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The News Quiz Ep7. Heat and NEETs

June 5, 20260 comments♥ 0
00:00Hello, I'm Andy Zaltzman.This is the news quiz.Oh, I've melted.It's been that kind of week.Whilst we pop me in the freezer to recongeal,welcome to this week's news quiz.Dee Zaltzman, welcome to the news quiz.Later on, we will be giving you all tips
00:27on how to tell if your spouse is buyinga higher than average number of motorhomescompared with what they usually tends to buy.For example, one instead of none.But first, let's meet our teams, our two teams this week.In tribute to this week's weather and Kirstarmer's prospects as Prime Minister,we have Team Toasty against Team Toast.On Team Toasty, Scott Bennett and Ayesha Hazareka.
00:53And on Team Toast, Bella Hull and Cody Dala.And Scott and Aisha can have our first question.It's exam season.Who turned over their paper this week to see this essay question?Explain what is wrong with the Labour Guffer?in no fewer than 5,600 words.That is Tony Blair, isn't it?It was long, won't it?
01:24It was... Is he still doing his degree?Was that his dissertation?I read the Potter versionbecause I've got a 10-year-old daughterand I want to see a graduate.But it was interestingbecause he's started a warwithin the Labour Party out of nowhere,
01:40which is completely unlike him.But he just...It was interesting, some of the things he saidabout sort of net zero and things like thatand, you know, workers' rights, cutting welfare.It did feel a little bit likeit was almost aligning himself with reformin a weird way.
01:55Well, no, it did.I was quite surprised.They seemed like pretty standard Labour policies,but he reacted like they'd tried to nationalise Greggsor something.Aisha, what did you make of Blair's return?Well, it was sort of the last thingthat the Labour Party really needs right now.
02:11It's got like kind of rubbing salt into a very open wound.And it did have to say,go down pretty badly amongst the sort of Laborfaithful. It did make everybody gooh, I don't quite like the look of that care stormer nowactually. But I thinkit's a shame because, look, the Labour Partydoesn't often win elections.
02:28He was the last big, you know,successful Labour Prime Minister that we had.And, you know, when you think back to 1997,you know, that was the first timethat a Labour Prime Minister had won powerfrom the Conservatives in 18 years.I mean, 1997 was a longtime ago. There were no mobile phones.
02:44You know, there wasn't 24-hourmedia. It was the last time Leonardo DiCaprio was seen with a woman his own age in Titanic.It was a long, long time ago. And the other thing that I loved about it is he did this interviewwith John Sopal of the newsagents and he went, you know, John, I really don't want to becreating headlines about myself. You're like, that is a bit like Katie Price going,I'm done with plastic surgery now. Just going to age naturally.I feel like Tony Blair's got a bit of a cheek. I feel like being Prime Minister,in the 90s and early 2000s
03:18was a really easy time to be Prime Minister.All he had to worry about was like Jerry Halliwellbreaking into number 10or the Millennium Bug,which may have been the same thing,I don't know.I feel like since he's become Prime Minister,we've been visited by the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse.
03:33We've had war, we've had famine,we've had death, we've had Liz Truss.Now we've sort of got Starma,who's accidentally become Prime Minister.He's like blinking and staggeringinto this sort of hellscape,and now Tony's like karate chopping himwith, like, his words.
03:51And I feel like this is like the mostunforgivable thing Tony Blair has done,which has made me feel sorry for Kirstama.I honestly think in terms of the unforgivable things he's done,it might be Iraq for me.It genuinely might.Do you think there'll be a million and a half people on the streetscomplaining about Tony about right now?
04:09Definitely.It's kind of vintage vibes.It's the latest 90s trend to come back.I actually, I didn't vote for Tony Blair in 1997because I was a fetus and also massively right wing.Fetus is so phenomenal, though, won't they?Feed me.But yeah, it's been interesting.
04:28He's been using a lot of football analogies.It's like saying the UK could be relegated from the Premier League of Nations,which I kind of, I resent when people try and use football analogiesto explain stuff to me.It's like, obviously, I'm not going to understand.It's like being like, oh, the Iraq war happened,because Saddam Hussein was offside.It's like I'm not...
04:49I don't know.It doesn't really help meand get what he means.But also, in terms of being relegatedfrom the Premier League of Nations,I mean, it's been a while since we qualifiedfor Europe as a country, I think.It's all right.
05:01I think we'll get Turkey in the playoffs.I think we'll be all right.Andy Burnham criticised Tony Blairfor not mentioning what in his essay.He didn't say just how cool he was,the vibes of a supply teacherthat lets your smoke is roll up.Come on, it's fine, don't worry about it.
05:22I won't sell anyone, come on.Quite right.I used to play bass, come on.You know, they've like informally renamed HS2 Northern Powerhouse Rail,and it's really interesting because that's what I'd like Andy Burnham to do to me.I'm not sure.It never arrived.Any more answers to the question
05:59before we think about that too deeply?Andy Burnham criticised Blair for not mentioning what?I think it was inequality.This has sort of Blair sort of gone down this routeof basically saying that Labour shouldn't have brought in any workers' rights,they should scale back net zero,they shouldn't have repealed the oil and gas licences.I mean, he just does sound like that mad uncle at a barbecue
06:19who has like two sips of beer,and then he's like, do you know what I'd do, right?I'd get the immigrants to take down the turbinesand get them to use a little fan bitsto dig for more oil.That's what I do.It's just unhinged.That is how reform recruit their candidates.
06:38But yeah, Andy Burnham's obviously come out and said,well, you're saying that Labor is sort of not doing a good thing.They're not doing very well.But you're not paying attention to the fact that inequalityhas eaten away at all of these forcesthat he said that new Labour have sort of championed.which is like business and sort of investment.And, yeah, Burnham and West Streeting have said,
06:59well, you've sort of missed the pointbecause it's about inequality.So what was interesting was the format Blair usedto deliver his message, an essay.So I'm going to ask my panellist,if you had to write an essay to the nation,what would the title of your essay be?And briefly, what would you write?
07:15This is not to do with the news,but I've always thought that if I was to do a PhD,I would do it on the liminal space between monsoon and accessorize.Where does monsoon end and where does accessorize begin?Good luck fitting that into a PhD.I would like to discuss why every parent suddenly needs a trampoline.It's an epidemic. I don't know if you know this.Next time you're on a plane, just look down.
07:51They're like swimming pools.It's now getting to the point where if that plane's in trouble,if you just jump out, you'll be fine.And the wind picks up.chasing it like an idiot in my dressing gowndown the street. There's no giant, they never go on it.They've been on it twice.Sorry, that's not the joke, it's just I'm angry.
08:14Yes, this is the news that someone somewherepressed the reactivate Tony Blair buttonfor reasons unknown.Reform often witter on about getting our history backwhile they got their wish this week when Blair escaped backinto the public domain. The 73-year-old 6-footformer Prime Minister and missed opportunity specialistlaunched a strongly worded broadside
08:33at the Labour government, and comebacks come in many forms.Of course, Elvis, televised special,Steve Redgrave, getting back in another rowing boat.Celebrity Messiah, Jesus Christ,getting up unexpectedly on a Sunday morning.And Tony Blair, a massive essayslamming his own party's government.He attacked Labour's quotes,
08:51almost infinite capacity for self-delusion.An interesting statement from a man best knownfor his ability to perceive imaginary weapons.Who chosethe hottest May Day on record to advocate for abandoning Net Zerovia an essay published from an institute he createdthat is named after himself.So self-delusion seems to be running strong in that one.
09:13And it's hard for Stama to turn it around,given that not only are other politicians hostile to him,but the media very hostile to him as well,Keir Starmour could save a drowning puppy from a riverand give it back to its distraught eight-year-old owner,and some of the media would report it as Stama feeds weeping child to carnivore.Let's move on now north of Hadrian's wall.Who showed a remarkable lack of curiosity what this week?
09:43Nicola Sturgeon?Yes, correct.Showed a remarkable lack of curiosity about her finances, the finances of the SNP.Yes, that's correct.Yeah, Nicola Sturgeon, her estranged husband, Peter Murrell,embezzled £400,000 from the party of which he was chief executive.That was between 2010 and 2022.What were your personal highlights from the list of, frankly, odd things that he...
10:06So many.I mean, first of all, there's the salt and pepper grinders, over two and a half thousand pounds.This is a party that's meant to be salt of the earth.I mean...But I think my favourite one out of everything was the quite swanky pots and pans,the Le Cruise, which is quite appropriate,given that he was a master of cooking the books for all of these years.I love the whole story, because she said she thought it was his own money.
10:29even if my wife and I had separate bank accounts,I think she would have said somethingwhen she saw her Christmas Day a weekcoming through the hallway.I mean, his ringed doorbellsaw more action than Andy McNabb.But it was just interesting thatI looked at the purchases
10:47and on all the websites, they had to have a drop-down menu.That's how much there was.And they categorised it all.And my favourites, really, from thisis there was two Dyson Hairdryers for a bold man.That's when you know that you justspend in money for the sake of it.
11:07And then the best one, this is, he boughta PlayStation 3, an Xbox1 and Nintendo Switch, alongwith the games Grand Theft Autoand FIFA, and he's61. And I think that'sincredible. I'd love to see a 61-year-old manplay Grand Theft Auto,
11:23because I think it'd faila mission just trying to find somewherefree to park.You know, trying to outrun the police in a stolen motorhomewithout going in the bus lanes.I think it's wonderful.I do think that the items on the list, though,do kind of let Nicola off the hook a little bit
11:43because they are all the kinds of items men buywhen they're having a midlife crisis.It is just like luxury pans.He bought multiple Swiss army knives.A tool that says it has every tool you need.He bought multiple.I just, I love the image of a sort of Scottish Edward Scissorhandscoming down the stairs.
12:05Nicola's trying to do a household task.What's that, Dalton?You want a tiny screwdriver?I've got 17.That's a man who needs...Nicola Sturgeon is absolutely adamant that she saw nothing,she knew nothing.I mean, even though the living room must have looked like
12:28the ground floor of John Lewis, do you know?Because the details are fascinating in it.Like, on October the 4th, 2021,he purchased a heavy-duty bolt.And then on the 10th of October 2021,he purchased a set of bolt cutters.Something bad happened in that canterval.That's not bad.
12:53Yes, this is Nicola Sturgeon's modern twiston the 12 days of Christmas.On the first day of Christmas,my former true love gave to himselfsome really weird stuff.The former SMPMPM-Jewanourri suggestedthat Sturgeon had shown a remarkablelack of curiosity, which
13:09seems to be becoming one of the key clubsin the politician's golf bag. It can reallyhelp you not get too distracted by, for example,the first few decades ofPeter Manelson's career.Aside from the criminality, it's just a bit ofan odd call to embezzle 30,000 poundsa year from a political party until you've got
13:25400 grand. The morally correct and legallyupstanding thing to do is to find a techbillionaire to just fling money at you.And then you can buy your games consoles, yourluxury toilet brushes, your motorhomes,and your onesies, completely guilt.free. The onesiepuzzled me. I just
13:41don't think I could enjoy a onesie ifI knew I hadn't properly earned the moneyto buy it. There's nosatisfaction prancing around in a wansyif you haven't grafted for it. You want to belying on your sofa, dressed like a babythinking, I deserve this.At the end of our UK
13:59politics around Scott and Aisha have four.Bella and Cody have six.Our next question. Who has beenon an unexpected holiday to a tropicalIsland this week.All of us.Correct, yes.Yeah, it's been
14:22tropical in the UK, which isinteresting because I know thatmy life has changed a little bit. Years agowith my mates, we'd have been out, sort oflaid out, drinking beer,and I just got a WhatsApp from one of my closemates, and he just went, six loadsdone today.
14:39Just sent a pictureof his washing on the line, and I thought,we are in trouble.That is...But yeah, I mean, what was amazing is everything falls apart,doesn't it?Slight temperature change, it all falls apart.And one train company cancelled services to minimise disruption,
14:56which obviously will do.I mean, it's like me saying to my wife, Gemma,to minimise stress, I've put the children up for adoption.Have you guys enjoyed the heat wave so far?Yes, I mean, my blood has sort of been perpetually boilingbecause of the geopolitical situation of the last time.12 months. So the fact it's now 9,000 degrees outside means I'm in a rare state of equilibrium.Any tips for how people can keep cool in the current heat wave?
15:27Yes. I mean, my strong advice is that you keep your socks in the fridge because if you're amen and palsal woman, your shoes will already be there. So that will be very, very, um, the otherthing I'd just say is just think about the people from Scotland because they are really, reallystruggling. And Scottish people are just not made for the heat.Scottish sun tan lotion is the only typethat is properly water resistantbecause it has to beand things are so bad
15:54it's been reported that there are bushfiresin Edinburgh which makes me thinkof very posh ladies in Morningsidewith a urinary tract infectionYes this was the heat wave to end all heat wavesSorry a heat wave to be a prescient harbingerOf many more similar heat waves to comeQuite a literal warm up for the fiery boughs of hell
16:14That many of us are heading towardsIt's been hot, damn hot, real hot, so hot,that ducks have been falling from the sky fully cooked,wrapped in pancakes with a dash of plum sauce and some cucumber.So hot that Nelson, on top of the conveniently named Nelson's column,has stripped down to his underpants and has smeared all the bird shit over his face to use as sun cream.So hot that the annual cheese rolling in Gloucestershire became the world's first fondue bobsled race.And not just in Britain, tennis players have been fating at the French Open,
16:46the last remaining glacier in Indonesia is disappearing fast,and Beelzebub has officially relocated the far east.bowels of hell to Washington, D.C., which will save quite a lot on transport costs long-termas well.Meteorologists have warned people to look out for medical symptoms, including headaches,dissonous, nausea, vomiting and fatigue, which could be signs of either heat-induced illnessor of having watched the news.At the end of that round, it's four to Scott and Ayesha, 8 to Bella and Cody.
17:21Our next round addresses the threats to our young people and to civilization in generalposed by modern technology, so to try to counterbalance texts unstoppable eviscerationof everything that makes us human, the questions in this round will be delivered using oldand or obsolete forms of communication. So the first question in our tech round will be deliveredby a messenger on a horse delivering a scroll. And, well, the question, well, unfortunately,some of the ink has smudged on the scroll in transit. So you have to tell me what missingsmudged words should be in this headline. Labor is set to announce a crackdown on children.What words are missing there?
18:03This is Labour's social media ban.They are talking about banning social media for the under 16s, because it's making them all mentally ill,kind of based on Australia's model who have done a blanket ban, West Streeting, he's come out and said,we should treat the social media companies like the tobacco companies.And I actually completely agree.I think if you're under 16, when you go on social media, it should have a disgusting brown filter.like they do with the sort of fag packets,you just barely see what you're watching,
18:38horrible brown,and then you'd occasionally get a sort of pop-up imageof a man in his 30s, in his pants,scrolling on social mediawith the words,Kevin hasn't seen another person in 17 days,and he lives at home with his parents.And I think that would solve the problem.
18:59One report found that nine of the ten platformswere just accepting people's word about their ageand not requiring any verification.I find it funny that all of these places are like a pub from the 70s,or like Russell Brown outside a sixth form.An alleged sixth form.I think what's really interesting about it isbecause they all compare it to smoking,
19:28but the difference is,I think we had some retrospective knowledge of the dangers of smoking,whereas I think with social media,like there's a revolution that's,happening in real time that we're all going through together, all generations,and I don't think that's anything we've had before.So there's no like hindsight.And I think a lot of the parents and the adults are just as bad of the kids, really.
19:48We're just as bad.Like my daughter plays football, my youngest, and she scored her first goal the other week,and I missed it, and I was there.But I was too busy on Instagram,liking a post of my mate's daughter,scoring their first goal.So I think the issue is,is really how you change things
20:07and I think the one thing is kids find their parentscringy so I would just saylet loose the parents on the kids' social mediaand I would love to see them commentunder all that I got you that jumperyou knowthings like well done in every postand this tune really slaps
20:27words that parents shall never go nearand I think they'll quit within the hourbut look I do think social mediafor young people is terrible, particularly young girls.I think there's a lot of bad stuff going on,and I think it's really bad for these young girls,these teenage girls have this device telling them that they're fat,they're not good enough, that they're a massive loser,
20:47because that is what your mother is there for.That is her job.Don't let the tech bros take away all of these women's jobs.Yeah, the government has continued to look at legislationto reduce the damage of social media on younger generations,or at least delay it until they're almost adults.which I guess is a stumble vaguely in the right direction.Because in Australia it came in a few months ago,
21:11and since they banned children from using any social media in Australia,all Australian children have been composing symphonies by the age of nine,like Mozart used to discovering new scientific theories like little Bertie Einstein did,and becoming qualified interior decorators like a young Michelangelo.So no social media, and they're getting stuff done.One final question for this question,our old form of communication for Bella and Cody.is a cryptic oracle given to me by the now-retired former ancient Greek god Apollo.
21:42So you have to interpret my oracle.Multitudes of young people will be neat, yet for all it will be messy.Is this young people out of work?Correct, yes. Yes. Yes.No, who's who yay?I think it's the acronym that is the problem here.Because neat, like it's quite good to be neat.I feel like you want an acronym to sound bad.
22:17And so, I mean, you don't have to be too crazy about it.I've got a few.So if you changed it to not in work or training,the acronym becomes Newort.You don't want to be a new art.And then you could do can't work, can't learn, can't train.That's hulgut.Which sounds like a German insult.
22:37Or you could do one that's just hanging around at her.which ishawhich I think is the bestif we change the acronymthen I think more people would bein workI can see that I can see some
22:50some politicians going for thatparticularly the ones who are completely unique national treasuresI mean it's obviously a bit of a worrythe lack of opportunities for young peopleI mean my heart goes out to them reallybecause it is difficult it's like the perfect stormand it's quite difficult to get thatfirst rung on the ladder in a career
23:12and my daughter's 16 and shewants to be solicitor soas a father I've given her some unpaidwork experience and she's reallyno she's really taken to it she's donemy will last weekshe did my life insuranceand then to thank me
23:28she's booked me three helicopter ridesoverHellman provincebut I thinkthat's a joke by the wayI think there's a lot of jobsgoing to AI and tech.And so my answer, I think, to make it easier for them
23:46is to double up on jobs.So, like, you know, like the police, you have good copand bad cop, quite literally, in the sameroom. And, like, when you go and see a doctor,you know, one of them cups you,the other one asks you to cough.You split up the rolls.Or when you go, you know, got a GP receptionist,
24:03one of them's absolutely no helpwhatsoever, and the other'sexactly the same.So I do, I do think it's upsetting, really,you don't want that lost generation.I think it's the first time in years.It's 60% or something.It's quite high, really, isn't it?
24:21Yeah, I mean, the government have suggestedvarious possible solutionsto the youth unemployment crisis,including just waiting for another world warto give our youngsters something to dolike we always used to in the good old days.Reducing youth unemployment to a record lowby reclassifying existential dread
24:36as a full-time joband also reclassifying all working adults as childrenif they play games on their phoneson their commute to work.You know who you are.So have any of you got any suggestions for what jobs young people?Because a lot of the traditional jobs are no longer there.I mean, it does feel like the easiest way to be successful these days
24:55is to be a NEPO baby.So what you should do is work on your parentsto turn them into Oscar winning actorsand then just work back from that.I think that's a good idea.Medical trials.Right, okay.I think 16 to 24, prime of the lives.
25:12A lot of spares in that body.You know, it seems extreme, but if you want a career, how much do you want a career?I was wondering if comedians were included in these numbers.Because as a comedian, I'm neither employed in education or being trained.So I figure if comedians aren't included, then I think we should just reframe itand just call all of these billions of 16 to 24-year-olds,give them a work in progress and call them a comedian.That's it. They're not out of work.
25:45They're not neat.or kulkutfor hazeI think there are loads ofways that people are forgettingthat you can make moneyyou know, just like rob a banksteal a horse
25:58like put your nephew on vintagethere are loads of waysIn bed on the SNPI mean it's affected Saturday jobs as wellbecause that's how far it's gotI love my Saturday job I worked in a garden centreand I knew nothing about plantsI mean it was ridiculous really
26:14I've lived with my parents, never been in it,in the garden and I just used to meck them upand it was a real joyto watch a pensioner go to the customer service deskand ask for a wispy pubis. It made my dad.It's just, I didn't last long and move me on toTills.We can't lose that, is what I'm saying.
26:40Well, that means that this week'sshow is a draw.Some breaking newsjust reaching us, some detailsof the clean water bill announced recently by the governmentfor water company executives to get paid at all from next year,they will have to swim a mile in one of their own riversand then drink a gallon of water out of their reservoirs.
27:13Also, they will be forced to give consumers more choiceon the liquids that come out of their taps.So as well as the traditional water consumerswill now be able to get milk, cider, gravy,and the mulched down soles of the day.damned.Thank you for listening to this week's news quiz.Goodbye.
27:34Taking part in the news quiz were Scott Bennett,Bella Hull, Cody Dala and Ayesha Hazareka.In the chair was me, Andy Zaltzman,and additional material was written by Angela Channel,Sam Nicarresti, Pravanya Pili, and Peter Talouche.The producer was Rajik Carrier,and it was a BBC studio's production for Radio 4.Political language can seem archaic.
28:01It's like the light from one of those stars that actually died.sometimes bamboozling.It's a theme park with a five-foot log flumefrom one thought to another.And very often, beyond words.I don't mean how to describe the language I use.I'm Amanda Unucci. I'm all reset and turbochargedto stress, test to destruction,
28:19used and abused buzzwords and phrasesfrom the world of politics.I come with a dazzling array of guest presentersand I'll be exploring the verbal tricksof the political trade,the intentions behind them and the effect they have on all of us.The new series of Strong Message Herewith me, Amanda.
28:33Unucci from BBC Radio 4. Listen now on BBC Science.