Friday Night Comedy from BBC Radio 4 - What Are You Talking About?

Episode Date: September 1, 2023

Hosted by Rhys James (Mock The Week, The Now Show), ‘What Are You Talking About?’ investigates the major issues of the week before solving them perfectly forever. Rhys will be joined by a gaggle of comedy’s fastest rising stars, including Alasdair Beckett-King and Celya AB, to look at the news and ask ‘Why?’, ‘How come?’ And ‘Why though?’

This is the BBC. This podcast is supported by advertising outside the UK. BBC Sounds. Music, radio, podcasts. Hello, I'm Rhys James. I'll be taking in the big issues of the moment and coming up with watertight solutions to fix society forever. And helping me do that will be four of the most available comedians in the country.

We've got Alissa Beckett-King, Celia A.B., Alex Keeley and Katie Norris. So, what's going on? Well, this week Rishi Sunak announced a tax increase on alcohol. Wow. Get a grip. She's not coming back.

That's right, this week, Rishi Sunak announced a tax increase on alcohol. You know that thing that's there to take the edge off how expensive everything's got lately? Yeah, that's got more expensive. It's a smart move, I think, from the government. Alcohol is the only thing you can make way more expensive in Britain and see zero change in sales. Pubs will still be packed because people don't really care how much it costs. It's the only thing you buy where you find out the price after you've bought it. They could make it £19 a pint and the only change would be an increase in the phrase,

ah, the kids don't need shoes. Meanwhile, house prices have recorded their biggest annual drop for 14 years, with the average two-bed now only worth 150 bottles of Smirnoff Ice. I'm sorry if this story doesn't inspire much sympathy from me, to be honest. House prices falling obviously doesn't matter. It's all you boomers ever talk about. Oh, house prices have gone up. House prices have gone down. Well, don't put it up for sale then.

It's like a kidney. You don't have to sell it. And even if you do, you've probably got another one. In sport, England continue to thrive in the Women's World Cup, this week beating China 6-1 to finish top of the group. Incredible. The Women's World Cup has done a fantastic job of challenging gender stereotypes,

like the idea that men always watch sport if it's on. No, I've been loving it. I've been loving the Women's World Cup, but it's still not quite the same excitement around women's football, is there? Because we live in a world where women's achievements are ignored,

and it's only when we get rid of that toxic attitude that we will see our first female prime minister. In cost of living news, teachers have become 6.5% more expensive. That's right, the teachers' strike is over. Apparently, once the teachers found out it was the last day of strikes, they got out some board games and wheeled in a big TV. In reality, the National Education Union have agreed a deal for a 6.5% pay rise.

Great news for teachers, but a shame for strike fans, as this one has some of the best-designed placards you are ever likely likely to see. I mean the access these people have to craft compared to the train drivers is insane. There was glitter, collage, one of them had a bark robbing of another placard. But they've done it, that's the point, they've got their pay rise. Finally a strike in this country that has been an actual unequivocal success. Ofsted described it as adequate. The strikes, however, didn't solve their main issue. That the NEU were campaigning for greater funding for schools. But where is that money going to come from?

We can't afford to fund it. But maybe we don't need to. I've got some great ideas for how schools can cut costs to make better use of the budgets they've already got. Firstly, stop spending money on trundle wheels and that big rainbow parachute we used to have to run under. We don't need them. And sell those weird brown ladders stuck to the wall of the sports hall,

which no-one's even allowed to go on since the incident. Also, make better use of the things you're already doing, like food tech. These are cooking lessons. Instead of letting children take the slop they cook back home to their livid parents, let the food tech pupils serve their food in the canteen. This saves on supplies, staff costs, and would even encourage better cooking skills when your soggy pie crust could get you a bad mark in GCSEs and bullied. The point I'm making is that this highlights a huge flaw in the current school system. They're not making the most of what they've got. Schools teach woodwork, but also schools purchase desks. Think it through, lads. What you've got in your hands is a captive production

line of a thousand tiny on-site carpenters. It's not even unpaid labour. It's work experience with a bunch of employees who are never hungover. Just do this with everything. IT lessons. Teach the children how to use Microsoft Excel by having them secretly do data entry work.

Pass around a collection plate at the end of RE. And if all else fails, get the chemistry students to cook meth. Work smarter, not harder. Unfortunately, teaching pays so little that no-one wants to do it. And kids are all on Apple Pay now, so you can't even steal their lunch money. There's been a huge decline in people training to become teachers, so how do we make it more desirable to be a teacher

Without having to pay them more We think outside the box Give them something better than money That costs nothing Queue jump That's right, all teachers should just get to go to the front of the queue For everything Who doesn't love swanning past a queue at Alton Towers

When you've got yourself fast track Well let's give teachers the same privilege But in supermarkets, nightclubs, taxi ranks, Wimbledon, STI clinics, everywhere. And as they saunter past us normies waiting in line, they can say, oh, standing in a queue, you should have become a teacher. It's literally your own time you're wasting.

Give teachers the same privileges as pregnant people. Help with your luggage. People giving up their seat for you on the bus. No one's allowed to frown at you when you rub your belly in public. If we do this, you won't be able to move for teachers. The finest minds in the country will be applying to teach with this kind of VIP treatment available. Who wouldn't want to be a teacher

if you're always guaranteed a seat on the train? If you can get seen by a doctor immediately? If you get invited to every film premiere? Yeah, now all I need to do is resolve the rail, NHS and Hollywood strikes and those things will actually be possible. So, there you have it. Problem solved. Must be nap time at the luggage factory, because I rest my case.

Now, back in the news is Donald Trump. Maybe you've heard of him. More sad about the alcohol. Trump has been indicted for a third time. He's been charged with plotting to overturn an election result to go with his previous charges of withholding documents and falsifying business records. Now listen, a lot of people like to criticise Trump and they only see the bad in him, listing all his wrongdoings, but they never focus on the crimes he hasn't committed. Fly tipping. Fishing without a rod

licence. Public urination. I can't guarantee that last one actually. This charge is said to be by far the most serious, but somehow he's still neck and neck in the polls with Biden, which means there's a very real chance the next president could serve from prison. Yet people think that he'd hate that. He'd absolutely love that. He'd be the prison kingpin. Normally, you get power in prison by having cigarettes to hand out.

He can hand out pardons. What's going on with people at lunch? Can I have your custard? What's in it for me? Uh, freedom? Now, someone else who's desperately clinging to power is Rishi Sunak To tell us more about that, please welcome

Alistair Beckett-King Hello, it's me, Alistair Beckett-King the noted indoorsman, intellectual and voice of the people As long as the people in question are the tree people ddysgu a chyhoeddus y bobl. Yn ogystal â bod y bobl yn y cwestiwn yw y bobl tref. Rwy'n teimlo yn fwy na'n cael cymryd ymwneud â'r dyniaeth o'r fath oherwydd rwy'n hanner yn Saesneg a hanner yn Sgwrtaidd.

neu i roi hynny mewn ffordd arall, Ginger. Rishi Sunak yw hyd yn oed Prif Weinidog oherwydd, a dydw i ddim yn gallu'i ddysgu'n dda, mae fy nghyfrifiadau amser yn ddim yn gweithio. Ac ystod y wyth And this week, Sunak was photographed in Margaret Thatcher's old Rover. Crucially, not a dog.

Sunak was photographed as he sat behind the wheel of her Rover P5 and just laughed. Just laughed uproariously, like a real boy. The reason Rishi Sunak posed in Beloved Maggie's Car is because he's taking a stand against what he calls anti-car legislation, the expansion of the ultra-low emission zone. You, Les!

Of course, it's not so much anti-car as it is pro-breathing, but that's not the point. It's another example of the Americanisation of British culture. And, yeah, I'm spelling Americanisation with an S You've seen Boris Johnson copying Trump with his lies and his macho flimflam Now we're seeing Rishi copying Boris in his attempt to create a vehicular culture war But what are culture wars, I hear you ask But what are culture wars, I hear you very belatedly ask. You don't have to say it again.

But what are culture wars? It's only a half an hour show, mate, if you wouldn't mind. Culture wars are the modern political trend of creating division by stoking a bunch of mini social civil wars, often done by slapping a simplistic label on a whole group of people. The Red Wall, the Woke Blob, Ginger Balls.

Now Rishi Sunak is trying to get us involved in the next big fight. Cars versus not cars. Hey, do you like brumming around in your motor like a big boy, or do you want to get on the bus with the Marxist elite? Culture wars are all about scapegoats. What is a scapegoat? Well, it's like an ejector seat, but with goats.

There he goes, our troubles are over. You don't like asylum seekers? We'll send them to Rwanda. You don't like trans people? They're in Rwanda. Not getting on with your neighbour? Rwanda. Problem with your landlord? Well, he is providing a service. Sounds like you're angling to go to Rwanda. Scapegoating. It's the politics of history's greatest monsters.

Donald Trump, Boris Johnson, Noel Edmonds. Mr Blobby was a patsy. But importing American culture wars won't play out as smoothly as Sunak hopes because American culture is so different from ours. When Destiny's Child said, I don't think you're ready for this jelly, they were actually talking about jam.

In America, Room 101 is just a basic introduction to rooms. But Rishi Sunak accusing Euless expansion of being anti-car is pointless. This isn't America. We just don't care enough about cars here. OK, I admit, I don't drive. But Rishi Sunak accusing Euless expansion of being anti-car is pointless. This isn't America. We just don't care enough about cars here. OK, I admit, I don't drive. And I'm a vegan. You're welcome. My carbon footprint is so small, I could kill a dolphin. Wouldn't register.

But saying I don't drive makes it sound like it's my choice, you know, like I don't dwi ddim yn rap. Byddai'n fwy cywir i ddweud dwi ddim yn gwybod sut i gyrru. Felly mae'n rhywbeth i mi wneud. Allwch chi gyrru Rhys? Oherwydd rwy'n gweld chi fel prynus Romanov sy'n sych. Cymryd ymlaen ar fawr. Wel ie, roedd gen i ddau...

Sori, rwy'n gwneud sioe radew. Dwi ddim yn gallu siarad. on like a big cushion. Well, yeah, I had a couple of... Sorry, I'm doing a radio show. I can't talk now. My fear is, if the culture war becomes our most talked about war, that means in a few years' time, we'll get culture war movies. Bad news, Mrs. Peterson. It's about Harry. Damn it, he's woke.

The whole ballet platoon's woke. That is dreadful news, Lieutenant, but I suppose I ought to consider my own privilege. That's how it starts, Mrs. Peterson. Little Geoffrey Smynt, the vicar's boy, took a pronoun between the eyes. They thought it would be over by X-mas. I mean Christmas. I tried to warn them, but you can't say anything these days, can you? You literally can't. Damn this culture war.

Damn this culture war. Mrs Peterson, are you wearing trousers? So in conclusion, Rishi Sunak got in a car. Alistair Becker-King, everybody. Yes, as Alistair said, Rishi Sunak called Sadiq Khan's policies anti-car. But Keir Starmer has also been sitting on the fence about the ULEZ stuff, mainly because he thinks it lost him a by-election. Well, he'll have a second chance now, though,

as former SNP MP Margaret Ferrier, who breached COVID rules in 2020, has been ousted in a recall poll prompting another by-election. If Labour don't win this one, it'll be very interesting to see what excuse Starmer uses for losing an election in Scotland, where you, Les, is still just a homophobic slur. But mainly, as Alistair said, the Conservatives have been accused

of not caring much about climate change after Rishi announced hundreds of new oil and gas licences for drilling in the North Sea. For a man who loves to say stop the boats, he really is doing everything he can to flood the planet. He said it's effectively fine because we're going to develop carbon capture technologies. So it will still produce the carbon, we'll just capture it. Surely we should just not do it rather than trying to sort it out afterwards. He's basically saying, who cares if I soil myself? I'm building a washing machine. And right now, carbon capture technology

is still in its infancy. In fact, at the moment, it's just a bloke running around a factory trying to waft smoke into a Tupperware box. These new oil contracts have proven pretty unpopular. To find out more, we got hold of keen environmentalist Celia A.B., who has resolutely refused to travel here when she found out our budget doesn't cover flights.

We sent her out and about. Let's see what she discovered. The planet is heating up at a speed of loads, and just like the car in the film Speed, it must be stopped. Hi, I'm Celia A.B. Climate change is causing crops to die, sea levels to rise, and loads of my friends forgetting to invite me to their weddings. One organisation does care though, Just Stop Oil. But does anyone care about them? I took to the streets of the prestigious London, England to find out. Do you agree with Just Stop Oil? I agree with the

meaning behind Just Stop Oil. The way they go about it is disgusting. I got stopped by the Just Stop Oil when they were on the M25. And that was annoying. I was stopped there for like two hours, three hours. In Surbiton, somebody sat down on the pedestrian crossing and they had like something that was saying that I'm terrified by the climate change, blah, blah, blah. Protests are supposed to be an inconvenience. They're supposed to stop people doing what they're doing.

But maybe I would have different thoughts if I was on my way to a holiday and I got stopped. I don't know. There you have it. Just top oil and not capturing the hearts of the public. In their defence, they're still in their infancy. Founded just 18 months ago. And like most 18 months old, they're drawing in their infancy, founded just 18 months ago. And like most 18 months old, they're drawing on the walls, lying down in the road in a strop, and getting turmeric

absolutely everywhere. Just Stop Oil have inconvenienced all of us, from motorists to snooker fans to people who want to be able to wear their lucky orange t-shirts without being called the weather nonce. Research probably shows that, for the most part, people agree with what Just Stop All wants. I mean, we'd all be annoyed if, as a result of global warming, all the cute animals go extinct, or if the Winter Olympics was cancelled because of the Great Eurasian Soybean Wars. But it's not good for your cause

if you're going to make me feel rubbish about myself. I know alcohol will shorten my life, but don't smugly tell me that on my own hen-dy when I've just ordered my fifth Guinness shandy. But why are the British public so angry when Just Top Oil's main method of protest is the most British protest in history? It's quiet, it causes queues, it involves the M25. So, are there other methods of protest that don't make Just Up Old more of an enemy than the busted weather? Having old people glue themselves to the motorway

makes sense because an inconvenienced van driver isn't allowed to kick a 90-year-old in the head anymore. The gaggle of parking attendants currently gluing themselves to the streets simply aren't cool enough to attract new members. No one wants to be near them. And crucially, no one wants to be them. Instead, we must swap the pensioners and teens stuck to the roads for stylish, cool, muscly, hunky guys. This would also prevent anyone from messing with them and encourage people to join in to look cool by association. Because everyone loves hunks,

everyone wants to be part of the sexy crowd. And if they would abandon their title for a moment and cover these beefcakes in oils and slimes, it would also make them harder to catch. Welcome to Abercrombie. It's almost as if Just Stop Oil intentionally made themselves the least appealing protest to join. It's always in a great place, no music, everyone's wearing an anorak. Pump in some music, some fun shiny outfits, do it in a fun town. It worked for Pride. That started as a protest. They hold up traffic, they've got their banners and their own muscly hunks and nobody shouts at them because you can't be in a bad mood with Dolly Parton blasting.

Pride is so successful, straight people attend it. These guys are on the other team. So these oil people shouldn't rest until Jeremy Clarkson is on a float wearing hot pants twerking to Cardi B. But sadly, I fear we may have left it too late to say Just Stop Oil. People hate them so much, they want to do the exact opposite of whatever they say. So the simplest solution? Just Stop Oil rebrand, changing their name to Just Use Oil. Before you know it, oil will be a thing of the past, much like Devon. Anyway, I've got to go. My Uber's here. I'm Celia AB. Back to you. Celia A.B. Back to you. Celia A.B. there. Yeah, Celia A.B., someone who loves the environment so much

she buys extra stuff just so she can recycle it. Now, some say technology has become a huge part of our daily lives. Kids these days get given a smartphone aged 10. My mum didn't get one until she was 45. Mae rhai yn dweud bod technoleg wedi dod yn rhan fawr o'n bywydau dyddol. Mae plant yn cael eu rhoi ffony smartfôn ar 10 oed. Nid oedd fy mab yn cael un hyd yn oed pan oedd hi'n 45. Yn ystod y blynyddoedd diwethaf, mae technoleg wedi newid y llyfn ymlaen o'r bywyd gweithio. Yn ystod y bywydau, mae llawer o dynion yn cael eu cymryd yn gyfrifol â fachynau. Nid yw'n ddiweddar, mae fy mab wedi colli ei swydd i robot. Mae'n wir, roedd yn aros yn y llyfn o'r coblwr sy'n cymryd sgwrs gyda llyfn. Not long ago, my dad actually lost his job to a robot. This is true. He used to stand in the window of a cobbler's hitting a shoe with a hammer.

A position he had held for over 40 years. So is big tech something we should be worried about? Here to answer that is a man who knows so much about technology, he even banks online. Please welcome tech correspondent Alex Keeley. Alex Keeley. Automation has previously threatened lots of manually intensive jobs

like factory worker and taxi driver which was great because it kept costs down and made things more affordable. But now it's a problem because the robots are taking the jobs

of even more important people the middle class. That's right. Journalists, lawyers, graphic designers, actors and writers are all at risk. Hollywood actors have now joined writers in taking industrial action. Due to the strikes, the forthcoming series of mega hits The White Lotus and Stranger Things

have been delayed to the dismay of millions. And many topical comedy shows have been taken off air completely to the dismay of no one. Alright, mate. The strikes aren't just stopping people making movies, though. It's stopping people promoting them, too. Actors are no longer doing the red carpet. And even if they mention the title of their movie on a podcast, it gets bleeped out in the edit.

Which is great news for... Which is the title of the new biopic about the inventor of Morse code. The strikes are partially about pay, particularly residual payments in the age of streaming. One of the actors in Orange is the New Black revealed that their residuals amounted to just $27 for a whole year. Actors are being paid so little by Netflix, they can't even afford Netflix. You know, and none of this is new. Hollywood studios have always been

notoriously tight-fisted to save money they even used to force directors to film in black and white. But there is also grave concern that artificial intelligence will be used to generate new ideas for new films and TV shows instead of actually hiring writers. Obviously this is very worrying for writers who know full well that computers will take their revenge for making them look bad in Terminator. Hollywood studios have also talked about using AI to replicate an actor's likeness instead of actually hiring them, which is obviously a huge worry. Nothing has threatened to put more actors out of work since Eddie Murphy insisted on playing

every role in Nutty Professor 2. Yes, robots are taking over. I don't know if you've seen the film 2001 A Space Odyssey, but you'll have to now because no new films are being made. But what can be done about it? Well, to tell us more, I'm joined by AI expert Jill Hutchinson, who is currently acting as a consultant for Netflix. Please welcome Jill Hutchinson. Jill Hutchinson, who is currently acting as a consultant for Netflix. Please welcome Jill Hutchinson. So tell us about these strikes, Jill.

Are they a concern for streamers like Netflix? I mean, obviously it's a huge concern for writers like myself. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's a big concern for our customers. You know, we don't want to hold up in production for our fantastic shows that bring friends and family together. So, yeah, hopefully these strikes can be resolved very quickly. Well, what are you going to do about it if they're not? Well, if anything, it plays into our hands. You know, we're filming a documentary

about the strikes at the moment, which I think is going to be a huge hit, actually. Yeah, we're exploring all these other avenues. Because obviously, I don't know if you know this, but you don't actually have to have writers. We can do reality TV, we can film sports. There was actually this guy I was sat next to on the ferry to France,

and he told me this great story about his cousin's sister's cat. But I don't know, we were on international waters, so technically I own it. But anyway, there's lots of options. Right, but is that actually going to lead to good content? Well, I don't think that matters because people don't subscribe to Netflix

for good content. It's something you put on because you and your partner have got nothing left to say to each other. But this is going to leave hundreds of thousands of people unemployed. Surely to protect jobs we should work towards banning AI in creative industries. But there's already autocorrecting grammar software that's putting proofreaders out of a job. OK, but the difference between that is that I am not a proofreader, so I don't care about that.

Computers don't have the divine inspiration to sort of come up with brilliant original concepts that, you know, make a movie stand the test of time. OK, but successful movies don't have complicated original concepts. You know, shark terrorises beach, alien wants to return home, parent hunts down taken child. OK, Taken isn't a very original film, I guess, but... Yeah, I was actually talking about Finding Nemo. But aren't you worried about the impact

of AI facial technology on democracy? I mean, social media has already destabilised politics. With AI deepfakes, you can create videos of world leaders doing anything. You know, you can fake Xi Jinping threatening to start a war or, you know, Keir Starmer having an opinion. Is being able to see every character in Pulp Fiction face swap for Jerry Seinfeld worth the erosion of truth? What benefits does deepfake technology actually give us?

Well, with deepfake technology, a wrongly imprisoned single mother can read her child a bedtime story whenever it wants, obviously. I just think that scenario doesn't affect the majority of people in this country. Okay, so we should only care about things that affect the majority. So you don't care about minorities. I mean, obviously I care about minority rights. And what could be a more marginalised minority than a hypothetical migrant mother?

You didn't say migrant. Well, I shouldn't have to. Okay, let's move on. I've actually got some script ideas for you that we've generated using the AI chat GPT. So to see if you genuinely think that those are good enough. Great, go ahead. Okay, a film noir version of Star Trek. That has potential.

Really? A horror film about vegan zombies called The Walking Bread. Yeah, that's not bad. Not bad. Okay, a movie about a blind NHS consultant who is the best in the world at diagnosing exotic illnesses called The Doctor Won't See You Now. Absolutely.

I think it's absolutely fantastic. There you go. That one was actually one of my own scripts, so maybe you should think about commissioning that instead of relying on your stupid computers. I actually hadn't finished, Alex. I was going to say it's an absolutely fantastic example of how AI technology just isn't quite there yet.

You know, it'll just spew out pretty terrible ideas until it's been perfected. Well, a robot can't do my job. AI can't do your job. I'm sorry, but you're what, a writer? I'm a satirist. Cool. And what's that mean? Well, you know, I read loads of newspapers,

I digest the information, I sort of note the hypocrisy and injustice and then use sort of twisted logic to hold up a mirror to society itself before highlighting the fact Boris Johnson has lots of kids and silly hair. Right, well... I think AI could read and analyse

all of that much quicker and cheaper. Definitely not cheaper. Anyway, in that case, isn't your job at risk? No. You're an AI expert. The thing you know about is AI. Who knows more about AI than AI itself? You're incredibly easy to replace.

Really, the job market is about spotting opportunities when they arise and making yourself completely invaluable. I mean, I ask you, what are you actually contributing? Writers like you claim you're sad about the death of an art form, but really, you just want more money, like the companies you're criticising. No, I think satire can shine an important light on issues and tell truth to power. More than actually campaigning, actual hands-on help in the community. Like, why aren't you running for office, Alex? I don't think that's a fair thing to power. More than actually campaigning, actual hands-on help in the community. Like, why aren't you running for office, Alex?

I don't think that's, like, a fair thing to say. I'm afraid that's all we have time for. Thank you for joining me, Alex, and I'm Jill Hutchinson, and back to you, Rhys. Fantastic. Thank you very much, Jill. What? It was my segment. It didn't sound like it was your segment, mate. very much, Jill. What? That was my segment. It didn't sound like it was your segment, mate.

Great stuff, Jill. We'll see you next week. Terrific. Now, that brings us to the end of the show. But before we go, let's look at the headlines from next week's news. The RMT settle the train strikes by accepting the improved offer of three more goes on the horn. England lose post-match shootout as game with USA turns violent.

And Rishi Sunak proposes putting out European wildfires by harnessing the power of an entire nation sighing. You've been listening to What Are You Talking About? Goodbye, everyone! What Are You Talking About? Goodbye, everyone. What Are You Talking About? was presented by me, Rhys James,

with Alastair Beckett-King, Celia A.B., Alex Keeley, and Katie Norris, with additional material by Adam Hess, Zoe Tamalin, and Cody Darla.

The producer was Georgia Keating, and it was a BBC Studios production for Radio 4. Call Jonathan Pye. I want something better than that. No. What's wrong with Call Jonathan Pye? I want something better than that. No. What's wrong with Call Jonathan Pye?

It's really boring. OK, so let's all do a brain fart. Actually, what about that? Jonathan Pye's brain fart. It's hilarious. Jonathan Pye, off my chest. Off my chest. Chewing the fat, chewing the pie.

Chewing the cud. Cud? The title for my new phone-in show is Jonathan Pye cheoses Own Sick. I'm just spitballing. Let's just spitball. Jonathan Pye spits balls. Should we just stick with Call Jonathan Pye? Yes.

Call Jonathan Pye. Listen first on BBC Sounds. This is the first radio ad you can smell. The new Cinnabon Pull Apart, only at Wendy's. It's ooey, gooey, and just five bucks with a small coffee all day long. Taxes extra at participating Wendy's until May 5th. Terms and conditions apply. As women, our life stages come with unique risk factors. Like high blood pressure developed during pregnancy,

which can put us two times more at risk of heart disease or stroke. Know your risks.