they are. But they are clean in the morning, but after they've had a day of toddlers walking around

shoving carrots into their mouths and putting them back on the pile of carrots, like they're not going to be a five, is it? It's going to be a three and a half. Yeah, some of them have got zero. I don't know. I think it's generally got zero. I don't know what... I think they should have pictures. I think zero should just be a bloke clinging to a toilet for dear life. Could you live with a one? I was once in Macuntliffe and there was a pub that had like a one-star hygiene rating and the owner of the pub had put a little sign below it saying, this is nonsense, we're appealing this, they've made this up and everything and then beneath that someone had stuck on the outside another

handwritten sign saying don't believe the landlord I had the worst food poisoning of my life in this place. Well I do where I draw the line I won't eat from somewhere that has a fish tank. What if they're selling fish that are in the tank? Well, I wouldn't eat at a pet store. You wouldn't eat? I mean, I'll talk about other establishments that have got a fish tank. I'll take these off your hand, mate. Have you got any ketchup? I mean, it's weird though, the Ofsted one-worders are quite savage, and that's got a lot of coverage.

But somehow food places get let off with numbers when it should be words, doesn't it? It should just be clean or dirty. Do you know what I mean? It's an acceptable level of dirt. Is it clean or is it dirty? That's what I want to know. Don't say it's a three, but what does that mean? It's just a bit of mould.

Do you think they should have words that we can understand, like rank, minging? If you're drunk, fine. I think a four should be, you can scrape it off. Yeah. And instead of three, it's just, who are you, the King of France? I wonder what the panel would be willing to go undercover in order to expose. I've actually been undercover this whole recording.

Tonight? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've actually been undercover this whole recording tonight And this was earlier when I was undercover and I was outside Jeff's dressing room and all I could hear from within was someone singing the red flag and I Opened the door. He was wearing a Shed A Vow T-shirt. He was kissing a picture of Jeremy Corbyn Oh, God. He was kissing a picture of Jeremy Corbyn. LAUGHTER It turns out that this whole thing has been a schtick the entire time. It's all a lie. He thought that there'd be money in being the Conservative comedian. I'm like, it's true, I'm like a political Billy Elliot. I'm living a lie. LAUGHTER

I've been working with her here and I've actually been to your house. And I've looked through the window of your kitchen. I hate to tell this to you today, but Jeff has a six burner hob. Ooh! Jess, middle class. So it is devastating to hear this news about places like kebab shops.

I mean, I always insist that staff wash their hands before serving me a pitter bread full of the lukewarm gristle that was blasted off a caribou's carcass, then swept bubbed from an abattoir floor and smuggled into the country. LAUGHTER OK, that is the end of the show. Now it is time for the final scores. Team Garden Furniture, you ended up on eight points, but Team... And I'm not being biased here because of class issues,

but Team Furniture in the Garden, you have 15 points. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Taking part in the news quiz were Ahir Shah, Andrew Maxwell, Athena Kuplenu and Anushka Asthana. In the chair was me, Jeff Norcott. An additional material was written by Cody Darla, James Farmer, Tom Mayhew and Christina Riggs. The producer was Rajeev Kharia

and it was the BBC Studios audio production for Radio 4. Hello, I'm Randy Feldface, a purple puppet from Australia, and I have managed to infiltrate BBC Radio 4 to bring you my very own four-part series about how to speed up climate change and end the planet as quickly as possible. Dear BBC, when oh when will you stop providing a platform to puppets? If you've never seen me before, Google satanic spawn of Barney the dinosaur and you'll get the

general idea. The point is the planet is getting hotter. We're on track for mass extinction and I want to see it happen. It's Randy Feldface's Destruction Manual, available now on BBC Sounds. I'm Sumi Somosganda from the Global Story Podcast where we're asking how the US election could impact the war in Ukraine. With Kamala Harris and Donald Trump neck and neck in the polls, President Zelensky's campaign to ensure crucial funds don't run out is increasingly uncertain. So will the result in November change his nation's fate?

The Global Story brings you unique perspectives from BBC journalists around the world. Find us wherever you get your podcasts.